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Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, actually I should start singing by saying,

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Speaker 1: do you know, well two days it's my anniversary? You

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Speaker 1: care it's my two year anniversary with Superman. I know.

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Speaker 1: We had like a really serious financial talk about money, rings,

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Speaker 1: all that kind of stuff. We even were looking online.

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Speaker 1: It was kind of awkward, like, hey, this is the

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Speaker 1: kind of ring I like. And he's like, do you

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Speaker 1: know wedding rings can cost a lot of money. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, baby, yes. I mean when I told

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Speaker 1: him don't go crazy, I was like, you know, simple

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Speaker 1: as best, don't go crazy. He's like, I've been saving,

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Speaker 1: but sheesh. I'm like, yeah, you don't have to.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: So you think it's more nerve wracking when you know

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Speaker 3: it's coming. Like I have a friend right now whose

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Speaker 3: boyfriend has basically told her parents it's going to be happening,

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Speaker 3: and we are both just like, but when it's like, really,

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Speaker 3: it's stressful not knowing the when.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, honestly, I guess maybe I was like in my twenties,

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Speaker 1: but now at thirty six, it's kind of like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know that people really have too many surprise engagements.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, you kind of at a

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Speaker 1: certain age, yeah, or just on the same page, like,

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Speaker 1: so you know, what are we doing? Okay, we're getting married,

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Speaker 1: you know, because we talked about it even before we

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Speaker 1: started dating, seriously about how many years you know, do

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Speaker 1: you think it? You know, you should get to know

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Speaker 1: each other. I knew him for a while, but we

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Speaker 1: weren't dating, so we were like two and so we're

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Speaker 1: at our ta year mark. So I wasn't really surprised

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Speaker 1: when he because we talk about marriage and stuff a lot.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, just like but he'd never really asked my

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Speaker 1: interest in a ring before, and I was like, look

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Speaker 1: at you. And then last night he was like, do

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Speaker 1: you want one of your gifts? Early? I almost peed

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Speaker 1: my pants And I was like, that's what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Every little thing you're like, is it? Now? If he

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Speaker 3: like starts to bend over to tie his shoe, do

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Speaker 3: you think, oh my god, it's happening, Like.

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Speaker 1: I know, I almost people. He like went to the

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Speaker 1: car to get it. I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I'm in my sweatpants. What should I do? What should

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Speaker 1: I do? I don't want to be in my sweatpants.

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Speaker 1: And he came back with perfume, which was lovely, but I.

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Speaker 3: Was like, see, this is what I mean. You said

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Speaker 3: every little thing. Now you're going to be wondering if

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Speaker 3: it's the ring. Well, I'll send out good vibes to

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Speaker 3: the universe. That's actually the perfect setup for our guest

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Speaker 3: today on the show. We're in a role with good guests.

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Speaker 1: We are.

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Speaker 3: So I met this woman. I was asked to moderate

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Speaker 3: a panel for this group called Savvy Ladies, which I've

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Speaker 3: heard about but never liked work with them before. And

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Speaker 3: let me just tell you there, I can't think of

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Speaker 3: a nonprofit group that I've worked with recently that's doing

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Speaker 3: better work for women with their finances than the Savvy Ladies.

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Speaker 3: And it's all because of today's guest. Her name is

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Speaker 3: Stacy Francis. She is just a financial guru and her

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Speaker 3: own right a CFP, A, CDFA, all the different acronyms

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Speaker 3: of financial prowess. She's also like a divorce doctor, is

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Speaker 3: what I've sort of called her, because not only does

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Speaker 3: she work with her clients are mostly high powered, successful women,

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Speaker 3: but she's also helping them navigate mostly in a lot

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Speaker 3: of cases, divorce, which you know, I speak from personal experience,

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Speaker 3: can be super nasty and especially when it comes to money.

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Speaker 3: I mean, money is one of the leading causes of divorces,

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Speaker 3: and then dealing with all the financial sort of fallout

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Speaker 3: after a divorce is awful. So Stacy and her team

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Speaker 3: sort of help women through that process. So we got

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Speaker 3: Stacy on the show today and she's sharing tips on

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Speaker 3: how to deal with money relationships, mistakes you can make

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Speaker 3: before and after a divorce, and she somehow convinced me

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Speaker 3: that a prenup can be romantic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't fully convinced about the romance part,

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Speaker 1: but it's definitely something that I think is essential. I've

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Speaker 1: talked about it with Superman, like it jokingly though, you know,

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Speaker 1: but like jokingly kidding kind of just to kind of

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Speaker 1: get a feel for where he was with it all.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know, he kind of jokingly was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine, maybe not, so I don't know where we stand.

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Speaker 3: I think when you put the paper in front of

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Speaker 3: somebody and the big words on top say prenuptial agreement,

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Speaker 3: then I think then it becomes like what am I signing?

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Speaker 3: Then I think I think, you know, and you listen

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Speaker 3: to the interview with Stacy later, But I feel like

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Speaker 3: it's really important to have like that, that bad guy

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Speaker 3: you can blame, like the lawyer or the financial advisor

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Speaker 3: and just like listen, I don't want to do this either,

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Speaker 3: but my stupid financial advisor just really thinks we should

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Speaker 3: do this. And that's how you get them like on board.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'll just trick him.

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Speaker 3: Into it, that's all.

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Speaker 1: I let you know how that goes.

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Speaker 3: It's just trick him. That's what Stacy said, and that's

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Speaker 3: not what she said.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 3: But before we chat with Stacy, let's uh, let's get

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Speaker 3: let's get through the important parts.

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Speaker 1: Well, I would say, did you see that Sesme Street

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Speaker 1: has their first muswamina and a hijab for Sesme Street.

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Speaker 1: I thought it was so good. I think, sorry, right,

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Speaker 1: is that her name Zari z a r I something

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Speaker 1: like that.

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Speaker 3: I forget her name, but I live. You know. There's

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Speaker 3: just really cute family in my in my in my building,

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Speaker 3: in my apartment building. And the little girls, uh, the

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Speaker 3: little girls are I forget where they're from. Oh my god,

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Speaker 3: I'm such a bad person, but I know they are

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Speaker 3: the Muslim faith and they do wear the traditional sort

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Speaker 3: of head garments, and I just know these little girls

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Speaker 3: will be so excited to see a muppet or sorry,

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Speaker 3: a Sesame Street character who looks dislike them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I just thought that was so great. I was like,

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Speaker 1: go ahead, Sesame Street. Sesame Street has always been like

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Speaker 1: like above the curve or like before the curve, is

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Speaker 1: not I don't I sound like my dad not totally

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Speaker 1: getting like Americans sayings wrong, like through the curb, through

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Speaker 1: the but whatever that saying is. I just love to

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Speaker 1: set the fact that Sesame Street it's always like, you know,

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Speaker 1: shared and kind of exposed children to different things through

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Speaker 1: through their programming.

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Speaker 3: It was like them saying, fie Voldemort, and we all

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Speaker 3: know who Voldemort is exactly who must not be named

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Speaker 3: or elected exactly exactly. Yeah, that was super cute. I

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Speaker 3: shared this today on the bran Ambition Facebook page, which

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Speaker 3: you should totally go and like and follow us there.

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Speaker 3: But the video that's going viral right now, it's just

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Speaker 3: like it's a mini documentary on women in China who

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Speaker 3: are single. Have you watched it yet?

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Speaker 1: No? But I saw, I saw. I said to myself.

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Speaker 1: I was asking myself, are you emotionally ready for this

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Speaker 1: right now? Tiffany, because I'm a cry baby and I

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Speaker 1: just don't know if I can.

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Speaker 3: It is a little bit of a tear jerker at

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Speaker 3: the end, but I had no idea. I mean, you

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Speaker 3: hear about I mean obviously a lot of a lot

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Speaker 3: of other countries, including the US for a long time,

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Speaker 3: you know, being a single woman, there's a stigma surrounding it.

