Speaker 1: Okay, hi everybody. Oh, welcome to what is the name
Speaker 1: of this podcast again, dear Chelsea is what it's called. Welcome?
Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi, Hi. I noticed your hair is all
Speaker 1: pink today. It is, It'll be a different color tomorrow.
Speaker 1: I don't understand how you get away with dyeing your
Speaker 1: hair so many different colors and then your hair remaining
Speaker 1: on your head. If I did that to my hair,
Speaker 1: I would have no hair. It's actually a color depositing conditioner,
Speaker 1: which is great, so it actually makes a nice and
Speaker 1: healthy and soft and yeah, it looks very shiny and silky.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Your husband must really really like running his
Speaker 1: fingers through your hair, you know. I actually asked him recently,
Speaker 1: of all the colors of hair I've had, I've had teal, pink, purple,
Speaker 1: all kinds of things. I said, of all the colors
Speaker 1: I've had, what's your favorite? And he said brown, very pointedtly,
Speaker 1: so you know, but he loves me anyway, So you
Speaker 1: dyed pink. That's nice. Good for you, Good for you. Well.
Speaker 1: We have a very very special guest today. We are
Speaker 1: actually recording this out of New York City because I'm
Speaker 1: on tour with my lover Joe Koy, who was performing
Speaker 1: all weekend in various parts of the Eastern Seaboard. Well, Albany,
Speaker 1: we started in that's not really the Eastern Seaboard, but
Speaker 1: it's part of the East Coast. Then we went to Portland, Maine,
Speaker 1: where he had a show, and then we ended it
Speaker 1: at the King's Theater in Brooklyn last night, which was
Speaker 1: fucking awesome and a beautiful old theater and he crushed it.
Speaker 1: And I did guess That's all weekend with him, which
Speaker 1: was super fun. And yeah, I've been talking about him
Speaker 1: a lot recently, so I thought there would be no
Speaker 1: better way to start season two of my podcast than
Speaker 1: to bring my paramore on with me and discuss our
Speaker 1: beautiful love story. Honey Bunny, Hi, Joe Koy, Oh, I
Speaker 1: love you in uh well, I thought it would be
Speaker 1: nice to share with my listeners since you know, I
Speaker 1: always I'm talking about how fucking stupid and annoying men are,
Speaker 1: and I know a lot of people think I hate men,
Speaker 1: but that's really not the case. I hate a very
Speaker 1: as Joe actually put it, I hate do you want
Speaker 1: to finish it? I hate a very specific kind of guy, right,
Speaker 1: finish it? No, he doesn't want to finish it. He
Speaker 1: just because there are certain things that only you can say. Well, no,
Speaker 1: you're a guy, so you can kind of you can.
Speaker 1: I can say whatever I want. And you're also Filipinos,
Speaker 1: so you can say whatever you want right now. This
Speaker 1: is this is your free zone right now. Yeah, how's
Speaker 1: my opportunity. But you said somebody was talking about me
Speaker 1: on something you did, and I heard you say. They said,
Speaker 1: doesn't Chelsea Handler hate white men? And you said, no,
Speaker 1: she hates a very specific kind of white man. So
Speaker 1: and I don't hate them, but I dislike them a
Speaker 1: great deal. But I'm so excited to be with a
Speaker 1: man that I don't hate, is what I'm saying, and
Speaker 1: that obviously this is very helpful for all of our
Speaker 1: listeners who probably agree with me or feel the same
Speaker 1: way I do about men, which is a little bit
Speaker 1: hopeless and a little bit frustrated that there isn't a
Speaker 1: better selection. And then I found out that the best
Speaker 1: selection was just standing right in front of my face,
Speaker 1: and I didn't even notice it for a really long time.
Speaker 1: And I know you know you did. Well, I know
Speaker 1: that's your version of things. Why don't you actually tell
Speaker 1: your version. That's actually the best version. It's my version.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to hear it. Why don't you extrapolate that
Speaker 1: on that, honey, your version of since since let's take
Speaker 1: people back in case they're not familiar with the fact
Speaker 1: that we've known each other for a very long time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we we've known each other for very long months seven months,
Speaker 1: seven months, eighteen years, eighteen years, sixteen years, vague. Joe
Speaker 1: has a lot of memories. Let's be honest. Joe has
Speaker 1: a lot of memories that I do not recall. Hers
Speaker 1: are lost. She she had them and then she lost them.
Speaker 1: I have a six month memory. I think the furthest
Speaker 1: you go back is eight hours and then everything's a blur.
Speaker 1: She's like, what happened at midnight? No, that's not true, honey.
Speaker 1: First of all, wait, first, well, let's start this just
Speaker 1: what makes what makes me sad is that you don't
Speaker 1: remember any of the things that I remember in my head.
Speaker 1: In my head, it's just it's such a beautiful story.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm finished telling you, you go, really
Speaker 1: that happened. It's a cute story though, Because so Joe
Speaker 1: was on my show Chelsea lately, my very old show
Speaker 1: that I had for seven or eight years and which
Speaker 1: was super fun. We had a lot of fun on
Speaker 1: that show, and we had a lot of comedians on
Speaker 1: that show, and show was like one of the top
Speaker 1: comedians that was always on because he always delivered, and
Speaker 1: he was always funny and always sweet, and we had
Speaker 1: a good repartee going all the time. You interpreted that
Speaker 1: as a sexual flirtatious not gonna do this is exactly
Speaker 1: for a really long time, honey, and the world had
Speaker 1: a crush on you know, you had a very specific
Speaker 1: crush on me. We had good chemistry. Our chemist, she
Speaker 1: was amazing, Yes, and you thought that chemistry was sexual,
Speaker 1: And never did I ever say that. I thought it
Speaker 1: was comedic. Katherine, are you listening to this? Katherine's listening.
Speaker 1: She's a producer. She has to listen, whether she wants
Speaker 1: to or not. No, that's not how it went down.
Speaker 1: We just had our chemistry was so good. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: our banter was organic, It was genuine, and I think
Speaker 1: the fans saw that. I think everyone knew that right
Speaker 1: whenever I was on the panel, they knew that Chelsea
Speaker 1: and I were going to go at it and it
Speaker 1: was going to be fun. Yeah, it wasn't gonna be scripted, right,
Speaker 1: But it was abusive on my end, very abusive. I
Speaker 1: abused you. Hey, but you know what, that's what therapies for, therapy.
Speaker 1: But what you mean you being on the show was
Speaker 1: like therapy getting abused by me. No, no, going after
Speaker 1: the show. I was going to therapy after the show
Speaker 1: do but about ten years. But no, I was abusive
Speaker 1: with him, But that's kind of it was fun. Well,
Speaker 1: it was fun for you because you have a great
Speaker 1: attitude about everything, honey, especially with regard to me. In retrospect,
Speaker 1: I realized said it was abusive in a very schoolyard
Speaker 1: playground kind of way, which when the girl has a
Speaker 1: crush on the kid on the guy, and that's what
Speaker 1: it was, just like had a crush. Okay, well okay,
Speaker 1: I didn't know if I had a crush on you.
Speaker 1: I didn't know about it. But if you believe that's true,
Speaker 1: what's happened so far in our relationship is that Joe's
Speaker 1: version of things eventually becomes my version of things because
Speaker 1: I eventually capitulate And wait, are you saying I'm manipulating you?
Speaker 1: Is peple? You have a narrative which is always positive
Speaker 1: sunshine and roses and that eventually I just get on
Speaker 1: board with your narrative. And I tell Katherine, what you
Speaker 1: think I did? This was a plan, Okay, let me
Speaker 1: tell you there's an outline to this eighteen year strategy
Speaker 1: that I've done. This was all strategically planned, put together
Speaker 1: a timeline. Joe had a vision board, okay, and he
Speaker 1: had and then he manifested all of this exactly. And
Speaker 1: so there was a trip to Hawaii and then there
Speaker 1: was a picture of Chelsea right next to it. So
Speaker 1: let's just say the trip to Hawaii crossed out eighteen
Speaker 1: years ago. I'll tell you my version of it because
Speaker 1: it's really cute. And and again, I just want women
Speaker 1: to understand, like if I fell in love with somebody
Speaker 1: and I and I feel this way and I'm so
Speaker 1: excited and like committed and devoted, then I really do
Speaker 1: believe that there is a lid for every pot, and
Speaker 1: that that's not the most romantic way to frame it,
Speaker 1: but I do believe that like women shouldn't ever. First
Speaker 1: of all, you should never be desperate about meeting somebody,
Speaker 1: because that's not how you meet somebody. You should just
Speaker 1: make sure you're keeping your eyes open with a the
Speaker 1: people who are already in your life and be the
Speaker 1: people that you may not look at that way or
Speaker 1: think of that way, but you do really have a
Speaker 1: lot of respect and caring for because those feelings can
Speaker 1: develop it to something else. And I thought for sure
Speaker 1: that would never happen to me because truthfully, I felt
Speaker 1: like you were like, you know, brother energy, Which is
Speaker 1: funny because you do have my brother's energy, my brother
Speaker 1: that passed away. You have a lot. He is a
Speaker 1: lot of similar qualities that my brother had. So in
Speaker 1: many ways, like I just feel so completely safe and
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, this is family. Like I I've
Speaker 1: always felt that way about you, that your family. I
Speaker 1: just didn't want to suck you before. But so what
Speaker 1: happened was so Joe had a book called Mixed Plate
Speaker 1: that was being released before the pandemic, right right before
Speaker 1: the pandemic. Yeah, so bad timing, actually bad timing. So
Speaker 1: please get yourself a copy of Mixed Plate, okay, and
Speaker 1: then send it to us and we'll both sign it.
Speaker 1: And he asked me for a blurb, right, He texted me,
Speaker 1: I hadn't heard from you in years, right, years? Years?
Speaker 1: I said, of course, and he sent me the book
Speaker 1: and read it in a day, like she always does
Speaker 1: with books. She has a library stored inside her brain.
Speaker 1: And that's the truth. You always have a different book
Speaker 1: with you and like the next day it's like another book,
Speaker 1: another you'd ripped through. I did a quote that Bert
Speaker 1: Chrisher sent me a quote, right, just like this motivating,
Speaker 1: motivational quote. You know, you don't do quote, you read
Speaker 1: a quote. Just let me finish this, okay, and then
Speaker 1: you'll be right for the rest of the show. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: And then so he sent me this quote. I read
Speaker 1: it to Chelsea and then she knew exactly who the
Speaker 1: quote was from. And it's just like that stats who
Speaker 1: Chelsea is? Mary Anne Williamson. It was a Mary Anne
Speaker 1: Williamson quote, and you know she I read it, and
Speaker 1: by the way, the way I read is not good,
Speaker 1: So for her it's not understanding what I was saying.
Speaker 1: If anyone in this relationship is going to read something,
Speaker 1: it's going to be me. Hey, han, I already already
Speaker 1: told the world I can't read. Okay, you don't have to.
Speaker 1: You have so many other childs you can read. Just
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, you can not. Well, that's not Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's well, actually that was good. Well anyway, back to
Speaker 1: my literacy, but no, and then I asked her for
Speaker 1: the quote and then she goes, Okay, I'm gonna write
Speaker 1: this for you. Excellent. Yeah, she wrote this amazing quote.
Speaker 1: And then he texted me and he said, can I
Speaker 1: call you? And I said, not if you're going to
Speaker 1: hit on me? Do you tell what I really said?
Speaker 1: You said, because you go, I go, can I text you?
Speaker 1: And then you go, not if you're trying to fuck me?
Speaker 1: And then I go, God, Chelsea, do you think everyone
Speaker 1: just wants to funk you something like that? I don't
Speaker 1: think you wrote that, but you said, God Chelsea, And
Speaker 1: of course you know I have stood good go through
Speaker 1: our text chains for the and finding that one. Okay,
Speaker 1: any anyway, so then we started talking. You started calling me,
Speaker 1: and then you came over to my old house one night.
Speaker 1: We hung out. We got stoned, and we laughed on
Speaker 1: my couch. But it was COVID times, so we definitely
Speaker 1: kept our distance until we hugged. Well we hugged, but
Speaker 1: we had masks on. So we hung out at my
Speaker 1: house and we had a great time, really fun, right,
Speaker 1: We laughed our asses. He bought me a product little person.
Speaker 1: I said, you could take that right back, because I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not going to wear a purse that
Speaker 1: says product on it. I don't like labels like that.
Speaker 1: And you were offended, of course, But we had a
Speaker 1: fun time anyway. And then I went to Whistler for
Speaker 1: three four months and then we faced times all the
Speaker 1: time because you were up my ass. Well, I was
Speaker 1: in Whistler and you were so excited about my skiing
Speaker 1: and you were jealous of the skiing, right, and yeah,
Speaker 1: he's skied and then he's skied in Vegas, so that's
Speaker 1: a different kind of skiing. But skiing it's snow and
Speaker 1: then there's okay, so it's skiing difference. What am I
Speaker 1: skiing down sand dunes? I don't know, are you? But
Speaker 1: it's an indoor skiing in Minnesota. It's it's not, No,
Speaker 1: it's outdoor. It's on a mountain. You thought was that
Speaker 1: cir circus just going down black Diamonds. Anyway, that happened,
Speaker 1: and then you sent me a bunch of flannels which
Speaker 1: were really cute because my brother chat that I talked
Speaker 1: about in my book, and we've talked about on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Used to wear flannels all the time, and even when
Speaker 1: he passed away, I remember I would go into his
Speaker 1: closet and he had this like curtain in his closet
Speaker 1: and I would go in there and just smell all
Speaker 1: his shirts because his smell never really went away. And
Speaker 1: then Joe wears flannels all the time. But I never
Speaker 1: really made that connection. But there is very something warmth
Speaker 1: warming to me about a man in a flannel. Her
Speaker 1: compliments always came to me, and I didn't realize it
Speaker 1: until like later when we started getting serious. But every
Speaker 1: time I put on a flannel, she would always compliment me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she'll be a whistler and I'll be in Vegas and
Speaker 1: I'd have my flannel ones and she goes, oh, you
Speaker 1: look good in that flannel. You should wear flannels more
Speaker 1: more often. But we were just friends talking. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you were in love with me at that point,
Speaker 1: probably right, did you? Were you? Honey, tell the truth.
Speaker 1: You can tell the truth. I mean, we're just doing
Speaker 1: a podcast. I mean, of who wouldn't, well, a lot
Speaker 1: of people wouldn't, but you, you know, I've always loved
Speaker 1: You're so cute. I told you, Yeah, of course, you know.
Speaker 1: And one thing that I treasure the most with Chelsea
Speaker 1: is her friendship because she's such When when you get
Speaker 1: Chelsea to be your friend, it's going to be the
Speaker 1: most solid friend you'll ever have. So you want to
Speaker 1: secure that, you know. So I always wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure that she was happy, and and I just wanted
Speaker 1: to secure our friendship because I loved it so much,
Speaker 1: so I didn't want to do anything wrong. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: want to spoil the friendship, Yeah, because I'd rather have
Speaker 1: her with me as a friend forever than trying to
Speaker 1: make something happen for a weekend. That's not worth it
Speaker 1: to me. What was it that pushed you kind of
Speaker 1: over the edge into romantic feelings? That's when she roofed me.
Speaker 1: Would never waste roof you had an other person. I
Speaker 1: would only give that to myself. Yeah, it's when she
Speaker 1: roofied herself. I was in Whistler for three months. Then
Speaker 1: he was coming to Vancouver because Steven Spielberg saw Coming
Speaker 1: in Hot on Netflix, one of his three specials on Netflix,
Speaker 1: and he gave him a movie called Easter Sunday, which
Speaker 1: comes out next year April one, which is fucking awesome.
Speaker 1: So he I was in Vancouver, but it was at
Speaker 1: the height of COVID, so nobody could come in and out.
Speaker 1: So even though he was going to come and ski
Speaker 1: if he could, we couldn't do that. So then he
Speaker 1: was filming his movie and he's like, oh, come down,
Speaker 1: you can have a role in the movie. And I
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that would be so much fun. But
Speaker 1: it didn't work out because I was leaving Whistler and
Speaker 1: then I would have had to come back to Vancouver
Speaker 1: where he was shooting his movie and quarantined for another
Speaker 1: two weeks. And at that point I was quarantined out
Speaker 1: and we weren't in love yet, so I didn't She
Speaker 1: wasn't willing to do that until I didn't. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: I'll regret that because the movie is going to be
Speaker 1: so awesome and I saw the trailer and he's seen
Speaker 1: the movie and it's gonna be awesome, and Tiffany Hattis
Speaker 1: is also in it and a bunch of other and
Speaker 1: it's just a great representation of Filipinos and it's fucking
Speaker 1: funny and it's got heart and all of the things.
Speaker 1: So then I didn't do that movie. So we didn't
Speaker 1: see each other for about four months other than face time, right,
Speaker 1: and then we started hanging out when we were home.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess it was very organic. I remember
Speaker 1: the minute we both got to l A, we were like,
Speaker 1: let's go to dinner. You picked me up at one,
Speaker 1: and then that would turn into like a seven hour
Speaker 1: margarita festival. I don't know if you know this, Catherine,
Speaker 1: but before she was dating me, bed time for Chelsea
Speaker 1: was five forty in the afternoon, so she was done
Speaker 1: at Jamas at six, seven at seven, and then New
Speaker 1: York times at four am and then starts again. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I went through a phase where I went to bat
Speaker 1: it around eight and woke up at around five, and
Speaker 1: that lasted through all of ski season. And then when
Speaker 1: I came home for a little bit, then I started
Speaker 1: hanging out with you, and that changed my schedule. I
Speaker 1: went from lunch to like lunch to coffee, and then
Speaker 1: lunch coffee, what are we having for dinner? And then
Speaker 1: it went from lunch coffee, dinner to let's have a
Speaker 1: drink and now at midnight. Yeah, now we're just spending
Speaker 1: time with each other and I go to bed. Now
Speaker 1: at what time do we go to bed? Last night
Speaker 1: at three o'clock in the morning. That's a real radical shift. Yeah,
Speaker 1: no kidding. So there's not a lot of compromise going on.
