00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, you're presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to? I said, no gift? Sign Bridger Wineger, here we are. I feel pretty good. I've taken a nap, I've had a little coffee. There's nothing that can stop me. I've locked the office door, so it's just us and our guest, who I'm so happy to have here. And I think you're going to be happy to Paul F. 00:01:10 Speaker 3: Tompkins, Paul, welcome to. I said no gifts, bridgerd thank you for having me. Guess what, I too took a nap. 00:01:17 Speaker 2: You're kidding. 00:01:18 Speaker 3: It was a good idea, and I'm glad I. 00:01:21 Speaker 2: Didn't let me ask you how long did you nap for? 00:01:23 Speaker 3: I probably napped for about twenty twenty five minutes. 00:01:26 Speaker 2: Oh that's a nice, healthy adult nap. 00:01:28 Speaker 3: I said, an alarm, because I heard somewhere that that you were supposed to just like the ideal nap is about twenty minutes to recharge and avoid going yes, to avoid going into rem sleep. 00:01:40 Speaker 2: Oh right, where it's just like that at that point, you need to be asleep for six hours. 00:01:44 Speaker 3: Yes, or until the next morning. 00:01:46 Speaker 2: Right right now, my nap, I think maybe due to the current temperature outside, I just kind of laid down kind of a I don't care if I live or die at this point nap. And then it was, you know, an hour later, and I woke up feeling extremely groggy and not that recharged. But it was kind of nice just throwing caution to the wind and having no no safety net whatsoever. 00:02:13 Speaker 3: I'm glad that we're both in relatively the same place. Then, right, energy wise. 00:02:18 Speaker 2: Well, this temperature, the current temperature has now I think for one degree less my body could deal with it. But We've gotten to a point where physically I'm no longer able to handle what's going on. 00:02:28 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, this is this is the desert, you know, this is this is what we signed up for. And I try to remind myself of that every time. 00:02:38 Speaker 2: Are you a hot weather person? Do you enjoy the hot weather? 00:02:41 Speaker 3: I don't. I don't. I think like most people who you know, breose brains are not damaged. I really enjoy the autumn is my favorite, right, But I've made my peace with summer, I think because I come from I come from Philadelphia, which is a place of humidity. I have I have made my peace with it out here to the point where now my wife, who is from South Carolina, when we go there for visits, it's very human. It doesn't bother me anymore like it bothers me as much as it bothers anybody. But I at a certain point I just accept it. 00:03:18 Speaker 2: You know, right, are you with someone who wears a pair of shorts? 00:03:22 Speaker 3: I will, but it's I will say that it's rare. 00:03:25 Speaker 2: Right you don't you know? 00:03:26 Speaker 3: Strike me? 00:03:26 Speaker 2: You're so well dressed that I feel like you're not. You're not just going to be throwing your body around in a pair of shorts any old day. 00:03:34 Speaker 3: Honestly, if I could, if I could find a pair of shorts that I really liked the way it looked, I would wear them more often. 00:03:41 Speaker 2: But the struggle, I mean, finding a good pair of shorts, good lord. 00:03:45 Speaker 3: It shouldn't be as difficult. I think it's maybe if you maybe you have to be a certain body type where it's just like, yeah, you can wear literally anything, and it's fine because shorts are man, you gotta have a certain build to not look like a tourist at Disneyland in shorts. 00:04:06 Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of us in a pair of shorts are just somebody's embarrassing dad. 00:04:10 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:04:11 Speaker 2: And I feel like, I mean Instagram ads, I'm constantly being assaulted by shorts ads, and I feel like this is probably they identified that I'm a gay man, and we're just like, let's hit him with the best looking shorts and people with great legs and make him feel bad at all times. And I'm always like, oh, I need a new pair of shorts, And I think the truth is these ads are making me think, oh, I just need different and entirely different body. Shorts will never solve my issue. 00:04:37 Speaker 3: Do you not like your legs? Do you feel that your legs don't look good in shorts? 00:04:41 Speaker 2: I've I don't think they look great, but I've at least gotten to the point when the temperature is right, I'm fine wearing a pair of shorts and just kind of exposing everyone to what I'm dealing with on a daily basis. 00:04:52 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that really is that when you come to that point where you say you know what, I'm going to be practical and I'm going to put vanity aside for just just a day, and I'm going to be comfortable. Comfortable. That's that's a big grown up moment that it's exciting when that happens. Kind of Yeah. 00:05:11 Speaker 2: I mean I was a very late in life, you know. I think as a child, shorts are on the menu until maybe probably for me till middle school, and then, you know, middle school till probably five years out of college, shorts were not even in the picture. So it was really more of an adult thing that came around and said, I, look, I'm going to join the rest of the shorts wearing community. I can do this. I can be comfortable in shorts, but I still like a pair of pants. I'm at my most confident in a pair of. 00:05:42 Speaker 3: Pants, absolutely, And you know it's great for the summer. Is a nice linen pant very comfortable? 00:05:48 Speaker 2: You Yeah, you strike me as a linen pant where. 00:05:52 Speaker 3: I love linen. You can get it anywhere? No, you can't, Yes, honestly you really can? You get on the found? Yeah? 00:06:02 Speaker 2: And are they kind of flowy, kind of a breezy pant? 00:06:05 Speaker 3: There are some are I like that for the summer, I like to wear like a loose shirt and linen pants is like very comfortable, you know, where you feel like you're swimming in the clothes A little bit is very I don't know, it feels very deserty to me, and I really enjoyed that vibe. 00:06:23 Speaker 2: And what are you pairing these with? What sort of shoe? Because I don't know that I have a single pair of shoes that would work with a linen pant. 00:06:30 Speaker 3: You can wear like I'm not a sandals guy, but you can certainly wear sandals. But I wear slip ons like like Sperrys or Vans or something like that. 00:06:37 Speaker 2: Oh right, And for the listener, Paul's currently wearing kind of a sailor's caf So he's just he does have, you know, summer access to summer wear that most of us could never even possibly dream of. He's wandering through the desert, he's you know, at the helm of a ship, and meanwhile, I'm in kind of a shirt that I bought fifteen years ago, with a pair of shirts fairly comfortable going in public in. So that's just so we're all on the same page as far as summerwhare Paul, what else is going on in your life? 00:07:13 Speaker 3: I feel pretty good. I have to say. I like the way things are going. Obviously, the delta variant is terrifying. But I like being vaccinated. I like seeing people again and doing normal. A big thing recently that happened was my wife and I saw some friends, and then when we were leaving their home, this was like an afternoon kind of hang We spontaneously decided to go to dinner at our favorite neighborhood restaurant, which we have not done obviously in over a year, and it felt so normal and fun and reassuring. 00:07:46 Speaker 2: To be able to do that, right, to be able to do anything spontaneously, is such a blessing, It truly is. I mean, for the last year, every decision had to be completely tactical. You had to plant it through to the very last detail, and even then you were slightly concerned that something could go wrong. 00:08:03 Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, my wife and I would go grocery shopping during the quarantine we would have. There was always the debate of is it better for just one of us to go and reduce the risk, or is it better if we both go and then we get it done faster Because we can split up and grab things and you. 00:08:21 Speaker 2: Know, and what would you set along? 00:08:23 Speaker 3: We usually went together. We're like, let's just let's just do it quick, and you know, we'll get it done. 00:08:28 Speaker 2: Right, because it was kind of a time and exposure issue. So I think having the time. 00:08:34 Speaker 3: And also if one of us gets it, then the other one is going to get it, so we might as well go. 00:08:39 Speaker 2: Together, right, And I'll throw a little bit of supermarket sweep into your life that that actually is fun. 00:08:46 Speaker 3: It was. I was. 00:08:48 Speaker 2: I mean not to drag my boyfriend into this, but I was doing a lot of drag heavy lifting of the grocery shopping. Not that I have any complaint. I love going to the grocery store. It was my one escape during this entire thing. And now I'm vaccinated and I'm grocery shopping, I'm eating out, I'm going to parties, and there's the looming delta nightmare. But as long as you're vaccinated, I like to just try to turn every episode of this into a vaccination PSA. I mean, god forbid, someone's listening to this that's an anti vaxxer. But let's all get vaccinated. 00:09:25 Speaker 3: Well, you know, I went to get a haircut the other day, and I'm not going to say where I went, but my regular person was not available, and I went with someone that I had had cut my hair before, and it's like, she does a good job, and then revealed, I would say, ten seconds into the aircut, that she had not been vaccinated and wasn't sure if she was going to do it. And then it turned out that many, if not most, of the people at the salon had not been vaccinated. Yes, And I was really like, They're like, what do I do now? Do I do I say stop and let me out of here, or do I trust that Okay, I'm vaccinated. I have a mask on, she has a mask on. It's gonna be all right. But she was saying, uh, yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna do it. I don't know. You just hear so many things and uh, you know, micro chips and stuff like that. And then and then she said, my son says, I'm watching too much TikTok. Like if you, yes, absolutely, if that's where you're getting your health news from, then I agree with your son. 00:10:34 Speaker 2: One if your child is the person who's like realizing TikTok is the problem exactly. The problem is just beyond help. I would say, she told me, she. 00:10:46 Speaker 3: Told me, her son said he wants to get the vaccine, and you know, I have to respect his wishes. I'm like, what's what's going on with you? 00:10:56 Speaker 2: Oh? When this to me? You know, when you're getting your haircut, when some one is giving you dental work, anytime they have you as a captive audience. Yeah, these sort of opinions I don't want. I mean, even if that's what's happening in your life, I don't want to hear it. If you're already cutting my hair, or if you're drilling into my tooth, apps, I don't want to learn who you are. 00:11:13 Speaker 3: No, No, I'm just like, let's just get through this, because it's enough already. 00:11:17 Speaker 2: I don't want to have to think about leaving halfway through. 00:11:20 Speaker 3: Although I'm of two minds about it, because on the one hand, if you don't know, if you don't get to know who they are, they're going to be asking you questions about you, which I don't want. I don't like, I don't I don't want to do a little interview. I don't want to talk about myself. It feels weird. It's especially if you're in show business. They don't know who you are, and then you have to justify your existence. Yeah, because it always ends with hey, good luck. It's like I'm fine, I'm. 00:11:49 Speaker 2: Fine, enjoy your haircut, loosea. 00:11:52 Speaker 3: But I really like to my favorite person that was in A I can't go anymore because it's just too far away. Now we live in a different neighborhood. I loved because she just liked to talk and she was very entertaining and I really enjoyed like listening to her. She was like she was funny and kind of a little a little woo woo, but in a a in a good way, like the grounded side of woo woo. Like she liked to she liked to ponder things. She liked to philosophize and think about stuff. But she wasn't like, you know, I don't know, sometimes I have to offer it up to the moon or whatever. 00:12:29 Speaker 2: You know. 00:12:30 Speaker 3: She was. She was like a normal person and I really enjoyed her a lot. And then it's been like a search ever since to find so I might just have to go back to her. 00:12:38 Speaker 2: Right, Well you should, I mean, I mean, I think you've just revealed that this other place is no longer an option. 00:12:43 Speaker 3: I'll never go back there, for sure, I never again. 