1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession. Hey, 2 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,879 Speaker 1: Professional home Girls is the kid of a name from 3 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,599 Speaker 1: the PSD podcast, the only place where you would hear 4 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 1: interviews from black women an honestly on stories that will 5 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,839 Speaker 1: enlighten and expand on taboo topics. Now, if you hear 6 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: someone that sounds familiar, mind the business that pays you child. 7 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 1: If you like the PhD podcast, please rate, review and 8 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five star reviews only. Hold 9 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: me down, don't hold me up. 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Please keep in mind that 19 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: all of my guests are noness so listen again this 20 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,880 Speaker 1: week's episode. So and then they yeah, they ended up 21 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 1: restraining me for not long after that, and then the 22 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: person who was with me my person because she sold 23 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: like you have to restrain the other girls, Like if 24 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,800 Speaker 1: he says get on them, if you don't get on them, 25 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: you're gonna restrain right next to that bitch. So my 26 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,280 Speaker 1: my person was crying, like holding me down, crying, and 27 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: he's yelling at her like if she's not crying out 28 00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: in pain, you're not a prying enough question, you're gonna 29 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: be right next to her. So like she's applying more 30 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: and more pressure, just crying. Like so like a lot 31 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:07,040 Speaker 1: of these girls like we're like now like trauma bonded, 32 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: so like a lot of times like so we still 33 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,519 Speaker 1: speak to this day, um, especially like me and that girl, 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 1: and she's always like, oh my gosh, like I love 35 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: you so much, Like I hated him after that. So 36 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,000 Speaker 1: that because a lot of them girls like they like 37 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,359 Speaker 1: they looked at him like a father figure. Like they 38 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: really was like brainwashing people. Like I remember I had 39 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 1: told them because I always wanted to be a psychologist, um, 40 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,440 Speaker 1: like from very very like young, like I knew I 41 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: wanted to help people in that way. And I remember 42 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,079 Speaker 1: like they were we were having like a class and 43 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 1: like what women were supposed to be and that we're 44 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,040 Speaker 1: just supposed to be to help me and we're just 45 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: supposed to get married and their children and support our husbands. 46 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,160 Speaker 1: And then I was like, well, what if you want 47 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: to be a psychologist because that's why I wanted to be, 48 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,799 Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, psychology is of the devil 49 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: and all these mental health issues are like fake and 50 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 1: like it's just people sinning. And if we didn't sin, 51 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,519 Speaker 1: and we weren't you know, communicating with the devil, everything 52 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 1: would be okay. But this is the type of ship 53 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: that they was like spoon feeding us and we're all young, 54 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: like all of us was like in high school or younger. 55 00:03:08,720 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: Like one kid she was like that didn't I don't 56 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: know what the a seven year old did to get there, 57 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 1: like because these girls, like I was the only one 58 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: that was in there for more like gang activity and 59 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,400 Speaker 1: being violent, but the rest of them girls, they were 60 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 1: just having sex and doing drugs. So what then did 61 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: the seven year old do? Right? I was reading some 62 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: of the articles and there is a lot of and 63 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: it's still going on, like it's still the allegations are 64 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: still depending, like they about to go to trial or 65 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 1: like they I was like, oh my god, did you 66 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: see any of the girls get sexually abused or that 67 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 1: you were they talking about it when you was there? 68 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,160 Speaker 1: They were talking about it when I was there. When 69 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: I was there, I never saw it. But some girls 70 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: would disappear, so like remember how I told you we 71 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 1: have to walk into some for some reason. Sometimes some 72 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,240 Speaker 1: girls didn't have to be in twos. They could go 73 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: to either his office on their own and they will 74 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 1: be gone for hours. And at other times there was 75 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: another male employee there and the girls would disappear with 76 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:19,640 Speaker 1: that male employee. And typically it was the girls with 77 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: the higher ranking shirts that would be taken away. And 78 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: I guess because they were kind of feeding them, like 79 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: oh you have all these privileges because those girls got 80 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,800 Speaker 1: to do more. Um. So I guess that was like 81 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: how they you know, kind of like groom them. Um. 82 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 1: But I remember something I used to see that like 83 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,479 Speaker 1: always made uneasy. He used to have this one girl, 84 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: she's beautiful. She used to have him rub his head 85 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: so she was like bald, and like he would dead 86 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: have her because she was mine. She was my person, 87 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: like the person who has to stay with me. She 88 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: would um. So it would be both of us in 89 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: the room, and I would have to stand in a 90 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,840 Speaker 1: corner and he would ask her to just rub his head, 91 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: and his wife would just be fucking sitting there, and 92 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: I'm just like I just remember, like this's not weird 93 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: to nobody, Like why she rubbing his head? Like you 94 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,480 Speaker 1: have a wife right there, you have a daughter, Like 95 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 1: why you got one of us rubbing your head? And 96 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: that's crazy. Reading a recent article how the daughter came 97 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,640 Speaker 1: out and she's confirmed a lot of things that's going 98 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: that went on there, and it's crazy because you I 99 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: kind of started seeing her progression like while I was there, 100 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: because when I was first, like when I first got there, 101 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 1: she was a fucking bitch, Like she was like calling 102 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 1: people to get restrained every two seconds, like because she 103 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,359 Speaker 1: was our age, so she's like our age and like 104 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: technically a staff member. Um. And then she had did 105 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 1: something wrong. I think she tried to run away or something, 106 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: and then her dad put her in a black shirt, 107 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 1: so he started treating her like one of us, and 108 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:57,760 Speaker 1: a black shirt is like bottom of the bottom. Um. 109 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:00,880 Speaker 1: So after that, she kind of like she started being 110 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,720 Speaker 1: like nicer to us, like after she got off the 111 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,080 Speaker 1: black shirt and she started being like a staff member again. 