Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hi, Is this Lola and Blair?
Speaker 2: Yeah it is. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: I didn't think i'd actually get on here.
Speaker 1: I didn't think anyone would ever call. So we're just
Speaker 1: a couple of people on the phone on We were
Speaker 1: just a couple of people on a phone call that
Speaker 1: we never thought we would be on. Lola and Blair.
Speaker 1: It says here, uh and okay, it says here that
Speaker 1: you believe that one of your roommates slept with Lola's dad.
Speaker 1: And at first I read that, I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is you know, maybe a little bit of you know,
Speaker 1: how can you be so sure? But then it also
Speaker 1: says here that that Lola found evidence on her dad's
Speaker 1: phone to make her believe this. So I mean, let's
Speaker 1: let's let's hear let's let's hear this story. Am I
Speaker 1: talking to Lola or Blair?
Speaker 3: All right, Yeah, I'm talking to I put you on speaker, so.
Speaker 1: Let me put me who because I hear one of
Speaker 1: you guys is faint in the background, and one of
Speaker 1: you guys is pretty front and center. Let's put Lola
Speaker 1: front and center, have her hold the phone and Blair
Speaker 1: can can hover over it. Because I feel like this
Speaker 1: is is Lola's story to tell, at least in the beginning.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so yeah, this is a little bit of
Speaker 3: a doozy.
Speaker 4: I admit.
Speaker 1: So Tommy, what's going on, Lola?
Speaker 3: Okay, So I recently transferred to college and this is
Speaker 3: my first time having roommates. So I have five I
Speaker 3: have other roommates, well technically sweet mates, but I room
Speaker 3: with one person. And so the person that I room with, Blair,
Speaker 3: I you know, I told her the entire story because
Speaker 3: one of our other sleep mates, Olivia. She uh, it's
Speaker 3: a little complicated. I don't know what exactly happened to
Speaker 3: trigger everything, like maybe like I was totally nice to her.
Speaker 3: I don't think I did anything bad.
Speaker 1: Hold on, I want to I wanna. I want to
Speaker 1: skip to sort of the I want to skip to
Speaker 1: what we know. Okay, So, so it's you, how many
Speaker 1: people live in this in this place?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 3: So I live with Blair, and then there is twoe
Speaker 3: rooms that are seeing rooms to one person just lives
Speaker 3: in that room, and then there's another room at the
Speaker 3: end and that has two other people in it, and
Speaker 3: we share a bathroom a shower.
Speaker 1: And okay, okay, well, so, so Olivia is the one
Speaker 1: that you believe slept with your dad. Yes, okay, So
Speaker 1: what is it that makes you But you said you
Speaker 1: found something on your dad's phone to make you believe
Speaker 1: that Olivia slept with him. What is it that you
Speaker 1: found on his phone that made you believe that?
Speaker 3: So it was Olivia's phone. I so I was on
Speaker 3: a phone because I think I was just on Snapchat
Speaker 3: or something. I asked to borrow her phone for you know,
Speaker 3: I forgot, but so I was on her phone bash
Speaker 3: just sick, and all of a sudden, like a message
Speaker 3: pops up and it's like heart emojis or something. But
Speaker 3: you know, I click on it because you know, element
Speaker 3: I'm a little nosy, So I click on it, right,
Speaker 3: and the contact name is something like baby or like
Speaker 3: heart emojis, you know, something cheesy and corny whatever, and
Speaker 3: and you know, I click on it. I'm like, who
Speaker 3: is this guy? Maybe I know him? So I click
Speaker 3: on it and I recognize the number and it's my
Speaker 3: bad number, and so I'm like, okay something. I'm like,
Speaker 3: obviously somebody's done. So I scroll through the messages and
Speaker 3: I'm saying, like there's a lot of like I miss
Speaker 3: you can't wait to see you next week heart emojis,
Speaker 3: some little inappropriate comments. And so I mean Olivia and
Speaker 3: my dad they've met before, because, you know, for moving
Speaker 3: my dad came up to the dorm, introduced himself to
Speaker 3: my roommates. But I didn't notice anything weird. I don't
Speaker 3: know how they got each other's numbers, don't know. That's
Speaker 3: the only thing that you know, I can think of that.
Speaker 3: You know, they met on moving day to really like,
Speaker 3: you know, exchange numbers. Maybe he came up once after that, like,
Speaker 3: but I didn't see them inntor act at all. I
Speaker 3: don't know. Just something is fishy. And I told there
Speaker 3: all of this.
Speaker 6: But we did put our phone numbers up just because
Speaker 6: we all admit it. It's like, on the first day,
Speaker 6: we all decided we should put each other's phone numbers
Speaker 6: up on we have like a little like mini markerboard
Speaker 6: on our fridge. So we each all did that.
Speaker 1: You think maybe, so we think we think maybe Lola's
Speaker 1: dad got Olivia's number from this whiteboard where everyone has
Speaker 1: their phone numbers.
Speaker 6: He like noticed her and was attracted to her.
Speaker 7: And then so.
Speaker 1: So so we have so you so so so what
Speaker 1: you're saying is correct. You have evidence, not necessarily evidence
Speaker 1: that they have met up and they have slapped together
Speaker 1: and all this and all that, but you have evidence
Speaker 1: that they are in uh, you know, a form of
Speaker 1: flirtatious romantic sexual contact.
Speaker 3: I I didn't.
Speaker 2: I was dumb.
Speaker 3: I didn't take screenshots with my phone.
Speaker 1: Well forgetting about well, forgeting about screenshots. We're not talking
Speaker 1: about hard evidence here. I'm just saying you've seen it
Speaker 1: for yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've seen it for myself.
Speaker 1: Like, okay, so, so have you talked to your dad
Speaker 1: about this? I have not.
Speaker 3: I don't know how I would talk to him or
Speaker 3: my roommate. Like it's you know, I don't know too
Speaker 3: much about my parents' marriage. I you know, I I
Speaker 3: admit I don't really have the best relationship but them.
Speaker 3: So I don't really know what's going on. Like I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 8: Maybe they're.
Speaker 3: Marriage, I don't know.
Speaker 7: And so.
Speaker 3: I'm just really like confused as too, Like what to
Speaker 3: do now, Like what do I say to my roommate,
Speaker 3: to my dad and my mom? Do I just keep
Speaker 3: my mouth shut? They are married, but I don't know
Speaker 3: if they're like, you know, really like thinking about getting
Speaker 3: a divorce because I don't think my dad is that
Speaker 3: kind of man.
Speaker 1: Really, well, listen, I mean, how are you okay? So,
Speaker 1: in response to you not knowing what to do about this,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about the situation as a whole? Like,
Speaker 1: what are your thoughts about your dad sleeping with your roommate?
Speaker 1: How does that make you feel? What do you think
Speaker 1: about it? You know? I mean, what's your what's your
Speaker 1: take on it? How does it make you feel? You
Speaker 1: think about it for before before we before we think
Speaker 1: about what you should do.
Speaker 9: I honestly don't feel good about this.
Speaker 3: I really tried not to think about it at all
Speaker 3: because it's just h so like such a big issue.
Speaker 3: I don't know, like how you feel like obviously this
Speaker 3: is wrong, Obviously something needs to be said or happened
Speaker 3: or I don't know, but I obviously this is not
Speaker 3: my deal situation. I don't know.
Speaker 1: M you said your you said your relationship with your
Speaker 1: with your parents is already not uh uh, you're not
Speaker 1: super close with them?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not super close with them.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 10: It's just.
Speaker 8: It's not that, you know, we hate each other. It's
Speaker 8: just it's not like a good relationship. You know, I
Speaker 8: just felt like, you know, I was just living with
Speaker 8: them and they're just not really not really there for me,
Speaker 8: so you know, I'm just kind of happy to get
Speaker 8: out of the house.
Speaker 1: Do you want Do you want to get involved with this?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 3: I don't. I feel like a good idea is just
Speaker 3: to like forget what ever happened, okay, And you know,
Speaker 3: but I feel like the right thing is to say something.
Speaker 3: So I don't know if I should be selfish and
Speaker 3: not saying anything, or like possibly ruin like my relationship
Speaker 3: with my roommates and with my family.
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to worry about ruining your
Speaker 1: relationship with uh, with your roommates. You know. I think
Speaker 1: she's sort of made her own bed. But it's interesting
Speaker 1: because you very you you, And the reason why I
Speaker 1: was asking you about your thoughts is because you you
Speaker 1: appear not to be reacting very viscerally to this, and
Speaker 1: when I ask you if you want to get involved
Speaker 1: with this, you need your your gut reaction is say no,
Speaker 1: you don't want to get involved with this, but you
Speaker 1: feel like you have a moral obligation to And I
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm not gonna this this this phone call
Speaker 1: will end without me telling you what to do, because
Speaker 1: I don't really have an opinion on what you should do.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't know if I don't
Speaker 1: know what your moral obligate is in this, or if
Speaker 1: you have any obligation at all, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: I hope that talking about it at least got you
Speaker 1: to like sort of consider your feelings about it, and
Speaker 1: your feelings about it not just in terms of, you know,
Speaker 1: some sort of objective moral standard that you're trying to
Speaker 1: hold yourself against, and also just to your own personal
Speaker 1: perspective on the situation, and you know, sort of using
Speaker 1: all of that to inform whether or not you decide
Speaker 1: to get involved.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, I've actually known this for a found message a
Speaker 3: couple of weeks ago, and immediately I talked to Claire
Speaker 3: about it, and you know, we've been keeping like an
Speaker 3: I on Olivia and.
Speaker 1: I haven't Here's what I will say. He will be,
Speaker 1: He will be, he will he will be. Sort of
Speaker 1: my last thoughts about this is you say you're keeping
Speaker 1: an eye on Olivia. You're kind of turning it into
Speaker 1: some kind of spy game, and it's like the only
Speaker 1: thing I I I if I had to give some
Speaker 1: sort of advice here, I would say to you, figure
Speaker 1: out what you know. You're trying to figure out what
Speaker 1: to do. Stick to a plan, right, Because if you
Speaker 1: don't want to get involved, if you really don't want
Speaker 1: to get involved, you feel like it's just going to
Speaker 1: like mentally fuck with you to get involved, then don't
Speaker 1: get involved. If you do want to get involved, and
Speaker 1: you feel like you should get involved, you feel like
Speaker 1: you're morally obligated to get involved, whatever your reason is,
Speaker 1: then get involved. But sitting on the fence about it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like the right move to me at least.
Speaker 1: But I'm also happy to hear that it seems like
Speaker 1: you've got a good friend to talk about all this
Speaker 1: stuff with that is closer to the situation, so you know,
Speaker 1: show ste hood and whatnot. But thank you for sharing,
Speaker 1: Lola and Blair, and good luck to you guys.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Thanks. I'll update you if anything happens.
Speaker 4: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello is this Travis?
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is Travis. Hide GEK.
Speaker 11: How's your not going?
Speaker 1: How's my night going?
Speaker 7: Was a little bird going?
Speaker 1: Mine is going pretty good? Travis. It says here that
Speaker 1: you're trying to figure out whether or not you're a furry.
Speaker 11: Yes, that is correct, And I figured, like, I don't
Speaker 11: really know any furries, Like none of my friends are furries,
Speaker 11: or if they are, I don't know it. So you're
Speaker 11: kind of like the next best option I have. Because
Speaker 11: I believe you're a man wearing a get Go suit.
Speaker 11: I've also heard your real get Go I'm getting kind
Speaker 11: of like conflicting reports, but I figure, you know, I
Speaker 11: don't know if you're a furry, but I figure has
Speaker 11: a unique perspective for me.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's funny you asked this because I have
Speaker 1: a I have an interesting relationship with this, where like
Speaker 1: I don't identify with I don't identify myself as a furry.
Speaker 1: I don't take any part in any kind in the
Speaker 1: furry culture or the furry community. I really have nothing
Speaker 1: to do with furries. But it is undeniable that I
Speaker 1: am a person wearing an animal costume right now. So
Speaker 1: there really isn't all that much of a difference between
Speaker 1: me and them. I cannot create any wall of artificial
Speaker 1: difference between us. But enough about me.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well, you.
Speaker 1: Think you might be a fury? Why do you think
Speaker 1: you might be a furry?
Speaker 11: I think It's kind of like a lot of little
Speaker 11: things over time that have been like building on each other.
Speaker 11: Like I've always enjoyed, you know, like media and content
Speaker 11: that involves anther animals, but I never really like more
Speaker 11: than the average person, you know. But there's a lot
Speaker 11: of little things adding up that I'm like, Now I'm like.
Speaker 7: Could I be a furry? Am I afferry?
Speaker 11: And then like trying to kind of interrogate that question,
Speaker 11: you know, like I would feel more at peace if
Speaker 11: I could be like definitively yes or you know, maybe not,
Speaker 11: but I've got you know, I could I could elaborate
Speaker 11: on that timeline if that helps.
Speaker 1: M Okay, So you think because you watch a lot
Speaker 1: of media and content with anthropomorphic animals that you might
Speaker 1: be afferred, Well, here's what we here's what we have
Speaker 1: to do first, and we can look at this from
Speaker 1: many different perspectives. One is this this whole thing of
Speaker 1: am I affer? Am I not? Why do you need
Speaker 1: to label yourself? And it's a legitimate question. You might
Speaker 1: have a legitimate desire to label yourself because from what
Speaker 1: I gain about the furry community, the pro of being
Speaker 1: a part of the furry community is that you're a
Speaker 1: part of a community of people who like the same
Speaker 1: thing that you like. Same as a guy wearing a
Speaker 1: La Dodgers jersey and going to the games and hanging
Speaker 1: out with other sports fans. It's all it's all the
Speaker 1: same thing, right, just identifying with something and being a
Speaker 1: part of a community of other people that identify with
Speaker 1: that thing. Why is that? Is that what's attractive to you?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that identifies I think being part of the community.
Speaker 11: I think it's uh, it's kind of like, you know,
Speaker 11: I feel like I'm riding this train, or I realized
Speaker 11: I'm on this train, and I you know, maybe I
Speaker 11: woke up from a nap, but don't have the orinary.
Speaker 11: I don't know what stop I can get off on,
Speaker 11: you know, and so I don't know if I was
Speaker 11: trying to like get up on the stop where I am,
Speaker 11: you know, like I consume a lot of his content
Speaker 11: and that's cool, or like if I could be getting
Speaker 11: off on a stop, or like should I go to
Speaker 11: some conventions, should I buy a first suit? You know,
Speaker 11: Like I don't think the idea needs important to me.
Speaker 11: But as I've been considering this, you know, been like
Speaker 11: watching some documentaries and like trying to wrap my head
Speaker 11: around the subculture, and I'm like, it does seem kind
Speaker 11: of fun, and fury seem kind of like some rad people,
Speaker 11: you know, like maybe I would jive with that, But
Speaker 11: I think I'm kind of just wondering, like how deep
Speaker 11: should I dive here? You know, like should I should
Speaker 11: I go to a furry convention when the pandemic's less
Speaker 11: of a thing? You know, See, if I'm actually into that,
Speaker 11: I don't know. I also, you know, I just think
Speaker 11: it's I think it's just it's a fun it's fun
Speaker 11: strand to follow.
Speaker 1: H Well, look, I see no I mean I see
Speaker 1: no downside too. If you are curious, if you think
Speaker 1: that you might jive with other people into the subculture,
Speaker 1: then go to the conventions, watch join the subreddits, get
Speaker 1: involved in the community. I don't. I don't. The only
Speaker 1: the only downside, it's not a real downside, is if
Speaker 1: let me ask, are you afraid? Are you afraid of
Speaker 1: identifying as a furry? Are you afraid of being judged
Speaker 1: or ridiculed?
Speaker 11: I mean, I wouldn't say I'm afraid of it, but
Speaker 11: it's definitely like something I think about because I think
Speaker 11: like part of the question of like, you know, am
Speaker 11: I affrared? Am I not?
Speaker 1: Is?
Speaker 11: I've realized like some of the stuff that stirred up
Speaker 11: these questions is more like me having conversations with people
Speaker 11: who are like shitting on furries, and then I realize
Speaker 11: I have like a knee jerk reaction to kind of
Speaker 11: like defend phraries. Y'd be like, you know, like what
Speaker 11: are you saying here? And I'm already queer, so like
Speaker 11: I'm already used to kind of just like not really
Speaker 11: giving a fuck what normalis think I should or shouldn't
Speaker 11: be into. And I think maybe like that knee jerk
Speaker 11: reaction is partly like you know, siding with the underdogs.
Speaker 11: But it is kind of weird because it's like as
Speaker 11: far as you know the extent of being queer, it's
Speaker 11: like most of my friends are not weird about that
Speaker 11: at all, but like some of my good friends are
Speaker 11: weird about the fairy shit.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 11: It's like, I don't know if you've seen bet Stars, right,
Speaker 11: it's kind of a furry in me, It's a good
Speaker 11: fucking show. And I know some people who are like, oh,
Speaker 11: I'm not going to watch.
Speaker 12: That because it's like a furry show.
Speaker 11: And I'm like, it doesn't like, I know people who
Speaker 11: are like afraid to watch content that is fucking good
Speaker 11: because they want to distance themselves from what could be completed.
Speaker 12: A furry thing.
Speaker 11: And it's like a weird it's a weird thing for
Speaker 11: me because like I haven't actually caught of that shit
Speaker 11: for being queer. But I'm like, oh, I have friends
Speaker 11: that would throw shade if I was a furry, So
Speaker 11: it's it's kind of strange.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I mean, Travis, Travis, I think that,
Speaker 1: I mean, you sound like a guy who is pretty
Speaker 1: good and not caring what other people think about him.
Speaker 1: And I think you should take that ship to the bank.
Speaker 1: That's a good life to live, that's a good headspace
Speaker 1: to be in. And god damn it, go to one
Speaker 1: of these furry conventions. I see no downside.
Speaker 11: Yeah, no, I appreciate that. I think I will when
Speaker 11: I'm not gonna get OVID again. That's That's the other
Speaker 11: thing is I don't actually have a persona, and I
Speaker 11: don't know, like you know, so I feel you have
Speaker 11: kind of gotten my foot in the door, you know,
Speaker 11: but I'm not all the way there, and I don't
Speaker 11: I don't think I'm like necessarily trying to like decide,
Speaker 11: you know, I don't know. I have like a key
Speaker 11: do me of like a raccoon, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: A raccoon, all right, Because here's the thing. Here's the thing,
Speaker 1: I'm not a furry. I don't think I'm gonna I
Speaker 1: actually I would consider going to convention just to like
Speaker 1: do some interviews or something. I'd be fun. But I
Speaker 1: objectively running around in a big old raccoon costume, this
Speaker 1: sounds kind of fun. I think that you should not
Speaker 1: reprive yourself with that experience if it is an experience
Speaker 1: that you wish to partake in.
Speaker 11: Yeah, no, I think yeah, I think you're right. And also, yeah,
Speaker 11: someone else asked you in the past, Uh, someone's asked
Speaker 11: you before if you're going the furry conventions and that too.
Speaker 11: I think you should do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would consider it just to do like some
Speaker 1: streams or something. I think that'd be pretty fun. But
Speaker 1: we'll see. I'll see you at the next one. Oliver,
Speaker 1: take care, No crap, I called you Oliver? Why do
Speaker 1: I call you Oliver? I haven't talked to a differentlive
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 11: Well, my name on too, So let's long get it's
Speaker 11: just the thing to night have.
Speaker 13: A good name.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. It's all these things. They all all
Speaker 1: these things. They all serve the same function. Intramural flag, football,
Speaker 1: dungeons and dragons, crypto currency, furries, Marvel comics, lacrosse, uh
Speaker 1: spelling bees, they're they're all they all do the same
Speaker 1: bowling groups. It's all the same. It's all the same thing.
Speaker 1: It's all the same. Thing is just people who like
Speaker 1: the same thing getting together, talking about it and being
Speaker 1: about it. And it's fine. What bothers is me all
Speaker 1: the time is that people will like rip on individual
Speaker 1: things when the underlying theme of all of these groups
Speaker 1: is the same. It's just different ways to bring people together.
Speaker 10: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, is this baby Bear?
Speaker 2: Yes, this is baby Bear.
Speaker 1: Baby Bear. It says here that you have been exploring
Speaker 1: hypnosis with your partner.
Speaker 9: Yes, yeah, so I have. Well, first of all, it's
Speaker 9: only been an idea. So I've actually been exploring pup
Speaker 9: space with my partner. I feel like I resonate with
Speaker 9: being a pup. I've come to find that out as
Speaker 9: in the life like six months or so, and so
Speaker 9: with that, sometimes I don't want to think and I
Speaker 9: don't want to be an adult and I just want
Speaker 9: to be a pup. So along with that, my boyfriend
Speaker 9: had suggested hypnosis to kind of help me put me
Speaker 9: more into that space.
Speaker 2: And so I.
Speaker 9: I'm kind of like nervous to kind of delve into it.
Speaker 9: I'm not entirely sure why, but I don't even Yeah,
Speaker 9: I'm just I'm just kind of nervous.
Speaker 1: So you are not interested in so so you are
Speaker 1: interested in the abandonment for at least a momentary bit
Speaker 1: of time of your human senses and your human brain
Speaker 1: into a dog like state via hypnosis.
Speaker 9: Yes, m hm h, because I already kind of like
Speaker 9: do it, like my carrier characteristics kind of line up
Speaker 9: with it already like part of my personality, and I
Speaker 9: feel like with hypnosis that would just take it like
Speaker 9: a step further. And I listened to this podcast the
Speaker 9: other day and this guy's names case Kenny, and he
Speaker 9: said something that really stuck with me, and it said,
Speaker 9: never stop chasing your curiosity. And I felt that was
Speaker 9: more powerful than don't ever stop chasing your dreams, because
Speaker 9: that could be like really scary for people and like
Speaker 9: very almost like broad so any when he said that,
Speaker 9: I was like, well, if I'm curious about it, I
Speaker 9: should just do it. But at the same time, I
Speaker 9: just I feel like, not necessarily not reservations, I just
Speaker 9: I don't know what I'm stepping.
Speaker 1: Into and what is appealing to you about becoming a.
Speaker 9: Dog, being care free, getting out of overthinking all the time.
Speaker 9: And I deal with bipolar, so like when I get
Speaker 9: into my low it can last a lot longer than
Speaker 9: when I'm on my highs, and I feel like kind
Speaker 9: of escaping, not even necessarily escaping, but just kind of
Speaker 9: flipping that switch and being just the more care free,
Speaker 9: care free, playful, don't really care what people think about me.
Speaker 9: If I want to wag my tail, wiggle my butt,
Speaker 9: I want to be able to do that the show
Speaker 9: that I'm happy, you know, and just kind of almost
Speaker 9: like a healthier escapism than kind of derailing into my
Speaker 9: negative thoughts or that kind of negative space.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You know, I'm not going to lie to you.
Speaker 1: I absolutely see where you're coming from. When I look
Speaker 1: at dogs, they absolutely seem significantly happier than humans, very present,
Speaker 1: very in the moment, not thinking about the past, not
Speaker 1: thinking about the future, merely focused on the life that
Speaker 1: they are living. At the current second that they are
Speaker 1: living it, and I can see what is attractive about
Speaker 1: that headspace. Tell me what is the process of this
Speaker 1: hypnosis look like?
Speaker 9: Well, I'm a beginner, so I don't really know fully
Speaker 9: all the details yet or would really know how to
Speaker 9: like confidently or be able to explain it exactly maybe
Speaker 9: how it would be, because I feel like if I
Speaker 9: don't want to give any misinformation, but it's different for everybody.
Speaker 9: I feel like for me personally, it would be maybe
Speaker 9: like a word that would trigger like, let's say, hi,
Speaker 9: pup right, and that would like take me from being
Speaker 9: to my name is Brianna being Brianna to being pups
Speaker 9: and then just kind of being in that space for
Speaker 9: a while where I'm just a puff, like not even
Speaker 9: necessarily a dog that's just kind of chilled, but like
Speaker 9: just just a cute, little fun, care free pup, and
Speaker 9: then being in that space for a while with my
Speaker 9: partner of course, and uh, because you know he accepts
Speaker 9: me for that and he's helped me to explore that
Speaker 9: more so that's I don't know if I'm just kind
Speaker 9: of rambling and didn't really answer.
Speaker 14: Your question, but no, so you're trying to that's kind
Speaker 14: of what's besides yourself to a point where your partner
Speaker 14: can say a phrase and it bring you into this
Speaker 14: state of mind.
Speaker 1: So then I have another question. Are you afraid of
Speaker 1: the possibility that you will be permanently hypnotized into a
Speaker 1: pup and that you will lose Brianna?
Speaker 15: Kind of.
Speaker 9: Let's see, Like I do have some reservations in that sense,
Speaker 9: Like and I know that my partner would do this
Speaker 9: because I completely trust him, But at the same time,
Speaker 9: I kind of have like, just like this little thought
Speaker 9: in the back of my head, like because I've seen
Speaker 9: different movies and shows and stuff where like people will
Speaker 9: get put under hypnosis, maybe not even knowing it, or
Speaker 9: they do and they think it's for different, that there
Speaker 9: the intention behind it is different, and then being manipulated
Speaker 9: or tricked into being hypnotized to be doing other things
Speaker 9: that weren't consented. I think that's kind of where it.
Speaker 1: But I'm not talking about the idea that you can
Speaker 1: get hypnotized into something else. I'm talking about the idea
Speaker 1: that you get hypnotized into being a dog, but your
Speaker 1: partner is unable to hypnotize you back into being You
Speaker 1: said your name was said Bianna. Yeah, unable to yourself,
Speaker 1: and so you are permanently a dog. How I mean,
Speaker 1: how does that sound to you?
Speaker 9: I mean, it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but
Speaker 9: if I think about it from the perspective of, you know,
Speaker 9: I have to think about my adult responsibilities as well,
Speaker 9: and like like my job and you know, there's like
Speaker 9: there's those are the things that I have to take
Speaker 9: care of in my life. But if I was to
Speaker 9: a point where I was I had financial freedom, and
Speaker 9: I had enough money to just be comfortable for the
Speaker 9: rest of my life, which I plan on doing at
Speaker 9: some point in time, working towards that for sure, to
Speaker 9: where I would just be able to chill at home,
Speaker 9: then maybe it wouldn't be necessarily a bad thing. But
Speaker 9: I don't know if I would want to be in
Speaker 9: that space permanently because I want to have that sense
Speaker 9: of being back as Brianna, because I want to be
Speaker 9: able to keep learning and growing. I don't want that
Speaker 9: to be the only thing that.
Speaker 10: I am.
Speaker 9: If that makes.
Speaker 1: Sense, I agree with you that I also one day
Speaker 1: would love to be rich enough to be a dog.
Speaker 10: That would be great.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much for calling Brianna. Good luck to you.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: That actually sounds like a pretty good life.
Speaker 4: Hello, how's a good one.
Speaker 1: I'm a gecko, I'm a banana. All right.
Speaker 4: I have a story that kind of scarred me. This
Speaker 4: was told me about a year ago. I promise this
Speaker 4: is not pranking. I promise this is a true story.
Speaker 4: I'm looking in the chat. Somebody said this was a prank.
Speaker 1: Banana, do my favorite while you are, while we're on
Speaker 1: the phone, while we're on the phone together, do me
Speaker 1: a favorite. Try not to look at the chat.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay, I got you. I got you, beautiful.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry about that.
Speaker 1: No, no worries, man, What's what's up? What's uh? What
Speaker 1: did you want to say?
Speaker 4: Okay, So I was going to my buddy's house to
Speaker 4: go pick up some stuff, and well, he asked if
Speaker 4: he could go get some McDonald's with his girlfriends if
Speaker 4: they didn't have a car. So, you know, I left
Speaker 4: my stuff there because this is gonna be a quick ride.
Speaker 4: We're gonna go back, come back, you know, I'll get
Speaker 4: my stuff and go back home. Well, we get back
Speaker 4: to his where the place he was staying, and his
Speaker 4: roommate's girlfriend locked the door because she was going to Walmart. Well,
Speaker 4: they didn't have a way in and my stuff was inside,
Speaker 4: so I couldn't wait. I mean I had to wait
Speaker 4: to get my stuff. And so we were, you know,
Speaker 4: just telling stories. Well he told me about how he
Speaker 4: had an ex girlfriend that he got pregnant and they
Speaker 4: didn't have the money to afford for an abortion. So
Speaker 4: he told me about he grabbed the uh they had
Speaker 4: to use a coat hanger, and he said that he
Speaker 4: could feel the coat hanger going up and he could
Speaker 4: feel it scrambling the baby. And that shit free like
Speaker 4: kind of fucked me up.
Speaker 7: Bro.
Speaker 4: I ain't gonna lie like I'm all about abortions because
Speaker 4: that's free, you know, free rights to everybody. But like,
Speaker 4: how you gonna tell somebody that shit.
Speaker 6: M.
Speaker 1: This was your this was something that happened to your friends.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, he did, like he did himself. Like he
Speaker 4: told me he could feel the the like the coat hanger,
Speaker 4: you know, you straight in the coat, the coat hanger out.
Speaker 4: He said he could feel it penetrate the feat of
Speaker 4: and he could feel it scrambling and ship. Wow, I
Speaker 4: promise this is not a joke, but like this ship
Speaker 4: is kind of fucked up.
Speaker 1: So you said that this this well so interesting. So
Speaker 1: you say that this story scarred you. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: if the story, if, if the third party account of
Speaker 1: it scarred you, I I, uh, I cannot imagine how
Speaker 1: how your friend felt.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're right about that. But he did he
Speaker 4: did it for a reason, so he must have been
Speaker 4: okay with it.
Speaker 7: M hm m hm.
Speaker 1: Hmmm. It says you're It says here, No, go ahead,
Speaker 1: you you you were, you were, you were going to
Speaker 1: say something.
Speaker 4: No, you can go ahead. That was stupid.
Speaker 1: No say the stupid thing.
Speaker 4: I kind of don't want to because it's stupid.
Speaker 1: Says here that, Uh, you have a story about getting
Speaker 1: locked out of your friend's house. Is this the same
Speaker 1: story or these two different stories?
Speaker 4: Uh, that's the same story because we got locked out
Speaker 4: of his buddy's house because I had to wait and
Speaker 4: wait to give my stuff that was inside of there.
Speaker 4: But I mean, my life's kind of kind of all whacked.
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna lie. If you want to hear some other.
Speaker 1: Stories, sure, why do you say that your life is whack?
Speaker 4: So? So how much can I go with saying on here?
Speaker 1: I mean, look, as long as you're not saying anything like,
Speaker 1: you know, well, what what what? What? Tell me? Tell me?
Speaker 1: Tell me the area of what you would like to say?
Speaker 4: The FBI is not gonna come raid in my house
Speaker 4: if I'll tell you my life right now? Will they?
Speaker 1: What exactly? Well, give it? Give me the arena? What?
Speaker 1: What area? What topic of I make some stuff.
Speaker 4: I ain't gonna lie. I kind of I beat around
Speaker 4: the bush and I kind of talk some people over,
Speaker 4: but they all still buy my ship.
Speaker 1: Okay, you you say you make some stuff and you
Speaker 1: and you're function some people over in what way, in
Speaker 1: whatever amount of detail you're comfortable providing? Do you do
Speaker 1: you fuck people over?
Speaker 10: Well?
Speaker 4: Do you do you know anything about like psychedelics?
Speaker 1: Not a whole lot?
Speaker 4: Well, you know how like the there's a LSD's like
Speaker 4: all those tiny papers. Yep, Well you can buy those
Speaker 4: tiny papers on Amazon by like a sheet for like
Speaker 4: twenty five dollars. Well, instead of making LSD, there's something
Speaker 4: called LSA. It's so simple to make. Well, I found
Speaker 4: a way to get it onto the papers and gives
Speaker 4: you like a like a like a decent trip, and
Speaker 4: so I sell it really cheap. But it's really cheap
Speaker 4: to make. So i'd be like flipping in my money.
Speaker 1: And when you sell it, do you pass it off
Speaker 1: as if it is LSD? Yeah?
Speaker 4: I sell it as LSD.
Speaker 1: What is LSA mean? Uh?
Speaker 4: I honestly cannot tell you that I fell a lost
Speaker 4: eergic acid. But don't take me up on that. I'm
Speaker 4: pretty sure it's not Elisa xeric acid. Get you get
Speaker 4: it from the seed. The seeds are legal. The process
Speaker 4: to make it is literally the seeds and watered.
Speaker 1: Okay. And when you say you fuck people over, do
Speaker 1: people come back to you upset with you about this?
Speaker 4: No? Because if you get actual LSD, you can sail
Speaker 4: it for fifteen a hit where I'm at, So I
Speaker 4: sell these for five dollars a hit or three hundred
Speaker 4: for one hundred of them. So like I just passed
Speaker 4: it off as like really bad LSD. Okay, And but
Speaker 4: but you can go on YouTube right now and learn
Speaker 4: how to make it. And you go on there and
Speaker 4: learn how to make dmt s, which I don't know
Speaker 4: if you know what DMT is.
Speaker 1: So tell me you say your life is fuck I
Speaker 1: forget if I'm putting words in your mouth, but you
Speaker 1: said your life is fucked up?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think this is pretty fucked up what I did.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm not.
Speaker 4: What I say. I'm not really happy with what I do.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry for cutting you off.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, it's fine. So you're not happy with
Speaker 1: what you do? Is is there anything that you could
Speaker 1: think of that that you would rather be doing?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 4: I already worked forty hours a week, so this is
Speaker 4: sort of like a side thing and I just enjoyed
Speaker 4: doing it. But I know it's like bad, Oh bro, bro,
Speaker 4: what okay? Okay, I just now remember what happened. What
Speaker 4: happened to me like two months ago. You will not
Speaker 4: believe this. I thought I was going to jail for life.
Speaker 4: Can I can I tell this story?
Speaker 1: Yeah? But I I wanna. I want a real quick
Speaker 1: because I don't want to lose this. You said that
Speaker 1: you're not happy with it you do, but yet you
Speaker 1: say you enjoy doing it, so you just like.
Speaker 4: Well, are you? It hurts my family? That's that's that's
Speaker 4: one real big reasons why I hate doing this.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it hurts your family, but you say that
Speaker 1: you like doing it, but it's something that has pros
Speaker 1: and cons to it in your eyes.
Speaker 4: Yes, Like I don't think anybody should do to this.
Speaker 1: Okay, what are the what are the pros for you?
Speaker 1: Making money?
Speaker 4: Pretty much just making money, that's all about it.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. And in what ways does it hurt your family?
Speaker 4: They're just against it. They don't like anything about doing it.
Speaker 4: They've been sober for about thirty years, and I just
Speaker 4: feel like it's bad that I'm doing that shit.
Speaker 3: Have you?
Speaker 1: I'm just curious have you made any attempt at all
Speaker 1: to stop doing this?
Speaker 4: About twenty eighteen, I got robbed of two ounces from
Speaker 4: a guy that I knew from like the second grade.
Speaker 4: I moved away from that school in like tenth grade,
Speaker 4: and I figured, you know, he wouldn't suck me over.
Speaker 4: Will Yeah, should sucked me over? And well that kind
Speaker 4: of maybe stought for him, and I sort of just
Speaker 4: got back into it because you know, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 4: I so weed to.
Speaker 1: Have you ever gone to any kind of like actual
Speaker 1: counselor type of person who you think might be able
Speaker 1: to help you.
Speaker 10: You?
Speaker 1: I am, I am. I don't know if I've disclaimed
Speaker 1: this to you, but I am not an actual I
Speaker 1: am nothing more than a man in a gecko costume.
Speaker 1: But but if you do have a genuine desire to quit,
Speaker 1: I would as always recommend that you seek some form
Speaker 1: of legitimate, legitimate help. What was the thing that you
Speaker 1: wanted to tell me that happened to you?
Speaker 4: Two months ago, me and my buddies we all left
Speaker 4: her house because they had to go to a gas
Speaker 4: station give wraps. Well, we were just going to get wraps,
Speaker 4: so we didn't carry nothing on us. Well, as soon
Speaker 4: as we leave out their house, go down the street.
Speaker 4: There's a cop sitting right across the street. So you know,
Speaker 4: we turned right. As soon as we get down a
Speaker 4: little down the road, the cop pulls out. Well, we
Speaker 4: get down to our gas station. You know, the cop
Speaker 4: blue lights us, so we get pulled over. Well, because
Speaker 4: he knows the people in the car, and he said
Speaker 4: that he smelled marijuana. He said that he could. He
Speaker 4: told me to get out of the car, and I
Speaker 4: got out. I was straight with it. I told you
Speaker 4: can search the car. There's nothing in there, and so
Speaker 4: I let him soish the car. They didn't find nothing. Well,
Speaker 4: I had jail tabs, the jail LSD, and I had
Speaker 4: paper LSD on me right there, like real stuff, not fake. Well,
Speaker 4: I should you not. When they searched that car. Another
Speaker 4: cop came, they searched that car again. They found it.
Speaker 4: He brought that up, pointed it right in my face.
Speaker 4: He was like, what are these? I told him they
Speaker 4: were stamps. You look them and you put them on there.
Speaker 4: And he looked at him, like, these are stamps. I've
Speaker 4: never seen stamps like this before. He was I'm gonna
Speaker 4: have to go do a little more research on these.
Speaker 4: So he takes them, you know, goes back to his car.
Speaker 4: I'm still standing there thinking, oh man, I'm about to
Speaker 4: go to fucking jail for live because one tab is
Speaker 4: apparently like a manslaughter charge or something or like like
Speaker 4: conspiracy against the government. And I had eight of them,
Speaker 4: so I was like, oh, fuck brou I'm gone. But
Speaker 4: he tells me to go over there. He was like,
Speaker 4: these aren't acid stamps, are they? Because I looked up
Speaker 4: stamps and that's this one word for acid. I was like, no,
Speaker 4: there's just stamps. You look them and put them on
Speaker 4: the envelope. He was like, he was like, okay, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna take your word on that. I'm gonna take it
Speaker 4: to the lad and test him. If anything comes back,
Speaker 4: we're gonna come and get you. I was like, there's
Speaker 4: just that. Well, let a load. He he letting me go,
Speaker 4: Like dude, I shipped my pants, he letting me go.
Speaker 4: I sat back in my car, but literally, the paper
Speaker 4: tabs were sitting on my front seat. I got it
Speaker 4: back in the car. They were just sitting right there.
Speaker 4: As soon as I opened my door, I was like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck? How they not even take those? But
Speaker 4: they took my jail tabs. That's it. So, yeah, that
Speaker 4: was a ramble. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: They just flat out believed that they were snaps.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I guess so, But I'm okay, okay, there's some
Speaker 4: wors to it. The UH, the coffin story of acting
Speaker 4: like buddy buddy to me, and I ain't gonna lie
Speaker 4: because I'm likek A, I'm just okay, I'm just gonna
Speaker 4: say that. And well I asked the uh. As soon
Speaker 4: as that cop said these are acids fasts, I told him,
Speaker 4: I was like, no, what what his acid? He was like, oh,
Speaker 4: that's a bad drug. But I'm pretty sure that guy's
Speaker 4: tried it. He pointed at this other cop inside his car,
Speaker 4: and that cop started laughing.
Speaker 12: M hm.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure they knew what it was. They took
Speaker 4: the ship and they had good night.
Speaker 1: Really so they so they ended up auto. So they
Speaker 1: did confiscate it from you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but they didn't like wrap it up for anything.
Speaker 4: They just pretty much they were holding you like they
Speaker 4: didn't have anything, like no fucking evidence bag or nothing.
Speaker 4: The cop was like, you ain't gonna have to pay
Speaker 4: nothing tonight. You're good to go. You all can leave,
Speaker 4: like they were like really like some like really buddy, buddy,
Speaker 4: cops ain't gonna lie and they found that ship.
Speaker 1: Listen, banana banana, banana, banana, banana. I you know, like
Speaker 1: I mean, look, thank you for sharing with us again.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that you feel comfortable enough to share this
Speaker 1: this stuff with us and everything. I am concerned though,
Speaker 1: because you sound like you know you got very if.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know where you live, I
Speaker 1: don't know what the laws are or whatever whatever. But
Speaker 1: if what you are telling me is true and you
Speaker 1: had enough acid on your person to send you to
Speaker 1: jail forever, you got really lucky.
Speaker 4: Very lucky. Before my car, that ship was horrible for
Speaker 4: me because when he brought that ship right up in
Speaker 4: my face, dude, I literally put my hands behind my
Speaker 4: back like I was in handcuffs and he's like I
Speaker 4: thought there was like what that's fun? Then he was
Speaker 4: like what are these that total? There's a dance that
Speaker 4: he literally like talking to normal.
Speaker 1: But but you know, okay, look you got really oh
Speaker 1: you know, you got really lucky. Okay, And again a
Speaker 1: real counselor, I'm an insane man at a gecko costume
Speaker 1: on the internet. But and I don't have any like
Speaker 1: advice for you necessarily, but I do hope that you
Speaker 1: take how long did this happen?
Speaker 4: That happened like two months ago?
Speaker 1: And are you and are you still are you still selling?
Speaker 4: Yes? I stay out of that area. I try, I
Speaker 4: try to say, because I got pulled over three times
Speaker 4: and like maybe maybe in like a week and a
Speaker 4: half fan and they didn't give me no tickets that
Speaker 4: set one time.
Speaker 1: Well, Banana, I listen again. This is this is definitely
Speaker 1: you know, above my pay grade to advise you as
Speaker 1: as to what to do, but just as a as
Speaker 1: an entity of some kind that would like to see
Speaker 1: you avoid avoid go into jail forever and avoid causing
Speaker 1: heart to your family, I do genuinely hope that you
Speaker 1: find a better alternative to making money than doing this
Speaker 1: because dude, you know how lucky you got and I
Speaker 1: don't want you to be in that position again, right
Speaker 1: because hey, you might not get so lucky again.
Speaker 4: You're right about that. The ass is just paper, like
Speaker 4: most cops don't even know what that shit is. Can
Speaker 4: I tell one more story.
Speaker 1: Before I know? Well, listen, I know, look, we're we're, we're,
Speaker 1: we're definitely uh you know, I know you have a
Speaker 1: lot of stories about this, but I really want like
Speaker 1: you to leave at leastless call with like, fuck man,
Speaker 1: the sentiment that like, whatever it is, I don't know
Speaker 1: you man of let me talking to you for twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: But I hope that whatever it is that keeps you
Speaker 1: living this pretty dangerous lifestyle, that you find a way
Speaker 1: to get out of it. Because again I'm a broken
Speaker 1: record here, but you know you got very lucky, and
Speaker 1: I assume that that doing what you do, I would
Speaker 1: have to assume you live in consistent anxiety every single
Speaker 1: day of getting caught. I you don't.
Speaker 4: No getting getting taught for what? Say what?
Speaker 10: What?
Speaker 4: In particular, like you think the police are gonna come
Speaker 4: and just raid my house?
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, I don't know but I I
Speaker 1: think that I don't know. Man, I'm just a guy
Speaker 1: of going on the computer. But I can only wish
Speaker 1: that that you do whatever's best for you, Banana.
Speaker 4: Look, can I give like one piece of advice? Cops
Speaker 4: do not search the gas canisters, you know, like where
Speaker 4: you click the button where you like pop the ship right,
Speaker 4: you don't even have like so hold on, I'm sumbling
Speaker 4: over my words. Just wherever, like the the area opens up,
Speaker 4: you just pick your wead right there, don't due. They
Speaker 4: never search that gas area.
Speaker 1: Banana, thank you for calling and good luck to you.
Speaker 4: I hopefully I can meet you again. Sir.
Speaker 2: Hi, Hello, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 1: Mister, this is a get go. What is your name?
Speaker 1: Alexis Alexis? What's going on with you today in the world?
Speaker 2: Ah, you know, I mean the hardships of being an adult.
Speaker 2: Everything's so expensive. I talking about My mom's very excited. Yes,
Speaker 2: my mom's excited. She loved you too.
Speaker 1: Oh do you You seem like you have a good
Speaker 1: relationship with your mom?
Speaker 2: On and off? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why where is it today? Are we on? Today?
Speaker 12: Were on?
Speaker 2: Today?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 2: Everything is going good. I got groceries and stuff, so
Speaker 2: the house is taken care of it's all pretty good.
Speaker 1: So it says here that you met a guy on
Speaker 1: a sugar daddy website, but it hasn't been going well?
Speaker 1: Why why has that not been going well? Well?
Speaker 2: You know, I was forthcoming about like, hey, I'm struggling
Speaker 2: paying rent. It talks for my mom and keep it up.
Speaker 2: So all live in the Bay Area. Everything is just
Speaker 2: super expensive and he knows that. And I kind of
Speaker 2: talked with him today being like I'm kind of just
Speaker 2: living off credit and when I went to the grocery store,
Speaker 2: it was just like, oh my god, my credit card
Speaker 2: is going to work today. I'm my maxed out and
Speaker 2: I'm like here, you know, it's just it's really hard.
Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, well, you know what you should,
Speaker 2: like go to a food bank. I'm sure there's a
Speaker 2: lot of good ones around. I'm like, well, you know
Speaker 2: what the deal is. We met on seeking arrangement, So.
Speaker 7: Why are you telling me to go to.
Speaker 2: A food bank?
Speaker 1: So what is the is the goal here? Are you?
Speaker 1: So I've have you met up with this guy in
Speaker 1: person before?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I met with him like two times, and you know,
Speaker 2: he's a very nice, sweet dude. He's you know, he's
Speaker 2: like only thirty. I'm twenty two, and you know, he's
Speaker 2: really nice for He's like, yeah, I definitely want to
Speaker 2: help you out and stuff like that. And you know,
Speaker 2: he filed up.
Speaker 7: My car for me.
Speaker 2: When I went to go meet him. I just went
Speaker 2: on like a couple of dates and stuff, and I've
Speaker 2: told him I'm like, hey, you know, when you're comfortable,
Speaker 2: I'm cool to come to your house and stuff. But
Speaker 2: you know, I'm like, I feel like he's not going
Speaker 2: to come through. And I don't want to be rude
Speaker 2: or push you and go like, hey, give me money
Speaker 2: right now, but I'm like, I need money, please.
Speaker 16: See.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you. I don't know
Speaker 1: necessarily the etiquette of the sugar daddy's sugar baby universe.
Speaker 1: Here I will say, I will say, I will say,
Speaker 1: if this guy that you met on this if your
Speaker 1: whole thing is that you want to find a sugar
Speaker 1: daddy and you're willing to And again, I don't know
Speaker 1: what sort of things are bringing in the big bucks.
Speaker 1: I don't know how much you have to do. I
Speaker 1: don't know what you're personally comfortable doing. I don't know
Speaker 1: any of the I don't know the universe super well.
Speaker 1: But if your goal is to find a guy who's
Speaker 1: going to give you a bunch of money, and this
Speaker 1: guy is in it, why you know, of of the
Speaker 1: whatever thousands of guys on seeking arrangements, why are you
Speaker 1: stuck with this guy? Why don't you go find more guys?
Speaker 1: If this is in fact the way that you you
Speaker 1: know that you want to do.
Speaker 2: It, I am a little bit scared and like this
Speaker 2: guy very promising just because we click really well. But
Speaker 2: it's just like I'm very scared because it's like, you know,
Speaker 2: a lot of people come in and be all like, jo,
Speaker 2: if you mean to me with me right now and
Speaker 2: have sex and I'll give you one hundred dollars or whatever,
Speaker 2: and I'm kind of like and like, this was the
Speaker 2: first guy that was actually like a very nice, normal,
Speaker 2: decent person. You know. He was saying, you know, I
Speaker 2: do want to spoil you, how but I give you
Speaker 2: like three hundred dollars every time we like meet up
Speaker 2: for a date and stuff like that and see if
Speaker 2: we get along, and you know, I want to spoil
Speaker 2: you with gifts, and I'm like cool. We went on
Speaker 2: two dates. You know, he paid for the meal he
Speaker 2: filled up my car and he's like, yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: I definitely want to help you. It's go on a
Speaker 2: few more dates. And I'm just like, I'm like, plee,
Speaker 2: I kind of you know, can you help me please?
Speaker 1: This is I'm I'm why are you afraid to ask
Speaker 1: him for money? If? I mean, look, you you sought
Speaker 1: an arrangement, as did he.
Speaker 10: M h.
Speaker 1: I feel like the writing is on the wall as
Speaker 1: to sort of the arrangement, which is you sort again,
Speaker 1: I don't know the universe that well, so this is
Speaker 1: just me started making this efferent air. But the arrangement
Speaker 1: being sought is that he gives you money and you
Speaker 1: in turn spend spend romantic and I guess implied sexual
Speaker 1: time with him.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm yeah, pretty much. It's scared turn them off
Speaker 2: and he'll.
Speaker 1: Be like, yeah, so are you afraid to to to
Speaker 1: reinforce the sort of grounds of the arrangement by saying, Hey, listen,
Speaker 1: you know I'll go out on a date with you,
Speaker 1: but this ain't tender. This is seeking arrangements. You gotta
Speaker 1: pay me for this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just scared to be I'm not very confrontational.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm a cancer, So it's very hard for
Speaker 2: me just be like, hey, you know what the deal is?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, look, and by the way, maybe you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you ask a more seasoned sugar baby about the
Speaker 1: best way to go about it, but yeah, you might
Speaker 1: have to get a little bit of confrontational and just
Speaker 1: it's not even it's not a confrontation. Don't look at
Speaker 1: it as a confrontation. But uh look, you know you
Speaker 1: gotta go out there, you gotta lay out the uh
Speaker 1: layout again, the grounds of the arrangement. Let me bring
Speaker 1: up one other thing by the way before we and
Speaker 1: and again, I you know, I think I think that
Speaker 1: any way that you could make money is you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say it's not a legitimate way, but like,
Speaker 1: have you considered other ways of making money? If if
Speaker 1: this is like you know, because you you you you
Speaker 1: sound like you have safety concerns, which are very legitimate concerns,
Speaker 1: and you know, you sound like you're I I I
Speaker 1: don't know, I'm not gonna put words in it, but
Speaker 1: you sound like you don't want to have sex with
Speaker 1: people for money. Have you thought about other ways that
Speaker 1: you could make money out outside of seeking arrangements?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a full time job. I look at
Speaker 2: Tesla and it's like, you know, the pay is good,
Speaker 2: it's just I try to work over time as much
Speaker 2: as I can, and it's just it's killing me. But
Speaker 2: I'm not going to go just get another part time job,
Speaker 2: because over time that'd probably be making like thirty to
Speaker 2: forty bucks an hour if I work, you know, sixty
Speaker 2: seventy hours a week. You know, it's just like I
Speaker 2: don't know, and it's seed like, just a little bit
Speaker 2: of that help for just a little bit longer until
Speaker 2: my mom can hold the job and I have.
Speaker 1: Six It's fine, but I'm sorry, I'm sorry I laughed,
Speaker 1: but I was just I feel like if you work
Speaker 1: at I'm I feel like, So you work at Tesla, Yeah,
Speaker 1: full time fortune five hundred company, Yeah, full time job.
Speaker 1: So where are your money struggles? Lying? Is it that
Speaker 1: you're trying to support your mom and you don't make
Speaker 1: enough money to support both you and her? Where is
Speaker 1: the what's the sort of the big money issue that
Speaker 1: you're trying to solve.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just I'm paying all the bills by myself.
Speaker 2: You move into this place recently, and my mom kind
Speaker 2: of just she can't hold a job. She kind of
Speaker 2: just walks off and doesn't want to like stay, or
Speaker 2: she doesn't want to go back, and then it's kind
Speaker 2: of just all falls on me. And I had a
Speaker 2: boyfriend who worked at Tesla and he helped me out
Speaker 2: a little bit, but things just got really really bad
Speaker 2: between us, so I had to kind of stick we're
Speaker 2: doing and now it's just kind of all on me,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, gosh, okay, well I need to
Speaker 2: do something that's just kind of quick, easy money. Just
Speaker 2: make sure rent's paid on time, to make sure we
Speaker 2: can have groceries and all of that.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, look, if you've explored other ways of
Speaker 1: trying to make a little bit of side hustle money
Speaker 1: and you've decided that this is the right one for you,
Speaker 1: then you know, don't be afraid to be confrontational as
Speaker 1: to the nature, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: seeking arrangements, at the end of the day, the sugar
Speaker 1: baby sugar daddy arrangement is a business transaction. And if
Speaker 1: you know, I am a freelance anything, if I'm a
Speaker 1: freelance photographer or a freelance artist or a freelance girlfriend,
Speaker 1: I should really have no problem with asking people to
Speaker 1: pay their invoices. And that's just a part of being
Speaker 1: a freelancer. Whatever it is, you are freelancing. So if
Speaker 1: this is the side hustle that you have decided to pursue,
Speaker 1: I invite you to look at this as an opportunity
Speaker 1: to do one of the necessary parts of freelancing, which
Speaker 1: is asking to get paid.
Speaker 2: I think you know it seems silly, but talking to
Speaker 2: you actually helped make me feel better good.
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that. Give your best to uh.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, give your best to my mom,
Speaker 1: but you're not. You don't know my mom.
Speaker 7: Give well, I do give them my best.
Speaker 1: To your mom. And I think you calling.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much? Having good night?
Speaker 1: Hello? Is this leave.
Speaker 7: Yes?
Speaker 12: Si leaves Lee.
Speaker 1: It says here that you have an obsession with lawnmowers.
Speaker 1: You currently have six of them, Yes, but you want more?
Speaker 12: Yes, I do want more.
Speaker 1: And what is driving this obsession?
Speaker 12: Well, honestly, like when you sit there and you work
Speaker 12: on these lawnmowers, and once you get them running and
Speaker 12: you can just ride around on them, and it's it's
Speaker 12: like a reward in itself. You can line them up
Speaker 12: and you need to pictures of them. You know, they're
Speaker 12: a lot cheaper than than cars, they're easier to get
Speaker 12: a hold of. You know what I'm saying, No, no, no, I.
Speaker 1: I now that you've explained it and you've sort of
Speaker 1: analogized it to the types of people who have like
Speaker 1: garages and garages of cars and the big car people,
Speaker 1: it actually makes a lot of sense why you would
Speaker 1: be obsessed with lawnmowers, because not everybody has the financial
Speaker 1: tools to keep cars and cars of, to keep garages
Speaker 1: and garages of of of you know, collectible cars, but
Speaker 1: you know collecting lawnmowers. Being a lawnmower enthusiast a lot
Speaker 1: more affordable of a hobby with a very similar sort
Speaker 1: of idea behind it. You know, there's engines, there's models,
Speaker 1: there's all the sort of same stuff to gain.
Speaker 4: Exactly.
Speaker 12: And you seem like people have told me that I
Speaker 12: have a problem, like I just get too many of them.
Speaker 12: I don't see it that way, like cause like literally
Speaker 12: like every two weeks, I'll either like just get another
Speaker 12: one or just trade one of the ones that I
Speaker 12: currently have for a different one. Like I'm always on
Speaker 12: the search for a new type of onanmomer.
Speaker 4: I haven't had before.
Speaker 12: And is the pul And the crazy part.
Speaker 1: Is speaks to you the most.
Speaker 12: Yes, the nineteen sixties Sears customs are my favorite. They
Speaker 12: just they hit so different, well because they are like
Speaker 12: the simplest, like you just just pull the starter and
Speaker 12: it's not one little belt that turns the whole thing,
Speaker 12: and it's just such a simple machine. But yet it
Speaker 12: so capable, like they can do so much, Like there's
Speaker 12: so much more than just a lawnmo.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, absolutely absolutely, How many long
Speaker 4: moments and.
Speaker 1: Throughout the course of your life do you hope to own?
Speaker 12: Oh, like from the rest of my life?
Speaker 1: Oh when will you?
Speaker 12: Oh man, I don't see myself stop them before one hundred.
Speaker 1: Until you gaze upon them and go that is enough.
Speaker 12: Well, I'd say at one time, I'd say I could.
Speaker 12: I could handle fifteen at one time, but all the
Speaker 12: different kinds I would like to have, I don't see
Speaker 12: myself stopping before one hundred or so, you know. And
Speaker 12: the crazy part is, I I don't even like mowing
Speaker 12: my grass. I just like the mowers themselves.
Speaker 1: Your lawn with.
Speaker 12: Them, Well, I have like one or two that I
Speaker 12: do mow my lawn with. I just don't like mowing
Speaker 12: the lawn. I just like the lawnmower with themselves.
Speaker 1: M hmm. Do you like to ride the mowers?
Speaker 12: Yes, I will actually get on one of my lawnmowers
Speaker 12: and I'll go check the cows, I'll go get my mail.
Speaker 12: I'm next weekend, I'm planning on driving it all the
Speaker 12: way to the grocery store, just just because I can.
Speaker 12: You know, m.
Speaker 1: Do they have parking for lawnmowers?
Speaker 12: Not specific parking, but the way I look at it,
Speaker 12: what are they going to tell me to do? Just
Speaker 12: move the lawnmower, and once it's there, I don't really
Speaker 12: think anybody will do anything about it. That's true, Yeah,
Speaker 12: because like they'll be stuff like right down the road
Speaker 12: that I could easily just drive my vehicle to, but
Speaker 12: I'll prefer to take the lawnmower, just as there's a
Speaker 12: different feel to it.
Speaker 1: Do you know anyone else who's obsessed with lawnmowers or
Speaker 1: are you alone in this hobby? Hobby?
Speaker 12: Well, I actually I have a lawnmower group of friends.
Speaker 12: Now they don't have as many as I do, but
Speaker 12: we do have like this little group where we'll go
Speaker 12: ride lawnmowers together.
Speaker 1: Like a sort of lawnmower gang.
Speaker 12: Yeah, it's it's called mower Mafia, and we'll get together
Speaker 12: and we'll just ride the lawnmowers and then we'll talk
Speaker 12: about them.
Speaker 1: M hmm.
Speaker 12: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you guys ever go to war with other lawnmower clubs?
Speaker 12: Well, we haven't come across any other ones yet. I
Speaker 12: like or like a pack of wolves just running the
Speaker 12: area with the lawnmower area, you.
Speaker 1: Know, right running your.
Speaker 12: Yeah, yeah, turf. It's a good analogy since it's lawnmowers.
Speaker 1: What did you say? Your name was.
Speaker 12: Lee?
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling Lee.
Speaker 12: Yeah, you have a nice night, mister Gid.
Speaker 1: Hello Forrest.
Speaker 4: Hey, look up.
Speaker 1: That you wanted to talk about your sugar addiction.
Speaker 17: Yeah, yeah, we could definitely talk about that. I was
Speaker 17: just I finally finished all the podcasts and I remember
Speaker 17: that being one of the older episodes. I think, and
Speaker 17: I also have a sugar addiction, don't yeah, don't learning.
Speaker 1: Sad to report sad to report that, although you may
Speaker 1: have heard me complain about having a sugar addiction and
Speaker 1: an older episode of the podcast that today as of
Speaker 1: this recording on January thirty first, on twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: I still have quite the addiction to sugar. What's your game?
Speaker 1: Your what are you? What are your what's your stuff?
Speaker 1: What's your poison? What's your vice? Butterfingers?
Speaker 13: Right now?
Speaker 18: What you, dude?
Speaker 1: What's killing you?
Speaker 4: Dude?
Speaker 13: I do?
Speaker 18: I do a sonic blast with butterfingers and Oreos. You
Speaker 18: get both and it's a dynamite combination, dude.
Speaker 1: You ever had for during Halloween, Baskin Robbins, We'll do
Speaker 1: this flavor of Oreo called Oreo Trick or Treat and
Speaker 1: it's fucking Oreo cookie with butterfinger and Babe Ruth and
Speaker 1: I think Heath bar all in one ice cream thing.
Speaker 18: That sounds heavenly, that sounds fantastic.
Speaker 1: Here's my thing. Tell me if you can relate to
Speaker 1: this at all, because I'm going to give you sort
Speaker 1: of my thoughts about my whole thing, and then I
Speaker 1: want to hear yours. I'm so glad we we can
Speaker 1: talk about this because I most of my friends are
Speaker 1: like pretty like normal people when it comes to like
Speaker 1: how they eat and stuff, and I'm kind of not.
Speaker 1: I am backing, I'm back and forth between. My life
Speaker 1: would be a lot better. I'd feel better. I used
Speaker 1: to care about looking good. Now I don't. I only
Speaker 1: care about feeling good. But I would feel a lot
Speaker 1: better if I ate correctly. I didn't indulge and uh,
Speaker 1: you know, did push ups blah blah blah whatever. But
Speaker 1: I also fucking love I love eating oreo chok or
Speaker 1: treat ice cream. I love eating food, trying different foods,
Speaker 1: different candies or whatever whatever. There are definitely lots of
Speaker 1: times in which I overdo it and it's like totally overindulging.
Speaker 1: But would my life be easier if I just continued
Speaker 1: living the way I lived but made it an intentional decision.
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, I'm not gonna beat
Speaker 1: myself up over this anymore. I'm just gonna live this
Speaker 1: way unapologetically. And I'm in between those two things where
Speaker 1: if you're not if you're gonna, you know, eat a
Speaker 1: bunch of bad shit but then feel bad about it,
Speaker 1: then why are you even doing it? If you're gonna
Speaker 1: do it, you just commit to doing It'd be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: fuck it, I'm eating a butter finger breakfast, lunch and
Speaker 1: dinner bucket. This is my life. I accept that you'll
Speaker 1: be happier or you just go all in and you go, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that anymore. And you know, but sitting
Speaker 1: on the fence like this is what's causing me the distress.
Speaker 1: Can you relate to that at all?
Speaker 18: Yeah? Yeah, I can relate to that, like radical acceptance
Speaker 18: of Baskin Robbins for sure, you know, just yeah, I
Speaker 18: don't know, man, it's definitely. I feel like for me,
Speaker 18: it's a combination of a bunch of different things. I think. Well,
Speaker 18: the first thing is that, like I'm highly distractable, and
Speaker 18: so with any food, if I just have like a
Speaker 18: source of it somewhere near me, which is usually the case,
Speaker 18: I'll just go through the whole fucking thing without realizing,
Speaker 18: you know. So that's kind of one thing that I
Speaker 18: know about me. But yeah, what else.
Speaker 1: It's like where like you'll be like, oh, there's a
Speaker 1: box of cheese. It's like a whole box, and it'll
Speaker 1: start going on before you know it, the whole you
Speaker 1: ate the.
Speaker 18: Whole brow It's funny you said cheese. Its I was
Speaker 18: literally taking care of my friend's dog and they had
Speaker 18: a I was like, oh shit, they had a family
Speaker 18: size thing of cheese. It's in the cupboard, and like
Speaker 18: I'm gonna lunch on these, and then over the weekend
Speaker 18: I just ate the whole damn thing by myself. I
Speaker 18: gave I gave like five cheese its to the dog
Speaker 18: and the rest are for me.
Speaker 1: I always every time there's a situation like that, I
Speaker 1: always sort of like overestimate what amounts of the box
Speaker 1: other people have eaten. Yeah, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: You're eat the whole box. I gave the dog ten
Speaker 1: cheese its, where really you gave them only five? You know,
Speaker 1: I do that kind of thing.
Speaker 18: It's like the whole heap problem, where you know, like
Speaker 18: you have enough to say it's like a heap of something,
Speaker 18: but then you know, eventually it gets smaller and smaller,
Speaker 18: and then all of a sudden it's just like a
Speaker 18: few crumbs left over. So then you can't like justify
Speaker 18: it anymore. You gotta find you got to strike that balance.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm hmmm. So have you ever made an attempt
Speaker 1: to cut out or or just in general to eat healthier,
Speaker 1: live live better and all that stuff.
Speaker 18: I've done really well before. Actually, Like so I guess
Speaker 18: I should say I have ADHD right, But I also
Speaker 18: have looked a lot into how to kind of work
Speaker 18: with that, and has been able to in the past
Speaker 18: tailor my surroundings to make it easier for me to
Speaker 18: uh make those decisions, because a big thing with ADHD
Speaker 18: is in impulsivity. Uh. And then I also like personally
Speaker 18: can't I don't have no sense of time or you know,
Speaker 18: kind of talking earlier about you know, just mindlessly smacking
Speaker 18: a lot of that. But like, yeah, I'd always been
Speaker 18: like lifting weights ever since high school. And then there's
Speaker 18: a point there where I was like in really great shape.
Speaker 18: You know, I was like, uh, bench pressing like a
Speaker 18: little bit more than my body weight and like twice
Speaker 18: my and I'd squatting like twice my body weight. And yeah,
Speaker 18: I wasn't like eating sugar at all besides like natural
Speaker 18: sugar and fruits and stuff, of course, But yeah, and
Speaker 18: then I just like, you know, it's it's ebb and flow.
Speaker 18: It's like, uh, you know, you flow into the deluge
Speaker 18: of like garbage food, right, and then then you come
Speaker 18: out after you've had enough, and then you know, you
Speaker 18: just go back down. But it's just over a long
Speaker 18: period of time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, do you so you've had multiple periods where
Speaker 1: you were like there wasn't a sort of first half
Speaker 1: in shape, second half out of shape. It was like
Speaker 1: a little bit of time in shape, you know, a
Speaker 1: little bit of time out of shape, a little bit
Speaker 1: of time in, a little time out, like sort of
Speaker 1: a back and forth type of thing.
Speaker 18: Yeah, it's that classic sort of yo yo, right. But
Speaker 18: I've always like loved food. And that's the thing is
Speaker 18: that you know, I go back to it because you know,
Speaker 18: it just tastes so good, and you know, I get
Speaker 18: really into cooking. That's usually that brings me back into
Speaker 18: it because I like make some homemade cookies or some
Speaker 18: shit and I'm like, oh damn, I forgot about these.
Speaker 1: M It's that's one of the tough things is that
Speaker 1: you can't like achieve fitness in the same way that
Speaker 1: you can achieve climbing to the top of a mountain.
Speaker 1: It's like it's an ever demanding thing to stay in shape.
Speaker 1: You know, I've gotten job a little bit like you
Speaker 1: Ebb and Flow. I've gotten in shape many times, but
Speaker 1: you really need to have it be a permanent lifestyle
Speaker 1: change to stay there. But we listen food, I'm like you,
Speaker 1: I love food, man, and so you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: hard to it's hard to stay in the healthy lifestyle
Speaker 1: mindset for so long. I mean, you can do the keto,
Speaker 1: you can do the whatever, you can do the you know,
Speaker 1: you're oh, I'm gonna only eat vegetables every Tuesday, whatever
Speaker 1: your thing is. But if you can't do that for
Speaker 1: your entire life, you're eventually gonna, you know, balloon back up.
Speaker 18: Yeah, you're just gonna You're just gonna die eventually.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 18: It's kinna No, I think that, uh, you know, you
Speaker 18: can do it. I think you can have a good
Speaker 18: balance of both. It will eventually happen, I feel like
Speaker 18: for the both of us.
Speaker 13: And uh, but.
Speaker 18: Yeah, you just gotta yeah, accept that you're gonna be
Speaker 18: like somewhere in the middle, you know, and then eventually
Speaker 18: it will just like level out there.
Speaker 1: What'd you say? Your name was, Man, Forest Forrest. I
Speaker 1: will see you at Pete today at Planet Fitness.
Speaker 18: All right, man, you have a good night, my getto friends.
Speaker 1: Take care baby.
Speaker 7: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello is this Eden?
Speaker 4: Yes? Hi Lyle?
Speaker 1: Hello Eden? How are you? Oh?
Speaker 5: I am fucking tastic now.
Speaker 1: Uh here And you brought up two things that you
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about. One was about your jaw and
Speaker 1: the other one was that you said you're having a
Speaker 1: gender crisis. Now. Of those two things, let's let's talk
Speaker 1: about one or the other.
Speaker 5: Personally, I'd personally to talk about the gender issue, but
Speaker 5: you can pick.
Speaker 1: Really sure, let's talk about the gender issue. But is
Speaker 1: do you have? Do you have pronouns or or an
Speaker 1: identity of which that you would like us in the
Speaker 1: chat to to refer to you by this current moment.
Speaker 5: Right now, we're just going to go for them pronouns
Speaker 5: beautiful and like just neutrality.
Speaker 1: I don't know, So what's what is this? What is
Speaker 1: this crisis?
Speaker 10: Eden?
Speaker 5: So I in twenty fourteen. In twenty fourteen, I team
Speaker 5: out as a trans man, and so I can't started transitioning.
Speaker 1: Real quick, real quick, quick, real quick, real quick before it.
Speaker 1: But am I on like eagerphone or headset or like
Speaker 1: anything other than you just holding the phone to your man?
Speaker 5: Yeah, let me fix that?
Speaker 1: Beautiful?
Speaker 12: Is that better?
Speaker 1: Much better? Continue? What were you saying? You said something
Speaker 1: about twenty fourteen?
Speaker 10: Okay, Yeah, so I came out as trans. I came
Speaker 10: out as a trans man female to male in twenty
Speaker 10: fourteen and started my transition from there, just so that
Speaker 10: I can put my head. Okay, And you know, so
Speaker 10: I've been living my life as a man since for
Speaker 10: what is that almost eight years now.
Speaker 1: And damn it, eight years.
Speaker 10: Yeah, May twenty fourteen is when I came out.
Speaker 1: I go, sorry, I interrupted you with my realization of
Speaker 1: the passage of time.
Speaker 10: No, you're all good, it's been it's been a fat
Speaker 10: fucking minute, and like, okay, so god, okay. So I
Speaker 10: was engaged to another transman for a couple of years,
Speaker 10: and at some point in our relationship, I realized that I.
Speaker 12: Don't identify as a man anymore.
Speaker 4: And the thing.
Speaker 10: Is, I got top surgery, So I got my breasts removed,
Speaker 10: I got my name legally changed. I look like a man.
Speaker 10: I've lived my life as a man for you know,
Speaker 10: my entire adult life so far. I'm almost twenty one,
Speaker 10: and you know, I have been since fucking middle school.
Speaker 10: And I couldn't talk to him about it because he
Speaker 10: wasn't able to get surgery, he wasn't able to change
Speaker 10: his name, and he got personally very offended that I
Speaker 10: could have regrets about these privileges that I was given.
Speaker 10: And so yeah, so he made his you know, his
Speaker 10: issues mine, and it just forced me back into the
Speaker 10: closet basically. And so the best that I could get
Speaker 10: away with without starting a fight at home was coming
Speaker 10: out as non binary. So I've been living my best
Speaker 10: day them life for like eight months, but I'm still
Speaker 10: not happy.
Speaker 1: And you're no, go ahead. I want to want to
Speaker 1: be finish for before I chime him.
Speaker 10: Okay, no worries, but see, it all came to a
Speaker 10: head this morning. So I started dating assist man. So
Speaker 10: I started dating a man who was born with a penis, right, and.
Speaker 1: Uh, so you broke up. So you broke up with
Speaker 1: the other guy that you were seeing.
Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, we broke up like six months ago. And
Speaker 10: so I'm dating a new guy now and I just
Speaker 10: got a new job. He bought me a p of
Speaker 10: work pants from the women's section and they gave me
Speaker 10: Kim Possible vibes. I felt like Kim Possible wearing them,
Speaker 10: and it made me fucking songs. I just I was like,
Speaker 10: holy shit, but you know, and I just it was
Speaker 10: this sense of gender euphoria that I haven't felt in
Speaker 10: fucking years. And like, I just realized, I want to
Speaker 10: wear dresses and I want to have long hair, and
Speaker 10: I want to be pretty, and I don't want to
Speaker 10: be as boyfriend. I want to be his fucking girlfriend.
Speaker 10: And like, it's just I spent so long working the
Speaker 10: transphobia out of my family and working my way into
Speaker 10: being respected as a man, only for all of this
Speaker 10: to come tumbling down, and I want to undo it.
Speaker 10: And it's just like, oh, the trauma. I don't want
Speaker 10: to go through the trauma again, you.
Speaker 12: Know, And so I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 12: I've been listening.
Speaker 10: I started from the very beginning of you know what
Speaker 10: you've uploaded on Spotify, and and I've met you, and
Speaker 10: I have talked before, talked to you, and I and
Speaker 10: my friend Shannon I talked a few months ago in
Speaker 10: September when I first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
Speaker 1: Remember yeah, he didn't, Yes, well you so let'sen all right?
Speaker 16: So so so uh, let's see, Okay, So you were
Speaker 16: born female, your top surgery and or you came out
Speaker 16: in as a as a transman in twenty fourteen, you
Speaker 16: had your surgery, and you lived as a transman for
Speaker 16: eight years.
Speaker 1: You said, yeah, and then now you tried on the
Speaker 1: kimpossible pants And am I here? Am I hearing that
Speaker 1: you are like, oh shit, now you want to like,
Speaker 1: you know, be more more eminem and you you and you,
Speaker 1: and you're looking to Here's the thing with all this,
Speaker 1: by the way, is like maybe maybe I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe there's a little bit of like sunk cost fallacy
Speaker 1: here where like, oh, you lived is one thing for
Speaker 1: so long, right, and you did all that work to
Speaker 1: like convince your family you know, you have to deal
Speaker 1: with you said, you said to deal with a bunch
Speaker 1: of bullshit for like a year, and so now you're like, well, fuck,
Speaker 1: I have to deal with all that bullshit and I
Speaker 1: want to go back And is that and that's fucking
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 10: Yeah, And I basically I just want to like I
Speaker 10: just want to move away and startle for where nobody
Speaker 10: knows who the fuck I am and I can just
Speaker 10: be me without having to explain the transness.
Speaker 9: You know.
Speaker 10: But I just started this job and I don't have
Speaker 10: any fucking money, and like.
Speaker 12: Oh, it's so obnoxious.
Speaker 10: Why did I have to have this realization at seven
Speaker 10: in the morning putting on a pair of pants.
Speaker 1: By the way, okay, listen, I know you're looking at this,
Speaker 1: and and by the way, I just want to say
Speaker 1: I just want to like disclaim I want to disclaim
Speaker 1: this real quick because I like to disclaim this when
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with these kinds of issues because I am
Speaker 1: a sis straight guy, so I can't truly with what
Speaker 1: you're going through. So I just like to disclaim that
Speaker 1: up front before I talk about these kind of things
Speaker 1: so that people are like, because you know, it's important
Speaker 1: to disclaim that. But I do feel like it's it's
Speaker 1: it's it's just it's one of the things of like
Speaker 1: feeling like, you know, I think it's a good thing
Speaker 1: to like change, go back and forth, Like that's a strength.
Speaker 1: It's a strength to like know, oh, this isn't for me,
Speaker 1: I gotta go back, right Because if if you truly
Speaker 1: I do feel like you're a woman and you want
Speaker 1: to go back to living like that, why should the
Speaker 1: past define whether or not you can do that?
Speaker 7: Right?
Speaker 1: Like like like why like why be chained? And I
Speaker 1: get it? I get there, Like, fuck, I just went
Speaker 1: through all that stuff I lived eight years, but like
Speaker 1: you're not, You're not chained to the past, right, I.
Speaker 2: Get.
Speaker 1: I get where these feelings are coming from, at least
Speaker 1: if they get it. But I don't. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like you should be chained to the past, Like how
Speaker 1: old are you? Twenty one?
Speaker 12: Yeah? Almost?
Speaker 1: Until well, shit, dude, like you you're twelve and you
Speaker 1: have years and years and years ahead of you to
Speaker 1: go live as a beautiful woman and wear all the
Speaker 1: dresses you want. You know, why, why why at twenty
Speaker 1: one would you want to be like, well, I've lived
Speaker 1: this way my whole life, so I have to live
Speaker 1: the rest of my life this way. I don't know
Speaker 1: that that's how I feel.
Speaker 10: That's yeah, that's pretty much what my boyfriend said, but
Speaker 10: it hits different coming from you.
Speaker 11: For some reason.
Speaker 1: I have the object, I have the I have the
Speaker 1: uh the gecko third party.
Speaker 12: But right, no, I mean.
Speaker 1: That's that's how that's how I feel. It's like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you've been living the way that you've lived in
Speaker 1: the past, you shouldn't have any you know, effect on
Speaker 1: how you live to the future, right Like whatever, man
Speaker 1: put the put that chapter behind you and fucking go
Speaker 1: go go live, go fuck it, go live be a
Speaker 1: woman for a year. You be non binary for if
Speaker 1: swept and sweat do who cares? Why are you ever
Speaker 1: behold You're never beholden to be what you once were, right,
Speaker 1: you know, right, that's how I heard how I feel.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I don't know if this was helpful. Again,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm happy to talk about these things, but
Speaker 1: I don't like talk about it too much because I'm
Speaker 1: you know, I can't fully empathize with the situation and
Speaker 1: not my place and all that. But you know, I
Speaker 1: hope that was helpful.
Speaker 10: No, it was, it was, And like, I don't know,
Speaker 10: you were one of the first people that I thought
Speaker 10: of when it when the whole realization came, because you know,
Speaker 10: I work eight and a half hour days and I
Speaker 10: listened to your show on Spotify. I started from the
Speaker 10: very first Spotify episode and I'm just listening from the
Speaker 10: fucking beginning, you know, I fucking.
Speaker 12: Like, I don't know. Every time something I emailed.
Speaker 10: You a couple of months ago, every time something big happens,
Speaker 10: I just want to know what the fucking gag thinks O.
Speaker 12: You know, like, I don't know.
Speaker 10: I know you're not like a real therapist, but you're
Speaker 10: a real person and you have good things to say,
Speaker 10: you have good input usually.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you very much, Eden, again, wishing you the
Speaker 1: courage to not let the past to find you given
Speaker 1: your gecko energy and thank you for condy and you
Speaker 1: have a good rest of the name cow.
Speaker 13: Yes as le.
Speaker 7: Hey.
Speaker 13: While so I kind of want to talk today. It
Speaker 13: seems like the subject had kind of been changing to
Speaker 13: morality and this kind of fits me. I really haven't
Speaker 13: told anyone this other than the screener before. I'm gonna
Speaker 13: make it short. And you know this is a no
Speaker 13: judge in free zone. So a little background. I trained
Speaker 13: people how to fly planes and small engine planes, and
Speaker 13: normally there's weight limits. Well, I had someone that was
Speaker 13: critically obese, let's say about three hundred and fifty pounds. Well,
Speaker 13: I didn't want to fly him because it's a safety issue.
Speaker 13: My boss is money hungry, so because of that, I
Speaker 13: was doing things that I could legally do, like taking
Speaker 13: out fuel and not being able to complete all the
Speaker 13: flights I could. Well, one day he's good enough to
Speaker 13: go for like a check to see his performance, so
Speaker 13: my boss has got to fly him. Well, they weren't
Speaker 13: able to complete the whole flight because of his weight,
Speaker 13: and so the boss sits there and gets a scale
Speaker 13: out and it's one of these old medical scales in
Speaker 13: his office and they're all standing there. He hops on
Speaker 13: the scale. They're looking at it, trying to size it up,
Speaker 13: and I might have put my foot on there to
Speaker 13: make it exaggerate even more than what he already weighs.
Speaker 13: So because of that, it shows that he's about right
Speaker 13: around four hundred. Boss tells him, you know, he can't
Speaker 13: fly anymore, and the kid is heart broken. But my
Speaker 13: morality is in question because I have done something wrong.
Speaker 13: This kid has spent thousands of dollars, but now he's
Speaker 13: lost like over one hundred pounds and is trying to
Speaker 13: get back into flying. So I also feel partially responsible
Speaker 13: for his newfound success and for him to further on.
Speaker 13: And I can't tell anybody or say anything about it
Speaker 13: because I feel so wrong about what I did in
Speaker 13: that room, and it was just me that knows.
Speaker 1: So here's what I don't fully. Here's what I kind
Speaker 1: of some clarification on is So this kid was to
Speaker 1: obese to fly safely correct and you said you put
Speaker 1: a little bit about You said you you sort of
Speaker 1: fucked with the weighing process and put a little bit
Speaker 1: extra weight on him. Do you think that had you?
Speaker 1: I mean, if he was already obese did the extra
Speaker 1: weight that you put on the scale even affects the
Speaker 1: sort of final decision of whether or not he could fly?
Speaker 12: You know?
Speaker 13: And that's a good question. I like to think. I
Speaker 13: tell myself that maybe I wasn't all responsible for it,
Speaker 13: but I did just put my foot on the back.
Speaker 13: But I had seen him around. It's a small town,
Speaker 13: in a grocery store, and the car is full of
Speaker 13: more two leaders than anything I've ever seen, and more
Speaker 13: little debu cakes than any actual greens or foods. So
Speaker 13: maybe he actually did weigh That is what I tell
Speaker 13: myself at night to sleep better. But I just I
Speaker 13: don't know gek, and it's ate me alive. But again,
Speaker 13: I still feel partially responsible for his success to lose
Speaker 13: over one hundred pounds and be able to safely return
Speaker 13: to flying.
Speaker 1: So why again, I know, that's our clarification is why
Speaker 1: did you put your foot on the scale? Was the intention?
Speaker 1: So that was it? Like you had the intention to
Speaker 1: protect Tim? Was it that you just didn't want to
Speaker 1: fly and a plane with him because you were afraid?
Speaker 1: You know? What? Was what was the intention behind that?
Speaker 12: Okay?
Speaker 13: Well, to be completely honest, when I first met him,
Speaker 13: I was very honest. I said, hey, your weight is
Speaker 13: pretty high. If you want to be a professional pilot
Speaker 13: one day, like you're gonna have to lose your weight. Well,
Speaker 13: he found he found a doctor that says he's good
Speaker 13: to go, which should have been a red flag. And
Speaker 13: then I'm having to take out a lot of fuel
Speaker 13: out of the plane. So instead of doing two to
Speaker 13: three hour flights, I'm only able to do one hour.
Speaker 13: And he says he's losing weight and he's drinking water
Speaker 13: around me, which I think is right. And so I
Speaker 13: was like, you know what, my boss is money hungry.
Speaker 13: This kid doesn't want to listen to me. It seems
Speaker 13: like nobody in the world was listening to me when
Speaker 13: I'm just trying to be safe. So I was like,
Speaker 13: I'm gonna if he steps on the scale, and he did,
Speaker 13: I was like, I'm put my foot on the.
Speaker 12: Back of it.
Speaker 1: M Yeah, this is a classic Like this is a
Speaker 1: classic thing of a moral dilemma where you perform an
Speaker 1: action that you seem to and I gain. I'm not
Speaker 1: here to interpret what is or is not moral. I'm
Speaker 1: just talking along with you as you're sort of telling
Speaker 1: me all this. So you're doing what you consider to
Speaker 1: being a moral action by putting your foot down on
Speaker 1: the scale, and you're doing it with what could be
Speaker 1: considered a virtuous intention, which is trying to keep this
Speaker 1: guy from being in a plane that crashes to the
Speaker 1: ground and kills everyone in it.
Speaker 13: Yeah, but it almost feels like, you know we were
Speaker 13: talking earlier in the show. You're talking about you know,
Speaker 13: what is life? And who is me? And where are
Speaker 13: we the real me? The real question I have is
Speaker 13: then it kind of drives me to like who do
Speaker 13: I talk to if I can't talk to anyone? Well,
Speaker 13: in Cartholicism, they talk to the priest and they give
Speaker 13: off their sins and they do a hell Mary and
Speaker 13: and they're let go. Where is my redemption in that?
Speaker 13: And does the priest even feel the type of weight
Speaker 13: of their sins? Like how do they go home with
Speaker 13: their day?
Speaker 1: Are you? Are you a Catholic?
Speaker 13: I am agnostic?
Speaker 1: Okay, So you feel as though you have a heavy
Speaker 1: weight to bear with your own actions and what you
Speaker 1: considered to be sins, and you're sort of left to
Speaker 1: your own devices on how to sit with these things.
Speaker 13: Yeah, and then I just the worst part is is
Speaker 13: when I tell you it's small town. It's a small town.
Speaker 13: I don't tell people what I do for a living.
Speaker 13: I like to say that I teach. And I meet
Speaker 13: a girl and she's talking about how she's been on
Speaker 13: her brother, her little brother, about losing weight, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 13: I know what you mean. I'm kind of understudent. I
Speaker 13: really need to lose weight. And then it turns out
Speaker 13: that she's actually related to him because she just randomly
Speaker 13: name dropped him one time, and I get scared because
Speaker 13: I'm like, oh my god, I'm now in the universe
Speaker 13: is punishing me because I like this girl. And now
Speaker 13: I feel like, how am I ever going to overcome
Speaker 13: doing this to that kid? And then just keep this
Speaker 13: a secret forever? Where's my confession?
Speaker 1: Are you against confessing? And even if you were to,
Speaker 1: who would you confess to? Would you confess to the kid?
Speaker 1: Are you still working with him?
Speaker 13: I'm at a whole different place.
Speaker 7: I delete it.
Speaker 13: I was just toxic, and I was more scared of
Speaker 13: what if there's someone else like this because I could
Speaker 13: see myself easily doing this again. But to confess it
Speaker 13: to him, I would feel more comfortable confessing to the
Speaker 13: girl it's related to him, because you know, maybe she
Speaker 13: can judge me for my character and say, you know,
Speaker 13: maybe you did the right thing even though it was wrong.
Speaker 13: I don't know. Gex I'm just morally confused and it
Speaker 13: keeps me up. I can't even tell my friends about
Speaker 13: it because I'm scared of what they'll think.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you the the sort of thought in my
Speaker 1: head of like, if you need something to do, because
Speaker 1: you seem like you need something to do, you have
Speaker 1: this like restless again armchair gecko therapy, but you have
Speaker 1: this like restless feeling within you that's caused by like,
Speaker 1: you know, you feeling like you don't know whether or
Speaker 1: not you did the right thing. So I don't know,
Speaker 1: we can't really take back our actions or anything. I
Speaker 1: mean when you're referring to this whole thing of like
Speaker 1: you can go to the confession area and you can
Speaker 1: tell the priest what you did, and then it's absolved
Speaker 1: and you can move past that. You can move on.
Speaker 1: Maybe you just absolve yourself and then moving forward, right,
Speaker 1: whatever sort of virtue thing you were trying to accomplish,
Speaker 1: keeping this guy safe, encouraging him to be healthy, whatever
Speaker 1: it is that was your positive intention, continue to move
Speaker 1: forward with that positive intention, right, Okay, continue to sure
Speaker 1: sure again. You know I'm talking out of my ass
Speaker 1: a little bit here, but hit me.
Speaker 13: Oh no, I think you're fine. And it kind of
Speaker 13: brings me the question of how do we like We
Speaker 13: were talking about existental crisis issues, So how do we
Speaker 13: know who is the real Lyle? We know you as
Speaker 13: Gek and Lyle, but who is Lyle to Lyle?
Speaker 1: Who is Liele to Lyle? Oh jeez, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm a bunch of different things. Well, this is this
Speaker 1: is what I was talking about last stream. It's like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if there is a real me. I mean,
Speaker 1: this is whatever you see on this Twitch stream obviously
Speaker 1: is not what I act like or who I am
Speaker 1: one hundred percent of the time. But it's no more
Speaker 1: real or fake than how I act when I'm alone,
Speaker 1: And how I act when I'm alone is no more
Speaker 1: real or fake than how I act when I'm meeting
Speaker 1: a new person for the first time and going hello,
Speaker 1: how are you up at the You know, they're all
Speaker 1: just versions of the self. Unranked complete end is my
Speaker 1: version of the self.
Speaker 13: Is my version of the self when I stip on
Speaker 13: that scale? Is that just in only my truth, because
Speaker 13: no one else knows that I did that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a version of who you are, the least
Speaker 1: at least according to you know, my haphazardly crafted philosophy
Speaker 1: of the real selves and whatever. Yeah, that's a version
Speaker 1: of who you are. Yeah, all the bad, the most
Speaker 1: terrible shit you've not that that you know, Not that
Speaker 1: I'm judging that as terrible. I'm just saying this separately.
Speaker 1: But all the most terrible shit you've ever done, it's
Speaker 1: probably you. But also all the greatest stuff you've ever done,
Speaker 1: that's you. Two they coexist in a weird, smelly bubble
Speaker 1: of uh, you know, blood and farts. That is a
Speaker 1: human body and brain.
Speaker 13: So how do I go about going forward and making
Speaker 13: sure that I don't do something like this again? Because
Speaker 13: maybe not in this situation of wait, what if I
Speaker 13: see someone that is maybe you know, not paying attention
Speaker 13: to the details or for example, on their phone, on
Speaker 13: their flying and then you know, I kind of circumvene
Speaker 13: in another way that is maybe in the shadows like
Speaker 13: how I did before. Am I right to do that?
Speaker 13: Or am I not so moral authority to say?
Speaker 7: What?
Speaker 13: It's good?
Speaker 1: Here's the last thing. Here's The last thing I'll say
Speaker 1: about this is in those situations that you just mentioned, Look,
Speaker 1: your job. I don't know if you've told this explicitly
Speaker 1: the way you job is, but you work in flying.
Speaker 1: You are in your classroom or whatever you call it
Speaker 1: with the flying guys people. You are the safety authority.
Speaker 1: That's your job is to keep people safe. Right, So, like,
Speaker 1: that's your job in that whole sphere is to keep
Speaker 1: people safe. So you don't have to do that shit
Speaker 1: in the shadows. Right If someone's on their phone while
Speaker 1: they should be paying attention to some flight shit, you
Speaker 1: can call them out on it. You can do whatever
Speaker 1: whatever you were gonna do in the shadows, just do
Speaker 1: it in the light. That's your job. You know. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't feel bad about that, all.
Speaker 13: Right, So I guess another version of myself is just
Speaker 13: a safety element, and don't be in the shadows about
Speaker 13: it and just say, hey, he's too fat.
Speaker 1: Look if you know, if he's too fat for him
Speaker 1: to fly safely, then fuck you got you gotta speak up.
Speaker 1: You gotta be like, hey, he's too fat to fly safely.
Speaker 1: Don't you know you're not being an asshole. You just
Speaker 1: trying to protect him from crashing the plan of dying.
Speaker 13: Thank you so much, Keg. I mean, I'm gonna I
Speaker 13: feel better now actually talking.
Speaker 1: About Are you still here, Kyle cut out.
Speaker 13: Yeah, I'm always here. I mean, the one thing that
Speaker 13: I love the most about it is is like you said,
Speaker 13: you take the authority, but be proud in the authority.
Speaker 13: But know what you're doing is just. And I think
Speaker 13: I've always just had conflicting feelings about what is just
Speaker 13: because others might not see my reasoning for what is just?
Speaker 4: Mm hm hm, Well do you see it though?
Speaker 1: And you've give I mean, you've given me much to
Speaker 1: You've given me much to think about. Alex, No, I
Speaker 1: don't know I called you. I'm terrible with names. Step
Speaker 1: I called another guy Alex today and that was in
Speaker 1: his name. You've given me much to think about, Kyle.
Speaker 1: You've given me much to think about. But I I gotta,
Speaker 1: I gotta get out of here before this gets too
Speaker 1: deep and before my head starts uh sort of uh
Speaker 1: convulsing into some kind of black hole that cannot be reversed.
Speaker 1: But you know, thank you for bringing this to light
Speaker 1: with us. And I hope you have a good rest
Speaker 1: of the night.
Speaker 13: Kyle, Thank you, le thank you for always being you beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you man. Hello, Hey, this is Jack.
Speaker 7: Yes, this is Jack.
Speaker 1: Jacket says here that you exclusively sit down when you
Speaker 1: pee and that you have Yes, I do you would
Speaker 1: like to share with you?
Speaker 7: Yes, I would like to share this with you. I
Speaker 7: was not expecting that. I'm thrilled right now that I'm
Speaker 7: on call, so I just want you to know that.
Speaker 7: But yeah, I have a story behind that. I have
Speaker 7: a story behind that, and it is a It is
Speaker 7: a traumatic one from when I was very young, because
Speaker 7: whenever I tell people I sit down to pee, they're like,
Speaker 7: why don't Why don't you stand up? You're a guy,
Speaker 7: you know. But so when I was around the age
Speaker 7: of three or five, it was like five, four or five,
Speaker 7: that age range. Okay, you know how, you're pretty short
Speaker 7: at that time, you know.
Speaker 1: Oh, when you're five years old.
Speaker 7: Child's pretty sure. Yeah, child is pretty short at like five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, children traditionally are very small.
Speaker 7: Yes, yes, so well, I uh, I have this vivid
Speaker 7: memory of the toilet falling down, like the seat falling
Speaker 7: down on me, and there was blood. It was painful,
Speaker 7: and I my penis was injured. To say the least
Speaker 7: that day. And uh, that is that is the reason
Speaker 7: for why I sit down to pee most of the time.
Speaker 7: The toilet pretty.
Speaker 1: Much exclusively fell. The toylet seat fell onto your penis.
Speaker 7: Yes, when I was like three or five, Yes, like
Speaker 7: four or five.
Speaker 1: I mean, but we've got we've got little jack and
Speaker 1: you have the the toilet seat up. Yeah, you're a
Speaker 1: small guy, so like the so so you're standing up.
Speaker 7: And the realm I'm standing up I was very young.
Speaker 1: Is like, so the rim of the.
Speaker 7: Something I don't remember, I'm sorry for.
Speaker 1: Yes, the toilet seats is at exact pianist level. And
Speaker 1: and stop me, stop me if i'm if I if
Speaker 1: I have the incorrect.
Speaker 7: But the rim of the You're pretty correct so far.
Speaker 1: The your little penis is resting upon the rim of
Speaker 1: the toilet seat, and then the top two parts of
Speaker 1: the toilet, the bowl that you sit on, and then
Speaker 1: the sort of the lid come crashing down and crush
Speaker 1: your little penis.
Speaker 7: Yes, it was. It was bloody. It was. This blood
Speaker 7: was not red. This blood was it was I remember
Speaker 7: vividly remember the being. It wasn't like terrible, but there
Speaker 7: was there was quite a bit of blood. And it
Speaker 7: was not red. If I remember correct, I do not
Speaker 7: remember this blood being read, or maybe my memory is
Speaker 7: completely wrong. But that was the weirdest thing. I'm like,
Speaker 7: was that blood was that Maybe I'm confused to this
Speaker 7: day what I saw if I'm being completely honest, or
Speaker 7: if I if this is a child memory being incorrect,
Speaker 7: you know, because that it's possible. But I know for
Speaker 7: a fact this did happen.
Speaker 1: Okay, and so so is and so how old are
Speaker 1: you now? I'm eighteen, You're eighteen? And how old are
Speaker 1: you when this happens?
Speaker 7: Yeah, like I said, I was about like four or
Speaker 7: five years old. I was very young, four.
Speaker 1: Fairst Okay, so this is thirteen years in the making.
Speaker 1: So for the for the for the following thirteen years,
Speaker 1: you only sat down when your peede.
Speaker 7: I've had a few times where I stand up, but
Speaker 7: it's just I'm so used to sitting down at this point.
Speaker 7: I don't see the point too. I mean, obviously, I'll
Speaker 7: use a journal if I'm at like a you know
Speaker 7: what I mean, Okay, like a yournal is different. But
Speaker 7: if i'm at if I'm specifically at a toilet, though,
Speaker 7: I will sit down.
Speaker 1: So this was my expecific question. So, so this is
Speaker 1: not some form of medical issue.
Speaker 7: No, this is not a medical This is not pee.
Speaker 1: This is a a fear stemming from a traumatic event.
Speaker 7: I mean, I'm not so much in fear anymore. I'm
Speaker 7: just lazy. I don't feel like aving. But for a
Speaker 7: long time this was a fear stemming from a traumatic experience.
Speaker 1: I sit down when I pee all the time because
Speaker 1: I also am lazy. And if you're telling me, I
Speaker 1: get to sit for like two minutes instead.
Speaker 13: Of stinking, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 7: I don't get why there's there's so much It seems
Speaker 7: like it seems like there is so much like stigma
Speaker 7: against the men sitting down to pee, and I think
Speaker 7: we need to get rid of that. Would you agree
Speaker 7: with me?
Speaker 1: While fully agree with you, I think sitting down and
Speaker 1: peeing is the optimal strategy. You get to sit down,
Speaker 1: which is great, uh, and you get to go on
Speaker 1: your phone. And also almost every time I pee, well,
Speaker 1: if I ever have a boner, I'll I'll always sit
Speaker 1: down when I pee because you know, if you yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, splash. But even when I don't have a boner,
Speaker 1: I find myself getting splash and everywhere and I always
Speaker 1: almost every time I stand up and when I pee,
Speaker 1: I I'll pee a little bit on the on the
Speaker 1: rim and then I'll have to go get a little
Speaker 1: piece of toilet paper and then clean.
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is another reason.
Speaker 1: Time is not like, hey, how come this guy peete
Speaker 1: all over the toilet seat? So I could skip that step,
Speaker 1: I would just sit down. Yeah, I like a man.
Speaker 7: I hate it when I'm at work because you'll see
Speaker 7: because whenever I work, I also see pee on the
Speaker 7: toilet sometimes and it really like, man, I just want
Speaker 7: to sit down. You know, got to grab the toilet paper,
Speaker 7: grab the little like seat cover, because I want to
Speaker 7: sit in someone's piss. And especially for me, I work.
Speaker 7: I work a twelve hour shift, and you think I
Speaker 7: want to stand up for that whenever I pee. No,
Speaker 7: I want to get a chance to.
Speaker 1: Rest exactly, take your breaks when you can get your breaks.
Speaker 1: And then another thing with the workplace, yeah that is
Speaker 1: that is that if you're in a small office and
Speaker 1: you leave a little bit of pee on the toilet seat,
Speaker 1: someone might know that that's you, and then you're the
Speaker 1: guys on the toilet seat.
Speaker 7: Good thing, I don't work at all off.
Speaker 1: By just sitting down.
Speaker 7: Yeah, yeah, I mean I think, yeah, that was. I
Speaker 7: also have another funny story of when I was younger.
Speaker 7: It's very short. I just crashed a golf cart when
Speaker 7: I was really young.
Speaker 1: I sure, can you tell?
Speaker 7: Oh, yes, very quickly. I just like hopped in a
Speaker 7: golf cart crashed it into a tree while my parents
Speaker 7: and stuff were fishing. I threw the keys in the
Speaker 7: water because to hide the evidence.
Speaker 1: That was six seconds. That was pretty good.
Speaker 7: Yeah, well, I appreciate talking a while. It's been, it's
Speaker 7: been in I hope you enjoyed my traumatic story. Oh
Speaker 7: were you were you gonna cut me off? Or no?
Speaker 1: I don't know, Oh no, Jack, this was this was Jack.
Speaker 1: I get the sense that you're like wondering whether or
Speaker 1: not you're like doing an okay job at being on
Speaker 1: the phone right now, And I just want you to
Speaker 1: let you know that it's perfectly fine.
Speaker 7: Well, I appreciate that. I actually don't. I mean, I'm
Speaker 7: not that stressed out right now, believe it or not.
Speaker 7: I because I'm kind of like you when I don't
Speaker 7: like if I don't have like that view because I
Speaker 7: know you talk it because I've listened to your podcast
Speaker 7: a lot. Recently. That was why I called. I mean,
Speaker 7: I've known about you for like a few months now,
Speaker 7: but i've I've just more recently beginning into your work,
Speaker 7: and that's why i wanted to call in.
Speaker 1: God damn, thank you, Jack. I'm glad that you've I
Speaker 1: appreciate all the kind words, and thank you for sharing
Speaker 1: your traumas with us, so that you know, all of
Speaker 1: the six year olds that are listening to this podcast
Speaker 1: can be forewarned of the dangers of peeing while standing up.
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's a. It's a it's scary when you're young,
Speaker 7: it's scary.
Speaker 1: Talk to you soon, Jack. Oh hie, I'm getting kind
Speaker 1: of hungry.
Speaker 15: What are you crazy.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've been eating a lot of been
Speaker 1: eating a lot of Asian food lately. Like I had
Speaker 1: sushi for the first time, like two weeks ago, Like no, yeah,
Speaker 1: like probably two weeks ago. So I've been eating a
Speaker 1: lot of sushi, ramen, Korean barbecue, Chinese food. I had
Speaker 1: oudan for the first time. I don't know if it's
Speaker 1: the first time, but I haddon that was pretty good.
Speaker 1: I could eat pizza. There's so many different kinds of food.
Speaker 15: I think you should door dash yourself something.
Speaker 1: Really, what should I DoorDash myself?
Speaker 15: The first thing you thought of, said Asian food.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, it's enough about me, Diamond Tina. It
Speaker 1: says here, you've been in a bunch of car accidents.
Speaker 1: One time, even you crashed into your sister on purpose.
Speaker 1: Tell me about that, Okay.
Speaker 15: So I was on like a probation with like the
Speaker 15: like drivers Bicing like department, like because when you get
Speaker 15: in to like car accidents, or you get speeding tickets
Speaker 15: and stuff like that, and Utah, you get points and
Speaker 15: if you get too many points, you can get your
Speaker 15: license taken away. And so I had gotten oh I wish,
Speaker 15: but I had gotten into a car accident. I had
Speaker 15: hit the back of someone's car, and I got I
Speaker 15: don't remember how many points you get till you get
Speaker 15: your license taken away, but I was like one point away.
Speaker 15: And then I had got a speeding ticket, and so
Speaker 15: I had went way over the points, and I was
Speaker 15: put on probation instead of getting my license taken away,
Speaker 15: and with that, I had to like not get any
Speaker 15: tickets for the whole year.
Speaker 2: And I was like three or four days.
Speaker 15: Away from getting off probation, and my sister had got
Speaker 15: pulled over and she was on the run, so she
Speaker 15: used my name and got a speeding ticket on my name.
Speaker 15: And my mom called me and she's like, hey, Matty,
Speaker 15: just us your name and you got a ticket and
Speaker 15: everything like that. And I was really angry. So I
Speaker 15: went to my mom's house because that's where my sister lived,
Speaker 15: and she wasn't there because my mom told her I
Speaker 15: was all my way, So I just went and trash
Speaker 15: her room because I was mad. And I was leaving
Speaker 15: and I saw she was like hiding on the corner,
Speaker 15: and so I pulled up to her car and I said, hey, bitch,
Speaker 15: and then she ended up driving off, so I was
Speaker 15: just chasing her around, and she ended up driving back
Speaker 15: to my mom's house, and at that point, I felt
Speaker 15: like the only way to kind of get back at
Speaker 15: her was to hit her car, So she stopped in
Speaker 15: front of my mom's house and I ended up just
Speaker 15: hitting the back of her car, and I just remember
Speaker 15: hearing my mom's screams, what are you doing and freaking
Speaker 15: out and everything like that, and I just felt so
Speaker 15: validated in that moment.
Speaker 1: So the revenge served its purpose in making you feel yeah,
Speaker 1: at yourself.
Speaker 15: Kind of just I feel like maybe about the situation
Speaker 15: because I feel like my sister would always get into trouble,
Speaker 15: but like it's crazy things, but always getting away with it.
Speaker 12: Yeah.
Speaker 15: And and she portrayed your name, which then got you
Speaker 15: in trouble.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 15: And when I went to the police station to tell
Speaker 15: them like this was the wrong person, they were like, well,
Speaker 15: you need to bring her in so that we can
Speaker 15: make a report and everything like that. And so.
Speaker 1: How long ago is this?
Speaker 15: Oh, it was like last year.
Speaker 1: Okay, And what is your relationship like with your sister? Now?
Speaker 15: It's better, She's not like doing crazy hooligan stuff anymore.
Speaker 1: M I'm glad to hear that it's better. And you
Speaker 1: had gotten a lot of points on your license. You
Speaker 1: were telling me what what was it again that you
Speaker 1: said these points were from?
Speaker 15: So like, if you my first points I got was
Speaker 15: I accidentally crashed into the back of someone's car, and
Speaker 15: I think I got like forty nine points for that,
Speaker 15: and I think you at fifty you'll get your license
Speaker 15: taken away. So when I got my speeding ticket a
Speaker 15: little like a few months later or like five months later,
Speaker 15: that's when I was putting on probation.
Speaker 1: What do you think it is that compels you to
Speaker 1: drive so recklessly?
Speaker 15: I don't know. I even one time was driving home
Speaker 15: from work and I was driving really fast and like
Speaker 15: on these roads it was kind of like farm land,
Speaker 15: so like the roads were like super lonely in there,
Speaker 15: dotted so you can pass people on them, and I
Speaker 15: was passing my coworker and ended up like flying off
Speaker 15: the side of the road and totaled my car.
Speaker 1: I it's kind of sounds like the points system is
Speaker 1: working as it is intended to.
Speaker 15: Oh, definitely, but it's been a long time since I've
Speaker 15: crashed a car.
Speaker 1: Okay, so the points? Is there way to get points
Speaker 1: removed or are points permanent?
Speaker 15: No, you can get them removed, so like after a year,
Speaker 15: I think like half of them come off and then
Speaker 15: you can take like like a safety class kind of
Speaker 15: and then get the rest taken off.
Speaker 1: Okay, and are you working towards getting the rest of
Speaker 1: your points removed?
Speaker 15: I think I have already all came off, because that
Speaker 15: was like over two years ago and I haven't done
Speaker 15: any I'm not pulled over anything since then.
Speaker 1: It says that you're only twenty one years old.
Speaker 15: I'm twenty two. My birthday live on the seventeenth.
Speaker 1: So how long have you been driving for? Since you
Speaker 1: were sixteen? Okay, so you've had a solid five years
Speaker 1: to rack up a cute amount of points. Yeah, and okay,
Speaker 1: moving forward. So all right, there's a lot of elements
Speaker 1: here that that I'm kind of interested in hearing about.
Speaker 1: There's the relationship with your sister, which you are telling
Speaker 1: me has been mended. There's your reckless driving habits. Have
Speaker 1: you made active effort to start driving less recklessly after
Speaker 1: all these I feel like.
Speaker 15: I feel like I wasn't intentionally trying to drive recklessly,
Speaker 15: but I feel like I don't steeve as much anymore.
Speaker 15: I still do, just not excessively.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's good. It's good. And your viewpoint on revenge,
Speaker 1: the fact that the revenge that you tell of in
Speaker 1: the story made you feel good, do you think that
Speaker 1: in the future you will continue to seek vengeance as
Speaker 1: heavily as you did in that one instance.
Speaker 15: Definitely, not, just because there was just a lot more
Speaker 15: to that, Like a lot of more things that happened
Speaker 15: that cause that revenge, Like my sister has even like
Speaker 15: burned caught, like the middle school we went to she
Speaker 15: caught it on fire. She's were on high speed chases,
Speaker 15: She's been with like stolen cars, and she just always
Speaker 15: seems to get away with those things. And my mom
Speaker 15: would never punish her either, So I feel like in
Speaker 15: my way, that was kind of me punishing her.
Speaker 1: So it was a bit of vigilante Jessic, Yes, for everybody.
Speaker 1: And your sister, you say, burnt down a.
Speaker 15: Middle school, not like burnt it down, but there was
Speaker 15: like they called it, like the science hall, and she
Speaker 15: was like lighting the toilet paper on fire for some reason,
Speaker 15: and it just like caught the other role on fire,
Speaker 15: and then just the whole bathroom caught on fire.
Speaker 1: And what is it that is really, at the end
Speaker 1: of the day fueling your desire to enact this vigilante justice?
Speaker 1: Is it? And you say, you say it's for the
Speaker 1: good of everyone? So is this necessarily Does this have
Speaker 1: to do with some belief that you have in law
Speaker 1: and order? Does this have to do with, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know, jealousy of your sister's ability to continually
Speaker 1: evade punishment. Does it have to do with a dislike
Speaker 1: of your sister? What is the driving force behind your
Speaker 1: desire to restore balance, as it seems you feel as
Speaker 1: though you were doing.
Speaker 15: I think I just wanted her to stop doing all
Speaker 15: that crazy stuff and just not like be a headache
Speaker 15: for everybody, because like at that part, my mom wasn't
Speaker 15: really involved in our lives too much, so like I
Speaker 15: would have to take her to core and take time
Speaker 15: to take her. I'll tell these programs she had to do,
Speaker 15: so it was just like a pain that I didn't
Speaker 15: feel like doing anymore. I just wanted her to pull
Speaker 15: her head out.
Speaker 2: Of her ass.
Speaker 1: Have you had an extended conversation with your sister aside
Speaker 1: from just hitting her car, about your desire for her
Speaker 1: to pull her head out of her ass.
Speaker 15: Yeah, And that's why I'm saying now like our relationships school,
Speaker 15: because she finally did that, she started going to school
Speaker 15: and everything. So, yeah, she finally pulled her head out
Speaker 15: of her ass. But I don't think it's anything I've
Speaker 15: said to her or even me crashing into her car.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm glad to hear that. Is there anything else
Speaker 1: that you want to say before we go with Tina?
Speaker 15: Well, I just want to say my own name is Dominique.
Speaker 15: I just said diamon Tina because the last time I
Speaker 15: got in as a screener, I didn't get through, so
Speaker 15: I just wanted to have a grabbing name. But I
Speaker 15: also just wanted to say that I love your stream.
Speaker 15: I've been listening since like November or something. I saw
Speaker 15: you on TikTok but and I figured that you would
Speaker 15: have a podcast on Spotify or something, so that work,
Speaker 15: and I checked you out and I've been listening since then.
Speaker 15: I'm almost all the way caught up. I've started with
Speaker 15: the old episodes and then worked my way up. But
Speaker 15: I love your stream. Me and my boyfriend watched all
Speaker 15: the time, and I just wanted to say thanks for
Speaker 15: taking up the phone and talking to me and for
Speaker 15: doing what you do.
Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Dominique. I do really appreciate that,
Speaker 1: and thank you for sharing your story with us.
Speaker 11: Have a good one, GEG you as well.
Speaker 12: Bye.
Speaker 1: Never weekend goes on the line taking your phone calls
Speaker 1: every night.
Speaker 7: Every week goes to unside.
Speaker 1: Was teaching you CUD in the middle of your life.
Speaker 7: Body's not really an expert.