00:12:48 Speaker 2: The closest I've come to that was when I first moved to LA I was getting my hair cut and about halfway through she told me I guess I asked her what sort of music she was into, and she said, oh, you know, old school country. And I was like, oh, like what and she said Shania Twain and I thought, oh, this is going nowhere, and then it ended up being the objectively the worst haircut I've ever received. No, you know, Shania Twain does what she needs to do, but I would never categorize her as old school. 00:13:15 Speaker 3: She does what she needs to do. 00:13:19 Speaker 2: You know, I mean, this is not Roger Miller, this is not Johnny Cash exactly. Yeah, but I mean your experience makes me grateful for what I went through with this old school country music. 00:13:32 Speaker 3: It is wild that we're going to be finding out a lot about people that we normally never would have found out about before. A weird demarcation that you're either on one side or the other, and just to it really colors how people think about, how how you view the way people think about things, and the idea of you know that if you if you take the vaccine, you're a sheep. Somehow it's like it's advice from a doctor. 00:14:03 Speaker 2: Like, I don't know how is that being a sheep from a doctor that these the same people who are saying these things they'll take other advice from. It makes no sense. 00:14:12 Speaker 3: It makes zero sense that it's like, then just cut out doctors altogether. Like if you go to a doctor and he says, you know, you have you have some some nodes on your vocal cords that we have to remove, just say no, I'm not gonna know. I'm not gonna do that. I don't think you're. 00:14:29 Speaker 2: Right, right, And also millions of us have now gotten it. So if even if you don't trust the doctor, just look at your neighbor who is doing fine. 00:14:37 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're all doing okay exactly. But there is a story. There's like they keep trying to perpetuate these stories of people getting the vaccine and then having these horrible side effects and write, God, no one wants to hear about this. 00:14:52 Speaker 2: Bridger right, this is my fault, this is my fall. Has brought this negative energy I have. He was just getting everybody worked up. My aunt at my anti vax audience is just screaming and turning off the podcast. 00:15:05 Speaker 3: This is supposed to be a fun diversion. It's not supposed to be a debate. I'm sorry everyone, I apologize. 00:15:11 Speaker 2: Talk about the fun elements of getting a shot. You might get a bandage with snoopy on it. 00:15:17 Speaker 3: I don't like when they give you the branded band aid from the from the from the pharmacy. 00:15:22 Speaker 2: Oh that's the lowest of band aids. A CVS on it, No, thank you exactly, and gives me a nice you know beige, give me a snoopy, give me a frozen I like CVS. I don't don't even trust the like. They're not known for their band. 00:15:42 Speaker 3: Aids, certainly, not just because they're a pharmacy. I'm supposed to assume that they're number one in the band aid biz. 00:15:49 Speaker 2: I don't go to the band aid factory for my shots, so I don't know. 00:15:54 Speaker 3: It's controvertible logic. I will I will say that that to lighten things up. I have achieved a sort of uh George Bailey post suicide attempt feeling about you know, the people in my life and seeing friends and it's it. It becomes so magical, you know, and and just the like we had. There were some friends in from out of town. We went over to uh To to to the home of mutual friends and we all hung out together, and I was just thinking, like, it's so wonderful to see them, that they're they're here and we get to see them. I really I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop feeling like that gratitude and that that you know, just like my life has changed. 00:16:44 Speaker 2: Isn't that lovely? I was just telling our producer on at least she was hired into this job, I think in November, so I've only known her through Zoom and last night I met her in person. And the only thing I could compare it to is when you know, like an animated movie is then adapted into a live action movie, and that experience of this new dimension, it's like, oh wow, I can see every side of you. You're taller than I expected. It's just so satisfying to see another person. 00:17:13 Speaker 3: It sort of puts me in mind Bredgie if you will, of the end of die Hard when. 00:17:20 Speaker 2: You're speaking to someone who's never seen die Hard, but. 00:17:22 Speaker 3: Go on, well, I've just ruined a big moment for you. 00:17:26 Speaker 2: I refuse to have a thirty year old movie spoiled for him. 00:17:32 Speaker 3: What's his name? Bruce Willis is inside the die Hard Building. It's not called Yeah, they should have known something was going to happen. He's trapped inside this office building and he has a walkie talkie and he's able to communicate on the ground with a policeman who's outside the building, who is trying to help him out any way he can. And then at the end, he finally sees him and he instantly knows who he is, and it's a it's a very nice moment. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how I picture you and Analyst meeting and you're both carrying walkie talkies. 00:18:13 Speaker 2: I would like to get a walkie talkie. I could get into that. 00:18:16 Speaker 3: Were you fascinated by them as a kid, of course, I loved them so much. 00:18:23 Speaker 2: Did you have a set? 00:18:25 Speaker 3: I did, Yeah, at various points. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They never lasted long. I feel like I feel like a kid walkie talkie is basically garbage. 00:18:33 Speaker 2: As soon as you open it. 00:18:34 Speaker 3: Absolutely, But yeah, I love them. I loved them. 00:18:37 Speaker 2: The feeling of putting it, just holding a walkie talkie is so satisfying, and you get to bark orders or do. 00:18:42 Speaker 3: That kind of thing. 00:18:44 Speaker 2: That's the beat button, right, and the person at the end of the line kind of has no option, no choice but to hear you. 00:18:51 Speaker 3: So it's kind of you yes exactly, and then you have to wait and hear them too. I mean, that's the way walkie talkies work. We've agreed, we each get a chance to talk. That's kind of a podcast situation. This is early podcast. 00:19:09 Speaker 2: I'm going to sell walkie talkies as merch which I will then be able to just get in touch with the listener at any point of the day and they won't be a well, actually, then they'll have to talk to me. We're canceling that merch idea. 00:19:22 Speaker 3: It's like Ted Cruz selling green eggs and ham at his rallies or whatever he does. 00:19:28 Speaker 2: Oh no, what is he doing now? A lot of things I don't want to know. Why am I doing this? 00:19:34 Speaker 3: Why would I bring up Ted Cruz when we're trying to have a nice time? You know, I fuck that, I'm gonna I'm gonna instead, here's another pleasant thing. Do you remember those flashlights that you would get maybe you had to get it for camp and it was like the curved sort of periscope type flashlight. 00:19:51 Speaker 2: Kind of bendy. 00:19:52 Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, like I And it had a bun where you could do Morse code, you know if you kid, I don't know that I I had a Morse coat one. 00:20:01 Speaker 2: Oh you had? 00:20:01 Speaker 3: Well, hey, you had. There were two switch positions. There were three switch positions. There was off, on and in the middle you could put it on that and then it would be off unless you pressed the red button on the side. And that's how you did your your code. 00:20:15 Speaker 2: Were you a boy scout? 00:20:17 Speaker 3: I sure was not good for you. Yeah, right, I never had any interest in it. 00:20:22 Speaker 2: I didn't either. That didn't stop me. 00:20:24 Speaker 3: Yeah, you were a boy scout. I really dragged through the entire program. That has to be the way it happens is that somebody makes you do it. 00:20:33 Speaker 2: Well, you run into some boy scouts who are a little too enthusiastic for the program. Sure, but I can barely tie my shoes, let alone a knot that'll you know, keep a boat on the dock or to watch me try to paddle a canoe? Good luck? 00:20:50 Speaker 3: Did you earn badges? 00:20:51 Speaker 2: I became an eagle scout, well, which is the pile. 00:20:55 Speaker 3: That's the top of the pile. 00:20:57 Speaker 2: But I essentially just I base they just cheated my way through the program. That's I think that because I don't remember learning anything, but so you assume you cheated. 00:21:08 Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean how but you can't. There's certain things you can't cheat, you know. I wonder if the swimming, I will say, I do remember the swimming portion. I would have to go to a pool. There was like you know, the life they teach you about lifeguarding. At some point I was in full clothing where you have to swim through the pool in clothes in case you ever had to do that in reality, which I will say was exciting, kind of made you feel like you were in a movie or. 00:21:37 Speaker 3: A flickers say that, yes, of course. 00:21:41 Speaker 2: You're being dragged to the bottom of the pool by your jeans and lad shirt. But no, I think most of these badges were probably pity badges. I imagine the you know, the scout masters, this kind of people were like, well, he's not going to get it. Just sign him off, get him the badge. 00:21:56 Speaker 3: But I mean it it brings the whole organ organization down. If they bring an organization, well, of course you are but I'm surprised that the BSA would would pity promote you to the rank of Eagle Scout. I mean, that's that's like the whole system is corrupt. 00:22:17 Speaker 2: Right, It's like learning an airline is just letting anybody fly the plane. Yes, you're supposed to be able to trust an Eagle Scout, and I'm here to tell you don't do it. It might be someone like me. I'm not going to be able to carve anything. I'm not going to be able to weave a basket carve. I'm no good, no good. 00:22:38 Speaker 3: Have you retained any of your Eagle Scout memorabilia or regalia? 00:22:42 Speaker 2: I should say, I assume. I feel like the last time I was home at my parents, I saw this, is it a sash that we're putting on? What is that called? 00:22:51 Speaker 3: Yes? 00:22:52 Speaker 2: Covered in merit badges? I assume the boy Scout shirt is still around, but I think, well, I guess that's kind of the beginning and end of boy Scout things, outside of occasionally someone will get the boy Scout pants. But I never owned the boy Scout pants. I feel like I actually talked about boy Scout pants on this podcast recently, but that may just have been maybe hasn't come. 00:23:16 Speaker 3: Maybe that was so he slept too long. I think it would be great to wear the if you have your boy Scout sash to where to wear it to like a formal event, like if you're nominated for an Emmy, you would put it on like any any sort of like dignitary would would put on their their you know, their emblems of office. You know, like I won this medal, I have this, you know this sport or whatever. Yeah, you would put on your boy Scout sash over your tuxedo. 00:23:44 Speaker 2: But that's now my goal. I didn't have any career goals until ten seconds ago, and now it's nice to have something to look forward to, something to work towards. Absolutely, Paul, look, you know you brought up some unpleasant things earlier, and you've kind of been I feel like you've just constantly been trying to steer this podcast into rocky waters, and I hate it and I hate to do the same, but I do feel like if we're going the best way through is forward. And you know, you agreed to be on this podcast a few weeks ago. I was so excited. I love Paul. Wonderful. It's going to be a good time, neither of us, no hurt feelings. I didn't feel like there'd be any hurt feelings or disrespect. And this afternoon, I was sitting in my office and I just her overheard Jim, my boyfriend, say thank you, and I was like, I'm the only person here. He has nothing to thank me for. Who could he possibly be thinking? So I run to the front door and I see you speed off, and obviously the emotion, my emotions were all over the place, confusion, anger, sadness, this kind of thing. And then Jim hance me a giant what I would say, a giant purple hat box. Is that either a hat box or a cake box could be either. And so I thought, Paul has dropped something off here. I don't know what this could possibly mean for me or my future, but I'm going to be talking to him in a couple of hours. I might as well just approach him then. So now I'm going to approach you, Paul, Is this a gift for me? 00:25:32 Speaker 3: Let me let me explain. Okay, happy to let you, I thought, and I've only I've listened to your podcast, but only the first ten minutes of every episode. And I thought the name of the show was I said, oh gifts. 00:25:51 Speaker 2: Oh interesting, okay, and I thought. 00:25:53 Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to give him a gift. And then I like, I was on my way over there, and I realized I got the title wrong and so to so I did leave you a gift, but I did tear up the note that I had written and throw it away. So if that, if that helps. It was a threatening note to me, it was a it was a warm note, so you know, saying I'm I'm happy to give you this gift and I'm looking forward to speaking with you on the podcast. 00:26:26 Speaker 2: So just to be clear, you've accidentally listened to my podcast a few times, shut it off and have some just basic listening and reading difficulty, something. 00:26:34 Speaker 3: Always comes up, And yes, it's true, I don't I don't read very well and I don't listen very well. 00:26:40 Speaker 2: That's fine. Everybody's welcome here. Should I open it up? Well? 00:26:45 Speaker 3: Why why not? I mean, at this point, you know it's there. 00:26:53 Speaker 2: So it is in this truly, I'm going to say, you know, we've had we've had maybe sixty episodes at this point and varying levels of boxes and gift wrap. I'm going to give the prize here. This is maybe the most beautiful box I've received so far. Wow, beautiful purple hat box. Kind of a what would you describe this as a some sort of fabric? I don't know what kind of I'm look, I'm not Joanne. I don't know what sort of fabric they're looking for. 00:27:25 Speaker 3: Joanne. That's a good That is a great response if someone asked you what kind of fabric something is? Yeah, I look like Joanne. 00:27:38 Speaker 2: Everybody listener, You're free to put that in your back pocket in case anyone confronts you about fabric in the future. Well, I'm going to dive in here. I'm gonna ook it up. I've never opened a hat box or again, this could be a cake box. 00:27:51 Speaker 3: It is not a cake box. 00:27:53 Speaker 2: Okay, not a cake box. I'm going to open it up. 00:27:56 Speaker 3: Oh and wow, it has kind of beautiful tissue paper in here that matches the purple. 00:28:02 Speaker 2: I'll say, kind of yellow and green. This is beautiful. 00:28:06 Speaker 3: Those are my three favorite colors. I love that color combination. Yes, I love that color combination. 00:28:10 Speaker 2: You are talking into a purple microphone. Was that a choice? 00:28:14 Speaker 3: It was a choice? 00:28:15 Speaker 1: Yes? 00:28:15 Speaker 2: Okay, Wow, Okay. 00:28:16 Speaker 3: I mean that's the this is it's a green microphone with a purple wins. 00:28:20 Speaker 2: Beautiful mic Wow, gorgeous, And I've got so it's kind of a mustardy yellow, kind of a green. I don't know what sort of green. I'm not going to get into it. It's nobody's business, but my own. 00:28:32 Speaker 3: A little lighter than a grass green, I guess, yeah. 00:28:35 Speaker 2: A little like more of a grass headed into fall, not quite watered, and the chill of winter is creeping. 00:28:42 Speaker 3: In seasonal effective disorder green. 00:28:45 Speaker 2: Right, Okay, we're opening. Okay, what is There's some accessories, God, there are multiple things in here, but the first thing I'm pulling out is a top hat. 00:28:58 Speaker 3: I mean, that's the star of the show. 00:28:59 Speaker 2: Yees, this is I mean, I can't imagine what else is happening in this box that would be would go beyond this hat. But this is stunning. 00:29:06 Speaker 3: Yes, that is a vintage top hat that I found online. That was my first thought of a of a gift for you. That is a hat stretcher that's inside that you can unscrew. That didn't even though there was such a thing. Yeah, Oh, Bridger, I'm happy to be telling you all about these things. 00:29:22 Speaker 2: This is very exciting for the rest of the box. For now, we're going to talk about the hat. Absolutely tell me everything. I love top hats. I've been obsessed with them since I was a child. I have an embarrassing amount of them stored away in my home, and I think they are like there are certain clothing items that I think also work as works of art, and I think top hats are are just beautiful to look at. They're a very distinctive shape, and they're they're may you know that's that's a furfelt top hat, so that is made from probably rabbit felt, be would be extremely so soft. It's I think they're just they're just beautiful to look at. And it's like if that, even if you don't have occasion to wear a top hat every day, it could be a thing that you could have on display and would look very nice. Yeah, you're not going to throw a baseball cap on display. Exactly how many top hats do you own? 00:30:23 Speaker 3: I'm going to say it's probably more than ten. 00:30:28 Speaker 2: Wow, yes, And do you have is do you have just the hat closet? Where are these being stored? 00:30:33 Speaker 3: These are being stored in their own boxes in a larger air tight you know container, right? 00:30:41 Speaker 2: Oh, my God, And when did you start collecting them? 00:30:45 Speaker 3: I fairly recently, actually, like I started, you know, because I've done a lot of sketch stuff over the years, so I have I've always loved hats, but I but I've collected hats forever. And then when I started shopping for sketch stuff, I realized like, oh, they you know, they have these nice top hats, varying shapes and sizes and colors and things like that. And I could not help myself, and so've I like over I would say probably over the last probably over the last what is my oldest one? Probably goes back like twenty years or so something like that. 00:31:24 Speaker 2: Okay, so yeah, I had a couple decades of slowly acquiring ten beautiful hats. Yes, And now did you have to educate yourself or was this kind of a just buy a random top hat that looks nice and then continue. 00:31:37 Speaker 3: Well it would be kind of both, Like I would I would find a hat and then learn about it, you know, like something I hadn't seen before, and learn what specific era it it came from, Like these are not all vintage obviously, because that gets first of all, it's very high, very hard to find you know, like if you're talking about a top hat from the Bellipoke era or something, you know, like to find something like that in good condition would be like prohibitively expensive, you know, it would just be insane. But there's there's places that do reproductions of things like that. And there's a place called Barren Hats that used to be in Burbank is now downtown, and they make hats. They're a place that a friend of mine told me about. They make hats for movies, you know, and so I've had a few hats made there over the over the years. 00:32:27 Speaker 2: And so when you have them make a hat, do you see you see a photo of a hat and say I need it and I'm glad to have it. 00:32:34 Speaker 3: Pretty much exactly what it is. Yes, yeah, yeah, I had them make me a very tall, uh furfelt top hat that was expensive, but not prohibitively so just embarrassingly so. But it really is like, well, I'm only gonna have one of these made. I'm not That's not something I'm gonna do every year. 00:32:54 Speaker 2: Well you say that, now, yeah, it suddenly you're broke and your house is just littered with them. 00:32:59 Speaker 3: I have to to my wife and say, well, I'm not gambling, but it's it's kind of funny when you think about it. So I had this thing made and it was you know, what I loved about it was that it was it was made to my specifications, and you know, so it's it's definitely a thing that would look familiar, like maybe something you've seen in a movie or something, but it is a specific a specific height and shape that I picked out. 00:33:25 Speaker 2: And so when you go to the hat maker with this, do you take a photo? Do you take and I look it up online. 00:33:31 Speaker 3: Like maybe I've seen something that I like, and then I try to find as many pictures of that style as possible from different angles and things like that, say this is what I'm looking for. 00:33:41 Speaker 2: And so then do you give notes on the hat or is it just you get what you get? 00:33:46 Speaker 3: No, you do. You're able to kind of collaborate with them, which is a lot fun. And say I wanted to I wanted to look like this and this whatever, this, this, this width of a band, you know, like all that kind of stuff, and it's, uh, it's you know there there there's more options than you might think, and it's it's fun to to make those decisions. 00:34:05 Speaker 2: Right, And now do you have? Are all of your top hats black? 00:34:09 Speaker 3: No? I have, I have many black top hats I have. I do have an opera hat that was maybe the first one I ever bought, which is the collapsible silk top hat. D yes exactly. 00:34:22 Speaker 2: That is. 00:34:23 Speaker 3: I never I never talk with people about this. So it is like when you say that's a dream, that's exactly how I feel about it. Like that, that is like I gotta have. I gotta have. 00:34:34 Speaker 2: That, you know, like has that anymore? You know? Yeah, that like truly like you've traveled through time to get that object. 00:34:40 Speaker 3: Well, what's funny is they're still making them, like like Christie's in London is still making hats for gentlemen, and they still make top hats because there are like there are there are formal weddings in England where the men wear top hats, like the people in the bridal party wear top hats, and but they still make collapsible silk opera hats and it's like, I don't know that anyone is still wearing that like anywhere, you know what I mean. 00:35:05 Speaker 2: You should could possibly call for that. 00:35:07 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like Prince Renier is dead, he's there's no one left that's wearing still collapsible opera. 00:35:14 Speaker 2: At well then, speaking of that, I mean, have you worn this? I mean, where do you wear these hats when you get the opportunity. 00:35:21 Speaker 3: I wear them on stage, and I wear them like I'll wear something to a Christmas party or something like that, you know. And It's what's funny is like I still, even though I am I'm known for the way that I dressed and uh, and I like dressing up and I've always liked dressing up, I still get a little shy about going that far sometimes, you know, it depends, it depends who I'm going to see if I if I know that people don't know the people. But on stage, I feel like I can get away with it, you know. For if I if I'm doing like a variety show or something, and uh, for one show, I'll wear like, you know, white tie and tails and I'll wear a top hat, you know, because it's like I can I can get away with that there. But but yeah, in everyday life, there's not that many occasions that require it, No one requires it anymore at all. But if I if I have the chance, like if I were going to go to the Magic Castle or something like that. That's a place where you are there's a dress code you required to dress up, but you can also like go over the top if you want, you know, because it's a fun place and you won't be it won't be strange to see. 00:36:29 Speaker 2: I had the most traumatic possible experience at the Magic Castle with their dress code. What I haven't turned away at the door. I was not turned away at the door. I was very well dressed. I so Jim, his friend was taking us. I was told there's a dress code, you need to dress up. That's as far as I heard. So I put on what I believed and what I to this day believe was a very snappy outfit. I had had a sport coat, an orange orange sport coat, a tie, the works. I looked put together. We get to the door, they say, absolutely not, you have to be wearing a suit. So really they put in a what I believe was a forty four waist suit, pant and suit coat, which I then had to wear for probably a total of five hours. This was very, by the way, very early on in my relationship, so it was like we're basically on a date and suddenly I'm wearing I'm disappearing into this pair of pants. So that was a negative experience. I'll say, can I. 00:37:42 Speaker 3: Ask how First I have a comment, and then I have a question. I think this absolutely sealed the deal for your relationship. Secondly, who could not? It has to continue after that? Do you know what I mean? 00:37:56 Speaker 2: That's a bonding experience. You've seen this person there at a real lower. 00:38:04 Speaker 3: Absolutely. Second my question is how long ago is this? 00:38:09 Speaker 2: This was I believe this is twenty fifteen recently. 00:38:15 Speaker 3: That's surprising to me. 00:38:17 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was uh And look, I have nothing against a dress code. If you want people to look nice, great, but what they put me in was yes, distracting. 00:38:28 Speaker 3: I'm sure everyone who saw me thought where did this guy crawl out of? Yeah? I feel like the suit, the specificity of the suit is too far, do you know what I mean? Like, that's if someone's wearing a nice jacket and trousers, that should be enough. 00:38:45 Speaker 2: Also, you know women come in and can wear any type of dress. 00:38:50 Speaker 3: Well, I don't know that that's true. Oh you're kidding. I think there are some restrictions, but I don't know what they are. 00:38:59 Speaker 2: That would explain why everyone, every woman there was in a wedding dress. No, that's not true. And I also I had a good time otherwise, although I will say, and I don't want to get myself banned from the Magic Castle. I thought the food was horrifying. 00:39:14 Speaker 3: Oh the food's not great, not at all. 00:39:17 Speaker 2: Okay, that's good to do you go often? 00:39:20 Speaker 3: I have been a bunch. I haven't been in quite some time, but it is. It is like a thing that every probably like every other year. I would say, for a little while, there amount of yeah, it's fun. It's like it's long enough to kind of forget about it, and then somebody brings it up and you're like, oh yeah, let's go, and then it feels exciting. But I can't see like people that go there all the time. I mean, that's that's a lot, you. 00:39:41 Speaker 2: Know, right, I mean there's only so much magic one person can take and they back to the food. It's horrifying. I mean the body can only take so much. So you but you'll usually wear a top hat. That makes sense to me. 00:39:56 Speaker 3: No, I've never done that at the Magic Castle because I fell I feel like I could, but it does feel like wearing a top hat when you're not a magician. To a magician's place. Seems like it seems like it would invite questions from other patrons. 00:40:11 Speaker 2: That's a bit like wearing a red shirt to target. Yeah, suddenly everyone's asking you questions, questions and expecting. 00:40:17 Speaker 3: Yes, and you are disappointing them with your answer. Yeah. 00:40:21 Speaker 2: Okay, So now back to this particular hat. You got this on eBay? Was you just do you just get on eBay and type in top hat or was there like a specific. 00:40:30 Speaker 3: Idea that is exactly what I did? 00:40:32 Speaker 2: Incredible? 00:40:33 Speaker 3: I think I I think I typed in furfelt top hat. 00:40:36 Speaker 2: It's so should I put it on? 00:40:38 Speaker 3: Yeah? Take that? You can unscrew that that middle uh bar. Then you don't have to do that perfect And now there's something in here. Oh, these are hat sized reducers. Yes, I did not. I gave you a stretcher and I gave you reducing tape because I had no idea of your head size, and I appreciate it. Yes, I took a guess, but I mean, Bridger. I looked at pictures of you. I looked at pictures of you standing next to other people. I tried very hard to gauge. Is he like a trim guy who has a big show biz head that it's like you when you find out the side, you're like, oh, really like one of those type of things. So I took a gamble. 00:41:16 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I couldn't tell you if my where my head lies in the you know, the grand scheme of heads. As a kid, I definitely knew I had a huge head. Okay, Now as an adult, what would you say, your guests, do I still have a big head? 00:41:34 Speaker 3: I think your your head looks in proportion to your body. Okay, good, now as well, now I can see what I'm looking at, is your your head, neck and shoulders. Okay, so in proportion to your shoulders. I think you have like a a little bit of a of a large head. Okay, beautiful, but in a striking way, like in a way that in the way that showbiz people have. 00:41:58 Speaker 2: It's one of those eye catching heads. 00:42:01 Speaker 3: That ever exactly it draws you in. 00:42:04 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna put this on, not for the entire thing, because you know that's gonna make both of us uncomfortable for me to be sitting here on the top half of the rest of the time. 00:42:11 Speaker 3: But let's see, I mean I would feel right at home now does that? 00:42:14 Speaker 2: See? 00:42:14 Speaker 3: Does that fit? 00:42:16 Speaker 2: That's too directly? Too small? So now what do I do? I guess I could put it like this. Does this work? 00:42:23 Speaker 3: Well? There, that's why I brought the I gave you the stretcher as well, to try and make it bigger. 00:42:28 Speaker 2: Yes, it doesn't just maintain the size. 00:42:30 Speaker 3: No, it will. It will literally stretch it out. And I don't but that that might be a little too. Can you tell me what size that is? Is that seven to one eighth? 00:42:38 Speaker 2: Perhaps it's a giving away some information about the size of my head here, this is. 00:42:43 Speaker 3: A seven and one eighth. Yeah, I would say you were probably a seven and a quarter. I'm a seven and three eighths and seven and a quarter is one down from myka. 00:42:53 Speaker 2: So basically what we're saying is you said I had a big head. You had assumed I had a big head from Afar, but you were way off. My head is enormous. 00:43:02 Speaker 3: I was not way off. I would say, can I see it again? Can you put it on again? 00:43:06 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's and let's say mentioned like this. 00:43:10 Speaker 3: Yeah, the tag goes in the back. Can you can you give me a profile? I'm gonna I'm gonna say, like, yeah, you probably are seven and a quarter, so it might even be a seven and three eights, which in which I was I was too off. 00:43:21 Speaker 2: Paul is a tall man and I essentially have the same. 00:43:24 Speaker 3: That is not true. 00:43:26 Speaker 2: You're certainly taller than me. 00:43:27 Speaker 3: I may be taller than you. 00:43:28 Speaker 2: I'm five nine that I mean, anything above five four to me is extremely tall. I might as well be in the NBA. So Paul, who is significantly taller than me, we share the same headsize. So listener, you're to the the podcast of the biggest head in the industry, So just be aware of that at this point. That's just we discover things all the time about ourselves. Well, it's beautiful, and so with a stretcher, I just put it in there and just crank it a little bit. 00:43:59 Speaker 3: The ideally you would have do you have do you have hapen to have a steamer? 00:44:03 Speaker 2: I don't have a steamer, but I'm happy to get one if if need be. 00:44:07 Speaker 3: Ideally a steamer would do it. You would so you would soften up the felt and the the brim right right, and then you would crank it as as much as you can and then let it sit for you know, for a for a while, but I would say, judging from the way it looked, Uh, it's not gonna work. It's not gonna it's not gonna be enough because you can there's only so far you can do without. 00:44:31 Speaker 2: Damaging that right, it could explode. 00:44:33 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're just a hat shrapnel in your face. 00:44:39 Speaker 2: That's what took my father. Now, okay, well then this is uh. I mean, but going back to it being a beautiful work of art, I just have a nice thing to display. Yeah, absolutely, I mean that said it fits. I mean it sits atop my head. How much does this thing need to be on my head to be to technically fit? I feel like I could still wear it a rat, I mean, wear it to an event. 00:45:04 Speaker 3: Right, you want a hat to fit, to come to like just above your ears. Oh you're kidding. Yeah, you know what. Let me let me see it one more time. If you just put it straight on your head. Yeah, you know what, you might want to try the stretcher and see. 00:45:20 Speaker 2: I'm going to try the stretcher and just see what happens. I mean, what do we have to lose at this point exactly? And we have a hat to gain? 00:45:27 Speaker 3: Yeah, and top hats are oval you know, they're they're like most hearts, they're an oval opening, so it could make the difference. 00:45:33 Speaker 2: So I'm gonna want to stretch it horizontally, basically towards my ears. 00:45:39 Speaker 3: Stretch no, or do not do that? That will break the hat. What do you want to do? Is you want to follow the shape of the stretcher? Is the shape of the hat? Oh? Yeah, it never occurred to me that there would be another way, But I'm glad you spoke up. 00:45:55 Speaker 2: Well, if you want someone to think of the wrong way to do something, give me a call. I will find the way to ruin the object. Now should I get back into this box? There's more going on it? Sure? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh so are you? Why don't you just open a hat shop. I assume this is to maintain the hat. 00:46:15 Speaker 3: Yes, that is to clean. That's a brush to clean the hat. You would essentially do it counterclock you brush a counterclockwise. 00:46:21 Speaker 2: Oh, this is a merit badge. I feel like Hat Care could absolutely be the next Boy Scout, But I feel like the Boy Scouts shut down. It's hard to say, but that could be the first merit badge of the New Boy Scouts. 00:46:33 Speaker 3: Hat Care the New Boy scouts. If they're getting into caring for top hats, I'm gonna have a son just to make him join. My boy is a proud, fancy boy. That's the Haberdacherie badge. Right. 00:46:51 Speaker 2: Wow, this is incredible. Well so now, I mean, I'm learning so much from my own headsize to just the care of hats. It's incredible. I don't know what to even do with myself. 00:47:04 Speaker 3: I mean, do you ever wear hats. 00:47:07 Speaker 2: I'm a recent hat wearer, probably in the last couple of years. Just as far as baseball caps, you know, when it's just like, I don't want to my hair, look, my hair's out of control. Let's throw on a baseball cap. But even though those baseball caps and I mean hats and shorts, there are two of the most difficult things to find that that you'll look good in. 00:47:31 Speaker 3: I agree. I think that hats especially are very intimidating for people because it's a big it can be a big statement, and I think that a lot of people are I think a lot of people assume they can't pull them off when they absolutely can. I think that you have a good I like pictured you in this hat, and I thought Bridger has a great face for this, I think you are a hat guy, and you might not be aware of it. 00:47:56 Speaker 2: Well, a few years ago, I thought, you know, I sort of going with the idea of what if I made a giant shift in style and had a very specific style. And suddenly, you know, I really like the idea of dressing like an old fashioned cowboy, you know, like kind of a TV probably Howdy dooty. What's gonna happen is I'm going to end up looking like Howdy dooty. So never canceling the idea, but I like, I do like the idea of wearing a hat. I mean, with a baseball cap. It's essentially, don't look at me with the top hat. It's like everyone look and speak and think of me at all times exactly so I need to. I would love to get into the zone with a hat. It's just I think, like. 00:48:40 Speaker 3: Especially for someone with a fair complexion, a good straw hat is good for the summertime, right. 00:48:47 Speaker 2: I have a friend who also sunburns easily. She's got all kinds of big hats that she's wearing around town. That's not a bad idea. And then you know, I'm preserving myself for later. That kind of thing a sunscreen needed. 00:49:03 Speaker 3: So this is not to be used as a replacement for sunscreen, but it is a good thing I need is a straw hat, and I can go about naked with that. I'm jump in a volcano. Son like a straw hat, A nice men straw hat is so grateful. Like if you show up to like a pool party, you know what I mean. Then you take it off, you get in the pool, you come out, your hair's all messed up from the from a pool. You don't have to worry about it. You just put that hat on. It's a great feeling. It's a good look. I think, I really do think that you have a great you have a great face for hats. 00:49:38 Speaker 2: If I appreciate that great face for hats, the head far too large for most of them. That's fine. You'll be happy to learn that without guessing. There are many hats that will fix you as long as. 00:49:53 Speaker 3: You're not guessing. 00:49:55 Speaker 2: Is there a hat you a style of hat you won't wear that you're opposed to? 00:49:59 Speaker 3: I don't really like those sort of beanies, not like a wool winter hat, like I'll wear that if it's cold in but just like that sort of felt you know, beanie kind of thing. I don't really like that look that much. 00:50:13 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the only hat I can currently picture, probably because you just said it that I can't picture you wear it because you can kind of drift from style to style. You're wearing this hat right now. It looks great with your mustache. I can also imagine you in a cowboy hat to sense thank you. Do you wear a baseball cap? I do? 00:50:31 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like when I go to the gym, I'll wear a baseball cap. And if I'm just like running errands or whatever, Yeah, a baseball cap is I think a great I like. I like a fitted cap. I like the sort of I like the shape of that better than like the what is known as the dad hat. 00:50:48 Speaker 2: I don't, of course, I don't like that shape. 00:50:52 Speaker 3: I don't like it. 00:50:53 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm I'm ready for the dad cap. