1 00:00:01,720 --> 00:00:10,640 Speaker 1: Colson Media book Club book Club, book Club Club. 2 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,719 Speaker 2: And welcome to Closon Media book Club, the only book 3 00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 2: club where you don't have to do the reading, because 4 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 2: I do it for you. And by my count, there's 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,079 Speaker 2: still a few days left of Spooky Month, and so 6 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 2: we've got one last spooky story for you this week. 7 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 2: I'm going to be reading you Fuck This Shit Manner 8 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 2: by Laurel high Tower. It's from the same twenty twenty 9 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 2: two collection It Was All a Dream, an anthology of 10 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,200 Speaker 2: bad horror tropes done right that we read you. Another 11 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 2: story from this one is lighter and funnier, because what 12 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 2: is more Halloween than a little spooky humor and making 13 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:47,919 Speaker 2: fun of ourselves? And now Fuck This Shit Manner by 14 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 2: Laurel high Tower. The house was waking. On every level 15 00:00:53,479 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 2: of the ageless monstrosity. Things were stirring, sentience returning, hunger rising. 16 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 2: The deepest, darkest corners of the hidden cellar, accessible only 17 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 2: by a broken dumbwaiter. Skeletal limbs grasped at shadows on 18 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 2: the grand ground floor. Dust mote stirred as the Grandfather 19 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 2: clock whirred and clicked and began to chime in erratic tune. 20 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 2: Figures made of thirst and nightmares flitted up the wide staircase, 21 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:27,440 Speaker 2: trailing cold fingers along neglected banisters. Nameless, hulking, drooling creatures 22 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 2: skittered and lumbered close to the ground, and in the 23 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 2: empty second floor bedrooms. In the cursed and empty nursery, 24 00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:39,400 Speaker 2: a cradle rocked on its own, while tiny webbed digits 25 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,639 Speaker 2: crept up the sides. The bolted attic door creaked open, 26 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:49,919 Speaker 2: and something ancient sighed within. Voices rose through the house, 27 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 2: and all that walked lurched and crawled there still to listen. 28 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: You're sure this rent is right, said the one they wanted, 29 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:03,680 Speaker 2: the fresh voice, the woman, completely certain. The owners want 30 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 2: to tenants of a certain caliber. A snort interrupted the caretaker, 31 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 2: but the woman shushed it, as I was saying, tenants 32 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 2: who will care for the place while they cannot. They 33 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 2: don't require money, so the rent is a token figure two. Look, 34 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's a very good deal, but utilities have 35 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 2: to be at least twice that, and a place this 36 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 2: old's got to be gas heat, right, so even with 37 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: the low rent, there's no way we could afford it. 38 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:32,760 Speaker 2: My dear madame, didn't I say the price includes all 39 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 2: utilities and my services as a groundskeeper to boot. The 40 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,239 Speaker 2: woman's voice took on a tone meaning you live here too. 41 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 2: Huh uh uh, no offense, but I'm not rooming with 42 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:47,920 Speaker 2: some weirdo. There was a pause before the caretaker continued, 43 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,680 Speaker 2: Oh no, madame, I don't stay here. I won't be 44 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,799 Speaker 2: caught here after dark. You understand, I've been serving here 45 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 2: for more years than I can count, but I never 46 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,320 Speaker 2: have and never will. 47 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 1: Right. 48 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 2: Well, that's good, I guess, and I'm expected to what 49 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 2: fix it up or something clean, No more than you 50 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 2: would any other home you lived in. Merely keep it 51 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 2: neat and your children will do the rest. My children, ha, 52 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,920 Speaker 2: I can't even get them to keep their bedrooms picked up, 53 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 2: so don't be counting on them for manual labor anyway. 54 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 2: An arrangement like that would be in violation of state 55 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 2: and federal labor laws, so that's not going to fly. 56 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 2: The house was becoming restless, impatient. It wanted fresh blood, 57 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:35,880 Speaker 2: and it wanted it now ridiculously low rent and all 58 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 2: utilities paid on a mansion like this, What was this 59 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: woman arguing about? The caretaker laughed, a creaking, wheezing sound 60 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 2: that made even the denizens of the hidden cellar winds. 61 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 2: Oh no, nothing of that kind. They will simply bring 62 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 2: life to the old place. That's what the owners want 63 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 2: very much. That in the small bit of care taking 64 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 2: we discussed earlier. Mm hmm. So the old lady's bed bound, 65 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 2: she got a home health aight or something because my 66 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 2: diaper change in days are over All she requires are 67 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 2: three meals daily placed outside her door, and to be 68 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 2: left alone. Mom, did you see the size of the backyard. 69 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 2: We could have a swing set out there. Yeah, and 70 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 2: there's got to be like twenty bedrooms. Cassie and I 71 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,920 Speaker 2: wouldn't have to share the house. Loomed closer held its breath. 72 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 2: The deal was nearly made. You think I'm dumb, old man? 73 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:30,919 Speaker 1: What No? 74 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,440 Speaker 2: I told you? The owners are looking for a special 75 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 2: kind of moron, right, I bet they are. You'd have 76 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 2: to be to take on a place like this. Mom, 77 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 2: Come on, no, we're going You know how I always 78 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 2: say there's no such thing as a free lunch. You're 79 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 2: looking at a prime example. Come on, we're leaving. Anger 80 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 2: rose through every level, muttering discontents spilled through the vents 81 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:01,240 Speaker 2: and down the stairs. The caretaker loomed large I don't 82 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 2: think this is a deal you can afford to turn down, Madam, 83 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 2: Think again, creeper. There was a hissing sound, and the 84 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: caretaker screamed, go on, kids, head for the door. A 85 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 2: thunder of footsteps signaled the departure of dinner. Fuck this 86 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 2: shit was the last they heard of the woman, as 87 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 2: the door slammed behind her. But do you know what, 88 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 2: We'll always lovingly invite you into luxury before your eminent slaughter. 89 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 2: That's right, its ads every single time. Here they are 90 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 2: and we're back. The house sagged, and its residents pulled 91 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 2: themselves from the shadows to gather in the decrepit kitchen. 92 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 2: One of the second floor ghosts knelt beside the writhing caretaker. 93 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 2: You let another one get away, Frances, You suck at this. 94 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 2: The old man sat up, pushing long and stringy hair 95 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 2: behind his ears, tears streaming down his face. She sprayed 96 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 2: me with something, he said, gasping. My eyes are on fire. Wet, 97 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 2: squishy hands lifted him up under his armpits and into 98 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 2: a chair. I think she maced you. We got any 99 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 2: milk that's supposed to help a corpse? Opened the fridge. 100 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,200 Speaker 2: It's all expired. Just use water. A dark eyed woman 101 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 2: with a noose mark around her neck lit a cigarette. 102 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 2: That's the last time you're the public face, Francis. She's 103 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 2: the sixth one you failed to close the deal with. 104 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 2: We're all going to starve at this rate. Max the 105 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 2: hell Hound whined and pressed his flank against her leg. 106 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 2: She leaned down to stroke his head, and his fiery 107 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 2: eyes rolled back in pleasure. Francis sniffed and pressed a cold, 108 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 2: mildewed rag against his streaming eyes. You think you can 109 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 2: do any better. I'm the only one with a pulse. 110 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,240 Speaker 2: This used to be easier. The giant peered between gauzy curtains. 111 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 2: The world is changing. A vampire lifted his lips. That's 112 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 2: as useful as it was the last time you said it. 113 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,119 Speaker 2: The Giant turned and frowned. My point is we need 114 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 2: to change with it. The hollowed eyed twin stared up 115 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 2: at him, lips quivering. You mean leave here, move on, 116 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:30,640 Speaker 2: The Giant sighed and turned back to the window. No, 117 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 2: I mean we need to get help from someone who 118 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,400 Speaker 2: knows more than we do about the way things work. 119 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 1: Now. 120 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: The twins joined him at the window and followed his 121 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 2: pointing finger a specialist. Each resident in their turn approached 122 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 2: the window and looked, and each nodded and smiled at 123 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 2: one another. Their hope renewed. A specialist was just what 124 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 2: they needed. Any of the phone still working, asked the 125 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 2: hanged ghost. Lottie Fraser had seen some dud houses in 126 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,960 Speaker 2: her time, houses right next to train tracks, houses falling 127 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 2: to rack and ruin, even houses where murders had taken place. 128 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 2: She'd sold every one of them, which is why she 129 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 2: was the real estate Queen of the Southeastern Quadrant. But 130 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 2: this place was going to be a challenge. She climbed 131 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:24,520 Speaker 2: the stone steps littered with leaves, her lips pursed. At 132 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 2: the dingy porch, she pushed the doorbell with one knuckle, 133 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 2: scribbling a list as she waited. Minutes later, a sunken 134 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 2: eye peered at her through the yellowed lace curtains. She 135 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:40,160 Speaker 2: didn't bother, smiling, raising an eyebrow instead. These people needed 136 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 2: to get with it. Time was money. Locks were heard 137 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 2: clicking and clacking, and the enormous door swung into darkness, 138 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 2: and a stooped man with jaundice skin in a revolting 139 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:57,200 Speaker 2: suit stood before her. Miss Frasier, I presume oh, my god, 140 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 2: Please don't tell me you're the one who's been showing 141 00:08:59,280 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 2: the place, no wonder, no one's rented from you. She 142 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 2: waved a hand at him. Back up, back up. You 143 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 2: ever heard of a space bubble? The man frowned, but 144 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 2: stepped back to allow her to enter. Lottie stepped inside 145 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 2: and wrinkled her nose. What the hell? When was the 146 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 2: last time this place had a good airing out? She 147 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 2: heard the door swinging shut behind her and raised one 148 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 2: orange tipped finger. Oh no, you don't leave that unlocked. 149 00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:29,760 Speaker 2: The caretaker raised an eyebrow, but he obeyed. She looked 150 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 2: him up and down. You the one that called my office. 151 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 2: He gave a sour smile and held out his hand. Friensis, 152 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 2: I'm hired with the manner. She looked at his dirty 153 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 2: nails and declined to shake. Francis, huh, you the only 154 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,360 Speaker 2: one here? He opened his mouth, and she leaned in closer. 155 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,319 Speaker 2: Don't even think about lying to me, Frances, I hear 156 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 2: them moving. Where's everybody hiding? Frances closed his mouth again 157 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 2: and stared, then lifted his shoulder. Any input here, he asked, 158 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:04,600 Speaker 2: The house at slowly with many creaks groans, hisses and snarls. 159 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 2: The denizens of the manner crept into the light. Lottie 160 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 2: subjected each to a critical glance, then scribbled on her 161 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 2: list again with a sigh. Once they were all assembled 162 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 2: in their nightmare glory, she pushed her hair from her forehead. 163 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 2: This everybody, she asked, and Frances nodded. Fine, y'all stay here. 164 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 2: Francis is going to give me a tour. I catch 165 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 2: any of y'all sneaking up on me, you're going to 166 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,800 Speaker 2: be sorry, you hear me. The threat the deminutive woman 167 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 2: uttered was left unspoken, but there was none among the 168 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,160 Speaker 2: gathered dead that doubted her word. They waited and a silence, 169 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 2: punctuated with glances at one another, listening to her exclamations 170 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,520 Speaker 2: of annoyance as she went over the house top to bottom. 171 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 2: When she came back down the stairs, Frances trailing dejectedly 172 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 2: in her wake, her features were scrunched. She made her 173 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 2: way to the largest sofa, waved the twins out of 174 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 2: her way, then sat and made notes in silence for 175 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:05,079 Speaker 2: several minutes. Finally, the creatures could stand it no longer, well, 176 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 2: asked the hanged woman. She lit another cigarette Lottie looked 177 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 2: up and frowned. That's the first thing to go. Put 178 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 2: that shit out and go outside to smoke in the future. 179 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 2: You can't get that smell out of upholstery for love 180 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 2: or money. The ghost gaped, I can't go outside the 181 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 2: bounds of the house. I'll disappear. Lottie's expression remained unchanged. 182 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 2: Not my problem. You asked for my help, and I'm 183 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,880 Speaker 2: telling you what you need. She grimaced down at her list, 184 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 2: which so far is taking up three pages. The giant 185 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:41,439 Speaker 2: spoke before anyone else could tell us, we're willing to learn. 186 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 2: She eyed him. For starters, you all have to give 187 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,520 Speaker 2: this place a good cleaning. Cobwebs, dust, the smell of decay. 188 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 2: Nobody wants to live with that shit. I'm surprised you 189 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 2: got anyone over the threshold. They grumbled, but there were 190 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 2: nods all around. Max lifted a lip and a growl 191 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 2: started to shake the room, stench of sulfur choking the spirit. 192 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 2: Still capable of smell, Lottie waved a hand in front 193 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 2: of her face and looked at the beast. Lord, have mercy, 194 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:13,280 Speaker 2: What the hell have you been feeding him? The vampire sputtered, 195 00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 2: that's not gas. He's a hell hound. Lottie snapped her 196 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 2: fingers and Max's ears dropped. He stopped growling and came 197 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 2: to sniff at her hand. She leaned close to scratch 198 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 2: under his studded collar, and he pressed close to her side. 199 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 2: Whatever it is, you'd best put stinky boy outside before 200 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,440 Speaker 2: you bring anyone else in. Who's a gassy hell hound? 201 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:36,680 Speaker 2: You are, aren't you? 202 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:37,079 Speaker 1: Boy? 203 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,840 Speaker 2: The fire went out of the dog's eyes and his 204 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:43,000 Speaker 2: tail thumped. Everyone bit their lip at the sight of 205 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,079 Speaker 2: one of Hell's most feared and forcers, brought low by 206 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 2: scretches and a ridiculous voice. Lottie straightened and swung back 207 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,880 Speaker 2: to Frances. Next, there's you. You need to clear right 208 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 2: the fuck off when you've got a potential renter here. 209 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: He sniffed and straightened. Madam, I am the only one 210 00:13:01,559 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 2: here who is capable. You're capable of giving people the creeps, 211 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 2: that's for sure. She waved a hand to indicate this 212 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 2: whole person. Your look just screams rapist. Okay, I don't 213 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 2: care who has to do it. You stay out of sight, 214 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 2: and this whole I come with the house thing is 215 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 2: over as of now, no one wants a skeazy guy 216 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:25,320 Speaker 2: beating off in the shrubbery. Okay, people value privacy. I 217 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 2: would never not interested. We're talking an aesthetic here, and 218 00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 2: yours is fucked. She eyed the hanged ghost. You're visible 219 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:39,640 Speaker 2: inside the house. Yeah, the woman frowned. I am but cool. 220 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,920 Speaker 2: Get you a turtleneck and some makeup. You're golden. You 221 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 2: want a woman anyway, less threatening to other women, more 222 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 2: enticing to male renters. Don't overdo it with the sex 223 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 2: kitten thing, though, but I Lottie mowed her over. As 224 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 2: for the rest of you, and I can't stress this enough. 225 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 2: Stay the fuck out of sight, and not just that. 226 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 2: Ease up on this whole needy vibe you've got going here. 227 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,640 Speaker 2: You lean in like vampires. As soon as someone comes in, 228 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,720 Speaker 2: people are going to get edgy. Everyone made a studious 229 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 2: effort to avoid looking at the vampire while he stared 230 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,960 Speaker 2: at the scuffed wooden floor. And speaking of avoiding vampires, 231 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 2: here's one vampire you will never be able to avoid 232 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,800 Speaker 2: unless theoretically speaking, you were to hit the fast forward 233 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 2: fifteen second spot a bunch of times. I don't know. 234 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 2: You can't avoid them, and I wouldn't want to. It's 235 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 2: the products and services that support this show, and we're back. 236 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 2: Lottie sorted through her stack of paperwork brought a fresh 237 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 2: sheet to the top. Now let's talk rent and marketing. 238 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 2: How much are you charging for this dump? When someone 239 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 2: muttered a number from a dark corner, she turned slow 240 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,520 Speaker 2: in her seat until she faced them. Are you kidding me? 241 00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 2: Why not just put a blinking neon sign that says 242 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 2: this is a trap? Francis coughed, excuse me, that low 243 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: rent figure has been instrumental in getting applicants through the door. 244 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 2: No one can resist, right, they got through the door, 245 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,360 Speaker 2: but do they stay? Silence answered her, and she nodded. 246 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 2: That's what I thought. You can't make it astronomical, but 247 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 2: you have to make it believable. A second floor ghost 248 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:32,920 Speaker 2: spoke up. There is the matter of the care taking 249 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 2: that makes it more realistic, doesn't it. Lottie frowned. Care taking? 250 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,120 Speaker 2: You mean lurch over there. She jabbed a thumb at Francis. 251 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 2: The ghost cleared its throat. No, it's part of the 252 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 2: rent arrangement. The tenants are responsible for light care taking 253 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 2: of Mama. Lottie set down her stack on the couch 254 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:58,200 Speaker 2: beside her. Who the fuck is mama. Her gaze fell 255 00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,320 Speaker 2: on the web fingered infant, who showed her head. Don't 256 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 2: look at me, no relation. The resident of the third 257 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: floor bathtub spoke up, Wetley, Well, it's just what we 258 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 2: call her. She doesn't leave the attic rooms, so she 259 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,120 Speaker 2: doesn't bother anyone, but she requires three meals a day. 260 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 2: Lottie crossed her arms. That shit's got to go too. 261 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 2: They gaped at her. The hanged ghost cleared her throat. 262 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 2: What what should we do with her? Once again, not 263 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 2: my problem. I'm just telling you no one, but no 264 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 2: one is going to want to rent a place that 265 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 2: comes with an unseen attic roommate who needs babysitting. People 266 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 2: like to feel comfortable and enjoy themselves in their homes. 267 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:42,320 Speaker 2: That means being able to relax, unwind, be themselves screw 268 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 2: and no one is going to want to have sex 269 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: with that hanging over them. She doesn't doesn't matter, get 270 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 2: rid of her. Moving on, Now, where are you advertising? 271 00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 2: And first? No one answer. As everyone struggled to catch 272 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 2: up to the image of a mansion without mama, there 273 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 2: was a guilty amount of leaf in the picture. The 274 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:06,520 Speaker 2: usual places, said Francis. At last, that eyebrow went up again, 275 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 2: meaning where more glances were exchanged, and Francis petered out 276 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:15,919 Speaker 2: under her gaze. The twins spoke up in unison, the newspaper, 277 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 2: classified ads, of course, and the community message board. Lottie 278 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 2: whipped around to look at them, raised a finger again. 279 00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,439 Speaker 2: Do not, under any circumstances do that again. You are 280 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 2: separate people, no matter what tired tropes have told you, 281 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,120 Speaker 2: so act like it. The girls exchanged stunned looks, then 282 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 2: slowly let go of one another's hands. Lotty nodded and 283 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:42,040 Speaker 2: looked back at Francis. Newspaper classifieds, for fock's sake, the 284 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 2: city paper. At least, Francis lowered his gaze. No, there's 285 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 2: a free community paper. Lotty dropped her head into her 286 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 2: hand's eyes squeezed shut. You're advertising in this neighborhood, Is 287 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 2: that wrong? Asked the giant. Lottie lifted her head. When 288 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 2: was the last time any of you look outside? Do 289 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,200 Speaker 2: you know where you live? The median income in this area? 290 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:08,919 Speaker 2: Francis smiled back, on safe ground, of course, that's been 291 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 2: a key to our success. These people have never been 292 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 2: inside a mansion like this, let alone lived in one, 293 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,159 Speaker 2: and to be able to do so for less than 294 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 2: the lowest rent of one of those homes that surround us. 295 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 2: Why every time we post one of those flyers with 296 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 2: the little strips of paper, every last one gets taken. 297 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 2: A wizened corpse tapped its chest. Those were my idea, 298 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,360 Speaker 2: it said, with a grin lotty massage or temples. These 299 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 2: are working class people, folks who've struggled with poverty, addiction, 300 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,480 Speaker 2: cycles of abuse, and neglect. Not all of them, but 301 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 2: everyone here has had to work for what they have, 302 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,439 Speaker 2: and every one of them is going to give the 303 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:51,960 Speaker 2: side eye to something that seems too good to be true. 304 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,080 Speaker 2: They might be tempted, they might even come look, but 305 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 2: in the end their sense of self preservation is going 306 00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:02,040 Speaker 2: to save them. The room was island, the words fuck 307 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 2: this shit ringing in their ears, the phrase they'd heard 308 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,439 Speaker 2: far too often of late. As unpleasant as it was 309 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,720 Speaker 2: to hear, Lottie was right, and this was, after all 310 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 2: why they'd called a specialist. The giant straightened his great shoulders. Okay, 311 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,640 Speaker 2: then tell us what to do. Any of you even 312 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 2: remotely familiar with social media? Francis shook his head and 313 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,040 Speaker 2: began to answer when one of the twins raised a hand. 314 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,920 Speaker 2: He glared at her, but she shrugged. A kid dropped 315 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,199 Speaker 2: a phone once. I don't use much data and as 316 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: one of those pay as you go one, so I've 317 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:37,520 Speaker 2: just been adding like five gigs every six months and 318 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:42,600 Speaker 2: there's literally nothing else to do. Lottie gave her a nod. Good. 319 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 2: So your targets are going to be easier to find 320 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 2: on social media venues. You can narrow by geography if 321 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,439 Speaker 2: you want, but honestly, you'd be surprised how many of 322 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,639 Speaker 2: these types of people are willing to pick up and 323 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,360 Speaker 2: move their whole lives cross country just to take advantage 324 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 2: of a windfall. She took out her own phone and 325 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:02,560 Speaker 2: began scrolling one twin either shoulder. Several other residents gathered 326 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:08,000 Speaker 2: behind her. Okay, see here's what I'm talking about, Amber Bradley. 327 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 2: Look at the number of tweets she has complaining about weight, 328 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 2: staff and food service. Her fucking breakfast taco was delayed 329 00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 2: three minutes and she's literally crying over it. Lottie scrolled further. 330 00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,439 Speaker 2: You can tell she's never had a real job in 331 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:25,480 Speaker 2: her life. But there's tons of photos of expensive vehicles, vacations, 332 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 2: meals that cost more than my commissions. The vampire frowned. 333 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:36,560 Speaker 2: So rich people, Lottie shook her head. N entitled people, 334 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:39,440 Speaker 2: there's a difference. You're looking for folks so privileged they 335 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:42,120 Speaker 2: don't even realize. They are the kind of people who 336 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,960 Speaker 2: won't think it's sketchy to be able to rent a 337 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 2: whole friggin mansion for a few hundred bucks a month, 338 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 2: and you don't even have to charge rent if you 339 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,480 Speaker 2: want to go another angle. Pick a specific target and 340 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:55,479 Speaker 2: tell them they've gotten inheritance from who asked the hanged 341 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 2: ghost or brow furrow, Lottie laughed, Who cares? Make up 342 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 2: someone old and obscure? Tell them they are chosen because, 343 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 2: oh hell, I don't know. Make up something to make 344 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:09,119 Speaker 2: them feel special. The twins were scrolling through the feed. Uugh, 345 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 2: this woman looks awful. Look at how long she rants 346 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,080 Speaker 2: because they misspelled her name at Starbucks. Sounds like an 347 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:19,320 Speaker 2: ideal tenant. She stood, brushed off her bottom, and handed 348 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,439 Speaker 2: her work to the hang ghost. I think that about 349 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,560 Speaker 2: covers it. That's a detailed list, and there's more information 350 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,880 Speaker 2: in the booklet. Y'all have a lot of work to do, 351 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:31,919 Speaker 2: but this place has potential. The giant stepped forward, holding 352 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 2: out an envelope stuffed with cash. Miss Frasier. I can't 353 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 2: tell you how much we appreciate you coming out. Lottie 354 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:43,359 Speaker 2: stuffed the cash into her purse. You just did, she said, 355 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 2: and shook his hand. I want to see this place 356 00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,600 Speaker 2: in tiptop shape next time I drive by. I have 357 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 2: other properties in this neighborhood, you know. They all gathered 358 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 2: to wave her off, and as Lottie adjusted her blouse 359 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,400 Speaker 2: in the reflection of her Kia's window, she shook off 360 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:01,680 Speaker 2: the chill and dank of the hank to mansion. Fuck 361 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,159 Speaker 2: that shit, she muttered, then gave a wide smile. She 362 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 2: placed another of her signs in the mansions We Choked 363 00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:14,640 Speaker 2: Yard and Long Live the Queen of the Southeastern Quadrant. Yeah, 364 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,680 Speaker 2: I don't know, that's the story, the end of fuck 365 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 2: this shit manner, Okay. Like, mostly I like this story 366 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,240 Speaker 2: because it's fun and it was fun to try and 367 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 2: do voices for it. But also I love that modern, 368 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,760 Speaker 2: even goofy science fiction has a decent or genre fiction 369 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,919 Speaker 2: whatever the fuck, has like decent class analysis in it. 370 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 2: Like I love that it's just like you know, the 371 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:38,400 Speaker 2: talking about being like you think people just because they're 372 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 2: desperate they're going to move into this place. No, the 373 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 2: people who you can actually like fuck over are the 374 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 2: like rich people who think they're entitled to shit. It's 375 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 2: so good and I love a clever story as long 376 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 2: as it's well written. And what Laurel high Tower, the 377 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,120 Speaker 2: author a fuck the shit manner, has to say about it. 378 00:22:56,119 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 2: The Haunted House is now and forever will be my 379 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,159 Speaker 2: favorite horror trope. I love ghosts and ghoulies and the 380 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,840 Speaker 2: atmosphere of a good haunting, but there are a couple 381 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:08,040 Speaker 2: of key points that every story must address. The first 382 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 2: is why the hell do these characters stay in the 383 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,360 Speaker 2: damn house? I love seeing how authors approach this, one 384 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:16,280 Speaker 2: of my favorites being the film His House. The main 385 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,639 Speaker 2: characters literally have nowhere else to go. The other question 386 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 2: that started bugging me was how on earth do these 387 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 2: people keep ending up in these places? A classic cozy, 388 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 2: weird inheritance take can certainly be done well, and a 389 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 2: lot of times that's enough. But in the age of 390 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:34,879 Speaker 2: smartphones and uber it gets less and less believable that 391 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 2: a person would just drop their whole life to move 392 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 2: into crazy aunts. So and So's isolated mansion with creaky floors, 393 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 2: footsteps in the night, and that one door you absolutely 394 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:47,920 Speaker 2: can't open. Oh my god, what were you thinking. It's 395 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,480 Speaker 2: insulting to those of us who grew up struggling or 396 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 2: working class that we just be so grateful. We serve 397 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 2: ourselves up on a platter to whatever lurks behind closed doors. 398 00:23:57,720 --> 00:24:00,760 Speaker 2: If anything, we're liable to side anything that seems too 399 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 2: good to be true. But ghosts got to eat, so 400 00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 2: how do they adapt it changing times and attitudes? I 401 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,000 Speaker 2: loved exploring this concept in a tongue in cheek fashion 402 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,679 Speaker 2: with fuck the shit manner. I initially wrote it in 403 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,399 Speaker 2: twenty twenty, gifted to a wonderful but now defunct website 404 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: for does the Dog Die in This? I'm thrilled to 405 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 2: see it live again as the residents of the manor 406 00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 2: put up their own struggle for survival and Laurel's bio 407 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:31,639 Speaker 2: is Laurel high Tower grew up in Kentucky, attending college 408 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 2: in California and Tennessee before returning home to Horse Country, 409 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 2: where she lives with her husband's son and a rescue pitbull. 410 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,040 Speaker 2: She works as a paralegal in a mid sized firm 411 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 2: wrangling litigators by day and writing at night. A bourbon 412 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 2: and beer girl, she's a fan of horror movies and 413 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 2: true life ghost stories. She is the author of Whispers 414 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:55,919 Speaker 2: in the Dark, Crossroads and Below, and co edited the 415 00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:00,360 Speaker 2: charity anthology We Are Wolves, as well as a Dead 416 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,679 Speaker 2: Inside an Identity horror anthology. Her short fiction has appeared 417 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 2: in several publications, and you can keep up with her 418 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 2: work at her website, which is Laurelhtower dot com. And 419 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,399 Speaker 2: Laurel is spelled l a u r e L and 420 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 2: high Towers h I G h t O w e 421 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:22,280 Speaker 2: r dot com. Anyway, that's the book Club, and We've 422 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 2: got a special tree for you next week, but I'm 423 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 2: not going to tell you what it is because you're 424 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,200 Speaker 2: gonna have to wait. And don't worry in my heart. 425 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 2: Every month the Spooky Month. Hi everyone. 426 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: It could happen here as a production of cool Zone Media. 427 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,600 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from cool Zone Media, visit our website 428 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 1: cool zonemedia dot com, or check us out on the 429 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,480 Speaker 1: Iheard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. 430 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: You can find sources where it Could Happen here, updated 431 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,160 Speaker 1: monthly at cool Zonemedia dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening.