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Speaker 1: What's up.

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Speaker 2: It's way up with Angela yee.

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Speaker 3: I'm here with my good friend coach Jesse, and look

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Speaker 3: all my good friends again. Honestly, I'm gonna just in

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Speaker 3: full disclosure for like thirty minutes, we've all been talking.

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Speaker 1: Yet.

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Speaker 3: You know, Lindsay Granger's here, she's been guest hosting. So

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Speaker 3: proud of my girl, Lindsay World of Travel, Thank you

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Speaker 3: appreciate it. Also News Nation catch all of that, and

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Speaker 3: of course the birthday Girl in the Flesh every Birthday.

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Speaker 3: Nika Valori is here, and we've been talking about this

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Speaker 3: because your book I Live to tell the story. When

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Speaker 3: I tell you, I thought I knew you and like

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Speaker 3: they used to stay on MTV, but you have no

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Speaker 3: idea and this memoir of love, legacy and resilience is

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Speaker 3: so amazing. So I'm glad we have a chance to talk.

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Speaker 3: But one thing we all have in common is that

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Speaker 3: we've all done the detox.

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Speaker 4: Now it again. I need to do it birthday. That's perfect.

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Speaker 4: After the birthday, that's what they I'll do it with you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 4: It's funny because Queen of Four contacted me the other day.

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Speaker 4: She was at my birthday party and she called me

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Speaker 4: and said, hey, you need to do a detop now,

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Speaker 4: this is the time.

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Speaker 1: So I'm I'm in, I'm in.

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Speaker 4: I love Queena to me to shout outs amazing, isn't

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Speaker 4: she just to see everybody doing like this type of

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Speaker 4: work and whoever you get the message from, as long

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Speaker 4: as it keeps on coming out there and you one

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Speaker 4: day like it might take a while to pay attention

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Speaker 4: because it took me a while to do for the first.

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Speaker 2: But we get with Jesse.

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Speaker 5: She's gonna make sure you do it because.

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Speaker 4: You wanted me to do water only and I pushed

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Speaker 4: back on that, but you gave me another alternative and

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Speaker 4: I was working.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to do his push back.

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Speaker 1: That far.

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Speaker 2: Name pushback, but no, I just am.

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Speaker 3: I applaud you for having the courage to add, well,

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Speaker 3: you've you've had courage but to tell your own story,

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Speaker 3: because sometimes when you're fighting for other people telling other.

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Speaker 2: People's stories, it's not easy to tell your own.

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Speaker 4: Oh absolutely, I mean, you know, I'm glad that I did.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad that this book is out because it feels

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Speaker 4: like I had a baby, you know, as we were

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Speaker 4: in the writing process and the teams, the marketing, everything

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Speaker 4: everybody's going crazy trying to get the final product together.

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Speaker 4: Y'all know about publishing is work, And I kept saying

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Speaker 4: to everybody that we're at the end, like the baby

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Speaker 4: is dropped, it's low, you cant And once it was out,

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Speaker 4: it felt like a big relief to me. You know,

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Speaker 4: some of it. Some of the book has a lot

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Speaker 4: of shame in it. You know, for me, moments when

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Speaker 4: I felt ashamed of certain things. Also, just like you said,

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Speaker 4: things that people have no idea about that have happened

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Speaker 4: in my life.

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Speaker 1: How I got.

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Speaker 4: Over And so it felt good to like get it out,

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Speaker 4: but to also be on the other side of so

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Speaker 4: much of it.

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Speaker 1: It was not like I was actually in it when

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Speaker 1: it was released.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm not depressed the way that I was

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Speaker 4: in these stories that I tell, And so it feels good.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I feel like I'm in the best place.

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Speaker 4: At forty five. They say once you get past forty,

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Speaker 4: you know, you start to get into your groove.

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Speaker 1: And at forty five, I feel like, damn, this.

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Speaker 4: Is it, Like this is like a reburn of times.

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Speaker 1: Really it is a rebirth.

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Speaker 6: You talk about birth, about this book being at birth,

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Speaker 6: and you talk about how having a kid really changed you.

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Speaker 6: So I have a four year old, so I can

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Speaker 6: relate to that in a totally different way than you.

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Speaker 6: But still you just your something clicks, like, oh no,

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Speaker 6: it's time to really do what I came here to do.

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Speaker 1: So tell us about.

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Speaker 5: How that changed you for real and what clicked in

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Speaker 5: that moment.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So you know my son's father and now God

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Speaker 4: rest is soul Jason Ryan's we were a hot mess

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Speaker 4: and it's all in the book.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's a hot mess.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I feel like when, especially for women

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Speaker 4: in general, when we have babies, after you've carried a

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Speaker 4: baby and then you birth the baby, you automatically have

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Speaker 4: a little bit of a shift. And I think for us,

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Speaker 4: he was kind of like, what do you mean We're

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Speaker 4: not going to still.

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Speaker 1: Be a mess?

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Speaker 4: You know, we were having to get there, you know,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, nah, I got it. I have

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Speaker 4: to do better for my son. From the moment I

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Speaker 4: looked at my son, I was like, oh, this is

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Speaker 4: like real, Like he cried, you go like his mouth.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, he's hungry already. Oh you know it.

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Speaker 4: And so I matured from that moment, and you know,

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Speaker 4: my son he First of all, I feel like he

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Speaker 4: and I grew up together because I was so young.

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Speaker 4: I'm eighteen years old with this baby, and so now

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Speaker 4: he is twenty six. Twenty six is crazy and I

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Speaker 4: can't believe it.

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Speaker 1: Crazy.

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Speaker 4: His father passed away when Tarik was two, So for

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Speaker 4: twenty four years it's just been he and I just

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Speaker 4: figuring it out and who ever came into our lives.

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Speaker 4: It's just, you know, thank God, because he's had some

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Speaker 4: great examples of manhood and friends, people who he still

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Speaker 4: talks to that have come, you know, in and out

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Speaker 4: and been a friend to me or someone I dated.

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Speaker 4: So thank God. Throughout the journey, you know, God has

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Speaker 4: placed the right people around. But nonetheless is his mother

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Speaker 4: and and him like together on this journey. And now

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Speaker 4: he's a two year old and she's my best see,

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Speaker 4: I love you, she copy but she's not even just me.

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Speaker 4: She looks like her other side of a family too,

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Speaker 4: And now all of us are starting to look alike.

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Speaker 1: We love you, we love you, and.

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Speaker 4: That's a that is another dope thing about like being mature,

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Speaker 4: and everybody is together as a big family.

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Speaker 1: It's just beautiful.

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Speaker 4: So I gotta go, just you gotta go okay, well,

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Speaker 4: thank you all right, thank you very much.

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Speaker 5: Got that you are the best looking grandma all of us.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's so interesting just even thinking of a

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Speaker 3: young Tamika and things that you went through. And I

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Speaker 3: know for some parents reading the book that have teenage daughters,

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Speaker 3: it made me reflect on how I was to as

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Speaker 3: a kid because I was a mess, and the friends

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Speaker 3: that you think of your friends at the time, and

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Speaker 3: the boys that you think care about you, and the

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Speaker 3: situation you go through rebelling against your parents who at

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Speaker 3: the time they're trying to do the best that they

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Speaker 3: can for the best they can as far as raising you,

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Speaker 3: trying to protect you from the outside world. But sometimes

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Speaker 3: there is nothing a parent can do when you're determined

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Speaker 3: to be outside.

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, and you know my parents experience that. At my

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Speaker 4: birthday party, I said to them publicly, thank you for

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Speaker 4: not leaving me, for never leaving me, because they could have.

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Speaker 1: I was ridiculous, like ridiculous.

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Speaker 4: I was a runaway always, you know, dropped out of school,

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Speaker 4: everything you could think of. I was just a mad

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Speaker 4: And in the book you you'll you'll hear or read

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Speaker 4: many moments where I talk about how much my parents

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Speaker 4: try to protect me and all of the wisdom that

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Speaker 4: they were trying to pour into me, and I just

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Speaker 4: rejected it so much. My mom is like a major

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Speaker 4: force in our family and what I learned because all

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Speaker 4: everywhere I go people ask on book tour, they're like,

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Speaker 4: what's the one thing that you would tell your younger

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Speaker 4: self or some young person as you know, relates to

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Speaker 4: the book? And I say, listen to your parents and

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Speaker 4: listen to your mother. Your mother is actually like the

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Speaker 4: navigational tool mechanism.

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Speaker 1: For your life, you know her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's easier said than done.

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Speaker 3: I do want to say, the more sometimes your parents

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Speaker 3: tell you something, the more you go the other way.

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Speaker 4: But I think I think it's important though, for us

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Speaker 4: to normalize saying it, because it's kind of corny, right,

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Speaker 4: like nobody if people don't really say that, like or

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Speaker 4: listen to your parents. But it needs to be underscored

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Speaker 4: every day because my parents, my mother used to say,

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Speaker 4: I don't like that little girl. Don't bring her back

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Speaker 4: in my house or energy. I don't like her, and

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Speaker 4: she has it's my everything that my mother told me.

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Speaker 4: Everything came to pass in one way or the other.

