Speaker 1: Hey, Brack. Okay, this is Brack Costin. I've known him.
Speaker 1: Do you know how long we've known each other, Breck.
Speaker 2: It's probably been close to twenty years at this point.
Speaker 1: No more, because I was like thirty thirty one, maybe
Speaker 1: even younger anyway, so easily, No, I think it's twenty five.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I've never I've never been with time and yeah.
Speaker 1: I think I was like in my early thirties. All right,
Speaker 1: So this is Breck Costin. I've known him for years
Speaker 1: because a group of friends of mine had found this
Speaker 1: Freedom course in LA and it was transformative for them,
Speaker 1: and I liked the name Freedom, and I was like
Speaker 1: at a crossroads with a relationship. Yeah, Breck, I think
Speaker 1: it was earlier. It was like in my twenties.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was.
Speaker 1: So that was like a long time ago, maybe almost
Speaker 1: thirty years ago, and you could probably go back and
Speaker 1: look at the dates. I probably stole my Freedom notebook
Speaker 1: upstairs and I went to this like three day immersive
Speaker 1: experience at Breck and uh learned a language a lot
Speaker 1: of people use now that I actually know is because
Speaker 1: of me, which we'll get into. And Breck's sort of
Speaker 1: like oblivious to all that like commercial stuff in ways,
Speaker 1: which I like because like he never knows how many
Speaker 1: times I use his words, but I do always give
Speaker 1: him credit, but like other people do also. So Breck
Speaker 1: is a life coach slash non traditional therapist but not
Speaker 1: like a doctor. And we've known each other for years
Speaker 1: and we talk fairly regularly, and he's a great guy
Speaker 1: and he's had a big life, and I wanted to
Speaker 1: have him on here.
Speaker 3: I think you came on years ago when I started.
Speaker 2: No, I never came on as podcast. We did you
Speaker 2: when you had your talk show?
Speaker 3: You didn't.
Speaker 1: I think we did, but maybe yeah we did in
Speaker 1: the very beginning, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Telling you you know, it's way too long now I
Speaker 2: can't remember apparently, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Mean one hundred percent. In the very very beginning we talked.
Speaker 1: So you're in LA and we spoke the other day,
Speaker 1: and I thought that hopefully you'd want to come on more,
Speaker 1: but I'll sort of drive and I wanted to just
Speaker 1: like bring up different concepts that we've discussed over the
Speaker 1: years that jump off the page to me, and also
Speaker 1: that you probably don't even know that I've discussed the
Speaker 1: people and have jumped off the page with them. So
Speaker 1: like you talk about a million things, but like probably
Speaker 1: the things you wouldn't even think would be the biggest thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true. I mean, you know, people will take
Speaker 2: away what they think is really relevant and resonates. And
Speaker 2: I think we're, you know, as a as a coach
Speaker 2: or just as as a person who's contributing, you're you're
Speaker 2: always looking for different portals and different metaphors and different language, music,
Speaker 2: anything you can that you think will get something from
Speaker 2: your mouth to someone's ear that will be useful, right,
Speaker 2: like digestible and people respond to you know, two different
Speaker 2: different image imagery, different music, different rhythms, different metaphors. So
Speaker 2: it's kind of figuring out what's what will translate for
Speaker 2: each person.
Speaker 1: So I guess we'll go with the biggest ticket item.
Speaker 1: I was going to do charming, which we'll do after
Speaker 1: because it really surprises people in the charming. I had
Speaker 1: a podcast called Charming is a Red Flag and it
Speaker 1: was it was very It had a lot of impact,
Speaker 1: which was shocking because it really people. It spoke to
Speaker 1: people because charming is used as something positive. But let
Speaker 1: me just park that for one second. Okay, let's talk
Speaker 1: about noise. Okay, many people use the term noise as
Speaker 1: a result of me commercializing the term noise as a
Speaker 1: result of learning it from you at the Freedom course,
Speaker 1: and I took it to another level. You talked about
Speaker 1: food noise and money noise, and different people have different
Speaker 1: noise or like talking about someone's particularly noisy in that area.
Speaker 1: And I wrote a book called Naturally Thin about food noise.
Speaker 1: But I've seen people, I've seen on social media other
Speaker 1: people talk about it. They don't even realize that it
Speaker 1: came from me and that it came from you.
Speaker 3: So just talk. Let's talk about noise for a little bit, okay.
Speaker 2: So and I like that, you know, I love that.
Speaker 2: As you said, you know, I kind of think of
Speaker 2: myself as being the scenes and not to diminish any
Speaker 2: other coaches or any other people who are in the
Speaker 2: working in you know, transformational world or in a self
Speaker 2: help world, spiritual world. But I just think the contract
Speaker 2: really is is that you're you're a source, right, you know,
Speaker 2: you're not the you know, you're not not that you
Speaker 2: can't be the mouthpiece for what you're delivering, but you're
Speaker 2: actually the source, and you want other people to be
Speaker 2: able to deliver that from their own particular expression, right,
Speaker 2: and they make it their own, they take it to
Speaker 2: all other level. So that's always exciting for me when
Speaker 2: you know, like as you take you know, noise and
Speaker 2: kind of disseminate it so it becomes part of the vernacular,
Speaker 2: part of the culture. Right. I like that. I like
Speaker 2: watching that those kinds of things happen.
Speaker 1: They say the best relationships are the rock and the stars.
Speaker 1: So you have many stars that you talk to, but
Speaker 1: like you're they're the star. You're the rock, Like you're
Speaker 1: behind the scenes and understanding.
Speaker 2: Like any great team, you understand your position, you know,
Speaker 2: and you play your position. And I think a lot
Speaker 2: of times where it's conflicted and I'll get into noise.
Speaker 2: Even from this context, I think for a lot of
Speaker 2: people that they're they're they're so wanting to play a
Speaker 2: position that they're just not designed for and it's and
Speaker 2: it's just and then and I consider that to be
Speaker 2: one of the you know, when you're trying to compete
Speaker 2: where you're not competitive, it is it is a source
Speaker 2: of suffering. Wow, it is. And people will spend years
Speaker 2: and years and years trying to squeeze them into something
Speaker 2: that they just weren't designed to do and so, and
Speaker 2: that goes right into noise as well. So noise is
Speaker 2: this very basically it's your really your internal commentary that's
Speaker 2: good or bad. Now, this is what people think, they oh,
Speaker 2: good noise is good. I'm saying no, no good noise.
Speaker 2: You're trying to keep around. Bad noise you're trying to
Speaker 2: get rid of. So it has you either way. It
Speaker 2: holds you hostage either way.
Speaker 1: So you're saying, like, the absence of noise is real
Speaker 1: true piece. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where freedom and peace is right. And if
Speaker 2: you look at when you're the most brilliant, well you're
Speaker 2: when you look at where your essence is being fully expressed,
Speaker 2: and it's the essential you. It's when there's no noise.
Speaker 2: So that's a singer singing in front of the sea
Speaker 2: thousand people and they're not trying to remember their lyrics.
Speaker 2: They're not remembering it. They're connected to the audience. They're
Speaker 2: expressing themselves there. They don't have like oh man, I'm
Speaker 2: crushing it or I'm you know, or this when badly.
Speaker 1: Meaning like even if it's family noise and you're managing it,
Speaker 1: you're still having to deal with that. You're thinking about
Speaker 1: it positive, like I got it under control. That's noisy too,
Speaker 1: and bad noises.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so management, the management of something is even more.
Speaker 2: I kind of think of this as like a feral tiger, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, your noise can be running rampant and just
Speaker 2: eating anything that's on the African plane, right, feral, and
Speaker 2: then when it comes up with a solution to a problem, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'll manage this. I'll juste question this animal, this ferocious animal,
Speaker 2: and that just as bad. Right. It's literally like you,
Speaker 2: this is a Siegfried and Roy of noise. Is they
Speaker 2: know how to work with white tigers, you know they
Speaker 2: they made millions of dollars working with with this, you know.
Speaker 2: So it's a it's understanding. It's understanding how to work
Speaker 2: with you know, your own you know animal. I'll talk
Speaker 2: about survivally noise in that regard as well, but it
Speaker 2: really is understanding that when you are truly there is
Speaker 2: when there's no noise. So that's that's when you, like,
Speaker 2: in this conversation that we're having, if you and I
Speaker 2: were going, God, I hope this is going well. I
Speaker 2: wonder if this is going all right or our internal
Speaker 2: dialogue was like, I'm not sure what to say. It's noisy, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it'd be like a noise.
Speaker 1: Well, that's funny because in the book Naturally Thin, the
Speaker 1: way that I took it to the next level, which
Speaker 1: I forgot until this exact moment, is I said that
Speaker 1: with people with food, they wanted to turn their noise
Speaker 1: into a voice, like you're having just a conversation. I'm
Speaker 1: about to have a meal, and this what I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have versus I was bad, I was good. I ate
Speaker 1: so much so I have to beat myself up and
Speaker 1: eat more or I have to eat nothing like that's managing.
Speaker 1: That's noisy, but just being like okay, chocolate I wanted,
Speaker 1: and I'm you know, next, I'm doing this like have
Speaker 1: it be like a voice, which to me seemed calmer.
Speaker 2: Well it's not only calmer, but you know it's I'd
Speaker 2: see this in phases ethany where you kind of like
Speaker 2: are first of all recognizing it's coming out of the eathers.
Speaker 2: You're recognizing it as an internal dialogue rather that's just
Speaker 2: your personality or that's just the way it is. So
Speaker 2: you're seeing some distinction between oh, this isn't me, this
Speaker 2: is the noise in my head. But most people associate
Speaker 2: the noise in their head with them. And when you
Speaker 2: were your essential you, there's no noise, and it's a
Speaker 2: strange phenomenon, like, oh, when I'm truly being myself, it's
Speaker 2: when there's no noise that's happening.
Speaker 3: That's the most meditative state, is being.
Speaker 2: Just just there, right, yeah. So, and I think in
Speaker 2: a world attempting that right to get to that. So,
Speaker 2: I call that the thing you just mentioned, the cherry
Speaker 2: pie I made it up as a cherry pye conflict.
Speaker 2: And that is like, okay, you got to you got
Speaker 2: to lunch, you got to dinner. And the waiter says, okay,
Speaker 2: would you like dessert and says with a cherry pie?
Speaker 2: Person goes no, you know, no, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: have any cherry pie, and so and and he goes
Speaker 2: ask again, do you want any cherry pie? And verse
Speaker 2: says no, I don't want a cherry pie. And so
Speaker 2: throughout the day you're like, hey, you know I didn't
Speaker 2: eat that cherry pie. I didn't needt the cherry pie
Speaker 2: at all. You know, you didn't have the cherry pie.
Speaker 2: But you're still being dominated by cherry pie, when whether
Speaker 2: you ate it or not.
Speaker 1: You should have just had yeah, take up by a
Speaker 1: couple of bites of it. Yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 2: Whether you ate it or not. That's noisy yet and
Speaker 2: that's what noise looks like.
Speaker 1: Well, also, I want to tell everyone that and we
Speaker 1: can move to something else because I think they maybe
Speaker 1: get it. But like that when Breck introduced it to me,
Speaker 1: because we're talking about thirty years ago. But I have
Speaker 1: a crazy memory for the stuff. You've taught so many
Speaker 1: different things and talked about so many different things. But
Speaker 1: I want to like take people back to what I
Speaker 1: learned that He talked about how each person has different
Speaker 1: Someone could have religion, noise, food, noise, money, noise, age, noise, vanity, noise,
Speaker 1: like it could be anything. It could be all the
Speaker 1: seven deadly sins. It's just you could be noisy about something.
Speaker 1: It could be it could be anything, right, Like, it
Speaker 1: could be the Emperor has no clothes or I'm not
Speaker 1: I'm even someone has billion dollars. They could still think
Speaker 1: they're gonna lose it all.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, that happens. I mean, have a lot
Speaker 2: of clients just like you know, who have you know,
Speaker 2: story amount of money, and there they can be the
Speaker 2: most terrified.
Speaker 1: Okay, so that that's overall. Noise can be different for
Speaker 1: every single person.
Speaker 2: But the goal It doesn't mean that noise doesn't produce.
Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that it can't produce, meaning like you
Speaker 2: can make a ton of money in a certain area. Right.
Speaker 2: But the thing is is that it mostly where you
Speaker 2: have no noise is where you're the most created, most
Speaker 2: most of alved, most accomplished, most you know, most evolutionary. Right.
Speaker 1: Well, that's interesting, Okay, So this is why that's interesting
Speaker 1: to me because usually the thing that the person's most
Speaker 1: obsessed with, you've called that their plates of wounding, the
Speaker 1: thing that they're thinking about the most, is the thing
Speaker 1: that isn't coming naturally to them. And I also think
Speaker 1: that like between sleep and wake is when all my
Speaker 1: best ideas come, and when I'm the most relaxed, is
Speaker 1: when my amazing like ideas they just come to solve
Speaker 1: a problem that I've had forever.
Speaker 3: And that's quiet, it's literally quiet.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you can't you can't solve you know, certainly,
Speaker 2: you know you can can't be creative or innovative or
Speaker 2: generative when fear or shame is dominating, right, It's it's
Speaker 2: a it's a threat, right, So why I say it
Speaker 2: can it can produce? It means that someone can can
Speaker 2: start like they're there, can start start their mote or
Speaker 2: their engine. In terms of I don't want to be
Speaker 2: like that. I'm going to change my circumstances. I'm going
Speaker 2: to drive something, right. So, like the difference between ambition
Speaker 2: and invention is you can start something from a place
Speaker 2: of noise, right, you can. It can kick off from
Speaker 2: place like I don't want to be like my dad.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be like my mom, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to live like this. I want to do
Speaker 2: something from a reactive place. But in order for it
Speaker 2: to fulfill and move, it's got to move into an
Speaker 2: evolutionary creative place where it's not driven drop driven from
Speaker 2: that that source. So we're all we're always looking at
Speaker 2: at you know, what is it that? What is it
Speaker 2: that has us? And what is it that we have right?
Speaker 2: And what is holding us hostage? And what do I
Speaker 2: actually have? So today you know, or just riddled with anxiety, right,
Speaker 2: And anxiety is I mean just kind of globally anxiety
Speaker 2: is trying to get control of something of no control
Speaker 2: over right, and so people come up with tons of
Speaker 2: solutions to that.
Speaker 1: Like you're you're saying, because you talk about this with
Speaker 1: charm too, anxiety has us and you say that charm
Speaker 1: has people too, Like, so go into like how these
Speaker 1: things are having us, Like we're going to that because
Speaker 1: I think that's interesting.
Speaker 3: Most people don't say that.
Speaker 2: Okay, so when I say someone can be productive, I'm
Speaker 2: saying that they don't know that. People don't distinguish out enough.
Speaker 2: You know, what is it, you know where they have
Speaker 2: noise and no noise, so it just looks like, oh,
Speaker 2: I if that I'm being manic here, and I'm going, well, no,
Speaker 2: you're actually not being manic there. You know here you're
Speaker 2: pretty freed up. Here you're manic and you're collapsing both
Speaker 2: of those those things. So someone could be have their
Speaker 2: craft just to kind of finish that up. Their craft
Speaker 2: could be straordinary, like they be able to play the
Speaker 2: guitar brilliantly. They can do that, but their career is noisy,
Speaker 2: so they never fulfill in their career. But they could
Speaker 2: be the best, the best guitarist in the world, and
Speaker 2: people understand, what if I'm really great at this, How
Speaker 2: come this isn't fulfilling? And some it could be mediocre
Speaker 2: in their craft, but really freed up in their career, right,
Speaker 2: meaning they have all this room to make mistakes, to fail,
Speaker 2: to lose, to move right. And so you know, watching,
Speaker 2: you know, watching where things produce and how they produce,
Speaker 2: you know, is my entire kind of work, right, Like
Speaker 2: what is what is it that has someone to be effective,
Speaker 2: you know in a particular way. So the question that
Speaker 2: you're asking is, I consider identities. I look at identities,
Speaker 2: and the identity is a way you want to be
Speaker 2: seen or a way you do not want to be seen. Right,
Speaker 2: So I want to I might want to be seen
Speaker 2: as smart. I can't be seen as stupid. I want
Speaker 2: to be seen as a tractor. I can't be seen
Speaker 2: as ugly. I obn to see this as powerful. They
Speaker 2: can't be seen as weak.
Speaker 1: I feel like you used to call that image. Also,
Speaker 1: is that you're saying that's the same.
Speaker 2: Well I did. It was it was a It may
Speaker 2: had a much broader context, okay, right, but the identity
Speaker 2: is very specific. You know. We walk around, you know,
Speaker 2: wanting to be seen in a particular way. And if
Speaker 2: we're not seen in a particular way, we get reactive, threatened, disconsolate,
Speaker 2: something like that. So I always consider that identities have you,
Speaker 2: qualities and characteristics you have. So this is there to
Speaker 2: your point about Charmin. So you could have an identity
Speaker 2: of loyal like you need to be seen as a
Speaker 2: loyal person. That's an identity, right, So you're loyal to
Speaker 2: a fault, steal, stay in situations long after you should,
Speaker 2: you don't get out fast enough. You ally yourself to
Speaker 2: things you shouldn't because you've got a dysfunction, so you're
Speaker 2: not seeing things correctly. It's loyal to a fault is problematic.
Speaker 1: Yep, agreed. And that's almost like the obligation to a fault.
Speaker 1: When people constantly have to go, they always have to
Speaker 1: show up, it feels disingenuous, like they're doing it to
Speaker 1: check the box.
Speaker 2: So with regards to loyalty as a characteristic equality, that's
Speaker 2: different than an identity. I mean you have loyalty, Loyalty
Speaker 2: doesn't have you. So you can be loyal to the
Speaker 2: appropriate situations, you can exit situations appropriately, and you can
Speaker 2: be disloyal if you have loyal I mean I'm not
Speaker 2: going to be loyal to someone who's saying, you know,
Speaker 2: an asshole or someone who's doing this. Right, But you
Speaker 2: can't be disloyal if loyalty to a fault has you.
Speaker 2: So that is true for everything. So it could be
Speaker 2: so everything to be positive or negative depending on the context.
Speaker 1: Okay, so talk about obligation, because everybody that's listening is
Speaker 1: doing a bunch of things they don't actually want to
Speaker 1: be doing. And I do many things for other people,
Speaker 1: but I don't do anything anywhere that I don't want
Speaker 1: to do.
Speaker 3: And I think that's jarring, and I.
Speaker 2: That's revolution that's this almost is like you now we're
Speaker 2: talking kind of like graduate school in terms of self help,
Speaker 2: just because it really is such a revolutionary concept because
Speaker 2: it looks completely selfish. Yes, because someone says, but what
Speaker 2: looks what looks one way to the culture might be
Speaker 2: entirely different to what's actually true. Right. So if someone
Speaker 2: is saying, oh, you you know, you never do anything,
Speaker 2: you know, obligatorily, and I go and I say, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't, and they go, well, that's just completely selfish.
Speaker 2: I go, well, actually know it's selfless because who wants
Speaker 2: someone around who's doing something as they're a pain in
Speaker 2: the ass. They're doing it for you. They're sanctimonious about it,
Speaker 2: they're self righteous about it, and that's not yielding anything.
Speaker 2: It's no benefit to any right.
Speaker 1: I don't like when people count who gave a gift
Speaker 1: to give a gift back. I don't want any gifts.
Speaker 1: I have one, no gifts. Gifts giving is literally my
Speaker 1: love language. I don't want any because I'm not giving
Speaker 1: a gift because I want something back or because I
Speaker 1: got something. They have nothing to do with each other,
Speaker 1: and it irritates me when I hear someone, well, can
Speaker 1: you believe they came to the wedding and they only
Speaker 1: did whatever?
Speaker 3: Who gives a shit that?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: I hate that shit. I hate counting. That's the opposite
Speaker 1: of being a good person.
Speaker 2: An obligation can can just like you said that, it
Speaker 2: can trans can translate to many many situations. It can
Speaker 2: go to It can go to gift giving. It can
Speaker 2: go to emotional context like I love you. I didn't
Speaker 2: hear it back, right, You're obligated to say it back,
Speaker 2: so it.
Speaker 3: Can be I agree with that too, that's so ridiculous.
Speaker 2: It can be on emotional context, it can be in
Speaker 2: a physical context. Obligation can translate to many many different situations.
Speaker 2: So obligation, you know, to live a life obligation free, right,
Speaker 2: meaning you know, I'm only going to do things that
Speaker 2: I want to do, and I'm only going to do
Speaker 2: things that I say I'm gonna do or I'm not
Speaker 2: going to do them, right, And you know, like when
Speaker 2: someone goes, well, what if your wife asks you to
Speaker 2: do something to me, I go, that's usually my pleasure.
Speaker 2: You know, I want to do something for it.
Speaker 1: It's not an obligation, right, right, but you may not
Speaker 1: totally want to do that thing, but you want to
Speaker 1: do like.
Speaker 2: But you want to do that for them because you
Speaker 2: know it'll.
Speaker 3: Like yess what I'm saying, yes exactly.
Speaker 2: So that's for people get stuck. And you know, in
Speaker 2: my marriage, I mean, I think it's been really generous
Speaker 2: in that way. Like if I say I don't want
Speaker 2: to do exit like something simple like Jane goes, oh,
Speaker 2: the dishes are the in the sink? Yeah, I said
Speaker 2: I didn't want to do them. She goes, Okay, so
Speaker 2: it's it's gonna be as simple as that, and then
Speaker 2: they get done you know down the road right where
Speaker 2: it's kind of something you want to do, but it's
Speaker 2: like literally simple.
Speaker 1: Well no if she lets that go a couple of
Speaker 1: times and it is like says to you like it
Speaker 1: would be nice if you did them, but doesn't give
Speaker 1: you damage.
Speaker 3: Next time you might want to do them.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like this weekend, I was with someone
Speaker 1: that I care about and I was exhausted, and I
Speaker 1: just I am always activated, but I'm when I do
Speaker 1: a lot of things that involve other people, I really
Speaker 1: need to restore. And it could be like organizing sweaters,
Speaker 1: or like looking at lip gloss or just staring at
Speaker 1: the TV.
Speaker 3: I just need to be.
Speaker 1: Alone ish, or like wandering in a house with someone
Speaker 1: else there, but not like a you know, in an
Speaker 1: obligation mode. Yes, so this person is an extrovert and
Speaker 1: I'm more of an introvert. And they said, my cousin's
Speaker 1: in town and I was in the Hamptons, and do
Speaker 1: you want to go for lunch with him? Now? I
Speaker 1: really didn't want to go, but I really care about
Speaker 1: this person who's doing a lot of things for me
Speaker 1: and and really caring. And I said, I first just
Speaker 1: want to know if you care if I go or not,
Speaker 1: Like I just want to know where you stand with it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the question. I was to say, is
Speaker 2: this important to you that I go?
Speaker 3: Like do you care? Like how much?
Speaker 1: On a one to ten because all of sudden you're
Speaker 1: not communicating and you just say yes and then you
Speaker 1: resent it or you say no and they resent that
Speaker 1: you said no, even though they didn't really care.
Speaker 3: But it was the way that it was discussed.
Speaker 1: I said, listen, you, if it's really important to you,
Speaker 1: then we should discuss that. I wasn't even ready to
Speaker 1: go yet. I just was ready to say, if it's
Speaker 1: really important, you should discuss that. I on my own
Speaker 1: vacuum don't want to go, but like, if it's really
Speaker 1: important to you, because as a family member, that's a discussion.
Speaker 1: And then he was like it's really not and I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, great, I really don't want to go.
Speaker 1: And then later he was gone for like three hours
Speaker 1: and he was worried that it was too long, and
Speaker 1: that became a I'm like, no, like not to make
Speaker 1: you feel bad. You could go for five hours like
Speaker 1: I you know, I want eventually I want you to
Speaker 1: come back and not be But it's like that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. It like frees you up because you could
Speaker 1: really go on the wrong road. You could go and
Speaker 1: resent it.
Speaker 2: First of all, you're always looking to maintain like you're
Speaker 2: now talking relationships, so you're talking, so you always are
Speaker 2: looking to maintain the affinity of the connection, the love
Speaker 2: connection and the relationship. That's kind of like the intention, right,
Speaker 2: and in between fights and disagreements and you don't feel
Speaker 2: appreciated or whatever people's issues are, you know, that can
Speaker 2: be that can that can get threatened that affinity, right,
Speaker 2: So those kinds of conversations of like, well is this
Speaker 2: important to you? No, it's not, okay, then I'm not
Speaker 2: going to go, and it maintains the affinity in the
Speaker 2: relationship rather than I'm just not going right.
Speaker 1: No, you're right, or like going and resenting. I do
Speaker 1: ask a lot if something's important, Because someone said to
Speaker 1: me years ago, Dennis, who you knew, He said, if
Speaker 1: it's important to you, it's important to me. He didn't
Speaker 1: act that way, but I liked the sentence.
Speaker 2: I do too, and I like and I like that too.
Speaker 2: So it's obligation. So you live a life obligation free, right,
Speaker 2: So you take away the victim. That's really what you're doing,
Speaker 2: because a victim is somewhere something or someone.
Speaker 3: Smarter like the marthing, or someone's.
