WEBVTT - Finding Your Calm Amidst the Storm w/ Robyn YouKilis 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:04.520 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:14.720 in partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi everybody, I think 0:00:14.720 --> 0:00:17.480 we've all been hearing a lot about the importance of 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:21.720 self care with the pandemic and all of its stressors 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:24.560 amplifying that need. And I don't know in my own 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:28.320 personal case. I can't meditate, I don't read anything except 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:31.200 my phone and the news, and I get more and 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:34.640 more stressed out. So I have called on a very dear, 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:37.840 longtime friend of mine by the name of Robin Eucalus. 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:40.720 She is a wellness coach. She's an author of best 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:43.360 selling books Go with Your Gut and Thin from Within. 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:47.960 She's been featured on The View, The Today Show, e News, Cosmopolitan. 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:51.720 She's gracing us with her calming energy today and every 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:55.320 day if you follow her on Instagram, which I do. UM, 0:00:55.320 --> 0:00:59.080 thank you so much for being here. Robin, I miss you. 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:02.920 I miss you so much. Thank you for that beautiful intro. 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:05.399 And I was definitely giggling a little bit inside as 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.320 You're introduced me with this calm presence, because I'm pretty 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:13.840 sure my family are cracking up thinking she's calm. But 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.560 the truth is, when you grow up in a rather 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:21.520 you know, jubilant Jewish family from Long Island. Somebody has 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.080 to be the calm one, I have to say of 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.520 everyone I know, and I have a wide net and 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:30.920 circle of friends and moms in the Katie Script community, 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:36.320 you truly are handling this pretty well, like and I 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.319 was like, I gotta get Robin On here to see 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:42.319 through us mosis or through any kind of tips if 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.800 I can feel that way, and I think we all do, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.000 because not only is the pandemic really hard personally on 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:54.480 our relationships, on being mothers this incredible epic time that 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:57.040 we are seeing with all the racial injustice going on 0:01:57.120 --> 0:02:01.160 in our society. I know that it a long journey 0:02:01.200 --> 0:02:03.280 and it's not something that can be fixed overnight. And 0:02:03.320 --> 0:02:06.160 so self care is a huge part of being able 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:10.000 to stay energized so that we can stay fighting the 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:13.760 good fight. And I'm already exhausted and that's awful, Like 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.720 we have so much longer to go. First, your mom, 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:18.960 how old is your daughter? I am a mom. I 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:22.760 have a four year old daughter. Her name is Navy. 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:25.680 She has red hair and blue eyes, and she is 0:02:26.360 --> 0:02:30.519 a thousand percent spirit and spunk and all the things. 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:34.160 And now he's obsessed with her. Albi runs around going 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:37.400 Navy everything. I've had to sing him his good night 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:39.839 song is happy Birthday to Navy for like a good year. 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:42.080 Like he's obsessed with her, and he's like, well he's 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:44.320 he's like just saying happy birthday to Navy real quick. 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:48.400 And I'm like, okay, just want can you oblige? And 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.720 there is a husband attached to that child as well. 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:54.919 You know, it's not just my husband, Scott is her father. 0:02:55.040 --> 0:02:58.280 That's my little immediate family unit. And we don't have 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:00.839 another child yet. We have talked about it. I really 0:03:00.880 --> 0:03:03.720 wanted a lot of space between them because I like 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:06.400 to just simplify as much as possible. I know what 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:09.200 my husband I are capable of. He is an entrepreneur, 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:12.240 I'm an entrepreneur. We work wild hours, and I wanted 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:14.200 to be able to focus on her. And now we 0:03:14.240 --> 0:03:17.119 are starting to talk about bringing another one into the mix. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.359 But it's really just such an example of know yourself. 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:22.600 And you mentioned a lot about self care through this time. 