Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to the Amy and TJ Podcast. In this episode,
Speaker 1: we are going to talk about a very exciting, brand
Speaker 1: new project that we're jumping into. It's a column with
Speaker 1: Yahoo and it's called Ask Amy and TJ. It's a
Speaker 1: relationship column. TJ.
Speaker 2: You don't want to call it advice?
Speaker 1: Well, look, we're going to give a suggestion, counter experience, comfort. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: a perspective.
Speaker 2: Hey, we got that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, I when they protest about this, I, for
Speaker 3: whatever reason, I was uncomfortable with the idea of calling
Speaker 3: it an advice column. I'm not quite sure, you know what.
Speaker 3: I step away from. The idea still foreign to me
Speaker 3: that anybody would come to me for advice on relationships.
Speaker 3: I think that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Right, and I don't think that either one of us
Speaker 1: feel comfortable at all claiming or having anyone else call
Speaker 1: us experts. We're experienced, yes, and we've made a lot
Speaker 1: of mistakes and in my life, and I think in
Speaker 1: most people's lives, if you think about it, you learn
Speaker 1: the most when you make mistakes through those mistakes. And
Speaker 1: so I would say in that sense, we do have
Speaker 1: a lot of information, hard earned information, experience that we
Speaker 1: can pass along that perhaps could help someone in some
Speaker 1: sort of relationship dilemma.
Speaker 3: And we smile about it, but it's some we It
Speaker 3: never crossed our minds to do a relationship column. We'll
Speaker 3: talk about how this came about in just a second,
Speaker 3: but we have found over the past several years, and
Speaker 3: even sometimes publicly on our podcast and episodes we've done,
Speaker 3: people open up and speak to us in a way
Speaker 3: that maybe they would not have had they done it
Speaker 3: with someone else or didn't know some of what you
Speaker 3: and I had gone through. That there has been something
Speaker 3: to that. There's a comfort in knowing you're not going
Speaker 3: to be judged, first of all, but in listening to
Speaker 3: someone who's been through it.
Speaker 1: As well exactly, and that has been one of the
Speaker 1: silver linings of what we went through. Look, we would
Speaker 1: not have wanted to ever. It's kind of funny the
Speaker 1: situation we found ourselves in. We're both private people. We
Speaker 1: would not have ever been putting our relationship out there
Speaker 1: for people to discuss. We knew it was going to
Speaker 1: become public because we had plans to make it public
Speaker 1: within literally a month of when it was revealed, not
Speaker 1: our doing or on the timeline, we would have liked
Speaker 1: it but we would have been private. So we were
Speaker 1: thrust our relationship became fodder. We were thrust into the headlines,
Speaker 1: and so then yeah, people feel like, Okay, well they've
Speaker 1: been through a lot of stuff and we know about
Speaker 1: it because we've read about it. So now I don't
Speaker 1: feel so bad about telling you my stuff and what
Speaker 1: I'm going through because the truth is everybody is going
Speaker 1: through something, but nobody wants you to know that exactly.
Speaker 3: Why everybody, y'all, we're all in it. I don't to
Speaker 3: the idea that someone is it is jealous of that
Speaker 3: other couple or that other couple, but.
Speaker 1: That happens every I'm guilty of looking, at least in
Speaker 1: past moments in my life, looking at other couples, thinking Wow,
Speaker 1: what's that like? What would that be like?
Speaker 3: And what I am saying to people are suggesting that
Speaker 3: everybody is going through it in some way just because
Speaker 3: they put on whatever face. You have been guilty of that.
Speaker 3: I have been guilty of that publicly putting out a
Speaker 3: phase and people would have looked and said, ha, they
Speaker 3: got it together.
Speaker 2: A couple of goals.
Speaker 1: They're the perk couple goals exactly hashtag couple goals. They're perfect,
Speaker 1: they are so in love, they must never fight. I
Speaker 1: bet they have the best life.
Speaker 3: Ha, Just everybody's going through it. So when we got
Speaker 3: this opportunity, I mean we were kind of scratching our
Speaker 3: heads saying, well, how did this come about? And then
Speaker 3: we realize this actually is right in our wheelhouse. Because
Speaker 3: we have been giving advice to people on the street
Speaker 3: formerly for a while now Robes. It has been kind
Speaker 3: of remarkable the number of folks who have started telling
Speaker 3: us their life stories because they know what we've gone
Speaker 3: through and they want.
Speaker 2: To hear how to get through it.
