1 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: Hey fam, Hello Sunshine. Today on the bright Side, Micah Meyer. 2 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 2: Is back with us. 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,479 Speaker 1: She's our go to etiquette expert who always keeps it 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: classy and stress free, especially during the holidays. 5 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 2: This time we're diving. 6 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: Into office holiday party dues and don't and we settle 7 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: the debate on the absolute worse faux pa of them all. 8 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 1: Spoiler alert, you don't want to be that person. All right, 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: let's get into it. It's Tuesday, December tenth. I'm Danielle 10 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: Robe and. 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,400 Speaker 3: I'm Simone Boyce and this is the bright Side from 12 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 3: Hello Sunshine, a daily show where we come together to 13 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 3: share women's stories, laugh, learn, and bright your day. 14 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 2: Micah Meyer is back with us. 15 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: We had so much to chat with her about we 16 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: couldn't just do one episode, so she's here to continue 17 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: our convo about bringing ease to our holiday season. 18 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 2: That's a word we all are craving, right, ease. 19 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: So if you tuned into yesterday's show, you heard us 20 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: talk with Micah about how to sit amplify holiday hosting. 21 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 2: And today we're talking about etiquette. 22 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: Okay, the dos and don'ts at holiday work parties, gatherings, 23 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: host tips, how to bring the perfect gift all the 24 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 1: questions that are on your mind. 25 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 3: And just in case you need a little reminder about 26 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 3: who Micah is. She is a two time best selling author, 27 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 3: co founder of the Plaza Hotel's Finishing Program, and the 28 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,240 Speaker 3: founder of Beaumont Etiquette. And even with all her prestigious credentials, 29 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 3: we were both so impressed with just how practical and 30 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 3: approachable her advice is. 31 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: And today is filled with brand new advice. So if 32 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:36,760 Speaker 1: you missed yesterday's conversation, you can go back and listen 33 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,319 Speaker 1: to that too. 34 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 3: Let's get into it, y'all. Here's part two of our 35 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 3: conversation with Micah Meyer. 36 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,520 Speaker 1: Micah, welcome back to the right side. It's so great 37 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: to talk with you again. 38 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. I'm excited to be back. It's 39 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:52,000 Speaker 4: going to be a lot of fun again. 40 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,160 Speaker 1: So we had a few listeners write in about best 41 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: practices for navigating conversations with your coworkers at work. Of them, 42 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: do you think that holiday parties are a good time 43 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 1: to talk about work, to talk shop or should people 44 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: keep it more personal? 45 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 2: What is more bonding? 46 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 5: A holiday party allows you to relax a little bit. 47 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 4: I think you shouldn't be having the same conversation at 48 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 4: a holiday party that you would be having at a 49 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:23,040 Speaker 4: boardroom table or at a business lunch. I think you 50 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 4: should introduce yourself to people. I think, you know, you 51 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 4: can get a little a little bit more personal, still 52 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 4: saying appropriate, right, fine line, but I think the holiday 53 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 4: party is a great way to just relax a little 54 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 4: bit and not talk business deals or hitting goals and 55 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,959 Speaker 4: KPIs and all that, focus more on them as a person. 56 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,799 Speaker 4: Maybe be careful that asking family specifics like. 57 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 5: So are you married, so are you engaged? 58 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 4: Let them tell you what they want, so don't be 59 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,400 Speaker 4: that personal. But I think, so what are your plans 60 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 4: over the holidays? 61 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 5: Where are you off to? What are you doing? 62 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 4: And then you go from there and pick up on 63 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 4: the as they put down. Be careful dressing also, just 64 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,359 Speaker 4: a side note there, Yes it is a holiday party. 65 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 4: Yes you're not expecting to wear business attire to a 66 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 4: holiday party for the most part, but still work event. 67 00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 4: So just you know, I might wear a sequin, you know, 68 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 4: blouse that I wouldn't usually wear to an office, but 69 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 4: it's still going to be appropriate. So I think you 70 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 4: can like mix a little bit your social life. 71 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: You know, we asked our listeners to send us their 72 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: burning holiday etiquete questions. So I want to play you 73 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,640 Speaker 1: one that touches on these work parties. Okay, what to 74 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: do when alcohol is involved? 