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Speaker 1: I love Valentine's Day because, yes, some people think, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's Valentine's Day and it's about couples, and yes, it's

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Speaker 1: about couples, but it's also about friendships.

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Speaker 2: Intimacy is made up of two parts, emotional and physical,

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Speaker 2: and the emotional part of your intimacy is so so important.

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Speaker 2: I think the number one red flag that you should

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Speaker 2: never ignore is lying and dishonesty.

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Speaker 1: Sex on the first date. Good idea or bad idea. Hello, guys,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me for another episode

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Speaker 1: of Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your host Cheeky's. Today is

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Speaker 1: February fourteenth, which means it's Valentine's Day, So Happy Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day to everyone. Love is definitely in the air. I

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Speaker 1: can feel it anyway. We're dedicating today's episode to all

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Speaker 1: things love and we have the perfect guest for this,

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Speaker 1: So get ready because we're about to dive into another

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Speaker 1: episode of Cheeky's and Chill. Today's guest is doctor Vivianna Coles.

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Speaker 1: You probably know her from lifetimes Married at First Sight.

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Speaker 1: She's a licensed marriage and Family therapist and a certified

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Speaker 1: sex therapist. Oh have a lot of questions about that.

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Speaker 1: She's also the author of the new book The Four

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Speaker 1: Intimacy Styles, The Key to Lasting Physical Intimacy. Doctor Vivienna,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. How are you?

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so excited to be here. I'm really really

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Speaker 2: looking forward to the fact that this is Valentine's Day

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Speaker 2: and love is on the brain and it's always on mind.

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Speaker 2: So here we go.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, mine too. So before we dive into you know,

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Speaker 1: many questions that I have, how does doctor Rivianna celebrate

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Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? Do you do anything special? I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I just I'm kind of nosey.

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Speaker 2: So well, actually, I have a lot going on this

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Speaker 2: Valentine's Day. It's pretty much my busiest time of year

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Speaker 2: being a relationship and sex therapist and an intimacy expert.

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Speaker 2: That's when I'm working a lot. But I'm also really

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Speaker 2: trying to spend some time with my husband and of

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Speaker 2: course sharing the love with the kiddos as well. I

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Speaker 2: tend to do a little trip, a romantic getaway, and

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Speaker 2: this year is no different.

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Speaker 1: Nice. I love that, you know what. I love Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day because yes, some people think, oh it's Valentine's day,

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Speaker 1: and it's about couples. And yes, it's about couples, but

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Speaker 1: it's also about friendships. And even my mom was one

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Speaker 1: that made Valentine's Day so special for us. She would

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Speaker 1: make us baskets and write us cards and leave them

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Speaker 1: outside of our door and we would wake up to it.

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Speaker 1: So even if we didn't have a Valentine, we had that.

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Speaker 1: I'm very like, I'm kind of cliche if you'd say whatever.

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Speaker 1: I just I feel like we should love every single day,

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Speaker 1: but today is the day. So make sure that you

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Speaker 1: tell everyone you love that you love them absolutely.

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Speaker 2: And it's not just about that room antic love. It's

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Speaker 2: just about love in general. And of course, like you said,

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Speaker 2: every day should be about love, but this one is

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Speaker 2: the time where you can be really cheesy and bold

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Speaker 2: about it.

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Speaker 1: There you go, That's what I meant, see perfect. This

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Speaker 1: is why I'm talking to you today because everything I

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Speaker 1: want to say is like you can say it better.

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Speaker 1: So okay, So for those of you that haven't watched

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Speaker 1: Married at First Site, I want to ask you doctor Rihanna,

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Speaker 1: how has it been you guys are going on how

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Speaker 1: many seasons?

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Speaker 2: Now? We are on season fourteen?

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: It's so great. It's such an amazing process to be

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Speaker 2: a part of. And yeah, going on fourteen seasons of

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Speaker 2: really hoping to find stranger spouses that will be forever spouses.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean fourteen seasons. My goodness, that's awesome. Congratulations

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Speaker 1: on that. Like, do you feel that it does work out?

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Speaker 1: Like you know how people say, oh love it first sight,

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Speaker 1: married at first site, What do you really feel about it?

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Speaker 2: I think it's incredible that any of our couples end

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Speaker 2: up staying together for the long term, because it's already

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Speaker 2: so hard when you pick that person yourself and you

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Speaker 2: get to know them over months and years. But when

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Speaker 2: there are other people who are looking at parts of

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Speaker 2: you and trying to really sum up who you are

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Speaker 2: as a whole in a relationship, I mean, that's kind

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Speaker 2: of crazy. And so the fact that we have I

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Speaker 2: think about twelve couples right now who are doing awesome together, happy,

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Speaker 2: growing their families, getting out there and joying the world together.

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Speaker 2: I just think it's incredible.

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Speaker 1: I do too, especially if two people are on the

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Speaker 1: same page and they're looking for the same exact thing,

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Speaker 1: it's like, okay, yeah, like this is what it is,

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Speaker 1: and we are open to this process. I think that

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Speaker 1: just that makes the biggest difference. And I got married once,

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Speaker 1: and the thing is is that person I kind of

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Speaker 1: knew was not on the same page, and it's so

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Speaker 1: important to know, like from the beginning, in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: like what are your future goals in a relationship? I

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Speaker 1: think that makes the biggest difference.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, we rely on our participants, especially when they're applicants,

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Speaker 2: because everybody has to apply to be on the show

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Speaker 2: and go through the whole process to be married for

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Speaker 2: site and match, we really rely on them being open

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Speaker 2: and honest and authentic there. But remember who they are

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Speaker 2: as single people and who they think they'll be as

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Speaker 2: married people. Those are really different things most of the time.

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Speaker 2: And then, of course to have the pressure of this

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Speaker 2: being such a public process and experiment to go through,

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of X factors here, you know, and

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Speaker 2: sometimes there are actual ex boyfriends and girlfriends that factor

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Speaker 2: in too, and that's a whole other thing.

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Speaker 1: A whole lot of thing. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so now

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Speaker 1: we're talking about love and relationships. What do you feel

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Speaker 1: about love languages? Do you really feel that those are important,

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Speaker 1: you know, in a relationship to know like your love

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Speaker 1: language and your partner's love language.

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Speaker 2: Well, I believe that intimacy is made up of two parts,

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Speaker 2: emotional and physical, okay, And the emotional part of your

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Speaker 2: intimacy is so so important, And knowing your love language

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Speaker 2: and knowing your partner's love language is like the easy,

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Speaker 2: most straightforward way of making sure that your needs are

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Speaker 2: being met emotionally, especially if you want to be with

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Speaker 2: somebody forever, especially if you want to feel fulfilled and

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Speaker 2: satisfied in your relationship, Making sure that you know your

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Speaker 2: love language is a really easy, easy, easy, easy way

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Speaker 2: to make sure that that happens.

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Speaker 1: Yes, it's something that in this relationship I'm in now,

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely practicing like knowing, okay, what makes him happy,

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Speaker 1: but also being vocal about what makes me happy and

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Speaker 1: respecting each other's boundaries and things like that. So it's

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Speaker 1: really helped me personally, something that I wish I would

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Speaker 1: have done in my prior relationship. But again, all those

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Speaker 1: prior relationships happen for a reason, and they helped me

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Speaker 1: prepare for today well exactly.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's also important that you're making sure

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Speaker 2: to let your partner know how you like them to

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Speaker 2: speak your love language. You know, we both speak different

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Speaker 2: we're both bilingual, but everybody has a dialect. And whether

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Speaker 2: you're from Colombia, you're from Mexico, you're from Puerto Rico,

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Speaker 2: you're from wherever, you're going to speak a little bit differently.

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Speaker 2: And so if your partner doesn't understand that, you need

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Speaker 2: to make sure that you're kind of their translator.

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Speaker 1: What are the top ones for men and women? Men

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Speaker 1: seem to say their love language is physical touch pretty often, right,

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Speaker 1: and then women are like, for me, it's words of affirmation.

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Speaker 1: I need reassurance. Is that weird?

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Speaker 2: So actually, with the five love languages, there really doesn't

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Speaker 2: seem to be any sort of rhyme or reason as

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Speaker 2: to who experiences what. I have found that with a

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Speaker 2: lot of my clients and friends, they're all over the place.

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of people do enjoy the bonding part,

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Speaker 2: and that's you know, the Sorry I'm going into my

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Speaker 2: four intimacy styles, but I think a lot of people

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Speaker 2: do really enjoy to have the words of affirmation. But

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Speaker 2: some people really just feel warm all over when they

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Speaker 2: receive gifts. Other people quality time. I hear quality time

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Speaker 2: quite a bit, but I think that's just because we

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Speaker 2: live in a society where our time is so dispersed, right,

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Speaker 2: it's I have to we're juggling so many different hats.

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Speaker 2: You know about that, I know about that, And so

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Speaker 2: whenever we can give somebody quality time, they really feel special.

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Speaker 2: But other than that, I think most people, both in

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Speaker 2: all genders, really experience them in equal ways.

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Speaker 1: What about red flags? Can you tell me about red flags?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think definitely don't ignore any red flags.

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Speaker 2: But also, if you are truly committed to wanting to

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Speaker 2: be with someone, just know that there are lots of

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Speaker 2: things if you have a lens that you're looking at

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Speaker 2: love through or you're looking at relationships through, that are

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Speaker 2: rose colored, right, I mean, and in this situation more

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Speaker 2: like red colored, everything's going to stand out as a

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Speaker 2: red flag. But I think the number one red flag

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Speaker 2: that you should never ignore is lying and dishonesty. Oh yes,

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Speaker 2: if someone is lying about the little things, they could

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Speaker 2: lie about the big stuff. And if they're having to

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Speaker 2: lie about anything, that means that they're not ready to

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Speaker 2: be authentically in the relationship as themselves. And you don't

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Speaker 2: want to be with somebody who's a representative of someone else,

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Speaker 2: you want to be with that person because that's how

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Speaker 2: you can grow together, that's how you can connect with them,

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Speaker 2: that's how your emotional and your physical intimacy can grow

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Speaker 2: and go into something that's really strong and long term.

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Speaker 2: But if they're lying about the little things, who wave

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Speaker 2: that red flag and get out of there.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Yes, guys, I'm telling you from personal experience,

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Speaker 1: that's one thing that I'm just like, Ough, lying has

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Speaker 1: really caused so much damage emotionally and mentally, and I'm

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Speaker 1: telling you, once you just keep ignoring that, and once

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Speaker 1: you keep excusing these things, whether it's a small white lie,

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Speaker 1: quote unquote, a liah is a lie, guys. And I

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Speaker 1: think that's so important to just be brutally honest with

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Speaker 1: your partner and just say, hey, yeah, I kind of

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Speaker 1: messed up or you know. It just makes things so

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Speaker 1: much easier for me. It's like, now, I'm like, I'd

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Speaker 1: rather you tell me the truth, even if it's harsh

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Speaker 1: and it's hard for me to hear versus me finding

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Speaker 1: out later that you weren't being honest, Because that happened

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Speaker 1: in my past relationship with there were so many lies.

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Speaker 1: It started causing me to be very insecure and see

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Speaker 1: things that weren't there because there were so many ridiculous

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Speaker 1: lies in reality to me that I'm like, they're dumb,

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Speaker 1: Like why weren't you just straight out about it? You

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. I'd rather you be one hundred

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Speaker 1: percent honest with me about anything and everything, versus lying

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Speaker 1: to me just because you're like, Oh, I'm just going

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Speaker 1: to cover it's not a big deal. No, it's a

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Speaker 1: big deal, guys, it's a big deal.

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Speaker 2: Well, and a lot of people have justifications for why

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Speaker 2: they lie, but ultimately, if somebody is lying to you,

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Speaker 2: they are not giving you the chance to get to

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Speaker 2: know them, and vice versa. If you tend to lie

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Speaker 2: to try to impress someone, or because it's just easier

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Speaker 2: than going into the minutia of having to work things out,

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Speaker 2: or maybe you know it's going to upset your partner

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Speaker 2: or you're hopeful partner in the future, I feel like

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Speaker 2: those are not good enough reasons because you are basically

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Speaker 2: cutting off that person's ability to get to know you

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Speaker 2: and for you to get to know who they really are.

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Speaker 2: So you're just delaying the inevitable. It's not going to

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Speaker 2: work out because you're not going to know each other.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's just better to just be hey, let

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Speaker 1: it all hang out, guys, this is what it is.

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Speaker 1: It's better before we move on to your book, because

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of questions about your book. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask about sex. One to be very open

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Speaker 1: about everything, so I know, so I was like, she's

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Speaker 1: the perfect person to ask. So how important is sex

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Speaker 1: in a relationship? Like being sexually attracted to your partner?

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Speaker 2: So when sex is going great in a relationship, people

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Speaker 2: barely even think about it. They probably say that it

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Speaker 2: accounts for ten percent of the satisfaction that they feel

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Speaker 2: within the relationship. But when it's not going well, people

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Speaker 2: will report that it accounts for seventy percent of the

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Speaker 2: dissatisfaction in their relationships. So when it's going well, it's

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Speaker 2: going great, and when it's not going well, it's going terribly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, So do you think that what's like the

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Speaker 1: number of times a week that you think is healthy?

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Speaker 1: You know, like one twice a week. And I think

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Speaker 1: it's different for everyone, but like for women, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I don't know. I'll let you answer. You tell me,

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Speaker 1: what tell me?

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Speaker 2: You tell me. Let's see what you think. Come on,

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Speaker 2: I said, let's talk about what you think is healthy

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Speaker 2: and typical.

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Speaker 1: Okay. So I personally feel that if you're having sex

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Speaker 1: every single day, I feel like you don't have time

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Speaker 1: for intimacy. Like my type of intimacy is lay with

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Speaker 1: me and hug me and hold me, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. Like that's what I really enjoy. And it's like, well,

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Speaker 1: maybe we have one or two days like that and

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Speaker 1: then we just bang it out, you know, the third

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Speaker 1: day and then maybe on the weekend. So I feel

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Speaker 1: like it's healthy two to three times a week. I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know if that's a little bit

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Speaker 1: or a lot, but I do. As for me, I

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Speaker 1: need you to stimulate my mind. Yes, stimulate other parts

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Speaker 1: of my body, but like I need you to stimulate

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Speaker 1: my mind and ask me how my day was, and

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Speaker 1: rub my head and watch Married at First Sight with me.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's stuff that makes me happy.

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Speaker 2: Well, and you and a lot of people feel that

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Speaker 2: same way. And actually that does kind of go into

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Speaker 2: the four intimacy styles because what you're describing wanting to

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Speaker 2: have a lot of that bonding that happens, that that

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Speaker 2: feeling like you're emotionally connecting through the sexual side and

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Speaker 2: through the sensual part. And then you also said, but

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Speaker 2: then there are other times where it's like, let's just

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Speaker 2: bang it out. And I think a lot of that

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Speaker 2: has to do with just that wanting to release, wanting

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Speaker 2: to have that, you know, kind of that orgasm or ejaculation,

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Speaker 2: or just feeling like your body's the tension is releasing,

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Speaker 2: and that's more of the release style and the reason

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Speaker 2: that I think it's so important for people to round

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Speaker 2: out their intimacy style and experience all four of the

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Speaker 2: intimacy styles within every single sexual experience, so we've got

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Speaker 2: really least bonding, responsive, and giving. If you can experience

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Speaker 2: a little bit of each one every time, then it

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Speaker 2: doesn't matter if you're having sex once a week or

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Speaker 2: five times a week. You know you're getting what you

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Speaker 2: need and you know your partner's getting what they need.

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Speaker 2: So as a sex therapist, I tend to really recommend

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Speaker 2: that people experience some sort of sexual or sensual activity

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Speaker 2: at least twice a week. And the reason for that is,

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Speaker 2: you know, there are so many different parts of us

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Speaker 2: that we have to share with other people. But if

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Speaker 2: at least twice a week, you're connecting with your partner

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Speaker 2: in a way that you don't do that with anyone else.

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Speaker 2: I think it will continue that connection and it will

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Speaker 2: remind you that what's important is the two of you

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Speaker 2: are together and connected, and then you can conquer the world.

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Speaker 2: But I do so I think twice a week is

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Speaker 2: pretty good. But remember it doesn't have to always be intercourse.

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Speaker 2: There are lots of fun things that people can do

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Speaker 2: sexually to really enhance that physical connect Nice.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so we're good. Oh my goodness, yes, yes, doctor

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Speaker 1: Vianna said it. We are good.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you gotta start.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because if my boyfriend probably want to do it

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Speaker 1: every single day, and I'm like, dude, relax, like you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. I'm like, anyways, I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: you know well.

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Speaker 2: And I think for a lot of men, the American

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Speaker 2: Medical Association recommends that men have three to four ejaculations

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Speaker 2: a week for their prostate health, and that does not

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Speaker 2: mean that it has to happen through intercourse. So you

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Speaker 2: can tell him like, I'll help you out a little bit,

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Speaker 2: but you got to take care of yourself.

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Speaker 1: I know what you mean. Oral sex that helps and

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Speaker 1: your hands. Guys, ladies, as long as you're helping your mind.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you, this is what I love about the podcast.

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Speaker 1: I could just say and talk about anything and everything.

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Speaker 1: And I'm so happy that I'm talking to you because

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Speaker 1: I'm the type of woman that I really have all

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Speaker 1: these questions. I'm like, I don't care. I'm gonna put

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Speaker 1: it all out there. I just so I can help others. No,

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Speaker 1: I do want to get into your book, your new book,

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Speaker 1: the Four Intimacy Styles. Okay, so tell us. I know

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Speaker 1: we talked about it a little bit, but can you

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Speaker 1: please tell me a little bit about it.

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Speaker 2: Sure? So the four intimacy styles are They are a release, giving,

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Speaker 2: bonding and responsive. And the point of knowing what your

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Speaker 2: intimacy style is is you go online, you can take

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Speaker 2: a quiz or it's in the book, and it'll tell

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Speaker 2: you what percentage of each of the four you tend

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Speaker 2: to experience at any given sexual experience. So the goal

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Speaker 2: is to get to twenty five percent of each. That's

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Speaker 2: going to ensure that every single sexual experience that you

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Speaker 2: have with your partner is going to really satisfy and

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Speaker 2: fulfill your intimate connection in that way. Now a lot

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Speaker 2: of people are taking this quiz and finding out that

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Speaker 2: they're very lopsided, that they're hardly one and a whole

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Speaker 2: lot of the others. And it's not that that's wrong,

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Speaker 2: but it's not optimal for you to stay satisfied in

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Speaker 2: the long term. Well, the reason I wrote this book,

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Speaker 2: I'll be very honest with you, is because I have

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Speaker 2: so many clients who come to me because they're feeling

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Speaker 2: disconnected sexually and they're either on the brink of divorce,

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Speaker 2: on the brink of cheating, totally disconnected, feel like roommates

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Speaker 2: to hear that all the time and just don't have

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Speaker 2: that connection between each other. And I wanted to figure

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Speaker 2: out a way to help them avoid that because so

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Speaker 2: many people want to get married, so many people want

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Speaker 2: to think of forever. But when the physical connection is

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Speaker 2: gone or doesn't ever really get off the ground, then

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Speaker 2: the long term viability of that relationship, whether they're married

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Speaker 2: or not, goes way down.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh my goodness. See, And I think that this

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Speaker 1: is important. I'm for sure going to take the quiz

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to have my boyfriend do it too.

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Speaker 1: I think just because we are, you know, evolving creatures,

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Speaker 1: and we're changing all the time, and especially if you've

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Speaker 1: been married for many years or with someone for many years,

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Speaker 1: you know you're bound to change. So I think it's

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Speaker 1: always good to learn about your partner and learn how

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Speaker 1: you can better your relationship, and I think this is

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Speaker 1: a great way to do so.

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Speaker 2: And even at the beginning of a relationship, cheekies, even

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Speaker 2: at the beginning, it's important to know where you are

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Speaker 2: because over time you're going to need to transform into

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Speaker 2: having that rounded out intimacy style where there's twenty five

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Speaker 2: percent of each in order to keep up with your

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Speaker 2: partner's needs as they change a decade down the road,

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Speaker 2: twenty years down the road. I mean, if we're lucky,

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Speaker 2: we get to do all that. But a lot of

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Speaker 2: people don't put in that work to figure it out now,

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Speaker 2: so then it slaps them over the head, you know,

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Speaker 2: much later on, and then they find themselves totally disconnected

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Speaker 2: and really wanted to go elsewhere.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. Well, because in my mind I'm thinking,

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Speaker 1: like you know, before we moved on to the subject,

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Speaker 1: we were saying, other ways to stimulate our sexual needs

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Speaker 1: without penetration, I guess, or whatever you want to call it.

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Speaker 1: So what are those things? Doctor Bivianna that you recommend

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Speaker 1: that we do with our partners. That isn't necessarily intercourse.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, if you're looking for bonding before and after

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Speaker 2: and during a sexual experience, this is where you get

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Speaker 2: to talk about what it is that y'all are doing

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Speaker 2: and how it affects you, how it makes you feel,

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Speaker 2: how it makes your partner feel. Really wanting to make

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Speaker 2: the most set of that experience sometimes takes talking about it.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not talking about like, oh, move here, do this,

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Speaker 2: pull my leg here, pull my hair. I don't mean

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Speaker 2: with the mechanics of it, but how it makes you feel.

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Speaker 2: So many people don't ever talk about the feelings that

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Speaker 2: they have about their partner. And they may be feeling

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Speaker 2: that after glow, but they don't ever talk about it.

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Speaker 2: It's like okay, high five and we're done. Yeah okay,

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Speaker 2: which is fine sometimes, but when it's all the time

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Speaker 2: and you don't really know what it is that you're

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Speaker 2: getting out of or what your partner's getting out of

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Speaker 2: a sexual experience, then it's hard to really know if

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Speaker 2: you're getting it right. So make sure that you're talking

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Speaker 2: about how it makes you feel and how good you

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Speaker 2: feel when you've done that or when you're about to

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Speaker 2: or even during it's okay. And then for people who

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Speaker 2: are let's say more responsive, so responsive people tend to

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Speaker 2: take a back seat. They don't really and they don't

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Speaker 2: really initiate sexuality. They tend to only think about it

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Speaker 2: when their partner brings it up. But then they want

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Speaker 2: to in order to please their partner or in order

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Speaker 2: to connect in that way. But they just aren't going

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Speaker 2: to be the ones who are the initiators. They're not

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Speaker 2: like thinking about it all the time and like coming

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Speaker 2: up with you know, role playing and fun things to

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Speaker 2: do and researching the latest loubs. You know, they're just

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Speaker 2: not doing that. They're game for it when their partner

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Speaker 2: brings it up, but it's not something that kind of

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00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,359
Speaker 2: comes from within them. For those people, it's going to

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Speaker 2: be important that they share with their partner that that's

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Speaker 2: what's happening. It's not that they don't want to, it's

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Speaker 2: not that they don't care about it. It's just not

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Speaker 2: something that comes naturally that's knocking inside, like, hey, let's

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Speaker 2: have sex. Let's have sex. Some people have that and

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Speaker 2: some people don't to a degree. So they're going to

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Speaker 2: need to either let their partner know, Hey, I'm all

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Speaker 2: for it. I'm just not going to be the one

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Speaker 2: to initiate it as often or they need to get

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Speaker 2: out of their shell, set an alarm, you know, Wednesday

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Speaker 2: nights at eleven pm after married at first sight, to

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Speaker 2: do a little bit of initiation to get out there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because now that you bring that up, I have

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Speaker 1: to be honest, I'm not wanting to initiate. And that

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Speaker 1: was just brought up to me, like I'm I'm the

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Speaker 1: one to say, hey, well, if you want it, let's

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Speaker 1: do it. Like I'm not going to say no. I

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Speaker 1: won't say no, but he did kind of mention I

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Speaker 1: want you to look for me a little more. But

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you're always looking for me, so you don't

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Speaker 1: give me the chance, which I'm fine with. But it's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't you know, I.

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Speaker 2: Nailed it right. That is so common. It is such

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Speaker 2: a common thing that comes up, and it's so misinterpreted,

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Speaker 2: right because if he's judging your desire for him based

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Speaker 2: off of how many times you initiate sexuality, then how

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Speaker 2: much do you really like him? Chiki's it doesn't seem

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Speaker 2: like very much. But if that's not the case, you

430
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 2: have to talk about it, And I think it's important.

431
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 2: You're going to be together for hopefully a really long time,

432
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 2: you have to divvy up the initiation responsibility. I think

433
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,760
Speaker 2: it's so important that you learn how to A lot

434
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,360
Speaker 2: of women are raised to let a guy chase them

435
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 2: and to be the ones who are pursued, and that's

436
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 2: just quote unquote how things work and how things are.

437
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 2: But if you're going to be with somebody for a

438
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 2: really long time and you're the only one that's saying

439
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: you want to do something, or you're the only one

440
00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 2: that's holding the torch for your love life and your

441
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 2: sex life, that gets old really fast about all the

442
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 2: other responsibilities that we wouldn't want to be solely obligated

443
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 2: to do and be responsible for. So I just think

444
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 2: it's very important that you talk about it. And if

445
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 2: you are uncomfortable with initiation, some women just feel really

446
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 2: awkward doing it. They don't really know how.

447
00:22:59,440 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: Are.

448
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 2: They kind of feel a little bit like immature when

449
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 2: that happens. Talk to your friends about it, talk to

450
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 2: a relationship therapist like myself. We have lots of tips

451
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: on how to do that in a more comfortable way.

452
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: Okay, well, I'm gonna initiate tonight, all right, I got

453
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 1: something sexy, so I was like, you know what, maybe

454
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: if I'm feeling sexy, I put something sexy on. Maybe

455
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: I'll be like, okay, cool, because it's not like I

456
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 1: don't get horny guys. I do. But I'm just I

457
00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. It's weird. I thought about

458
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:26,880
Speaker 1: it after he said it. I'm like, oh my goodness,

459
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 1: I guess you're right. But it's like, cause you're initiating,

460
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, cool, like I'm down to do it,

461
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. But I guess a

462
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 1: guy does also want to be you know, pursued and

463
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: especially sexually.

464
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 2: So absolutely, I'm doing it.

465
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: I'm doing it.

466
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,920
Speaker 2: I'm absolutely. So many men are feeling like they are

467
00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 2: not wanted by their partners, and what happens is if

468
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 2: you're having sexual experiences when you feel like your partner

469
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 2: doesn't want you, that turns into a really weird, non

470
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:58,440
Speaker 2: consensual almost like he's doing something quote unquote to her,

471
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 2: and that's not a good place for a good guy

472
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 2: to be.

473
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, absolutely, thank god, I'm talking to you. It's okay,

474
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: good ladies. I don't know if you are listening and

475
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: you also have this quote unquote issue. But I recommend

476
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 1: getting something sexy and just I think that's also a

477
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 1: way of just be like, bam, I'm ready. You know.

478
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,800
Speaker 1: I think with that in itself, it's like, oh damn's

479
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: she's she wants it.

480
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, and it can be something nonverbal. So you

481
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:29,199
Speaker 2: just said something that's a nice little visual initiator. But

482
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 2: you know, some people will have two different candles on

483
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 2: their nightstands, and if somebody is feeling like they're in

484
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,440
Speaker 2: the mood, they'll light their candle and if the other

485
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:39,240
Speaker 2: person lights theirs, and that's a sign. Other people will

486
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:40,640
Speaker 2: just flat out and say like, hey, do you want

487
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:45,120
Speaker 2: to mess around? Other people will use even more colorful language,

488
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:48,159
Speaker 2: you know, whatever floats or both. That's fine. Yeah, people

489
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 2: will be like we got the kids to bed, let's

490
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 2: go upstairs, you know, whatever, whatever it takes. But some

491
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 2: people are more nonverbal and some people are more verbal.

492
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,480
Speaker 2: And I think you need to just kind of try

493
00:24:58,520 --> 00:24:59,440
Speaker 2: a little bit of everything.

494
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 1: Sure it happens, Yeah, for sure, put your hands somewhere

495
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 1: you know, you know, and then that'll get it started. Okay,

496
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: So I do have another question. I'm sorry, So, what

497
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,600
Speaker 1: are other tips you have for achieving a long and

498
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:15,600
Speaker 1: happy relationship.

499
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 2: I think a lot of couples start to assume that

500
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 2: they know their partners. A lot of people assume that

501
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 2: they know how a conversation will go, and so then

502
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 2: they start to break down the communication. I think over time,

503
00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 2: we have to communicate even more than we do when

504
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 2: we're trying to get to know someone so that we

505
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 2: can continue to grow together and move through life together.

506
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 2: If you're not communicating because you think you know your

507
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 2: partner so well, you can avoid the conversation altogether or

508
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:49,400
Speaker 2: avoid a potential argument altogether, again, you're not giving them

509
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 2: or your relationship the opportunity to grow together. And that's

510
00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 2: when people really tend to call it quits, or worse,

511
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 2: they don't call it quits and things just deteriorate so

512
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 2: and it just gets so bad that they end up

513
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,199
Speaker 2: not wanting to be together, or one person ends up

514
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,640
Speaker 2: leaving or cheating. So I think it's just very, very

515
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,440
Speaker 2: important to continue to communicate, even when you think that

516
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 2: you know exactly what your partner would say or how

517
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,360
Speaker 2: they would react, give them the opportunity to do that.

518
00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, communication is key and that's something that I

519
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: have learned throughout the years and that I'm trying to

520
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 1: do different in this relationship. And also asking questions instead

521
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 1: of assuming has really helped me out, like hey, did

522
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: I misinterpret this or did you really mean this? That

523
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: has helped me so much. So communication is so important.

524
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 2: That's a huge one. This is something that I teach

525
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 2: my clients quite a bit, is when they think that

526
00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,680
Speaker 2: their partner has said something, or if they are hurt

527
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 2: by something that their partner says. Instead of responding to

528
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 2: that simply asking, hey, it sounds like you just said this.

529
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 2: Is that what you meant, even if you're a little

530
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 2: upset when you're asking, it gives them the opportunity to

531
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 2: either double down and say, yes, that's what I meant

532
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 2: and then you can respond to that, or it gives

533
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: them an opportunity to say, oh my gosh, no that's

534
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 2: not what I meant at all. I'm sorry you heard

535
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 2: it that way, this is what I meant. So many

536
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 2: arguments are caused by a miscommunication. Absolutely, and we're not perfect,

537
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 2: So why would you assume that everything that comes out

538
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 2: of our mouth is going to be so perfect? There

539
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 2: are going to be times where we say the wrong thing,

540
00:27:30,040 --> 00:27:33,400
Speaker 2: it just happens. And would you want World War three

541
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 2: to break out in your home because of a miscommunication. No,

542
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 2: So always respond back with, hey, this is what I heard.

543
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 2: Is that what you meant? And give them a chance?

544
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Yes. And pick and choosing your battles

545
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: is another one. Oh my gosh. I can sit here

546
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 1: and talk to you all day and like you're confirming

547
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 1: so many things for me right now, I'm learning so much.

548
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,399
Speaker 1: Before you go, I'd like us to do a quick

549
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: Q and a great I'll be asking you a series

550
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 1: of questions related to dating, love, and sex, and you'll

551
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 1: answer them. How does that sound great? Let's do it

552
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,919
Speaker 1: here we go. Sex on the first date? Good idea

553
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 1: or bad idea? Henny ruin your chances first YEARUS relationship.

554
00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 2: I think it's a good idea if you both have

555
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 2: had the talk about what it is that you're looking for.

556
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 2: If you just want to hook up with somebody on

557
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 2: the first date and the other person feels like they're

558
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 2: down for it too, totally fine. Now, if you're looking

559
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,479
Speaker 2: for something more long term, you have to know for

560
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 2: yourself that doing that isn't going to freak you out

561
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 2: scare you off, or if you're also one of those

562
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 2: people who judges everything by the first impression, then probably

563
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 2: having sex on the first date is not going to

564
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 2: go well because there's so much growth that can happen

565
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 2: in a long term relationship or even after three months

566
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 2: of having sex with someone and you can really prove.

567
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 2: So if you're a first impressions mean everything, don't do it.

568
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 2: But if it's something where you're like, oh, I'll try

569
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 2: anything and we'll be fine, we can work through it,

570
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: we can talk through it.

571
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: Go for it right as long as you're that type

572
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: of person where it's like okay, because I know myself,

573
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: i'd probably be like, well does he do this with

574
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: every other girl?

575
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 2: You know?

576
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,680
Speaker 1: So it's like, if you're that type of person, maybe yeah,

577
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 1: it's not the right thing. I'm all about whatever tickles

578
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: are pickle live and let live. But I was like,

579
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,200
Speaker 1: I have to ask that question because so many people

580
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: are always like, hey, should I kiss them on the

581
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:29,560
Speaker 1: first day? Should I? Like the I'm like, just let

582
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 1: it flow.

583
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 2: Yo. If you wouldn't want to be with somebody who

584
00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:35,560
Speaker 2: did that with someone else, then don't do it because

585
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 2: you're already basically sabotaging the relationship exactly.

586
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 1: Okay. Should you tell someone you're looking for marriage or

587
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,400
Speaker 1: a serious relationship on the first date.

588
00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:49,200
Speaker 2: I think it's important to be open about that so

589
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 2: that people understand what it is that you're trying to accomplish.

590
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 2: If you wouldn't want to be friends with them, then

591
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 2: don't tell them that you would. Oh, you know, let's

592
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 2: get to know each other. Come friends. For a lot

593
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,400
Speaker 2: of people, they're very serious about I'm only going to

594
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 2: spend time with the opposite sex or with whoever it

595
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 2: is that you're attracted to if it's going to try

596
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 2: to grow into something, So be honest about that, or

597
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 2: else you're lying. And remember going back to lying, don't

598
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 2: do that. If you're really wanting to be with somebody

599
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 2: and getting to know them, it's okay to say that.

600
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 1: Okay, perfect. Should you tell your date you have kids

601
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: on the first date?

602
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: Yes, I think it's important even before you go on

603
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 2: that first date that you share what your situation is,

604
00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: just like if you were still married, just like if

605
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 2: you're about to move across the country. These are all

606
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 2: things that for some people mean a whole lot and

607
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 2: are non starters, so that if it could possibly be

608
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 2: a deal breaker. I think it's important that you share that.

609
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I completely agree, absolutely, Okay, sexting is it good

610
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: for play or can it get you into serious trouble?

611
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 2: Well, there's an app for that to keep you out

612
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 2: of trouble. I think it's really It's always very important

613
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 2: to keep your private life private and confidential, so look

614
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 2: for different apps, you know, both online and on your

615
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 2: cell phone that allow to keep things private. You do

616
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: not need pictures or texts getting to people who don't

617
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 2: need to be the intended recipient. So yeah, there's an

618
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 2: app for that. And I think it can be really

619
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:28,760
Speaker 2: hot and sexy for sure.

620
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, I like doctor Viebia. I think it's it's

621
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: so cool because I'm like, well, yeah, I think it's

622
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 1: But absolutely be very careful, you guys, if you're sending

623
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: like you know, Boobe pictures or whatever, just be careful, Okay.

624
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: Are threesomes a good idea for traditionally monogamous couples.

625
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 2: All in all, typically, no, they are not a good idea.

626
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 2: It is a very very sensitive and tricky situation. You

627
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:58,000
Speaker 2: have to get help with some from somebody like myself,

628
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 2: somebody who is a marriage and family therapist who is

629
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 2: a relationship therapist, a sex therapist, somebody who can really

630
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 2: walk you through to make sure that you don't jump

631
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 2: on any landmines like a lot of people do. It's

632
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: one of those things where sometimes the fantasy is better

633
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,240
Speaker 2: than the reality, and keeping it in the fantasy tends

634
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:16,000
Speaker 2: to work out better.

635
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: Yes, And I think something that I've done and I

636
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: brought it to my partner is like what if I

637
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:21,959
Speaker 1: put on a wig one day and just like you

638
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 1: feel like you know what I mean, Like we pretend

639
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: that we just met at the bar and like, you know,

640
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: doing that type of role play roleplay. There you go,

641
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 1: it went out of you know, but yeah, roleplay I think.

642
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 1: I mean it's fun guys. I mean I think it's

643
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 1: for me personally. You know. Again, whatever fils your boat,

644
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,800
Speaker 1: I just go. I wouldn't want to bring someone into

645
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: my relationship just because I think it opens up a

646
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: whole other door that I'm just not willing to I

647
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 1: don't like to share that. That's just me though.

648
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 2: So there's a buzzword, a really important word that I

649
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 2: think a lot of people don't know about that they

650
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 2: know what it is if they heard it. It's called compersian,

651
00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,520
Speaker 2: and that's the ability to feel true happiness for someone else,

652
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: for your partner if they're experiencing sexual satisfaction from someone else.

653
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 2: So when your partner's happy sexually, whether it's with you

654
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 2: or someone else, you still feel happy for them. That

655
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 2: is not something that a lot of people, especially in

656
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 2: our society, are socialized to do. A lot of times

657
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: it's all about jealousy and possession, So it's not for everyone.

658
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: But if you can truly feel compersion for someone, then

659
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 2: that's when the idea of possibly opening up or swinging

660
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 2: or having a threesome can be something that you bring

661
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:34,840
Speaker 2: into just the dialogue of your relationship. But there are

662
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 2: a lot of factors that people don't think about, so

663
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 2: it's not something you just try. Yeah, you got to

664
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 2: prepare for it.

665
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,959
Speaker 1: Yes, speak to doctor Rivianna before you guys decide that. Okay,

666
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: what do you think about being friends with your exes?

667
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: Do you think that's a good thing a bad thing?

668
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: What is your professional opinion on that?

669
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 2: Unless you have legal or relational ties, Let's say that

670
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 2: there's family that you have to share with them, or

671
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 2: if you have kids together, or if you have a

672
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 2: business together. I say, don't do it. Do not do it.

673
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: Xes tend to be the number one reason why people

674
00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 2: break up for in future relationships, So if you can

675
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 2: cut them off altogether, I think it tends to lend

676
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 2: itself to being just a happier, less insecure place. People

677
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 2: already have insecurities as it is. If you have to

678
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 2: add on an X that doesn't have to be a

679
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,840
Speaker 2: part of your life, you're just adding one more block

680
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 2: against you.

681
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, great answer. Yes, okay. Is living together before

682
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,359
Speaker 1: marriage a good idea? What do you think about that?

683
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,720
Speaker 2: I think it's a great idea. I think that getting

684
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,319
Speaker 2: to know somebody and getting to know how they live,

685
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 2: getting to know if your daily lifestyles are something that

686
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 2: are compatible or not. There's no way to really do

687
00:34:53,239 --> 00:34:57,320
Speaker 2: that without actually spending some time together. Also, it helps

688
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,440
Speaker 2: you to understand the commitment to someone else. If you

689
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 2: were to live with them, you can't just get up

690
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,760
Speaker 2: and leave, or maybe if you're the kind of person

691
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 2: that tends to get up and leave every time there's

692
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 2: an argument, that would be something that they wouldn't know

693
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 2: if you didn't live together. There's just a whole lot

694
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,719
Speaker 2: that you can discover from having with someone and I

695
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 2: believe that making that decision to be married and to

696
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 2: be with someone long term, get as much information as

697
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 2: you possibly can, unless you're un married at FIRS site,

698
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:28,520
Speaker 2: where you get zero information, but that's a unique situation.

699
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 1: I truly believe that it's good to just kind of,

700
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: you know, live together and know each other, and then

701
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,239
Speaker 1: you'll just know like faster and sooner, Like Kay, this

702
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: is the person I would be okay with living with

703
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: or being married to for the rest of my life.

704
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 1: So okay, What are important compatible indicators that we should

705
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 1: be looking for when looking for a partner.

706
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 2: It's a tough one, but trying to figure out if

707
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 2: you have a similar outlook on life. That's a really

708
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 2: broad way of saying. Do you see things similarly? Are

709
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,800
Speaker 2: your goals and life similar? Do you see your spiritual

710
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 2: side similarly? Do you see the reason for living? Is

711
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:11,439
Speaker 2: that something that's similar? Personality wise, people can be all

712
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 2: over the place, but if you have similar values, belief systems, goals,

713
00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 2: those are things that I think people should really try

714
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 2: to have similar ideas on or else they'll have to

715
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 2: overcome those things and there's always going to be other

716
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 2: things to overcome. So it's not that it's a no

717
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,800
Speaker 2: go if you have different ideas, but you're going to

718
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 2: have to figure out how that will look in actuality.

719
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 2: You know, for instance, if somebody wants kids and somebody doesn't,

720
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 2: somebody's going to get their way, right. So that's a

721
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 2: really tough one for a lot of people. But you

722
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,160
Speaker 2: don't know that unless you're really starting to ask and

723
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 2: you know, getting to know somebody in the dating phase,

724
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 2: while you're living with them, while you're traveling with them.

725
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 2: There are a lot of things that you can change.

726
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 2: I'm a huge believer in the possibility of change for people, right,

727
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 2: but there are things that people may not want to

728
00:37:01,719 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 2: change or want to sacrifice or compromise on, and you

729
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,280
Speaker 2: have to ask those questions in order to get the answers,

730
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: and then you have to figure out if that's okay with.

731
00:37:12,520 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: You from the get right. Now that we're talking about

732
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: it politics, like, do you think it's important that couples

733
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,840
Speaker 1: are on the same not necessarily political party, but that

734
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,560
Speaker 1: they have the same views, or do you think that

735
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: you could just put that to the side.

736
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,959
Speaker 2: I think it's something that people can work through. I've

737
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,279
Speaker 2: seen it, I've experienced it. It's something that. I know

738
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 2: it's possible for people to compromise on that, but if

739
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 2: you are a huge activist, almost like if you're an

740
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 2: orthodox person in your religion, if it's part of your life,

741
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 2: it's part of your daily life, it's the glasses you wear,

742
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,600
Speaker 2: and it's how you see your life, then it's probably

743
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,800
Speaker 2: going to be much more difficult to live with somebody

744
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: and really grow with somebody who feels not just differently

745
00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 2: but opposite. My friend is good, it is fun. Different

746
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 2: creates the spice of life, you know, that's that's awesome.

747
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,760
Speaker 2: But when you feel like it's antagonistic, when it's oppositional

748
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 2: and contradicts the way that you look at things and

749
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 2: it's the way you live every day, that's probably not

750
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 2: going to go. Well.

751
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: Okay, good to know it's important to respect your significant

752
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,760
Speaker 1: others as you know, feelings and all that good stuff.

753
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: So final question, I'm sorry. I know I knew I

754
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: was going to like bombard you with questions, but this

755
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 1: is my final question. How long should you wait before

756
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: getting engaged?

757
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:36,880
Speaker 2: Wow? Well you asked the wrong person because I eloped

758
00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,960
Speaker 2: after six months, so you know, I don't know that

759
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 2: there's any correct amount of time I think you just

760
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,920
Speaker 2: have to know that you have gotten enough information from

761
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 2: your partner to know that you will be able to

762
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 2: work through the majority of the things that you can

763
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,880
Speaker 2: foresee will come up in your life, and that you

764
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 2: have good communication skills, you have respect, a lot of

765
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:04,359
Speaker 2: respect and support from the people around you to get

766
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 2: through the times that are going to be difficult that

767
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 2: you can't foresee. Right once you feel like you've got

768
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 2: those two things, you know that you can work through

769
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 2: the unforseeable and that you can work through the foreseeable,

770
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: I think that that's the perfect time to get engaged

771
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:18,880
Speaker 2: and start planning your wedding.

772
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 1: Personally, if after a year we've been dating and you

773
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm a woman you'd like to marry,

774
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: for I just personally, I'm like, okay, well, it's not

775
00:39:28,200 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: that I'm asking you on the first year you have

776
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: to ask me to marry you, but you do have

777
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:34,760
Speaker 1: to kind of know, like, oh, I want to marry

778
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,000
Speaker 1: this chick, you know what I mean. If not, it's

779
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,799
Speaker 1: kind of like, uh, what are we doing here? I

780
00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,120
Speaker 1: decided that when I entered my thirties, I'm like, whoever

781
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: I date, and if after a year they don't know

782
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 1: if they want to marry me. That doesn't mean they

783
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 1: have to put a ring on it, but we have

784
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: to have some type of conversation. If not, it's kind

785
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 1: of like, uh, what's up? You know, that's just me Well,

786
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 1: and I.

787
00:39:50,640 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 2: Think for a lot of people it is, especially for women,

788
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 2: there is this biological thing that we have to consider.

789
00:39:57,320 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 2: If you're wanting to try to have kids by a

790
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 2: certain time, if you have career goals and aspirations, if

791
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 2: you have travel goals, if you have physical goals that

792
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,880
Speaker 2: you want to try to have by a certain time,

793
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 2: then it does start to make sense to say, let's

794
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 2: kind of push this along. Yeah, but there are people

795
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,320
Speaker 2: in their twenties, there are people in the thirties and

796
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,920
Speaker 2: their fridies who are like, I don't necessarily need to

797
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,319
Speaker 2: be married. I just want to be building a life

798
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 2: with you. And I think a lot of that comes

799
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 2: from just wanting to have predictability in your life, wanting

800
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 2: to be able to foresee what the next week, month,

801
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 2: year is going to look like, being able to plan.

802
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 2: I'm a planner. I love to know what's happening in

803
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 2: the next year. And I think that knowing that you're

804
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 2: and your partner on the same page, helps you to

805
00:40:44,560 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 2: feel like you can really rely on them and that

806
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 2: the predictability comes in and it just feels good.

807
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 1: Right. Yeah, For a woman, it's just being able having

808
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 1: some type of stability and being able to rely on

809
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: your significant other for me is huge.

810
00:40:58,200 --> 00:40:58,360
Speaker 2: You know.

811
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,960
Speaker 1: Now, after I've been married and divorced or almost, I

812
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on with that, but I do

813
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 1: feel like marriage isn't necessarily necessary. I feel like, as

814
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,359
Speaker 1: long as you know that I'm the woman for you

815
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 1: and that we're going to do this together, you're going

816
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 1: to be my life companion, I need to have some

817
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 1: type that security in order to just keep going after

818
00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:18,880
Speaker 1: a while. But honestly, I just feel like, even if

819
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: we don't get married, it's cool. Like I'm good with that,

820
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm not opposed to it.

821
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 1: If we get married, awesome if you If we're not

822
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: going to get married, so I don't feel like a

823
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 1: piece of paper should define that or how much we

824
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: love each other, because I feel like maybe it's not

825
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 1: fair to say that because I've already been through it.

826
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 1: But you know, as far as like my boyfriend, my

827
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: boyfriend has it.

828
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 2: Well, there's a there's a level of commitment, right, the

829
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:42,359
Speaker 2: C word that commitment, right, Committment something that comes up

830
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 2: so much, not just in my practice but on the show.

831
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 2: Like commitment is when you can both look to each

832
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 2: other and say, I am not going to leave unless

833
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,200
Speaker 2: you know this, this, this, or this happens and you

834
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 2: need to know what this, this, this and that are right.

835
00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:01,120
Speaker 2: And if you have that converse with their partner and

836
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 2: you both can agree to it and commit to each other,

837
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,480
Speaker 2: then the legal part is just an additional boundary and

838
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 2: kind of reminder. It makes it a little bit harder.

839
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:14,920
Speaker 2: But the truth is there are people who are not divorced,

840
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 2: who are married and who live together for a long

841
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 2: time because getting a divorce isn't as important. They just

842
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,719
Speaker 2: or they can't afford it. There's all sorts of situations. Yeah,

843
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 2: but I think the commitment piece and having the communication

844
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,360
Speaker 2: about the commitment is what really matters, especially nowadays.

845
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 1: Yes, that's the key word commitment and communicating with them

846
00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:37,720
Speaker 1: and letting them know, look, I'm gonna make this work.

847
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to try until trying is no longer an option.

848
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 1: And if you do this, if you lie, if you cheat,

849
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,840
Speaker 1: and you know, there's another one out there that I

850
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: haven't thought, but like those, you just have to kind

851
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: of just set those.

852
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 2: If you abuse me, if you're you know, physical abuse,

853
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:56,319
Speaker 2: there's financial abuse, there's so yeah, so abuse and betrayal

854
00:42:56,560 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 2: and lying and all that.

855
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:58,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.

856
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,080
Speaker 2: And remember it does have to be a this happened,

857
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 2: so I'm done. It can be this happened, or this

858
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 2: seems like it could happen. Let's get some help and

859
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,439
Speaker 2: see if we can work through this and really prove

860
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,839
Speaker 2: to ourselves that we can't or that we can and

861
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 2: we can actually even possibly grow closer after going through

862
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 2: a tough patch. Leaving a relationship right away under really

863
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 2: any circumstances. That doesn't mean you have to be together,

864
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 2: but at least try to work through it and talk

865
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,399
Speaker 2: about it with a therapist, because if not, it will

866
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 2: continue to plague you and it will haunt you going

867
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 2: into future relationships. If you don't feel like you really

868
00:43:37,920 --> 00:43:40,799
Speaker 2: understand what's going on. Some people feel like they left

869
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 2: too soon. Some people, of course, feel like they're love

870
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 2: too late. But when you can talk to a professional

871
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 2: who deals with this all the time, we can really

872
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:49,399
Speaker 2: walk you through it and you can feel better about

873
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 2: your decision.

874
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely, doctor Rivianna honesty, thank you so much. I

875
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 1: have learned and you have confirmed, and you have helped

876
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: me quite a bit. Our listeners I'm sure feel the

877
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 1: same way. So thank you. And before you go, I

878
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,360
Speaker 1: want to leave everyone with they with the quote that

879
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 1: I found, and I want to ask you what you

880
00:44:07,280 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: think about this. Okay, kind of already know what you're

881
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: gonna say. But regardless, when love is real, it doesn't lie, cheat, pretend,

882
00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 1: hurt you, or make you feel unwanted.

883
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 2: I love that. I think what's great about that one

884
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: is that the leaving you feeling unwanted. It's so important

885
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:29,520
Speaker 2: to show somebody, both emotionally and physically that you want them.

886
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 2: And if you're unable to as much physically as emotionally,

887
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 2: that's okay. If you're unable to emotionally as you are physically,

888
00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 2: that's okay. But as song as you're letting them know,

889
00:44:40,800 --> 00:44:41,840
Speaker 2: then you have a chance.

890
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 1: Oh oh my god. Honestly, I honestly like I feel

891
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,360
Speaker 1: so connected with you and I'm so happy that I

892
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,960
Speaker 1: was able to speak to you. So thank you so much.

893
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: You're so beautiful. I wish you guys could see her.

894
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:56,759
Speaker 1: You guys, she's beautiful. Oh you are, you really are?

895
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 1: Before you go, doctor Vivienna, let us know where our

896
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:04,440
Speaker 1: listeners can find you, and again mention your book please.

897
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely so. If you go on to my website

898
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,400
Speaker 2: spell it out Doctor Vivianna dot com. My book is

899
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:13,480
Speaker 2: the Four Intimacy Styles and you can find it all

900
00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 2: at four Intimacy Styles dot com and on social media.

901
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 2: Spell it out, doctor Vivianna. That's where I am. I

902
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,439
Speaker 2: have a style page there, I have a YouTube channel.

903
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 2: I have all sorts of fun stuff and I love

904
00:45:24,080 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 2: to connect with everyone, so please connect with me.

905
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,720
Speaker 1: There. There you have it, guys, Thank you so much

906
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: for listening, Doctor Vivianna.

907
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:33,240
Speaker 2: Happy Valentine's Day, Happy Vale.

908
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you guys so much. You guys soon or

909
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: you guys will hear me soon. Anyways. Okay, this is that, fellows. Bye.

910
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,320
Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike witha Podcast Network.

911
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at mike Wa Podcasts and follow

912
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,879
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913
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:09,080
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914
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: Podcasts or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.