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Speaker 3: But I didn't realize. In China there's actually a word

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Speaker 3: for it. It's called shang neu s agnng shangnu, which

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Speaker 3: literally translates to what leftover women.

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Speaker 1: That's just so terrible.

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Speaker 3: So it's bad enough when you go home for the

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Speaker 3: holidays and your uncle's like, girl, why aren't you married yet?

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Speaker 3: You're gonna be single forever, gonna be like a bag lady,

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Speaker 3: But then to be called like a leftover woman, like

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Speaker 3: leftovers are what you don't eat or don't want, the

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Speaker 3: non delicious food that you did not eat.

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Speaker 1: And that's the connotation that like this, you are unwanted,

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Speaker 1: And honestly, it just it just sucks. I just wish

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Speaker 1: it's almost like that, like your parents and your aunts

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Speaker 1: and uncles forget, forget what it's like to be young

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Speaker 1: or younger, because like why would that be okay? You know,

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Speaker 1: and I always think to myself, I hope and I

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Speaker 1: pray that when I get you know, older, that I

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Speaker 1: don't do that to young people, like where is your boyfriend?

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Speaker 1: You don't have a husband, what are you gonna do? Well?

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Speaker 1: Just makes okay, and I'm gonna say it makes you

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Speaker 1: feel bad.

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Speaker 3: And what I like is you don't really I don't know.

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Speaker 3: You don't hear so often from like Asian women, Asian

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Speaker 3: American women. Even these women look like they're all I

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Speaker 3: think they're all from China, not even American. But speaking

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Speaker 3: about this, and one of the things I also didn't

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Speaker 3: know was that there's things called a marriage market which

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Speaker 3: exists in China. It's a marriage market and it's where

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Speaker 3: parents leave posters listing the details of their own married

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Speaker 3: daughters and sons. I think it's mostly daughters though, in

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Speaker 3: hope that someone's gonna walk by and like pick out

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Speaker 3: their picture and like say they want to marry them.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, nuts. It's like it's like the Classifieds, but if

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Speaker 3: the Classifieds were giant hanging pictures in a conference room.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's just so crazy. But it's like, well, China,

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Speaker 1: like because of that one child rule and everybody wanting

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Speaker 1: to have Wait, I thought they were. I thought they

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Speaker 1: I thought that China had it overabunden some boys and

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Speaker 1: not enough girls.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean that's one

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Speaker 3: of those places where I mean they recently ended their

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Speaker 3: one child policy. You can say that, but yeah, I

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Speaker 3: mean there's and it's not just China, but a lot

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Speaker 3: of cultures like girls are seen as less than so

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Speaker 3: girls are more likely to be put up for adoption

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Speaker 3: and to be aborted in places like China, and so

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Speaker 3: there is there's a like there's more men than women, so.

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Speaker 1: And yet that so the men are just not getting married.

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Speaker 3: I guess that's the case, or maybe the I think,

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Speaker 3: what's you know, you could look at it that way,

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Speaker 3: But I feel like the women in the video espect

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Speaker 3: actually we're just saying that they don't want to get married.

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Speaker 3: Why should they have to get married? You know, why

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Speaker 3: does marriage have to be the only path. There's women

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Speaker 3: who say that, you know, it's it's pretty empowering. They

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Speaker 3: just say, you know, I'm happy being single. I want

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Speaker 3: to be viewed to something as more than you know,

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Speaker 3: my purpose is to get married and to have a family.

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Speaker 3: And you sort of see there, there's like at the

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Speaker 3: end the parents so at the I mean spoiler alert,

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Speaker 3: but at the end the end of the video, a

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Speaker 3: lot of the women in the video, so instead of

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Speaker 3: making the posters listing their details and like you know,

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Speaker 3: hanging them up at this marriage market, they make a

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Speaker 3: poster themselves and they say, you know, they have a

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Speaker 3: quote saying why they don't want to get married or

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Speaker 3: why they feel empowered and in their singlehood, and their

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Speaker 3: parents sort of walk by and read them, and you

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Speaker 3: see a lot of moms and dads kind of choking

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Speaker 3: up because for the first time they're seeing their daughter

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Speaker 3: like actually, you know, try and be confident in her

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Speaker 3: in her singlehood. And I thought it was pretty empowering.

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Speaker 1: It's just so crazy. I was thinking that the other day,

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Speaker 1: Like the other day, I posted a picture of me

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Speaker 1: and Superman. I hadn't posted one in a while on Facebook,

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Speaker 1: just because we got new phones, and it was like

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Speaker 1: the camera was so great. We were practicing and the

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Speaker 1: picture turned out so cute. I was like, oh, let

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Speaker 1: me post it. It got like the response was honestly

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Speaker 1: almost it was so much like the response was really positive.

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Speaker 1: But I just remember thinking, like, yo, when I posted

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Speaker 1: like an accomplishment in my business. I didn't get this response,

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Speaker 1: but because oh my god, Tiffany has a man like

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Speaker 1: I just I was almost not offended, but just kind

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Speaker 1: of disappointed that this means more than like me busting

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Speaker 1: my behind and working hard in my business and growing it.

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Speaker 1: Like the fact that I'm like next to a man

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Speaker 1: in a picture and we're together, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, you know, I think I talked about that before

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Speaker 3: I went to like a happy hour, and I it

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Speaker 3: was right after I had gotten engaged, and we were

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Speaker 3: I hadn't seen these friends in a long time, and

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Speaker 3: we were all catching up. Everybody wanted to talk to

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Speaker 3: me about getting engaged. They were all like, show me

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Speaker 3: the ring, Oh my god, congratulations. And my friend had

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Speaker 3: just her husband had just told me she got this

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Speaker 3: major of emotion. She works for huge media broadcast company, okay,

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Speaker 3: And I looked at her and I was like, she's

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Speaker 3: the one everyone should be talking to, and like, you know, hounding.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I really, I was really appreciative of the congratulations,

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Speaker 3: but I felt like I weirdly felt sort of embarrassed

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Speaker 3: for myself and then like that she was I was

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Speaker 3: getting more attention than her, and I felt like in

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Speaker 3: that case, like, why aren't we celebrating her as much

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Speaker 3: as me? For Yeah, like I got engaged, Yeah, but

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Speaker 3: it didn't like it's not like I worked, you know,

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Speaker 3: really hard for it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's almost like it's a it's people use your

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Speaker 1: ability to attract and get a mate to commit to

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Speaker 1: like who you are as a person, and like what

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Speaker 1: that means about you. You know, it's like no matter

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Speaker 1: I could be super successful and like have started a

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Speaker 1: billion dollar company at age thirty five, but if I

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Speaker 1: was not married and did not have kids, people would

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Speaker 1: always still kind of like preface it or say afterwards, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not like she's got anybody, you know, like, well,

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Speaker 1: why does that matter? Or like how does that take

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Speaker 1: away from accomplishment? And how does you know? Of course

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Speaker 1: I want to get mad. I love you know, superman,

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Speaker 1: But how is marriage the biggest accomplishment of women can

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Speaker 1: can can aspire to? You know, Oh, I thought you

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Speaker 1: just like my picture.

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Speaker 3: I didn't like it. I reacted to it with an

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Speaker 3: angry face. You're welcome.

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Speaker 1: There you go.

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Speaker 3: You want a different reaction, there you go. No, may

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Speaker 3: y'all do the sad.

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Speaker 1: No, but you know what I like I said, I

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Speaker 1: of course you want people to be happy for you.

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Speaker 1: But I guess it's just a little disheartening that at

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Speaker 1: this day and age, women are still you will still

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Speaker 1: get more I don't know, accolades for having a relationship

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Speaker 1: than you will for some sort of professional accomplishment.

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Speaker 3: I think we all just have we harbor this romantic

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Speaker 3: you know, little selves. We just it's like celebrities, Like

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Speaker 3: you love to see a celebrity couples, they're so cute.

