1 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,760 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, where we 2 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,119 Speaker 1: discussed all things mental health, personal development, and all the 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy Harden Bradford, 5 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information 6 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: and resources, visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls 7 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: dot com. And while I hope you love listening to 8 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to 9 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 1: be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental 10 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for joining me 11 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: for session twenty nine of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. Today, 12 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: I have an incredible conversation for you all about black 13 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:59,880 Speaker 1: women's sexuality. Today I am joined by Courtney Watson. Court 14 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: is a licensed marriage and family therapist in the San 15 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: Francisco Bay Area, offering in person and online therapy to 16 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 1: all California residents. Courtney received her Masters in Marriage and 17 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:16,119 Speaker 1: Family Therapy from the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, her 18 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: Masters of Education in Human Sexuality from Widener University, and 19 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,560 Speaker 1: is in her final stages of her pH d in 20 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 1: Human Sexuality at Widener University. Courtney has been working in 21 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: the sexuality field for over a decade and has a 22 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: special interest in black women and film sexuality, sexual resilience, 23 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: and sexual exploration. Courtney also provides sexuality consultation to fellow 24 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: psychotherapists and organizations looking to create a safe and healing 25 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,840 Speaker 1: environment for clients and employees. In addition to her sexuality work, 26 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 1: Courtney offers more general individual and couples therapy in her 27 00:01:56,360 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: private practice. In today's conversation, Courtney and I chatted about 28 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: a variety of things. We talked about the impact that 29 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: respectability politics has on Black women's sexuality. We also talked 30 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 1: about ways to reclaim your sexual self and ways to 31 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 1: find like minded people who might be in your sexual community. So, 32 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: thank you so much for being with me today, Courtney, 33 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: thank you for having me. So I'm excited to have 34 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,120 Speaker 1: our chat. UM. So, Courtney and I actually began a 35 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,680 Speaker 1: discussion because she is a member of the Thrive Tribe, 36 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 1: so that's our Facebook group for the Therapy for Black 37 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: Girls podcast community. UM, and we were having some conversations 38 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,639 Speaker 1: around I think relationships or sexuality. UM. And she sent 39 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: me a message saying, Hey, I'd like to come on 40 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,600 Speaker 1: the podcast to talk more about some of these topics 41 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: to make sure we have, um, like the correct appropriate 42 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: information in our community around like sexuality and stuff. UM. 43 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: So I'm very excited that she is joining us today. 44 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: So Courtney we Um talked about sharing more information about 45 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: like how respectability politics impacts our sexuality as black women. 46 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: So can you give our listeners, um, like just a 47 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 1: basic rundown of what respectability politics is and how that 48 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:18,080 Speaker 1: interacts with their sexuality. Yeah. So respectability politics is attempts 49 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 1: by marginalized groups to police their own members and ensure 50 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,639 Speaker 1: their social values don't challenge mainstream value. So what that 51 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: means for us as black women is specifically related to sexuality, 52 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: is black folks or black women, UM, saying hey, you 53 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:35,560 Speaker 1: can't do this, or you shouldn't do this, or this 54 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: isn't right or this isn't good. Um. That's what that 55 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: term policing means, UM. And doing that in terms in 56 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: regards to sexuality. So you shouldn't wear that, you shouldn't 57 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,720 Speaker 1: be doing that. That's not a behavior you should be doing. 58 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,000 Speaker 1: That's not a form of sexual expression. You should be 59 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 1: able to do UM. And this was a term that 60 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: was coined by Evalen Brooks Higgins Botham Um in her 61 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: book Righteous Discontent, The Woman's Movement in the Black Blackist Church, 62 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:05,080 Speaker 1: and she published that nineteen And where did some of 63 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: this come from? Where do you think like some of 64 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: this really came from in our community? You know, it's 65 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: kind of hard to pinpoint just thinking historically when it started, 66 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: right you know, I firmly believe that this is like 67 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,000 Speaker 1: a survival tactic. It's what we did to survive unsurvival 68 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: circumstances um. And so you know, maybe it's started there 69 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: could have been incidence of like policing or trying to 70 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: manage you know, as we're crossing the trans atlanted slave trade, 71 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: or there could have been some uh development of like 72 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: how we can combat this thing when you know, folks 73 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 1: were in prison cells, um when they were enslaved. People 74 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,799 Speaker 1: were going to be taken to the America's or two um, 75 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,960 Speaker 1: the Europe. You know. But I definitely know that for 76 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: sure the Plantation is a place specifically for us here 77 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 1: in the United States. The Plantation was a place where 78 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 1: we said, Okay, here's a really unsurvivable situations, specifically for 79 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: black women in terms of like possibility of right um, 80 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: in torture, Like, how can we protect ourselves, How can 81 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 1: we protect our children? How can we protect the people 82 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 1: that love? And one way that we can do that 83 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,440 Speaker 1: is by saying, Okay, here are the things that this 84 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 1: society says it's ideal. Here's the things that this society 85 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,840 Speaker 1: says we should be doing. So we have to do this. 86 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:24,640 Speaker 1: We have to distance ourselves from the folks that this 87 00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: dominating oppressive society says are problematic. And so these are 88 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: the things problematic people do. These are the things that 89 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 1: the dominating oppressive society a k a. Slave owners um 90 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: uh do. And so this is what we're gonna do 91 00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: in order to try and say safe. And we're going 92 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: to make sure that other people in our family do 93 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,880 Speaker 1: this too so that they can stay safe. Yeah, And 94 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:50,840 Speaker 1: I think you bring up an interesting point around, um, 95 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: the survivability piece, because I do I agree with you 96 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: that a lot of this really was like, Okay, let's 97 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:00,400 Speaker 1: just try to stay alive and so, um, you know, 98 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:03,440 Speaker 1: like I'm sure sexuality and stuff isn't is the furthest 99 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: thing from anybody's mind, right, Like, nobody is necessarily thinking 100 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: about that as a priority. If we're just trying to 101 00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:12,919 Speaker 1: like not be killed. Um. And I'm guessing that some 102 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: of you know, this whole jezebel Um stereotype, like a 103 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 1: lot of that came from like the same vein of thinking. 