1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,920 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 2: Good morning, this is Laura, Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 2: Today's episode is going to be a longer one part 4 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:19,920 Speaker 2: of the series where I interview fascinating people about how 5 00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 2: they take their days from great to awesome, advice they 6 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,640 Speaker 2: have for the rest of us, and all sorts of things. 7 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Speaker 2: And today we are talking with Sabina Nawaz. She is 8 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 2: an executive coach and the author of the brand new 9 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 2: book You're the Boss, which is all about how to 10 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 2: take your management skills to the next level. So, Sabina, 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:37,800 Speaker 2: welcome to the show. 12 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. Laura, it's great to be here. 13 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, so why don't you tell my listeners a little 14 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 2: bit about yourself. 15 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,839 Speaker 3: I am someone who coaches executives one on one and 16 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 3: then I do leadership workshops and talks. But at the 17 00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 3: heart of it, if you ask me what am I 18 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 3: paid to do, I'm paid to raise people's heart rates. 19 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 2: Because yes, okay, we're going to get our heart rate 20 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 2: up in the course of this episode. 21 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 1: How do you do that well? 22 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 3: Because I think that leadership. Acts of leadership require courage, 23 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,240 Speaker 3: and courage is when your heart is pounding and you 24 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 3: still take action. So it's about really raising people's heart rates, 25 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 3: as in pointing them towards the courageous actions they need 26 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 3: to take, and then helping them with practical, pragmatic tools 27 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 3: to be able to take those actions. 28 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:26,160 Speaker 1: Absolutely. 29 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 2: And you know a lot of people at some point 30 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 2: in their life will have this transition into management. I 31 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,400 Speaker 2: mean they've been working as an individual contributor for years 32 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 2: and they get promoted to the next level and all 33 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 2: of a sudden they are responsible for other people. What 34 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 2: are some of the biggest misconceptions people come into that 35 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,120 Speaker 2: stage with. 36 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 3: I think there are a few, and I'll stick to 37 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 3: three and can dig into the details if you want. 38 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 3: But first is that when you're promoted, it is actually 39 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 3: the most risky time of your career because the strengths 40 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 3: that got you here are going to be viewed very 41 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:05,120 Speaker 3: differently from the people who's nexicraining up looking at you. 42 00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 3: View may not be as charitable. For example, if you're 43 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,960 Speaker 3: very detail oriented, now you're going to look like you're 44 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:15,399 Speaker 3: a micromanager. So that point of promotion is the riskiest 45 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 3: time in your career. The second misconception is that it's 46 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 3: not power that corrupts but pressure. We are all facing pressure, 47 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 3: especially right now, from all directions, and that corrupts our 48 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 3: actions in a way that demoralizes the people who follow us, 49 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 3: and then it tanks business results. And the third one 50 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 3: is that the more you know, and you didn't get 51 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 3: to be a manager by not knowing a lot. The 52 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:42,799 Speaker 3: more you know, the more successful you are, the more 53 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 3: senior you get, the less you know about how people 54 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 3: view you, because power tends to obscure the truth, the 55 00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 3: real feedback from you. 56 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:58,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, because people will not tell their bosses straightforwardly what 57 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 2: they think of them. 58 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 3: Correct. No, who's going to say, hey, keeper of my paycheck, 59 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 3: let me tell you something you did that wasn't quite 60 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 3: that great. 61 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: Yeah? 62 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, that would take a lot of courage and would 63 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 2: be very hard to do, and I can see how 64 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,640 Speaker 2: that would make it difficult to understand what is really 65 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 2: going on. But you say in your book that there's 66 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 2: no such thing as a good boss or a bad boss. 67 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 2: I'm sure we have some people listening to this who 68 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 2: would disagree on the bad boss part. 69 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 1: But what do you mean by that? 70 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 3: Yeah? I think because pressure corrupts, it's not necessarily a 71 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 3: binary good and bad. It is that the pressure corrupts 72 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 3: us into bad boss behaviors. You can be a very 73 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 3: good person. Look, most bosses, even the ones we like 74 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 3: to revile, don't wake up in the morning saying how 75 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:52,320 Speaker 3: can I be a bad boss today? They're actually waking 76 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 3: up going I want to be a good boss. I 77 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 3: want to help motivate my people. I want to get 78 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 3: some results. I want to get some stuff done. And 79 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 3: then all that pressure meets us in the day and 80 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 3: we forget empathy, we forget driving for clarity, we might 81 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 3: forget to acknowledge somebody's good work because we're go, go, go, rush, rush, rush. 82 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 3: So it's not that you're a bad boss, it's that 83 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:19,279 Speaker 3: pressure transmutes your best intentions and sometimes your good behaviors 84 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,960 Speaker 3: into bad boss behaviors. 