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Speaker 3: You love to see people being happy. I think there's

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Speaker 3: like a just a genuine it's a it's a it's

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Speaker 3: a I don't know, it's like a it's an emotion

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Speaker 3: we all sort of share when we see a copy couple.

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Speaker 3: I think it's universally just like I mean, unless you're

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Speaker 3: like super bitter, you're like, oh gross. But it's just

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Speaker 3: easy to love that. But I will say, Tiff, you

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Speaker 3: did mention that you do not post a lot of

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Speaker 3: photos of you and Superman because he doesn't like it.

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Speaker 3: So this may be a case of like supply and demand.

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Speaker 3: This is true, Like they were just so thirsting for

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Speaker 3: these images of this person. Maybe they didn't think he

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Speaker 3: was real.

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Speaker 1: I know, I only don't cause I was just like

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Speaker 1: even he like, when I posted it, we took a picture.

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Speaker 1: I said, isn't it so cute? He was like, don't

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Speaker 1: post it. I was like, why you were not friends

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Speaker 1: on Facebook? Now anyway, you can't tell me what to do.

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Speaker 1: So I posted it and I was like, look at

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Speaker 1: the reaction, and I was like some of the women,

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Speaker 1: especially on Instagram, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa slowly row

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Speaker 1: Ooh he's fine. I'm like, see he said, see disrespect

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Speaker 1: that's what you get when you post pictures because I

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Speaker 1: guess I don't know. I mean, I know what it

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Speaker 1: is that I mean because I'm like that too. When

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Speaker 1: I see pictures of like women that I respect and

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Speaker 1: they have a boo, I'm like, oh, that's great because

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Speaker 1: to me it means that they have a well rounded life.

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Speaker 1: And it's like so terrible and I think that, like,

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Speaker 1: why can't you have a row arounded life If you

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Speaker 1: don't have a significant other, you could still be happy.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's our job. Well, we're we fail at

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Speaker 3: this book.

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Speaker 2: I know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're like happily in relationship and I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to get married. And I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: get my ring.

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Speaker 3: You're right, yeah, but you know what I mean, not

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Speaker 3: to labor the point, but I've I maybe it's just

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Speaker 3: a realing too much, but I feel like sometimes I'm

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Speaker 3: self conscious about the fact that I'm engaged, and I

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Speaker 3: don't want to be a sound like annoying or I

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Speaker 3: hear the eyes rolling, you know, around the country right now.

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Speaker 3: But I feel like what I'm trying to say is

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Speaker 3: I feel self conscious that I sort of never expected

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Speaker 3: myself to get engaged, and I always thought I would

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Speaker 3: be this like single woman really owning her singleness and

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Speaker 3: being and I always consider myself to be so independent,

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Speaker 3: and for me, it sort of feels like whenever I

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Speaker 3: say I'm engaged, I always kind of say it with

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Speaker 3: like a little embarrassed, like I'm engaged, but like I'm not,

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Speaker 3: you know, I'm still independent, you know, that kind of thing.

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Speaker 3: And I think what we just need is are more

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Speaker 3: examples of both, like we talked about before, like more

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Speaker 3: examples and more you know, be happy for people who

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Speaker 3: have found love and are in relationships, but then don't

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Speaker 3: judge people so harshly if they haven't and assume that

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Speaker 3: they are struggling in some way because there's so many

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Speaker 3: women out there who are who are not, who are

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Speaker 3: totally happy and confident in there and being single exactly exactly.

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Speaker 1: So what about that young woman right out of is

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Speaker 1: she from the Bronx, the young woman who got into

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Speaker 1: all the Ivy League schools.

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Speaker 3: I've been seeing her face all over my Facebook feed,

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Speaker 3: all over but like for weeks, for weeks now.

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Speaker 1: Her name, oh you know what, I'm looking at her name.

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Speaker 1: She is totally Nigerian. I should have known her name

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Speaker 1: was like Wamazoo, not not. And you know what, she's

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Speaker 1: evil too my tribe. But yeah, all Ivy League school

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Speaker 1: that is so amazing. Can you imagine?

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Speaker 3: No? I cannot because.

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Speaker 1: I neither to get into.

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Speaker 3: That.

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Speaker 1: Even what I was like, yeah, I didn't even apply.

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Speaker 1: I was like, what's that way this ink?

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Speaker 3: I really regret not applying. You know. I let my

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Speaker 3: mother talk me out of applying to Columbia when I

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Speaker 3: was in school because she said that colleges it was

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Speaker 3: just too expensive. You know. She went online and checked

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Speaker 3: the tuition and it was like fifty thousand dollars for

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Speaker 3: out of state tuition or something insane like that, and

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Speaker 3: I decided not even to apply, and I always regret

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Speaker 3: that because what I've sort of learned through this job

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Speaker 3: is how often parents and their kids pay much less

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Speaker 3: than the sticker price for tuition, especially at these Ivy

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Speaker 3: League schools, because they have such large endowments, and if

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Speaker 3: you have a really good academic record and you are

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Speaker 3: a minority, then you can qualify for a lot of aid.

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Speaker 3: And I feel like my mom and I, you know,

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Speaker 3: we just didn't have any experience or knowledge, and I

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Speaker 3: wish that, you know, we had known, because I could have.

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Speaker 3: I could have. I mean, I'm happy with my education.

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Speaker 3: I graduated with like knows, you know, a very little

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Speaker 3: student debt. But at the same time, I think you

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Speaker 3: should know that there's there are there is a possibility

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Speaker 3: that you won't spend as much. And Ivy League colleges

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Speaker 3: don't have to cost you know, they don't automatically mean

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Speaker 3: six you're done?

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Speaker 1: Yeah now? And then I think about how much, like

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Speaker 1: just scholarships, I missed out on not really applying because

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Speaker 1: I thought, like, well, I'm not gonna get it. I

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Speaker 1: just wish I knew, you know, how you just wish like, oh,

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Speaker 1: if I knew better, I would have done better.

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Speaker 3: But we're here now perspective, So we're telling you don't

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Speaker 3: underestimate your own you know, like don't undersell yourself, whether

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Speaker 3: it's like a job application or scholarship. You know, all

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Speaker 3: those studies that show that women are less likely to

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Speaker 3: apply for a job if they don't tick all the

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Speaker 3: boxes exactly.

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Speaker 1: Will like because you just never know. Like my sister,

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Speaker 1: I mean, she's had some amazing jobs and jobs that

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Speaker 1: she was supposed to have a master's degree for she

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Speaker 1: didn't have hers yet. She would just always go for it.

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Speaker 1: And I remember doing the height of the recession, She's

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Speaker 1: like the only person I know that left her job

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Speaker 1: and got a job paying her twenty thousand dollars more

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Speaker 1: during that height of the recession because she would always

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Speaker 1: always just go for it. And she kind of taught

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Speaker 1: me not to be afraid to just kind of say

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Speaker 1: I could do this job. I might not have everything

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Speaker 1: in this box requires, but I know what I get

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Speaker 1: in this interview. I can impress you and do this job.

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Speaker 3: M that's awesome. Yeah, did you see Hillary Quinton? And

399
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Speaker 3: there's some controversy this isn't really like financial related, but

400
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,960
Speaker 3: just because since I just saw this and Bill Deblasio

401
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:15,600
Speaker 3: was just here at the office interviewing with Katie Kirk today,

402
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,879
Speaker 3: but he was here and I was looking him up

403
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,760
Speaker 3: online and apparently he and Hillary like did a like

404
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Speaker 3: a skit on The Hamilton with the Hamilton cast or

405
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Speaker 3: something like that, where he announced he was endorsing her

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Speaker 3: for the candidacy, and you know, he's taken so long

407
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Speaker 3: to endorse her. Obviously, Hillary is like of New York.

408
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,320
Speaker 3: She was a senator here for many years. So they

409
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Speaker 3: were trying to make a joke out of how long

410
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Speaker 3: it took to Blasio to endorse her, and they decided

411
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Speaker 3: to do that by Hillary is kind of like, what

412
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Speaker 3: took you so long?

413
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Speaker 4: Bill?

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Speaker 3: And Bill says, sorry, Hillary, I was on CP time.

415
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Speaker 3: And then Hillary's like, don't worry. That doesn't mean colored people.

416
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Speaker 3: That means cautious politician time.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to need you to stay away from racial

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Speaker 1: I don't know who who.

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Speaker 3: I really want, Like it was it the Hamilton writers,

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Speaker 3: the Lemonuel Miranda think that was funny? Did they?

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Speaker 1: I know?

422
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Speaker 3: I can't imagine them sitting down and writing that joke.

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Speaker 1: I just think they played her like honestly, they knew

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Speaker 1: she was gonna be dragged, like honestly, like that's somebody

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Speaker 1: key king in the background, Like let's let's tell her

426
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Speaker 1: to say this. Let's tell her that it's totally fine.

427
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Speaker 1: No one's gonna care they played her because there's nobody

428
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Speaker 1: of color who's gonna listen to that joke come from

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Speaker 1: Hillary Clinton? I think t he he isn't that hilarious?

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Speaker 3: And I mean we all know CP time, just like

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Speaker 3: I P time, Indian people time, DP time, whatever, the

432
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,640
Speaker 3: different peat like the times the different people. Like it's

433
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 3: okay to say it so long as you were of

434
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,199
Speaker 3: that culture.

435
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,719
Speaker 1: That's what I feel, like, Yeah, it is, honestly, you're right,

436
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 1: I I ah, wow, there's a grain of truth in

437
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 1: every stereotype what I'm saying. But like yeah, for sure,

438
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,639
Speaker 1: because yes, I was gonna say, there is definitely a

439
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 1: CP time, like let's not let's brown folks, let's not

440
00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:00,080
Speaker 1: act like we're not late, but to have some and

441
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: I'll say that it's totally different. It's like, you know,

442
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,920
Speaker 1: me talking about like maybe like red neck culture or whatever.

443
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,400
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I'm sure. I'm sure red neck

444
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,879
Speaker 1: is even a bad word. I'm sorry if it is.

445
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,919
Speaker 1: If that's like a derogatory term. But like you know

446
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,399
Speaker 1: and so, but like I don't know. So it's like

447
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: it's just best for me not to even go there

448
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,840
Speaker 1: because that's not my culture. So I'm not informed enough

449
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 1: to know how to make jokes that are not going

450
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,560
Speaker 1: to be offensive. And then it's not me, so it

451
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 1: is going to be offensive.

452
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,520
Speaker 3: Well, they learned, they learned today.

453
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:39,760
Speaker 2: You're gonna learn today, Hilary.

454
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 1: I wish we had a song like brown Break, Brown Boost,

455
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,399
Speaker 1: Brown Break, Brown Boost, Brown Break, Brown Boost, like we

456
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 1: should have like a little like hip hop like rendition

457
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: of brown Break, Brown Boost.

458
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 3: But that's not in our budget right now, our budget

459
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,439
Speaker 3: of zero negative operating comes. So you're for your freedom,

460
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 3: you know, I'll hire you to sing it.

461
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna think of something, you know,

462
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 1: don't get me started. I'll get one of these kids

463
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,639
Speaker 1: from around the way to put a little you know,

464
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 1: to put a little you know. I mean, not me,

465
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 1: but somebody. So brown Break, Brown Boost time, are you

466
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,480
Speaker 1: breaking her boosting?

467
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,000
Speaker 3: I need a break today. I try and stay positive,

468
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 3: but my brown breaks today because I've seen this happen

469
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:25,399
Speaker 3: and I was just I was just talking to a

470
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 3: girlfriend of mine about this. How when she's in the office,

471
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 3: she has one job, which is you know, very specific

472
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 3: and what she does. But her she has a manager

473
00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,840
Speaker 3: who constantly sort of walks by her desk and just

474
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,159
Speaker 3: dumps crap on it, like can you do this for me?

475
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 3: Schedule disappointments that at this conference room, do this, do

476
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 3: X y Z, like stuff that you would expect from

477
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 3: a secretary or you know, an assistant, and she's not

478
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 3: that that's not her job description. And we were just

479
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 3: talking the other day and she's like, how do I

480
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 3: tell him to stop putting this extra drunk on me?

481
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,640
Speaker 3: And you know, there's plenty of other people she works

482
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 3: with who could be doing it, and so she's worried

483
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 3: that it's like he doesn't respect her or it's just

484
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 3: like a sexist thing where she's you know, the closest

485
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 3: female and he wants to just dump it on her.

486
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:15,200
Speaker 3: She's also like twenty five, so that, oh, yeah, play

487
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 3: to it. So she sort of feels like, you know,

488
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,720
Speaker 3: she's in this like oh, I'm young, and maybe he's like,

489
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 3: you know, disrespecting or not taking me as seriously as

490
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 3: everyone else. And her coworkers are much older.

491
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: You know, remember that that story that vun News told

492
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: us it that's reminds me of remember she I forgot.

493
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: She was working for some TV studio and her co worker,

494
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 1: an older guy, was treating her like was always just

495
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 1: like ragging on her. And she was young at the time.

496
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: I think she was in her twenties as well, and

497
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: she confronted him, but like in a kind of like

498
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: passive aggressive sort of way, but still she confronted him

499
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 1: and it stopped. And honestly, it's not he's not gonna

500
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 1: your coworker is not going to magically just wake up.

501
00:22:58,840 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: You know.

502
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,639
Speaker 3: This is a man though, that's what makes it trickier.

503
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 3: It's trickier when it's a manager. But so I guess

504
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,600
Speaker 3: my brown break here is just from being treated like

505
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,880
Speaker 3: the office secretary just because you're young and a woman.

506
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 3: And I told her this was sort of my advice.

507
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,920
Speaker 3: And I haven't had this happen to me as much

508
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 3: as it's happening to her from one person. But there's

509
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: like little microaggressive ways that men in the office treat

510
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 3: you differently, especially being younger. But I told her to

511
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 3: arrange a meeting with him, like actually sit down and

512
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,040
Speaker 3: have a meeting with him and say, you know, I

513
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,120
Speaker 3: feel like I'm being asked to do things that are,

514
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 3: you know, beyond my everyday duties, and I just wonder

515
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: if you can take that into consideration more often and

516
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 3: not ask me to do things that are, you know,

517
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,959
Speaker 3: not within my my duties. I'm happy to help whenever

518
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 3: I can, but it's taking away from the work that

519
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,440
Speaker 3: I'm actually here to do and to say that in

520
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 3: a respectful way, and I feel like that's okay. I

521
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 3: don't think it's the kind of conversation where, if you know,

522
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,000
Speaker 3: unless they're a complete jerk, I don't think it's a

523
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 3: kind of conversation where they can get upset, you know.

524
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think so, Yeah, a conversation just needs

525
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 1: to be had because you just don't want slowly to

526
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: be seething every time.

527
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 3: That's what was happening. Yeah, she was like constantly complaining

528
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,639
Speaker 3: about it, and I'm just like, well, you need to

529
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 3: do something about it. Stand up for yourself. Of course,

530
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:17,960
Speaker 3: the danger there is, Oh you stand up for yourself

531
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 3: and then you're like, oh, she's just a bitch, yeah's demanding,

532
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,199
Speaker 3: or oh she's on a team player.

533
00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 1: Oh gosh. Yes, definitely a good that's a good break,

534
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: to have a break from all the things that they

535
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 1: tell you ought to be as a woman. You have

536
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: to be sweet, you have to be jeif you have

537
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: to be gentle and polite, and while everybody else gets

538
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 1: to be whatever they want to you just.

