Speaker 1: And we continue with our American stories, and up next
Speaker 1: a story from one of our listeners and now regular contributors,
Speaker 1: Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota. Today, Paul brings us a
Speaker 1: story he's titled Lessons from Gizmo.
Speaker 2: When I became an empty nester in my home became
Speaker 2: quiet and lonely, I decided it might be time to
Speaker 2: get a pet. I knew nothing about dogs, but there
Speaker 2: must be a reason why they're called man's best friend.
Speaker 2: So I went for it. Without a clue on how
Speaker 2: to go about picking the right precious canine, and very
Speaker 2: few brains in my head, I went with my ear,
Speaker 2: and I chose the sweetest sounding breed I could find.
Speaker 2: I purchased a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel with a royal
Speaker 2: name like that, How could I lose? This regal song
Speaker 2: dog was going to be my ticket out of middle class,
Speaker 2: and like the young Prince William of England, I would
Speaker 2: have sent straight into royalty. I'm not so sure that
Speaker 2: was a good plan. Looking back, I'm now five years
Speaker 2: into this Canaan experiment, and though I have a breed
Speaker 2: that starts with word King Charles and ends with word Cavalier,
Speaker 2: I have yet to meet Queen Elizabeth, or even sit
Speaker 2: next to Bob Yager at a baseball game for that matter.
Speaker 2: Good sat sir, run a wrong shape, buddy, Come one? Oh,
Speaker 2: I must be in the front row. Come on. But
Speaker 2: Gizmo the princely dog has managed to teach me a
Speaker 2: few things. I've compiled a list of the top ten
Speaker 2: things I've learned from this furry creature. Number one is humility.
Speaker 2: There's very little pride in owning a dog, especially when
Speaker 2: you have to do sanitation duty. Do you like holding
Speaker 2: those bags swinging them by your knees while on the hike? Furthermore,
Speaker 2: while walking your dog? What's the proper way to introduce
Speaker 2: yourself to a passing stranger or a friendly neighbor when
Speaker 2: you have a baggy in one hand and at least
Speaker 2: in the other, try saying pardon the poop without being humble.
Speaker 2: It's very sad. Number two, you have to learn who
Speaker 2: is boss? Are you short on long suffering? Then get
Speaker 2: a dog like me, and that canaine character builder will
Speaker 2: teach you whose boss in no time. Take, for example,
Speaker 2: the game of fetch. I thought all dogs played that
Speaker 2: thrown retrieve interactive practice. So when I first bought my dog.
Speaker 2: I looked forward to spending hours and hours of quality
Speaker 2: time with me throwing balls and my happy pooch bringing
Speaker 2: them back over and over, back and forth. All for not.
Speaker 2: My dog has no interest in that kind of bonding nonsense.
Speaker 2: When I throw the ball, she pouts and breeze and
Speaker 2: looks me in the eye, glancing up at my arching
Speaker 2: eyebrows as if to say, too much work, sir, Sorry,
Speaker 2: I can't help. Maybe that is where the King Charles
Speaker 2: Park comes in. My dog Gizmo. She'd rather be waited on,
Speaker 2: then returning fetches thrown by me, her master. My failure
Speaker 2: at teaching her these basic animal instincts is not for
Speaker 2: lack of trying. I've tried just about every kind of
Speaker 2: object possible. A stick, a rope, tennis ball, golf ball, racquetball,
Speaker 2: fuzzy balls and super balls. It doesn't matter. All of
Speaker 2: them are losers. I throw them out as far or
Speaker 2: short as possible, and with hope I say fetch. But
Speaker 2: the reaction is the same, a stair down, not even
Speaker 2: a twitch of a muscle or hint that maybe she
Speaker 2: should go chase that ball. I end up retrieving it myself,
Speaker 2: and I can plainly see a smirk on Gizmo's face
Speaker 2: as she observes this routine. I even tried, but I
Speaker 2: thought was pure genius. Cutting a hole in a tennis
Speaker 2: ball and filling with treats. That one actually brought minor success.
Speaker 2: We got half way there. She did chase it down,
Speaker 2: but there was no way she was bringing that ball
Speaker 2: back to me. It was a closed deal. Negotiations were off.
Speaker 2: She ate the treat on the spot, and of course
Speaker 2: left the ball there for me to fetch. My patience
Speaker 2: is really being tested, But after five years of trying,
Speaker 2: I have not given up number three. My diet is
Speaker 2: not so bad after all. First, let me try saying
Speaker 2: something with a straight face. I do not have an
Speaker 2: eating disorder. There, I said it. Only problem is it's
Speaker 2: all a lie. Now, in my late fifties, I've matured
Speaker 2: and gotten real about life, and I've learned that carrying
Speaker 2: a few extra inches around my waist is time. I
Speaker 2: get used to the idea. I'm never going to be
Speaker 2: aultra slim again. And i do have an eating problem,
Speaker 2: I admit it, but at least I'm not as bad
Speaker 2: as Gizmo. That dog will eat anything that resembles food,
Speaker 2: even some things that don't grass, dirt, roadkill. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: It's all food to her as for human food. No
Speaker 2: matter how sneaky I am, she knows when I have food,
Speaker 2: I am impressed. I will hand it over and she
Speaker 2: will gobble it down in seconds flat, with no manners
Speaker 2: to boot. So I've come to realize I have problems
Speaker 2: with eating, but I'm a model of self discipline compared
Speaker 2: to that dog. Number four, You're never really alone. You
Speaker 2: don't need sunshine to cast a shadow. I've learned. This
Speaker 2: dog will not lead me out of her sight. Even
Speaker 2: the bathroom is not safe. If not for the door,
Speaker 2: she would be right there wondering why I'm in there,
Speaker 2: sitting on that thing with my pants down to my ankles.
Speaker 2: As it is, she's relegated to scratching at the door
Speaker 2: telling me to go hurry up and finish my business.
Speaker 2: Number five, I'm not that smart. If there's anything I've
Speaker 2: become convinced of since buying Gizmo, it's this I'm being
Speaker 2: outsmarted by a dog. She is my superior. The dog
Speaker 2: is the one in charge, not me, So I better
Speaker 2: get used to that fact. We walk when she wants
Speaker 2: to walk. We go where she wants to go. If
Speaker 2: I feel like stepping it up and making it into
Speaker 2: a jog. It's no guarantee she of a jog with me,
Speaker 2: Gizmo jog when she feels like it, which is almost never,
Speaker 2: So I might as well follow my leader and obey
Speaker 2: her instincts. Kind of like the old Hannibabearer cartoon character
Speaker 2: Quick Drama Gras, Gizmo says, in essence, I'll do the
Speaker 2: thinning around here, Bubba boy. She even orders food for
Speaker 2: us both when I'm out cooking on the grill. I
Speaker 2: know why she wags her tail and watches me intently.
Speaker 2: She is not happy to see me. She's only making
Speaker 2: sure I cook the steak just right. Me d him rare,
Speaker 2: I have learned she has me feeling too guilty to
Speaker 2: give her a piece with some fat and grizzle on it.
Speaker 2: She make it sick, I think to myself. So of
Speaker 2: course she gets the center cut, leaving me to eat
Speaker 2: the part that's not fit for a dog. Number six,
Speaker 2: I'm a lousy barber. My dog has also taught me
Speaker 2: something about personal care. I'm not her personal hair stylist.
Speaker 2: I'm too cheap to pay for a groomer. I don't
Speaker 2: even pay to have someone give my own haircut. I'm
Speaker 2: not about to pay someone to do my dog. So
Speaker 2: Gizmo's at the mercy of my scissors. If she's not
Speaker 2: going to play fetch, I'm not going to go to
Speaker 2: beauty school. Her precious fur coat looks as though it
Speaker 2: had a run in with a weed whacker and lost.
Speaker 2: Luckily for her, I was told you can't shave a
Speaker 2: King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. It just doesn't work. But if
Speaker 2: it did, the regal Gizmo would have a look just
Speaker 2: like my person. That's my favorite with Michael Jordan Kirby
Speaker 2: Pucket chrom doome a dog Doo made to look just
Speaker 2: like me. But as it is, she's the only dog
Speaker 2: in the neighborhood with a mullet number seven. If you snooze,
Speaker 2: you don't always lose. I'm not lazy, not when compared
Speaker 2: to Gizmo. At least I no longer have to feel
Speaker 2: guilty taking a ten minute nap in the afternoon. When
Speaker 2: this dog is not eating, following me around, or refusing
Speaker 2: to play fetch, or complaining about her mullet, she's sleeping period.
Speaker 2: She believed in the power nap strategy for success like Einstein,
Speaker 2: so I follow her example Number eight. You don't have
Speaker 2: to fuss about housework. Our house used to be spotless
Speaker 2: before Gizmo, we were the model of good housekeeping. But
Speaker 2: all thoughts about our house being perfect, or even any
Speaker 2: guilt about leaving the living room just a little bit messy,
Speaker 2: that is completely vanished. Gizmo gave us perspective from the
Speaker 2: beginning of this experiment. The shedding beast has turned our
Speaker 2: house into one continuous fuzzball, not a house of impeccable perfection.
Speaker 2: We have worn out three vacuum cleaners and still can
Speaker 2: I keep the place fuzz free. I think, mister Hoover,
Speaker 2: and rent to the notion that every home needs a pet.
Speaker 2: Number nine, It's better to stick to a routine. I
Speaker 2: used to love change variety. That's a spice of life, right,
Speaker 2: But now, in my middle aged years, living with my
Speaker 2: King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, I've changed my mind. You mess
Speaker 2: with your routine and you pay for it the following day.
Speaker 2: Gizmo reinforces that notion. Don't even think about sitting down
Speaker 2: to unwind after a hard day at the office. The
Speaker 2: dog must be walked first. Try putting your feet up
Speaker 2: for a few minutes and she will stare you down
Speaker 2: with a look that could kill a squirrel. This is
Speaker 2: Gizmo's time, and you better get up off your booty
Speaker 2: and take her out for a walk so that she
Speaker 2: can come home afterwards and sleep. Number ten doctors are
Speaker 2: overrated for anyone considering the medical profession. You might want
Speaker 2: to forget about brain surgery or heart transplants and go
Speaker 2: right to the more lucrative position of veterinarian. I've never
Speaker 2: paid for one of those other surgeries, but I can't
Speaker 2: imagine they're more expensive than Gizmo's. Really, checkup the vet
Speaker 2: and corresponding medications. Gizmo has me trained animal science and
Speaker 2: canaane medicine. That's where it's at. There's a gold mine there.
Speaker 2: With all this wisdom I've acquired from dog ownership and
Speaker 2: all these lessons learned from life with Gizmo and an
Speaker 2: empty nest, I have to wonder how did I learn
Speaker 2: anything life without a dog. That pooch has changed my
Speaker 2: life too much, way too much. She has taken over.
Speaker 2: I have become my dog's intern stylist, psychiatrist, personal attendant,
Speaker 2: provider and student. Maybe I shouldn't be such a pushover,
Speaker 2: and I should consider teaching this old dog a few
Speaker 2: new tricks. But I'm too prone to roll over at
Speaker 2: this stage of my life. That's just the way it goes.
Speaker 2: She's the dog, I am the tale. It is after all,
Speaker 2: dog's life, isn't it?
Speaker 1: And great work is always by Greg hanglerround this piece
Speaker 1: and a special thanks to Paul Bauer from Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Speaker 1: He's a devoted listener and also a great contributor. By
Speaker 1: the way, I have pugs, and anyone who has pugs
Speaker 1: understands and empathizes with my friend Paul. My goodness, King
Speaker 1: Charles Cavalier, Spaniels and pugs have a lot in common.
Speaker 1: They run the show period the story of Gizmo and
Speaker 1: lessons from Gizmo. Here on our American Story