104 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: Correct absolutely absolutely, it's you know, we don't want to 105 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,919 Speaker 1: be Jezebel. And you know, especially at that time, the 106 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:33,479 Speaker 1: sexuality ideals of the mainstream, dominant white folks people in 107 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: power were like came from this Victorian era where it 108 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: was like, chastity is what you need to do. You 109 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: can't enjoy sex, especially as a woman, and sex is 110 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,320 Speaker 1: for procreation only. It's not something that's supposed to be pleasurable. 111 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: It's not supposed to something you're supposed to indulge in. Um. 112 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:54,720 Speaker 1: So that is really the basis of these ideas and 113 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 1: um that we hold. Now we're like our your little 114 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 1: cousin can't be too fast, and when you're in church, 115 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: you if you have a skirt on, you have to 116 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,880 Speaker 1: make sure that you have a lap covering. Um, you know, 117 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: those sorts of things. Yeah, so maybe we can kind 118 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: of get into that, like how it has kind of 119 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: transformed from those things that you know, helped to keep 120 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: us safe and alive back in the day, but now UM, 121 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 1: maybe takes on a very different look in our community. 122 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,440 Speaker 1: Can you talk a little bit about what that transformation 123 00:07:24,480 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: has looked like. Yeah, I think once we moved out 124 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,520 Speaker 1: of a place where we had like these really acute 125 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 1: needs to say safe in this way, we still held 126 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,880 Speaker 1: onto this way of survival. Um. And so this is 127 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 1: very much a legacy of UH slavery, a legacy of 128 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: really hard conditions sexually specifically for black women. UM. And 129 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,200 Speaker 1: you know, and I think, you know, honestly, we're still 130 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: in some really hard conditions or whether it was going 131 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: through the gym pro era or you know, just the 132 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: fact that fort of black women report unwanted sexual contact 133 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: by the age of eighteen really not necessarily in a 134 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 1: safe sexual place. UM. And our society says, it's you know, 135 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: it's not the person that's the perpetrator who needs to 136 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: receive treatment and uh knowledge and education on how not 137 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 1: to perpetrate. It's the victim who needs to find ways 138 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 1: to not be victimized. UM. And so that's again that's 139 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: where this respectability politics comes through, is like, what are 140 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 1: things that you can do so someone can't hurt you? Yeah, 141 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: and I you know, I've worked a lot with like 142 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: college students and have done a lot of presentations like 143 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: around consent um for college age students, and I'm always 144 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: really surprised mostly by like, how um, still some of 145 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 1: the young women have some outdated ideas about like, oh, 146 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 1: could you be laying in a bed with somebody, um 147 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 1: maybe kind of kissing and not lead to actually actual 148 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: intercourse right, And some of them will say like, well, 149 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: of course not, like why would you be teasing him 150 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: so to speak? Right? Um? You know. So I definitely 151 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,040 Speaker 1: feel like there is still a lot more work in 152 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 1: conversation that has to be done around you know, some 153 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 1: of this respectability stuff. Absolutely, And you know what's funny 154 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: is you said, like there's college aged women who are 155 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,559 Speaker 1: having these thoughts and and my experience that I mean, 156 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 1: I think that that perspective kind of runs the age 157 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: range scam. It Like, I think a lot of people 158 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 1: are having this thought and then that's where the perpetuation 159 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: comes in at it's okay, uh, you shouldn't be laying 160 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:28,599 Speaker 1: down with a man if you're dropping on something that 161 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: happened to you. And and that comes from mommy and 162 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 1: auntie and Grandma, cousin and big sister, like all of 163 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 1: these messages are coming in, UM, and that's kind of 164 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,320 Speaker 1: how respectability politics stays alive and continues to impact our 165 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 1: sexuality today. So what are your thoughts about how we 166 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: can kind of begin to think differently and kind of 167 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: break free from some of this, especially related to sexuality, 168 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: you know, like you mentioned UM, you know, sexuality has 169 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: not historically been something that we should enjoy and be 170 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 1: like indulged in, and UM, so how can we begin 171 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 1: to think differently about that and you know, kind of 172 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 1: reclaim that for ourselves. So one of the things that 173 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,199 Speaker 1: UM has been like kind of a breakthrough for me 174 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: and like trying to determine UM, like from a sexological standpoint, 175 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:20,559 Speaker 1: what black women can do to, like you said, reclaim 176 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 1: their sexuality is just do you, you know, whatever feels good. 177 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 1: You can't you can't rely on society or Mommy or 178 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 1: Biggerma or whatever to tell you what you can and 179 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: cannot do. Do what feels good for you. And that's 180 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:38,719 Speaker 1: so I think it's a powerful message and I think 181 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 1: it's a terrifying message at the same time. Yeah, because 182 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 1: what would that even look like like even if you 183 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: wanted to do that, But then, like all of your 184 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: friends are saying like, oh girl, you nasty kind of thing, 185 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: you know, Like, how would you even begin to start 186 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 1: doing them a that? Yeah? So I have, you know, 187 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 1: five steps that I like to think of of reclaiming 188 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: yourself true self. I think a lot of people are 189 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: in a very good place sexually. A lot of people 190 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 1: are not in a good place sexually. Um And I 191 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: think that this can apply to anybody on any one 192 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 1: of those sides of the spectrum and anywhere in between. 193 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: Um So, in terms of what you can do is one, 194 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: you can identify what you like to be brave and 195 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:25,400 Speaker 1: explore your interests. Three set boundaries around your desires for 196 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: fine like minded folks. And five indulge and enjoy. And 197 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 1: I use that word indulge it very intentionally. I'm gonna 198 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: talk about that in a little bit, but I think 199 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: that's so important for us as black women. So can 200 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: you talk more. I'm not sure where you're planning to 201 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: talk more about the indulge, but you I definitely have 202 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 1: heard you mentioned it a couple of times. Um So, 203 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 1: can you say a little bit more about like why 204 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,640 Speaker 1: you are being selling intentional with that language? Um? Well, 205 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,800 Speaker 1: for us, I don't think we're allowed or told that 206 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 1: we can indulge in anything, right, Like we can't indulge 207 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: in chocolate because we'll get that, or we can't indulge 208 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,560 Speaker 1: in like just doing things pleasure. We can indulge in 209 00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:04,360 Speaker 1: a spa day for ourselves because you know, we have 210 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,880 Speaker 1: kids to take care of, our partners to take care of, 211 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: our family members to take care of. And we definitely 212 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: can't indulge in sexuality because again it bumps against the 213 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,199 Speaker 1: respectability politics because we're not actually supposed to do that. 214 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 1: We're not supposed to like it, we're not supposed to 215 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 1: talk about it, um and And so when we think 216 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: about ways to break free from the constraints of respectability politics, 217 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 1: I think really pushing into this place where you're indulging 218 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:33,840 Speaker 1: and enjoying and doing the exact opposite of what it 219 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: tells you to do is really really important for us 220 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: to reclaim our sexuality. Um And. I can actually go 221 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 1: into each of those five steps a little bit more 222 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: in detail to help your listeners understand the ways that 223 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:52,480 Speaker 1: they can implement that in their lives. Okay, So for 224 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: number one, when you identify what you like, you know 225 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:58,240 Speaker 1: you just have to let your gut be your guide. UM. 226 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: And you know, I kind of giggled when I said 227 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 1: gut because I'm thinking, well, you can also let something 228 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,000 Speaker 1: else be your guide. And you know what feels good 229 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: for you that you know that tells you this is 230 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: something that I like. Um So what excites you, what 231 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,440 Speaker 1: piques your interests? What are things you've seen on TV 232 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: that you've said, oh, I wonder what that's like. Um, 233 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,840 Speaker 1: So that's for number one, just kind of identify what 234 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: you like. In a way to get more information is 235 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 1: to be brave and explore. Um. And so I say 236 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,319 Speaker 1: be brave because it really does take courage sometimes to 237 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: say hey, I'm gonna try this, or um, I like 238 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: this thing and it's kind of naughty, but I really 239 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: want to learn more. I think it's you know, that 240 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: does require a certain amount of bravery when we're pushing 241 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: up against these things that say we shouldn't be uh. 242 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 1: And Google is also your friend. There's a wide variety 243 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: of sexual interests and all of the information is out 244 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:57,199 Speaker 1: there on the internet. So you know, some people say, 245 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: well I like this thing and I don't know anybody 246 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: else that likes it, or I like this thing and 247 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: I actually have some shame around it because it's kind 248 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:07,960 Speaker 1: of feels uh quote unquote weird, right, Uh google it, 249 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: find out if there's a community, if there's information about it. 250 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,800 Speaker 1: I guarantee you the thing that you like, someone else 251 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 1: is doing it. Um. And then there's you know, there's 252 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 1: fear around stepping outside of what other sides is right 253 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: or proper um, and that fear is real. It's it's 254 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: a valid fear to to say, you know, I don't 255 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,680 Speaker 1: know if I can do this because we have really 256 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: strong and pervasive um negative stereotypes about our sexuality to 257 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,720 Speaker 1: contend with. And that's something I think is very unique 258 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: to black women. UM. And at times I can feel 259 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 1: like a double edged sword. You know, either I do 260 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 1: this thing that I like or I'm interested in sexually 261 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: and I confirm these stereotypes, or I affirm these stereotypes, 262 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: or I get all this pushback, or I don't, and 263 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: then part of my sexuality is hindered and blocked in. 264 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: I can't be my full sexual cells and many ourselves. 265 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 1: You know, it doesn't necessarily hurt the people that are 266 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,760 Speaker 1: judging us. It really just hurts us. It also makes 267 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:12,960 Speaker 1: life a lot less fun, So have fun, indulge um 268 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: for setting boundaries. UM, we in the sexological community community 269 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,320 Speaker 1: like to say, don't yuck my YUM. So if something 270 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: is yummy to me and I think it's great, don't 271 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: don't yuck it. Don't don't say that. Um. And the 272 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 1: boundaries that I'm talking about is not limiting yourself or 273 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 1: put placing boundaries around yourself, but placing boundaries around other 274 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:38,120 Speaker 1: people's input on what you like. So, UM, I was 275 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: listening to your podcast episode on boundaries, and you talked 276 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: about taking care of our front yards. UM, and I 277 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 1: think sexuality is also another place where we really have 278 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,840 Speaker 1: to tend to our front yard and place boundaries around 279 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 1: other people's opinions of our sexual selves. UM. So you 280 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,880 Speaker 1: get to be you, you get to do you, Mommy, sister, auntie, 281 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: big mama, cousin. They're always is going to have their 282 00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,600 Speaker 1: opinions and you're not necessarily always going to make all 283 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: of them happy at once. Uh. But you're the only 284 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,360 Speaker 1: person who is living your life. So when you're thinking 285 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 1: about boundary setting, you need to do what works for you. UM. 286 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: And then also I'd like to say all that should 287 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,720 Speaker 1: also carry over to the way you interact with other people. UM. 288 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 1: Just being non judgmental of the sexual choices of others. 289 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: It's something that's really important for us to remember. UM. 290 00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: And Laverne Cox has this really great quote that I 291 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,800 Speaker 1: like where she said, we shouldn't demonize the woman who 292 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,840 Speaker 1: wears high heels, and we shouldn't demonize the woman who 293 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: doesn't wear high heels. We should accept all forms of comportment. 294 00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 1: And that's so important when we're thinking about the way 295 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: that we engage with ourselves and each other around UM sexuality. 296 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: So I kind of went through those kind of fasts. 297 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 1: Do you have any questions about the first three No, 298 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: I think you gave us good examples in like a 299 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: breakdown of like how to do those things for yourself. Okay, 300 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:03,640 Speaker 1: So the final to UM are fine, like minded folks. Uh, 301 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 1: So find your sexual community. You can again, Google is 302 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 1: your friend, you can YouTube, you can go on Facebook 303 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,719 Speaker 1: groups UM, and then also build a community of women 304 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 1: who are open minded. So UM. I've had a couple 305 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,080 Speaker 1: of projects for school while I'm working on my PhD. 306 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,920 Speaker 1: And one of the things that I've done is I've 307 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: hosted workshops with groups of black women when we talk 308 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: about sexuality. So we talked about sexuality process feelings. UM. 309 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 1: And then we I lead exercises that UM, I've just 310 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,720 Speaker 1: helped to like go a little bit more deeper and 311 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 1: more in depth with the topic. UM. And you know, 312 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:44,119 Speaker 1: it's a room full of black women ages eighteen to 313 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,639 Speaker 1: over sixty and a judgment free environment. It's always a 314 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: good time everyone. You know, there's a lot of laughter, 315 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 1: there's a lot of fun. And so there there are 316 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: ways that I think this community building can happen for 317 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: us where we're at, UM, there might be a lot 318 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: of fear of like talking about things. And you know, 319 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 1: I mean I understand that I kind of have uh 320 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: this background to be able to hold like a non 321 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 1: judgmental space. But get a couple of girlfriends together have 322 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: a wine night, UM, say you're gonna talk about sex. 323 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: So maybe those people who aren't interested in I can 324 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,320 Speaker 1: decide whether or not they want to participate. Say it's 325 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 1: a judgment free zone and you know, just kind of 326 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,640 Speaker 1: let loose and have fun and be able to talk 327 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 1: and explore and see what other people's interests are and 328 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: you'll be really really surprised, um, and what can come 329 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:37,679 Speaker 1: up out of those places. And you know, maybe if 330 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: you're a little bit more shy or you feel like, UM, 331 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: you don't have a group of women that you can 332 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 1: get together with like that. UM, find a sex therapist 333 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:49,800 Speaker 1: or sex positive therapist. UM and kind of get someone 334 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 1: that you can explore your sexuality with. Their way is 335 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,160 Speaker 1: that you can see how can I reclaim the things 336 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: that I really want to do UM in a place 337 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:04,360 Speaker 1: that's like professionally judgment free. UM. And I'm also connected 338 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: with a lot of networks. I'm connected with a lot 339 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:11,159 Speaker 1: of great, amazing Black women who are a therapist. UM. 340 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: So if your listeners want to give me a shout out, UM, 341 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,720 Speaker 1: I can give you my information at being so they 342 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:21,199 Speaker 1: can do that as well. UM. And I do you 343 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:26,439 Speaker 1: wanna make a small disclaimer When I say black women, 344 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 1: I'm not just talking about women folks who are born 345 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,919 Speaker 1: assigned female at birth. UM. I'm talking about women and 346 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 1: or films. UM. And so I think it's really important 347 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 1: to acknowledge that the expanded, like an expanded definition of 348 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,639 Speaker 1: what black women is, especially when we're talking about sexuality 349 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: UM and expanded definition from what we traditionally or conventionally 350 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 1: think of. UM. I meant to say that earlier, but 351 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:57,359 Speaker 1: I forgot. Yeah, that definitely is an important distinction. UM. Okay. 352 00:19:57,359 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 1: So the last one is indulged in and joy U 353 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: just give your self permission, don't rely on someone else 354 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 1: to give you permission. UM. Again, I'm really intentional with 355 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,240 Speaker 1: the word indulge. I think we rarely hear encouragement for 356 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,760 Speaker 1: anyone but men to indulge in sex. And Black women 357 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,680 Speaker 1: are taught not to indulge in anything. And we deserved 358 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,040 Speaker 1: to indulge in the pleasures of our bodies. So we 359 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: deserved and indulged and our sensuality. And for black women, 360 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 1: I really think indulgence is a form of resistance against oppression, 361 00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: and so it's really important for us to do that 362 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:39,199 Speaker 1: for ourselves. So tell me more about UM like some 363 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 1: of these spaces, and I think we um saw some 364 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 1: of this with Insecure. Did you get a chance to 365 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:50,200 Speaker 1: finish watching this season? You did? Yes? Okay, Okay, So 366 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 1: a couple of things that we saw this season related 367 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:56,440 Speaker 1: to sexuality come up. UM. One of the first ones 368 00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: was UM related to this conversation and that Esa and 369 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 1: her friends were having at the sexplosion around like black 370 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,520 Speaker 1: women UM and oral sex. And you know, like I 371 00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,520 Speaker 1: think my experience had been that that was a bit 372 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,919 Speaker 1: of an outdated conversation. But I'm also hearing um that 373 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: it may not be right like that there may still 374 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,520 Speaker 1: be kind of the line of thinking that this is 375 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: not something that black women engage in. So can you 376 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,399 Speaker 1: talk to us more about that? Yeah, I mean I 377 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: kind of had the same thought too. I was like, 378 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,439 Speaker 1: whoa is it? Like is it where I'm from as 379 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 1: the people I know? Because that sounds really outdated, um, 380 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,439 Speaker 1: But I do understand that there are people that that 381 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,480 Speaker 1: have these really strong ideas about what sex is and 382 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 1: what sex is ain't um. And so you know, I 383 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 1: think she has said like blow jobs or just something 384 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:51,160 Speaker 1: that white women do, um, and the sex isn't just penetration, 385 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 1: And I think kind of the underlying argument in that 386 00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:00,080 Speaker 1: conversation was that sex was just penetration um, and and 387 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,119 Speaker 1: then anything else was like, you know, either bad or 388 00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:06,479 Speaker 1: something white women do or like just not you know, 389 00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,160 Speaker 1: something special quote unquote special that only happens occasionally or rarely. 390 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: Or I mean, if that's the way that you want 391 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,560 Speaker 1: to set up your sexual life, go for it. But 392 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,199 Speaker 1: I don't think that that's the way that, um, we 393 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,920 Speaker 1: have to set up our sexual lives. You know, blow 394 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: jobs can be a part of sex every time we 395 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:29,119 Speaker 1: have sex, um, if that works for you. Right. And 396 00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,919 Speaker 1: one of the other ones that I think was like 397 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,280 Speaker 1: a big storyline this season, um, was the whole relationship 398 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:39,480 Speaker 1: between Molly and uh Drew, I forgot now, Yeah, Molly 399 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,359 Speaker 1: and Drew and you know, so this whole idea of 400 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,879 Speaker 1: an open relationship and what that means, um. And you know, 401 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: there was a lot of language kind of being thrown 402 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:52,200 Speaker 1: around online about you know, side chicks and you know, what, 403 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,040 Speaker 1: what are the rules around open relationships? And I know 404 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 1: that's something else that we wanted to chat about. UM, 405 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,160 Speaker 1: just kind of these ideas of beyond on monogamy, right, 406 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,720 Speaker 1: so can you talk to us more about that? Yeah, 407 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 1: So the term is nonmonogamy, which I think houses a 408 00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 1: lot of different things, right, and the house polyamory. It 409 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:17,120 Speaker 1: can house like having sexual partners or only it's sexual partners, 410 00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: and it can look like anything. And actually last year 411 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 1: there was a study that was published in the Journal 412 00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: of Sex and Mertal Therapy that found one in five 413 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:30,200 Speaker 1: people living in the United States have practiced some form 414 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: of consensual nonmonogamy at some point in their life. And 415 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: this isn't you know, I think again she has said, well, 416 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: that's just something white folks do. It's not just something 417 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: that white folks are doing. Is actually something that was 418 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: true across religion, race, age, education level, and income. UM. 419 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 1: And so in terms of how do you what are 420 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: the rules and regulations? Again, this is it's something that 421 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: again is completely up to the people involved. You can 422 00:23:56,600 --> 00:24:00,480 Speaker 1: decide that your nonmonogamy looks like on person have multiple 423 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: sexual partners. You can decided looking like both people having 424 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: multiple sexual partners. You can decided looking like having partners 425 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: that live in the home, or um, splitting your time 426 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 1: between partners. UM. It really is what's up to you. UM. 427 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:17,880 Speaker 1: And again we come back to this place of like 428 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,919 Speaker 1: checking in what you're that UM and indulging in what 429 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 1: feels good for you. UM. There's many shades of non monogamy. UM. 430 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 1: There's no quote unquote rule. I guess, I guess if 431 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,800 Speaker 1: there is a rule, it's that UM. And there has 432 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,159 Speaker 1: to be consent from everyone involved, and there needs to 433 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: be open communication. And I actually think Droe did a 434 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 1: really good job of modeling this in the season. Like 435 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,399 Speaker 1: you know, he was checking in with Molly at different 436 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 1: points even when they were having sex, which was amazing. 437 00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 1: He was like, you know, how is this for you? 438 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: Are you good? Um? And then when Molly had a 439 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,159 Speaker 1: reaction to knowing that his wife Candice was gonna be 440 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,439 Speaker 1: at this dinner, he was like, you know, he noticed 441 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: her react and he checked in on her and he 442 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 1: asked how she was feeling. So communication is so important. 443 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 1: A lot of people think, well, you know, there's gonna 444 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 1: be this this thing of jealousy that's really gonna impact 445 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,919 Speaker 1: the relationship or destroy the relationship. And for some folks, 446 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 1: I mean, jealousy just isn't a thing, Like, it's not 447 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,400 Speaker 1: you know, they see they have pleasure from seeing their 448 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,680 Speaker 1: partner happy. Um. And the term for that is frouble 449 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: f r U B B l e Um. They get frouble. 450 00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,320 Speaker 1: They see their partner happy and it makes them happy 451 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,119 Speaker 1: and it makes them feel good even if their partner 452 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,320 Speaker 1: is going out with someone else. Um. And in fact, 453 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: I just posted on my Facebook page there was an 454 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 1: article about a black couple who have been married for 455 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 1: twenty two years and they've been open for the past 456 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,520 Speaker 1: twelve years. And so you know, black women are really 457 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: doing this and it's really working in their relationships. The 458 00:25:48,760 --> 00:25:50,719 Speaker 1: wife and the article was talking about feeling like a 459 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:54,359 Speaker 1: goddess since opening her relationship. So there's ways that this 460 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:57,800 Speaker 1: can work. It's you know, I think it is progressive 461 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: in terms of what are current UM conventional traditional relationship 462 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,479 Speaker 1: dynamics look like. UM. But I think it also is 463 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 1: like going forward to the past um in the term 464 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,719 Speaker 1: in the words of Hell and Fisher, where we we 465 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:16,280 Speaker 1: were moving towards something that was our that's already been 466 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: a part of our history, like these sorts of relationship dynamics. 