75 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 2: Tricky? Tricky? Take a listen. 76 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 6: Hey, my name is Jessica. I have a question about 77 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 6: work gatherings. So I have this friend who can take 78 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 6: advantage of an open bar situation at work and kind 79 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 6: of get a little bit over the top. Our coworkers 80 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,440 Speaker 6: can be pretty chill about it, but I don't want 81 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,840 Speaker 6: her to overdo it and then have it negatively affect 82 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 6: her at work. What is a way I can remind 83 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 6: her to be professional without embarrassing her or putting myself 84 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 6: in a position to be a babysitter. 85 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:08,360 Speaker 4: Oh well, okay, So I think you sound like you're 86 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 4: a really good friend and a good colleague. I would say, 87 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,600 Speaker 4: depending on your relationship with this person, if you do 88 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 4: think it's appropriate to say something, which it sounds like 89 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 4: you do, I would use an example maybe and just 90 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,520 Speaker 4: say you know, just in say it formal but lightheartened. 91 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 5: The way to say just a reminder. 92 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 4: Last year got a little too wild. So I want 93 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 4: you to remember that we are at work. I'm going 94 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 4: to be remembering. Maybe we can help each other remind 95 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 4: each other, and let's have a code word where if 96 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 4: one or the other feels like we're getting a little 97 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 4: too wild or we drank too much, we say the 98 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,040 Speaker 4: code word to the other person. 99 00:04:48,760 --> 00:04:49,599 Speaker 5: Does that sound good? 100 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,320 Speaker 4: And maybe you're saying like we we we like we 101 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 4: are doing this together, so it's not again finger pointing. 102 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 4: They don't feel defensive, like are you saying I drink 103 00:04:57,720 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 4: too much? 104 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,919 Speaker 5: Or whatever it is. That's probably what I would do. 105 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 4: Say, let's do this together, let's stay like sober sisters, 106 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,159 Speaker 4: or let's just have like a couple drinks together. If 107 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 4: you feel like it is appropriate and you just need 108 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 4: that person to be on their best behavior, you can 109 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,240 Speaker 4: just say, hey, just a reminder last year you almost 110 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 4: got fired if that's the case, and I don't want 111 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 4: that to happen to you because I love you, so. 112 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,480 Speaker 5: Let's rein it in. 113 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 4: If anything, well after for drinks together away from the 114 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 4: party so we can, you know, enjoy ourselves more or 115 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 4: something like that would be the two things I would say. 116 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,800 Speaker 1: I think a buddy system is honestly a great idea 117 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: for any party. Okay, we have another question about holiday parties. 118 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 1: But this is for non work events, especially for family gatherings. 119 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:40,599 Speaker 2: Let's take a listen. 120 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 7: Hi, this is Krista. 121 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:48,160 Speaker 8: I'm calling to ask about political conversations at holiday parties. 122 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 8: If you have friends and family who you know have 123 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 8: different beliefs, how do you make sure that the party 124 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 8: stays a party and that everybody feels safe to be there. 125 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,559 Speaker 5: It's the hot topic, that's for sure. 126 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, well, Krista, I would say, I think that we 127 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 4: have to go into the holidays understanding that you might 128 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 4: need to step away, you might need to excuse yourself 129 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 4: if you need to. I would say, if you're the 130 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,600 Speaker 4: host or you're co hosting, it's your family event, it's 131 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 4: up to the host to change the subject where possible, 132 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 4: to say, okay, everybody, you know, let's this is clearly 133 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 4: a topic that we're probably. 134 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 5: All not going to agree on. 135 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 4: Let's bring it back to talk about something we can 136 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 4: all agree on, you know, how about that whatever it is. 137 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,560 Speaker 4: And if you don't have a host that does that 138 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 4: for you, and you find yourself in a really uncomfortable position, 139 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 4: it's okay to say, you know, I understand you have 140 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 4: your views and I have mine, and I let's move 141 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 4: away from politics because I feel like we should keep 142 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 4: it light. It's a holiday party. I don't want to 143 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 4: ruin the mood. So let's talk about something we can 144 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 4: agree on. 145 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 5: And I think it's okay to say that. I really do. 146 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 4: I'm not a passive person, so I believe in just 147 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 4: communicating openly with respect. And if somebody's really disrespectful or 148 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,240 Speaker 4: they keep going, then that's why I said, sometimes you 149 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:07,760 Speaker 4: just have to excuse yourself, and that's okay too. I'd 150 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 4: rather excuse myself than say something I might regret later. 151 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 3: Well said, yeah, I kind of feel like you either 152 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 3: have a party where you welcome an open discourse of 153 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 3: ideas and that's almost like the theme of the party 154 00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 3: is bringing people together and having tough conversations, or you 155 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,800 Speaker 3: just don't do it at all, you know, like you 156 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 3: kind of got to pick which. I think the middle 157 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 3: ground is dangerous when it comes to politics, like it 158 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 3: either is like civil or it's really extreme. 159 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 4: It's also the holidays, like is it the time? Yeah, exactly, 160 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 4: if you're having a political party where you're talking about 161 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 4: politics or in the selection party or whatever it is, 162 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 4: and you know, then you're there to talk about that 163 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 4: and that's the point, and you're invited there knowing that. 164 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 4: But if you're going there in the guise of a 165 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 4: warm Thanksgiving event and suddenly somebody's attacking you from across 166 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,800 Speaker 4: the table, that's not what are you signed up for. 167 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 4: And I think it's okay just to either remove yourself 168 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 4: if you need to, or have the host step in 169 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 4: and kind of help. 170 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 3: But yeah, I think it's a hard one. This is 171 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 3: kind of in line with what we were just talking about. 172 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 3: But how do you approach a situation where someone else 173 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 3: is being disrespectful or even let's say inappropriate in a 174 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 3: way that. 175 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 7: Is sexually colored. 176 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 3: If you're in a situation like that and someone crosses 177 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 3: the line, what is the best way to handle it? 178 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 5: I think it depends. 179 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 4: If it's something you feel unomfortable with, then it's a 180 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 4: sexual remark, or somebody's your boss is hitting on you, 181 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,839 Speaker 4: or whatever it is, it's inappropriate. 182 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 5: I would get out of that. 183 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 4: Situation as fast as possible. Depending on how comfortable you 184 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 4: feel with saying something or not, that's kind of your call, 185 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 4: but I would remove myself as fast as possible. And 186 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 4: then if you want to report it to HR. 187 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 7: Or go to the. 188 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 4: Higher powers, whatever it might be. I don't feel safe 189 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,560 Speaker 4: in that situation, so I personally just want to get 190 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 4: out of there fast as I can. But if you 191 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 4: feel like I had somebody who was more junior than 192 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 4: me years ago at my workplace say something completely inappropriate 193 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 4: and sexual and he was under me, and I just 194 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 4: turned him. I said, you know, I said his name 195 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 4: very firmly. 196 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,079 Speaker 5: I didn't laugh. 197 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 4: He was making a joke, and I said, that's completely inappropriate, 198 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 4: and I never want to hear it again. 199 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 5: Like, I'm very firm. 200 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 9: Wow. 201 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 5: I felt like in that. 202 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,400 Speaker 4: Moment, this is the only right thing to say, and 203 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 4: I said it, and I still think about it, and 204 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 4: I'm glad I said it, but it was uncomfortable. So 205 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,960 Speaker 4: if you're in a position where you feel like that 206 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 4: and that that's okay, then I think each situation is 207 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,840 Speaker 4: so different, but you should never just sit there and 208 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 4: be uncomfortable, that's for sure. 209 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:47,280 Speaker 1: Can I ask you two things that I've heard other 210 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: people say, I'm curious what your thoughts are on these. 211 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 1: One is, and this is excluding situations where your safety 212 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,760 Speaker 1: is in jeopardy, where it's just incredibly uncomfortable. I've heard 213 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,959 Speaker 1: people say to ask if they can repeat what they said, 214 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: so excuse me, I didn't hear what you said? 215 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 2: What was that? 216 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: And make them repeat it? And I've also this is 217 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: something i've personally used. A friend who's an attorney shared 218 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: this with me. Somebody that I know very well sent 219 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: me a DM that was pretty unhinged, and I just replied, 220 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: are you okay? Question mark and it elicited a much 221 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:26,400 Speaker 1: better response. 222 00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 2: I'm curious what your thoughts are on those two? 223 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 5: Yeah? 224 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 4: Interesting? I like the first one. Yeah, I like the 225 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,960 Speaker 4: first one a lot. I've not heard that, but I 226 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,520 Speaker 4: like it depending on the situation, right, every situation is different. 227 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,680 Speaker 4: But I like it because it forces a person to 228 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 4: actually think before they speak, because a lot of people 229 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 4: don't think before they speak, and once they do, they 230 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 4: realize how offensive they just were. So I like that 231 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,439 Speaker 4: first one depending on the situation. The second one, are 232 00:10:55,440 --> 00:11:00,160 Speaker 4: you okay? I think it is acknowledging that that our 233 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:04,559 Speaker 4: response was not appropriate. I think depending on the situation, 234 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 4: it might be a great call. And it sounds like 235 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 4: in your situation it worked perfectly because it made the 236 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 4: person feel like, wow, maybe I should further explain myself 237 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 4: and calm down. 238 00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 5: It also could illicit fire. It could be. 239 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 4: Something fiery like yes, I'm okay, right, you're right. It's 240 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 4: really good to go two ways. It depends on the person. 241 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 4: If somebody wrote to me and said are you okay, 242 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 4: I think I've respond with more caution when I wrote yes, 243 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 4: I think that would work for me. 244 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 5: But I think that I could go either way. 245 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: I like what you said a lot, and I like 246 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,560 Speaker 1: having these in my back pocket because I'm not the 247 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 1: type of person that's good on the spot in uncomfortable situations, 248 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: so I like having things that they're ready. 249 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe it could say is everything okay? That's good 250 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,959 Speaker 4: because I feel like are you okay? You're almost like 251 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,199 Speaker 4: finger pointing, like are you okay? And maybe everything if 252 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,719 Speaker 4: we change that word to everything, then it's like everything. 253 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 2: Okay, like everything okay. 254 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 4: Let them say no, everything is not okay because edited 255 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,600 Speaker 4: out or I'm going through this hard time, or this 256 00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 4: really struck a chord with me because and it just 257 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,720 Speaker 4: lets them, but it's less finger pointing. 258 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,280 Speaker 3: Maybe I think this is all really important to discuss. 259 00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 3: I've been in situations around my dinner table where things 260 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 3: have been said that were either racially insensitive or misogynistic 261 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 3: or an attack on someone's identity would make them feel uncomfortable. 262 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:29,880 Speaker 3: I always like to hit them with the what did 263 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 3: you mean by that? Because kind of like you said, Danielle, 264 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 3: it forces them to reiterate what they said and it 265 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 3: puts them on the spot. 266 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 5: Yeah. 267 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: I like that a lot. 268 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 5: That's a good one. 269 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:47,920 Speaker 3: It's just asking for further clarification in a passive, aggressive way. 270 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 5: It's not always a bad thing to be passive. It's not. 271 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 5: It's not. There are times and places for everything. 272 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 4: But I think if somebody does something generally speaking, not 273 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 4: talking about sensitive like really sensitive topics, but I might 274 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:00,600 Speaker 4: like go too that. 275 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 5: I always say it's bad etiquette to correct bad etiquette. 276 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 5: So somebody is. 277 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,400 Speaker 4: Doing something that you've seen, as you've seen as rude, 278 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 4: not offensive per se, but rude, and then you point. 279 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,719 Speaker 5: It out, then you become the one with bad etiquette. 280 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 4: So I feel like there are times and places for everything. 281 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 4: If somebody is offending you, of course you should speak up. 282 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 4: But I just think it just there's just time and 283 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 4: a place and a purpose behind everything. 284 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: We have to take a short break, stay with us, 285 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: and we're back with etiquette expert Micah Meyer. I feel 286 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,079 Speaker 1: like we can't talk about the holidays without talking about 287 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 1: holiday gifts. Holiday gifts can be very expensive. What do 288 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: you think are the best ways to talk to your 289 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:56,640 Speaker 1: friends and family about budgets in a way that feels proper. 290 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 4: Whether you're on a tex chain with your family or 291 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 4: whatever might be. I would say being upfront and saying 292 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,839 Speaker 4: hi everyone this year, would you all be comfortable with 293 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 4: choosing a budget to stick to and we each pick 294 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,719 Speaker 4: one present for the other person. What do you all 295 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 4: think you could be upfront like that. It's your family, right, 296 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 4: it's your family, your close friends. I think it's fine 297 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 4: to say that. Or maybe it's saying hey everyone, I 298 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 4: am saving up for my dream apartment, as you know, 299 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 4: and this year, I want to just keep it low 300 00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 4: key and I'll be you know, I just want to 301 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 4: let you all know up front, I'm not splurging. I 302 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 4: am going to be very thoughtful with my gifts. Like 303 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 4: it's okay to say that kind of stuff and be 304 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,400 Speaker 4: and not be shameful of it. I think there's a 305 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 4: whole kind of movement around being open about your finances. 306 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 2: Really, I totally agree. 307 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 7: I like that. 308 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 2: I like your direct communication. 309 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: Do you think that people should spend the same amount 310 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: on gifts or can people spend proportional to their means? 311 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 4: Each person has their own budget, and I think are 312 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,240 Speaker 4: you saying in the family. 313 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:10,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like say you're in a group of friends and 314 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: you're all doing holiday gifts, or you or in your 315 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 1: extended family you're all doing gifts. Maybe it helps if 316 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,400 Speaker 1: everybody sets a price at the beginning. 317 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 5: Yes. 318 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:25,119 Speaker 4: For example, my family, every year, we are like, okay, everybody, 319 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,920 Speaker 4: pick one person you're gifting and her limit is X amount, 320 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 4: and everybody buys a gift for one other. 321 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 5: What other secrets? 322 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 4: Handa And my mom is like the secret Sanna holder, 323 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 4: so only she knows who everybody's secret s Hanna is 324 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 4: right because there's so many of us, and that's what 325 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 4: we do. If there is a budget set, you should 326 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 4: stick to it so you don't make people feel bad either. 327 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: Okay, we have another listener question about gifts. Hi, Micah, 328 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 1: this is Julia from Brooklyn. 329 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 9: I've always wondered about the etiquette of gift giving when 330 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 9: you're caught off guard. So let's say someone gives you 331 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 9: a gift you weren't anticipating. How do you navigate it 332 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 9: in that moment? If you don't have anything in return, 333 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 9: and are you expected to get them a gift at 334 00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:06,160 Speaker 9: a later date. 335 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 4: Okay, Julia, this is like the most common question I 336 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 4: feel like I get around gifting because it's so common. 337 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 5: Though you're not alone. 338 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 4: It's happened, I think, to all of us, and in 339 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 4: that moment, all you have to do is say thank you, 340 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 4: show gratitude. They thank you so much, this is so kind. 341 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 5: Wow. 342 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,840 Speaker 4: You know, really, just focus on the gift, on the moment, 343 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 4: the thought, and I wouldn't bring attention. I will say, 344 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 4: if you make something a big deal, it becomes a 345 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:31,760 Speaker 4: big deal. 346 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 5: So if you're like, oh my gosh. 347 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 4: I'm so sorry I didn't get you anything, Oh my goodness, 348 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 4: I feel horrible, then it becomes a horrible moment for 349 00:16:39,880 --> 00:16:43,479 Speaker 4: that person and awkward. But really you accept it with gratitude. 350 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 4: You could always send one a later date. You could 351 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 4: always send and be like, oh, mine's on the way. 352 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 4: Whatever it is, if you feel like it's appropriate. You 353 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 4: don't give a gift to get a gift in return. 354 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 4: It's not why we give gifts. So maybe somebody gives 355 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 4: you a gift. People give me gifts sometimes, and I 356 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 4: know I'm not going to give them a gift back, 357 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 4: and I don't say, oh, something's on the way, because 358 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 4: it's not. And I don't intend to senny gift, But 359 00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,239 Speaker 4: in that moment, I'll just say thank you so much, 360 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,440 Speaker 4: and then I'll write a really nice, lovely handwritten thank 361 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:13,960 Speaker 4: you note afterwards. But I think if you suddenly get 362 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 4: a gift and you're like, oh my gosh, I totally 363 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 4: forgot this person, or oh my goodness, I should have 364 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,879 Speaker 4: totally gotten my boss of gift as well, then you 365 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 4: could say it's on the way or whatever. 366 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:24,720 Speaker 5: It might be. Same thing with holiday cards. 367 00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,159 Speaker 4: If somebody sends you a holiday card and you and 368 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 4: you didn't have them on your list, you could easily 369 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 4: just quickly say, oh, mine's on the way too, if 370 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 4: you felt like that was appropriate. 371 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 2: Well said, all. 372 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 3: Right, outside of our immediate friends and family, what are 373 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:42,360 Speaker 3: the expectations in terms of giving to the people who 374 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:45,400 Speaker 3: show up for us throughout the year, the mail carriers, 375 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 3: the teachers, domestic laborers, people who clean our homes, walk 376 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:50,639 Speaker 3: our dogs. 377 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 7: What's the etiquette there? How much should we be budgeting 378 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 7: for them? 379 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 4: Well, it depends on where you live metropolitan cities. More generally, 380 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:05,919 Speaker 4: I think Interestingly, somebody told me last holiday season, I 381 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,639 Speaker 4: wrote there was a somebody who wrote in about this topic. 382 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 4: Mail cures are not allowed to take money, actually, but 383 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 4: I would say, make a budget. If you're saying, I'm 384 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,200 Speaker 4: giving two hundred dollars to the people in my life 385 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 4: that make my life run, and then you make a 386 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 4: list on the left of all those people in order 387 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,679 Speaker 4: of you know, priority, if you will, and then you 388 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 4: take that two hundred dollars and you split it amongst 389 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 4: all those people. 390 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,479 Speaker 5: I think that's the best way to do it. 391 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 4: If you can't live without your doorman, if you can't 392 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 4: live without your whoever it is, then that person goes 393 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,400 Speaker 4: up there. Somebody might just have one person that means 394 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 4: the world to them. Somebody might have a hundred people 395 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 4: that mean the world to them. 396 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 5: I don't know who that person is, but that person 397 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 5: but a lucky person. So I would say that's how 398 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 5: i'd budget it. 399 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,680 Speaker 2: Mikah, How do you approach it at work? 400 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: Do you think we should plan to give all of 401 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 1: our co workers' gifts? 402 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 2: It's hard, It is hard. 403 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 5: I would say, if you give everybody gift, then great. 404 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 5: If you don't, then do it in private. 405 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 4: It's very hurtful to see your colleague give another colleague 406 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 4: a gift and not have one for you. I think 407 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,159 Speaker 4: you could also pool gifts, if you know, if you 408 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 4: want to get something for your boss, and you're like, 409 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 4: am I going to be like a goody two shoes here? 410 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 4: If I do this, ask everybody, does anyone want to 411 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,880 Speaker 4: ship in? And you have one big gift for one 412 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,439 Speaker 4: person maybe or a secret Santa you could do You 413 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,880 Speaker 4: could suggest something like that. But if I did have 414 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 4: a gift for just my best colleague ever sitting next 415 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 4: to me every day, I would give it in private. 416 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: I've heard mixed things about giving your boss gifts. I 417 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: like giving my boss's gifts. I feel grateful for them. 418 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 1: But sometimes, like in the past, my mom has said 419 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,919 Speaker 1: to me, like, that's a weird thing to do, that 420 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 1: you're supposed to not gift up, so to speak. 421 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,520 Speaker 2: What's your pulse on that. 422 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 4: I always gifted my boss always, my first real boss ever, 423 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 4: I still give her gifts and you and that she 424 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:11,639 Speaker 4: hasn't been my boss in decades, I still send her 425 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,679 Speaker 4: a gift because I'm so grateful for the opportunity she 426 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,719 Speaker 4: gave me. She gave me my first real job in 427 00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:21,320 Speaker 4: New York City, and so I love gifting bosses. Again, 428 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 4: if I'm the only one doing it, or I'm not 429 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,560 Speaker 4: sure if other people are doing it, I'm doing in private. 