1 00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,959 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:23,480 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. Near listeners, old listeners, thanks 6 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: for tuning in. It's so great to have you back 7 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: for another episode of the Psychology of Your Twenties. Today, 8 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: by popular demand, we're going to be discussing the psychology 9 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,480 Speaker 1: of a quarter life crisis. I'm sure we've all heard 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: of a midlife crisis that typically happens in our late 11 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 1: forties early fifties. You know, the archetype of men buying 12 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: convertibles and leaving their wives or their partners, women dying 13 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: their hair or purple, or getting a poodle I don't know, 14 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: marrying younger people, quitting their jobs, all of those well 15 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 1: known tropes and stereotypes. I feel like this is a 16 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:16,440 Speaker 1: pretty highly recognized and satirized concept. But what about the 17 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: quarter life crisis that usually happens in our twenties. It 18 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: doesn't seem like many people are talking about that as much. 19 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 1: Maybe you're hearing it for the first time today, but 20 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,440 Speaker 1: I assure you it is very much a real thing. 21 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: It's an important thing to discuss. So the term quarter 22 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: life crisis, it's relatively new across the field of psychology 23 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,520 Speaker 1: and self help and wellness, but essentially what it explains 24 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: is a period of panic, of uncertainty and meltdown of 25 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: sorts where we start asking ourselves these really big existential 26 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:59,080 Speaker 1: questions we may not have thought about before. The outcome 27 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: of that is somewhat of a crisis moment where we 28 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:08,799 Speaker 1: feel completely shocked and lost and looking to make some 29 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 1: big changes, more of them than not. It's centered on 30 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: those three big things Korea, love, context, or location. I 31 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 1: know that sounds like four, but career, love, context or 32 00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:25,080 Speaker 1: location is three. We begin to feel worried about what 33 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: we're doing in our lives, whether our relationships fulfill us, 34 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: whether our lives fulfill us, and if we're in the 35 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:38,959 Speaker 1: right place. So how can psychology explain this occurrence, this 36 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: period of intense instability and uncertainty and questioning, this period 37 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:50,480 Speaker 1: of intense fear? How can how can it explain the 38 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 1: subsequent kind of inexplicable urge to change up our lives, 39 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: to quit our jobs, move to a new city, break 40 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: up with our long term partner, shave our heads, completely 41 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: transform ourselves. This is something I am so interested in, 42 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 1: especially as I can feel my own quarter life crisis 43 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 1: kind of looming. In fact, I feel like I'm already 44 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,840 Speaker 1: very much in it in some ways. And I'm sure 45 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 1: many of you are in the same boat as I am, 46 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,119 Speaker 1: and as many of us are, especially as our late 47 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 1: twenties and thirties approach and we're surveying our surroundings and 48 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: freaking out a little bit. So I think it's really 49 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: important to kind of tackle some of those unanswerable questions 50 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:33,560 Speaker 1: in a way. You know, where is my place in 51 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,040 Speaker 1: the world, what is my purpose? What the actual heck 52 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 1: am I doing with my life? Well, whilst I might 53 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,120 Speaker 1: not be able to answer those questions for you today, 54 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: what we will be doing is starting from the beginning. 55 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: What is a quarter life crisis? What does the experience 56 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 1: indicate about our growth and our journey? Why do we 57 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: tend to panic as we enter the tail end of 58 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:05,000 Speaker 1: our tynes? And finally, perhaps the most important element of 59 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 1: this episode is how do we use this experience as 60 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 1: a springboard for our growth and self actualization and greater happiness. 61 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: So so much amazing content to cover, so much learning 62 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: to come, I hope, so bucklin for this week's deep 63 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:34,840 Speaker 1: dive into the quarter life crisis. Okay, so we need 64 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: to start from square one and get our basics downpat. 65 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 1: What is a quarter life crisis? When we talk about 66 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:49,159 Speaker 1: a quarter life crisis, we're thinking primarily about that period 67 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 1: in our lives when we hit our twenties. For most 68 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: of us, it's at this stage that we really start 69 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: looking at our lives and probably thinking have a good 70 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 1: eighty or so years on this planet. We are a 71 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,880 Speaker 1: quarter of the way through that. Hence the word quarter 72 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:11,559 Speaker 1: and the reality of the finality of life can really 73 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 1: just hit us square on that Here we are at 74 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,240 Speaker 1: twenty three, twenty five years of age, whatever age we're at, 75 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: and we are a quarter of a way through our lives. 76 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: And what do we have to show for that? What 77 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 1: are we even doing? Firstly, something to get straight? This 78 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 1: experience is absolutely normal, and I think I would be 79 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 1: more concerned if someone didn't have this experience because it's 80 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 1: a pivotal moment of redirection, of clarity and growth that 81 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:50,040 Speaker 1: is essential for our development. A quarter life crisis, it's 82 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 1: not a clinical term. You're not going to find it 83 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:58,440 Speaker 1: in the DSM or get an a diagnosis. It's actually 84 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: a very subjective, highly individual kind of existential crisis of 85 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: sorts that is often seen in people in a certain 86 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: phase of life who've started asking themselves some pretty big 87 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: questions that they've never asked themselves before. And this results 88 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: in some really deep and scary soul searching around some 89 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: of those critical components of our life, our careers, our relationships, 90 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: our financial situation, our ambitions, massive massive things to tackle 91 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: all at one time. And if you're finding yourself in 92 00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 1: this period of stress, of doubt, of anxiety, kind of 93 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: wanting to borrow down or run away, you're certainly not alone. 