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Speaker 4: Everything I'm not saying she knew exactly at that moment,

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Speaker 4: but the wisdom that she had like her intuition, Because

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Speaker 4: I always tell people your parents don't like we always

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Speaker 4: say God or your child is not born with written instructions,

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Speaker 4: and they are not. But what they are born with

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Speaker 4: is a parent's intuition. Like that's where the instruction comes from,

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Speaker 4: the gut instinct.

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Speaker 1: And you know, if I listened to my mom and

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Speaker 1: dad on a lot.

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Speaker 4: Of things, a lot of this stuff would not have happened.

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Speaker 7: So as a I'm a mother of a teen, she's thirteen,

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Speaker 7: I can't believe she's so cannot she's lot and she lives,

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Speaker 7: thinking she lives. Now you know, I'm I'm a studying mother.

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Speaker 7: I'm reading a book right now called Boundaries with Teens

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Speaker 7: because I'm trying to up my game as a mother,

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Speaker 7: right And one of the things it talks about is,

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Speaker 7: you know how their number one need is to be understood. Right,

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Speaker 7: So I think about what you shared, how you're saying

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Speaker 7: you wish now what you want to impart to the

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Speaker 7: younger generation is listen to your parents. Here, you were

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Speaker 7: in a situation where you had boys who you trusted,

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Speaker 7: nearly gang rape, them, right, you talk about it in

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Speaker 7: the book, and that kind of betrayal, not boys who

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Speaker 7: were antagonistic, but your friends.

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Speaker 8: Like did your.

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Speaker 7: Parents ever know? Like how did how did that betrayal

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Speaker 7: affect you? And now how you fight for young girls?

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Speaker 7: And so my parents did not know that. My parents

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Speaker 7: did not know that that particular incident occurred. And my dad,

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Speaker 7: I knew he was going to to feel some kind

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Speaker 7: of way and reading my book, right, they knew it, yes,

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Speaker 7: they but they knew. I called them two weeks before

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Speaker 7: the book came out and I said, I just want

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Speaker 7: you all to know this is gonna be hard, and

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Speaker 7: I'm gonna bring a copy over, which I did. I

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Speaker 7: gave a copy to my sister and you know, my parents,

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Speaker 7: and I let them read it. And my sister was like,

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Speaker 7: I just can't believe you're telling all of this, like

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Speaker 7: this is tough, and they were like, this book is

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Speaker 7: hard to read. My dad did not say anything to

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Speaker 7: me for at least three weeks, and then finally one

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Speaker 7: day he's like.

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Speaker 4: You by yourself, Yeah, I knew what you knew it was.

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Speaker 4: This book was really hard for me. He said, it's

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Speaker 4: a lot a lot of things that he had hurt.

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Speaker 4: But it's funny because again, listening to your parents, my

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Speaker 4: dad would say all the time, do not go to

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Speaker 4: any boy's house, period, period. Just don't go because you

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Speaker 4: don't know what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, that's not cool. Like I'm like, that's

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Speaker 1: not cool.

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Speaker 4: That's not fair, you know what I mean, because like

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Speaker 4: all the everybody else is going to the boy's house,

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Speaker 4: So when everybody else goes to the cool kid's house,

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Speaker 4: I'm the one who has to be like, see you later,

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Speaker 4: you know. In my mind, it made me feel like

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Speaker 4: I'm corny. I want to show people I can hang.

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Speaker 4: And then I went to this boy's house and he

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Speaker 4: had three other boys there, and they attempted to, uh,

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Speaker 4: what is it, How are you.

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Speaker 1: Supposed to stay on the radio? Well, are you supposed

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Speaker 1: to say rape?

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Speaker 4: I don't know, but that's what's going to happen. And

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Speaker 4: they went all of them had different conversations with me,

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Speaker 4: and they tried their best and tried their best to

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Speaker 4: talk me into it. Big old dog in the house.

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Speaker 4: I'm scared to death. My friends crying close, disheveled, and

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Speaker 4: the boy's mother came in the house and looked at

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Speaker 4: me and said, what is this little girl doing in

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Speaker 4: my house?

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Speaker 1: And she was like, get yourself together and get out.

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Speaker 1: She never took her eyes out of my eyes.

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Speaker 4: And as I think back over it, God only knows

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Speaker 4: what her experience was in life that had her like, Damn,

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Speaker 4: this girl is about to experience something. I'm here to

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Speaker 4: catch it as a mother of the boy who is

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Speaker 4: orchestrating it.

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Speaker 2: And I wonder if she, I also was thinking has

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Speaker 2: her son done things?

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Speaker 1: God only knows she was.

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Speaker 4: We're right, probably that is horrific if that is your child.

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Speaker 3: And you know what to add on to that, to

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Speaker 3: add more trauma onto that. Your best friend, who you

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Speaker 3: thought was your best friend at the time, then spreads

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Speaker 3: a rumor about you.

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Speaker 1: Guys, So then she goes out and spreads that.

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Speaker 4: You know, I'm basically out here letting people run a

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Speaker 4: train on me, you know, I mean.

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Speaker 3: And it's why I think about this. I always think

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Speaker 3: about this summit that we did talking to young girls,

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Speaker 3: high school girls about the Me Too movement, and it

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Speaker 3: was in a safe space.

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Speaker 2: It was all young girls.

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Speaker 3: We were in Long Island, and the stories that they

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Speaker 3: have to tell, I mean, it was like everybody in

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Speaker 3: the room was crying. These young girls just talking about

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Speaker 3: what they go through other women, other girls, like you know,

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Speaker 3: spreading rumors, mocking them for things that have happened to them.

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Speaker 3: One girl was like, I get off the bus every

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Speaker 3: day and my neighbors a group of boys come and

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Speaker 3: they like grope me, and the girls all call me

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Speaker 3: a hoe when they see me, and it's like you're

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Speaker 3: literally being assaulted.

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Speaker 2: And then on top of that.

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Speaker 3: You have other young girls who are making it seem

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Speaker 3: like you are a problem a.

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Speaker 4: Little fast as yeah, and then it's like who do

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Speaker 4: you tell? Because then if you tell people, you're really

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Speaker 4: not in the cool category. So you know, a lot

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Speaker 4: of what we do as young women is just trying

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Speaker 4: to be cool, like we just want.

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Speaker 8: To that's so important. That is literally the cool piece.

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Speaker 7: So looking back, I think about the trauma you've been

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Speaker 7: through and how did you navigate it in a point

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Speaker 7: where because who.

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Speaker 1: Did you talk to?

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Speaker 8: How did you navigate that?

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Speaker 7: Well?

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Speaker 4: You know what, God has blessed me with a lot

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Speaker 4: of good people. As I said about my son, he's

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Speaker 4: been blessed with a lot of good people, so have I.

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Speaker 4: My parents have always introduced me to environments where folks

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Speaker 4: could help me grow. And then I also, I don't know,

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Speaker 4: I have a thing about elders. I'm just one of

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Speaker 4: those people that I love elderly people.

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Speaker 2: I know I do.

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Speaker 4: But you know, God bless my my godmother, Hazel Dukes,

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Speaker 4: who passed away recently. She was ninety two years old

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Speaker 4: when she died. And I can I can just think

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Speaker 4: about all the conversations I could talk to her about anything,

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Speaker 4: not just call up and say, oh, you know, because

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Speaker 4: she was in the movement, a leader in the NAACP

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Speaker 4: and in the Harlem community, and you know, of course

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Speaker 4: work stuff. I call and we get into back and

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Speaker 4: forth on who I should support or what I should

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Speaker 4: do or how to move. But I can also say,

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Speaker 4: and you know what I have. You know, I don't

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Speaker 4: know a female problem going on? What do I do

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Speaker 4: about that?

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Speaker 1: She like, let me give you a number, lady, because

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Speaker 1: when I deal with that, you know.

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Speaker 8: So that's so the intergeneration always.

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Speaker 4: That's really big for me is that I have always

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Speaker 4: had an older person that I can talk to, whether

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Speaker 4: it's a cousin or a friend. And now my one

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Speaker 4: of my mentors is Coral masters Berry, who is the

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Speaker 4: widow of the Honorable Mayor Marion Berry.

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Speaker 1: She lives in Washington, d C.

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Speaker 4: Seven am in the morning, she calls me, custom me

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Speaker 4: out and hang up on me.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what did I do?

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Speaker 4: She's like, you know you need to go out there

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Speaker 4: and act like who you are today. You know you

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Speaker 4: need to be strong on this issue. Make sure you

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Speaker 4: tell them this or you know you're you're important. Like

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Speaker 4: stop stop downplaying your eyes. I heard you on an

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Speaker 4: interview say you know whatever, and she's like, that's not

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Speaker 4: how you should speak about yourself.

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Speaker 2: Damn it.

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Speaker 1: You know that's every every day somebody calls you up

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Speaker 1: at seven o'clock in the morning.

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Speaker 4: But I need it because some days I don't be

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Speaker 4: knowing what to do. Like I'm like, why do I

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Speaker 4: have to be the one that knows the thing that

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Speaker 4: sees the problem that you know, that feels for community.

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Speaker 1: Or pera point?

