WEBVTT - The Voice In My Head 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.000 Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:24.040 --> 0:00:24.560 I'm Mila. 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:30.200 Happy New Year tribe, Happy fucking new Year. It is 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:31.880 twenty twenty three. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:37.480 Welcome to a new year, a new you. And maybe 0:00:37.520 --> 0:00:39.559 not because you know, I really do look at New 0:00:39.640 --> 0:00:41.640 Year's as just another day. I feel like it's just 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:47.440 a reminder to kind of take note, reflect and adjust 0:00:47.640 --> 0:00:49.120 if adjustments need to be made. 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:53.960 I do. I think people put so much emphasis into 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.640 like new Year, New me. I've never been good at discipline. 0:00:57.760 --> 0:01:01.200 That is not my strong Pointreka knows because I've been 0:01:01.200 --> 0:01:05.360 going on to detox for five years. So I hate that. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:07.600 And I also just hate like the expectation that we're 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.720 like supposed to make a huge change all in one day, 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.520 like don't do anything, don't eat me, don't drink, wake 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:17.240 up early. I mean, essentially, I do think that's probably 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:18.520 if I ever do do that. 0:01:18.600 --> 0:01:21.680 Detalk okay for me, though I do enjoy those type 0:01:21.680 --> 0:01:24.160 of things, That's what I mean. Like for me, it's 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:28.760 like a reset in in ways. But I think people 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:32.360 like put these really high expectations, like this year, I'm 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.600 going to make six figures, and it's like, yeah, you 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.680 should you should set that goal, but like, don't stress 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:40.760 yourself out, don't like this, don't let the sadness come 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:44.039 sit in already, like too early, because you know, maybe 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:47.800 January starts off a little bit slow, like I want 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:51.280 to ease into the new year January I is. 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:54.800 Supposed to feel. 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.800 In my mind, what I've told myself is I'm entering 0:01:57.880 --> 0:02:02.640 January with ease, and so maybe that's today's affirmation. 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:07.520 Todays I'm entering the new year with these I am 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:11.760 entering the new year with ease. Yes, I'm saying that 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:16.320 voice though, I am entering the new year with ease. 0:02:18.000 --> 0:02:21.360 Yes, be kind to yourself, be gentle to yourself. Just 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:29.040 glad on in this bitch speaking of, you know, trying 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:32.400 to reset. It's day four of the Open Challenge. You 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.120 guys have heard us talk about that. We're doing a 0:02:35.120 --> 0:02:37.840 thirty one day challenge with Open, which is an app 0:02:37.880 --> 0:02:42.320 and also an in person studio in Venice here in 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.800 LA and it's been amazing so far. I started before 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:47.760 the New Year, but it's been really nice to have 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:51.880 something to look forward to. Every morning. Five minute meditation, 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:55.400 sometimes I do a ten minute breath work and it's 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:59.160 just really helping me float in with ease in January. 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:02.480 I don't know if anybodyody else's into numerology, but if 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.239 you know us, we are, and also everybody in our discord, 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:08.800 because if you're in our discord, you know that the 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:11.160 angel numbers are angel numbers, and no matter what time 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:14.400 zone you're in, bitch, you're about to get these angel numbers, okay, 0:03:14.400 --> 0:03:16.440 because all day I'll be like I'm just saying five 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:16.680 to five. 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:17.560 I'm like, oh my god, it's five. 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:19.959 I'm like, no, it's two forty five. But I'd be 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:23.000 taking those opportunities of to manifest on the East coast, bache. 0:03:23.040 --> 0:03:29.079 I'll be manifested in all time zones, okay. I know 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:33.239 even in our even in our team, our team, uh 0:03:33.600 --> 0:03:37.080 discord discord. I saw somebody put the meme like you know, 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:38.920 one of your friends, there's always like five five, five 0:03:39.000 --> 0:03:41.480 six four four four, and they acting like they know shit. 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:44.320 I'm like, that's me, okay, because I'm going to take 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:47.200 every fucking opportunity to think of some shit that I want. 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:47.800 M M. 