WEBVTT - Dearest Me, 0:00:02.040 --> 0:00:07.400 Welcome to jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:17.240 Well Cello, Hi, everybody, welcome to j dot Ilga podcast. 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:20.560 My name is Jill Scott. Is my pleasure to be 0:00:20.640 --> 0:00:26.319 here with my sister friends. Layah safe clap President an 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:32.760 age of Graydon dances here like I'd be the smart 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:35.960 kids would be like President and here and they'd be 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:39.559 that one kid trying to impress everybody that's President. And 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:41.600 then it'll be at the asshole kid to be like 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:46.360 President like me. I enjoyed President. Actually, I thought that 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:50.760 was that was that's cute. She relax. That was a 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.479 class clown. That's me. I like it. I'm into it. 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:56.440 I think I was a good girl, I mean, a 0:00:56.440 --> 0:01:01.240 little person. I'm pretty sure these things. We really did 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.600 get four spankings in my life. Oh yeah, I was 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:07.880 that kid though I was. I got like two leg pops. 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.920 Yeah that's you know, I got two legs. I need 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:14.240 a poll on this, y'all. I don't know. I didn't 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:17.080 get a one fourteen year old backslap though, like and 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:19.920 I earned that one. I did too. I don't know. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:21.639 I might have to ask. I mean, y'all a parents, 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:24.200 So I'm guessing that's true that like the less spankers 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:26.560 you got, the better kids you were. But that means 0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:30.039 I was bad as ship. But I didn't think I was. No, 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:32.199 I'm saying I didn't get like I didn't get any 0:01:32.280 --> 0:01:36.000 behavioral like feedback from school like that was never an issue, 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:39.959 never for me. Never you know, you're lying, I am 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:42.800 not wait wait wait wait wait? Did it? Was this 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.640 one time when the sixth grade girl swore I liked 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:48.920 this eighth grade boy. I wasn't thinking about that boy. 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:51.600 He was long and skinny. It wasn't my thing. I 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:54.240 just wasn't attracted to the boy. And I didn't think 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:56.400 he was very bright, you know what I mean. But 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:57.840 I was in the eighth grade. She was in the 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:00.400 sixth grade. But she's as tall as I am. Okay, 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:04.720 she's the tall girl. Anyway, she brought her cousin's down 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:08.160 from high school girls to fight me what was wrong 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:11.120 with her hands? She was in the sixth grade, she was, 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:14.760 but she told them that this eighth grade girl was 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.440 picking on her. I'm like picking on her. So they 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.000 come down to the school and they're like, you're picking 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:21.400 on my cousin. I was like picking on who. They're 0:02:21.400 --> 0:02:23.919 like whatever, the cat. I know her name, but I'm 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:26.639 not gonna say it. And I was like, I don't 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:28.440 pick on anybody, and they were like, yeah, right, you 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:30.839 messing with my cousin. And I had to fight all 0:02:30.919 --> 0:02:36.040 them big gass girls. One of them had a love ring, right, 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:39.240 like a love and hate ring from me. It was 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:45.240 just one of them had a love ring. And I 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.560 remember because I used to I said, really long nails, 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:48.959 And I used to do my nails every day. I 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.320 don't have nothing else to do, but I did my 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:54.320 nails every day, different color for every outfit I had. 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:56.360 Because I ain't handling, I had to make it work, 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.079 you know what I mean. Spiking the apolish was a dollar, 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:01.000 so I was trying to make it work, you know. 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:03.839 And I had dug my nails in this girl's face 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.600 and broke all my nails on in her face. And 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:10.320 I thought, I had, you know, really done something, and 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.520 I did, you know. I took my legs, but I 0:03:12.520 --> 0:03:15.519 gave him back. But when I got into the mirror 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.239 of the bathroom and I looked at myself, I saw 0:03:18.400 --> 0:03:25.919 love on my forehead. I saw love on my mother. 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:34.200 And then the principal wanted to suspend me mm hmm 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:40.680 forgetting John. Yeah, girl, Guls didn't even go to Earth. 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:43.040 These are high school students. I'm in the eighth grade 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:47.160 by myself. Miss Joyce say, because I know she marched up, 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.760 because that's a march. That's a march worthy. So long 0:03:50.840 --> 0:03:54.960 it's march worthy with them long legs, let's go. Yeah, 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:59.920 nobody got suspended. She should have because she was definitely spended. 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.360 She's a person who had the people coming up there 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:05.440 and all of that. That's crazy. What if you had 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:09.240 gotten hurt her heard her just then you placed it 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:11.040 for a little while. I had a little bruise and 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:16.839 then it was like and like see light skin problems. 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:22.000 You'll not light skin what you're talking about. That's to 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.320 episode listeners. I'm just so a lot to you today 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:26.320 on the zoom. I'm feeling that we're all looking the 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:29.000 same complexion today. So I'm gonna come. I'm gonna I'm 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.840 gonna pull back on the light skin joke. You mean, 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:36.000 I'm simming them. You summon them today? They it's given 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:41.120 simming them today. Cute? You know we all yellow? Have you? 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:50.080 Great baby sim man man like you hate right, you 0:04:50.200 --> 0:04:52.560 just came from my island I can see it. The moon. Look, 0:04:52.600 --> 0:04:55.920 the moon is the cancer. The moons did cancer. I'm 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:58.120 meant to ask Amber what that means. She said, it 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.360 just means everybody is deep within the feelings right now 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:05.840 in any way in which you are feeling specifically, like, 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:11.640 shut up, agent, it's the trophy. Remember Yaba who came 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:15.279 on the show, right Yea Yabba hit me yesterday and 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:20.359 was like, girl, siste, don't say nothing to nobody. She like, 0:05:20.480 --> 0:05:26.920 the moon cancel, girl, I don't know. I don't even 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.560 be knowing. This is just you know how your girlfriends, 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:32.200 all your girlfriends be knowing stuff and they just bring 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.400 things to you and you're just like, okay, I'm I 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:37.159 know that, Okay, I know that. But when mercury and 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:41.160 retrograde hits, we all like, I'm not signing that. I'm not. 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:46.719 It's all it's happening right now. We should be talking 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:48.280 to each other. We shouldn't be talking right now. I 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:53.120 don't know what. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.520 each other. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to anybody. 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:57.640 I don't know. And thank you so much for listening 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:01.039 to Jay dot the podcast and then our pleasure to 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:07.640 not talk to you these things you eat, the meat, 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:09.280 you throw off the bones. You know what I'm saying. 0:06:09.320 --> 0:06:13.320 You need the warnings. Uh huh, you just here's the thing. 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:19.160 More than don't talk to nobody, be mindful of everybody's feelings. 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.760 Be mindful of how you talk to folks, Be mindful 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:26.160 of your own needs. I feel so bad. I feel 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:29.560 like our whole group texting strange today. I was in 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.800 my feelings like I know, but you might have been in. 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:37.160 That's okay, It's it's my to tend to your needs. Well, 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:39.400 maybe we shouldn't talk to to other people, but we 0:06:39.440 --> 0:06:49.080 could talk to ourselves. We could look that seg You know, 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:51.520 they don't know what we mean by that. They don't. 0:06:52.360 --> 0:06:56.040 We decided that we were going to write love letters 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:01.040 to ourselves. Yeah, why we you do such a thing. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.640 Why would you write a love letter to yourself? Because 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:08.320 you know the world is so busy, and because the 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:12.600 interweb is what it is. Um, you've got people that 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:15.440 you don't know. I saw I saw something on TikTok 0:07:15.600 --> 0:07:19.160 today and there was a guy who was talking about 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:22.760 working out with this woman and he got he you know, 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:25.160 he stitched himself. And then later when he comes back, 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:30.440 and he's Steven saying that the comments that that he caught, 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:33.640 they were talking about how ugly he was and how 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.600 he never would stand a chance to even work out 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:40.160 with that woman, that um, you look like you stick, 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:43.520 that you look like a loser. He was just like 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:48.400 in tears, like now I actually work out, and she 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.120 says she wanted to work out, and I was like, 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.360 let's work out together, you know, and he was like, 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:57.600 I had no idea by putting myself out there in 0:07:57.640 --> 0:08:01.080 that way what I would get back. And he was like, 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:07.600 it was just a lot of nasty, hateful, mean spirited comments. 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.320 So this is one of those opportunities where you know, 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:15.920 if you're dealing with anything remotely like that, whether it's 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:19.760 on any of the social media's, whether you're dealing with 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:24.360 hateful comments from family members or um from your boss, 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:28.480 or even from from yourself. Mm hm, pick a moment 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:33.600 and write a love letter to you. Yeah, so that's 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.280 what you know. It's interesting because I saw something very 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:38.960 similar to happen with Keikey Palmer, who was my big 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:44.760 faith and making comments about her looks and she just 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:47.199 had such a beautiful I don't even want to call 0:08:47.280 --> 0:08:51.840 the clapback. It was just, h just a moment of clarity, like, honey, 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:56.160 like I love myself, Like I'm sorry that you have 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.480 an issue, and you felt that you had enough power 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:02.520 over me to exert that. But I loved the way 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.720 that she kind of reiterated that that love for herself 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.760 at that moment. And I know it can be difficult 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.920 to dredge that up because even even if you're not 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:14.199 having an issue like that, you know, there's a lot 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:17.679 of benefits to an exercise like this just in general, Like, 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:21.960 even if you're not having a specific issue, it can 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.200 be I open it in a lot of ways, you 0:09:25.240 --> 0:09:28.280 know what I'm saying. It really give you a you know, 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:32.160 a burst in your creativity, yourself awareness, you know. And 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:35.920 this is actually like measurable things they talk about how 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:37.560 like this kind of thing can really be good for 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:40.360 your mental health, for your emotional health, and like I said, 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:43.280 just as an exercise just to kind of boost and 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.600 jump start your creativity. So you know, I may not 0:09:47.000 --> 0:09:50.320 just be an answer to you know, an existing issue 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:54.320 or just something good to do. I ain't gonna lie 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:59.120 to you like this this for me, Wow, I was 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:04.360 just like mm hmm. You don't realize how much even 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.520 though you may feel Somebody said, do you feel loved, 0:10:06.520 --> 0:10:09.640 You're like, yeah, I feel loved, I feel long, But 0:10:09.760 --> 0:10:12.800 you don't realize certain things that you just don't hear. 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.880 Nobody has a better perspective on you than you. Nobody 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:19.640 and you kind of the only person who knows what 0:10:19.720 --> 0:10:22.840 you need to hear. M you know, even though there 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:25.000 are times when people tell you things and you're just like, oh, 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.400 I didn't even know I needed to hear that, But 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:32.200 in retrospect, you're the person who knows the words that 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:35.960 need to be spoken to you. You know how you 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:38.720 need to be treated, you know how you need to 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:44.720 be affirmed, and it's like until you actually do it, 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:48.520 it's like it's it's just a good reminder of what 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:50.760 it is you need to hear and how you need 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:52.920 to move forward. I mean, I'll say that that's what 0:10:53.080 --> 0:11:00.280 it is, what that exercise was for me. More will 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:13.960 talk after the break. I don't know if what this means, 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:19.000 but when I wrote mine, it kind of just flew out. 0:11:20.600 --> 0:11:23.000 There are certain things that I really really enjoyed about 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:28.520 myself and I just wrote them. So I'm I'm gonna 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:34.280 read mine first. Okay, mm hmm, all right. Love letter 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:38.560 to Jill. I remember you from the beginning, when you 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:42.520 were small and full of imagination. You played by yourself 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.720 for hours. You still do. I remember how you read 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:48.440 stories to the boys outside. I recall how you kept 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:52.080 their attention, how they asked questions even though you were 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:56.160 so much younger. I remember the confidence it gave you, 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.839 how you rushed home and waited. They always showed up. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:04.080 I remember they protected you for that. I remember when 0:12:04.080 --> 0:12:06.760 things got dark and you went to work, you got 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:09.520 home so late, you gave up your seat for elders, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.560 like your mommy said. I remember feeling proud of you. 0:12:13.080 --> 0:12:17.120 I remember liking you humming to yourself. You sang to 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:20.599 walk to the bus. It felt like a private underbreadth 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.800 of joy from me to me. I love that you 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:27.679 still sing for nothing and mostly everything. I love that 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:30.880 it still lives in you. I love that you remember 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.679 your grandmother's skin and the feel of her night gown. 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:37.880 I love that you grew up sweet, despite the neighborhood 0:12:38.240 --> 0:12:42.000 and some neighborhood kids who hated your clean clothes and 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:45.760 tidy hair and willingness to share. I love that you 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:50.720 still love despite jealousy. I have loved you from the beginning. 0:12:51.640 --> 0:12:55.120 I know your heart. It's been a joy, even through 0:12:55.160 --> 0:13:01.320 tears and my cherished pleasure to be you. And I 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:07.240 mean that. I love that letter. I mean that, and 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:09.480 I'm gonna read it to myself again and again. You 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:14.120 feel like I'm losing something special or something that's important 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:16.560 to me. I loved that. I used to go to 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:19.840 the store from my elders in the neighborhood. I love 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.319 that I come from from Joyce, Allas wool will co 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:27.280 around and cut the neighbors toenails. And I used to 0:13:27.280 --> 0:13:31.520 be like, that is the off club, Like you've seen 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:37.200 old people feet and you've seen toenails. And she would 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.080 get she had a whole kid, and she would just 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.880 go to each neighbor and cut their toenails. And then 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.120 one day I remember it being like, Mom, why would 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:48.080 you do that so mad? I'm impressed, but I didn't 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.280 make an ugly face. I did too make it all 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:53.960 right now. And she said, because a lot of them 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:57.880 have diabetes and if they cut their toenails wrong, they 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:03.440 could bleed to death. And I was like, wow, I 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.800 love that. My grandmother used to say, Hey, come here, 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:10.640 are you hungry. I love that. And she would invite 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:12.920 strangers in for a meal and they would sit there 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:16.000 to wash their hands and sit there, and my grandmother 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:19.760 would feed them. I just love that about her. I 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:24.400 love that I am these people's descendant, that that kind 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.920 of spirit. I just had a moment recently in the 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:33.200 last two months where people that I love, even from Afar, 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:41.280 they needed something. Um they lost people that they loved 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:49.160 so much, and it was just towering and constant, and I, 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:53.680 you know, I invited them here, come here, let us 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:57.520 loan you. And we did. My family and I we did. 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:02.800 We cooked, we play music, we aft, we I listened, 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.000 you know, I just listened. I rubbed feet and run 0:15:07.080 --> 0:15:12.320 baths and let him sleep and remind them you know 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:17.040 that life is still happening, even though this is the 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:20.120 darkest time you've ever known. This is the worst loss 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:26.160 you've ever felt. And as much as it pleased me, 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:30.760 it I mean, it gave me such I don't want 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:37.960 to say pride. It just made me feel helpful, useful. 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:44.720 I was gonna say, need, yeah, useful, mighty feeling. Oh child, 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.880 let me tell you some that is my drug of choice. Girl, 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.400 didn't that thing fire that is my drug of choice 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:55.000 to be able to help somebody. It's got me into 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:56.880 a little bit of trouble in my life. I won't 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:02.480 even lie, but I know the feeling you're talking about, 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:08.240 and it is like an adrenaline. Not adrenaline. It's less harsh. 