539
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 3: Say, that's not my job. And the best way to

540
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:41,000
Speaker 3: gain respect, I mean is just to do the work

541
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 3: better than anybody else, honestly. And if you're a manager

542
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 3: is such an asshole that they don't respect you, then

543
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 3: maybe it's time to work somewhere else, because I feel

544
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 3: like you really can't change people, especially if they're stuck

545
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:52,200
Speaker 3: in their ways. Just leave, just get out of there.

546
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: Exactly. I agree. Let's see, should I take a break

547
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,159
Speaker 1: or boost? A break or a boost? And now what

548
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take boost. I'm going to get a brown

549
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: boost for the kind of weekend I had for the

550
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: first time in six months, I had like the most

551
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: chill weekend ever. I literally did nothing. I think I

552
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: took like three three hour naps. I started walking again

553
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 1: because I was telling my trainer. She gave me a

554
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 1: really great advice. So I'm not in the shape that

555
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,680
Speaker 1: I want to be, you know, I'm not like big,

556
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: but I'm not. And it's not even I want to

557
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:27,360
Speaker 1: lose much weight. It's just I just want to be snatched.

558
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: Darn it, I want to be snatched anyway, I'm not.

559
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,720
Speaker 1: And so my trainer was like, you know, I was

560
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 1: because I hadn't seen her in so long because I

561
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: was working on projects. And she said, you know, Tiffany,

562
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: like if you put half as much work or even

563
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 1: a quarter of as much work as you do into

564
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:45,439
Speaker 1: your business into your body, then you would see like

565
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: a difference, you know. And she said, you can't pretend

566
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: like you're lazy or you don't have the time. She's like,

567
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,680
Speaker 1: you know, people make time for what's important. You make

568
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 1: time for the things that you want as related to

569
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: your business. And I said, you know what, She's right,

570
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,919
Speaker 1: And so since then, you know, she's like, even if

571
00:25:59,920 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: you just walk, Tiffany, like, I actually like walking, and

572
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,240
Speaker 1: she was like, just walk and just get out of

573
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: the house and do something. So she started sending me

574
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: at home exercises like run up the stairs fint times

575
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: and do push ups and sit up stuff I can

576
00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,959
Speaker 1: do in the house, and the last three days I've

577
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: been going for walks and before I know it, I

578
00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,959
Speaker 1: use the Nike Fit app, Nike Running app. I've been

579
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,240
Speaker 1: walking two miles a day and it's stept like nothing.

580
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 1: I listened to my favorite music or I talk to

581
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: one of my friends, and you know, half an hour

582
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: forty minutes later, I'm back home feeling relaxed, and so

583
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: I just want to boost to like I don't know,

584
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: to relaxation. I feel so good and energized.

585
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:36,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's hard to walk when you like work from home.

586
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard to get exit well, because it's just

587
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 1: so easy to like literally not do anything except for

588
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 1: roll out of bed and all to your computer. But no,

589
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,280
Speaker 1: today I was like Tiffany, I don't care if you

590
00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:50,919
Speaker 1: walk in your pajamas, get out, just get out of

591
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: the house. And so it's best for me. I learned

592
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: to just walk in the morning as soon as I

593
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 1: get up, brush my teeth, like I'll try to go

594
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 1: to sleep. I'll take a shower and night go to sleep.

595
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: In mind, I like tights and t shirt like what

596
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,399
Speaker 1: I want to walk in, so that way there's no

597
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: excuse sneakers by the bed, and then I might just

598
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 1: get up, slip your sneakers on, brush your teeth and

599
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 1: go for a walk.

600
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 3: All Right, Brown Ambition Family, we are really excited to

601
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 3: have today's guest with us. Her name is Stacy Francis.

602
00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 3: She is a financial powerhouse. I've gotten to know Stacy

603
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:29,679
Speaker 3: a little bit through some work I've done with Savvy Ladies,

604
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 3: which is an organization she founded, a nonprofit that's helped

605
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 3: over twelve thousand women make better choices about their finances.

606
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 3: But that's just her side gig. For her full time job,

607
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 3: Stacy's the president of CEO of Francis Financial, as the

608
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,679
Speaker 3: only boutique wealth management, financial planning and divorce financial planning

609
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 3: firm based here in New York City. She gives remarkable

610
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 3: high achieving women and couples in transition advice on how

611
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,159
Speaker 3: to how to move on and move through what be

612
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,200
Speaker 3: a pretty difficult time when they're going through a divorce.

613
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: So Stacy, thank you so much, first of all for

614
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 3: coming on Brown Ambition.

615
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: Yes, Stacey, We're glad to have you. Thank you.

616
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:11,400
Speaker 4: I'm very happy to be here.

617
00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 3: So Tiffany and I talk a lot about ourselves in

618
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,359
Speaker 3: this show, and a lot about how we uh just

619
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:20,159
Speaker 3: sort of the issues we have with money in our

620
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 3: relationships and how we sort of navigate that. So I

621
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,399
Speaker 3: want to start off with the off the bat, and

622
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 3: and since you work with women going through divorce, what

623
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 3: are some of the mistakes you find that women make

624
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 3: as they're sort of navigating that period well.

625
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 5: Going through the divorce process. The biggest thing that I

626
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 5: see is that a lot of women don't realize that

627
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:47,280
Speaker 5: a big piece of divorce is really about the money,

628
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 5: and the more educated you are about money, the smarter

629
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 5: decisions you're going to make. The biggest mistake I see

630
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:01,920
Speaker 5: is that women are not truly underunderstanding what money they

631
00:29:01,960 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 5: really have. I know that that sounds absurd of not

632
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 5: really getting or really understanding what accounts you have or

633
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 5: even how much much money you have in the bank,

634
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 5: but we do see that, particularly in couples that have

635
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 5: been married for many years. And why does that happen?

636
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 5: You know, it typically happens because as a couple, you

637
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,479
Speaker 5: have many things to do, and you divide and conquer.

638
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 5: So she takes and does certain things in the family household,

639
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 5: and he does certain things as well. And typically what

640
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 5: we see is that he's the one that's really taking

641
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 5: care of the finances and the one that really has

642
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 5: essentially the power of knowing where all the money's going

643
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 5: and where all the money's at.

644
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 3: Do you think that happens more often now than it

645
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 3: has in the past. I mean, you sort of see

646
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 3: that women are becoming more independent there. Women are more

647
00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: likely today be to be the breadwinners in the household.

648
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 3: Do you think things are getting better there? If we're

649
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 3: still struggling with that, I.

650
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: Have to say say, there are more women definitely becoming breadwinners,

651
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 5: and because of that, we're seeing more women take control

652
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 5: of the money, which is great. But I think there's

653
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 5: a long way that we have to go yet, a

654
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 5: long way. For a lot of women, once they get married,

655
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 5: that man becomes their financial plan. And even though I

656
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 5: myself am very very strong in my own finances, I

657
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,680
Speaker 5: will tell you in my twenties I kind of was

658
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 5: looking for a night in shining armor coming and scooping

659
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 5: me up. So I never had any financial worries for

660
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 5: the rest of my life. I got smart and I

661
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,720
Speaker 5: realized that even if I was to get married, ultimately

662
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 5: my own financial security it's all about me and it's

663
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,560
Speaker 5: not going to be someone else making me feel financially secure.

664
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 5: So we do have a ways to go yet, but

665
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 5: I do think we're going in the right direction.

666
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: So with that being said, that, see, actually I was

667
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: fortunate well that I didn't have any brothers, because I

668
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: think that if my parents, especially my father, had had sons,

669
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: he wouldn't have taught my four sisters and I about money.

670
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,960
Speaker 1: I think he was really worried about who was going

671
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: to take care of his girl, so he taught us

672
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:17,560
Speaker 1: about money in our household. So what would you suggest

673
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 1: young women do to protect themselves with the money they've

674
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: earned once they enter into a more committed relationship.

