1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,120 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. It's really 12 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 2: helpful to have folks that are not only moms, but 13 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,839 Speaker 2: there are where you are on your journey and they 14 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,280 Speaker 2: can relate to what you're experiencing now. And then moms 15 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,479 Speaker 2: that have older kids that can talk about what they 16 00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 2: did when they were where you are. So yes, making 17 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 2: mom friends is so helpful so that we can learn 18 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 2: from one another and just share in the experiences. 19 00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 3: Because it does take a village. 20 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:05,440 Speaker 2: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration, 21 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 2: or a fresh perspective. 22 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 3: If you have. 23 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:12,840 Speaker 2: Any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode, please 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 2: leave us a review to let us know we're on 25 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 2: the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday, so 26 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 2: be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace dot 27 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 2: com to access our exclusive after show and other bonus 28 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 2: content from the Patreon tab. 29 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: You welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to 30 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 1: uplifting women like you. 31 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 2: We're your hosts. 32 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:43,919 Speaker 1: Doctor Dominique Bussard, a college professor and psychologist. 33 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:47,440 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 34 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:52,480 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 35 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 36 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends, and create a say space 37 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 2: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry 38 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 2: here from Cultivating her Space. Are you tired of working 39 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 2: hard for your money? Do you want your business to 40 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 2: run smoothly when you're out of office? If you want 41 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 2: to learn how to automate your business cash flow and 42 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,960 Speaker 2: increase your impact and influence, join me from my free 43 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,960 Speaker 2: workshop at Brand with Terry dot Com. Again, that's Brand 44 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 2: with Terry dot Com. My name is spell Te double Ri. 45 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 2: I hope to see you there, lady. 46 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: Our quote of the day the most beautiful discovery. True 47 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:48,119 Speaker 1: friends mate is that they can grow separately without growing apart. 48 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: And that quote comes to us from Elizabeth Bowley. 49 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 3: Tea. 50 00:02:56,040 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: I personally like resonate with that quote as I think 51 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,200 Speaker 1: about my friendships over the decades. Everyone, I'm saying decades, 52 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,120 Speaker 1: but yes, over the decades. It's beautiful that I had 53 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: friends that long, right, And so I resonate with that quote. 54 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 2: But what about you? Honestly, I do dumb. I feel 55 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 2: like I'm still processing it. So I'd love to hear 56 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 2: what you think first, and then I'll like taking what 57 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: you're sharing and think about my own experience simultaneously. It's beautiful. 58 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 2: I love the quote. I read it before we started, 59 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 2: but hearing you say it, I was just like, oh, 60 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 2: I was like this new vibe to it after you 61 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 2: read it. So what about you? 62 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 3: Dom? 63 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: I think about some of my longest friendships, Like, I mean, 64 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 1: the longest one is with my best friend. We have well, shit, 65 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: we have been friends thirty years. What thirty years we 66 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: have been friends? 67 00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 2: So wow? 68 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 1: We we have been through a lot in terms of 69 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: like growing separately together. Yes, yes, we've been friends since 70 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: elementary school. And so when I think of that friendship 71 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,720 Speaker 1: and then I think of friends that I have had 72 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: since middle school and high school and graduate school, because 73 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,200 Speaker 1: now I've been out of graduate school for over well 74 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: over a decade. So now those friends from graduate school 75 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 1: and college, you know, like we have grown separately, so 76 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:39,280 Speaker 1: like grown in different directions in life, but we are 77 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: still friends, right, And so I think about those friendships, 78 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: and to me, that's the beauty of true friends. Right now, 79 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:53,040 Speaker 1: I will say, the word true friends almost makes it 80 00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:56,000 Speaker 1: feel like the people who were friends at different stages 81 00:04:56,040 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: that aren't friends anymore, makes it almost kind of diminish, right, 82 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: So I do want to be clear that the friends 83 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 1: that I've had in different stages that I honestly can't recall. 