94 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 1: I found this LinkedIn study. I think it was done 95 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 1: last year or maybe the year before, but it found 96 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:59,000 Speaker 1: that seventy two percent of the young people they surveyed 97 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: had experienced some form of a quarter life crisis, with 98 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: thirty three percent of them currently kind of in the 99 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 1: throes of said quarter life crisis. It's such a common experience, 100 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,960 Speaker 1: seventy two and the average age of this crisis is 101 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,480 Speaker 1: about twenty six to twenty seven and it lasts about 102 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: eleven months. But it can happen at any age at 103 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 1: any time around this period. This estimation or figure of 104 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: twenty six to twenty seven, though it makes sense, doesn't it. 105 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: It's at this age that our thirties are looming the 106 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 1: next major chapter of adulthood. We feel like we have 107 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: enough life experience to be an adult, but don't exactly 108 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 1: feel that way. Sometimes we find ourselves starting completely from scratch, 109 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: completely from scratch, you know, ending long term relationships with 110 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: people we thought we would marry, suddenly finding ourselves really 111 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: dissatisfied without professional lives, wishing we'd made a different choice, 112 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: and just feeling all around super lost. And whilst that 113 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:14,720 Speaker 1: internal struggle is happening, what's going on around us. You know, 114 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 1: we're seeing people that we know slowly get married, have children, 115 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:26,680 Speaker 1: live their passion, get promoted, and you know, seem like 116 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: they have everything together, whilst we, at least from personal experience, 117 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:37,080 Speaker 1: are still making mistakes, and that can really exacerbate already 118 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 1: those internal feelings of dissatisfaction. I had this experience the 119 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: other day actually, whereby most of my friends have these 120 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:51,439 Speaker 1: lovely partners, the people they've essentially decided to spend their 121 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: lives with, and I'm still here with my bad date stories, 122 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: you know, another failed talking stage, or terrible but funny hookups, 123 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 1: making the same mistakes, doing the same thing that I've 124 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 1: done since I was eighteen or nineteen, whilst everyone around 125 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: me seems to have grown up, you know, seems to 126 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:17,439 Speaker 1: have gotten everything together. I think another thing to consider 127 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,959 Speaker 1: is that our twenties are this weird vacuum between our 128 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,640 Speaker 1: teenage years and what we see is proper adulthood, you know, 129 00:09:25,679 --> 00:09:28,560 Speaker 1: our thirties and our forties, and there are all of 130 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 1: these opposing kind of decisions and opposites to consider. We 131 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: have these societal expectations that we should be getting settled, 132 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: we should settle down, but our brains are still developing 133 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 1: and we're still exploring what we would like to be. 134 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,240 Speaker 1: We feel like we need to have a grasp over 135 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: things like our finances and our careers. But at the 136 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: same time, we're seeing all of these other things around 137 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: us change. We're having all of these deep conversations and 138 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: questions of ourselves and externally in the real world, you know, 139 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: there's massive inflation, there's unemployment, climate change, unaffordable housing, lower 140 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: incomes compared to the expectations that were set by the 141 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:23,320 Speaker 1: generation before us by our parents. Those expectations of having 142 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: it together, of having a house, of knowing what you 143 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: want to do with your life, they're no longer realistic. 144 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 1: I've been having this conversation and this discussion with my 145 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:39,240 Speaker 1: friends more and more where our childhood visions of our 146 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: lives are just no longer realistic, Like it's just not happening. 147 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 1: Where not going to be millionaires anytime soon. At least, 148 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: we start to abandon some of our big aspirations. Normally 149 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:58,000 Speaker 1: that's creative endeavors, like our musical or artistic ambitions. We 150 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,440 Speaker 1: forget about, you know, the white picket fence or a 151 00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: home on the beach, or being a world traveler, because 152 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,599 Speaker 1: that now costs like millions of dollars. It costs a 153 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: lot of money. And that realization that what we wanted 154 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:19,400 Speaker 1: as children isn't exactly as achievable as it seemed it's 155 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: such a bitter, hard pill to swallow, and it can 156 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: be a massive trigger for what will become a quarter 157 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: life crisis. You know, sometimes where we are right now 158 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 1: isn't where we want to be. It's not where we 159 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:39,040 Speaker 1: imagined we would be at this age. You thought things 160 00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:42,959 Speaker 1: would turn out differently and they're not. You know, when 161 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,480 Speaker 1: I was fifteen sixteen, I thought I was going to 162 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: be really successful by now, like really successful, you know, 163 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 1: maybe even married or at least with someone I love. 164 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 1: I thought i'd be a homeowner. I definitely thought i'd 165 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: be making more money, maybe traveling, and I thought that 166 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: I would know what I wanted to do with my life. 167 00:12:07,559 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: And in some ways that's true, right, Like I get 168 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:13,200 Speaker 1: to make this podcast, That's what I want to do 169 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 1: in my life, right, Like I really enjoy doing this. 170 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,679 Speaker 1: But everything is still quite confusing, and there are all 171 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: these different thoughts and feelings floating around in my head. 172 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: You know, I wanted this incredible life for myself of 173 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: jet setting and maybe writing a novel or going to 174 00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,400 Speaker 1: Europe with my soulmate. That's a bit like ridiculous to 175 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: me now that I'm in my mid twenties. But that's 176 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 1: just how life turns out, you know, don't get don't 177 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: get me wrong here, like, please do misconstrue my words, 178 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 1: Like I absolutely love my life and I wouldn't have 179 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: it like any other way. Like I love my life. 180 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: I've had these incredible experiences and growth these past years, 181 00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,880 Speaker 1: and those periods were in you know, so much more 182 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 1: than I could have a mad and as a child. 183 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:06,960 Speaker 1: But as the years go by and I kind of 184 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:11,719 Speaker 1: find myself lapsing into stagnation and feeling comfortable and what 185 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 1: I have, I realize I haven't achieved some of those dreams, 186 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: and I panic. I panic a little bit more. I 187 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: worry if I'm doing this right. It's such a quintessential 188 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 1: experience of our twenties to be questioning our path forward 189 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:34,680 Speaker 1: and our path to this point right like. And then 190 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 1: that's you know, there's that existential knowledge that lingers that 191 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 1: we're so aware of in our twenties as we gain 192 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 1: more self awareness and more appreciation of the world, that 193 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,560 Speaker 1: this is, you know, our only shot. You don't get 194 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,079 Speaker 1: another shot at life, and here we are a quarter 195 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,880 Speaker 1: of the way through, and you know, I really better 196 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: make that count and I better be sure of my decisions. 197 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,960 Speaker 1: It's so much pressure, it can be quite stifling to 198 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 1: come across that realization. And that's a really common train 199 00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 1: or pattern of thought for those of us who are 200 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: going through a quarter life crisis right now. It's a 201 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:19,240 Speaker 1: pattern of thought that many psychologists or therapists tend to hear. 202 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 1: They tend to get these visits from people in their 203 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: twenties who all of a sudden wake up one day 204 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: with that realization that the decisions they make count and 205 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: they start questioning the ones that they've made. You know, 206 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 1: am I in the right place for me? Am I 207 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:40,480 Speaker 1: doing what I want? You know, life is moving so fast, 208 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:43,440 Speaker 1: and I feel like I have to really change something 209 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 1: about my life otherwise I'm not going to be happy. 210 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,400 Speaker 1: In this way, a quarter life crisis is very much 211 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 1: like an existential crisis, which is, I guess, a whole 212 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: other episode. It's really similar to this. You know, a 213 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: quarter life crisis is the exis stential crisis of our twenties. 214 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: In psychology, this kind of crisis it occurs when we 215 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: begin to question things like meaning and purpose and the 216 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 1: purpose of our life, of our existence, the realities of death, 217 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: to some fun casual topics. And obviously the answer to 218 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: these questions is not easy to come by, like we 219 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: don't really have the answer to them, and they require 220 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 1: a lot of deep contemplative thinking about our values, what 221 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: brings us joy, the impact we want to have on 222 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: the world, many of which are questions that are shared 223 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: between a quarter life crisis and an existential crisis, and 224 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: it's almost a rite of passage, right that we all 225 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:53,440 Speaker 1: go through this in our twenties in order to exit 226 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 1: out on to the other side of real adulthood. I 227 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,920 Speaker 1: don't know, maybe not real adulthood, but some more mature 228 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,120 Speaker 1: kind of adulthood where we feel like we have our 229 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: lives together. At the center of a quarter life crisis 230 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: is really a struggle for meaning, meaning in life. The 231 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 1: meaning of life is impossible to define. It's really difficult 232 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: because it's a highly personal decision, it's a highly personal experience. 233 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: But researchers they've kind of defined it as the feeling 234 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:37,239 Speaker 1: that our lives are significant, that they're purposeful, that they're coherent. 235 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 1: In other words, that we have a direction that makes 236 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: sense to us and gives us a feeling of worth. 237 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: And when we're in our twenties, we're so young to 238 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,800 Speaker 1: have figured that out, because we've really only just come 239 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: into our mature selves. And the struggle for a purpose, 240 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 1: for a meaningful job, the need to make that contribution, 241 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,400 Speaker 1: it can be paralyzing. And when we can't make sense 242 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: of that, we can't make sense of the understanding that 243 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,879 Speaker 1: this is a normal experience. The typical symptoms and experiences 244 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 1: and reactions of dread and stress and anxiety and meltdown 245 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 1: feeling unfulfilled. They follow along pretty quickly after that. The 246 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 1: need for purpose, I think, is one of the defining 247 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 1: characteristics of human beings. We crave purpose, we really do, 248 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 1: and we suffer some pretty serious psychological difficulties when we 249 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 1: don't have it. Purpose is like a fundamental component of 250 00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: living and living a fulfilling life, and it's so important 251 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: that it's even measured on most tests of well being 252 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 1: and most ways of assessing our mental health. They'll ask you, 253 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:01,440 Speaker 1: do you feel like you have purpose? There are a 254 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,520 Speaker 1: number of psychological explanations for why it's so important, but 255 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:09,760 Speaker 1: the one that I find perhaps the most fascinating was 256 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:14,960 Speaker 1: featured in Psychology Today, which is this online site, and 257 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,359 Speaker 1: I found I stumbled across it when I was researching 258 00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,639 Speaker 1: this episode, and it made so much sense to me. 259 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 1: It made so much sense. When we feel like we 260 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: have direction or something to work towards, this makes us 261 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 1: less vulnerable to something called psychological discord, and that is 262 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: this recognizable sense of unease we get when our attention 263 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:44,600 Speaker 1: isn't occupied by external things and when we don't have 264 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:48,240 Speaker 1: something that drives us. It results in boredom, but following 265 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: on from that also anxiety and depression and a crisis. 266 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: By having a purpose and an intentional purpose, you know, 267 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 1: something we actually really care about and something to focus on, 268 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,280 Speaker 1: we in some ways protect ourselves from these feelings, these 269 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,320 Speaker 1: feelings of anxiety and distress, and it gives us a 270 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,200 Speaker 1: channel for our energy and the energy that is contained 271 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,840 Speaker 1: in every one of us, and it gives us a 272 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:21,040 Speaker 1: channel for our ambition. It's also essential for personal development 273 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,399 Speaker 1: and societal development as well. So when we begin to 274 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,919 Speaker 1: question whether we're contributing and whether our lives have meaning, 275 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 1: that's why it can be so abrasive, because it goes 276 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 1: against that core fundamental need, that's psychological need to have 277 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 1: something to do that feels important to you. And that's 278 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:46,280 Speaker 1: essentially the core of a quarter life crisis. Right if 279 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,960 Speaker 1: you're at this point, this crossroads in your life right now, 280 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,480 Speaker 1: where you're looking at the things you've been doing, what 281 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: you've been working towards your career, maybe and just thinking 282 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 1: like this is not I want I'm not happy, this 283 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,920 Speaker 1: is not who I want to be. It's probably because 284 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 1: that doesn't align to your purpose. It's probably because you know, 285 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: when you decided what you wanted to do, you are 286 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,920 Speaker 1: seventeen sixteen years of age, and you're not that person anymore. 287 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,880 Speaker 1: You're not that person, and things get so confusing as 288 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: we get more responsibilities and feel like we need to 289 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 1: be an adult as we enter into our mid and 290 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,119 Speaker 1: late twenties. So I want to talk about how this 291 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: crisis can manifest but also ultimately why it's firstly really 292 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:51,480 Speaker 1: normal and secondly incredibly incredibly important. Our next partner has 293 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: a product I use literally every day. I started taking 294 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: AGE one because I've been on a bit of a 295 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: health journey. I wanted to take better care of my 296 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: immune sister and my gut health. And with one delicious 297 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,880 Speaker 1: scoop of AG one, you're essentially absorbing seventy five high 298 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: quality vitamins, minerals, probiotics, all that good stuff. And it's 299 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,640 Speaker 1: really great for your nervous system and your immune system. 300 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 1: It's just one simple micro habit that you can incorporate 301 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: into your daily life with big benefits. It's super lifestyle 302 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 1: friendly and athletic. Greens is also a climate neutral certified company, 303 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: which we absolutely love on the show. Right now, it 304 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,919 Speaker 1: is time to reclaim your health and arm your immune 305 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 1: system with a convenient daily nutrition. It's just one scoop 306 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: in a cup of water every day. That's it. No 307 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,880 Speaker 1: need for a million different pills and supplements to look 308 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: after your health. And to make it easy, Athletic Greens 309 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: is going to give you a free one year supply 310 00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: of immune supporting Vitamin D and five free travel packs 311 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: with your first purchase. All you have to do is 312 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,880 Speaker 1: visit Athletic Greens dot com slash gemma again, that's Athletic 313 00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: Greens dot com slash gemma to take ownership over your 314 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 1: health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Let's 315 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 1: talk about how a quarter life crisis can manifest and 316 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: why at the end of the day, it's incredibly important 317 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,960 Speaker 1: for our growth, not something to be avoided. There are 318 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,359 Speaker 1: some common stresses firstly, that I think are important to 319 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 1: discuss because they can contribute to this kind of crisis 320 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,080 Speaker 1: and as important as I like to say it is, 321 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: it can be really uncomfortable. So noticing why it is 322 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,760 Speaker 1: that this may have occurred or why it is that 323 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: you're feeling this way is really crucial. The first one 324 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: is so common. You know you're planning your career, job 325 00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: searching you've got your first job out of UNI, or 326 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 1: trying to choose your major. You're graduating, you know, maybe 327 00:22:56,160 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: you've even been through a few jobs and you're trying 328 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,879 Speaker 1: to figure out what it is about your life that 329 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: you want to focus on. I think one of the 330 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 1: scary realizations of our twenties if we choose to take 331 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: the full time work route, is that we're going to 332 00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:19,280 Speaker 1: spend most of our lives inside an office. That's really terrifying. 333 00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 1: And for some that's a dream, right, but for others 334 00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,959 Speaker 1: it's really not what they want. This is a massive 335 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 1: one planning our careers in this day and age. Our 336 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: identity is so closely tied to our career and our 337 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: professional lives. This begins even in our childhood and our 338 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:45,199 Speaker 1: adolescence with an emphasis on questions about, you know, what 339 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: do you want to be? What do you want to do? 340 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: Rather than asking young people what makes you happy? Why 341 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 1: do you want to do that with your life? So 342 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: when we go through a quarter life crisis and we 343 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: begin contemplating our meaning and our purpose, we don't actually 344 00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 1: know how to answer those questions because we've been taught 345 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:11,760 Speaker 1: to be goal oriented rather than value orientated, instead of 346 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 1: thinking about what makes us happy, and instead of contemplating 347 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,120 Speaker 1: the life we imagine, we're kind of forced into this 348 00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:24,240 Speaker 1: limited thinking about what do I want to achieve, what 349 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,400 Speaker 1: do I want my job title to be? And that's 350 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,800 Speaker 1: not really a way to create a meaningful life because 351 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: it's quite transparent, it's quite shallow. So when we get 352 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,159 Speaker 1: to the point where we do get to have some 353 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: agency and really think about what it is that's going 354 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 1: to make us happy, if we've never asked ourselves those 355 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,959 Speaker 1: questions before, particularly when we think about how we're going 356 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: to make money and our careers, it can be really overwhelming. 357 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 1: We might also find ourselves living away from our family 358 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 1: for the first time. Maybe you're living alone or in 359 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,199 Speaker 1: a new city away from your family unit, and that 360 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: really challenge how we see ourselves. And that kind of 361 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: move into independence is one of the first early hallmarks 362 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 1: of being an adult, and it's really hard to find 363 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,120 Speaker 1: where we stand and to figure out our identity beyond 364 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,680 Speaker 1: what we were offered as a child. The other thing 365 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:24,920 Speaker 1: is navigating relationships. You know, our relationships, particularly the romantic 366 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 1: relationships that we have, but equally our friendships. One of 367 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 1: the most important determinants in our life. They're so crucial 368 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,399 Speaker 1: cannot be overlooked. So making those choices about what's going 369 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,240 Speaker 1: to make us happy, but more importantly, who's going to 370 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 1: make us happy? Is actually a really big question and 371 00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:48,040 Speaker 1: a really big Stressor maybe you're finding yourself in a 372 00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: relationship right now that you've been in for some time, 373 00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,879 Speaker 1: could be a high school sweetheart, could be someone you 374 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:59,159 Speaker 1: started dating and uni and you're thinking, is this what 375 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:01,800 Speaker 1: I want my life to be? Do I want to 376 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:05,800 Speaker 1: be with that person? On a grander scale, you know, 377 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,240 Speaker 1: do I want to be friends with these people? Is 378 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 1: this the person I want to be? It can be 379 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 1: such a challenging question, right and sadly I can't give 380 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 1: you the answer to that. I wish I could. I 381 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,920 Speaker 1: wish I could ease your struggle. But part of the 382 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: quarter life crisis is that something that you have to 383 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,560 Speaker 1: figure out for yourself. You're also making, like I said, 384 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:31,400 Speaker 1: long term personal and professional decisions. You know, they might 385 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,439 Speaker 1: not always have anything to do with your job or 386 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 1: your romantic partner, or where you live or you know, 387 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: your connection with your family. It doesn't always have to 388 00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,720 Speaker 1: do with that, but kind of these broader decisions about 389 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 1: the life you want, you know, including things like financial 390 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 1: investments and financial decisions and questions about your life values 391 00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:53,959 Speaker 1: like do I really want to work in an office? 392 00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:56,639 Speaker 1: Is that really the life I want for myself? Or 393 00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:59,880 Speaker 1: do I maybe want to travel? You know, that's there's 394 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,600 Speaker 1: pros and cons to both, and it's an equation and 395 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: a decision that we have to make. But it can 396 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:09,719 Speaker 1: also be a real catalyst for going through this crisis period. 397 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:15,240 Speaker 1: So the Harvard Business Review very fancy, but they did 398 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,360 Speaker 1: this report and they found that a quarter life crisis, 399 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:22,680 Speaker 1: the one that you typically occurs in our twenties, it 400 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 1: normally presents in four phases. So first of all, if 401 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: you're going through this and you feel like you're going 402 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,760 Speaker 1: through this, you really can relate to some of these experiences. 403 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 1: I think this is an important thing to break down, right, 404 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: like what's the trajectory, what's the path through this crisis period? 405 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,720 Speaker 1: That can sometimes bring us a lot of comfort. So firstly, 406 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:45,399 Speaker 1: often if you're going through this, people are going to 407 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: feel a sense of being trapped in some form of commitment, 408 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: either in your personal or your professional life. This is 409 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:58,639 Speaker 1: synonymous with the feeling of almost claustrophobia and a sense 410 00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,360 Speaker 1: that you cannot, you know, kind of escape the constraints 411 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,240 Speaker 1: of life. Like you're stuck. You're trapped, You're stuck in 412 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: your full time job, you're stuck in your relationship. And 413 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 1: this sense of being trapped is often accompanied by depression 414 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: and panic, feeling lost and stuck. The anxiety we were 415 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:20,480 Speaker 1: speaking of before. This is the beginning of the crisis. 416 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,679 Speaker 1: You're looking around and you're feeling like, I don't like 417 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,679 Speaker 1: where I am. This is not where I wanted to be. 418 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 1: I feel like I'm trapped in this situation. Following this, 419 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 1: there's often some kind of action and a desire to 420 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 1: break away and change things. I don't know if you've 421 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,520 Speaker 1: experienced this, but when I went through kind of a 422 00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 1: bit of a quarter life crisis a year or so ago, 423 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: right when I started this podcast, actually the first thing 424 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: I wanted to do was like, chop off all of 425 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 1: my hair, chop it all off, quit my job, get 426 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:57,400 Speaker 1: in my car, travel around with no direction, no plan, 427 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: just freedom, and hopefully find my purpose in life and 428 00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: the way forward. It's kind of now that I know, 429 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: now that I know that this is actually really indicative 430 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: of some kind of crisis or meltdown. That's occurring. I 431 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,840 Speaker 1: can see that really clearly. I felt stuck and I 432 00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:18,240 Speaker 1: wanted to escape. It's our breaking point where we eventually 433 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: get tired of feeling so shit about our lives and 434 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: confused and desired to make some kind of a change. 435 00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 1: And if we don't do this, we kind of risk 436 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:34,160 Speaker 1: living with this sense of unease and unhappiness for the 437 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: rest of our lives. So it's an important step that action, 438 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:42,120 Speaker 1: that breakaway. It's crucial, and this leap of faith or 439 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,920 Speaker 1: this breakaway from our current reality, it's not always a 440 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,960 Speaker 1: pretty feeling. It's not always a pretty picture. It's defined 441 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: in many ways by a really deep separation and loneliness. 442 00:29:57,560 --> 00:30:01,800 Speaker 1: As we leave places and relationship, its a really deep 443 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 1: comfort and really deep convenience. For example, you know, leaving 444 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: a job that you've had for years, or a long 445 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,440 Speaker 1: term relationship or a place that you've lived since childhood, 446 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: it's going to be really hard and it's going to 447 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: be really uncomfortable and sometimes painful because it's all new 448 00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 1: and unknown, and with that comes, you know, essentially isolation. 449 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:29,560 Speaker 1: But sometimes feeling alone and unsure of ourselves is actually 450 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,000 Speaker 1: a really important part of the growth during this period 451 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: of isolation. During this period of confusion, we get the 452 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: opportunity to really reflect on our life and what our 453 00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 1: purpose actually is and begin to try maybe it's you know, 454 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 1: a new activity or a new place, new friends, new 455 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:53,880 Speaker 1: social groups, new career opportunities, and come out on the 456 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 1: other side of the crisis feeling more sure of who 457 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:01,040 Speaker 1: we are, having had the time to sit with ourselves 458 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 1: and sit with a really uncomfortable feeling and question our 459 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,479 Speaker 1: values and hopefully come to an answer. Although it's an 460 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:12,160 Speaker 1: uncomfortable experience, it's also really important and it can be 461 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:16,320 Speaker 1: a springboard for some really essential growth and to flourish 462 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,440 Speaker 1: in your next chapter of life and this amazing new chapter. 463 00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 1: And this is kind of linked to the last thing 464 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 1: I really want to talk about today. I think a 465 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:31,080 Speaker 1: quarter life crisis gets a bad rap. Yes, it's sometimes awful. 466 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:38,920 Speaker 1: Yes it is characterized by incredible mental discomfort. And if 467 00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: you're experiencing it right now, I really do feel for you, 468 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 1: like I don't envy you at all. I know how 469 00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: it feels, and I can promise you'll get through it, 470 00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 1: but I can't promise it will be easy, but it 471 00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: will be essential essential for your growth. Questioning your purpose 472 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: in life and the overall meaning in life. It's obviously 473 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 1: are going to be a walk in the park. But 474 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:08,080 Speaker 1: sometimes we go through hard things for good reasons, and 475 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: this is one of those examples. It's the perfect time 476 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 1: to do some of that deep thinking and contemplation that 477 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 1: I think, in my opinion, is something that we all 478 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,520 Speaker 1: have to do at some stage. What would happen if 479 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: we really never questioned our path in life? What if 480 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,880 Speaker 1: we never questioned our dreams or our place in the world. 481 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 1: If you never pushed yourself to be uncomfortable like you 482 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: would remain stagnant. And sometimes when we fight back against 483 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 1: these feelings, our brain has a way of breaking through 484 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 1: for us. Like our brain works in some crazy, unconscious, 485 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: subliminal ways. And when you start to notice that tension 486 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,080 Speaker 1: and you're trying to suppress it, you're trying to be 487 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,000 Speaker 1: like no, like I'm happy, I'm happy. I'll just keep 488 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:56,000 Speaker 1: pushing forward. Something is going to change. The thing that 489 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: will often change is our mindset and our attitude, and 490 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,920 Speaker 1: our brain will break forward and create this crisis for us, 491 00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:05,600 Speaker 1: and it really forces us to rethink our desires and 492 00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,200 Speaker 1: our ten our intentions in life. It forces us to 493 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: question what we actually want, and importantly to change our 494 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,320 Speaker 1: pathway or our direction in a decade in life in 495 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 1: which that's actually an expected part of our journey, right, Like, 496 00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,680 Speaker 1: that's why it happens at this age, because this is 497 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,960 Speaker 1: the time to do it. Like we you know, most 498 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,560 Speaker 1: of us don't have kids or a mortgage or financial responsibilities. 499 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 1: We can actually make these decisions. So if you are 500 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,600 Speaker 1: unhappy right now, if you don't want to do your job, 501 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:39,239 Speaker 1: if you don't want to work nine to five, if 502 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,480 Speaker 1: you don't want to live where you're living, and your 503 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: brain has pushed to to a point of crisis, it's 504 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 1: actually a great opportunity to change things. Like, in many ways, 505 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,840 Speaker 1: you can say yes to a lot of the opportunities 506 00:33:50,840 --> 00:33:54,160 Speaker 1: that will come your way, especially if your quarter life 507 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:57,520 Speaker 1: crisis has been I think triggered by some kind of 508 00:33:57,520 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: dissatisfaction with your with your career and feeling like the 509 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:05,320 Speaker 1: path you're on isn't going to satisfy your purpose. It's 510 00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: an important catalyst to reconsider those dreams we had as 511 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 1: a child, the ones I was talking about before, and 512 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,840 Speaker 1: be like, would I be happier if I was doing that? 513 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: Am I happy? Not doing that? Is this the life 514 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: that I want for myself. But if you suppress those feelings, 515 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,760 Speaker 1: let this be a warning. If you ignore the dissatisfaction, 516 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,960 Speaker 1: not only are you never going to change, but those 517 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 1: feelings aren't really going to go away, and you're going 518 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 1: to find yourself at a point where you're probably quite 519 00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:40,520 Speaker 1: unhappy and you're quite stagnant. So embrace it. I think 520 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 1: this links to one of the second benefits of a 521 00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,600 Speaker 1: quarter life crisis is that it opens and a lot 522 00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:50,239 Speaker 1: of new opportunities for you, so many new opportunities. When 523 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,959 Speaker 1: we are forced to reevaluate our life, we see things 524 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:59,479 Speaker 1: in a way we've never imagined them before. Suddenly that 525 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:02,000 Speaker 1: path for the ambitions that were always really clear to 526 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,120 Speaker 1: us and not clear anymore. And this might seem scary, 527 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,359 Speaker 1: but often when we're so sure of our dreams, when 528 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:11,080 Speaker 1: we're so stubborn about them, it can make us pretty 529 00:35:11,080 --> 00:35:14,520 Speaker 1: blind to the other options and opportunities that are out there. 530 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 1: You know, when I was sixteen, all I wanted to 531 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,560 Speaker 1: be was a politician, and I was so sure of this, 532 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,759 Speaker 1: so passionate about achieving it. For so many years, that's 533 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:28,000 Speaker 1: all I saw was this path forward to do the 534 00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: right degree, go to the right UNI, you know, get 535 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,359 Speaker 1: a few internships, network with people, get a government job, 536 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:39,879 Speaker 1: move up. I really saw nothing else, and because of that, 537 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,680 Speaker 1: I was really blind to other opportunities. So when that 538 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,759 Speaker 1: fell apart, when I was forced to question it, when 539 00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:50,360 Speaker 1: after years I realized that that's not what I wanted, 540 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: it was incredibly difficult to wake up to other opportunities 541 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,640 Speaker 1: because I was just so focused on this one opportunity 542 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 1: And that meant that when I finally did, I realize 543 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,400 Speaker 1: this wasn't for me. Yeah, it was really scary, but 544 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,799 Speaker 1: I was reintroduced into this world of opportunities that I'd 545 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,200 Speaker 1: neglected for years. And there were so many other doors 546 00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:14,360 Speaker 1: that opened for me when I didn't keep closing them myself. 547 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,719 Speaker 1: And you know, like now I do something that I love, 548 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:20,239 Speaker 1: Like I get to make this show and talk about 549 00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,239 Speaker 1: the things that really are really important to me, and 550 00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,000 Speaker 1: I get to talk about psychology all the time. If 551 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:29,200 Speaker 1: I hadn't had that crisis a few years ago, I 552 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,280 Speaker 1: probably I definitely wouldn't be doing this, and i'd probably 553 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: be miserable. Like I'd like to think about that person, 554 00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:39,520 Speaker 1: that poor girl, and that's all she wanted, and I'm 555 00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 1: like gosh, if I had stuck to that, I don't 556 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:45,080 Speaker 1: think I would be as happy as I am now. 557 00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:49,920 Speaker 1: So like I said before, sometimes hard things happen for 558 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:54,000 Speaker 1: good reasons. It also reveals what's important to it, what's 559 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 1: important to us, and what's important to you. After that 560 00:36:57,320 --> 00:36:59,400 Speaker 1: kind of storm pass and the sky has become a 561 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,080 Speaker 1: lot leer, I guess so do our intentions and our 562 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: purpose because the clutter disappears. The Only way through this 563 00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:10,120 Speaker 1: crisis is to really examine your life and clear out 564 00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:14,279 Speaker 1: what doesn't matter and what does. Sometimes that means ending 565 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: our relationships, moving away from your hometown, quitting your job, 566 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: beginning your hobbies, pursuing your opportunities because we tend to 567 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,279 Speaker 1: stop prioritizing the things that don't align with our meaning 568 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:32,200 Speaker 1: when we go through this period of deep contemplation. There's 569 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,759 Speaker 1: this like cliche that I think is often repeated a 570 00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,520 Speaker 1: lot when we talk about this, and I hate to 571 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,399 Speaker 1: be cliche, but I am going to repeat it again here. 572 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:47,759 Speaker 1: Hitting rock bottom is such a great springboard up. I know, 573 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,080 Speaker 1: I know it's so cliche, but like the saying always 574 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:53,680 Speaker 1: goes right, you know, the only way is up if 575 00:37:53,680 --> 00:37:56,560 Speaker 1: we never hit rock bottom, right, we never get pushed 576 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,880 Speaker 1: to the point of questioning our lives because we remain 577 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:04,560 Speaker 1: where it's, you know, just comfortable enough to feel safe 578 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:08,560 Speaker 1: and secure, but not happy. And when we hit a 579 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:12,399 Speaker 1: crisis point where we have to reevaluate everything because it's 580 00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:15,880 Speaker 1: falling apart, you're kind of forced into a place of 581 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 1: reflection and you gain a new perspective and you're given 582 00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:27,839 Speaker 1: this magical, magical opportunity of a fresh start. You gain humility, 583 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:31,399 Speaker 1: You see that life is not black and white, and 584 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: you begin to like go of the things that you 585 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,759 Speaker 1: can't control, because when you're in like a crisis, when 586 00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:41,480 Speaker 1: you're in like fight or flight mode, like those unimportant 587 00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,640 Speaker 1: things like how people perceive you or what you're wearing, 588 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 1: or whether people think I'm smart enough, or whether I'm 589 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,799 Speaker 1: doing the right internships or getting the right jobs, and 590 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,399 Speaker 1: all these things like they really don't matter because you're 591 00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,239 Speaker 1: in crisis mode, you're in a meltdown. The only things 592 00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:58,280 Speaker 1: that matter to you are the things that are really important, 593 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: and in that way, you get to identify them clearer. Finally, 594 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,680 Speaker 1: I think a quarter life crisis strengthens your core values. 595 00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 1: I know I talk a lot about values on the 596 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,400 Speaker 1: show because I think they are really important to establish 597 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,239 Speaker 1: in our twenties and to take some time to think 598 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 1: about what are the five things that are most important 599 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:23,959 Speaker 1: to you? Is it honesty? Is it humility? Is it creativity? Independence? 600 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:30,280 Speaker 1: And often we go through life, especially early adulthood, really 601 00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,399 Speaker 1: following the values that we're instilled to us by our 602 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:37,840 Speaker 1: parents and by our families and our communities. These values 603 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: are really easy to partake in because they don't require 604 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:44,600 Speaker 1: any effort and they've all we've ever known. But often 605 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,520 Speaker 1: a trigger for a quarter life crisis is that these 606 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:52,040 Speaker 1: values no longer fit, and they no longer fit how 607 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,720 Speaker 1: we perceive the world, so we're forced to either abandon 608 00:39:55,800 --> 00:40:01,400 Speaker 1: them and create new ones, or strengthen elements of them 609 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,160 Speaker 1: that we do believe in. I think religion is a 610 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,000 Speaker 1: good example here. You know, a lot of us, I 611 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:10,240 Speaker 1: would say, grew up in some kind of religious society 612 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:14,320 Speaker 1: or with some kind of religious background or religious knowledge, 613 00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,239 Speaker 1: and often that revolves around a god or some kind 614 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:22,360 Speaker 1: of traditional belief of good and bad. And those values 615 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,040 Speaker 1: are often instilled in us by our parents, who are 616 00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,040 Speaker 1: raising us the best they can, giving us the knowledge 617 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 1: that their parents gave them. But you actually really need 618 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 1: to consider whether you believe in those things and whether 619 00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:38,440 Speaker 1: you believe in the values that we're instilled to you 620 00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,480 Speaker 1: as a child. You know, using that religion example, you 621 00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,200 Speaker 1: might no longer believe in God if you test that 622 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:48,040 Speaker 1: feeling and you test that relationship and you test that belief. 623 00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:51,640 Speaker 1: But what you find you do believe in is something 624 00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,919 Speaker 1: bigger or that you know love is at the core 625 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,920 Speaker 1: of everything, And that brings us comfort because we know 626 00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,880 Speaker 1: we believe in that. It's not just something that our 627 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,840 Speaker 1: parents have told us. We know we can trust that 628 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:07,200 Speaker 1: belief because we created it for ourself, and sometimes it 629 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,640 Speaker 1: means going through a crisis and a meltdown and a 630 00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:15,200 Speaker 1: period of real deep confusion to figure that out. So 631 00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,399 Speaker 1: if there is one takeaway from this episode, it's at 632 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,120 Speaker 1: this experience, this crisis in our lives that a lot 633 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,360 Speaker 1: of us find ourselves going through in our twenties and 634 00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,680 Speaker 1: our journey and all of those terrifying questions we tend 635 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,399 Speaker 1: to ask ourselves about our values and our purpose. Yeah, 636 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,399 Speaker 1: it's really going to be quite scary, right, Like, I'm 637 00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,160 Speaker 1: not going to deny that, And if you're someone who's 638 00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:42,320 Speaker 1: experiencing that right now, like it's hard, it's really hard, 639 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:49,279 Speaker 1: but it's also freaking fantastic because without this experience, we 640 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:54,080 Speaker 1: never get to grow or actually decide for ourselves in 641 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:57,640 Speaker 1: this moment what we actually want and what we're here 642 00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:01,759 Speaker 1: to do. So I hope this was helpful. It was 643 00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 1: a bit of a pep talk for me as well. 644 00:42:04,440 --> 00:42:07,320 Speaker 1: Like I said, I think I'm definitely going through something 645 00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:11,759 Speaker 1: like this right now and really kind of questioning like 646 00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:13,719 Speaker 1: is this what I want? Like is this who I 647 00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:17,400 Speaker 1: want to be? And it's really really terrifying because I 648 00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,239 Speaker 1: don't know the answer, Like you probably don't know what either. 649 00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,279 Speaker 1: I don't know why I'm asking you. I guess I'm 650 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,000 Speaker 1: asking myself right Like, I want to put myself through 651 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 1: this and through these questions because I know that when 652 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,160 Speaker 1: I get to the other side, I will be more 653 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,399 Speaker 1: sure of myself and I'll be more sure of what's 654 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:35,320 Speaker 1: going to make me happy. So I hope that is 655 00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 1: the case for you as well. And I want to 656 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:40,400 Speaker 1: thank you for listening. Thank you so much for joining 657 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,239 Speaker 1: me for this episode. If you enjoyed it, if you 658 00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:49,120 Speaker 1: feel cool to do so, please feel free to subscribe, follow, 659 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:54,640 Speaker 1: leave a five star review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts wherever 660 00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:58,480 Speaker 1: you are listening. I really appreciate it. You really help 661 00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,400 Speaker 1: the show grow, and it's just crazy to me that 662 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:03,920 Speaker 1: like I get to do this, Like that's just crazy. 663 00:43:04,120 --> 00:43:07,759 Speaker 1: So I really want to thank everyone who has been 664 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,839 Speaker 1: listening these past few months, this like past a year 665 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:12,759 Speaker 1: and a half. It's just like crazy. I don't know, 666 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,040 Speaker 1: this is kind of a tangent, but I'm feeling very 667 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:17,640 Speaker 1: grateful at the moment, So I really appreciate the support, 668 00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: and I appreciate that you enjoyed this show. It's just 669 00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,040 Speaker 1: such a magical feeling. And we will be back next 670 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:30,319 Speaker 1: week for a Christmas episode, holiday season episode. I know 671 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,840 Speaker 1: I had to do it. I'm so excited and so excited, 672 00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 1: and thank you again for listening. Have a lovely, lovely day.