112 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: I guess she kind of started being nice to us 113 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: and kind of like you would see like her kind 114 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,480 Speaker 1: of like arguing with her parents like yo, that's not okay, 115 00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: like why did you guys do that? And things of 116 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: that nature. Um. But yeah, it was really her who 117 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 1: got this whole thing started. M hm. It was. It's 118 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: really wild, like because like who would have thought, like 119 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: it's their daughter because we all like we spoke about 120 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,479 Speaker 1: it like as adults, like we would like y'all remember 121 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,880 Speaker 1: all that ship we went through. And then like that's 122 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: when I started hearing about like all the sexual allegations. 123 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,359 Speaker 1: Like it was like, yeah, well like he raped me? Um, 124 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: and I was like he did what? Like I was 125 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,200 Speaker 1: like really and it was like yeah, Like I didn't 126 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:47,000 Speaker 1: tell anyone because the other problem was girls would run 127 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: away and they would like go to like they would 128 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,720 Speaker 1: get to the Sheriff's department or stuff and stuff like that, 129 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: and they wouldn't believe us, Like they would come they 130 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,840 Speaker 1: would fucking hide us, like whenever child Protective Services would come, 131 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: who the girls who they knew would were vocal, they 132 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: would have us in different places. Um. It was really 133 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: fucking crazy like and then he was friends with a 134 00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: lot of people who like were on the police for Yeah, 135 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: a small town, so everybody know each other. And it's 136 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 1: it's so Missouri's apart of something called the Bible Belt. 137 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 1: So these are like states that are like heavily influenced, 138 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: um by religion and Christianity. So one, he has like 139 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,360 Speaker 1: these deep ties with the church, like we're at church 140 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: every Wednesday and every Sunday. They like they see us, um. 141 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: And then they have like partnerships with the church, like 142 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200 Speaker 1: they used to have like fundraisers for us and stuff 143 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: like that after church. So they have like all these 144 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: ties to the community. So when and then we're bad children, right, 145 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: Like we're quote unquote bad children. So this is how 146 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: we're being marketed as like he's saving us and without us, 147 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: without them, we would be nothing. We would just be 148 00:07:55,920 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: He didn't in these judge belts. Um. So yeah, because girl, 149 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: like reports were coming out when we were still there 150 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: and nobody did anything about it. Your mom will call 151 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: your aunt, like. So the thing about it is so 152 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: when you first get there, you weren't allowed to have 153 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 1: any phone calls for the first three months, and then 154 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: after the first three months, you have your first phone call, 155 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: but it was like someone was in the room with you. 156 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: So I was also the only vision there that spoken 157 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: of the language. So when I had my phone call 158 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: with my mom, I'm telling her in Spanish like this 159 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:36,960 Speaker 1: place is sucked up, that out, but the man I 160 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: started speaking Spanish state they hung up the phone and 161 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 1: it was like you can't speak to her if you're 162 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: doing speak English, right, So I try to line and 163 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, well she doesn't speak English. That's the 164 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: only way that we're gonna be able to comple take 165 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: to the law. And then like they had one thing 166 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: director and there was like like we registered you with 167 00:08:59,559 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: your mom, like she speaks English. So that didn't work. Yeah, 168 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: so that first time it didn't work. But then a 169 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: couple of months later, some few months after that, she 170 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,280 Speaker 1: called me again. So I'm speaking to her in English, 171 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: but she's speaking to me in Spanish, and they left 172 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: that rock. Um. But she had a dream, so I 173 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 1: told you earlier like a lot of the women in 174 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:23,120 Speaker 1: my family had these dreams. So she had a dream 175 00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: that like matt Ship was happening, and she was like 176 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: she had a dream that like people were hurting me 177 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,319 Speaker 1: and like while I'm talk like she she basically described 178 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: me getting restraint like that they was doing um, and 179 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 1: I like I was just like saying like yes, no, 180 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 1: like answering that way. And then a couple of months 181 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: after that, she ended up like coming to pick me 182 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: up there. I was there for like a year. Oh no, yeah, 183 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 1: oh my god, give you up? Like did they just 184 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: let them? Did they let you leave or like was 185 00:09:57,400 --> 00:10:00,679 Speaker 1: it a process? So they just kind of let her 186 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,199 Speaker 1: take me because she came unannounced, so they it wasn't 187 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:07,320 Speaker 1: there was no prepping, like she just showed up. Um, 188 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: she had drove there because and she said she drove 189 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,319 Speaker 1: there because she wanted to be able to be like 190 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,720 Speaker 1: well like my cars out front, like we're taking her 191 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: like a lot of mine, like like I have like 192 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: photo albums and stuff like with me and the other 193 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: girls in it. Like they never sent that ship to me. 194 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: They didn't let me take it with me, so like 195 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: I don't know like why there was a lot of 196 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 1: traumatic ship happened there, like people I have bonds with 197 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: for the rest of my life. Like I don't even 198 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: have like photos of us from when we were kids, 199 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,439 Speaker 1: like because you wouldn't let me take it um, So 200 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 1: I like that ship kind of hurts um. But yeah, 201 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: they just let her take me. They didn't really fight 202 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,079 Speaker 1: her on it. Mm. They just said that couldn't get 203 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 1: it under my ship. There was like if she gonna go, 204 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: she gotta go just like this, right, So that's how 205 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,200 Speaker 1: it went. Now do you think after you left the 206 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: boarding school do you think that you change in a stence? 