Speaker 1: Everyone's trying to connect and I think everyone no one
Speaker 1: wants to feel alone. Everyone wants to know Hey, me too.
Speaker 1: And so it started almost immediately. We started to venture
Speaker 1: out a few times, kind of hiding away at a
Speaker 1: restaurant here or there, and people still would find us.
Speaker 1: And there was one in particular initially who came up
Speaker 1: to us and they said, you think you've been through
Speaker 1: the Ringer, wait till you'll hear our story and how
Speaker 1: we got together. A lot we've had flight attendants say hey,
Speaker 1: I met my husband. He's a pilot at the job.
Speaker 1: On the job, they're like shocking that two people who
Speaker 1: work together might fall in love. Wow, that must never happen.
Speaker 1: You guys are weird. So yes, we've had those kind
Speaker 1: of anecdotal moments where people are connecting because they've had
Speaker 1: either a relationship work or some sort of relationship that
Speaker 1: was frowned upon by others, and so we felt camaraderie
Speaker 1: with them, and that's kind of how it began.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but when I guess we got a call and
Speaker 3: we want to give her credit. Carol O'Connor, So when
Speaker 3: we worked with back at ABC was now the director
Speaker 3: of communications at Yahoo. She knew how to get in
Speaker 3: touch with us and reached out because they have a
Speaker 3: new editor in chief over at Yahoo News, who is
Speaker 3: Rosa Hayman, and those two reached out and had an idea.
Speaker 3: We weren't exactly sure, so Rose, we got together and
Speaker 3: trop Becka Bluestone Lane.
Speaker 2: I remember that that morning.
Speaker 1: And they said, we would like to have the two
Speaker 1: of you write an advice column. And they already had
Speaker 1: a name, ask Amy and TJ. And they kind of
Speaker 1: felt what we had been experiencing. That because our relationship
Speaker 1: was so out there and because we had been through
Speaker 1: the Ringer and because so many other people privately go
Speaker 1: through versions of something they just figured there'd be an
Speaker 1: immediate connect, and because we had experienced so much and look,
Speaker 1: we can go through our resumes on relationships, but we
Speaker 1: both have two divorces, and a lot of people could
Speaker 1: point to that and say, well, why would you then
Speaker 1: give relationship advice? But man, going through those experiences and
Speaker 1: learning and then relearning the dues and don'ts and where
Speaker 1: things went wrong, there's there. We've both done a lot
Speaker 1: of work and introspection on how things got to where
Speaker 1: they were and why we chose the mates we did.
Speaker 1: I just feel like when you look at it from
Speaker 1: that perspective, we do have a lot of experience them.
Speaker 3: It's weird to think, well, I don't want to listen
Speaker 3: to this person on relationship advice because that person has
Speaker 3: had some failures in their relationships. Well, go find someone
Speaker 3: who's perfect in a relationship and get advice from them.
Speaker 2: Go right ahead.
Speaker 3: It might take you a while to find them, but
Speaker 3: it's nice. We are not at all. We wouldn't make
Speaker 3: that suggestion that we're just trying to tell people how
Speaker 3: to necessarily avoid mistakes. We are the folks who a
Speaker 3: lot of people reached out to us, talk to us
Speaker 3: about not making the mistake, but how to get through it.
Speaker 3: And that's where so many people right now find themselves.
Speaker 3: They're already in the thick of something robes and now
Speaker 3: they're trying to figure out how to get sometimes out
Speaker 3: of it or through it.
Speaker 1: You know, I have come back and this is this
Speaker 1: has been going on now for at least two years.
Speaker 1: Where whether I'm going to a doctor's office, I'm going
Speaker 1: to a lawyer's office dealing with divorce proceedings, whether I'm
Speaker 1: at an event where I see an old colleague, a medium, mogul,
Speaker 1: you know, people from all walks of life will seek
Speaker 1: me out and say, oh my god, I'm about to
Speaker 1: get divorced. I think I'm going to tell my husband
Speaker 1: I want a divorce, or I'm in the middle of
Speaker 1: a messy divorce. And then they have questions, how did
Speaker 1: you handle this? How did you deal with this? But
Speaker 1: these are women who I don't think otherwise would have
Speaker 1: ever come up and shared any of this with me.
Speaker 1: But because they know I've been through it, and because
Speaker 1: they know our dirty laundry was aired all over the place,
Speaker 1: they know, like you said, there's no judgment, and there's
Speaker 1: a lot of experience, and so I have just been
Speaker 1: kind of amazed at how forthcoming, how vulnerable. I have
Speaker 1: seen powerful women who I know would not even otherwise,
Speaker 1: how they've been able to open up because they feel safe.