675
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:30,600
Speaker 5: That's a great, great question, Tiffany. A couple of things

676
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 5: I would say is that you need to know what

677
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 5: your money is doing for you in the marriage. And

678
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,719
Speaker 5: what that means is if you're bringing money to the

679
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 5: marriage and then you use that money to buy a

680
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 5: home and put both of your names on that, it

681
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 5: could be construed, Tiffany, that you just gave them a gift,

682
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 5: when you know, in reality, you had no intention of

683
00:31:55,280 --> 00:32:00,560
Speaker 5: that whatsoever. I just got an email from a lady

684
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:05,239
Speaker 5: asking a question, asking a question specifically about should I

685
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 5: pay off my soon to be husband's one hundred and

686
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 5: fifty thousand dollars of student loans because it's giving us

687
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 5: a cost of an extra thousand dollars a month. I said, well,

688
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 5: probably not the best use of your money. And no

689
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 5: matter what, if you are bringing money to the marriage

690
00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 5: or if you're worried about protecting your financial future, a

691
00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 5: prenup is a really good way to go. And I

692
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 5: know as soon as I said prenup, probably both of

693
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 5: you guys made a face.

694
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: And maybe I'm curious, though I'm about to get married,

695
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:41,959
Speaker 3: tell me what I need to know.

696
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 5: You know, pre nups don't actually have to be unromantic.

697
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 5: Pre Nups are really important, especially if you've been married before.

698
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 5: If someone has children, you want to protect those children.

699
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,840
Speaker 5: If you're bringing assets to the marriage, if one person

700
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 5: is very very very very well healthy and the other

701
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 5: is not, especially if one of you plans to give

702
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 5: up your career, and even if you don't know whether

703
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 5: or not you are going to do that, a prenup

704
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 5: really protects you. And that preining up is going to

705
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 5: really spell out if things weren't to work for some reason,

706
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 5: what is going to be a situation where you both

707
00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 5: are going to be comfortable, You're both going to be

708
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 5: financially secure.

709
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 4: It doesn't have to cover everything.

710
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 5: It could be that in that prenup it only says

711
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 5: that you know, what he brought to the marriage is

712
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 5: his and what I brought to my marriage to the

713
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 5: marriage's mine, and you spell out what those assets are

714
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 5: and you make that very clear, or you could have

715
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 5: it be very very detailed. In fact, there was one

716
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 5: prenup that I read that.

717
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 4: Bless him.

718
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 5: He said that if she gains more than thirty pounds,

719
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 5: I have, you know, the right to divorce her and

720
00:33:58,680 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 5: not give her maintenance.

721
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 4: Well, guess what's that's illegal? You can't really say that.

722
00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 5: There are laws, of course for New York State that

723
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 5: says what individuals are entitled to. And I didn't feel

724
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 5: so bad for that gentleman being told that what he

725
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 5: was saying was not going to really stand up in court,

726
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 5: because anyone that would say that would be pretty much

727
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 5: jerk anyway. So, but prenups can be a good thing

728
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,279
Speaker 5: because it's going to force you to talk about money.

729
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 5: Most couples they don't talk about money, and it becomes

730
00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 5: the number one reason why couples split. So talking about

731
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 5: money and really understanding what does financial security to mean

732
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:41,000
Speaker 5: to you? What does it mean to you? Know your

733
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,799
Speaker 5: future spouse, What is your money history, how do you

734
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:48,760
Speaker 5: think about money? How does he or she think about money?

735
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:53,240
Speaker 5: Really important? And if you're on the same page with money,

736
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:58,479
Speaker 5: I can guarantee that their chances of your union being

737
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 5: successful for the long term is also going to.

738
00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 4: Be much higher.

739
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,239
Speaker 3: Can I ask you real quick on the prenup thing?

740
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 3: I mean, what does that actually entail? Is it expensive?

741
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 3: Do you have to hire a lawyer? How long has

742
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 3: the process taken? And at what point in your relationship

743
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 3: before you get married should that come up?

744
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 4: Great question, So three different things that you ask. Number one,

745
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 4: do you need a lawyer? Number two?

746
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 5: Isn't expensive? And number three when should you do this?

747
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 5: So do you need a lawyer? Yes, you do, but

748
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 5: it doesn't have to be expensive. It could be that

749
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 5: you guys are completely on the same page. You've drafted

750
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 5: something up already saying what's his is his, what's mine

751
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:41,040
Speaker 5: is mine, and whatever that is, and you give that

752
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 5: to your lawyer.

753
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 4: Your lawyer, you know, makes tweaks.

754
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 5: You give it to his or her lawyer if you

755
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 5: depending on if you're marrying same sex or not, and

756
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 5: they make their tweaks, and then you're all set and

757
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,880
Speaker 5: it could even come to less than one thousand dollars.

758
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 5: It could even be less than that. The point where

759
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:04,280
Speaker 5: you start to see the expenses going up are when

760
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 5: you're not on the same page and you're having to

761
00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 5: go back and forth. I do see this if someone

762
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: is springing this up right before the marriage. So that

763
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 5: third question of when should you do this, The earlier

764
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 5: the better, because you don't want to, you know, give

765
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:28,360
Speaker 5: a document like this to your future significant other. If

766
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 5: you're a couple of days out from your wedding, they

767
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,879
Speaker 5: could be essentially signing it under what's called duress, and

768
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 5: that can actually challenge the legality of this document. I

769
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 5: actually worked on a case where the husband signed this

770
00:36:47,719 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 5: document and the wife did not provide a translator and

771
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 5: it was in a language that he did not speak. Wow,

772
00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 5: good example of it not being held up. So you

773
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 5: in court, So you really do want to make sure

774
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:04,839
Speaker 5: that there's plenty of time. You know, worse comes to worse,

775
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 5: essentially blame your financial planner or blame your lawyer, saying,

776
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,080
Speaker 5: you know, this is not something I want to do,

777
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 5: but it's something that i'm being told I need to.

778
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 3: Do, and they're the bad guy exactly oh it's the

779
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 3: lame but like they really have.

780
00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 5: We regularly play that that bad guy. But essentially it's

781
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:36,320
Speaker 5: something that needs to be done. I would say today

782
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 5: even more so than years ago, just because life is

783
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 5: complicated and you know, our families get complicated, and also

784
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 5: our assets can be complicated.

785
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 3: Right, and I mean women are getting married so much

786
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 3: later now. Well, I mean twenty nine is the average age,

787
00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 3: and at that point you have a career and you

788
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,360
Speaker 3: maybe have a little bit on the side that you

789
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 3: want to protect. You mentioned earlier though the same page,

790
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 3: which sounds really fun and like idealistic, But so many

791
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 3: times we get a lot of questions from people that

792
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: listen to the show and they want to know, I

793
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 3: want this thing, but my husband or partner doesn't want

794
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 3: it and he wants that thing, Like what do I do?

795
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 3: How do I handle that? How do you go about

796
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 3: getting on the same page when your partner when you

797
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:21,919
Speaker 3: aren't on the same page? I mean, is it worth

798
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,719
Speaker 3: Is it a risk for the whole relationship just because

799
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,560
Speaker 3: you can't decide on what you want financially.

800
00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 5: That's a really good question and it's actually one that

801
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 5: I dealt with myself. My husband and I almost ended

802
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 5: up breaking up years ago. We've been together now sixteen years,

803
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 5: and it was because of money. I'm very good at

804
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 5: talking about money and he's good at talking about it too,

805
00:38:53,520 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 5: But we were coming from such different upbringings around money

806
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 5: that we were kind of like passing, like two ships

807
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,440
Speaker 5: in the night. We did a couple things that we

808
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,440
Speaker 5: found to be really helpful.

809
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 4: I will be honest.

810
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 5: We went to a couple's therapists and she was able

811
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:20,320
Speaker 5: to show that my freak out about him buying vente

812
00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 5: lattes was maybe a little.

813
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:23,319
Speaker 4: Overboard, and that.

814
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 5: You know, the fact that I would only buy a

815
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 5: tall you know, playing boring coffee didn't necessarily make me

816
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 5: a saint.

817
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 4: And she was also able.

818
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 5: To talk to him that, you know, savings is in

819
00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 5: like a four one K or a savings account or

820
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 5: a brokerage account. It's not buying a you know, Lamborghini.

821
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 5: So if that gives you any idea of how different

822
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 5: our thought process is about money, it helped us also

823
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 5: just go back to why I am so cheap with

824
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 5: money and why I get so scared, And I explained,

825
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,759
Speaker 5: because I've seen what happens when you don't have money.

826
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:12,799
Speaker 5: In my family, and then for him, for him, you know,

827
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 5: he has a dollar.

828
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:14,399
Speaker 4: He spends too.

829
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 5: He was able to show in his upbringing what really

830
00:40:18,800 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 5: brought him to that that if you have money, enjoy

831
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 5: it now because you could die any time, and bless

832
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 5: you didn't use your money.

833
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 4: So that helped.

834
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 5: And we also did a really interesting system called the

835
00:40:30,920 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 5: Your Mind and Ours account. So he has his own

836
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 5: fun fund account. I have my own fun fund account

837
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 5: that we can spend whatever we want. Every single month

838
00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 5: we each get five hundred dollars. And then we have

839
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,359
Speaker 5: the hour's account and that's the account where we make

840
00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 5: big purchase together. And how do we decide what purchases

841
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 5: we make? Well, we have date nights and we do

842
00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,399
Speaker 5: a financial date night once a month where we talk

843
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 5: about big things like how much are we saving into

844
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:03,360
Speaker 5: the kids' education plan? Are we going to go on

845
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 5: vacation this year? We recently bought a boat, and we

846
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:10,880
Speaker 5: had many date nights talking about the boat of you know,

847
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:13,839
Speaker 5: what could we afford, what would the cost be going ongoing?

848
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 5: Was this something we both wanted? But I would say

849
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 5: those are the three things. You know, for us, we

850
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,800
Speaker 5: were so different. A therapist really helped us yours mind

851
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 5: our account, and then also those monthly financial date nights.

852
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 1: I like the yours of mine now our account. Is

853
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 1: that what you do to Mandy?

854
00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 3: Uh not yet, but we're working on it.

855
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 1: I do that with my with my Blue Superman aka Superman.

856
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: We gave our honey's like secret names since they don't

857
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:44,000
Speaker 1: always listen, but they might so, you know. But yeah,

858
00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:47,760
Speaker 1: so we do yours mine in ours and it works

859
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 1: because he was probably like your hubby, and I'm so

860
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,360
Speaker 1: much like you, super frugal. I grew up in a

861
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: household where it wasn't because I was taught to be

862
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: afraid of money. I don't know. My parents were just

863
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 1: really tight, and I just became like the five year

864
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,640
Speaker 1: old tite wand and it just became part of my personality.

865
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 1: And he's super generous. I mean, he's like the one

866
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,320
Speaker 1: all the little kids outside love because he buys everybody

867
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 1: bits for their birthdays whether he kind of knows you

868
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 1: or not, and buys everybody ice cream in the summer.

869
00:42:15,040 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: And it was trying to balance, like, okay, you being

870
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 1: super generous with me being super tight, and you know,

871
00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: and we finally found I would say, a happy medium

872
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 1: where he's understanding, you know, about savings, and I've learned

873
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: how to like loosen up a bit.

874
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 4: Yep, glad that.

875
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,200
Speaker 3: I'm glad that you were honest about the counselor that

876
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,319
Speaker 3: you guys went to, because I feel like couples don't

877
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 3: talk about what they you know, like if you need

878
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 3: couples counseling to get through a financial like disagreement or

879
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 3: something like that. I mean, and also the fact that

880
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 3: the whole saint thing like well, and I suffer from

881
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 3: this too, where I'm like, well, I saved this much

882
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 3: amount of months per month or you know, I save

883
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,479
Speaker 3: this much per month, and I'm so great with my money,

884
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,319
Speaker 3: so I'm going to tell you exactly what to do.

885
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 3: That does not go over so well with the grown

886
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:05,760
Speaker 3: man with the college degree and the master's.

887
00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:09,799
Speaker 1: Nope, I remember, I hadn't stopped being like the nag.

888
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh gosh, Tiffany, like it's not that serious,

889
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,400
Speaker 1: Like if the bills are paid, I finally have to

890
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,960
Speaker 1: do a checklist in my head. Bills are paid, retirement

891
00:43:17,080 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 1: saved college fund is being funded, and like regular saving

892
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,239
Speaker 1: and saved vacation account is being funded. She you can't

893
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 1: control every last penny, you know, and so yeah, you

894
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,880
Speaker 1: just have to learn. And everyone's different, you know, sometimes

895
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 1: it's the woman who's the overspender. So just learning kind

896
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,399
Speaker 1: of like a happy medium. I think extremes are where

897
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:36,320
Speaker 1: the danger lies.

898
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the extremes.

899
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 5: And I have to say, Tiffany, what you did is

900
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 5: a great idea of and actually this is what worked

901
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 5: best for us, is if we're hitting our savings goal

902
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 5: each year, like who cares where the money's going? I

903
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 5: mean ideally illegal, you know, legal, you know, not on prostitutes, right,

904
00:43:54,400 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 5: But if we're hitting our savings goals, hack, that's that's fabulous.

905
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:03,840
Speaker 5: Then let's have the vente latte.

906
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,680
Speaker 3: Then let's do it go crazy.

907
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: But he gets some whip cream on that does that.

908
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 3: Well. Not to be a Debbie downer, but you know, personally, personally,

909
00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 3: I grew up. I mean, my parents were divorced. I've

910
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 3: you know, my I've my examples of what a marriage

911
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,600
Speaker 3: can be have been not that great. And I wanted

912
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:30,880
Speaker 3: to know. And I've watched my mother go through a divorce,

913
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 3: and I've you know, watched other women make mistakes. And

914
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 3: I wonder, since you have sort of a front row

915
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 3: seat to the stacy. After you know things don't work out,

916
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 3: don't work out, you decide to divorce. What are some

917
00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:45,760
Speaker 3: financial mistakes you see your clients make in those first

918
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 3: sort of first few weeks or months after divorce.

919
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 5: Good question. I would say there's three in particular. Number one,

920
00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 5: not getting smart about their financial picture. You know, right

921
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 5: after you start the divorce process, or ideally before, collect

922
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 5: as much data as you can so that you know

923
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 5: your full picture. That means all the assets, what you're spending,

924
00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:17,440
Speaker 5: and also what's money coming in as far as all

925
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:20,239
Speaker 5: that income. So that would be the biggest mistake I

926
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:22,760
Speaker 5: see people just say, hey, I want to get a divorce.

927
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:26,879
Speaker 5: Not doing the background and sometimes getting that information once

928
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 5: the process starts.

929
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 4: Is a little bit harder.

930
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 5: Number two, not removing your name from joint accounts. So

931
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:40,799
Speaker 5: if you have a joint checking or joint savings, your

932
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 5: spouse can clear that money out.

933
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 4: If you have a joint.

934
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 5: Credit card, your spouse could rack up thirty thousand dollars

935
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:53,880
Speaker 5: of debt and who cares if you're getting divorced. According

936
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:57,279
Speaker 5: to the credit card company, they have a contract with you,

937
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 5: and if he's not paying it back, then unfortunately, you

938
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,200
Speaker 5: might be on the hook to pay it back. So

939
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 5: getting your name off as many joint things as possible

940
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 5: is really important. And then the other thing is really

941
00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:12,720
Speaker 5: getting clear about.

942
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:13,760
Speaker 4: What support you need.

943
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 5: Very few people can get through the process of a

944
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 5: divorce on their own. And the biggest piece we see

945
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 5: women saying that they suffered from through the process is

946
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 5: that they didn't have enough support. And it's more than

947
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:36,839
Speaker 5: just having girlfriends or family members. It's also having that

948
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:42,239
Speaker 5: knowledgeable financial, that knowledgeable legal and my gosh, if you

949
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 5: don't have a therapist, you definitely need a therapist or

950
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 5: a divorce coach as well. That's really important because a

951
00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:53,080
Speaker 5: divorce is not a sprint unfortunately, it's more like a marathon,

952
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 5: and it does take a while.

953
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,920
Speaker 3: It can be super nasty. But and you mentioned the car,

954
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 3: I mean just the asking for help and knowing where

955
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 3: to go. And that's where I feel like your work

956
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 3: with Savvy Ladies is so important, and I wondered if

957
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 3: you can talk a little bit about that, because you

958
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 3: literally give you know, you have a hotline. Anyone can

959
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,000
Speaker 3: call it any time and ask whatever sort of questions

960
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 3: they have and you'll connect them to people who know

961
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:16,799
Speaker 3: Is that right?

962
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:21,240
Speaker 5: Exactly, And Mandy, the reason why I started Savvy Ladies

963
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:25,240
Speaker 5: is because my grandmother did not get divorced. She married

964
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 5: my grandfather when she was young, she was nineteen, and

965
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 5: she stayed with him till she was in her eighties.

966
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 4: When she died.

967
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 5: I actually started the charity in her honor because she

968
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:41,080
Speaker 5: stayed with him despite the verbal, despite the emotional and

969
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 5: the despite the physical abuse. Because of money and because

970
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 5: of her, we have this amazing organization now that I

971
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 5: started when I was twenty seven, so about fourteen years ago,

972
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 5: and we've worked with twelve thousand women. We have seventy

973
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 5: programs both online and we have a archive of seventy

974
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:06,280
Speaker 5: different actual workshops that you can listen to online everything

975
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:08,719
Speaker 5: you can imagine about money. And then also we have

976
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 5: live events here in New York City. What I'm most

977
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 5: proud of is what you mentioned, Mandy, and that is

978
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 5: that we have a helpline, so you can email or

979
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:20,920
Speaker 5: visit the website ww Savvy Ladies dot org or give

980
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 5: us a call and we'll match you up with a

981
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 5: certified financial planner or a certified divorce financial analyst to

982
00:48:27,360 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 5: answer whatever questions you might have. And we have fifty

983
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 5: volunteers that are phenomenal and it's all free of charge,

984
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 5: so you can talk to them for a half hour

985
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 5: phone call and take your questions that you have and

986
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,280
Speaker 5: get real personal confidential information.

987
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:48,399
Speaker 1: So my question is it only for women in New

988
00:48:48,480 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 1: York or this area or can women across the nation

989
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 1: call in?

990
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:55,279
Speaker 5: We have women calling from all over and even our

991
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 5: onlining online programming, we have the Wednesday Wisdom Series and

992
00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:02,840
Speaker 5: that means Tiffany Every Wednesday at noon, we have a

993
00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 5: different speaker this week. It's actually perfect because we have

994
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 5: an upcoming speaker that's going to be talking about divorce

995
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 5: and divorce support. But we talk about many different topics

996
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 5: other than just divorce. So we'll talk about how to

997
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 5: invest in your ferro owan k, how to negotiate the

998
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:23,319
Speaker 5: corner office, how to get real about your budget, how

999
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 5: to start saving, even things that are icky like insurance,

1000
00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 5: but we kind of need to know. So it's for

1001
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:35,320
Speaker 5: across the nation, and we actually we have people who participate.

1002
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 4: From all over the world.

1003
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 3: Those are webcast.

1004
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 5: Yep, So those are all webcasts and we record them

1005
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 5: all and so we have archive of about seventy and

1006
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 5: we are doing live ones actually each week so every

1007
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 5: Wednesday the Wednesday Wisdom Series, and again all of the

1008
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,359
Speaker 5: programming we do is free of charge. It's to help

1009
00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:59,359
Speaker 5: women make smart decisions about money, and it's my way

1010
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 5: of helping women who they may not being an abusive relationship,

1011
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:07,680
Speaker 5: but they can live a better life. And the way

1012
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 5: you live a better life is feeling more financially secure

1013
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,120
Speaker 5: and knowing more about your money.

1014
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,520
Speaker 3: Oh and you can find all that at savvy Ladies dot.

1015
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 5: Org right exactly all the informations right there, and you

1016
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 5: guys always also can reach out to me. My email

1017
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 5: is Stacy Stacy at savvy Ladies dot com, so you

1018
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 5: can always reach me there too.

1019
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 3: Oh given out the email. Well, I can speak firsthand.

1020
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 3: I mean, having moderated one of your panels recently and

1021
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:38,359
Speaker 3: just seeing the reaction from the dozens of women in

1022
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,279
Speaker 3: the room, it was really like you kind of get

1023
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 3: a little chills running up and down, because it's really

1024
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 3: empowering to see women talk about their finances out loud

1025
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 3: and proudly and asking those tough questions and the work

1026
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: that you guys do is just remarkable. So thank you

1027
00:50:53,719 --> 00:50:56,520
Speaker 3: for that. On behalf of your twelve thousand women that you.

1028
00:50:56,560 --> 00:51:00,879
Speaker 5: Wilpless to make it twelve million we have. I mean,

1029
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:04,399
Speaker 5: every every woman can benefit from, you know, being smart

1030
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 5: about our money. So we have, at least in my opinion,

1031
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 5: we have a lot of.

1032
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:07,440
Speaker 4: Work to do.

1033
00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,239
Speaker 3: Well, Stacey, thank you so much for joining us on

1034
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:14,919
Speaker 3: the show. And again, the website is savvy Ladies dot org.

1035
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 3: Is that right?

1036
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:16,120
Speaker 4: Yep?

1037
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:19,120
Speaker 1: You got it? Wow? Yes, thank you. We enjoyed having

1038
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:19,440
Speaker 1: you on.

1039
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 3: I hope I never have to call and ask you

1040
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:22,800
Speaker 3: for divorce advice.

1041
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 4: I hope not to.

1042
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 5: And if you talk about your money with your you know,

1043
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 5: your spouse and you have those financial night nights, I

1044
00:51:31,239 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 5: can pretty much guarantee you won't.

1045
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 3: Do you have a hotline for women who talk about

1046
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,959
Speaker 3: it too much though, because that's my problem. I need help.

1047
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1048
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 4: Can you imagine if you were married to me?

1049
00:51:41,440 --> 00:51:43,640
Speaker 5: I mean, between you know, the three of us on

1050
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 5: this you know, on this podcast, essentially that's what our

1051
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 5: lives are.

1052
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:50,919
Speaker 3: So we would like never have any fun. It would

1053
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:53,120
Speaker 3: just be counting with budgeting. No, no, no, you need

1054
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 3: someone to balance it out for sure, Yeah.

1055
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:57,919
Speaker 4: We do. We have to put our calculators away.

1056
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:14,280
Speaker 6: Yes, well, let's scrap things up with our usual spiel.

1057
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:15,640
Speaker 3: On how you can get touch with us.

1058
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:19,360
Speaker 1: Yes, so you can tweet us at the BA Podcast,

1059
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: find us on Facebook, Brown Ambition.

1060
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:25,720
Speaker 3: Email us please your questions. We have some excellent questions

1061
00:52:25,719 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 3: lined up for next week. We'd love more of your questions.

1062
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,320
Speaker 3: You can find us or email us at Brown Ambition

1063
00:52:30,440 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 3: Podcast at gmail dot.

1064
00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 1: Com dot com.

1065
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,839
Speaker 3: ALR ladies, have a great rest of your week and

1066
00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 3: we'll chat with you. Chat with you, see you talk

1067
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 3: later next week, see you next week.

1068
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 1: Okay, can cast with you. We'll cast with you next week.

1069
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 3: All right, have a great day.