207 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: Because I feel like this part of your story, I 208 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:04,000 Speaker 1: feel like you got more focused, right, So I didn't 209 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: get more focused. I feel like I was already getting 210 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,960 Speaker 1: there beforehand, Like I was still like holding weight and stuff. 211 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: But I feel like I was already trying to like 212 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 1: focus in on my studies. But after the point school, 213 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: I really wasn't. Like so I for that whole year. 214 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,199 Speaker 1: We don't have like access to technology, so I can't 215 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,320 Speaker 1: call nobody from my set. I can't speak to nobody 216 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: from my set. There's no social media, I don't have 217 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,839 Speaker 1: access to internet. And what were they thinking? Like everything, 218 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: like you know what happened to so also so when 219 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: I ended up seeing them, they thought something. They thoughtly 220 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 1: got locked up because they knew I was always wanting 221 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: there was like yoah, we just thought you got locked 222 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,640 Speaker 1: up and you ain't know nobody like number or something like. 223 00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: They was just like we just thought the wordst like 224 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 1: you up, you died like one or the other. Because 225 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: they knew me too. They was like, You're not the 226 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: type of person who would just like run away like um, yeah. 227 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 1: So when I got back, it was kind of just 228 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: like so first I didn't like I'm still getting adjusted 229 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 1: because like I was dead living in the country, like 230 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: I was living on a farm, so like so now 231 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: I'm getting adjusted. I mean, you witness a lot of 232 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,719 Speaker 1: traumatizing ship right Like I was like I didn't want 233 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 1: to talk to nobody, like I was just very It 234 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: was just different. I had lost so much weight because 235 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: they like they was feeding us bullshit. Um. Then they 236 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,439 Speaker 1: had us doing like all this like manual labor um 237 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 1: and then come to find out because it's not an 238 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: accredited school, so all the work they had me doing 239 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: like I had, I didn't have credits for that year, 240 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: so I have to do like credit recovery. Like Luckily, 241 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,600 Speaker 1: like they got like I'm smart, so I was able 242 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: to graduate on time. But like my guy's tuncle was 243 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: like what did your mom have me at like like 244 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: this I can't use none of this, um girl, the 245 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 1: animals because like we already don't work with each other. 246 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: And then like you did this, and then I remember 247 00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,680 Speaker 1: like I tried to kind of like explain to her, 248 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: like why would you in your right mind think that 249 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: it was okay to leave your Afro Latina daughter with 250 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 1: these white folks? Like this is like during the Obama 251 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 1: administration to like when he was first getting elected, like 252 00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 1: they was calling him the anti price, like you was 253 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: like racist as motherfucker's and you left me with them. 254 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 1: I was just like where was the protection there? And 255 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 1: then even like you had this dream and you spoke 256 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,439 Speaker 1: to me, but you still took like you on that weekend, 257 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 1: like you took months to come get me. Um. So 258 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: it was just very yeah, like I hated her. Like 259 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 1: now I feel like I just have like type of 260 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,880 Speaker 1: like no emotion towards her, But then I fucking hated her, 261 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:49,760 Speaker 1: like yeah, I definitely wanted to point the page um, 262 00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,800 Speaker 1: and she just she just didn't get it, like she 263 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:58,320 Speaker 1: just it was just like a okay in her book. Um. 264 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: But yeah, so like now I'm just trying to catch 265 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 1: up with ship. Um. And then finally after a couple 266 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 1: of months of me being back in New York, like 267 00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 1: I reached out and I'm like, hey, guys, like I'm back, 268 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: like and I explained to them what happened or whatever, 269 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,959 Speaker 1: and they was kind of just like, na, like you're good, 270 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: Like like we we already thought like you were gone, 271 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 1: so it's like it don't even make sense. And it 272 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: was like we kind of see like you're trying to 273 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: like get on this ship. Because I also started taking 274 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: college courses. Um there was I don't know if the 275 00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 1: program still exists, but it was called college Now, so 276 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: you could take college courses while you were still in 277 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,000 Speaker 1: high school and get college credits for them. So like 278 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: I'm just like I'm literally just telling them everything that 279 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: I haven't seen anything like Matt waw um. And they 280 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,840 Speaker 1: were kind of just like no, like you're good, like 281 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 1: we we see your potential, like you're good. And then 282 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: it's crazy because then I end up like bumping into 283 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: I ended up bumping into one dude while I was 284 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: um like a freshman in college, and I'm not excited. 285 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, I I've read it up. 286 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: And I tried to get his phone number and he's 287 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: like nah, shot, like I'm not going to do that 288 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,040 Speaker 1: to you. I'm like, fuck you, like I'm offended. I'm 289 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: like what you mean? And he was like, I'm still 290 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,800 Speaker 1: in the life and you're obviously doing really good for yourself, 291 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: and I would never do that to you, Like I 292 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,920 Speaker 1: have too much love for you, and I don't want 293 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: I don't want you to get stuck back in. And 294 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 1: I think that's probably one of the dopest things anyone 295 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: has ever done for me. Right, They really let me 296 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: go to see me flourish, Like there was no beat, 297 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: there was no malice. It was just like now, like 298 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: you were smart when he was with us, and we 299 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 1: appreciated you and we vowed you, but like you could 300 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 1: you could shine so much brighter, because that's not going 301 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 1: for you to just to leave right there like you 302 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:42,760 Speaker 1: have to. I didn't have to fight nothing. They just 303 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: they literally just let me go, which is not calming, 304 00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: not calming at all. They found out a guy was 305 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:55,000 Speaker 1: a crypt child look it out, looking out, So I 306 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 1: felt like if they would have told me I had 307 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 1: to like like hit the squire to ly, I was like, 308 00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:02,240 Speaker 1: a might as well just fucking thing like right rights, 309 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 1: like yeah, so yeah, I honestly knowing me, I don't 310 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 1: think I would have had loved I don't think I 311 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 1: would have left on my own re court. If I'm 312 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: being honest, I don't think I would have left on 313 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:15,480 Speaker 1: my own the court, not at all. Mm hmm. Yeah, 314 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: he saved your life. He does look at you up 315 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 1: for having a book club child, My little feeling circles, 316 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: fealing circle. Now you're helping kids. She is a child 317 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: psychic colleges for at risk kids and kids with disabilities. 318 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:38,000 Speaker 1: How did you get just feel during the lord's work child? 319 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:42,920 Speaker 1: Who it was work? Yes? Um? So, like I had mentioned, like, 320 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: I always knew that I wanted to be a psychologist. 321 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 1: I wanted to work with UM. I wanted to work 322 00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 1: with children, specifically, I wanted to work with children who 323 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 1: looked like me and who went through the things that 324 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,880 Speaker 1: I went through. Um and then you know you don't 325 00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: know what you don't know. So I'm actually a school 326 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: psychologist specifically, um and so I had in my brain 327 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: I thought you have to get your bachelor's, a master's, 328 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 1: and then a doctoral degree. I was completely unaware that 329 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: you can go straight from a bachelor's degree to your 330 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 1: doctoral degree. Um, girl, the more you know, because I 331 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 1: wish somebody would have told me that ship because nothing 332 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: I wasted time, but like I didn't have to get 333 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,440 Speaker 1: that masters in between, which took three years. Um, I 334 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: kind of just went straight to the doctoral program which 335 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: is in completion, Like it's like six or seven years 336 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: de kind of how long it takes you to write 337 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:40,920 Speaker 1: your dissertation for real. And then like for psychology doctoral programs, 338 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 1: like depending on the program you go to, typically they'll 339 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: like fund your education because you're doing research and your 340 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: you'll be like a professor, so you get like assistant 341 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: ships and things of that nature. So anyways, my dumb ass, 342 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: so I graduate with my bachelor's nor I want to 343 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,400 Speaker 1: be a child psychologist. I'm like, oh, what's the masters 344 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,439 Speaker 1: that I can get before I go to this doctoral 345 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 1: program because I think I need this ship, um that 346 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: relates to the field. So then I find out about 347 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: school psychology, which is working with children, um, and I 348 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,200 Speaker 1: didn't know the nitty gritties of it. So a school 349 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:17,439 Speaker 1: psychologists basically they worked with students and special education, they 350 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,360 Speaker 1: worked with at risk students. Um. They provide like structure 351 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,439 Speaker 1: for the school like we do framework things, so like 352 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: probably the behavior intervention supports. That was that's like a 353 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: school wife thing. We do like response to intervention when 354 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,199 Speaker 1: kids are struggling trying to implement little things that we 355 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,679 Speaker 1: can do for them to help them succeed. We do 356 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 1: i Q testing, social emotional testing, and things of that nature. 357 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:40,920 Speaker 1: Do not know all this. I was just like, I 358 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,239 Speaker 1: want to be with the kids. That's where I need 359 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:47,680 Speaker 1: to be, UM, And in my head, I was just like, 360 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,639 Speaker 1: give me all these kids that y'all say are bad, Like, 361 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: give me all the bad kids, Give me all of them. UM. 362 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,199 Speaker 1: And I have started off like at a nonprofit, like 363 00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: while I was in graduate school. I had started actually 364 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,360 Speaker 1: when I was in my bachelor program working with nonprofits, 365 00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: UM who just out with like at risk kids, And 366 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,119 Speaker 1: I ended up like moving my way up and I 367 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: became like their mental health person. And then I became 368 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:14,360 Speaker 1: like an educational director, so like kind of helping UM 369 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:19,880 Speaker 1: lead classes and facilitate trainings that really, you know, help 370 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 1: with the growth of kids who might be in a gang, 371 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,679 Speaker 1: who are in Boston here, who might have gotten locked up, 372 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 1: who are sexually active, and recognizing that they are more 373 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 1: than all of these things. Right, So UM, so yeah, 374 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 1: so my goal was definitely to work with those children. UM, 375 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 1: But then I became a school psychologist and it's more 376 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: than just that. So I ended up working with like 377 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: kids on the spectrum, kids with learning disabilities, kids with 378 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,959 Speaker 1: like speech and language impairment, so all these different other children. 379 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: And I'm appreciative because not I got to see all 380 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,360 Speaker 1: these other things that are happening in the world. UM, 381 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: and I have like I have that experience as well. 382 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 1: But I think my heart is always with so like 383 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:09,159 Speaker 1: the kids who were like me, because like, why didn't 384 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,560 Speaker 1: no adults see what the fun was happening with me? 385 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 1: Like I always think about that. Why I didn't like 386 00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 1: this girl never in school but she getting straight a's like, 387 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: let's let's tap in, Like why like what's going on 388 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:27,719 Speaker 1: with her? Um? You were like high school bro, Like 389 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,959 Speaker 1: like I used to go with My mom was physically 390 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,399 Speaker 1: abusive towards me, and I used to go to school 391 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: cruises and I used to want someone to school with 392 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,919 Speaker 1: a busted lip. And when I think back on it, 393 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: I'm like, ain't nobody see my lip? And I was 394 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: a great student and I'm like nobody And I was 395 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 1: like I've always been a girly girl. So I'm like, 396 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:55,439 Speaker 1: y'all know, I'm not outside acting crazy. Yeah yeah, so 397 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,919 Speaker 1: now I'm not. Now I'm not adult playing attention like 398 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,080 Speaker 1: in the school buildings. Like now I'm like, mmm, I 399 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,359 Speaker 1: see you're moving a little where like and it's interesting. 400 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,199 Speaker 1: Like so I always thought about because I always I'm 401 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 1: always telling the kids, like you you need cultural capital, 402 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,800 Speaker 1: and it was like, what's that? What's that? And I'm like, 403 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,399 Speaker 1: you need to know how to name what type of 404 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 1: painting something is, or you need to know how to, 405 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, switch your vocabulary around when you're in certain spaces. 406 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 1: You need to know how to you know, identify different 407 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: things from different cultures. But then as I'm like working 408 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 1: in these schools, I have a cultural capital that's a 409 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: lot of my peers don't have, Like I understand a 410 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 1: bond its like I understand like having to be on 411 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: your toes and be paying attention to your studying and 412 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 1: your spaces, and I often like, you can't really learn that, 413 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 1: You've got to live through that ship to know what. 414 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: So I'm being more open, right, So I used to 415 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,439 Speaker 1: always think that cultural capital was only things that like 416 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: quote unquote like white people have, like the ship that 417 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 1: they do, like going to use ins and galleries and 418 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: things of that nature. But like we got cultural capital too, 419 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 1: like we have and you know, some of the ship 420 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: we learned because we had like traumatic lifestyles, but we 421 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: have a survival skill that a lot of other people 422 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: don't have. So now I'm just more grateful. Yeah it's 423 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,360 Speaker 1: in us. Yeah, I'd be like, yo, I'd be thinking 424 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 1: to myself, like, Yo, God really was with me, man, 425 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,919 Speaker 1: because the ship that we had to endure growing up, 426 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,760 Speaker 1: especially with us having a non existent relationship where I'm 427 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:32,680 Speaker 1: you know, we have a relationship with our mothers, and 428 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: we didn't have the relationship that we would like to 429 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,400 Speaker 1: have with our mothers. And I've just been thinking about 430 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,520 Speaker 1: Masha and I'm like, nah, man, like, thank God for 431 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:45,159 Speaker 1: my wits because I've always been quick on my feet, 432 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:47,040 Speaker 1: Like it don't take me no time to figure something, 433 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,920 Speaker 1: especially when it comes to my safety. So you know, 434 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 1: people just don't have it, and I'd be I'd be praying, 435 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, Lord, please let my child be smart, child, Like, 436 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,160 Speaker 1: let let them have some calm and fucking sense, because 437 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:05,480 Speaker 1: it's gonna drive me right, even only thinking about my 438 00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: own because I'll be thinking about my own kids because 439 00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,760 Speaker 1: like I feel like I'm I'm doing this parenting. I'm 440 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: trying to be like aware and like trying not to yeah, 441 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 1: and trying not to head and things of that nature. 442 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,200 Speaker 1: But then sometimes I'm like, if she don't know how 443 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:20,679 Speaker 1: to fight, like if she know like how to like 444 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:23,920 Speaker 1: when she's walking home by herself when she's a little older, 445 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 1: like if she gonna know, like if somebody trying to 446 00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,439 Speaker 1: rob her, like I is she gonna know to like 447 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 1: if someone said, what's side your shoes? Is you say 448 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 1: my side? Like just like all this like little stuff 449 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 1: like I'm like, I don't know, Like you want to 450 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: protect the kids, and at the same time, it's just 451 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 1: like they need some of this for survival. Um. So 452 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: I'm always like going back and forth with that one. Wait, 453 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:47,719 Speaker 1: were almost finished. I got showed the story with you. 454 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: So I remy to afraid has a daughter, right, and 455 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: I didn't tell her because I'm like, you know, they 456 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: love to shrink little black kids, especially a little black girls, 457 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,920 Speaker 1: black and brown girls. So I was like, listen, don't 458 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,399 Speaker 1: let nobody tell you what you can and do it 459 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,679 Speaker 1: what you're not gonna be able to do like you 460 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:05,359 Speaker 1: can do anything, especially let no white person tell you right. So, 461 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,159 Speaker 1: why I'm on the train and this is her first 462 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 1: day and first day of school. So I'm like, oh 463 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:14,360 Speaker 1: my god, so have a great day of school, Auntie, 464 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: love you this dame. So little white lady next to me, 465 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 1: sweet white lady. She was like, oh my god, so 466 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,199 Speaker 1: and so I have a great day of school. So 467 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: we both like all emotional stuff and my knee. She 468 00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,359 Speaker 1: calls me Nati. That's my family name, and she's like, 469 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: didn you said that listen to no white person. I 470 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: was like, girl, was like, wrong time, white lady. I'm like, girl, 471 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:42,680 Speaker 1: she didn't like she'd be walking too much, like but 472 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, that's what the funk 473 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: I'm talking my little girl, like be your point, like 474 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:53,360 Speaker 1: that's right, like you said she had so fucking quick son. 475 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, my girl. But do you 476 00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,880 Speaker 1: notice any signs from your students that make them might 477 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,679 Speaker 1: make you think that they are in a gang or 478 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 1: just need helping them? So what are those signs? Um 479 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,400 Speaker 1: Typically like people who like hang out in large groups, 480 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,159 Speaker 1: and like I could just tell by the type of 481 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: large groups they have. So like if everyone in your 482 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,920 Speaker 1: large group is always getting into some type of fight. 483 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 1: My another tend like y'all a part of something um 484 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,800 Speaker 1: and even and you might not be a part of 485 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 1: like a gang gang, but y'all have some type of 486 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: set happening because like you have sets outside of games 487 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:33,200 Speaker 1: or that's connected to games. Um. Yeah, that's that's definitely 488 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,360 Speaker 1: a thing. Um. Some other things that I look for, honestly, 489 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:42,640 Speaker 1: baby telling me, girl, like baby telling me. Um. But 490 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,800 Speaker 1: like sometimes I like I'll ask certain questions and they 491 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,160 Speaker 1: like yo, like you know you are, like you can't 492 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,359 Speaker 1: tell you this, and like I'm not and I have 493 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,359 Speaker 1: to recognize like yeah that you are, but you know 494 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,119 Speaker 1: you gotta report this ship if they tell you something. Um. 495 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,200 Speaker 1: But yeah, just like I don't know like those kids 496 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,960 Speaker 1: who like I'm like because I know their family history. 497 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,480 Speaker 1: So like if I know, like y'all living in the 498 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 1: shelter right now, but you've gotta more and clear on sir, 499 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: it's not at enough yeah right. Or if I see 500 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:19,560 Speaker 1: like kids who kids who wouldn't typically talk to them, 501 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: like they speak to them for very brief moments Like 502 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,679 Speaker 1: I'm like, I you you sell them, you sell them something. Um, 503 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: So it's just like little things that I pay attention to. Um. Yeah, 504 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,400 Speaker 1: So what can your teachers and parents do to positively 505 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 1: impact their child and making good decisions? Honestly, be more empathetic, listening, 506 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 1: checking in. So I know for parents a big thing 507 00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 1: that like I'm pushing right now is like eat with 508 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,240 Speaker 1: your kids. Stop eating in the room, stop eating from 509 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,840 Speaker 1: the tv sits only eat with your kids, Like eat 510 00:26:55,880 --> 00:27:00,160 Speaker 1: and have a conversation, um. And then after that, then 511 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: whan watch a movie, sit down and watch the show. 512 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 1: Just then I ask them, like, yo, yeah, just spending 513 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:09,680 Speaker 1: time because oftentimes, like kids get into these situations because 514 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,080 Speaker 1: they feel unloved, they feel like they're not getting enough 515 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 1: attention at home. They want to feel cared about, UM, 516 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 1: cared about. So it's really just happening for parents, and 517 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:25,120 Speaker 1: then for teachers, I think it's you know, being more 518 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 1: aware that like it's okay to let go of power. 519 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,080 Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people are not saying 520 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: every teacher in the world, but I feel like a 521 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,640 Speaker 1: lot of teachers that I've dealt with, like the ones 522 00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 1: that my kids always coming to me complaining about like 523 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,880 Speaker 1: maybe power tripping, Like you want to yell at them 524 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,920 Speaker 1: because they're sitting on a desk, or because they're standing, 525 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 1: or because in between taking notes they're talking to their partner, Like, 526 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,040 Speaker 1: instead of raising your boys at them, have a conversation, 527 00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:53,560 Speaker 1: check in with them, just see what's going on. Um 528 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,360 Speaker 1: And I think you get when you build those relationships 529 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:58,600 Speaker 1: with kids, that's when they really open up to you. 530 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,800 Speaker 1: And once they open up, you know what resources to 531 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,840 Speaker 1: provide them. But you can't help a kid who's going 532 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:06,240 Speaker 1: to shut down, especially if you're the reason that they're 533 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 1: shutting down. Um So, I really think it's tapping in 534 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: and building those connections that's the best way to help 535 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: our children. And then even like if you're aware of 536 00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:19,120 Speaker 1: the the ASIST study, it's the Adverse Childhood of Sex studies. 537 00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 1: Um so, they basically it's like a service if they 538 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,240 Speaker 1: was giving kids to see like what traumatic experiences they 539 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,119 Speaker 1: went through. Um and then a certain number kind of 540 00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 1: like it could lead to having like you're at high 541 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,760 Speaker 1: risk for having like some health conditions. Um so. But 542 00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: like one of the biggest things that could help decrease 543 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: that was having a connection with one person. M hm. 544 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 1: So can you imagine just having a connection with one 545 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 1: person can help you live longer technically, like I don't know, 546 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 1: people don't be hearing you go, yeah, I don't know, 547 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,120 Speaker 1: Like I don't know why. I don't know why people 548 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: think it's so hard. I'm like, you just make a connection, 549 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,479 Speaker 1: Like that's really once you make a connection, and everything 550 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 1: flows from there, Everything flows from there. Mm hmm. Do 551 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:09,959 Speaker 1: you share your stories your story with your students most 552 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 1: of the time. No, So I go by this rule 553 00:29:14,880 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 1: that what does this what does telling this story do 554 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: for the student or do for my client? Be cause 555 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,800 Speaker 1: I also work with kids outside the school. UM, So 556 00:29:23,920 --> 00:29:27,680 Speaker 1: if it's if it's just a kind of relate, it 557 00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,959 Speaker 1: might not be that beneficial. But it's for example, like 558 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: I might have a student who's like completely shut down, 559 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,640 Speaker 1: who doesn't have anyone that can connect with, um, doesn't 560 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,280 Speaker 1: really like understand where I'm coming from, like when I'm 561 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,959 Speaker 1: just giving them like giving it to them straight. Then 562 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 1: I might share something I won't share like everything, um, 563 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: but like I'll share like maybe like a small piece 564 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:52,400 Speaker 1: like well like I went through this when I was 565 00:29:52,480 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: a teenager, and like so I'll share something like I 566 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:56,320 Speaker 1: used to cut class a lot, so I feel like 567 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 1: it's not too heavy, it's something relatable, but not something 568 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 1: like oh it's like I'm trying to win brownie points, 569 00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 1: like hey, I used to cut school a lot, Um, 570 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: I got my act together and now I'm here. Because 571 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,280 Speaker 1: sometimes they'll think that because they started off ruck, that 572 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 1: they can't change their ways and become better. So I 573 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,760 Speaker 1: just kind of look, Okay, what's the why, Like why 574 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: would I be sharing this piece of me? Mm hmmm, 575 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 1: so um yeah. But typically I wouldn't give them like 576 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 1: everything I just gave you'all deftly would not know Yeah, right, 577 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 1: what did your healing journey look like? As you've been 578 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: through a lot and you know, I know you don't 579 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: have a relationship with your mom and I don't know 580 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,000 Speaker 1: about your relationship with your dad, but like, how has 581 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 1: your journey with healing ben or what did it look like? Um? So, 582 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,920 Speaker 1: since I was a kid, I used to really tap 583 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: into like the spiritual world, um, just because I know 584 00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 1: like my aunts and my mom had these dreams and stuff. 585 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,440 Speaker 1: So I was like always interested in like, oh, well, 586 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,840 Speaker 1: like do I have these gifts and things of that nature? 587 00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 1: And I don't. I don't have it in the way 588 00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:08,840 Speaker 1: that they have it. Like I would just get like 589 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 1: strong feelings about stuff and things of that nature. Like 590 00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:14,479 Speaker 1: I feel like I have a good intuition. Um, Like 591 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: I get those cut feelings like you know, like like 592 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: oh in my cut, like I know some ships about 593 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: to happen, and then some ship happened, and I have that. 594 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: But they like they would have fucking explicit dreams, like 595 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 1: they could tell you from start to finish, like from 596 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 1: ship that was about to happen. I can't do that. Um. 597 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: But because of that, I feel like I used to 598 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 1: even since I was a kid, Like I used to 599 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:38,880 Speaker 1: like really tap into like my ancestors and wanting to 600 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: like know about more about like family lineage. Um. And 601 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,040 Speaker 1: I've been off and on with it since I was 602 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,280 Speaker 1: a kid. Um. I remember my dumbask I just like 603 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: chuckle at the ship I used to do as a kid. 604 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: So like I remember like in eleventh grade, I started 605 00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 1: like practicing WICCA, which is like I want to say, 606 00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:02,560 Speaker 1: like white people ship come white people witchcraft? Um. And 607 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,840 Speaker 1: I remember so I used to like really study with her. 608 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: But like something about it was like some of the 609 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:10,240 Speaker 1: fields right and some of it don't. Like the principles 610 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: was like okay, this is making sense. But something felt 611 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:19,200 Speaker 1: like this isn't mine. Um, so then they just whitewashed 612 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 1: it right right. So then I started like you know, 613 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 1: going through like family stuff, and I started seeing like 614 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,200 Speaker 1: a lot of like stuff from like Santiater, Like I 615 00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 1: would see like women wearing all white and my family 616 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I was like, so I started 617 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: like asking questions. I was like, oh, well this person 618 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,480 Speaker 1: did this and did it out. But then, like a 619 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,000 Speaker 1: lot of people, my family started like going more towards 620 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: like Christianity and like kind of like like sweeping out 621 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 1: under the rug. So I feel like they weren't talking 622 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,520 Speaker 1: about it. And then my grandmother had passed away, so 623 00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: I couldn't tap into her for any information. Um, and yeah, 624 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 1: like my mom's closest sins that she's closest with, like 625 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: she's like, I don't know, see the pastor preacher. She 626 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:02,719 Speaker 1: she's like a head person in the church. Like she 627 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,959 Speaker 1: had her like fucking come to New York to like 628 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,000 Speaker 1: pray over me and do all this other ship because 629 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 1: she didn't want me like you know, participating in that 630 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:12,960 Speaker 1: type of stuff. So then I had like stock because 631 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:15,120 Speaker 1: I felt like who then am I going to tap into? 632 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:19,959 Speaker 1: And then in college, um, you know when you just 633 00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:24,560 Speaker 1: feel like heavy, like you just need something. UM. I 634 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:28,200 Speaker 1: started like praying again and like just tapping into my ancestry. 635 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: And then I started doing like more meditations. I started 636 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: like looking more looking stuff up and like you're eaving culture. UM. 637 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:41,200 Speaker 1: I started looking things up like the connections of like 638 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:44,040 Speaker 1: like how Africans were brought over to the Caribbean because 639 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: their first stop was in the Republic um. And then 640 00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:50,160 Speaker 1: I started doing more research like in Haiti and like 641 00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 1: how like we were the first people to kind of 642 00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 1: like free ourselves from slavery and how that looks. And 643 00:33:55,440 --> 00:34:00,760 Speaker 1: then like I'm really looking like I'm really like digging digging. Um, 644 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:04,240 Speaker 1: I'm really like digging digging, and then I'm seeing like, oh, 645 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,000 Speaker 1: well they used Bodoon to like really like free themselves 646 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,520 Speaker 1: because these people didn't have any weapons, like they didn't 647 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:16,799 Speaker 1: have the resources that the French had, So that I'm yeah, 648 00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: so this is when like now like something in my 649 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: body is like this is it? Like either are the 650 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:27,360 Speaker 1: things that you need to learn and need to process? Um. 651 00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:30,640 Speaker 1: So so a lot of my healing journey has kind 652 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 1: of like been tapping into my roots and finding out 653 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 1: about like who I am, which has been like super 654 00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: super difficult because my family's all over the place. Um, 655 00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,120 Speaker 1: I don't really have a connection to a lot of them. 656 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:45,399 Speaker 1: UM some kind of just like trying to figure things 657 00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,439 Speaker 1: out day by day. UM. And then it's hard because 658 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: sometimes I want to like reach out to people, like 659 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 1: because there's, um, there's like this community center near me 660 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 1: that they practice EFA UM, and I be like wanting 661 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:02,160 Speaker 1: to go over there and like see, like can somebody 662 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,920 Speaker 1: read my head and can I go through the process 663 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,719 Speaker 1: in that? But like you know, some people are like 664 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,799 Speaker 1: a lot of people be faking ship like she's like 665 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:12,759 Speaker 1: a trend now, So I get yeah, so I get 666 00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,840 Speaker 1: worried that like somebody gonna try bamboos with me, and 667 00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:17,879 Speaker 1: I feel like I have discernment, but also who wants 668 00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: to go through that ship? Like I don't want to 669 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,320 Speaker 1: see here trying to meet like you know, meet people 670 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,839 Speaker 1: and try to like put my all into something just 671 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,279 Speaker 1: for like something like download because sometimes I like I 672 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 1: have discerning about something and I'd be like, oh, just 673 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 1: give them a try. It's so like just just give it, 674 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: and then like you get you get sucked in that way. 675 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:40,000 Speaker 1: So I'm like that's definitely still been a thing. That's 676 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,799 Speaker 1: how I know you're spiritual because, um, when I had 677 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,239 Speaker 1: my leg get togethers, I'm gonna introduce you to my 678 00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:50,080 Speaker 1: home girl Montana because she's like, I'm spiritual too, but 679 00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,840 Speaker 1: she's similar to you because when you said read your head, like, 680 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,000 Speaker 1: I know what that means. That's what she's trying to do. 681 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 1: She found a place somewhere and um, I want to 682 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:02,359 Speaker 1: say somewhere in Harlem child and making us a short child. 683 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 1: She went there and the nigga had chopped off a 684 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 1: chicken head that said, oh no, it's gruesome. Yeah. But also, 685 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 1: whenever you ready, I told you I shared with you 686 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:18,160 Speaker 1: my um it, my spiritual team because she doesn't so 687 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:23,640 Speaker 1: to those episodes, they were good. Oh yeah, I was 688 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: just like to say. She also spoke about that in 689 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,439 Speaker 1: her episode about kind of who had her head? Yeah, 690 00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:32,400 Speaker 1: I was. I was really enjoying those episodes. I was like, 691 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, I gotta tapping. Yeah, she's amazing. She's amazing. 692 00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 1: And last but not least, do you have any regrets? 693 00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:47,400 Speaker 1: Oh girl? Um, I always have struggle with this. I'll 694 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:50,880 Speaker 1: always struggle with this question because um, I do when 695 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: I don't, So like, do I wish that like I 696 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 1: had like a perfect relationship with my mom and I 697 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,920 Speaker 1: didn't go through all these things and that like life 698 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:06,799 Speaker 1: was peachy. Sure, yes, Um, do I feel like I 699 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 1: would be the same person I am today without those experiences? 700 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,120 Speaker 1: Absolutely not, Like I feel like they really shaped who 701 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 1: I am and I'm able like I feel like this 702 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 1: is my life purpose. My life purpose is to help. 703 00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,960 Speaker 1: Like I'm a helper, like I naturally help, Like I 704 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,200 Speaker 1: always want to help people and kind of bring them 705 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,319 Speaker 1: up in whatever way, shape or form that I can so. 706 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,560 Speaker 1: But I feel like if I didn't go through all 707 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,000 Speaker 1: these things, I wouldn't know how to help. I wouldn't 708 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:38,000 Speaker 1: effectively help as like the way that I do today. Right, 709 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 1: So it's like it's it's like both like, yeah, I 710 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,200 Speaker 1: wish I was. I wish I grew up with my 711 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,000 Speaker 1: dad living the best life like the parents, living his 712 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:51,839 Speaker 1: best fucking life. By the same time, it's just like 713 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: that life wasn't for me apparently, and that's okay, um, 714 00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 1: because now I have this so and this really feeds 715 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: me helping people, It's really feeds me. Um. So I 716 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,799 Speaker 1: guess it's like it's like, oh, what I would like 717 00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 1: to see what I'm said. Hell yeah, But at the 718 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,520 Speaker 1: same time, like I get a god like you needed me. 719 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:16,000 Speaker 1: You needed to give me a mission, and that's why 720 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,239 Speaker 1: I'm a soldier. You want his foot sold just to 721 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:28,600 Speaker 1: do the thing. Wait was your set name pelt? Yeah? Yeah. 722 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,760 Speaker 1: When I was telling you, I was like, so, people 723 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,759 Speaker 1: who I grew up with, like that's what they call 724 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:41,400 Speaker 1: I'll tell you crooks are so fucking wokey. I know. 725 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:44,480 Speaker 1: I said this bitch been, this has been, not been 726 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:49,799 Speaker 1: this bitch set name. Yeah, definitely wh it Definitely. It's 727 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:54,200 Speaker 1: tatted on me. Actually, like I got my first sixty 728 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 1: Like that's how that's it. I do it. Yes, I 729 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:01,560 Speaker 1: was like, se call her that because I had this feeling, 730 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,120 Speaker 1: this age for people that she grew up with call her. 731 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:08,160 Speaker 1: This is what the set call her. Yeah, but like 732 00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,399 Speaker 1: those listen people like I grew up with, Like it's 733 00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:18,279 Speaker 1: so crazy. Um, like parents called me that, Like yeah, 734 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:22,719 Speaker 1: like that is what they called me. It's like, now, 735 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:26,879 Speaker 1: I appreciate you excited that you wanted to share your 736 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:30,000 Speaker 1: story on my on my show. I feel like this 737 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,600 Speaker 1: was a really amazing story and I love the fact 738 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:37,879 Speaker 1: how your story was full circle, like what you're doing 739 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,920 Speaker 1: is definitely guy's work. And I'm just so thankful that 740 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:43,239 Speaker 1: we finally cross paths because I don't know how we 741 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,680 Speaker 1: didn't know each other because I've been doing army for 742 00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:49,359 Speaker 1: a friend for over ten years. I need to you know. 743 00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:51,360 Speaker 1: I pressed them about that ship too. I'm like, so, 744 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,399 Speaker 1: when when did you meet her? I was like, now, 745 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,120 Speaker 1: you definitely need and like I was over there like this, 746 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:01,399 Speaker 1: I'm from Brooklyn. I was like, means like every fucking week. 747 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm Holly ashamed of you, like Holly, and 748 00:40:04,200 --> 00:40:08,520 Speaker 1: we look together. Yeah, I know I went to your house. Yeah, 749 00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:12,879 Speaker 1: I know it because I remember I was like, damn, 750 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,719 Speaker 1: where are you living at? Like it's far as hell. Oh, 751 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 1: so facts like the fact that we lived together because 752 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,439 Speaker 1: I have to get out the trade and I'll walk 753 00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:27,200 Speaker 1: mad far and I'm like, where the hell am I'm going. Yeah. No, 754 00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,280 Speaker 1: I'm so happy I met you. So thank you much again, 755 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,280 Speaker 1: and to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments 756 00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,480 Speaker 1: and concerns, please make sure to email me at Hello 757 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:40,680 Speaker 1: at the PhD podcast dot com. And until next time, everyone, 758 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:43,759 Speaker 1: this is definitely gonna be a two part I see 759 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:54,480 Speaker 1: that long right, I'm not eight o'clock, but until next time. Everyone. Later, 760 00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:00,200 Speaker 1: I was about to say, you're not gonna say by guy, 761 00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 1: and I'm waving like I know y'all. I talked from 762 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:08,040 Speaker 1: my hand later. How are you