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Speaker 1: This is John. This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts,

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Speaker 1: and we have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, look

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Speaker 2: got a quick chum in an ad break from a

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Speaker 2: sponsors keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 1: My husband's best friend humiliated me in front of her

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Speaker 1: whole family. Get him out of here.

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Speaker 3: So, I, thirty female, have been happily married for a

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Speaker 3: few years now. My husband, thirty one male, is honestly

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Speaker 3: a gem, kind, patient, hilarious, loyal, basically everything you'd want, which,

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Speaker 3: after having an ex cheat on me with his best friend, oh,

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Speaker 3: is kind of a big deal. That's gotta sting.

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Speaker 1: That's horrible.

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Speaker 3: That relationship wrecked me for a while, but I worked

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Speaker 3: hard not to drag the wreckage into something new and

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Speaker 3: my husband. Thankfully, my husband has never given me a

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Speaker 3: single reason to question him until now. Maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Anxious Fem twelve and

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Speaker 3: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: our slash Okay Storytime selbrt it.

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Speaker 1: So. My husband and I have a great relationship and

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Speaker 1: we're pretty social enough to hang out with each other's friends.

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Speaker 1: I get along with almost all of his friend group,

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Speaker 1: and they've honestly made me feel welcome except for her.

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Speaker 3: Yep, his childhood best friend let's call her see C

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Speaker 3: has always been cold to me. Not outright rude, just

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Speaker 3: subtle enough to make me feel crazy for noticing, you

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Speaker 3: know that kind of vibe. Every time we've been in

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Speaker 3: the same room, she's managed to talk around me, not

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Speaker 3: to me. I tried, I really did. I've smiled, made conversation,

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Speaker 3: been nothing but warm, even when she's given me nothing

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Speaker 3: to work with. She doesn't show up to group hangouts,

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Speaker 3: but she'll invite him over and he always tells me.

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Speaker 3: To his credit, he never goes without mentioning it, and

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Speaker 3: he's never been weird or secretive about her, but it

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Speaker 3: still rubs me the wrong way. I've tried to be friendly,

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Speaker 3: I've tried small talk. I've invited her.

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Speaker 1: To our birthday barbecues, engagement dinner, and she bailed on

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Speaker 1: it all. She skipped our wedding too. His best friend, Well,

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Speaker 1: what kind of friend are you? Then?

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Speaker 3: The red flags are yeah, they're going crazy right now?

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Speaker 1: Right? How is he not seeing this either? She only

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Speaker 1: ever seems to reach out to him, usually when she's

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Speaker 1: just been dumped and needs to talk. When I brought

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Speaker 1: it up, my husband says, I'm overthinking it, that she

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Speaker 1: is just a little odd socially. Maybe she is.

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Speaker 3: But then weeks ago, out of freaking nowhere, she messaged

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Speaker 3: me she has if I would model for her project,

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Speaker 3: totally unexpected, and I was caught off guard enough to

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Speaker 3: say yes, Okay. Part of me thought maybe this is

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Speaker 3: her trying to connect. Would day that's good? We wanted

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Speaker 3: that could be, could be maybe this was her all

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Speaker 3: of branch. I even felt a little hopeful. God I

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Speaker 3: was naive. Oh, so I agreed. My husband offered to

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Speaker 3: come with me since he hadn't seen her in a

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Speaker 3: while and thought it'd be fun to catch up after.

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Speaker 3: When we got there, her family was also involved, and

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Speaker 3: from the second I walked in, it was like stepping

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Speaker 3: into some passive aggressive twilight zone. Her mom and sister

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Speaker 3: kept calling my husband our son in law. I laughed awkwardly,

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Speaker 3: and I think I must have mishurt. It only got

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Speaker 3: worse during the shoot. Came more snarky comments, jokes about

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Speaker 3: the one that got away. Some bonds never fade. Her

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Speaker 3: mom at one point literally said we always thought Sea

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Speaker 3: would end up with him. But life has its detours,

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Speaker 3: I guess, ma'am. See always imagined walking down the aisle

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Speaker 3: with him, and then it's sweet of her to fill in, though,

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Speaker 3: Oh come on, I wish I was exaggerating, and See

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Speaker 3: just kept snapping pictures, smiling, saying nothing, no, hey, cut

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Speaker 3: it out, no awkward laugh, no redirect nothing. My husband

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Speaker 3: clearly uncomfortable. I watched him viget through the whole thing,

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Speaker 3: cleared his throat a few times. He tried to change

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Speaker 3: the subject or came near by me during the shoot.

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Speaker 3: He didn't say about to either, just went kind of quiet.

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Speaker 3: I stuck it out for an hour, let her take

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Speaker 3: her photos, smiled, pose, whatever. But the whole time I

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Speaker 3: felt like I was part of a social experiment and

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Speaker 3: everyone else was in on the joke but me. When

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Speaker 3: we got in the car, he was silent for a while.

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Speaker 3: I mean, what do you even say to that?

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Speaker 1: Dude? What do you even say? I mean, because I

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Speaker 1: feel like there's been hints that this kind of thing

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Speaker 1: has been happening, right, and now it's so obvious.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like, dude, we know what's going on, and

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Speaker 2: you're continuing to have this relationship and not just it

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Speaker 2: just goes unaddressed.

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Speaker 1: But do you know why he doesn't know?

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Speaker 3: Do you think there's an ask that OPI makes or

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Speaker 3: do you think there is a thing that the husband

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Speaker 3: says that makes that would make Opie feel heard and.

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Speaker 1: Say, Yeah, I feel like it's hey, can.

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Speaker 2: You you know, calls them, reach back after them and

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Speaker 2: be like, hey, what you were saying in front of

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Speaker 2: my wife is unacceptable, Like that's that's not cool, Like

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Speaker 2: I love her, like I'm I'm with her, Like why

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Speaker 2: would you why would you say that?

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Speaker 1: I almost want him to come to it though, you

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Speaker 1: know that's you know, that's what you need. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's the ideal.

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Speaker 3: That is the ideal, Like you need to advocate for

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Speaker 3: what you want for sure. But I'm like, like, is

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Speaker 3: this not obvious. When we got in the car, he

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Speaker 3: was silent for a while, Then finally he said sorry

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Speaker 3: about all that. That was weird, right, And honestly, I

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Speaker 3: didn't know what to say, because yeah, it was weird.

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Speaker 3: It was borderline disrespectful, and the fact that he was

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Speaker 3: there saw all of it clearly felt too, and still

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Speaker 3: didn't step in or pull the plug. It makes me

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Speaker 3: feel kind of alone in this. I think that's a

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Speaker 3: completely fair thing for OP to feel. Most definitely, I'm

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Speaker 3: just tired tired of pretending this woman is harmless or

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Speaker 3: just awkward. He knows exactly what she's doing. I don't

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Speaker 3: want to start a huge fight, but I'm at the

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Speaker 3: point where I don't want her in our lives, not

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Speaker 3: as a friend, not as a ghost in the corner

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Speaker 3: of her marriage. No more bending over backwards to be

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Speaker 3: the cool wife. I'm not interested in earning points of

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Speaker 3: someone who clearly doesn't want me around anyway. Thanks for

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Speaker 3: letting me scream into the void for a minute. I

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Speaker 3: really needed to get this out. There are a few

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Speaker 3: things that we want to clarify about this story, but

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Speaker 3: before I get into that, John, any thoughts.

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Speaker 1: On what we have so far?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean again, it's kind it's kind of like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Probably my response, you know, P Shoes,

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Speaker 2: would be, are you telling me that you didn't see

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Speaker 2: like anything?

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Speaker 1: Is this so weird and out of place? You think

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Speaker 1: this is completely out of left field?

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Speaker 2: And also probably share like, hey, I had all these

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Speaker 2: moments where, like you said earlier, it feels like she's

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Speaker 2: like always talking around me and kind of like almost

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Speaker 2: like getting in her head.

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Speaker 1: This I think proves a lot of a lot of that.

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Speaker 2: But she's clear trying to like mess with her, like

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Speaker 2: provoke her in some way, especially.

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Speaker 3: With the yeah for sure, And it's like, you don't

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Speaker 3: want someone like that anywhere near your marriage because although

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Speaker 3: their bond may be close enough to weather that kind

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Speaker 3: of shenanigans, like like why weather, why weather?

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Speaker 1: Why weather?

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Speaker 3: Why you even put your relationship in the in the

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Speaker 3: crosshairs of that. So clarify a few things. C is

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Speaker 3: actually a photography major and this shoot was part of

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Speaker 3: her final project. I'm not a professional model or anything,

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Speaker 3: but I've done some hobby modeling here and there. And

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Speaker 3: when she asked if I helped out, and when she

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Speaker 3: asked if I would help out, I thought it was

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Speaker 3: a casual favor.

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Speaker 1: Why at her house?

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Speaker 3: While she comes from a wealthy family and has a

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Speaker 3: fully set up photo studio in their house, which is

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Speaker 3: why the shoot happened there instead of at a regular studio,

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Speaker 3: I honestly thought it just be her in the camera,

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Speaker 3: not a full audience with drinks and commentary. Additional background,

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Speaker 3: I grew up in a pretty emotionally harmful household, so

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Speaker 3: I think I've gotten used to passive aggressive comments and

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Speaker 3: just sort of free up. Maybe that's why I didn't

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Speaker 3: react more in the moment, but yeah, it definitely hit

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Speaker 3: harder after the fact. I'll update you as soon as possible.

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Speaker 3: And consensus people say that she's a doormat, that her

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Speaker 3: husband is probably cheating with the best friend. With the

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Speaker 3: one hundred percent probability.

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent probability, I don't know if it's one percent.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if its a hundred percent. Math for

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Speaker 1: you right.

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Speaker 3: There, that's crazy statistics. Well, we got to notable comment

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Speaker 3: so borderline disrespectful. I'd hate to see what you think

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Speaker 3: is actually disrespectful, says.

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Speaker 1: The Strawbrary fifty eighth four. You should be telling your

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Speaker 1: husband it's not weird, it's par for the course. This

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Speaker 1: is just a.

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Speaker 3: Step towards a very apparent behavior from see that he's

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Speaker 3: allowed to let happen over and over every time he left,

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Speaker 3: whether to spend time with her out of the home

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Speaker 3: or over the phone to spend time with her. She

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Speaker 3: talied that as a victory. Now it's a matter of

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Speaker 3: pushing the line. How much will he allow at your expense?

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Speaker 3: How easy will you forgive with a short instance here

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Speaker 3: apology if he finally says something. She's playing the long game.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to plant ideas, and it's even better when

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Speaker 3: someone else can plant the ideas too. Enter her family.

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Speaker 3: This is not new, this is not weird. This is

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Speaker 3: her normal behavior toward you. Maybe his rose colored glasses

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Speaker 3: are slipping. Says mistakes were made four two seven, and girl,

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Speaker 3: if there was ever a legitimate reason to start a fight,

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Speaker 3: it is this. That is a bizarre power move, and

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Speaker 3: your husband being a doormat allowing them to humiliate you

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Speaker 3: made her.

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Speaker 1: Think she won.

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Speaker 3: You need to have a heart to heart with your

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Speaker 3: husband because it seems like they were together at some

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Speaker 3: point and your husband is not being honest with you.

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Speaker 3: He also needs to learn to stand up for his wife.

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Speaker 3: And if you want to give him the benefit of

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Speaker 3: doubt that his eyes have been opened about his old

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Speaker 3: friend's feelings about him and you, that's one thing. His

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Speaker 3: take on it now, and his response will tell you

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Speaker 3: what kind of husband he really is. Ignoring or justifying

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Speaker 3: her behavior would be red flags at this point, and

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Speaker 3: another person says, time for spine check. I'm guessing it's

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Speaker 3: pretty wobbly.

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Speaker 1: If it's there and we got an update, I love

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Speaker 1: that spine checks nine check well.

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Speaker 3: A quick recap for those who missed the original. My

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Speaker 3: husband's childhood best friend, See has never liked me. She

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Speaker 3: skipped all invitations but invites my husband alone, avoids me

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Speaker 3: in person, and still found little ways to insert herself

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Speaker 3: into his life. The final straw, she asked me to

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Speaker 3: model for her final project in photography, and I showed up,

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Speaker 3: thinking maybe it was a fresh start.

