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Speaker 1: Hi everybody. While I'm taking the month of September off

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Speaker 1: of doing stand up, I return on October one to

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Speaker 1: complete my Vaccinated and Horny Tour. October, November, and December,

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Speaker 1: I have new dates up. I kick it off in Saratoga, California,

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Speaker 1: and I'm coming to all parts of California, Long Beach, Bakersfield.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to Niagara Falls, Tucson, Arizona, Colorado, Minneapolis, San Diego, Reading, Pennsylvania,

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Speaker 1: and Baltimore, Maryland, just to name a few. There's also

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Speaker 1: some Floridian dates in there, since this will be my

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Speaker 1: last year that I'm able to go inside the state

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Speaker 1: of Florida. So check out Chelsea handler dot com for

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Speaker 1: more stand up dates for my Vaccinated in Horny Tour.

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Speaker 1: These are my last dates. Okay, Hi Catherine, Oh Hi Chelsea. Hello,

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Speaker 1: welcome to the studio. We're in studio together in Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles. I love when we get to me together.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know, it's so nice and now that

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Speaker 1: we sit on the same side of the window, especially especially,

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Speaker 1: not especially. I did an announcement on my Instagram A

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Speaker 1: P S A as I like to call them about

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Speaker 1: the words especially and espresso. That they do not have

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Speaker 1: exes in them that they are says Actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: there were a couple of comments about it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's being really racist, thinking about how different cultures use

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Speaker 1: language and different educational systems, and it's a socio economic

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Speaker 1: class this thing to say. I'm like, not at all,

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Speaker 1: that's that is a thing that like white college educated

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Speaker 1: people are abusing that word expect when they say especially,

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Speaker 1: I don't because they get it wrong. I got it wrong.

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Speaker 1: Did you say especially? Honestly don't remember Exhibit A. Then

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Speaker 1: I mean, it's just tell anyway. Fuck. I liked your

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Speaker 1: regime regimen correction because I mean, man, I hear it

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Speaker 1: all the time and it drives me nuts. Yeah, so,

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Speaker 1: and then why is that not racist regime and regiment

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Speaker 1: and or classist if it's like it's like, no, you're

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Speaker 1: correcting grammar. Grammar should be used correctly, and you know, yeah, anyway,

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Speaker 1: I love the language and that's my past Shin Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: We did have a little bit of an interesting stuphoo

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Speaker 1: over the last couple of days with our Dear Chelsea

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Speaker 1: podcast email. Oh god, I know, I'm such an idiot.

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Speaker 1: She's like Ben Bruno is going to be on the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and she's the Catherine side texted me and said, hey,

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Speaker 1: would you get some questions about fitness for Ben Bruno

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Speaker 1: because he's too talk about anything else. And and then

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot

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Speaker 1: com and it's Dear Chelsea project at Gmail, which actually

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Speaker 1: makes no sense. So it doesn't because this was like

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Speaker 1: just a like a secret project at the beginning. So

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Speaker 1: that was the email sc project. But then you know,

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Speaker 1: of course people are saying in your d m s like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, we can't get through it says unavailable.

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Speaker 1: So what Brad did, He's just a lifesaver. He went

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Speaker 1: and set up Dear Chelsea podcast at Gmail. Okay, guys,

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Speaker 1: thank you Brad for doing that, for picking up the

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Speaker 1: pieces of my messy Saturday mornings. But my favorite thing, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I did not tell you this before, but you did

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Speaker 1: a correction and I had a picture you had the

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Speaker 1: correction on there and it was same wrong. I just

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Speaker 1: was like, well, let's set up attention to details unparalleled.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. So I just thought I would let

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Speaker 1: you in on that. But you know what I think

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Speaker 1: now we're going to just change that. So gays you

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Speaker 1: can write. We'll start calling it Dear Chelsea project dot com.

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Speaker 1: I'll go back Dory. They'll both work now, so send

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Speaker 1: away and then we and then Ben Bruto and I

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Speaker 1: did like an Instagram story when I was at his

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Speaker 1: gym the other morning, and I did it wrong too.

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Speaker 1: I said to your Chelsea podcast or Dear Chelsea podcast, amazing.

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Speaker 1: Just don't send it to dear Chelsea at gmail dot

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Speaker 1: com because that's a different heard of from me. Don't

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Speaker 1: use that email address. Just check with me, guys, just yeah,

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Speaker 1: get him my I d M. I'll let I'll let

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Speaker 1: you know where to send it. My guest today is

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Speaker 1: an old friend from Chelsea Lately Days who everyone will know,

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Speaker 1: and he's on Rue Paul's Drag Race. He is the

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Speaker 1: host of the Drew Barrymore Show, which has just been

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Speaker 1: picked up for season three, so congratulations on that. And

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Speaker 1: he has his own new podcast which premiered mid September

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Speaker 1: and it is called Hello Ross, and I will be

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Speaker 1: on the very first episode. Ross Matthews. Everybody, Hi, Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 1: because I was so happy to see you. Hi. Cutie,

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Speaker 1: Petuity Fresh and fruity extra fruity, what's up? Where are

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Speaker 1: your you? In l A. I am where are you

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Speaker 1: Palm Springs? No, no, no no, we're we We bought a

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Speaker 1: house in Long Island, so we're here because we're starting

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Speaker 1: Drew up again. I thought you bought a place in

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Speaker 1: Palm Springs. So I have a house and Palm Springs.

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Speaker 1: And then when I came here for Drew and then married,

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Speaker 1: welly he's faced in Long Island because that's where he

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Speaker 1: works here. So we bought a house here and I

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Speaker 1: love it out here. Oh that's great, and so are

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Speaker 1: you gonna keep your place in Palm Springs. We're back

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Speaker 1: and forth. My brother lives there. It's like a compound,

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Speaker 1: you know. My brother lives there with the dogs. He

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Speaker 1: watches them. Huge, dude, I love it. Congratulations, thank you,

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Speaker 1: there's so much to catch up on. And Hi, by

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Speaker 1: the way, this is my producer, Katherine. Hi, Katherine, everybody.

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Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here today. Hello Hillo, Ross Matthews. It

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Speaker 1: is so good to see you. It has been too long.

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Speaker 1: I mean, even though we did get to get together

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Speaker 1: and have like a happy hour thing not that long ago.

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Speaker 1: It was remember, Yeah, I was there, you were there, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: in New York City. I went Barbara were at the

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Speaker 1: famous Ritz St Regis St Regis. That's right, what's up

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Speaker 1: bar called? I never remember, but they have the popcorn

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Speaker 1: of my life there, Remember that truffle popcorn that I

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Speaker 1: have since how to make it so good? We had

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Speaker 1: a little reunion. It was Fortune and Jack's and Welly

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Speaker 1: Ross's now husband, and Joe Coy myself and we all

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Speaker 1: went and it was so much fun and it was

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Speaker 1: like a little Yeah, that was a really fun night.

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Speaker 1: I saw those pictures on the Instagram. They were on

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Speaker 1: the gram. Well, Joe Coy and I have broken up. Ross.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that you've heard. I know I did here,

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Speaker 1: I texted you. I know. I love you both, and

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Speaker 1: that one one that would hurt I have say, did

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Speaker 1: it hurt me as much as it hurt you? It

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Speaker 1: hurt me more? Maybe I don't know. No, it hurt me.

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Speaker 1: It was. It was painful. It was you know, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to break up any time, especially when you you know,

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Speaker 1: thought you were gonna be with somebody for a long time.

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Speaker 1: It's hard to like, go, wait a second, this isn't

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Speaker 1: what I thought it was going to be. That sucks.

