Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, how's.
Speaker 2: It going sculling? Good? How are you?
Speaker 3: I'm good?
Speaker 1: How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm good? How are you? How long does you can
Speaker 2: do this for?
Speaker 4: Don't I don't want to do this game? This game
Speaker 4: always gets boring.
Speaker 2: Sorry, okay, okay, that answers that question. What's your name?
Speaker 2: I'm sorry you just told it to me soon tell
Speaker 2: me again.
Speaker 4: I did not tell it to you yet, but my
Speaker 4: name is Russ.
Speaker 2: Oh, Russ. It says here that you're scared of the sun.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Man, I know this is going to sound kind of ridiculous,
Speaker 4: but like, I'm honestly kind of legit scared of the
Speaker 4: sun and a few other things in regards to like space.
Speaker 4: It gives me, honestly, like an existential dread.
Speaker 2: Why do you tell me more? Tell me more about
Speaker 2: why you're scared of the sun?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah.
Speaker 4: The first thing that I always say to my family
Speaker 4: that kind of makes them think I'm crazy is that
Speaker 4: like the like light speed, right, it's really fast, like
Speaker 4: about three hundred thousand meters per second or something like that.
Speaker 4: To go to the moon, if you're going light speed,
Speaker 4: or take about four seconds. But to get to the
Speaker 4: Sun they would take about eight minutes, but they look
Speaker 4: the same size in the sky, like the sun is
Speaker 4: just gigantic. Man, stars are terrifying, And I don't think
Speaker 4: normal people realize that we just have this like massive
Speaker 4: ball of fusion in the sky constantly doing this thing,
Speaker 4: powering all life on earth. I don't know, man, It's
Speaker 4: such a weird balance of like fuckery that I just
Speaker 4: can't can't live with.
Speaker 2: How how often are you thinking about the sun?
Speaker 4: I mean, I I think I honestly think about this
Speaker 4: type of shit every day. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2: What's the what's the first thing you think about typically
Speaker 2: when you wake up? Is it the sun?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: I I no, definitely not. No.
Speaker 2: I don't check your phone. Do you check your phone
Speaker 2: and the when when you first wake up?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 4: No? But I do check my laptop. I guess it's
Speaker 4: kind of the same thing.
Speaker 2: What do you first go to on your laptop with at?
Speaker 4: What if I said rather it would that be a
Speaker 4: terrible thing?
Speaker 2: No, A terrible thing would be anything that's not the truth.
Speaker 4: Well, I'm being honest with you, so I guess read it.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What subreddit do go on is check home?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: You know, just browsed popular brows the home brows. You know,
Speaker 4: if you think Curble Space Program, I like that subreddit.
Speaker 2: Okay, so your so your you. The first thing you
Speaker 2: do when you wake up in the morning is you
Speaker 2: go to your laptop. You go to Reddit, and you
Speaker 2: try to find people talking about the sun on a
Speaker 2: space reddit.
Speaker 4: I mean Curbal Space Program is like a video game
Speaker 4: where rock face and stuff. Yeah do, But like I,
Speaker 4: I do have a telescope and I am like an
Speaker 4: amateur astronomer and stuff too, so like this type of
Speaker 4: but I don't know why, man, Like looking through my
Speaker 4: telescope has been a thing I haven't been able to
Speaker 4: do recently because like I just stare into the void
Speaker 4: of space and I see all like the stars and shit,
Speaker 4: and just like actually starts to freak me out.
Speaker 2: I go ahead, I'll I'll save my shit for the end.
Speaker 2: Go ahead.
Speaker 4: Okay. I was gonna say, like my friends and family
Speaker 4: know that, like I loved space and shit, but they've
Speaker 4: all like realized that I haven't been going out with
Speaker 4: my telescope and taking pictures recently, and it's been a
Speaker 4: thing that I've been like too afraid to like talk
Speaker 4: about to them, because like, how do you explain that
Speaker 4: you're scared of basically the universe. No, I sound crazy.
Speaker 2: You're an amateur astronomer, which, by the way, I've never
Speaker 2: heard a single person ever describe themselves as that. I
Speaker 2: find that very impressive. You are an amateur astronomer who
Speaker 2: is ungraid of space. That's like if you were a
Speaker 2: hot air balloon conductor who was afraid of heights, or
Speaker 2: an exterminator who was afraid of bugs, or a doctor blood.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I don't get I don't get paid to
Speaker 4: like look at the stars or anything though.
Speaker 2: Right, No, but this is not about money. It's a
Speaker 2: business what you do. You're an amateur. You describe yourself. No,
Speaker 2: you describe yourself as an amateur astronomer. That's not a
Speaker 2: normal thing that people say about themselves. This is what
Speaker 2: you get from from what I'm hearing, from what I
Speaker 2: what you're telling me. This is what I think.
Speaker 4: You're maybe putting too much weight onto the onto the
Speaker 4: two words amateur astronomer. I just kind of like use
Speaker 4: that as like a descriptor for like people that like
Speaker 4: to use telescopes and like your research on what they're
Speaker 4: looking at and take pictures on a scale.
Speaker 2: Well, Okay, well are you Are you an amateur astronomer
Speaker 2: or are you a guy who owns a telescope.
Speaker 4: To me, they're one and the same, because it's like
Speaker 4: saying a musician is someone that can own a guitar.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: Ah, Man, I'm really sad now, I'm sorry. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: disappointed me a lot. I thought you were an amateur
Speaker 2: astronomers astronomer, no, I will.
Speaker 4: I don't write down like numbers and do calculations and
Speaker 4: like all that type of stuff, but like I I
Speaker 4: would have when you go on to like the subreddits,
Speaker 4: everyone talks about how they're amateur astronomers and they just
Speaker 4: like take pictures of stuff. I don't know, that's what
Speaker 4: I thought they were called.
Speaker 2: So, uh, at some point there was a little stretch
Speaker 2: of time where you were really into space but not
Speaker 2: yet afraid of it. What did that look like?
Speaker 4: Excitement? I guess like I would go out like every
Speaker 4: clear night that I had the chance, you know, like
Speaker 4: taking taking pictures of uh, like I don't know any
Speaker 4: names right now, man, I'm kind of nervous.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: Uh, some some of the terminologies escaping my brain. But
Speaker 4: like I would take pictures of like I know that
Speaker 4: Andromeda Galaxy is a great one. For example, it's one
Speaker 4: of the most stamous ones. Some of the nebulas, I
Speaker 4: don't know. I get excited about looking at the stars
Speaker 4: and looking at the moon and things like that, but
Speaker 4: over time it just started like creeping up on me,
Speaker 4: like that the distances between these things and the sizes
Speaker 4: of these things and compared to me, like I'm just
Speaker 4: so tiny.
Speaker 2: You're nothing. You're nothing, You're nothing.
Speaker 4: But it's like a tiny speck man floating on another
Speaker 4: tiny speck in the grand scheme of the universe. And
Speaker 4: I think I spent too much time thinking about.
Speaker 2: It, Like, imagine how small our brains are. We are nothing.
Speaker 2: We are tiny, insignificant little bugs. And if a giant
Speaker 2: thing wanted to come down here and kill us all,
Speaker 2: he would be well within his right to do that,
Speaker 2: because whatever it would be, it would be bigger and smarter,
Speaker 2: as much as we're well within our right to kill
Speaker 2: a little ant. You know, that's so much we suck
Speaker 2: in our nothing.
Speaker 4: I just think that, like I feel as a human
Speaker 4: and being brought up in modern society, I feel like
Speaker 4: more humans need to kind of have like kind of
Speaker 4: a similar feeling to me because I think it's I'm
Speaker 4: not trying to say I'm anything special or like smart
Speaker 4: or anything, but like I think, well, you hold on.
Speaker 2: You described yourself as an amateur astrologist, astronomy astronomer, astrologist
Speaker 2: or whatever. But you did that, and you need to
Speaker 2: accept the fact that you did that. Anyway, go ahead.
Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm sorry, Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't I didn't
Speaker 4: mean to mislead. I didn't mean to mislead.