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Speaker 1: Nope. Instead I got publicly mocked by her family, who

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Speaker 1: joked out loud that she should have been the one

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Speaker 1: marrying my husband. First off, Holy crap, I did not

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Speaker 1: expect that post a blow up like a dead Thank

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Speaker 1: you to everyone who commented messages or just made me

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Speaker 1: make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

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Speaker 3: So many of you asked for an update, so here

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Speaker 3: it is. For those wondering. No, they never dated. He

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Speaker 3: had a high school crush on her over a decade ago.

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Speaker 3: That's ancient history. No, I don't think he's ever cheated

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Speaker 3: emotionally or physically. He's always very open and honest. We

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Speaker 3: have each other's passwords. They barely see each other anymore.

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Speaker 3: In person maybe once for a few months. We love

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Speaker 3: about two hours away. So here's the update. Do you

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Speaker 3: think he's Do you think he's cheating or not cheating?

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Speaker 1: I see, I just assumed he was a he was

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Speaker 1: a bit of a dummy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, could be a little bit of a dummy, but

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Speaker 3: he could be a maliciously smart dummy.

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Speaker 1: Dummy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm kind of fifty to fifty.

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Speaker 3: I want to believe more dummy. I want to believe

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Speaker 3: more dummy. Yeah, let's see where we actually are. So

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Speaker 3: funny enough, I didn't even get the chance to sit

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Speaker 3: down and talk to my husband for her. Something else happened.

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Speaker 3: I just can't believe my life at the moment.

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Speaker 1: Anyway. I'm still trying to process what happened and sort

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Speaker 1: through my anger towards se and honestly towards my husband too.

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Speaker 1: That's when I got a message from my sister in

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Speaker 1: law we'll call her M. I'm really close with M.

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Speaker 1: She's also part of the wider social circle that see

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Speaker 1: floats around him. They're friendly, they're not close. She sent

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Speaker 1: me a screen recording from C's close friend's story with

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Speaker 1: a simple what the f It was a clip of

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Speaker 1: me posing during the shoot no music, but in the

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Speaker 1: background you can clearly hear sees sister say Se should

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Speaker 1: have been the one to marry him. I lost it.

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Speaker 1: I waited until my husband got home from work, sat

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Speaker 1: him down, showed him the video. You watched it once

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Speaker 1: and again. His whole face changed. He finally looked pissed.

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Speaker 1: I could not help but think, why didn't he have

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Speaker 1: the same reaction there? So I laid it out.

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Speaker 3: I told him everything, every snide comment, every time Se

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Speaker 3: made me feel small, howed. I'd always tried to be civil,

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Speaker 3: how I never asked him to choose between us. But

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Speaker 3: I was done being polite while someone consistently disrepected me.

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Speaker 3: I told him, if this doesn't bother you enough to act,

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Speaker 3: we've got a bigger problem. I don't like how this

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Speaker 3: is worded because it feels ultimatumy, but I do think

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Speaker 3: it's true.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, it's And it's like, you can understand where

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Speaker 2: Opie's coming from because.

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Speaker 1: It's just so frustrated.

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Speaker 2: It's just so frustrated, and it gets to a point,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, I think you got to say something. I

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Speaker 2: think Opie's just so frazzled and burned by it, you know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not going to be in a marriage where

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Speaker 3: I have to beg to be defended. I need a

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Speaker 3: partner who stands up for me, and if that's not you,

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Speaker 3: then I need to rethink this again. This is all true,

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Speaker 3: but I feel like we're using breakup language right now.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if we're quite.

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Speaker 3: It feels a little bit too much, at least for me,

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Speaker 3: but I can totally understand someone else doing that. I'm

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Speaker 3: curious for everyone out there. Would you use breakup language

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Speaker 3: in this situation?

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Speaker 1: Yes? Or no? Maybe breakup language or not? Let me know.

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Speaker 3: He didn't argue, didn't get defensive, and I know he

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Speaker 3: feels sorry. Then I showed him the Reddit post. He

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Speaker 3: tried to read every comment. Some of them made him

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Speaker 3: tear up. When he finished, he looked at me and

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Speaker 3: said that he feels like the worst husband. He let

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Speaker 3: this happen right in front of him. He is so sorry,

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Speaker 3: and asked me, what do you need from me right now?

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Speaker 1: First question in a fricking while, What do you need

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Speaker 1: for me right now? Is I think one of the

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Speaker 1: most underrated but best questions you can ask anyone that

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Speaker 1: you're trying to support, such a goaded question.

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Speaker 3: Yes, such a goded question. I told him straight up,

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Speaker 3: this isn't about her anymore. It's about whether you're not

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Speaker 3: willing to protect this marriage. But I'm not going to

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Speaker 3: feel like I'm second place in my own relationship. So

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Speaker 3: it's either me or her. Again, I don't know about

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Speaker 3: the ultimatum. Yeah, you never want to force a behavior

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Speaker 3: change from from a place of guilt.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you never.

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Speaker 3: You never want to force a relationship relationship change from

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Speaker 3: a place of guilt, because although guilting someone into change

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Speaker 3: will give you the short term results that you want,

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Speaker 3: it won't give you long term results. It's not an

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Speaker 3: identity change. And so like, I feel like this ultimatum

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Speaker 3: what it does is it guilts. It guilts this guy

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Speaker 3: and to doing the right thing. But is it actually

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Speaker 3: bringing upon the change that op he wants? I really

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Speaker 3: don't think so. Yeah, And so I feel maybe what's

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Speaker 3: more telling is like, well, what do you think I need?

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Speaker 3: I don't know if that feels right either, but I

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Speaker 3: feel it feels better than the ultimatum. And then see

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Speaker 3: kind of what he says, and then based on that answer,

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Speaker 3: kind of make a decision for yourself. We called see

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Speaker 3: she picked up all cheerful, acting like nothing happened. We

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Speaker 3: brought up the video, she immediately got defenses. Oh, come on,

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Speaker 3: that was a joke. Are you really mad over that? Seriously?

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Speaker 3: And that's when he stepped in. This isn't just about

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Speaker 3: the video. It's a constant disrespect towards my wife. I

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Speaker 3: didn't say anything before because I didn't want to lose

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Speaker 3: your friendship, and I convinced myself you didn't mean it.

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Speaker 3: But what happened at that shoot that was disgusting. My

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Speaker 3: wife came to support you, and you and your family

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Speaker 3: treated her like a joke. I didn't speak up then,

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Speaker 3: and I'm ashamed of that, but that ends now. I

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Speaker 3: don't even know why I held on to this friendship

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Speaker 3: for so long. If you can't respect my wife, you

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Speaker 3: don't respect me. She laughed, literally laughed.

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Speaker 1: There's your answer.

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Speaker 3: Wow, you're really cutting me off over that girl. That girl,

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Speaker 3: it's his wife, you're that girl.

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Speaker 1: OMG.

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Speaker 3: I was ready to fight, but my husband calmed me down, said,

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Speaker 3: to see, if choosing between you and my wife ever

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Speaker 3: felt like a hard decision, I wouldn't deserve her. We're

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Speaker 3: not kids anymore. You need to grow up. I simply

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Speaker 3: do not want to be your friend anymore. I have

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00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,560
Speaker 3: nothing else to say telling you he can be a

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00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,040
Speaker 3: gem sometimes And also if you want to be our

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00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,280
Speaker 3: little gem, you should listen to a full episode of

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00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 3: Stories just like this. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, I

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00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,240
Speaker 3: our podcast, or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, storytime,

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00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 3: there's another relevant update. But what do you think, John,

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Speaker 3: what do you think about what Op's husband and said

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00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,840
Speaker 3: to this friend big air quotes there?

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Speaker 1: You know, Uh, I like it. I like it. And

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Speaker 1: when someone tells you who they are, believe them, believe them.

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Speaker 1: I'll believe them exactly, you know.

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Speaker 3: And I feel like she's been yelling loud and clear

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Speaker 3: I am a massive C word and finally they listen.

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Speaker 2: And now and now we can move forward with the

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Speaker 2: information at ha end.

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Speaker 3: Yes, but we got a little bit more of the story. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: we blocked her in her entire family. Since then, he's

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Speaker 3: been checking in with me, not trying to fix things,

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00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,560
Speaker 3: just showing up, listening, understanding. He finally sees what I've

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Speaker 3: been dealing with. We still have some healing to do,

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00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,119
Speaker 3: but now I know where he stands and that changes

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Speaker 3: everything to me. To everyone who commented last time, thank

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Speaker 3: you seriously. You helped me feel like I wasn't crazy,

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Speaker 3: and maybe even more importantly, you helped him finally see

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00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:52,440
Speaker 3: it too. Consensus, people are glad husband stepped up and

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00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:54,760
Speaker 3: we got some notable comments which I think OPI responded to.

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Speaker 3: It was the fact that she genuinely thought that there

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Speaker 3: was any choice between you and her. And and also

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00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,639
Speaker 3: you should update because I guarantee this won't be the

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00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,520
Speaker 3: last time you hear from her, which I think could

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00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 3: be true. And this is what apologizing looks like. Address

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00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,320
Speaker 3: your shortcomings, ask what to do to fix it, and

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Speaker 3: act with intent to remedy the situation at hand in

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00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:15,480
Speaker 3: order to mend the one at risk. It sucts a

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Speaker 3: guy sometimes has to get slapped across the face with

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Speaker 3: something that is so obvious.

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Speaker 1: But it's how he responded that it was redeeming. And that.

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Speaker 3: Is where that story ends. There, it is there, It

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Speaker 3: is there. I love ending with a little right, Why

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00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,320
Speaker 3: we've grown? We've Oh yes, why yes, in a much

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00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 3: way we've grown.

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Speaker 1: We've grown, you know, expanded, bended our minds.

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Speaker 3: And our little views on the world. Again, I don't

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Speaker 3: know if I like the whole ultimatum thing.

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Speaker 2: Missteps you know, but you know, if we're if we're

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Speaker 2: we're giving some some grace here and there, it's like, hey,

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Speaker 2: it was a you know.

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Speaker 1: A rogue can be a little bumpy, but hey, we

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Speaker 1: arrived in a nice place.

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Speaker 3: And I guess, like I I my communication style is

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Speaker 3: like like so devoid of aggression, Like I never really

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00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,159
Speaker 3: communicate that way. So it's really hard for me to

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00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,320
Speaker 3: see the efficacy in that. But I recognize that I

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Speaker 3: am not the only communication style that is out there.

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Speaker 3: I just think often like that because of how aggressive

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00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 3: and ultimatum is it can it convince people through guilt

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Speaker 3: rather than actual desire to change.

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Speaker 1: My friend was horrible during my bachelorette. It's time for

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Speaker 1: a break, I think so background.

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Speaker 2: I got engaged in twenty twenty, after the lockdowns, but

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Speaker 2: long before my friends and I were comfortable seeing each

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Speaker 2: other in person. A couple of months after my fiance

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Speaker 2: and I got engaged, I sent out packages to all

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Speaker 2: the ladies I had chosen as bridemaids. One of them

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Speaker 2: is the crazy bridesmaid. I'll call her Ellen for the

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00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 2: sake of anonymity, for whom this post is about. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Tire lab rise and if

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00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,000
Speaker 2: you want to sbmit your own stories, go to the

403
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:59,359
Speaker 2: r slash Okay storytime sub bredit. We've been friends since

404
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 2: high school and are still in the same core friend group,

405
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 2: and while not as close as we once were, I

406
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,160
Speaker 2: still wanted.

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Speaker 1: Her to be a big part of our special day.

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00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 2: We recently went on my bachelorette party, which was a

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Speaker 2: weekend long trip to an affluent town a couple of

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Speaker 2: hours away on the coast. We were a large group

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Speaker 2: of girls and it took my native honor a lot

412
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 2: of time and effort to coordinate in itinerary and place

413
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 2: to state that would accommodate everyone onto the story. From

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Speaker 2: the very second we got into the house rental, Ellen

415
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,800
Speaker 2: was anxious. Oh boy, everything was about Ellen, everything Ellen

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00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 2: over here. Someone had a funny story to share. Ellen

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00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,760
Speaker 2: had a funny one. Someone complimented another person's outfit. I

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Speaker 2: one had to step in the middle of the room

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Speaker 2: and talk about how awesome, how off it was, so.

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Speaker 1: I mean, your outfit is great, oh so gorgeous.

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Speaker 2: At one point someone asked me where we were honeymooning,

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00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 2: and sam, my honeymoon was better.

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Speaker 1: Pray tell what do we think? Ellen says, Ellen. Ellen

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00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 1: came in said her honeymoon was better. That's what I'm thinking.

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00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,679
Speaker 1: Ellen and her husband had just booked a vacation to

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Speaker 1: that same resort, and on and on and on.

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00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,960
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Now I am not the type of

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00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,040
Speaker 2: bride that needs constant attention. Seriously, I had to take

429
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,879
Speaker 2: a day off the Bachelor Laurette because seventy two hours

430
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Speaker 2: straight of socializing had me completely exhausted. Anyways, onto the

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00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,080
Speaker 2: worst of what Ellen did. Those were just some appetizers,

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Speaker 2: ladies and gentlemen. On our final night, we had a

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Speaker 2: reservation at the nicest restaurant in town. I'm talking renown shift,

434
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: eighty plus dollar, Entra, dress code, etc. Who. Everyone got

435
00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 2: dressed up and excited. We arrived to the restaurant around

436
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 2: five minutes early. Our table wasn't ready yet, No problem.

437
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 2: I understand that there are currently staffing shortages in the

438
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 2: service industry and that patience is a virtue. Ellen does

439
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 2: not understand this, because she immediately started scolding the hosts

440
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,640
Speaker 2: for not having our table ready, and then scolded her

441
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 2: for seating us outside at an outdoor restaurant and next

442
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: to a live band. Everyone wanted to go for the

443
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 2: music in addition to the food. It got increasingly worse

444
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 2: from there. Allan spoke about money constantly, as in how

445
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 2: much she makes, how much she will make, how much

446
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 2: her lifestyle will be going forward.

447
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 1: That is the most boring topic imaginable. God, dude. Something

448
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 1: important to note is that everyone on the trip is

449
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: not rich. Most of us come from privileged backgrounds family,

450
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: but independently are not wealthy. We are middle and upper

451
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 1: middle class. Some are educators, some are mothers, some are

452
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 1: in sales. We all work, some have student loans, and

453
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: while we are much much more privileged than some, we

454
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 1: don't talk about money. My opinion is that when you

455
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: talk about how well off you are, you do a

456
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,600
Speaker 1: great job at making others feel like crap. Yeah, And

457
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,960
Speaker 1: I feel like, generally like healthy conversations around money are

458
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 1: like financial literacy, like education, never like oh yeah, you know,

459
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: I'm out here making the big getting mister mcmhonson. Yeah,

460
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 1: Yachtnerson over here, mister mcmah I gotten, mister mcmanson, he

461
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,399
Speaker 1: was number one. I actually love that. I love like,

462
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 1: you know, like richie rich. Yeah.

463
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:20,520
Speaker 3: See that's boring name. I want mister mc now, that's

464
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 3: in name that he was number one.

465
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: Okay, not to mention that literally no one gives a

466
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,320
Speaker 1: rats butt about your financial situation. But back to the dinner.

467
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 1: Ellen ordered around the weight staff in in a demeaning manner. Dude,

468
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 1: that is like one of the biggest red flags of

469
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,560
Speaker 1: any person, biggest and easiest red Yeah.

470
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 3: Dude, if they're if they are terrible to wait staff.

471
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 3: Oh just dude, get out of my face.

472
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 2: Screamed at a bus boy to make him take away

473
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 2: patio heaters from other patrons and bring them.

474
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 1: To our table.

475
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 2: Screamed at a manager to bring us complimentary prosecco because

476
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 2: she was cold, loll u. Took her cel phone flashlight

477
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:59,439
Speaker 2: out to show the manager that her steak was cooked.

478
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 1: She had the full interrogation. Yeah, look here, what you've done.

479
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: It's medium rare, not medium rare.

480
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 2: Well to show the manager that the steak was cooked

481
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,520
Speaker 2: medium and not medium rare, and made it a point

482
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 2: to yell at, slash brate every employee she saw.

483
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 1: It was mortifying.

484
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 3: It sounds like a great time, dude. What's the point

485
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 3: where we're gonna leave?

486
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 1: Hey?

487
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: Ellen, Uh, sorry, girl, but this is not it and

488
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 2: you know we're trying to enjoy the rest of this

489
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 2: thing or you know, I don't know how to say it,

490
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 2: but I'm like, girl by you know.

491
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 3: I think at some point you get a like after

492
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 3: yelling at the bus boy, I feel like you would

493
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,400
Speaker 3: be like, Yo, Ellen, that was really whack.

494
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: Why are you doing that? Yeah, she's your friend.

495
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 3: I feel like you could confront her a little bit, hopefully.

496
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 3: I mean I would confront I would confront a little bit.

497
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:55,119
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, that's really Whackedy. We don't want to

498
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,679
Speaker 3: be like, we don't want to do that.

499
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 2: Let me know what you think in the comments, A

500
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 2: very very curious would you kick her out of the

501
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 2: Bachelolette party as of now?

502
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,560
Speaker 1: Please come below, I'm curious.

503
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,119
Speaker 2: The final straw was when it was announced that my

504
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,919
Speaker 2: father had graciously called the restaurant to pay for our

505
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 2: fifteen hundred dollars bill as a gift to us all

506
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 2: on our last side of the trip.

507
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:13,959
Speaker 1: That's super nice, so sweet, so cute.

508
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:17,919
Speaker 2: Ellen's immediate response was not to thank my father. He

509
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 2: was on the phone with the Maid of honor.

510
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 1: Oh no. Ellen's first response was, well, if.

511
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,159
Speaker 2: I knew someone else was paying for my meal, I

512
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 2: would have asked for my I wouldn't have asked.

513
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: My for my stake to be comped.

514
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 3: Ellen, keep your eye on the price. If she's making

515
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 3: so much money, why is she fretting about comp and steaks?

516
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 1: Why do we care? Why do you? Is something that

517
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: do we care? The math a' math?

518
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 2: And Ellen, you know what I'm getting a huge debt,

519
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 2: living a crazy life.

520
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense. That's that's

521
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: what I'm getting there. Yep.

522
00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:53,280
Speaker 2: I excused myself and went to the bathroom, holding back

523
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,720
Speaker 2: tears of frustration and disgust. The next day, we were

524
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 2: getting ready to leave and Ellen was clueless as to

525
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 2: why nobody wanted to engage with her. Ellen is unaware

526
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 2: of her behavior, never thanked my dad and is mad

527
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 2: at me the bride for wanting to go to a

528
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 2: nearby pub for a night cap after dinner. I needed one,

529
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 2: trust me. Yes again, It's just I always feel for

530
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 2: people in these stories where their weddings or bachelotte parties

531
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 2: are ruined by a single person.

532
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: It's just so sad man. It's supposed to be like,

533
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,200
Speaker 1: what's the lifetime thing? They make it all about them. Yeah.

534
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,439
Speaker 2: But after I headed home, Ellen and two other girls

535
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 2: got into a roller coaster of a conversation that did

536
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 2: not end well for Ellen. I am still so disgusted

537
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 2: by the way she treated the employees at the restaurant.

538
00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:36,200
Speaker 2: I am so appalled by the way she grossly discussed

539
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 2: money in front of the girls who are underpaid public

540
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 2: school teachers. My wedding is coming up in under two

541
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,120
Speaker 2: weeks and I want the day to be drama free.

542
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,679
Speaker 2: I am planning to compartmentalize my anger and frustration towards

543
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 2: Ellen and not acknowledge it until the wedding is over.

544
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I think you should just not invite Ellen. Yes,

545
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 2: I feel like Ellen's gonna be a mass.

546
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: I feel like you should use this infesation, use it,

547
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,959
Speaker 1: and integrate into all of your decision making, so you

548
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 1: do not invite Ellen the crazy to your beautiful wedding. Yes,

549
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,080
Speaker 1: use your anger, Opie says.

550
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 2: My question is should I even bother talking to Ellen

551
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 2: after the wedding about why I'm upset? At this point,

552
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: I don't even know if I want to continue the friendship.

553
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 2: I feel so sad and hurt over all of this,

554
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: and we do have some relevant comments.

555
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 1: We still got like half the story left to go,

556
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: but real quick, just.

557
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 2: To explicitly answer Opie's question, you should definitely talk to her.

558
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 1: Definitely talk to her. Definitely talked to her.

559
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 3: I mean, this is this behavior is almost uninvite worthy

560
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,479
Speaker 3: or I think is uninvite worthy, and so you need

561
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 3: to understand what the heck is going on in her

562
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 3: life where she's acting out like this, because I can't

563
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 3: imagine this is behavior that has happened often, or she

564
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 3: wouldn't be a bridesmaid, right, I mean, I think back

565
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 3: in the beginning she did kind of preface like she

566
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 3: was kind of always not like.

567
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 1: The coolest the coolest cat. Then why is she but

568
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: why do you? Yeah, why why why invite her?

569
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 3: I think have a conversation with her first, say like hey,

570
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 3: like do you realize how bad that was? And depending

571
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: on her answer, then I think it might be definitely

572
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 3: stepping down as bridesmaid for sure. I don't know, like,

573
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,679
Speaker 3: is she going to pull the same crap at your wedding?

574
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 3: Like I feel like, yeah, I would take this one.

575
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if one of those person on my.

576
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,439
Speaker 2: Wedding, Yeah, I think especially because not like either a

577
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 2: she would be a bridesmaid, so that way she has

578
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 2: like it's like easier for her to mess things up

579
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 2: like the ceremony or b she gets bumped from being

580
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 2: a bridesmaid, and then she's like so disgruntled that she

581
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: causes a scene, like I honestly think for ope sanity.

582
00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 2: It's like, I think give her the iPhone lockstream, like, hey,

583
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 2: we need to.

584
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,120
Speaker 1: Time out a little bit.

585
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 2: That time out includes two weeks aka my wedding. Yeah,

586
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 2: but we have some relevant comments. Cow Much Number one says,

587
00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 2: i'd have words before the wedding and ask her to

588
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 2: sit down as a bridesmaid even attracts her invitation completely.

589
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: She isn't there to make you happier.

590
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 2: You'll be worried all day about her behavior, and Opie replies,

591
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,120
Speaker 2: two bridesmaids have apparently stepped up to wrangle her on

592
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 2: the day of and keep her in line. But I

593
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 2: am seriously considering uninviting her, which is something I am

594
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,840
Speaker 2: going to discuss with my fiance when we both get

595
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 2: home from work tonight. You're right that if she comes

596
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,480
Speaker 2: to the wedding, I will be worried about her behavior

597
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 2: all day and I.

598
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: Don't want that. Yeah, nor should you.

599
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: Thankful to strangers on the internet for helping me see

600
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 2: clearly hah a reply. I wouldn't feel comfortable putting that

601
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 2: responsibility on my friends. If she's a grown adult and

602
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 2: can't behave as such, that's our problem, Opie says.

603
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:34,240
Speaker 1: They offered.

604
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 2: I didn't ask, which is why I am okay with

605
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 2: the idea of it for now. One of my bridesmaids

606
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 2: is her bff slash former roommate, so she knows her

607
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 2: very well, and we have the update. I want to

608
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 2: hear it. I want to hear it. Let's get into it,

609
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: Let's hit it. Some of you asked for an update,

610
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: so here it is. I was planning to talk to

611
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 2: Ellen after hearing so many of your thoughts, but the

612
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: conversation was put on hold when one of my other

613
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: bridesmaids will call her.

614
00:29:56,880 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: Morgan called me crying four days before the wedding. Her

615
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: boyfriend had a massive heart attack. Oh my god.

616
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,120
Speaker 2: What he is in his thirties and and leads an

617
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 2: active and healthy lifestyle.

618
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 1: O my god.

619
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: So to say we were all shocked would be an understatement.

620
00:30:13,000 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

621
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 2: Needless to say, everyone's focus shifted towards supporting Morgan's boyfriend

622
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 2: and Morgan herself through such a touch during such a

623
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 2: tough time. Luckily everyone is now home healthy and recovering.

624
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 2: Oh my god, what a what a whirl? I feel like,

625
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 2: you know, something like that happens. They're like, oh, well,

626
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 2: all that stuff is perspective.