430 00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:27,679 Speaker 2: Otherwise, a beautiful holiday card. 431 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 4: Again, something you baked if you want to be less 432 00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 4: about price or anything like that. If you're not sure 433 00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,479 Speaker 4: what to get your boss and you can't, you know, 434 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,840 Speaker 4: afford something that your bosses everything, Something personalized with their 435 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,160 Speaker 4: initials or monogram goes a long way. 436 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 3: I actually love that you've been bringing up baked goods 437 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:50,239 Speaker 3: throughout our conversation. I never do that because time is 438 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 3: so hard to come by, but I think I'm gonna 439 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 3: start doing that because I do think like the fact 440 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 3: that time is hard to come by. I think it's 441 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,919 Speaker 3: such a sweet gesture that you're like, I know, I 442 00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:00,919 Speaker 3: could have with the click of a finger brought you 443 00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:03,280 Speaker 3: a gift online, but I took the time to actually 444 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,600 Speaker 3: find the ingredients and bake it for you. 445 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 4: Yes, and I do a batch, a massive batch party 446 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 4: where I get all of my ingredients, I put some 447 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 4: Bailey's on ice, I put on the holiday music. I 448 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,679 Speaker 4: spend five hours and make the biggest batch of whatever 449 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 4: it is in my life. 450 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 5: Yeah, that is it and that's all. 451 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 4: And even if you like Brownie's like I was talking about, 452 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 4: I freeze them for an emergency gifts sometimes too. There's 453 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 4: nothing better. There's nothing better than like somebody that made 454 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:32,760 Speaker 4: something for you. 455 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, totally, it's really heartwarming. We need to take a 456 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 3: quick break, but don't go anywhere. We'll be right back 457 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 3: with etiquette expert mikeh Meyer. And we're back with mikeah Meyer. Okay, 458 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,879 Speaker 3: what are your thoughts on thank you notes for holiday gifts? 459 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 5: It depends on what it is. 460 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 4: If somebody just handed you a cute little candy cane 461 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,600 Speaker 4: with two little rain year eye and like antlers that 462 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 4: they made, I would say all things, that's so sweet. 463 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 4: Maybe a little text that's it, or maybe it'll thank 464 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 4: you in the hallway. But if somebody really baked me something, 465 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 4: if you brought me a bit, I. 466 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,639 Speaker 5: Would definitely write a thank you. That's just me. 467 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 4: I again, I have like stationary. I have like a 468 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,640 Speaker 4: roll index of stationary for everybody and everything. 469 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 5: I love it. 470 00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:24,960 Speaker 4: I love it because nobody writes handwritten thank you cards anymore, 471 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:26,760 Speaker 4: so it's tangible, it's thoughtful. 472 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 5: Who has time? 473 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 4: But remember three lines and three minutes be done. Don't 474 00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,920 Speaker 4: go nuts and think about something that takes a year 475 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,400 Speaker 4: to plan and write out. 476 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,680 Speaker 5: Just make it quick and send it off. Don't think 477 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:40,479 Speaker 5: just to have to do it. 478 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,399 Speaker 2: Mike, I have one quick last question, if that's okay. 479 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 1: Yes, So much of your work has to do with warmth, 480 00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,879 Speaker 1: and I really really love that word. I actually try 481 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 1: to infuse all of my emails with warmth purposely because 482 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 1: I think it can be sort of a cold medium. 483 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 1: And there's something that I've noticed that I really want 484 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,840 Speaker 1: I want to ask you about. And I don't know 485 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 1: if this is La or Hollywood specific, but I've noticed 486 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:12,880 Speaker 1: that sometimes people mistake my warmth for weakness, and if 487 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 1: I am more curt or more cold, they are more 488 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:19,239 Speaker 1: willing to respond to me. And that's not how I 489 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,560 Speaker 1: want to be. That's not who I am. So what 490 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 1: do you think about that? And how do you approach 491 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 1: emails because you're a very warm person. 492 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 4: Yes, I actually have a quote in one of my 493 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,880 Speaker 4: books that says, don't mistake my kindness for weakness. 494 00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 5: I say that all the time. 495 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 4: I would say I, for example, I don't ever like 496 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 4: emails that say hope this email finds you well or 497 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,679 Speaker 4: things like that. I usually will start with something really 498 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,959 Speaker 4: that kind of evokes emotion. 499 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,200 Speaker 5: So I love warm emails. 500 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:53,919 Speaker 7: Like what can you give us an example of what 501 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 7: you mean by that? 502 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,560 Speaker 4: Sure, So if I'm writing to somebody today today, I 503 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:01,119 Speaker 4: run an email and I said, the last time we spoke, 504 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 4: you were on your way to the most fabulous trip 505 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 4: to Spain. 506 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 5: I cannot wait to hear about it. 507 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 4: So like, I like went in and I hadn't spoken 508 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,119 Speaker 4: to this person since summer, literally since summer, but I 509 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,479 Speaker 4: kind of needed something. 510 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 5: Oh, I hope they're not listening. 511 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 4: So I went in just showing rapport, like I took 512 00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,960 Speaker 4: the time to say, the last time you spoke, this 513 00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 4: is what you were doing. And I think it's really 514 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 4: shows that I am thoughtful that I remember this person right. 515 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:29,080 Speaker 4: And then I went in and I then go in 516 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 4: for my ask and then I in the end I said, 517 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 4: you know, I'd love to take you out to lunch. 518 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,919 Speaker 4: It's been too long. I'm available on the end of 519 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 4: January with that work. 520 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 5: And then I like sign off. 521 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 4: I like warm sign off, So I will try to 522 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,480 Speaker 4: come up with something depending on the person I'm talking to, 523 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 4: you know, if it's work I might say gratefully or respectfully, 524 00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:56,600 Speaker 4: or maybe it's warmest regards or whatever it is. But 525 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 4: I'm never just like thanks, where it's just like almost expected. 526 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,679 Speaker 4: I like choosing words that cause people to kind of 527 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 4: pause and think, like, oh, where you can feel emotion 528 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,880 Speaker 4: through words. 529 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,199 Speaker 5: I really enjoy that. 530 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,199 Speaker 4: I really enjoy people who love to write, and you 531 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,080 Speaker 4: can feel that through emails. 532 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 3: Okay, last question, will you settle a very important score 533 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:26,040 Speaker 3: for me? Yes, okay, it is well, is loud chewing 534 00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 3: an extreme offense in the etiquette world? 535 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 7: Yes, thank you. It is so indicated right now. Yeah, 536 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:36,879 Speaker 7: it is. 537 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:42,679 Speaker 4: Actually it can be very distracting, and it's actually Snoop 538 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 4: Dogg's number one etiquette offense. If you ask him what 539 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,600 Speaker 4: is his number one etiquette offense, he says, loud chewing. 540 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:50,879 Speaker 5: There's a fun fact for you. 541 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:53,400 Speaker 3: I gotta just call my husband real quick and tell 542 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 3: him that's really funny, that Snoop Dogg factoid. 543 00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,959 Speaker 5: I love that that is his number one at AIT 544 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 5: defend her. 545 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,080 Speaker 3: There you go, well, Micah, thank you so much for 546 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:04,600 Speaker 3: joining us on the bright side. 547 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,639 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for having me. I can spend 548 00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,520 Speaker 4: all all day chatting away with you. I feel like 549 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,480 Speaker 4: we had some wonderful questions and it always spawns more questions. 550 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 4: When you hear other you're like, right, wait, there's more, 551 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 4: but I love I love it so Thank you so 552 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 4: so much. 553 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 5: It's been an absolute joy. 554 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,040 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and your 555 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: warmth with us. 556 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:28,440 Speaker 5: A pleasure. 557 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 3: Micah Meier is the founder of Beaumont Etiquette and the 558 00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 3: best selling author of Modern Etiquette Made Easy. She also 559 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 3: co founded the Plaza Hotel finishing program. 560 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 1: That's it for today's show. Tomorrow, it's Wellness Wednesday. We're 561 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 1: joined by behavioral scientist and habit researcher Wendy Wood. She's 562 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,160 Speaker 1: talking all about creating and maintaining habits. 563 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 3: Join the conversation using hashtag the bright Side and connect 564 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 3: with us on social media at Hello Sunshine on Instagram 565 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 3: and at the bright Side Pod on TikTok oh, and 566 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,120 Speaker 3: feel free to tag us at simone Voice and at 567 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 3: Danielle Robe. 568 00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,720 Speaker 1: Listen and follow The bright Side on the iHeartRadio app, 569 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 570 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 7: See you tomorrow, folks. 571 00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,159 Speaker 3: Keep looking on the bright side.