467 00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 1: Was what was going on um in early civilization errors 468 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 1: and pre civilization errors. Um, there wasn't just one partner, 469 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 1: one pair bond all the time. Sometimes there was multiple 470 00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:35,639 Speaker 1: and it worked. Yeah, And I think, you know, a 471 00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: lot of what the confusion was was around like whether 472 00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,520 Speaker 1: Candice actually knew you know, so, yes, it may have 473 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,600 Speaker 1: been an open relationship, but did she actually know that 474 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,679 Speaker 1: Molly was a partner? You know, like what were the 475 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 1: rules around who partners could be. That's so interesting because 476 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:56,280 Speaker 1: he Drove said that Candice knew. He said that, you know, yeah, 477 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: I talked to her about everything, and she knows that 478 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,880 Speaker 1: I'm seeing you, and so one of the things that 479 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 1: when I hear that question, well that Candice really now 480 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:06,639 Speaker 1: is like well when he said that, she knew and 481 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,120 Speaker 1: maybe it's coming from this place of um, she could 482 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: not possibly agree to this type of relationship dynamic, like 483 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 1: this can't possibly be something that she wants to do. 484 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,680 Speaker 1: Maybe one because quote unquote black women don't do that, 485 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 1: or because that's your man, girl, how can you you know, 486 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,880 Speaker 1: how can you let that happen? That's your man? She's 487 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,480 Speaker 1: a side chick. Um. And I believe Droe said that 488 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: she was the one that decided to open their relationship 489 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:36,240 Speaker 1: up in the beginning, like she was the one that said, 490 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,679 Speaker 1: like we need to have multiple partners where we need 491 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 1: to have multiple people, right, Yeah, he did say it 492 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 1: was her that initiated it. Mm hmm yeah. Yeah. So 493 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,399 Speaker 1: tell me more about like some of these spaces that 494 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: maybe historically we have been and we are kind of 495 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: you know, kind of going back to that or other 496 00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 1: spaces that have been developed that um, you know, black 497 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,320 Speaker 1: women may exist in but we don't. It's kind of 498 00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: like a secret it and maybe like an underground kind 499 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:04,560 Speaker 1: of thing so to speak. Yeah, So when I when 500 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,680 Speaker 1: I think about, you know, you unique spaces in places 501 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:09,880 Speaker 1: where we quote unquote aren't supposed to be. I really 502 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: think a lot about like the poly community and the 503 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 1: kink community as well. Um and so King canning b 504 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: D s M kinky, sado masochistic, dominant and submissive relationships. Okay, 505 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,400 Speaker 1: So I want to stop you there and see if 506 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,639 Speaker 1: you can explain that to people who may not be 507 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 1: familiar with like that terminology. Hmm. Okay, So b D 508 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,720 Speaker 1: s M, or let's see, how do I explain it? 509 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: That's a good question I should have thought. So I'm 510 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: so wrapped up into this bubble. It's like I call 511 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: it the sex bubble. It's like everyone knows what this um. 512 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 1: So let's see. So a dominant and submissive relationship is 513 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: a relationship between It's a power dynamic relationship. So there's 514 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,640 Speaker 1: one person who's a dominant who holds power. Um and 515 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: will um. Let's see, how do I say that. I 516 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:09,120 Speaker 1: guess they'll dominate the person they will. Um. I'm trying 517 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:12,120 Speaker 1: to you explain it without using the words in the definition. 518 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:20,040 Speaker 1: It's kind of hard. Um, So they will. It's a 519 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 1: power relationship where one person is quote unquote in charge 520 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: and the other person is quote unquote obedient. So one 521 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:34,120 Speaker 1: person will set up rules and regulations for the relationship. 522 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 1: Um they will. I mean it can look like a 523 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,600 Speaker 1: number of things in terms of like the types of 524 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:44,520 Speaker 1: play they are involved. So there might be like UM 525 00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:49,240 Speaker 1: like mommy daddy play or mommy mommy daughter play or 526 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:54,520 Speaker 1: daddy's son play. There might be UM there. There might 527 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 1: be like UM sort of like corporal or bodily UM 528 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: plays involved like flogging or spanking or UM there. There. 529 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,040 Speaker 1: There can be arranged in terms of like UM the 530 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: level of desired pain on the submissive. So the submissive 531 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:15,520 Speaker 1: is often receiving and the dominant is often giving. That's 532 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:17,120 Speaker 1: a really good way to think about it. So the 533 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 1: dominant can either be giving UM demands, the dominant can 534 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:27,240 Speaker 1: be giving UM sort of like physical um punishment quote 535 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,240 Speaker 1: unquote punishment. Because the thing about this is it's all 536 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,840 Speaker 1: something that the submissive agrees to. And actually the person 537 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:37,120 Speaker 1: who holds the most power in the relationship is the submissive. 538 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:41,840 Speaker 1: So even though the person who is dominant is um 539 00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,360 Speaker 1: is is um seems to be in charge, is wielding 540 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,479 Speaker 1: the power in on the giving end, a person who 541 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: is the submissive submissive controls the entire situation. So they say, 542 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 1: these are things I want to happen, these are things 543 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,640 Speaker 1: that don't want to happen, these are things I'm comfortable 544 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: you're trying. UM. And if I feel like it doesn't 545 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 1: work for me, then I'll say stop or no or 546 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,040 Speaker 1: I don't like this, and I'll use my safe word. 547 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,640 Speaker 1: I think UM. The term safe word is more in 548 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,040 Speaker 1: popular culture now, but you know it really comes from 549 00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:13,320 Speaker 1: this place of what what is a phrase or word 550 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: that I can use in order to stop UM and 551 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,560 Speaker 1: be safe in the situation that is UM, you know, 552 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:25,200 Speaker 1: really quite vulnerable. UM. And the thing is the black women, 553 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,360 Speaker 1: Black folks are on both sides of this. There they 554 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 1: can be dominant and submissives. And black women are actually 555 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: on both sides of this as well in terms of 556 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 1: the power rolls, they're both dominant and submissives and UH 557 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: to power power relationships can be extremely healing for Black women, 558 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: whether they're on either side of the power dynamic. UM. 559 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:50,040 Speaker 1: So there's a lot of misinformation about people who engage 560 00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: in UM, B D, s M or kink relationships that 561 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: either having them and soul illness or like having sexual trauma. 562 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 1: And that's just that is literally not true as people 563 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 1: in all sorts of communities who have mental illness and 564 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 1: have sexual trauma UM. But just because you're involved in 565 00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: king doesn't mean that that is the root of this 566 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: sexual UM involvement. And there's actually a lot of research 567 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: that shows UM that folks who are involved in the 568 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: Kinki community are either you know, there's no UM correlation 569 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 1: between sexual sault in king involvement. There's no correlation between 570 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,320 Speaker 1: UM mental illness and king involvement outside of what is 571 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 1: found in any community. And so is this another one 572 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: of those examples where you would say, um, like Google 573 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,480 Speaker 1: would be a good place to start, Like, if you're 574 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 1: thinking about getting involved in the king community, Like, how 575 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 1: would you even find this? Like what would be some 576 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,960 Speaker 1: steps to kind of, um, you know, kind of familiarize 577 00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,640 Speaker 1: yourself with this. Yes, I mean I would say start 578 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:57,960 Speaker 1: with Google because these are very vulnerable places in spaces, 579 00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 1: you know, for some of the things that folks are engaging, 580 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 1: and the law is not necessarily UM open to some 581 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:10,520 Speaker 1: of the sexual preferences of people. And so something that 582 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:14,640 Speaker 1: consentually between two people can be really pleasurable, the law 583 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,480 Speaker 1: might interpret it as like abuse or like and we 584 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,960 Speaker 1: when we're talking, you know, people have lost their children 585 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 1: because they've even be involved in keeping. So it's a while. 586 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: It's a community that's open, it's a community that needs 587 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: to stay safe UM and so there are definitely places 588 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: and spaces to find out more, but UM, I would 589 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,680 Speaker 1: encourage everyone to do their own research. Google is a 590 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,280 Speaker 1: great place to start UM and kind of make their 591 00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: way to that community because UM, I wouldn't want to 592 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 1: expose it on such a UM a wide scale UM 593 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 1: audience to UM to to risk, because there are risks 594 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 1: for being involved in king community and not the risk 595 00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:02,360 Speaker 1: between the people involved, but risks in terms of the 596 00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 1: outside again kind of policing what's going on in people's 597 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 1: individual lives. So do you have like some favorite websites 598 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,360 Speaker 1: or books or UM you know, other resources that you 599 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,000 Speaker 1: could point people to to kind of get more information 600 00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: about like a variety of the things you suggested today. Yes, 601 00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:23,560 Speaker 1: there's actually a really good podcast UM. It's called Black 602 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 1: People Kink UM and they I mean it's a it's 603 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 1: conversations between the dominant and in his submissive UM and 604 00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,759 Speaker 1: so that I think if you're interested in kink in 605 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 1: the ways that it looks for black people, I think 606 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: that's a really good place to kind of hear from 607 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: the people who are involved. And they're also UM sex educators, 608 00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: so you can get really good and accurate information from them. UM. 609 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,279 Speaker 1: There's a book that I love and you know, it's 610 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 1: it's been around for a really long time. It's by 611 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,640 Speaker 1: Alice Walker and UM it's I think it was written 612 00:34:55,880 --> 00:35:01,360 Speaker 1: in the seventies. Uh, and it's just a really good 613 00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:06,359 Speaker 1: book for thinking about ways that we can push against 614 00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,680 Speaker 1: respectability politics. It's called you Can't Keep a Good Woman Down. Um. 615 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,880 Speaker 1: And there are several short stories with black female characters, 616 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,719 Speaker 1: but one of the some things about sexuality and some 617 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:20,120 Speaker 1: or not, but there's definitely this pushing that's going on 618 00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:24,160 Speaker 1: and like going outside of what's supposed to happen very specifically, 619 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 1: and the um the stories about sexuality, and so I 620 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 1: think that's a really good place for folks to start 621 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,959 Speaker 1: when like, well, I'm not ready to completely jump into 622 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 1: all of this stuff, but I might want to see 623 00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: what it could possibly look like. UM, that's a good 624 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:43,520 Speaker 1: place to start. UM. And I you know, I have 625 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 1: a Facebook group where I share a lot of UM 626 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:53,279 Speaker 1: sexuality related articles. UM. It's specifically I like to share 627 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,520 Speaker 1: stuff specifically for people of color and the black community 628 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:59,560 Speaker 1: and black women. UM. And so that's a really good 629 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,880 Speaker 1: place where you can you know, I think I posted 630 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:06,120 Speaker 1: an article a while ago on a black dumb and 631 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,880 Speaker 1: like what it was for her to be a dominatrix, 632 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 1: and so that is UM, I'll actually reposted up at 633 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,120 Speaker 1: the top, so it's more recent for anyone that wants 634 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:18,359 Speaker 1: to check that out. UM. So I think those are 635 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,520 Speaker 1: really important resources. UM. And then I you know, I 636 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,200 Speaker 1: encourage people if you want to know more. You know, 637 00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,960 Speaker 1: um A sex is the American Association of Sexual Educators, 638 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: Counselors and Therapists is a a s e c t UM, 639 00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:37,160 Speaker 1: and they have a directory where you can find local 640 00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:41,120 Speaker 1: sex therapists or local sex educators. Uh. You know, if 641 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,799 Speaker 1: you want to host the girls and night and have 642 00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,960 Speaker 1: someone come out and talk to you guys, that's a 643 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 1: place that you can do. UM. And then I specifically, 644 00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it would be wonderful if we 645 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:54,719 Speaker 1: can get a directory specifically of um black folks. UM. 646 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:58,800 Speaker 1: I think that there within the academic community, there's places 647 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: for academics, but UM, you know, there are you know, 648 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,240 Speaker 1: there are a lot of sex um educators and sex 649 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 1: therapists who are black women, UM and so being able 650 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: to rely on them as a resource to UM if 651 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,799 Speaker 1: anyone's interested. I know people uh in St. Louis and Philadelphia, 652 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 1: in d C, in l A and so. UM, depending 653 00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:25,040 Speaker 1: on where you are, can definitely UM link people up 654 00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 1: with someone in their local area if that's something they're 655 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,799 Speaker 1: interested in. Cool. That sounds great. And I know a 656 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:35,280 Speaker 1: lot of your work is centered around like helping women 657 00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:38,680 Speaker 1: to boost their self their sexual self confidence. And I 658 00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:41,600 Speaker 1: know you have like a twenty one day affirmation challenge. 