Speaker 1: It just feels like I'm adapting. I just want to
Speaker 1: tell everybody that I traveled on a tour bus this
Speaker 1: week and we flew to New York. We took a
Speaker 1: tour bus with seven other guys. I love you. I
Speaker 1: have a great crew, Katherine. I really do have a
Speaker 1: great crew. Like we're we're a team, like legit a team.
Speaker 1: We all have great roles. And I can't do anything
Speaker 1: without these guys. I really can't. They're all great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they are good, and they're not assholes and they're not
Speaker 1: BROI They're just all good human beings. The point being
Speaker 1: is that I slept on a tour bus for you,
Speaker 1: which is something that I hoped that would never happen
Speaker 1: to She said that to me, She goes, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: tour bus not gonna work. Yeah. Everything I've told him
Speaker 1: that I wasn't gonna do, I've done. And now I
Speaker 1: guess what she said yesterday, Katherine that she goes, I'll
Speaker 1: just leave this shirt here and the shoes on the bus.
Speaker 1: So now she has her own closet on the bush. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and so that's the story, baby, Yeah, it was. It
Speaker 1: was kind of cool how you didn't answer Katherine's question though,
Speaker 1: So when did you? You said organically, but you never
Speaker 1: gave a straight answer. But when you started having romantic
Speaker 1: feelings towards me, well, I mean other than always having them.
Speaker 1: I had to make the first move because I knew
Speaker 1: Joe respected me too much and was never going to
Speaker 1: do anything. We'll tell her what happened in Vegas? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: Vegas is when I was like I would love yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: because you know, she was beautiful on stage. I was
Speaker 1: performing at the Mirage and he came to see me,
Speaker 1: and we had been hanging out all that whole week,
Speaker 1: and every day was just like a romantic comedy, watching
Speaker 1: people like frolic around Santa Mat come and knock on
Speaker 1: our door and then been waiting for you. And did
Speaker 1: you hear that Harmony thinks I can sing a dance.
Speaker 1: That's how much he loves me. He can't even see
Speaker 1: me clearly or hear me clearly. Um he uh. It
Speaker 1: was after a lot of hanging out and a lot
Speaker 1: of really fun times, like we would just laugh our
Speaker 1: asses off and be silly and stupid, and you know,
Speaker 1: end up at the pier playing air hockey or in
Speaker 1: my house playing ping pong, or how about you getting
Speaker 1: a little hammered. Yeah, and then not having a house key,
Speaker 1: right right? Oh that was good one night. And then
Speaker 1: you tell me that you left the purse. We heard
Speaker 1: that story. I think I've told that story repeated. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I did. I think that was a very
Speaker 1: story pivotal moment right there. Pivotal, Yeah, why because that
Speaker 1: was a night where you know, like I didn't know
Speaker 1: what was going on with you. I dropped you off.
Speaker 1: I thought you had a key. I saw you like
Speaker 1: I always sure someone gets to the door. I always
Speaker 1: do that and the door. No, but I saw you
Speaker 1: go to the door. So then when I saw her
Speaker 1: go to the door, she's got a bunch of trees
Speaker 1: by the way, so I saw a silhouette of her
Speaker 1: going to the door. And then so I hurried up
Speaker 1: because I had to hurry up and get back to
Speaker 1: Santa Monica before the bar closed, because she said I
Speaker 1: left my purse there. So I just hurried up, raced
Speaker 1: over to Santa Monica, and as I'm going there, she goes,
Speaker 1: where's my key? I'm like, what do you mean, where's
Speaker 1: your key? And she goes I'm locked out. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, let me go get your person. I'll
Speaker 1: be back. So I went look for the She didn't
Speaker 1: tell you this part, did she? Well, I'm looking for
Speaker 1: the first for an hour, asking a bunch of people
Speaker 1: if they stole her purse, asking security, I go, you were,
Speaker 1: And then there was a group of people that were
Speaker 1: sitting at the booth next to us, and then when
Speaker 1: we left, now they're sitting at our booth. So I'm
Speaker 1: now I'm like, did you guys see a purse here?
Speaker 1: Because she said she left her purse here, and then
Speaker 1: no one said they had the purse. So I'm just
Speaker 1: like being a detective at this place. And finally I
Speaker 1: just left. Now I'm calling her. She's not picking up
Speaker 1: the phone. So now I think she got into the house.
Speaker 1: But I don't know if she got into the house.
Speaker 1: I kept calling her and calling her and texting or
Speaker 1: texting her room. Nope, nope, See she didn't tell that.
Speaker 1: She didn't tell the story. I went home and got
Speaker 1: my son because I left my son. I loved my
Speaker 1: son's been waiting for he's he wanted to like go
Speaker 1: out to eat or something. So I went home and
Speaker 1: got my son. The minute I pulled up and go, hey, man,
Speaker 1: I think Chelsea's outside of her house and she's not
Speaker 1: picking up the phone. I went to go get her purse.
Speaker 1: She said she didn't have a key. I don't know
Speaker 1: if she got her key, but she's not answering. My
Speaker 1: phone calls the texting and my son goes, let's go,
Speaker 1: let's go see if she's there. So now it's my
Speaker 1: son and I going back to her house and we're
Speaker 1: literally yelling out her name at her house because she's
Speaker 1: not there. Oh, by the way, she has this little
Speaker 1: what is it that statue like a little waterfall right
Speaker 1: by her front door. So my son went up the stairs.
Speaker 1: He went, oh, Chelsea. Oh. She was like, Chelse, I'm
Speaker 1: sitting out there meditating in the middle of the night
Speaker 1: with a waterfall. And then so we're yelling Chelsea, and
Speaker 1: then I'm like, you know what, I think she's in
Speaker 1: because all our lights are on. By the way, all
Speaker 1: the lights are on in her house, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I I go, you know what, I think she finally
Speaker 1: got in, So then we left. Cut to the next day,
Speaker 1: she calls me and she's like, I fell asleep by
Speaker 1: the pool so you couldn't get a pool chair. And
Speaker 1: then she had a footprint on the side of her
Speaker 1: her ash cheeks. I told you, no, that's from a
Speaker 1: different thing. I told you I stepped in the treehouse,
Speaker 1: which was a lie. I didn't. I told him to
Speaker 1: make him feel bad. You know, I had to sleep
Speaker 1: in the treehouse last night. And he's like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: And then I was like no, And then I realized
Speaker 1: he had come back and done all that, and then
Speaker 1: I felt bad. I said, yeah, I was inside good.
Speaker 1: I know, I know, honey, I forgot, but that was sweet.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if that's a good story
Speaker 1: to be sharing, but sure, you know who fucking cares, right,
Speaker 1: who gives a ship? I can tell you that much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And Vegas was leading up to Vegas. He was like,
Speaker 1: I'm coming to your Vegas show. I'm coming to your
Speaker 1: Vega show. Because he does have a house in Vegas also,
Speaker 1: so you spend a lot of time in Vegas for
Speaker 1: tax evasion purposes, right, that's the other reason. He's got
Speaker 1: family and we and you walked in and I just
Speaker 1: remember seeing him and being like, oh, oh, okay, wait
Speaker 1: a second, something's happening here. And then she liked my outfit.
Speaker 1: I liked your outfit, but I just liked how attentive
Speaker 1: you were to be because I was performing and I
Speaker 1: was nervous. I hadn't really done a big show yet
Speaker 1: for the new tour. I've done about your practice shows,
Speaker 1: but not in front of like a proper audience. And
Speaker 1: he was just so attentive to me, like the whole night,
Speaker 1: backstage age, everything, just making sure I was okay. And
Speaker 1: I remember my sister going You guys were like acting
Speaker 1: like a couple. We went to dinner and we had Yeah,
Speaker 1: we were with Hannah I'm Binder and Alex Edelman are
Speaker 1: my opener. Hannah from that show Hacks Open for Me
Speaker 1: and her boyfriend came and we saw them and we
Speaker 1: had some other friends there, and then we gambled after
Speaker 1: the show and that was really fun. And then Chappelle
Speaker 1: and all those guys came to the show at the
Speaker 1: very end and they were going out in Vegas, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't really want to go out.
Speaker 1: I wanted to just stay with my people. Plus we
Speaker 1: had plans were already planning to gamble, and then we gambled,
Speaker 1: and he thought my sister was giving him the eye
Speaker 1: because we were getting touchy feely. And we had bet
Speaker 1: on that fight that you and mcg McGregor fight lost
Speaker 1: on that fight. Is it you and McGregor. Isn't that
Speaker 1: an actor? It's just okay, Well maybe he was in
Speaker 1: a fight too, McGregor. Okay, so exactly that may have
Speaker 1: been why we lost, because I don't even know what
Speaker 1: the funk I'm talking about. Same here. So we've bet
Speaker 1: on that fight we both lost, and then we both lost.
Speaker 1: But what did I do? You made sure that I
Speaker 1: got all my money back. That's what he always does,
Speaker 1: you know about it. We took out money to gamble,
Speaker 1: and then he always puts the money back in my
Speaker 1: person even though I've lost it all, which is a
Speaker 1: really really cute thing. Which is a really cute tradition, honey,
Speaker 1: it can stop. And so you were hanging out in
Speaker 1: my room right and in Vegas, and I said, do
Speaker 1: you have a crush on me? If you do, you
Speaker 1: need to let me know because I need to respond
Speaker 1: to it. And he was like, Chelsea, don't ruin everything.
Speaker 1: You ruined everything, and I was like, all right, well,
Speaker 1: then good night, and then you left and then you
Speaker 1: came back because you lost your keys, and then you
Speaker 1: sat there and you just waited for you said, I'll
Speaker 1: wait for you to sleep, fall asleep, and I fell asleep,
Speaker 1: and he just sat there and waited, and then I
Speaker 1: heard him walk out in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: and I was like, God, is he ever going to
Speaker 1: make a move on me? And then I just remember
Speaker 1: I remember thinking, oh, he would never do that in Vegas,
Speaker 1: like that's not his style at all. Plus, we were drinking.
Speaker 1: I was going to kiss her, Katherine, I didn't want
Speaker 1: it to because we were both drunk. Right, how cute
Speaker 1: is that? Yeah, I mean what guy says that? So
Speaker 1: then well, I mean wouldn't like that's the right thing
Speaker 1: to do when I don't want to be I don't
Speaker 1: want my moment with you to be a memory of
Speaker 1: us being hammered and ship faced the Vegas. And that's
Speaker 1: why we've made out, especially after all these years, the
Speaker 1: build up, and everything's gonna be right, it's gonna be right,
Speaker 1: it's got to be right, right, So it was yes,
Speaker 1: and so he did that, which was also made me
Speaker 1: more attracted to him, and then I remember waking up
Speaker 1: and going funk, I don't want to leave. I want
Speaker 1: to go with him, you know, and drive back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was cute. She left a video message saying what
Speaker 1: time are you going to leave? Because I'd rather go
Speaker 1: back with you, But I didn't. I ended up flying
Speaker 1: back because he was going shopping. He loves to go shopping.
Speaker 1: Now I have to go love to go shopping. But
Speaker 1: then it was the next day in in l A
Speaker 1: on Monday, and we went out. We went down to
Speaker 1: Koreatown and we had a really fun night and and
Speaker 1: then I think yeah, and then I made a move.
Speaker 1: I just said, listen, what is the fucking situation? First
Speaker 1: I said, do you want to hold my hands? And
Speaker 1: while we were driving and you were like yes, and
Speaker 1: then I was like okay. And then we got back
Speaker 1: to my house and I made a move and said, listen,
Speaker 1: let's get this show on the road already. That's great.
Speaker 1: So that was nothing happened that night either. No, No,
Speaker 1: he didn't let anything happen that night either. Because we
Speaker 1: were drinking. I got to find the silver window. She
Speaker 1: literally put her foot on my face and she goes,
Speaker 1: kiss me. You did kiss me? Honey. Yeah, so that
Speaker 1: was good. And speaking of drinking, guess who hasn't been
Speaker 1: drinking for well, now it sounds like I have a
Speaker 1: drinking problem after these stories, I know, but it sounds
Speaker 1: like it. Anyway, I've started my thirty day alcohol cleanse
Speaker 1: sobriety cleanse or whatever from my Orca because I had
Speaker 1: Sangria for breakfast a lot in my Orka and I
Speaker 1: got back and thought, but I got so many d
Speaker 1: ms from people who were also doing the thirty day
Speaker 1: alcohol detalk with me. So what day are I on? Eight?
Speaker 1: Or nine? I don't know. Let's just say, well, when
Speaker 1: this airs, it will probably be like fourteen. So but
Speaker 1: it hasn't been hard at all, probably because I'm with
Speaker 1: you and Joe's not even Joe only drinks if I drink,
Speaker 1: so he is fine not drinking. If I smoke a joint,
Speaker 1: he'll smoke a joint. If I don't smoke a joint,
Speaker 1: he doesn't smoke a joint. Right, you can take it
Speaker 1: or leave it all. Yeah, right, so that's good. That's
Speaker 1: good for me anyway. That's our love story, guys. Hopefully
Speaker 1: it wasn't too annoying. No, not at all. Catherine yes,
Speaker 1: should we start with some callers? Well, I want to
Speaker 1: ask you a question. Okay, sure, honey. I think I'm
Speaker 1: allowed to do that, right, Catherine? Yeah? Absolutely, So you
Speaker 1: really never had not even an interest at all? Is
Speaker 1: that what you're getting at right now, this whole love story,
Speaker 1: not not even a tad, not a little bit of
Speaker 1: an attraction from day one. Well, this is what I'll say,
Speaker 1: is that, first of all, I don't think I was
Speaker 1: in touch with my feelings enough to understand what those
Speaker 1: feelings were. I would say by behaviorally what I was
Speaker 1: doing would end Kate that I also had feelings but
Speaker 1: didn't know how to they weren't registering. So I think
Speaker 1: by going to therapy, like even when we were talking
Speaker 1: for the last year, like I still had that same
Speaker 1: energy with you, because historically that was our energy, which
Speaker 1: was like I felt like you had a crush on me,
Speaker 1: and I was in charge and I could kind of
Speaker 1: just do whatever and you would always be smitten or
Speaker 1: like taken by me in a way Like That's how
Speaker 1: I felt. But now in retrospect, I realized that those
Speaker 1: feelings were probably I just was suppressing them. I was
Speaker 1: just not like in touch with myself to understand. Oh,
Speaker 1: I knew I liked talking to you and I would
Speaker 1: liked having you in my life because you're so positive
Speaker 1: and upbeat and it's infectious, and I loved all of that.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't like, had this desire to have something happened. No,
Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking about that at all. I just thought, Oh,
Speaker 1: and by the way, who gives a ship? Because look
Speaker 1: where we are now? So if I, you know, I
Speaker 1: would have ruined it if I had those feelings earlier. Probably, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think we're in a better place both, Puss. I
Speaker 1: would have sexually assaulted you crying in a corner, yeah,
Speaker 1: trying to file some sort of police report. And you
Speaker 1: want to hear something else, Catherine. I didn't show Chelsea this,
Speaker 1: but yesterday John lovetts text me I didn't show you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'll show you this. This is what he wrote
Speaker 1: me this last night at like midnight. I'll do it
Speaker 1: in John Love. It's his voice. You ready, He goes,
Speaker 1: how do you meet your new girlfriend? You're welcome, glad,
Speaker 1: You're happy? I went, ha ha, thank you, John, no problem?
Speaker 1: Cash bleeds? Are you still funny? I'm selling out multiple arenas?
Speaker 1: So yes, he goes, Jesus, that's awesome. But basically the
Speaker 1: reason why that's funny is John's the reason why I
Speaker 1: met Chelsea. Did she tell you that already? That's another
Speaker 1: memory that I don't have, see she she doesn't remember
Speaker 1: this either. John was doing a show at the laugh
Speaker 1: Factory every Wednesday night and I would opening for him.
Speaker 1: This is like sixteen years ago, whatever, sixteen or seventeen
Speaker 1: years ago, and then all of a sudden, he goes,
Speaker 1: you have to meet Chelsea handler. She's hysterical. She's my
Speaker 1: only friend on my Space. And then it was literally
Speaker 1: just you, that's all you had. And the other guy
Speaker 1: I think it was whoever the other guy is, It's
Speaker 1: just Chelsea. Yeah, so it was just Chelsea. And then
Speaker 1: that that's when we met was through John. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I don't remember that either, but I do know
Speaker 1: who John Lovett is, So there we go. I have
Speaker 1: a memory of him. Anyway, Thanks for listening to that,
Speaker 1: you guys fantastic. Should we take a quick ad break? Chelsea? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why don't we take a quick ad break? Honey? You
Speaker 1: can start reading my ads for me. Okay, yeah, okay, great, bye,
Speaker 1: I mean, see you in a minute. Honey, get ready
Speaker 1: to get your therapy cap on. Okay, Okay, Catherine, who
Speaker 1: do we have on deck? So our first question for you,
Speaker 1: Chelsea comes from John. Is it John Lovett's Hello? It's
Speaker 1: not John Lovett, but he's from Texas. He's thirty two,
Speaker 1: He writes, Dear Chelsea, first of all, thank you for
Speaker 1: this hilarious and practical podcast. I absolutely love it and
Speaker 1: applaud the work you're doing for your listeners. Here's the issue.
Speaker 1: I want advice on my phobia of the gym, more specifically,
Speaker 1: my worry when working out of the gym that I'm
Speaker 1: being judged by others. I recently signed up for Planet
Speaker 1: Fitness and I love their leave your ego at the
Speaker 1: door philosophy. However, I still can't shake the feeling that
Speaker 1: I'm either trying too hard or not hard enough. I
Speaker 1: know it's in my head, but I'm in my early
Speaker 1: thirties and want to get my body right for my
Speaker 1: health and side note he is just over forty days
Speaker 1: sober as well. Oh wow, well that's going to be
Speaker 1: a big boost. Okay, Hi, John, let's see you. H
Speaker 1: oh Hi, Hi, Hi? Where are you? I'm in Weatherford,
Speaker 1: so I'm West of Worse so it's in Texas. Sorry
Speaker 1: about that, but you know, yeah, seriously, I'm sorry that
Speaker 1: you won't be able to get an abortion there. My goodness,
Speaker 1: did you meet my lover Joe? Joe's here today too,
Speaker 1: that's your lover. Yeah, that's new lover. Yeah. He also
Speaker 1: doesn't use the gym. So but yeah. Anyway, I think,
Speaker 1: first of all, great job, I'm not drinking for forty days.
Speaker 1: How did you decide to do that? Kind of had
Speaker 1: it decided for me? My body was like, you can't
Speaker 1: do this anymore. So I got out of that period
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, you have to commit to it,
Speaker 1: and I did, and uh, I'm happier than ever. It's
Speaker 1: the best feeling. Yeah, it's the best feeling in the world.
Speaker 1: Like I get to take my dogs out all the time.
Speaker 1: We go to the lake and we just walk around
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what are people doing all day? Like
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was just it's I'm so clear,
Speaker 1: and I have so many things I can do, and
Speaker 1: I'm so excited about life, and so that's a big
Speaker 1: deal for me. That's so great to do that I've
Speaker 1: got gotten because I'm doing a thirty day detox. I've
Speaker 1: gotten so many dams from people who are struggling with
Speaker 1: alcohol and the idea of even giving it up, you know,
Speaker 1: and I think if it's if it's that hard to
Speaker 1: even give up, then that means that you need to
Speaker 1: consider it. Right, Yeah, it was hard. I didn't want
Speaker 1: to give it up. And then once you give it up,
Speaker 1: and I am in a better a lot better place now.
Speaker 1: I don't regret it. I don't look back. But you know,
Speaker 1: getting through that first period is not easy. I'm still
Speaker 1: in the beginning of it. But I'm like so like
Speaker 1: I couldn't even dream that I would be where I'm
Speaker 1: at now. So yeah, so that's great. And then I
Speaker 1: haven't I'm starting a new job this week. What are
Speaker 1: you doing for your new job? Oh, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: working at so it's a hotel, working at the front desk.
Speaker 1: So that's great, and I'm really excited. And I just
Speaker 1: got my degree from Arizona State in May. So like
Speaker 1: I'm on this whole like just resetting, you know. I
Speaker 1: was trying to get in with life, and you know,
Speaker 1: I really feel good about it. And the gym thing
Speaker 1: keeps coming up, where like I go and I feel
Speaker 1: I don't know, I just don't belong. I'm dirty two now,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, if I can get this together, then
Speaker 1: you know, I have everything. Else is kind of I'm
Speaker 1: kind of getting in line, you know. If I just
Speaker 1: get this body right, that's gonna be like just the
Speaker 1: best thing for me. Well, first of all, you do
Speaker 1: not have to give a ship about anybody in the gym.
Speaker 1: Half of those morons don't know what they're doing either,
Speaker 1: And there's no morm in asking people like if you
Speaker 1: need help with something. Nobody loves to give people help
Speaker 1: more than white straight guys at a gym. So if
Speaker 1: you need help, you shouldn't be shy about asking for
Speaker 1: it because it kind of ingratiates yourself to others, you know,
Speaker 1: And if you don't, if that's not your issue, is
Speaker 1: your issue you just feel intimidated or is there your
Speaker 1: issue that you don't know what you're doing? Well, I
Speaker 1: have like an access, So it's like one end, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing here? I'm fat I don't belong here,
Speaker 1: to the other end where I think I'm like hot
Speaker 1: stuff and like I really know what I'm doing, and
Speaker 1: so like I'm always in between there somehow, and then
Speaker 1: I end up on like the elliptical for like thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: and then I go home because I'm like, oh god,
Speaker 1: I can't do any of this other stuff. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: look ridiculous. And I just and I feel like other
Speaker 1: people feel this way. I can't be the only one.
Speaker 1: The things show you how to do them, like the
Speaker 1: machines that are not like freeweights, like the ones that
Speaker 1: you know, they'll show you how to do them and stuff,
Speaker 1: and I just feel like, oh God, if I go
Speaker 1: down there, I'm gonna be ridiculous and people are gonna
Speaker 1: be judging me. First of all, do you have to
Speaker 1: remember everyone at the gym is there because they're worried
Speaker 1: about how they're being judged. So don't worry about them
Speaker 1: judging you, because everybody's thinking about themselves, So just remember that.
Speaker 1: Just like you're in your head, everyone else is in
Speaker 1: their head. Also. Secondly, there are so many apps you
Speaker 1: can download that can teach you how to do these things,
Speaker 1: Like do you have the Peloton app or like Tonal
Speaker 1: Fitness or one of those. I don't have those yet. Actually,
Speaker 1: the Planet Fitness apps does some of that stuff. They
Speaker 1: have like videos, but peloton. I watched TikTok and there's
Speaker 1: that guy on there. I don't know if he's seen,
Speaker 1: but he's really funny and I think he does peloton,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, I should do that because
Speaker 1: I think you can do just the membership and you
Speaker 1: don't have to have a like no, you don't need
Speaker 1: the bike. You just get the membership. You played on
Speaker 1: your laptop or an iPad or whatever. There's like ten
Speaker 1: it in fifteen minute classes they do like you can
Speaker 1: do upper body, lower body, you can do apps, you
Speaker 1: can do all of that, but just doing cardio a
Speaker 1: if you've lost weight recently or anything like that, too
Speaker 1: much cardio is never bueno, like you know, if people
Speaker 1: think that's the way. But like, once you've lost the weight,
Speaker 1: you want to you want to tone up right, you
Speaker 1: want to be lifting weights and doing that stuff. So
Speaker 1: any of those apps will teach you how to do
Speaker 1: these exercises. You know, these aren't difficult things. They're so
Speaker 1: easy and you just have to have a conversation with
Speaker 1: yourself before you get to the gym because you do
Speaker 1: belong there. That's what you're doing. You're going there to
Speaker 1: get yourself healthier. So yeah, fuck everybody else. Don't worry
Speaker 1: about other people, you know, spend a little bit less
Speaker 1: time on social media and a little bit more time
Speaker 1: on like boosting yourself and telling yourself how great it is.
Speaker 1: All these changes that you're telling me that you've just
Speaker 1: made are incredible. That's incredible that you stopped drinking for
Speaker 1: forty days. You have a new job. Look how happy
Speaker 1: you are. You're like, right, very happy. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about I was like, Instagram does not
Speaker 1: help me, but this whole situation be is like everybody
Speaker 1: I look at on fitness on Instagram, their world wonderful looking.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, those are called filters. Yeah, yeah, they're
Speaker 1: called filters. Those aren't real people. By the way, you
Speaker 1: said something about being thirty two. One thing you gotta
Speaker 1: always do is never use your age as an excuse, right,
Speaker 1: Just enjoy the moment that you're in right, Like, you're
Speaker 1: in a healthy position right now. You stop drinking. Man,
Speaker 1: a lot of people take forever to even get over
Speaker 1: that hump, right, So it's like that's amazing. That has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with age. It's just like your mental
Speaker 1: fitness is beautiful right now. So maintain that. Don't sit
Speaker 1: there and go, I'm thirty two and I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: thirty three next year, I'm gonna be forty. What are
Speaker 1: you doing? There's there's no read. Your whole life is
Speaker 1: in front of you, man, So don't look at it
Speaker 1: as a year to year things. Just your life. Who
Speaker 1: gives a ship how old you are? And also, positivity
Speaker 1: breeds more positivity. So when you're positive about yourself and
Speaker 1: like you're really you know, feeling yourself, that's good. You're
Speaker 1: attracting people. You track take people to that energy. And
Speaker 1: you know, when you're having those negative thoughts about yourself,
Speaker 1: you're negatively pushing people away. To keep that in mind,
Speaker 1: that's so true, man, People feed off of that. When
Speaker 1: you're positive, people want to they want to taste the
Speaker 1: juice you're drinking, you know, without you even trying to
Speaker 1: sell it. It's just it's just you and everyone wants
Speaker 1: to be around that space, like yo, what is this
Speaker 1: guy on? You know? But if you're moping around and depressed,
Speaker 1: people don't working around that. That's not who I want
Speaker 1: to be and that's not who I am naturally and
Speaker 1: like this, like that's what I was saying this is
Speaker 1: going to help me get past that hump, Like who
Speaker 1: cares fulcom in the gym? You know this. I'm here
Speaker 1: for me. Y'all here for yourselves too. It's not like
Speaker 1: anybody's going there to watch people, you know, Like it's
Speaker 1: in my head. I guess that that I'm thinking that,
Speaker 1: and it's just you know, And that's what my college
Speaker 1: roommates like got over that real quick. They never had
Speaker 1: dec issue. I'm like, I can't be the only one
Speaker 1: who's like a little shy, like on the work cup machines,
Speaker 1: trying to do too much or whatever. But no, I
Speaker 1: I am a positive person and I'm going to take
Speaker 1: this advice and I'll probably go to the gym right
Speaker 1: after this. Actually I'm feeling it. And don't be scared
Speaker 1: about making friends at the gym. I mean, you're so likable, like,
Speaker 1: go up to people, you know, get help from from
Speaker 1: these guys or from girls or from whomever. Just be like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm new here, I don't really know how to use
Speaker 1: this machine. I guarantee you will have no problem getting help.
Speaker 1: And that's that's a sweet endearing quality. So yeah, keep
Speaker 1: spreading positivity and everything's gonna come up, roses, especially with
Speaker 1: that hairline. Look at your hairline. Thank you. He doesn't
Speaker 1: have a hairline. I don't have a hair line. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's losing. He lost his hair when I shaved his
Speaker 1: head a long time ago and sold his hair. But anyway,
Speaker 1: good luck with everything. It was really nice to talk
Speaker 1: to you, John, Thanks, Jesse, thank you, thank you all
Speaker 1: so much. Follow up, let me know, like six months
Speaker 1: down the road, how's it, how it's going, and what's
Speaker 1: what happened with your gym experience and all that stuff. Okay,
Speaker 1: keep in touch, yes Na, thank you? Okay, by cutie,
Speaker 1: Oh look him, cutie, honey. That was nice advice. And
Speaker 1: I love it how he always smiled every time every
Speaker 1: time we spoke about that. Yea. Our next question is,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I think I'm in love with my best friend.
Speaker 1: For context, I am a twenty two year old male
Speaker 1: and so is he. We've been best friends since the
Speaker 1: seventh grade and he's always been the one person I
Speaker 1: can count on. After high school, he joined the service
Speaker 1: and was gone for three years. We stayed in touch
Speaker 1: as much as we could, and since he's been back,
Speaker 1: he's been staying with me about two months ago, we
Speaker 1: were both drunk and somehow started making out. I don't
Speaker 1: even remember how it started. I just remember not wanting
Speaker 1: it to end. I've always told people I was straight
Speaker 1: and always thought he was. I've dated girls before, but
Speaker 1: I've never felt anything like this. We haven't talked about
Speaker 1: that night at all. The day after he began seeing
Speaker 1: this girl who he's been spending the majority of his
Speaker 1: time with ever since. I feel like he purposefully makes
Speaker 1: it evident to me that it's nothing serious with her
Speaker 1: and he's just having fun. But I don't know how
Speaker 1: to take that. It's like he has this huge wall
Speaker 1: up ever since we kissed, and I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. Should I try to talk to him about it.
Speaker 1: Should I tell him how I feel? Should I take
Speaker 1: his sudden interest in this girl as my answer? Please
Speaker 1: help me. I have no idea what I'm doing. Austin,
Speaker 1: Oh God, yeah, no, Yeah, you got to talk to
Speaker 1: him and say something, because obviously if he's dating. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: you have to clear the air and understand what the
Speaker 1: situation is. You absolutely have to have a conversation with him,
Speaker 1: and it can't be over drinks. It has to be
Speaker 1: in the light of day and sober, and him being
Speaker 1: with a girl is trying to send you a message,
Speaker 1: but who knows what he's thinking. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: like there's so many men that are feeling that way
Speaker 1: about other men, but don't think they're allowed to have
Speaker 1: that behavior. And I mean, it would be easier to
Speaker 1: talk to him to understand the dynamic about their friendship,
Speaker 1: but you have to have a conversation. You have to
Speaker 1: clear the air and get it out there, and don't
Speaker 1: pretend what happened didn't happen. It doesn't matter if you
Speaker 1: were drunk or not. You know, be the bigger person
Speaker 1: in the situation and just and whatever his answer is.
Speaker 1: If he's like, I'm not interested, that that was one night,
Speaker 1: then that's fine, that's it. That's fine, except that as
Speaker 1: his truth for that the time being. But at least
Speaker 1: then you have your answer. And do you have any
Speaker 1: advice for these two? I think it's done with that guy.
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a future there. Well, they're
Speaker 1: but they're best friends and they remain best friends. But
Speaker 1: that's why when you're in love with somebody or you
Speaker 1: have that type of feeling, I never want to act
Speaker 1: on those feelings. When you're not sober. Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: too late. He already has I know, And this is
Speaker 1: what I didn't want to happen in any relationship. I
Speaker 1: never want to go in without a clear mind, right.
Speaker 1: I don't want to act on what I was drinking
Speaker 1: that night. You know that it's never real love at
Speaker 1: that point, right, So your advice is to don't do
Speaker 1: that again. Don't hook up with him again drunk. It
Speaker 1: just don't let that happen. Yeah. If you ever have
Speaker 1: feelings for someone that's bigger than just a friendship, don't
Speaker 1: act on it when you're not clear minded, right, like
Speaker 1: when you're drunk. That's not a good time because you're
Speaker 1: going to find yourself in this situation because the other
Speaker 1: person probably didn't even think of it that way. It
Speaker 1: was just a hook up. Yeah, agreed, Agreed. Okay, So
Speaker 1: stop getting so ship faced all the time. Problem solves well.
Speaker 1: Our next question comes from Elizabeth. Elizabeth is a caller.
Speaker 1: She's here with us. She's twenty seven. She's in Tennessee.
Speaker 1: She said, Dear Chelsea, I do not like my sister's partner.
Speaker 1: My sister, Alice and I were members of a gym.
Speaker 1: It's another gym related one members of a gym where
Speaker 1: this man, Michael, was a staff member. For the first
Speaker 1: several months of us being introduced to Michael, he was
Speaker 1: known as the creepy guy at the gym. At the time,
Speaker 1: My sister had just turned eighteen and was a senior
Speaker 1: in high school. Michael was thirty years old at the time. Alice,
Speaker 1: who's naturally more friendly and outgoing than I am, eventually
Speaker 1: began defending Michael when I would state that I was
Speaker 1: creeped out by him, but I dismissed it as typical
Speaker 1: friendly Alice. There were early red flags like him convincing
Speaker 1: her to go off important medication in and a secret
Speaker 1: camping trip before I found out they had secretly been
Speaker 1: dating for the entire summer. Now three years later, Michael
Speaker 1: has not made any effort to get to know our family.
Speaker 1: When he picks her up for dates, he sits at
Speaker 1: the end of the driveway, doesn't come to the door,
Speaker 1: et cetera. I can count on one hand the number
Speaker 1: of times he has held a conversation with my parents
Speaker 1: and me. Alice has also cut herself off from friends,
Speaker 1: so she has had minimal interaction with anyone but Michael.
Speaker 1: Speaking for myself, I cannot accept him. I can confidently
Speaker 1: say that my sister was groomed by him during a
Speaker 1: vulnerable and transitional time of her life, and he has
Speaker 1: knowingly isolated her from everyone but himself. Now, Michael is
Speaker 1: moving out of his parents house and Alice will be
Speaker 1: moving in with him. How do I continue to work
Speaker 1: on my relationship with my sister when such a large
Speaker 1: part of her life upsets me so much? Elizabeth? Oh,
Speaker 1: that's terrible. That's such a bummer when your sister gets
Speaker 1: hijacked by an asshole. Hi, Elizabeth, Hi, Hi, how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm good? How about you? I'm good? This is my lover,
Speaker 1: Joe KOI Hello, Joki. He's our guest today. We're just
Speaker 1: talking about love, and I guess so are you, because
Speaker 1: you're talking about the love for your sister. Right, Yes,
Speaker 1: somebody just came up to your wind. She's like, hold on,
Speaker 1: I gotta fill this bag up with an order. So
Speaker 1: is your sister younger or older than you? She is
Speaker 1: five years younger? Okay? And how many other siblings do
Speaker 1: you have? It's just us, just the two of you,
Speaker 1: and you've always been pretty tight. We've always been pretty tight.
Speaker 1: This kind of overlapped with me coming home from school
Speaker 1: and her going away, so there was that transition happening,
Speaker 1: and so he kind of swooped in right as shoes,
Speaker 1: becoming one of my peers in a way. And so
Speaker 1: it's just kind of gotten a wedge into this relationship.
Speaker 1: And your parents feel the same way that you do. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: Other than her knowing that you thought he was creepy
Speaker 1: at the gym and stuff, have you had a real
Speaker 1: conversation with her sitting down and expressing the concerns you
Speaker 1: have about his relationship with her and your family. Yes,
Speaker 1: And in the beginning, there were definitely conversations that we
Speaker 1: had expressing our concerns about this relationship because of the
Speaker 1: age gap and just the different stages of life there.
Speaker 1: And it was just, so, what's the age gap again?
Speaker 1: So she was eighteen when he was thirty. Twelve year gap.
Speaker 1: Now the age gap doesn't necessarily mean as much, but
Speaker 1: but she's what now? Oh so they've been together for
Speaker 1: four years now. Yeah, it's hard to break up. I know,
Speaker 1: what is it about him that you hated? Like, just
Speaker 1: what's the main thing when they first started dating? That
Speaker 1: was it? The age? It was I felt like he
Speaker 1: swooped in at a impressionable time in her life and
Speaker 1: it was very opportunistic. So like her first weekend she
Speaker 1: went away to college, he came and to grow off
Speaker 1: the grid basically. And he hasn't ever validated that we
Speaker 1: had reason to be concerned for her, or that we
Speaker 1: would feel somewhat offended that he didn't make any sort
Speaker 1: of effort to get back into our good graces. So
Speaker 1: it's that character flaw, and there are other examples. But
Speaker 1: is he a bad guy? I mean, like that's not
Speaker 1: great behavior, but is he Yeah, he doesn't have the
Speaker 1: greatest personality either. Yeah. Unfortunately, that's not enough of a
Speaker 1: reason to make somebody break up with somebody because somebody's
Speaker 1: personality isn't good enough. Right. I'm not going to say
Speaker 1: the age isn't the thing as well, but eighteen isn't
Speaker 1: a good time for you to be you know, the
Speaker 1: rules should be wait till she has experiences, you know,
Speaker 1: I mean like two and he was thirty. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: get it, but like eighteen, you just got out of
Speaker 1: high school. Man, you don't know anything else what high school?
Speaker 1: So I get that, and I can understand where your
Speaker 1: concern was, but is he a bad guy? He's not
Speaker 1: a bad guy. I just need to know how to
Speaker 1: move past those feelings I have about him with them
Speaker 1: then and move forward with my sister. Right. I don't
Speaker 1: need to like him, but I don't want to have
Speaker 1: a relationship with my sister. I mean, you don't have
Speaker 1: to like him, but like your sister. You know, it's
Speaker 1: like it's like, yeah, you want to you want to
Speaker 1: mend that relationship with your sister, but how do you
Speaker 1: mend something when you go I like you, I just
Speaker 1: don't like him, right, So it's like I guess every Christmas,
Speaker 1: I'll just see you for like an hour and then
Speaker 1: you go back to him. Like what happens over the
Speaker 1: holidays like Christmas? Is does he come? No? He doesn't,
Speaker 1: So she comes by herself? Does she go see his family? So,
Speaker 1: up until a couple of weeks ago when she moved
Speaker 1: in with him, she had still been living at home.
Speaker 1: She switched to all online classes after meeting him, and
Speaker 1: so she was living at home while he was still
Speaker 1: living at home. So we haven't really run into that.
Speaker 1: Is she traveling back for holidays yet? And where are they?
Speaker 1: How far away are they from? Where you are. They're
Speaker 1: about two hours away, kind of out in the country
Speaker 1: in small town. Yeah, I would say you need to
Speaker 1: figure out a way to a just focus on the
Speaker 1: love you have for your sister and keeping your family intact,
Speaker 1: because that is your responsibility that everyone in a family
Speaker 1: bears like you are responsible for communicating and making sure
Speaker 1: that you are just reciprocating, right, And it's unfortunate, But
Speaker 1: the reality is that she's been with him for four
Speaker 1: years now, she's two hours away, so you've got to
Speaker 1: just lay off disliking him and focus on loving her,
Speaker 1: you know, and making sure that she knows if and
Speaker 1: when the time comes that she is ready to like
Speaker 1: jump ship, that you are going to welcome her with
Speaker 1: open arms and not. And I told you so. We
Speaker 1: never liked him. She already knows that she knows you
Speaker 1: don't like him. I've dated guys that I know my
Speaker 1: family didn't like, and no one said anything and I
Speaker 1: still knew. But I think you that you didn't even like.
Speaker 1: We've all dated people that we didn't like heavy. Do
Speaker 1: you have a boyfriend or a husband? No, I don't, Okay,
Speaker 1: So I think you should just focus on your relationship
Speaker 1: with her. You know, even overdo it to a point
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're filling in for any sort
Speaker 1: of love she may feel like she's missing, because usually
Speaker 1: when you end up with a guy like that and
Speaker 1: he doesn't really have any interest in knowing your family
Speaker 1: or getting to know your family or doing stuff like that,
Speaker 1: it's because he's trying to just isolate you. And you know,
Speaker 1: you have your own little bubble and that's not good
Speaker 1: for families. So like any sort of chasm that you
Speaker 1: create or space that you create between her is going
Speaker 1: to be a price that you guys are gonna pay,
Speaker 1: You and your parents are gonna pay, because she's just
Speaker 1: gonna be pushed further into him, you know. So you
Speaker 1: just want to make as much of an effort even
Speaker 1: with him, even if it's fake, Just make as much
Speaker 1: of an effort as you can, you know, make the
Speaker 1: effort to go see her for the two hours, Make
Speaker 1: the effort to see them both for the two hours,
Speaker 1: so that it's demonstrated time and time again that you
Speaker 1: will keep showing up and that whenever she is ready,
Speaker 1: if and when she knows that she can come to
Speaker 1: you and it's going to be a safe place, and
Speaker 1: that you'll support her instead of her being in a
Speaker 1: situation where she feels like she doesn't have any family
Speaker 1: to reach out to. And how are your parents dealing
Speaker 1: with it? We've all pretty much fallen into that, like
Speaker 1: we can't protest too much because then she won't have
Speaker 1: anywhere to go. Um, So it's kind of it's kind
Speaker 1: of like that they're obviously not crazy about him. But
Speaker 1: and have you guys ever talked about having like an
Speaker 1: intervention with her at some point? We have talked to
Speaker 1: her before and it just doesn't do any good. It
Speaker 1: pushes her away, interrupt them. Sorry, we're still sounding like
Speaker 1: is a horrible man, Like you know, like have no
Speaker 1: offense Chelsea, But like, have you guys had an intervention?
Speaker 1: It's like what are you having an intervention on? Like
Speaker 1: she's still in love? I mean we can't say she's not.
Speaker 1: She's not being held hostage, you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: the situation was a twelve year old, twelve year gap,
Speaker 1: but it's like he's still been together for four years
Speaker 1: and it's like, I don't know, maybe there's a time
Speaker 1: where you guys have to like, hey, can you bring
Speaker 1: him over? Let's have a dinner. Let's let's all get
Speaker 1: to know him. Yeah. I think that's more of an
Speaker 1: effort that you need to do for your sister because
Speaker 1: she's in love and she fox up and in ten
Speaker 1: years for now she's like, god, damn it, he was
Speaker 1: an idiot, and just be like, you don't have to
Speaker 1: say I told you, but welcome. I knew we were
Speaker 1: here for you. But right now, she's in love, right, right,
Speaker 1: right right, didn't interned as a wrong word. She's not
Speaker 1: being abused or anything like that that you're aware of
Speaker 1: or I knew what you meant. Yeah, so that you're
Speaker 1: right honey this time, and you should I get an
Speaker 1: intervention last week. So yeah, it's called agua kalian. That's
Speaker 1: our safe work. I think you just have to overdose
Speaker 1: her with love. Just be there for her and make
Speaker 1: an effort with him, even if it makes you sick.
Speaker 1: You just have to be the bigger person, right, you're
Speaker 1: a big sister, and this is an opportunity to act
Speaker 1: like a big sister. Just be there for her in
Speaker 1: spades over and over again. Make sure that you're always
Speaker 1: communicating with her so that she as you're there and
Speaker 1: the same for you. If you can talk to your
Speaker 1: parents to do the same thing, because when people feel that,
Speaker 1: they retreat. If you feel like, oh, my friends don't
Speaker 1: like my boyfriend, then I'm not going to bring my
Speaker 1: boyfriend around my friends. You know. You know what I
Speaker 1: think would be cool? Elizabeth? It's Elizabeth, right, Yes, I
Speaker 1: think my name is Chelsea. Okay, I didn't know who
Speaker 1: you were talking to. I think it would be kind
Speaker 1: of cool if you go, what's your sister's name, Alice?
Speaker 1: You should call Alice and go, hey, you know, would
Speaker 1: be fun. You me and your boyfriend go get something
Speaker 1: to drink. Let's just hang out or eat or go
Speaker 1: do something. Let's just let's just hang out, just to
Speaker 1: initiate that. It's not like I want to get to
Speaker 1: know him or is he better or whatever, just like, hey,
Speaker 1: is it cool to be hanging out one night? Watch
Speaker 1: how she acts, Watch how he acts. It's probably gonna
Speaker 1: be a completely different situation and you're probably gonna end
Speaker 1: up liking the guy. Well, maybe maybe it is worth
Speaker 1: a shot. It's worth because what you're doing isn't working, right,
Speaker 1: Like for you guys, having all this kind of negative
Speaker 1: energy towards him isn't working. He feels it. She feels it,
Speaker 1: and that's why they're probably two hours away. So if
Speaker 1: you can just reverse all of that negativity into positivity,
Speaker 1: even if you're there and you're at dinner with him
Speaker 1: and he's not saying anything, it's just like, instead of
Speaker 1: having those negative feelings, have positive ones like, oh, how
Speaker 1: can I engage? What can I what kind of question
Speaker 1: can I ask him to make him start talking about something?
Speaker 1: What's happening and transpired so far hasn't worked, So you
Speaker 1: have to completely try a different approach, and I guarantee
Speaker 1: you you'll get different results. With every different approach, there
Speaker 1: are different results. And mind you, the more you don't
Speaker 1: like him, the more she's gonna like him. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: also a problem. I had that experience with one of
Speaker 1: my friends once and we all told her and then
Speaker 1: they got married. So that doesn't really work either, especially
Speaker 1: when there's really no legitimate reason not to like him.
Speaker 1: It's just his personality seems lame. Yeah, so does that
Speaker 1: help you at all? Elizabeth? It does, And you're right,
Speaker 1: I need to focus more on being positive about this
Speaker 1: suation and yeah, just think about yeah, yeah, I really
Speaker 1: do try and think about that. How you can kind
Speaker 1: of flip the switch on that. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: meditations to that help you do that. To get all
Speaker 1: the kind of negative stuff out and replace it with
Speaker 1: positive stuff. It's important to do that. Like I, I
Speaker 1: have that issue a lot with respect to certain things,
Speaker 1: and I just try to always be like, Okay, anytime
Speaker 1: there's a negative thought, I try to replace it with
Speaker 1: a positive one. You know, another thing, too, Chelsea, is
Speaker 1: when you spend a lot of negative energy on something
Speaker 1: that doesn't have to do with you, you start neglecting
Speaker 1: yourself and that sucks. She'll just love you so much
Speaker 1: more if you are just really reaching out instead of
Speaker 1: withdrawing for him him, you know, especially if you make
Speaker 1: an effort with him that's indisputable. When she sees that,
Speaker 1: now blood is thicker than water, it's like my sister.
Speaker 1: Now she's going to take your side because if he
Speaker 1: denies the lunch and she's like, well, you know what,
Speaker 1: then she's fucking right. You are a piece of ship
Speaker 1: because she asked you out. Yeah, I get it. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Well that would be do you have venmo because we're
Speaker 1: gonna actually charge. We don't charge on this podcast. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a private thing that you do on your podcast, Elizabeth,
Speaker 1: if you could just send me your venom, I'm going
Speaker 1: to charge you just for my pution. I'll drop in
Speaker 1: the chat. Okay, thank you, thank you, Elizabeth. But check
Speaker 1: in with us, Okay, check in with us later and
Speaker 1: let us know what happens. Okay, thank Okay. If they
Speaker 1: ever break up, we'll have a big party. All right, Okay, bye, Okay,
Speaker 1: we're going to take another break so Joe and I
Speaker 1: can make love. Joe, you look like you need a
Speaker 1: little advice. Yeah, do you have anything that you need
Speaker 1: to ask me? Yeah? How about if I just ask you.
Speaker 1: I deal with a family that holds grudges, and I
Speaker 1: feel like every time I say it on stage, I'm
Speaker 1: not the only person. I'm not alone. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's very common within my community, my people. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: mean in our culture, it is a thing that grudges
Speaker 1: are a big thing. How do we deal with that
Speaker 1: without destroying the family? I told you I'm going to
Speaker 1: talk to your mother. No, but I mean even in general,
Speaker 1: like I'm pretty sure not just Filipinos, but everybody has
Speaker 1: that conflict within the family where there's a grudge but
Speaker 1: no one's able to talk about it. But there's this grudge. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know me, I like language, so I am always
Speaker 1: for communicating and overly communicating until you know, you wear
Speaker 1: somebody down with language. I know what you're talking about personally,
Speaker 1: and I know that that it's not obviously Filipino thing.
Speaker 1: It's a world thing. People hold grudges against each other,
Speaker 1: but it can be stronger in different cultures. But you know,
Speaker 1: you can't go to a dry well for water, right,
Speaker 1: Like what's the point. But there's a different avenue always
Speaker 1: to get what you want, you know, being in a
Speaker 1: relationship with me, Like, there's different ways to go about
Speaker 1: those things. So whatever you've done thus far, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1: And it's time to think of a new avenue. And
Speaker 1: now you've got to be willing to talk to somebody
Speaker 1: that wants to talk though, and that's what sucks. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how do we conquer that? Because with you, the
Speaker 1: relationship with you is great because you love to talk
Speaker 1: and when you see something wrong, you want to you
Speaker 1: want to finish that right away, right, and I love
Speaker 1: that about you. We'll talk about it right now. We're
Speaker 1: not waiting right right, but I would encourage that to
Speaker 1: you to do that with your family members to like
Speaker 1: not on the phone, show up like in person, being like, listen,
Speaker 1: this is it. Let's have this conversation right now. Let's
Speaker 1: sit down and talk. Don't walk away from me. This
Speaker 1: is it. This is our moment to get this out
Speaker 1: in the open. I'm serious about it. And I think
Speaker 1: sometimes when people try and do that over phone calls
Speaker 1: or text or emails, obviously that doesn't work, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. But face to face has a different impact.
Speaker 1: And like, it is important to sit down and look
Speaker 1: someone in the eye and say what you're feeling, because
Speaker 1: people have to see your emotions and they have to
Speaker 1: see how much it hurts you that a grudge is
Speaker 1: being held, and how baseless that is and how short
Speaker 1: life is and how small that behavior is. So I
Speaker 1: would just say talk. I would say, just push it.
Speaker 1: You know, the next time you're in a position to
Speaker 1: confront that person, go and go out of your way,
Speaker 1: set aside the time and go and have that conversation,
Speaker 1: because you'd be surprised. You know, people just give up,
Speaker 1: and that's half the problem. I think people hate swallowing
Speaker 1: their own pride to what they do. People hate to
Speaker 1: be wrong. But if you know that then you already
Speaker 1: have an advantage over the person that hates to be wrong. Right,
Speaker 1: you know that, so you can act in a bigger way.
Speaker 1: Great problem solved. Okay, So thank you for joining us
Speaker 1: on our season two premiere episode, Joe Coy. It was
Speaker 1: a pleasure having you as usual. And what else do
Speaker 1: we want to say? Joe? Oh? You know what I
Speaker 1: want to say to girls out there who have guys
Speaker 1: in their lives that they think are their friends, or
Speaker 1: that they don't necessarily feel like there's an attraction or
Speaker 1: they feel like a brother dynamic, I would really encourage
Speaker 1: you to just really consider how important it is to
Speaker 1: have somebody who loves and respects you like that is,
Speaker 1: barn on, the most important thing that you can get
Speaker 1: from another human being, never mind somebody that you're in
Speaker 1: love with. So that is the foundation of everything, right,
Speaker 1: is love and respect. You want to be seen and
Speaker 1: you want to be heard, and if you have somebody
Speaker 1: in your life that is like that, and you think,
Speaker 1: oh no, please be a little bit more open minded,
Speaker 1: because I'm the happiest I've ever been and it's because
Speaker 1: I finally had an open mind instead of a closed one.
Speaker 1: So I think we can end on that I love you.
Speaker 1: How's that I want to end on that, thanks for coming, Joe.
Speaker 1: Joe and I are going to go to the airport
Speaker 1: right now, and then we're going to spend six hours
Speaker 1: looking at each other from across the aisle on the plane,
Speaker 1: probably while he takes pictures of me, because that's what
Speaker 1: our last flight was like. Right and then and then
Speaker 1: she looks like she's building a nest. That's what her look. Immediately.
Speaker 1: I put it in reclined before we even take off.
Speaker 1: I have my pillow ready as put my socks on. Snacks. Yeah, TV,
Speaker 1: that doesn't work. Even though it does work, I can't
Speaker 1: work it anyway. That's enough. Thank you, have a great week.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week. And if you want to
Speaker 1: see more of Joe, you can come over to my
Speaker 1: house or you can find him hosting Metal Shop Masters,
Speaker 1: which is on Netflix and it was released September ten.
Speaker 1: And please buy his book, his autobiography, it's called Mixed
Speaker 1: Plate Chronicles of an All American Combo. And also you
Speaker 1: can buy tickets for his Just Kidding World tour. If
Speaker 1: you've never seen Joe Coy perform live, you need to
Speaker 1: go because it's not only a stand up show. It's
Speaker 1: a fucking concert. It is so fun and he sings
Speaker 1: and he dances and it's like, oh my god, the
Speaker 1: vibes are so fun. Oh and everybody, I am performing
Speaker 1: this weekend. I am picking back up my Vaccinated and
Speaker 1: Horny tour. If you don't have tickets, please get them
Speaker 1: Chelsea Handler dot com and going to Norfolk, Virginia, Hanover, Maryland,
Speaker 1: and Northfield, Ohio, two of those places I've never been.
Speaker 1: So that's October ninth. I will be coming to Virginia, Maryland, Ohio,
Speaker 1: So please get your tickets. I can't wait to see everybody. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: thanks