Speaker 3: The think you have that you know you're talking to
Speaker 3: a kind and empathetic ear is how differently people will
Speaker 3: talk to you because of so off And I'm sure
Speaker 3: you saw it in some of those rooms. A powerful
Speaker 3: person comes over vulnerable with you and then turn around
Speaker 3: and go back to being mispowerful.
Speaker 1: In that right exactly without a doubt. I mean, we've
Speaker 1: even had it on our podcast where we've had people
Speaker 1: come in, prominent guests come in, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden they'll break down a little bit in the
Speaker 1: actual podcast and kind of reveal more than maybe they
Speaker 1: would have. But then when the mics turn off, they
Speaker 1: will just tell you comes out everything. And I've been
Speaker 1: stunned by that because you and I have spoken with
Speaker 1: celebrities for the last two decades, and that just doesn't
Speaker 1: happen if you have a little bit of a connection,
Speaker 1: a little bit of laugh after the cameras turn off,
Speaker 1: when the micser turned off. But this has been on
Speaker 1: a whole other level with what we've been through, where
Speaker 1: people who I get would probably have a lot to
Speaker 1: lose if we talked about what they told us. It
Speaker 1: still felt connected enough to say.
Speaker 2: It we should get official licenses to be.
Speaker 1: We can't name names, but it's been jaw dropping.
Speaker 3: It had, and I would say I've had different conversations
Speaker 3: with people since we've been podcasting than I did when
Speaker 3: we were in broadcasting on broadcast television. There's something about it,
Speaker 3: and I've appreciated and felt more connection with people that
Speaker 3: we have been talking to, and quite frankly, you and
Speaker 3: I have been more vulnerable in this role than we
Speaker 3: have been in our careers, and I think that shows
Speaker 3: and it's paid off in the people we talk to,
Speaker 3: So I've appreciate it.
Speaker 1: One of the cool moments when we were approached by
Speaker 1: Rosa and Kara to do this advice column, they had
Speaker 1: just listened to our February series called Love Stories, And
Speaker 1: I've given you full credit, TJ, because this was your
Speaker 1: idea for us to interview couples in different stages in life,
Speaker 1: coming at it from different places in life. There were
Speaker 1: age gaps, there were religious differences, there were sexual orientation differences,
Speaker 1: people who had been married a long time, people who
Speaker 1: had just gotten married, people had been married four times.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It was like every single possible relationship scenario. And then
Speaker 1: these were currently successful couples, and so we wanted to
Speaker 1: ask them questions and so we just had a unique experience.
Speaker 1: So because it was you and I a couple interviewing
Speaker 1: another couple.
Speaker 2: I love that series.
Speaker 3: I love I didn't know it was going to come
Speaker 3: out like that, but we asked all these couples the
Speaker 3: exact same questions from a list and just to hear
Speaker 3: how the conversation said off and how the differences and
Speaker 3: the similarities and everything you do you see a theme
Speaker 3: in so many couples, no matter what the differences are.
Speaker 3: I loved it, and we absolutely folks were telling you
Speaker 3: now we are going to continue that series.
Speaker 2: We give you our word there.
Speaker 3: But I was surprised Robes and we did get some response,
Speaker 3: some online and some friends talking about it. But I
Speaker 3: was surprised to hear Yahoo. It got Yahoo's attention, and
Speaker 3: that's part of the reason they approached us.
Speaker 1: Yes, and you know, we wanted to take this time
Speaker 1: to think those couples, because it does take a lot,
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, to be vulnerable. I mean that's
Speaker 1: the best word to use to actually, especially when you're
Speaker 1: a celebrity, to actually talk about sometimes taboo topics. Because
Speaker 1: we asked all the couples basically the same question, so
Speaker 1: we wanted just to see the different answers like when
Speaker 1: it was your first date, when did you know you
Speaker 1: were in love, how often do you have sex, etc. Etc.
Speaker 1: But Trista and Ryan Suitor, they were weren't they the
Speaker 1: first ones we spoke with right, and they were awesome?
Speaker 1: And Ryan was a chatty kathy yeah, which we're not
Speaker 1: used to hearing if you've ever seen interviews with him
Speaker 1: over the years. He's the tall, dark and quiet one.
Speaker 2: And he was great.
Speaker 3: He did most of the talking almost We gragged a
Speaker 3: bunch of jokes and we got to hang out with
Speaker 3: him in La and absolutely loved it. So they set
Speaker 3: a good tone. But I was taken rogues by what
Speaker 3: we got out of these couples. We learned a lot ourselves.
Speaker 2: As a couple.
Speaker 1: I think we felt better about and this is part
Speaker 1: of the point, I guess of this series and maybe
Speaker 1: hopefully even this advice column, this relationship column is that
Speaker 1: you start to realize you're not that different from everybody else.
Speaker 1: So some of their answers just to go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that's us too, where that happens to us too, where
Speaker 1: we went through that as well, and you just feel
Speaker 1: like I felt more confident in our relationship because it
Speaker 1: didn't feel like we had a bigger problem, more a
Speaker 1: different problem. It kind of felt like we were all
Speaker 1: in the same boat.
Speaker 3: And I loved all of these couples. Of course, Jenna
Speaker 3: Cram and her husband Alan Russell, we had a good
Speaker 3: chat with them. Jenny Garth her husband Dave were great.
Speaker 3: Dave was amazing in that one.
Speaker 1: The guy who drove around for a year and a
Speaker 1: half with divorce papers in the back of his truck.
Speaker 1: I mean, it can get that bad, folks, and you
Speaker 1: can still ten years later be smiling, holding hands and
Speaker 1: being interviewed by us.
Speaker 3: And we laugh about it because they were laughing about it.
Speaker 3: I've never heard such a story. Eddie and Tamra, they're amazing.
Speaker 1: You have Pita and Max, Mike, the situation in Lauren Sorrentino.
Speaker 1: They surprised me a lot.
Speaker 2: They were amazing.
Speaker 1: This is this is a couple that got together when
Speaker 1: he was about to go to prison and she went
Speaker 1: to go visit him and they got Their story is
Speaker 1: incredible and their love was so palpable. We had doctor
Speaker 1: Jeff Gardier and doctor Amber Brody with a thirty year
Speaker 1: age gap, interracial couple, once Jewish, once not. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was every opposite you could think of, Like all
Speaker 1: the stacks were against them, and yet still they were.
Speaker 1: We were at their wedding, so and we Yeah. Kevin
Speaker 1: green so sorry, Samantha Greenstone and Jacob Hoff the mixed
Speaker 1: orientation couple, which was just a mind blower.
Speaker 3: Okay, if you're trying to put your head around mixed
Speaker 3: orientation couple. He is a gay man, she is a
Speaker 3: straight woman. They are married and a monogamous sexual relationship.
Speaker 1: With a monogamous sexual relationship, he hasn't talked about how
Speaker 1: they made it work. And then Austin Mackenzie and Kevin McHale.
Speaker 1: I love them. They're so fun. Yeah. So it's just
Speaker 1: it was a blast getting to know all of these couples.
Speaker 1: We know some of them individually as stars, but to
Speaker 1: know them as couples and how they relate to one another,
Speaker 1: it was just if you haven't listened to the series,
Speaker 1: if you want to go back and find it, I'm
Speaker 1: telling you it is absolutely worth the listen. I have
Speaker 1: listened to it multiple times, several of them because they're
Speaker 1: so good. But yes, Rosa and Karatt caught their eye.
Speaker 1: I think it sparked their It sparked an idea to
Speaker 1: have a relationship column. It's funny, I keep saying. So
Speaker 1: we told them we wanted to call a relationship column.
Speaker 1: They wanted advice column. Did you see the finished version?
Speaker 1: They called it a relationship advice column. So now, yeah,
Speaker 1: I shu read that this morning when I saw the
Speaker 1: press release just went out yesterday, the day before we
Speaker 1: recorded this, and I just looked at it because we
Speaker 1: had already fallen asleep by the time the press release.
Speaker 1: And they called it. So they married the two and
Speaker 1: they called it a relationship advice column.
Speaker 3: And again, we've already seen a number of questions with
Speaker 3: a few wild scenarios but all relatable.
Speaker 1: Still, yes, we we've already actually started the process of
Speaker 1: answering a couple of questions. And so yeah, if anyone
Speaker 1: listening has a question for us, please contact Yahoo and
Speaker 1: submit your question and wherever you can see, even on
Speaker 1: our social media. If you've got a question you want
Speaker 1: to be anonymous, that's fine, Like we will welcome any
Speaker 1: and all because it's it's fascinating to know what people
Speaker 1: are dealing with. But yeah, we had a I think
Speaker 1: one of the first ones that caught our attention was
Speaker 1: do we do we give? Should we give? Specifics about
Speaker 1: some of these questions.