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:25.120 One thing I really love to share about that is 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:29.679 self care is not as interesting as Goop and l 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:32.919 and all the magazines want to make it. It's actually 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:36.280 in its truest form, really boring. We tend to want 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:39.080 to make things exciting and a big ah ha. But 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.320 I feel what's kept me so calm through this time, 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.200 calm through mamahood with her is getting it in in 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:48.760 so many tiny little moments, in little practices. When you 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.600 hold a pen. If you're holding a pen and you're 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.120 writing and you're like all the tension and you're pulling 0:03:54.200 --> 0:03:55.840 in your shoulders and you're like, I gotta get this 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.920 down or get this right, and you're squeezing that pen 0:03:58.440 --> 0:04:02.320 that is pulling from your life force energy, You're you're 0:04:02.400 --> 0:04:06.840 like actual foundational health. It's such a silly example, but 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:09.400 so many moments like that, when we're rushing to the card, 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.960 we're looking for our keys and we go to do 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.880 the dishes. It's absolutely dizzy. And so how many times 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:17.480 in our day can we take a breath, take a pause, 0:04:17.760 --> 0:04:20.799 take a moment, not take even twenty minutes. Twenty minutes 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:23.039 is a lot for a moment. What that happens, And 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:25.279 that's definitely part of it. Because I feel this pressure 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.200 to like set up a space and make sure my 0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:31.039 toddler can't get to me, and like I have to like, 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:33.720 create this whole moment for it, that it's probably making 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:35.400 it more stressful than it has to be. When I 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:40.960 really really special much pressure, much pressure, So I can't 0:04:40.960 --> 0:04:44.000 handle that either. So it sounds like you have mindful 0:04:44.160 --> 0:04:48.160 moments throughout the day right where you just actually focus 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.320 on exactly the task at hand in a really simplified, 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:54.039 grounded breath. You do a lot of breath work and 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:57.040 things like that. Um, are you a meditat or do 0:04:57.040 --> 0:05:00.360 you meditate every day? So the joke is actually as 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:04.840 as I have meditation guide and meditation teacher on my title, 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:08.880 and I actually heavily dislike meditating. Um, just like I've 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.680 run half marathons, but I hate running. Like you know, 0:05:11.720 --> 0:05:13.560 this is the typical case of that. And I said, 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:15.200 can I call myself that if I don't do it 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:18.200 every day? And I'm like, you know what I can, 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:21.280 because what I believe is there is a kind of 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:23.640 meditation for everybody and if we can break down the 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:27.080 walls the container of what it's supposed to be, Um, 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.560 you can make it your own. Yes, it would be 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.760 lovely to have twenty minutes in the morning and twenty 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:33.760 minutes at the end of the day. I encourage the 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.160 right kind of clients to get to that place. If 0:05:36.200 --> 0:05:38.039 you can get up before your kid at five thirty 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:40.120 or six am or six thirty and that works for you, 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:44.159 do it. But I also believe that our life has chapters, 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.560 and if you're in the chapter with young kids or 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:49.320 whatever it is, your schedule in your time is really 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.000 not your own. My daughter was up all last night 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:54.120 and all off the night before because she just had 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:55.640 a little skin thing we had to take care of. 0:05:56.120 --> 0:05:58.560 It's it's not going to be possible for me to 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:01.600 to wake up early know the chapter that you're in. 0:06:02.200 --> 0:06:05.040 So what is doable right now? So for me, if 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:08.680 a meditation I'm using air quotes doesn't happen, can I 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.560 wake up and before I want to fling myself out 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:12.719 of bed and go pee And sometimes even forgetting I 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.560 do it on the toilet while I'm being It's just 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:17.799 placed my hand over my heart and take three breaths, 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:21.360 and that can be your meditation. And I trust that 0:06:21.480 --> 0:06:23.720 every single one of your listeners is capable of doing 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:26.520 something like that. It's just the commitment and the reminding 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.479 and tuning into people that inspire you that remind you 0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:31.400 to do those things. For yourself that it doesn't have 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:35.440 to be so dang hard and such a thing. And 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:38.039 so when I make meditation about that, yes I do 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.479 it every single day, but my road there. I originally 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.760 used to set a timer for one minute because that's 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:45.000 all I could get myself to sit for. This is 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:47.720 all I did for you. Helpful and so true because 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.560 I have to say, like this morning, I woke up 0:06:50.600 --> 0:06:53.440 on my own a little bit before Albi did, and 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:55.760 I just like laid