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Speaker 6: What a lot of black women feel like that about

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Speaker 6: this moment in general, and with your life and understanding

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Speaker 6: your story and how much your parents inspired even the

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Speaker 6: work that you do now, some black women just want

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Speaker 6: to tap out. So what do you tell people that

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Speaker 6: are still chasing some rest also knowing that you're on

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Speaker 6: the forefront a lot of this stuff, but probably chasing

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Speaker 6: rest yourself. Well yeah, well, you know, Joyane Reid said

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Speaker 6: something to me recently that it shook me, and I

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Speaker 6: was like, yeah, that's it. She said, you know that

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Speaker 6: picture where the women are sitting on top of the building,

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Speaker 6: the black women, and then everything is on fire, and

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Speaker 6: it was like a meme that came out after the election,

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Speaker 6: this current presidential election, and the women are up there

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Speaker 6: kind of like, y'all can burn the damn thing down.

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Speaker 6: They drinking their wine, they looking good on top of

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Speaker 6: the building. And she said, but you know the problem

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Speaker 6: with that, the building under them is on fire too,

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Speaker 6: so you really.

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Speaker 1: Kind of can't chill like you're just saying.

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Speaker 4: We actually do not have the luxury of saying that

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Speaker 4: we just gonna take a break, because meanwhile, they are

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Speaker 4: in the process of cutting Medicaid, cutting very serious benefits

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Speaker 4: that we need. And by the way, I know people

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Speaker 4: want to not care about this Social.

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Speaker 1: Security another thing.

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Speaker 4: I mean, trying to cut the Department of Education. Do

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Speaker 4: they need some reforms and changes, certainly, but to get

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Speaker 4: rid of it completely, getting rid of FEMA, like this

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Speaker 4: stuff is serious. It's not gonna just impact other people

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Speaker 4: like you, as a black person, will also experience the

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Speaker 4: hell that comes from what these folks are trying to do.

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Speaker 4: And I know people walking around like, oh, we don't

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Speaker 4: care about you know, we can't get ourselves involved.

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Speaker 1: Let me not say we don't care. We can't get.

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Speaker 4: Ourselves and what's happening with the immigrant population. That's not

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Speaker 4: our that's not our fight. We gotta worry about us, sweetheart.

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Speaker 4: Any time that people can show up without a warrant,

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Speaker 4: with their faces covered with masks and just rip people

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Speaker 4: away from school work, off the street.

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Speaker 1: I just watched the video where a woman was in

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Speaker 1: her car.

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Speaker 4: They bust the car window open, went into the car,

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Speaker 4: took the lady out, ripping children from the arms of.

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Speaker 1: Their mother or father or whoever.

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Speaker 7: Without due process, Without due.

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Speaker 4: Process going they're actually showing up at the immigration offices

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Speaker 4: and arresting people who are in the process of trying

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Speaker 4: to get their paperwork right. If you think that that's

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Speaker 4: okay and that it will stay contained to only one

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Speaker 4: group of people, you are sadly mistaken. What they are

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Speaker 4: doing is testing to see how far they can go.

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Speaker 4: When you have a president who is now using terms

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Speaker 4: like homegrown terrorists. He said, now we're going to start

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Speaker 4: working on homegrown terrorists. And then they just had a

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Speaker 4: vote the other day to say that he can deport

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Speaker 4: American citizens.

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Speaker 2: Which is wild. And people are telling you and some things.

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Speaker 3: We don't know what's true and what's not, but they're

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Speaker 3: even saying when you're traveling with your idea, they're like

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Speaker 3: checking people.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, people are experiencing a little more search and

400
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Speaker 4: holding them for a longer time.

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Speaker 1: That's actually happening.

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Speaker 8: Right now, that's actually happening.

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Speaker 7: Like I have my sister's colleague had a banana in

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Speaker 7: his bag. They detained them for two hours. Yeah, for

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Speaker 7: a banana.

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Speaker 6: And that's why the conversation about Abrego Garcia is so

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Speaker 6: important because even though he's from El Salvador and got

408
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Speaker 6: sent to El Salvador, it just tays the tone that

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Speaker 6: if we don't follow any due process, then that means

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Speaker 6: that we don't have to follow due process.

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Speaker 5: That's just the law now.

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Speaker 4: Right, And when do we start acting like l Salvador's

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Speaker 4: government is like an honorable government, Like what are we

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Speaker 4: doing here?

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Speaker 1: Like I'm just saying people, you know, now the president is.

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Speaker 4: Sitting in the oval office with the president of another

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Speaker 4: nation that has severe problems. The reason why people are

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Speaker 4: running fleeing El Salvador is because of the crises that

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Speaker 4: are happening there.

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Speaker 1: And now our.

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Speaker 4: President is in the oval office with him talking about

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Speaker 4: some type.

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Speaker 1: Of trade deal with people who are not even from there.

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Speaker 2: They can send them there.

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Speaker 3: And the other thing to note about that is when

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Speaker 3: people are fleeing from danger and harm and they are

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Speaker 3: allowed to come and seek asylum.

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Speaker 2: So that's not illegal.

429
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Speaker 3: Because I think there's this less of color committee, Right,

430
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Speaker 3: if you're a white.

431
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Speaker 4: White Africa, it's a part of what right, Yeah, South Africa.

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Speaker 7: Right. What I'd like to think about or to talk about,

433
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Speaker 7: is how you went through all this Trump and yet

434
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Speaker 7: you transitioned at the same time you're on the front

435
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Speaker 7: lines with your parents. You're you were literally rooted in

436
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 7: activate activism growing up, right, What was the switch?

437
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Speaker 1: I wanted to be cool? I told you, I'm serious,

438
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Speaker 1: Like my parents were trying to do all the right things.

439
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Speaker 1: They took me to the right places.

440
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Speaker 4: I would say that one of the things that I

441
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Speaker 4: do recognize about my parents is that they were over protective.

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Speaker 1: Have to be really.

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Speaker 4: Yes you, yeah, you gotta have a balance, like the

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Speaker 4: things that my friends could do just going to you know,

445
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:26,880
Speaker 4: volleyball or I don't know wherever, bowling pool or skate key.

446
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:32,199
Speaker 8: I could never go.

447
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 4: Skate I couldn't even go to the store.

448
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,240
Speaker 1: Skate key was out.

449
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,399
Speaker 4: Now that's a problem for a young person growing up

450
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,959
Speaker 4: in New York during ska key days because to go

451
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 4: you're gonna sneak out.

452
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 1: You're gonna sneak out. You have to go. Skate is

453
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 1: a skating rink that is near Yankee State.

454
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,040
Speaker 4: Oh the place, and yeah, and it was the thing

455
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,200
Speaker 4: right on the Friday Saturday.

456
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,919
Speaker 7: Night provoked your children to rest That's exactly what they

457
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 7: were doing. They took so much restriction that it caused

458
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:02,360
Speaker 7: like you know what.

459
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 1: They were trying to protect.

460
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 4: You. Gotta have a little bit of balance with that.

461
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,120
Speaker 4: So that would be the one thing that I would say.

462
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 4: But overall, I get it because a lot of things

463
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 4: was going on and staky people got killed, you know,

464
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 4: incidents took place, people you got drugged.

465
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: You know, we know about the story. But you just

466
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,320
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't have been the one to get killed.

467
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,879
Speaker 6: Going to be in New York is not like an

468
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,199
Speaker 6: easy place for a kid, you know, it's not the easiest,

469
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 6: not like the suburbs that have nothing around.

470
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 4: Suburban kids getting types of trouble different, it's different.

471
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:35,680
Speaker 1: They house.

472
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:37,879
Speaker 5: There's definitely a lot going on.

473
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 6: But I mean, as far as you got in the suburbs,

474
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 6: you know who's going to be outside.

475
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 8: But it's happening in the house though. That's what she's sorry.

476
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 1: About, right everything out.

477
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 3: So and I do feel like when I came, I

478
00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 3: moved from Brooklyn to New Jersey, I also feel like,

479
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,960
Speaker 3: you know, kids have a lot more like house freedom

480
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: things like that. Like when I was in New York,

481
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 3: it was you know, you can't do nothing without the

482
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 3: neighbors seeing everything you got going on, Like this village,

483
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 3: it's right there, so every move you make. I learned

484
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:11,879
Speaker 3: a lot moving to the suburbs.

485
00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 8: I've got a lot more isolation.

486
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

487
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

488
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 4: I used to talk through the wall to my neighbors,

489
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 4: like in the projects where I grew up, and we

490
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 4: could talk back and forth, like if you could hear

491
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,359
Speaker 4: when someone was in the kitchen, because you would hear

492
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 4: like plates and stuff.

493
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: And I'm like, hey, so on and so on. Hey,

494
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,159
Speaker 1: we have a whole conversation through the wall, all the

495
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: music saying too loud. You'd be like, come on, that's it,

496
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 1: turned it down.

497
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 7: So what transitioned you into actually doing the work of ACTIVISMY.

498
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 4: Well, I was always in it, So I think I

499
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 4: remember being at a rally at like four years old, right,

500
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 4: That's where I met Reverend Sharp and my parents took

501
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 4: me up to him, and he was this big man.

502
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 4: I remember vividly how I thought to myself, Wow, like

503
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 4: this guy's mouth.

504
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: Is wall man.

505
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 5: You know.

506
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 4: I was mesmerized by the power, you know. And so

507
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 4: that was set four. We went to a rally every Saturday,

508
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 4: the way that you know, folks have to go to

509
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 4: church on Sundays, which, by the way, we met my

510
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,040
Speaker 4: mom and I went to church too on Sundays, but

511
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 4: it was not the same as a rally on Saturday.

512
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: The way that you know people you know, your grandmother

513
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 4: is like, everybody's going out this house to church on

514
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 4: Sunday morning.

515
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:24,959
Speaker 1: That's it. That's that's how Saturday rallies.

516
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 7: Wow.

517
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 4: And every single thing that we were involved in it

518
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:35,399
Speaker 4: was mandatory as a family, and so you pick up things.

519
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,399
Speaker 4: I tell people all the time, if you go to

520
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:41,119
Speaker 4: church every Sunday, in the beginning, it's your parents, your grandparents,

521
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 4: they're taking you. You're kind of vibing, but you're just there,

522
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 4: rattling with the piece of peppermint.

523
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 1: Paintings or whatever, you know, just being in.

524
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 4: But once that boyfriend breaks your heart or you know,

525
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:54,360
Speaker 4: something bad.

526
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 8: You pray for myself, you being there like.

527
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:03,360
Speaker 4: Jesus, you know, all of a sudden, the songs feel different,

528
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 4: and that's happened. And that's exactly what happened to me

529
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 4: with the movement. I got in as my parents, you know,

530
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,160
Speaker 4: forcing me to be there. But then my son's father

531
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 4: was murdered. And once my son's father was murdered, everything just.

532
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 1: Went click click click click click. I got it.

533
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 4: I understood, because you know, he he had two parents

534
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 4: who are great people. His father is still alive, but

535
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,439
Speaker 4: his mom, she, you know, she passed away in a

536
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 4: you know, a very painful situation. And they both had

537
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 4: issues with the addiction what do you call it, the

538
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,679
Speaker 4: disease of addiction, So they were in and out of prison.

539
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 4: There was no public health crisis determination around drugs at

540
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 4: that time where they could get help for their issues.

541
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: It was sending them back and forth to jail.

542
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 4: So while he grew up in a wonderful home with

543
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 4: his grandparents and his uncles and you know, a beautiful

544
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 4: and environment in the same building where my parents lived.

545
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 4: They are great people, It's still not the same as

546
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 4: having your parents, your mother and father, especially when they're

547
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 4: crisscrossing in and out of your life, going in and

548
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 4: out of prison, going in and out of treatment, you know,

549
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 4: different issues. So when he was killed, I was just

550
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 4: kind of sitting with what the hell happened here? And

551
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 4: his life zoom passed me and it came to me

552
00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,840
Speaker 4: there was a problem that he needed solved, but there

553
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,919
Speaker 4: was nobody there he had. I'm sure he had mental

554
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 4: health issues, what they weren't addressed, I'm sure. You know,

555
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 4: he was just dealing with a lot, and he never

556
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 4: got the support that he needed. He never went to therapy.

557
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 4: You know, nobody back in that time. It's twenty something

558
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 4: years ago.

559
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 8: Mindset, you're not even thinking about mental health.

560
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 4: You were not even thinking about that twenty years ago.

561
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 4: We just started talking about mental health, like last week,

562
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,360
Speaker 4: He's going through all these things. And then the work

563
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 4: became so real to me because I'm like, oh, oh,

564
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 4: nobody even cares that a black man was killed. Yeah,

565
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 4: nobody even cares, like where is the newspaper? And I

566
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 4: will I vividly remember picking up a daily newspaper because

567
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 4: so many people were calling me like, oh, you know,

568
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 4: this one got shot, and that happened and this, and

569
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 4: during this time period, like everybody's trying to make you

570
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 4: feel like you're a part of a family in a

571
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,080
Speaker 4: community because there's so many other people that's happened to.

572
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 4: So I got a newspaper one day and I was

573
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 4: just sitting there, like, let me see if all these things,

574
00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:40,119
Speaker 4: all these killings and stabbings and all this violence, is

575
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,479
Speaker 4: in the newspaper reported I found it in the Daily Blodder.

576
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 4: Now you know, the Daily Bloder Blotterer in New York

577
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 4: is like this column that has incidents. It doesn't say,

578
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 4: you know, Richard was a good young man who just

579
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 4: happened to get into some trouble. It doesn't tell your story.

580
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 4: His parents were working people. It says Richard so and

581
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:09,720
Speaker 4: so seventeen shot on corner of one twenty seventh and eighth.

582
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 1: Next, like that's it.

583
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 4: They don't even have a story to them. And once

584
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:19,119
Speaker 4: I saw that, I knew where my work would be.

585
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 4: And I got with Erika Ford and at Mitchell and

586
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 4: started working with them, and we created what is now

587
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 4: the crisis management system in New York that started out

588
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 4: with zero dollars, and because of our work together, we

589
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 4: got the first five million dollars to invest in grassroots

590
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:44,040
Speaker 4: organizations and now it's over one hundred million dollars that

591
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 4: is being poured into groups around the city and violence

592
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 4: is actually down in those places because one thing Mayor

593
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 4: Bloomberg said to me was that I don't see the

594
00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 4: data that proves that your model works. But we still

595
00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 4: forced that five million dollars. And now I always remember,

596
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 4: we need data, and we got the data and got it.

597
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 4: And you know, one thing you always stress is the

598
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 4: importance of financial support when it comes to getting this

599
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 4: work done. And in this book, just even being able

600
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 4: to reach out because you need help was not an

601
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 4: easy thing to do because sometimes people think that as activists,

602
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 4: y'all should be broke.

603
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 2: That's it we're giving her money for.

604
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 3: They also look at somebody like Tamika and see you

605
00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 3: as kind of a celebrity and automatically.

606
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 2: Assume, oh, is she straight? What does she need? She got?

607
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 2: She hanging with this person? She hanging with that person.

608
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 3: But can you talk about you finally saying that you

609
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: needed help.

610
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, So all of it came together, the taking.

611
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,680
Speaker 4: I was taking pills at the same time that you know,

612
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 4: I was depressed the Women's March. There's a lot going

613
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 4: on in my life, and I got addicted to pain pills.

614
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 4: So that was like a dark, dark, dark space in

615
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 4: and of itself. Then I finally went through this process

616
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 4: of like getting myself together, getting back on my feet.

617
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 4: But I had not been working as much, especially because

618
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 4: I had been labeled anti Semitic, which meant that every

619
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,400
Speaker 4: single speaking engagement that I had and people were like

620
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,760
Speaker 4: backing away from me. No one wanted to talk to

621
00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 4: me or touch me. But even some black folks. Thank god,

622
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 4: there were black women who jumped in and held me down.

623
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 4: And not just black women. Because I have to give

624
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 4: Mark morriel and who was the president and CEO of

625
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 4: the National Urban League, also Reverend Mark Thompson and Derek Johnson,

626
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 4: the president of the NAACP. I have to give them

627
00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:42,160
Speaker 4: a lot of credit because they stepped in and used

628
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 4: their the heavy lift of their names to say back

629
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 4: up off of her. But there were a lot of

630
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 4: other women who came together. Not even people that I

631
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 4: had worked with would support me. It was really, really,

632
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 4: really bad. So the pills thing happened. I have no work,

633
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 4: I have no money. I come home from rehab and

634
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 4: now I'm broke and I don't even know like what

635
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,360
Speaker 4: to do, where to turn. And so I reached out

636
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 4: to a group of people. I wrote a text message,

637
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 4: and I reached out to a group of people. One

638
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 4: of them, Kim Blackwell, was the sister that you know,

639
00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 4: I didn't even really know her, but every time I

640
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 4: would see her out in spaces, she would say, please

641
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 4: let me do something for you, like I want to

642
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 4: do something for you, you know, you know, she's amazing, amazing

643
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 4: and I and she kept saying that, and people always

644
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 4: say that but they don't really mean.

645
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 1: It, you know. And so I was like, damn, I'm

646
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: gonna you know, ask I just.

647
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: Had a pinky col giving her her praise too.

648
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: Like oh yeah, pinky too.

649
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:41,920
Speaker 4: So I just sent this text message to folks and

650
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 4: people started texting me back like is this you? Like

651
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 4: one of my friends, Brian Benjamin, who was the Lieutenant

652
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 4: Governor of New York at one point, he called me like, yo,

653
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 4: is this text message from you.

654
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: I need to know because it's no one. It had

655
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 1: never ever ever happened.

656
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 4: I never sent the text message out from my personal

657
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 4: self like that didn't happened. I might send y'all text

658
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 4: message and say can you help it. Well, at that time,

659
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,400
Speaker 4: we didn't have unto freedom but whatever organization or cause.

660
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,080
Speaker 4: And so next thing, you know, being money just money, money.

661
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 4: Money just was come and come and come, and people

662
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:18,960
Speaker 4: just sending it. They were like, listen, let me know

663
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 4: if you need something else. So there's always people even

664
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 4: when you think there's nobody.

665
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 2: But sometimes we don't even like to ask.

666
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 4: I didn't want to ask anybody for money. Hell no,

667
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 4: I didn't want to do that was embarrassing. Again, the

668
00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 4: shame of things that you know ended up in this book.

669
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 4: But I'm grateful. I'm glad that and it helps people

670
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 4: to realize that, oh, we need to make sure she

671
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: has opportunities. And that was like how I started to

672
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,240
Speaker 4: kind of get back into the groove.

673
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 7: And that's that's what I was going to say, is

674
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 7: that you you know, the shame that you felt. Honestly,

675
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,239
Speaker 7: it should never have been shamed because you were in

676
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,640
Speaker 7: that situation, because you were speaking truth, and you were

677
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:02,320
Speaker 7: fighting right of people who were marginalized voices. And even

678
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,160
Speaker 7: if I don't agree with what you're saying, all of

679
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 7: a sudden, it's that cancel culture that puts you in

680
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 7: that position. It was so it never should have been shamed.

681
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's some people that want to see you, Yes, yeah,

682
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 3: I mean fuel that that want to be like, see,

683
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,000
Speaker 3: this is who she is.

684
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: She's this I see like Kelle getting canceled.

685
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 4: And then she's so amazing and brilliant. I reached out

686
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 4: to her to let her know that, like I feel you.

687
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 4: You know, I know what you're going through, because it's

688
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 4: no joke when you get hit with accusations just because

689
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 4: you're choosing to speak truth about an issue. Because and

690
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 4: by the way, I'm at the point now God is good,

691
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 4: Because God is good because what happened was that I

692
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 4: was dependent on something that wasn't real. And break it

693
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 4: down this way. Coming out of the Women's March, white

694
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 4: women were paying me tremendous amounts of money to come

695
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 4: to their homes and salon series to tell them what's

696
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 4: wrong with y'all, Like this is the problem you and

697
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 4: your white tears are very dangerous for us as black

698
00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:16,240
Speaker 4: people and other you know, people of color. And here's

699
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 4: some of the work that you have to do to

700
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 4: make that shift if you because they were they were,

701
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:24,480
Speaker 4: they were like open to it, like you know, Donald

702
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 4: Trump first election, they're like this racism thing, like break

703
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 4: it down, Like how what is my role?

704
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:31,879
Speaker 1: I didn't vote for him, but obviously my.

705
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 4: Mother, my grandmother, my aunts, everybody around me, there's some

706
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,760
Speaker 4: work that needs to be done. So they were paying

707
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,120
Speaker 4: me a tremendous amount of money to speak on those issues.

708
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 4: And I'm flying all around the place and of course

709
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 4: going to colleges and doing all that work. But then

710
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 4: when the anti semitism accusation started, everybody shut me down.

711
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 4: And that's for a pharic because because well it was,

712
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 4: it got it went beyond that. So it started out

713
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 4: as you know how I went to the same Yesday

714
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 4: event and so they said they wanted me to denouncements

715
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 4: of Farakhan, and I said, I don't know. You know,

716
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: I can tell y'all that I don't agree with everything

717
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 4: he said, but I cannot use the word denounce to

718
00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:14,080
Speaker 4: describe any black men.

719
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 3: Because he's done may not agree with everything.

720
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 1: Exactly but I denounce.

721
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 4: You know, that's crazy, and because then people would turn

722
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 4: around and ask me, well, what are you denounced?

723
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 1: Like break it all down.

724
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:30,560
Speaker 4: And when you say you denounce somebody, that's some serious stuff.

725
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:32,080
Speaker 2: And you don't denounce.

726
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: And I don't denounce. I don't denounce back. Man.

727
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 4: I even't even denounced the black men who killed my

728
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 4: son's father, because that's the work that I do. I

729
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:43,280
Speaker 4: actually have to look at their situation also and be like, damn,

730
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 4: y'all were messed up too, you know. I I of

731
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 4: course what they did I don't agree with, and I

732
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 4: feel that they should. There should definitely be accountability and

733
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 4: all that. But I'm not into denouncing black men. That's

734
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 4: not going to happen from me. I can't do that.

735
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 4: I have a black son, so no son. When the

736
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:05,040
Speaker 4: accusations first started, then all of that was shut down.

737
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,279
Speaker 4: And now I have created a situation where it does

738
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 4: not require me to have to fly around in white

739
00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 4: women's homes and make money. But see, God had to

740
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 4: shift that thing because what he wanted me to know

741
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:20,240
Speaker 4: was that this is not sustainable. Because at the point

742
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 4: that these people get upset with you for any whims,

743
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 4: then here we.

744
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:24,319
Speaker 1: Go, you know.

745
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 4: And so yeah, it did start with the pharakhon peace.

746
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,280
Speaker 4: But when it got serious, serious, serious, it was serious,

747
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 4: but serious serious was when I went to Palestine and

748
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 4: came back and said, oh, this is a humanitarian crisis.

749
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 4: There is an occupation and there are a group of

750
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: people who are basically being wiped off the damn planet.

751
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,879
Speaker 1: And Israel's responsible for it and that's it.

752
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 4: And when I came back with that, they said, oh,

753
00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 4: hell no, we have to shut her down now. They used,

754
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 4: they weaponized whatever they could because the ultimate goal was

755
00:36:57,440 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 4: to stop the Women's March from growing and remaining a

756
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 4: powerful force right Trump and of course against Trump and

757
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 4: against fascism and sexism and racism and all the things.

758
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 4: We were building something diverse, We were changing hearts and minds.

759
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 4: So the way in which the Women's March was out there,

760
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,720
Speaker 4: and like we would have women, hundreds of women going

761
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 4: down to the border and being arrested in protests. They

762
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 4: had never been arrested anywhere for anything in their lives.

763
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 4: White women like, oh my god, we're gonna get arrested,

764
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,520
Speaker 4: you know, Like what the how? But they were like,

765
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 4: if that's what it takes. Because I don't like seeing

766
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:38,839
Speaker 4: children separated from their parents, and so we were organizing

767
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 4: that type of stuff. We were doing things around gun violence.

768
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 4: They're like, oh, hell no, so now we got the

769
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 4: phara Khon thing, We'll use that. But it's kind of

770
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 4: hard because people are like, okay, but that's pharakhons, So

771
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,360
Speaker 4: why is you know, like, why are you trying to

772
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 4: make his words her words? So that kind of didn't

773
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 4: They couldn't keep that going in fizzle, good word it

774
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:03,959
Speaker 4: fizzle baby Gaza Palestine.

775
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 1: Oh no, that didn't fizzle. And they still tried that

776
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 1: with me.

777
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 4: But at this point we were ahead of our time

778
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 4: because now everywhere you go, everybody is saying.

779
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,520
Speaker 1: This ain't right. Yeah, and they always go too far.

780
00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:21,160
Speaker 4: My mentor Cora Berry all Cora masters Berry always says

781
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 4: that they always go too far. So at this point,

782
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 4: now you're killing all these babies and people are seeing it.

783
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 4: So even folks who don't want to be in it,

784
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,399
Speaker 4: they don't want the labels of anti Semitism, they don't

785
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,479
Speaker 4: want to lose their funding, their sponsors, that this and that, they.

786
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 1: Don't want to go through all of that, but they

787
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 1: can't be quiet. They just can't. You know what I'm saying.

788
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,279
Speaker 4: You just you're forcing people to say, nah, I got

789
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 4: to speak up on this.

790
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, humanitarian issues.

791
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 3: This is not anti this is a humanitarian thing.

792
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: Like exactly, it's not.

793
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 3: There's no way I could watch the news and watch

794
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 3: certain things that are happening and not feel empathy and

795
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 3: compassion and feel like this is wrong.

796
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 4: And you know how it's happening, like they want you

797
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 4: to act. Like the word that they'll say is people die.

798
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:06,840
Speaker 1: No, people were being.

799
00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 4: Murdered and somebody and if a person is murdered, then

800
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:15,880
Speaker 4: there's a murderer and exactly, and that's the issue. So

801
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,360
Speaker 4: it's a hard conversation for a lot of people. And

802
00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 4: like you said, but folks see what's going on, and

803
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 4: it is definitely mislabeling to call people anti Semitic just

804
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 4: because they're speaking out against the states people down.

805
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,920
Speaker 1: What's the cost of courage for you?

806
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 6: Because and then also what would you tell people that

807
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 6: you know, everybody's not an activist. Some people don't even

808
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 6: know how to jump in some of these conversations or fights.

809
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 6: You know, we all know kind of what we would do,

810
00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:45,360
Speaker 6: but there's some young people that don't know how to

811
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 6: get in this conversation without risking losing jobs and like,

812
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,759
Speaker 6: so what what's your yeah?

813
00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 5: Right, you know what I mean.

814
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,760
Speaker 1: It's funny because I tell people all the time.

815
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:55,440
Speaker 4: They think that I'm going to say, like, you know,

816
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 4: shut it down everywhere you go, God, stand up sick.

817
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:01,560
Speaker 1: I'd be like, don't you lose that job now?

818
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 4: And they're trying to argue with some folks every day,

819
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:06,959
Speaker 4: and you better go to work and do your job

820
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,799
Speaker 4: and work towards being an entrepreneur, or work towards getting

821
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 4: in a place where you can be yourself.

822
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,800
Speaker 1: You can speak up and you know, and be protected.

823
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 4: But so long as you down at that corporate job

824
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:21,400
Speaker 4: where you that you need, your children can go to college,

825
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 4: and you can have a house and all of that,

826
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,800
Speaker 4: be an activist outside on the weekend.

827
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 8: Let your money, let your money fun support.

828
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,280
Speaker 4: Help us out with what we may need. Sometimes you gotta,

829
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 4: you know, be able to be like, okay, you know what,

830
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:35,160
Speaker 4: I know.

831
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: I could push this.

832
00:40:35,960 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 4: We sell toilet paper every month. The activist is gonna

833
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 4: get free toilet paper, and that's what we're gonna do.

834
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 4: But I ain't going in here every day becoming that voice,

835
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 4: right because some people can't afford that.

836
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:49,320
Speaker 1: And when you ask, what's the price.

837
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:53,479
Speaker 4: So for me, if I had it my way, because

838
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 4: dealing with black folks and fighting with and for black folks.

839
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 4: When I say with, I mean alongside, it's hard. It's

840
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 4: hard because we know how to judge our own people

841
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 4: worse than.

842
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: Anybody else in the work. His social media is shamble.

843
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: I don't even go over there.

844
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 2: He's a devil tap everybody.

845
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 4: You know, some what he needs well and they and they,

846
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 4: And now he's into it because what I said to

847
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 4: him one day, I'm like, you know what, I realized,

848
00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 4: You're a really powerful, important individual. And the reason why

849
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:42,040
Speaker 4: I know that it is because I can tell that

850
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,879
Speaker 4: it's a farm that's after him. It's not like it's

851
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 4: not like two people. He can post hey, good morning,

852
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 4: and all people start going crazy in his face. That

853
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 4: tells me that they have they have, they have. They

854
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 4: have singled you out as one who has the ability

855
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 4: to move the hearts and minds of the masses, and

856
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 4: they are trying to shut it down and change the

857
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 4: narrative through the comments. So just remember that, not that

858
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 4: you know it means that you do anything different, but

859
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 4: just keeping all the time that that's what's happening, and

860
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: so he's into it. So now he's like, oh, let

861
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 4: me go drop this. He's like, I ain't afraid, you know,

862
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 4: of the of it, but it's it's a lot, I

863
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:28,479
Speaker 4: mean anyway, So.

864
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,880
Speaker 8: It's also part of protecting your mental health, saying you

865
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,120
Speaker 8: know what, I'm just.

866
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 6: I don't know.

867
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,000
Speaker 1: I don't I can't go over there. I don't go there,

868
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: and I don't allow That's what he does. He loves

869
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: the debate. I can't go over there.

870
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 4: But but I'm talking about the cost, you know, so

871
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 4: so getting aggravated, frustrated and everything else. Sometimes I'm just like,

872
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 4: you know what, my skills are transferable, Like I am

873
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 4: an organizer. If you attended any of my birthday celebration

874
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 4: in first of all, every year, my sister and I

875
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 4: Lushawan Thompson who turned fifty five and I'm forty five,

876
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 4: we've been for like the last five years doing our

877
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 4: birthdays together and we have all these activities and coordinate

878
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 4: all of this stuff just to give our friends a

879
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 4: good experience.

880
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: Most of the time people are like, I don't do.

881
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:19,319
Speaker 4: Half the year and birthdays, but if you attend our

882
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 4: birthday events, you will see grand coordination.

883
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:26,360
Speaker 1: Right, like every detail.

884
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 4: I had this big latessiak and lace party on Saturday

885
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:33,480
Speaker 4: night and it was like it was all read. The

886
00:43:33,520 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 4: work that went into it was a lot. I had

887
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 4: to bring furniture in and work with designers.

888
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: That's what I do.

889
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 4: I am an organizer, but that doesn't mean I can

890
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 4: only organize a protest. I'm telling you that to say

891
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 4: I can organize anything.

892
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 1: But guess what, because of.

893
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:57,720
Speaker 4: Me being so outspoken and now being labeled as controversial

894
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 4: and all the things, I can't take the skills to

895
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 4: go work for ex company because they're not going to

896
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,959
Speaker 4: hire me. As soon as they google me, they're gonna

897
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 4: be like, you can't come in here.

898
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:07,920
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?

899
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 8: Overqualified.

900
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:15,600
Speaker 4: I tried to wrap presents three years ago at Sachs

901
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 4: and like Bloomingdale's, I applied for the position because I'm

902
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 4: really good at wrapping prices brouh sometimes not that type

903
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 4: of but money, you know, you get a little extra

904
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:34,399
Speaker 4: holiday money. I'm like, Okay, this is a good time

905
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,960
Speaker 4: for me. I'm not doing and I love it. I'm

906
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 4: good at it, and it would just give me something

907
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 4: else to do. Right, So I had all these things

908
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 4: in my mind. One of those stores, the person who

909
00:44:45,840 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 4: got the application contacted me to be like, this is

910
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:52,400
Speaker 4: not gonna happen, not gonna like what are you talking about?

911
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: Why are you over?

912
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 4: Are you crying for this position, Miss Mallory? And the

913
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 4: answer is just so.

914
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: Even though that might.

915
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 4: Be funny because it was funny, my friends was like, girl, please,

916
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,000
Speaker 4: why did you even apply to that? But it's not

917
00:45:08,200 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 4: funny if I was seriously in need of the job, right,

918
00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 4: it's not funny because if I really really really needed it,

919
00:45:15,800 --> 00:45:18,440
Speaker 4: then what do I do? Where do I go that

920
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 4: I can get gainful employment where my uh you know,

921
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 4: my my political views does not overshadow the fact that

922
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 4: I can actually wrap gifts really well. I would have

923
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 4: been really good at it, you know, and I might

924
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:33,440
Speaker 4: want some more people to the store because you know,

925
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 4: I put it on.

926
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:39,879
Speaker 7: If you would have did it for a charity, then

927
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 7: they might have been like instead of no, but I

928
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:42,320
Speaker 7: need the money.

929
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 2: I want the.

930
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:48,760
Speaker 4: Money my charity, my every day I'm charity.

931
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 2: I'm actually really good at rapping gifts too.

932
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:55,560
Speaker 3: Maybe we need a random answers because you know, I

933
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,120
Speaker 3: got like nineteen cousins and so I'm always there like

934
00:45:58,160 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 3: one wrapping the presents and I enjoy it.

935
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 1: Yo, he might be a holiday.

936
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 2: I always paper.

937
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 4: I don't play around with wasting paper. I know how

938
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:12,959
Speaker 4: to fold everything. And I'm like, cut straight, you're not good.

939
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,720
Speaker 1: I'm okay.

940
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 8: I am very detailed oriented when it comes to that.

941
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:19,640
Speaker 2: I could see that.

942
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 1: Now.

943
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 3: I do want to ask you about something else in

944
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 3: the book that you mentioned, right, And this was an

945
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:29,320
Speaker 3: instance fourteen years old where you were raped by somebody

946
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 3: that you knew, but still have to see that person

947
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 3: at times and kept it cordial even though it wasn't.

948
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 3: And you said, you can understand people who don't because

949
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 3: you went through this, you didn't speak up about it,

950
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,319
Speaker 3: and then even still continue to at times run into

951
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 3: this person.

952
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 4: And he was going to be a basketball star in

953
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 4: my mind because he went to Rice High School and

954
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,680
Speaker 4: you know at the time, back in the days, Rice

955
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,960
Speaker 4: was like that's where all the shooters came from, you know,

956
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:59,880
Speaker 4: and he was he was adored the community. You know,

957
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,439
Speaker 4: he was playing at all the tournaments and in what's

958
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:06,319
Speaker 4: that thing that you know all the tournaments in New York.

959
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,879
Speaker 4: I forget the name of that, but it was it's

960
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,839
Speaker 4: a particular thing that he was a part of, and

961
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 4: you know, and and so I'm thinking to myself, damn,

962
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 4: if I tell this story, this might ruin his career,

963
00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 4: you know, like I actually.

964
00:47:21,040 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 1: Took that into account. I'm like, he could get, you know,

965
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 1: in a lot of trouble.

966
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,239
Speaker 4: Then I started being like my parents told me, don't

967
00:47:27,239 --> 00:47:29,480
Speaker 4: be going to no boy in the boy's house. And

968
00:47:29,560 --> 00:47:31,320
Speaker 4: so now it's kind of my fault because I shouldn't

969
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 4: have been here and they don't even know where I

970
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 4: was that nights. And now in order for me to

971
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 4: say that I got raped by this young man, I

972
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:43,080
Speaker 4: got to tell them that I went downtown to Harlem

973
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 4: where I should not have been, like it was your

974
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 4: own fault, like it's my own fault.

975
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: So it's all these things.

976
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 4: And then it's like, damn that I don't want to

977
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 4: be labeled, and you know whatever, the next boyfriend is

978
00:47:52,880 --> 00:47:55,200
Speaker 4: not gonna like me because now I'm told on this guy.

979
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 1: So all of that stuff played in my mind.

980
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 4: I was at an event, one of a book event

981
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 4: in Westchester.

982
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,759
Speaker 1: A group of women came with a.

983
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 4: Little girl who was about she might have been nine,

984
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 4: and so as soon as they gave her the book,

985
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,040
Speaker 4: which was at the beginning of the event. I guess,

986
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:16,720
Speaker 4: you know, she just started reading. So she's just sitting

987
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 4: in the pews of a church just reading the book.

988
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 4: And so at the end she stood up and I

989
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 4: had to run to another event, and so I was

990
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 4: like getting ready to go, and she stood up and

991
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 4: said she wanted to ask a question. And they were like,

992
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 4: I mean when I say I had to go, I

993
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:33,960
Speaker 4: really had to go. The time for the next event

994
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 4: was I was already late. So they were like, no,

995
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 4: you know, we're not going to take any more questions.

996
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 4: But I looked at her and I'm like, no, I

997
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:43,240
Speaker 4: have to stay here to answer this baby. So I said,

998
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,560
Speaker 4: you know, go ahead, please, and so she said, well,

999
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 4: I've been sitting here reading your book. And one of

1000
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 4: the other things that happened to me in my life

1001
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 4: was that my fifth grade teacher asked me to sit

1002
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 4: on his lap, right, and so so she was like,

1003
00:48:57,040 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 4: but you saying here that you didn't tell anybody said,

1004
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:04,400
Speaker 4: now as that you're older, would you do something different,

1005
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 4: like would you would you approach this in a different way.

1006
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:09,439
Speaker 8: I was just I was just gonna ask you that question.

1007
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 1: That's what I was that long away.

1008
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 4: That she sat there and read that long that much,

1009
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,040
Speaker 4: but then also that that was the question she had,

1010
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:20,680
Speaker 4: you know, And I'm like, damn her mind, Like what

1011
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:24,120
Speaker 4: even made her think to put that together and ask

1012
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 4: going through?

1013
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:26,439
Speaker 1: Because and I don't, I don't.

1014
00:49:26,480 --> 00:49:29,360
Speaker 4: I think I don't know because I would like to

1015
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 4: think not. I mean, I'm sure her mom probably asked

1016
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:34,799
Speaker 4: some more questions, but I would like to think not.

1017
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 1: Because a group of women and the people she's.

1018
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,800
Speaker 2: With really powerful, she would have done it different.

1019
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 4: But maybe she thinks maybe she thought to herself, well

1020
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:44,040
Speaker 4: that happened, I would.

1021
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 1: Tell right, like why did you not?

1022
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 4: Which is a good thought, But but in my mind,

1023
00:49:50,200 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 4: I'm thinking I don't want my dad to go to

1024
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,600
Speaker 4: jail because I already know like this is gonna go up.

1025
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,680
Speaker 2: A woman said that in the town hall that I had.

1026
00:49:56,719 --> 00:49:59,840
Speaker 3: She said she didn't tell her dad because her father's

1027
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 3: been his friend molested her driving her to school. Why

1028
00:50:02,400 --> 00:50:03,960
Speaker 3: she was like, I didn't want my dad to go

1029
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 3: to jail and that was his only friend.

1030
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:07,279
Speaker 4: Yet like I don't. I don't want my dad to

1031
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 4: go to jail again. I'm you know, in school, they've

1032
00:50:11,120 --> 00:50:13,280
Speaker 4: kind of made me feel like I'm a problem person,

1033
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 4: Are they going to believe me all these things? But

1034
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,480
Speaker 4: what I said to her in response was, Oh, if

1035
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 4: I could do it again, I would definitely tell because

1036
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 4: what I realized in hindsight is that he had to

1037
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,640
Speaker 4: be doing it to somebody else's.

1038
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 2: Absolutely he had to be. But as a young kid,

1039
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 2: you're not You're just that, and you're also not knowing

1040
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:33,800
Speaker 2: if you'll be believed.

1041
00:50:33,800 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 3: There's a lot of things, but that was important for

1042
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 3: me in that particular part because I see a lot

1043
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 3: of things happening in general today when people who was

1044
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 3: it belle maher that was like, let's make a new

1045
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 3: rule when something happens, say say something right away. Yeah,

1046
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 3: that's not a thing, And so it's definitely not I mean,

1047
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 3: we want to encourage you too. Yes, yes, but we

1048
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 3: also have to think about things that happened when people

1049
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 3: do decide to speak out. One of the first things

1050
00:50:57,840 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 3: I always hive it, well, why she waited this long?

1051
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 3: Why look at Megdae Stallion.

1052
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 4: I mean, every day she's being torn to shreds. Why

1053
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 4: would anybody? I just said that on my podcast the

1054
00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:16,280
Speaker 4: other day, which is called The tam My Show, Timiki

1055
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:17,560
Speaker 4: Mallory and my son Lennon.

1056
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 1: You can check the salary on Instagram.

1057
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 4: And so I just said the other day, Megdae Stallion,

1058
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:27,239
Speaker 4: what's the other young lady's name?

1059
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,280
Speaker 1: Hailey, Bailey, and Cassie.

1060
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 4: All three of them in the same week were called liars,

1061
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 4: all three of them.

1062
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: This one was a liar for various reasons.

1063
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:40,400
Speaker 4: And I ain't even litigate in what you feel about

1064
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,520
Speaker 4: each scenario. I'm just saying three different women all being

1065
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 4: called liars in the same week. It really makes me think, well, damn,

1066
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,920
Speaker 4: if I'm a girl who's and something happens to me,

1067
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 4: I might as.

1068
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 1: Well keep my mouth shut.

1069
00:51:51,520 --> 00:51:55,640
Speaker 4: Because these three women, high profile individuals, none of them.

1070
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:56,240
Speaker 1: Are being believed.

1071
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 3: And god forbid, there's no video. Nobody believed Cassie to

1072
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 3: that tape. Oh facts came out, so there's no proof, right,

1073
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 3: But even if there's footage, you must have done something.

1074
00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,239
Speaker 3: The things to you, you must have you you're not

1075
00:52:15,440 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 3: telling the whole story, you know, there's always gonna be that.

1076
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 3: So if I'm a young woman, I mean, I just

1077
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 3: feel like we're creating a society that further cements the

1078
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 3: idea that if you speak out about your speak out

1079
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 3: about your pain, people are going to accuse you of something,

1080
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 3: you know, So it's not a healthy environment for young

1081
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 3: women or men men. God bless what they've gone through

1082
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 3: that no one knows about, the sexual assault from the

1083
00:52:44,360 --> 00:52:48,920
Speaker 3: babysitter or the on or whomever, no one knows, or

1084
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 3: the man you know, and their family, no one knows

1085
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: about that.

1086
00:52:52,719 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 1: No one knows they're.

1087
00:52:53,480 --> 00:52:56,399
Speaker 4: Being beaten by their wives. And if they come from

1088
00:52:57,640 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 4: oh heck ye you can't. You know, no one knows

1089
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 4: about that. They don't feel comfortable sharing those things.

1090
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,839
Speaker 7: But yeat and still you took everything that you went

1091
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 7: through and you openly shared it, and that was so courageous.

1092
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 7: Something you mentioned about depression, right you said in the

1093
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 7: book you didn't even know that you were depressed.

1094
00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 4: No, right like that. We never used that word depressed

1095
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,320
Speaker 4: in my household. I didn't know nothing about depressed.

1096
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,760
Speaker 7: So getting going back to where you were in that place,

1097
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:24,359
Speaker 7: how did you get help?

1098
00:53:25,239 --> 00:53:28,160
Speaker 4: Oh, thank you God for help, Thank you God for

1099
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:34,760
Speaker 4: Thank you God for the rough days. The rough days, unfortunately,

1100
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,440
Speaker 4: is where I learned how to take care of myself.

1101
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: You know.

1102
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 4: Another saying by my mentor, I'm telling you, I'm really

1103
00:53:41,520 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 4: big on talking to the elders. She said to me,

1104
00:53:45,400 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 4: you know, God's address is in the dark.

1105
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 1: That's where he lives.

1106
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,319
Speaker 4: Like when you're in a dark space, that's where you

1107
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:56,839
Speaker 4: find God. I said, Wow, his address is in the dark.

1108
00:53:56,880 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 4: I need a T shirt that's powerful. And it's so

1109
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 4: true because that rehab facility it was so dark, like

1110
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 4: it just was, you know, because the light is not

1111
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:12,720
Speaker 4: good for people who are going through all the things.

1112
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,359
Speaker 8: So the rehab was so because during depression you were

1113
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 8: the pills.

1114
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 4: Yeah. At the same time I'm acting like the Yeah,

1115
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 4: remember connect the dots.

1116
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:23,839
Speaker 8: We want you to get the book.

1117
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 4: So going to rehab, which I have to give, you know,

1118
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 4: so much love to my sister Rachel Nordlinga who dropped

1119
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 4: me off, took me to it was there's a picture

1120
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 4: of us that she sends me every year at the

1121
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:40,319
Speaker 4: same time, an annual photo. We're inside of the facility

1122
00:54:40,360 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 4: and she's about to leave. Wow, And she sends me

1123
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,319
Speaker 4: that picture every year to remind me of how far

1124
00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 4: I've come, you know, since twenty nineteen. And Jason Williams,

1125
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 4: the NBA All Star, sent me to rehab under an alias.

1126
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 4: I didn't have to pay one dime, put me in

1127
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 4: a program which I later found out was eighty thousand dollars,

1128
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 4: and I was like, well, should give me a thousand

1129
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:01,760
Speaker 4: dollars and I'll.

1130
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:03,800
Speaker 1: Go home and see if I have to work it out.

1131
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 4: Like like shoot. But it was there that the therapists

1132
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:12,200
Speaker 4: would come. Of course, every day he had to be

1133
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 4: in the kitchen at a certain time. He'd come in,

1134
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 4: had whiteboard, and he would ask me questions, which I

1135
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:21,320
Speaker 4: talk about in the book. He asked me different questions.

1136
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 4: He asked everybody questions. And then since I was the first,

1137
00:55:25,400 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 4: it was my first time there, I had to speak

1138
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:29,840
Speaker 4: one day and he gave.

1139
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:30,360
Speaker 1: Me a question.

1140
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:32,920
Speaker 4: Now, by the way, even though I was under an alias,

1141
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:35,840
Speaker 4: all of the staff knew exactly who I was or

1142
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:38,720
Speaker 4: who I am, and so when he asked a question,

1143
00:55:39,160 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 4: he was being very intentional, and he was trying to

1144
00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,840
Speaker 4: figure out why are you here? Like why are you

1145
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:47,319
Speaker 4: in here right now? And I'm like, well, I want

1146
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 4: to get sober. You know, I just gave a very

1147
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:53,319
Speaker 4: generic quick answer. But all night I sat with that thing,

1148
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:57,840
Speaker 4: why are you here? You know, what's really got you here?

1149
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 4: And that next day I was really bust out and

1150
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 4: I said, my life is in shambles.

1151
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:09,080
Speaker 1: The relationship between my son and I. It's a mess.

1152
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 4: I'm just all everything around me is falling apart, and

1153
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:15,880
Speaker 4: I need to get myself together. And later on he

1154
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 4: pulled me to the side and said, everything that you're

1155
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 4: going through in this moment, you need to recognize that

1156
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 4: it's okay to take care of you. So I have

1157
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 4: this quote in the book that says, I was born

1158
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:31,160
Speaker 4: fighting for freedom, and I will die fighting for freedom,

1159
00:56:31,200 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 4: but this time freedom includes me. And so I'm trying

1160
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 4: to center myself in the midst of that. And that's

1161
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 4: how I'm getting help. That therapy is important, and I

1162
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 4: don't just have a therapist. I have a psychiatrist. And

1163
00:56:45,440 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 4: because the stigma around needing medication to deal with most

1164
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 4: different issues, there is a stigma that makes you feel

1165
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,720
Speaker 4: like you're crazy, especially in the black community.

1166
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 1: It's like, oh, you need to take this, Oh oh

1167
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 1: you on that.

1168
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,359
Speaker 4: But I've never been better in my life that I

1169
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 4: have help for anxiety that I need.

1170
00:57:03,320 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: I need it every day. That's that's my truth. What

1171
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: you do.

1172
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:11,320
Speaker 4: I don't take my medication every day, and I suggest

1173
00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 4: that people and folks will say, oh, no, we do natural.

1174
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 4: I'm for natural, so I know. So I know at

1175
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:20,600
Speaker 4: night I cannot eat a.

1176
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 1: Bowl of frosted flakes or or sugar. Go ahead, go ahead.

1177
00:57:29,640 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 4: I can't lie not in the morning either, But I'm

1178
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 4: just saying I can't eat because I'll be all night

1179
00:57:35,400 --> 00:57:38,440
Speaker 4: like tweaking, you know what I mean. I can't have that.

1180
00:57:38,680 --> 00:57:41,640
Speaker 4: So I do do natural, but that's not enough. I

1181
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 4: have a prescription and I need it and it helps

1182
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 4: me everything. Sometimes when I don't take my medicine because

1183
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 4: it makes me feel a little sleepy sometimes, like you know,

1184
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 4: and if I don't have time to let that pass,

1185
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:56,400
Speaker 4: I gotta go. I got an eight am interview. I

1186
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:58,200
Speaker 4: don't have time to take my medicine right now.

1187
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 1: So all day I'm like bugging out, like hacking crazy.

1188
00:58:01,160 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 4: And my song will be like, hey, take takes that.

1189
00:58:08,280 --> 00:58:10,240
Speaker 3: Did my girl Jazz Jess, I'm gonna tell you, she'd

1190
00:58:10,280 --> 00:58:11,960
Speaker 3: be like, you could tell I didn't take my medican.

1191
00:58:13,360 --> 00:58:15,800
Speaker 2: Because you need to eat something first. But you know,

1192
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 2: but that's a good point.

1193
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 3: And I think with coach Jesse, we do always stress

1194
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,680
Speaker 3: the fact that we love the holistic approach, do that,

1195
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:24,200
Speaker 3: but sometimes that's not it, and you have to work

1196
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 3: in conjunctions and do both.

1197
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:28,480
Speaker 7: One of the things I learned when I when I

1198
00:58:28,520 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 7: had trauma after my brain surgery, I had a brain aneurysm,

1199
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 7: and I couldn't sleep. But one of the things was

1200
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,040
Speaker 7: D three deficiency. And D three deficiency is directly connected

1201
00:58:39,080 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 7: to depression and insomnia. So did your doctor up your

1202
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 7: give you a prescription and tell you that your D

1203
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:50,480
Speaker 7: three needed to be high and healthy like eighty. It's

1204
00:58:50,520 --> 00:58:54,120
Speaker 7: critical so that So it wasn't until because I had

1205
00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 7: to be on prescription medicine to go to sleep, like

1206
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,320
Speaker 7: if I was overtired, I couldn't no melowtone.

1207
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: And no thing that would let me go to sleep.

1208
00:59:02,320 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 8: Nothing. I had to get real prescription man to go

1209
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:05,480
Speaker 8: to sleep.

1210
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:08,480
Speaker 7: But it wasn't until I got my D three levels

1211
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 7: up to like eighty that my body started to now

1212
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,240
Speaker 7: be able to fight that insomnia because my body could

1213
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:18,280
Speaker 7: actually help regulate your ability to go to sleep. You're

1214
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 7: teaching me something. You teach it in your and your

1215
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,360
Speaker 7: your the depression. It's strongly connected to it.

1216
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 4: And thank god I don't take I don't have to

1217
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 4: take sleeping pills and wore I just had to deal

1218
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 4: with the anxiety. Yeah, so that I could rest. Because

1219
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,800
Speaker 4: that's the problem is that I'm one of these people

1220
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 4: and I still do it. My team will watch this

1221
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:37,840
Speaker 4: and be like, she's.

1222
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:44,720
Speaker 1: Sleep level.

1223
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 4: And I'm texting at you know, twelve one four, But

1224
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 4: I slept from you know, one thirty to progress and

1225
00:59:55,520 --> 00:59:57,919
Speaker 4: then I'm going back to sleep after four. I don't

1226
00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 4: sleep full through all night. Not my reality. But I

1227
01:00:01,440 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 4: used to not sleep at all. Right, I would sleep

1228
01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 4: only when I first lay down, because that's like, you know,

1229
01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 4: you so tired, you lay down, So I get like

1230
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 4: an hour.

1231
01:00:08,640 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: And now I'm up with a notepad and and.

1232
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 7: I'm telling you D three is gonna be We're gonna

1233
01:00:13,400 --> 01:00:16,360
Speaker 7: find out because that will help also with the anxiety.

1234
01:00:16,440 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 8: It's connected to depression. And I'm telling.

1235
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 3: Well, listen, I love to tell the story love, legacy,

1236
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 3: and resilience.

1237
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 2: Tamika D. Mallory, We thank you so.

1238
01:00:27,360 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 1: Much, appreciate you.

1239
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 3: You know, I've I've been like, we got to get

1240
01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:32,800
Speaker 3: this together, but I know you're both we're both been

1241
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 3: traveling alive.

1242
01:00:33,840 --> 01:00:35,760
Speaker 1: But I appreciate you for that. And it's the right time.

1243
01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 4: It's my birthday week, you know, and it's well, I

1244
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:48,240
Speaker 4: just want to say later today, I'll be a cup

1245
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:49,400
Speaker 4: New York City votes.

1246
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:51,360
Speaker 3: You know, we'll be watching the Mayor oald debate. We

1247
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 3: don't know whether or not to make my pop up

1248
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:57,880
Speaker 3: and have a surprise birthday situation again, but I'm coach Jesse.

1249
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Lindsey. I love the fact that

1250
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 3: you were here for this. She was very excited to

1251
01:01:02,560 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 3: make it.

1252
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 6: I was making I've been crossing paths for like eight

1253
01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 6: years since I worked at MSNBC.

1254
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:09,880
Speaker 3: And sometimes those kind words I mean a lot. And

1255
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 3: she recalls even times that you said some positive things

1256
01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:13,600
Speaker 3: and you know.

1257
01:01:13,600 --> 01:01:15,280
Speaker 6: You never know some like you know, you might just

1258
01:01:15,320 --> 01:01:18,120
Speaker 6: share something or write a comment that posted somebody like

1259
01:01:18,280 --> 01:01:19,760
Speaker 6: tag me in what's about me?

1260
01:01:19,800 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 5: If somebody saying something negative, and you're like, we need.

1261
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:23,800
Speaker 1: To hear this perspective. Yeah, and I think you know

1262
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:24,440
Speaker 1: that stuff like.

1263
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:24,960
Speaker 2: That really had.

1264
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: I appreciate guess what your eyebrows are myself.

1265
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:38,360
Speaker 3: I love you to make a happy birthday and I

1266
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,760
Speaker 3: appreciate you. I live to tell the story. Thank you,

1267
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,560
Speaker 3: Jesus