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.640 It's like a love rush. It's like like it just 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:16.960 makes you feel like, thank you God, Life, I got this, 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:20.400 this gift. You know, all of the things that life 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.120 has brought me is sent me to this place, this 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:26.680 home that I call us house. I call it us 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:28.960 house because when Jaed was little, even be like Mom, 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:32.120 can we just go to us house? And I used 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:35.720 to love that that he wanted to go home. So 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.360 home has become a place for you know, my friends, 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:45.480 um that are dealing with something. You know, I can't say. 0:16:45.520 --> 0:16:48.120 I can't make no promises like they're gonna walk out 0:16:48.120 --> 0:16:50.640 of here and feeling one better. But if I could 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:54.920 get thirty percent, you know what I mean, just to 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:59.720 remind them that life is worth living and that the 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:04.680 loss may never it doesn't go away, you will always 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:08.920 feel it. But if you do the best you can 0:17:09.040 --> 0:17:12.840 to hold on to the good stuff, the fun stuff, 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:17.520 the things that learned you and grew you and um 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:22.840 made your dream, you know those things, and especially with 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:27.400 from that person like you can you can get through 0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:29.960 this too. That's such a good thing about love is that, 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:36.040 especially when you're down, is how God will show you 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:40.240 a person. You won't even think that it's going to 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:45.600 come from that place, right, It'll just it'll be a 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:51.000 friend that you think it's busy, where you think it's 0:17:51.000 --> 0:17:53.120 so and so or you know, and they love you 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:57.399 and everything. But that happened to me my mother passed. 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:00.440 I had a friend who called me and just soothed 0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:05.600 me into a nap, And it was like the last 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.760 person that I would have thought, as much as we 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.160 love each other and care about each other, it wasn't like, 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.240 you know how sometimes you think it's gonna be this person, 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:19.879 it's gonna be that person. But in that instance, it 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:24.160 bonded us together permanently in a way that I bonded 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:29.399 with nobody else. Some people you just some people you 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:31.360 just connect with and you like them and you don't 0:18:31.359 --> 0:18:33.919 even have a real good reason why, you just do. 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:39.520 And then years later, many many many years later, and 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:42.720 you have interactions and they felt good every time every 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:44.639 time we saw them. He had interaction. It was like 0:18:45.200 --> 0:18:47.520 fun with you and you're going about your business, going 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:49.679 on on your life, and then next thing you know, 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:56.800 you're doing a podcast together. Oh yeah, but yeah, no, no, 0:18:57.080 --> 0:18:59.280 that's that was a beautiful letter. You know, it's funnying. 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.280 I knew this would have been that when we did this, 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.200 that I would hear things from you all that would 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:06.760 inspire me further. And one thing that inspired me about 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:09.760 your letter was that you talked to your little girl's self. 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:16.560 Mm hmm. And I'm gonna take that with me. I'm 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:19.000 gonna take that with me. That's what That was a 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:21.119 good time. Wasn't it a good time? And that was 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:23.360 a good time. It wasn't it was a good time 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:26.840 for me. Like I told you I had, I was 0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:30.080 having a tough day when I did this. I was 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:34.000 having a tough day and I was like, yeah, I 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:36.840 don't even know what you ever think so fast in 0:19:36.880 --> 0:19:39.200 your mind you have a serieson of thoughts, and they 0:19:39.200 --> 0:19:42.040 didn't It's not like each of those thoughts hang around 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:44.199 long enough for you to say, oh I thought this, 0:19:44.280 --> 0:19:46.320 and I thought this, and I got here. But you 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:48.240 know that you all kind of happened to the secession 0:19:48.240 --> 0:19:50.359 and you ended up in a place. That's how I 0:19:50.400 --> 0:19:54.360 did my letter. It was like I was thinking about 0:19:54.400 --> 0:19:57.159 love and I was thinking about myself and how I 0:19:57.160 --> 0:19:59.640 would make myself feel better, and it was like boom, 0:19:59.640 --> 0:20:02.680 bum bum and write a letter to yourself. Mm hmmm. 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:05.280 And that's that's that's how kind of got to that 0:20:05.320 --> 0:20:08.360 moment from for me, I think that's the best day 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:10.800 to do it, when you're not having a good day, 0:20:11.840 --> 0:20:16.320 when you're when you're just like ready to screw it 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:20.240 all girl. I think that's the best day to write 0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:21.639 a lot. It might be because I tried to do 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:23.080 it on a good day and it made me sad, 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.520 so I didn't do it. Sorry. That's how that's it 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:27.320 had the opposite effect for me. I was having a 0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:30.520 really good day until somebody said, where your life. I 0:20:30.600 --> 0:20:36.240 was like, what, I'm being productive over here, getting ship done, 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:39.960 hood dress this ship. I don't even know if I 0:20:40.000 --> 0:20:42.679 like myself most days, but go ahead, Asia inspired me, 0:20:42.840 --> 0:20:48.320 motivate me, move me all right, here we go. That's 0:20:48.320 --> 0:20:50.240 a lot. That's a tall. That was a tall. That's 0:20:50.240 --> 0:20:51.919 a tall, little order. If I wouldn't have said it, 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:53.399 you would have did it anyway. It's just because of 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:56.560 the words that came out. Don't you feel like that? 0:20:56.600 --> 0:20:59.399 I feel like that. Every time I aine about to 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:06.560 open her mouth, I get excited. Not as good as you. Sure, 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:10.440 actually it don't say it is, but I'm this is. 0:21:10.520 --> 0:21:14.119 This is from my heart, from my court, my heart, 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:20.719 dear angel. I miss you. I mean I see you 0:21:20.760 --> 0:21:24.359 every day, but I missed being alone with you, just 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:28.359 listening to music or eating food, just doing nothing or 0:21:28.440 --> 0:21:31.879 laying quietly. I love how you think, even when you 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:35.120 bounce from subject to subject L O L. I love 0:21:35.160 --> 0:21:37.600 that you like all kinds of art, and I love 0:21:37.640 --> 0:21:41.680 your passion. You're so passionate. When you love something, you're 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.640 all in. I love that you can keep it cool, 0:21:44.680 --> 0:21:48.920 to keep the peace in yourself with others. It makes 0:21:48.920 --> 0:21:52.159 me sad, though that sometimes you feel so unworthy and 0:21:52.240 --> 0:21:56.199 so unsure. I believe in you, though I want you 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:59.479 to take good care of yourself. I worry about you. 0:22:00.040 --> 0:22:02.280 I love you, and I don't want to lose you. 0:22:03.160 --> 0:22:06.440 I admit I should think of you more. I'll do better. 0:22:07.359 --> 0:22:10.480 I get distracted easily, and I promised to prioritize you 0:22:10.600 --> 0:22:15.080 from now on. I do love you. I do I 0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:19.520 love you. I want to see you in always your 0:22:19.600 --> 0:22:25.320 best girl, that my heart ditto. That's everything I was 0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:35.000 gonna say, girl, turn me whole. I was beautiful, inspired, motivated, 0:22:35.040 --> 0:22:40.840 moves sick. I mean, I think it's a good thing 0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:45.760 for me. It's like, I don't know, maybe my mind 0:22:45.800 --> 0:22:48.919 set and it wasn't like a set mindset. I'm just 0:22:48.960 --> 0:22:50.800 trying to think back as to where my mind was 0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:53.320 at the time. But I guess my mindset is just 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.080 kind of like what do I need to hear right now? 0:22:57.920 --> 0:23:00.280 And I could really identify with being ab out to 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:03.280 cry because I did. I after I read mine, as 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:05.480 I read mine out loud to myself because I was, 0:23:05.600 --> 0:23:08.159 let me read this now, I would loud to myself. 0:23:08.920 --> 0:23:10.600 And when I read it out a lot to myself 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:14.199 the first time, I did cry because I did I 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:17.760 needed to hear those words at the time. I still 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:19.520 do like I needed to hear those words. And when 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:21.520 you said you was gonna read it to yourself every day, 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:27.280 read it to myself every day, you know, Because I 0:23:27.320 --> 0:23:30.000 don't know, I feel like sometimes you know, And it's 0:23:30.000 --> 0:23:33.000 funny because I tell people this and I feel like 0:23:33.040 --> 0:23:35.200 sometimes and I don't have any resentment of my hot 0:23:35.200 --> 0:23:36.560 behind this because I hear a lot of people talk 0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:38.520 about it. I have been for a lot of years 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:42.080 some of my people's go to person, and I say 0:23:42.160 --> 0:23:44.760 this to other people all the time. But as you 0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:46.880 know how that is when you gotta turn things on yourself, 0:23:47.200 --> 0:23:54.280 like you know, nobody's coming, like check for yourself, you know. 0:23:54.440 --> 0:23:56.520 And it's like, it's not that other people don't love you. 0:23:57.359 --> 0:24:00.439 I think a lot of times we're waiting, you know 0:24:00.480 --> 0:24:03.480 what I'm saying, We're waiting on something to happen, and 0:24:03.640 --> 0:24:08.400 we can really come and check for ourselves. And don't 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:11.120 wait to hear the things that you need to hear. 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:14.800 Don't don't wait on anyone else to say them, you know, 0:24:14.960 --> 0:24:18.639 say them to you. You know what I mean? And 0:24:18.720 --> 0:24:24.119 it's not And don't downplay yourself. Well I can't. It's me. 0:24:24.359 --> 0:24:26.960 I can't say. Who are you? Who are you to 0:24:27.000 --> 0:24:30.520 say that about you? Who are you not to say 0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:33.359 loving things? Not to say loving things about you? You 0:24:33.359 --> 0:24:35.480 were there the whole thing, the whole time. If you 0:24:35.480 --> 0:24:37.640 were gonna say this to someone else, you would want 0:24:37.680 --> 0:24:41.399 that person to take you seriously if they said to you, all, no, 0:24:41.520 --> 0:24:44.639