85 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 1: Excellent, So what are then good boss be here? 86 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 2: So I mean, maybe we can talk about some regular 87 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 2: actions of effective managers. 88 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 3: Absolutely, what a great question, because there are several that 89 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 3: they can take, and these actions are paired up with 90 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 3: concrete tools that can help keep you there in those actions. 91 00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 3: One of the biggest ones, Laura, that I find over 92 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 3: and over again from the twelve thousand pages of data 93 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 3: that I collected on bosses is around communication. Now, communication 94 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,359 Speaker 3: is a very very broad umbrella, and it is the 95 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 3: longest chapter in my book because it has seven different 96 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 3: sub pieces to it. One of them is, don't assume 97 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 3: that people who work for you are clueless. Ask them 98 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 3: first before telling, find out how they think they're doing. 99 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 3: Find out what they have tried before to address the 100 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,160 Speaker 3: problem before saying have you tried this? Have you done this? 101 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 3: Because when you assume that they don't know and you 102 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:27,359 Speaker 3: start to preach to them, it infantilizes them. They feel, wait, 103 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 3: why should I bother? They're going to give me all 104 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,560 Speaker 3: this advice anyhow. So that's just one example around communication. 105 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,919 Speaker 3: That's really a way to turn from a bad boss 106 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 3: to a good boss. 107 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,119 Speaker 2: And one of the suggestions you gave in the book 108 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 2: is is actually working on your shut up and listen muscle. 109 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 2: I believe that was how you put it to like 110 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 2: just even setting a target for. 111 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: Yourself of not being the first person to talk. 112 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 3: Exactly, what if you set a target that you're the 113 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 3: third person to talk, third or later. It's that simple, 114 00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: and of course that difficult to do when you're really 115 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 3: wanting to say something. So another way to exercise your 116 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 3: shut up muscle when you're on video calls, is to 117 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 3: put yourself on mute by default, because by the time 118 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 3: you go and unmute yourself, maybe you've gotten rid of 119 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 3: the urge to speak. If you're the first two people 120 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 3: to speak. 121 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: I love that. 122 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 2: I wonder if there's another example of an effective manager 123 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 2: habit you could share with us. 124 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:25,560 Speaker 3: Absolutely. So another one, of course, is someone who delegates. Well, now, unfortunately, 125 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 3: most people make a horrible mistake when they delegate, and 126 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,000 Speaker 3: the biggest mistake they make when delegating is treating it 127 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 3: as an on off switch. Here, Laura, go do this. 128 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,880 Speaker 3: I'm delegating this to you. I'm empowering you. You go 129 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 3: off and do it. Now. Maybe Laura has never done 130 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 3: that task before, or she doesn't fully understand what it 131 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 3: is that I want her to do. But because of 132 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,800 Speaker 3: my position of power, she's not gonna ask me. So 133 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 3: Laura goes and does the best she can. She gives 134 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 3: it to me the day before the deadline, and it's 135 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 3: not what I want. So now I'm swooping in. Forget that, 136 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:04,040 Speaker 3: I forget that delegation, and forget my weekend because I'm 137 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 3: going to now jump in and have to do this work. 138 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,800 Speaker 3: So Treating delegation as an on off switch is a 139 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 3: really big mistake. Successful bosses use what I've created called 140 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 3: a delegation dial instead of a switch. So look at 141 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,360 Speaker 3: the person, find out what their level of experience, comfort, 142 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 3: familiarity is with the task, and if they're still learning. 143 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,880 Speaker 3: There are five notches in this dial. First one is 144 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 3: you just do it. You have them watch you, shadow you, 145 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 3: but you're doing the work. Then you tell them, You 146 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 3: tell them step by step, here's what you're going to do. Next, 147 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 3: you teach them here's why we do it this way 148 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 3: versus that way. Next, you coach them what if you 149 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 3: thought about how else would you approach it? Where you stuck? 150 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 3: Ask them great questions and only then do you'd flip 151 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,680 Speaker 3: the switch and be just a safety net for the person. 