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Speaker 1: Two hopeless daters.

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Speaker 2: One dating app then dares you swipe right. The question

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Speaker 2: is whose love life is more tragic.

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Speaker 1: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.

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Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that encourages you to start

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Speaker 3: every first date by asking how fertile they are on

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Speaker 3: a scale of one to the Dugger family.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Okay, we're there.

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Speaker 3: That's what we're doing now, Battle of the Tinder Dates,

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Speaker 3: where two of our listeners go head to head to

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Speaker 3: find out whose love life is the most tragic. We'll

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Speaker 3: go over the rules in just a second, but first

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Speaker 3: let's meet today's contestants.

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Speaker 1: In this corner, she'll let you know she's.

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Speaker 3: In the mood by letting one large drop of saliva

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Speaker 3: fall from her mouth down onto your pant leg. Julia, Julia,

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Speaker 3: keep a little handkerchief next to you, wipe it up.

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Speaker 3: And in the other corner, she loves giving erotic back

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Speaker 3: massages using the two plastic baby hands she keeps in

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Speaker 3: her nightstand.

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Speaker 1: Say hello to tiny Limb Kim cow boys.

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Speaker 4: You're welcome.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe just really getting those little spots.

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Speaker 4: You're so right.

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Speaker 1: Here's how the game works.

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Speaker 3: One contestant will start by telling one of their worst

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Speaker 3: date stories. Then the other will try and counter with

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Speaker 3: a nightmare story of their own. We're going back and

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Speaker 3: forth for three rounds until we declare a winner.

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Speaker 1: Let's start it off with Julia. Julia, go for it.

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Speaker 2: So I met him Borrows my date, and in the

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Speaker 2: middle of our combo, she looks like he's kind of

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Speaker 2: like doodling on a napkin. And I look at it

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Speaker 2: and he says it's Talie marks marks, eight of them,

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Speaker 2: Talie mark tally marks. You're really boring, doodle if it's

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Speaker 2: just a bunch of lines.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's weird exactly.

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Speaker 2: And I side, what is that for? And he says

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Speaker 2: he's keeping track of how many jokes I laugh at.

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Speaker 3: I thought he was making those cool asses we used

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Speaker 3: to make in school to.

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Speaker 1: See sorry, but what Yeah, the track when you laugh.

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Speaker 4: You should feel pretty good. It's pretty high.

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Speaker 2: Actually, he said eleven is this high school? Now?

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Speaker 1: Did you laugh again at that?

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Speaker 2: Or no? I did not?

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Speaker 1: After that? So tiny limb kim over to you.

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Speaker 4: Oh okay. Well, a guy asked me if I wanted

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Speaker 4: to do a painting ship night and I was like, cute.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, those are so fine.

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Speaker 4: It's like one of my favorite things to do. But

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Speaker 4: I shot up to his house. Turns out we're repainting

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Speaker 4: the living room.

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Speaker 1: Wait, is that what I can call it when I

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Speaker 1: need to redo a room? A mountain or something?

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Speaker 4: Hey, girls, get over to my house. The worst part

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Speaker 4: is the ship wasn't even wine, it was mountain dew.

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Speaker 1: You didn't stay? Did you treat me like a real

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Speaker 1: pain and crew.

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Speaker 3: All right around too? That means Julie's tossing it back

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Speaker 3: to you.

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Speaker 2: So I show up to meet my date for dinner

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Speaker 2: and I get a text from him saying he's already there.

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Speaker 2: I look around the restaurant and I don't see him,

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Speaker 2: and he texts me again and he tells me to

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Speaker 2: walk over by the window. So I do, and there

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Speaker 2: he is literally squatting down and I'm like, what are

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Speaker 2: you doing? And he said he's too strong for chairs.

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Speaker 2: Too strong for chairs, He said he doesn't need them.

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Speaker 3: Oh, he's just gonna like he's gonna wall sit without

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Speaker 3: a chair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So I sit down to the table and he

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Speaker 2: literally eats the food like while he's on the floor.

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Speaker 2: Like our whole date, He's like sitting there like a dog.

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Speaker 1: It's so cute. Do you want to get you down here,

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Speaker 1: crisscross apples? What you want the body to just happen? Girl? Cam?

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Speaker 1: Can you counter?

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Speaker 4: Well? My date spent all night talking to me about

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Speaker 4: his property then he owns, but he was being like

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Speaker 4: really vague about it, okay, So finally I was just like,

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Speaker 4: what are you talking about? The rental houses? An apartment conflict?

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Speaker 4: Like what?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: And he pulls out his phone and finally shows me

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Speaker 4: pictures of his property. Turns out he went fifty to

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Speaker 4: fifty with his dad on two vending machines inside a laundromat.

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Speaker 1: What machines? Do you think it's a house or something?

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Speaker 1: And then she saw mountain dew in the vending machine.

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Speaker 1: She's like, oh I got again.

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Speaker 3: Oh okay, onto our third and final round here. That

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Speaker 3: means we need your best stories, lady. So, Julia, Julia,

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Speaker 3: what have you got?

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Speaker 2: So? I was doing a picnic date at a park

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Speaker 2: and I couldn't focus because someone was flying a drone

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Speaker 2: like literally right next to us, like right over it.

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Speaker 2: It was so loud, so I actually he could move

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Speaker 2: spots and the drone just have following us the whole day. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you think some weirdo is like taking pictures of you

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Speaker 2: or something. Yeah, it was really weird and I felt

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Speaker 2: really uncomfortable, so I cut the date short and off

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Speaker 2: we in our separate ways. He sends me a text

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Speaker 2: message with the drone footage of us.

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Speaker 1: Oh it was his drone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he says he asked his friend to record it

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Speaker 2: so that we had our first memory together.

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Speaker 4: Record it.

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Speaker 1: For the lawsuit. That's that's kind of nice.

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Speaker 4: Secret camera is on date.

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Speaker 1: It's always a good idea, very sexy. Can you got

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Speaker 1: your work cut out for you? We need your last story.

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Speaker 4: My Tinder date invited me to dinner and staid he

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Speaker 4: thought it cool place on TikTok that he wanted to try. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I thought so too, And then he ends up driving

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Speaker 4: us for the Rainforest Cafe, which I mean.

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Speaker 2: That's.

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 2: Listen, as a kid that grew up in a small town,

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Speaker 2: I did not know these listed in adulthood.

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Speaker 1: And it blew my mind. Hot first date location, How

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Speaker 1: did that go? Well?

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Speaker 4: Same, but he apparently had never tried it, so he

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Speaker 4: was really excited.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: So we're sitting at this table and we're in between

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Speaker 4: two families obviously.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So then when the thunderstorm came on, he wasn't expecting it,

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Speaker 4: and he screamed.

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Speaker 1: What's happening here? Oh my god?

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Speaker 3: What's the worst part?

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Speaker 4: Isn't scared the kids at the other table and they

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Speaker 4: started crying.

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Speaker 1: Imagine that when the adults are getting scared. That is terrifying.

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Speaker 1: We got the final bell.

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Speaker 3: That means the match is over and we need to

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Speaker 3: score this. Give it over to the judges. Alexis, who are.

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Speaker 1: You voting for? Kim for the paint and Sip for

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Speaker 1: Kim Brooks. I think I gotta go Julia with the drone.

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Speaker 3: Guy Jose gets the final say, I gotta go Rainforest Cafe.

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Speaker 1: Baby, Kim.

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Speaker 3: You wait, that means congratulates tiny limb.

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Speaker 1: Kim, you are this week's Mistress of Misery. How does

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Speaker 1: it feel?

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's a dubious title, but it's a title nonetheless.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you read that badge with pride and honor. Congratulations

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Speaker 3: Kim and text in to seven eight, five, nine two

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Speaker 3: if you want to appear on the next edition of

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Speaker 3: Battle of the Tender Dates.

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Speaker 1: We got your phone tap coming up.

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Speaker 4: Brooking Jeffrey in the morning