Speaker 1: I love Valentine's Day because, yes, some people think, oh,
Speaker 1: it's Valentine's Day and it's about couples, and yes, it's
Speaker 1: about couples, but it's also about friendships. Intimacy is made
Speaker 1: up of two parts, emotional and physical, and the emotional
Speaker 1: part of your intimacy is so so important. I think
Speaker 1: the number one red flag that you should never ignore
Speaker 1: is lying in dishonesty, sex on the first date. Good
Speaker 1: idea or bad idea. Hello, guys, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining me for another episode of cheek Ease and Chill.
Speaker 1: I'm your host cheek Ease. Today is February fourteenth, which
Speaker 1: means it's Valentine's Day, So Happy Valentine's Day to everyone.
Speaker 1: Love is definitely in the air. I can feel it anyway.
Speaker 1: We're dedicating today's episode to all things love and we
Speaker 1: have the perfect guest for this, So get ready because
Speaker 1: we're about to dive into another episode of cheek Ease
Speaker 1: and Chill. Today's guest is Dr Vivienna Coles. You probably
Speaker 1: know her from lifetimes Married at First Sight. She's a
Speaker 1: license marriage and Family therapist and he certified sex therapist.
Speaker 1: We have a lot of questions about that. She's also
Speaker 1: the author of the new book The for Intimacy Styles,
Speaker 1: The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy. Dr Vivienna, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for joining us. How are you? Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to be here. I'm really really looking forward
Speaker 1: to the fact that this is Valentine's Day and love
Speaker 1: is on the brain and it's always on mine. So
Speaker 1: here we go. Oh mine too, So before we dive
Speaker 1: into you know many questions that I have, how does
Speaker 1: Dr Vivienna celebrate Valentine's Day? Do you do anything special?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just I'm kind of nosy. So well, actually,
Speaker 1: I have a lot going on this Valentine's Day. It's
Speaker 1: pretty much my busiest time of year being a relationship
Speaker 1: and sex therapist and an intimacy expert. That's when I'm
Speaker 1: working a lot. But I'm also really trying to spend
Speaker 1: some time with my husband and of course sharing the
Speaker 1: love with the kiddos as well. I tend to do
Speaker 1: a little trip, a romantic getaway, and this year is
Speaker 1: no different. Nice. I love that, you know what. I
Speaker 1: love Valentine's Day because yes, some people think, oh it's
Speaker 1: Valentine's day, and it's about couples. And yes, it's about couples,
Speaker 1: but it's also about friendships. And even my mom was
Speaker 1: one that made Valentine's Day so special for us. She
Speaker 1: would make us baskets and write us cards and leave
Speaker 1: them outside of our door and we would wake up
Speaker 1: to it. So even if we didn't have a Valentine,
Speaker 1: we had that. I'm very like, I'm kind of cliche
Speaker 1: if you'd say whatever. I just I feel like we
Speaker 1: should love every single day, but to day is the day.
Speaker 1: So make sure that you tell everyone you love that
Speaker 1: you love them absolutely. And it's not just about that
Speaker 1: room antick love just about love in general. And of course,
Speaker 1: like you said, every day should be about love, but
Speaker 1: this one is the time where you can be really
Speaker 1: cheesy and bold about it. There you go, That's what
Speaker 1: I meant, see perfect. This is why I'm talking to
Speaker 1: you today because everything I want to say is like
Speaker 1: you can say about her. So okay, So for those
Speaker 1: of you that haven't watched Married at First Sight, I
Speaker 1: want to ask you Dr Brianna, how has it been
Speaker 1: you guys are going on how many seasons? Now? We
Speaker 1: are on season fourteen? Oh my goodness, it's so great.
Speaker 1: It's such an amazing process to be a part of.
Speaker 1: And yeah, going on fourteen seasons of really hoping to
Speaker 1: find stranger spouses that will be forever spouses. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean fourteen seasons. My goodness, that's awesome. Congratulations on that. Like,
Speaker 1: do you feel that it does work out? Like you
Speaker 1: know how people say, oh, love it first sight, married
Speaker 1: at first sight? What do you really feel about it?
Speaker 1: I think it's incredible that any of our couples end
Speaker 1: up staying together for the long term, because it's already
Speaker 1: so hard when you pick the person yourself that you
Speaker 1: get to know them over months and years, But when
Speaker 1: there are other people who are looking at parts of
Speaker 1: you and trying to really sum up who you are
Speaker 1: as a whole in a relationship, I mean, that's kind
Speaker 1: of crazy. And so the fact that we have I
Speaker 1: think about twelve couples right now who are doing awesome together, happy,
Speaker 1: growing their families, getting out there and enjoying the world together.
Speaker 1: I just think it's incredible. I do too, especially if
Speaker 1: two people are on the same page and they're looking
Speaker 1: for the same exact thing, it's like, okay, yeah, like
Speaker 1: this is what it is, and we are open to
Speaker 1: this process. I think that it just that makes the
Speaker 1: biggest difference. And I got married once, and the thing
Speaker 1: is is that person I kind of knew was not
Speaker 1: on the same page, and it's so important to know,
Speaker 1: like from the beginning, in my opinion, like what are
Speaker 1: your future goals in a relationship? I think that makes
Speaker 1: the biggest difference. Yeah, well, we rely on our participants,
Speaker 1: especially when their when their applicants, because everybody has to
Speaker 1: apply to be on the show and go through the
Speaker 1: whole process to be married at first site and match.
Speaker 1: We really rely on them being open and honest and authentic.
Speaker 1: But remember who they are as single people and who
Speaker 1: they think they'll be as married people. Those are really
Speaker 1: different things most of the time. And then of course
Speaker 1: to have the pressure of this being such a public
Speaker 1: process and experiment to go through, it's there's a lot
Speaker 1: of X factors here, you know, and and sometimes there
Speaker 1: are actual ex boyfriends and girlfriends that factor into and
Speaker 1: that's in a whole other things. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so
Speaker 1: now we're talking about love and relationships. What do you
Speaker 1: feel about love languages? Do you really feel that those
Speaker 1: are important? You know, in a relationship to know like
Speaker 1: your love language and your partner's love language. Well, I
Speaker 1: believe that intimacy is made up of two parts, emotional
Speaker 1: and physical, and the emotional part of your intimacy is
Speaker 1: so so important, and knowing your love language and knowing
Speaker 1: your partner's love language is like the easy is the
Speaker 1: most straightforward way of making sure that your needs are
Speaker 1: being met emotionally, especially if you want to be with
Speaker 1: somebody forever, especially if you want to feel fulfilled and
Speaker 1: satisfied your relationship. Making sure that you know your love
Speaker 1: language is a really easy, easy, easy way to make
Speaker 1: sure that that happens. Yes, it's something that in this
Speaker 1: relationship and I'm in now, I'm definitely practicing like knowing, okay,
Speaker 1: what makes him happy, but also being vocal about what
Speaker 1: makes me happy and respecting each other's boundaries and things
Speaker 1: like that. So it's really helped me personally, something that
Speaker 1: I wish I would have done in my prior relationships.
Speaker 1: But again, all those prior relationships happen for a reason,
Speaker 1: and they help me prepare for today well exactly. And
Speaker 1: I think it's also important that you're making sure to
Speaker 1: let your partner know how you like them to speak
Speaker 1: your love language. You know, we both speak different we're
Speaker 1: both bilingual, and but everybody has a dialect. And whether
Speaker 1: you're from Colombia, you're from Mexico, you're from Puerto Rico,
Speaker 1: you're from wherever, you're gonna speak a little bit differently.
Speaker 1: And so if your partner doesn't understand that, you need
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're kind of their translator. What
Speaker 1: are the top ones for men and women? Men seem
Speaker 1: to say their love language is physical touch pretty often, right,
Speaker 1: and then women are like, for me, it's worth of affirmation.
Speaker 1: I need reassurance. Is that weirder? Yeah? So actually, with
Speaker 1: the five love languages, there really doesn't seem to be
Speaker 1: any sort of rhyme or reason as to who experiences what.
Speaker 1: I have found that with a lot of my clients
Speaker 1: and friends, they're all over the place. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people, uh, do enjoy the bonding part, and
Speaker 1: and that's you know, the sorry I'm going into my
Speaker 1: foreign timacy styles, but I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: do really enjoy to have the words of affirmation. But
Speaker 1: some people really just feel warm all over when they
Speaker 1: receive gifts. Other people quality time. I hear quality time
Speaker 1: quite a bit, But I think that's just because we
Speaker 1: live in a society where our time is so dispersed, right,
Speaker 1: like it's have to. We're juggling so many different hats.
Speaker 1: You know about that, I know, and so whenever we
Speaker 1: can give somebody quality time, they really feel special. But
Speaker 1: other than that, I think most people, both and all genders,
Speaker 1: really experience them in equal ways. What about red flags?
Speaker 1: What can you tell me about red flags? Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I think definitely don't ignore any red flags. But also
Speaker 1: if you are truly committed to wanting to be with someone,
Speaker 1: just know that there are lots of things If if
Speaker 1: you have a lens that you're looking at love through
Speaker 1: or you're looking at relationships through, that are rose colored, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, and in this situation more like red colored,
Speaker 1: everything's going to stand out as a red flag. But
Speaker 1: I think the number one red flag that you should
Speaker 1: never ignore is lying and dishonesty. Yes, if someone is
Speaker 1: lying about the little things, they could lie about the
Speaker 1: big stuff. And if they're having to lie about anything,
Speaker 1: that means that they're not ready to be authentically in
Speaker 1: the relationship as themselves. And you don't want to be
Speaker 1: with somebody who's a representative of someone else. You want
Speaker 1: to be with that person because that's how you can
Speaker 1: grow together, that's how you can connect with them, that's
Speaker 1: how your emotional and your physical intimacy can grow and
Speaker 1: and go into something that's really strong and long term.
Speaker 1: But if they're lying about the little things, who weigh
Speaker 1: that red flag and get out of there? Oh my gosh, yes, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you from personal experience. That's one thing that
Speaker 1: I'm just like, Uh, lying has really caused so much
Speaker 1: damage emotionally and mentally. And I'm telling you, once you
Speaker 1: just keep ignoring that, and once you keep excusing these things,
Speaker 1: whether it's a small white lie, quote unquote, a lie
Speaker 1: is a lie, guys. And I think that is so
Speaker 1: important to just be brutally honest with your partner and
Speaker 1: just say, hey, yeah, I kind of messed up for
Speaker 1: you know. It just makes things so much easier for me.
Speaker 1: It's like, now, I'm like, I'd rather you tell me
Speaker 1: the truth, even if it's harsh and it's hard for
Speaker 1: me to hear versus me finding out later that you
Speaker 1: weren't being honest because that happened in my past relationship.
Speaker 1: But there were so many lies. It started causing me
Speaker 1: to be very insecure and see things that weren't there
Speaker 1: because there were so many ridiculous lies in reality. I mean,
Speaker 1: they're like, they're dumb, Like why weren't you just straight
Speaker 1: out about it? You know what I mean. I'd rather
Speaker 1: you be honest with me about anything and everything, versus
Speaker 1: lying to me just because you're like, oh, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna cover it's not a big deal. No, it's a
Speaker 1: big deal, guys, it's a big deal. Well, and a
Speaker 1: lot of people have justifications for why they lie, but ultimately,
Speaker 1: if somebody is lying to you, they are not giving
Speaker 1: you the chance to get to know them. They're not
Speaker 1: and and vice versa. If you tend to lie to
Speaker 1: try to impress someone, or because it's just easier than
Speaker 1: going into the minutia of having to work things out,
Speaker 1: or maybe you know what's going to upset your partner
Speaker 1: or your hopeful partner in the future, I feel like
Speaker 1: those are not good enough reasons because you are basically
Speaker 1: cutting off that person's ability to get to know you
Speaker 1: and for you to get to know who they really are.
Speaker 1: So you're just delaying the inevitable. It's not going to
Speaker 1: work out because you're not going to know each other. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's just better to just be hey, let it
Speaker 1: all hang out, guys, this is what it is. It's
Speaker 1: better before we move on to your book, because I
Speaker 1: have a lot of questions about your book. I wanted
Speaker 1: to ask about sex. I'm very I'm want to be
Speaker 1: very open about everything, so I so I like she's
Speaker 1: the perfect person to ask. So how important is sex
Speaker 1: in a relationship? Like being sexually attracted to your partner.
Speaker 1: So when sex is going great in a relationship, people
Speaker 1: barely even think about it. They probably say that it
Speaker 1: accounts for ten percent of the satisfaction that they feel
Speaker 1: within the relationship. But when it's not going well, people
Speaker 1: will report that it accounts for seventy of the dissatisfaction
Speaker 1: in their relationship. So when it's going well, it's going great,
Speaker 1: and when it's not going well, it's going terribly. Yeah. Okay,
Speaker 1: So do you think that what's like the number of
Speaker 1: times a week that you think is healthy? You know,
Speaker 1: like one twice a week. And I think it's different
Speaker 1: for everyone, but like for women, I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'll let you answer. You tell me what,
Speaker 1: tell me, tell me what you think come on, let's
Speaker 1: talk about what you okay, is healthy and typical. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I personally feel that if you're having sex every
Speaker 1: single day, I feel like you don't have time for intimacy.
Speaker 1: Like my type of intimacy is lay with me and
Speaker 1: hug me and hold me, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like that's what I really enjoy. And it's like, well,
Speaker 1: maybe we have one or two days like that and
Speaker 1: then we just bang it out, you know, the third
Speaker 1: day and then maybe on the weekend. So I feel
Speaker 1: like it's healthy two or three times a week. I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know if that's a little bit
Speaker 1: or a lot, but I do. As for me, I
Speaker 1: need you to simulate my mind. You stimulate other parts
Speaker 1: of my body, but like I need you to stimulate
Speaker 1: my mind and asked me how my day was, and
Speaker 1: rub my head and watch Married at First Sight with me,
Speaker 1: you know that stuff that makes me happy? Well that
Speaker 1: and you and a lot of people feel that same way.
Speaker 1: And actually that does kind of go into the for
Speaker 1: intimacy styles because what you're describing wanting to have a
Speaker 1: lot of that bonding that happens, that that feeling like
Speaker 1: you're emotionally connecting through the sexual side and through the
Speaker 1: central part. And then you also said, but then there
Speaker 1: are other times where it's like, let's just bang it out.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of that has to do
Speaker 1: with just that wanting to release, wanting to have that
Speaker 1: you know, kind of that orgasm or ejaculation, or just
Speaker 1: feeling like your body is the tension is releasing, and
Speaker 1: that's more of the release style and the reason that
Speaker 1: I think it's so important for people to round out
Speaker 1: their intimacy style and experience all four of the intimacy
Speaker 1: styles within every single sexual experience. So we've got were least, bonding, responsive,
Speaker 1: and giving. If you can experience a little bit of
Speaker 1: each one at every time, then it doesn't matter if
Speaker 1: you're having sex once a week or five times a week.
Speaker 1: You're you know you're getting what you need and you
Speaker 1: know your partners getting what they need. So as a
Speaker 1: sex therapist, I tend to really recommend that people experience
Speaker 1: some sort of sexual or sensual activity at least twice
Speaker 1: a week. And the reason for that is, you know,
Speaker 1: there are so many different parts of us that we
Speaker 1: have to share with other people. But if at least
Speaker 1: twice a week. You're connecting with your partner in a
Speaker 1: way that you don't do that with anyone else. I
Speaker 1: think it will continue that connection and it will remind
Speaker 1: you that what's important is that two of you are
Speaker 1: together and connected and then you can conquer the world.
Speaker 1: But I do so I think twice a week is
Speaker 1: pretty good. But remember it doesn't have to always be intercourse.
Speaker 1: There are lots of fun things that people can do
Speaker 1: sexually to really enhance that physical connect Nice. Okay, so
Speaker 1: we're good. Oh my goodness, yes, yes, Dr Rianna said it.
Speaker 1: We are good. Yes, you gotta start. Yeah, because if
Speaker 1: if my boyfriend probably want to do it every single day,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, dude, relax, like you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm like, anyways, I'm not gonna you know, well, And
Speaker 1: I think for a lot of men um the American
Speaker 1: Medical Association recommends that men have three to four ejaculations
Speaker 1: a week for their prostate health, and that does not
Speaker 1: mean that it has to happen through intercourse. So you
Speaker 1: can tell him like, I'll help you out a little bit,
Speaker 1: but you gotta take care of yourself. I know what
Speaker 1: you mean. Oral sex that helps and and your hands guys,
Speaker 1: as long as you're helping your mind. I'm telling you,
Speaker 1: this is what I love about the podcast. I could
Speaker 1: just say and talk about anything and everything. And I'm
Speaker 1: so happy that I'm talking to you because I'm the
Speaker 1: type of woman that I really have all these questions.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't care. I'm gonna put it all
Speaker 1: out there. I just so I can help others. Now,
Speaker 1: I do want to get into your book, your new
Speaker 1: book before Intimacy Styles. Okay, so tell us. I know
Speaker 1: you we talked about it a little bit, but can
Speaker 1: you please tell me a little bit about it. Sure.
Speaker 1: So the four intimacy styles are um, they are released, giving, bonding,
Speaker 1: and responsive. And the point of knowing what your intimacy
Speaker 1: style is is you go online. You can take a
Speaker 1: quiz or it's in the book, and it will tell
Speaker 1: you what percentage of each of the four you tend
Speaker 1: to experience at any given sexual experience. So the goal
Speaker 1: is to get to each that's going to ensure that
Speaker 1: every single sexual experience that you have with your partner
Speaker 1: is going to really satisfy and fulfill your intimate connection
Speaker 1: in that way. Now a lot of people are taking
Speaker 1: this quiz and finding out that they're very lopsided, that
Speaker 1: they're hardly one and a whole lot of the others.
Speaker 1: And it's not that that's wrong, but it's not optimal
Speaker 1: for you to stay satisfied in the long term. But
Speaker 1: the reason I wrote this book, I'll be very honest
Speaker 1: with you, is because I have so many clients who
Speaker 1: come to me because they're feeling disconnected sexually and they're
Speaker 1: either on the brink of divorce, on the brink of cheating,
Speaker 1: totally disconnected, feel like roommates to hear that all the
Speaker 1: time and just don't have that connection between each other.
Speaker 1: And I wanted to figure out a way to help
Speaker 1: them avoid that because so many people want to get married,
Speaker 1: so many people want to think of forever. But when
Speaker 1: the physical connection is gone or doesn't ever really get
Speaker 1: off the ground, then the long term viability of that relationship,
Speaker 1: whether they're married or not, goes way down. Yeah. Oh
Speaker 1: my goodness. See, And I think that this is important.
