1 00:00:02,040 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to jay dot im a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 1: Well Cello, Hi, everybody, welcome to j dot Ilga podcast. 3 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: My name is Jill Scott. Is my pleasure to be 4 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:26,319 Speaker 1: here with my sister friends. Layah safe clap President an 5 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: age of Graydon dances here like I'd be the smart 6 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 1: kids would be like President and here and they'd be 7 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: that one kid trying to impress everybody that's President. And 8 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: then it'll be at the asshole kid to be like 9 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: President like me. I enjoyed President. Actually, I thought that 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: was that was that's cute. She relax. That was a 11 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,479 Speaker 1: class clown. That's me. I like it. I'm into it. 12 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 1: I think I was a good girl, I mean, a 13 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: little person. I'm pretty sure these things. We really did 14 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: get four spankings in my life. Oh yeah, I was 15 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: that kid though I was. I got like two leg pops. 16 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: Yeah that's you know, I got two legs. I need 17 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: a poll on this, y'all. I don't know. I didn't 18 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: get a one fourteen year old backslap though, like and 19 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 1: I earned that one. I did too. I don't know. 20 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,639 Speaker 1: I might have to ask. I mean, y'all a parents, 21 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: So I'm guessing that's true that like the less spankers 22 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 1: you got, the better kids you were. But that means 23 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,039 Speaker 1: I was bad as ship. But I didn't think I was. No, 24 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:32,199 Speaker 1: I'm saying I didn't get like I didn't get any 25 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: behavioral like feedback from school like that was never an issue, 26 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: never for me. Never you know, you're lying, I am 27 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,800 Speaker 1: not wait wait wait wait wait? Did it? Was this 28 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: one time when the sixth grade girl swore I liked 29 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: this eighth grade boy. I wasn't thinking about that boy. 30 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: He was long and skinny. It wasn't my thing. I 31 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: just wasn't attracted to the boy. And I didn't think 32 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: he was very bright, you know what I mean. But 33 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: I was in the eighth grade. She was in the 34 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: sixth grade. But she's as tall as I am. Okay, 35 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: she's the tall girl. Anyway, she brought her cousin's down 36 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 1: from high school girls to fight me what was wrong 37 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 1: with her hands? She was in the sixth grade, she was, 38 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: but she told them that this eighth grade girl was 39 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: picking on her. I'm like picking on her. So they 40 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: come down to the school and they're like, you're picking 41 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: on my cousin. I was like picking on who. They're 42 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 1: like whatever, the cat. I know her name, but I'm 43 00:02:23,919 --> 00:02:26,639 Speaker 1: not gonna say it. And I was like, I don't 44 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,440 Speaker 1: pick on anybody, and they were like, yeah, right, you 45 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,839 Speaker 1: messing with my cousin. And I had to fight all 46 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: them big gass girls. One of them had a love ring, right, 47 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: like a love and hate ring from me. It was 48 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: just one of them had a love ring. And I 49 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: remember because I used to I said, really long nails, 50 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 1: And I used to do my nails every day. I 51 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: don't have nothing else to do, but I did my 52 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,320 Speaker 1: nails every day, different color for every outfit I had. 53 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: Because I ain't handling, I had to make it work, 54 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Spiking the apolish was a dollar, 55 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: so I was trying to make it work, you know. 56 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,839 Speaker 1: And I had dug my nails in this girl's face 57 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: and broke all my nails on in her face. And 58 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: I thought, I had, you know, really done something, and 59 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 1: I did, you know. I took my legs, but I 60 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,519 Speaker 1: gave him back. But when I got into the mirror 61 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,239 Speaker 1: of the bathroom and I looked at myself, I saw 62 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:25,919 Speaker 1: love on my forehead. I saw love on my mother. 63 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: And then the principal wanted to suspend me mm hmm 64 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:40,680 Speaker 1: forgetting John. Yeah, girl, Guls didn't even go to Earth. 65 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: These are high school students. I'm in the eighth grade 66 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: by myself. Miss Joyce say, because I know she marched up, 67 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,760 Speaker 1: because that's a march. That's a march worthy. So long 68 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: it's march worthy with them long legs, let's go. Yeah, 69 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:59,920 Speaker 1: nobody got suspended. She should have because she was definitely spended. 70 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: She's a person who had the people coming up there 71 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: and all of that. That's crazy. What if you had 72 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: gotten hurt her heard her just then you placed it 73 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 1: for a little while. I had a little bruise and 74 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: then it was like and like see light skin problems. 75 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: You'll not light skin what you're talking about. That's to 76 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: episode listeners. I'm just so a lot to you today 77 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: on the zoom. I'm feeling that we're all looking the 78 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: same complexion today. So I'm gonna come. I'm gonna I'm 79 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 1: gonna pull back on the light skin joke. You mean, 80 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: I'm simming them. You summon them today? They it's given 81 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: simming them today. Cute? You know we all yellow? Have you? 82 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: Great baby sim man man like you hate right, you 83 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: just came from my island I can see it. The moon. Look, 84 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 1: the moon is the cancer. The moons did cancer. I'm 85 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: meant to ask Amber what that means. She said, it 86 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:01,360 Speaker 1: just means everybody is deep within the feelings right now 87 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,840 Speaker 1: in any way in which you are feeling specifically, like, 88 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: shut up, agent, it's the trophy. Remember Yaba who came 89 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: on the show, right Yea Yabba hit me yesterday and 90 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:20,359 Speaker 1: was like, girl, siste, don't say nothing to nobody. She like, 91 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: the moon cancel, girl, I don't know. I don't even 92 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 1: be knowing. This is just you know how your girlfriends, 93 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: all your girlfriends be knowing stuff and they just bring 94 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: things to you and you're just like, okay, I'm I 95 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:37,159 Speaker 1: know that, Okay, I know that. But when mercury and 96 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 1: retrograde hits, we all like, I'm not signing that. I'm not. 97 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: It's all it's happening right now. We should be talking 98 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,280 Speaker 1: to each other. We shouldn't be talking right now. I 99 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: don't know what. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to 100 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: each other. Maybe maybe we shouldn't be talking to anybody. 101 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. And thank you so much for listening 102 00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:01,039 Speaker 1: to Jay dot the podcast and then our pleasure to 103 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: not talk to you these things you eat, the meat, 104 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: you throw off the bones. You know what I'm saying. 105 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: You need the warnings. Uh huh, you just here's the thing. 106 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 1: More than don't talk to nobody, be mindful of everybody's feelings. 107 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: Be mindful of how you talk to folks, Be mindful 108 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,160 Speaker 1: of your own needs. I feel so bad. I feel 109 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 1: like our whole group texting strange today. I was in 110 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: my feelings like I know, but you might have been in. 111 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:37,160 Speaker 1: That's okay, It's it's my to tend to your needs. Well, 112 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: maybe we shouldn't talk to to other people, but we 113 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 1: could talk to ourselves. We could look that seg You know, 114 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: they don't know what we mean by that. They don't. 115 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: We decided that we were going to write love letters 116 00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: to ourselves. Yeah, why we you do such a thing. 117 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: Why would you write a love letter to yourself? Because 118 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: you know the world is so busy, and because the 119 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: interweb is what it is. Um, you've got people that 120 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: you don't know. I saw I saw something on TikTok 121 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,160 Speaker 1: today and there was a guy who was talking about 122 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: working out with this woman and he got he you know, 123 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: he stitched himself. And then later when he comes back, 124 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: and he's Steven saying that the comments that that he caught, 125 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: they were talking about how ugly he was and how 126 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: he never would stand a chance to even work out 127 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: with that woman, that um, you look like you stick, 128 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: that you look like a loser. He was just like 129 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 1: in tears, like now I actually work out, and she 130 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: says she wanted to work out, and I was like, 131 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,360 Speaker 1: let's work out together, you know, and he was like, 132 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: I had no idea by putting myself out there in 133 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: that way what I would get back. And he was like, 134 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: it was just a lot of nasty, hateful, mean spirited comments. 135 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: So this is one of those opportunities where you know, 136 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,920 Speaker 1: if you're dealing with anything remotely like that, whether it's 137 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: on any of the social media's, whether you're dealing with 138 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,360 Speaker 1: hateful comments from family members or um from your boss, 139 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,480 Speaker 1: or even from from yourself. Mm hm, pick a moment 140 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 1: and write a love letter to you. Yeah, so that's 141 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: what you know. It's interesting because I saw something very 142 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 1: similar to happen with Keikey Palmer, who was my big 143 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:44,760 Speaker 1: faith and making comments about her looks and she just 144 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:47,199 Speaker 1: had such a beautiful I don't even want to call 145 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: the clapback. It was just, h just a moment of clarity, like, honey, 146 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: like I love myself, Like I'm sorry that you have 147 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: an issue, and you felt that you had enough power 148 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: over me to exert that. But I loved the way 149 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: that she kind of reiterated that that love for herself 150 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: at that moment. And I know it can be difficult 151 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 1: to dredge that up because even even if you're not 152 00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:14,199 Speaker 1: having an issue like that, you know, there's a lot 153 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,679 Speaker 1: of benefits to an exercise like this just in general, Like, 154 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: even if you're not having a specific issue, it can 155 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: be I open it in a lot of ways, you 156 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. It really give you a you know, 157 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 1: a burst in your creativity, yourself awareness, you know. And 158 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: this is actually like measurable things they talk about how 159 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,560 Speaker 1: like this kind of thing can really be good for 160 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: your mental health, for your emotional health, and like I said, 161 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: just as an exercise just to kind of boost and 162 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 1: jump start your creativity. So you know, I may not 163 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,320 Speaker 1: just be an answer to you know, an existing issue 164 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: or just something good to do. I ain't gonna lie 165 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: to you like this this for me, Wow, I was 166 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: just like mm hmm. You don't realize how much even 167 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 1: though you may feel Somebody said, do you feel loved, 168 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, I feel loved, I feel long, But 169 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 1: you don't realize certain things that you just don't hear. 170 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: Nobody has a better perspective on you than you. Nobody 171 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: and you kind of the only person who knows what 172 00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 1: you need to hear. M you know, even though there 173 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: are times when people tell you things and you're just like, oh, 174 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,400 Speaker 1: I didn't even know I needed to hear that, But 175 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 1: in retrospect, you're the person who knows the words that 176 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,960 Speaker 1: need to be spoken to you. You know how you 177 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,720 Speaker 1: need to be treated, you know how you need to 178 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 1: be affirmed, and it's like until you actually do it, 179 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:48,520 Speaker 1: it's like it's it's just a good reminder of what 180 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: it is you need to hear and how you need 181 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: to move forward. I mean, I'll say that that's what 182 00:10:53,080 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: it is, what that exercise was for me. More will 183 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:13,960 Speaker 1: talk after the break. I don't know if what this means, 184 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 1: but when I wrote mine, it kind of just flew out. 185 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: There are certain things that I really really enjoyed about 186 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 1: myself and I just wrote them. So I'm I'm gonna 187 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: read mine first. Okay, mm hmm, all right. Love letter 188 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:38,560 Speaker 1: to Jill. I remember you from the beginning, when you 189 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: were small and full of imagination. You played by yourself 190 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: for hours. You still do. I remember how you read 191 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 1: stories to the boys outside. I recall how you kept 192 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 1: their attention, how they asked questions even though you were 193 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: so much younger. I remember the confidence it gave you, 194 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,839 Speaker 1: how you rushed home and waited. They always showed up. 195 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,080 Speaker 1: I remember they protected you for that. I remember when 196 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,760 Speaker 1: things got dark and you went to work, you got 197 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,520 Speaker 1: home so late, you gave up your seat for elders, 198 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: like your mommy said. I remember feeling proud of you. 199 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: I remember liking you humming to yourself. You sang to 200 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,599 Speaker 1: walk to the bus. It felt like a private underbreadth 201 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: of joy from me to me. I love that you 202 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 1: still sing for nothing and mostly everything. I love that 203 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 1: it still lives in you. I love that you remember 204 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,679 Speaker 1: your grandmother's skin and the feel of her night gown. 205 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: I love that you grew up sweet, despite the neighborhood 206 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:42,000 Speaker 1: and some neighborhood kids who hated your clean clothes and 207 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: tidy hair and willingness to share. I love that you 208 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:50,720 Speaker 1: still love despite jealousy. I have loved you from the beginning. 209 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: I know your heart. It's been a joy, even through 210 00:12:55,160 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: tears and my cherished pleasure to be you. And I 211 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: mean that. I love that letter. I mean that, and 212 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna read it to myself again and again. You 213 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: feel like I'm losing something special or something that's important 214 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,560 Speaker 1: to me. I loved that. I used to go to 215 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 1: the store from my elders in the neighborhood. I love 216 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,319 Speaker 1: that I come from from Joyce, Allas wool will co 217 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: around and cut the neighbors toenails. And I used to 218 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: be like, that is the off club, Like you've seen 219 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:37,200 Speaker 1: old people feet and you've seen toenails. And she would 220 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: get she had a whole kid, and she would just 221 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: go to each neighbor and cut their toenails. And then 222 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: one day I remember it being like, Mom, why would 223 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:48,080 Speaker 1: you do that so mad? I'm impressed, but I didn't 224 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 1: make an ugly face. I did too make it all 225 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: right now. And she said, because a lot of them 226 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 1: have diabetes and if they cut their toenails wrong, they 227 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 1: could bleed to death. And I was like, wow, I 228 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 1: love that. My grandmother used to say, Hey, come here, 229 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: are you hungry. I love that. And she would invite 230 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 1: strangers in for a meal and they would sit there 231 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: to wash their hands and sit there, and my grandmother 232 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: would feed them. I just love that about her. I 233 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: love that I am these people's descendant, that that kind 234 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:27,920 Speaker 1: of spirit. I just had a moment recently in the 235 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: last two months where people that I love, even from Afar, 236 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: they needed something. Um they lost people that they loved 237 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: so much, and it was just towering and constant, and I, 238 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: you know, I invited them here, come here, let us 239 00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: loan you. And we did. My family and I we did. 240 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: We cooked, we play music, we aft, we I listened, 241 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 1: you know, I just listened. I rubbed feet and run 242 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: baths and let him sleep and remind them you know 243 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: that life is still happening, even though this is the 244 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 1: darkest time you've ever known. This is the worst loss 245 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:26,160 Speaker 1: you've ever felt. And as much as it pleased me, 246 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 1: it I mean, it gave me such I don't want 247 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: to say pride. It just made me feel helpful, useful. 248 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: I was gonna say, need, yeah, useful, mighty feeling. Oh child, 249 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 1: let me tell you some that is my drug of choice. Girl, 250 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,400 Speaker 1: didn't that thing fire that is my drug of choice 251 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: to be able to help somebody. It's got me into 252 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: a little bit of trouble in my life. I won't 253 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 1: even lie, but I know the feeling you're talking about, 254 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:08,240 Speaker 1: and it is like an adrenaline. Not adrenaline. It's less harsh. 255 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 1: It's like a love rush. It's like like it just 256 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 1: makes you feel like, thank you God, Life, I got this, 257 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: this gift. You know, all of the things that life 258 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: has brought me is sent me to this place, this 259 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: home that I call us house. I call it us 260 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,960 Speaker 1: house because when Jaed was little, even be like Mom, 261 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 1: can we just go to us house? And I used 262 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,720 Speaker 1: to love that that he wanted to go home. So 263 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: home has become a place for you know, my friends, 264 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: um that are dealing with something. You know, I can't say. 265 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 1: I can't make no promises like they're gonna walk out 266 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: of here and feeling one better. But if I could 267 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: get thirty percent, you know what I mean, just to 268 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:59,720 Speaker 1: remind them that life is worth living and that the 269 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 1: loss may never it doesn't go away, you will always 270 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:08,920 Speaker 1: feel it. But if you do the best you can 271 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: to hold on to the good stuff, the fun stuff, 272 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: the things that learned you and grew you and um 273 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: made your dream, you know those things, and especially with 274 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 1: from that person like you can you can get through 275 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: this too. That's such a good thing about love is that, 276 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: especially when you're down, is how God will show you 277 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 1: a person. You won't even think that it's going to 278 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: come from that place, right, It'll just it'll be a 279 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: friend that you think it's busy, where you think it's 280 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,120 Speaker 1: so and so or you know, and they love you 281 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,399 Speaker 1: and everything. But that happened to me my mother passed. 282 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 1: I had a friend who called me and just soothed 283 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:05,600 Speaker 1: me into a nap, And it was like the last 284 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: person that I would have thought, as much as we 285 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:12,160 Speaker 1: love each other and care about each other, it wasn't like, 286 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: you know how sometimes you think it's gonna be this person, 287 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 1: it's gonna be that person. But in that instance, it 288 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:24,160 Speaker 1: bonded us together permanently in a way that I bonded 289 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 1: with nobody else. Some people you just some people you 290 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,360 Speaker 1: just connect with and you like them and you don't 291 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:33,919 Speaker 1: even have a real good reason why, you just do. 292 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:39,520 Speaker 1: And then years later, many many many years later, and 293 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 1: you have interactions and they felt good every time every 294 00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,639 Speaker 1: time we saw them. He had interaction. It was like 295 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: fun with you and you're going about your business, going 296 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,679 Speaker 1: on on your life, and then next thing you know, 297 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: you're doing a podcast together. Oh yeah, but yeah, no, no, 298 00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: that's that was a beautiful letter. You know, it's funnying. 299 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: I knew this would have been that when we did this, 300 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,200 Speaker 1: that I would hear things from you all that would 301 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: inspire me further. And one thing that inspired me about 302 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:09,760 Speaker 1: your letter was that you talked to your little girl's self. 303 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And I'm gonna take that with me. I'm 304 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 1: gonna take that with me. That's what That was a 305 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,119 Speaker 1: good time. Wasn't it a good time? And that was 306 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,360 Speaker 1: a good time. It wasn't it was a good time 307 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: for me. Like I told you I had, I was 308 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: having a tough day when I did this. I was 309 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:34,000 Speaker 1: having a tough day and I was like, yeah, I 310 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 1: don't even know what you ever think so fast in 311 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,200 Speaker 1: your mind you have a serieson of thoughts, and they 312 00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: didn't It's not like each of those thoughts hang around 313 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 1: long enough for you to say, oh I thought this, 314 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,320 Speaker 1: and I thought this, and I got here. But you 315 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 1: know that you all kind of happened to the secession 316 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:50,359 Speaker 1: and you ended up in a place. That's how I 317 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 1: did my letter. It was like I was thinking about 318 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,159 Speaker 1: love and I was thinking about myself and how I 319 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,640 Speaker 1: would make myself feel better, and it was like boom, 320 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: bum bum and write a letter to yourself. Mm hmmm. 321 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: And that's that's that's how kind of got to that 322 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,360 Speaker 1: moment from for me, I think that's the best day 323 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 1: to do it, when you're not having a good day, 324 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 1: when you're when you're just like ready to screw it 325 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: all girl. I think that's the best day to write 326 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:21,639 Speaker 1: a lot. It might be because I tried to do 327 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: it on a good day and it made me sad, 328 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: so I didn't do it. Sorry. That's how that's it 329 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: had the opposite effect for me. I was having a 330 00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: really good day until somebody said, where your life. I 331 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: was like, what, I'm being productive over here, getting ship done, 332 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,960 Speaker 1: hood dress this ship. I don't even know if I 333 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 1: like myself most days, but go ahead, Asia inspired me, 334 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:48,320 Speaker 1: motivate me, move me all right, here we go. That's 335 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 1: a lot. That's a tall. That was a tall. That's 336 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,919 Speaker 1: a tall, little order. If I wouldn't have said it, 337 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:53,399 Speaker 1: you would have did it anyway. It's just because of 338 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: the words that came out. Don't you feel like that? 339 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:59,399 Speaker 1: I feel like that. Every time I aine about to 340 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: open her mouth, I get excited. Not as good as you. Sure, 341 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 1: actually it don't say it is, but I'm this is. 342 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 1: This is from my heart, from my court, my heart, 343 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,719 Speaker 1: dear angel. I miss you. I mean I see you 344 00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,359 Speaker 1: every day, but I missed being alone with you, just 345 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:28,359 Speaker 1: listening to music or eating food, just doing nothing or 346 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 1: laying quietly. I love how you think, even when you 347 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 1: bounce from subject to subject L O L. I love 348 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: that you like all kinds of art, and I love 349 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:41,680 Speaker 1: your passion. You're so passionate. When you love something, you're 350 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,640 Speaker 1: all in. I love that you can keep it cool, 351 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,920 Speaker 1: to keep the peace in yourself with others. It makes 352 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:52,159 Speaker 1: me sad, though that sometimes you feel so unworthy and 353 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:56,199 Speaker 1: so unsure. I believe in you, though I want you 354 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,479 Speaker 1: to take good care of yourself. I worry about you. 355 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,280 Speaker 1: I love you, and I don't want to lose you. 356 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 1: I admit I should think of you more. I'll do better. 357 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,480 Speaker 1: I get distracted easily, and I promised to prioritize you 358 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:15,080 Speaker 1: from now on. I do love you. I do I 359 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 1: love you. I want to see you in always your 360 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 1: best girl, that my heart ditto. That's everything I was 361 00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 1: gonna say, girl, turn me whole. I was beautiful, inspired, motivated, 362 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: moves sick. I mean, I think it's a good thing 363 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: for me. It's like, I don't know, maybe my mind 364 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,919 Speaker 1: set and it wasn't like a set mindset. I'm just 365 00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,800 Speaker 1: trying to think back as to where my mind was 366 00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 1: at the time. But I guess my mindset is just 367 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 1: kind of like what do I need to hear right now? 368 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: And I could really identify with being ab out to 369 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,280 Speaker 1: cry because I did. I after I read mine, as 370 00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: I read mine out loud to myself because I was, 371 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,159 Speaker 1: let me read this now, I would loud to myself. 372 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,600 Speaker 1: And when I read it out a lot to myself 373 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,199 Speaker 1: the first time, I did cry because I did I 374 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 1: needed to hear those words at the time. I still 375 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: do like I needed to hear those words. And when 376 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 1: you said you was gonna read it to yourself every day, 377 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 1: read it to myself every day, you know, Because I 378 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: don't know, I feel like sometimes you know, And it's 379 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 1: funny because I tell people this and I feel like 380 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,200 Speaker 1: sometimes and I don't have any resentment of my hot 381 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: behind this because I hear a lot of people talk 382 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 1: about it. I have been for a lot of years 383 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,080 Speaker 1: some of my people's go to person, and I say 384 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 1: this to other people all the time. But as you 385 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,880 Speaker 1: know how that is when you gotta turn things on yourself, 386 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: like you know, nobody's coming, like check for yourself, you know. 387 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: And it's like, it's not that other people don't love you. 388 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,439 Speaker 1: I think a lot of times we're waiting, you know 389 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,480 Speaker 1: what I'm saying, We're waiting on something to happen, and 390 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,400 Speaker 1: we can really come and check for ourselves. And don't 391 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 1: wait to hear the things that you need to hear. 392 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,800 Speaker 1: Don't don't wait on anyone else to say them, you know, 393 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 1: say them to you. You know what I mean? And 394 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 1: it's not And don't downplay yourself. Well I can't. It's me. 395 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: I can't say. Who are you? Who are you to 396 00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 1: say that about you? Who are you not to say 397 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,359 Speaker 1: loving things? Not to say loving things about you? You 398 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: were there the whole thing, the whole time. If you 399 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 1: were gonna say this to someone else, you would want 400 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: that person to take you seriously if they said to you, all, no, 401 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,639 Speaker 1: you're just saying that because you are you would be like, no, 402 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,879 Speaker 1: I'm saying that because it's the truth. You have the 403 00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,359 Speaker 1: ability to be truthful with yourself. It's a very songwriter 404 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,719 Speaker 1: like assignment to y'all. I don't know if y'all realize this, 405 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: but you did it felt like y'all did that with 406 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 1: ease as well, because part of this is what you do. 407 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,720 Speaker 1: So I think that it should not be gone without 408 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,359 Speaker 1: saying that, like you know, and it's it may be 409 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:07,640 Speaker 1: a little harder for some of us others that don't 410 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: time spend time with ourselves because it's required for our 411 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 1: craft to be better, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, 412 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,239 Speaker 1: I think that's fast, definitely, but I submit that you 413 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,880 Speaker 1: can do right. Tend Bread ever said that and I thought, 414 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I would. Yeah, that's a good one. 415 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:25,159 Speaker 1: That was a good way. That starts with a list, honey, 416 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: Amber beyond right, ten things that, um that you love 417 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 1: about yourself. Yeah, and it's okay, let's start with five 418 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 1: and make it easy. What did I say? I said, Um, 419 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: the truth is an ego. No, the truth is the truth. 420 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,439 Speaker 1: You are allowed to love yourself. And I don't just 421 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 1: mean you're your bits and pieces, but you can love 422 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,960 Speaker 1: your bits and pieces too. It's okay, it's all right, 423 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: have a love fest. And you are aware. See that's 424 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:02,399 Speaker 1: the thing. You actually are aware. You're aware, you know, 425 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:09,680 Speaker 1: you know it's good. Let it go out there. Look 426 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 1: that on that purple. Write it up. Make you change 427 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: the perspective because I shut myself like I usually sometimes 428 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,880 Speaker 1: my father has a tendency to uh, I tease him. 429 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:24,120 Speaker 1: He compliments himself before I can get to it, and 430 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,919 Speaker 1: to a point where, like we we argue about it 431 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,720 Speaker 1: quite frequently, like can I just let me say it before, 432 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: like you say the things and then you before you 433 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,120 Speaker 1: even finish. It's like, yeah, I killed that, that was deep, 434 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,719 Speaker 1: that was this, and and I go, Daddy, shouldn't and 435 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,040 Speaker 1: you let somebody else tell you that though, because like 436 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:41,439 Speaker 1: you say it to me, don't you want to wait 437 00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,640 Speaker 1: for me to tell you? And I almost feel bad 438 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,679 Speaker 1: in this moment that I had these exchanges with him, 439 00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,120 Speaker 1: because no, my daddy is like, I ain't all wait 440 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,320 Speaker 1: for nobody, Like I heard it, I said it. I 441 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 1: know it was profound, and who I'm waiting on? Oh? 442 00:26:57,359 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: I got to apologize to Ron and get y listen. 443 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,439 Speaker 1: I apologize to my mother and the spirit realm on 444 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 1: a consistent basis. Susan, sorry, girl, I'm sorry. I'm sorry 445 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 1: because you had tried to told me you had tried 446 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:18,280 Speaker 1: to say it. But you know, I mean that meant 447 00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,880 Speaker 1: you got a good person. Yeah, I happens we get older. 448 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 1: That happens more frequently than we definitely would like it to. 449 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 1: I think, Chuck, you said Asia, whether your parents what 450 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 1: you or not, We're gonna take a quick break and 451 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. Come on, list, Come on list, 452 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:51,440 Speaker 1: I got, I got I love hard. I like that. 453 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,239 Speaker 1: I like that. I was about to write something like 454 00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 1: I love that as loud as I am. I am 455 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:07,360 Speaker 1: as much a listener. True, that definitely, that's where I'm at. 456 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,439 Speaker 1: I love my friends and my um. I can't do that. 457 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 1: I love my friend, Okay, I try. I can't talk much. Okay, Well, 458 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:20,399 Speaker 1: you can love the tribe you chose your tasting friends. 