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Speaker 1: Hey, Alyssa Saale and this is Joe.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Okay story Time podcast game show.

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Speaker 1: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on

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Speaker 1: ours and.

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Speaker 2: Luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the best

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Speaker 2: stories your ears could listen to.

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Speaker 1: All you have to do is wait for two minutes.

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Speaker 1: Through these messages from our.

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Speaker 2: Sponsors my wife throughout my late wife's videotapes. It made

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Speaker 2: me furious.

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Speaker 1: Oh my video tapes Loki though horrendous thing to do.

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Speaker 2: I am writing this because I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 2: I have a daughter with my late wife and her

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Speaker 2: name is Eleanor. Her birthday is coming up in two

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Speaker 2: weeks and she's turning eighteen. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 2: from much Bed twenty three eighty three and if you

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Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to our slash

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Speaker 2: Okay Storytime subured it.

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Speaker 1: Background.

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Speaker 2: Me and my late wife, Louie had been dating since college.

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Speaker 2: We got older and ended up getting married, and after

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Speaker 2: our wedding, she shared the news with me that she

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Speaker 2: was pregnant. I was excited that we were expecting our

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Speaker 2: first child. Since it was our first child, we bought

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Speaker 2: a video camera and made little tapes and snippets of

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Speaker 2: her whole pregnancy, allSome things such as just joking around

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Speaker 2: or having lunch, or talking to our unborn child through

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Speaker 2: the camera. We made a promise to only show Eleanor

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Speaker 2: the tapes on her eighteenth birthday. Fast forward, two years

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Speaker 2: after her birth, Chloe passed away due to a wasted

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Speaker 2: driver crashing into her car. I was devastated by her

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Speaker 2: passing and went into a deep depression having to raise

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Speaker 2: our two year old daughter by myself. My friends tried

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Speaker 2: to get me to go out again and start dating,

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Speaker 2: but every time I did, I felt like I was

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Speaker 2: betraying her. Years later, when Eleanor was thirteen, I met Wendy.

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Speaker 2: We met at a gathering for my sister's birthday and

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Speaker 2: we instantly hit it off. She didn't mind that I

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Speaker 2: had a daughter because she had two kids herself and

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Speaker 2: had just gone through divorce two years after we got married.

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Speaker 2: Now back to the present, Eleanor's eighteenth birthday is coming up,

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Speaker 2: and I kept all the tapes to show her.

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Speaker 1: Mine.

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Speaker 2: You her mother passed away when she was just two,

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Speaker 2: so Eleanor doesn't remember her touch or her voice. I

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Speaker 2: was excited to show her the tapes, and a week ago,

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Speaker 2: I was talking to Wendy about it and I noticed

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Speaker 2: her expression go from happy to looking a bit uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Wendy would always get uncomfortable when I talked about my

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Speaker 2: late wife. I don't say things like why can't you

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Speaker 2: be La Kloe or Kloy was only supposed to be

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Speaker 2: my first love, but I talk about her in a

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Speaker 2: way to give my daughter a mental picture of how

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Speaker 2: her mother was like. Wendy has always talked to me

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Speaker 2: about Kloe and how it made her sad that she

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Speaker 2: can never be like her. Chloe was a model then

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Speaker 2: started working on her own fashion career, and don't get

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Speaker 2: me wrong, she was a really beautiful woman. Well, Wendy

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Speaker 2: had two kids in college and was not in the

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Speaker 2: best shape due to her words. I love both women

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Speaker 2: how they are, and I've never had a preference, but

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Speaker 2: I feel like Wendy is gaining some jealousy towards Chloe.

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Speaker 2: I told Wendy that I love her just the way

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Speaker 2: she is, and she broke down Rye. The next day

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Speaker 2: after the incident, she came up to me and apologized

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Speaker 2: for the way that she acted last night. I told

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Speaker 2: her it was okay and It's good that she felt

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Speaker 2: comfortable to share her feelings, and I gave her a

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Speaker 2: tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. She asked

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Speaker 2: to see where the tapes were, and I showed her

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Speaker 2: the box of videotapes of my late wife in my closet.

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Speaker 2: Things were going fine until yesterday morning. No, you've let

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Speaker 2: her right to the tapes.

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Speaker 1: You let her rd into the treasure trow.

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Speaker 2: I was looking for the tapes because I wanted to

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Speaker 2: put them in a prettier box for my daughter. And

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Speaker 2: when I went to find them, the box wasn't in

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Speaker 2: my closet.

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Speaker 1: What's it? Where's the box? Where's the box, where's the box?

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Speaker 2: I looked everywhere to the point I walked downstairs to

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Speaker 2: see my wife laying on the couch watching TV. I

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Speaker 2: asked her about the box and she told me she

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Speaker 2: threw it away with a neutral expression. My heart dropped

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Speaker 2: and I asked her what she meant, and she told

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Speaker 2: me that I talk about her too much and that

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Speaker 2: I need to move on with my life, so she

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Speaker 2: threw them away as a head start. I was fuming

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Speaker 2: with anger because not only did she throw away what

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Speaker 2: I had left of her, she threw away my daughter's

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Speaker 2: big surprise. We quickly got into an argument and she

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Speaker 2: noticed how angry I was, so she started apologizing. It

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Speaker 2: got to the point I started crying and locked myself

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Speaker 2: in our bedroom. It's the morning, and I'm writing this

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Speaker 2: in my office, going through my computer finding old files

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Speaker 2: or any type of video of my late wife to

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Speaker 2: give to my daughter, because sometimes my daughter still cries

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Speaker 2: that she never got to meet her mother, and I

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Speaker 2: really thought it would bring her closer to her. I've

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Speaker 2: been ignoring my wife for the past day, and she's

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Speaker 2: been texting me NonStop of how sorry she is, but

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Speaker 2: I really just can't look at her right now. It's

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Speaker 2: getting to the point our mutual friends are texting me

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Speaker 2: to accept your apology and get over it, since Chloe

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Speaker 2: passed away over ten years ago, but I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: ignore them all because they've never had someone so close

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Speaker 2: to them pass away. I am working on finding these

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Speaker 2: files and I'm starting to think I was overreacting. I

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Speaker 2: don't know what to do and I really need help.

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Speaker 2: And there is an update. There were backups. You're finding

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Speaker 2: the backup. It seems like there are backups, okay, but

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Speaker 2: like regardless of whether It's like if someone tries to

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Speaker 2: punch you and you dodge, like they still try to

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Speaker 2: punch you.

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Speaker 1: You know, it'd be like a like imagine in the

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Speaker 1: home renovation context, you have a contract, yeah, contractors doing

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Speaker 1: a good job. Then they put like a giant hole

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Speaker 1: in your floor that goes into your basement and they

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Speaker 1: go ooh, oh my bad. No, don't worry though, We'll

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Speaker 1: fix that and then we'll finish the rest of your

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Speaker 1: house too. Be like, no, you're not going to finish

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Speaker 1: the rest of the house. Put a hole in my floor,

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Speaker 1: You're out. Someone else is going to come in.

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Speaker 2: But there's an update. I didn't expect this to blow up.

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Speaker 2: I came on here to look for general advice, and

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Speaker 2: now I have thousands of people blowing up my DMS.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about asking Wendy about the tapes and

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Speaker 2: where she threw them out, but I saw a comment

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Speaker 2: that told me not to ask her because I might

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Speaker 2: give her time to hide it or lie instead. When

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Speaker 2: I went back home, I checked the outside trash cans

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Speaker 2: and the kitchen ones, and I still couldn't find them.

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Speaker 2: Trash Day isn't until Thursday, so I was confused. I

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Speaker 2: finally went up to talk to her, and at first

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Speaker 2: she wasn't going to tell me. I threatened her with divorce,

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Speaker 2: like what have you guys said, and she gave in.

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Speaker 2: It turns out she kept the videotapes in her car

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Speaker 2: until trash day arrived because she knew I would look

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Speaker 2: through the trash. So they have the tapes. So now

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Speaker 2: I have the tapes. Thank god. Yeah, so op, he

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Speaker 2: has the tapes back. Another question asked was did Eleanor

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Speaker 2: know about the tapes.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to ruin the surprise unless I knew

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Speaker 2: that I had a backup. She doesn't know about them now,

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Speaker 2: and I'm not planning on telling her until her birthday. Yet,

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Speaker 2: don't tell her they exist until they're in her hands.

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Speaker 2: The only problem is that I'm afraid Wendy might tell her.

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Speaker 2: One more question p asking is if I'm considering divorce.

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Speaker 2: Wendy has never done anything like this before, and I

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Speaker 2: don't want to ruin a six year relationship. But at

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Speaker 2: the same time, I really do think she needs some

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Speaker 2: type of help. I'm considering asking her to go to therapy,

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Speaker 2: and I'm really reconsidering our relationship. Wendy is really good

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Speaker 2: with my daughter, and my daughter loves her and her

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Speaker 2: children like family. I think Wendy is just trying to

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Speaker 2: take Chloe's place in being Eleanor's mother. I'm really starting

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Speaker 2: to think she's issues. A lot of people also said

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Speaker 2: if I don't divorce her, I will betray my daughter.

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Speaker 2: My daughter is my number one, and I think I

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Speaker 2: should find someone better who can respect not only me,

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Speaker 2: but my daughter and her mother. And there is a

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Speaker 2: second update. It's been a month now. Things have definitely

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Speaker 2: changed for anyone wondering. Eleanor's birthday went great, especially without

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Speaker 2: Wendy there to ruin it. Basically, what happened was Wendy

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Speaker 2: found my post and went crazy about it. She started

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Speaker 2: accusing me of trying to ruin her life over something

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Speaker 2: so little, and the only way she found out was

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Speaker 2: because her older sister saw the story on TikTok. We

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Speaker 2: got into an argument and she tried gaslighting me eat

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Speaker 2: into being the crazy one. She threatened to leave and

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Speaker 2: take all I owned and whatever else she said. She

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Speaker 2: then proceeded to go into our room and started tearing

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Speaker 2: things down trying to look for the tapes.

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Speaker 1: Again.

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Speaker 2: I pulled our wrist trying to get her to calm down,

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Speaker 2: but she took it as an opportunity to start breaking down, crying,

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Speaker 2: saying that I ate Or. I backed off and just

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Speaker 2: watched as she tried to throw things at me. I

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Speaker 2: finally reached my breaking point because it was the day

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Speaker 2: of my daughter's birthday and I had a little time

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Speaker 2: left to get to the dinner that night we had reservations.

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Speaker 2: I was already dressed and had to pick Eleanor up

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Speaker 2: from a friend's house, so I grabbed my keys and

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Speaker 2: left Wendy there. I didn't have time for her to

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Speaker 2: act like a child. And by the way, the tapes

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Speaker 2: were at my mother's house, smart as we were all

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Speaker 2: going there after dinner. The night went great after that,

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Speaker 2: and me and Eleanor came home to a messy house

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Speaker 2: with furniture and pictures torn up. It looked like a

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Speaker 2: bunch of three year olds went wild in there. Wendy

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Speaker 2: and her children weren't anywhere to be found, and neither

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Speaker 2: was her car. There is a little bit left to

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Speaker 2: the story. Do you any final thoughts.

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Speaker 1: I've never seen a clearer reason to do or someone

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Speaker 1: in my.

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Speaker 2: Life, and I think a piece at that point, because

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Speaker 2: I think before he was like, well, this is the

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Speaker 2: first time she's done this, and then he was.

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Speaker 1: Like, oh, bos Yeah. But it's like, just because somebody

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Speaker 1: has problems does not mean that you have to be

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Speaker 1: like there throughout the entire process of them addressing them

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Speaker 1: and dealing with them and changing through them. Like, sometimes

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Speaker 1: a problem cannot be overcome in and I just feel

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Speaker 1: like this is one of those things. Especially the way

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Speaker 1: that she reacted afterwards, by I don't know, tearing up

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Speaker 1: the entire house. It makes it pretty clear. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't have to stick around through that.