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Speaker 1: It's not as so many people invested in you guys,

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Speaker 1: do you know I think it was. It was something

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Speaker 1: we needed after the pandemic, and you know what it

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Speaker 1: was still, it was beautiful. It was beautiful for what

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Speaker 1: it was and when it was. And I hope your

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Speaker 1: heart is good. Yeah it is. I'm good now. I

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Speaker 1: feel a lot of I've healed a lot in the

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Speaker 1: last couple of months. It's only been a couple of months,

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Speaker 1: but I feel a lot I think now. We were

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Speaker 1: talking about this on another podcast earlier this week. I

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Speaker 1: have to say, like having the skills from going to

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Speaker 1: therapy about how to deal with grieving and the end

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Speaker 1: of a relationship and to act like an adult instead

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Speaker 1: of like a kid is the best gift ever. Too. Like,

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Speaker 1: I love the way that I have behaved, and I

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Speaker 1: can't say at about many times in my life I've

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Speaker 1: been there for some of those times. I can. I can,

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Speaker 1: I can attest to my bad behavior. But like, especially

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Speaker 1: with breakups, when there's drama, or there's hurt feelings, or

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Speaker 1: there's egos involved, it's so easy to lower your vibration

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Speaker 1: and to fight nasty instead of taking the high road

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Speaker 1: and always just being like it's okay, it's okay. It

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Speaker 1: didn't work out. Can we go deep for a second,

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Speaker 1: because I had a thought. Sure, I think grief grief,

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Speaker 1: and I'm someone who's dealt with grief, right I lost

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Speaker 1: both my parents, has been it was. It's tough. You know,

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Speaker 1: you have to learn to do that. You've done that

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Speaker 1: as well. I think grief is grief. Whether it's a

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Speaker 1: breakup or a death or a loss, it is. It

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Speaker 1: is what it is. And I feel like the first

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Speaker 1: time you really experienced grief is how you approach it

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Speaker 1: for the rest of forever, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: until you do the work to change it. And so

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Speaker 1: if you first experienced grief as a young kid, maybe

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Speaker 1: you went back there even in adulthood until you learned

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Speaker 1: how to navigate it correctly. And you did as the

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Speaker 1: young kid. I think about that all the time, that

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Speaker 1: you went through that when you're so Yeah, that's true,

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Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle said something like that. She had heard

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Speaker 1: something like sometimes you recreate all of your childhood trauma

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Speaker 1: to try and correct it and correct your reaction to

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Speaker 1: it and the ending two things, And yeah, I agree

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Speaker 1: with that. I mean, the only thing you can ever

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Speaker 1: hope for in this lifetime is to become more evolved.

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Speaker 1: I mean for me, I always just want to get

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Speaker 1: more informed, more evolved, and become a better version of myself. Right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And you suck it up the first time, in the

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Speaker 1: second time, in the third time, and by like the

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Speaker 1: fourth time, let's get our ship together, right and let

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Speaker 1: that's kind of life. If you can buy the fourth

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Speaker 1: time kind of figure it out, then you're you're on

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Speaker 1: the right track. And also, I think something that's really

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Speaker 1: valid is having an interest. We were just talking to

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Speaker 1: somebody who thought, you know, therapy with self indulgent or

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Speaker 1: navel gazing or unnecessary. It's like, it is so important

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Speaker 1: to be with somebody who has the capacity and the

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Speaker 1: knowledge to be smart enough to understand that there are

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Speaker 1: things inside of us that need to be examined. That

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Speaker 1: there are you have to self examine. You have to

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Speaker 1: understand why you do things so that you don't hurt people,

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Speaker 1: and that you don't behave in a childish way when

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Speaker 1: you're an adult. You know, like that's no fun, you

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Speaker 1: have to do that. But I think if you want

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Speaker 1: to be in any sort of elevated relationship with yourself

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Speaker 1: or with anybody else that really can go anywhere, then

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Speaker 1: you have to do the work. I mean, some people

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Speaker 1: are fine just sitting there, not examining things, not working

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Speaker 1: it out. But I promise you and you're you know.

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Speaker 1: I look at your growth just in terms of like

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Speaker 1: your heart, just knowing you for how many years has

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Speaker 1: it been known? Almost twenty years? Probably probably you know.

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Speaker 1: I see it in you, and not that you needed to,

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Speaker 1: but I see a different version of you now, an

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Speaker 1: evolved version. I think we all do, you know? And

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Speaker 1: I love that you're so open about that dream. Well,

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Speaker 1: I mean it's like it is a compliment. It is.

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Speaker 1: I know you've been through some difficult breakups and now

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Speaker 1: you're in a real happy relationship. How did that work

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Speaker 1: for you? That kind of arc? I think you have

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Speaker 1: to be grateful and that sort of makes such peace

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Speaker 1: with whatever you've been through because it does sort of

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Speaker 1: form who you are. And I have been able you know,

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Speaker 1: I met my husband, which is so weird to say,

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Speaker 1: but my husband I met almost three years ago. And

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Speaker 1: if I hadn't met him when I met him as

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Speaker 1: a human I was when I met him, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have been ready for what he has done for me

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Speaker 1: in terms of holding a mirror up to me and

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Speaker 1: holding a mirror up to the world. You know, is

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Speaker 1: a person of color, a gay immigrant person of color

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Speaker 1: who's worked his way up in this life to become

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Speaker 1: a doctor of education. And he just showed me what

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Speaker 1: that journey was like. And it made me understand what

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Speaker 1: being a white man here was like and what being

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Speaker 1: a flawed human is like. And he's just made me

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Speaker 1: so much better. And I wouldn't have been ready for

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Speaker 1: it if I hadn't gone through all of it, you know,

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Speaker 1: And here I am. I think I'm ready. Oh. I

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Speaker 1: love that his husband's name is Wellington, which I love.

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Speaker 1: I love a name like Wellington. It sounds like he

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Speaker 1: should be on Oh what's that stupid teage Abbey well That?

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Speaker 1: But the other the updated child Bridget. Yeah, you know

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Speaker 1: the best thing about well he's you know, he's a

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Speaker 1: very important educational thinker and all that. But every time

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Speaker 1: I go what do you want for dinner? He goes,

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Speaker 1: you want beef Wellington and then he shakes it. He goes,

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Speaker 1: you like your beef Welling? And well done. Yeah. So

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Speaker 1: Ross is on the Drew Barrymore Show. They're a delightful

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Speaker 1: combo platter, I must say. And you guys are going back?

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Speaker 1: What season are you going back to? Yeah? Season three

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Speaker 1: were starting, And you know, Chelsea, you've known me for

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Speaker 1: a long time. And I when I grew up in

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Speaker 1: a little farmtown, I used to watch Regis and kathy

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Speaker 1: Leen just like talk and think like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: they get to like talk to each other and then

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Speaker 1: interview celebrities. That's what I want to do and and

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Speaker 1: it's been the goal forever and I can't believe I

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Speaker 1: get to do it every day with Drew Barrymore. It's

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Speaker 1: crazy you call him on the show, right, and it

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Speaker 1: was so nice to have you on. And she's just

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Speaker 1: a dream. Yeah, Drew is a very special, unique individual.

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Speaker 1: Drew has gone through her sets of trauma and yeah,

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Speaker 1: all of the stuff, but she always manages to be

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Speaker 1: Sunday side up is how I would describe her. She's

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Speaker 1: always I mean, she can you know, she's not perfect

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Speaker 1: in terms of like being in a happy mood all

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Speaker 1: the time, but her genuine spirit is that her like

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Speaker 1: neutral vibrates above happy. Yeah, I mean that gear and

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Speaker 1: I kind of do that too. But you know, she's

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Speaker 1: somebody who again has put in the work. You think

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Speaker 1: about where she's been sometimes I'll bring it up. You know,

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Speaker 1: what were do you do when you were thirteen? And

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Speaker 1: she'll be like, I was in the mental institution. Okay,

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Speaker 1: well I understood. So she's really like been through it

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Speaker 1: and come out on this place just full of gratitude

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Speaker 1: and not a Pollyanna, not cheesy. She really comes by honestly,

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Speaker 1: but she's the real deal. You know. I didn't know

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Speaker 1: her before doing the show. I just sort of popped

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Speaker 1: in one day and we like clicked how long did

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Speaker 1: how long did it take you guys to click? About

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Speaker 1: about three and a half minutes, I think, And then

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Speaker 1: she was like, can you come back tomorrow? And I

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Speaker 1: was at Jure and then they said can you come

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Speaker 1: back next week? Okay? And then I just never left Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: It's like when I did your show. I just showed up.