152 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 1: Got it all right? 153 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and 154 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,760 Speaker 2: we'll be back with more from Sabina on how to 155 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 2: be an excellent manager. 156 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: Well, I am back with Sabina Nouaz. 157 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 2: We are talking about how people can manage effectively what 158 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 2: she has learned from studying thousands and thousands of managers 159 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 2: and managerial situations. Sabina, I wonder if you could talk 160 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 2: a little bit about your career because you started off 161 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 2: or at one point in your life at least. We're 162 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:32,240 Speaker 2: working at Microsoft, I believe, and we're promoted through various 163 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 2: ranks and had to learn a lot of this stuff, 164 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 2: perhaps the hard way on your own. 165 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely. And so your question is what was my 166 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:43,559 Speaker 3: career paths. 167 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 1: Or yeah, yeah, it was a career path to this. 168 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, to this current job. Oh my gosh. So I 169 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 3: started as an engineer, and I worked in various software 170 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 3: product developments Internet Explorer, Windows, MSN, and a number of 171 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 3: version zero products that went nowhere, kind of dead on arrival, 172 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 3: failed experiments. And as I worked on those and loved 173 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,720 Speaker 3: the job, loved what I was doing. Microsoft gives you 174 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,320 Speaker 3: an eight week sabbatical if certain conditions are met, and 175 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 3: for the first time in my life, a lot of 176 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 3: that eight weeks I was not doing anything. I wasn't 177 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 3: just go, go going, And as I'm sure you talk about, Laura, 178 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 3: when you have that kind of time, wonderful insights start 179 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 3: to come to you. One of my insights that landed 180 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 3: with crystal clarity one fine day was that it was 181 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 3: no longer a matter of if, but when I would 182 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 3: become a corporate vice president, and I, of course had ambitions. 183 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 3: I wanted to pursue that path, but once I realized 184 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 3: that I was going to get there, the strange thing 185 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 3: is I didn't want to spend the next five years 186 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 3: of my life trying to chase it, because I figured 187 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 3: I've cracked the code. It's going to be boring to 188 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 3: and chase something I already know how to get. Shoot, 189 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 3: what do I do with my life? I've thought of 190 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 3: my career as an engineer, and that made me reflect 191 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,959 Speaker 3: on the feedback I've received from my team about being 192 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 3: a good manager. So I thought I should do some 193 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,960 Speaker 3: of that people's stuff, not really knowing what that was 194 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 3: or what I was signing up for, but fortunate enough 195 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 3: to know the person who was in charge of hiring 196 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 3: for that department. She had seen me speak at a 197 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:33,440 Speaker 3: conference and she said, yeah, absolutely, let's do this, and 198 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 3: I had it was a really no risk proposition because 199 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 3: she wanted me and my manager that I was leaving 200 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 3: said you have a blank check to come back. So 201 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 3: that's how I then, at Microsoft itself, spent almost six 202 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:54,119 Speaker 3: years creating the company's management development, executive development programs, succession 203 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:57,680 Speaker 3: planning processes, working with Bill Gates and Steve Bomber on 204 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 3: all of this. It was an amazing and exciting and 205 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 3: incredibly educational time. And that was twenty years ago when 206 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 3: I left, and now I work and coach CEOs. 207 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: Awesome. 208 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 2: So I have a question with this, like, when you 209 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,719 Speaker 2: start coming in, you know, you've either been brought in 210 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,040 Speaker 2: because somebody is having issues, or you know somebody brings 211 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,439 Speaker 2: you in and you start by doing a three hundred 212 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 2: and sixty degree feedback assessment from what I understand, can 213 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,320 Speaker 2: you talk a little bit about what that is and 214 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,480 Speaker 2: what you are asking people and why they feel free 215 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 2: to talk in a situation like that when you know 216 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 2: they might not say things to their boss right. 217 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 3: Right, because power obscures they don't say those things to 218 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:42,880 Speaker 3: their boss. And pretty much every single person I have 219 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 3: done this assessment for is shocked by the extent to 220 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 3: which their power is misinterpreted translated into fear some behaviors 221 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,960 Speaker 3: on the part of the employees, how much of a gap, 222 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 3: how much of a power gap they create. So basically 223 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 3: thees I ask the person to identify about twelve of 224 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,960 Speaker 3: their coworkers, people on their team, their peers, their manager, 225 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,160 Speaker 3: sometimes even their partner at home, and we agree on 226 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 3: a set of questions that I'm going to ask these people. 227 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 3: These questions are derived from the things that this person 228 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 3: most wants to work on. Let's say they want to 229 00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 3: work on decision making or some aspect of communication, or 230 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 3: some influence skills. So I ask those questions. I write 231 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,840 Speaker 3: down everything people are saying verbatim, hence the twelve thousand 232 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 3: pages of data I've collected over twenty years, and I 233 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,400 Speaker 3: create the themes where I can go back to the 234 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 3: person and say, hey, no matter who I talk to, 235 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 3: fan or critic, here are the five things people tend 236 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:47,160 Speaker 3: to say about you. And then we set about working 237 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 3: on well, so what do you want to do about this? 238 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 2: And when people are surprised by it, what is the surprise? 239 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 2: I mean, is it just like, wow, everybody hates me? 240 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 2: Or is it something more nuanced than that. 241 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 3: It's much more nuanced than that, because I do the 242 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,440 Speaker 3: feedback in two stages. Stage one, I just have a 243 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 3: conversation like I'm having with you, Laura, and I say, hey, 244 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 3: I talk to these people. I've got like fifty pages 245 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 3: of verbati and feedback. It's going to be hard for 246 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 3: you to hear they start to get scared. I say, 247 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 3: don't worry. I say this to everybody, and then I 248 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:21,719 Speaker 3: give them the themes broadly speaking. Here, you know, people think 249 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 3: you're great, you're very smart, you've had a huge impact 250 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,120 Speaker 3: on X, you're doing this well. And then these are 251 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,600 Speaker 3: the three things that they're struggling with. And the person 252 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 3: invariably will say, oh, phew, you had scared Jesus out 253 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 3: of me. This is not that bad. That's not a surprise. 254 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 3: I can work on those things. And I say, wait 255 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,400 Speaker 3: till you read the report. So the thing that really 256 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,560 Speaker 3: hits them hard is the visceral experience of reading in 257 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 3: the words of their coworkers how they're viewed. Yeah. 258 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's interesting. 259 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 2: How you are giving feedback to people, because of course 260 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:57,679 Speaker 2: managers have to give. 261 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 1: A lot of feedback to people. 262 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 2: Yes, I wonder if if you could talk a little 263 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 2: bit about this, because you make a distinction between you know, 264 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 2: even if things are going well, there's a distinction between praise, 265 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:11,400 Speaker 2: which might not be terribly useful, and positive feedback, yes, 266 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 2: which sounds like it's more actionable. 267 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,520 Speaker 1: Can you talk a little bit about that. 268 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 3: Yes, the distinction between praise and positive feedback, praise is 269 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 3: good job, thank you, And there's nothing wrong in saying 270 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 3: those things unless you're doing it too much, in which 271 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 3: case you're going to come across as patting someone on 272 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:29,440 Speaker 3: the head all the time. I take that, I get 273 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 3: a temporary hit. Feels nice to be seen and appreciated. 274 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 3: Who doesn't like that? Great? Bring it on? But I 275 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 3: cannot replicate that. So, for example, somebody had told me 276 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 3: in a class that can I give you some feedback? 277 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 3: And I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, you know, what's the feedback? 278 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 3: And then they go, yeah, right, and I'm like sure, 279 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 3: and I put on my best facilitator face praising for 280 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 3: the feedback, and they say, you're very passionate. And I 281 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 3: went and I is that a good thing a bad thing? 282 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 3: What do you mean by passionate? So I ask a 283 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 3: few questions and he says, no, no, no, it's a really 284 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 3: good thing. And when you talk with your hands a 285 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 3: lot and have you vary your vocal tone a lot, 286 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 3: and when you do that, A it keeps me awake 287 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,160 Speaker 3: in the classroom, but B it shows me you're really 288 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 3: connected to what you're speaking about. And then that makes 289 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 3: me pay attention and it lands the things that are 290 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 3: really important. So that passion that you express through your 291 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 3: voice in your hands is really helpful. Well that was 292 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 3: gold because that allowed me to actually then go get 293 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,920 Speaker 3: more coaching, to study gestures, to understand more the nuances 294 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:40,480 Speaker 3: of how I could convey more of that passion. So 295 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 3: that's the difference between praise and positive feedback. 