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:52.440 But numbers are like the universal language, and I think 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:54.840 people forget that. So when people are thinking about like 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.560 you know, the time and location that you're born. The 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.160 coordinates like those things make a difference because no matter 0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:05.040 what university, travel and numbers are a constant. I'm pretty 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:09.960 sure the aliens speak numbers. So I don't know a 0:04:10.000 --> 0:04:13.360 lot of people have explored numerology, but even our names 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:16.120 and our birth dates, if you add up your birth date, 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:18.760 there's no double digits. So if you get a ten, 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:20.839 it's a one. But you add everything up and then 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.760 it gives you like your life number, and so a 0:04:24.800 --> 0:04:27.000 lot of times, depending on what life number you came 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:30.239 as this time you're here for different purposes. So anyway, 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:34.840 twenty twenty three is the year. Is the number seven, 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:37.520 and you know number seven is lucky. So I just 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:39.320 want to tell you guys quickly what I looked at 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:44.320 real quick. The number seven. People will have a lucky 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:47.479 year in twenty twenty three. Overall the year will be good. 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:51.320 But numerology twenty twenty three for number seven suggests that 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:53.520 you spend as much time as possible with your family. 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:56.640 That's in bold, and you should set goals for yourself 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.360 and work hard to achieve them, basically what you should 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:04.479 do every year. But it also says seven emphasizes introspection, 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:10.560 emotion analysis, intuition, reflection, seclusion, research, and faith. This is 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.040 meant to be acquired inner year in which you can 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:18.240 learn the answers to your most burning and often avoided questions. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.480 So I don't know, I'm excited to see what your 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:27.040 numerology year number seven brings us. I feel all those things. 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:31.200 I feel called to spend more time with my family, actually, 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.440 like in a different way than just oh it's the holidays, 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.680 like carrying that with me through the new year. I 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:41.560 feel like there's like some healing and healing wounds that 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:43.640 are being healed right now in my family. And I 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:47.080 don't know, like I don't know. 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:47.760 I just feel like. 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.760 I feel for sure than in twenty twenty three, there's 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:54.360 going to be a shift for me in my relationships 0:05:54.440 --> 0:05:58.000 in my family. And I've been feeling that lately strongly, 0:05:58.279 --> 0:05:59.520 and so it's funny that you said that. 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:01.839 I agree with that. I feel that, And I feel 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:05.919 like I've been thinking a lot about like mortality and 0:06:06.080 --> 0:06:08.960 just that we all die, and that you know we age, 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:11.479 and that you know there's parents that are getting older, 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:13.760 there's grandparents that are getting older, and I think just 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:17.560 being a parent in general I as my kid gets older, 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:19.760 I'm just like, damn, Like you know, like none of 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:23.680 this is permanent. This time is borrowed. And I think 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.800 it's even if you're on a healing journey, sometimes it's 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:34.400 easy to isolate that experience and maybe even take it 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:36.400 to like your inner circles. But when it comes to 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:40.160 your family, it's sometimes it's easy to avoid because we're 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:42.039 adults and we're living our own lives and da da 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:45.560 da dad and da da da. But like oftentimes the 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:48.880 most pressing wounds that need to be healed and the 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.239 most triggering are the ones closest to us, and often 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:55.040 the ones that like causes the wounds, And I think 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:58.799 it takes a lot of work, a even different type 0:06:58.839 --> 0:07:02.880 of like commitment you're healing to address it within your 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.440 own family and oftentime with elders who are not a 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:08.440 lot of times in the same wave as you, because 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:14.720 you know, fucking therapy and healing and wellness. Didn't like 0:07:14.880 --> 0:07:19.360 trauma wasn't a trigger word before, But I do feel that, 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.280 and I feel like my sometimes even right now, most recently, 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:28.040 my circumstances are forcing that to happen, and not necessarily 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:31.040 like because maybe I wouldn't initiate it to that extent, 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.040 even though knowing I need to. But just like circumstances 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:36.440 are shifting so that we kind of have to show 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.520 up for our family and like have to spend that 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:41.600 time and have to address wounds. So I think that's 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:45.080 interesting too. Yes, I. 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.920 Feel also like when you were saying that, like angel 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:53.360 numbers don two like are like you can ask for 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.360 what you want in any time zone. I think there 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:59.640 also is just a reminder of like doing the work, 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.920 because that's also what it's about, is like having whether 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.840 it's angel numbers or you having affirmations written on a 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:09.320 fucking mirror or an alert in your phone telling you, hey, bitch, 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:11.200 remember that thing you're working on, Think about that, talk 0:08:11.200 --> 0:08:13.960 about it real quick. Like that's what it really is, 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.200 is like, and that's the power existency, and that's the 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.320 power of the law of attraction, and that's the power 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.680 of manifesting and all those things. And that leads us 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:24.320 to like January too, Like I know, in January we 0:08:24.360 --> 0:08:28.280 wanted to focus on the law of attraction and asking 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.520 for what you want, and we're going to be exploring 0:08:30.560 --> 0:08:33.600 that all month and just sharing how we've asked for 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:35.600 what we want and how we've gotten it, sharing other 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:40.520 people's perspectives and just like just really I think exploring 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:45.800 this idea that you can actually make your wildest dreams 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:46.360 come true. 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:48.920 You know, they show up differently, but. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:54.080 I think we as human underestimate our powers in that 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:58.280 space absolutely, And I feel like if we all could 0:08:58.320 --> 0:09:02.160 just like believe in our fucking self like magic, It's yeah, 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:06.440 So I'm really excited. I'm really excited because, you know, 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:10.559 just like heading to the retreat and like having opportunity 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:13.360 even there to like continue that work with all these 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.440 women out there is just like I feel like I'm 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.760 setting myself up to have like the most epic year ever, 0:09:18.920 --> 0:09:21.360 the luckiest number seven fucking year ever. 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:25.040 And this other site says, now that we have grown 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:27.640 in tandem with others, we need to sit back and 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:31.840 see how we ourselves have changed in response to the growth. 0:09:32.080 --> 0:09:35.040 Twenty twenty two asked of us, where are we different? 0:09:35.200 --> 0:09:38.120 How has our outlook changed? It's safe to say that 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.440 many of us have experienced internal shifts as the world 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:44.680 acclimates to the new abnormal, and now is the moment 0:09:44.760 --> 0:09:48.080 to get clearer regarding those changes. As much as you 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:50.520 think you know yourself, perhaps you have altered in ways 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:55.199 you didn't even realize. Sometimes in order to process change, 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:58.760 we must be confronted with it directly. And that's what 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:02.040 this year is all about. We have collective opportunity to 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:05.560 come to terms with ourselves and develop a better understanding 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:08.440 of the ways we've evolved while we were just living 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:12.160 our lives. I knew you has been slowly forming when 0:10:12.160 --> 0:10:15.280 you didn't even realize it. Wow, Now it's time to 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.679 fully integrate that existence and go forward with a stronger 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:22.840 sense of awareness. This process won't occur overnight, but that's okay. 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:26.720 The seven Energy is not one to be rush. Move slowly, 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:30.480 dipping your toe in the tests, the waters which with 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:34.560 each step until you fully immersed yourself. And that's what 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:37.360 I feel called to enter this year with ease. 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:40.160 Yeah, if I really feel that way, and I feel 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:44.480 really ready to explore the deeper parts of me and 0:10:45.120 --> 0:10:47.240 like really, I just I don't know, I feel like 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.040 for me, I don't know if there's any scorpios listening, 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.640 but like in our like in the readings I've been 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:56.120 seeing online, it's a lot about like really removing like 0:10:56.200 --> 0:11:00.200 these old archaic lenses of who you think you should be, 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.480 like you're finally ready to like really shift really like 0:11:03.640 --> 0:11:05.560 go deep and really. 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:06.720 And happily and excited. 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.840 And that's kind of how I feel and like, just 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.839 even recently, like the way I handle this situation that 0:11:11.880 --> 0:11:14.080 like in any other time, I probably would have been 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:17.280 like crying for days, and I did cry for myself 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:21.560 feel but I'm I already feel like there's a shift, 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:25.320 like oh my God, like I'm I'm ready to like 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:28.880 I don't know, I feel like there's just this like 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:32.720 feeling of like really inviting more joy into my life 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.120 because I have so much to be grateful for and 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:37.439 I know that, but like it. 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:39.480 Just feels different. It feels really different. 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:45.360 So this year I have really high hopes for I'm 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.600 open to anything happening, all the good and the bad, 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:52.480 because the good doesn't feel good without some bad, bad choices. 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:58.360 You got to do both, Lauren knows. I mean, honestly, 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:03.640 if you're just like that bit is if you have been, 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:07.959 you know, following the journey of good Mom's bad choices 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:11.720 in just the last few years, it's been a hell 0:12:11.920 --> 0:12:15.240 of a motherfucking ride, and there's been a lot of 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:19.079 bad choices and like a lot you guys don't even know. 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.319 So many bad choices you don't even fucking know, and 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:27.680 so many that you do. And I do. I feel 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:32.280 I feel these like these these internet articles they're accurate, 0:12:33.120 --> 0:12:36.360 just because it has been a wild ride and it 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:38.520 has taken a long time and we're still growing and 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:40.640 then we're still deepening, and it's just like it's so 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:43.800 exciting to kind of like sit back and be like, damn, 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.160 like you did fuck your baby daddy all those times, 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:52.680 you stupid bitch. Look where you are now, you know, 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.560 look at you now, Look at you now, like I 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:56.960 knew you had it in you and you're like, yes, God, 0:12:57.000 --> 0:13:00.480 I did you know. I feel so I'm like I 0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:02.520 knew I could do it, you know. And it's just 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.480 really a true testament to like baby steps. And I 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:07.480 feel that I feel like the ease, like not that 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.880 everything has been easy, but I feel like once we 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:15.079 sat back and recognized that we could do it, everything 0:13:15.120 --> 0:13:18.920 else has really been with ease, you know what I mean. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:22.560 It's just like, you know, for two bitches who have 0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:29.319 like severe add undiagnosed, untreated just week. 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.000 Week right here, I'll just say we are treat I 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:34.280 don't know if this is actually helping. I don't know 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.760 if it's I don't know if it actually helps they 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:38.600 undiagnosed add But. 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:42.880 But we've come a very long way and we've manifested 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.480 a lot of things because just using our words, being 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:50.400 impuccable with our words, and just growing to love ourselves, 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.640 you know, like slowly accept and love ourselves, and like 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:58.080 even choosing the name good Mom's Bad Choices. You know, 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.800 we didn't know what we were doing, but like it's profound, 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.440 you know, it's just like we knew then that they 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:10.480 were going to like there's development that needs to happen, 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:12.920 you know. Even when we started, we're like everything's that 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.319 perfect and we know it, but we're gonna roll with it, 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:22.200 you know. And I just it does just take one 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:24.360 step at a time, one day at a time, and 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.120 just kind of like dealing with yourself with ease, dealing 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:31.120 with yourself with grace. And it helps to have friends 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:34.440 that do that, Like you have helped me love myself 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.600 and give myself grace in ways that Like I've said 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.520 this a lot, Like I was so frustrated with my ass, 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.680 my own ass. I was like, bitch, I'm done with you. 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:49.000 But I couldn't be, you know, like I'm here, you know, 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.400 and especially when you have kids and stuff and you 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.000 see people mirroring you and people that like act like you, 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.480 and just you know, you hopefully want to be better. 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:02.320 And I just hope that this year everybody gives themselves 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:04.560 the grace to do that. And like, even if you've 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.160 been listening, even if you haven't always made the best choices, 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.920 like this is always a new. 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:11.880 Day, always a new day. You put one foot in 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.040 front of the other and that's it. Sometimes that's all 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.360 you can do that day is just do that and 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:18.560 just start there. You know, it doesn't have to be 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:20.840 some big grand act. And I think that's also like 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.960 this pressure that you know, New Year sometimes brings to 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:26.920 people where they feel like I gotta set everything up 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:30.520 this month, like and it's like, no. 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:31.080 You don't. 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.800 You've already been doing the work, even when even if 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:35.920 it's you know, even if it's you know, taking time 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:38.680 to get even to this space right now, Like if it's. 0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:41.240 On your mind, you've started doing the work. If you're 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:44.400 not just an oblivious dumb bitch, you're like fuck it, 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:46.240 you know what I mean. If it's been on your mind, 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.480 like bitch, you need to change, maybe you could do better. 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.840 Then like that is already the beginning of starting the work. 0:15:52.800 --> 0:15:54.080 And you know what that's if you. 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.120 Have the patience to sit and listen to two bitches 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.240 talk about their personal development, then you're already doing the 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:03.440 work because you are there's something calling you to listen 0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:07.960 to a perspective and that enough is is that is 0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:11.040 good enough? And also it is valid and important to 0:16:11.120 --> 0:16:13.840 even beginning to do the work is like questioning everything, 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:16.240 listening to someone else say hey, this is what I did, 0:16:16.400 --> 0:16:18.040 and being like, okay, well that was interesting. 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:20.000 I lost the perspective. I hadn't thought of am I 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:24.120 doing this? And like just being self fucking reflective is 0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.640 a part the beginning stages of doing the work. I mean, 0:16:26.680 --> 0:16:29.200 it's all the stages of doing the work. Always, if 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:33.280 you don't can't tell yourself you're fucking up, then just 0:16:33.560 --> 0:16:36.960 ignorant bliss and ignorance, you know, ignorance and bliss. Fucking 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:39.560 ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.400 You know sometimes though, you know, sometimes I I'm okay 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:46.080 with living in ignorance and ways in my life, certain 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.360 things I'm like, I really just don't I don't there 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:48.920 to know. 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.320 But for how long I don't know? Certain things? 0:16:51.400 --> 0:16:54.080 Let me too, like ribs, like I don't need to know, 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.160 you know, just certain shit like people have autonomy over 0:16:57.200 --> 0:16:59.160 their choices and I can't control them all. I don't 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:01.800 need to know them all. I don't need to, you know, 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:05.480 Like I re going and get candy out of the 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:06.880 cabinet behind my back, like. 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.640 Okay, you got one overall. 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:13.240 You got it ewin, you know, like obviously there's certain 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.399 things can what you can. Obviously there are things I 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:18.240 need to know. And I've also realized that too. I'm like, 0:17:18.240 --> 0:17:21.959 I need to be more investigative in twenty twenty three. Okay, 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.440 I need to really scope the scene because fully. 0:17:25.920 --> 0:17:34.040 Yeah, maybe more investigative, more reporting, yeah, but not investigative, 0:17:34.400 --> 0:17:36.120 be a little crazy. I told my therapist. 0:17:36.160 --> 0:17:38.320 I was like, so I think that, like I just 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:40.520 need to start going through niggas phones I'm in twenty 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:43.159 twenty three because I don't really do that, So might 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:45.440 just do that, like maybe just start there, like maybe 0:17:45.440 --> 0:17:46.439 that's like normal, is it? 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:48.960 Maybe that's not crossing boundaries. I told you. I was like, 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:49.600 maybe that's. 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:53.520 Actually not crossing boundaries and it's just having autonomy over like, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:55.840 what the fuck do you want to do moving forward after. 0:17:55.680 --> 0:17:57.920 You do that? Well, I I let me tell you, 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:03.600 as a bitch who one thousand percent would never I 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:05.639 would never be like I'm looking, I want someone, I'm 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:07.440 gonna give someone permission looks through my phone. I'm gonna 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:09.240 ask looks to your phone, I'm gonna give you my 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.760 my fucking location. I would think that's ridiculous. And if 0:18:11.800 --> 0:18:13.760 someone told me that, like as a friend, I'd be like, 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:17.600 this dumb bitch is dumb, Like your relationship is stupid, 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:20.359 and you guys not no for you know I'm judging, 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.480 and you know I'm judging everyone is dumb. You know 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:26.119 I say that a lot and I always mean it, but 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:30.560 sometimes I do. But I would feel immediately like that 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:33.560 is based on security. Well, because I've been in a 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:36.680 relationship where people look through my shit all the time, 0:18:36.800 --> 0:18:38.920 even when I wasn't doing shit. I've been in relationships 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:39.960 where I well, you. 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:41.679 Have to change a perspective and not look at it 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:44.160 as like a violation, looking at it as like love 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:47.360 and honesty and that we're really here and and eventually 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.199 you don't even care to know. 0:18:49.320 --> 0:18:51.520 And then sometimes you really need that shit. And and 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.840 obviously I've also been a sneaky bitch. You know I've 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:57.160 have I've had and like maybe years ago like shit 0:18:57.240 --> 0:18:59.280 in there, you know, not that many years ago. So 0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:02.840 you also feel like it's good to hold you health accountable. Well, 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:09.439 I know you're going to be any Please God for me, 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:13.200 Please have your my coat. I'm liable to do some function. No, 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:18.119 I'm past there. I've been pasted there. But but in 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:20.679 the beginning of me in Orlando's relationship, when we were 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:23.080 living in different states, and like you know, granted, me 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:26.000 and Orlando dated and we're friends for like a year 0:19:26.160 --> 0:19:29.000 before we were in a relationship. And when we got 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:31.560 in a relationship and he was like, share your location 0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:35.919 with me literally, and my heart was like, I was like, 0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:39.359 what the this nigg is on crack? That's what I thought. 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:41.159 I was like. And then and then you know what 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:43.600 I thought, because I met like my my initial sneaky 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.600 bitchness was like, who cares? He doesn't know where the 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:48.439 fuck I am. He doesn't know any streets in LA 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.439 I was like, he's stupid, not stupid, but like that 0:19:53.640 --> 0:19:55.639 was my because I was so against that, but I 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:58.120 did it. To appease him. And then even I think 0:19:58.160 --> 0:20:00.520 because we were friends, like having each other's fun codes 0:20:00.560 --> 0:20:02.720 and shit, they didn't really bother me because I really 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:04.320 didn't have anything to happen. 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:07.520 Because he offers you guys offer each other such a 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:12.160 sense of freedom that that doesn't really feel like like purgatory. 0:20:12.560 --> 0:20:16.440 It doesn't really feel crazy because you it's not crazy 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:19.280 because the rest of your relationship is very free and open, 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:20.280 and that's open too. 0:20:20.680 --> 0:20:23.719 Well, well, it totally changed my perspective of it, you know, 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:25.679 and I never expected that being in a relationship with 0:20:25.720 --> 0:20:27.320 someone and I would be like, I can look at 0:20:27.320 --> 0:20:29.800 his phone all times. And I looked at this phone 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:31.560 when he was asleep, not looking at his phone. I 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:34.399 was using it for something and Luna was like, you 0:20:34.440 --> 0:20:36.760 know his code and I was like yeah. She's like 0:20:37.800 --> 0:20:41.720 I thought, wow, this is seven year old. No, you 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:45.040 don't do the shit right. But I feel at ease, 0:20:45.119 --> 0:20:47.720 like I don't check his fucking whereabouts, but he can't, 0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:50.520 Like it's it's just that I don't need to look. 0:20:50.560 --> 0:20:52.680 And even the time that I have, which has only 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:54.800 really been one time, i'd be like, hey, look I 0:20:54.800 --> 0:20:56.600 looked at your phone and this is what I don't 0:20:56.640 --> 0:20:58.760 fuck with or whatever, and he, you know, like, why'd 0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:00.680 you do that? I was like, I didn't do anything wrong. 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:05.520 This is my right, this is my birth right, all 0:21:05.560 --> 0:21:08.119 of your belonging. But you know, we had a we 0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:14.800 had a lot of heavy pushback from uh Mac the 0:21:14.800 --> 0:21:19.480 therapist and when he said, like, that's the that's the boundary. No, 0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:23.119 that is like, if you cheat, that is to be expected, 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:25.960 you know, expect that and welcome it. To have everyone 0:21:26.480 --> 0:21:27.640 in our episode. 0:21:27.240 --> 0:21:31.200 About like having full transparency in your relationship after you cheat. 0:21:31.040 --> 0:21:33.760