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Speaker 2: No, not at all. That was a very intense and

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Speaker 2: very worrying reaction. And hopefully, you know, I say like

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Speaker 2: in terms of you want to you probably want to

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Speaker 2: take some like safety precautions, given that's how she left.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe get some. I feel like everybody should have cameras.

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Speaker 1: I think cameras everybody outside their house. Yeah, everyone on Earth.

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Speaker 1: They did it, they figured out the invention. Everyone needs

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Speaker 1: the cameras that tell you when people are creeping up

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Speaker 1: on you in your house, creeping up on you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: clearly she needs help, and.

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Speaker 2: I think OPI knows that now. I think that's very clear.

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Speaker 2: But uh, there's a little bit left. I already assumed

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Speaker 2: it was Wendy who did all of this. Plus I

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Speaker 2: had proof because I keep security cameras in my house.

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Speaker 1: That's right, keep in your house, keep outside your house.

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Speaker 2: I told Eleanor about everything that went down before her birthday,

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Speaker 2: and she was shocked at least to know the woman

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Speaker 2: she thought was an angel was actually a beat. Long

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Speaker 2: story short, we call the cops. Wendy got arrested, but

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Speaker 2: was released after three days. Now I'm almost done with

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Speaker 2: the divorce process. Also, Wendy, if you're reading this, have

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Speaker 2: fun living at your mother's house and having a criminal record.

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Speaker 2: I hope it was worth it.

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Speaker 1: What's the over under on that being assaulting an officer?

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Speaker 1: I bet you that's what it was.

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Speaker 2: Cop Yet I was gonna say, I was like, how

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Speaker 2: would she have been arrested for trashing the house when.

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Speaker 1: She's like her house hop showed up and then the

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Speaker 1: cops were like, what's going on here? She went on,

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Speaker 1: what's going on? You me? We're throwing down in the

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Speaker 1: ring right now, you versus me, Baba ba my husband

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Speaker 1: overspent on his hobby while we're financially struggling.

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Speaker 2: Sue a girl for having a hobby.

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Speaker 1: I just found out that my husband spent ten thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars on Pokemon slabs that he said were for Christmas

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Speaker 1: and my birthday. I'm physically shaking. I had no idea

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Speaker 1: he was spending that much. I assumed maybe five hundred

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Speaker 1: to one thousand at most when I checked our bank

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Speaker 1: account and credit reports. I was shocked by the way.

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Speaker 1: This comes from user veiled verdicts and if you want

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Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 1: Okay story time. Stubb bred It eleven years together. I

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Speaker 1: called him and he admitting to spending ten thousand dollars.

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Speaker 1: The worst part is that these were not even cards

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Speaker 1: I wanted or collections I am into. It was a

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Speaker 1: nice thought, but I was not thrilled by them. To

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Speaker 1: top it all off, he completely forgot my birthday On

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Speaker 1: the actual day. He did not say anything until half

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Speaker 1: way through the day, so he did not get me

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Speaker 1: a card, flowers, coffee, or anything at all. Even when

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Speaker 1: I suggested we celebrate over the weekend, he made no effort. Financially,

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Speaker 1: we are struggling. Our mortgage is ten thousand dollars this

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Speaker 1: month because of property taxes and home insurance. Our house

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00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 1: is on the market, but it is not selling because

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Speaker 1: of the high price tag. It's already marked at the

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Speaker 1: lowest wee can go without profit. We had just paid

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Speaker 1: off all his credit cards in December, bringing them down

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Speaker 1: to nine percent utilization, so we could focus on paying

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Speaker 1: off mine. My credit card debt is from necessary home repairs,

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Speaker 1: like replacing electrical panels to prevent a fire, and I

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Speaker 1: had been putting groceries on there to protect our cash

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Speaker 1: for mortgage payments, not random purchases. At this point, I

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Speaker 1: blocked his number and told him I want a divorce.

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Speaker 1: He has always had a problem with saving money, and

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Speaker 1: I feel completely disrespected in steamrolled, especially given our financial situation.

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Speaker 1: Am I overreacting? I just need advice or a gut

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Speaker 1: check because I feel like I've reached my breaking point.

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Speaker 1: And there's a couple comments relevant comments here. Number one,

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Speaker 1: of course, are not overreacting. He's deceived you by draining

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Speaker 1: your finances at the worst possible time. Then he lied

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Speaker 1: and claimed what he bought for himself was actually for

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Speaker 1: your birthday. Meet with a divorce attorney. Sell the slabs.

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Speaker 1: They are supposed to be a gift to you, so

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Speaker 1: you can do whatever you want them, yes, make sure

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Speaker 1: you get him to text you in writing that it

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Speaker 1: is a birthday gift. Dave that for the attorney in future.

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Speaker 1: Have your taxes and insurance as scrowed. Property taxes and

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00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:30,480
Speaker 1: insurance are outrageously expensive, at least here in California. Having

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Speaker 1: them withdrawn spread out over twelve months, it's far easier

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00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,719
Speaker 1: than doing the lump sum when payment is due. One

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Speaker 1: of the most important values that a couple should share

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00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,440
Speaker 1: is finances. Having one spouse spend freely beyond their means

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Speaker 1: while the other tries to pay down debt and save dooms.

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Speaker 1: Most marriages unblock his number because he might text you

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Speaker 1: something your attorney can use in the divorce. You two

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Speaker 1: are not suitable for each other for a life together. Ohp,

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Speaker 1: he says. Our mortgage situation is just ft too much

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Speaker 1: to go into detail. But yes, we are aware in

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00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,839
Speaker 1: trying to make that change. Even said we would rent

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00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,800
Speaker 1: for two years at a very low rate in our

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Speaker 1: area to make things different for the next house. But

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Speaker 1: they're one hundred percent won't be a next house. Comment

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Speaker 1: to I only have one question, why did you pay

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Speaker 1: for his credit cards first before focusing on your own

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Speaker 1: he's clearly financially irresponsible, and if I was struggling, I

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Speaker 1: would sell all those Pokemon things first and don't give

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Speaker 1: him all the money. Op He says his credit was

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Speaker 1: better and easier to bounce his back faster. I trust

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00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:29,280
Speaker 1: him like an effing idiot. I had a higher balance

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Speaker 1: from home repairs and medical expenses. Comment three, Sell the cards,

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Speaker 1: stop waffling. Sell all the cards. Collectibles are for those

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Speaker 1: who can afford it, and you two are not ready.

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Speaker 1: Comment here four says eep, they're your gift, you can

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Speaker 1: sell them. Opie says, I don't disagree. We have collected

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Speaker 1: the twenty twenty three scarlet and violet as it was

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Speaker 1: our childhood memories. I was definitely okay when we did that,

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Speaker 1: and it was something we did together. This feels like

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00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,920
Speaker 1: a pure betrayal of trust. He talked about buying slabs

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00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,960
Speaker 1: together as they are expensive and we wanted to choose together.

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Speaker 1: We had that conversation multiple times when we talked about collecting,

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Speaker 1: adding further betrayal to the situation. Comment five. I would

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Speaker 1: not call this an overreaction. That was an incredibly selfish,

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00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:12,280
Speaker 1: incredibly idiotic thing for him to do. Here is the update.

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Speaker 1: I want to start by apologizing to the community for

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Speaker 1: deleting my original posts. Some people said it was vague.

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00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,560
Speaker 1: I didn't want to hear that because it is not fake,

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00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,600
Speaker 1: it's real. Please remember to be kind to those who

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00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,400
Speaker 1: put vulnerable experiences on the internet while seeking help during

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00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,400
Speaker 1: dark times. What is a Pokemon slab? So a slab

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00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,840
Speaker 1: is when you'd send the card to the company and

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Speaker 1: they then they put it in a nice in case,

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00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,040
Speaker 1: it in a little protective thing and it adds like

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00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,680
Speaker 1: the condition on it and all stuff. That's what adds

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Speaker 1: the absurd amount of value to a card. I am safe.

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00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,880
Speaker 1: I have contacted a lawyer. No matter what happens, I

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Speaker 1: will continue protecting myself and making better decisions going forward.

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00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,200
Speaker 1: I also took screenshots and went through his phone completely.

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Speaker 1: While we have no children together, we do have a

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Speaker 1: decade and a lot of love for one another.

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Speaker 2: Sweethearts, but they've got to be around thirty. No a decade.

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Speaker 2: Oh you think they got together and they have their

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00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,560
Speaker 2: sweety pies, but like minimum twenty six, twenty.

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Speaker 1: Five, twenty yeah, twenty two to twenty six. Yeah. He

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00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,120
Speaker 1: was surprisingly open to giving up control and acknowledged his addiction.

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00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,680
Speaker 1: He admitted he always knew it was something, but as

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00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 1: each new hobby came along, they became more and more expensive.

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Speaker 1: He was not angry when I confronted him, he did

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Speaker 1: break down in tears. We talked, and while I want

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Speaker 1: to keep identifying details private, I can say that he

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00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:34,120
Speaker 1: is getting help and I now have full financial control.

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Speaker 1: He attended a meeting for shoppers Anonymous, and we believe

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00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,400
Speaker 1: he has a compulsive spending disorder. Thanks to this community,

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00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:43,800
Speaker 1: I realized how serious collector addiction can be. I would

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00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,840
Speaker 1: not have gone to a lawyer or even known where

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00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,320
Speaker 1: to start if it wasn't for the advice I received here.

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00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,200
Speaker 1: That it is honest and they know what's up. That's

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Speaker 1: why I came here for help. Addiction is a long,

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Speaker 1: difficult journey, and I will hold myself accountable to ensure

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Speaker 1: I don't ignore red flax. Here's where we stand now.

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Speaker 1: He has agreed to all my terms. I have full

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Speaker 1: financial control. He will sell the cards, he's working to

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00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:05,240
Speaker 1: sell other items from past hobbies. We will have weekly

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00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,880
Speaker 1: financial meetings. He will go to individual therapy and meetings.

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Speaker 1: We will go back to marriage counseling after reviewing the finances.

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Speaker 1: It was actually seven thousand bent on cards, not ten thousand.

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00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 1: The other three thousand were smaller charges like work lunches

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00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: in the Starbucks. We're working on selling the cards. Other

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00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,440
Speaker 1: important changes. He has promised to be a better husband

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00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,320
Speaker 1: and stop acting like a child. He recognizes his behavior.

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00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 1: He has also acknowledged that his selfishness has affected other

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00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,280
Speaker 1: areas of our life, like in our support system, and

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00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,000
Speaker 1: he's working to change that. We both understand that this

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00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,440
Speaker 1: is a lifelong addiction that will require daily effort. We

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00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 1: have to make that choice individually of how we want

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Speaker 1: to proceed. I know it's easy to say just leave him,

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00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,680
Speaker 1: but marriage is not that simple sometimes when partner is

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Speaker 1: at ten percent while the other is at ninety. Right now,

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00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,160
Speaker 1: he is at ten. Two years ago, I was the

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00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:56,360
Speaker 1: one at ten percent, and he's stuck by me. He

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00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,160
Speaker 1: gave me the chance to change, and I did. Now

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00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 1: it's my turn to offer him the same opportunity. I

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00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,800
Speaker 1: will not give him a second chance beyond this, but

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00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,399
Speaker 1: I believe everyone deserves at least one. OHP. He is

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00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 1: explaining what the financial restraining order is all about.

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00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:10,560
Speaker 2: OHP.

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00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,160
Speaker 1: He says, a financial restraining order is a court directive

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00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,160
Speaker 1: that prevents parties in a divorced or similar legal process

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00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,159
Speaker 1: from taking certain actions with their money or assets, like

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00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,080
Speaker 1: liquidating assets or making unusual expenditures to ensure a fair

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00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,720
Speaker 1: division of property. The purpose is to prevent one party

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00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,159
Speaker 1: from depleting or hiding assets before a final property division

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00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,360
Speaker 1: is determined, thus ensuring a fair outcome for both parties.

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00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:38,120
Speaker 1: You can do this during a separation. Unfortunately, ultimatums never work.

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00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 1: Each party has to make a choice in the matter,

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00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:43,159
Speaker 1: and only he can choose the marriage and want to

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00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,719
Speaker 1: sell the cards. I can't force him to do anything.

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00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,200
Speaker 1: He has to want to change. Commenter one says, Hey,

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00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,160
Speaker 1: I'm glad he is ready to make changes and willing

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00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,840
Speaker 1: to put in the work. If he had just promised

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00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 1: to do better, I still would have advised you to divorce.

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00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 1: But if he sticks to all the steps you agreed on,

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Speaker 1: I hope it will all work out for you. OHP

400
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,040
Speaker 1: says I'm giving him a strict nights. I am going

401
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,760
Speaker 1: to a lawyer. Comment to have you considered getting marriage

402
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 1: counseling together. Yes, we've already agreed to go back with

403
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,200
Speaker 1: the slabs gifts. Yes they were they are all mine.

404
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:15,359
Speaker 1: I have the screenshot to prove this comment. Three. I

405
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 1: didn't see the original post, but I appreciate the update.

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00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,880
Speaker 1: As you said, marriage is a partnership where you see

407
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,920
Speaker 1: each other through ups and downs. Not everything is a

408
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:25,160
Speaker 1: leave him situation. It's good he acknowledged his problem. Honestly,

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00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,439
Speaker 1: the saddest part of your update is the three k

410
00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 1: spent on dumb things like Starbucks. At least with the

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00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,520
Speaker 1: slabs you can sell them and hopefully recoup a good

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00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 1: portion of your losses. It's a lesson to all of

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00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 1: us in how the little things really add up. Good luck. Ope, Ope,

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00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 1: he says, I know that three thousand actually hit him harder.

415
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:45,000
Speaker 1: Thanks for your kind words. I'm getting torn apart here.

416
00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 1: Can't make people understand my perspective though. I've left comments

417
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 1: for resources as well, and I hope those could help

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00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,679
Speaker 1: someone else. I'm at Four. There's a difference between gifting

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00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 1: something to your partner that's on their wish list, surprising

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00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,680
Speaker 1: them with an item, and buying leisure items for yourself

421
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,120
Speaker 1: without communicating it to your part partner. Plus, just as

422
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,760
Speaker 1: an example, my husband and I have financial goals, and

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00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 1: buying luxury or expensive leisure items undisclosed. Just isn't us

424
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 1: right now? Mostly out of respect, but also due to

425
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 1: our shared goals. But that's just us hope, he says.

426
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,080
Speaker 1: Let me put it this way. The real issue wasn't

427
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,560
Speaker 1: the spending itself, but that he didn't come to me

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00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,640
Speaker 1: about it first. You are one thousand and ten percent

429
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,400
Speaker 1: correct there. He saw it as a gift and didn't

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00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 1: think through the financial aspect. This morning when we talked,

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00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:28,200
Speaker 1: I told him that if he had asked for seven

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00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,280
Speaker 1: thousand dollars for a trip, I would have said yes

433
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,960
Speaker 1: he had asked for seven thousand dollars for Pokemon cards,

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00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 1: I would have said to take one thousand dollars and

435
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,640
Speaker 1: grab some surprises or new things he thought I would love.

436
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 1: I love Pokemon, I love playing, watching matches and being

437
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:43,040
Speaker 1: a part of the community. I just prefer full collections,

438
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 1: which aren't always feasible. If he had spent one thousand

439
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 1: dollars on a complete twenty twenty three one to fifty

440
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,400
Speaker 1: one Scared It in violet Japanese set ungraded with one

441
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 1: version of each card, I would have been over the moon.

442
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 3: Good luck with that.

443
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:54,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was about to say, of course you would

444
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 1: have been because you could have sold that for probably

445
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 1: more than ten times what you bought it for. Instead,

446
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 1: he got a mix of things, including first edition base

447
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: sets and a new collection. I didn't even know about

448
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: that I now love. I told him I would have

449
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 1: preferred one or two slabs from each collection, maybe a

450
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:11,520
Speaker 1: mix of my favorites, like a bubbles, artful, old picks,

451
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,760
Speaker 1: or storyline, to test the waters before diving into a

452
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 1: bunch of new collections. So headstrong. Now we have a

453
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 1: lot to offload. That said, his heart was in the

454
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 1: right place and he genuinely feels awful for his mistakes.

455
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 1: In a way, this is a wake up call for

456
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: us both to stop spoiling each other and to refocus

457
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 1: on our financial goals. You may never understand that's okay.

458
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 1: I've known this man eleven years to know his bs

459
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,199
Speaker 1: from his genuinely good side. He knows how messed up

460
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:36,639
Speaker 1: it was to do what he did, and he's one

461
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,879
Speaker 1: hundred percent here to make it right, and he's doing

462
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,119
Speaker 1: all the right things. It can take up to two

463
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 1: years for trust to be built back up, and he's

464
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,480
Speaker 1: ready to suck it up. As my therapist says, off it.

465
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:47,959
Speaker 1: He also has been kind and giving me the space

466
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: to share what's bubbling inside from all of this. He

467
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 1: told me to stop sorting the cards when I started

468
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: to cry and wait for him to come home so

469
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 1: he could help and be there for me in the

470
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: way I needed. I was upset because I did love

471
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,960
Speaker 1: the one collection and didn't want to sell it. He said,

472
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 1: he already was offloading something of his own for five

473
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,679
Speaker 1: hundred bucks from another hobby, and he will sell anything

474
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,120
Speaker 1: of his first to pay off the debt he created before.

475
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,360
Speaker 1: I have to sell any of the cards I want

476
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 1: to keep because they are my gifts and these are

477
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,119
Speaker 1: his consequences. Is the card pictured ten k No? Oh,

478
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 1: that is a stock photo. It was a few different collections,

479
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 1: not just one card. He bought a hundred different cards,

480
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 1: So whoa, he just went on a spree.

481
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 2: Oh.

482
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,560
Speaker 1: He was like, I need dopamine. I need seven thousand

483
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,160
Speaker 1: dollars worth of Pokemon centered dopamine in my brain right now.

484
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 2: Actually pretty crazy. My wife left me for an alpha male,

485
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,520
Speaker 2: now she wants me back.

486
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,160
Speaker 1: Oh, I guess he's way too busy flexing his big

487
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 1: muscles to pay attention to you home.

488
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,160
Speaker 2: Is it just to alpha for you can handle all

489
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 2: that he I had been with my ex for seven years,

490
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 2: married for five. It felt like love at first sight

491
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 2: and everything felt so natural when we met. After about

492
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,479
Speaker 2: two years of dating, we decided to tie the knots.

493
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway and if you

494
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to our slash

495
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 2: Okay story time Separate It. Not soon after, we welcomed

496
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,520
Speaker 2: our baby boy for male. He was a pandemic baby,

497
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: so my wife ended up quitting her job well. I

498
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 2: continued working as a lion cook and started doing uber

499
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,520
Speaker 2: eats on the side. After things went back to normal,

500
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 2: my wife told me she doesn't want to be one

501
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 2: of those women who loses their passion after settling down,

502
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,640
Speaker 2: so she went back to finish law school and take

503
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 2: her bar. Of course, I wholeheartedly supported her and we

504
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 2: tried to make it work. After she passed, she immediately

505
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: got hired at a firm downtown through the help of

506
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 2: her friend Dumbo thirty three female. This is where the

507
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 2: problems started from the get go. My wife began making

508
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: good money, good enough that she told me to quit

509
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 2: my job and take care of our son full time,

510
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 2: as she wouldn't have the time. I said no, I

511
00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:50,159
Speaker 2: love my job. Cooking was my passion and even worked

512
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 2: my way up to full fledged death. My biggest regret

513
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,600
Speaker 2: in our marriage had to have been her talking me

514
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: into leaving, but I did and became a stay at

515
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 2: home dad. Slowly, our married life began deteriorating as she

516
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 2: started to pull away. She'd work long hours and barely

517
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 2: spend any time with us. She'd go out drinking to

518
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 2: network with her work colleagues on the weekends, sometimes even

519
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 2: going out of town. At home, she'd always just be

520
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,920
Speaker 2: pissy with me. It's like her personality did a complete

521
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 2: one eighty. This wasn't the sweet, nurturing girl I fell

522
00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,560
Speaker 2: in love with all those years ago. Our intimacy became

523
00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 2: almost non existent after going through therapy. I can see

524
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 2: now that I am to blame as well. I should

525
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 2: have communicated better and shared how I felt. Luckily, the

526
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 2: highlight through this was my son. Seeing him grow and

527
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 2: being there for a lot of his first made everything

528
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 2: feel like it be okay. One day, she finally came

529
00:23:38,359 --> 00:23:41,159
Speaker 2: up to me and asked for a divorce. I wasn't surprised.

530
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 2: I felt everything was eventually going to lead up to this,

531
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: but I still didn't want to give up. I asked

532
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 2: if she's sure about this or if she wants to

533
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 2: make it work. I recommended couples counseling or temporary separation.

534
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 2: She declined both those offers and told me she found

535
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,880
Speaker 2: someone else. Hearing this shattered me. Her changing and us

536
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 2: growing apart. I can under but never once would I

537
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 2: have thought that she would be the type to even

538
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 2: entertain other men. She told me it's some partner at

539
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 2: her firm. Ah, when did my life become a Korean

540
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 2: rom com? She told me that he invited her out

541
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 2: a couple of times and showed her the life of

542
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 2: luxury she deserves. We argued for a bit, and she

543
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: told me that he's twice the man is me. She

544
00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 2: called me feminine for being a stay at home dad

545
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:25,439
Speaker 2: while his wife was working hard and bringing home the money.

546
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 2: And what about me working two jobs during the pandemic?

547
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 2: To her, those weren't real jobs. I was a delivery

548
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 2: driver and a cook. Wow. She told me this new

549
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 2: guy is an alpha male who knows a woman's needs

550
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,400
Speaker 2: and how to take care of her. She bragged about

551
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: how tall and muscular he is, how he's a real job,

552
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: and took her on weekend getaways that she told me

553
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 2: were work related. And here's the punter. He's such a man.

554
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,959
Speaker 2: He doesn't want to make things official until me and

555
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,399
Speaker 2: her are separated. I almost laughed at how delusional my

556
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: ex had become. I asked her what about her son,

557
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 2: and she said, I can have him.

558
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,880
Speaker 1: What dang, Yeah, you can have him.

559
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 2: I don't need him, he likes better anyways. I think

560
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 2: this hurt the most. I couldn't believe she said that

561
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 2: about her own son, throwing him away like he's some object.

562
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,119
Speaker 2: For the first time, I couldn't recognize the person in

563
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 2: front of me.

564
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 1: I won't lie.

565
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 2: I did let the anger get the best of me

566
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,479
Speaker 2: and said some hurtful things back. I could tell she

567
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 2: was taken aback by this, probably because I almost never

568
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 2: get that angry. You turned around and left. After she left,

569
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,920
Speaker 2: I cried my eyes out for two weeks, hoping she'd

570
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 2: call and come back. I don't know. I don't love

571
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,959
Speaker 2: her anymore, but life without her feels so scary. The

572
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,119
Speaker 2: only thing that kept me going was my son. I

573
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 2: knew I couldn't turn to the bottle or go down

574
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,000
Speaker 2: this dark path because of him. I managed to beg

575
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,880
Speaker 2: for my jawback and they rehired me for some weeknights only,

576
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 2: which is better than nothing. I spent the next months

577
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,439
Speaker 2: just putting my head down and working in silence. The

578
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,360
Speaker 2: divorce proceedings were moving quickly, and before I knew it,

579
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 2: it was official. The worst part about this was I

580
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 2: felt like I had no support system. On social media,

581
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 2: everyone was praising her for being this strong, independent woman

582
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 2: who broke free of some metaphoric shackles, like I was

583
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,320
Speaker 2: some villain holding her, and not a single person messaged

584
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 2: me on how I'm doing. And thank god they didn't,

585
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,160
Speaker 2: because this is what made me want to try therapy

586
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 2: and I haven't looked back since. For all those that

587
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:11,879
Speaker 2: are unsure about therapy, I'm telling you it works.

588
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: Now.

589
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: Fast forward to this week, I received a phone call

590
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,879
Speaker 2: from an unknown number and when I picked up, it

591
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 2: was my ex on the other line, bawling. She told

592
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:23,159
Speaker 2: me how our alpha male boyfriend found someone else and

593
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 2: she's too afraid to confront him because he's a partner

594
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 2: at her first she finally explained her perspective and how

595
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 2: everything led up to this point. Basically, my ex has

596
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 2: admittedly always been really pretty and a social butterfly. After

597
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 2: she had her son and the pandemic hit, she felt

598
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 2: ugly and insecure, even if I told her she was pretty.

599
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 2: So I guess when she got the job, she got

600
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 2: the validation she wanted. Of course, feeding into these delusions

601
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 2: was Dumbo, who recently had divorced her husband and poisoned

602
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 2: my ex's thoughts with how I'm a failure as a man.

603
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 1: It's just so absurd that she was like, I have

604
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:56,640
Speaker 1: the good job, you stay home.

605
00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 2: I just don't understand why, you know, you have this

606
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 2: other woman at your firm saying like, oh, you know

607
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 2: your husband's lesser than and you don't just say oh

608
00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 2: no no. I asked him to do that, you know,

609
00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 2: like he want he was working full time, and I said, hey,

610
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 2: can you like why wouldn't you?

611
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: But I think again, it's probably coming from like a

612
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 1: place of narcissism where absolutely you have to stay home

613
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,400
Speaker 1: because I'm the winner now. And it's like not coming

614
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 1: from like a yeah, oh my god, this'd be great.

615
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: You can raise our gee, you can have more time

616
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: with our child. It was just more of like a

617
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: year the loser, right, I'm the winner?

618
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,520
Speaker 2: How my ex is way prettier than me, and she

619
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: deserves someone of her standards. Apparently I'm a beta male

620
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 2: who rolls over and is stopping her from being free.

621
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 2: She said a lot more specific stuff too that I

622
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,200
Speaker 2: think I'll keep to myself here, but it was definitely

623
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,120
Speaker 2: an eye opening conversation. I shouldn't have pushed my ex

624
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 2: away to be vulnerable enough to listen to Dumbo, But still,

625
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,560
Speaker 2: after hearing all this, I was really just disappointed more

626
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 2: than anything, that she would be stupid enough to throw

627
00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 2: everything away on some whim and peer pressure. My ex

628
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,760
Speaker 2: asked me if we could try again. She told me

629
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 2: how much she misses me and how she took me

630
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 2: and all I did for her for granted, For example,

631
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,160
Speaker 2: I always made her lunches in the morning, made sure

632
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 2: she's up to date with her pills and so on.

633
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 2: She misses those little things. Do not forget that. She said,

634
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 2: you can have him about your son, your guys's.

635
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 1: Son, like he was just a collectible, like he was

636
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 1: just a Pokemon card, Come on card.

637
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 2: I admit to telling her that I missed her too,

638
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,600
Speaker 2: and I know her son does for sure, But she

639
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,359
Speaker 2: did make every decision herself, and what if things worked

640
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:25,879
Speaker 2: out with the other guy. I'm not some consolation prize

641
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 2: she can come running back to. She cried and told

642
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 2: me that she wanted me back a week after she left,

643
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 2: but was too prideful to call.

644
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: Don't care.

645
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: I firmly told her no and hung up. Since then,

646
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:38,240
Speaker 2: my phone's been blowing up from friends and family that

647
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,480
Speaker 2: I'm heartless that my wife was vulnerable and taking advanta job,

648
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 2: and instead of picking up the pieces and helping her,

649
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 2: I'm leaving her to a fan of ourseuse.

650
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,040
Speaker 1: It's impossible.

651
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 2: Literally, Like just last week, it seems like all of

652
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 2: you guys were saying, like, thank god that your wife

653
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: left you, Opie.

654
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: There's no way, just flip flopping. That almost makes me

655
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:59,320
Speaker 1: I now question the validity of this because that's so

656
00:28:59,720 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 1: card tuneishly ridiculous of those people to be like she

657
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,200
Speaker 1: was taking advantage of this, she was vulnerable, and you

658
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: don't even care your heart less.

659
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,240
Speaker 2: Not gonna lie. That message hurt the most. There's a

660
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: little bit left. Do you have any final thoughts?

661
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 1: Ooh, yeah, this is a moment where you don't get

662
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: back together with her. But also, how could we have

663
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: avoided all of this?

664
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 2: That's the real question.

665
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 1: I would say if we had clearly communicated exactly the

666
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: start we were feeling in the moment we were feeling it.

667
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 2: Yep, instead of waiting until the divorce happened because you

668
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 2: said you weren't surprised, Like, why didn't we have any

669
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 2: conversations about how much time she was spending away from

670
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: the family, about you know, saying, you know, I actually

671
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 2: don't want to be a stay at home dad full time.

672
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 2: You know.

673
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like since i've I've become stay at

674
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: home I feel like you have started to treat me differently. Yeah.

675
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 2: I respect her father a lot. So I heard him out.

676
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 2: He wants me to come over for a resolution slash

677
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 2: intervention this weekend and bring my son. They just want

678
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 2: a conversation, to hear both sides and see if it

679
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 2: really is resolvable. I'm attending, but I'm going to stay

680
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 2: firm with answer. But all the recent messages have been

681
00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 2: making me rethink my stance. I just want to make

682
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 2: sure I'm not in the wrong before I attend. So

683
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:07,959
Speaker 2: am I the ale?

684
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 1: No?

685
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,239
Speaker 2: No, no, Well, she doesn't care about your son like

686
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,719
Speaker 2: at all. She didn't bring him up once. She did

687
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 2: not bring him up once. Yeah, No, you should not

688
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 2: get back with this woman who literally only came back

689
00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: because she was rejected.

690
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: To be clear, oh icky, no good, very bad. I

691
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 1: don't like it. Like it's like, yeah, we want to

692
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 1: just like intervene with her and make sure she knows

693
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,960
Speaker 1: how bad she messed up. But it's like, dude, she

694
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: didn't even like, where's where did all of this come from?

695
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 2: Right?

696
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 1: That's the only thing I don't I don't know what

697
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: else needs to be said or what else could be

698
00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: said other than like, you'd be honest about where all

699
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: of this came from. And if she can't figure it out,

700
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 1: then it's like, all right, I can't be okay with this.

701
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 1: John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,

702
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from ass from our sponsors.

703
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 2: My fiance's hobbies are ruining our relationship, so I demanded

704
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: he toned them down. This is going to be very long,

705
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 2: more than likely. But before I begin, I have to

706
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 2: mention that I truly do love this man. I know

707
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 2: that I want to marry him without a doubt. I

708
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 2: am thankful for most advice, I really am, But if

709
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 2: your primary advice is for me to give up on him,

710
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 2: I will not be reading any of it, because I

711
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 2: do know that we will work through this somehow, even

712
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 2: if it's tough right now. By the way, this comes

713
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 2: from Megaganos, and if you want to submit your own stories,

714
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 2: go to our slash Okay story I'm suppared it. I

715
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 2: always thought that women who complain that their partners spend

716
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 2: too much time with video games with the likes we're

717
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 2: a bit controlling. I am pretty introverted and very inwards

718
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 2: person overall, so my personal space and alone time is

719
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 2: important for me to function as such. I never in

720
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 2: a billion years thought I could be in that situation myself,

721
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 2: But I guess heck has frozen over because he I am,

722
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 2: and I can finally say I'm sorry, babes, I get

723
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 2: it now. I thirty two female, and my fiance, thirty male,

724
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 2: have been living together for a bit over a year now.

725
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 2: I propose to him just a week before our second anniversary,

726
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 2: and about half a year later, he moved in with

727
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 2: me in my apartment. This is my first time living

728
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 2: with a romantic partner, so I knew that it would

729
00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 2: be difficult to adjust. I just never imagined, well, I.

730
00:32:14,160 --> 00:32:18,000
Speaker 1: Just never imagined that he'd be playing Diablo for for

731
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: seventeen hours a day.

732
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 2: After many years of essentially being perpetually burnt out, I

733
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 2: reached a point where I saw no other way but

734
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 2: to quit my job, albeit temporarily. I've had this job

735
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 2: for my entire adult life since my last year of school,

736
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:35,800
Speaker 2: even but after my fiance moved in and we quickly

737
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 2: realized that my horrid schedule made it impossible to even

738
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 2: enjoy a life together. I always worked late and he

739
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 2: always worked early. I finally cracked. I won't get too

740
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 2: dark and damp in the mood, but for some context,

741
00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:51,960
Speaker 2: I was compulsively thinking about self harm. And I had

742
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: been in that mindset in the past, but now I

743
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 2: couldn't stand struggling like this in what should be the

744
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 2: happiest days of my life. So one night I signed

745
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 2: my letter of resignation before I'd even had the chance

746
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 2: to tell him how I felt. Funnily on April first,

747
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,959
Speaker 2: but definitely not a joke that's coming up.

748
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:13,719
Speaker 1: You resigned without even the conversation first. Yeah, it seems

749
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: like the little backwards to me.

750
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,680
Speaker 2: I mean, would I would have hoped that you were

751
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 2: having those conversations about how you'd been feeling in this

752
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 2: job before. It seems like you know you'd had some

753
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 2: but yeah, especially if you're living together, shared finances and stuff.

754
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 2: I was always welcome back to work when I had

755
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 2: recovered enough, and while I do work a tiny bit

756
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 2: there now, it took me six months to reach that

757
00:33:35,200 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 2: point where I could handle coming back at all. I

758
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 2: really was worse off than I had even realized.

759
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: Now.

760
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 2: I understand that he could have felt upset with me

761
00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 2: for this, as it seemed a bit sudden from the

762
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 2: outside looking in, and we'd been hoping to save to

763
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 2: buy a house sometime soon. Yet he never said anything

764
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 2: bad about it. Really, As the summer started, I was

765
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 2: now truly unemployed for the first time in my life.

766
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 2: At our first things went well at home, whether I

767
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 2: slept all day or actually did some chores. He was

768
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,840
Speaker 2: always as sweet as ever with me when he got

769
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,240
Speaker 2: home from work. I personally felt awful, as a past

770
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 2: workaholic who now couldn't even bring myself to leave bed

771
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 2: until five pm on some days, whilst also bringing no

772
00:34:16,480 --> 00:34:20,520
Speaker 2: money in, but it was unnecessary evil. However, he began

773
00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: to gradually change his demeanor. Now I blame a lot

774
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,760
Speaker 2: of this on us simply getting more comfortable with living together.

775
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 2: We are both horrible procrastinators who easily fall into absolute

776
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 2: apathy about chores. This wasn't news to anyone, but at

777
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 2: first we tried so much harder to be better for

778
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: each other's sakes. Love makes you fight for others when

779
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 2: you couldn't fight for yourself, my friends, but after a

780
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 2: while it felt like I had to do whatever needed

781
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 2: to be done myself or else no one would. He

782
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 2: stopped texting to check if we needed groceries on his

783
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 2: way home from work, stopped helping with the dishes or

784
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,720
Speaker 2: taking the trash out, things he'd been amazing with before,

785
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 2: much better than I was. He still cooked most of

786
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 2: the time, because I tend to feel stressed about cooking

787
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 2: for him since he's the pickier eater of the two

788
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,240
Speaker 2: of us. But most other things I took the biggest

789
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,920
Speaker 2: load of, and I tried to tell myself that it

790
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,799
Speaker 2: was only fair given my situation, so I often disregarded

791
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 2: my own burnout. We were supposed to go on a

792
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 2: trip that summer, my birthday present to him, and all

793
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 2: I asked of him to help me with was to

794
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 2: give me dates for it so it didn't clash with anything.

795
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 2: Summer came and went. He never gave me any reply

796
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 2: other than I don't know. But at the same time,

797
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: he had all the time in the world for other

798
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 2: things like making his home brewed beer, going fishing, playing

799
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: on the computer, binge, watching old shows, and the fishing

800
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:46,399
Speaker 2: trips were a whole other can of worms unintended it's

801
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: the worm Queen. He would leave as soon as he

802
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 2: was out of bed, showered and dressed, meet up with

803
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,239
Speaker 2: some coworkers to go fishing, and then not be home

804
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 2: until around eight pm to ten pm. Some days he

805
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,800
Speaker 2: was literally gone for a full twelve hours. Only once

806
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:03,240
Speaker 2: did he bring fish home to cook. The other times

807
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 2: he let the other guys take what they caught. He'd

808
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,320
Speaker 2: also text on his way home to ask what I

809
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:09,759
Speaker 2: wanted for dinner, as if I hadn't already sorted my

810
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,359
Speaker 2: own food out by then. Yeah, I was like, what

811
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 2: time does he gett meant ate like ten pms.

812
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: Eight to ten. That's a late dinner.

813
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 2: This would often be happening multiple days each week during

814
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 2: his whole vacation, and even when he got back to

815
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 2: work it didn't ease up. In fact, one week he

816
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,320
Speaker 2: told me they may go again. After work on Friday.

817
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 2: He then text me on Friday to say that he

818
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,280
Speaker 2: got off early. I thought we'd then have some time

819
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 2: together before he left, But now, how foolish of me.

820
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 2: He spent that time hurrying home to shower and change

821
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 2: so he could quickly leave again. Then on Saturday, he

822
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 2: says to me that he was thinking of fishing again

823
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 2: and turned it around as I thought I should give

824
00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 2: you some alone time as if I had anything but

825
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 2: alone time lately. They had to cancel, So what do

826
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 2: they do? Go fishing Sunday instead? Awesome? When summer ended

827
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 2: without our trip booked, without ever being invited to go

828
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 2: fishing with them, without even going swimming, I breathed a

829
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 2: sigh of relief at least the fishing was over. But

830
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 2: I was sorely mistaken and thinking that our lives could

831
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 2: go back to normal. It seems like Ope was going

832
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 2: through a really hard time. Quits job and then is

833
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: kind of going through this like depression of not being

834
00:37:21,520 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 2: able to go out, not being able to do things,

835
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,000
Speaker 2: sleeping a lot longer.

836
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: Uh.

837
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 2: And then instead of communicating with Opie about this, he

838
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,240
Speaker 2: just kind of started distancing himself.

839
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 1: I don't want to make this just about the job

840
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,359
Speaker 1: that But I feel like I would be upset if

841
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 1: my partner that I was married to just like quit

842
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 1: their job without consulting me for one second.

843
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:43,879
Speaker 2: No, I think that like Op has done a lot

844
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 2: of things here that would warrant being upset and being

845
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:50,480
Speaker 2: angry over But I think it's just like neither of

846
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 2: them are communicating with each other about it, because we

847
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: need to communicate.

848
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,000
Speaker 3: I think, I'm I'm, I'm very adamant about you don't

849
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 3: want to morph your relationship into one being one person,

850
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 3: one mindset, like you need to be your own separate people,

851
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 3: but you do need to communicate here.

852
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 2: Again, his beer brewing is also a great, big priority.

853
00:38:09,920 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 2: Bottles and accessories for it take up our home and

854
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 2: I constantly trip over his boxes of stuff. He sometimes

855
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 2: makes something that only I would like, which is sweet,

856
00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 2: but I never asked him to yet he will ask

857
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 2: for my help with bottling as such, and often makes

858
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 2: it seem like this hobby is for both of us.

859
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 2: Then there's the gaming. At the moment, he can spend

860
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,480
Speaker 2: a whole day off from work at his computer, either

861
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 2: gaming and on and off, talking to a friend in common,

862
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:36,720
Speaker 2: or just watching videos on YouTube. Often about his other hobbies.

863
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 2: He even stays up late at night at any opportunity

864
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,959
Speaker 2: he gets, even though he knows that he will sleep

865
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,720
Speaker 2: poorly on Sunday and be cranky about work on Monday.

866
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 2: And he always works early even when he comes home

867
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 2: from work. This is where you'll find him often, not

868
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 2: even asking if I have any dinner planned out until

869
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 2: it's already about time to get cooking. He spends so

870
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,280
Speaker 2: much time in that chair now that my pet tortoise,

871
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 2: who has her enclosure next to his desk, keeps there

872
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 2: to see if he's home or not, then proceeds to

873
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 2: be upset that he is not in his spot while

874
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 2: he works. Now, I am starting to work again, slowly,

875
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,399
Speaker 2: but it stresses me out to imagine working full time

876
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 2: and still trying to keep our household functioning, let alone

877
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 2: imagining us with the house of our own or a child.

878
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 2: He wants me to work, so it's not like we

879
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 2: have an arrangement where I'm meant to handle all of this.

880
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 2: I'm just slowly turning into his mother. It feels like

881
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 2: like how I have to keep teaching him how recycling

882
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 2: his trash works at the age of thirty. How does

883
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 2: this man not know how to recycle.

884
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know how to recycle.

885
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 2: But we finally reached the part where I admit my fault.

886
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,200
Speaker 2: I am far from free of them, but my dear friends,

887
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 2: I grew up in a household with a lot of

888
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 2: conflict in fighting, and him and I have to this

889
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 2: day never had a real fight before.

890
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that tracks.

891
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 2: You guys don't communicate, So anytime I get upset and

892
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 2: riled up, I find myself pushing it down before I

893
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:57,080
Speaker 2: explode on him. Why both of them are just upset

894
00:39:57,120 --> 00:39:59,280
Speaker 2: at each other and will never say anything.

895
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: And that's the reciped to a perfect relationship.

896
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you guys are breaking up, just really slowly. I

897
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,640
Speaker 2: keep meaning to bring things up in a calm manner

898
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 2: as soon as there's a better time for it, when

899
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 2: I'm less upset, But I keep being distracted by just

900
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 2: how much I love him, as well as frightened over

901
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:16,600
Speaker 2: the fact that I don't even know what our fighting

902
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 2: dynamic might look like. There is just a teeny tiny

903
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 2: bit left of this story, and it doesn't seem like

904
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,320
Speaker 2: we're gonna get any communication in this.

905
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:27,920
Speaker 1: That would be my only advice. Yeah, my advice is

906
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,479
Speaker 1: communicating to start talking about the things that you don't

907
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 1: want to talk about.

908
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like, Ope, you're operating from Oh well,

909
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 2: I'm burnt out and I'm you know, was going through

910
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:38,919
Speaker 2: a really hard time and so I had to quit

911
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 2: my job. I had to do this. But it seems

912
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 2: like your partner is also going through maybe an equally

913
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:48,040
Speaker 2: well maybe not equally, but like an also a hard time.

914
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,880
Speaker 2: Like he's staying up late watching you know, the videos

915
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,600
Speaker 2: and not going to sleep later and later, he's spending

916
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:56,880
Speaker 2: time away from you and the home. It seems like

917
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 2: he's going through something and you haven't asked him what's

918
00:40:59,120 --> 00:40:59,360
Speaker 2: going on.

919
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,799
Speaker 1: What looks like, oh my god, he goes fishing. He

920
00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 1: ignores me, but.

921
00:41:03,560 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 2: He's like, I love him so much, so I'm not

922
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:09,600
Speaker 2: gonna ask him why he's sad. It also feels so

923
00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 2: awkward to be the person who brings something up, not

924
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 2: the first time it happens, but the twentieth An X

925
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: of mine once berated me for that very reason, as

926
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 2: he said I made him feel bad about allowing him

927
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 2: to do something, then admitting to him later on that

928
00:41:22,239 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 2: it made me uncomfortable. So would I be the a

929
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 2: hole if I told him that he lets his hobbies

930
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 2: control too much of his life. Or should I simply

931
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 2: find better ways to encourage him to also do other

932
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 2: things in his spare time. I don't think either of

933
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: those are the answer. I think that both of those

934
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 2: are not the roots of this conversation at all.

935
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 1: The roots of the fruits are communication.

936
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you need to talk about how you

937
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 2: guys are going to communicate effectively.

938
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 1: My fiance is extremely frugal, and I'm calling off our

939
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 1: engagement because of it.

940
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, get out of that relationship if he won't spend

941
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 2: the big bucks.

942
00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 1: I thirty one female struggle with my fiance thirty two

943
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 1: males frugalness, and I'm not sure if I want to

944
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: marry him anymore after a three year relationship. By the way,

945
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 1: this comes from user expensive Pangolin sixty and if you

946
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

947
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:21,959
Speaker 1: slash Okay storytime subreddit. I met my fiance three years ago.

948
00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: He came out of in a marriage just two years

949
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:29,240
Speaker 1: before we met. One of hers was financial. She bled

950
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: him dry, made him buy expensive jewelry, only to give

951
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 1: it away or break it after an argument. Designer shoes, clothes,

952
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: the big house, the nice cars, trips to the Caribbean,

953
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,520
Speaker 1: you name it. She made him pay for it. She

954
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 1: also took him to the cleaners in the divorce. However,

955
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 1: my fiance is very well off. He makes far more

956
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 1: than six figures. Oh, mister richie, rich, richie, rich money bingis.

957
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,280
Speaker 2: Bag little money bags over here.

958
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 1: On top of that, he inherited a few million from

959
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: his father, and his parents gifted him and his siblings

960
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:07,760
Speaker 1: a few cool millions. What that's a lot of money. So, yes,

961
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:11,400
Speaker 1: the financial is bad, but he does not suffer financially.

962
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 2: He believin this is so used financially use noworkrop talking

963
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 2: the portament. He's not poor. He's still very rich.

964
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: He has more money than he will ever need. So

965
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: last year I moved into his house. I do not

966
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 1: pay rent, but I split the bills and I buy food.

967
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: I pay for my own clothes and jewelry. I have

968
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: a good job and I can take care of myself. However,

969
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: things have been taking a turn for the worse, and

970
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 1: I feel miserable. His house was empty when I moved in.

971
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,239
Speaker 1: He had hand me down furniture, maybe three forks and

972
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: two knives. He wouldn't put on the heating, so the

973
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: house felt cold and moldy. He has no curtains, no decorations.

974
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 1: His ex took everything not bolted down and he was

975
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 1: too cheap to replace it. Just imagine a million dollar

976
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:56,839
Speaker 1: house like that.

977
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,640
Speaker 2: I'm kind of really quick pause. I'm kind of shocked

978
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 2: that he didn't have a prenup in the original marriage

979
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,799
Speaker 2: if he was that wealthy, because I feel like that

980
00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 2: is a very common thing that we see in these

981
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 2: types of stories where someone's like super wealthy. I feel

982
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 2: like they always get prenups.

983
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 1: Maybe they were married before the money came in. Maybe

984
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: they did have one, and she just like took all

985
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: the furniture and he didn't care.

986
00:44:18,920 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was like, I'm not gonna use that.

987
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:25,240
Speaker 1: I only use three forks, I only need the three

988
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,719
Speaker 1: utensils in a lawn chair. I am grateful that I

989
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: can live in his house. It's something I could never

990
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,279
Speaker 1: afford myself. But I don't want to live in squalor.

991
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: So I bought some kitchen supplies and some furniture. But

992
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 1: at some point I realized I was dipping into my

993
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 1: savings all the time, and he did nothing. I looked

994
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: into curtains, but those things are expensive. His house has

995
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,879
Speaker 1: so many windows it's crazy. I didn't want to pay

996
00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 1: for this anymore. I told him I needed a fund

997
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 1: to furnish his house. He blew up at me that

998
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:57,880
Speaker 1: I was just with him for his money. I pointed

999
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 1: out all the money I spent on his house, the

1000
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: gifts and the trips, because he pays for nothing. Ever,

1001
00:45:04,960 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: because he wants to be sure, I'm not here for

1002
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,200
Speaker 1: the money. The fact is, if we break up, I

1003
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 1: have nothing. The house is not mine. If I spend

1004
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,000
Speaker 1: all my savings on his house, I'll be left with

1005
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 1: absolutely nothing. He wants a prenup, and I'm fine with that,

1006
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 1: but I can't help but feel used. Next to that,

1007
00:45:21,080 --> 00:45:24,160
Speaker 1: I am jealous of his ex wife. I feel like

1008
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 1: she got treated and now I'm neglected. He proposed to

1009
00:45:28,360 --> 00:45:31,280
Speaker 1: his ex on a cruise with a ten thousand dollars

1010
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:36,360
Speaker 1: white gold diamond ring. I got the rhodium plated Svarsky

1011
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 1: stuff that might cost like one hundred bucks. I think

1012
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:42,760
Speaker 1: spending a lot of money on an engagement ring is silly.

1013
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 2: I don't think that you have to spend like everyone

1014
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 2: in the world has to spend, sir. I don't think

1015
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 2: there is any certain amount that you have to spend

1016
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 2: on an engagement ring. But I do think that you

1017
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:57,919
Speaker 2: should take time and there should be thought put into

1018
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 2: it that because engagement rings for men many people are

1019
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,840
Speaker 2: very significant and it's not like it might not be

1020
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 2: the wedding ring, but it is something that you wear

1021
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 2: for usually the remainder of the marriage.

1022
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,200
Speaker 1: The proposal was at a picnic in the park that

1023
00:46:12,360 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 1: I organized and paid for the groceries for, and slaved

1024
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,080
Speaker 1: in the kitchen for. I almost said no out of

1025
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 1: pure disappointment. However, I'm afraid to bring it up and

1026
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: to be called a gold digger. I don't want to

1027
00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: be funding a millionaire's lifestyle. He loves everything as long

1028
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: as I pay for it, as soon as he has

1029
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,799
Speaker 1: to pay. It's frivolous and unnecessary. I can live like

1030
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: a poor person by myself, at least. The fact that

1031
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: there are literal millions lying around doesn't hang over me

1032
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: to bum me out, and I would just be paying

1033
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: for my own lifestyle. Would I be the a hole

1034
00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:47,800
Speaker 1: for calling off a wedding purely for financial reasons? Because

1035
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 1: I love this man, but I imagine our cheap wedding in

1036
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: contrast to his ex's extravaganza. Will our future kids be

1037
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,919
Speaker 1: able to have some luxuries or only if I pay

1038
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: for it? What if I ever become a stay at

1039
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: home mom, Well, I have to beg to put the

1040
00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,839
Speaker 1: heating on edited to answer questions, I see a lot

1041
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: I know is not made up. His family and friends

1042
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,240
Speaker 1: told me separate stories of what they witnessed. Not only

1043
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 1: did it confirm it, it showed me she was way

1044
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: more terrible than I thought, like stealing heirloom jewelry of

1045
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,880
Speaker 1: his grandma with Alzheimer's right after she was widowed, pretending

1046
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: she was gifted these things even though everyone knew Grandma

1047
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: hated her guts. I didn't realize or see he is

1048
00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:28,600
Speaker 1: doing the same to me as she was to him,

1049
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,879
Speaker 1: and he is subconsciously punishing me for what was done

1050
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,400
Speaker 1: to him. I'm not trying to force a lifestyle on

1051
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: him where he was previously happy in. He told me

1052
00:47:37,360 --> 00:47:39,480
Speaker 1: prior to moving in that he left his house like

1053
00:47:39,520 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: this because he was depressed after his wife took everything,

1054
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: even the curtains, and that it makes him sad and

1055
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,839
Speaker 1: he wants a cozy home. He just didn't know where

1056
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:50,759
Speaker 1: to start. His house is paid off, thanks to Grandad.

1057
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:53,920
Speaker 1: He isn't actually spending much on utilities either. The house

1058
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 1: is very well insulated and has solar panels. It's weird

1059
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:00,439
Speaker 1: to see how cheap being rich really is not asking

1060
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 1: for designer furniture. IIKEA all the way, and I have

1061
00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 1: refurbished secondhand furniture myself. I'm actually pretty thrifty.

1062
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm pretty thrifty.

1063
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: I see where my jealousy over the ex's lifestyle might

1064
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 1: have triggered some people. But let me explain, A ten

1065
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,319
Speaker 1: thousand dollars ring is insane and stupid to me. I

1066
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 1: don't want that because I would fear losing it every day.

1067
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: I don't need an over the top wedding. However, it

1068
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,360
Speaker 1: almost feels like for her, he did put in the

1069
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 1: effort and he wanted to give her what made her happy,

1070
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 1: put an effort and thought into it. With me, it

1071
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: almost feels like he wants to prove how little he

1072
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 1: can give me. He talked about how he would see

1073
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 1: the wedding, and it is cheaper than my actually financially

1074
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: struggling cousin's wedding. I can't help but feel he wants

1075
00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 1: to demonstrate how cheap he can treat me, and I

1076
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:50,839
Speaker 1: already feel embarrassed about the family that would have been

1077
00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,240
Speaker 1: to both, and I will feel like the discount wife.

1078
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: I don't like to say it, but it feels like

1079
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:59,440
Speaker 1: he gets off on this to some extent. We're almost

1080
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: talking washing paper plates at this moment. Somehow I doubt

1081
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:06,959
Speaker 1: that part. I'm like fifty to fifty on that, because

1082
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,240
Speaker 1: that's a crazy level.

1083
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:11,240
Speaker 2: If he has a giant house and it is basically empty,

1084
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 2: like she had to supply everything this is, I just

1085
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 2: don't think that they can get married. That doesn't mean

1086
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 2: they have to break up, but I think he absolutely

1087
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:18,839
Speaker 2: has to.

1088
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,640
Speaker 1: Go to therapy. Stop buying the furniture in the house.

1089
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,439
Speaker 1: Stop buying things for this house that's not your house.

1090
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,359
Speaker 2: I think you just say, like, hey, I bought a

1091
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 2: lot of furniture. If we want to go half on this,

1092
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,880
Speaker 2: I'm fine with that, But right now, this is my furniture,

1093
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 2: and if I move out, this would be my furniture

1094
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 2: because I paid for it.

1095
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 1: Yes, I did discuss selling the mansion I really don't

1096
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 1: need and moving to a more modest house, especially knowing

1097
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 1: this is a house's ex picked. He doesn't want to

1098
00:49:44,239 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 1: do that. He loves this house, but I feel really

1099
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: intimidated living in a house I could never afford, and

1100
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 1: there's so many large windows. Yeesh. I have not talked

1101
00:49:53,640 --> 00:49:56,120
Speaker 1: to him yet, but a pause on the marriage and

1102
00:49:56,200 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 1: counseling is a must. Good I got you released this smart.

1103
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:04,360
Speaker 1: I already am looking for individual counseling because I realized

1104
00:50:04,440 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: I might indeed be too much of a people pleaser,

1105
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: allowing him to control me with the ghost of his X.

1106
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: I'm also going to separate for a while. I'm looking

1107
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:15,600
Speaker 1: to rent something for a few months so I can

1108
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 1: get some space. Thank you all for your insights, and

1109
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 1: there are some notable comments here. Senior Day says, not

1110
00:50:22,760 --> 00:50:26,080
Speaker 1: the ahole. I understand you've had some trauma in your past,

1111
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry you went through that, but I can't

1112
00:50:27,880 --> 00:50:30,200
Speaker 1: allow you to mistreat me because of it. It burns

1113
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: me up inside that you gave her everything, but I

1114
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: have to beg for the bare minimum. I deserve to

1115
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: feel cherished by my partner as I have cherished you.

1116
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 1: And Opie says, ooh, that hit me right in the fields.

1117
00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: And there's an update. Okay, I hope this update makes

1118
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: sense because I'm very confused and not really doing that

1119
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 1: well at the moment. Reddit, you changed my life. Thank

1120
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 1: you so much for all your ideas and insights. Honestly,

1121
00:50:54,680 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 1: I don't think I would have had the courage to

1122
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: do what I did without you, guys. I went to therapy.

1123
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 1: It took the day off just to get my racing

1124
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 1: mind to calm down, and therapy has confirmed things that

1125
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 1: you guys suspected. I am a people pleaser. I wanted

1126
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 1: to save him, and I have internalized the idea that

1127
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 1: any effort and every penny I want him to depend

1128
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 1: on me makes me a gold digger. I will have

1129
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,640
Speaker 1: weekly sessions to work on me. I realized I would

1130
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,720
Speaker 1: have never taken this treatment from any of my other exes,

1131
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 1: even though I made more than them. The idea I

1132
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:28,880
Speaker 1: had to prove myself worthy to be with a millionaire

1133
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,319
Speaker 1: and not be there for the money got into my

1134
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:34,040
Speaker 1: head pretty early. I called one of his siblings that

1135
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 1: I'm pretty close with and just told her everything. She

1136
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 1: was not surprised, but just sad about how unhappy he

1137
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:42,719
Speaker 1: was making me. She told me that from the day

1138
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,479
Speaker 1: we started, he had this idea that I was out

1139
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: of his league. He struggled to understand why I wanted

1140
00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 1: to be with him, and he probably just thought it

1141
00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:53,439
Speaker 1: must be my money. She told me she already talked

1142
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,360
Speaker 1: to him in the past to treat me better, and

1143
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 1: she was furious about the proposal. This information confused me

1144
00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: a little. I was little hurt. She never discussed any

1145
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:04,040
Speaker 1: of this before, but she thought it was none of

1146
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,800
Speaker 1: her business. She also explained how she and her husband

1147
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,120
Speaker 1: organized their finances. He also doesn't have as much as her,

1148
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: and I took the opportunity to pack back. I haven't

1149
00:52:13,239 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 1: found a place yet, but I'm going to stay with

1150
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 1: my parents. I made up my mind that I will

1151
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,680
Speaker 1: at least want six months apart to get myself in order,

1152
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,720
Speaker 1: and I made sure my stuff was in the car

1153
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 1: because honestly, I had no idea how the conversation would go.

1154
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 1: So into the most difficult part the talk, I waited

1155
00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:33,000
Speaker 1: for him to come home. He was pretty late, but

1156
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,720
Speaker 1: I didn't want to sleep another night on this. Pretending

1157
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 1: I was fine while I was contemplating all of this

1158
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: just ate me up. I had written down what I

1159
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: wanted to say. I've never been so scared before. I

1160
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 1: didn't want to hurt him, and I didn't know how

1161
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: he would react, and I took some advice from here,

1162
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:51,320
Speaker 1: and I opened with the fact that I was moving

1163
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:54,279
Speaker 1: out and that I wanted to pause our engagement. He

1164
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 1: was very quiet and just sat down. I told him

1165
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 1: that he really hurt me by calling me a gold

1166
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 1: digger and that I'm done walking on eggshells and feeling

1167
00:53:03,239 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: guilty for just wanting basic things. I told him I

1168
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: was unhappy and felt neglected. I also told him that

1169
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 1: after three years of me showing up for him, he

1170
00:53:12,600 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 1: still doesn't think I'm here for him, and that is

1171
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 1: not gonna happen. He was just quiet. He didn't say anything.

1172
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 1: I told him that the constant comparison to his ex

1173
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 1: was unhealthy and unfair. Punishing me for her sins was

1174
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 1: I told him, comparing her to me all the time

1175
00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:32,840
Speaker 1: has triggered me into comparing myself to her and starting

1176
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 1: to feel like she was worth more than me. One

1177
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 1: of the things about her was mostly ungratefulness. He would

1178
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: do nice things for her, but it was never enough.

1179
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:44,080
Speaker 1: And the thing is he doesn't do nice things for me,

1180
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: and I have to be grateful for the pleasure of

1181
00:53:46,840 --> 00:53:49,359
Speaker 1: picking up the bill. I told him he was not

1182
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: ready for marriage and that I dreaded having kids with

1183
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,279
Speaker 1: him and living like this, that I hadn't trust that

1184
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: he would take care of me if I would become

1185
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 1: a stay at home mom, and at that point I

1186
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:00,680
Speaker 1: called him abuse and a user. I was getting pretty

1187
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: angry saying all this out loud and lost my composure

1188
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:06,359
Speaker 1: and the script a little bit. He remained quiet, with

1189
00:54:06,400 --> 00:54:09,000
Speaker 1: almost no emotion on his face. I stayed quiet, but

1190
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: nothing came out, so I decided that I would just leave.

1191
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: Only when I got up to go, he said, please

1192
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: don't go. He asked me if I was pausing the

1193
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 1: wedding or calling it off. He wanted to know if

1194
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 1: it was over or if he still had a shot.

1195
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:23,880
Speaker 1: I told him I wanted out of this house and

1196
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,280
Speaker 1: I honestly don't want to live in his exis palace

1197
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,080
Speaker 1: of sadness anymore. I needed him to go to therapy,

1198
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,480
Speaker 1: and especially financial therapy. I needed a separation, and I

1199
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 1: told him I was open to couple's counseling if he

1200
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 1: went into individual counseling. He begged me not to do

1201
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 1: the separation, but honestly, I really really wanted it. I

1202
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 1: just told him to think about it, and I left him.

1203
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 1: He was finally showing some emotions and he was crying.

1204
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 1: At this point. He sent me a very long text

1205
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 1: somewhere in the am and told me he was a

1206
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,759
Speaker 1: wreck and couldn't sleep. He made all kinds of promises

1207
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:58,560
Speaker 1: he would go into therapy and sell his house, buy

1208
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 1: a smaller one, and make sure I'm taking care of

1209
00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: whatever happens. He said he would help me decorate and

1210
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: would make a home. He again asked me to please

1211
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:08,040
Speaker 1: come home, but to me, it doesn't feel like home

1212
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:08,760
Speaker 1: there anyway.

1213
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:10,919
Speaker 2: I think that's one good conversation.

1214
00:55:11,840 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, he woke up to the reality that you're being

1215
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: neglected and it was his fault. And then he said no.

1216
00:55:19,160 --> 00:55:21,000
Speaker 2: And he can make all sorts of promises, but if

1217
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:24,280
Speaker 2: they don't have follow through, then they don't mean anything.

1218
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: And give him some time. Yeah, because it's like you

1219
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: can make promises day one and then it's like in

1220
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 1: a week. If he's just like, yeah, screw you, yeah

1221
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:33,919
Speaker 1: I'll need you, then it's like, yeah, all right.

1222
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,320
Speaker 2: I also get the second that you call your partner

1223
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,319
Speaker 2: a gold digger, It's like, why are you still in

1224
00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:39,319
Speaker 2: a relationship with that person?

1225
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 1: Then I feel very empty and tired. I've been sleeping

1226
00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: most of the day, and I feel guilty, but also

1227
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,919
Speaker 1: a little bit relieved, if that makes sense. I don't

1228
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: know if I actually want back if he does all that,

1229
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,239
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm a little unsteady right now. I

1230
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: need some time to process. I'll go back for the

1231
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 1: kitchen supplies and my TV, and I won't take anything

1232
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,640
Speaker 1: else of the furniture. This is the exact reason why

1233
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:06,840
Speaker 1: I was unwilling to buy everything. This house is so huge,

1234
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,239
Speaker 1: So the couch is huge, and I can't take it.

1235
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 2: I was about to say, I was like, you gotta

1236
00:56:10,719 --> 00:56:12,560
Speaker 2: take all of your furniture, but it's like, oh, it's

1237
00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:16,719
Speaker 2: too big, one of those giant like you know, should yeah,

1238
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:17,799
Speaker 2: I don't think sationals.

1239
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 1: That was a mistake right from the jump. Should not

1240
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,360
Speaker 1: have bought any furniture for the house. You'd be like,

1241
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,719
Speaker 1: you realize your house is empty, right, Yeah? Don't you

1242
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 1: want furniture for your house? That I'm saying it? Yeah, anyway,

1243
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 1: But that's the end of that story. Strange Sam here

1244
00:56:31,280 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 1: og host. We're gonna get back to these stories, but

1245
00:56:33,360 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 1: here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1246
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:39,280
Speaker 2: First, my fiance wants to exclude my daughter from our wedding,

1247
00:56:39,360 --> 00:56:41,080
Speaker 2: but I refuse to budge.

1248
00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 1: Why is your daughter really that cool?

1249
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 2: I forty five male, have a daughter, Polly from a

1250
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,880
Speaker 2: previous relationship. I divorced my ex wife on good terms

1251
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,680
Speaker 2: and we share fifty to fifty custody of Polly. She

1252
00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 2: is now eleven. After I divorced my ex wife, I

1253
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 2: met my now fiance, Sharon. Sharon and my daughter got

1254
00:56:59,760 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 2: all very well, that's great after five years in my

1255
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 2: relationship with Sharon, I proposed, by the way, this comes from,

1256
00:57:07,719 --> 00:57:10,600
Speaker 2: who even is that? Five? And if you want to

1257
00:57:10,600 --> 00:57:12,920
Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to our slash okay storytime

1258
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 2: separate it. Sharon was super excited and wanted to start

1259
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 2: planning right away. She looked at venues and started asking

1260
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 2: her friends to be your bridesmaids. She then told me

1261
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 2: she wanted her niece to be a flower girl, which

1262
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:26,960
Speaker 2: I had no problem with, but I said I also

1263
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,920
Speaker 2: wanted Polly to be a flower girl. Sharon looked at

1264
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,240
Speaker 2: me funny and then said that she didn't think that

1265
00:57:32,280 --> 00:57:34,200
Speaker 2: Polly would fit that part.

1266
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 1: The part of flower girl where it's a little girl

1267
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 1: who throws flowers.

1268
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:39,240
Speaker 2: Oh what does that mean?

1269
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,800
Speaker 1: What are you saying about that what Madonna?

1270
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 3: Like? What do you?

1271
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 2: I got angry and told Sharon that my daughter would

1272
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 2: be in our wedding. Sharon started to become upset that

1273
00:57:50,160 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 2: the girls in the wedding were up to her and

1274
00:57:52,040 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 2: Polly wouldn't be one of them. I told Sharon that

1275
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 2: if Polly was in the wedding, then there might not

1276
00:57:57,480 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 2: be a wedding stand on business, stormed out and took

1277
00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: Polly to get ice cream. Polly knows we're getting married

1278
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 2: and told me she thinks she will look pretty in

1279
00:58:06,800 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 2: whatever dress Sharon decided she would wear. Oh, this broke

1280
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 2: my heart and I decided to text Sharon. I told

1281
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,320
Speaker 2: her I would be staying at a friends to think

1282
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 2: this over. My mother in law texted me saying I

1283
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:22,160
Speaker 2: am overreacting and then my daughter doesn't have to be

1284
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 2: in my wedding. And I was an a hole for

1285
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 2: saying that I would cancel. Along came Paul, So did

1286
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,680
Speaker 2: I take it too far saying I will cancel? Am

1287
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,920
Speaker 2: I overreacting or just being a good dad? And there

1288
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 2: are some relevant comments and an update? But what are

1289
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:38,240
Speaker 2: your thoughts?

1290
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 1: Because I got a cup If you're literally spatting and

1291
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 1: being like, well, then I guess there won't be a

1292
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 1: wedding right before your wedding. You probably probably not ready

1293
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: to get married to that wedding. Just a thought, Yeah,

1294
00:58:49,720 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 1: just a thought. Y'all probably are not sturdy enough to

1295
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 1: get married in the first place.

1296
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 2: Agreed, man oh Man. I also just think that you

1297
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 2: should talk to and ask her why she doesn't want

1298
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,080
Speaker 2: to Paul, like, we just have a little bit more

1299
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 2: of a conversation.

1300
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:07,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's also just like weird that she doesn't want

1301
00:59:07,200 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 1: your kids to be like, what do you mean by that?

1302
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 1: The flower girl in y'all's wedding, Yeah, doesn't she got

1303
00:59:13,240 --> 00:59:15,200
Speaker 1: beef with Poulie d She got beef.

1304
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 2: With a ten year old. Weird. But there are some comments.

1305
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:22,000
Speaker 2: Did you propose alternatives to the flower girl position, Opie says.

1306
00:59:22,080 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 2: I said, I wanted her in the wedding in some

1307
00:59:23,760 --> 00:59:25,680
Speaker 2: shape or form. I wanted her to be part of

1308
00:59:25,720 --> 00:59:27,720
Speaker 2: the day and not sitting with the guests while we

1309
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 2: walked down the aisle. Beyonce said it would be best

1310
00:59:30,400 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 2: if she just sat with my parents. Many have suggested

1311
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:37,200
Speaker 2: a junior bridesmaid, but my fiance still declines. I did

1312
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 2: tell my fiance she will be in the wedding, and

1313
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 2: if that means she has to be a groomsman, then

1314
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:45,000
Speaker 2: so be it. Fiance blew up, saying she's not a

1315
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:48,480
Speaker 2: boy and my side's only for boys. If she denied

1316
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 2: my request to have a father daughter dance with Polly,

1317
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 2: so this is why I'm rethinking the whole wedding. She

1318
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 2: just kind of hates your daughter. Sharon and I are

1319
00:59:55,720 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 2: going to talk tonight and hopefully she will give me

1320
00:59:58,200 --> 01:00:00,880
Speaker 2: a full reason. And then another. The commenter says, has

1321
01:00:00,880 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 2: Polly ever said anything about Sharon treating her poorly? Opie says,

1322
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 2: Polly has never voiced any concerns about Sharon treating her badly.

1323
01:00:08,120 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 2: I have never seen anything happen between them, so this

1324
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:14,360
Speaker 2: was very out of the blue. Surprisingly, Sharon has never

1325
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:17,439
Speaker 2: had an issue with Polly until wedding talk. The two

1326
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 2: have always been super close, so her reaction shocked me

1327
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 2: for sure. I would have never popped the question if

1328
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 2: Polly wasn't comfortable. I totally understand where you guys are

1329
01:00:27,160 --> 01:00:29,200
Speaker 2: coming from. I do think it's crazy that I haven't

1330
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,880
Speaker 2: seen any signs. I've talked to Polly and told her

1331
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,720
Speaker 2: to tell me if anything has ever happened. Polly can't

1332
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,920
Speaker 2: recall a single time Sharon was mean to her, And

1333
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:40,760
Speaker 2: then another person says, could race, weight, or disability be

1334
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 2: a factor in this, and Opie says, yes, I made

1335
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 2: this post late last night and I'm just now reaching

1336
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 2: all the comments. My daughter is not disabled. She is

1337
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 2: on the average weight scale for an eleven year old,

1338
01:00:51,120 --> 01:00:53,200
Speaker 2: and all of us in the situation are white. And

1339
01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 2: now she's eleven becomes he's even smarter. Opie clarifies that

1340
01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 2: his fiance is thirty nine years old and there is

1341
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 2: an update. But what are your thoughts now that you've

1342
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 2: maybe grasped what's going on?

1343
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,320
Speaker 1: And this is so weird that you'd be like, no,

1344
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 1: future husband, my future daughter in law is not allowed

1345
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 1: to participate in the wedding. That's weird because of like vibes,

1346
01:01:20,600 --> 01:01:22,680
Speaker 1: because the vibes would be off. It's like, dude, it's

1347
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 1: my daughter. She's not tall enough to she comes up

1348
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: to hear person's being in a real duf as. Okay,

1349
01:01:29,400 --> 01:01:30,040
Speaker 1: it's true.

1350
01:01:30,480 --> 01:01:33,440
Speaker 2: Talk to her mom this morning, because I wanted Polly

1351
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 2: to start with her until this was figured out. Her

1352
01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 2: mom said she hopes it goes well and told me

1353
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 2: I could stay with her and Polly if need be,

1354
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:43,800
Speaker 2: She said, Polly always comes home with nothing negative to say,

1355
01:01:43,880 --> 01:01:46,840
Speaker 2: so we aren't sure where this came from. Opie is

1356
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:49,480
Speaker 2: voted not the a hole And here's the big boy update.

1357
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 1: Oh boy stopping, oh big boy.

1358
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:55,520
Speaker 2: Thank you everyone for all the kind words. To answer

1359
01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:58,120
Speaker 2: a few questions. My daughter is not disabled, chubby, or

1360
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 2: having an awkward phase. Brace's class says. I did ask

1361
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:05,000
Speaker 2: if Polly could be a groomsman. Sharon immediately shot me down.

1362
01:02:05,280 --> 01:02:07,920
Speaker 2: Sharon is thirty nine, she's the same race as my daughter.

1363
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:11,600
Speaker 2: This is her first marriage. I tried to answer as

1364
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,680
Speaker 2: many comments as possible. I came home to talk to

1365
01:02:14,720 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 2: Sharon today. When I pulled in our driveway, my mother

1366
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:19,919
Speaker 2: in law was sitting there in her car. I got

1367
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 2: out and went inside, trying to avoid talking to mother

1368
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 2: in law. Sharon was sitting at the kitchen table and

1369
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 2: I joined her. She sat in silence. So I asked

1370
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,439
Speaker 2: the first question, why does Polly not fit the part?

1371
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:33,240
Speaker 2: And why don't you water in the wedding at all?

1372
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:36,240
Speaker 2: Her answer, boll On shocked me.

1373
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 1: What do you think, oh she's gonna be like? Because

1374
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 1: I think she's a reptilian. Whoa, that's your answer. It's

1375
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,480
Speaker 1: gonna be what she says. Uh huh, Yeah, your daughter's

1376
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:51,640
Speaker 1: your answer. I saw her second layer of eyelids one night,

1377
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 1: and it's never been the same since. Will tank you

1378
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,240
Speaker 1: all my money right now that that's not happening. Oh

1379
01:02:57,360 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 1: you think you think, Kean? Really, how are you gonna

1380
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 1: put me on blast like that?

1381
01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 2: I think that one night Stepma goes into Polly's room,

1382
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:08,640
Speaker 2: you know, give her a little kiss kod night and

1383
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 2: tuck her in. Polly's in the corner had full turned

1384
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:13,000
Speaker 2: crawling on the walls.

1385
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:16,240
Speaker 1: Ah demon, She quietly.

1386
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:19,120
Speaker 2: Said, I was hoping that after the wedding, you could

1387
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:21,160
Speaker 2: become a holiday visit only dad.

1388
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 1: What what w as in?

1389
01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:28,200
Speaker 2: She thought that OPI could just stop seeing his daughter

1390
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:32,000
Speaker 2: after they got married and just see her on like Christmas.

1391
01:03:32,240 --> 01:03:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're not getting married to this woman.

1392
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 2: I didn't want her in the wedding, so she wouldn't

1393
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:38,160
Speaker 2: be in the photos around the house, and she wasn't

1394
01:03:38,160 --> 01:03:41,200
Speaker 2: going to be around much. I kept my cool, calmly

1395
01:03:41,240 --> 01:03:44,920
Speaker 2: took her hand and pulled the ring off. Wait no,

1396
01:03:44,920 --> 01:03:45,720
Speaker 2: not even.

1397
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 1: Yes, it's mine, it's my precious.

1398
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 2: Reading her eyes, started to tear up. She said we

1399
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,400
Speaker 2: shouldn't end the marriage over this, and that she can change.

1400
01:03:54,000 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 2: I told her the damage was already done. I told

1401
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:58,640
Speaker 2: her I wanted her things moved out by next week

1402
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:00,720
Speaker 2: and that she could come get them when my daughter

1403
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:03,360
Speaker 2: wasn't home. The house is in my name and I

1404
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 2: paid for it. I was allowing her to get her

1405
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:08,040
Speaker 2: furniture that she paid for. She stormed out, and mother

1406
01:04:08,080 --> 01:04:09,840
Speaker 2: in law came knocking on the door, saying it was

1407
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:13,760
Speaker 2: being unreasonable. I couldn't imagine only seeing my daughter three

1408
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:16,800
Speaker 2: or four times a year. The fact that Sharon wanted

1409
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 2: me to give up part of my custody blew me away.

1410
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:24,040
Speaker 2: I'm sitting on my couch justin's shock. Our honeymoon was

1411
01:04:24,040 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 2: supposed to be in Hawaii. Looks like me and Polly

1412
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:30,520
Speaker 2: will be going instead. I will update again if anything happens.

1413
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:35,320
Speaker 2: And there are some relevant comments and an update. So

1414
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:37,680
Speaker 2: let's get into these relevant comments. Let's go see how

1415
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 2: relevant they really are.

1416
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:39,760
Speaker 1: Let's get relevant.

1417
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:42,520
Speaker 2: People are once again skeptical that there was no bad

1418
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:45,680
Speaker 2: behavior by Sharon toward Polly in the past. He says,

1419
01:04:45,840 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 2: I have truly never noticed a thing Polly has never

1420
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:52,680
Speaker 2: had anything negative about Sharon and asked her mom earlier

1421
01:04:52,720 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 2: today when she will get to see her again. But

1422
01:04:54,840 --> 01:04:57,680
Speaker 2: there is an update. Hello everyone, thank you for all

1423
01:04:57,720 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 2: the kind comments and suggestions. For Hawaii, we did that

1424
01:05:01,200 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 2: a few days ago and Polly is already having a

1425
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:07,520
Speaker 2: ton of fun lovely. If you have any cool suggestions,

1426
01:05:07,560 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 2: please drop them in the comments. As for my ex fiance,

1427
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:12,720
Speaker 2: she has tried to reach out to me, wanting to

1428
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:15,480
Speaker 2: work everything out, saying she only did it because her

1429
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:18,280
Speaker 2: mom wanted pure grandchildren.

1430
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:22,160
Speaker 3: Why what, Wow, God, it gets worse, and that it's

1431
01:05:22,200 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 3: entire family's crazy.

1432
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:24,600
Speaker 1: Nice.

1433
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:28,680
Speaker 2: I wanted them to be my children. I still do

1434
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:31,959
Speaker 2: not care if she really loved my daughter and if

1435
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:34,760
Speaker 2: she wouldn't have acted on her mother's wishes. Sharon has

1436
01:05:34,760 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 2: called my workplace to try and get in touch with me.

1437
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:38,919
Speaker 2: She has even shown up a few times to try

1438
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:41,440
Speaker 2: and talk to me, and I've told my supervisor to

1439
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:43,800
Speaker 2: just ask her to leave. She's gone as far as

1440
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,240
Speaker 2: messaging my ex wife a few times, wanting to know

1441
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:48,800
Speaker 2: why her calls won't go through to me. When she

1442
01:05:48,920 --> 01:05:51,520
Speaker 2: caught when that we were in Hawaii, she was pissed.

1443
01:05:51,840 --> 01:05:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm still close with her brother, and he told me

1444
01:05:53,720 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 2: that her and her mom were going to try and

1445
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:56,920
Speaker 2: get plane tickets.

1446
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:57,640
Speaker 1: Yoicks.

1447
01:05:58,240 --> 01:05:59,640
Speaker 2: If that's the case, I will.

1448
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:01,560
Speaker 1: Likely file restraining order at a boy.

1449
01:06:01,920 --> 01:06:04,919
Speaker 2: Polly has asked what happened to Sharon, and I told

1450
01:06:04,920 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 2: her that we come as a package deal and Sharon

1451
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 2: only wanted me and I couldn't leave her. Paulli understood,

1452
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 2: but I think she was a little heartbroken. I know

1453
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 2: this update is small, but it's all I have for

1454
01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:18,680
Speaker 2: those asking and relevant comments. Did your former future brother

1455
01:06:18,680 --> 01:06:20,600
Speaker 2: in law have any light to shet on Sharon and

1456
01:06:20,640 --> 01:06:24,040
Speaker 2: his mom's behavior. Obie says her and her brother are

1457
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:26,120
Speaker 2: not very close and grew up in different homes as

1458
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 2: my ex mother in law and father in law are divorced.

1459
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,600
Speaker 2: Her brother and dad are pretty awesome.

1460
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 1: Though.

1461
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:33,360
Speaker 2: We went and had drinks a few days after the

1462
01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:36,520
Speaker 2: storm of Sharon and her mom, and there is I

1463
01:06:36,560 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 2: think a final update. I realize I forgot to do

1464
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,560
Speaker 2: an update. Polly and I had an epic time in

1465
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:45,000
Speaker 2: Hawaii and she's already talking about wanting to go back.

1466
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:47,240
Speaker 2: Turns out, when my ex fiance and her mom tried

1467
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:51,160
Speaker 2: to buy tickets, the airlines were sold out. What a

1468
01:06:51,200 --> 01:06:55,120
Speaker 2: bummer for them. Instead, they decided to leave piles of

1469
01:06:55,200 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 2: letters at my door. There were maybe fifty envelopes full

1470
01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,600
Speaker 2: of pages about how I needed to take share and back.

1471
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:03,720
Speaker 2: I honestly didn't read them and discarded most of them.

1472
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 2: So far, I've coincidentally run into Sharon at grocery stores

1473
01:07:07,280 --> 01:07:09,640
Speaker 2: and gas stations and not paid any attention to her.

1474
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,080
Speaker 2: She attempted to show up at my daughter's Meet the

1475
01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 2: Teacher night, but since she didn't have a kid, she

1476
01:07:14,440 --> 01:07:15,000
Speaker 2: wasn't allowed.

1477
01:07:15,000 --> 01:07:17,960
Speaker 1: In my take on this is eleven years old, is

1478
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:19,640
Speaker 1: old enough to know the truth, and you just make

1479
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 1: it clear that it's Sharon's fault and not Polly's. Yo,

1480
01:07:22,680 --> 01:07:26,680
Speaker 1: Sharon decided, I guess she wanted me to abandon you

1481
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:30,080
Speaker 1: and I wasn't gonna do that. That is not your fault.

1482
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:32,400
Speaker 1: Sharon's fault because she's moron.

1483
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,000
Speaker 2: From what I have heard through her brother and dad,

1484
01:07:35,040 --> 01:07:40,200
Speaker 2: she already has a new boyfriend that's wild, yikes, and

1485
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:42,600
Speaker 2: just wants to get back at me. Now. As for me,

1486
01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:45,480
Speaker 2: i'd put a restraining order on Sharon. I did see

1487
01:07:45,520 --> 01:07:47,760
Speaker 2: comments asking if it was going to attempt to date again.

1488
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:51,000
Speaker 2: Let's just say I took my ex wife with me

1489
01:07:51,160 --> 01:07:56,600
Speaker 2: to Hawaii and we decided to try again. Polly parent

1490
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:59,640
Speaker 2: trapped you all. In all, I'd say, I don't expect

1491
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 2: to be from Sharon or her mother again. And my

1492
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:05,360
Speaker 2: ex wife has now moved back in with my daughter.

1493
01:08:05,160 --> 01:08:09,200
Speaker 1: And I wait, what, Wow, didn't you dude?

1494
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:13,720
Speaker 2: You gotta take that like fifty times slower