Speaker 1: I'm for sure going to take the quiz and I'm
Speaker 1: going to have my boyfriend do it too. I think
Speaker 1: just because we are, you know, evolving creatures, and we're
Speaker 1: changing all the time, and especially if you've been married
Speaker 1: for many years or with someone for many years, you
Speaker 1: know you're bound to change. So I think it's always
Speaker 1: good to learn about your partner and learn how you
Speaker 1: can better your relationship, and I think this is a
Speaker 1: great way to do so. And even at the beginning
Speaker 1: of a relationship, Chise like, even at the beginning, it's
Speaker 1: important to know where you are because over time you're
Speaker 1: going to need to transform into having that rounded out
Speaker 1: intimacy style where there's of each in order to keep
Speaker 1: up with your partner's needs as they change a decade
Speaker 1: down the road, twenty years down the road. I mean,
Speaker 1: if we're lucky, we get to do all that. But
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't put in that work to
Speaker 1: figure it out now, so then it slaps them over
Speaker 1: the head, you know, much later on, and then they
Speaker 1: find themselves totally disconnected and really wanted to go elsewhere.
Speaker 1: For sure. Well, because in my mind, I'm thinking, like
Speaker 1: you know, before we moved on to the subject, we
Speaker 1: were saying other ways to stimulate our sexual needs without penetration,
Speaker 1: I guess, or whatever you want to call it. So
Speaker 1: what are those things Dr Briana that you recommend that
Speaker 1: we do with our partners. That isn't necessarily intercourse. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: if you're looking for bonding before and after and during
Speaker 1: a sexual experience, this is where you get to talk
Speaker 1: about what it is that y'all are doing and how
Speaker 1: it affects you, how it makes you feel, how it
Speaker 1: makes your partner feel. Really wanting to make the most
Speaker 1: out of that experience sometimes takes talking about it. And
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about like, oh, move here, do this,
Speaker 1: pull my lege, here, pull my hair. I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't mean with the mechanics of it, but how it
Speaker 1: makes you feel. So many people don't ever talk about
Speaker 1: the feelings that they have about their partner um and
Speaker 1: they they may be feeling that after glow, but they
Speaker 1: don't ever talk about it. It's like okay, high five
Speaker 1: and we're done, okay, which is which is fine sometimes,
Speaker 1: but when it's all the time and you don't really
Speaker 1: know what it is that you're getting out of or
Speaker 1: what your partners getting out of a sexual experience, then
Speaker 1: it's hard to really know if you're getting it right.
Speaker 1: So make sure that you're talking about how it makes
Speaker 1: you feel and how good you feel when you've done that,
Speaker 1: or when you're about to or even during it's okay.
Speaker 1: And then for people who are let's stay more responsive.
Speaker 1: So responsive people tend to take a back seat. They
Speaker 1: don't really and they don't really initiate sexuality. They tend
Speaker 1: to only think about it when their partner brings it up. Um.
Speaker 1: But then they want to in order to please their
Speaker 1: partner and or in order to connect in that way.
Speaker 1: But they just aren't going to be the ones who
Speaker 1: are the initiators. They're not. They're not like thinking about
Speaker 1: it all the time and like coming up with you know,
Speaker 1: role playing and fun things to do and researching the
Speaker 1: latest loubes. They're not, you know, they're just not doing it.
Speaker 1: They're game for it when their partner brings it up,
Speaker 1: but it's not something that kind of comes from within them.
Speaker 1: For those people, it's going to be important that they
Speaker 1: share with their partner that that's what's happening. It's not
Speaker 1: that they don't want to, it's not that they don't
Speaker 1: care about it. It's just not something that comes naturally
Speaker 1: that's knocking inside, like, hey, let's have sex, let's have
Speaker 1: sext Some people have that and some people don't to
Speaker 1: a degree, So they're gonna need to either let their
Speaker 1: partner know, hey, I'm all for it. I'm just not
Speaker 1: going to be the one to initiate as often, or
Speaker 1: they need to get out of their shells, set an alarm,
Speaker 1: you know, Wednesday nights at eleven pm after married at
Speaker 1: first sight to do a little bit of initiation to
Speaker 1: get out there. Yeah, because now that you bring that up,
Speaker 1: I have to be honest, I'm not wanting to initiate.
Speaker 1: And and that was just brought up to me, like
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm the one to say, hey, well, if
Speaker 1: you want it, let's do it. Like I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: say no. I won't say no, but he did kind
Speaker 1: of mention I want you to look for me a
Speaker 1: little more. But I'm like, you're always looking for me,
Speaker 1: so you don't give me the chance, which I'm fine with.
Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't you know, I've nailed it, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: It's so common. It is such a common thing that
Speaker 1: comes up, and it's so misinterpreted, right because if he's
Speaker 1: judging your desire for him based off of how many
Speaker 1: times you initiate sexuality, then how much do you really
Speaker 1: like him? Chicks from really, it doesn't seem like very much.
Speaker 1: But if that's not the case, you have to talk
Speaker 1: about it. And I think it's important. You're going to
Speaker 1: be together for hopefully a really long time, you have
Speaker 1: to divvy up the initiation responsibility. I think it's so
Speaker 1: important that you learn how to A lot of women
Speaker 1: are raised to let a guy chase them and to
Speaker 1: be the ones who are pursued, and that's just quote
Speaker 1: unquote how things work and how things are. But if
Speaker 1: you're going to be with somebody for a really long
Speaker 1: time and you're the only one that's saying you want
Speaker 1: to do something, or you're the only one that's holding
Speaker 1: the torch for your love life and your sex life,
Speaker 1: that gets old really fast. Think about all the other
Speaker 1: responsibilities that we wouldn't want to be solely obligated to
Speaker 1: do and be responsible for. So I just think it's
Speaker 1: very important that you talk about it. And if you
Speaker 1: are uncomfortable with initiation, some women just feel really awkward
Speaker 1: doing it. They don't really know how um. They kind
Speaker 1: of feel a little bit like immature when that happens.
Speaker 1: Talk to your friends about it, talk to her. Relationship
Speaker 1: therapists like myself. We have lots of tips on how
Speaker 1: to do that in a more comfortable way. Okay, well
Speaker 1: I'm gonna initiate tonight, all right. I got something sexy,
Speaker 1: so I was like, you know what, maybe if I'm
Speaker 1: feeling sexy, I put something sexy on. Maybe I'll be like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: because it's not like I don't get horny guys. I do.