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Speaker 1: The same thing on RuPaul, same thing on Jay Leno.

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Speaker 1: I just sort of show up and then people are like,

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Speaker 1: I guess we'll keep him. I'm like a rescue dog,

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Speaker 1: you know. They're like, I like him. I guess I'm

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Speaker 1: used to him. That's cute. That's cute. So what goes

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Speaker 1: on on Long Island? What part of Long Island are

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Speaker 1: you on? So we're in the north Shore. I don't

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Speaker 1: know anything about All I knew about Long Island is

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Speaker 1: that it was far away from California. But we just

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Speaker 1: bought a house here because my husband, like I said,

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Speaker 1: he works out here, and then it's a quick ant

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Speaker 1: right into the city. But I love it. I thought

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Speaker 1: it was sort of like cheesy, and then I realized, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is where the bearfot Contessa lives, and then it

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Speaker 1: all started all started making sense to me. I was like,

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Speaker 1: I can have burrata and KAPRAI say, and you know,

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Speaker 1: I could flit my denim collar up and life is

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Speaker 1: going to be great. So I love it here. And

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Speaker 1: you know what, can I tell you a quick story

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Speaker 1: that I want? I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I

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Speaker 1: had a dream. I've always been scared of cats because

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Speaker 1: there's this terrible neighbor cat that was so mean to

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Speaker 1: me growing up. So I just scared. And then about

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Speaker 1: fifteen years ago, I had a dream about a gray cat.

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Speaker 1: I've thought about this gray cat for fifteen years, you know,

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Speaker 1: thinking about one day a gray cat's going to show up.

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Speaker 1: I bought this house on Long Island. The morning after

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Speaker 1: we moved in I walked into the backyard and a

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Speaker 1: gray cat walks up to me and starts nuzzling me.

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Speaker 1: And I named her Joy until I found out that

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Speaker 1: she's a boy, So now it's Joy Boy, and joy

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Speaker 1: Boy is here every single day, and it means to me,

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Speaker 1: I'm on the right track, right, I'm supposed to it.

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Speaker 1: That's such a cute story. I'm I'm into all of

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Speaker 1: that ship. I'm all into symbolism and signs. Hathan and

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Speaker 1: I just started reading this book about this neuroscientist who

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Speaker 1: basically discovers mysticism and spirituality and the meaning of the

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Speaker 1: universe and and which scientists are like, no, nothing, never,

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Speaker 1: nothing ever happens because it's supposed to everything's an accident.

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Speaker 1: Everything's an accident unless it's proven by science. And she

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Speaker 1: just had her you know, switch flipped. Either way, I

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Speaker 1: think it works either way. I don't know. Well, for

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Speaker 1: you it does. I'll take what I can get. She

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Speaker 1: had her switch flipped, and she's like, oh no, there's

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Speaker 1: like a cosmic element to everything, and there's symbolism, and

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Speaker 1: there's pre minisciary premoniciary, premonitionary premonitionary dreams. I think it's

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Speaker 1: just missionary, missionary premonitionary dreams. Like my friend Wendy always

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Speaker 1: has premonitionary dreams. She dreamed something and then it happens,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, what's that about? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Because we all have a like a psychic ability, and

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Speaker 1: I just I love that stuff. I think the more

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Speaker 1: open minded you are, the more you see. So well put,

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Speaker 1: I used to roll my eyes at like crystals and bullshit.

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Speaker 1: I always called it that until I went through my

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Speaker 1: big breakup and then I someone I'm a friend brought

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Speaker 1: me to a crystal store and like literally a piece

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Speaker 1: of stone changed my life. It's multivike and I just

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Speaker 1: have hung on to it. And I thought to myself,

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Speaker 1: you know, if the moon can pull the tide, there's

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Speaker 1: something going on with energy. So if you can just

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Speaker 1: accept it as opposed to try to explain it to yourself,

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Speaker 1: Like I like what you said, you see things other

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Speaker 1: people can't see. Yeah, if you are to walk into

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Speaker 1: a room where like two people have just been arguing,

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Speaker 1: you feel it. That's energy. That's all that is. When

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Speaker 1: they say you can cut it with a knife, it's true. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's also like when somebody fakes their energy when they

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Speaker 1: come in and they try to be happy, but you

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Speaker 1: can tell something's gone on and they're not in a

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Speaker 1: good spot. That's that's energy, and it's completely transferable and

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Speaker 1: well and it's transparent, like you can totally see right

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Speaker 1: through it. So yeah, the people who don't take that

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Speaker 1: seriously or think my beliefs are my beliefs and it's

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Speaker 1: intransigent and I'm not willing to change my opinion. It's like, well,

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Speaker 1: then you're wrong, definitely. If you're not willing to have

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Speaker 1: your mind change, then you're wrong. Yeah. Yeah, And if

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Speaker 1: you just can accept the fact that even your instinct

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Speaker 1: is energy, then there you go. Yeah, that's right there.

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Speaker 1: We've all felt that thing and yeah, yeah, yeah absolutely

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Speaker 1: so Ross. On our podcast, we take callers and we

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Speaker 1: give advice, and these are real life situations and serious problems.

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Speaker 1: So you better have a shot of tequila and get ready. Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll deciding. All I have here is water, but I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be high. That's my breast milk that I

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Speaker 1: said to you. That's yeah, yeah, it's utterly delicious thing.

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Speaker 1: It's almond milk. Actually, I pumped fresh almond milk every morning.

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Speaker 1: That's nuts. Well, let's take a quick break and we'll

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Speaker 1: be right back for some points. Okay, Ross and I

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Speaker 1: are going to give our each other a little rubber

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Speaker 1: ducking massage out. We'll be right back, and we're back

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Speaker 1: so fast. All right. Well, our first I just want

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Speaker 1: to mention before you start that there is a neon

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Speaker 1: signed behind Ross with his name written in cursive and

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Speaker 1: pink neon, and I would expect nothing fucking less. Thank

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Speaker 1: you it all. I have a remote control and I

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Speaker 1: can change that to blue if you want to look

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Speaker 1: at that. I got this on at a little boutique

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Speaker 1: called Amazon. Oh, I've never heard of Amazon. It's cute,

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Speaker 1: and I also had no idea it was pronounced like that,

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Speaker 1: so look at me learning. I think it's French. Well,

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Speaker 1: our first question comes from sad friend. Dear Chelsea, one

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Speaker 1: of my good friends, someone who I considered my best

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Speaker 1: friend in college, just unfollowed me on Instagram. She didn't

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Speaker 1: tell me about this, and I just figured it out

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Speaker 1: three months later. I confronted her about it, and she

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Speaker 1: said she doesn't like my boyfriend. She told me that

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Speaker 1: she didn't want to see him on my stories and

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Speaker 1: my posts. The problem is this is not a new boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: We've been dating for eight years all throughout college. I

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Speaker 1: didn't realize she disliked my boyfriend this much, and it's

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Speaker 1: not a sentiment I've received from any of my other friends.

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Speaker 1: She mentioned once in passing that she didn't want to

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Speaker 1: hang around on to him, and I thought, okay, whatever,

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Speaker 1: But I just think it's so weird that she unfollowed me.

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Speaker 1: It also makes me think that her hatred of him

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Speaker 1: matters more than our friendship. I don't even hang out

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Speaker 1: with them together, so I'm not sure what the problem is.

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Speaker 1: Do you think it's a sign that she no longer

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Speaker 1: wants to be friends and this was her way of

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Speaker 1: saying it. I'm not sure I even want to continue

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Speaker 1: the friendship if she couldn't have an open conversation with

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Speaker 1: me about this before she resorted to unfollowing me and

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Speaker 1: not telling me about it. Sincerely a sad friend. Oh

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Speaker 1: that hurts your feelings, That is sad. I have a

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Speaker 1: very strong opinion about this, though. Good tell us, okay, goodbye,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much. If you're gonna unfollow me after

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Speaker 1: knowing me with instead of picking up the phone and saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: I have a real problem with your boyfriend. There's some

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Speaker 1: things about him I don't like it, about his characters,

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Speaker 1: qualities and as a human, and I think maybe you

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Speaker 1: can do better. You're not going to have that grown

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Speaker 1: up conversation, but you're gonna unfollow me. Well, you're not

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Speaker 1: capable of being my friend anymore, Thank you so much. Next. Yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I mean funk that person. Un following as somebody is

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Speaker 1: as a end is really aggressive. I don't even want

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Speaker 1: to unfollow other celebrities that annoy me that I'm not

403
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Speaker 1: friends with, because I know they're going to see it.