Speaker 2: I forgive you, I forgive I forgive you. It's okay,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. I kind of lost what I was going
Speaker 4: to say. I don't I don't know.
Speaker 2: You were you were. Here's what you were. You were
Speaker 2: trying to say that everyone else should be as afraid
Speaker 2: of space as you are. That's what you were saying.
Speaker 2: Why do you feel some.
Speaker 4: Degree because it's very much humbled me in my day
Speaker 4: to day life and not being so worried about the
Speaker 4: small things.
Speaker 2: Like yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Keeped on the floor, like I'm not going to get
Speaker 4: like up set that I have to clean a puke
Speaker 4: or something like that. You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's what's his name, uh god, Carl Sega. No,
Speaker 2: it wasn't him. Did Carl Sagan do this or did
Speaker 2: he just talk about it? Or it's the pale blue
Speaker 2: dot that photo.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure, yeah, Carl. I think it was Carl.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think who cares? But there's a famous
Speaker 2: picture of a pale blue dot and it's like a
Speaker 2: little it's like taking a telescope that was taken super
Speaker 2: super far away and it took a took a picture
Speaker 2: of the Earth, and the Earth looks like a little
Speaker 2: pale blue dot, and you're supposed to look at it
Speaker 2: and go, damn, uh you know that girl not texting
Speaker 2: me back is nothing?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I think it was like Voyager one or Voyager two.
Speaker 2: That's why, that's that's why, that's why Carl Sagan wanted
Speaker 2: them to take the pictures because a girl wasn't texting
Speaker 2: him back and he wanted to just realize how insignificant
Speaker 2: that was. That's why he took the picture. I don't
Speaker 2: know if it took, if he asked someone to take it,
Speaker 2: or if he did do anything. What were you going
Speaker 2: to say?
Speaker 4: I was going to ask if you knew that they
Speaker 4: took pictures of all the planets and the solar system,
Speaker 4: like the mejor.
Speaker 2: Ones like at one point in time.
Speaker 4: No, with a pailblue dot like in the same like
Speaker 4: a like a panoramic type thing.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not an amateur astrologist. So are you?
Speaker 2: What was I going to ask you? Oh? Okay, I
Speaker 2: want to hear more about how this has humbled you.
Speaker 2: I want to hear more about how do you live
Speaker 2: your life differently now that you've internalized that you don't
Speaker 2: matter in the grand scheme of the planets.
Speaker 4: That is a very loaded question. I think that it's
Speaker 4: made me honestly more reclusive, and it's made anxiety worse.
Speaker 4: And even though I think that at the same time
Speaker 4: people should have like a similar feeling to me about
Speaker 4: being tiny, I think I go overboard on that and
Speaker 4: just think about it all the time. So, like, if
Speaker 4: the way it's affected my life, it's been, I guess
Speaker 4: not very good. It's been a negative.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you're you came to the right conclusion, which
Speaker 2: is that you don't matter and your incident it's true,
Speaker 2: it's really a true thing. But you're using that information
Speaker 2: in the wrong way. You're using it to be anxious. Well,
Speaker 2: tell me why, why does that make you anxious that
Speaker 2: you don't matter.
Speaker 4: Not so much that I don't matter, It's just that
Speaker 4: like I'm at the whim of the universe, you know,
Speaker 4: like whatever, Like just as like stars and planets form
Speaker 4: and galaxies form, just like through physics, I in life
Speaker 4: has formed in my opinion, I'm not a religious person
Speaker 4: through physics, and if God created physics, then God whatever,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't want to get in that right
Speaker 4: now anyways. But like I am just as natural as
Speaker 4: the planets around me and like the atoms around me,
Speaker 4: in my opinion, because I'm also aut so like I
Speaker 4: just fundamentally feel as if I, like, just as the
Speaker 4: universe got created, I could just be destroyed an instant
Speaker 4: or like something else could happen. I don't know, Like
Speaker 4: I'm being a squishy meatsack is like part of my
Speaker 4: fear and the whole existential system of like planets and systems,
Speaker 4: Like I don't know, I'm just a squishy meatsack and
Speaker 4: like I don't know how to describe it. It's I
Speaker 4: don't know, man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, I mean it's like a fear of
Speaker 2: not being in control. You're at the Earth.
Speaker 4: Swim Yeah, Like I'm just so small and human.
Speaker 2: You're like, that's it. You're you're, you're You've come to
Speaker 2: the realization of your own fragility.
Speaker 4: And it's scary, yes, I guess so that at the
Speaker 4: end of it, it's like I'm I'm so fragile.
Speaker 2: I'm so fragile, yea, And.
Speaker 4: It terrifies me because like anything could happen, like like anything,
Speaker 4: and I like literally and why.
Speaker 6: Not actually of death?
Speaker 2: But why not look at it in a more positive
Speaker 2: way of like, well, I'm fragile, but uh so is
Speaker 2: everyone around me, even the most like how even whoever
Speaker 2: we think is the most powerful person, there's just a
Speaker 2: fleshy little means like nothing matters, there's no why not
Speaker 2: why not just be like all right, so I'm gonna
Speaker 2: chill out, I'm gonna eat my little food. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: eventually I'll return to the universe is some other thing.
Speaker 2: But this is my little time in the in the flash.
Speaker 2: Let me hang out with people and eat stuff and
Speaker 2: watch TV and like then it'll be over.
Speaker 4: The thing is though, that that sounds very nice, and
Speaker 4: I've tried. I'm not gonna presentd like I'm in counseling,
Speaker 4: gone for counseling, Like, I've definitely tried these things, and like, okay,
Speaker 4: it's that like every single time I go outside, I
Speaker 4: look down at the ground and all I can imagine
Speaker 4: is this huge, gigantic ball underneath me, and I'm just
Speaker 4: like this tiny thing on top of it. And just
Speaker 4: like if you were to go into the forest and
Speaker 4: see a huge bear in front of you, you'd be scared.
Speaker 4: That same fears applied to just looking down at the ground. Wow,
Speaker 4: or like looking up at the sky.
Speaker 2: What did the counselors tell you? I'm curious what they
Speaker 2: have to say. They're also fragile, little meat secks.
Speaker 4: The thing is is that I haven't even been able
Speaker 4: to talk about this and counseling because of like so
Speaker 4: many other anxieties that I have about other things.
Speaker 2: Do you do anything you do? You do anything that
Speaker 2: makes you feel calm?
Speaker 4: And okay, I'm a musician as well, and I'm not
Speaker 4: gonna lie about my attitude and musicians ship. I've taught
Speaker 4: myself music theory over the past five years. I am
Speaker 4: a musician. I am not and if you don't think
Speaker 4: I'm an amateur astronomer, I'm definitely musician. When I use
Speaker 4: that term so respects respect and when you play music,
Speaker 4: you feel okay, you feel like you're you're in the
Speaker 4: flow state and you're not thinking about the fact that
Speaker 4: you're an ant. Yes, yes, yes, I am only focused
Speaker 4: on the music.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's one of the.
Speaker 2: Things that's uh, you know, cherish that ship, dude, that's
Speaker 2: the stuff like that is the only it's really the
Speaker 2: only stuff worth doing. I think there's stuff that gets
Speaker 2: us in the flow where we're not thinking about the
Speaker 2: future of the past. We're just in the fucking zone.
Speaker 4: I agree, man.
Speaker 2: But also there's a lot of stuff. There's a lot,
Speaker 2: but I don't know, there's a lot of bad stuff
Speaker 2: that does that for you too, Like Caroin.
Speaker 4: I think even anxiety itself is a flow state, but
Speaker 4: like it's just one that you can't control, you know,
Speaker 4: that's why.
Speaker 2: But that's why people get addict it to heroin is
Speaker 2: because it puts them in the moment, and that's it's
Speaker 2: such an attractive feeling, and that's why we chase it
Speaker 2: with heroin and music sometimes in the same time chasing
Speaker 2: the dragon. What's your favorite planet?
Speaker 4: My favorite planet, I guess I would say Jupiter. Honestly, man,
Speaker 4: I love Jupiter.