659 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,360 Speaker 1: Can you tell us more about that and where we 660 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:46,120 Speaker 1: can find it? Yeah? Perfect? So you know, if you 661 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: if you like what we discussed here and feel like 662 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 1: it can be the beginning of a new sexual you, 663 00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,840 Speaker 1: or you feel you need a little boosting your confidence 664 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:57,440 Speaker 1: before moving into the quote unquote be brave and explore phase. UM. 665 00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,760 Speaker 1: You know, I'd like to offer free gift to increase 666 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:04,359 Speaker 1: your sexual confidence. So if you text sexual Confidence two 667 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,960 Speaker 1: four four to two two, you will receive a twenty 668 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,680 Speaker 1: one day affirmation guide geared towards increasing your sexual confidence. 669 00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:17,200 Speaker 1: So Sexual Confidences s E x U A L C 670 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:22,320 Speaker 1: O n F I D E n C E to 671 00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: the number four four to cho cho UM. You can 672 00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: also assess the Affirmation Guide through my website UM and 673 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:33,719 Speaker 1: this freeb provides daily affirmation for twenty one days. In 674 00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,080 Speaker 1: twenty one days is what research shows how long it 675 00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:39,400 Speaker 1: shows to create a habit UM and the affirmations are 676 00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:43,120 Speaker 1: designed to help you feel empowered, validated, encouraged about your 677 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:45,520 Speaker 1: sexual self. And then when you sign up, you'll also 678 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,720 Speaker 1: receive a quarterly newsletter from me with popular blog posts 679 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,600 Speaker 1: or social media snapshots and information about any upcoming workshops 680 00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,160 Speaker 1: or therapy groups I might be hosting UM. And then 681 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm also I really like my Facebook group just because 682 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,680 Speaker 1: there's so much information on Facebook, and I find the 683 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: place that I get to curate the information that providing. 684 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,760 Speaker 1: So I'm always hosting cool articles about sexuality and mental 685 00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:13,359 Speaker 1: health on my Facebook page as well. Perfect and if 686 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,799 Speaker 1: you're driving, no worries. All of this information will be 687 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,640 Speaker 1: included in the show notes and you will have the 688 00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: number of the texts and all the website information and 689 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,799 Speaker 1: stuff as well. So can you tell us where we 690 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,760 Speaker 1: can find you online, either your website or any social 691 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,279 Speaker 1: media handles you'd like to share? So my website is 692 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:36,839 Speaker 1: www dot Doorway Therapeutics dot com, UM, and then all 693 00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:40,839 Speaker 1: of my social media and I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, 694 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,760 Speaker 1: and I'm on pinterest. In all of my social media, 695 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,799 Speaker 1: you can find me either by searching Doorway Therapeutics or 696 00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: at Doorway Therapeutics and UM. The pinterest is really interesting 697 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:57,279 Speaker 1: in terms of like looking for more because it's a 698 00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:02,520 Speaker 1: I have different boards geared towards different and um sexuality topics. 699 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:04,719 Speaker 1: So there's a board if you're interested in learning more 700 00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:07,800 Speaker 1: about kink. There's a board if you're if you're partnered, 701 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,719 Speaker 1: whether with one person or multiple people, and just want 702 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,520 Speaker 1: to know more about how you can increase like romance 703 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,439 Speaker 1: and feeling good. There's a board that has a little 704 00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,960 Speaker 1: bit more sexually explicit stuff on it. Not necessarily images, 705 00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,840 Speaker 1: sometimes there are images, um, but you know, just places 706 00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,560 Speaker 1: where you can get ideas and like really kind of 707 00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:30,239 Speaker 1: indulge in black sexuality. Perfect. That sounds like a great 708 00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,280 Speaker 1: resource for people. Well, thank you so much for sharing 709 00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:35,960 Speaker 1: your information with us today, Courtney. I really appreciate it. 710 00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:40,120 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I hope that you enjoy 711 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,680 Speaker 1: today's conversation with Courtney, and please make sure to check 712 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:47,200 Speaker 1: out all of the amazing resources that she shared, including 713 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:50,600 Speaker 1: her twenty one day Affirmation challenge to boost your sexual 714 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,680 Speaker 1: self confidence. You can find all of this information in 715 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,759 Speaker 1: the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com 716 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,439 Speaker 1: slash Session twenty nine. As always, if you were looking 717 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,200 Speaker 1: for a therapist in your area, make sure to check 718 00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:06,080 Speaker 1: out the directory. You can find that at Therapy for 719 00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,400 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com backslash directory. And if you are 720 00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,200 Speaker 1: a therapist and want to include your information in the 721 00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,359 Speaker 1: therapist directory, you can find that at Therapy for Black 722 00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,200 Speaker 1: Girls dot com backslash and being listed. If you're interested 723 00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:22,640 Speaker 1: in joining our Facebook community, make sure to visit Therapy 724 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:26,640 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com backslash tribe and please let 725 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,279 Speaker 1: us know your thoughts about the show. Make sure to 726 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:33,040 Speaker 1: use the hashtag tv G in session. You can find 727 00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,840 Speaker 1: us on Twitter at Therapy for the Number four be Girls, 728 00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:39,719 Speaker 1: and you can find us on Instagram and Facebook at 729 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,080 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls. And please share this episode with 730 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,640 Speaker 1: one of your friends who hasn't heard the podcast before. 731 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,680 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to continue in this conversation with you 732 00:41:48,719 --> 00:42:10,200 Speaker 1: all real soon. Take get care doctor I doctor doctor 733 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:32,880 Speaker 1: doctor a doctor often pur doctor I oftor hot