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Speaker 1: So you can easily mute somebody when you don't want

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Speaker 1: to see anything that they're doing. That's an option everybody.

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00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,919
Speaker 1: But yeah, your friend is an asshole. That's not a

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Speaker 1: real reason. How could she just like your boyfriend after

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Speaker 1: eight years and then not say anything and that's how

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Speaker 1: she tells you. So I'm glad that you're open to

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Speaker 1: not being friends with her again, because that's probably the

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Speaker 1: route I would take. Not probably that is the route

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Speaker 1: I would take. Yeah, I would also look at the

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Speaker 1: boyfriend though, just in case maybe the friend had a point,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean, like examine, just let that

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Speaker 1: sink into but goodbye to the friend. She's not growing up. Yeah,

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00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 1: And also you can take a survey from your other

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Speaker 1: friends and see if there's an issue with your boyfriend

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Speaker 1: that anybody else has. You know, if you're interested in

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Speaker 1: learning about that, or you think that there might be

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Speaker 1: something up with your boyfriend or your boyfriend might be

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Speaker 1: an asshole, then you should ask your other friends and

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Speaker 1: whose opinions you trust. And when you're asking for honesty,

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00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:57,159
Speaker 1: that gives a person a lot more license and a

424
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,480
Speaker 1: bigger avenue to be honest rather than I'm giving you

425
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: unsolicited opinions. Can you imagine being a grown up like this?

426
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,360
Speaker 1: These people are probably almost thirty because eight years ago

427
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,320
Speaker 1: they were in college, right, so they're almost thirty being

428
00:20:08,359 --> 00:20:10,920
Speaker 1: a grown up, and your biggest move is to unfollowed time.

429
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,120
Speaker 1: I don't even like when Instagram comes up in regular

430
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,640
Speaker 1: conversations and somebody says, like when any adult says something

431
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: about somebody being followed or following someone on int I'm like,

432
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,560
Speaker 1: excuse me, sir, how old are you? Here's the sentence

433
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 1: I've never said to my like, oh she didn't like

434
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 1: my photo? Never once? Who would say that? It's like

435
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 1: Instagram is our touchstone for like being alive. I don't

436
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 1: like that to be the barometer for anything. Yeah, Ever,

437
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 1: I have to say I kind of have a little

438
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,480
Speaker 1: bit of a different opinion on this. I honestly feel like,

439
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 1: if you're following me, if you're not following me, like

440
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: who cares? Sort of like do your thing. I have

441
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 1: friends that I love in real life and I cannot

442
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: follow them online because they're frankly just obnoxious on But

443
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: at the same time, I do think that a lot

444
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 1: of people believe you that Instagram or TikTok is a

445
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 1: proxy for friendship. It's like, if you're not sending me memes,

446
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,159
Speaker 1: if you're not following me, you're not my friend. But

447
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,360
Speaker 1: at the same time, I think the mute button can

448
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,679
Speaker 1: be your very best friend and spare everybody's feelings. But

449
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 1: I don't know, what do you guys think about this?

450
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 1: A lot of people take it so seriously. I don't know.

451
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 1: It's kind of sad to be that to care that

452
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 1: much about it, don't you think I'm I? I I mean,

453
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: am I just old? Do we miss the window of

454
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,240
Speaker 1: like we didn't grow up with Instagram, so pebe we

455
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,160
Speaker 1: don't get the value of it. We're just sort of like,

456
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,520
Speaker 1: I get the value of it, but I don't like

457
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 1: the relationship with it when it becomes a little bit

458
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 1: too interdependent. I mean, yes, I'm on Instagram all the time,

459
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: I'm checking things, I'm writing to people, I'm answering things,

460
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 1: and I'm looking at my good commentary. You're always in there. Yeah,

461
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: I'd like to give people support and do that, but

462
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,120
Speaker 1: I also don't like it to run me. Like if

463
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: I if I notice that I've been on or my

464
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: screen time says, oh you've been up five hours. You've

465
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,200
Speaker 1: added this week or day or whatever, I'm like, oh fuck.

466
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: And then I if I'm on vacation, I put my

467
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: phone down. I don't touch it, you know, usually all day.

468
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 1: So it is a very tricky relationship. And we know

469
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 1: it's addictive. It's addicting, and you become an addict. And

470
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:10,919
Speaker 1: I mean I already have enough addictions, so so I

471
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 1: don't need that to be one of another one. You know,

472
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,440
Speaker 1: I get it. Well. Our next question comes from Noah,

473
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 1: and he's on the phone with us here. Oh is

474
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,199
Speaker 1: it Noah from the Affair? Of course it is, Okay.

475
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: I love that character, Dear Chelsea. I've been single for

476
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 1: a few years now and haven't gotten past two ish

477
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 1: dates with anyone since that time. I'm pretty independent, but

478
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,199
Speaker 1: nevertheless a bit of a romantic. I wouldn't say I'm

479
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: in a rush because I have very close friends who

480
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,880
Speaker 1: I spend a good deal of time with, and during

481
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,719
Speaker 1: the height of the pandemic, I was quite content being alone, reading,

482
00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 1: watching TV, taking long walks, without the expectation to interact

483
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: with society. But things are changing now and I'm wanting more.

484
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,160
Speaker 1: I live in Minneapolis, and the population of gay men

485
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: here isn't what it is and say Chicago and y C.

486
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 1: Or San Francisco. It's a big, small town, and you

487
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: can expect if you start to date someone, you probably

488
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 1: know their X. Plus everyone here settles down, further limiting

489
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: available men to complicate it even more. I'm a kinky bottom,

490
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 1: and finding men that complement that part of me, or

491
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: that are open to open relationships is even harder. If

492
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 1: they exist here, I already know who they are. Despite

493
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 1: having the best friends I've ever had in my life,

494
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 1: and the fact that the quality of life here is

495
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:25,680
Speaker 1: so nice. I live blocks away from four different lakes,

496
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 1: multiple parks, and pay less than seven dollars for my rent.

497
00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: I want to move eventually, but I'm a historian and

498
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 1: museum professional, and believe it or not, there isn't a

499
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:37,680
Speaker 1: huge job market for historians these days. I'm willing to

500
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,960
Speaker 1: date long distance, but how do you even meet someone

501
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,920
Speaker 1: to begin a long distance relationship? How do I make

502
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: moves towards what I want? When I seem stuck where

503
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: I am? Noah, Hidah, Noah. I didn't know it was

504
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 1: going to actually be here. You are. We were just

505
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 1: going to talk about you like you weren't here. Oh

506
00:23:57,400 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 1: my gosh. Well I'm glad to be here with both

507
00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: of you, all of you. Yeah, yeah, well we have

508
00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 1: our our gay man is here today so he can.

509
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 1: Really I'm gonna let you jump off on this ross

510
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 1: you take there, You're in lucky little kinky bottom because

511
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 1: uncle Ross is here the other kinky bottoms on the

512
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 1: zoom listen. I love that you put that out there,

513
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: and that is the number one thing you can do

514
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 1: when you're looking for love and you're I should say,

515
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,720
Speaker 1: when you're ready for love is to put it out there. Now,

516
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: do not poo poo on Minneapolis. It is a great

517
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 1: gay city, you know. I every time I'm in Minnieplus,

518
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,720
Speaker 1: I go to the saloon and order the what the

519
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 1: Tater Tots because they are Chris. They are perfect. Minneapolis

520
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 1: is It is very gay there, But I also understand

521
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: when you say it's a little big city. And so

522
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: if you meet someone, you do probably know their ex.

523
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,239
Speaker 1: Have you found that when you put it out there?