Speaker 2: Just generally speaking.
Speaker 3: That was a great scenario about a husband telling people
Speaker 3: that he was married out of obligation.
Speaker 1: Yep. There was another one about you know, when you
Speaker 1: have that third person in your marriage, what would happen
Speaker 1: if someone moved that third person into your home?
Speaker 3: That was a great The plastic surgery one was devastating.
Speaker 1: There was an unbelievable plastic surgery scenario where you know,
Speaker 1: what happens if one partner changes how they look?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the other partners is no longer attracted.
Speaker 1: Yeah, then there's sexual issues. You know what if one
Speaker 1: partner just doesn't want to have sex anymore. So, yes,
Speaker 1: this has been really interesting and I do think completely relatable.
Speaker 1: All of these are specific questions to specific people, but
Speaker 1: I think everyone reading it will either it's either going
Speaker 1: to relate to them or someone they know.
Speaker 2: You're going to scream at the screen either way.
Speaker 3: Yes, because some of the Oh my god, because our
Speaker 3: jaws dropped in seeing some of these already.
Speaker 1: So we're really excited about this new project, and we
Speaker 1: hope that that you all are too, Because our plan
Speaker 1: right now is to have the column in Yahoo and
Speaker 1: then the next day or you know, in some you
Speaker 1: know timeline, but a timely timeline, we'll have a podcast
Speaker 1: about the column. And my dream is whoever writes the question,
Speaker 1: they can remain anonymous, but if we could get them
Speaker 1: on the podcast to go in deeper, how fun would
Speaker 1: that be? So they ask us the question, we give
Speaker 1: our best attempt at advice, and then when we get
Speaker 1: him or her on the podcast, we can start asking questions.
Speaker 1: We can go deeper.
Speaker 3: We should say it more confidently. You said we're gonna
Speaker 3: make our best attempt at advice.
Speaker 1: Well, you know we I think we just came up
Speaker 1: with this idea. Yes, I'm sorry, I forgot. Yes, we're
Speaker 1: gonna make it happen.
Speaker 2: Why did your voice get deeper?
Speaker 1: Well, you know, because it was just authoritative. A yeah,
Speaker 1: I meant what I said.
Speaker 2: So a man's voice is more authoritative.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate to admit that, why don't we just fine?
Speaker 1: But we're going to make that happen. And I do
Speaker 1: think that that will be an exciting way to go
Speaker 1: even deeper, because if you're into the column, then you're
Speaker 1: invested in the story and you really want to hear
Speaker 1: from this person and what's going on.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize it, but I was complaining earlier. I
Speaker 3: didn't realize this was my complaint with columns. I'm not
Speaker 3: used to the payoff. Someone writes in a question, they
Speaker 3: get an answer. I'd never get to know that the
Speaker 3: person take the advice, did it go well? Did it
Speaker 3: go poorly? So I would love to be able to
Speaker 3: pay these off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we could have multiple follow ups. If some of
Speaker 1: these stories as good as they sound, if you really
Speaker 1: get into the weeds, it actually might be it could
Speaker 1: become a series, you know. I mean some of these
Speaker 1: questions I think could actually be Netflix series. That's how
Speaker 1: crazy they are. No, there was a couple that we
Speaker 1: were just thinking, is this for real? Who's living like this?
Speaker 1: Like the eggshells you would have to step on every
Speaker 1: day in your own home to try and deal with
Speaker 1: the situation. So yes, I think this could have a
Speaker 1: lot of legs.
Speaker 2: One issue.
Speaker 3: I just thought about this. So what if we get
Speaker 3: the follow up? Yeah, they took our advice and it
Speaker 3: went poorly.
Speaker 1: Well, then we'll all learn an even bigger lesson.
Speaker 2: We won't use those follow ups.
Speaker 1: No, Hey, you all told me to do this, and
Speaker 1: look what happened. Oh, that would be terrible. Let's hope
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. We'll try to use our best effort
Speaker 1: to make sure you all learn from our mistakes, not
Speaker 1: continue to make them or make more. That would be
Speaker 1: the goal. But we just wanted to let y'all know
Speaker 1: what was going on and what was behind it, and
Speaker 1: hopefully you're excited as well. And again, bring those questions
Speaker 1: to us on our social media to Yahoo. We want
Speaker 1: to hear what you're going through and how we can help.
Speaker 1: So thanks for listening to us, and we'll see you later.