296 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 2: And I suppose it's the same thing with negative feedback, 297 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 2: that the best negative feedback is what is going to 298 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 2: actually change the situation at. 299 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:53,480 Speaker 3: Hand exactly again, it is what is it about it? 300 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,680 Speaker 3: So often and that's why an interview based three sixty 301 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 3: is so helpful because of course most people will say, oh, yeah, 302 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 3: my boss is just being a bully. Okay, well could 303 00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,040 Speaker 3: you help me understand what is it that they're doing 304 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 3: or saying that makes you think they're a bully. And 305 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 3: that allows more people to give me a play by 306 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 3: play so we can say, ah, okay, when they interrupt you, 307 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 3: that's what you think of as a bully, because that 308 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,400 Speaker 3: might not be what someone else thinks of as a bully. 309 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 3: So really getting specific and granular will allow me to 310 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 3: shift one way or the other. 311 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,520 Speaker 2: Excellent, Well, we're going to take one more quick ad break, 312 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 2: and then we'll be back with more on being an 313 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 2: effective manager and a little bit about Sabina herself. Well, 314 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 2: I am back interviewing Sabina Nouas, who is the author 315 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 2: of the brand new book about Sorry Again. 316 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: They say you're the boss. That's the name. 317 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 2: I want to make sure I get it, get it right, 318 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 2: not becoming the boss. You're the boss, right, that's the name. 319 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 2: So I to ask a little bit about you and 320 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 2: your own sort of habits because we're always interested in 321 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 2: people's time management here on this show. 322 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 3: I'm wondering if you. 323 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 2: Have any rituals in your day that help you be 324 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 2: more effective. 325 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 3: Absolutely, Laura, I have a dual ritual. It's called micro habits, 326 00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 3: which I pair with something called a yes list. So 327 00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:30,719 Speaker 3: micro habits are tiny, tiny, ridiculously small steps towards building 328 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 3: a better habit, a big habit. One example for me 329 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 3: in my personal life in twenty twenty two, actually, for 330 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 3: about twenty years, I've fantasized about being a runner, but 331 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:47,359 Speaker 3: never quite made it. Those New Year's resolutions remain stuck 332 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 3: until January fifth, and so in twenty twenty two, I 333 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,160 Speaker 3: decided I was going to use micro habits to get 334 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 3: into a running habit, which meant first day I ran 335 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,280 Speaker 3: one point one miles. Next day I ran one point 336 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 3: one miles. The day after that I ran one point 337 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:06,359 Speaker 3: one miles. And I did not increase that because that 338 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 3: was something I could do and not with ease, but 339 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 3: I could do and so increasing it in very very 340 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 3: tiny increments. I think it was about a month when 341 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 3: I went from one point one to one point three miles. 342 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 3: That's more fast forward a couple of years and I 343 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 3: ran three half marathons and now I'm training for a 344 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 3: full marathon. So the only way to overachieve is to underachieve, 345 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 3: is to start by underachieving. So even today, I have 346 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 3: a set of micro habits and a spreadsheet called a 347 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 3: yes list. In that yes list, I list the micro 348 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 3: habits and then I have the dates, and at the 349 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 3: end of the day, yes, no, did I do that 350 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 3: or not? And it's really fun to see at the 351 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 3: end of a year or at the end of a 352 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:55,680 Speaker 3: month how I'm tracking. It's also useful data to show, oh, 353 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,920 Speaker 3: this is the one that doesn't get done at all. 354 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 3: Maybe I'm not interested in it, or maybe I need 355 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 3: to do something different. I need to shift my ritual 356 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 3: in order to make that happen. 357 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:07,840 Speaker 2: And in your book you talk about how managers might 358 00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 2: make a similar list of micro habits that they want 359 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,560 Speaker 2: to try in the workplace. For instance, like you said, 360 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,920 Speaker 2: being the third person to speak instead of the first 361 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,040 Speaker 2: person to speak? Did I do that at least once today? 362 00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:19,880 Speaker 2: Do I get a yes in that column for this? 363 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:20,840 Speaker 2: Is that how that would work? 364 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,560 Speaker 3: Exactly? That's how exactly how it would work? 365 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 2: And so have you seen some transformations with this? I mean, 366 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:33,280 Speaker 2: does this actually make a difference in people's performance over time? 367 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 3: Absolutely? Absolutely. There is one person who's written about who's 368 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:41,439 Speaker 3: shared their own journey in the book as well, and 369 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,439 Speaker 3: in their case, the manager had called them into the 370 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 3: office and said, there are three people threatening to leave 371 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 3: because of you, as the manager. You need to fix this. 372 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 3: And we did the three sixty. We got the feedback. 