459 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:24,120 Speaker 1: I do love okay. I love my taste and friends. 460 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,360 Speaker 1: I'm really good at that. I don't really Okay, So 461 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,200 Speaker 1: what else youre talking about? Will she? I wish you 462 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 1: you know, this is one of the few times where 463 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 1: I wish you all could just see the little girl. Yes, yes, 464 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,920 Speaker 1: that's why you you write yourself a love letter or 465 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 1: you write down things that you love about yourself, because 466 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 1: it just it doesn't feel like a hug. I want 467 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,239 Speaker 1: to do a combo thing like you and Asia, like 468 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: I want to come from Asia's perspective, and then I 469 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 1: want to do jil like I want to do the 470 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 1: little girl thing. But then I liked it what Asia did. 471 00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: The way she was like talking to herself like pep 472 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: herself and reminding herself. So yeah, that's why I said. 473 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,320 Speaker 1: It's like and apologizing to herself and laughing at herself. 474 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 1: That was so lovely. Yeah, it was love. You just need, 475 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:14,360 Speaker 1: like I need to hear somebody's to hear y'alls. I 476 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: was like, wait, so what we do ones that look like? 477 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,520 Speaker 1: What does that sound like? We'll look at that. That's 478 00:29:18,560 --> 00:29:22,520 Speaker 1: exactly what we're here. I'm glad you were transparing hear it. Yeah, 479 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 1: we're letting you hear it so that you can do 480 00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: your own I promise you'all. Love my little heart. I 481 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 1: can't believe it still works like it does, but I'm 482 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 1: so glad it does feel great. It does loving all 483 00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 1: my parents, I got things. I guess I gotta do it. 484 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 1: Without bringing you gotta do it, but stop making other 485 00:29:42,320 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 1: people a part of it, like okay, okay, okay, I'm 486 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,240 Speaker 1: trying to tell you I deeply appreciate your struggle with 487 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: this and I'm so glad you girl. You're a blessing 488 00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 1: to these people who are listening, because it isn't as 489 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: easy as it looks. It's not as easy as it 490 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,840 Speaker 1: And then, yeah, I don't think I made it look easy. 491 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 1: I think I was stuttering and all the things ya 492 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,720 Speaker 1: y'all felt a little it was a little cool. But 493 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: let me tell y'all why y'all don't think y'all made 494 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,120 Speaker 1: it look easy. What you don't because easy would be 495 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 1: too much of a simple word to apply to what 496 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: y'all both did. But y'all have a natural way with words, 497 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,200 Speaker 1: and so it does appear. And I I know y'all, 498 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,200 Speaker 1: but even to me who knows you, it does appear 499 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,200 Speaker 1: that it's easier for it to flow out, for you 500 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,960 Speaker 1: to express your feelings, to put word to feeling than 501 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,840 Speaker 1: the average person. So yeah, it without offending you, because 502 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: I know it ain't easy for y'all, but it does 503 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: sound like it flows really pretty, like even when you're 504 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: crying and stuttering through it, which Jill, you didn't stutter. 505 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:54,240 Speaker 1: Now It's okay. I why is that in my throat? 506 00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,840 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm feeling at my thought it comes 507 00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:01,400 Speaker 1: and this cause it's a side aim. It comes at 508 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:06,040 Speaker 1: such a great time because I have so much on 509 00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:09,720 Speaker 1: my plate and so many things to look forward to 510 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: that easily, I know me, I can't get anxious. You know, 511 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 1: fear exists. I try to fight that mother sucker, but 512 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: nonetheless it exists, and I can feel overwhelmed, you know, 513 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: by all the things that are coming my way. And 514 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:35,320 Speaker 1: I writing that reminded me of the little girl who 515 00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 1: just did it because it felt good period, Because it 516 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,880 Speaker 1: feels good period, like I feel such a release. Sometimes 517 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,280 Speaker 1: you gotta get some permission to feel good, like thank 518 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,160 Speaker 1: you for giving us permission. And I think, like I said, 519 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 1: as you were doing it, as much as I was 520 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,600 Speaker 1: listening to you, I was thinking about, like, dang, what 521 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: did I what did I love about myself as a 522 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: little person, as a young person. I remember recently a 523 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: friend of mine was like, do you remember what you 524 00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 1: said to me when we first met. I was like, child, no, 525 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:14,480 Speaker 1: I don't remember, and you, like you was like, hey, 526 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 1: my name is Adria, and you should get to know 527 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:21,000 Speaker 1: me because I'm gonna be famous one day. How old 528 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: were you do you remember? Like fifteen or sixteen? I 529 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: don't know, just being goofy, you know what I mean? 530 00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: Like I was like it. The thing about it is 531 00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:38,160 Speaker 1: when you're young and that fear hasn't crush you or 532 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: try to crush you. Yet it happens earlier now if 533 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,960 Speaker 1: you ask, it does. And I think I think I 534 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: love that about myself. I love that I was always 535 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:52,400 Speaker 1: the first of my hand like I didn't care. I 536 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,040 Speaker 1: was always the first kid to raise my hands. I 537 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:59,680 Speaker 1: wanted to read out loud out, I wanted to take 538 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 1: on a challenge. I loved that about myself. My daughter 539 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:06,280 Speaker 1: was having an issue with she's a drama major, and 540 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: she was having an issue with it with something she 541 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,920 Speaker 1: was having to play. And I remember being twelve years 542 00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 1: old and wanting so bad too. I was doing a 543 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,360 Speaker 1: Shakespeare thing and wanting so bad to be Catherine from 544 00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:23,280 Speaker 1: the Taming of the True, but I couldn't because they 545 00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:27,960 Speaker 1: cast somebody else. So my teacher, who was brilliant at 546 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:31,400 Speaker 1: the time, she said, well, you know, in Shakespeare's time, 547 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:35,280 Speaker 1: women weren't allowed in the theater. She was like, so 548 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:38,040 Speaker 1: all the men had to play the women's roles. She 549 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: was like, well, how about we just do that with 550 00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 1: you and just flip it around and you could be Petruchio. 551 00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: And I was like, and I was. I was petru 552 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: And he was like one of the only all black 553 00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,120 Speaker 1: troops in this thing that we came out to perform for. 554 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: And me and my best friend were Catherine and Petruchio. 555 00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: And I was like the only black girl that had 556 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,959 Speaker 1: done a gender been enrolling the whole thing. So it 557 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,880 Speaker 1: was just like really cool, Like I love that. That 558 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:10,360 Speaker 1: wasn't I wasn't fearful of that. I see some kids 559 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:14,800 Speaker 1: twelve in the thirteen age group, you know, and they're 560 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:23,120 Speaker 1: like forty five, forty two, twenty three. I mean that 561 00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: fear gets strong as you get older. Yeah, you just 562 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,560 Speaker 1: take the first person to shoot you down, and then 563 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:30,680 Speaker 1: another one and another one and another one. Oh am, 564 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,440 Speaker 1: I gonna get up that. The first fear, the first 565 00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: real fear was was Mr Lovitt's in math. I know 566 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,040 Speaker 1: I told you guys about him because I still talk 567 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:48,120 Speaker 1: about him in therapy. Yeah, that man, he said, you 568 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:52,880 Speaker 1: are so ugly. I don't know how anyone could bear 569 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:57,680 Speaker 1: to look at it. You are so stupid you should 570 00:34:57,719 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 1: just face the wall. What. Oh, Mr I was in 571 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: the seventh grade. Why a teacher like that? Wow, it's amazing, 572 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:16,880 Speaker 1: big fat Mr love it. He gave me a big fat, 573 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 1: juicy f wow. Because once my mom came to the 574 00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,440 Speaker 1: school and talked to him the next day, he was like, 575 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:29,040 Speaker 1: so I'm mean to you. That's the way he reacted. 576 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 1: That's the way he reacted. No, No, he didn't get fired. 577 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 1: When you know teachers back when we was kids, they 578 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,360 Speaker 1: got away with a lot, a lot. That's why I said. 579 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 1: That's why I apologized to y'all. When we were talking. 580 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:45,880 Speaker 1: I don't know if we were talking to something Mitchell 581 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 1: or somebody, and I had a whole like regurgitation of Mr. 582 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,520 Speaker 1: Tyson calling me a bumbling idiot and telling my friends 583 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 1: not to hang out with me. M And to this day, 584 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,239 Speaker 1: Mr Typson he's still around. He ain't that old. And 585 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,759 Speaker 1: some of my classmates go out to dinner with him 586 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,240 Speaker 1: every year because that's my favorite teacher. And I'd be like, really, 587 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: I guess for y'all, ye parents have to come up 588 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,040 Speaker 1: for that one. To Jim yea, I wish you would 589 00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:14,160 Speaker 1: have gave me an because remote bot out that, like, 590 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,920 Speaker 1: let me tell you something. I took that F I 591 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,839 Speaker 1: took it. My grade still still with all the rest 592 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,160 Speaker 1: of the grazing on my report guard, I still had 593 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:28,319 Speaker 1: a B average. So it didn't destroy you. So I 594 00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: let the fuck go. But from that on, that moment on, 595 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:36,680 Speaker 1: every time I got to a math class, I felt 596 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:40,360 Speaker 1: like my heart with race and I would you know, 597 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,000 Speaker 1: because I didn't know what this meant? Is this another 598 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,279 Speaker 1: moment where because I was behind the math, I was 599 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 1: how was you in high school? And math struggled? Struggle 600 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:54,440 Speaker 1: my ass off, I struggled. But you know again, you 601 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,360 Speaker 1: know I was at girls high so school. You know 602 00:36:57,400 --> 00:36:59,480 Speaker 1: when I didn't pass math, I didn't get to walk 603 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:05,400 Speaker 1: m M meant dad. And I attribute some of that 604 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,520 Speaker 1: to my early education. And I contribute that to Mr 605 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,120 Speaker 1: Lovitt because when I because I went to summer school 606 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,839 Speaker 1: every year, every year, faithfully, and every year, I got 607 00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: an a trauma. That's math trauma. That's what that is. 608 00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:23,279 Speaker 1: But you know, side note, a lot of girls and 609 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,360 Speaker 1: also specifically and especially black girls, have a lot of 610 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,439 Speaker 1: trauma around math. Me too, Joe I have a lot, 611 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,399 Speaker 1: have a lot. I want to give a moment a little, 612 00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:39,360 Speaker 1: a little shout out to Grassroots Community Foundation and had 613 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,680 Speaker 1: a program specifically addressing this that was spearheaded by one 614 00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:48,200 Speaker 1: of their young super girls, Amina, who came up with 615 00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,480 Speaker 1: a program to address this issue with young middle school 616 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:55,360 Speaker 1: black girls. That's when it starts. That's interested. It definitely 617 00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,000 Speaker 1: starts a little school that is that's deep. I didn't 618 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,839 Speaker 1: know that it was a trying. I didn't. I didn't 619 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:05,040 Speaker 1: know that it is a real thing, it's a real being. 620 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,200 Speaker 1: I want to also take this moment side note to 621 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 1: appreciate those teachers who are out here not inflicting trauma 622 00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: on young people, because as you can see, this stays 623 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: with us. Right, I'm a shout out Brent Elementary School, 624 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: with which I know I've always I've done already on 625 00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: this podcast before at some point I'm sure Brent Elementary School, 626 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:31,879 Speaker 1: Roberty Brent, Washington, d C. Circa eighties. I would say 627 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:36,080 Speaker 1: between eighty two and eighty seven for me, But I 628 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:40,040 Speaker 1: just want to shout them out. Every single solitary teacher 629 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: from kindergarten to sixth grade was a black woman, including science, 630 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:53,760 Speaker 1: including music, including Jim, including our school counselor and our principle. 631 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:59,759 Speaker 1: Shout out to Dr Francis Plumber. Listen, Dr, I know 632 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,279 Speaker 1: we was raised in d C, y'all, which I don't 633 00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,239 Speaker 1: understand what agents saying. This is really still a big deal. 634 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 1: And we wanted to the DC ist, the blacktiest black 635 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,160 Speaker 1: that is black. He had. We had every single one 636 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,720 Speaker 1: of my teachers and my gifted and talented teacher whose 637 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: idea it was for me to gender be in that role. 638 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:21,960 Speaker 1: Msminton shout out. You know what I'm saying. These women 639 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,920 Speaker 1: shaped and molded me as a person from kindergarten to 640 00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,400 Speaker 1: sixth grade. I was taught by a black woman, and 641 00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:31,920 Speaker 1: many of them had advanced degrees. And I think now 642 00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,400 Speaker 1: that I know what I know about how they hired 643 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:38,799 Speaker 1: teachers and how principles are are responsible for this. Now 644 00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,600 Speaker 1: I know that this was intentional and this was done 645 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:44,840 Speaker 1: by a black woman. Dr Plumber who hired these women 646 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,120 Speaker 1: who no doubt many of them went to DC Teachers College. 647 00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: So shout out to to to that school that later 648 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,000 Speaker 1: one became U d C. So I just want y'all 649 00:39:54,000 --> 00:40:02,280 Speaker 1: to know, so thank thank you to our little people. 650 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:07,200 Speaker 1: Thank you Missia Warren shout out. I want to shout 651 00:40:07,200 --> 00:40:13,840 Speaker 1: out Dana Miller, who happened to be um Jets math tutor. 652 00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:19,560 Speaker 1: And it was a rough go for a while, but 653 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: miss Dana has she's out of Philadelphia and I'm gonna 654 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:25,800 Speaker 1: send you know, make sure I send you a link 655 00:40:26,280 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 1: um to where you can reach her if you're in 656 00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,800 Speaker 1: the Philadelphia area and you're you're struggling where your child 657 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:35,760 Speaker 1: is struggling in math, because she has a way. There's 658 00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:40,399 Speaker 1: always a giggle, there's there's always um some level of 659 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:45,160 Speaker 1: fun which I can't you know, like all fun math 660 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:50,320 Speaker 1: fun fun math. There's fun math. Math is fun. Yeah. 661 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:54,520 Speaker 1: I could hear my child laughing any other room and 662 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:59,880 Speaker 1: I was like, wow, that's impressive. And slowly but steady 663 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:04,920 Speaker 1: league his confidence grew MA and um, I just want 664 00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 1: to let you guys know that there's somebody out there 665 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:13,520 Speaker 1: who has a gentle way and extreme knowledge of mathematics 666 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:18,839 Speaker 1: and it's definitely invested in getting your child or yourself 667 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:22,200 Speaker 1: to another level. Man roots link in there too, because 668 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:27,080 Speaker 1: they just a wealth of resources. And also too, when 669 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,680 Speaker 1: I did homeschool with my my kids, y'all know, like 670 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:35,400 Speaker 1: I said, math again, not my ministry either so oursourced 671 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:39,400 Speaker 1: to Melanie Young, who is amazing also out of Philadelphia, 672 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: out of University of Pennsylvania, amazing black woman, works with 673 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:49,240 Speaker 1: black family, all kinds of families, but um, she definitely 674 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,000 Speaker 1: worked with my family and my kids and when they 675 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:57,400 Speaker 1: had their homeschool graduation, she came to support them. So again, 676 00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,840 Speaker 1: this to me, that pouring of love into young people 677 00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:05,560 Speaker 1: and particularly you know, around things that we comment like 678 00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:10,279 Speaker 1: traumas that we share that it stays with us, the 679 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,160 Speaker 1: love and the trauma. But we thank God for the 680 00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 1: love because we're able to kind of talk about it 681 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:18,839 Speaker 1: now and share that and and not repeat those same 682 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,800 Speaker 1: cycles and paying attention to those things for our own kids. 683 00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:23,800 Speaker 1: But if you can't come home and tell you somebody 684 00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:28,600 Speaker 1: that says some wild ship, believe them because they don't 685 00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:33,600 Speaker 1: get saying wild things. Please, especially when it's coming from 686 00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,240 Speaker 1: a teacher. Baby, when your kid is saying that a teacher, 687 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:41,480 Speaker 1: that was like, seriously, some of the many things I 688 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,359 Speaker 1: and I did. I did. I faced the wall. It's 689 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,800 Speaker 1: like it's under the rest of the year. But guess 690 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,920 Speaker 1: what I did. I wrote the whole time, I wrote 691 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:55,200 Speaker 1: the whole time. I wrote a little plays. I wrote stories, 692 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,160 Speaker 1: I wrote poetry, I wrote, I wrote the whole time, 693 00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:00,879 Speaker 1: so that I just started looking forward to that little 694 00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:04,080 Speaker 1: part because I knew he wouldn't think about me at all. 695 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,360 Speaker 1: He didn't. He never even said hello that I was 696 00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:08,960 Speaker 1: in a room. Nothing from that point on was my 697 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: mother came to the school. He never spoke to me again. 698 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,520 Speaker 1: And I was happy because I didn't want I didn't 699 00:43:15,520 --> 00:43:33,520 Speaker 1: want no parts more conversation. After the break, you know, 700 00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:36,800 Speaker 1: I was reading, um, it's like a young person's book, 701 00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:42,439 Speaker 1: but it's a biography on Octavia Butler, and some years ago, 702 00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:46,319 Speaker 1: like her notebooks were discovered and people talked about how 703 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:51,319 Speaker 1: she had manifested and written all of these things that 704 00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:56,799 Speaker 1: she wanted to become, being a bestseller, what money she 705 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,120 Speaker 1: wanted to make, the impact she wanted to make, and 706 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,600 Speaker 1: thinking of her as a little girl, and reading about 707 00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:04,360 Speaker 1: her as a little girl, you said, you know what 708 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:07,200 Speaker 1: I did. I wrote everywhere she wents used to bring 709 00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: a pink notebook, and she published her first story when 710 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,480 Speaker 1: she was ten. But she got you know, rejected a 711 00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,160 Speaker 1: lot of times too, so like lots of rejection because 712 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,080 Speaker 1: she was writing science fiction, and you know, people didn't 713 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:24,920 Speaker 1: want to hear that from her. Um. But what's interesting 714 00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,480 Speaker 1: about her story was just you could see the little 715 00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:32,040 Speaker 1: girl part. So when you told me about when you were, like, 716 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:34,280 Speaker 1: you know what I did. She was. She was lonely. 717 00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:38,160 Speaker 1: She was a bit of an eyeball, and two combat 718 00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:42,080 Speaker 1: the loneliness. She wrote. She wrote stories to entertain herself. 719 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,560 Speaker 1: She would read stories and they would be trash, and 720 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,920 Speaker 1: she would write a story because she would say, you know, 721 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,319 Speaker 1: I think I could probably write a better story than 722 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:53,000 Speaker 1: this trash of reading. And I love that. I love 723 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,480 Speaker 1: that because it gets into Tony Morrison who said, hey, 724 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:59,080 Speaker 1: if there's a book you haven't read yet, write it mhm. 725 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,440 Speaker 1: And I just love that. I love the thought of 726 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:07,480 Speaker 1: that it can turn out okay, that that that painful experience, 727 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,400 Speaker 1: that thing that makes that's supposed to make you not 728 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:14,360 Speaker 1: love yourself mm hmm. It doesn't have to be the 729 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,600 Speaker 1: end of the story for you. You can you can 730 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,799 Speaker 1: take that moment and shifted ship. I'm like, thirty years later, 731 00:45:19,840 --> 00:45:21,520 Speaker 1: I just realized my teacher that was calling me a 732 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,200 Speaker 1: bumbling idiot didn't even acknowledge that I was two years 733 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,880 Speaker 1: ahead of everybody in the school. How am I idiot? 734 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:32,440 Speaker 1: I'm younger than everybody in my class, in my grade, 735 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,560 Speaker 1: and you get paid now to give your opinion on 736 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:38,279 Speaker 1: a wealth of different things. Yeah, you know, I don't 737 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,279 Speaker 1: call me where girl was was on something and I 738 00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 1: you know, I'm a big fan of her. And she 739 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:51,000 Speaker 1: said something I'm paraphrasing. When somebody is jealous, there's something 740 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,680 Speaker 1: that you can't even give them. It's not even like 741 00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:57,279 Speaker 1: it's a purse or a necklace. You can't even give 742 00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:01,040 Speaker 1: them what they're jealous of. It's something you know that's 743 00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:06,719 Speaker 1: innate to you. She said. She was like, when I 744 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,040 Speaker 1: walk into a room by light of the room, you 745 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:14,360 Speaker 1: you dark in the room. Bitch, what what can you? 746 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,839 Speaker 1: What can you do about that? Nothing? But but you 747 00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,319 Speaker 1: can damn. Somebody's like, that's what they try. They can't 748 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,799 Speaker 1: they try. I want to I want to take this 749 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:26,000 Speaker 1: moment also to say I'm sorry that that happened. I'm 750 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:31,560 Speaker 1: sorry that he did that. You didn't deserve that. You 751 00:46:32,760 --> 00:46:35,040 Speaker 1: He should never have been allowed to speak to you 752 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:40,040 Speaker 1: that way. And even though those people still associate themselves 753 00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:43,880 Speaker 1: with him, and I know that that's painful again because 754 00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:48,480 Speaker 1: they were ended up working on Wall Street and being doctors, 755 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:52,120 Speaker 1: it's like five Wall Street doctors, lawyers. You know, they're 756 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,719 Speaker 1: gonna have dinner with him. I'm sorry. He didn't care 757 00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:55,800 Speaker 1: about any of that. He didn't care about that, that 758 00:46:55,920 --> 00:47:00,080 Speaker 1: wasn't your path at all. So he just completely miss 759 00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 1: understood a student, misunderstood. He chose to misunderstand the student 760 00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:11,360 Speaker 1: he chose. He just he chose violence in a way 761 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:18,759 Speaker 1: that was absolutely unnecess unnecessary, harmful, purposeful in all the 762 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,320 Speaker 1: ways that a person can be harmful. It's like people 763 00:47:22,360 --> 00:47:25,359 Speaker 1: talking about language. Language can cut just as much as 764 00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:29,760 Speaker 1: any kind of physical violence. And you know, I really 765 00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,360 Speaker 1: I hate that that happened to you, and you didn't 766 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,960 Speaker 1: deserve that. And I just want to tell you right now, 767 00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,280 Speaker 1: like you know, whatever you feel about it is valid. 768 00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:41,719 Speaker 1: I just I just say it once and I'm done. 769 00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,799 Speaker 1: I said it. Yeah, we're gonna punch this ass out 770 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,080 Speaker 1: hout out, Like you said, it's far too many good 771 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,279 Speaker 1: teachers and great teacher experiences to let him win in 772 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:57,640 Speaker 1: that situation. And say what you're saying with Mr. Somebody 773 00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:01,200 Speaker 1: on here know where these teachers weren't good. Neither of 774 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:06,040 Speaker 1: them won anything that part. They didn't win. They didn't 775 00:48:06,040 --> 00:48:10,080 Speaker 1: win at all. The worst way possible. You all blossom. 776 00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:12,160 Speaker 1: I'm talking about in their lives. I'm talking about an hour. 777 00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:18,479 Speaker 1: They didn't win at all, not even the slightest, Mr Levin, 778 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:24,920 Speaker 1: do you even know? Do you even know? It's ugly? 779 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:29,720 Speaker 1: Could never? Do you know what they say about me today? 780 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:35,799 Speaker 1: You know what they say? Don't they sprints all to 781 00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:41,759 Speaker 1: which I caused? Honey, But a mere smile, minkle in 782 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:48,879 Speaker 1: the eye, bitch down, Take the people down. All they 783 00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,279 Speaker 1: need to see is the smile that they know is me? Sir? 784 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:57,319 Speaker 1: Do they know what you do? Does they want you? Good? Bye? 785 00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:00,400 Speaker 1: Mr Leat. I'm gonna try my best not to mention 786 00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,160 Speaker 1: him anymore, but it may come up. It may come 787 00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:07,759 Speaker 1: up that man to which we should I'll not name, yes, 788 00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:11,160 Speaker 1: which we shall not name, because we don't name them. 789 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:17,839 Speaker 1: We name people to give power them. Yeah, shout out 790 00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:25,839 Speaker 1: the good one. But I like your thinking them. Take 791 00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,759 Speaker 1: a deep breath, letten, take a deep breath. Man in 792 00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:32,080 Speaker 1: this life right here? Y, it's a thing, is it not? 793 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:36,040 Speaker 1: It's a thing. It is a thing. Oh, I'm so 794 00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:40,239 Speaker 1: grateful for age. Some people didn't make it. Yeah, yeah, 795 00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:42,879 Speaker 1: I know. It's funny. My boyfriend always gets mad because 796 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,120 Speaker 1: I say it's been a long life, and he's like, 797 00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:46,759 Speaker 1: why do you act like it's about the end. I'm like, no, 798 00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:48,719 Speaker 1: I'm not acting like it's about the end. But you 799 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:53,440 Speaker 1: gotta understand, like, these first four decades, it's been a 800 00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:56,600 Speaker 1: doing me. We'd have done some things. It's been a 801 00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:03,080 Speaker 1: whole story, a whole story's many chapters in this book. 802 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:10,480 Speaker 1: Who many think about that? Listen, I don't know wherever 803 00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:13,000 Speaker 1: you are. I don't I don't know exactly what you're 804 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:15,880 Speaker 1: doing except for listening to Jay dot Ilda podcasts, and 805 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:20,360 Speaker 1: we really thank you for that. I would love to 806 00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:23,279 Speaker 1: share this poem about love. You ain't done that in 807 00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:24,920 Speaker 1: a while. Come on, Jim, we like it when you 808 00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:29,680 Speaker 1: do that. Man. This is This is written by Philadelphia 809 00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:36,920 Speaker 1: poet Laureat Ursula Rucker. She writes, on this day, there 810 00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:40,680 Speaker 1: will be no talk of war or politic or disaster 811 00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:45,480 Speaker 1: or death. Love is alive today, so we will speak 812 00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:50,560 Speaker 1: only of love. There will be only love on tom 813 00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:54,359 Speaker 1: and up and in heart and thought. And it won't 814 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:58,080 Speaker 1: be that Hollywood type of love, not TV love, not 815 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:04,440 Speaker 1: dime store novel love, and certainly not mainstream music love. Love, love, 816 00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:11,120 Speaker 1: you know love, love that has been worked on love 817 00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:17,840 Speaker 1: like gardens and term papers. Love that has been nurtured, 818 00:51:17,920 --> 00:51:24,400 Speaker 1: like children, and well like children. Love that falls, crashes, 819 00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:30,880 Speaker 1: even burns, but dusts off, fixes up and rises, rises 820 00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:35,759 Speaker 1: more brilliant than before. Phoenix love, Yeah, phoenix love. So 821 00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:40,319 Speaker 1: let us speak only of love, healing love, No herbal 822 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:46,280 Speaker 1: or over the counsel, love, m real healing, love like God, 823 00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:51,840 Speaker 1: love like mother's love, lovers love, child's love, like best friend. 824 00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:57,879 Speaker 1: Love and change the world love, human love, humans love, love, 825 00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:04,960 Speaker 1: soft love, heart word, but just love, enjoyed the new garden. 826 00:52:05,760 --> 00:52:13,200 Speaker 1: Work on it together. Ursula Rucker. M m mmm mm hmmm, 827 00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:21,400 Speaker 1: she said, no herbal or, over the counter, lover real healing, 828 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:26,719 Speaker 1: the combination of which cannot take the combination of her 829 00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,440 Speaker 1: words and your voice. It's too much. It was just 830 00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:35,319 Speaker 1: the words, the words. Fucking I love you, Ursula. We 831 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:45,880 Speaker 1: love you, Ursula in the words words, the words. Some 832 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:50,279 Speaker 1: people just have an understanding. M hm. And so we 833 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:54,200 Speaker 1: thank God, thank God, and we send love to the artists, 834 00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:02,800 Speaker 1: to the poets, songwriters. Thank you all for the word makers, makers, 835 00:53:03,880 --> 00:53:11,120 Speaker 1: the painters, the sculptors, thank you, We thank you. The dancers. 836 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:18,160 Speaker 1: Come on, all that evoke in of emotion the musicians listen. 837 00:53:19,760 --> 00:53:22,399 Speaker 1: Thank you all for teaching us how to love mm 838 00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:27,800 Speaker 1: hmm had the birds maybe that the actions, but you 839 00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:32,319 Speaker 1: knew how to say it. Yeah, we want, she said, 840 00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:36,640 Speaker 1: because some of them may live in we're talking about 841 00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:43,440 Speaker 1: the were talking about. We're talking about the art. Love 842 00:53:43,560 --> 00:53:52,200 Speaker 1: this show. Deep breaths. Take a moment and love yourself today. Okay, 843 00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:58,359 Speaker 1: take fifty moments, take a thousand bucket, going to love 844 00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:06,239 Speaker 1: yourself all day, all night. You're worth it and so deserving. 845 00:54:06,800 --> 00:54:09,920 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilga podcast. 846 00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:15,359 Speaker 1: It is always our pleasure to have conversation that sparks conversation, 847 00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:22,880 Speaker 1: love and light, y'all, how do you eat an elephant? 848 00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:30,160 Speaker 1: One by it kind? Hello, dear listeners, it's Amber the 849 00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:35,160 Speaker 1: producer here. I love this episode. I just love and 850 00:54:35,239 --> 00:54:38,840 Speaker 1: we love ourselves, I really do. And we're finishing it 851 00:54:38,920 --> 00:54:45,359 Speaker 1: out with Layah's completed assignments. Hey y'all, it's Laia and yes, 852 00:54:45,800 --> 00:54:49,080 Speaker 1: I have reluctantly written my top five things that I 853 00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:51,280 Speaker 1: love about me and shout say everybody's in my tribe 854 00:54:51,719 --> 00:54:54,680 Speaker 1: that is challenged by this challenge. It ain't easy, but 855 00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:56,400 Speaker 1: we have to do it all right, So here we 856 00:54:56,480 --> 00:55:00,600 Speaker 1: go in no particular order. Number five, I am a 857 00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:04,640 Speaker 1: conscious work in progress. I love that about me. Number four. 858 00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:08,480 Speaker 1: I love that I try to consider all in most situations. 859 00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:12,759 Speaker 1: Number three. I love that I refused to give up, 860 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:14,719 Speaker 1: but I am not opposed to giving in. You know 861 00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:18,239 Speaker 1: what I'm laying. Number two, I love that I am 862 00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:23,120 Speaker 1: open to most things and all kinds of adventures. Uh. 863 00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:27,239 Speaker 1: Number one, I love how hard I love, no matter 864 00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,800 Speaker 1: the outcome. And a bonus one for you and for me? 865 00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:32,880 Speaker 1: What really for me? Because this is about me. I 866 00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:41,160 Speaker 1: love the complexities of my tight walp okay and now 867 00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:45,239 Speaker 1: challenge y'all see it's not easy, all right, you do it? Love, 868 00:55:45,360 --> 00:56:00,680 Speaker 1: y'all see it the next show. Hi, you have comments 869 00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,560 Speaker 1: on something that we said in this episode called eight 870 00:56:03,719 --> 00:56:06,800 Speaker 1: six six. Hey, Jill, if you want to add to 871 00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:11,719 Speaker 1: this conversation, that's eight six six nine five four five five. 872 00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:14,480 Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode 873 00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,960 Speaker 1: you're referring to. You might just hear your message on 874 00:56:18,040 --> 00:56:21,840 Speaker 1: a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott 875 00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:28,600 Speaker 1: presents Jay dot Ill. The podcast Ja dot Ill is 876 00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:32,600 Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Radio for More podcast from 877 00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:37,319 Speaker 1: I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, 878 00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:40,240 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.