WEBVTT - In praise of effortful fun 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:06.600 Good morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:11.920 Today's tip is to put some effortful fun into your life. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:15.200 If you've listened to a few episodes of this podcast, 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:17.680 you won't be surprised to hear that I like to plan. 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:21.480 Some of this is temperamental and some is just practical. 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:24.680 With four kids and two working parents in my family, 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:29.400 very little happens serendipitously. Anyway. From time to time, people 0:00:29.440 --> 0:00:32.880 who know my disposition send me studies finding some version 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:38.080 of this conclusion. People find planned leisure time less relaxing 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:42.120 than unplanned leisure time. It turns out that sitting on 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.360 the couch with a beer is a more relaxing way 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.680 to spend a Thursday night than getting up and going 0:00:46.720 --> 0:00:49.960 to choir practice or say, a mother daughter book club meeting. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:53.680 I am completely willing to believe this is true. I 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:59.440 also have this answer, So what effortless fun is more relaxing? 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:04.520 But effort full fun makes life worth living. And ultimately, 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:08.600 since effort full fund creates more memories, it helps us 0:01:08.640 --> 0:01:13.360 feel like we have more time. Before we go further 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:16.000 into this argument, I'd like to explain these two terms. 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:19.759 Effortless fun is what we do automatically when a spot 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.039 of leisure time opens up. Sometimes we don't even notice 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:27.959 we're doing it. Scrolling around online counts. Watching TV does too. 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:31.399 There's nothing wrong with these things. I mean, no one's 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.600 going to plan every minute of life, and when you 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:38.399 have caregiving responsibilities, effortless fund has some major upsides. You 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:41.200 don't have to arrange coverage if you don't know for 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:43.479 sure when your kid will fall asleep. It's all good. 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:47.560 You can watch TV whenever that happens. The issue is 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:51.040 that because such fun is effortless, it naturally winds up 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:54.280 consuming the bulk of our leisure time. According to the 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:57.520 American Time Use Survey, the average American with a full 0:01:57.560 --> 0:02:00.800 time job has three point nine two hours of leisure 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:05.240 time per day. Of this, two point three two hours 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:09.080 is spent watching TV or using a computer for personal pursuits. 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:14.120 Effort Full fun includes activities such as singing in a choir, 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.360 or playing in a softball league, or taking a cooking class. 0:02:18.120 --> 0:02:22.360 These things involve commitments. You have to get yourself somewhere 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.920 or host other people at a certain time. You have 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:29.400 to deal with the logistics necessary to do that. This 0:02:29.800 --> 0:02:34.280 takes work. The idea that fun might take work stops 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.760 many of us in our tracks. Maybe we even resist 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:42.760 the idea. But here's the result of that. We spend 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:46.440 our lives scrolling through Instagram posts about other people's dinner 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:51.120 parties rather than throwing dinner parties ourselves. One might be 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:55.320 more relaxing, but the other will be far more meaningful. 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:59.519 It will also be more memorable. Often when we say 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:01.640 where did time go, what we mean is that we 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:07.200 don't remember where the time went. Memories stretch time, and 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.440 when you remember that dinner party, time will seem more 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:13.840 full and rich than a life spent doing what amounts 0:03:13.880 --> 0:03:18.280 to nothing. So my challenge to you today is to 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:23.040 change the balance between effortless and effort ful fun. Try 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:26.360 to put a little bit more effort full fun into 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.880 your life. I made a decision to do this a 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:33.440 few years ago, and it's been wonderful for me. I've 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:35.520 always loved to sing, and I sang in a choir 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.080 for many years in New York, But when my third 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.040 child was on her way and my husband and I 0:03:40.120 --> 0:03:42.640 left the city, I put this aside for a while. 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:47.160 I figured I was busy objectively, as I wrote more 0:03:47.200 --> 0:03:50.560 books and had more babies. I think I was, But 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:54.240 in the summer I decided that even if it was 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.640 logistically difficult, I was going to sing in a choir again. 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.000 I wound up joining my church's fire We rehearse every 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:05.400 Thursday during the school year and sing every Sunday morning. 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.520 This requires a commitment of about five hours per week, 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.640 plus all the logistics required to make that happen, including 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.919 extra childcare sometimes when my husband can't be there, and 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:22.320 arranging carpools for kid activities. It's not easy, and yet 0:04:22.720 --> 0:04:25.760 those five hours would pass every week one way or another. 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:30.920 Time is always filled with something. I could spend those 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:34.680 five hours on things I don't remember, or I can 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:39.240 learn challenging and beautiful music. The day of this episode 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:42.719 is first airing, I'll be singing box st Mark Passion 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:46.560 for a good Friday service. Learning this music inside and 0:04:46.600 --> 0:04:49.400 out in harmony with others is for me a more 0:04:49.440 --> 0:04:52.000 meaningful way to connect with this sacred time than just 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.960 reading the stories. Singing the Hallelujah chorus on Easter morning 0:04:56.320 --> 0:04:59.320 will be too. So look at your life and ask 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:01.920 what sort of effortful fund might make your life more 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:06.680 meaningful and enjoyable. Maybe it's volunteering somewhere for cause you're 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:10.840 passionate about, or joining a sports team. Maybe it's joining 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:14.000 a spiritual small group or hosting a series of salons 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:20.000 with fascinating people. Yes, it takes work, Yes it might 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:25.560 not be completely relaxing, but so what what are you 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:31.440 saving your energy? Four? In the meantime, This is Laura. 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:34.640 Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:46.640 our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.520 You can send me your tips, your questions, or anything else. 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:53.840 Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:59.400 Before Breakfast Pod that's B the number four then breakfast 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.560 key o D. You can also shoot me an email 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:06.479 at Before Breakfast Podcast at i heeart media dot com 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:08.960 that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:11.679 Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch.