WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Southern Mustache Charmer 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:01.480 Kabbooms. 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:05.400 If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:09.160 a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:12.480 of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.520 treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:17.480 rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:18.360 Wow. 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.280 The Clearinghouse of Hot takes break free for something special. 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:30.640 The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:29.960 In the air. 0:00:31.280 --> 0:00:37.800 Everywhere. The Fifth Hour the Extra Spicy, extra crunchy edition 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.520 of the podcast, not to be confused with the original 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:45.279 Recipe podcast, which is the Overnight Show. But we are 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.840 here hanging out Happy Friday is the twenty sixth day 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.760 of the month of April, the final weekend of the 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:56.880 month of April, and Danny g hanging out with me 0:00:57.000 --> 0:01:02.800 as we are in NFL Draft. What's the phrase for this, Danny, 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:04.759 It's it's a long weekend. It used to be when 0:01:04.760 --> 0:01:06.840 we were kids, it was just one day, but now 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:08.880 it's like a whole. It's been this way for a while. 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:13.160 It just goes all all weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, a 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:14.919 football palooza. 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:19.360 How awkward was Roger Goodell with Eminem Yeah? 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.759 Well, he had Eminem as a human shield. How much 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:23.440 do you think the NFL paid Eminem Do you think 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:25.400 they gave him free tickets to the lines. He probably 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.200 got free tickets anyway to the Lions. 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.440 He didn't even deserve his paycheck if that's the case, 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:33.880 because I mean he should have freestyled or something. He 0:01:34.000 --> 0:01:38.000 just said, what up Detroit? Anybody could have did that. 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:41.760 Yeah, they could have blown me, and I would have 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:44.600 done a better job. I would have thrown in MotorCity. 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:47.400 I would have thrown in you know, you know the 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:50.760 some of the other things. Is it the three one three? 0:01:50.800 --> 0:01:53.440 I believe Detroit is the three one threes like stuff 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:57.600 like that. Come on, Pippin, get your tims on. Had 0:01:57.640 --> 0:02:00.480 some fun with it. But yeah, it was the other 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:02.040 thing too, about the draft. I mean, there were a 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:05.360 lot of the subplot stuff other than just the meat 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:09.080 and potatoes of who to pick and all that. But 0:02:09.320 --> 0:02:11.840 the thing about the draft the crowd. There was a 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:14.560 massive amount of people there. They said there were two 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.200 hundred and seventy five thousand people. Detroit as a city 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:23.040 has a population of about six hundred and forty thousand people. 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:26.200 The math on these crowd estimates I said it on 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:31.040 the Overnight Show a few hours ago, and it's like 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:34.480 they just throw numbers out and just gets repeated. Nobody 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:36.480 like questions any of the numbers. It's wild. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:38.679 I like the fact though, that you would have went 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:41.840 be rabbit. You would have had everybody put their hands up. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:46.080 Yeah, well yeah, sure man. I would have served Detroit pizza, 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:48.600 which I didn't even know there was a thing until 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:51.639 a couple of years ago, when I think it was 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:55.320 was it Pizza Hut? Somebody started doing commercials Detroit style pizza, 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:57.840 and I was like, what the f is that? I 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:01.680 know about New York style peace, I know about Chicago pizza. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.400 I'd never even heard of Detroit style pizza until a 0:03:04.400 --> 0:03:06.720 few years ago. And I'm like a middle aged guy, 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.440 and I'm like, where did that come from? Detroit? Did 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.480 they just make that up to sell pizza at Pizza 0:03:11.680 --> 0:03:13.119 or something? I was like, where did that come? 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.600 That's a good point. I was talking to Alex, the vegan. 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:19.800 Who and I didn't realize he was still working there. 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:23.119 I had no idea, right, he takes more days off 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.520 than anyone I've ever met in my life. But he 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:29.840 was telling me he agrees with me Whenever our job 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:33.040 gets pizza, they go down the street to that New 0:03:33.120 --> 0:03:37.240 York style place and they get that really thin, not 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:39.320 crispy pizza and it. 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:45.080 Flocks very expensive. And the biggest part is they're big pieces, 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.960 but a large pie is very expensive and you get 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.640 about seven or eight pieces or something. I mean, you 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:51.720 get hardly any pizza. 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:54.480 Yeah, Mulberry I think is the name of it. 0:03:54.680 --> 0:03:56.920 Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I mean it's good if 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:58.600 you're into that kind of pizza, it's good. But it's 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:01.160 not for a radio station. It doesn't really work. 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.760 He looked at me the other day because there were 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:07.480 some of those sloppy floppies on the counter in the 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.240 Blue kitchen, and he said, why don't they ever get 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:14.120 a good Chicago pie? Why don't always get this flimsy pizza? 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.000 And there is a deep dish place that opened not 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.640 far away from our studio, like a Chicago deep dish 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.359 pizza place is in that area in the San Fernando Valley, 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:26.719 So they don't they don't go there, you know, you 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:28.800 know why they go to Mulberry Street. Danny. When Fox 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.360 Sports Radio opened the Great Annie Z, she would buy 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.720 pizza and that's where she bought it from because it 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:37.919 was the closest pizza place. And even though she's not 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:40.840 part of Fox Sports Radiomore, the people still buy the 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:46.640 pizza from the same damn place. Wild nobody changes. 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:49.479 Not the only thing I take credit for Ben. 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:54.080 By the way, today is National Pretzel Day, one of 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:59.240 the most important days on the calendar. National Pretzel Day. Amazing. 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:05.000 Go to boxing, food and sporting an event, food pretzel, 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:09.560 and Disneyland Mickey Mouse pretzel, hot melted cheddar cheese. 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:12.400 Yeah. And when I back in the old days, we 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:13.760 used to go to the mall. They have these things 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:18.400 called the malls of them. Even now there's some outdoor malls, 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:20.920 but I'm talking of the old school like malls where 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:22.919 they were all closed off. You'd walk around. It's like 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:24.560 you got to get a soft pretzel, right, you got 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:27.760 to get a pretzel or if you travel, pretzel solid meal. 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:30.479 Here's a fun fact on the pretzel, because I'm all 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:32.960 about the fun facts. If I don't give a fun fact, 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:37.120 alf the alien opiner will get very upset. The origin 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.280 of the pretzel dates back to the seventh century, and 0:05:40.320 --> 0:05:43.720 we can thank the Catholic churches for the pretzel. The 0:05:44.200 --> 0:05:50.239 rule of abstinence and fasting during Lent were much stricter, 0:05:51.760 --> 0:05:55.120 hard to believe in the seventh century, and they forbid 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:59.720 the Catholics from consuming dairy eggs or meat. Couldn't eat 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:04.520 any at and that led to the creation of the pretzel, 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:08.120 which was the perfect food to eat. You weren't violating 0:06:08.160 --> 0:06:11.960 any of the draconian rules of the Catholic Church and 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:14.880 you could do what you want. So and there you go. 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:15.919 You can thank them. 0:06:16.279 --> 0:06:20.479 That also where the mustard packets came from, because you 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.960 couldn't dip it in melted cheese in that case. 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:26.800 Yeah, well that was how we can pack. The Germans, right, 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:31.880 the Germans, the hard pretzel, the German thing, and they 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:35.520 said the k nodded. Here's another fun fact about the pretzel. 0:06:35.720 --> 0:06:39.479 The knodded shape of the pretzel became a symbol of 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:46.719 union in Switzerland in the sixteen hundreds. With weddings royal 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:52.160 couples featured pretzels to represent the bond in matrimony, tying 0:06:52.240 --> 0:06:55.560 the knot. According to legend, that is where the phrase 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:59.600 tying the knot came from. About that, but that you 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.240 can smoke it. Tying the knot, you're saluting the pretzel. 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:10.080 Take that for data. Stupid, but I read it on 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:13.280 the internet. It must be true. But the heart pretzel, 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:16.360 that's actually a somewhat new Now. I'm not a big 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:21.040 heart pretzel guy, although occasionally I do enjoy the pretzel 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:25.680 stick with peanut butter. Solid combination, solid combination. 0:07:26.000 --> 0:07:29.440 Oh yeah. And you know what's good, those flat hard pretzels. 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:33.440 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, those are good. Two. And the 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.040 historians of the pretzel, you imagine you grow up and 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.920 you want to be a firefighter or a police officer 0:07:39.040 --> 0:07:42.400 or a soldier, and you become a historian of the pretzel. 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:48.040 They claim that the first hard pretzel is a relatively 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:52.600 new invention, and it was first created in Pennsylvania by 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:57.200 German immigrants, and Pennsylvania is the holy land in America 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:03.200 of the pretzel that we've had. Fats in Philadelphia sent 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.480 us a bunch of soft pretzels a while back and 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:10.240 they were amazing, just and we had to cook them 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:15.400 because they were not cooked otherwise terrible. But yeah, So 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:18.880 five hundred and fifty million dollars the annual worth of 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:21.920 the pretzel industry here in the United States. It's a 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:26.000 lot of yeah, a lot of pretzels, so I'm out 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:28.280 of fun facts on pretzels. On this podcast, We've got 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:34.240 a little Southern charm one take Mallor, and I guess 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:37.160 some other stuff. We'll see if we have time to 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.079 get to all that. But I wanted to start with 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:41.520 this and this is a big announcement. I saved it 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:45.280 for the podcast. I teased it a little bit on 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.920 the radio show last night, but we have a major, 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:55.320 major development, major development. Call to arms for all Malor Militia. 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.679 I'm going to drop this right here on the podcast 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.840 because if you listen to this podcast, you are not 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:05.200 a poop ed. You are a VIP in the Malard Militia. 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:09.840 And for the first time this year, and for the 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:13.280 first time in the history of the radio show, almost 0:09:13.360 --> 0:09:17.520 twenty five years of broadcasting on Fox. I can't believe 0:09:17.520 --> 0:09:20.040 it's been that long. We're not that far away from 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:23.000 that magical number. But the problem is I miss six 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:25.280 months in twenty six days because the company got rid 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.920 of me. But it's been a while, so we are 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.280 holding here's the announcement. Do you have a drum roll, Danny? 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.200 Can you get me in the mood with a drum roll? 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:34.920 Yeah? Let me beat on my chest, here we go. 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:36.560 Okay, drum, dumb, drum. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:37.400 All right. 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:39.840 For the first time in the history of the show, 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.439 and the first time this year, we will have a 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:47.760 Malor meet and greet below the Mason Dixon line. What 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:52.160 that's right? We are headed to Dixie for a Malor 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.720 meet and greet. Why, Danny, I'll tell you why because 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.760 I have to go there because my niece is graduating 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:03.360 from college in South Carolina. I've never been to South Carolina. 0:10:03.400 --> 0:10:05.760 I never thought I would go to South Carolina. But 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:09.560 here we are. I'm gonna go, and it's a place 0:10:09.559 --> 0:10:12.199 I've never been. I don't know much about it. If 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:14.559 you know anything about it, let me know. I've done 0:10:14.600 --> 0:10:19.360 a little research. But here's the deal. So I am 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:23.040 Uncle Benny, and I will be in the state of 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:27.000 South Carolina. Actually gonna be driving all over North Carolina 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:28.800 and South Carolina, but I'm gonna be in town for 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:32.800 a hoot and nanny of a party. My brother both 0:10:32.840 --> 0:10:34.960 my brothers are gonna be there. I'll be in town 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.439 and I always try to meet the people when I'm 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:41.280 in a place I don't normally go, and I would 0:10:41.320 --> 0:10:44.040 love to meet you. I'm going to be in Charleston, 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:46.200 South Carolina. I'm gonna give you the details on this. 0:10:46.240 --> 0:10:49.600 I do want to tip the headphones to a big 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.720 p one, a guy that listens to this podcast and 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:57.079 actually admits it, at least to me, Dale from Charleston. 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:00.320 So thank you, Dale, I appreciate. I have course finded 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:02.559 with Dale a couple of times I had mentioned on 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:05.680 this podcast, Danny, I was going to be in South 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:08.479 Carolina and I was looking for a place in Charleston. 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:11.200 Dale answered the call. There were a couple other people 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:14.640 that answered as well. But Dale, he's my guy in 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:17.720 Charleston because he knows people. He's my boots on the 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:23.320 ground and as a made man, he knows where I 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:26.000 needed to go, and he knew somebody. Dale actually is 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:29.160 from our neck of the woods. Dan, he's from California's 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:33.040 from Orange County and Brea and he moved to Charleston 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:33.920 a couple of years ago. 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.800 So nice, Nice. My car got broken into it in 0:11:37.840 --> 0:11:38.600 Brea one time. 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.400 There's a cheesecake factory in Brea, if I remember. But 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.960 he used to listen to the first hour of the 0:11:45.000 --> 0:11:47.960 Overnight Show on his way home from work. He used 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:50.960 to work at a bar. Now he listens to the 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:54.040 last half hour of the radio show live because he's 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:58.800 driving to work doing the early commute, and he says 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.480 he does listen up. This is the podcast for the 0:12:02.520 --> 0:12:04.640 rest of the show. But here are the details. Okay, 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:07.040 so Malard meet and Green. I have no idea if 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.920 anyone's going to show up. I have no concept to 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:13.120 how many people we have listening in South Carolina and 0:12:13.320 --> 0:12:16.720 that part of North Carolina, so there might be nobody there. 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:19.480 It might just mean me and Dale hanging out, which 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.840 I'm fine with. Dale seems like a cool guy. We'll 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:24.440 have a good time. I hope there's some others that 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:27.760 show up. I know Jerome and Charleston has been calling 0:12:27.800 --> 0:12:30.960 the show, and we've had a few other callers from there. 0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:35.000 So the way this is going to work, we will 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:39.360 be there the when. The when is on Friday, May tenth, 0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:43.400 so we're still a couple weeks away from this Friday 0:12:43.480 --> 0:12:47.160 May tenth. It'll be from three o'clock to five o'clock. 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:51.640 Obviously Eastern time, because we'll be on Eastern time. And 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:55.640 where this is going to happen. Pay close attention. My 0:12:56.480 --> 0:12:58.079 father's mustache. 0:12:58.559 --> 0:12:59.680 What's the name of the place. 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:04.320 Well, No, that's the place. See, that's that's the magic. 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:06.559 Does that not sound like a great place? I already 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:08.840 looked at the menu. I scattered what I want, so 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:12.360 I'm happy it's my father's mustache. But it's the James 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.559 Island location. Now Dale boots on the ground. Dale tells 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:20.840 me that there's another location out on the peninsula, but 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:24.960 that is or on Mount Pleasant rather Mount Pleasant. That's 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.199 not the one. This is a different one. The one 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:30.760 we're doing the event at is on James Island. It's 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:38.320 one seven three nine Maybank Highway in Charleston, South Carolina. 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:44.040 And I'm told it's about three miles west of downtown Charleston. 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:48.960 So that's that's what I'm told. And there's again another location. 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:50.679 I know it can be a little confusing, so just 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.840 the one we're at will be on James Island. Why 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:57.800 are we doing this because I'm I'm a glutton for punishment. No, 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.480 I want to meet people. I've alway tried to do 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:01.959 this over the years. I've had a lot of these 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:05.880 things in random cities. We've done several in Boston, did 0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:10.040 one in Pittsburgh, Syracuse, Appleton, Wisconsin because my brother lives 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:14.840 in that area of Wisconsin. Did Seattle. We've done a 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:20.400 bunch in La Bakersfield, we did that. I'm trying to 0:14:20.400 --> 0:14:23.520 think where else. I know I'm missing some that we 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.400 did Anyway, in Chicago. I met some listeners in Chicago 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:30.520 Kansas City, so we've done a few. Man that these 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.120 have added up over the years. But anyway, I'm looking 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:35.640 forward to South Carolina. And if you've been listening or 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.800 you're you know somebody else who might live there that's 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:40.680 a fan of the show, maybe the podcast. They don't 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:45.840 hear this whatever, who I saw They have French onion soup. 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:50.000 Danny a big French onion soups. Guy looks pretty good. 0:14:50.560 --> 0:14:53.720 I don't usually eat fish and chips. It appears they 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:57.840 have good fish and chips. They've got bangers and mash 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.040 and that that. I don't know about that. That sounds 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:03.840 like like an English show. Maybe it's an English restaurant, 0:15:03.920 --> 0:15:04.560 like you're a. 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:07.320 Hey, I don't know, but. 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:09.280 It looks good. It is my kind of food. It's 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:13.680 like bar food mostly, and there's a couple of different locations, 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.960 but we'll beat the Mount Pleasant ones. So I'm looking 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.320 forward to it. Thanks again to Dale. We'll promote a 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:22.160 lot of this on the radio show this week. I'll 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:25.440 mention it, and I see they have chicken fingers, fried 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.360 mots around. These are all my favorite foods. These are 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:30.400 all my favorite foods. So it's really. 0:15:30.200 --> 0:15:32.800 Mystically what nine year olds like to order from the 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:33.480 kids menu. 0:15:33.720 --> 0:15:35.640 You could be jealous. You know you're jealous. You eat 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:39.960 your adult food. They have a deluxe grilled cheese. I 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:41.600 don't know about the tomato on there. I don't know 0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.920 if I need that Shepherd's pie, not a big Shepherd's pie. 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:48.760 Too many vegetables, not big shepherd pie. Guy, they got 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.240 a Guinness stew. Let's see here, what else do they 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.160 have a lot of beer, a lot of good beer. 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:58.040 So anyway, that's that's the deal. We'll be we'll be schmoozing, 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:03.400 hanging out again May tenth. You're getting this information before 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.560 anybody else here on the Fifth Hour podcast. Maybe Alfo 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.680 will drive down from Springfield and hang out with us, 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:15.120 and who knows our friend, what's the what's the numb 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:21.800 nuts name? I forget the guys. I'm trying to think. No, 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:24.080 I don't want him there. No, I'm a little concerned. 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.840 I don't think he's tech tech savvy enough to hear 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:30.520 the podcast. We're good. We're good on that, So that's 0:16:30.520 --> 0:16:34.160 the event. Now, moving on from that, we mentioned in 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:40.200 a previous episode of this podcast, Danny that I know 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.400 the way to San Jose. We learned a thing or 0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:47.760 two about adulting this past week. You might remember we 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:49.840 talked about the rental car. I picked up the rental 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:54.640 car and realized my driver's license was days away from expiring. 0:16:55.960 --> 0:16:59.560 So I hopped on the DMV website. That's what an 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:01.960 adult do. I tried to pretend like I was my mom, 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:05.080 the grown up. You know. I hopped on the DMV website. 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:09.640 I attempted to renew my license. You'd think this would 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.280 be a rather easy concept, because really, all the government 0:17:12.359 --> 0:17:14.080 wants is your money. They don't really care whether you 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:15.840 know how to drive or not. They just want the money. 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:20.240 Much to my surprise, Much to my surprise, the California 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:24.359 Department of Motor Vehicles decided, you know what, let's bust 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:28.000 mallows balls. Let's make this a steeplechase. Rather than just 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.399 click a button, put your credit card in, get your 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.840 driver's license extended, No no, no no. I had to jump 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:38.600 through a bunch of Hulu hoops. It started out simple enough. 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:43.760 Once upon a time, a long long time ago. They 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:46.240 said I clicked on the website. I typed my information 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:48.879 and they said I needed to take a written test 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:52.439 to get my license rent it, and they said there 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:55.479 was an online option. You can click on the button 0:17:55.560 --> 0:17:58.760 and you can take the test online. I said, great, 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:01.199 this is one wonderful this is what I would like. 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:02.639 I would like to take the test. I don't have 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:05.159 to go anywhere. I could sit in my underwear and 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:08.800 I could take the test. Outstanding. So I clicked on it, 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:12.639 and it said, uh, you're not eligible for the test. 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:16.240 You can't take the test online. You have to make 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.000 an appointment and go in person. But then they said 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:21.760 there's this option. You can go to a DMV kiosk. 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.920 And they made it seem the way it was written, like, Okay, 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.560 you can take the test and a DMV kiosk. I 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:30.280 thought that's kind of odd. Why would they have you 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.800 take a test at a DMV kiosk. But I found 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:36.840 what I went to it didn't work. So I went 0:18:36.880 --> 0:18:39.440 back home. I went on the computer and said, okay, 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:41.719 I'll schedule an appointment. So I picked a time that 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:46.040 worked for me. I then typed my driver's license number in. 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:50.800 I typed my a few ditches, my social security in. 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.359 I was then informed by the website that they couldn't 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.200 find me. I didn't exist. They said they didn't recognize 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:01.200 me having a California driver's license. I was rejected, even 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:04.000 though they allowed me to log in to the website 0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:06.560 to get to that point. At this point, they said 0:19:06.560 --> 0:19:08.880 I no longer existed. So then I was like, okay. 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:13.399 I tried the next day, didn't work, same thing. So 0:19:13.440 --> 0:19:15.360 I was okay, there's a phone number on the website. 0:19:15.400 --> 0:19:17.240 I'll call the phone number. I'm sure there'll be a 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:19.679 nice personal answer. We all know people that work at 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:22.120 the DMV are very nice, and so they will. Then 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.000 they will then direct me. So I called the number. 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:29.640 I called the DMV number. I then got stuck in 0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:34.960 an AI automated phone tree for about ten minutes until 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:39.560 I finally said screw this and I hung up. So 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:44.800 my license is going to be rotten soon, so I said, 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:47.160 you know what, screw it. I'll just show up. I'll 0:19:47.200 --> 0:19:49.520 take the bullet, I'll go to the DMV. I have 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:52.800 no appointment at the DMV, but I'm going to show up. 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:57.199 Oh no, what could go wrong exactly? But here's what 0:19:57.280 --> 0:20:00.199 I did, Danny. I did do the adult thing. I 0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:05.159 did opposition research. I studied all of the DMVs. I 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:09.560 had two different plans. Plan A was to just go 0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:14.000 to the closest DMV because why not it's closed whatever. 0:20:14.640 --> 0:20:17.800 Plan B was to go far away if the line 0:20:18.320 --> 0:20:21.000 was short, because they had the wait times listed the 0:20:21.040 --> 0:20:23.919 average weight time if you don't have an appointment. So 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:25.480 I went on there and I started clicking, there's a 0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:29.720 million DMBs where we are, and they listed the wait 0:20:29.800 --> 0:20:32.480 times and so I went through all these and I 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.000 found one which wasn't too far away, but wasn't the 0:20:35.080 --> 0:20:38.720 closest DMB. I picked that one and they had the 0:20:38.760 --> 0:20:43.200 lowest average weight times. So I grabbed my headphones and 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:45.479 I charged my phone, make sure I was ready to go, 0:20:45.520 --> 0:20:49.040 and I just like went into the DMV jungle. I 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:53.159 was treated rudely by a very large woman that was 0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:55.560 at the front desk. It took me a long time 0:20:55.640 --> 0:20:59.359 to get to the front desk. There were three different 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.119 stations had to go to, so she was kind of rude. 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:08.480 She was I hold, I describe it dismissive. I just 0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:10.320 did it didn't get a good vibe from her. Pain 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:14.240 in the ass. She said, well, you you got to 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:16.040 go fill out this form, but you got to walk 0:21:16.040 --> 0:21:18.000 past where they're taking the photos and then you can 0:21:18.359 --> 0:21:20.160 fill out this form and then you can take the test. 0:21:20.640 --> 0:21:22.359 But they're gonna call your number, so you can't just 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:24.119 walk over there. Now you got away for them to 0:21:24.160 --> 0:21:26.960 call your number, even though I'd already been online for 0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:29.720 forty five minutes. So I was like whatever, So I 0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:32.480 go sit down and then they called my number, so 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:34.160 I then have to walk over. But after there's two 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:35.720 different lines. I had to go to the right line, 0:21:35.760 --> 0:21:37.560 not the left line. I went to the right line. 0:21:37.760 --> 0:21:40.560 I then got the piece of paper. Then they said no, no, no, 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:42.560 you got to go to this other window, window three. 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:44.720 So then I walked all the way around the DMB 0:21:44.760 --> 0:21:46.520 in front of a bunch of people that hadn't showered 0:21:46.920 --> 0:21:50.760 and smelled like ass, and I walked over to window three. 0:21:51.880 --> 0:21:55.119 Then I was informed that not only would I have 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:57.720 to take a test, I had to do a eye 0:21:57.800 --> 0:22:01.960 exam and take a phone This was not listed on 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:05.600 the DMV website. I was dressed like a schlub. I 0:22:06.080 --> 0:22:08.119 was not told I was going to need my photo. 0:22:08.240 --> 0:22:10.600