Speaker 2: Doing something to you. You take away the victim in
Speaker 2: the conversation, right, and then we so get into those
Speaker 2: habits of acting like victims and situations and and living
Speaker 2: life implication free. So obligation and implication free are like
Speaker 2: implication free means you know what it means about you.
Speaker 2: If I do this, I'm a good person. If I
Speaker 2: don't do this, I'm a bad person. Right, And people
Speaker 2: live mostly obligatorily.
Speaker 1: No, they want and they check the butt, they want
Speaker 1: the scorecard. It's counting, which is the opposite of a
Speaker 1: good relationship, is counting anything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're looking to live a life you know, obligation free,
Speaker 2: implication free, and you're more generous, you're more creative, you're
Speaker 2: more connected, you're more communication and you have less noise
Speaker 2: in your head.
Speaker 3: Bravo.
Speaker 1: So we've accomplished. Okay, let's get into charm. So tell
Speaker 1: me about charming. I'm eating a little bite of my
Speaker 1: snack because I have very breafacet let's talk about charming.
Speaker 2: So you know, when someone says and usually charm is
Speaker 2: associated with you know, men or masculine. Let's call it
Speaker 2: that way, you know, can take it.
Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, right, so explain that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So you know, we don't usually say the woman's charming.
Speaker 2: We will use a different term for that. You know, oh, god,
Speaker 2: she's really gracious, or she's really soak, you know, sweet,
Speaker 2: like all kinds of different things. But that's associated culturally
Speaker 2: with a man, right, and it's usually associated in a
Speaker 2: really favorable way. Right now. The thing about charm is
Speaker 2: that it's and people that people don't like this. But
Speaker 2: I considered myself quite charming, you know, early on, so
Speaker 2: I figured I can get away with talking about this,
Speaker 2: right even I've got you know, it's like someone like
Speaker 2: who's who's If you've got the wound, you can really
Speaker 2: talk about the wound, right.
Speaker 1: So you probably were really charming. That's why you know
Speaker 1: about it so well? Yeah, because you would just guys,
Speaker 1: Breck was like a hotshot data models, party like a
Speaker 1: rock star, came from money, trust, fun like big swinging dick.
Speaker 1: The whole thing, had a life, life humbled you. You
Speaker 1: probably were a charming motherfucker with that money and the
Speaker 1: models and the looks and all that shit in New
Speaker 1: York City partying in La got it?
Speaker 2: Okay? Yeah, so I mean, so I feel like I
Speaker 2: have a strong sense of this right now. You can
Speaker 2: also have a strong sense of how, you know, how
Speaker 2: the narcissistic wound that's associated with charming, right which is
Speaker 2: very you know, it's a it's a painful thing for
Speaker 2: people to say, but that's what it is. Why is it?
Speaker 2: Because it if you're a man who's incredibly charming, you
Speaker 2: are you create an addiction of meeting that kind of
Speaker 2: attention and that kind of feedback. Do you know you
Speaker 2: go to a party, you go to this and something
Speaker 2: has to be said about you.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I want to tell everybody because this was
Speaker 1: I talked about this. It's the guy who sometimes not you,
Speaker 1: but sometimes the charming is the hey, Dan, how's your
Speaker 1: golf game? And like real Gregario is then at home
Speaker 1: like treating his wife like shit or I've had that scenario.
Speaker 1: I've also had this scenario where the guy's like the bro,
Speaker 1: real bro, real friend, you know, just hugging everybody and
Speaker 1: good looking and everybody likes him and girls like it,
Speaker 1: and he's a life of the party and like the
Speaker 1: peacock like and you're right, because it is an addiction.
Speaker 3: They just go to it right away. It works so well,
Speaker 3: and go ahead.
Speaker 2: So it becomes really your go to in as a man,
Speaker 2: and that's and you and it gets narrowed down so
Speaker 2: that becomes mostly your entire or you're organized around when
Speaker 2: you're driven by, you know, getting feedback for how charming
Speaker 2: you are needing to seduce all the time, whether it's
Speaker 2: men or women. You're just you're like an animal and
Speaker 2: is constantly generating that.
Speaker 1: You're singing the karaoke song, you're doing the shots, You're
Speaker 1: a charming, the mom you got, everybody loves you.
Speaker 2: Whatever's required. If what's required is be completely quiet, what's
Speaker 2: required to be totally entertaining, what's required to be this,
Speaker 2: You're you're you're managing whatever you need to do to
Speaker 2: get that feedback. Wow, so and and it and it
Speaker 2: becomes an addiction like anything else. That's why age can
Speaker 2: be really challenging for people as they you know, as
Speaker 2: they fall and they don't have the same skills, they
Speaker 2: don't do the same resources that they had. So what
Speaker 2: I all say to women, and women will say this
Speaker 2: right as well, is if you see someone who's particularly charming,
Speaker 2: run for the hills.
Speaker 3: I literally called the podcast charming is a red flag.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so run for the hills because in two years
Speaker 2: you're gonna hate this God, You're gonna hate, You're gonna go,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna kill this guy.
Speaker 1: The very thing that you found so fascinating that the stick,
Speaker 1: this bit is gonna make you sick, it.
Speaker 2: Is, and in two years you're gonna be out of
Speaker 2: your mind. Right. So I say I say this to
Speaker 2: women when women go, you know, I'm marrying my yoga instructor.
Speaker 2: I go. Just because he can put his you know,
Speaker 2: legs around his head doesn't mean that he's got emotional flexibility.
Speaker 2: Don't confuse those two, right. I'm not saying he doesn't.
Speaker 2: I'm saying that those are different phenomenas. There's a different
Speaker 2: photomen beeing spiritual evolution, creative evolution, emotional evolution, right, and
Speaker 2: these things so a lot of times, and that can
Speaker 2: be a highly seductive thing for you know, and and
Speaker 2: dating charms. So I'm saying most men, other men who
Speaker 2: so who have integrity, you know, a sense of themselves
Speaker 2: and a sense of you know, kind of a moral
Speaker 2: compass in terms of who they are and what they are,
Speaker 2: and they don't need all that feedback. They have a
Speaker 2: stronger sense themselves, they can have charm. So meaning you
Speaker 2: can have charm from a context of integrity, right, But
Speaker 2: if charm is your whole story, that's where it's problematic.
Speaker 3: It's owning you, it's wearing you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's what it has you your dow'n have it.
Speaker 2: So it doesn't mean you can have charm. It just can't.
Speaker 2: It's got to be like anything. You've got to be
Speaker 2: able to pick it up and put it down and
Speaker 2: use it, and it's got to be more more mobile
Speaker 2: in play in all that way. And most men who
Speaker 2: have integrity and have a great deal of respect dismiss charm.
Speaker 2: They'll see other men and they'll they'll dismiss it because
Speaker 2: they can smell like it's it's self centered, it's narcissistic,
Speaker 2: it's it's superficial, it doesn't.
Speaker 3: Have enough weight love it wow.
Speaker 2: And so you've got to be interested. And this is
Speaker 2: always the game, you know, for me, loss is always
Speaker 2: the game that you're willing to lose what you considered
Speaker 2: maybe your most important asset for the possibility of your
Speaker 2: own evolution.
Speaker 1: Well, it's funny you say that, because the way I
Speaker 1: think of it is things that you're good for and
Speaker 1: things that are good for you. So I used to
Speaker 1: remember friends of our Shannon, et cetera. I used to
Speaker 1: produce events, large scale events, multimillion dollar events, the Grammy's,
Speaker 1: the Emmys, on the Rock, Alcatraz. No one was ever
Speaker 1: better at it than I was. No one you could
Speaker 1: ask the woman who ran all the events at Disney.
Speaker 1: My bodyline was perfect, my P and L sheet, I
Speaker 1: missed not a detail I didn't. I picked up every floral,
Speaker 1: like every chair, like.
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that makes that make perfect sense.
Speaker 1: Because I'm sick like so. But I was great for it.
Speaker 1: It wasn't great for me. So I had to be
Speaker 1: like you know, and that's what goes on in my
Speaker 1: work every day. Things that I'm good at, and my
Speaker 1: whole entire team relies on me for all the details
Speaker 1: in the detail of every video and every caption and
Speaker 1: all the weeds because I'm amazing at them, but they're
Speaker 1: not good for me. And it's like a discipline for
Speaker 1: the people around me. Like you guys cannot come to
Speaker 1: Mommy for every single question otherwise I cannot do what
Speaker 1: I need to do in my business.
Speaker 3: It's not good for me.
Speaker 1: So that's sort of my like cross to bear is
Speaker 1: what I'm good for, but what's not good for me?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and those are those are and there they can
Speaker 2: be very different, right they can. They can be very
Speaker 2: very different. So, and that's also understanding what's bankrupt, you
Speaker 2: know as it because because you can be highly productive
Speaker 2: and have no sense of that illution. Yes, do you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like you know? I mean you can,
Speaker 2: you can make a billion dollars, you can do all
Speaker 2: kinds of things, and yet your sense of self, your development,
Speaker 2: you know, you're still maintaining the same You're still maintaining
Speaker 2: the same way of being because.
Speaker 1: You do the same exercise at the gym every time.
Speaker 1: My inclination is to solve the problem, is to tell
Speaker 1: you I'm dealing with the situation with this guy or
Speaker 1: with Brin's school, or with work, and go attack and
Speaker 1: produce the problem and use it like a relief effort
Speaker 1: and solve it. But I'm not growing, I'm a feeling.
Speaker 1: I'm not learning. I just know how to like wrap
Speaker 1: it up. And so Milin to my therapist, who you've met,
Speaker 1: will be like now she's not like a how do
Speaker 1: you feel? But she doesn't really care about me, giving
Speaker 1: her like the news, sports and weather. She wants to
Speaker 1: like get to like what's going on about it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like what what is the what is the thing
Speaker 2: that you're that you have kind of have to lose
Speaker 2: in order to gain. Now, people think that they're going
Speaker 2: to lose their their essential asset, and I'm going, no,
Speaker 2: that's an illusion that the sense the essential asset just
Speaker 2: moves into the foundation of your life. It's no longer
Speaker 2: in the foreground, right, but you have to have that
Speaker 2: noise back to noise. That noise in your head is
Speaker 2: like if you if you introduce a new possibility something
Speaker 2: and I don't care who, it's an emotional possibility, like
Speaker 2: you know, I want to be I want to I
Speaker 2: want to be on time I don't know, or I
Speaker 2: want to I want to complete things. I want to
Speaker 2: when I say I'm going to start a complete whatever
Speaker 2: you introduce or I want to be more compassionate. Whatever
Speaker 2: you might introduce, you also introduce because you wouldn't be
Speaker 2: introducing that if it was something that you didn't have.
Speaker 2: You're introducing it because it's something you don't have that
Speaker 2: you're wanting, right, And so if you're introducing that you're
Speaker 2: also introducing the loss, the loss of well, wait me,
Speaker 2: I won't I won't be able to produce over here,
Speaker 2: or I won't be effective over here, or this might
Speaker 2: you know, fall apart. So that's the fear. That's why
Speaker 2: when someone says, well, most people don't change, they're not wrong,
Speaker 2: just because what it requires to change is huge.
Speaker 1: You mean, like, I'm stopping drinking, so I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be the life of the party anymore. I'm overweight, I'm
Speaker 1: losing weight. I'm not going to be jovial exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's that Friends, that episode about fun and Bob.
Speaker 2: I think it's fun Bobby Worth, right, Oh god, Bobby's
Speaker 2: coming over, you know, because he is an alcoholic and
Speaker 2: he was hysterical and now and he's no longer drinking
Speaker 2: and he's not fun anymore, right, Which is not accurate.
Speaker 2: It's not you know, lots of people have been sober
Speaker 2: for years who are incredibly entertaining and great and creative
Speaker 2: at all and more productive than ever. So it's not
Speaker 2: a function of that, but it is a function of
Speaker 2: not being afraid to lose. And I think and I
Speaker 2: look at that as one of the major themes of
Speaker 2: evolution right that you're willing in some area to you know,
Speaker 2: to lose in a powerful, profound way.
Speaker 3: Okay, so now I have two little things.
Speaker 1: So the two things I want to talk about are
Speaker 1: something you said recently about people don't come batteries are
Speaker 1: not included the way that we start like catastrophizing and
Speaker 1: thinking about something. But they're not this, but they're this,
Speaker 1: whe they're different than the last person. And I was
Speaker 1: with and like, and you've said, like battery, people don't
Speaker 1: come with batteries. That's one concept, and then the other
Speaker 1: one is like I don't think this is just like
Speaker 1: a bit. But when I was talking to a writer
Speaker 1: who works for Fortune magazine last night, this woman Diane Brady,
Speaker 1: and she was talking really intimately about the difference between
Speaker 1: extroverts and introverts as it pertains to being a CEO,
Speaker 1: and she was like, I'm an extrovert. She knew who
Speaker 1: she was, and she was like, the pandemic killed me.
Speaker 1: I was like wanting to like go talk to like
Speaker 1: essential essential worker.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she was like I wanted to walk out. And
Speaker 1: for me, I was like I was a in a
Speaker 1: like a blanket. I extended the pandemic two years by
Speaker 1: that behavior like it gave me license to keep using
Speaker 1: it as an excuse to never leave the house. So
Speaker 1: and then she was talking about how entrepreneurs introverts are
Speaker 1: very good entrepreneurs because they get really deep and granular
Speaker 1: and extroverts don't have have more difficult time focusing. They
Speaker 1: may be good at knowing a lot of different things,
Speaker 1: maybe about the market, about so many different companies and
Speaker 1: different topics, but they don't they have a difficulty focusing.
Speaker 2: I think that's a really use just just to put
Speaker 2: some you know, parentheses around it. I think that's I
Speaker 2: think it's really astute in terms of introverts and extroverts
Speaker 2: that if you look at CEO, someone who's doing all
Speaker 2: the operations and managing all those operations and managing people, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, they're mostly extroverts. They have that ability visionaries,
Speaker 2: you know, founders, entrepreneurs, they're more introverted. They're like, you know,
Speaker 2: that's a very that's a that's more of a thing.
Speaker 2: They wouldn't be running and managing a bunch of people.
Speaker 2: So that's why when I when I look at you know,
Speaker 2: like when Elon Musk kind of took over Twitter, I
Speaker 2: management is not his you know, he's an inventor, right, and.
Speaker 1: What are you? I'm totally an introvert and people are
Speaker 1: shocked by that, but I can't. I hate managing people
Speaker 1: from the.
Speaker 2: So I'm the same way. I'm a complete introvert. Okay, interesting,
Speaker 2: I'm a complete and everybody says, so I'm much more
Speaker 2: like the pandemic. I thrived in the pandemic and and
Speaker 2: zoom became everything. So everybody, even I always say, an
Speaker 2: act of love is that you don't invite me anywhere, right,
Speaker 2: so you cancel on me, right, So so all of
Speaker 2: those that's that's but being creative, generative, you know, collaborative
Speaker 2: and making something happen, those that's you know, that's where
Speaker 2: I thrive. And you don't want me running your company.
Speaker 1: But this woman said that that that they draw upon
Speaker 1: each other like. Well, It's interesting though, because I find
Speaker 1: that people. I've had people gravitate towards me because of
Speaker 1: my like the light and the way that I am,
Speaker 1: like my passion, which isn't about being an extrovert, and
Speaker 1: sometimes they'll like dim my light as a result. It's
Speaker 1: kind of a different thing. But I'm thinking to who
Speaker 1: is attracted to who introverts are attracted to extroverts or
Speaker 1: extroverts because there are two extroverts are not the best combination, right,
Speaker 1: because you can't focus.
Speaker 2: Well first, well, you don't necessarily want to, you know
Speaker 2: when when you're just back to the whole idea of
Speaker 2: knowing your position, which you kind of started with, like yeah,
Speaker 2: and knowing what your contribution is and people wanting to
Speaker 2: be what they're not. Right, you know, this is really
Speaker 2: understanding you know how you where you fully express yourself
Speaker 2: and what does that look like? And just like in
Speaker 2: a relationship, if if you have two people of the
Speaker 2: same issues, you know that's problematic and you know, meaning
Speaker 2: like oh we're going to run out of money, Yeah,
Speaker 2: we're going to die. You don't want those two things
Speaker 2: or like god, look out fat i am, look out,
Speaker 2: look at my butt. You don't want both those all
Speaker 2: those issues colliding. You want them missing. And that's the
Speaker 2: same with assets. When you build a team, you know,
Speaker 2: the CEO is not the is not the CTO, and
Speaker 2: the CTO is not the CEO, and the founders and
Speaker 2: the visionaries not and they're all they're all and building
Speaker 2: a profound championship team is understanding each person playing their
Speaker 2: position perfectly and they intersect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could be in the I've had someone who's
Speaker 1: seems who's in the wrong seat, but and they're great
Speaker 1: in the right seat.
Speaker 2: Like absolutely, just a little exactly.
Speaker 1: Okay, you could have someone who seems terrible because they're
Speaker 1: in the wrong fucking seat. But if they're loyal and
Speaker 1: seems smart enough, you should play musical chairs. And what's
Speaker 1: interesting is that. So I'm at this Fortune event last night.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting at the table with a woman very high
Speaker 1: up at General Motors and another and we're next to uh,
Speaker 1: Josh Kushner, uh, and the guy who is the CEO,
Speaker 1: Sebastian of hoult Renfrew, like major people. And this woman
Speaker 1: Diane Brady next to me, who had an interesting conversation
Speaker 1: with journalists and she's at Fortune. Now that's her, that's her.
Speaker 1: She's the one who said it. But to be honest,
Speaker 1: I have never heard anyone use it in human resources
Speaker 1: and in staffing and in executive searches. And they should,
Speaker 1: like you're not allowed to ask someone how old they are,
Speaker 1: but you should be you should actually do the emotionally
Speaker 1: intelligent conversation in staffing and ask are you an introvise?
Speaker 1: This is no wrong answer, but here's the here's the quiz,
Speaker 1: or give them the quiz, like it's like an IQ
Speaker 1: quiz because it's true, Like I have been in relationships
Speaker 1: with introverts many times because I'm attracted to someone similar
Speaker 1: to me because they're gonna say I don't want to
Speaker 1: go out either.
Speaker 3: But it's bad for me.
Speaker 1: It's bad for me, and I haven't realized that because
Speaker 1: it's like I get into like sort of like there's
Speaker 1: like a film on us.
Speaker 3: It's like stale.
Speaker 2: Understanding, you know, understanding and the one hundred of nuances
Speaker 2: that go to those kind of headlines intovert an extrovert
Speaker 2: r because underneath those two things are tons of nuances that, yeah,
Speaker 2: that someone should use this as some sort of scrutiny
Speaker 2: in terms of discerning like, well, is this the person
Speaker 2: the right position? I mean, I'm doing that all day long.
Speaker 2: In terms of subtle pivot, it's like just a little
Speaker 2: subtle pivot and changes is a game changer with that
Speaker 2: person or a dramatic pivot, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1: But I think in this case the label is important
Speaker 1: because I don't think that the average person if I
Speaker 1: were applying for a job, they would not think that
Speaker 1: I was an introvert.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, they wouldn't. They wouldn't have no idea.
Speaker 3: You too, if someone were hiring you, Brick, they.
Speaker 2: Would no, no, no, absolutely right, So.
Speaker 1: They might think you could manage a bunch of people.
Speaker 1: They might think you could be the head. You know.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, I've done that. When I'm
Speaker 2: pitching something that I really want you to take over this,
Speaker 2: I go, that's a lesson you want me doing exactly,
Speaker 2: And I say that directly. You know, that's not that
Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not doing that, right, But that's because
Speaker 2: also you won't do obligation. Yes, so, but I was
Speaker 2: saying about Bethane. When you're seeing being attracted to your light,
Speaker 2: that is what That's what someone who's an entrepreneur, visionary,
Speaker 2: you know, someone who like you. People know that shit's
Speaker 2: going to happen over there. This is something, this is
Speaker 2: you know, there's something creative, something innovative, something will happen
Speaker 2: that will translate into you know, into the world. Right,
Speaker 2: So I think people know that, right.
Speaker 3: And I get vampired and I don't even realize it is.
Speaker 2: And then you need to know who then you need
Speaker 2: to know like who are you going to allow do
Speaker 2: that because they have to be complementary in terms of
Speaker 2: feeding you as much as you feed that. Right, it's
Speaker 2: a it's that's part of the dance.
Speaker 1: And by the way, that's a thing that's another construct
Speaker 1: that like could be a chapter in a book that
Speaker 1: I never have thought about that and this age I've
Speaker 1: never thought about that I'm gonna draw certain people, but
Speaker 1: if they're if we're not gonna be playing tennis where
Speaker 1: I'm playing with a better tennis player and they're just
Speaker 1: gonna draw off of me, but I'm not getting anything positive.
Speaker 1: It's gonna kill me. And it's happened like it actually
Speaker 1: you feel like you're just light is dimming. It's actually
Speaker 1: happened to me.
Speaker 2: It's wild and that I mean, I'm possibly I don't
Speaker 2: know if it's actually, you know, completely true. But that's
Speaker 2: an age thing also where you then know that because
Speaker 2: mostly you're just gonna you're gonna draw in everything, because
Speaker 2: that's what the light does. It'll draw in all kinds
Speaker 2: of things. And then the ability to discern who you
Speaker 2: actually collaborate with, who you're with, what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1: Mark, That's exactly my biggest problem. Literally, access is my
Speaker 1: number one problem. Everyone around me. We have to go
Speaker 1: on an access diet.
Speaker 3: Two things.
Speaker 1: Having too many ideas is number one. But access it's insane.
Speaker 1: Like I'll talk, I'll be giving my phone number to
Speaker 1: the person that's bringing the ice bucket to the table
Speaker 1: because they're like fun and they were so good at it,
Speaker 1: like and people around me, but then to everybody in
Speaker 1: business and everybody in charity and people around me like, stop,
Speaker 1: we're on an access you can't know too much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I do think that's a function
Speaker 2: of a of age and wisdom where you just have
Speaker 2: the ability to discern and that and that you start doing.
Speaker 2: It's like one action impacts one hundred actions rather than
Speaker 2: a hundred actions impact one hundred actions. Right, you really
Speaker 2: use your leverage and your understanding and your discernment and
Speaker 2: you and you honor the you know your capacity and
Speaker 2: what you have to offer. I mean, I'm saying that
Speaker 2: all the time. Like, you know, I remember years ago.
Speaker 2: It's a it's a crazy story, but I remember this
Speaker 2: person came to me and I don't know they were
Speaker 2: kind of they were a client but they said, I
Speaker 2: really want to be I really want to be friends
Speaker 2: with you, Breck correct, Like, I said, what are you seven?
Speaker 2: It's an interesting thing like seven year olds? You never
Speaker 2: I said, He goes, I really want to be friends
Speaker 2: with you. And I said, well, I can either tell
Speaker 2: you the truth or nor your phone call. Which one
Speaker 2: do you want?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: And he said, okay, tell me the truth. I go,
Speaker 2: I would never be friends with you, and he said
Speaker 2: what I said, you understand my friendships are based on
Speaker 2: collaborative things. That doesn't mean emergencies don't happen. That doesn't
Speaker 2: mean we're not there for each other. It means that
Speaker 2: you know, we're not there's no draining of each other.
Speaker 2: And I said, you would be draining the hell out
Speaker 2: of me, right, And they said there'd be not enough
Speaker 2: that you could bring that would actually, you know, change that.
Speaker 2: So why don't you just keep coming to me until
Speaker 2: you can be your own best friend? Okay? I like
Speaker 2: that's so it's understanding, you know that, not from an
Speaker 2: egotistical place. It's more from really understanding.
Speaker 3: And so it's actually selfless because you're being honest and.
Speaker 2: It's useful for him. Yeah, it's useful. Hand and to
Speaker 2: see like, really, well, what is it about me that's
Speaker 2: doing that?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: Where's the neediness in me that's you know, and that's
Speaker 2: that's telling complete Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I could talk to Breck forever and I'm
Speaker 1: like exasperated today. I'm a little manic because there's so
Speaker 1: many topics that I want to get you guys in
Speaker 1: two with him, and next time there'll be ten more.
Speaker 1: So I'm reminding myself the next time, I want to
Speaker 1: talk about intervening in our own behavior. And also the
Speaker 1: break has said batteries not including batteries are not included
Speaker 1: in people like how we expect to either fix someone
Speaker 1: or them to be everything or just start criticizing what
Speaker 1: they are today when they're a fully formed human being
Speaker 1: when you meet them, and also catastrophizing.
Speaker 3: So I want to talk to you about a lot
Speaker 3: of things.
Speaker 2: It's too many them. Also just to add, I mean,
Speaker 2: there's so many things you're right that can go on forever.
Speaker 2: And that's the whole nature of just when we're talking
Speaker 2: about partnerships or relationships, most people commit to their expectations,
Speaker 2: they don't really commit to the to the actual person.
Speaker 1: They don't really Okay, all right, so that we're going
Speaker 1: to get into that. All right, So we got to
Speaker 1: do this more. I could go for days, but you
Speaker 1: got to get off.
Speaker 2: All right, all right, great talking, all right, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But beyond by Breck
Speaker 2: After Bos want to back to the conser