Speaker 1: But I'm just I don't know, I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's weird. I thought about it after he said, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I guess you're right. But it's because
Speaker 1: you're initiating. I'm like, alright, cool, like I'm down to
Speaker 1: do it, like you know what I mean. But I
Speaker 1: guess a guy does also want to be you know,
Speaker 1: pursued and especially sexually. So absolutely, I'm doing it. I'm
Speaker 1: doing it. I'm absolutely. So many men are feeling like
Speaker 1: they are not wanted by their partners. And what happens
Speaker 1: is if you're having sexual experiences when you feel like
Speaker 1: your partner doesn't want you, that turns into a really weird,
Speaker 1: non consensual almost like he's doing something quote unquote to her,
Speaker 1: and that's not a good place for a good guy
Speaker 1: to be. Yeah. No, absolutely, thank god, I'm talking to you,
Speaker 1: So okay, good ladies. I don't know if you are
Speaker 1: listening and you also have this some quote unquote issue,
Speaker 1: but I recommend getting something sexy and just I think
Speaker 1: that's also a way of just be like, bam, I'm ready.
Speaker 1: You know. I think with that in itself is like
Speaker 1: oh damn, she's, she's, she's. She wants it well, And
Speaker 1: it can be something nonverbal. So you just said something
Speaker 1: that's a nice little visual initiator. But you know, some
Speaker 1: people will have two different candles on their nightstands and
Speaker 1: if somebody is feeling like they're in the mood, they'll
Speaker 1: light their candle and if the other person lights theirs,
Speaker 1: and that's a sign. Other people will just flat out
Speaker 1: say like, hey, do you want to mess around? Um?
Speaker 1: Other people will use even more colorful language. You know,
Speaker 1: whatever floats your boat, that's fine. People will be like,
Speaker 1: we got the kids to bed, let's go upstairs, you know, whatever,
Speaker 1: whatever it takes. But some people are more nonverbal and
Speaker 1: some people are more verbal, and I think you need
Speaker 1: to just kind of try a little bit of everything.
Speaker 1: Just sure it happens. Yeah, for sure, put your hands somewhere,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, and and that will get started. Okay,
Speaker 1: so um, I do have another question. I'm sorry, So,
Speaker 1: what are other tips you have for achieving a long
Speaker 1: and happy relationship. I think a lot of couples start
Speaker 1: to assume that they know their partners. A lot of
Speaker 1: people assume that they know how a conversation will go,
Speaker 1: and so then they start to break down the communication.
Speaker 1: I think over time, we have to communicate even more
Speaker 1: than we do when we're trying to get to know
Speaker 1: someone so that we can continue to grow together and
Speaker 1: move through life together. If you're not communicating because you
Speaker 1: think you know your partners so well, you can avoid
Speaker 1: the conversation altogether or avoid a potential argument altogether, again,
Speaker 1: you're not giving them or your relationship the opportunity to
Speaker 1: grow together. And that's when people really tend to call
Speaker 1: it quits, or worse, they don't call it quits and
Speaker 1: things just deteriorate so and it just gets so bad
Speaker 1: that they end up not wanting to be together, or
Speaker 1: one person ends up leaving or cheating. So I think
Speaker 1: it's just very very important to continue to communicate, even
Speaker 1: when you think that you know exactly what your partner
Speaker 1: would say or how they would react give them the
Speaker 1: opportunity to do that. Yes. Absolutely, communication is key and
Speaker 1: that's something that I have learned throughout the years and
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to do different in this relationship. And
Speaker 1: also asking questions instead of assuming has really helped me out,
Speaker 1: like hey, did I misinterpret this or did you really
Speaker 1: mean this? That has helped me so much. So communication
Speaker 1: is so important. That's a huge one. This is something
Speaker 1: that I teach my clients quite a bit, is when
Speaker 1: they're when they think that their partner has said something,
Speaker 1: or if they are hurt by something that their partner says.
Speaker 1: Instead of responding to that simply asking, hey, it sounds
Speaker 1: like you just said this. Is that what you meant,
Speaker 1: even if you're a little upset when you're asking, it
Speaker 1: gives them the opportunity to either double down and say, yes,
Speaker 1: that's what I meant and then you can respond to that,
Speaker 1: or it gives them an opportunity to say, oh my gosh, no,
Speaker 1: like that's not what I meant at all. I'm sorry
Speaker 1: you heard it that way, this is what I meant.
Speaker 1: So many arguments are caused by a miscommunication. Absolutely, and
Speaker 1: we're not perfect, So why would you assume that everything
Speaker 1: that comes out of our mouths. It's going to be
Speaker 1: so perfect. There are gonna be times when we say
Speaker 1: the wrong thing. It just happens. And would you want
Speaker 1: world War three to, you know, break out in your
Speaker 1: home because of a miscommunication. No, So always respond back with, hey,
Speaker 1: this is what I heard? Is that what you meant?
Speaker 1: And give them a chance? Oh my goodness. Yes. And
Speaker 1: picky pick and choosing your battles is another one. Oh
Speaker 1: my gosh. I can sit here and talk to you
Speaker 1: all day and like you're you're confirming so many things
Speaker 1: for me right now, I'm learning so much. Before you go.
Speaker 1: I'd like us to do a quick Q and a
Speaker 1: great I'll be asking you a series of questions related
Speaker 1: to dating, love, and sex, and you'll answer them. How
Speaker 1: does that sound great? Let's do it here we go.
Speaker 1: Sex on the first date? Good idea or bad idea?
Speaker 1: Can it ruin your chances for a serious relationship? I
Speaker 1: think it's a good idea if you both have had
Speaker 1: the talk about what it is that you're looking for.
Speaker 1: If you just want to hook up with somebody on
Speaker 1: the first date and the other person feels like they're
Speaker 1: down for it too, totally fine. Now, if you're looking
Speaker 1: for something more long term, you have to know for
Speaker 1: yourself that doing that isn't going to freak you out,
Speaker 1: scare you off. Or if you're also one of those
Speaker 1: people who judges everything by the first impression, then probably
Speaker 1: having sex on the first day is not going to
Speaker 1: go well because there's so much growth that can happen
Speaker 1: in a long term relationship or even after three months
Speaker 1: of having a sex with someone and you can really prove.
Speaker 1: So if your first impressions mean everything, don't do it.
Speaker 1: But if it's something where you're like, oh, I'll try
Speaker 1: anything and we'll be fine, we can work through it,
Speaker 1: we can talk to it, go for it right as
Speaker 1: long as you're that type of person where it's like okay,
Speaker 1: because I know myself would probably be like, well does
Speaker 1: he do this with every other girl? You know? So
Speaker 1: it's like, if you're that type of person, maybe yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not the right thing. I'm all about whatever tiles
Speaker 1: are pickle live and let live. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to ask that question because so many people
Speaker 1: are always like, Hey, should I kiss him on the
Speaker 1: first day? Should I like him? Like, just let it flow,
Speaker 1: You'll if you wouldn't want to be with somebody who
Speaker 1: did that with someone else, then don't do it because
Speaker 1: you're already basically sabotaging the relationship exactly. Okay, Should you
Speaker 1: tell someone you're looking for marriage or a serious relationship
Speaker 1: on the first date. I think it's important to be
Speaker 1: open about that, um so that people understand what it
Speaker 1: is that you're trying to accomplish. If you wouldn't want
Speaker 1: to be friends with them, then don't tell them that
Speaker 1: you would. Oh you know, let's let's get to know
Speaker 1: each other and be come friends. For a lot of people,
Speaker 1: they're very serious about I'm only going to spend time
Speaker 1: with the opposite sex or with whoever it is that
Speaker 1: you're attracted to if it's going to try to grow
Speaker 1: into something, So be honest about that, or else you're
Speaker 1: lying and remember going back to lying, don't do that
Speaker 1: if you're If you're really wanting to be with somebody
Speaker 1: and get getting to know them, it's okay to say that. Okay, perfect.
Speaker 1: Should you tell your date you have kids on the
Speaker 1: first date. Yes, I think it's important even before you
Speaker 1: go on that first date that you share what your
Speaker 1: situation is. Just like if you were still married, just
Speaker 1: like if you're about to move across the country. These
Speaker 1: are all things that for some people mean a whole
Speaker 1: lot and are non starters. So in that if it
Speaker 1: could possibly be a deal breaker, I think it's important
Speaker 1: that you share that. Yeah, I completely agree. Absolutely. Okay,
Speaker 1: sexting is it good for play or can I get
Speaker 1: you into serious trouble? Well there's an app for that
Speaker 1: to keep you out of trouble. I think it's really
Speaker 1: always very important to keep your private life private and confidential,
Speaker 1: So look for different apps, you know, both online and
Speaker 1: on your cell phone that allow to keep things private.
Speaker 1: You do not need pictures or texts getting to people
Speaker 1: who don't need to be the intended recipient. So yeah,
Speaker 1: there's an app for that. And I think it can
Speaker 1: be really hot and sexy for sure. Yeah, yes, I
Speaker 1: like Dr Vivian. I think it's it's so cool because
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, yeah, I think it's but absolutely, be
Speaker 1: very careful you guys, if you're sending like you know,
Speaker 1: movie pictures or whatever, just be careful. Okay. Our threesomes
Speaker 1: a good idea for traditionally monogamous couples all in all, Typically, no,
Speaker 1: they are not a good idea. It is a very
Speaker 1: very sensitive and tricky situation. You have to get help
Speaker 1: with some from somebody like myself, somebody who is a
Speaker 1: marriage and family therapist, who is a relationship there is
Speaker 1: a sex therapist, somebody who can really walk you through
Speaker 1: to make sure that you don't jump on any land
Speaker 1: mines like a lot of people do. It's one of
Speaker 1: those things where sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality,
Speaker 1: and keeping it in the fantasy tends to work out better. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I think something that I've done and I brought
Speaker 1: up to my partners, like what if I put on
Speaker 1: a wig one day and it's like you feel like
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like we pretend that we
Speaker 1: just met at the bar and like, you know, doing
Speaker 1: that type of role play rope play. There you go.
Speaker 1: It went out of you know, but yeah, rope play.
Speaker 1: I think. I mean it's fun, guys. I mean I
Speaker 1: think it's for me personally. You know. Again, whatever flects
Speaker 1: your vote. I just so I wouldn't want to bring
Speaker 1: someone into my relationship just because I think it opens
Speaker 1: up a whole other door that I'm just not willing
Speaker 1: to I don't want to share that. That's just me though.
Speaker 1: So there's a buzz word, um, a really important word
Speaker 1: that I think a lot of people don't know about,
Speaker 1: but they know what it is, um if they heard it.
Speaker 1: It's called compersion, and that's the ability to feel true
Speaker 1: happiness for someone and else for your partner if they're
Speaker 1: experiencing sexual satisfaction from someone else. So when your partner
Speaker 1: is happy sexually, whether it's with you or someone else,
Speaker 1: you still feel happy for them. That is not something
Speaker 1: that a lot of people, especially in our society, are
Speaker 1: socialized to do. A lot of times it's it's all
Speaker 1: about jealousy and possession. So it's not for everyone. But
Speaker 1: if you can truly feel compersion for someone, then that's
Speaker 1: when the idea of possibly opening up or swinging or
Speaker 1: having a threesome uh, can be something that you bring
Speaker 1: into just the dialogue of your relationship. But there are
Speaker 1: a lot of factors that people don't think about, so
Speaker 1: it's not something you just try. Yeah, I gotta prepare
Speaker 1: for it. Yes, speak to Dr Bribana before you guys
Speaker 1: decide that. Um, Okay, what do you think about being
Speaker 1: friends with your ex is? Do you think that's a
Speaker 1: good thing a bad thing? What is your professional opinion
Speaker 1: on that. Unless you have legal or relational ties. Let's
Speaker 1: say that there's family that you have to share with them,
Speaker 1: or if you have kids together, if you have a
Speaker 1: business together, I say, don't do it. Do not do it.
Speaker 1: Excess tend to be the number one reason why people
Speaker 1: break up and in future relationships. So if you can
Speaker 1: cut them off all together, I think it tends to
Speaker 1: lend itself to being just a happier, less insecure place.
Speaker 1: People already have insecurities as it is. If you have
Speaker 1: to add on an X that doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: a part of your life, you're just adding one more
Speaker 1: block against you. Yeah, great answer. Yes, Okay. Is living
Speaker 1: together before marriage a good idea? What do you think
Speaker 1: about that? I think it's a great idea. I think
Speaker 1: that getting to know somebody and getting to know how
Speaker 1: they live, getting to know if your daily lifestyles or
Speaker 1: something that are compatible or not. There's no way to
Speaker 1: really do that without actually spending some time together. Also,
Speaker 1: it helps you to understand the commitment to someone else else.
Speaker 1: If you were to live with them, you can't just
Speaker 1: get up and leave. Or maybe if you're the kind
Speaker 1: of person that tends to get up and leave every
Speaker 1: time there's an argument that would be something that they
Speaker 1: wouldn't know if you didn't live together. There's just a
Speaker 1: whole lot that you can discover from having with someone,
Speaker 1: And I believe that making that decision to be married
Speaker 1: and to be with someone long term, get as much
Speaker 1: information as you possibly can, unless you're on Marrie at
Speaker 1: first site, where you get zero information, but that's a
Speaker 1: unique situation. I truly believe that it's it's good to
Speaker 1: just kind of, you know, live together and know each other,
Speaker 1: and then you'll just know like faster and sooner, like hey,
Speaker 1: this is the person I would be okay with living
Speaker 1: with or being married to for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: So okay. What are important compatible indicators that we should
Speaker 1: be looking for when looking for a partner. It's a
Speaker 1: tough one, but trying to figure out if you have
Speaker 1: a similar outlook on life. That's a really broad way
Speaker 1: of saying. Do you see things similarly? Are your goals
Speaker 1: and life similar? Do you see your spiritual side similarly?
Speaker 1: Do you see the reason for living? Is that something
Speaker 1: that's similar? Personality wise, people can be all over the place,
Speaker 1: but if you have similar values, belief systems, goals. Those
Speaker 1: are things that I think people should really try to
Speaker 1: have similar ideas on or else they'll have to overcome
Speaker 1: those things. And there's always going to be other things
Speaker 1: to overcome. So it's not that it's a no go
Speaker 1: if you have different ideas, but you're going to have
Speaker 1: to figure out how that will look in actuality. You know,
Speaker 1: for instance, if somebody wants kids and and and somebody doesn't,
Speaker 1: somebody's going to get their way, So that that's a
Speaker 1: really tough one for a lot of people. But you
Speaker 1: don't know that unless you're really starting to ask and
Speaker 1: you know, getting to know somebody in the dating phase,
Speaker 1: while you're living with them, while you're traveling with them.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of things that you can change.
Speaker 1: I'm a huge believer in the possibility of change for people,
Speaker 1: But there are things that people may not want to
Speaker 1: change or want to sacrifice or compromise on, and you
Speaker 1: have to ask those questions in order to get the answers,
Speaker 1: and then you have to figure out if that's okay
Speaker 1: with you from the get right now that we're talking
Speaker 1: about it, politics, like do you think it's important that
Speaker 1: couples are on the same not necessarily political party, but
Speaker 1: that they have the same views, or do you think
Speaker 1: that you could just put that to the side. I
Speaker 1: think it's something that people can work through. I've seen it,
Speaker 1: I've experienced it. It's something that I know it's possible
Speaker 1: for people to compromise on that. But if you are
Speaker 1: a huge activist, almost like if you're an orthodox person
Speaker 1: in your religion, if it's part of your life, it's
Speaker 1: part of your daily life, it's it's the glasses you
Speaker 1: wear and it's how you see your life, then it's
Speaker 1: probably going to be much more difficult to live with
Speaker 1: somebody and and really grow with somebody who feels not
Speaker 1: just differently but opposite. You know, friend is good, Differently fun,
Speaker 1: different creates the spice of life. You know, that's that's awesome.
Speaker 1: But when you feel like it's antagonistic, when it's oppositional
Speaker 1: and contradicts the way that you look at things and
Speaker 1: it's the way you live every day, that's probably not
Speaker 1: going to go. Well. Okay, good to know it's important
Speaker 1: to respect your significant others, Austen, you know, feelings and
Speaker 1: all that good stuff. So final question, I'm sorry. I
Speaker 1: know I knew I was gonna like bombard you with questions,
Speaker 1: but this is my final question. How long should you
Speaker 1: wait before getting engaged? Wow? Um, well you ask the
Speaker 1: wrong person because I eloped after six months, so you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know that there's any correct amount of time.
Speaker 1: I think you just have to know that you have
Speaker 1: gotten enough information from your partner to know that you
Speaker 1: will be able to work through the majority of the
Speaker 1: things that you can foresee will come up in your life,
Speaker 1: and that you have good communication skills, you have respect,
Speaker 1: a lot of respect and support from the people around
Speaker 1: you to get through the times that are going to
Speaker 1: be difficult that you can't foresee. Right, once you feel
Speaker 1: like you've got those two things, you know that you
Speaker 1: can work through the unforeseeable and that you can work
Speaker 1: through the foreseeable, I think that that's the perfect time
Speaker 1: to get engaged and start planning your wedding. Personally, if
Speaker 1: after a year we've been dating and you don't know
Speaker 1: if I'm a woman you'd like to marry for I
Speaker 1: just personally, I'm like, Okay, well, it's not that I'm
Speaker 1: asking you on the first year. You have to ask
Speaker 1: me to marry you, but you don't have to kind
Speaker 1: of know, like, oh, I I want to marry this chick,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? If not, it's kind of like,
Speaker 1: what are we doing here? I decided that when I
Speaker 1: entered my thirties, I like whoever I date, and if
Speaker 1: after a year they don't know if they want to
Speaker 1: marry me, that doesn't mean they have to put a
Speaker 1: ring on it, but we have to have some type
Speaker 1: of conversation. If not, it's kind of like, what's up?
Speaker 1: You know? That's just me well, and I think for
Speaker 1: a lot of people it is, especially for women, there
Speaker 1: is this biological thing that we have to consider. If
Speaker 1: you're wanting to try to have kids by a certain time,
Speaker 1: if you have career goals and aspirations, if you have
Speaker 1: travel goals, if you have physical goals that you want
Speaker 1: to try to have by a certain time, then it
Speaker 1: does start to make sense to say, let's kind of
Speaker 1: push this along. But there are people in their in
Speaker 1: their twenties. There are people in the thirties and their
Speaker 1: freties who are like, I don't necessarily need to be married.
Speaker 1: I just want to be building a life with you.
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of that comes from just
Speaker 1: wanting to have predictability in your life, wanting to be
Speaker 1: able to foresee what the next week, month, year is
Speaker 1: going to look like, being able to plan. I'm a planner.
Speaker 1: I I love to know what's happening in the next year.
Speaker 1: And I think that knowing that you and your partner
Speaker 1: on the same page helps you to feel like you
Speaker 1: can really rely on them and that the predictability comes
Speaker 1: in and it just feels good. Right. Yeah, for a woman,
Speaker 1: it's just being able to having some type of stability
Speaker 1: and being able to rely on your significant other for
Speaker 1: me is huge, you know. Now, after I've been married
Speaker 1: and and divorced or almost, I don't know what's going
Speaker 1: on with that, but I do feel like marriage isn't
Speaker 1: necessarily necessary. I feel like, as long as you know
Speaker 1: that I'm the woman for you and that we're going
Speaker 1: to do this together, you're gonna be my life companion.
Speaker 1: I need to have some type that security in order
Speaker 1: to just keep going after a while. But honestly, I
Speaker 1: just feel like, even if we don't get married, it's cool,
Speaker 1: Like I'm good with that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I'm not opposed to it. If we get married, awesome,
Speaker 1: if you If we're not going to get married. So
Speaker 1: I don't feel like a piece of papers should define
Speaker 1: that or how much we love each other because I
Speaker 1: feel like maybe it's not fair to say that because
Speaker 1: I've already been through it. But you know, as far
Speaker 1: as like my boyfriend, my boyfriend has to well, there's
Speaker 1: a there's a level of commitment right in the C
Speaker 1: word that that commitment, right, commitment something that comes up
Speaker 1: so much, not just in my practice but on the show.
Speaker 1: Like commitment is when you can both look to each
Speaker 1: other and say, I am not going to leave unless
Speaker 1: you know this, this, this, or this happens and you
Speaker 1: need to know what this, this, this, and that are.
Speaker 1: And if you have that converse station with your partner
Speaker 1: and you both can agree to it and commit to
Speaker 1: each other, then the legal part is just an additional
Speaker 1: boundary and and kind of reminder. It makes it a
Speaker 1: little bit harder. But the truth is there are people
Speaker 1: who are not divorced, who are married and who lived
Speaker 1: together for a long time because getting a divorced isn't
Speaker 1: as important. They just or they can't afford it. You know,
Speaker 1: there's all sorts of situations, but I think the commitment
Speaker 1: piece and having the communication about the Commitment is what
Speaker 1: really matters, especially nowadays. Yes, that's the key word, commitment
Speaker 1: and communicating with them and letting them know, look, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make this work. I'm gonna try until trying is
Speaker 1: no longer an option. And if you do this, if
Speaker 1: you lie, if you cheat, and you know, there's another
Speaker 1: one out there that I haven't thought, but but like those,
Speaker 1: you just have to kind of just set those you
Speaker 1: abuse me, you know, physical abuse, there's financial abuse, there's
Speaker 1: so yeah, so abuse and betrayal and lying and all
Speaker 1: that for sure. And remember it does and have to
Speaker 1: be a this happened, so I'm done. It can be
Speaker 1: this happened, or this seems like it could happen. Let's
Speaker 1: get some help and see if we can work through
Speaker 1: this and really prove to ourselves that we can't or
Speaker 1: that we can and we can actually even possibly grow
Speaker 1: closer after going through a tough patch, leaving a relationship
Speaker 1: right away under really any circumstances. That doesn't mean you
Speaker 1: have to be together, but at least try to work
Speaker 1: through it and talk about it through with a therapist
Speaker 1: because if not, it will continue to plague you, and
Speaker 1: it will it will haunt you going into future relationships
Speaker 1: if you don't feel like you really understand what's going on.
Speaker 1: Some people feel like they love too soon. Some people,
Speaker 1: of course, feel like they left too late. But when
Speaker 1: you can talk to a professional who deals with this
Speaker 1: all the time, we can really walk you through it
Speaker 1: and you can feel better about your decision. Absolutely, absolutely,
Speaker 1: uh Dr Rianna, honestly, thank you so much. I have learned,
Speaker 1: and you have confirmed, and you have helped me quite
Speaker 1: a bit, and I to our listeners I'm sure feel
Speaker 1: the same way. So thank you. And before you go,
Speaker 1: I want to leave everyone with day with a quote
Speaker 1: that I found, and I want to ask you what
Speaker 1: you think about this. Okay, I kind of already know
Speaker 1: what you're gonna say. But regardless, one, love is real.
Speaker 1: It doesn't lie, cheat, pretend to hurt you, or make
Speaker 1: you feel unwanted. I love that. I think what's great
Speaker 1: about that one is that the leaving you feeling unwanted. Um,
Speaker 1: it's so important to show somebody, both emotionally and physically
Speaker 1: that you want them. And if you're unable to as
Speaker 1: much physically as emotionally, that's okay. If you're unable to
Speaker 1: emotionally as you are physically that's okay, but a song
Speaker 1: as you're letting them know, then you have a chance.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, honestly, I honestly like, I feel so
Speaker 1: connected with you and I'm so happy that I was
Speaker 1: able to speak to you. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful. I wish you guys could see her.
Speaker 1: You guys, she's beautiful. Thank you. You are you really are.
Speaker 1: Before you go, Dr Vivienna, let us know where our
Speaker 1: listeners can find you, and again, mention your book. Please, yeah,
Speaker 1: absolutely so. If you go on to my website, spell
Speaker 1: it out, Dr Vivienna dot com. My book is the
Speaker 1: Four Intimacy Styles and you can find it all at
Speaker 1: four Intimacy Styles dot com and on social media spell
Speaker 1: it out, Dr Bavianna. That's where I am. I have
Speaker 1: a style page there, I have a YouTube channel, I
Speaker 1: have all sorts of fun stuff and um, I love
Speaker 1: to connect with everyone, so please um connect with me. There.
Speaker 1: There you have it, guys, Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1: Dr Vianna. Hap yes, thank you guys so much. You
Speaker 1: guys soon or you guys will hear soon. Anyways. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is a fellows bye. This is a production of
Speaker 1: My Heart Radio and Michael podcast Network. Follow us on
Speaker 1: Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me chick Ees
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