524
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: Are you on the apps like putting it out there

525
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: what you're into in terms of sexually? Oh? Yeah, I'm

526
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,679
Speaker 1: on the ops and I don't have a hard time

527
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,800
Speaker 1: finding what I need sexually. It's finding that component of

528
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,160
Speaker 1: like the romantic with the sexual because there are folks

529
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: that are in relationships here and open, and so I

530
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,719
Speaker 1: can usually find folks that are into what I'm into.

531
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 1: It just so happens that they're not available to date.

532
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 1: I wonder if simultaneously if you could be like on

533
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 1: the grinder the hookup apps to be getting your kinky

534
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 1: bottom insatiable needs fed, and simultaneously on a different kind

535
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 1: of app, right, like maybe the Tinder where it's not

536
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 1: all that whole pictures, Right, I have a variety of them?

537
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: Yeah you do? And are you finding? And then Chelsea,

538
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,360
Speaker 1: I'll let you speak on your own show. But are

539
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,320
Speaker 1: you finding that on these apps where you're like it's

540
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: about finding love that there's just the well is dry. Yeah.

541
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: So I've got the Hinge, Tender, Scruff and Grinder, so

542
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 1: like those four and I do definitely that's a nice

543
00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: buffet of dating apps. I like your I like I

544
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 1: like your choices. I use hingingine Tender, yeah, more for dates.

545
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: But like I said, like, I've had a handful for

546
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: states and we never get past the second and I

547
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,439
Speaker 1: don't really know why that is. Sometimes the kicky stuff

548
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 1: comes up on those states, sometimes it doesn't. But I've

549
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 1: only had like a handful in the past two years,

550
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 1: and that's just not a lot of prospects Chelsea. It

551
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 1: seems to me though, that no, it's just kind of dating.

552
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,480
Speaker 1: I mean, isn't that it that you have some sex

553
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: on this side, you have some dates and hope that

554
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 1: they get to a number three and four and that

555
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 1: and they won't until like the that's the right guy.

556
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: But isn't this kind of just the game? Well, first

557
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,639
Speaker 1: of all, No, you said something that is a pretty

558
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,119
Speaker 1: negative and I you there's no way that you know

559
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: everybody in Minneapolis and that you've experienced every gay person there,

560
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 1: and that everyone that's available as you've already met. That's

561
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: just not true. So that kind of thinking has like

562
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,680
Speaker 1: a negative pattern in your brain when you shut things

563
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: down and you're like, well, what's the point here? So

564
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: you have to kind of wash that out. You haven't

565
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: met everybody in Minneapolis, and you never will, and you

566
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,240
Speaker 1: haven't met every gay bottom or top. Sorry, you're looking

567
00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,360
Speaker 1: for a top probably, and you want to have an

568
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: open relationship, right, that's why you're interested in Yeah, that

569
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,560
Speaker 1: would be preferred. I'm open to monogamy. It's just one

570
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: of those things that I know that I am needy,

571
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: and so it's unreasonable for me to expect one person

572
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 1: to be able to fulfill all those things. But if

573
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: they think that they could or would be willing to

574
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,920
Speaker 1: do that, I would be open as well. Wow, look

575
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: at that. That's a great answer. I love that you're

576
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:24,120
Speaker 1: being You're actually being selfless about it because you don't

577
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 1: want to put that onus on another person to constantly

578
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 1: have to be penetrating you. I get that. That's very

579
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,719
Speaker 1: nice of you, sweet, But there are other Okay, so

580
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: all the dating apps you've got covered, I would say

581
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 1: continue on that you're doing the Lord's work and that's fun,

582
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 1: and you're gonna meet people. It might not be on

583
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: the timeline that you want, but somebody's gonna come along

584
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 1: that's also gonna be wanting a relationship and you're going

585
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:46,560
Speaker 1: to find that person. But I think you should also

586
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: cast a wider net. I mean, I know you're casting

587
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: a pretty wide net. But in terms of not being

588
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: on dating sites, like what kind of stuff do you

589
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 1: like to do? There's like all sorts of gym ship

590
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 1: you can get into where you're gonna meet people gym activities,

591
00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: whether you're into like volleyball or what what do you

592
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 1: like to do? So I'm actually heavily involved in the

593
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: gay Kickball and gay Dodge falls there, so I'm a

594
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: captain of my team. Yeah, it's so hot. I also

595
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: like teach the rules to all the movies. So every

596
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 1: time we have the beginning of the season, all of

597
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: these new gays or like new people that are playing

598
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,919
Speaker 1: the sports are coming to me and I'm teaching the rules.

599
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 1: So I get to see and meet a lot of

600
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 1: people that way as well. So it's actually how I

601
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,760
Speaker 1: met my last boyfriend, which we broke up in twenty nineteen.

602
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,520
Speaker 1: So okay, well, it sounds like you're doing everything you

603
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: need to be doing. When was the last time that

604
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: you were in a relationship. Yeah, we broke up in

605
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 1: December twenty nineteen. Okay, and you're ready to get into

606
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: another one. Yeah, I think so. I needed a while

607
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,959
Speaker 1: after that one. And that was my first long term relationship,

608
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: And after that was the first time I realized that

609
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 1: I could, like, actually have a relationship. Prior to that,

610
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: I wasn't really looking for something long term because I

611
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: didn't realize that I was capable of it. And then

612
00:28:58,440 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: it happened, and I was like, you know what, I

613
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 1: liked that and ended for other reasons, but I was like,

614
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: I I enjoyed that, and I would like to get

615
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: something like that again. How old do you again? Remind me? Noah?

616
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: Oh good. So you're right. You're writing where you should

617
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: be doing exactly what you should be doing. Don't rush it, noah. Okay.

618
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: If you keep on this path, you're going to be

619
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: just fine. Finding somebody somebody's something, and you've got a

620
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: lot of living to do, honey, Okay, a lot of

621
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: bottoming for you to do. Got it. Don't bottom out,

622
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: don't bottom out. And also, you know, like, if this

623
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 1: is what you desire, a loving, compassionate relationship, write that down,

624
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: Write that down on and put it on your refrigerator,

625
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: and every single morning write it down again, write it

626
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: down to start your day. I am capable and deserving

627
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 1: of a loving, healthy relationship with another man. And and

628
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: and just that is your mantra. Say it to yourself,

629
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 1: like the manifestation is everything. It fucking works. People talk

630
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: about stuff all the time. By putting that in your

631
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: brain activity, not only are you changing your own energy,

632
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,719
Speaker 1: you're changing your thought ss and instead of looking at

633
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 1: it as a negative, you have to start going. I

634
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: can't wait to meet the people in Minneapolis I haven't

635
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 1: met yet. I can't wait to meet those guys. You know,

636
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 1: there's a new kickball season starting. Guess what's gonna happen.

637
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 1: There's a whole new crop for you. So and anything

638
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: you can add to that. I mean, it sounds like

639
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: you're pretty busy and with all of it, but I mean,

640
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: these are great qualities to have, These are great activities

641
00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: to be doing. You know, captaining a kickball team is

642
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: a great way to meet people. But if there's any

643
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 1: other sports out there, that you feel like you're into

644
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: do that too. If you have time, You're only just

645
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: going to meet more people and make your life broader, healthier,

646
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:39,080
Speaker 1: and more well balanced. Yeah, you're right. I'm not worried

647
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 1: about you know. I'm not worried, but I'm not worried

648
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,560
Speaker 1: about you know either. You're twenty seven years old. Be patient,

649
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 1: don't be in a rush. There's no rush. There's no rush.

650
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: This is gonna come. You'd rather get the right person

651
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 1: in time than to get the wrong person quickly, right, Yeah, correct, Yeah,

652
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: that's the thing that I need to work on, is

653
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: the patience because I think that way too. It's just

654
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:00,200
Speaker 1: like I I know what I want and they're no

655
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 1: reason to compromise on that for right now, because I'm

656
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: not in a rush, and I want to say thank

657
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: you for your AIDS poster in the background, so that

658
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: the first words I see behind your head are AIDS.

659
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: Thank you for that. I am a queer historian, so

660
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:20,280
Speaker 1: I've gotten all over. Yeah, so beautiful. Just to sort

661
00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 1: of put a cap on that, Chelsea go on to

662
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 1: mentioned this earlier, but also like putting that out there

663
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: that you know you're ready for a relationship. That's kind

664
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: of what you're interested in next, like putting that out

665
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: to your friends as well putting it out there to

666
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,680
Speaker 1: yourself every day. But I was like, drop that into

667
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: conversation because you never know who's like, oh my gosh,

668
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,959
Speaker 1: I was just talking to this other person the other

669
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 1: day about this. I got to connect these two. Sure,

670
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: we'll keep us posted. Let us just good lucky. You're

671
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: gonna be just fine. I have a date Saturday. O

672
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:55,720
Speaker 1: great you and your eager butth hole, thank you. I

673
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 1: love Noah. I want only gay questions for Ross. And

674
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: I was like, is this too on the nose? I

675
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:14,080
Speaker 1: don't know. Well, I have another caller. This is Chloe.

676
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: Chloe says dear Chelsea. I'm twenty eight and recently moved

677
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 1: to New York to pursue stand up. I ended a

678
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: bad relationship and two weeks later I lost my grandmother,

679
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 1: who was more like a mom to me, and ship

680
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: really hit the fan in a way that I'm now

681
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: profoundly grateful for. I gained a lot of weight in

682
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 1: the months immediately after the breakup and losing my grandmother.

683
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 1: My weight is a part of my story. Though forever

684
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 1: I've been thin, I've been fat I've been in between.

685
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:44,400
Speaker 1: I've made the decision to pursue weight loss surgery not

686
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 1: because it's an easy way out, but because I'm finally

687
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: living my dream and just logistically don't have time for

688
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 1: major weight loss if I also want to pursue stand

689
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:55,000
Speaker 1: up and work full time. I feel so grateful for

690
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 1: my life not going the way I really clung to,

691
00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: because I would never have started doing stand up, which

692
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:03,000
Speaker 1: make me feel more alive and in love than any person, place,

693
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: or thing outside of myself ever has. But the thought

694
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: of any surgery makes me feel anxious. I've done a

695
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,040
Speaker 1: ton of research and know that this is a safe

696
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 1: and routine surgery, but I'm scared of being that point

697
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 1: oh one percent of fatalities. You know how hard the

698
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,880
Speaker 1: grind is trying to make it in stand up when

699
00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: you're just beginning, and in the little time I have

700
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: to myself. I'd like to start dating again as well,

701
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 1: but I'm too scared to do so in a larger body.

702
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: The world is just a lot kinder to you in

703
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 1: a smaller frame. Weight loss surgery seems like a step

704
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 1: that will let me have my cake and eat it too.

705
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,440
Speaker 1: Figuratively speaking, I'd love to know your thoughts on my

706
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: predicament and maybe what decision you would make if you

707
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 1: were in my shoes. Chloe Hie. Hi, Hi, Hi cutie.

708
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: How are you. I'm good? How are you guys? Well,

709
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 1: you're in luck. We have a very special guest here today,

710
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:58,320
Speaker 1: Ross Matthews is here. Hi. Hi, Okay, you are so cute.

711
00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,680
Speaker 1: We just listened to your letter. Girl. I feel you

712
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:04,360
Speaker 1: in so many different ways. I get it. Thank you. Yeah,

713
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: this is great that you're here. I feel like you

714
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 1: would understand I know a lot about your story and everything. Well,

715
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: I get it in so many ways in terms of

716
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: like what it's like to be a person of size

717
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: trying to be funny, you know what I mean, trying

718
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 1: to get into show business. I understand about putting on

719
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 1: weight when you're grieving the loss of somebody you love

720
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 1: so much. And I understand the journey of wanting to

721
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 1: try to be the best version of yourself you can

722
00:34:28,280 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: be so you can be in the fight. Right. Yeah.

723
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: But I would tell you, Chloe that just by like

724
00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 1: having this conversation with yourself and having with us, you're

725
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 1: already in the fight. There's no right way or wrong

726
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 1: way to do this. So whatever you need to do

727
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 1: to get you where you want to be, so you

728
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 1: are ready to take on whatever's going to come your way,

729
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 1: do it. And when you think about being the one

730
00:34:48,440 --> 00:34:50,879
Speaker 1: percent of the small chance of something terrible could happen

731
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:52,799
Speaker 1: to you if you want ahead with the weight less

732
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 1: our drink, okay, but I mean something terrible could we

733
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 1: happen tomorrow, But I wouldn't be afraid. Don't go to

734
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 1: the negative place. Do whatever you need to to get

735
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: to where you want to go and be who you

736
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 1: want to be. I didn't do weight loss surgery. It

737
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: wasn't for me because I mostly I was scared. I mean,

738
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 1: I have my back teeth taken out what they called

739
00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: your wisdom teeth. That's like my most hardcore surgery. So

740
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: it wasn't for me, but I understand it's unique for

741
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: every Weight loss is so personal for people. There's no

742
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:21,880
Speaker 1: shame in anything. But I'm so proud of you for

743
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: showing up for yourself. Thank you. Yeah. I really wanted

744
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: advice from people who aren't family members because I feel

745
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:34,759
Speaker 1: like their opinions are informed by their love for me

746
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,439
Speaker 1: and wanting me to be safe and not take that risk.

747
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: But I know myself and like it's just something that

748
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:47,280
Speaker 1: I've been struggling with truly since fourth grade. Roberta Morales

749
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 1: calls me fat, and it's like, okay, that's I know, Roberta. Yeah.

750
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: So I just want to like take this thing away

751
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 1: has been torturing me for so long, and I really

752
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 1: I want to live, you know, and in so many

753
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 1: ways I am. I moved to New York and I'm

754
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 1: pursuing stand up and I am like living in a

755
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 1: lot of ways, and I feel brave and I love

756
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 1: myself in those ways. I feel like if I can

757
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:20,680
Speaker 1: do this thing that can just also help me feel

758
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:24,640
Speaker 1: like cute and sexy and cool, then like why not

759
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,360
Speaker 1: and proud proud of yourself, right, that's part of it too. Yeah,

760
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,239
Speaker 1: I got it, um. But I also want you to

761
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,920
Speaker 1: know just as is, you are just fabulous as it

762
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: is to you know what I mean, And you you've

763
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,399
Speaker 1: got to love it yourself right now here today too. Yeah.

764
00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 1: I think it's a tricky endeavor to like think of

765
00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: one thing that's going to fix everything, you know, Like

766
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: people do that with the relationships a lot. They think

767
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: if they get married, they'll fix the relationship, or if

768
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 1: they have a baby, they'll fix the relationship, and that

769
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 1: works the opposite way. You know, whatever problems you have

770
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: are going to be exasperated by thinking that there's a

771
00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: one solution. So what I would say to you is

772
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:01,439
Speaker 1: to not look at that is the end all be all.

773
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,120
Speaker 1: I think it's fine if you want to get that

774
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: surgery done, but you should also work towards that surgery

775
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 1: and get yourself into a really healthy place so that

776
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 1: you're not just trying to remove whatever you want to

777
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: remove that you're actually actively pursuing the path that you

778
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,320
Speaker 1: want to go down, which is one where you feel

779
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: a little bit more healthy and a little bit more

780
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,560
Speaker 1: fit right, and you want to be attractive, and that

781
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: to you means weight loss surgery. But on the way

782
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,439
Speaker 1: to that surgery, you should actually start taking really good

783
00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: care of yourself, you know, incorporating exercise, incorporating healthier foods,

784
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 1: and actually mindfully working towards that goal, because it's kind

785
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: of like going in to get an operation without doing

786
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,799
Speaker 1: it with the right intention is something that can easily backfire.

787
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: You know, you can gain that weight back if you're

788
00:37:46,239 --> 00:37:48,360
Speaker 1: not mindful. You can go in and feel great for

789
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 1: two months and then just let it all go to ship.

790
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: I've seen people do that. I've seen people get light

791
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 1: bo or lap band surgery and then they end up

792
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:57,840
Speaker 1: right back where they started. So it's a very intentional

793
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: thing that you have to be mindful of. These are

794
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,839
Speaker 1: your goals. You want to feel good about yourself. There's

795
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:05,880
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with that, there's no shame in that. But

796
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 1: you have to be on your own team in pursuit

797
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 1: of this. You know, you have to get yourself to

798
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,279
Speaker 1: a place that is ready for the surgery, and you

799
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:15,760
Speaker 1: might even start to lose weight and go, wait a second,

800
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: this isn't as hard as I thought it was going

801
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,800
Speaker 1: to be, and you might not want the surgery. Do

802
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,799
Speaker 1: you have the surgery set yet? Yeah? So I actually

803
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 1: I had a date and then just in the past

804
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: few days, I pushed it back a little bit just

805
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: to give myself more time, Like I'm I quit smoking,

806
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: just to like prepare get my body as healthy as

807
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,239
Speaker 1: I can be. And then I also pushed it back

808
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: because I was like, I do want to get to

809
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:46,000
Speaker 1: a place of more acceptance and self love before I

810
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 1: make that move and like spend more time in this body.

811
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: But also, like you said, be more conscientious of what

812
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,839
Speaker 1: I'm what I put in my body, get into an

813
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 1: exercise routine. And it's hard. Like I was telling Catherine,

814
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 1: I work full time. I'm an assistant, and then I

815
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 1: work a few nights at a comedy club, and then

816
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:07,439
Speaker 1: when I'm not doing those things, I'm trying to be

817
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 1: at Mike. So like my life feels really chaotic and

818
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 1: but still still just trying to be intentional up to

819
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: that point. Yeah, do you get any exercise in Like

820
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 1: are you walking around the city. Yeah, I'm always walking

821
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,800
Speaker 1: those subway steps get me. I do like soul cycle

822
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,240
Speaker 1: and I can, but like, yeah, I think just leading

823
00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 1: up to them. When do you have the surgery set

824
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 1: for now? It's the second week of January. Oh, you

825
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:39,080
Speaker 1: have plenty of time. You have plenty of time. I

826
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 1: think that you should really try to get you know,

827
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: you can download one of those apps like newm that

828
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 1: I did that a couple of weeks ago when I

829
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: had to prepare for a photo shoot. It doesn't matter

830
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 1: how you busy you are. The busier I am, the

831
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: easier it is to beat healthy for me because I

832
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:52,399
Speaker 1: have less time to work around and like go, oh,

833
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: I want to actually taco from Taco bell. It's like, no,

834
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,160
Speaker 1: I don't I'm gonna have this epics bar or this

835
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: protein bar or I'm gonna make a shake. So take

836
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: it mantage of the fact that you're busy and use

837
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 1: this time to get ready for the surgery and really

838
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,480
Speaker 1: start to get develop some healthy habits that will be

839
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: with you post surgery as well. You want to get

840
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 1: in the habit of walking everywhere. You want to get

841
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 1: in the habit of eating healthy, not eating ship. Don't

842
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: eat ship that just makes you feel ship. It's not

843
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 1: good for your brain and it's not good for your body.

844
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: And develop all these healthy habits that will take you

845
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 1: through the surgery. And not drinking and smoking excellent, do

846
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: not drink or smoke before surgery. I speak from experience.

847
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,960
Speaker 1: I would also say to just make it a choice

848
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: by choice, meal by meal thing. Eventually it all adds

849
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 1: up and it becomes habit. You know, those choices start

850
00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: become the new normal, and you'll be so shocked how

851
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 1: in between now and January, just by your actions and

852
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: your choices, you're going to see results. Things will happen

853
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 1: for you, and you may decide you don't need the surgery.

854
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: But if you want it down the line to get it.

855
00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 1: I'm just saying the way that you're showing up for

856
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,879
Speaker 1: yourself now having these conversations is impressive and keep it up. Yeah.

857
00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,840
Speaker 1: I feel like, honestly, once Ice at the date and

858
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: paid the deposit, I got a second job just to

859
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: save for it. Like those decisions actually did empounder me

860
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: to start making healthier decisions now, because it's felt like

861
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:16,280
Speaker 1: more real as you're kind of going on this journey

862
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 1: and sort of figuring out what's right for you. I

863
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 1: have a couple of podcasts that I think would be

864
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:23,879
Speaker 1: really helpful for you to listen to. First is Half

865
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: Size Me with coach Heather. She's one of those people

866
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,319
Speaker 1: who like fits in one pant leg of her old

867
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,680
Speaker 1: pants and lost a lot of weight and kept it

868
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: off for a decade or more. She takes the approach

869
00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: of slow and steady is the only thing that wins

870
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 1: the race. It's non judgmental, it's really really helpful, and

871
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,640
Speaker 1: I just think it's a really great podcast to be

872
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:48,840
Speaker 1: listening to. The second one is called Maintenance Phase, and

873
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 1: the two hosts of this are incredible journalists, but they

874
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: go about debunking a lot of wellness and diet culture stuff.

875
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 1: They talk a lot about and I fat bias. They

876
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: talk a lot about being healthy no matter your size,

877
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 1: and why an individual's health markers are much more important

878
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 1: than their weight in a lot of cases. So yeah,

879
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: check out maintenance phase. Take a listen to both of those.

880
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,840
Speaker 1: There's sort of two different perspectives on the same topic,

881
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 1: and that's why I think they'd be really helpful for

882
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 1: you to listen to sort of at the same time. Yeah,

883
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm always listening to a podcast. Awesome, perfect.

884
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to meet you, Chloe, and good luck. Okay,

885
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,439
Speaker 1: and if I'm ever seeing your headlining somewhere, I'm gonna

886
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,719
Speaker 1: come see you. Yeah, okay, I'm like five months in

887
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: great good for you. That's so fucking brave than Yeah, okay,

888
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 1: because it's been crazy and I love all. We love

889
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 1: you too, Chloe. Thank you, Chloe. All right, we'll talk

890
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:55,120
Speaker 1: to you. So, Chloe, I still get that. I still

891
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 1: get just being like confused with the weight loss and

892
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 1: health and just thinking like where do you even start.

893
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 1: It's like a big pile of laundry, Like which fucking

894
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 1: piece do I fold? I don't even know where to start.

895
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 1: That's what it feels like. It's just so confusing and daunting.

896
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:11,080
Speaker 1: I used to be so obsessed, obsessed with my weight, obsessed,

897
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 1: and I'm still not better. I mean, I'm less obsessed,

898
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: but I still have it, you know what I mean.

899
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 1: Like I'm getting ready for I have a shoot on Saturday,

900
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 1: and for me to do a shoot, I can't even socialize,

901
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 1: Like but it's so I mean, I've have so much

902
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 1: education and what is good for you that I know

903
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 1: exactly what to do. I know to space my meals

904
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 1: apart three and a half hours. I know to eat proteins,

905
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:37,880
Speaker 1: a little bit fat and a little bit of healthy carbs,

906
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 1: and I know not to drink, and I know not

907
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 1: you know, I get that I can look at any

908
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 1: picture from any decade and know exactly what I weigh

909
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 1: that day. Oh my god, do you wear yourself every

910
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 1: day to every day? Every day? When I when I

911
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: put on I don't. That's when that's when I'm I

912
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 1: haven't looked, you know what I mean? When I because

913
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: you know me, I call myself a weight detective. If

914
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: I lose it, I can always find it again. This

915
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: time has been different, like because it's been a it's

916
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: about accountability, you know what I mean. You know, at

917
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 1: a certain age, you kind of figure out what behavior

918
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 1: is going to suck you up in the long run,

919
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, right, Well, you've been looking good for

920
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: a while, though you haven't put on weight in a while, right, No,

921
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 1: I haven't. It took you long enough to mention it.

922
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. And I do look great, And no,

923
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: I really am feeling I can't wait to do a

924
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:18,839
Speaker 1: reboot of Chelsea later so we can all just hang

925
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: out and make fun of each other on the round table.

926
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: Are we going to do that? Are we in? We're

927
00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:26,439
Speaker 1: talking about it. We're talking, We're in official discussions. Yes,

928
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,279
Speaker 1: and we'll see what if the right thing, I don't know.