84 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 2: Any like bad blood, you. 85 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:19,000 Speaker 1: Know, between those folks that I might not talk to now, 86 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:23,040 Speaker 1: but they were friends during that for a particular stage, right. 87 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: And So I think what this quote really means to 88 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: me is that I would maybe change the word true 89 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:38,840 Speaker 1: to maybe lifelong friends, right or forever friendships. Is that 90 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:43,240 Speaker 1: those are the friends that have seen you through various stages, 91 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: various changes, and in a lot of cases these days 92 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: distance and y'all are still friends. 93 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 2: I love that distinction, and I think you are so right, 94 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 2: because I mean, even if there's a bad letter, even 95 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,960 Speaker 2: if you aren't friends with certain people, you know there's 96 00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 2: a reason and season, right, some people are in our 97 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 2: lives first season, and I'm sure there are experiences that 98 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 2: helped us grow. So that's what I was thinking about 99 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 2: when you share that. But dang, thirty years, that's so dope. 100 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: It's crazy how as time goes on you count the 101 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 2: years you've been in the friendship game with certain people, 102 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,560 Speaker 2: You're like, dang, we've been friends for that long, right, 103 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 2: It's just crazy how time flies. 104 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 3: But I'm with you. 105 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 2: I think that this quote is definitely powerful, and I 106 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 2: believe that you could definitely grow separately without growing apart. 107 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 2: And I feel like people don't talk enough about that. 108 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 2: So whether you choose a different career path or you're 109 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 2: just doing something different in life, like, you can still 110 00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 2: be on those journeys of growth and still keep each 111 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 2: other in the forefront of your personal relationships. So yeah, 112 00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 2: good quote, this quote. 113 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: Well, I think also as I was thinking about this quote, 114 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 1: I really thought that it truly resonated around what we're 115 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 1: talking about today, right of, And I know this is 116 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: some than that you are currently kind of experiencing right, 117 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: just when you become a new mom, Yeah, what happens 118 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: to the dynamics of your friendships? 119 00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 3: Right, So I think we. 120 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: Should just die right in, Like, let's just let's die 121 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: go there, right. 122 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 2: I'll say, Damn, I've been on the other side of 123 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 2: this for so long where I have been child less, right, 124 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 2: so no kids, and I have friends that have had babies, 125 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 2: and I noticed as a shift in our communication, especially 126 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 2: my best friend, because we at one point we would 127 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: talk all the time, and then you know, she'd have 128 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: the kids and I'm not gonna lie. There definitely been times, 129 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 2: you know, she has two little ones now where I 130 00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 2: really wanted to talk to her, but she's like, oh, 131 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 2: I gotta do this and I got to you know, 132 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 2: put the baby to sleep and all that, and there 133 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 2: was definitely a thought of like, damn, she's like never available. 134 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 2: And now, having experienced it, it's like, oh, damn, I 135 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: get it. It's crazy. The world of motherhood is crazy. 136 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 2: It's so bizarre and there's so much going on. But no, 137 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 2: it gives you a lot more empathy and understanding when 138 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: you are on the other side and you're like, oh, 139 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 2: I can only imagine what this person is dealing with 140 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 2: with this new transition. 141 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 1: So yeah, yes, I think you're spot on with that, right, 142 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: Like I think about two For on my end, I 143 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: am the person who I don't have any kids, and 144 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 1: so I have seen multiple friends at various stages in 145 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:31,120 Speaker 1: my life, like adulthood, have kids, and I think when 146 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: I reflect on those experiences, I think that my stage 147 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:41,720 Speaker 1: in life also impacted how I engaged as the friend. 148 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 3: Right, what do you mean by that your stage in life? 149 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:51,960 Speaker 1: So when I think about when my best friend had 150 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 1: her daughter, who is one of my godchildren, we were 151 00:08:55,760 --> 00:09:01,160 Speaker 1: in our late twenties, and I was able to show 152 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,439 Speaker 1: up for her because that's my best friend, right, Like, 153 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 1: that's I showed up. But I think the transition was 154 00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: harder because one I didn't live in the same city 155 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 1: as she did, and two I was literally just finishing 156 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 1: graduate school and where I was for myself in life 157 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: was in a different space. So I was single, just 158 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: finishing graduate school, just so transitioning into career, moving to 159 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 1: a new city. So there was a lot of adjustments 160 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 1: that were happening on my end that when I reflect back, 161 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: I know that I showed up in the best way 162 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: that myself could at that time. But if I was 163 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: who I am now back then I could see where 164 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,959 Speaker 1: there may have been other ways in which I may 165 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: have shown up or had different understanding and approaches to 166 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: what was happening. 167 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,319 Speaker 3: For heart, gotcha, Okay, So. 168 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean because I also think, like I think 169 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 1: now about like one of my friends, you know, who 170 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,079 Speaker 1: had a baby a couple of years or a year ago. Right, 171 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: And then I think about you and how we are 172 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: making adjustments around the podcast, right, And I think that 173 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 1: because I've had those previous experiences, and then I'm also 174 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:29,720 Speaker 1: at a different level of maturity and growth in life 175 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 1: in general. Yes, there's a different level of understanding and 176 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 1: expectation that I show up. 177 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 3: With, right. 178 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 2: Let's just dive into that right now. So lady, thank 179 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 2: you for saying that. Dom and I appreciate you so much. 180 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 2: So today Dom and I are doing some bulk recording 181 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 2: for the Oh I hear my baby downstairs. See all crap. Okay, 182 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 2: she's coming soon. Okay, let's carry up and get more 183 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 2: of this recorded, and then we'll probably have to hop. 184 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 3: Off and do this again. 185 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,719 Speaker 2: And let's keep this in there. To our engineer, let's 186 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,680 Speaker 2: keep this in there because this is real life talking 187 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 2: about being a new mom. Dom So you're recording bulk 188 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:05,320 Speaker 2: episodes today, and we started in the morning or in 189 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,559 Speaker 2: the early afternoon, because I thought my baby would be 190 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:11,080 Speaker 2: quiet in the morning, but she wasn't, so I had 191 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 2: her on what is that thing called that? 192 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 1: Now you're asking me, that's the part I don't know. 193 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 1: I don't know those technical verbs. 194 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 3: It's a it's a not a swaddle. 195 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 2: But I had her on my chest in one of 196 00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:25,240 Speaker 2: those mommy wraps and she was cool. And then throughout 197 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 2: the episode we were recording, she woke up and she 198 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 2: was hungry, and so I ended up breastfeeding her while 199 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 2: Domini recording. Had to mute myself and go on it 200 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 2: off because then she wanted to eat loudly. And then 201 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,840 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my gosh. And don was so patient, 202 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,440 Speaker 2: And I can imagine if you didn't have that experience before, 203 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 2: you might be like, girl, why are you doing all 204 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 2: this work? We're trying to record get that baby in 205 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 2: order like that, But you know, kids be running stuff, 206 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 2: and you were so compassionate and even with our scheduling, 207 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 2: you opened up today and you were like, let's just 208 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 2: see how it goes, text me when she's sleeping, when 209 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,440 Speaker 2: you're able to, and we can just hop on. And 210 00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 2: I felt so much support from you because I was 211 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 2: able to do that, and so I think I would 212 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: have felt really bad before if someone didn't understand or 213 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,280 Speaker 2: if they responded in a certain way. So, yes, girl, 214 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 2: the adjustment is real. Yes, yes it is. 215 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 1: And I think for me, I'm able to support again because, 216 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,679 Speaker 1: like I said, like I've been there already, right, and 217 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: so I'm able to show up because I've had the experience. 218 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:30,679 Speaker 1: And so I think about what it's like for you 219 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:36,320 Speaker 1: to be a new mom and have the experience of 220 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,960 Speaker 1: being on the other side. Right, So you've kind of 221 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,840 Speaker 1: had the space of both you're in. You know, you've 222 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 1: had that space of being in both positions, and so 223 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 1: how do you think your interactions or expectations from your 224 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: friends have shifted? And I know it's still early, but 225 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 1: how do you think some of that has shifted based 226 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: on your experience of being on both sides. I don't 227 00:13:04,720 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 1: know if that's clear. I feel like it was kind 228 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 1: of convoluted. 229 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 2: No, that was so clear, And I'm with you. I 230 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 2: can't hear the baby crying the background. She's like, don't okay, good. 231 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 2: I think she's about to come up to feed, and 232 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 2: I can feel my breast tingling. Lady, this is what 233 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 2: it is. I feel them tingling. They're ready to give 234 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,839 Speaker 2: her some food. So anyway, girl, I have a lot 235 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,560 Speaker 2: more empathy, for sure. I don't see how people work 236 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 2: when they have a newborn, like this is just this 237 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 2: is so interesting, it's beautiful. I'm so grateful and I've 238 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 2: been waiting for this for so long. But I'm being 239 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 2: real about the challenges. It's real. And so I would 240 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 2: say being compassionate. I mean, if my friends could bail 241 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 2: on me last minute, and I'm just like, okay, I 242 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 2: get it, Like I have literally no expectation because I 243 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,839 Speaker 2: know that kids really do be running shit, like they 244 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 2: really do run our lives in a lot of ways. 245 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,680 Speaker 2: And so having the compassion for sure, and then I 246 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:55,439 Speaker 2: would say that, yeah, just like not really having a 247 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,880 Speaker 2: lot of expectations of people with kids because I know 248 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 2: that it's so unpredictable, even for me. We had a 249 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 2: friend that had a baby recently, and for me now, 250 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,160 Speaker 2: I think another thing that changed is I say no 251 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 2: way more than I did before and not just like 252 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 2: oh I'm using my baby as an excuse, but like, 253 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 2: I don't have the bandwidth one, I don't have the 254 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 2: bandwith for a lot of bullshit right now. I don't 255 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 2: have the bandwidth to not be true to myself. So 256 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,240 Speaker 2: there are a lot of times where i feel a 257 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 2: certain way I need something and I'm very vocal about it, 258 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 2: which shifted a lot from pretty baby and me just 259 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 2: kind of developing as a woman because historically I was 260 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 2: a bit more timid and didn't really speak up, but 261 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 2: I've grown into that and now with the baby, it's 262 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 2: just like life is moving fast. Shit got to get done, 263 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 2: Like I need to be upfront, like this is what 264 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 2: I need, this is what it is, you know. And 265 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 2: so I think did that answer the question that you asked, 266 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:46,000 Speaker 2: Cause that's like my mind just went on a whole Yeah, 267 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:47,440 Speaker 2: yes it did. 268 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: And I think that your experience is similar to the 269 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,800 Speaker 1: experiences that I've heard from other friends. 270 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 3: Right, people have. 271 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:57,720 Speaker 1: Said being a mom has shifted how they show up, 272 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: right that. Yes, like you said, like that level of 273 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: patience is just or level of tolerance for bullshit is 274 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: just not there because you are now caring for someone else, right, 275 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: You've got someone else's life in your hands, and that 276 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: is a huge responsibility. Right. So you know, we talked 277 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: about like what that looks like, like the adjustments that 278 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: we've made to recording. But before we dive into our tips, right, 279 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 1: I want to also talk about other examples that where 280 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: the dynamic can shift and ways in which we may 281 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:45,479 Speaker 1: have navigated that. Right. So, like the example that you 282 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: you know, when you were sharing earlier about one of 283 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: your friends having two kids and like trying to talk 284 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,760 Speaker 1: to them on the phone and the kids are in 285 00:15:55,800 --> 00:16:01,840 Speaker 1: the background, right, I could imagine that. Let me not 286 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 1: say I can imagine because I've been there. 287 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: Let me just be real. 288 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: I've been there, because I have been that person on 289 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:12,480 Speaker 1: the other end of the phone where I'm trying to 290 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,880 Speaker 1: talk to my friend and they've got kids in the background, 291 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 1: and the kids are buying for their attention. And it 292 00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 1: seems like kids tend to just have this radar. They 293 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 1: know when you're on the phone and you're trying to 294 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,560 Speaker 1: have an important conversation, and then they they're like, nah, 295 00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: I don't know what you thought you were doing, but 296 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:34,080 Speaker 1: you're about to pay attention to me, And so then 297 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: the kids are trying to get your attention, and you know, 298 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: I find myself at times, you know, in those moments, 299 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: thinking about one like, what is the context in which 300 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: I'm showing up in this conversation? Right, So is it 301 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,520 Speaker 1: that I'm needing I'm sharing something with my friend that 302 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: I need them to listen to, or I'm wanting them 303 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 1: to listen to and provide support, or are they sharing 304 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 1: something where they're trying to get my support? 305 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 3: Right? 306 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:09,359 Speaker 1: Either way, more than likely if it's a situation where 307 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 1: one of us is needing support from the other person 308 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 1: and their kids are in the background, what tends to happen, 309 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:21,919 Speaker 1: at least in my experience as I've gotten older, is 310 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:27,119 Speaker 1: that one of us will say, hey, let's talk about 311 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:29,760 Speaker 1: this another time, Like now might not be the best time, 312 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: Let's have this conversation later. But I think back to 313 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: like maybe like my twenties, where I didn't have that 314 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: full understanding or appreciation, and I can remember feeling impatient, 315 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: you know, like, well, we're trying to have a conversation here, 316 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: like these kids are in the background, and this is interfering. 317 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,439 Speaker 2: Right, Wait, did you have one of them fuck them 318 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 2: kids moments? 319 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: Yes, there have been those moments, right and then, but 320 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 1: then I also think about where the mom has had 321 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:18,720 Speaker 1: that moment right where they are like I need some 322 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:26,399 Speaker 1: quality adult interaction. So fuck them kids, Let them kids, 323 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: Let them kids yell and scream in the background like 324 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: they're gonna figure it out. I need some adult interaction 325 00:18:32,359 --> 00:18:38,359 Speaker 1: right now. Okay, And kudos to parents out there who 326 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 1: can adjust to hearing their child's scream. Terry, I don't 327 00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:52,679 Speaker 1: know if you're there yet, but parents get to that 328 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:55,479 Speaker 1: space where they might hear their child scream and they 329 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: can tell the difference between the cries and like, what's 330 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 1: a cry for food food, what's a cry for sleep, 331 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 1: what's a cry for pain? 332 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 2: What's the cry for. 333 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:13,320 Speaker 1: I just want attention and being able to tune out 334 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:17,879 Speaker 1: some of the crying to get a task done. And 335 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:19,680 Speaker 1: I do want to be clear, I'm not talking about 336 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: like neglect, like the parents are like completely ignoring the child, 337 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:26,560 Speaker 1: all right, but like for that moment they're like, Okay, 338 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,080 Speaker 1: here's when we need to meet up in two days, 339 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: all right, I'll call you later. And so for that 340 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,879 Speaker 1: moment when they're trying to navigate this one task, they 341 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: can tune out the child so that they can navigate 342 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: this task, complete this task so that they can then 343 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,199 Speaker 1: tend to the child. 344 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,920 Speaker 2: That sounds amazing. I ain't there yet. No, every cry 345 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,320 Speaker 2: is like what's happening, what's going on? No, but at 346 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,159 Speaker 2: this point in the game, it's mostly food or discomfort. 347 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:55,040 Speaker 3: But yeah, it's. 348 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 2: Real, girl. I'm glad that you pointed that out because 349 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 2: I've definitely been at that point too, where you hear 350 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 2: someone's kid in the background and you're like, you know, 351 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,640 Speaker 2: you're on the phone, you're trying to you know, you're 352 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,280 Speaker 2: trying to act. I don't know, like you understand, but 353 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:08,720 Speaker 2: it's like, get them badass kids out of here. You're 354 00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:12,120 Speaker 2: just kind of impatient or sometimes you know, people even 355 00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:13,920 Speaker 2: judge the parents a bit, but kids they have the 356 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,640 Speaker 2: might as their own. Like I remember hearing people say 357 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 2: before they had kids, oh, my kids not gonna do 358 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 2: X y Z, And I know from having siblings and 359 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 2: raising them, I'm like, oh, no, kids, they'll come up 360 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 2: in this They'll come up in this piece and they 361 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 2: will run the show. Okay, you're not about to tell 362 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:32,679 Speaker 2: them what so I'm I'm humble. Yeah, I'm just like, okay, child, 363 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,880 Speaker 2: can you please do this? Like I get that they 364 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,760 Speaker 2: literally are their own people. So, yeah, good point. I'm 365 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 2: glad you brought that up. Was there another question or 366 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,959 Speaker 2: something that you were going to dive into dom ye started. 367 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:42,960 Speaker 3: Yeah. 368 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 1: So I'm curious also around how your time for friends 369 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:54,520 Speaker 1: has changed, right because I think about, like, okay, so now, 370 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: like what your schedule was like pre baby, and what 371 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: you're our schedule is like now. And I know, you know, 372 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:06,800 Speaker 1: we're still early in the game and it will continue 373 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: to change over time, but for right now, because you 374 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 1: are a new mom, what are some of the changes 375 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: that you've noticed in terms of your time to connect 376 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:20,400 Speaker 1: with friends. 377 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,439 Speaker 2: Well, at this point, I am breastfeeding on demand, and 378 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 2: so I'm up at really odd hours a night, so 379 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 2: sometimes I'll get back to people super late, or sometimes 380 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:33,639 Speaker 2: just like won't respond to messages because it's just so busy. 381 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 2: I think there is no real schedule time, like a 382 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 2: lot of things that I might try to schedule. I'm 383 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 2: just like, hey, can you work with me? Can we 384 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,159 Speaker 2: just do it whenever? I just text you and let 385 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,880 Speaker 2: you know, like, hey, I'm free right now, and can 386 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,760 Speaker 2: that work? And a lot of the people that I 387 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,919 Speaker 2: am friends with, they already have kids, so they get it. 388 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 2: So I can only imagine being a new mom and 389 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 2: then people not being supportive because they don't get it. 390 00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 2: That has to be tough. But I am one of 391 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 2: the later folks as far as people having kids in 392 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:02,000 Speaker 2: my group, so you know, people typically understand and they're 393 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 2: empathetic and like, oh, okay, it's fine, girl. I'm like 394 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,119 Speaker 2: days late on a text message. I did have someone 395 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:10,400 Speaker 2: that had a birthday recently and they text me like, hey, 396 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,199 Speaker 2: you forgot my birthday. I hope everything's fine. I'm like, 397 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 2: I literally just es gave birth to a human being, 398 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,200 Speaker 2: Like I hear you, but it was on my calendar 399 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,719 Speaker 2: and I, you know what, charged it to my head, 400 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,680 Speaker 2: not my heart. But but I ain't think about your birthday. 401 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 2: I'm trying to keep this human being, you know. So 402 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:28,919 Speaker 2: it's a friend that has kids too, so I was 403 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,200 Speaker 2: kind of looking at them a little like sideways, like 404 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,199 Speaker 2: I'm gonna need you to understand, like happy birthday. But yeah, 405 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:38,720 Speaker 2: you know so I think for me, it's definitely time 406 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,439 Speaker 2: is limited because it really is about putting the baby 407 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:46,440 Speaker 2: first in everything that I do, and so my priorities 408 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 2: are very different. It's like self care because I got 409 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,159 Speaker 2: to fill my cup up, you know, in order to 410 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 2: be my best for my child, so self care and 411 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 2: then the baby. 412 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, girl, that's about it. 413 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: Well, I think that that leads us right into our tips. 414 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,880 Speaker 1: And our first tip is about flexibility, right, and it's 415 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: flexibility on both sides, right, So flexibility for the new mom, 416 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 1: flexibility for the friends. So recognizing that sometimes when I 417 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: think about it, we're going back to our recording, right, 418 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:31,159 Speaker 1: that we are being flexible around baby that you know. 419 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: I yeah, we said early on before baby arrived that 420 00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: when we started recording again that I would block out 421 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:45,879 Speaker 1: a day so that we could be flexible and navigate 422 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 1: around baby's schedule, right. And what that also looks like 423 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: is that sometimes for friends that mom may need to 424 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 1: bring the baby or baby's on an outing, but sometimes 425 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,119 Speaker 1: the friend or mom may need adult only time, so 426 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,720 Speaker 1: kid free time. I think the key there in that 427 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,120 Speaker 1: flexibility is really just about checking in with one another 428 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 1: around what each person needs. So flexibility is key. 429 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,879 Speaker 2: I just wanted to ask or kind of pose this question. 430 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,760 Speaker 2: You know, what if you have a friend that does 431 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:32,600 Speaker 2: not understand they don't have kids, and like, girl, I'm 432 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:33,920 Speaker 2: living my best life. I'm about to go out on 433 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,280 Speaker 2: party and you bring the kids to an event or 434 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,679 Speaker 2: something at some point, and they're just like annoyed and 435 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 2: visibly upset. I think if it's a friend that you 436 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 2: really value, I think sending them content or information about 437 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 2: what it's like for a new parent could be helpful, 438 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,520 Speaker 2: just like a quick YouTube video or a quick article. 439 00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,520 Speaker 2: And like, girl, I know my life has changed a 440 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 2: lot and you may not understand. Let me see these 441 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,880 Speaker 2: quick video so you can get a glimpse into my reality. 442 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 2: Because once someone understands or experiences it, it's a very 443 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 2: different world, you know, for many folks. 444 00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 1: So but I think it goes to like what you're saying, 445 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: goes into that checking in right. So if the kid 446 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:14,520 Speaker 1: free friend is attending an event and ask new mom 447 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 1: to come along, so that would be an opportunity for 448 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,560 Speaker 1: either the friend to say the new mom, hey, I'm 449 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:26,440 Speaker 1: inviting you to this event, but it's an adult only affair. 450 00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 1: Or I would like for you, you know, I'm inviting 451 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 1: you to this event, and I would like for you 452 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: to show up without the kids if possible, you know, 453 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:43,959 Speaker 1: or on mom's end, mom saying hey, I'm sorry I 454 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: can't make it to this event. I know this thing 455 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:50,200 Speaker 1: is important to you, but unfortunately I can't make it. 456 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 1: If I can't bring the kids, I can't make it. 457 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: And both parties willing to understand, like you said, understand 458 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 1: the other person's perspective, like the friend understanding that the 459 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 1: children are going to come first, and then the mom 460 00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:11,399 Speaker 1: understanding that the friend doesn't have kids and has a 461 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,440 Speaker 1: different life. Right. 462 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I love the second tip, 463 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 2: which is make mom friends. OMG, having a community and people. 464 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,800 Speaker 2: I was literally just messaging some mom friends today like 465 00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 2: is it normal for the baby to cry all the time? 466 00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:26,720 Speaker 2: I want to eat all the time and do this 467 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 2: and do that, and I sleep at odd hours of 468 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,360 Speaker 2: the night. So I think having a community and mom 469 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,160 Speaker 2: friends people that understand you and can relate to where 470 00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 2: you are on your journey, especially moms that have newborns. 471 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 2: That has been really helpful. And also like a Black 472 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,679 Speaker 2: breastfeeding group and things like that, because it's really helpful 473 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 2: to have folks that are not only moms, but they 474 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 2: are where you are on your journey and they can 475 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:50,640 Speaker 2: relate to what you're experiencing now. And then moms that 476 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,840 Speaker 2: have older kids that can talk about what they did 477 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,600 Speaker 2: when they were where you are so Yes, making mom 478 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,480 Speaker 2: friends is so helpful so that we can learn from 479 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,760 Speaker 2: one another and share in the. 480 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 3: Experiences because it does take a village. 481 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 1: Yes, it does take a village. And I think for 482 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 1: the child free friend to recognize that mom needs that 483 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:17,040 Speaker 1: right that just like the child free friend may need 484 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,600 Speaker 1: some other friends who don't have kids so they can 485 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: do like adult only things. Yeap, mom needs friends who 486 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,640 Speaker 1: can relate to her specific experience. 487 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 2: I do want to add on really quick Tom use 488 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 2: social spaces as well, like virtual spaces. I mean, use 489 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,919 Speaker 2: those virtual spaces because they're you know, I don't have 490 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 2: a huge community in real life, but let me tell 491 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,600 Speaker 2: you a quick Facebook group. You can really cultivate a 492 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,840 Speaker 2: community there or even different apps that I found where 493 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 2: like you submit questions anonymously. That has been so supportive 494 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:57,640 Speaker 2: not having a huge community on the ground per se. 495 00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 2: So yes, if you're in a space and you're like, well, girl, 496 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:01,480 Speaker 2: I don't have a lot of friends or I don't 497 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 2: have my friend, girl, go online and find you a 498 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 2: community and you know, join the ones that vibe with 499 00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 2: who you are and your spirit. 500 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: That is the beauty of technology. I love it because 501 00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: that was not the case ten to fifteen years ago. 502 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 1: So that is beautiful that that exists. So then our 503 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 1: final tip is know your limits. So for new moms 504 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:36,120 Speaker 1: and moms in general, you are not able to do 505 00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: all of the things that. 506 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,240 Speaker 2: You used to do. 507 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:45,720 Speaker 1: Right. You aren't able to take those vacations to the 508 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: adults only resort multiple times a year, Right, you aren't 509 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 1: able to go to brunch every Saturday. There are things 510 00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 1: that now that you have a child, you're not able 511 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: to do or do to the same extent. And so 512 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:11,520 Speaker 1: give yourself time to want to grieve that if that is, 513 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,120 Speaker 1: if that's what's coming up for you, so acknowledge whatever 514 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 1: feelings are coming up for you around that. I mean, 515 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,040 Speaker 1: for some moms, it may be relief, right, it may 516 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 1: be like I wasn't really about that life anyway, but 517 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 1: I was doing it because I was single. And so 518 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 1: now that I've got a baby, that brings me so 519 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 1: much relief that I don't have to do that anymore. Right. 520 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,480 Speaker 1: But for others, that may be I'm having a shift 521 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 1: in my identity and it's hard for me to do this, 522 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:44,160 Speaker 1: And so just acknowledging what those feelings are coming up 523 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: and giving yourself space to accept and be with those feelings, right, 524 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: and then from there being realistic with yourself and others 525 00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:00,720 Speaker 1: about your capacity. So you know, I think about you know, Tarry, 526 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,520 Speaker 1: the thing that you you know that you were talking 527 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:07,239 Speaker 1: about earlier about you don't know. You all don't have 528 00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: a schedule because baby dictates the schedule, right, and so 529 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 1: that means that your capacity is going to be limited, 530 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: and that's okay. But it's about letting folks know that, hey, 531 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:24,480 Speaker 1: I don't have that same capacity. I'm not responding to 532 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 1: emails the way I used to. I'm not able to 533 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:33,720 Speaker 1: attend every meeting, every conference, every birthday celebration like I'm not. 534 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 1: I don't have that capacity, but expressing that you don't 535 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 1: have that capacity, right, And then if you're the friend, 536 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 1: you can offer to help know your capacity and identify 537 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:51,520 Speaker 1: ways within your capacity that you may be able to 538 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:53,440 Speaker 1: help your new mom friend out. 539 00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 2: I love it you hit the nail the head. The 540 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 2: baby is getting a little fussy, So I think what 541 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 2: should hop into the after show where we're where we 542 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 2: don't have to edit out too much of her talking. 543 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,800 Speaker 2: So let's go ahead and hop on over to Patreon lady. 544 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 2: If you visit her space podcast dot com and click 545 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 2: on Patreon Wisdom Wednesday with Terry. You can tune into 546 00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 2: the after show with us so we can dive a 547 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 2: bit deeper into this conversation. 548 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:23,640 Speaker 1: And just so greencap. Our three tips are flexibility, make 549 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:29,680 Speaker 1: mom friends, and know your limits. Hey lady, it's doctor 550 00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:33,240 Speaker 1: Dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. Do you 551 00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 1: have a burning question you're dying to get feedback on? 552 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,400 Speaker 1: Do you want an unbiased perspective on a situation you're facing? 553 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:46,560 Speaker 1: If so, visit cultivatinghirspace dot com and click ask doctor 554 00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:51,080 Speaker 1: Dom under the start here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose 555 00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 1: a few questions and answer them at random. 556 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,360 Speaker 3: Thank you, thanks for. 557 00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:00,600 Speaker 1: Joining us today. Please note that our show may contain 558 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:06,880 Speaker 1: conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and mental health, 559 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: but is by no means meant to be a substitute 560 00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained mental health provider. 561 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:18,200 Speaker 1: If you are someone you know is in need of 562 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,800 Speaker 1: mental health care, please visit a Therapy for Black Girls 563 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 1: directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 564 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 565 00:32:29,600 --> 00:32:34,239 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website cultivatingherspace dot com, and 566 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 567 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,719 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and 568 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 2: before we meet again Repete after me. I am doing 569 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,600 Speaker 2: the best I can with the understanding knowledge and awareness 570 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 2: I have at this moment