there and looked at the ceiling 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:57.560 and took a few breaths and just said to myself, 0:06:58.000 --> 0:06:59.920 I'm going to have a lot of energy this more 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:02.960 to take care of my son, because a lot of 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:05.840 mornings I don't. And even though I was exhausted, I 0:07:05.880 --> 0:07:07.760 just said to myself, this morning is going to be 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.440 a good morning. And it really has changed the entire 0:07:10.480 --> 0:07:12.320 scope of the morning, you know what I mean. And 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:15.200 it was only because I took, like you said, three 0:07:15.240 --> 0:07:18.760 breaths and like focus my mind a little bit before 0:07:18.960 --> 0:07:21.720 I went just go hard and get the kid, get 0:07:21.800 --> 0:07:23.760 the milk at the baba, get your coffee, look at 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:27.720 your phone, what's the schedule, blah blah blah um. I 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:31.720 also love that you meditate with Navy hanging off of you, 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:39.280 I have no choice? Is that allowed? People would really 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:42.440 ask that, like, how do you tune your child out? 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.960 First of all listeners, Robin and maybe have an absolutely 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:51.080 gorgeous relationship. She is a very independent spirit, Um and 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.120 you I love. I'm so sad we're not living in 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.560 the same city right now because I honestly and truly 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.400 loved watching you parent because I think you're real fucking 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:02.760 good at it, and I think you you are you 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:08.280 I do too, but even but I just think you're 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:11.760 really good at communicating with her and staying calm even 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:15.360 though even when she's I mean, she's got her opinions, man, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.240 and she's she's a force for sure, and it's and 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.240 they're all day. There's not never a day or a 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:23.480 section of time off from the opinions and the focus 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:26.480 and the yeah, and you're just she's intense and I 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:28.920 and I I just think you do a really good 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:33.960 job of of holding her up for exactly who she is, Um, 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:37.839 within boundaries and safety and things like that. But um, 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.880 so tell me about when you meditate and she's hanging 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:42.800 off of you. Is that real? Because you do it 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:45.360 on your Instagram and look, I think it's effing adorable. 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:47.559 Tell me, so everything you see on my Instagram, I 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:50.080 do want to say is absolutely real. That's always like 0:08:50.120 --> 0:08:53.640 my disclaimer. If you see my child with me cooking 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:56.240 or baking, it's because she sees what I'm doing and 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:58.960 she asked to jump in. For everyone that you see 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.400 like that, there's five more that she wants nothing to 0:09:01.480 --> 0:09:03.280 do with. And I never people said to me, we're like, 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:05.120 how do you get your kid to cooperate for social 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:08.840 MEDIA'M like, I don't. She's also saying there are instagrams 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:12.080 where she's like saying poop a thousand times while she's 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:15.200 helping you cook because she thinks is hilarious and I 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:19.600 think it's hilarious. Um so okay, that's a great disclamer. Yeah, 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:22.040 so just a disclaimer with that. And then as far 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.319 as her meditating with me, what I try and do 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:26.520 is at least one to two times a week, I 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:30.120 have a sacred meditation for myself that it's once during 0:09:30.120 --> 0:09:32.600 the week and it's once on the weekend. Sometimes I 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:34.959 plan those, sometimes I don't. Let's say it needs to 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.640 happen at eleven thirty am, I said an alarm on 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.160 my phone. I got my journal and I say, I 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.000 know I need this. It's like running. I would spend 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:44.600 more time avoiding it than actually doing it, but eventually 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:46.400 I get there. So I do make sure I have 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.840 quiet alone ones twice a week. Those are my chickens. 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.319 Those are my how are you feeling? How are you doing? 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.760 And that's also part of you know you're saying, I'm 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:56.880 a calm mom, calm human com parents. That feeds it. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.000 I don't wait for the crisis to get out my 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:01.360 notebook and create that time for myself. It is a 0:10:01.440 --> 0:10:05.640 commitment and it's discipline. It means telling my husband, you know, 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:07.680 you guys are doing something really cute in the living 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.520 room and I'm gonna miss it because I know I 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:12.520 need to do this for myself. The other times, when 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:14.520 you do see her hanging off of me, or maybe 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:18.040 she's really participating, or maybe she's like punking me, Um, 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:21.560 I try and go into it with no expectations. Isn't 0:10:21.559 --> 0:10:27.640 that such the lesson for parentings. It's such good good luck. 0:10:28.120 --> 0:10:29.560 And one thing too, I do want to say, is 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:33.000 I invite her in. It's not oh it's a mommy 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:35.560 and Navy activity. It's this is what I'm doing, and 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.840 I'm clear with my words. I'm going to meditate for myself. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.520 Now I need to breathe and be in my body. 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:43.600 Would you like to join me? If you're going to 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:45.800 join me, you can sit quietly with me, or you 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.600 can play with your something over here. Um, this is 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:50.480 what I'm gonna do. And she'll say I want to 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:52.040 join you, or she'll say no and run out of 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.840 the room and slam the door. Um. But she joins 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.439 me then, also knowing just because she said yes does 0:10:57.480 --> 0:10:59.120 not mean she's going to behave in a way that 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:02.280 I would appreciate that she does. Sometimes she sits and 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:07.000 ohms and it's beautiful, and sometimes you know, she's exactly 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:09.920 on your hair and literally pulling on my hair, and 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.680 it's just like, you know, what what can I what 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.280 can I just be with what is today? It's like 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:18.679 we get that huge message constantly being with with what is, 0:11:18.720 --> 0:11:22.599 being with what is letting go, letting go the exercise 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.960 and the meditative moment of guidance that I'm getting in 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.000 there is not that I transcended and that I went 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:32.960 to bliss and that I was breathing. The gift is 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.760 that I was able to breathe through and let go 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:39.440 of the expectation or the circumstance that was happening around me, 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:42.360 And then that means that's the muscle that I then 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.280 trained that's then going to serve me when she hits 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.319 the fan later on in the day or that weekend, 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:51.959 et cetera. Unbelievable. That's like, see, it's so worth it, 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:54.360 even though I would be sitting there being like, oh, 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.720 this meditation is ruined. I didn't get to the falling 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.679 off point. But really the lesson is, don't have that expectations. 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.320 Be here now. It is what it is, which you 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.920 then can take to parenting the rest of the day 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:11.040 and the week. You're also really good at boundaries, which 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:15.600 I feel like is also incredibly important during pandemic um 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.640 because we have nowhere a lot of moms don't have 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:20.480 places to go and stay at home. Moms a lot 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.680 of times don't have anywhere to go, regardless of pandemic. 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.920 But I think more than ever, we can't get to 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.040 a playground, we can't get to a mall, we can't 0:12:29.080 --> 0:12:31.880 get anywhere. I feel more guilt than I've ever had 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:33.960 because my son feels more attached to me than he's 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.880 ever had because he's never had me this much, and 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:41.000 so we're having really difficult time when he has to 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.440 have time with Daddy. I mean, it's just the transitions, 0:12:43.440 --> 0:12:46.319 but it's rough. Um. So I'm curious how you've been 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.760 setting boundaries up for yourself and for your time and 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.560 your work. Yeah, so first knowing like this is a 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:55.000 wild time, it is an exception, even if it goes 0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.640 on for another year, even if it's two years. In 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.920 the scope of life, I like to tell myself it's 0:12:59.920 --> 0:13:02.559 a lot of permissions and a lot of reminders God will, Like, 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.959 life is a long time. And so if this is 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.920 a chapter where things can feel like a struggle, where 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.240 boundaries are not clear, where you don't feel like you're 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.960 crushing it, it's okay. It doesn't mean you're less of 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.000 an amazing mom, less of a great human, not you know, 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:20.160 doing your self care. It's like, Okay, this is a 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.760 wild period of time. At some point it will shift, 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:25.560 and how much grace can you give yourself in that 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:29.640 process in addition to that doing as much as you 