627
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: Yes, everything.

628
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 2: So after the wedding, my husband and I went on

629
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: our honeymoon and I planned to speak to Ellen when

630
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 2: I got back. So it sounds like Ellen did still

631
00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 2: go to the wedding. As soon as we landed, Morgan

632
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 2: and another bridesmaid, Lana, let me know that Ellen had

633
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 2: dropped both of them as friends after fifteen years.

634
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 1: Why why? I was shocked. Apparently Ellen told them that

635
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: they left her to fend for herself on the last

636
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,959
Speaker 1: night of the bachelorette because she wanted to stay at

637
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: a pub with friends. We ran into and we left.

638
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 3: Ellen is at a little odd Ellen. Ellen's an odd duck.

639
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 3: Ellen is drama. Ellen is drama.

640
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: Like literally she met her other friends there.

641
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 3: Ellen is drama. Dude, This is wild. It's I don't

642
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 3: like this Ell at all. Please explain. Yeah, I don't understand.

643
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 3: So Ellen takes medication and needs to take it.

644
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: By nine am.

645
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 2: It was in her hotel room who her uber kept

646
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: canceling that night, and she demanded that Morgan come get her.

647
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: At three am.

648
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 2: This would have meant waking up multiple sleeping girls at

649
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 2: that hour to move their cars after everyone had been drinking.

650
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 2: It was a horrible idea, and luckily Ellen got an

651
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 2: uber within thirty minutes and got back to her hotel.

652
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: Regardless of all of.

653
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 2: This, Ellen blames both of the girls for quote unquote

654
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 2: leaving her to to offend for herself, even though she

655
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 2: was never in any danger, and for the record, I

656
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,360
Speaker 2: repeatedly asked her if she wanted to take our uber

657
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 2: back with us. I also asked her if she was

658
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 2: okay staying, and she said she wanted to. She knew

659
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: she knew all the people at the pub and didn't

660
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,840
Speaker 2: want to call it a night at that point. So

661
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 2: after learning all of this, I reached out to Ellen

662
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 2: and told her every single thing she did to ruin

663
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 2: my bachelorette weeknd. Okay, now we're okay, Now we're communication

664
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: communication is, we're at communication station, and the train is left.

665
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 2: I told her she was entitled, tacky, and horribly behaves.

666
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 2: I expressed how upset she made not only me, but

667
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: all the other girls on the trip. By the way,

668
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 2: if you don't want to upset me, go to Spotify,

669
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,640
Speaker 2: Apple or iHeart and search. Okay, storytime, listen to our

670
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:39,440
Speaker 2: two thousand episodes.

671
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 1: Please do it. John will get mad, you will play.

672
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,959
Speaker 2: But ladies and gentlemen, we have the finale to the story.

673
00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 2: Let's hit it a little bit of a surprise.

674
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:48,080
Speaker 1: Okay.

675
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 3: Shockingly, she apologized for everything. I don't believe it total

676
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 3: one e's no, she's cured. No, she's you're you're goofing me.

677
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 3: You're giving me a goof put.

678
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: The on the screen. Boom.

679
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 2: What that's just the fuckle your seat belts, gentlemen. She

680
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 2: told me she appreciated my honesty and was glad that

681
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 2: I called her out, and that she's always been envious

682
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 2: less jealous of me.

683
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: It was wild and unexpected. What okay, okay, all right,

684
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: all right, that's hey.

685
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 3: That that's honestly a very unexpected but great response.

686
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 1: Little breath of fresh air, I guess.

687
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,479
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, Regardless, I told her I need to take

688
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 2: a break from the friendship because of how horrible she acted,

689
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 2: just straight up taking our advice. Let's go that's fair,

690
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,360
Speaker 2: and that I can't be friends with someone who brings

691
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: jealous and negative energy into the mix.

692
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: That's totally fair. We left it at that. Wow, that's great.

693
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 2: It's a huge bummer, but I'd rather have supportive and

694
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 2: meaningful friendships than fake and jealous ones.

695
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, agreed. There you go. Wow, that's where it ends.

696
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 3: Low key, phenomenal communication at the end by both of them. Yeah, dude,

697
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 3: I think that was a master clous for both of them,

698
00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 3: Like with everything that happened before, Alan admitted that she

699
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,520
Speaker 3: did wrong, admitted why she did wrong, and then Opie's like,

700
00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 3: oh wow, I thank you for telling me, but I

701
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 3: don't want that kind of friendship. Yes, I'm not going

702
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:16,160
Speaker 3: no contact cutting you out, but we're taking distance.

703
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:16,919
Speaker 1: We need some time.

704
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 3: Yes, wow, Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're

705
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:23,839
Speaker 3: gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes

706
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 3: of ads from our sponsors.

707
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: My father in law accuse me of stealing, and my

708
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: wife believed him.

709
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:30,240
Speaker 4: You should get out of that family.

710
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 1: Yeah you should.

711
00:34:31,800 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 2: My twenty seven female wife twenty nine female and I

712
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 2: aren't in a good place. It's not a fun feeling.

713
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 2: I feel the context is important here where college sweetheart's

714
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 2: married for six years and have a daughter. For a female,

715
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,760
Speaker 2: our constant hurdle is family. It's like having to validate

716
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 2: our relationship. I always thought that my wife was worth it,

717
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 2: though I haven't felt for anyone else to way I

718
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 2: do about her. By the way, this comes from throwaway

719
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 2: Suchima Road and if you want to submit your own stories,

720
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay story time separate it now.

721
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,960
Speaker 1: My wife's family is very old school. Their conservatives and

722
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: their beliefs and values.

723
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,719
Speaker 2: My father in law, fifty nine male, is treated as

724
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 2: the captain and looks to as the head.

725
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 4: Got a little sea family over there.

726
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: Y are.

727
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 2: My relationship with him was never smooth, not for my

728
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,359
Speaker 2: lack of trying him putting up with me only came

729
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,120
Speaker 2: after my daughter. I don't believe he's ever thought I

730
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: was good enough for his daughter. I wasn't his first

731
00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 2: choice or even in his top five. I don't share

732
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 2: their gated community or their fancy school backgrounds. My father

733
00:35:27,600 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 2: in law always had some back handed remark about my upbringing.

734
00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 2: During a family gathering on my in law's last Christmas,

735
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 2: my father in law's iPad went missing. He blew a

736
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 2: fuse and accused me of stealing it. His reasoning was

737
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 2: there was a period of time I was alone in

738
00:35:42,239 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 2: the house. I was never actually alone in the house.

739
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 2: I was helping my mother in law fifty eight female

740
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: in the kitchen because people were punting back their feet

741
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 2: and she was slaving away working for a big family.

742
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: There was no reasoning with him. He called the police

743
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: and actually told the officers how a real man would

744
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: own up when caught. But I was never taught to

745
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:05,439
Speaker 1: be a man. Another backcandid remark.

746
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 4: I'm so he called the police.

747
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: Yes on his son in law. Oh, my, I was

748
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:11,760
Speaker 1: raised in a household of women.

749
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 2: My father expressed once that only a man can raise

750
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:16,399
Speaker 2: a boy into a man.

751
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 1: Incorrect.

752
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,399
Speaker 2: I spoke out for myself during his rantings. The whole

753
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 2: situation was humiliating, but I had nothing to hide. The

754
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 2: officers had to de escalate and stood around everyone until

755
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,000
Speaker 2: everyone went their separate ways. My father wanted a smear

756
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,280
Speaker 2: campaign on social media, accusing me of theft and saying

757
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 2: how I wasn't family.

758
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,720
Speaker 1: Some real vicious stuff was said. It impacted my life

759
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,359
Speaker 1: and I lost a job opportunity because his posts came

760
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: up in the vetting process.

761
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 4: Oh, because he had posted all like this stuff about that.

762
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like it's like, I guess I could make

763
00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: a background check or something.

764
00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 2: Oh, and it's like, oh, he's an iPad theme, specifically.

765
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 4: An iPad thief. Wow. That sucks.

766
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 1: Oh wow, that would be.

767
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 4: A really big conversation with the wife.

768
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 1: Where's the wife?

769
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 4: Yeah? What she doing? She's like, I don't know. You

770
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 4: do kind of have a shifty way about you.

771
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: What's our rule sty on it?

772
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 4: Stand up for your partners. If your family's attacking them,

773
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 4: must they suck? In which case, choose to pat them.

774
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:20,279
Speaker 1: To the wolves. Yes, the company was rebranding and didn't

775
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 1: want drama associated.

776
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,800
Speaker 2: That's why he lost a job. Essentially, I was shunned

777
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: from the family. There were those who didn't agree with

778
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 2: my father in law, but they wanted to stay out

779
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 2: of it.

780
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: No one wanted to cross him.

781
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 2: I was no longer welcomed on my in law's property

782
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 2: until I confessed and apologized.

783
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: Wow.

784
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 2: My wife still attending everything without me and took our

785
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:41,960
Speaker 2: daughter with her, even on New Year's Eve. I wanted

786
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 2: to spend it with her and our daughter on New

787
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 2: Year's Eve, but she chose to appease her dad and

788
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 2: keep tradition during all of my father in law's accusations,

789
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:53,239
Speaker 2: the smear campaign, and the shunning, my wife didn't lend

790
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:56,360
Speaker 2: me support in any way. She bowed to her dad

791
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 2: and would just tell me to apologize. She said that

792
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 2: I was being stuff by refusing. It wasn't about apologizing.

793
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 2: My father in law wanted me to beg.

794
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 1: I am not a prideful person, but I'm not getting

795
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,920
Speaker 1: on my knees and pleading for forgiveness for something I

796
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 1: didn't commit.

797
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't have anything to apologize for. Did we

798
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,360
Speaker 4: ever find the iPad?

799
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: Where is this side?

800
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 4: Where is the iPad?

801
00:38:17,440 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: Please?

802
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,840
Speaker 2: Someone get fined my iPhone up on this old man's

803
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 2: laptop and click find Please, please, somebody, my goodness. My

804
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 2: wife said that she was only trying to keep the

805
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:29,839
Speaker 2: peace instead of being right.

806
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 4: No.

807
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,240
Speaker 2: Once my father in law badmouthed me around our daughter

808
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:36,280
Speaker 2: and my wife never spoke up. She claimed she didn't

809
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 2: hear him. I don't believe she would have done anything

810
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 2: either way. Our daughter kept me afloat. I put my

811
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,720
Speaker 2: foot down on her attending gatherings after the bad mouthing.

812
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 2: My wife accused me of escalating by withholding our daughter.

813
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 2: I felt my father in law try to influence my

814
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: child against me. My move was for boundaries. Yes, I

815
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 2: wasn't asking my wife to cut off her dad. I

816
00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 2: know how important family is to her. But we're married,

817
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:57,800
Speaker 2: we have a child.

818
00:38:57,880 --> 00:38:58,720
Speaker 1: We made vows.

819
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 2: I only wanted her to be there for me as

820
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:02,440
Speaker 2: my partner and best friend.

821
00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 1: She abandoned me. I had more support from my mother

822
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 1: in law and sister in law thirty five female, than.

823
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 2: I ever did from her. We fought a lot, We

824
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 2: pushed to a new level of argument. I held everything

825
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 2: in and we'd blow up. My wife said she dealt

826
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 2: with her dad her whole life, and she learned sometimes

827
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 2: it was better to just yield. But about a month

828
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 2: ago my name was cleared.

829
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:22,759
Speaker 4: We finally found the iPad.

830
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 1: We have Scooby Dude. The situation.

831
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 4: They were like, my name was cleared, the iPad was

832
00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 4: in the closet, old time.

833
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,320
Speaker 1: Are we ready for the grand medial? Okay?

834
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 2: My sister in law found the iPad in her son's

835
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 2: nine males room.

836
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 4: But the son, are we gonna smear the sun and

837
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 4: take away all of his job opportunities?

838
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 2: He's going up for hall monitor. But they're like, ah,

839
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:46,399
Speaker 2: we just saw a social media post.

840
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 1: I said, your iPath thief, a ya yai, not today.

841
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 4: Your career is done. You're never gonna get anywhere in

842
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 4: this town, nine year old Ellie.

843
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:54,720
Speaker 1: But he's got MyPad.

844
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you'll be working with Jimmy at the grocery.

845
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:01,840
Speaker 2: Still grown a sweet mustache, he confessed to taking it.

846
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 2: He was afraid to say anything after my father in

847
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,200
Speaker 2: law's reaction to me. My father in law has never

848
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 2: apologized or publicly recanted. He acts like nothing happened, and

849
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 2: the rest of the family followed suit. He had my

850
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 2: mother in law relay that I was welcome to their

851
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,359
Speaker 2: home again. Others began inviting me to functions, and I've

852
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,720
Speaker 2: declined for myself and my daughter. I'm not holding grudges

853
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 2: or using my daughter as a punishment. I saw who

854
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 2: my father was clearly. I don't want any involvement with

855
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 2: him unless necessary, Nor is my daughter allowed to have

856
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 2: unsupervised visits with him. I don't want her exposed to

857
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 2: the ugliness. The situation remains a sore on my marriage,

858
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,440
Speaker 2: and my wife won't talk about it. If I try,

859
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 2: she says, I'm throwing the pass in her face. I'm

860
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,280
Speaker 2: just trying to open up to her about how everything

861
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 2: still affects me. She feels I'm not working towards keeping

862
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 2: the peace. My father in law falsely accused me of theft,

863
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 2: let a smear campaign bad mouth me around our daughter,

864
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 2: and was.

865
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:54,240
Speaker 1: Enabled by some family. This is me keeping the peace.

866
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 2: I mean, the levels of not crossing any lines that

867
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 2: Opie has done is insane. Opie is truly just saying like, hey,

868
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 2: I didn't steal the iPad. I don't want to grovel

869
00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 2: at your feats, like yeah, I'm not.

870
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:12,280
Speaker 4: Going to apologize or do any like it's over your

871
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 4: son stole it. Just apologize to me and move on.

872
00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 1: Is this divorce territory?

873
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 4: I think this is like a lot of therapy.

874
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: First, yes, because they got a kid indeed.

875
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,439
Speaker 4: And then if it's like, oh, we still can't get

876
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 4: past I don't know, your family trying to get between us,

877
00:41:29,719 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 4: and you're not going to ever stand up for me,

878
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:32,959
Speaker 4: then it's not going to work.

879
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 2: I feel it's like a useful tool for the wife

880
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 2: to be able to, like, you know, in her favor,

881
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 2: but like what if any of this turns against her?

882
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like it'd be very valuable for

883
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 2: obviously their partnership and for her, Tot's like, hey, do

884
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,840
Speaker 2: you see what's happening?

885
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 1: And like what your father in law is doing? And

886
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 1: it's crazy.

887
00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:51,760
Speaker 4: It is crazy.

888
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 2: I don't know if this post is the right call.

889
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 2: My wife wouldn't approve, but there's no talking to her

890
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 2: about this.

891
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 1: In any real way. I'm lost.

892
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 2: We've never been so disconnected. I'm in love with her.

893
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have stayed if I wasn't. I want to

894
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 2: work on our marriage and do right by our daughter.

895
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,919
Speaker 2: I don't regret my choice on my father in law,

896
00:42:08,040 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 2: but I am questioning if I'm making things worse. I

897
00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: feel alone and I need a fresh perspective. How do

898
00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,040
Speaker 2: I move forward as healthily as possible for my marriage

899
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: when I don't know where to step? What's the answer, Sophia, Yes,

900
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 2: it's go therapy.

901
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 4: First, and then if that is still not working, then

902
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 4: we consider other options, and maybe one of those is divorced.

903
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 2: There it is, Ladies and gentlemen, there it is. But

904
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 2: maybe these relevant commenters won't agree. Okay, because we've got

905
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 2: some relevant comments for you.

906
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 1: But Peter the Great says, this problem is much more

907
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:37,919
Speaker 1: simple than you think. You think.

908
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 2: You're fighting a battle against your father in law and

909
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 2: can somehow magically win him over and everything will be okay.

910
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 2: Your father in law is actually an a hole, But

911
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 2: the real problem is that your wife is actually a

912
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,440
Speaker 2: crappy partner quote unquote. Keeping the piece is just code

913
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,879
Speaker 2: for I want you to be the target, so I'm

914
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: not inconvenienced by the conflict. Your marriage is not healthy

915
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 2: because your wife is not on your side. She stated

916
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 2: quite clearly that she'll go a lot along with her father.

917
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,759
Speaker 2: You can't change that. You can decide if you want

918
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,959
Speaker 2: your life to be like this forever. Princess Shira says same,

919
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,200
Speaker 2: This is a wife problem. I'm very sorry for what

920
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,320
Speaker 2: you're going through with the situation. It sounds horrible and invalid.

921
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 2: Programmer says this is also a mother problem. She let

922
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,960
Speaker 2: this affect her daughter, OPI, do you really want your

923
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 2: daughter to learn that your father in law or.

924
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 1: Wife's behavior is correct. You need to set a hard boundary.

925
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 2: Your wife needs therapy and to set boundaries with her

926
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 2: dad or cut them off. What happens if your father

927
00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 2: in law accuses your daughter of something? Just go along

928
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 2: and don't rock the boats? Or what if he accuses

929
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 2: you of something again? This isn't about you working on

930
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,200
Speaker 2: the marriage. Your wife needs to. But I mean I

931
00:43:39,239 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 2: feel like that's yeah, the.

932
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:45,839
Speaker 4: Problem is in part the family, yes, but it is

933
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 4: also the root of it is that your wife isn't standing.

934
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 1: Up for you in a way.

935
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 2: It's like, not that Opie is a problem, but he

936
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 2: kind of bears the responsibility of working together.

937
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 4: I mean, like, in every relationship, if someone is doing

938
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 4: something that you don't like or not you know, fulfilling

939
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 4: their end of their side of the relationship, then you

940
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 4: can either you know, leave them or try and make

941
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 4: it work. And if hope he wants to try and

942
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,760
Speaker 4: make it work, then yas to come and like actively

943
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,960
Speaker 4: participate in the fixing process.

944
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:16,359
Speaker 1: EJ.

945
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 2: One thousand and four says, I'm gonna be honest, you

946
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:20,680
Speaker 2: are fighting for a relationship with a woman who doesn't

947
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 2: care about you. I know it will hurt, but it's

948
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 2: in your own best interest to to carter here, counseling

949
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 2: or divorce.

950
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 1: I guess that's the thing.

951
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 4: Seems a little ultimated options.

952
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.

953
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,720
Speaker 2: You can find a situation she doesn't care to solve

954
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 2: by yourself, and you can't stay in a relationship where

955
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 2: your wife is fine with her family, demeaning and excluding

956
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 2: you without apology. Wife, things haven't been good for a

957
00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 2: while now. You've chosen your family over your family unit.

958
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 2: You did nothing to defend me against your family, and

959
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 2: you want me the wronged party, to forgive and forget

960
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 2: when an apology was never even offered. I'm willing to

961
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 2: fight for our relationship, but I'm not willing to rugsweep anything.

962
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 1: Let's be honest.

963
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 2: Your father has never liked me, and if a situation

964
00:44:57,520 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 2: like this happens again, as.

965
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: Our marriage currently stands, we won't make it through.

966
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 2: I would have never let my own family sit there

967
00:45:03,320 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 2: and treat you this way that your family has treated me.

968
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 2: I would have never allowed them access to our child

969
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 2: while they were talking about you behind their back.

970
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:12,600
Speaker 1: The past few months have been difficult.

971
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 2: I've been fighting a battle with your family as you

972
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 2: did nothing to support me during that time, and you're

973
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,320
Speaker 2: asked that I take hits. I didn't earn or deserve

974
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 2: to keep the family's peace, demonstrated how little you care

975
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:25,840
Speaker 2: for me. I'm not apologizing to your family, as they

976
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:27,760
Speaker 2: did nothing wrong, and if they want a rug sweep,

977
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 2: I'm perfectly fine out having a relationship with them. As

978
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: for our relationship, I've talked to a divorce attorney and

979
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 2: a marriage counselor think it over twice and decide which

980
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 2: path you want to take, because I want to partner

981
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 2: in life, and your actions these past few months have

982
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:39,879
Speaker 2: shown me that I don't have one.

983
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:41,800
Speaker 4: Dang, was that the a commeter?

984
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 1: Yes, that was like they just wrote a whole monologue.

985
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,760
Speaker 4: They're like, here, read this script.

986
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh yeah, I mean to your point you just made.

987
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 2: I'm like, I feel like you don't have to be

988
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 2: like there are two paths.

989
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: It is either this. It's like, hey, do you want

990
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: marriage counseling?

991
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:00,960
Speaker 2: And then they're like, no, that's the and like, here's

992
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,920
Speaker 2: why I feel They're like oh no, it's like okay,

993
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 2: then you have your answer.

994
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

995
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 4: Well then it's like, okay, well I feel like the

996
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 4: relationship isn't working the way that it's going right now. Yeah,

997
00:46:10,239 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 4: and whether we fix it or we don't do anything,

998
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,360
Speaker 4: and it probably will go down this path.

999
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yeah, that's it doesn't have to be an ultimatum,

1000
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 2: ladies and gentlemen, And we have an update. I at

1001
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:24,720
Speaker 2: twenty seven mail. Want to thank everyone for the support.

1002
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. The original post was the first time

1003
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,760
Speaker 2: I put everything out there, and I didn't feel dismissed.

1004
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 2: The situation with my father in law fifty nine male

1005
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 2: was extensive and largely unaddressed by my wife twenty nine female.

1006
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,879
Speaker 2: It occurred to me that, not being able to open

1007
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 2: up to her, I didn't know how to communicate with

1008
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,800
Speaker 2: her anymore. The feedback I received was a real eye opener.

1009
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 2: My issue isn't isolated to my father in law. This

1010
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 2: isn't solely a spat with my in laws. It's an

1011
00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 2: issue involving my wife. Things with my father in law

1012
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:52,840
Speaker 2: are what they are. I'm not seeking a deeper connection

1013
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,279
Speaker 2: with them. We're in laws, nothing more, nothing less. And

1014
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,880
Speaker 2: he made it abundantly clear in his smear campaign that

1015
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,360
Speaker 2: I wasn't family but a hurdle family needed to overcome.

1016
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,279
Speaker 4: And I'm also being reminded of the ages. There might

1017
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 4: be some kind of thoughts that the father had because

1018
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 4: they have a four year old daughter, so he was

1019
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 4: probably like twenty three at the time when they got

1020
00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,840
Speaker 4: together and she was twenty five, and then they have

1021
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,240
Speaker 4: a kid, so he might have had some thoughts about

1022
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 4: how young they were and like that might have changed

1023
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 4: how he saw Opie as well.

1024
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1025
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, it kind of sounds like he's like, oh, my

1026
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 2: daughter deserves the best. So if she's shacking up and

1027
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,279
Speaker 2: getting having a baby with a twenty three year old guy,

1028
00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,759
Speaker 2: it's like, okay, yeah, I'm not like you mist just

1029
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:34,520
Speaker 2: have a job.

1030
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1031
00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 2: My concern is my wife and our daughter. For a female,

1032
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,720
Speaker 2: they're my family, They're my focus. That said, I realized

1033
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,759
Speaker 2: I can't make my wife do anything. I can't make

1034
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 2: or communicate with me. I can't make her instill boundaries

1035
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 2: with her dad. I only have a say for myself

1036
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 2: and our daughter. I know something needs to change. Our

1037
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,280
Speaker 2: marriage can't be sustained this way. It's not good for anyone,

1038
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 2: especially our daughter. After getting my feelings out, I felt

1039
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 2: more resolved with what I needed to do.

1040
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 1: I told my wife about the post. She's seen it

1041
00:48:01,360 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: and some comments.

1042
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 2: She wasn't thrilled, but to her credit, she didn't automatically

1043
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 2: shut me down like usual.

1044
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 1: She was open to hearing what I had to say.

1045
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if ultimatum is the right term, because

1046
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:11,920
Speaker 2: I wasn't trying to force her to choose anything.

1047
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to implement boundaries for our daughter and

1048
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: our marriage.

1049
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,160
Speaker 2: I told her that things needed to change because our

1050
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 2: marriage couldn't survive like this. No one should feel alone

1051
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,600
Speaker 2: or abandon their marriage. The options were either couple's therapy

1052
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 2: or separation. She didn't take the separation well. She seemed

1053
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 2: repulsed by it. She said she knew we weren't in

1054
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 2: a good place, but she didn't realize that's where I

1055
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 2: was at and how we made vows and our bond is.

1056
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: Supposed to with staying.

1057
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 4: That's such the whole point. That's the whole point, the

1058
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 4: whole thing. Vows yes, and you're you're not opholding them. Yeah,

1059
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 4: that's the problem.

1060
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 2: Like don't you think it's like, hey, maybe I should

1061
00:48:44,719 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 2: try to be the best partner I Can's that's really

1062
00:48:47,160 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 2: all it is. It's like, just try to be the

1063
00:48:49,840 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 2: best partner you can. And it's like, hey, you're not

1064
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 2: doing that.

1065
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 4: You ain't doing that.

1066
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:54,080
Speaker 1: Come on.

1067
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 2: She feels her dad shouldn't take away from us. I

1068
00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:59,560
Speaker 2: told her I wasn't taking separation lightly. Our vows do

1069
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 2: mean so thing. But whether she admits it or not,

1070
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 2: she checked out on our vows in favor of her dad.

1071
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 2: It wasn't keeping the piece. It was me drowning while

1072
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 2: she was on her dad's boat and never tossed me

1073
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 2: a line. What a powerful metaphor. Our issues are bigger

1074
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 2: than just her dad. Our current way isn't. My wife

1075
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 2: chose therapy. We found a therapist and it's officially scheduled.

1076
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,439
Speaker 2: I want to be hopeful, but that's not something I've

1077
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 2: let myself feel for a bit now.

1078
00:49:22,239 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: I don't believe she was only telling me what she

1079
00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:25,560
Speaker 1: thought I wanted to hear.

1080
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 2: I saw the reality of it hit her when separation

1081
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,919
Speaker 2: was put on the table. I asked her if MC

1082
00:49:31,239 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: was something she really wanted marriage counseling.

1083
00:49:34,040 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 4: I asked, do you really want to be an MC?

1084
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:38,560
Speaker 1: Do you want to throw down?

1085
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,720
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about sometimes it's better to yield things

1086
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 2: she said about her dad, or for keeping the peace.

1087
00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:48,080
Speaker 2: I was asking what she genuinely wanted. She said it

1088
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:50,600
Speaker 2: was and that she doesn't want to lose our relationship

1089
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,239
Speaker 2: or our family. Some have questioned why I'd want to

1090
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 2: try working on my marriage. It's not about staying for

1091
00:49:56,160 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 2: our daughter. I want to make a real attempt for

1092
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 2: my family and see a thing can be mended. I

1093
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,360
Speaker 2: know there's more to my wife than just my father

1094
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 2: in law. I fell in love with her because of

1095
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 2: who she was as a person. When we met and

1096
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 2: got to know each other. It was away from her dad.

1097
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 2: I saw how caring she was for others, even if

1098
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 2: she didn't agree with her POV, how decent she was,

1099
00:50:15,239 --> 00:50:17,480
Speaker 2: how she had a weight off her shoulders with distance

1100
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 2: from her dad's shadow. My wife is the youngest of

1101
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 2: her siblings, and I would say my in laws hold

1102
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,959
Speaker 2: onto her more tightly. I didn't know how bad things

1103
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,319
Speaker 2: were until I actually dealt with my father in law.

1104
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:31,279
Speaker 2: It's why she chose long distance school and didn't come

1105
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,319
Speaker 2: home on breaks often. Moved us closer to home, and

1106
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 2: she was back into the fold fully. My father in

1107
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 2: law severe campaign was our first major obstacle following that.

1108
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,040
Speaker 2: I'm in love with my wife, but I'm not speaking

1109
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 2: out of blind love. Whether we're together or not. I

1110
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:46,920
Speaker 2: want the best for her. Part of my hope for

1111
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 2: marriage counseling is that she regained sight of herself separate

1112
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,400
Speaker 2: from what her dad sees, that boundaries for herself aren't

1113
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 2: crossing a line, and maybe we can recover together and

1114
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 2: come out better for it. I know we got married

1115
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 2: a little young, trust me. We've heard our face share

1116
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:03,240
Speaker 2: from the skeptics, but I always was sure of my wife.

1117
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:06,040
Speaker 2: Marriage wasn't something I took lightly. I didn't expect there

1118
00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 2: to be nothing but clear skies. But we should want

1119
00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:11,160
Speaker 2: more from each other. Being there for each other and

1120
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:13,320
Speaker 2: emotional intimacy are the bare minimum.

1121
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: We should be a team. Our family is the core

1122
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:16,759
Speaker 1: before any relationship, and.

1123
00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 2: To me, our vows mean consciously choosing each other and

1124
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 2: committing to each other even when it's hard.

1125
00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:26,040
Speaker 1: By the way, what you know, what is never hard? Sophia?

1126
00:51:26,160 --> 00:51:29,799
Speaker 1: What pulling out your phone and searching okay, story.

1127
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 2: Time on Spotify, Apple or iHeart Sophia. I said, it

1128
00:51:34,719 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 2: wasn't hard. So where's the phone?

1129
00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:36,719
Speaker 1: Where is it?

1130
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:37,640
Speaker 4: It's in the phone box.

1131
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 1: It's in the phone box.

1132
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 4: It's a little hard to go get.

1133
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 2: If you had the passion that our amazing viewers had

1134
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 2: to find our podcast, it would happen. So check out

1135
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 2: the podcast. But any closing thoughts before we get into.

1136
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:55,919
Speaker 4: This somewhat hopeful note depend on it seems like she's

1137
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 4: at least more aware of the severity of the situation. Yeah,

1138
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:01,640
Speaker 4: because it seems like she was just like, I can

1139
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,319
Speaker 4: not stand up for my partner, and everything will be

1140
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 4: fine if I just toe the line between my partner

1141
00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:09,560
Speaker 4: and my family. Yeah, but it also seems like she

1142
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 4: has a history of not being able to stand up

1143
00:52:12,640 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 4: to her dad and tried to get away from that,

1144
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 4: but it came back.

1145
00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 1: Daddy's still home.

1146
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, So just having conversations with her about that and saying,

1147
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 4: you just act differently around your family, and I want

1148
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 4: you to be more like confident and more willing to

1149
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 4: stand up for yourself.

1150
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:28,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1151
00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I imagine yea, if she was staying away

1152
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 2: from home, it was like there was something about that

1153
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,880
Speaker 2: behavior that you know, she tell me, Yeah, she didn't like,

1154
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:39,520
Speaker 2: which is totally I mean, the stuff that this father

1155
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 2: in law has done is insane bad bad father in

1156
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:47,920
Speaker 2: law bad. But we've got the conclusion to the saga.

1157
00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: So I don't know what marriage counseling is gonna bring.

1158
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 2: It'll be my first experience with therapy, and all I

1159
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,319
Speaker 2: can do is take everything one step at a time

1160
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,040
Speaker 2: and reaffirm boundaries for myself and daughter. I'm not withholding

1161
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:58,359
Speaker 2: my daughter's punishment or holding grudges. I don't even want

1162
00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 2: an apology for my father in law because I know

1163
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:03,320
Speaker 2: it'll be empty. I'm just done giving him any more power.

1164
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 2: I'm protecting my daughter too.

1165
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1166
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 2: To those who haven't experienced something like this, I hope

1167
00:53:07,640 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 2: you never will. And for those in a similar struggle,

1168
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 2: I hope for nothing but the best for you.

1169
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 1: You're not alone. Thank you for showing me that I'm

1170
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 1: not either. So that's that.

1171
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 4: That's that, man, that was nice.

1172
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think you know.

1173
00:53:19,920 --> 00:53:22,319
Speaker 2: I love seeing op grow and basically be like, no,

1174
00:53:23,040 --> 00:53:25,439
Speaker 2: I standing on a self worth like, yeah, I don't

1175
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 2: deserve this. Yeah.

1176
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 4: I mean, I think that's a really important aspect of relationships,

1177
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 4: is standing up for yourself, because if you can't stand

1178
00:53:34,239 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 4: up for yourself and you let everyone walk over you,

1179
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:37,959
Speaker 4: it's not gonna be a healthy relationship either.

1180
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:41,360
Speaker 1: That is exactly correct. And the wife seemed like she

1181
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 1: was beginning the crescent of getting there.

1182
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 4: I agree. I agree, a little bit more receptive.

1183
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:50,359
Speaker 1: A little bit more. But there's no more of this,

1184
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:51,200
Speaker 1: no more.

1185
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:51,720
Speaker 4: Of this story.

1186
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1187
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1188
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:57,560
Speaker 1: that keep the show going.

1189
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,880
Speaker 4: My mother in law wants us to enroll our child

1190
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:02,799
Speaker 4: in her daycare, but.

1191
00:54:02,719 --> 00:54:05,280
Speaker 1: It's way too far insider trading.

1192
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:08,240
Speaker 4: My mother in law works for a private school daycare

1193
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:11,399
Speaker 4: preschool through middle school, twenty miles from where we live.

1194
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,240
Speaker 4: When I was pregnant, she requested that when it comes

1195
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:17,080
Speaker 4: time to select preschools, she would like to be involved

1196
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,640
Speaker 4: since she has experience in that area. I said, sure,

1197
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from by preschool, and if

1198
00:54:22,280 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 4: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1199
00:54:23,880 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 4: r slash Okay storytime separate it. So, when our baby

1200
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 4: was about three months old, I began looking for part

1201
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 4: time daycare so I could get back to work, and

1202
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,319
Speaker 4: at the time, my mother in law approached us with

1203
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 4: an incredible offer from her own school for full time

1204
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:40,240
Speaker 4: care for a fraction of what most places charge even

1205
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:43,320
Speaker 4: for part time because she's an employee. But her school

1206
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 4: is far away, forty plus minute drive with morning evening traffic,

1207
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:52,280
Speaker 4: and I don't even really want to move. Relocating closer

1208
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 4: to this preschool would be moving further from or relocating

1209
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:58,759
Speaker 4: altogether my own office and a little longer of a

1210
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 4: commute from my husband. It also means moving away from

1211
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 4: the same city where my parents live, and they've proven

1212
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 4: extremely reliable and enthusiastic babysitters. My husband is more on

1213
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 4: the fence because preschool is obscenely expensive and he understandably

1214
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:15,439
Speaker 4: wants to be able to save the money. Also, deep down,

1215
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:17,239
Speaker 4: I think he is a little hesitant to tell his

1216
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 4: mother no, as sometimes she can be unpredictable in how

1217
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:23,960
Speaker 4: she reacts when she doesn't get her way. Sometimes it's fine,

1218
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 4: other times it's not. Whenever the topic comes up, his

1219
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:30,479
Speaker 4: mom does her darnness to sell it. She talks about

1220
00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 4: what other preschools and daycares do that are wrong or dangerous,

1221
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 4: the teaching methods for school utilizes that are superior. She

1222
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:40,400
Speaker 4: suggested I start working remotely near the school, out of

1223
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,600
Speaker 4: a cafe or even her house. I'm self employed. She

1224
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 4: even offered to help by driving the baby home a

1225
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 4: couple times a week. But even when trying to look

1226
00:55:48,719 --> 00:55:52,360
Speaker 4: at this objectively, I still don't like it because, regardless

1227
00:55:52,360 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 4: of who drives, I don't think such a long daily

1228
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,800
Speaker 4: commute is actually good for a kid. And if we

1229
00:55:57,920 --> 00:56:01,760
Speaker 4: committed to the school, I'm concerned might suddenly begin coming

1230
00:56:01,840 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 4: up that would result in me doing all the driving. Anyway, So,

1231
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:08,200
Speaker 4: at the time baby was three months old, I gently

1232
00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 4: insisted that what we needed wasn't technically a school environment.

1233
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:14,040
Speaker 4: It was just care, and it was just part time.

1234
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 4: I found an in home daycare I liked in our

1235
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:19,080
Speaker 4: city and signed up. We could definitely use the money

1236
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 4: we're paying for daycare, but we're getting what we expected

1237
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 4: out of it. I have time to work, it's close by.

1238
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 4: The care is good with small babies and engaging with children,

1239
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 4: et cetera. Mother in law did not make any fuss

1240
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,800
Speaker 4: about the decision, But then again, she also wasn't invited

1241
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:35,760
Speaker 4: to tour the daycare or anything like that with us either,

1242
00:56:35,880 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 4: so I wouldn't say she had much of a chance

1243
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 4: to make her views known about it. So this is

1244
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 4: all before the preschool is not even the thing yet,

1245
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:48,160
Speaker 4: because maybe's three months old. You should think ahead, because

1246
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 4: of course, you know, you want to make sure that

1247
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 4: you are living near a good preschool.

1248
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1249
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 4: I think that's what a lot of parents do, to

1250
00:56:56,040 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 4: my knowledge. But any thoughts, not that.

1251
00:56:58,680 --> 00:57:04,360
Speaker 1: You would know, not that I would know.

1252
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 4: I've really been thinking a lot of adene I mean,

1253
00:57:12,360 --> 00:57:14,800
Speaker 4: Easter did just happen, immaculate conception.

1254
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 1: True.

1255
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:17,479
Speaker 4: I like to give her the benefit of the doubt

1256
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 4: and believe that she understood the first years full of

1257
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 4: many challenges, and we were doing our best. Now our

1258
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,840
Speaker 4: baby is a year and a half and I'm starting

1259
00:57:25,840 --> 00:57:28,640
Speaker 4: to feel it's time she enjoys a more educational and

1260
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:32,800
Speaker 4: immersive experience, and I've started researching preschools. The most affordable

1261
00:57:32,800 --> 00:57:35,560
Speaker 4: ones are religious schools, and we are not religious. The

1262
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:39,200
Speaker 4: ones advertising similar curriculums to mother in law's school mother

1263
00:57:39,240 --> 00:57:43,280
Speaker 4: in law and husband more likely to approve, are sickeningly expensive.

1264
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,560
Speaker 4: I finally narrowed it down to two places. One is

1265
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 4: unaffordable but offers financial aid hopefully we would qualify for

1266
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 4: enough to attend. The other would be affordable essentially what

1267
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:56,600
Speaker 4: we're paying now, but is a church all faiths preschool,

1268
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,440
Speaker 4: and I'm sure it would take more to convince my husband.

1269
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 4: Soe if this takes into account whether either of these

1270
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:05,680
Speaker 4: places would even pass mother in law's pre agreed inspection,

1271
00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:09,480
Speaker 4: and even at their best, neither could match the affordability

1272
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 4: of the opportunity at her preschool, which she won't let

1273
00:58:12,720 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 4: us forget. Of course, Reddit help me approach the situation

1274
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 4: with my husband and mother in law, who I agree

1275
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:22,040
Speaker 4: to include. Back when I was pregnant, I have been

1276
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,959
Speaker 4: sitting on this for a few months now, but haven't

1277
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,840
Speaker 4: been able to work up the nerve to restart the

1278
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:28,920
Speaker 4: conversation and open this can of worms all over again.

1279
00:58:29,080 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 4: Mother in law pushing hard to enroll our child with

1280
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 4: her school commute be danged, even to the point of

1281
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:38,560
Speaker 4: suggesting all of us relocate, husband leaning toward whatever is

1282
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:41,240
Speaker 4: the best value commute be danked, and wishing for his

1283
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 4: mother's blessing on our decision regardless of what it is.

1284
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 4: I embracing myself for what I expect may turn into

1285
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 4: a battle royale of me versus my mother in law

1286
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,680
Speaker 4: with husband stuck in the middle. I almost forgot to

1287
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:54,960
Speaker 4: add the last time mother in law brought up the

1288
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 4: topic of preschool was when I wasn't present. I think

1289
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 4: she may suspect that my mind is mostly made up

1290
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:03,360
Speaker 4: and convincing my husband when she's got him alone is

1291
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 4: her best shot. Which is what is tipping off that

1292
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 4: this is still a very sensitive subject that's dear to

1293
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 4: her and there is an update by any thoughts.

1294
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just simply on the subject of like,

1295
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 2: you will not pick.

1296
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 1: A place without my approval as a mother in law.

1297
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, stop that, I think you guys need

1298
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,800
Speaker 4: to get on the same page as parents about how

1299
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 4: much are you going to let her boss you around? Yeah,

1300
00:59:26,600 --> 00:59:30,320
Speaker 4: Because I mean if you're already saying that your husband's

1301
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,040
Speaker 4: kind of just gonna acquiesce to whatever she wants to do,

1302
00:59:33,360 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 4: that's probably going to be a problem throughout your you know, parenting. Yeah, Like,

1303
00:59:37,760 --> 00:59:39,720
Speaker 4: especially if this is your first kid, he might be

1304
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:43,320
Speaker 4: a little bit more nervous and more likely to think

1305
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,720
Speaker 4: that ole mom knows best. You have to talk that.

1306
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:48,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like if we set a precedent of like, oh,

1307
00:59:48,560 --> 00:59:50,640
Speaker 2: all of the you know, big decisions for our kid

1308
00:59:50,800 --> 00:59:52,960
Speaker 2: has to be run through and approved by mother in law,

1309
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 2: then it's like, Okay, well now we've lost the ability

1310
00:59:57,360 --> 00:59:59,480
Speaker 2: to parent our child's kind of it's like, oh, if

1311
00:59:59,560 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 2: mother in law no disagrees, but we don't want to

1312
01:00:01,280 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 2: do it, well what are we doing?

1313
01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 4: But there is an update, Oh, let's get into it.

1314
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,840
Speaker 4: When my husband Mark and I were pregnant with our

1315
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:12,120
Speaker 4: daughter Eve, my mother in law, Polly made the specific

1316
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,840
Speaker 4: request that she be involved in our selection of preschools

1317
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 4: when the time came for the sort of thing. Polly

1318
01:00:17,520 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 4: is an administrator for a reputable private school in her area.

1319
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 4: About thirty five minutes from where Mark and I live. Oh,

1320
01:00:22,760 --> 01:00:25,680
Speaker 4: now we've gone down five minutes and considers herself an

1321
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:29,360
Speaker 4: expert in child development, day care, safety, quality, academics, et cetera.

1322
01:00:29,480 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 4: From her point of view, this was how she could

1323
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,760
Speaker 4: be most helpful. From mine, she was pushing her boundaries.

1324
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 4: When Eve was an infant and we began exploring childcare

1325
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,320
Speaker 4: options in our area, not preschool, just straight childcare, Polly

1326
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 4: began pressuring Mark and I to enroll Eve in the

1327
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 4: daycare and preschool where she works, which we dismissed as

1328
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,760
Speaker 4: it is simply too far of a drive from us.

1329
01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 4: I was especially against it as I knew I would

1330
01:00:52,160 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 4: be the one doing ninety nine percent of all the chauffeuring,

1331
01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:56,720
Speaker 4: and I also do not believe and sitting in lots

1332
01:00:56,720 --> 01:00:59,920
Speaker 4: of traffic on a daily basis is beneficial to a toddler.

1333
01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 4: She didn't let up, but we ended up side stepping

1334
01:01:02,600 --> 01:01:05,760
Speaker 4: the issue temporarily by declaring that we just needed childcare

1335
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:08,439
Speaker 4: and not a schooling environment since our daughter was still

1336
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 4: so young, and we instead put Eve in a local

1337
01:01:11,600 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 4: in home daycare a couple days per week. Polly knew

1338
01:01:14,240 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 4: when the battle was lost and dropped the subject after that.

1339
01:01:17,320 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 4: Mostly anyway. At the time of the original posting, Eve

1340
01:01:20,640 --> 01:01:22,800
Speaker 4: was eighteen months old and I was ready to start

1341
01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 4: looking at preschools, especially due to waiting lists. But I

1342
01:01:26,400 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 4: was reluctant to follow through with the promise I had

1343
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:31,440
Speaker 4: initially made to Polly way back when I was pregnant,

1344
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:33,920
Speaker 4: since it now seemed clear to me that Polly had

1345
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 4: an agenda all along, that is, to get her granddaughter

1346
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:40,360
Speaker 4: enrolled in the preschool where she herself works. I also

1347
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,640
Speaker 4: felt my husband Mark was unenthused about getting involved, which

1348
01:01:43,680 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 4: was not helpful at all. I really love reading solid updates,

1349
01:01:46,880 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 4: and I wanted to make sure her mind was finalized

1350
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,840
Speaker 4: before coming back. So first off, I read all the

1351
01:01:52,840 --> 01:01:55,400
Speaker 4: comments and did come to agree with most that I

1352
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,760
Speaker 4: was letting my mother in law get too far into

1353
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 4: my head about her entitlement. I felt more reassured about

1354
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,280
Speaker 4: putting my foot down regarding her role. I have learned

1355
01:02:03,280 --> 01:02:05,400
Speaker 4: a lot from this community. That said, when it comes

1356
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,479
Speaker 4: to matters involving my mother in law for my husband's sake,

1357
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:11,160
Speaker 4: I tried to keep things cordial and I was not

1358
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 4: about to start any unnecessary drama over this, particularly since

1359
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 4: Polly is not as bad as some of the cases

1360
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:19,560
Speaker 4: I've read about here and on just no mother in law.

1361
01:02:19,760 --> 01:02:22,919
Speaker 4: So regardless of whatever action we took, I expected her

1362
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:25,560
Speaker 4: to be civil as long as the boundaries be expressed

1363
01:02:25,600 --> 01:02:28,440
Speaker 4: were made very clear. I still have these expectations of

1364
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 4: her to be honest. After reading the comments on my post,

1365
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 4: my confidence was bolstered, and I began doing research on

1366
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,240
Speaker 4: local preschools. I found a good time to sit down

1367
01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:38,920
Speaker 4: with Mark to present some brochures and discuss everything. He

1368
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,760
Speaker 4: balked at first, but eventually it all came out. His

1369
01:02:41,960 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 4: chief concern above all else was simply the cost. He

1370
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 4: had never done any research into how much preschools really charge,

1371
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 4: and everything he knew was based on popular opinion.

1372
01:02:53,040 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 1: What what He's like.

1373
01:02:54,160 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 4: I don't know. I just didn't think it would come

1374
01:02:56,040 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 4: up with the kid. I thought we could just skip

1375
01:02:58,040 --> 01:03:00,200
Speaker 4: right into kindergarten, and she's like, did you know much

1376
01:03:00,280 --> 01:03:01,840
Speaker 4: kindergarten costs? He's like, I don't know.

1377
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 2: I thought the whole discussion thus far was all part

1378
01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 2: of this and what I am so.

1379
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 4: Cracy me such as preschool being more expensive than college

1380
01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:14,160
Speaker 4: tuition or what other people had told him about it,

1381
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,120
Speaker 4: including his own mother, of course, who'd suggested that all

1382
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,920
Speaker 4: preschools were so expensive we wouldn't be able to afford

1383
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 4: any place but hers thanks to her staff discount. She

1384
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:25,560
Speaker 4: had suggested the same to me, but she comes off

1385
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,880
Speaker 4: as more transparent to me than she does to Mark.

1386
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 4: All and all, Mark had come to believe that we

1387
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 4: would have no choice but to send Eve to his

1388
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:36,600
Speaker 4: mother's preschool because everything else would be impossibly unaffordable for us.

1389
01:03:36,960 --> 01:03:39,520
Speaker 4: He didn't do any research. He was just like, well,

1390
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:43,440
Speaker 4: my mom says so, so I simply must go with

1391
01:03:43,440 --> 01:03:44,360
Speaker 4: what mama says.

1392
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 1: My friend said that is like expensive.

1393
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 4: Mama, city is so expensive. I couldn't possibly afford it

1394
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:51,680
Speaker 4: with my little man money.

1395
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:52,840
Speaker 1: I could never do it.

1396
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:55,680
Speaker 4: My little boy money. I just couldn't pay for the schooling.

1397
01:03:56,080 --> 01:03:59,240
Speaker 4: It can't do some research, man, don't just listen to

1398
01:03:59,280 --> 01:04:03,920
Speaker 4: what other people tell you, like look up options near you, preferably.