373 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:57,679 Speaker 3: They developed these micro habits and this yes list and 374 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:01,160 Speaker 3: followed it. This person followed it more religiously than most 375 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 3: people I coach, and it made a massive difference. People 376 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 3: started to praise this person instead of condone them, I mean, 377 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 3: instead of criticize them for the very things that were 378 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 3: tanking their performance as a manager. And these their employees 379 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 3: remained with them, did not leave, and when they left 380 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 3: it wasn't because of the poor manager. 381 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: Well that's that's great when that can happen. I love 382 00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:28,199 Speaker 1: things that actually work out. 383 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 2: It's always wonderful to hear when people can in fact change. 384 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:35,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, right, self help. You never know if it's 385 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,760 Speaker 1: actually going to happen exactly. 386 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 3: And also the other thing that's really interesting is that 387 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:43,840 Speaker 3: it changes people's personal lives. It improves their relationships, it 388 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:47,399 Speaker 3: makes them more healthy depending on what micro habits they adopt. 389 00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 2: Awesome, Well, Sabina, I always ask people this question, what 390 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 2: is something you have done recently to take a day 391 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 2: from great to awesome? 392 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:01,480 Speaker 3: Wow? What have I done recently to take a day 393 00:21:01,520 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 3: from great to awesome? 394 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,679 Speaker 1: Make a day better? You know, something that's added a 395 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: lot good stuff to your life. 396 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:12,120 Speaker 3: It's actually happened yesterday, Okay, And yesterday I was exhausted. 397 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,920 Speaker 3: I am jet lagged because I've just come back from 398 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 3: London and so I've been breaking up at like two 399 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,320 Speaker 3: and three in the morning. So I was exhausted, depleted. 400 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 3: I couldn't go running because I was too tired to run, 401 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 3: which then makes me more depleted, and I was slammed 402 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:28,360 Speaker 3: by a number of things, like most of us are, 403 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 3: and suddenly I realized that just about everything in my 404 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,119 Speaker 3: day was generated by me. It was my choice. I 405 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,600 Speaker 3: chose to be on a certain podcast, I chose to 406 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 3: meet with a certain client, I chose to write an article, 407 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:48,159 Speaker 3: and I just shifted. Thanks to a wise woman and 408 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:54,840 Speaker 3: her wisdom, I shifted one word from I have to 409 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:59,560 Speaker 3: do this to I get to do this. And the 410 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:02,400 Speaker 3: minute I said I get to do this, I thought 411 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 3: about how privileged I am to be able to write 412 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 3: an article, how fortunate I am to be working with 413 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 3: one of my favorite clients today, how joyful it is 414 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 3: to get on a podcast and talk about my life's work. 415 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 3: So simply making that shift got me to this amazing, 416 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 3: amazing day, and I was able to sleep through the 417 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:28,119 Speaker 3: night as well. I'm not I'm not sure everything had 418 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:28,920 Speaker 3: to do with that word. 419 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, sleep always takes a day from great to awesome, 420 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:32,720 Speaker 2: for sure. 421 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: Sure, Sibita, what are you looking forward to right now? 422 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 3: I am looking forward to the launch of this book, 423 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:40,920 Speaker 3: and I can probably learn from all the books you 424 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 3: have written, Laura and your guidance, But my senses once 425 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,400 Speaker 3: the book leaves my hands. It doesn't become my book anymore. 426 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,960 Speaker 3: It becomes the book of the reader, of the manager 427 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 3: or the aspiring manager. And I would love to hear 428 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 3: what they make of it and what they do with it. 429 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,200 Speaker 3: What are their micro habits? What did they populate the 430 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,119 Speaker 3: yes list with? Are they creating a time portfolio? Are 431 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,160 Speaker 3: they using the delegation dial? So? I would really love 432 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 3: to know what are the lived experiences of people as 433 00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 3: a result of having read this book. 434 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 2: Absolutely sounds wonderful. Well Sabina, thank you so much for 435 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 2: joining us. Thank you to everyone who listened to this. 436 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 2: Please check out her book, You're the Boss, And if 437 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 2: you have feedback on this or any other episode, you 438 00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,600 Speaker 2: can reach me at Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 439 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 2: In the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and 440 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 2: here's to making the most of our time. 441 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas, 442 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 1: or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura 443 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:54,680 Speaker 1: vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. 444 00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app, 445 00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 1: app podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,