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.480 can around it. Some people work really well with schedules 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:34.920 or routines, So it's like getting really honest. If you 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.640 have a partner at home or friend or someone that 0:13:36.679 --> 0:13:39.040 can help you that you feel comfortable with, here's the 0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:40.520 day of the weeks in my time, where like, if 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.160 I haven't had a moment to myself, it starts to 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.240 get off the rails um, you know, getting those on 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:47.640 your calendar, scheduling them out in advance, and if they 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:49.960 don't happen or scheduling doesn't work for you, I'm not 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.600 a big like you know, everybody's cooperating at the time 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.040 that I need them to. You have to just remind 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.559 yourself constantly, like I'm a priority in my space in 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.920 my time, a priority and not from a place of 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:05.240 judgment or panic or worry or fear. But hey, it's 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.760 five o'clock. I haven't had a minute for myself. Let 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:10.960 me think about my evening and where can I get creative? 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.240 Where can I do even less? Where can I you know, 0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:16.920 even if you're a child maybe crying for you, and 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.600 you can still step away. You just trust, like I 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:21.640 can trust myself, I can trust what I need in 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:24.640 this moment, because the biggest conversation most of the time 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.760 is going to be with you and your own emotions 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:29.480 and the way that you're judging or feeling about yourself. 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.160 And that's the one to have. That's the one you 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:35.840 need to have because really, like you know, your kid 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:41.040 is safe and clothed and sheltered and loved period, regardless 0:14:41.120 --> 0:14:44.080 of whether or not you're letting him or her cry 0:14:44.240 --> 0:14:47.320 or not have the treat they want, or not have 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.840 the TV time and the meltdowns are happening. It's like, 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:53.600 my kid knows he's loved, even if I'm being a dick. 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:56.920 You might have to say that in your mind. Like 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:59.160 what I love to say to during I don't call 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:05.440 him tantrums, but um intense emotions, big emotions, big swinging feelings. 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:08.560 I say to myself, you know, on a good day, 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:10.720 right when I've done all the things that I've slept 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:12.840 in this that I say, oh, look at my child. 0:15:12.840 --> 0:15:15.560 She is so healthy. My child is so healthy. She'd 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:19.480 feels so comfortable expressing all the opinions and all of 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:22.680 her feelings. Look how healthy my child is. So it's 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.160 it's that mindset, and it's just what that does is 0:15:25.200 --> 0:15:28.440 it releases the tension in your body. It brings you 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:32.080 back to your rest and digest your parasympathetic system. That's 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.960 the system that is responsible for you calming the f 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.400 down instead of being in fight or flight, because you know, 0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:40.200 when you have a conversation from fight or flight, or 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:43.120 you have a conversation even with yourself, right, there's no chance. 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:47.040 So this is again, how many little teeny moments in 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:49.360 your day can you take a breath? Can you tell 0:15:49.400 --> 0:16:02.280 yourself it's going to be okay. One thing I struggle 0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:04.320 with so much in parenting is like calling myself like 0:16:04.320 --> 0:16:07.160 I'm so not a Pinterest mom like crafts, and there 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:10.200 is not a single okay ready for this everybody. There's 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:15.760 not a single printed photo of my child anywhere in 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:19.320 my home. We are the same person in so many ways. 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.920 I don't have anything and I'll be nothing, never printed 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:26.720 one up. Like I know, I'm terrible. I hate this 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:29.400 has been a real challenge, like in pandemic times. I've 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:32.720 talked to my therapist about this because it's like how 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.160 many walks around the block can I do with my son. 