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Speaker 1: Hey, this is any and Samantha, and welcome to Stephan.

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Speaker 1: I never told your protection of I R Radio, So Samantha,

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Speaker 1: I think I know the answer to this question, but

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Speaker 1: I shall ask it anyway. Are there any things that

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Speaker 1: you you really like but they're very sad as in like,

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Speaker 1: there are some movies I love but I know they're

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Speaker 1: going to really upset me, but I still love them.

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Speaker 1: It's just a whole thing, like it has to be.

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Speaker 1: I have to prepare myself right. It's not something I

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Speaker 1: undertake lightly. I definitely have those things. I don't watch

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Speaker 1: those things anymore as much, I think, like everybody knows

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Speaker 1: at this point, because of the stress of any jobs

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Speaker 1: and just my overwhelming like empathy, like I can't and

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Speaker 1: I'm very depressive in general, and typically I love the

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Speaker 1: moments of like just being able to be sad. But

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Speaker 1: I think I so overwhelmed that it became a PTSD

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Speaker 1: thing for me from my job, from my childhood that

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Speaker 1: I had to try to avoid it altogether. But honestly,

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Speaker 1: for me and you and I've talked about this, I

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Speaker 1: do my best writing. I am the most creative when

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Speaker 1: I am the more depressed. But I have no energy

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Speaker 1: to follow through. So it's weird, but I have the

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Speaker 1: best ideas at that point, I feel like, right, I

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Speaker 1: love sad things. I will Samantha knows I will be

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Speaker 1: use like sad fan fiction and I'm just wrecked, Like

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Speaker 1: I get so into it and I'll get upset about

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Speaker 1: silly things I had said before. I cry return to

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Speaker 1: the Jedi half the time now and I've seen it

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Speaker 1: a million times, but I just I get so emotional. Um,

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Speaker 1: which actually relates to something we're talking about today, And

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Speaker 1: I guess trigger warning if you're not it's been a

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Speaker 1: rough couple of years for a lot of us. If

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Speaker 1: you're not looking to hear discussion on grief, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe this one isn't for you. It's not gonna be

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Speaker 1: too sad. I don't think, but I get if it's tiring.

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Speaker 1: I get I don't want to get into it. But

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Speaker 1: I'm also someone, as I've talked about, I'm really big

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Speaker 1: into traditions and numbers, and we have been talking a

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Speaker 1: lot about how important traditions are on this show and

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Speaker 1: how important routines can be, especially during stressful times. And

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Speaker 1: as this is coming out, we're we're trying to go

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Speaker 1: on vacations, so recording this very early, but as it's

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Speaker 1: coming out is the anniversary of my dad's death, so

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Speaker 1: I like already anticipating, well, what am I gonna do

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Speaker 1: that day? And it's just like a I don't know

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Speaker 1: how to feel about that that it's become a thing

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, I must, I must acknowledge it and

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Speaker 1: do something on that day. But that's got me thinking

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Speaker 1: about how how traditions can look when it comes to grief,

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Speaker 1: whether or not they're even healthy, and how how they

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Speaker 1: can be and how they can help you remember positive things.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I I have lost a lot of people

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Speaker 1: in the past two years, and I know a lot

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Speaker 1: of us have. I know I'm not alone in that,

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Speaker 1: and he hates it anytime. The other day, I was

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Speaker 1: like peeling a boiled egg, and I thought to myself,

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Speaker 1: oh man, my dad loved boiled eggs and he'll never

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Speaker 1: eat boil It sounds so silly, but it's those things.

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Speaker 1: It's those little things that just hit you, right, Oh,

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Speaker 1: I am that person. Anything final, any of the finality

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Speaker 1: of it is never going to be this way again.

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Speaker 1: I get wrecked. And I I have watched where I

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Speaker 1: watched videos or movies. But that is how I feel

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Speaker 1: about finales too, like the emptiness of it, all of it,

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Speaker 1: just ending feels so traumatic and it feels like you

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Speaker 1: or get are empty and you've just been like it's

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Speaker 1: taken away from you. And I felt that the same

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Speaker 1: way about um my grandmother, because I would have a

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Speaker 1: tradition where my drive home from work, I would call

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Speaker 1: her and it would be I think I told you

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Speaker 1: this A minute conversation at most it literally was hey, mama, Joyce,

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Speaker 1: how are you. She would tell me how good she was,

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Speaker 1: she was waiting for my call. She loves me. That's

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Speaker 1: the end. That's the end of the conversation, and that's

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Speaker 1: how quick it was. But she looked forward to hearing

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Speaker 1: from me every day around the same time I look

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Speaker 1: forward to hearing from her. And we may not have

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Speaker 1: said more than how are you good? Good good? My

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Speaker 1: my grandmother was one of those that did the three

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Speaker 1: peets yeah in words at the end of sentences. So good, good, good, happy,

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Speaker 1: happy happy. That's that was my grandmother. But when she

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Speaker 1: was gone, it felt so tragic, and even to this day,

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Speaker 1: like this is one of my favorite memories because I

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Speaker 1: don't have many traditions for myself. I really wish I did.

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Speaker 1: I really wish I had that sentimentality. But growing up

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Speaker 1: and on the infensive till I was seven or eight,

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Speaker 1: I don't have that and I don't have the need

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Speaker 1: for that, which I feel like I have to fake sometimes,

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Speaker 1: and I wish I did. But that was one of

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Speaker 1: those things that I finally had that was mine and

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Speaker 1: that was ours. And then it's gone, and it's a

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Speaker 1: loss of a wonderful woman who loved me. And even

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Speaker 1: though it was we weren't the closest of people, just

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Speaker 1: that thirty second, one minute conversation was enough and to

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Speaker 1: be gone it felt so painful. And then I still

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Speaker 1: have her phone number saved into my phone. It's been

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Speaker 1: years since she's died. I've had new phones since then,

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Speaker 1: and I refused to delete it because just seeing it

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Speaker 1: there keeps that memory in my head. Yeah, and that's

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Speaker 1: that's really beautiful, And I think that's a good reminder

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Speaker 1: of you really don't appreciate the impact seemingly small things

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Speaker 1: can have on someone, but they do. So just keep

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Speaker 1: that in mind with the people in your life, Like

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Speaker 1: you know, those small messages of those little gestures can

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Speaker 1: mean so much, and I've I've thought about that too.

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Speaker 1: Of uh, this sound really dark, But right before the pandemic,

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Speaker 1: a friend of mine wrote my eulogy for me because

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Speaker 1: I was saying, like, I think I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: remembered so poorly, and he wrote out this like two

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Speaker 1: page eulogy and it was so sweet and it was

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Speaker 1: like little things that he was like, oh, she would

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Speaker 1: do this, she would make sure to do this thing,

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Speaker 1: and this is all these little things that I didn't

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Speaker 1: really pick up on myself, but it was really sweet

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Speaker 1: to know like someone else had and that it did

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Speaker 1: matter to other people. So I think that is that's

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Speaker 1: really important. And um, I've heard that from a lot

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Speaker 1: of people too, of the kind of in our new

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Speaker 1: technology technological age where you do have people's phone numbers

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Speaker 1: in your phone, and you have might have a voicemail

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Speaker 1: and you will never delete it and just these kind

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Speaker 1: of artifacts of people. And that was one of the

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Speaker 1: biggest things that hit me is I don't have a

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Speaker 1: recording of my dad's voice anywhere. And that was really

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Speaker 1: upsetting because you were you'll forget and then it'll get erased. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And recently Samantha and I ran the Peastree road Race.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, though, it produced some of my favorite

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Speaker 1: pictures I've ever seen because we're both the miserable, so bad. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's an Atlantic tradition. It's been around since I think

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Speaker 1: what like late seventies, early eighties, eighties, and obviously didn't

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Speaker 1: happen last year because the pandemic. It was kind of

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Speaker 1: a virtual thing. But we did it. We were miserable,

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Speaker 1: but we completed it. Yes. Wearing the shirt currently, which

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Speaker 1: I really out of. It cracks me up. How it's like,

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Speaker 1: I have to get the shirt. It's a trophy. Let

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Speaker 1: me cut off the sleeves in the neck. The initial

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Speaker 1: conversation you and I had was me trying to figure

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Speaker 1: out how I can just get the shirt by coming

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Speaker 1: in halfway through. It didn't work, no, no, but I

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Speaker 1: think it could have. I don't know. I was trying

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Speaker 1: to figure it out. I actually want to come back

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Speaker 1: and talk about superstitions on a happy arc and I

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Speaker 1: think running superstitions I find very interesting. But I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of them, even though I'm not a really

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Speaker 1: superstitious person. If you were done been cursed for a wife,

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Speaker 1: you you're I think sometimes superstition and rituals can be

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Speaker 1: interchangeable because you definitely have to do some things, yes,

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Speaker 1: and you feel like you are very food oriented to

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Speaker 1: me when it comes to traditions, but there's some kind

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Speaker 1: of superstition behind it as well. That's true. I do

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Speaker 1: catch myself thinking like if I again, like if we're

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Speaker 1: talking about this, if I don't do this on this day,

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Speaker 1: something bad could happen, which is I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of us have that with traditions or when it comes

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Speaker 1: to like lucky shirts or whatever it is, it is

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Speaker 1: at its heart superstition perhaps. But one of the last

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Speaker 1: things my dad and I talked about was the Pree

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Speaker 1: Road Race, which is yes, the largest tin k in

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Speaker 1: the world. He and my mom used to run it

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Speaker 1: every year. He has story after story about it. There's

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Speaker 1: a really great picture of him in a bathup pull

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Speaker 1: of ice from it was like really funny ice packs

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Speaker 1: on his head. And that's about al we were feeling, right, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: and it's I had not run since the pandemic started

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Speaker 1: again and recently for this race, started doing it, and

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Speaker 1: I've forgotten how when I run all these like suppressed

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Speaker 1: emotions mountain me. I cry running not infrequently, which I

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Speaker 1: know is very weird, but I'll just have these thoughts

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Speaker 1: that I don't normally allow myself to think or sit with.

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Speaker 1: But it does feel like as I'm doing it, like

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Speaker 1: it's kind of across time that we're connected and that

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Speaker 1: he he imprinted this on me, or he gave this

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Speaker 1: to me, and I'm carrying it on and it feels

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Speaker 1: very painful but roaring, but also kind of strange when

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm just a very inquisitive person of like,

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Speaker 1: why are you doing this thing? And I'm like, is it?

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Speaker 1: Is it? Because he just did it, and so I

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Speaker 1: thought I had to do it, So I actually like it,

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Speaker 1: I think I do. Does anyone else have these questions?

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Speaker 1: The other one is vodka, which I think I've talked

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Speaker 1: about before when it comes to these grief traditions that

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Speaker 1: I have my aunts who both have died in the

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Speaker 1: past year and enjoyed vodka too. Uh, And vodka is

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Speaker 1: the last things my dad and I talked about, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: and like a host, Lauren, we went and got vodka

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Speaker 1: tasting at the place he talked about, which is Nikolai's

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Speaker 1: Ruf in Atlanta after the Peachtree Road Race and so

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Speaker 1: now it's become like a shot of vodka, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not sure because he didn't really like vodka. But there's

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Speaker 1: some last things we talked about. So yeah, I remember

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Speaker 1: it being a very big moment, like we needed to

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Speaker 1: do this, so we found a way to do this.

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Speaker 1: We did, and I really appreciated that you both were like,

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Speaker 1: we will make this happen. Because Nikolai's Ruf is kind

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Speaker 1: of a fancy establishment here in Atlanta. Is also one

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Speaker 1: of those places where as Atlanta's we don't typically go

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Speaker 1: m hm. And so I was say, oh, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think I've heard of this, but it's more touristy, maybe

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Speaker 1: like business first class level of tipe of thing that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what are we doing? Where we going? But

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, cool, I'm cool with it. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's in dragon Con territory as I call it. It's

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Speaker 1: one of the dragon Con hotels. But my uncle was

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Speaker 1: the one who like picked out the venue and he's

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Speaker 1: not from Atlanta, so that makes sense, makes sense, yep.

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Speaker 1: And then I know, I know, I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: I've talked about Star Wars add Nauseaum here, but this,

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Speaker 1: this is the tradition that somehow feels different when I

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Speaker 1: watched them on Father's Day or the anniversary of my

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Speaker 1: dad's death than when we do it on Sunday, Sunday,

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Speaker 1: Sunday or any other time. It feels different when I

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Speaker 1: do it on these days. It feels like he's there,

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Speaker 1: Like I can almost hear him saying the lines, and yeah,

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Speaker 1: the whole his death and my eventual forgiveness of him

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Speaker 1: hash changed how I see these movies. Um, and he

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Speaker 1: is the one who introduced them to me. He is

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Speaker 1: the one that kind of fostered that love for them

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Speaker 1: in me. So every time it's just oddest I can

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Speaker 1: feel it. It's like I can feel the force or something.

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Speaker 1: And then Okay, so I'm not really religious. I don't

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Speaker 1: believe in an afterlife, but I constantly find myself thinking

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Speaker 1: that there is one. If there is one, he must

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Speaker 1: be disappointed in me. Like I'll catch myself being like

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Speaker 1: he would not like what am I doing with my life?

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Speaker 1: If he can see me right now, this is not

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Speaker 1: what he's going to be proud. Yeah, I think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm similar. I was so religious for so long and

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Speaker 1: the idea of afterlife seems nice, but it doesn't completely

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Speaker 1: make sense to me, But because of the conflict of

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Speaker 1: what I grew up with with who I am now,

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Speaker 1: I kind of just ignore it altogether. But again in

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Speaker 1: my mind, I don't think for me, it wouldn't. I

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Speaker 1: have a lot of I would for people that I've

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Speaker 1: lost it must like you A while ago, a long

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Speaker 1: time ago, not to the depth, but several years ago,

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Speaker 1: I had like at one point I ended up going

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Speaker 1: to like eleven funerals in a year. It was an

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Speaker 1: incredible like what is going on? And I cursed type

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Speaker 1: of moment that I had, the moments of like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: they're happily in this and and and this is what

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Speaker 1: people need to move on, that they are living happily

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Speaker 1: in this dimension or this afterlife, whatever what not. But

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Speaker 1: I think part of me is also in that sense

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Speaker 1: of like they're so caught up in their own mistakes

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Speaker 1: and rectifying their own mistakes they have no time. And

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Speaker 1: perhaps it's more of that they're not disappointed but concerned

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Speaker 1: that didn't don't make the same mistakes as they do.

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Speaker 1: Dirty what I would think, also, I'm really bad about well,

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Speaker 1: in comparison to these other people, I'm great. Maybe that's

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Speaker 1: really bad narcissistic attitude. But that's kind of like it's

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Speaker 1: better than that over there, So kudos to me, right

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Speaker 1: that comparison, so need you to change it to that? Okay, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's so weird because we I mean we recently talked

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Speaker 1: about cyber stocking. It's kind of a weird, like it's

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Speaker 1: the spirit of someone watching me masturbate right now, Like

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Speaker 1: you don't want this thought in your head. You don't,

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Speaker 1: but there it is, and I put it in your head. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm a groove religious my mind Jesus has always been watching.

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Speaker 1: That's where I am well. Well to me, Also, that

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Speaker 1: makes it a bigger joke. I was like, you, you

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Speaker 1: messed up, man, you shouldn't be here. Time to give

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Speaker 1: up now, I mean, we've tried, but it's over. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: stop watching. I think it's pretty clear and we've been

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Speaker 1: very open about it that Samantha and I are both

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Speaker 1: people who, at least in my case, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to speak for you, but I laugh. But it doesn't

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Speaker 1: dismiss I'm not dismissing like pain or are the true

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Speaker 1: issues that are at the heart of these things. But

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Speaker 1: that's just how I cope. And I think sometimes people

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Speaker 1: misinterpret that. Especially in my life, I've misinterpreted that as

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Speaker 1: like she's fine. And that's not to say I'm not

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Speaker 1: fine either, but just I laugh. But there's pain there.

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Speaker 1: And as we've talked about mania times, when we talked

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Speaker 1: about grief, when we talked about PTSD, when we talked

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Speaker 1: about trauma, that we have to give allowance for everyone

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Speaker 1: to cope the way they can or have to just

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Speaker 1: monitoring health levels and true like, Okay, are you going

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Speaker 1: to damage your relationship here? Are you damaging yourself here? Sure?

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Speaker 1: But outside of that, we've got to let people cope

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Speaker 1: have as they need to and that people again grieve differently,

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Speaker 1: and that's okay, yes, yes, And I think as I

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Speaker 1: like work through work, work through all this, continue to

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Speaker 1: think about all this um it is. It is something

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Speaker 1: that is ongoing, and I know we talked about it

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Speaker 1: all the time, but it's it's even if you know

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Speaker 1: the facts, you're like, oh wow, I thought I was

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Speaker 1: okay with this, and then one day you're peeling an

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Speaker 1: egg and you're like, oh my god. Right. And and

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Speaker 1: also it has given me a new perspective on do

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Speaker 1: I want to heal other relationships in my life that

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Speaker 1: are are bad and and maybe I don't, but I've

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Speaker 1: started thinking about it, which I think is a good thing. Um,

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Speaker 1: even if the ultimate answers no, I think it's good

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Speaker 1: to ask the question. But yeah, these are just a

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Speaker 1: few things that I have on these grief traditions, on

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Speaker 1: these dates that I have made important, are are important, um,

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Speaker 1: But yeah, there's a million other tiny instances of connection.

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Speaker 1: Like my dad was really big into justice and very

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Speaker 1: big into dad jokes, and so am I, And there

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Speaker 1: are other things from him I learned that weren't great

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Speaker 1: that I catched myself doing too, but there was plenty

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Speaker 1: that was And I think that's it, you know, when

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Speaker 1: you embrace the fullness of somebody in their flaws and

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Speaker 1: what made them them, and those tiny things that you

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Speaker 1: put in the eulogy for your friend, for instance, like

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Speaker 1: that's recognizing them as a full person. So yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: just something that's been on my mind. And I hope

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Speaker 1: that all of you listeners out there, if you're dealing

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Speaker 1: with some type of grief that you're doing doing well

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Speaker 1: and allowing yourself that space, always feel free to contact us.

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Speaker 1: Our email is Stephanidia mom Stuff at iHeart media dot com.

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Speaker 1: You can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast

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Speaker 1: or on Instagram and Stuff We Never Told You. Thanks

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Speaker 1: as always to our super producer Christina, Thank you, and

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Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening. Stuff I Ever Told You

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Speaker 1: The production of iHeartRadio for More podcast and My Heart

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Speaker 1: Radio is the heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite show