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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: And the thing to also think about too, is that

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Speaker 2: if you don't show up, if not now, then when?

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Speaker 2: If not you, then who.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: You welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to

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Speaker 2: uplifting women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard,

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Speaker 2: a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 3: And Harry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 3: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 3: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 3: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 3: where black women can just.

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Speaker 2: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating

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Speaker 2: her Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the

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Speaker 2: State of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well,

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Speaker 2: if so, please reach out to me at doctor Dominique

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Speaker 2: Brusard dot com. That's d R D O M I

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Speaker 2: N I q U E B R O U S

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Speaker 2: s ar D dot com to schedule a free fifteen

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Speaker 2: minute consultation. I look forward to hearing from you all right.

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Speaker 2: Our quote of the day, the sun will rise and

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Speaker 2: set regardless. What we choose to do with the light

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Speaker 2: while it's here is up to us journey wisely.

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Speaker 3: By Alex L.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it one more time for the people

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Speaker 2: in the back. The sun will rise and set regardless

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Speaker 2: what we choose to do with the light while it's here,

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Speaker 2: It's up to us journey wisely. Ooh, Tea, that's a

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Speaker 2: quote right there.

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Speaker 3: That's a real quote, girl. That's so powerful. And I

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Speaker 3: feel like I know you about to come to me

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Speaker 3: to ask me what I think, but I do not

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Speaker 3: feel ready. It's so powerful, but I'm trying to figure

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Speaker 3: out how to even articulate what it means to me

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Speaker 3: and how it makes me feel. So I want to

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Speaker 3: pass it to you, dom and then maybe that'll get

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Speaker 3: my creative juices slowly.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So what I will say for me is when

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Speaker 2: I hear that quote, first of all, the sun will

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Speaker 2: rise and set regardless. When I hear that, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: but at the time that we record and it's a

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Speaker 2: rainy ass day in California, where the sun at Okay,

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Speaker 2: that's my like, I ain't here for a side, right,

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Speaker 2: but my serious side is Yeah. To me, this means

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Speaker 2: that each day is going to pass regardless of what

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Speaker 2: we do with it. So lady, what are you going

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Speaker 2: to do with it?

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Speaker 3: That's the question, And that's a really good point time,

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Speaker 3: Like every day. I was definitely looking at it that way,

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Speaker 3: although I could not figure out the words that I

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Speaker 3: wanted to use. But to me, when I think about

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Speaker 3: the sun, like, it makes me think about how life

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Speaker 3: is going to go and continue to go forward, and

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Speaker 3: things are going to continue to progress, and life goes

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Speaker 3: on despite our actions, right, despite what we decide to

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Speaker 3: do or decide what we do, or despite what we

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Speaker 3: decide not to do, whatever decision we make, it's going

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Speaker 3: to pass. Time is going to continue to go on.

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Speaker 3: But also opportunities like opportunities, they're going to come and

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Speaker 3: it's our choice. Like it says what we choose to

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Speaker 3: do with the light while it's here, that's up to us.

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Speaker 3: That's on us, right. The opportunity might be there, but

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Speaker 3: if we don't take advantage of it, that's on us too, right,

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Speaker 3: and it may not come That same opportunity may not

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Speaker 3: come back. So it makes me think about how seizing

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Speaker 3: the moment is important. And I'm really excited for the

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Speaker 3: conversation today because it's very timely, Yes, very timely, And

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Speaker 3: then we're going to tell you why. So we want

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Speaker 3: to just open up the conversation by asking a question.

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Speaker 3: And lady, this is a moment for you, whether you're driving,

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Speaker 3: or you're cooking, or you in the tub, wherever you

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Speaker 3: are listening to us. One is a privilege and an honor.

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Speaker 3: We appreciate you inviting us into your space and into

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Speaker 3: your most sacred parts of yourself because we are like

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Speaker 3: hanging out between your ears right now, and we appreciate

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Speaker 3: you in your ears. We appreciate being there. And so

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Speaker 3: wherever you are, lady, how are you feeling like how

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Speaker 3: are you feeling in this moment? I know for me personally,

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Speaker 3: I am feel I was telling down before we recorded.

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Speaker 3: This is typically what we do, like we hop on

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Speaker 3: our zoom or when we're lucky enough to be in

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Speaker 3: person together, we're like, Okay, how you feeling, where's your

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Speaker 3: energy at? I feel it's been a busy day. It's

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Speaker 3: been a long ass busy day, lots of work to do,

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Speaker 3: lots going on. I saw two accidents today, girl, somebody

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Speaker 3: hit a tree out front of our place, and I

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Speaker 3: was I felt low key like a caring so I

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Speaker 3: started recording. But anyway, those were just some of the things.

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Speaker 3: I feel like that those two incidents were like indicators

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Speaker 3: of what my day has been like. It's been a lot,

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Speaker 3: it's been a little chaotic. I'm tired, a little irritable.

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Speaker 3: I could use some rest, I could use a good meal.

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Speaker 3: But at the same time, I'm also grateful I am

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Speaker 3: being kind to myself and compassionate to myself, even though

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Speaker 3: I don't feel like I have it all together right now.

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Speaker 3: And so this topic, I'm excited for that because we're

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm navigating through this space as we

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Speaker 3: are talking about the topic. So that is how I'm

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Speaker 3: feeling today. What about you, dom, how are you feeling?

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm feeling similarly like I didn't have the

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Speaker 2: chaotic day that you had. But lady, as you know,

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Speaker 2: Terry and I both work full time jobs in addition

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Speaker 2: to doing the podcast, and so for me, you know,

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Speaker 2: at the time that we're recording, we're recording in the

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Speaker 2: evening after we both have worked a full day for

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Speaker 2: our full time job. And so, lady, imagine doing your

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Speaker 2: full time job and then showing up to create content.

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Speaker 2: And depending on where things are in your job, where

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Speaker 2: like what life is like in your job, what things

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Speaker 2: may be going on in your personal life that impacts

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Speaker 2: how you show up right And for me right now,

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Speaker 2: it's I'm choosing to show up during this at this

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Speaker 2: moment moments because I know that I have an even

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Speaker 2: busier season coming up with the full time job, and

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Speaker 2: so we have to prepare for that. And so even

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Speaker 2: if there's a piece of me that's like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: if Terry texts me and said, well, we're not gonna

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Speaker 2: record tonight, I might be I might have been like,

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Speaker 2: all right, girl, i'll see you. I'll see you on Friday.

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Speaker 2: We'll record on Friday. But I'm here right and I

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Speaker 2: think I think for me, one of the things that

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Speaker 2: I think about as will and we'll dive more into

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Speaker 2: this topic of showing up even if you don't feel

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Speaker 2: like it in the moment or leading up to it.

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Speaker 2: I think, for me, what motivates me, there's a number

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Speaker 2: of things.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: It's one, knowing that we are creating amazing content for

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Speaker 2: our community like that motivates me to know that, lady,

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Speaker 2: as you are listening, there is something that you were

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Speaker 2: going to take away from this conversation that's gonna be

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Speaker 2: incredibly beneficial to your life, right, And I feel blessed

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Speaker 2: to be a part of that journey with you, and

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Speaker 2: so I'm gonna show up. But then two, I also

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Speaker 2: know that even if I've had like a really long day,

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Speaker 2: because I enjoy what we do with this podcast. Initially

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Speaker 2: i might be like, yeah, girl, I'm tired, like we

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Speaker 2: could not and I'll be all right. Once I'm here

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Speaker 2: in the space and we start talking, I'm.

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Speaker 3: Good to go.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Okay. There's an energy shift. And so every

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Speaker 2: time I have those thoughts of like, oh, I'm feeling

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Speaker 2: tired today, I remind myself of how many times I've

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Speaker 2: been in this place where I've had a long or

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Speaker 2: exhausting day at the full time job and get here,

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Speaker 2: get to this space where Terry and I are meeting,

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Speaker 2: and my energy shifts and I'm ready to go.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 3: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 3: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 3: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 3: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 3: about this.

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Speaker 2: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 2: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 2: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 2: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 2: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 2: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 2: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 2: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 2: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 2: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and.

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Speaker 1: Or personal wins.

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Speaker 2: How does that sound?

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Speaker 3: Hopefully this is up your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 3: taking things to the next level of this year, and

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Speaker 3: we're doubling down on investing in our community. That means you.

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Speaker 3: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 3: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 3: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 3: in twenty nineteen, and to date, we have not missed

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Speaker 3: a week. We've been great stewards of our platform, all

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Speaker 3: while working full time and navigating our own ups and downs.

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Speaker 3: We release fresh new content every single Friday like clockwork,

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Speaker 3: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 3: can really help you up level your life. So if

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Speaker 3: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 3: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 3: this community effort forward. Visit herspace podcast dot com and

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Speaker 3: click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals and

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Speaker 3: exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you

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Speaker 3: to join the Sister Frontier so that you can get

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Speaker 3: someone on one time with us. We also have an

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Speaker 3: option for you to donate on a one time basis

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Speaker 3: if that meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot com

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Speaker 3: and you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 3: we'll hop right back into the conversation. I mean that

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Speaker 3: makes sense same here as you were saying that one

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Speaker 3: of the things I was thinking about as well, is

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Speaker 3: you know, we're still in the building phases of our podcast,

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Speaker 3: so lady and full transparency, like you in here with us,

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Speaker 3: we low key like besties now, like you besties in

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Speaker 3: our head or whatever. And so whether it's your first

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Speaker 3: time listening or you're a loyal listening lady, as we

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Speaker 3: like to say, we don't pay ourselves, like the podcast

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Speaker 3: everything that we make from the podcast, right you see,

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Speaker 3: you may hear that we have advertisers or whatnot. We

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Speaker 3: have a team that we work with, and this is

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Speaker 3: a labor of love for us, and I think that

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Speaker 3: sometimes it can be really tough to show up when

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Speaker 3: you're like, damn, where is the immediate benefit? Right, Let's

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Speaker 3: be real, like we go to our jobs, those of

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Speaker 3: us that work, or if you're an entrepreneur, like we

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Speaker 3: do things sometimes because we love them, but also because yo,

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Speaker 3: I need to get this check so I could pay

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Speaker 3: these bills and do what I gotta do. And so

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Speaker 3: in full transparency, sometimes it can be a little lonely

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Speaker 3: and even discouraging being on the podcast and journey when

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Speaker 3: you don't necessarily see immediate benefits, like we record the content, yes,

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Speaker 3: it's great for us. But that's why we really love

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Speaker 3: the reviews, because that lets us know if we're on

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Speaker 3: the right track. Right. That's why we our goal one

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Speaker 3: day and we'll talk about this in the future once

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Speaker 3: we manifest it, but it's to podcast full time so

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Speaker 3: that we can really sew into this and do all

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Speaker 3: the amazing things that we want to do. But in

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Speaker 3: the meantime, we're showing up where we are with what

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Speaker 3: we have, and there's still value in that, right, There's

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Speaker 3: still value in showing up and perfect and so it

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Speaker 3: kind of goes into why we think this topic is important.

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Speaker 3: I know, for me personally, this topic is important because

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Speaker 3: because of the trauma that I've experienced in childhood. Specifically,

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Speaker 3: I know that there have been struggles with unworthiness in

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Speaker 3: my life. And sometimes when you struggle with unworthiness and

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Speaker 3: I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist, that can

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Speaker 3: impact your ability to show up. And because of fear, depression, anxiety,

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Speaker 3: for a long time, I did not show up when

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Speaker 3: I believe I want to use this very lightly, but

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Speaker 3: like should have. I'm using air quotes there. I wanted

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Speaker 3: to show up when I feel like I should have

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Speaker 3: showed up. And it's important because I believe that we

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Speaker 3: need to empower each other and encourage each other to

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Speaker 3: show up where we are, like, it doesn't have to

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Speaker 3: be perfect, and so we want to dive into a

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Speaker 3: few ways that we can encourage you but also us

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Speaker 3: to continue to show up even when we're in progress,

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Speaker 3: right when we're not perfect. And so that is why

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Speaker 3: this topic is important. And now Dom, it's going to

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Speaker 3: tell us why, lady, you should stay until the end,

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Speaker 3: because we do have a meadi value packed episode for you.

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Speaker 3: So Dom's gonna give you some teasers and then we'll

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Speaker 3: jump into the conversation even more.

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Speaker 2: All right, ladies, so you know, and maybe you don't

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Speaker 2: if this is your first time listening, right that if

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Speaker 2: you stay to the end, you're gonna get these gems.

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Speaker 2: But you got to stay to the end to get

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Speaker 2: the gems. And then you have tuned into the app

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Speaker 2: after show. So when you tune into the after show,

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Speaker 2: you get some of that behind the scenes content and

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Speaker 2: you also get additional gems that we're not going to

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Speaker 2: drop in the full episode, right because we can't give

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Speaker 2: you everything all the time, So we want you to

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Speaker 2: listen to the end. Because as you listen to the

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Speaker 2: end and then tune into the after show, you will

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Speaker 2: get tips on how to overcome the barriers of showing up.

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Speaker 2: You will learn about what are the benefits of showing up.

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Speaker 2: And then the after show we will talk about embracing imperfection.

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Speaker 2: Oh all right, okay, see are we ready?

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Speaker 3: We ready? I was gonna say that part, Okay, embracing

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Speaker 3: per So first, what we want to do to kind

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Speaker 3: of ground the conversation is just talk about showing up.

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Speaker 3: So when I think about showing up dom I think

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Speaker 3: for me, it varies across different scenarios. I think that

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Speaker 3: showing up could be as simple as I'm going to

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Speaker 3: talk about this a little bit later, but going to

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Speaker 3: a networking event, just taking some type of action right

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Speaker 3: even though you aren't fully prepared. So whether it's going

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Speaker 3: to a networking event, it could be you know, writing

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Speaker 3: your book, just taking the initiative to move forward in

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Speaker 3: the direction that leads you to your goals even when

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Speaker 3: you aren't ready. There have been many times. I remember

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Speaker 3: when I was in high school and my family does

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Speaker 3: not come from money. I didn't have a little like

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Speaker 3: many of us. I didn't have a big, old I

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Speaker 3: was gonna say, box of money, a big book. It's

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Speaker 3: so hard I'm looking for I didn't have funds that

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Speaker 3: were just waiting for me and some type of fund

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Speaker 3: for me to go to. So I was applying for

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Speaker 3: mad scholarships. And one of the things I noticed is

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Speaker 3: that it was a numbers game. Sometimes showing up is

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Speaker 3: a guaranteed ticket that you will win. And so there

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Speaker 3: were many scholarships that require these long ass essays, and

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Speaker 3: guess who is typing their long ass essays? Me and

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Speaker 3: I got a lot of money. I got a decent

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Speaker 3: amount of money in scholarships because sometimes I was the

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Speaker 3: only one who was applying, or I was the only

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Speaker 3: one who was putting in the effort or taking the

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Speaker 3: initiative to go the extra mile. And so gu's what

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Speaker 3: showing up means to me? How would you define showing

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Speaker 3: up down.

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Speaker 1: To me?

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Speaker 2: Showing up is, Yeah, it's about taking those steps right,

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Speaker 2: It's about being present, it's about being in the moment,

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Speaker 2: and it's and sometimes showing up really is literally just

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Speaker 2: being there right, Like I'm not for some reason, I'm

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Speaker 2: not coming up with like a concrete example, but I

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Speaker 2: think about when a friend, let's say a friend is

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Speaker 2: going through something.

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Speaker 3: Right, and.

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Speaker 2: We don't have the words, but our physical presence, like

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Speaker 2: we just show up and we sit. We ain't gotta

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Speaker 2: say a damn thing. We just show up and we sit.

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Speaker 2: To me, that's like we're just physically there. We're in

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Speaker 2: the moment. That's showing up. You don't have to like,

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Speaker 2: the only thing you have to do is just physically

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Speaker 2: be there.

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Speaker 3: That's your action. Yes, just holding space, Like yes, oh. Now,

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Speaker 3: when I think about our lives and instances where we've

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Speaker 3: shown up even when we weren't ready, I know that

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Speaker 3: there are a number of experiences because I feel like,

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Speaker 3: for the most part, I just feel the fear and

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Speaker 3: do it anyway. I often just push myself and I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm afraid. Cool, we're gonna go do it. At this

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Speaker 3: point in my life, I'm in that space, although I

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Speaker 3: wasn't always there. But the one thing that I think

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Speaker 3: about often is us in this podcast. And but do

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Speaker 3: you have to go back to our previous episodes to

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Speaker 3: hear our story about how we met randomly and started

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Speaker 3: this podcast having not had any previous you know, relationship

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Speaker 3: of each other, even knowledge of each other, And like

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Speaker 3: just creating this huge business inventure. And so at this

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Speaker 3: point in the journey, the day that we're recording this

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Speaker 3: for about what five years into the podcasting journey, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and that sounds like a long time, right, and for

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Speaker 3: some people it is. For it isn't but five years dedicated,

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Speaker 3: blood sweat, tears going through our own life circumstances, failures

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Speaker 3: and miscarriages and death. I mean so much that we

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Speaker 3: were both navigating in the midst of this journey. But

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Speaker 3: I think back to that night that we had dinner

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Speaker 3: at Hazel's in San Francisco, and you know they're closed

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Speaker 3: down by the way.

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Speaker 2: You did.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I want to go google it recently because I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh, this is where we met. We should

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Speaker 3: go there. When you visit, it's like, oh damn. But

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Speaker 3: that's like our special It's still going to be our

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Speaker 3: special place because that's where this idea was birthed. And

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Speaker 3: I think about the crossroads that we were at in

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Speaker 3: that at that time, because I remember us both saying, well,

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Speaker 3: I'm super busy. I don't really have the bandwidth to

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Speaker 3: add anything else on my plate, but we want to

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Speaker 3: do something for black women, and we could have very

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Speaker 3: well put it off. We could have just said, well,

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Speaker 3: we're not ready yet, we don't have the time. I

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Speaker 3: remember thinking, well, what if we run out of top

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Speaker 3: and we don't know what to say, or God if

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Speaker 3: I make a mistake on the podcast, which I've made

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Speaker 3: tons of mistakes, And y'all go listen two hundred plus

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Speaker 3: episodes in now but here we are and here.

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Speaker 2: We are plus episodes.

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Speaker 3: In two hundred plus episodes in all of the features

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Speaker 3: for was Black Enterprise, and millions and millions of downloads

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Speaker 3: were manifest to our millions of dollars lady, so we

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Speaker 3: can do this full time. So if you go to

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Speaker 3: her space podcast dot com and go to our Patreon,

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Speaker 3: come support the mission, because it really is bigger than us,

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Speaker 3: you know. And I think about how if we did

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Speaker 3: not take that step that we took five years ago,

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Speaker 3: we wouldn't have been able to empower and help all

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Speaker 3: of the people, because there are men and women that

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Speaker 3: listen to podcasts and people that are gender non conforming.

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Speaker 3: We would not have been able to help all of

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Speaker 3: the people that have been impacted by the guests, by

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Speaker 3: the topics, by the messages. And we did it imperfectly.

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Speaker 2: Yes we did because verse continue to show up exactly.

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Speaker 3: We continue to show up. Like our first episode, you

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Speaker 3: can literally only hear the audio in one aarpod, like

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Speaker 3: in one of your headphones we did. I go back

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Speaker 3: and I've listened and I was like, oh wow, but

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Speaker 3: that is part of the journey. And to think about

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Speaker 3: it too, dom is when you think about it, it's like,

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Speaker 3: because I'm a recovering perfectionist, I've had to have this

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Speaker 3: conversation with myself a lot. Does a mistake Does the

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Speaker 3: bad audio though I know it can be super gnarly

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Speaker 3: at times, does that take away from the message? Does

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Speaker 3: it take away from the impact? Right? Like if someone

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Speaker 3: needs to hear a message at a certain point in life,

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Speaker 3: they don't give a fuck about you only being able

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Speaker 3: to hear out of one AirPod right or one headphone.

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Speaker 2: But you know what, what I also think about is

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Speaker 2: that we show up, and we showed up from the

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Speaker 2: beginning not having any prior knowledge of how to start

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Speaker 2: a podcast, right, and we continue Once we decided that

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Speaker 2: this is what we wanted, that this was the thing

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Speaker 2: that we were going to do to have an impact

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Speaker 2: on black women. We put in the time and supported

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Speaker 2: each other in putting in that time right, no matter

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Speaker 2: what it was we were going through. But part of

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Speaker 2: that showing up also to mean required that we and

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Speaker 2: we'll get into the tips, but like part of that

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Speaker 2: showing up required us being realistic with ourselves and being

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Speaker 2: flexible with how our lives needed to navigate and make

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Speaker 2: room for us to do this thing.

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Speaker 3: Yes, girl, And as you said that, it made me

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Speaker 3: think about another podcaster who I absolutely adore. She doesn't

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Speaker 3: know me, so hopefully it doesn't sound weird, but I

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Speaker 3: have a lot of admiration and respect, and I'm just

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Speaker 3: so into the Lovers and Friends podcasts. And this is

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Speaker 3: not an advertisement, this is something real that I want

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Speaker 3: to share. And Shan Booty is the host, and I

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Speaker 3: listened to our podcast often and one day we're gonna

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Speaker 3: have her own podcast. But I listened to our podcast,

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Speaker 3: and for me, one of the things that really stood

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Speaker 3: out to me, in addition to our being an incredible

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Speaker 3: journalist and setting up her show so well, I am

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Speaker 3: like obsessed. The show is so impeccable, but there are mistakes.

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Speaker 3: And there are not only mistakes, there are mishaps. Like

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Speaker 3: I remember recently, I was watching our YouTube show and

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Speaker 3: the plant in the background fell, and she handled it

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Speaker 3: with such grace. But when I see someone that I

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Speaker 3: admire so much, when I see them handling their mistakes

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Speaker 3: or showcasing the mistakes or the mishaps, it makes me

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Speaker 3: feel normal because I know I have a bunch of shit.

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Speaker 3: I have a bunch of mistakes and their mishaps in

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Speaker 3: my life but also within the podcast world. And it

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Speaker 3: also reminds me that people connect with authenticity and not perfection.

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Speaker 3: So if you are in a place in your life

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Speaker 3: where you want to make an impact on people, where

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Speaker 3: you want to make the world a better place, be

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Speaker 3: you authentically, Because let me tell you something, if there

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Speaker 3: was someone that I aspired to be like and they

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Speaker 3: were perfect, I can't connect with perfection because I'm not perfect,

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Speaker 3: and so it makes me feel as though it's this

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Speaker 3: unattainable goal that I'll never achieve. But I also don't

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Speaker 3: see the connection and the relation to that person because oh,

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Speaker 3: they're better than me, they're perfect, they never made a mistake.

435
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: But when I see someone like Shambouti that I admire

436
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 3: have the plant fall in the background, I'm like, you

437
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 3: go ahead, girl, I know that's why you keep on

438
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 3: recording and it makes it more human because we know

439
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 3: that that is a part of life sometimes, especially these

440
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:12,840
Speaker 3: days California has just been super windy and should be fallen,

441
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 3: and it's a part of life, and we keep it pushing. Like,

442
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 3: if you're watching now, I have this wrinkled ass curtain

443
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 3: behind me, and it is what it is, like, Okay.

444
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 2: But you know, here's the thing. Unless you point it out,

445
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 2: we can't tell it that well, at least I can't

446
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 2: tell that the curtain is wrinkled, right, And but I

447
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 2: think that's I think that's the piece of it too,

448
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:48,200
Speaker 2: is that how how we are seeing the thing might

449
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 2: not be how other people are seeing it. And so

450
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 2: while we are hesitating to make that move based on

451
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 2: our other people, no one else around us might might

452
00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 2: be perceiving it in that same way. And so I

453
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 2: think it's important to go on ahead and make that

454
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 2: move and sit in front that curtain, even if even

455
00:28:19,520 --> 00:28:22,000
Speaker 2: if to you it looks wrinkled, it don't look wrinkled

456
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 2: to the rest of us, right. And the thing to

457
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 2: also think about, too, is that if you don't show up,

458
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 2: if not now, then when, If not you, then who?

459
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 3: Right?

460
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:42,719
Speaker 2: I also want to be clear that we are talking

461
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 2: about context in which it's about your personal development, right,

462
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: because I'm aware that there are situations in which we

463
00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 2: are being asked to show up for others that's not

464
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 2: to our benefit, that would actually do us more harm

465
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:11,840
Speaker 2: than good. So I want to acknowledge that those contexts

466
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 2: do exist and that ain't what we're talking about here,

467
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 2: because we want you to protect your pieces.

468
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 3: Okay, that's right. I love that you always bring that

469
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 3: perspective and down like the realistic, like they're pragmatic, Like hey,

470
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 3: hold up, don't get it twisted. This is what we're

471
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 3: talking about because my mind was solely on the personal

472
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 3: development aspect. But some people can misinterpret that like, oh,

473
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 3: my job is saying they want me to show up. Pause,

474
00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 3: are we showing up after hours and going the extra

475
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 3: mile and not getting paid for it? Because if that's

476
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 3: the case, then maybe that isn't maybe that's not our ministry, right.

477
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 3: So I'm glad that you made that distinction, and I

478
00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 3: love that you do that because one of the other

479
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 3: things that came up from me around this topic as well,

480
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: and then we're going to dive into the barriers to

481
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,160
Speaker 3: showing up lady, is that you can't prove what hasn't begun.

482
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 3: So if we would have, if we would have never

483
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 3: started this journey, we wouldn't be able to talk about

484
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:11,240
Speaker 3: improving the quality of the episode for season one, the

485
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 3: first episode that you could only hear out of one headphone,

486
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 3: because it would have never happened. So there was no

487
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 3: way for us to improve it because we didn't make

488
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 3: any progress on it at all. And so just leaping,

489
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 3: I mean the time, like the quote said, the time

490
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,080
Speaker 3: five years and passed already. The time is going to pass,

491
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 3: y'all know how it is. When we entered into a

492
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 3: new decade and we were like, oh my gosh, the

493
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 3: past ten years will buy so fast, the time going

494
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,640
Speaker 3: go and you know, time be timing, and it happened

495
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 3: so fast, and I one of my fears is always,

496
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 3: you know, looking back and said, day I should have,

497
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 3: could have? Would it? Like I should have done that thing?

498
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 3: I should have? Just you never know what you might become.

499
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 3: And so that really ushers us into ladies. Some of

500
00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 3: the barriers to showing up. And I know for me

501
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:02,479
Speaker 3: one of the barriers is credit cool negative critical thinking,

502
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 3: like just the negative self talk internally. And we'll talk

503
00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 3: about some ways to overcome that, but I am so

504
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 3: hard on myself. Even to this day. I've realized that

505
00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 3: I need to go back and revisit some of the

506
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 3: affirmations to some of the work I did years ago,

507
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:19,720
Speaker 3: because I did that work so heavily in grad school

508
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 3: and post grad school, and I haven't done the work

509
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 3: in that way and so long, and I feel like

510
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 3: things are getting a little, a little stale, and there's

511
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 3: some dust on my you know, on the surface that

512
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 3: I need to kind of wipe off in cleanse. And

513
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 3: so I've been I made a couple of mistakes recently

514
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,200
Speaker 3: and I heard like that critic coming and I was like, Hope,

515
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 3: hold up, we don't talk to Terry like that. So

516
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, Paul, we got to reframe. So for me,

517
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 3: the negative critic, right, like you try to go do something, Oh,

518
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 3: you can't start a podcast. You know what you're doing.

519
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 3: You know, your voice sounds funny, like I have a

520
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 3: little my voice is going through something right now. But

521
00:31:53,400 --> 00:32:00,200
Speaker 3: we're still on a mic though, we're still on a mic. Okay.

522
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 3: So that's one of my job, is the critic and

523
00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 3: the negative self talk.

524
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 2: You know, one of the ones that used to be

525
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 2: one of the barriers that used to exist for me

526
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 2: is and we've done an episode about it. But over

527
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 2: the last year or so, I've kind of reframed how

528
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 2: I look at this is this imposter syndrome. So for

529
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: a while there I would be hesitant to step into

530
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 2: what I knew I could do, but didn't feel like

531
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 2: it was like that I was meant for it right

532
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 2: or that I was good enough for it. And over

533
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 2: the last year or so, I've been in this space

534
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 2: of like reading articles and read the work of a

535
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 2: lot of black women who are talking about decolonization in

536
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 2: all areas of our lives. And one of the things

537
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 2: that has been entered into this conversation is this acknowledgement

538
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 2: that wait hold on imposter syndrome, which tends to be

539
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 2: a barrier for a lot of folks. But I know,

540
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 2: for certain, you know a lot of black women, imposter

541
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 2: syndrome really is not about us. Imposter syndrome is more

542
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 2: so about the white supremacist, patriarchal spaces that we occupy

543
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 2: or that we're trying to get into that will set

544
00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 2: it up to have us thinking that we don't alone right,

545
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 2: will have supervisors or peers telling us questioning, telling us

546
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,959
Speaker 2: we're not good enough, we're not ready, questioning what we're

547
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 2: doing that then makes us feel like we don't belong,

548
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: like we're not ready. I believe in their bullshit when

549
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 2: the reality is that we are, because as black women,

550
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 2: when we show up, chances are we are showing up

551
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:44,560
Speaker 2: ten times more prepared than anybody else in that room.

552
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 2: But yet we have been allowing their words or their

553
00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 2: slick ass actions to make us question whether or not

554
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 2: we belong. And so then when we start questioning whether

555
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 2: or not we belong, we stopped showing up as our

556
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:16,960
Speaker 2: full last selves, as our most authentic self, as our

557
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 2: most powerful self, as our most capable selves.

558
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 3: We may have to do another episode on imposter syndrome,

559
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 3: because that was really powerful then, and it had me thinking,

560
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 3: as you were saying that, a couple of things. One,

561
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 3: that's a really good goddamn point, because I'm thinking back

562
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 3: to experiences where I've struggled with imposter syndrome, and a

563
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,120
Speaker 3: lot of it was and I have to reflect on

564
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 3: this more, but a lot of it I believe was

565
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:51,359
Speaker 3: around assimilating to I was going to say, I use

566
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,400
Speaker 3: this lightly because I don't know what white culture technically

567
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 3: is outside of white supremacy, I guess, but it was

568
00:35:55,760 --> 00:36:00,799
Speaker 3: like assimilating to that culture or environment. I have to

569
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 3: I'll probably text you about this later because I don't

570
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 3: I haven't processed it fully. But we're gonna put a

571
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 3: pin in this, lady. But we definitely have to revisit it.

572
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 3: I was thinking about when I was in predominantly black environments,

573
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,440
Speaker 3: when I was working with black people, and I was like, huh,

574
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 3: did I experience impostor syndronbert. I can't recall it at

575
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,920
Speaker 3: the moment, but I want to dig in deeper on

576
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 3: that because it's that's that's a new perspective for me.

577
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:23,560
Speaker 3: So thank you for sharing that.

578
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:29,759
Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah, yeah, really it's we are being we It's

579
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:34,800
Speaker 2: like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

580
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 3: Mm hm.

581
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,480
Speaker 2: That that box is meant for us, but somebody didn't

582
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,880
Speaker 2: come in and made it a square hole when really

583
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 2: it was supposed to I mean a circle, when really

584
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: it was supposed to be a square because we're a square.

585
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 2: And I know it don't fully make sense, but follow me,

586
00:36:53,840 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 2: you follow me right, that basically we are destined for

587
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 2: greatness and we don't have to conform to these ways

588
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:16,880
Speaker 2: of being that aren't meant for us, and so but

589
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 2: that is what oftentimes keeps us from wanting to show up.

590
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 2: Yeah right, because we're Because the thing is is that

591
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 2: we might not have the conscious awareness of why this

592
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 2: space doesn't feel good for us, right, we just feel

593
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 2: it in our bodies, and that's might that might be

594
00:37:50,680 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 2: what's keeping us from showing up.

595
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:57,040
Speaker 3: Mm hmm okay, so real quick, I just sent you

596
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 3: a sex message down, so take that text presage. The

597
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 3: other I was going to say is that, lady, you

598
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:07,239
Speaker 3: got to tune into a live stream to to see

599
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,560
Speaker 3: the message us and don But the other thing I

600
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 3: was thinking about in addition to that, dom seriously, we

601
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,120
Speaker 3: need to do another episode on this and what you've

602
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 3: learned from that research, because that's really game changing, that

603
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 3: it's powerful. But in addition to that, lady, some of

604
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 3: the other common barriers would be, you know, fear, self doubt.

605
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,840
Speaker 3: I think about also the perception of others. That was

606
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 3: something that had me in a choke hold for the longest,

607
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,440
Speaker 3: like what are other people going to think about me?

608
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 3: What if they don't like me? What if they you know,

609
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:33,960
Speaker 3: don't like what I'm wearing? Whatever? It might be just

610
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 3: being in my head, and so those some of the

611
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 3: other common barriers to showing up, like worried about that

612
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 3: stuff bring in your head about that feeling those feelings,

613
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 3: and then not showing up because of that. And so

614
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 3: one of the things we really want to jump into

615
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 3: are sharing some of the strategies for overcoming these barriers.

616
00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:55,040
Speaker 3: And number one is one of my favorites is setting

617
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 3: realistic goals. Just setting goal setting in general is my

618
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,200
Speaker 3: is my favorite. But one of the examples I may

619
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,240
Speaker 3: share in the after show or later if we have time,

620
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 3: was going to a networking event and so I am

621
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:11,160
Speaker 3: an introverted Do I say, Am I an introverted extrovert

622
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: or an extroverted introvert one of those ambrovert But I'm

623
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 3: definitely I definitely skewed toward the introvert because I get

624
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 3: my energy by being insild to. But I can turn

625
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 3: on the extrovert and people will think, oh, she's an extrovert.

626
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 3: So I say all that to say, I went to

627
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,640
Speaker 3: a networking event recently, and because I've been out of

628
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 3: the game for a while, you know, because of COVID

629
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,439
Speaker 3: and also being a new mom, and I just haven't

630
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 3: really been focused on corporate and doing all those things.

631
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 3: I've been at home, I've been chilling and enjoying life,

632
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:41,960
Speaker 3: and so I had a little anxiety. But one of

633
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 3: the things I do is I set realistic goals for myself.

634
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 3: So when I'm in a setting and I know that

635
00:39:46,719 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 3: there's going to be a lot of people and I

636
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 3: want to show up, I will set a goal to

637
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 3: meet with at least three people and have a deep,

638
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 3: meaningful connection because I love to be able to chat

639
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:58,239
Speaker 3: one on one with folks versus hopping around the room

640
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 3: and getting all that like being and mix with all

641
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 3: this different energy. And so setting a realistic goal or

642
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 3: whatever whatever way, whatever way you plan to show up,

643
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 3: set a realistic goal that will support you in doing that.

644
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,720
Speaker 3: And that's just my personal example. What about you, don.

645
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that because I think the other thing

646
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:23,840
Speaker 2: too is in this understanding of or this setting realistic goals,

647
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 2: what that also looks like is recognizing what your capacity

648
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 2: is to actually do the thing that you're trying to do. Right,

649
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 2: So I think about when I you know, we keep

650
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 2: coming back to when we started the podcast, because I

651
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:47,560
Speaker 2: think that's a really great example for us to draw from.

652
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,480
Speaker 2: And thinking about what was realistic for us, Like we

653
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:57,919
Speaker 2: had that conversation, Like we had that conversation of like, Okay,

654
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 2: how often can we realistically need knowing that we have

655
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:11,799
Speaker 2: full time jobs, knowing that we have personal lives outside

656
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 2: of the full time job, right, that we had other

657
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 2: personal goals that we were working on manifesting at the

658
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 2: same time, and so being realistic about how we can

659
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 2: incorporate this new thing into our day to day and

660
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 2: recognizing that sometimes in setting that realistic goal, what that

661
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:39,280
Speaker 2: really means is you're taking baby steps.

662
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 3: Right.

663
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 2: So, like the example that you gave about the networking,

664
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: right of like, Okay, I'm going to talk to three people.

665
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 2: Maybe in your dream world you are this extreme extrovert

666
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 2: and you are the charismatic person who works the room

667
00:41:56,640 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 2: and talks to everybody, right, But we're not there yet,

668
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 2: and so realistically, we can't go from zero to a thousand.

669
00:42:10,239 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 2: So realistically, let's start with three, right. So I like

670
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 2: that the setting realistic goals because then that also makes

671
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 2: it more manageable when we're truly realistic about what the

672
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 2: goals are. So then I think the second point or

673
00:42:27,680 --> 00:42:34,399
Speaker 2: the second strategy is seeking support from others. So what

674
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 2: that can look like is you're going to a networking

675
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:41,000
Speaker 2: event and let's say that you have a colleague who's

676
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 2: going to be there with you, and so maybe you

677
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 2: all decide that it's going to be a divide and

678
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:52,880
Speaker 2: conquer that you each go and talk to three different

679
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:56,960
Speaker 2: people and then you come back and swap information, right,

680
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 2: or maybe it say Okay, we're starting this podcast. Maybe

681
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 2: I tap into my network and say at the office

682
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 2: and say, hey, I'm starting a podcast. Do you have

683
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:22,840
Speaker 2: studio space that we can use? Right, So it's about

684
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 2: reaching out and figuring out who, like the people around

685
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:33,279
Speaker 2: you who want to see you thrive and letting them know.

686
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 2: Closed mouths don't get fed. So asking for what you

687
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:42,760
Speaker 2: need and seeing who is able to provide.

688
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 3: Love that. I think you hit the nail on the head. Yeah,

689
00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 3: I think you hit the na on that with that.

690
00:43:51,239 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 3: So we can go on to number three, which is

691
00:43:54,600 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 3: reframing negative self talk. And the conversation that we have

692
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 3: in our mind is so powerful. I mean, where our

693
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 3: mind goes, the body follows what we say about ourselves

694
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 3: to ourselves. It's just so important, you know. And so

695
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 3: one of the things that I have worked on over

696
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 3: the years. When it comes to reframing negative self talk,

697
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:28,240
Speaker 3: is just observe one day, just observe, like what is happening,

698
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 3: and jot this down so you can actually have a

699
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 3: written record of it, whether it's on your phone or

700
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 3: a notebook or whatever. But as you're going about your day,

701
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 3: as you're walking, what thoughts are popping into your mind?

702
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,920
Speaker 3: As you make a mistake, what's come like? What is

703
00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,239
Speaker 3: that voice that you hear? Is it a critic? Is

704
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 3: it a champion?

705
00:44:44,239 --> 00:44:44,399
Speaker 2: Right?

706
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 3: Like? Is your voice? Is it celebrating you?

707
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 2: Right?

708
00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 3: What does the voice sound like? And for me, it

709
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,879
Speaker 3: was super negative for a long time. And so when

710
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 3: it comes to reframing the negative self talk, it doesn't

711
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:03,280
Speaker 3: stop thoughts from happening, but it's literally observing the thought

712
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,440
Speaker 3: and then literally reframing it. So let's say one thing

713
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,440
Speaker 3: that was said in my family growing up, which it

714
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 3: will It may sound funny. I'm gonna warr lady, because

715
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 3: I don't want you to feel bad if you laugh.

716
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 3: But it may sound funny. But when you after the

717
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,360
Speaker 3: laugh or the giggle and you get down to the

718
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,560
Speaker 3: core of it, it can be pretty hurtful. And so

719
00:45:20,600 --> 00:45:22,680
Speaker 3: something that people used to say was like you big dummy.

720
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,880
Speaker 3: And so when I say okay, I'm gonna get my

721
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,160
Speaker 3: laugh out. But then when you think about that, think

722
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,360
Speaker 3: about that shit when you buy yourself at night and

723
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 3: you about to go to sleep and that's all you hear,

724
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 3: or you make a pretty serious mistake at work and

725
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: then that's all you hear is like you're big dummy,

726
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 3: You're so stupid. Whatever that voice might be, it's like, okay,

727
00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,840
Speaker 3: hold on. And so what I usually do is I

728
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 3: have a lot of conversations with myself and I yeah,

729
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 3: a lot of conversations with myself. We won't go into

730
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 3: all the details of that, but basically it could be.

731
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:51,440
Speaker 3: You know, when you hear that voice come up and

732
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,360
Speaker 3: it's like you big dummy, it's like wait a minute.

733
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 3: And I literally say this to myself. I'm like, wait

734
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:58,879
Speaker 3: a minute. We don't talk to Terry like that. And

735
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 3: I usually say something like it's okay, you just made

736
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,400
Speaker 3: a mistake. Mistakes or natural, it happens. You're brilliant. And

737
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 3: I think about different times where I've exercised, you know

738
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,480
Speaker 3: something brilliant, I did something amazing right, And I think

739
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:17,799
Speaker 3: about those moments and sort of reframe the negative self

740
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 3: talk by either stating a new affirmation like you are incredible,

741
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 3: you are enough, you are brilliant, you are smart, and

742
00:46:25,480 --> 00:46:27,359
Speaker 3: letting that be the last thing I hear. So even

743
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 3: if I don't believe it, it's a matter of just reprogramming.

744
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 3: It takes some time, and it doesn't happen overnight. If

745
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:35,960
Speaker 3: you're so accustomed to hearing yourself say you big dummy,

746
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 3: that's not going to change overnight. But it's a matter

747
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 3: of like literally reprogramming yourself when it comes to that

748
00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 3: negative self talk.

749
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:49,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, you know clearly you have been

750
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 2: working with therapists who have been trained in like cognitive

751
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:58,080
Speaker 2: behavioral therapy, because this is one of the core, this

752
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:01,960
Speaker 2: is one of the things within cognitive behavioral therapy, is

753
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 2: like how do you reframe negative self talk?

754
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 3: Right?

755
00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 2: And I think the piece that you pointed out so

756
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 2: beautifully is that a lot of our negative self talk,

757
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,760
Speaker 2: where does that stem from a lot of our negative

758
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:25,280
Speaker 2: self talk stems from childhood? Stems from things that someone

759
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 2: in our childhood told us. Right, Even if and I

760
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:32,160
Speaker 2: feel like we should probably do a whole episode on this,

761
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: right of like the things that we were told as

762
00:47:37,719 --> 00:47:44,600
Speaker 2: kids that have done us more harm than good, right,

763
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 2: like saying to someone in jest, you big dummy, Like

764
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: over time when you keep sitting with that. Just like

765
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:01,840
Speaker 2: we talk about manifestation, because we're trying to manifest positive

766
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 2: and good things. If we are constantly taking in a

767
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 2: lot of negative things, we start to manifest that negativity

768
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 2: and we don't want that. So then that takes us

769
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 2: to our next strategy, which is visualization and te I

770
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 2: know this is your specialty. I know this is the

771
00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:33,560
Speaker 2: thing that you love, and so you know I have

772
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 2: come to also like recognize that power and visualization, right,

773
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 2: and the different ways in which visualization can show up

774
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 2: for us or how it can work for us.

775
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:46,840
Speaker 3: Right.

776
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 2: So sometimes that might.

777
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 3: Look like.

778
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 2: Designing a vision board, Like I know that a lot

779
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 2: of folks like to do that at the start of

780
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 2: the year. I don't think you have to be at

781
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 2: the start of the year to do a vision board, right, Yes,

782
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:10,120
Speaker 2: but sometimes it's taking the time to name the things

783
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 2: that you want and actually talk about it. One of

784
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,959
Speaker 2: the things my therapist pointed out to me a few

785
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: months ago was that where I am now we visualize

786
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:29,399
Speaker 2: this in a therapy session. My therapist and I had

787
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,440
Speaker 2: a session where we talked about, like, what are the

788
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:38,640
Speaker 2: things that I want from myself. There's still some work,

789
00:49:38,680 --> 00:49:41,240
Speaker 2: there's still some things that I'm working that I'm trying

790
00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 2: to get or places I'm trying to get to goals

791
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 2: I'm trying to reach. But where I am in this

792
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:58,680
Speaker 2: moment we visualized a few years ago. I would also

793
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 2: like to point out that and I engaged in a

794
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 2: visualization exercise and those things came to fruition, right. And

795
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,920
Speaker 2: I think the thing, too, lady, for you to remember

796
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 2: with visualization is that it's not only about it's a

797
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 2: multi modal way of setting goals, right, So it's not

798
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 2: just about seeing it. But there are some things that

799
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,600
Speaker 2: I visualized that I like, I talked it out and

800
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:40,960
Speaker 2: I like, really visualize what it would be, and then

801
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 2: I walked away and kept doing day to day life.

802
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 2: But the reality is that once I put it out

803
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 2: there subtly and in baby steps, things started to come

804
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:56,279
Speaker 2: my way.

805
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 3: Oh girl, that is I got a little motion where

806
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 3: you're talking about visualization, because I think about all the

807
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 3: things that we've done together by way of manifestation and

808
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 3: then each of our personal goals. But yes, Visualization is

809
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:15,800
Speaker 3: definitely my thing for real. I love it. It's been so helpful.

810
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 3: What came up for me as you were sharing dom

811
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,320
Speaker 3: is something I think we've talked about on the show before,

812
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 3: but it's having an ideal life narrative and basically just lady,

813
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 3: it's sort of like scripting, like you literally writing out

814
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 3: your ideal life as if you're living it right now.

815
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:37,520
Speaker 3: So it's like I live in a sunny, beautiful city

816
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 3: with three bedrooms, three bad whatever it might be for you,

817
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 3: but literally writing it out as though it is so right.

818
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 3: And so I did that years ago when I forgot

819
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 3: about that idea of life narrative and I ended up

820
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 3: coming across it, and I was like so blown away

821
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 3: because a lot of the stuff I wrote down was

822
00:51:53,960 --> 00:51:55,879
Speaker 3: true for me. And I think one of the other

823
00:51:55,920 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 3: powerful pieces about visualization is when you're preparing to show up,

824
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 3: take some time to literally just calm yourself. So whether

825
00:52:04,280 --> 00:52:09,759
Speaker 3: you're doing a meditation, getting a really safe, quiet and

826
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:15,080
Speaker 3: comfortable environment and really close your eyes and really picture

827
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:18,879
Speaker 3: and imagine your ideal outcome. So whether it's you, maybe

828
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 3: you want to show up more powerfully at work, maybe

829
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 3: you're like looking to get a promotion and you're working

830
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,800
Speaker 3: with you know, you got a coach, you set some goals,

831
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:30,920
Speaker 3: you're reframing negative self talk. The visualization is you before,

832
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 3: you know, before you go to bed the night before,

833
00:52:34,120 --> 00:52:36,919
Speaker 3: you are mapping out the next day in your mind

834
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:39,800
Speaker 3: and seeing yourself get up in the morning, getting dressed,

835
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 3: your smiling, you got your favorite music playing, and you know,

836
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 3: you find a parking spot you're looking you know you're

837
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 3: looking for when you get to work and people are

838
00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 3: kind to you, and you're literally envisioning the day that

839
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:54,040
Speaker 3: you want, but also feeling the feelings as if it's

840
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 3: happening in that moment, because our body doesn't know the difference, right,

841
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 3: so when we're when we're imagining, oh wow, this is

842
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 3: how my day goes. I do this for presentations too.

843
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:06,719
Speaker 3: Before my presentation, I meditate and I think about it,

844
00:53:06,760 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 3: and I see myself up there being comfortable, confident, I

845
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 3: see the audience being engaged, and literally I lie to

846
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:16,840
Speaker 3: you not Ever since I've been doing this, it pretty

847
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,960
Speaker 3: much always happens the way that I envisioned it, if

848
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 3: not better. And so visualization another tactic Lady that you

849
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,800
Speaker 3: can use when you are preparing to show up for

850
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 3: whatever you're looking to show up for, and then the

851
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:29,719
Speaker 3: next one. I'm going to pass this right over to

852
00:53:29,800 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 3: down because I feel like I'm just now getting some

853
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,080
Speaker 3: of this in my life because of being a relatively

854
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:40,799
Speaker 3: new mama. But it's getting rest So No'm yes, I'm

855
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 3: gonna just pass it on over to you. You know,

856
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:46,839
Speaker 3: this is my thing. This is your ministry for reals,

857
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 3: it is.

858
00:53:47,960 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 2: It's resting, and resting is so in terms of being

859
00:53:55,719 --> 00:54:00,160
Speaker 2: able to show up when you are not resting, when

860
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:03,960
Speaker 2: you have not gotten the sleep that you need, you

861
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 2: are not showing up as your best self. Like I

862
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:11,600
Speaker 2: think about times when I've been burned out right.

863
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,520
Speaker 1: And how.

864
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 2: I make small mistakes that I wouldn't normally make right,

865
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:31,279
Speaker 2: or I might feel easily irritated, or I just don't

866
00:54:31,400 --> 00:54:40,240
Speaker 2: have the capacity to hear other people's stuff right, meaning

867
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 2: that friends and family. Because I show up for my clients,

868
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,560
Speaker 2: that's the thing I can do, right, I'm gonna show

869
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:53,440
Speaker 2: up for my clients. But when I step outside of that,

870
00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:57,320
Speaker 2: I don't have because I'm not rested, I don't have

871
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:00,000
Speaker 2: the capacity to show up for folks in my personal life.

872
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 2: And so then that what that then does is that

873
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:12,360
Speaker 2: keeps me from being the dime that I know that

874
00:55:12,480 --> 00:55:16,279
Speaker 2: I am right. I know that I am the person

875
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 2: who shows up, and so if I'm not rested, I can't.

876
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:29,080
Speaker 2: If I'm not rested, I'm not going to be one

877
00:55:29,160 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 2: hundred percent, and then that does a disservice not to

878
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 2: just me, but to everybody around me. And when I

879
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 2: say rest, I don't only mean getting enough sleep at night.

880
00:55:47,280 --> 00:55:52,160
Speaker 2: I also mean taking time to relax or do nothing.

881
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 3: Right, what's that? Do nothing?

882
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:56,880
Speaker 2: Listen?

883
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:57,760
Speaker 3: Okay?

884
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:03,080
Speaker 2: I like to have one day a month that's my

885
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:07,359
Speaker 2: do nothing day. Shout out to my therapist again who

886
00:56:07,440 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 2: taught me that a couple of years ago. Like that,

887
00:56:11,719 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 2: once a month, do nothing day. There is nothing on

888
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:23,439
Speaker 2: my calendar. I'm not getting up to see nobody. When

889
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: I wake up. It's what do I feel like doing?

890
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:34,240
Speaker 2: And usually what that is is I'm making myself brunch

891
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,960
Speaker 2: and I'm sitting on my couch, either catching up on

892
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:44,319
Speaker 2: a show or reading a book for the whole day.

893
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 2: That's what I'm doing. Phone is probably on do not

894
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:54,040
Speaker 2: disturb unless I feel compelled to talk to somebody, but

895
00:56:54,400 --> 00:56:58,960
Speaker 2: once a month and that allows me that's rest for me.

896
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:04,239
Speaker 2: And so identifying what that what rest looks like for you?

897
00:57:07,760 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 3: A men to that. I guess we have one more

898
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 3: and then we're going to do our recap lady, and

899
00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 3: then we'll dive into the after show and talk about

900
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: the benefits of showing up, embracing and perfection. Maybe a

901
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:24,040
Speaker 3: couple more stories. So, Dom, do you want to talk

902
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:26,400
Speaker 3: about flexibility? Yeah?

903
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:32,480
Speaker 2: So, I you know, I think one of the out

904
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 2: of all of these, like, all of these are important,

905
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 2: but flexibility kind of to me encompasses all of these

906
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:50,440
Speaker 2: in that what that really looks like is it's not

907
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 2: just being flexible, but it's also about being open, right,

908
00:57:54,720 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 2: flexible and open that when you allow yourself space for

909
00:58:05,360 --> 00:58:10,640
Speaker 2: someone to maybe show you a different way to show up,

910
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:19,880
Speaker 2: to be open to making some adjustments in how you

911
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 2: thought you needed to show up. What that does is

912
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 2: that helps you release some of that fear, release some

913
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:36,720
Speaker 2: of that self doubt, release whatever other barriers may have

914
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 2: been keeping you from being able to show up. When

915
00:58:43,960 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 2: you're flexible and open, you're able to make the changes

916
00:58:53,920 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 2: and adapt and be present in ways that you might

917
00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 2: not have been. Realize we're possible.

918
00:59:03,720 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 3: You got me thinking of some ideas, So I'm making

919
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 3: sure to write a note of the episodes that we

920
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 3: said we want to revisit. So I wrote that down

921
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 3: and one of the things that came up for me

922
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 3: as you were sharing tom is as an ask maybe

923
00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 3: a bullet point underneath flexibility is self love and compassion.

924
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:22,920
Speaker 3: So as you're showing up when you do make mistakes

925
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 3: which are natural and which is going to happen, giving

926
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 3: yourself some love, like going back to reframing the negative

927
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:32,080
Speaker 3: self talk, so just being patient with yourself and being

928
00:59:32,440 --> 00:59:35,200
Speaker 3: be kind. Treat yourself like you would your bff, like

929
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 3: be gentle. So we're going to a quick recap of

930
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 3: the main points, ladies. So when it comes to the

931
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:47,320
Speaker 3: strategies for overcoming these barriers to showing up, the first

932
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:52,800
Speaker 3: one is setting realistic goals. Number two, seeking support from others,

933
00:59:53,440 --> 01:00:00,400
Speaker 3: Number three, reframing negative self talk, number four, visualization five

934
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:04,120
Speaker 3: you better get your rest okay. And number six is

935
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 3: flexibility and openness with the side of self compassion. So

936
01:00:10,560 --> 01:00:12,640
Speaker 3: Dom and I are going to hop into the after

937
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 3: show and talk a bit more about this topic. So, lady,

938
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 3: we encourage you to go to our website Perspace podcast

939
01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:22,680
Speaker 3: dot com, click on Patreon to support this black founded,

940
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:26,840
Speaker 3: black funded, and black owned podcast. Okay, we out here

941
01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 3: doing it, working full time, releasing episodes for you every

942
01:00:31,040 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 3: single Friday like clockwork. So come support us so that

943
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 3: we can sow more into the community and hopefully host

944
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 3: a live event sometimes too, so we can meet you

945
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:43,200
Speaker 3: in person and share all this good energy and love

946
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 3: that we have for you in the community. And with

947
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 3: that down, I think it's time for the after show.

948
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 3: Now for the after show. All right, girl, let's go.

949
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 3: Let's do it. Let's do it.

950
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

951
01:00:59,400 --> 01:01:05,320
Speaker 2: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

952
01:01:05,480 --> 01:01:08,560
Speaker 2: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

953
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:12,920
Speaker 2: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

954
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:17,000
Speaker 2: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

955
01:01:17,040 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 2: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

956
01:01:20,400 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 2: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

957
01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 3: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

958
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:33,240
Speaker 3: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com

959
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:35,840
Speaker 3: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

960
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 3: access to video content bonuses in our weekly after show

961
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,440
Speaker 3: and before we meet again, repeat after me, I am

962
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 3: worthy of what I desire. Period