Speaker 2: Why you all right, so you're terrified of Earth, but
Speaker 2: Jupiter is like Jupiter is like, dude, isn't that crazy?
Speaker 2: Think about how big the Earth is and Jupiter's like,
Speaker 2: fucking how many times bigger than the Earth.
Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying about the Sun.
Speaker 2: Man, it's crazy. Yeah, And you look.
Speaker 4: At the moon. The Moon's tinier than the Earth, right,
Speaker 4: and the Sun and the Moon look the same size
Speaker 4: in the sky, even though like the Sun is like
Speaker 4: I don't know how many times further away, Like it's
Speaker 4: it's so much bigger. And that's why I'm terrified, Like,
Speaker 4: I wow, it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Think about how small an extra large McDonald's fry is.
Speaker 2: It's like, it's so tiny, like the super size extra
Speaker 2: large McDonald's fries. You are getting.
Speaker 4: Nothing, like are you talking about in the grand scale
Speaker 4: of the universe, In.
Speaker 2: The grand scale of the universe, you're getting You're literally
Speaker 2: getting nothing compared to Jupiter. It's so small.
Speaker 4: I think that the Way should advertise their next sub
Speaker 4: as closer to the size of planets and the size
Speaker 4: of atoms, because technically, I think even though we are
Speaker 4: very small, we're still like closer to the size of
Speaker 4: the planet.
Speaker 2: And no, you're wrong, no way, are you serious? Is
Speaker 2: that true? I think so five is a five dollar
Speaker 2: foot long. I don't know if they still do that.
Speaker 2: Is a foot long sandwich at subway. I know they
Speaker 2: still don't do that. I go to subway. I like
Speaker 2: subway is a foot long sandwich at subway closer to
Speaker 2: the size of the Earth than the size of a
Speaker 2: single adam? Is that true?
Speaker 4: Honestly, I I feel like that was something I've maybe
Speaker 4: I pulled out my ass, but I'm curious. Now I'm curious.
Speaker 4: I feel like it's true. I feel like it's true.
Speaker 2: Someone in the comments section can answer this question.
Speaker 4: And comment or chat. If I'm totally wrong, you just
Speaker 4: can bring my ass and yeah, I'm stupid because.
Speaker 2: It is, yes realm ream the amateur astrologer astronomer. I
Speaker 2: keep saying astrologer. I I don't know if that's a word.
Speaker 2: I think I mean astronomer.
Speaker 4: Astrology is like star signs, like I'm a Pisces or whatever.
Speaker 2: I think I don't know what's your star sign.
Speaker 4: I honestly, I don't. I don't follow that stuff. I
Speaker 4: don't I don't know. I don't believe in astrology. I
Speaker 4: believe in astronomy, so I don't follow any of that stuff.
Speaker 4: I am sorry.
Speaker 2: Are you in a relationship of any kind?
Speaker 4: No, unfortunately, not.
Speaker 2: Do your What are your friends and family think about
Speaker 2: how terrified you are of the sun?
Speaker 4: So I haven't like expressed my like total anxiety about it,
Speaker 4: but like they know, I have some like existential dread,
Speaker 4: but like not so specific about like this, like the
Speaker 4: scale of the universe and planets. But they've all been
Speaker 4: pretty supportive. It's just it's been it's been difficult to
Speaker 4: like go outside every day. And I'm not even joking,
Speaker 4: like I know that that might sound like an overstatement,
Speaker 4: but like sometimes it's.
Speaker 1: Hard to go outside.
Speaker 4: So it's been difficult to actually form a bunch of relationships.
Speaker 4: I only have like a few friends, and most of
Speaker 4: them I only communicate nowadays through the Internet, so it's
Speaker 4: a bit difficult.
Speaker 2: Brother. What's your name again?
Speaker 4: My name is Russ.
Speaker 2: Russ. You're a good guy. Russ. I mean, I mean,
Speaker 2: you're you seem like, uh, you have a you have
Speaker 2: what I would call a respect for life. You have
Speaker 2: a respect for life, for life. You have a respect
Speaker 2: for life, and uh, you seem like a cool guy, uh,
Speaker 2: doing your music thing, looking through your telescope, doing your
Speaker 2: amateur astronomy. Hang in there, try your best to not
Speaker 2: have an existential crisis every time you look at grass.
Speaker 2: What like, next time you look at grass, instead of
Speaker 2: having an existential crisis, why don't you just be like,
Speaker 2: look how beautiful this fucking grass is? You can and
Speaker 2: you can make that decision.
Speaker 4: It's been honestly while now that you say that, like
Speaker 4: the past like a couple of weeks, it's been really
Speaker 4: nice weather. I've been sitting outside a little bit more,
Speaker 4: and I've been looking at like butterflies and like caterpillars
Speaker 4: and shit, and like it's It's honestly didn't blow in
Speaker 4: my mind a little bit because I've been spending so
Speaker 4: much time inside looking at like TV screens and ship
Speaker 4: for the past like two years or so, i'd say,
Speaker 4: And it's like looking at grass and looking at trees
Speaker 4: and looking at like insects. It's just such a beautiful experience.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie, dude.
Speaker 2: Uh. My final message tall the people at home, if
Speaker 2: I could say one thing, it's get off your computer
Speaker 2: and go outside and look at bugs.
Speaker 4: I agree you're gonna I know how at the end
Speaker 4: of every phone call you asked, like people their last thing,
Speaker 4: but I don't even you say a last thing that's
Speaker 4: I agree with you meant, that's the last thing I
Speaker 4: would say. Have a good night, Russ, have a good night, Lie,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 2: I killed an ant? Oh? I uh, there wasn't. I
Speaker 2: was at my desk and there's an ant, and just instinctively,
Speaker 2: I didn't think about it, but I killed the ant,
Speaker 2: and I felt bad because I I'll think about the
Speaker 2: stuff that me and Russ we're talking about, and it's
Speaker 2: like that ant is comparatively as big as I am,
Speaker 2: Like there's not that much difference between me and the ants.
Speaker 2: And I killed it because for no reason. Really. I mean,
Speaker 2: if the ant was like another person, I probably wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I mean, if there's an intruder in my home, I
Speaker 2: guess I would. I mean, I don't know if I
Speaker 2: would have killed them, But it's an ants. Why would
Speaker 2: I don't know? I'm gonna try to kill less ants.
Speaker 2: Is anyone ever played the ant Bully video game? That's
Speaker 2: like Grand Theft Auto, but instead of killing people, you
Speaker 2: kill ants. All Right, that's it for my post. Call thoughts.
Speaker 2: Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know
Speaker 2: that I do a live version of this podcast on
Speaker 2: stage in person in front of real people, and that
Speaker 2: I'm doing this live show in several cities across the
Speaker 2: United States this year, and that tickets are available right
Speaker 2: now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link
Speaker 2: in the episode description. It is all true. I'm currently
Speaker 2: on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko live all around
Speaker 2: the country and it is the most fun, sick, amazing
Speaker 2: thing ever and you should come out and be a
Speaker 2: part of it. The shows involve a mix of material
Speaker 2: and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko therapy
Speaker 2: session where members of the audience come on stage to
Speaker 2: share things from their lives in front of a big
Speaker 2: group of people, just like we do here on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Whether you're a fan of the podcast or you have
Speaker 2: no idea what this is and you clicked on it
Speaker 2: by accident, you're gonna have a great time at the
Speaker 2: live show once again. Tickets are available right now at
Speaker 2: therapy geckotour dot com or at the link in the
Speaker 2: episode description. These are really fun shows. They're always wild
Speaker 2: They're always unpredictable, and I hope to see you guys there.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: To whom do I have the pleasure to whom do
Speaker 2: I have the pleasure of speaking?
Speaker 1: This is Brian. I got a speakerphone for you.
Speaker 2: By the way, it makes me. I've been okay. I've
Speaker 2: been feeling calm. I've been feeling calm. I've been managing anxiety.
Speaker 2: I drank a melted TwixT bar in a bottle. They
Speaker 2: sell that. Now. That was my blunder of the day.
Speaker 2: But I did do that, and I'm glad I did,
Speaker 2: just so that. It's one of those things where you
Speaker 2: walk I walk. There's a little place I go to
Speaker 2: every day for the path. I've been going there every
Speaker 2: day for a week, and every time I go in there,
Speaker 2: I pass by the liquified twist in a bottle. And
Speaker 2: I knew the second I saw it that one day
Speaker 2: I would have to find out what that tastes like.
Speaker 2: And today was the day. And I almost feel like
Speaker 2: it was a healthy thing to do because I I
Speaker 2: don't think I'm gonna have it again, and I just
Speaker 2: satisfied my curiosity and that felt like enough. Hopefully that's enough.
Speaker 2: Hopefully I'm not if I come back here tomorrow and
Speaker 2: I said I got another one, then that's you. Then
Speaker 2: call call someone, Call someone. I need help. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: like a TwixT drink. It's like a fucking they have
Speaker 2: them in Twigs, Snickers Bounty. That's fucking crazy. I don't
Speaker 2: know who. I don't know who's drinking these. I see
Speaker 2: so many things at the grocery store and I'm like,
Speaker 2: who the fuck has this as a regular part of
Speaker 2: their of diet. But I mean it might it might
Speaker 2: be me one day. But I'm gonna we're gonna stop
Speaker 2: talking about this. I'm gonna put a pin in this
Speaker 2: what is your name? One of more time, and I
Speaker 2: promise I won't ever forget it ever in my life.
Speaker 1: I'll just go by bruh. But uh, I wanted to
Speaker 1: to talk to you about your e bike interest.
Speaker 2: My e bike interest. When did I talk about being
Speaker 2: interested in? I am here's I am interested in being
Speaker 2: I am interested in e bikes? But when did I
Speaker 2: When did I mention that?
Speaker 1: So I was watching Sorry, let me get back off
Speaker 1: the speaker. I was watching some of the clips. I
Speaker 1: think it's from a video posted like two days ago, okay,
Speaker 1: and I I saw you talking to somebody about them
Speaker 1: like loving their e bikes, and you're like, I'm interested
Speaker 1: in an e bike, But dude, I've been riding my
Speaker 1: e bike. I traded a fucking guitar for an e
Speaker 1: bike and it's been the greatest trade in my life.
Speaker 1: Like ship on my e bike. But I got a
Speaker 1: scar now, so that's kind of cool.
Speaker 2: But uh, oh okay, hold on, let's stop right there,
Speaker 2: because I am very interested in e bikes. I just
Speaker 2: moved to New York. I don't have a car. I'm
Speaker 2: trying to get around zipping around with the e bike now,
Speaker 2: so I've been looking into those. But the one issue
Speaker 2: I have is that I'm very afraid I'm going to
Speaker 2: die and get hit by so a car.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you're afraid you're gonna die. If you know
Speaker 1: what a suran is, do not buy one of those.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: I don't have a siron. I just I research them
Speaker 1: because I want one in the future. I know I
Speaker 1: kill myself on one. Those get up to like fifty
Speaker 1: miles an hour.
Speaker 2: Oh fuck that, I don't need that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's like death trap extreme. But I've got
Speaker 1: a Super seventy three. It's like a Z one I
Speaker 1: think it is, and it gets up to like twenty eight.
Speaker 2: I have I have had no idea. What you I
Speaker 2: don't know what you just said. You said it was
Speaker 2: what the fuck did you just say? You said a
Speaker 2: bunch of random numbers?
Speaker 1: Three? Okay, yeah, so it's a it's like a class
Speaker 1: too to where it only gets up to like twenty
Speaker 1: eight miles an hour to where.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, nice. I know. I was, I was,
Speaker 2: I was. I was on all the websites and stuff,
Speaker 2: and I researched the little class classes. I saw Class
Speaker 2: two is the one where it's not it's not too crazy.
Speaker 2: So I'm looking for a class so like.
Speaker 1: Class three, you get pulled over and they'll take it, like,
Speaker 1: they'll take it and you won't see it again. Class
Speaker 1: two it's like, I don't even know if they'd even
Speaker 1: pull you over for it.
Speaker 2: Do you need a This is so funny people who
Speaker 2: are listening to this podcast for the first time and
Speaker 2: tuning in and then here he bike. Well, all right,
Speaker 2: well tell me about your life. Where do you ride
Speaker 2: the sea bike arounds?
Speaker 1: So I live in the mountains. I'm in like western
Speaker 1: North Carolina. So I got I'm at like three thousand elevation,
Speaker 1: so there's a lot of hills, like up and down.
Speaker 1: So I got to work on my brakes a lot.
Speaker 1: But if you're in a flat area wherever you're at,
Speaker 1: and you're one to the e bike around, it is one
Speaker 1: worth it because that's even less mainlance than I'm doing.
Speaker 2: What do you what's your life like in Western North Carolin?
Speaker 2: How do you pass the time as you as you
Speaker 2: slowly die? Uh?
Speaker 1: Mostly just doing shit that interests me. I'm probably going
Speaker 1: camping on Friday, Okay. Uh, I don't know. Man, if
Speaker 1: you get in that thought loop in like western North Carolina,
Speaker 1: like what do I do today? You aren't getting to
Speaker 1: ship because you will just get in that loop of
Speaker 1: This town is empty, But I find shit to do.
Speaker 2: I guess, tell me what a lot did you find
Speaker 2: to do in in western North Carolina?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 1: Uh, mainly I've been getting into like mycology, like studying
Speaker 1: mushroom shit cool, and that's been so awesome. I just
Speaker 1: did so I don't even want to explain it. It's
Speaker 1: way too much. I did like some genetics on a
Speaker 1: piece of goop and then put that into a jar.
Speaker 1: And now that can grow into mushrooms eventually. But I've
Speaker 1: got some lines name going on my fridge right now.
Speaker 1: It's about the rude again.
Speaker 2: That's cool that you can turn street come into a
Speaker 2: psychedelic drug.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's incredible. I don't understand. They just ship
Speaker 1: it all around everywhere, Like I could buy like gallons
Speaker 1: of that shit and it's legal. But whenever I make
Speaker 1: it go freaky fruit, then it's illegal. So it's weird.
Speaker 2: So is that is that how you make a living?
Speaker 2: Is selling mushrooms?
Speaker 1: No? I I do like a personal thing. I don't
Speaker 1: really want to do wholesale or anything like that because
Speaker 1: unless it's like a legal one, it's not very fun
Speaker 1: And I don't really want to go to jail. But
Speaker 1: that'd be sick as fuck to have like a trailer
Speaker 1: going eventually where it's just like all legal mushrooms.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool. Well what's the I'm you
Speaker 2: seem all right, let's get into this part. Let's get
Speaker 2: into this. You seem like a pretty chill guy. Is
Speaker 2: there anything wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: By the way, by the way, oh you don't have
Speaker 2: you don't you don't have to tell you no, no, no,
Speaker 2: you know I was okay, I was gonna say, if
Speaker 2: you you don't have to dig deep to find something
Speaker 2: if there's nothing, but oh no, sorry, I don't even
Speaker 2: tell me. Go ahead, go ahead, I'm sorry. I have
Speaker 2: the left a little bit, dude, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Bathroom, a whole bathroom downstairs in my apartment full of clowns.
Speaker 1: Like if I counted, I think last time we counted.
Speaker 3: Where eighty eight.
Speaker 1: I swear to God him at a hundred towns, yeah,
Speaker 1: eachat like in that yeah, oh yeah, what like little
Speaker 1: little figure dudes like you ever go to Goodwill and
Speaker 1: you see like Grandma died and they took everything in
Speaker 1: her house and put it on the shelf. I'd buy
Speaker 1: the clown ship.
Speaker 2: Because the way that you were describing this was not
Speaker 2: as if you were collecting them. It was if they
Speaker 2: were in your house, multiplying of their own volition.
Speaker 1: I don't even know that the collect once haunted. I'm
Speaker 1: not even like, I'm not paranormal none of that. I
Speaker 1: have videos of that shit making noise on its own
Speaker 1: multiple times. It makes no sense.
Speaker 2: What made you want to start collecting clowns?
Speaker 1: They started appearing at my Goodwill a lot, and I
Speaker 1: was just like, who's gonna collect these? So I know
Speaker 1: there's someone else that had them. But I just started
Speaker 1: seeing them like fucking everywhere, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: there's got to be something behind this. So I just
Speaker 1: started getting them and I was like, this is a joke,
Speaker 1: but it started filling up my bathroom kind of like
Speaker 1: some crazy maniac thing. But I mean, they're on the walls,
Speaker 1: they're on the floor. I can send a picture if
Speaker 1: you want. If you don't believe me, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: a clown maniac now. I don't even know how this happened.
Speaker 2: What is it you like about the clowns that compels you,
Speaker 2: that draws you into them?
Speaker 3: I don't even know.
Speaker 2: Man.
Speaker 1: I was looking at them today, like just staring at
Speaker 1: the wall because there's one pictured on the wall where
Speaker 1: it's just like a ton of clowns they're looking at you.
Speaker 1: But I was just kind of looking at it and
Speaker 1: thinking they're looking at me, like I'm the clown, but
Speaker 1: they're the clown on the wall. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: feel like there's supposed to be some kind of deep
Speaker 1: thing with all the clown shit, and that's what a
Speaker 1: lot of people expect. But I swear to god, I
Speaker 1: don't even know why I started collecting it. It was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's that.
Speaker 2: Well, tell me, tell me more. What you mean when
Speaker 2: you say that they look at you as though you
Speaker 2: were the clown?
Speaker 1: I don't know, Like I just feel like that's what
Speaker 1: they're trying to say, is they look like I'm looking
Speaker 1: at the one it's above the toilet. I try to
Speaker 1: face them to where they're all looking at you, like
Speaker 1: if I had a friend come over and take a shit,
Speaker 1: Like they're all looking at you while you're taking a shit.
Speaker 1: But there's one in particular on the wall that's like pointing,
Speaker 1: like he's in full makeup and a painting and he's
Speaker 1: pointing at you, and it's just kind of like I
Speaker 1: was just kind of getting the idea like, hey, this
Speaker 1: is you, but it's actually, dude, you're the clown on
Speaker 1: the wall.
Speaker 2: Do you ever feel like a clown?
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's been getting better, though, it's like it's like
Speaker 1: off and on.
Speaker 2: What what are the times in which you feel like
Speaker 2: a clown?
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I guess whenever I'm in the
Speaker 1: clown bathroom gotta bend in?
Speaker 2: Are you so you believe that these clouds. Sorry, my
Speaker 2: throat is it's covered in Twis you believe that you're
Speaker 2: in danger of as some kind? Do you believe you're
Speaker 2: in danger?
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: Do you believe in haunted things?
Speaker 1: I don't believe in them until it like looked at
Speaker 1: me straight in the face. Whenever one was just like,
Speaker 1: it's one of them's a music box snow globe mixed
Speaker 1: and it's just sitting like on the ground next to
Speaker 1: a couple of other ones that look just like it,
Speaker 1: but like just different music boxes. And that one's just
Speaker 1: made noises and I haven't fucked with it at all,
Speaker 1: and I've just gotten home, walked around. I was like,
Speaker 1: what the hell is that? And it's like just eerily
Speaker 1: quietly playing. I opened the bathroom door and it's just
Speaker 1: singing at me, and I'm freaking out. But I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do you know someone's not possessing that?
Speaker 2: No, I have a roommate, What do they think of
Speaker 2: the clowns?
Speaker 1: I don't even know. It was it's not even what
Speaker 1: he thinks about the clowns. It was like the first
Speaker 1: time his girlfriend went to the clown bathroom because she
Speaker 1: was like, do you have some deeper psychological issues, and
Speaker 1: I was thinking, like, no, I just I just think
Speaker 1: they look funny.
Speaker 2: But do you do you think you have deeper psychological
Speaker 2: issues that have drawn you to clowns?
Speaker 1: Maybe, but they're so deep they're not showing themselves. M
Speaker 1: you want to dig it out for me?
Speaker 2: Sure? Yeah, I can try to do that in five minutes. Well,
Speaker 2: I had no I I asked you, I asked you
Speaker 2: if there's anything wrong with you, and it doesn't seem
Speaker 2: like there is. It seems like you actually live a
Speaker 2: pretty a pretty beautiful existence in western North Carolina. I'm
Speaker 2: I I like your life. I think I think your
Speaker 2: life likes you.
Speaker 3: Dude.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so excited to meet too. I'm seeing you.
Speaker 1: I think it's in September or October, whenever you're coming.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I'm coming to Charlotte. Fuck yeah. Now
Speaker 2: when you see me, you can be like, I'm the
Speaker 2: guy with the clown bathroom.
Speaker 3: That's what dream was like.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wake up in a second.
Speaker 2: But well, what do you do? How do you make money?
Speaker 2: How do you live?
Speaker 1: I'm uh, I work on computers at my job, so
Speaker 1: I fixed like MacBooks and ship.
Speaker 2: Do you have a girlfriends. Yep, how'd you guys meet?
Speaker 1: I met her kind of after high school because I
Speaker 1: was talking to her while I was talking to the
Speaker 1: girl that I was dating before. But I just thought
Speaker 1: that i'd just be friendly with her, and then eventually
Speaker 1: I just saw that she was a lot of green
Speaker 1: flags and not many red flags. So I just started
Speaker 1: dating her. But it's been two years now and it's
Speaker 1: been amazing. I mean, did she crusade me a fucking clown?
Speaker 1: If that tells you anything, that's how deep she is
Speaker 1: in this.
Speaker 2: That's very nice. Oh so she's she's supportive of the clowns.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean there's no.
Speaker 2: That's really nice. M Well, what's your name? Agin the
Speaker 2: whole way? I promise I told you I would never
Speaker 2: forget your name, and I'm not going to. It's Brah.
Speaker 2: You gave me you said bruh. But I think before
Speaker 2: that you said Brian or Bryant. Yes, sir, Okay, Well Brian,
Speaker 2: I don't know what I think. I actually think you
Speaker 2: might be the first person to whom I could ever
Speaker 2: say the clowns are keeping you sane? Could I wouldn't be?
Speaker 2: I really, I really mean this, Brian, I wouldn't touch
Speaker 2: a single variable of your life, like you're you're living
Speaker 2: a solved Rubic's cube right now. And part of that
Speaker 2: solved Rubik's clute cube involves having one hundred clowns in
Speaker 2: your bathroom, and so don't touch anything. Just don't, don't.
Speaker 1: Just keep on the wall what you just said, I've
Speaker 1: got okay, So right now on the wall, we've got
Speaker 1: one clown that says, I know if you wash your
Speaker 1: I didn't write these either, I know if you washed
Speaker 1: your hands or not. That's one clown who hold on
Speaker 1: the other one says who wrote them? My friend Gabe.
Speaker 2: Okay, I thought you were gonna be like they wrote
Speaker 2: them themselves during the night.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that'd be great. Uh yeah. One of them says
Speaker 1: uh or the second one says, I stay busting and gushing.
Speaker 1: And then the third one's facing you like as a
Speaker 1: toilet while you're taking a piss, and it says, maybe
Speaker 1: it is small, and.
Speaker 2: Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that, Briant.
Speaker 2: Is there anything you want to say to the people
Speaker 2: of the computer before we go?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: I love you.
Speaker 2: That's really sweet of you to say, Brian. Don't don't
Speaker 2: don't change anything about your life. You're living exactly perfectly. Okay,
Speaker 2: thank you, Lyle, Bye, Brian.
Speaker 1: I'll see you soon, see a baby, see you.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: Hi?
Speaker 6: Who is this?
Speaker 2: Uh? What's your name?
Speaker 3: My name is Timmy? What's yours? Whoos list?
Speaker 2: Uh? My name is Lyle?
Speaker 5: Oh, this is Lyle the Gecko?
Speaker 2: Well, Lyle the Gecko? What's up? Timmy? Timmy Turner? Timmy
Speaker 2: was an average kid? What a sad first line of
Speaker 2: a song? Timmy was an average kid that no one
Speaker 2: could understand. It's crazy, isn't that?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: That's like a contradiction, being like, how can how can
Speaker 2: you be both an average person but also be someone
Speaker 2: that no one can understand? You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah? No, I get it?
Speaker 2: Well, how.
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But what do you? How do you get it? Because
Speaker 2: it's it's directly competent because if if somebody is really average,
Speaker 2: you would think like their average that means that they
Speaker 2: have so much in common with ever they experience, the
Speaker 2: average person's experience, and thus they would be easy to understand.
Speaker 2: But how in this situation you're both easy. You're both
Speaker 2: difficult to understand and average, which doesn't make sense. Timmy,
Speaker 2: what's up? How's life you doing, what's up? What's going
Speaker 2: on my life?
Speaker 5: So my life is doing great. Actually now up until
Speaker 5: you know, up until very recently started this year, I
Speaker 5: was massively suicidal, but I had ketamine therapy and therapy
Speaker 5: doing just great.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, slow, slow your role real quick. So you're
Speaker 2: doing you did ketamine. I had a buddy of mine
Speaker 2: do do ketamine therapy, and he told me it was
Speaker 2: like like life changing, like restored his will to live
Speaker 2: type of shit. And I thought that was incredible because
Speaker 2: I've never done. I've like I've kind of pussy footed, uh,
Speaker 2: you know back when I was in college in the
Speaker 2: universe of like antidepressants, but I haven't dove back into
Speaker 2: anything like that recently. Tell me about your ketemine therapy experience.
Speaker 5: Sure, so, just a little bit history on me.
Speaker 1: I had.
Speaker 5: I had major an undiagnosed major depressive disorder from basically
Speaker 5: from high school onward. When I got onto college, I
Speaker 5: became massively depressed suicidal, in fact, remained that way for
Speaker 5: about six years. Tried all kinds of antidepressants, exceeded the
Speaker 5: FDA recommended outpatient DOSAH john one by like thirty three
Speaker 5: percent something like that. So, you know, I've been through
Speaker 5: the ringer and therapists were useless. I had taken multiple
Speaker 5: you know, had experimented with drugs, taken multiple psychedelic drugs, dmt, LSD,
Speaker 5: you name it. I mean I was like, oh yeah,
Speaker 5: life is cool, but didn't really help me then, I,
Speaker 5: you know, just recently was try. My parents found ketymine
Speaker 5: therapy for me, and that did the trick. I'm no
Speaker 5: longer suicidal at all. I am no longer I no
Speaker 5: longer considerent. I do still take a daily antidepressant en I
Speaker 5: get that out there, but it really only mildly helped.
Speaker 5: I was very and a bit anxious. I now no
Speaker 5: longer consider myself either one of those things.
Speaker 2: Wow, that's fascinating. Tell So here's what I want to know.
Speaker 2: Watch my my my main curiosity. I'll get to that.
Speaker 2: But what what what did you actually do? How long
Speaker 2: did you do the treatment for? Well? What was it like?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 5: So initially, so the initial treatment was across two weeks,
Speaker 5: six treatments. It was intravenous ketamine therapy. So you go
Speaker 5: into their office, it's a you know, impatient. They have
Speaker 5: medical professionals there to make sure you know, you don't die.
Speaker 5: They get you hooked up to all these different vitals
Speaker 5: and then they say, okay, we're going to stick a
Speaker 5: needle in you and then you know, an IV drip
Speaker 5: and basically for forty minutes you're given intravenous ketamine. Uh
Speaker 5: you know about a dosage per weight, you know, and
Speaker 5: they try and they would generally would bring it up
Speaker 5: if they thought, you know, you benefit from it. And
Speaker 5: you kind of trip for forty minutes. Then you have
Speaker 5: about twenty minutes of kind of cool down basically just
Speaker 5: kind of you know, being less nauxious to give the
Speaker 5: anti nausea drugs two. Then you're out in like an
Speaker 5: hour and a half, less than two hours. You can't
Speaker 5: drive yourself, you know, there and back because you know
Speaker 5: you're all loopy after. But so that initial treatment I
Speaker 5: think really changed my life for me. Now, the effects
Speaker 5: of a kenemy are you know, like antidepressants, they're transient, so
Speaker 5: the effects were off after some time. I currently get
Speaker 5: boosters every eight weeks, but I've never had any depressive
Speaker 5: like major depressive symptoms in the meantime.
Speaker 2: So sele slow down real quick. So you did this
Speaker 2: one intravenous h session, and that was it. Did you
Speaker 2: do any other intervenous sessions?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 5: I started with six across two weeks.
Speaker 2: Six across six across the course of two weeks or
Speaker 2: two weeks six and then two weeks and then wow,
Speaker 2: six across across of two weeks. That's extensive.
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, yeah it was.
Speaker 1: It was great though.
Speaker 5: I had one bad trip, but I recovered from it
Speaker 5: on the next one, So.
Speaker 2: So it did. It did six, It did six across
Speaker 2: two weeks, and then uh, a booster every eight weeks
Speaker 2: after that.
Speaker 5: Yes, and you still take a day and I get depressed.
Speaker 2: Though, and uh, how long is there? Is it a
Speaker 2: thing where it's like six across two weeks and then
Speaker 2: you're done or do you go back?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: So you could be done after Some people do it
Speaker 5: six across two weeks and they're and you know, Kenemy
Speaker 5: doesn't work for everybody, but some people they take it
Speaker 5: and they're done after their first successions.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 5: Some people do finish.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 5: Now for me, I had the you know, basically honestly
Speaker 5: the resources continue to do it, and you know, I
Speaker 5: enjoy drugs, so I keep on. I like doing it
Speaker 5: and helps me help some mentally, but so you know,
Speaker 5: and there's a lot of downsides to wh and I
Speaker 5: could talk.
Speaker 2: So let me get let me, let me, let me
Speaker 2: get to here's my main curios, here's what I really
Speaker 2: want to know, and here's kind of like it feeds
Speaker 2: into a battle that I have, uh, in terms of
Speaker 2: a battle of like what contributes to a human beings
Speaker 2: happiness and how much of that is internal versus external?
Speaker 2: So tell me, having found a new lease on life
Speaker 2: in your in this change in your brain chemistry, what
Speaker 2: sort of external changes have you been able to make
Speaker 2: to to your external life as a results.
Speaker 5: Sure, that's a great question. So external changes are made
Speaker 5: as a result of my ketamine usage. So because I'm
Speaker 5: no longer depressed, and now I've realized that I really
Speaker 5: wasn't enjoying my job as an engineer. I have a
Speaker 5: degree mechanical engineering. I realized I was making me miserable.
Speaker 5: And now I'm going back to school to become a
Speaker 5: high school mass teacher.
Speaker 2: Cool, very cool, And you feel as though ketamine helped
Speaker 2: you make that decision or come to that conclusion.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it helps me view It allowed me to view
Speaker 5: my life in a much more detached way. In the
Speaker 5: association is one of the symptoms of ketamine. And it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: you know, sort of things in life happen to you
Speaker 5: and you react to them a certain way and allows
Speaker 5: me to have a new perspective on life where oh,
Speaker 5: you know, bad weather or not bad climate. You know,
Speaker 5: sometimes it rains when I get all wet, but I
Speaker 5: know I'll be war and dry again. But the differences
Speaker 5: no longer have the permanent clouds over my head, like
Speaker 5: you or that never seemed to part?
Speaker 2: You know? And what other external changes? What about relationships?
Speaker 2: Things like that.
Speaker 5: I have made an effort to make more friends. I
Speaker 5: definitely believe that when I was at my lowest, I
Speaker 5: didn't have any friends. Now I have friends and a
Speaker 5: support network, and that really helps too.
Speaker 2: Has it has it helped you be better in your
Speaker 2: existing relationships or find new ones?
Speaker 5: I would say it has helped. I don't know if
Speaker 5: i'd say it helped me find new ones. I say
Speaker 5: it's gotten me more proactive and trying to make myself
Speaker 5: more available to meet new people.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 5: But I'd say my relationship is definitely healthier with my
Speaker 5: whole family because it used to be several times a
Speaker 5: week i'd call my mom or my dad and say, hey,
Speaker 5: I want to kill myself. I think about this all
Speaker 5: the time every day helped me more or less. And
Speaker 5: you know they can't do anything because you know, several
Speaker 5: states away. And now we actually get to talk about
Speaker 5: fun stuff because you're not constantly worried. All am I
Speaker 5: gonna offer myself?
Speaker 2: It's cool. That's cool, man. What a crazy fucking time
Speaker 2: we live in. I wonder, I do, I really do wonder,
Speaker 2: like what the statistics are on like depression and anxiety,
Speaker 2: like one hundred years ago, like because I don't know,
Speaker 2: back then, it was like everyone had everyone just worked
Speaker 2: out in I'm so stupid. Everyone like worked in fields
Speaker 2: and shit and fucking factories, and it's like when you're
Speaker 2: assembling bottles of tooth paste, like I don't do you
Speaker 2: even have time to be depressed or or are you
Speaker 2: more depressed? I don't know. But where you live at
Speaker 2: a crazy time, where you can fucking where you can
Speaker 2: fucking take some ketamine and make your life better. But
Speaker 2: by the way, which I'm I guess I'm a fan of.
Speaker 2: I mean, we we use a lot of modern medicine
Speaker 2: to make our physical bodies and minds better. So you know,
Speaker 2: go crazy, take all the take, take all the cocaine
Speaker 2: and ketamine you want.
Speaker 5: Oh maybe that's that's careful though, because cocaine and ketamine
Speaker 5: are not the same.
Speaker 2: I was, Timmy, Timmy, I was, I was, I was joking.
Speaker 2: I was joking.
Speaker 5: No, fine, but people at home, ke ket can be addictive.
Speaker 5: Don't source it yourself and do it yourself, because it's
Speaker 5: what killed Matthew Perry. So be careful out there. Don't
Speaker 5: be like, oh I should go out and do what's academy. No,
Speaker 5: it's addictive and it can kill me.
Speaker 2: Oh yes, h yeah you know what. Yes yet, No, Timmy,
Speaker 2: you're right, uh fucking yes. A disclaimer for the folks
Speaker 2: at home. Timmy is talking about uh medically induced ketamine therapy.
Speaker 2: He didn't buy it from a guy in an alleyway,
Speaker 2: and now he's cured. So, uh, if you're gonna do this, ship,
Speaker 2: if you're if you listen to this call and you're like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck yeah, because my brother was telling about ketamine
Speaker 2: therapy and I was like, oh fuck, I should give
Speaker 2: that a try. So if you if you hear this
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh fuck, I should give that a try,
Speaker 2: don't uh don't don't text a guy on WhatsApp about it.
Speaker 2: If called call a call a fucking doctor. What's your
Speaker 2: well before we go, Timmy, what's uh? What's your dream?
Speaker 2: What's next? What are you gonna achieve with your life
Speaker 2: now that you don't want to kill yourself?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 5: My, uh my, more, my most realistic dream is that
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go ahead and be high school math teacher.
Speaker 5: Want to for the next thirty forty years. There's some
Speaker 5: other spice of your stuff we want.
Speaker 2: To that though, spicier, So what kind of I mean
Speaker 2: you by the way, you by the way, by the way,
Speaker 2: that was quite a bait that you just pulled right there.
Speaker 2: There's some spicier stuff, but we don't have to get
Speaker 2: into it, right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, No, it's it's more or less political. I'm very
Speaker 5: upset with the current political network, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: I want to go out and try.
Speaker 3: To fix that.
Speaker 5: But I don't know if you're show needs to dive
Speaker 5: into the political stuff. But I'm very passionate. So you
Speaker 5: might be hearing more from me and about me in
Speaker 5: my ten years, but we'll see.
Speaker 2: That'd be so crazy if you were the president in
Speaker 2: ten years and I and then this, this phone call
Speaker 2: makes its way around the internet and it's just me
Speaker 2: in the video version of this. I'm shirtless. So I
Speaker 2: hope you become president so that this clip can go
Speaker 2: viral and everyone can I guess see what my shoulders
Speaker 2: look like, Timmy's anything else? I say to the people
Speaker 2: of oh, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 5: No, sorry, yeah, the people at home be kind to you.
Speaker 5: Get I didn't pop into the stream. But and there
Speaker 5: are some people in my life. You've been having some
Speaker 5: you know, difficulties right now with self worth, and I
Speaker 5: just want to make sure that you get We're very
Speaker 5: aware that you know, you had a positive impact on
Speaker 5: many different people, and no matter if anyone ever says
Speaker 5: anything mean to you or about you, you should definitely
Speaker 5: take that with a grain of folk because you're going
Speaker 5: to gonna focus on the next lot more than the positive.
Speaker 5: So you realize how much you've helped me and other people.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Timmy. That's really really really nice of you
Speaker 2: to say. I'm gonna I'm going to try to take
Speaker 2: that into account and and uh and uh not not
Speaker 2: hate myself. That is very very excited, tim I appreciate
Speaker 2: I appreciate you man.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, I mean, if you hate yourself, you're in
Speaker 5: a small company, because I don't think a lot of
Speaker 5: people hate you.
Speaker 2: Thanks man, So thanks man, thank you, thank you very much, Timmy, Timmy. Bye,
Speaker 2: congratulations man, uh, congratulations on a new lease on life.
Speaker 2: I know, uh, there's a lot of people out there
Speaker 2: who are like, oh God, is this it is this life?
Speaker 2: If this is life, then I don't know.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: So it's it's glad to hear a story from somebody
Speaker 2: who felt that way and now seems seems to be
Speaker 2: doing pretty good. So I'm I'm proud of you, Timmy.
Speaker 3: Thanks.
Speaker 5: If you can't get Kennmy, get friends, They're almost If you.
Speaker 2: Can't get Kennymy and get friends, I like that. Take
Speaker 2: care of Timmy YouTube.
Speaker 5: Thanks for the call.
Speaker 1: Good bye. Hello.
Speaker 2: Hey, what's up is this?
Speaker 1: Style?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Who is this?
Speaker 6: Holy shit?
Speaker 1: My name is Travis.
Speaker 2: Well, Travis, what's going on? How can I get you today?
Speaker 2: Hour's life?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 6: Life is pretty great?
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 6: Holy fuck, I'm so much more nervous than I expected.
Speaker 2: Don't be If you saw the where I'm recording this
Speaker 2: right now, you would actually think that I am on
Speaker 2: the run from the law. So this is a lot
Speaker 2: of pressure stream for a little bit.
Speaker 6: I popped in the stream for a little bit at first,
Speaker 6: and I saw you were half naked there.
Speaker 2: I am. I am half naked, the top half, the
Speaker 2: top half. So you texted me something I thought was interesting.
Speaker 2: You said that this podcast helped you join the Pokemon
Speaker 2: card community. How the fuck did that happen? What does
Speaker 2: that mean?
Speaker 6: I recently moved out of my house, well out of
Speaker 6: my parents' house, into a pretty well, pretty big city,
Speaker 6: and I found myself in the same problem that a
Speaker 6: lot of people on the podcast are, which is how
Speaker 6: to fuck do I make friends? And I kind of
Speaker 6: was trying to think of all the hobbies and all
Speaker 6: the things I like, and something I'm really into right
Speaker 6: now is Pokemon cards. So I went on to Facebook
Speaker 6: group and I found a community that hosts markets once
Speaker 6: a month, and yeah, so now once a month or
Speaker 6: now twice actually, I head out there and trade and
Speaker 6: sell and buy Pokemon cards and I made quite a
Speaker 6: few buddies.
Speaker 2: Ah ah ah, that's fucking awesome. That's so sick, dude.
Speaker 6: I hear I hear a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I hear you.
Speaker 6: Saying it a lot on the podcast, because I've been
Speaker 6: been listening binge listening to them at work, and yeah,
Speaker 6: I was like, fuck, I gotta do something about this.
Speaker 6: I can't just sit at home play video games and
Speaker 6: wonder why I'm not why I'm not going out, or
Speaker 6: where's all the people at BRO.
Speaker 2: I love that. I think that's awesome. I think that
Speaker 2: because that's what you need, is like uh, is to
Speaker 2: be a part of some kind of community of people,
Speaker 2: some ship, and it could be anything.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 6: Yeah, well that's that's what you've been repeating right there.
Speaker 6: If there's not already a community, then to create one.
Speaker 6: And I thought about that too, but I guess that's
Speaker 6: a much larger step to build something.
Speaker 2: But yeah, I want you host, watch, host tournaments.
Speaker 6: So I don't even play the game. Funny enough, I
Speaker 6: never even tried. I only like them for the collectible
Speaker 6: side of it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, Well, I mean you could host uh,
Speaker 2: I don't know galleries. I guess, well there's this.
Speaker 6: There's this one guy that now they pretty much all
Speaker 6: know me pretty good now, and he holds like monthly
Speaker 6: markets where it's just like a bunch of people getting
Speaker 6: together and like selling, buying, trading, whatever, and then they
Speaker 6: have other like meat. Yes, I guess, and it's it's
Speaker 6: it's fun.
Speaker 1: It's a fun time.
Speaker 6: It's a pretty good way to spend your Sunday afternoon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm actually inspired hearing you say this. I got
Speaker 2: to go to more Melee tournaments.
Speaker 1: That was right. Yeah, I hear you.
Speaker 6: I hear you talking about it a lot. I really
Speaker 6: like Smash Ultimate, but I've never really played the older
Speaker 6: versions of the game.
Speaker 2: Oh you should, I mean Smash Ultimate is is? Uh
Speaker 2: is for pussies.
Speaker 6: I also, like a few years back, I really wanted
Speaker 6: to get into tournaments, but like I was not in
Speaker 6: my head, I wasn't good enough, I guess, So I
Speaker 6: never I never went out there.
Speaker 2: No, you're oh, what good enough for for Ultimate or
Speaker 2: for for Melee?
Speaker 6: No, for Ultimate back when it came out like a
Speaker 6: few years Yeah.
Speaker 2: But ultimately you can go to an isn't You can
Speaker 2: go to an Ultimate tournament and just like fuck around,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? You can't. You can't go
Speaker 2: to a Melee tournament and fucking around because you'll just
Speaker 2: it won't be fun, you won't like.
Speaker 6: Be able to play because what people playing Melee are
Speaker 6: extremely serious about it.
Speaker 2: Is that what you're trying to do well, because I
Speaker 2: mean I'm gonna get granular about Melee because this is
Speaker 2: my fucking podcast and I can do whatever I want
Speaker 2: and so well. In Melee, it's like there was literally
Speaker 2: like the skill gap between people who know how to
Speaker 2: play the game and people who don't is like huge,
Speaker 2: Like there's literally like a tech skill that if you
Speaker 2: don't know, oh, you just can't play the fucking game.
Speaker 2: And an ultimately there's not I mean there's still strategy
Speaker 2: and ship, but there's not as much have that hardcore
Speaker 2: uh you know what, you don't tech skill that Melee has. Yes,
Speaker 2: but you can I mean whatever you can go. You
Speaker 2: can show up, you can jump around as curb, but
Speaker 2: you can have a good time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: Well I'm happy to hear that you you made some friends. Bro,
Speaker 2: this is great, This is so cool. I'm inspired by this.
Speaker 2: I gotta take my own advice. I gotta run out.
Speaker 2: I got to do something.
Speaker 6: Who knows And there's there's a bunch of other things
Speaker 6: that I want to do that like not only you,
Speaker 6: but people on this on this podcast inspired me to
Speaker 6: like like I want to keep I want to start
Speaker 6: to play piano again because I was taking lessons when
Speaker 6: I was like, I don't know, twelve thirteen or something
Speaker 6: like that, and I should really pick it up again.
Speaker 6: And I really want to go play badminton again because
Speaker 6: I had a good thing going where it was a
Speaker 6: bunch of tournaments and again you make a bunch of
Speaker 6: buddies and you know, it's a community. So that that
Speaker 6: that was also pretty cool. But after that kind of
Speaker 6: died down and never ended up doing it again. But
Speaker 6: now that I'm in the city, it's much easier. There's
Speaker 6: people everywhere willing to do anything.
Speaker 2: I guess, well, what's your name again, cowboy Travis?
Speaker 6: That's right, who you remembered?
Speaker 2: Who's Who's your favorite Pokemon?
Speaker 6: My favorite Pokemon? I really like Noyburn. You are you
Speaker 6: into Pokemon at all? Like you know Pokemon?
Speaker 2: Dude? What the fuck is Noyburn?
Speaker 1: It's like a.
Speaker 6: Bat with the ears and it's like kind of detects
Speaker 6: noise or something. I think it's pretty cool.
Speaker 1: It's like a dragon bat.
Speaker 2: A dragon bat saying, when do.
Speaker 6: You expect Pikachu?
Speaker 2: I I guess, uh, I don't know. I mean the
Speaker 2: last time I looked into Pokemon, they're they were doing
Speaker 2: fucking uh like they were making chairs into Pokemon. Yeah,
Speaker 2: like chair chair Mond or they made they made a
Speaker 2: chandelier and do a Pokemon and I was like, all right, yes,
Speaker 2: a Pokemon.
Speaker 6: CHANDELOUI is stick though, CHANDELOUI is stick.
Speaker 2: I'm sure he is. I'm sure he is. Travis. Anything
Speaker 2: else you want to say to the people of the
Speaker 2: computer before we go?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I think everybody you you also, and everybody listening.
Speaker 6: I think everybody should have a more more positive mindset
Speaker 6: when going out there and just you know, of everything,
Speaker 6: because there's I feel like people are just people sound
Speaker 6: sad and sound you know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You gotta you.
Speaker 6: Gotta be be grateful, I guess for being alive. And
Speaker 6: I always tell myself that it could always be worse,
Speaker 6: And whenever I had a I had a ship day,
Speaker 6: I just tell myself, well, I could be in a
Speaker 6: car crash right now, and I think it helps me
Speaker 6: go through the day a little bit better.
Speaker 2: Well, who's the therapy gecko today? Good luck, Travis, take
Speaker 2: care man? Yeah you doing Hello, folks, it's Lyle here.
Speaker 2: That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm
Speaker 2: releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire
Speaker 2: extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to
Speaker 2: by becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at
Speaker 2: Therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access
Speaker 2: to bonus episodes, they get a completely ad free podcast
Speaker 2: feed of the regular show, they get recordings from my
Speaker 2: live shows, members only streams, and they help support my
Speaker 2: ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip
Speaker 2: from this week's members only bonus episode.
Speaker 3: I was just at the end of my room, took
Speaker 3: a bottle of ambience to the face, decided to fade out.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and I woke up stomach pumped, no idea
Speaker 3: where I was. Man. Three months of recovery turned into
Speaker 3: six months of recovery turned into a year, and every
Speaker 3: year around this time, I do something unexpected.
Speaker 2: See it's very interesting to me because if I died
Speaker 2: and then I got like a second chance, I don't know,
Speaker 2: I guess it's almost like you're living on like bonus mode.
Speaker 2: It's exactly the new game Plus.
Speaker 3: For sure, it feels like new Game Plus. That's why
Speaker 3: I celebrate this this time of year.
Speaker 2: If you want to hear this full conversation. You can
Speaker 2: sign up to become a Premium member at therapy Gecko
Speaker 2: dot supercast dot com, or find the link in the
Speaker 2: episode description. That's therapy Gecko dot supercast dot com. All right,
Speaker 2: I have nothing else to say. Goes on the line
Speaker 2: ever goes
Speaker 1: In the movie line.