929
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 1: I don't know where to put this or where at

930
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 1: the right places for that, you know. If it's a streamer,

931
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,600
Speaker 1: feels like network television is over in terms of late

932
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: night shows, so I don't really want to put myself

933
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: in that category. I want to, I don't know. I

934
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: have to figure out if there's a if there's a

935
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:46,319
Speaker 1: right fit. But yeah, we're definitely talking about it, all right,

936
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: let's discuss it happy hour. We'll solve it, Okay, we'll

937
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 1: solve the world's crisis in a happy hour and then

938
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 1: and then I can give you all the dish excellent. Well,

939
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 1: we're gonna take another quick break and then we'll be

940
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 1: right back with Chelsea and Ross and we're back. You

941
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,840
Speaker 1: know what. Oh my god. Speaking of terrible voices, like

942
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 1: when I tried to sing, I was doing a Peloton

943
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: ABS class yesterday morning and the girl who ran it,

944
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,840
Speaker 1: I don't know what her name was, but she started

945
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: singing and I looked at my phone. It was on

946
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: my phone. I'm on a mat in my I'm in

947
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 1: the rental house in Beverly Hills, and I looked at

948
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: the phone, going, are you fucking kidding me? You kidding?

949
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: She just tried to sing along to the song, but

950
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 1: her voice was worse than mine. And I looked at

951
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 1: her like she was standing next to me, and I

952
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 1: was like, excuse me, you can't sing ever again on

953
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 1: this app. And then she did it again. And this

954
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 1: morning I got up and I was like, all right,

955
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 1: which apps class am I gonna do? And I was like,

956
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:48,359
Speaker 1: all right, she's out, Like she it's over for her.

957
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: She tried to say, that's the difference between you and me.

958
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 1: I'd be like, what time are you saying this again tomorrow?

959
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 1: Trying to be here well, Ross, this is the part

960
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 1: of our show where we ask if you have any

961
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: advice you'd like from Chelsea. You know, I actually do.

962
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 1: One thing I revere about child. I just respect so

963
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 1: much about you is that you have no problem like

964
00:46:14,360 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: with letting it get uncomfortable with people, You know what

965
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: I mean, Like, if somebody's acting a fool, you'll tell them,

966
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 1: If somebody is ad dick, you'll alert them. If somebody's

967
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 1: in your space to tell them. I feel like I

968
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 1: constantly have to be human lubricants. I'm always just kind

969
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: of like, Okay, it's gonna be fine, everything's gonna be fine.

970
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get me okay, even if it's not real, Like,

971
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 1: how do we become more comfortable with the with the uncomfortable? Honestly,

972
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:39,560
Speaker 1: I believe that there is a lot of dignity in

973
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 1: being truthful and direct. It's undignified to pretend that's something's

974
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,320
Speaker 1: okay when it's not. I feel that way. I feel

975
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 1: like if somebody's acting in a weird way, like it's

976
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,320
Speaker 1: ok there's nice ways to say it and nicer ways

977
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:56,399
Speaker 1: to say it. As I've learned over the years, it's

978
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 1: not like hey, fucking moron, It's like, hey, is everything okay?

979
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:02,440
Speaker 1: What is going on? Or this makes me uncomfortable? Or

980
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,760
Speaker 1: you seem like you're a little bit out of whack,

981
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: or this dynamic isn't working like it's good to set boundaries.

982
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 1: People respect that, and I've become much more gentle about

983
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,640
Speaker 1: my confrontations. You know what I mean, because I have

984
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:16,839
Speaker 1: heard you say what what's wrong with you? I've heard

985
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,920
Speaker 1: you say that course yeah, yeah, so even you have

986
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 1: like sort of reformed how you do it. Yeah, because

987
00:47:23,200 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 1: that doesn't feel good to the person. You know, if

988
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,240
Speaker 1: somebody's acting weird, or somebody's encroaching on your physical space

989
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 1: or your personal you know, however they're infringing on you,

990
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 1: or that you don't like the way that you feel.

991
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,680
Speaker 1: There's no shame in saying, hey, I just need you

992
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,839
Speaker 1: to back up a little bit, or I actually need

993
00:47:38,880 --> 00:47:41,759
Speaker 1: a minute by myself, or I'm feeling overwhelmed. You know,

994
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:44,200
Speaker 1: it depends. If somebody's a really sensitive person, it's always

995
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 1: better to put it on yourself and act like it's

996
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:50,520
Speaker 1: your problem, not theirs. But if somebody is consistently, you know,

997
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: causing a problem, or you don't like the way they're behaving. Like.

998
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:58,240
Speaker 1: There is a lot of dignity in being upfront and saying, hey,

999
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 1: this is how this makes me feel. Not you are

1000
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 1: an asshole, you behave badly. It's like this is not

1001
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 1: comfortable for me at this point. You know, I had

1002
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,800
Speaker 1: to learn that a lot, especially if somebody is throwing

1003
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 1: daggers at you and you're in a fight. It is

1004
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 1: very hard to regain composure because you're in defense mode

1005
00:48:18,280 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 1: and nothing in that area ever gets resolved. If two

1006
00:48:23,239 --> 00:48:25,799
Speaker 1: people are going at it, there's no there's not gonna

1007
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,399
Speaker 1: be any come to Jesus moment. But I would say

1008
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: putting up guardrails not to be overly guarded, but putting

1009
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 1: up guardrails when people have overstepped is a very dignified

1010
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:37,680
Speaker 1: thing to do, and the person that you do it

1011
00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: with will most likely respect you more if it's handled correctly.

1012
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,440
Speaker 1: That actually is a is a big thing for me

1013
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,120
Speaker 1: right now when you're saying that, it's like respectful and

1014
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 1: dignified to be more honest with another person to sort

1015
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 1: of say, hey, this is the reality, this makes me uncomfortable,

1016
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: or this needs to stop for this as opposed to

1017
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 1: just like ha ha ha and you move on. It's

1018
00:48:56,360 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: that's almost like undignified and disrespectful to them. I just

1019
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 1: find myself as I'm getting older and you know, becoming

1020
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 1: an adult and things, I find myself needing to have

1021
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 1: those kind of confrontational moments more often. And I'm tired

1022
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: of like whimping out and and just not doing it

1023
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,279
Speaker 1: like a grown up, you know. So I'm really trying

1024
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: to force myself to have those Wellington quote Bernie Brown

1025
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: calls them courageous conversations, you know, that's what they call them.

1026
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 1: So trying to force myself to do that. Yeah, because

1027
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: there's it is undignified to be fake. That's it. That's

1028
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: the word fake. Right. If we're not addressing it, we're

1029
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: faking it. That's so lame. Yeah, faking is lame. Speaking easily.

1030
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:38,279
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, little Chelsea. I know you're unqualified

1031
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 1: to give advice at all, but you're very good at it. Oh.

1032
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 1: I love you, Ross, I love you. I can't wait

1033
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 1: to see you. You know what, we should go to

1034
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: that boat place that I love. I don't know what

1035
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,359
Speaker 1: I'd go there. Okay, we're gonna figure it out Wednesday night,

1036
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 1: Happy hour, right, Okay, let's keep that boat place afloat. Okay,

1037
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: we will love you. If you'd like to ask Chelsea

1038
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: for advice, please write into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail

1039
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,200
Speaker 1: dot com. We have a special call for submissions this week.

1040
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 1: If you've done any sort of genetic testing and maybe

1041
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 1: made a discovery about a family member, or found out

1042
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: that your uncle maybe has a secret family somewhere, or

1043
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 1: you found some health markers related to your DNA that

1044
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:20,800
Speaker 1: have led you to take certain steps and investigate further,

1045
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: and especially if you'd like advice about what you found

1046
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,800
Speaker 1: out in your DNA analysis, please write into Dear Chelsea

1047
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 1: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production

1048
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio, executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced

1049
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 1: by Catherine Law, and edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.

1050
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: And don't forget to check out Hello Ross, a brand

1051
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: new podcast from Ross Matthews, coming September twenty nine.