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.400 I'm not a mom like you that does crafts. I 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:42.760 don't like planning workbooks or curriculum like I would love 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.520 nothing more than to send my kid to school and 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.480 trust someone else to do those things with and give 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:51.080 him those opportutions. I'm a mom that's a producer. I 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:53.960 like to organize schedules in time and keep the house 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:56.520 together and be there for him. But I don't like 0:16:56.600 --> 0:16:59.920 to initiate like massive play. That's just not my strong suit. 0:17:00.000 --> 0:17:01.440 And I feel like I'm going to kick ass when 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.960 he's like a teenager and everything's like like emotional and 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:06.919 like talking and chill like that, and you're not either, 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.919 which you maybe feel so much better because I think 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:13.320 you're a great mom. You see and they're okay, and 0:17:13.359 --> 0:17:15.639 they're okay. But I would say too, within that, like 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.400 find something that you do enjoy, you know what I mean, 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.479 if you want to put on plays with him, go 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.679 through your shoes in your closet, or we love that. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.119 I love anything that's like an organizational thing, and I 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:31.439 love reading readers. Of course, you just you have to 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.359 find the things and you have to trust they're getting enough. 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.040 And then I will say one thing in Pandemic that 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:39.439 I've tried to get stronger at and it it has 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:44.000 served us, is letting her lead. Just sometimes maybe it's 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.320 it's just could be once a week where it's like, hey, Navy. 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:47.359 What do you want is She's like, I want to 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.760 play dollies, and everything in me is going I don't 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:51.920 want to play dollies. I don't want to play. But 0:17:51.960 --> 0:17:55.119 I'm like, you know what, sure, and just play the 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:58.000 dang dollies with her for an hour because then, guess what, 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:00.880 she's way more crop cooperative. The rest of the day 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:02.880 goes to bed eas and not that it's an either 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:05.200 or and you always get what you put in and kids. 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:08.240 I was so with her yesterday. I was like, she's 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:09.880 just gonna have today is gonna be a day where 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:12.320 she has my full focus. And then some oh we 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.040 were in the courtyard playing with the kids, and she said, 0:18:15.080 --> 0:18:18.400 nobody's cheering for me. And then she said, and now 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:24.000 my entire day is ruined. And I say, and I'm 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:27.399 literally like, I worked really hard to be a really 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:30.480 good mom today and just focus on you and be present, 0:18:30.560 --> 0:18:33.520 and you're telling me that none of that matters anymore, 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:36.640 And like she's far so that being said, you can 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:38.800 still do all the things and they'll still slap you 0:18:38.800 --> 0:18:42.000 in the face, whether it's literally I've gotten whacked in 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:45.479 the face, are emotionally whacked in the face. You just 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:49.440 that's why it's like, have fun, do the best you can, breathe, 0:18:50.400 --> 0:18:53.000 you know, give yourself a break. And I'm telling you 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:55.960 all of this because I'm telling myself this. It is 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:58.879 a practice. This is never something that I'm like, oh, 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:01.119 I did it. I'm good at at now, but I 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:07.040 certainly exercise those muscles every single day. It's it's so like, 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.280 what what's the garden you're watering? Right? Is it the 0:19:09.400 --> 0:19:11.920 one of guilt and shame? And I wish I could 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:13.720 this or could that? Or you just saying you know what, 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:20.600 we're okay, I'm okay, breath in, bread out. You do 0:19:20.680 --> 0:19:23.400 so much focus on gut and belly health, which I 0:19:23.440 --> 0:19:27.160 think also relates to mental health. We're trying to take 0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:30.600 care of ourselves during this pandemic, and everyone's joking about 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:34.480 gaining pounds. People are home, often they're going to their 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.120 kitchen to get a snack because people are eating their feelings. 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:41.040 Tell me about how your gut and belly have been 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:43.639 during this pandemic and what advice you can give to 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:46.440 the rest of us, because Adam and I have seen 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:48.800 some dark ship during this time. If you look at 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:53.000 my husband's Instagram and him making pretzels and donuts from 0:19:53.040 --> 0:19:55.920 scratch and like, what is he doing to me? We're 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.080 going to be rolled out of the house in two years, 0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:02.560 um of me advice, Yes, so much. Yeah, so oh 0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:08.280 my god. So first disclaimer again, I love crap food. 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:10.880 So I'm one of these people call me healthy wellness 0:20:10.920 --> 0:20:13.040 experts and blah blah blah blah blah. I'm like, you 0:20:13.040 --> 0:20:15.600 could give me a corn dog any day. I will 0:20:15.640 --> 0:20:17.479 eat that. Yeah. I made you a case ofda once 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:18.960 and you were like, this is the best thing I've 0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:22.800