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Speaker 1: Okay, so can we talk about quarantine overachieving. I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna tell you what happened to me earlier this week

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Speaker 1: and tell me if you relate to this at all.

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Speaker 1: So I've been doing pretty well, surprisingly in this quarantine.

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Speaker 1: Like it's been really great for my relationship. I think

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Speaker 1: I've mentioned this one here before, but like we've had

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Speaker 1: such a busy year and just so many ups and

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Speaker 1: downs personally that it weighed on a relationship a lot.

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Speaker 1: So like getting to actually have this quality time together

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Speaker 1: has been great for us, you know, And like that's

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Speaker 1: what I'm trying to really focus on, like find the

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Speaker 1: positives because work wise, it's been a ship show for me.

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Speaker 1: So um, I've been okay though, But but earlier this week,

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Speaker 1: I just hit this wall and I was like having

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Speaker 1: one of those days where I just didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: doing anything for some reason. And it wasn't anything, like

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Speaker 1: there was nothing in particular that really set that off,

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Speaker 1: but you know those days where you just don't feel

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Speaker 1: like getting off the couch. Then you end up like

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Speaker 1: scrolling through social media just over and over and over,

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Speaker 1: and I just started getting so frustrated. So, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I gotta say this first, like I understand that anytime

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Speaker 1: I'm like on social media and I get completely I'm

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Speaker 1: getting piste off at people, and I'm just like, you know,

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Speaker 1: like hating on people, it's really about me, right, Like

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Speaker 1: something is, something's going on with me. I'm not feeling

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Speaker 1: good about myself, I'm not happy with my situation or

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Speaker 1: whatever it is, and I start comparing myself and I

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Speaker 1: just get mad at these people. But it's really about me,

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Speaker 1: So I get that. But what was happening is I'm

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Speaker 1: just like laying there and the rant that I was

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Speaker 1: saying to myself was just like what is wrong with people?

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Speaker 1: Like all these posts that that I'm seeing, It's just

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Speaker 1: like can we not just sit still for one fucking second?

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Speaker 1: Like why do we have to be about all you know,

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Speaker 1: all the things we're doing and we're accomplishing in this quarantine?

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Speaker 1: Like all the posts I had seen were like these

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Speaker 1: are amazing meals people were cooking and they're like redoing

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Speaker 1: their house or like learning a new hobby. And I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, dear God, like, are we that out of

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Speaker 1: touch with our emotions? That are like people putting band

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Speaker 1: aids on their emotions by doing all this stuff well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, look, I think everyone's handling this a little differently.

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Speaker 1: I think particularly for our generation, like we're we've we've

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Speaker 1: made it so that we judge ourselves in each other

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Speaker 1: on our accomplishments. That's really really unhealthy. And I think

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Speaker 1: that right now, when everyone is in a heightened, heightened

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Speaker 1: situation of stress and anxiety and and um, the unknown,

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Speaker 1: that when that is our sort of like beacon of

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Speaker 1: success or the way that we you know, um judge ourselves,

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Speaker 1: then we're setting ourselves up for failure. And look, I

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Speaker 1: think it's important for you to have those days, or

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Speaker 1: me to have those days, or everyone have those days

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Speaker 1: where you say, fuck it, I'm not doing ship today.

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Speaker 1: But you have to give yourself the license to actually

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Speaker 1: not do anything, because otherwise we're overworking ourselves, even if

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Speaker 1: we do not have to commute to work, or we

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Speaker 1: do not have to lose the time where we're like

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Speaker 1: you know, gaping with our our coworkers, you know, just

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Speaker 1: taking a break. Like yeah, it feels like we have

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Speaker 1: all this extra time during our day that we're trying

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Speaker 1: to fill. But I think it's really necessary to try

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Speaker 1: and like you know, keep as much normalcy in our

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Speaker 1: lives as possible because all of the things that have

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Speaker 1: changed are out of our control, you know, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's really scary. And I think the days that

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Speaker 1: we decide like I need a break, I'm gonna sit

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Speaker 1: on the couch and I'm going to read a book,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch television, we have to like let our

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Speaker 1: guards down a little bit and not be so judgmental

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Speaker 1: of ourselves, even if it means like you just want

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Speaker 1: to scroll through social media. But my recommendation would be

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Speaker 1: is the days that you give yourself all don't don't

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Speaker 1: don't give yourself, don't give yourself triggers truly like lean

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Speaker 1: into you know, look, you're not going to learn French

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Speaker 1: in a day, but like, well, I mean it seems

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Speaker 1: like everyone on social media is right, but it looks

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Speaker 1: at that day might be the day that like you

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Speaker 1: truly dive in and be like I'm gonna start it

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Speaker 1: today because everything, everything has to start. And look, social

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Speaker 1: media is what social media is. Like we always put

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Speaker 1: our best foot forward on social media. And it's like

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Speaker 1: I don't cook. I'm not a good cook, but if

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Speaker 1: I made something that was pretty, I might be kind

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Speaker 1: of spoked to share it right now and that's m

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Speaker 1: So that was kind of a thing though, is like,

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Speaker 1: you know, what happened right when this initially started, as

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Speaker 1: I think we were all in such shock that, you know,

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Speaker 1: there were funny memes going around, but like other than that,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people kind of paused, you know, and like,

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Speaker 1: I'm a blogger. I blog, I talk about fashion and

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Speaker 1: beauty and all of that stuff seems so irrell event

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you know, I was just like,

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Speaker 1: how do I post about go by this pair of

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Speaker 1: shoes when it's like, how are we going to put

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Speaker 1: fucking pay our mortgage next month? You know, like the

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Speaker 1: stuff just shifted, and so it's as time has gone by,

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Speaker 1: I think what was making me frustrated in my head?

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Speaker 1: And again I do think this was about where I

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Speaker 1: was that day and not letting myself off the hook

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Speaker 1: like you're saying. But I just was like, are we

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Speaker 1: back already to this thing where even in isolation, people

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Speaker 1: are putting their best foot forward on social media and

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Speaker 1: showing that, you know, basically making their isolation life look perfect,

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Speaker 1: which is the frustration I have with social media in general.

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Speaker 1: Right and I'm like, oh my god, am I just

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Speaker 1: this like super emo chick, which yes I am, but like,

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Speaker 1: but I think it is about just like it is

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Speaker 1: exactly what you're saying that when the waves come of

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Speaker 1: different emotions like that is okay and it's okay to

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Speaker 1: be there, and it's gonna come in different waves in

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Speaker 1: different times for everybody. So it's not someone else's fault

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Speaker 1: that they're going to learn French in a day on

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Speaker 1: that Tuesday that you don't want to get out of bed.

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Speaker 1: I look, I think it's you know, you told me

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Speaker 1: in the beginning, like when you were posting stuff that

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Speaker 1: you were getting like shitty messages from people, and like

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Speaker 1: I was, it was crazy, and then that has nothing

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Speaker 1: to do with you, And I think it's important to

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Speaker 1: remember that when someone wants to hide behind their keyboard

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Speaker 1: and send you a shitty message for doing what is

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Speaker 1: your livelihood? Yeah, not to mention like, it's also a

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Speaker 1: choice that you were making to be like I'm going

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Speaker 1: to continue to march forward as normally as I can,

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Speaker 1: you know, like that, and that's a fair thing to

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Speaker 1: decide to do, like, but it's it's also like hard

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Speaker 1: to not react to those sorts of things. But I

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Speaker 1: also think too, Like, you know, the people that you're

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Speaker 1: seeing that are posting that they're learning to cook or

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Speaker 1: you know, losing weight or doing whatever it is that

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Speaker 1: they need to do and they're out of that's they're

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Speaker 1: doing that because they're proud of themselves hopefully, you know.

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Speaker 1: Like of course everyone wants to put a perfect image

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Speaker 1: of themselves out in the world. But I think we

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Speaker 1: need to look at those things and be like, you go,

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Speaker 1: you like, hopefully you can make me a nice dinner

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Speaker 1: one day. Well it's kind of what people need, you know,

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Speaker 1: like to you know, and I'm I'm a you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm a I'm an optimistic to the I'm optimistic to

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Speaker 1: the core often and full and um. But you know,

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Speaker 1: that's like I do think that like that is some

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Speaker 1: people's form of therapy is to be like, even if

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Speaker 1: they're not feeling okay, they want you to think that

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Speaker 1: they're feeling okay. But see, that's where I'm asking the

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Speaker 1: question is that what we're doing are we putting this

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Speaker 1: band aid on our emotions when actually when actually maybe

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Speaker 1: this is the one time in all of our lives

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Speaker 1: at all of the same time that we can go hey,

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Speaker 1: like collectively, this ship is hard, and there are some

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Speaker 1: days Like I'm kind of being hypocritical right now, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna be really honest because I'm gonna tell you, like,

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Speaker 1: this week has been hard. Last week, I was like

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Speaker 1: posting workout videos. I'm like, here's what I've been doing.

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Speaker 1: That's that's helping me, because I want to know, like

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Speaker 1: what's helping people get by that I follow, So, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I thought, Okay, well, these are the workouts

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Speaker 1: I'm doing. Let me post about that or whatever it

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Speaker 1: is that I'm doing that's helping me. But um, this

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Speaker 1: week I just couldn't take it from people. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh cool, you cooked that. Cool? Good for you, Like

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Speaker 1: a Lotti fucking you know. I'm still in my pajamas

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Speaker 1: and it's five pm, and I might not change today. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know I have. I had days like you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm It's a classic example, and I'm sure most most

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Speaker 1: people who are listening to this did the same thing.

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Speaker 1: We went into this thinking we suddenly had all this

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Speaker 1: extra time in our day. I like wrote down the tap,

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Speaker 1: these are all the things I'm gonna accomplish. This is

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Speaker 1: a rotune I'm gonna stick to. And part of it

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Speaker 1: was because I knew that if I did not try

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Speaker 1: to fall a new routine, I would sleep un till noon.

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Speaker 1: I would stay up for until three, trying to finish

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Speaker 1: every show on Netflix, Hulu, everything, and and and there

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Speaker 1: were like I was like, I kind of saw an

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Speaker 1: opportunity to hit a reset. Like I love the morning.

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Speaker 1: I love being up really early in the morning, but

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Speaker 1: I've gotten into a habit in my normal life where

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Speaker 1: I stay up until about twelve thirty one o'clock every night,

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Speaker 1: and which makes in the morning it's not possible for me.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm like, I'm trying to go to bed

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Speaker 1: at nine ten o'clock, can be up at six six

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Speaker 1: thirty and use this as a time to reset. But

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Speaker 1: you know, I also had a million other goals, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna meditate

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Speaker 1: every morning, I'm gonna listen to The Daily on you know,

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Speaker 1: the podcast of the Daily every morning. I'm gonna do this, this,

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Speaker 1: this by this time. And you know I haven't done ship.

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Speaker 1: I don't work out once, right, well, you know, I

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Speaker 1: started doing some research because when I was feeling this bad,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, like what is this just me,

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Speaker 1: so I started um googling just you know, are people overachieving?

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Speaker 1: What do we need to be stopping? Or do I

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Speaker 1: need to be learning a new hobby? Like what's the best,

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Speaker 1: the most healthy thing to do right now? And a

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Speaker 1: lot of the insight was like, don't set unrealistic expectations

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Speaker 1: for yourself right now, because you know, you made a

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Speaker 1: really great point that while you do think you're going

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Speaker 1: to be so like so much less busy is that

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Speaker 1: proper grammar? So much less? So you know what, I'm

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Speaker 1: not going to judge myself. That's that's the point of

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Speaker 1: this podcast, right It was less busy that was so hard,

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Speaker 1: Like talking is so hard sometimes even during quarantine. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so but I was reading in USA today and they say, no, actually,

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Speaker 1: like you think you're less busy, but like you have

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Speaker 1: new realities that might actually be taking up more of

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Speaker 1: your time, like especially if you have kids at home

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Speaker 1: with you, which my boyfriend has kids, so I mean,

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Speaker 1: let's homeschool is a whole Another sitch like that is

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Speaker 1: like meals, Yes, the meals. I mean I've never done

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Speaker 1: so many dishes in my life, Like I feel like

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Speaker 1: I live at the dishwasher. That is my dow Like,

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Speaker 1: do you know normal location? Picking my phone at any

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Speaker 1: time in the day, I guarantee you I'm at the dishwasher.

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Speaker 1: My friend I was texting with my friend book just

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Speaker 1: to see how she's doing, and she was like, she

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Speaker 1: was like, my parents came out a month ago and

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Speaker 1: there's no way in hell I was letting them like

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Speaker 1: go back to Florida. So she's like, and my my

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Speaker 1: mother in law is living in our basement apartment and

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Speaker 1: the plumbing backed up and we demoed the thing. And

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Speaker 1: I'm basically running an assisted living facility right now. And

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Speaker 1: she was like the cooking, she was like cooking, she goes,

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Speaker 1: I am feeding eight people twenty one meals a week.

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Speaker 1: That's all. A hundred and sixty eight plates come out

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Speaker 1: of my kitchen a week. That's what she said. And

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Speaker 1: that number, to me was like staggering. And the funny

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Speaker 1: thing is is she is she's like done the calculation

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Speaker 1: on groceries and stuff. She said, she's she's averaging three

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Speaker 1: dollars of late including beer. Oh my god, I mean

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you this. Last night, my boyfriend says, Hey,

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Speaker 1: what do you want to cook for dinner tonight? Because

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Speaker 1: that's like our big, big thing of the day is

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Speaker 1: like it's all everything revolves around the meal we're gonna

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Speaker 1: have at night. For some reason, it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: because that's the big one. And I was having a day,

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Speaker 1: like I said, and I literally dropped my head on

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Speaker 1: the table, and I was just like, don't you just

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Speaker 1: want to eat out? Don't you just want to go

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Speaker 1: to a restaurant? So like I'm so sick of having

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Speaker 1: the meal plan right now or like figure out what

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Speaker 1: we're going to cook. And that's I know, not really

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Speaker 1: anything to bitch about. Like I'm so grateful that we

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Speaker 1: have the groceries we have and all the capabilities and

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Speaker 1: things that we have. But man, I saw me and

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Speaker 1: the other day that was like I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: hear these words. Can I take your Well you just

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Speaker 1: sit there and someone brings you food. It's like, what

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Speaker 1: is the life? It's amazing. Well here's the thing too,

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Speaker 1: Like in the beginning of the quarantine, like you know,

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Speaker 1: everything was shut down, and thankfully a lot of restaurants

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Speaker 1: and bars and stuff. I mean, particularly here in Nashville,

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Speaker 1: it's the only experience I can speak to. But I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've got friends in l A who told me, but

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Speaker 1: so many bars and restaurants are pivoting where you can

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Speaker 1: now do curbside pickup or obviously there's always been Uber

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Speaker 1: Eats and Postmates and things like that, but the list

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Speaker 1: of places that you can get a good meal from

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Speaker 1: is growing. So you know, yeah, so it's like, take

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Speaker 1: a little bit of stress off of your plate. Order food. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: helps support a local business that's trying to you know,

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Speaker 1: stay afloat and it's really hard times, and and it's

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Speaker 1: you know, people really well, like you're putting their lives

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Speaker 1: on the line by going out and preparing food for

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Speaker 1: you and delivering it to you or you know. It's

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Speaker 1: so I think that there are ways to cut some

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Speaker 1: corners to reduce our stress. You know. It's funny. I was.

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Speaker 1: I was doing some research too, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's one of the things that called millennials the burnout

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Speaker 1: generation because you know, like I said, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: it's our in our impulse to you know, want to

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Speaker 1: fill every second of our day with something that is

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Speaker 1: going to push our careers forward or be productive for us.

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Speaker 1: And the example they gave was like, you know, when

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Speaker 1: you're taking a walk you feel like you need to

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Speaker 1: be listening to that podcast. It's gonna make you a

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Speaker 1: better person. Just fucking go out for a walk, breathe

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Speaker 1: in the fresh air because the trees that are in

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Speaker 1: bloom right now, and think, I am so grateful to

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Speaker 1: be healthy and to have the use of my legs,

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Speaker 1: and then my family is healthy and they're you know,

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Speaker 1: just take a breath and and you know, believe, put

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Speaker 1: some faith in the fact that we're going to get

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Speaker 1: through this. Anytime that I am focusing on the present,

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Speaker 1: like this is this the days that I've had good days,

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Speaker 1: And this is kind of what I was doing at

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Speaker 1: the beginning of it is the stop, like being present

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Speaker 1: in the stop because just like you said, I never stopped.

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Speaker 1: I never stop. I go go, go, go go, fill

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Speaker 1: all my time trying to like hustle to make it

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Speaker 1: to the next thing, and it's always like the next thing,

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Speaker 1: you know. And when I stopped, I was able to

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Speaker 1: look around and I just was able to go okay,

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Speaker 1: Like I've had to cut out a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: in my life, and I'm okay. I still have a

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Speaker 1: lot of love in my life. I still have a

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Speaker 1: lot of amazing relationships. I still have a roof over

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Speaker 1: my head, like you do, start to notice the simple

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Speaker 1: pleasures a lot more in the days that I have

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Speaker 1: the good days. I'm very present in that versus like

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Speaker 1: what else do I need or what do I need

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Speaker 1: to be doing to be better? It's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: you're just you just are, and you're just in that moment,

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Speaker 1: right I You know. One of the things that I

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Speaker 1: have tried to make myself a better person by doing

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Speaker 1: for this is being connected with friends and family, Like

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Speaker 1: my It's funny, like being busy is is my problem? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: In normal life, like I go go go, I'm at

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Speaker 1: a show, I'm at a restaurant, I'm traveling, I'm always

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Speaker 1: That's for those listening. That is literally our inside joke

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Speaker 1: in our friend group, because every single night will be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: let's go to dinner and then we're all like chips

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Speaker 1: at a show. For sure, we'd call him. He's like,

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Speaker 1: oh I have this show at blah blah blah. Every

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Speaker 1: single time. I'm like, I've never met someone who goes

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Speaker 1: to so many shows, And I gotta tell you every time,

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Speaker 1: like I get a group text being like, hey, what

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Speaker 1: are you all up to? Then I'm like, God damn it,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna like I'm at a busted and people are

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Speaker 1: gonna say something, but no, I mean my downfall is

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Speaker 1: that I keep myself so busy, so like I've actually

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Speaker 1: really appreciated the stock to her um, and I've connected

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Speaker 1: with friends that I haven't like been that deeply connected

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Speaker 1: to him a long time that I really love and

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Speaker 1: ad missed. But like, when you keep yourself so busy,

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Speaker 1: you forget you missed people sometimes. So I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: like leaning into those connections and emotions and stuff that

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Speaker 1: I kind of pushed out, and it's, um, I don't

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Speaker 1: look they're they're obviously coupled with the stress of like

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Speaker 1: worrying about losing my job and making sure that i'm

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm I feel productive and I'm showing them

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Speaker 1: being productive or trying to be productive and all of

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Speaker 1: those things that everyone is feeling right now. There's so

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Speaker 1: many ups and downs. I mean, so many ups and downs.

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Speaker 1: I was reading on yahoo dot com and the author

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Speaker 1: was kind of engaging in a similar conversation that I'm

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Speaker 1: coming to you guys with, but she was talking to

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Speaker 1: her therapist, which is great, and she said her therapist

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Speaker 1: words brought tears to her eyes because she said, Hey,

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Speaker 1: you do not need to make the most of this

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Speaker 1: time at home. You do not need to learn a

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Speaker 1: new language. You don't need to make your own mask.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to take up yoga or go for

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Speaker 1: a walk every day. You don't need to foster a dog.

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Speaker 1: She was like, you don't need to do anything. What

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Speaker 1: you need to do is what feels good to you.

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Speaker 1: And if doing nothing feels good, do that. If taking

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Speaker 1: a nat feels good, do that. Like that, the reality

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Speaker 1: is that we're all going through a collective trauma. Like

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Speaker 1: you said that, the emotions are all over the place.

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Speaker 1: Sunday they're good, Sundays they're good, and some days they're scary,

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Speaker 1: and there's so much fear. So that takes a lot

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Speaker 1: of emotional and physical energy, you know, and and adding

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Speaker 1: any additional stress to that, it's kind of productive, exactly,

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Speaker 1: you know. It's like, look, I think that, um, you know, personally,

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Speaker 1: because I don't have the distractions of being in the office,

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Speaker 1: I have felt really good about my workflow, Like my

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Speaker 1: my to do list is much more concise and clear

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Speaker 1: for me. I don't feel like I'm all over the place.

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Speaker 1: I'm seeing myself check things off. But um, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's all the ancillary stuff that I thought I was

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Speaker 1: going to pepper in. It was actually more personal than

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Speaker 1: like work growth. Yeah, um that I've sort of let

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Speaker 1: fall to the wayside, Like I'm not going to read

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Speaker 1: every book that's on my sholf wall. Remember at the

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Speaker 1: beginning of this, we were like, We're going to read

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Speaker 1: a lot of books. I haven't read one book, not one.

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Speaker 1: I've had a book sitting on the couch next to me.

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Speaker 1: I will tell you this. I've caught up on a

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Speaker 1: lot of TV. And TV is not something that I

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Speaker 1: really watched a ton of yeh normally, but I have

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Speaker 1: you know, there have been shows that everyone's like, you

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Speaker 1: gonna watch? You don't watch that, And so I've leaned

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Speaker 1: in and allowed myself to just and I think it's

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Speaker 1: been kind of healthy because it lets me turn my

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Speaker 1: brain off and I put my phone down when I'm

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Speaker 1: doing it, so I'm not I'm not, you know, multitasking,

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Speaker 1: and I'm actually paying attention. And look, TV is an

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Speaker 1: art form, and I think that right now, art is

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Speaker 1: something that we all could lean into. It's a goodd

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Speaker 1: stress or listen to music, read watch TV, you know

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Speaker 1: TV twice. I think we know what Chip's doing. He's

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Speaker 1: a big pusher of the watching TV, watch TV, read

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Speaker 1: a book, watch TV, yea go read uh, watch TV.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just the point is is it's whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that you need. And I think the main

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Speaker 1: thing that we can all ask ourselves is what am

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Speaker 1: I needing today? Because I know for me it's ever

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Speaker 1: changing right now. Every day is different and means sometimes

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Speaker 1: every hour is different, and it's just being more in

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Speaker 1: tune with what emotions you're feeling. I'm gonna start. I

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Speaker 1: really loved your like, let's keep it positive on Instagram

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Speaker 1: and go cheer people like. You guys are gonna see

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Speaker 1: me commenting on everyone's page. You go, girl, Like, that's

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Speaker 1: gonna be anything in a hand collapse. I wanted to,

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Speaker 1: you know, literally earlier this week, I wanted to write

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Speaker 1: on everyone's um post, hey y'all just like act casual,

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Speaker 1: Like everyone just act fucking casual. But I think I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna say that to myself that it's okay if I

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Speaker 1: need to act casual and I need to be chill,

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Speaker 1: like there's just no judgment right now. We can't judge ourselves, right,

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Speaker 1: And I think you touched on something that um when

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Speaker 1: I was doing some research for this, Like I can't

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Speaker 1: remember where I read it, but it's it said, you know,

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Speaker 1: start every day, frat, don't let the things that you

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Speaker 1: feel like you failed at yesterday carry into today, because

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Speaker 1: every day is fresh and and are and the reason

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Speaker 1: why we're failing at things is so different than normal.

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Speaker 1: Right right now, it's so different than why we normally

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Speaker 1: fail at things that like, we don't have to hold

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Speaker 1: ourselves accountable in the same sort of way. Right now,

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Speaker 1: it's okay. It's okay to feel like you failed yesterday. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And the other statement is okay to not be okay,

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Speaker 1: Like I think that's just huge right now. So okay,

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Speaker 1: we just gave everyone the permission just do what you

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Speaker 1: need to do to feel good every day and keep

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Speaker 1: acting casual. And speaking of acting casual, Chip, we talked

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Speaker 1: about this earlier this week. So one of the things

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Speaker 1: that we have received but not really anything about, is

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Speaker 1: we've received a lot of emails from you guys just

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Speaker 1: have different topics of what do we do in this situation?

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Speaker 1: How do we act casual? And so Chip and I've

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Speaker 1: been talking about incorporating that more into each podcast. So

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Speaker 1: at the end of each podcast, we're going to read

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Speaker 1: one of the listener emails and kind of give our

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Speaker 1: advice on how to add casual. I'm not sure we'll

426
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,960
Speaker 1: be able to actually help anyone, but we'll try. We'll

427
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 1: do our best. So this week's email comes from Pam Franklin.

428
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,520
Speaker 1: So Pam asked us, Hi, this is how her email reads. See,

429
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna really have to practice this. This is a

430
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:24,119
Speaker 1: new thing listener emails. Okay, Hi, Hi, Kelly, and Chip.

431
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: I would love to hear your thoughts on how to

432
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 1: add casual when you run into your ex boyfriend or husband,

433
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: or I guess it could be girlfriend or whoever your

434
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: ex with their new partner. I figure at the very

435
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,400
Speaker 1: least you guys will make me laugh at the awkwardners

436
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: awkwardness that is likely to ensue. Wow, this is like

437
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 1: I don't think that there is It's a great topic.

438
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 1: Thank you, Pam. Also, I don't think that there is

439
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 1: any one answer that makes this situation comfortable, do you

440
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,640
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, no matter how evolves you are,

441
00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 1: no matter how mute, Well, the breakup was running into

442
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 1: your ex with their new partner is that little like

443
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 1: inside like it's just awkward, right, it's so look, I

444
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 1: mean I can feel the pit in my stomach just

445
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: when you read the thing like I'm feeling it, tam

446
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 1: like I okay, I had to google it because for me,

447
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: it's like, look, you can't you a you know what's

448
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:28,080
Speaker 1: going to happen, but you're never really fully prepared. Never

449
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 1: you know, it always happens if I need to see

450
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 1: someone articulated, so can I Just there's I thought a

451
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: thing called a tips for handling a run in with

452
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 1: your ax like a total boss on Huffington Post. And

453
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 1: these are the things. I'm not going to go into

454
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 1: full detail on all of them. But the first thing

455
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: that says avoid going for a big bear hug. That's

456
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: the worst, right, Like I don't even actually want to

457
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: hug them. Usually it's just like but you have to

458
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: physical contact. Oh wow they say no physical contact? Wow okay, um,

459
00:23:58,080 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 1: but how do you do it? Like what if they

460
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: go in for the hugged you back away because that's awkward.

461
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: Well I feel like that would make it more awkward.

462
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 1: I always give I always do the side hug. Then

463
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: number two is it's okay to admit that it's awkward. Yeah,

464
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:19,160
Speaker 1: I saw that this is awkward. And then it says,

465
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 1: if you know that you're going to bump into your ex,

466
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,760
Speaker 1: prepare beforehand, like get control of your nerves. Yeah, but

467
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 1: that is never how it happens. I thought I was

468
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: gonna say earlier. It's like the time where you think

469
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: you'll run into them and you're like looking your best,

470
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: you like you've really like gotten done up, you're feeling confident,

471
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,639
Speaker 1: you played Beyonce the whole time you were getting ready.

472
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 1: You walk in and you're like, you're like, I'm about

473
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 1: to kill this. That is not the time you will

474
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: see your ex. The time you will see your ex

475
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 1: is when you're hungover. You're like going to pick up food,

476
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,320
Speaker 1: you're still in your sweatpants with your makeup one from

477
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 1: last night, Like it's like the next morning. Then you

478
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 1: will see your ex and you'll be like an event

479
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: like a wedding or a party or something invited to.

480
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,120
Speaker 1: And then I think being over paired can actually work

481
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 1: against you because if you know that they're there, you

482
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,120
Speaker 1: might actually be trying to actively avoid them while you're there,

483
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 1: and that makes it awkward too. I saw something that said, yeah,

484
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: that's true. Do you do whatever you need to do

485
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: to feel comfortable. But like I did see that somewhere.

486
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,920
Speaker 1: I also did some research and they said, whatever you do,

487
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: don't try to like duck and avoid them, because that

488
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: makes it even more awkward because they probably already saw you.

489
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,880
Speaker 1: You try to duck out or do the thing where

490
00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 1: you stand behind the tree and it's like, hey, I

491
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: see you over there, right? What else is this article says?

492
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: Don't brag about how great your life is now, um,

493
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: even though successor is the best revenge. UM Number five

494
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,360
Speaker 1: is definitely do not overdo it or lie when your

495
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,840
Speaker 1: ex asked how you've been since supposed to split. Um.

496
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: Avoid drama by staying in the present, maintain your boundaries,

497
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: and lastly in the conversation before it gets too weird. Yeah, okay,

498
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: I have a couple that is the of the clutched

499
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: to be the one that's like, it was really great

500
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: to see you and then walk off. Can I tell

501
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 1: you a story, um, A couple of I guess this

502
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 1: is now like a couple of months ago life just

503
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,080
Speaker 1: what what's today? I don't even know? So this is

504
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,119
Speaker 1: like a top So I have a new I had

505
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: a new gig before all this ship happens. Where I

506
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 1: go to a venue with one of my people I

507
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: work with where one of my ex is works now,

508
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: and so I totally forgot about it, Like I completely

509
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: forgot he works there, because when we were together, he

510
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: did not work there. And so I was having a

511
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: really shitty day. This is like right after I found out,

512
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,919
Speaker 1: um that, you know, my egg freezing thing wasn't going

513
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 1: to go through or whatever. I just had so much

514
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,400
Speaker 1: ship going on, right, it was just not a good time.

515
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,359
Speaker 1: It took everything in me to kind of get up

516
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: to get to work that day. Like it was like

517
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: one of those days. So like wheeling all my ship

518
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 1: in sure a ship. Here you come, and we're the

519
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: only two people in the hall, right and it's just like, well,

520
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: let's just rip the bandaid and get it over with.

521
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: So I go over, I mean walk, I have to

522
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,879
Speaker 1: walk by m and I was like, hey, I'm like

523
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,359
Speaker 1: how are you? And he's like great, how are you?

524
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: And I literally go to tell you the truth, I'm

525
00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,159
Speaker 1: really shitty. Actually, well, I mean it's good, I know,

526
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 1: but the conversation went on too long. This is case

527
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: in point. He had enough time to be like, oh,

528
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: I'm running home for my son's um birthday party. You know,

529
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: this new job has been really great for family time.

530
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,239
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, like I gotta go, dude, Like

531
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: got said, go. How about what we ran into your

532
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 1: exit Vegas at a party. Well, it's the same X

533
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 1: and he felt like it was. That was also you know,

534
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 1: it was after they and everyone was very drunk, including him,

535
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,520
Speaker 1: and he thought that was a good time to sort

536
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: of reckon, try to reckon. It was so weird. Ok,

537
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:03,240
Speaker 1: let me just have fun at this party. Man. Well

538
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 1: I was reading on wiki how dot com and they

539
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: were talking about like when this is the specific thing

540
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,879
Speaker 1: of when you run into your ex with their new partner, right,

541
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: Like that is just never fun, even if you are

542
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: the one who ended the relationship. It's just awkward. So

543
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 1: they say, though, take the high road and always be polite. Um,

544
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,159
Speaker 1: the moment will likely be briefer and less painful if

545
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 1: you just stay strong. So I think that's true, Like,

546
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,359
Speaker 1: put up a good front, because this is not the

547
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,719
Speaker 1: time to dump. Like what I did, Like, I'm actually

548
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: really shitty. It just came out of my mouth. You know,

549
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: it wasn't the best thing to do, but it just happened, um,

550
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,479
Speaker 1: and he didn't know how to react. So then it

551
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 1: was awkward. It was just terrible. So be this is

552
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,280
Speaker 1: the one, they say, though, be willing to say hello

553
00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: and shake the hand of your ex as new partner.

554
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: Consider saying it's nice to meet you. But is it though?

555
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 1: But is it though? Well, yeah, well it's meeting is

556
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: it you're going? I mean, best friend, here's the thing.

557
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 1: The longer there with somebody else, the less they're coming

558
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:09,400
Speaker 1: after you. I guess I just I mean maybe, yeah.

559
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,560
Speaker 1: I mean you could say like, um, I wish you,

560
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:21,280
Speaker 1: I wish you luck, I wish you luck adding to

561
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 1: my prayer list. Um, yeah, I mean I guess you could.

562
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: I thought maybe you could be like, hey, how are

563
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: you or something like what do you? I don't know.

564
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 1: I hate to lie, you know, like I'm not sure

565
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 1: that I feel like it's nice to meet them, but

566
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,479
Speaker 1: I don't know. Um. They also said the same thing

567
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: that you said, don't act too over the top or

568
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:46,360
Speaker 1: too sweet, like that's just gonna make it because it's

569
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: not authentic, right, Like, there's no chance that you're just like,

570
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's so nice to meet you and

571
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 1: and that you're just like so comfortable with your ex

572
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: and whatever. Um. They also said there's a chance that

573
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:03,760
Speaker 1: you're xs new partner might say something rude, So I mean,

574
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:07,520
Speaker 1: although that's unlikely, just make sure that you remain composed,

575
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 1: even just saying I'm running really late to meet someone,

576
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 1: so I've gotta go nice meeting you, like kind of

577
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: like what you're saying in it great and get get

578
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,680
Speaker 1: that hill out of there. If you're if your excess

579
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: new partner says something rude, that's when you say it

580
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: was lovely to meet you, and I've added to my

581
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: list heart So, Pam, I don't know that we were

582
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 1: incifle at all, but I do feel like we gave

583
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: you some good parting remarks. If you ever get in

584
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: this situation, if it's ever awkward, it's lovely to meet you.

585
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: I'm adding you to my prayer list. Hey yeah yeah.

586
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: It's like like it's easy for me to sit here

587
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 1: behind this microphone and be like I'm gonna be a

588
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: spiteful bit right, you know, But everyone who knows me

589
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 1: knows that I would never say that. I would I

590
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,959
Speaker 1: would be like so bitchy afterwards, like I'd be like

591
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 1: that little bitch. But that's what you do to your

592
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 1: friends after that's not you put up a strong front,

593
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: adam to your prayer list, call it a day, and

594
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: you know, and these are definitely situations that we would

595
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: always advise that you guys acts casually. Bye by