1399
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 4: This is where I was able to open his eyes

1400
01:04:06,560 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 4: a little and show him that, in fact, we could

1401
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:11,200
Speaker 4: be paying less than our current daycare rates at some

1402
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 4: of the schools due to their policies on age, potty training,

1403
01:04:14,440 --> 01:04:17,160
Speaker 4: in some cases financial aid. How many days per week

1404
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 4: enrolled in other factors. Once he realized that there were

1405
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:22,720
Speaker 4: actually some options out there that were affordable for us,

1406
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,560
Speaker 4: he quickly became more receptive to talking about it and

1407
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:28,960
Speaker 4: considering schools near us instead of only as moms. So

1408
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:31,480
Speaker 4: this was a step forward in regards to his involvement.

1409
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:34,000
Speaker 4: He also admitted that he was indeed a little nervous

1410
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 4: to bring it up around her since it's clearly a

1411
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:39,400
Speaker 4: sensitive topic that is near and dear to her. So

1412
01:04:39,480 --> 01:04:43,120
Speaker 4: we agreed to not mention preschool's inner presence until became

1413
01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:46,080
Speaker 4: closer to crossing that bridge, which wouldn't be until our

1414
01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 4: daughter was two anyway, possibly even older. Two is the

1415
01:04:49,400 --> 01:04:53,480
Speaker 4: earliest age most preschools will accept kids. After that discussion, I,

1416
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:55,880
Speaker 4: along with Eve, went and toured a number of the

1417
01:04:55,880 --> 01:04:58,480
Speaker 4: schools I found, and Mark was able to accompany us

1418
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,280
Speaker 4: for a couple of them. We put e Eve on

1419
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 4: the waiting list for a few that we liked the

1420
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 4: most in anticipation of enrollment openings when she was of age.

1421
01:05:05,760 --> 01:05:08,840
Speaker 4: I must confess I was naively hoping for a mid

1422
01:05:08,880 --> 01:05:12,200
Speaker 4: year enrollment shortly after Eve's second birthday, so we would

1423
01:05:12,200 --> 01:05:14,840
Speaker 4: have only shelved the topic for about six months before

1424
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:17,560
Speaker 4: moving forward, not really giving Polly the chance to bring

1425
01:05:17,600 --> 01:05:19,360
Speaker 4: it up again before it was just too late for

1426
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:22,160
Speaker 4: her to say anything. But waiting lists for quality preschools

1427
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 4: are no joke, and by the time Eve turned two,

1428
01:05:25,560 --> 01:05:27,560
Speaker 4: it was looking like the earliest we would be able

1429
01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:30,400
Speaker 4: to enroll her would actually be the fall semester, which

1430
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 4: was another six month wait after her birthday. Hey, these

1431
01:05:34,160 --> 01:05:35,480
Speaker 4: preschools are tough.

1432
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:39,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I've heard by popular opinion, some of

1433
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 2: these schools that just high like crazy wait lists.

1434
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,240
Speaker 4: But ah, yeah, I feel like I'm always watching shows,

1435
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 4: you know, movies and something where they're trying to get

1436
01:05:46,360 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 4: their kid into a preschool and they're like, oh, we

1437
01:05:48,600 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 4: just want the best preschool for a child, and whoever's

1438
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:53,160
Speaker 4: working out the preschool is like, well, here at the

1439
01:05:53,160 --> 01:05:57,920
Speaker 4: Montessory Baby School, we teach your children not only the

1440
01:05:58,000 --> 01:06:02,080
Speaker 4: ABC's but also how to write in Emily bl mats.

1441
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 1: Okay, so can we be honest, Like, let's just give

1442
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 1: the baby a rock, like.

1443
01:06:07,280 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 2: Baby, give them a rock and see what they do.

1444
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:10,920
Speaker 2: Have you seen a baby with a spoon?

1445
01:06:11,520 --> 01:06:12,800
Speaker 4: They love that side.

1446
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 1: I love that.

1447
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:16,320
Speaker 4: That wouldn't have been so bad if Polly hadn't started

1448
01:06:16,360 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 4: pressing for information regarding our preschool plans right when Eve

1449
01:06:20,040 --> 01:06:22,920
Speaker 4: turned to Polly, knew full well that waiting lists could

1450
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 4: be prohibitively lengthy, and she was genuinely curious whether we

1451
01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:29,080
Speaker 4: were taking any action yet in order to get Eve

1452
01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:33,200
Speaker 4: enrolled somewhere before age three, which is the standard preschool age.

1453
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:35,600
Speaker 4: Read it. I was really really hoping we could make

1454
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 4: it till enrollment before the issue resurfaced. But six months

1455
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:42,720
Speaker 4: is a long time to deflect questions, especially since we

1456
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 4: see Polly once a month or so. About four weeks

1457
01:06:45,520 --> 01:06:49,000
Speaker 4: following Eve's second birthday, Polly started bringing up preschool on

1458
01:06:49,080 --> 01:06:52,360
Speaker 4: the regular, literally every time we saw her. It drove

1459
01:06:52,440 --> 01:06:55,480
Speaker 4: me crazy. It was always the same, almost like a

1460
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 4: broken record. She would ask Mark about it. She never

1461
01:06:58,440 --> 01:07:01,080
Speaker 4: brought it up with me, and Mark repeatedly brushed the

1462
01:07:01,120 --> 01:07:05,080
Speaker 4: issue aside telling her, oh, oh, he is still researching schools.

1463
01:07:05,120 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 4: Eve is on a bunch of waiting lists. We'll see

1464
01:07:07,040 --> 01:07:09,200
Speaker 4: who calls us first before we make a decision. He

1465
01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:12,200
Speaker 4: avoided mentioning that I had actually toured schools and made

1466
01:07:12,240 --> 01:07:14,680
Speaker 4: it sound as though we wouldn't be making any decisions,

1467
01:07:14,720 --> 01:07:17,000
Speaker 4: even though by then I was about eighty to ninety

1468
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 4: percent certain where Eve would end up. Predictably, Polly would

1469
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:22,600
Speaker 4: sigh about it and express how much she wished Eve

1470
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:25,320
Speaker 4: would attend her school, but that was about it. After

1471
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 4: a few months of this, Polly got the hint that

1472
01:07:27,240 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 4: she was getting nowhere pressuring Mark, and she already knew

1473
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 4: she had no chance of swaying me. It was clear

1474
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:36,720
Speaker 4: Eve would not be attending her preschool, so she switched

1475
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:41,320
Speaker 4: tactics and suddenly, surprisingly Oh became legitimately helpful. She told

1476
01:07:41,360 --> 01:07:43,400
Speaker 4: me that she could get us a tour and a

1477
01:07:43,480 --> 01:07:47,200
Speaker 4: discount at a school similar to hers, but near us.

1478
01:07:47,640 --> 01:07:49,760
Speaker 4: That sounded fine with me, so I set up a

1479
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:52,760
Speaker 4: time to tour the place and meet Polly's friend, the director.

1480
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 4: Turns out, the school is great, and the discount the

1481
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 4: director offered to us was significantly more generous than I

1482
01:07:58,840 --> 01:08:02,480
Speaker 4: anticipated thought tuition. After all my research, I was well

1483
01:08:02,520 --> 01:08:05,600
Speaker 4: aware we wouldn't come across another deal like this, so

1484
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 4: we took it and signed Eve up for the soonest

1485
01:08:08,360 --> 01:08:11,160
Speaker 4: enrollment opening, which was this past summer. We thanked Polly

1486
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:13,640
Speaker 4: for help and sent the director an actual thank you

1487
01:08:13,720 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 4: card for her incredible generosity with the tuition Honestly, I

1488
01:08:17,200 --> 01:08:20,920
Speaker 4: feel like we need to start now start making friends

1489
01:08:20,920 --> 01:08:22,080
Speaker 4: with preschool directors.

1490
01:08:22,400 --> 01:08:23,880
Speaker 1: Honestly, yeah, that's the move.

1491
01:08:23,920 --> 01:08:26,400
Speaker 4: Apparently, you know what, no a preschool director.

1492
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:30,160
Speaker 1: Schmooz schuemouz. Man, here's the problem. Are you ready?

1493
01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:33,479
Speaker 2: What we really should have been doing was meeting the

1494
01:08:33,520 --> 01:08:36,640
Speaker 2: preschool directors as the babies in preschool.

1495
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 1: We should have been schmoozed, you.

1496
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 4: Know, we should have found like when we were a

1497
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:44,240
Speaker 4: baby and the preschool director was a baby, we should

1498
01:08:44,280 --> 01:08:46,599
Speaker 4: have known that they were going to become a preschool director.

1499
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,439
Speaker 1: That what you're saying, That's not what I was saying.

1500
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:53,760
Speaker 2: But that is truly so much better because we can

1501
01:08:53,960 --> 01:08:57,760
Speaker 2: incept them to say, okay, a you're gonna be a

1502
01:08:57,760 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 2: bit like a baby preschool director to you have to

1503
01:09:01,439 --> 01:09:03,800
Speaker 2: have my child. It is your little, literal life's goal

1504
01:09:03,920 --> 01:09:06,040
Speaker 2: to accept my child for free and get them everything.

1505
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:08,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, you go up to this other little kid, you're like, ah,

1506
01:09:08,439 --> 01:09:10,960
Speaker 4: I'm a baby and you're a baby. Wouldn't it be

1507
01:09:11,000 --> 01:09:13,559
Speaker 4: fun if you if you hung out with babies forever.

1508
01:09:14,360 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 4: Polly feels as though she's been able to contribute and

1509
01:09:16,880 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 4: I don't have to spend hours driving Eve everywhere.

1510
01:09:19,360 --> 01:09:19,760
Speaker 1: Win win.

1511
01:09:19,960 --> 01:09:21,519
Speaker 4: And you know what else is a win win? What

1512
01:09:22,040 --> 01:09:24,920
Speaker 4: listening to full episodes of stories just like this. Just

1513
01:09:24,960 --> 01:09:28,160
Speaker 4: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio and search a

1514
01:09:28,200 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 4: pokey story time. It's a win for you because you

1515
01:09:30,560 --> 01:09:33,120
Speaker 4: get entertainment, and it's a win for us because you

1516
01:09:33,160 --> 01:09:36,120
Speaker 4: watch us. Yes, but there's a little bit left to

1517
01:09:36,240 --> 01:09:38,240
Speaker 4: this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

1518
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:41,719
Speaker 2: I'm just like, absolutely, we should have brought it up earlier.

1519
01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:44,719
Speaker 2: This is definite case and just like, communicate early and often.

1520
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:49,400
Speaker 2: But mo, what are you doing why withhold this information?

1521
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 2: Just give your baby a spoon, That's all I gotta say.

1522
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:55,639
Speaker 4: Sharks, spoons? Did we think about spoons?

1523
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:56,200
Speaker 1: Sharks?

1524
01:09:56,400 --> 01:10:01,000
Speaker 4: I've come to pitch spoons to you, not normal spoons,

1525
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 4: spoons for babies. Take it or leave it, sharks. But

1526
01:10:04,960 --> 01:10:07,680
Speaker 4: there is a little bit left to this story.

1527
01:10:07,439 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: Those sharks. I'll take that offer.

1528
01:10:09,320 --> 01:10:13,240
Speaker 4: Ooh, So let's get into it. Polly is still pretty annoying.

1529
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:16,640
Speaker 4: Anytime we mention how well Eve is doing in preschool,

1530
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:20,720
Speaker 4: Polly puffs up and shamelessly openly fishes for praise and

1531
01:10:20,760 --> 01:10:23,479
Speaker 4: credit in getting us in there, and to my chagrin,

1532
01:10:23,600 --> 01:10:26,960
Speaker 4: despite the matter seeming to be resolved, she still continues

1533
01:10:27,000 --> 01:10:29,679
Speaker 4: to remind us how inexpensive it would be if Eve

1534
01:10:29,720 --> 01:10:32,280
Speaker 4: attended preschool at her work, and it even grows so

1535
01:10:32,439 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 4: bold as to suggest we move closer to her. I

1536
01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:38,400
Speaker 4: swear this woman grows more and more insufferable every year

1537
01:10:38,520 --> 01:10:41,320
Speaker 4: since she became a grandmother. But rest assured read it.

1538
01:10:41,479 --> 01:10:44,240
Speaker 4: So long as Mark values our marriage in the slightest,

1539
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:49,080
Speaker 4: moving closer to Polly will never ever happen. And there

1540
01:10:49,080 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 4: you have it, and that's the end of the story.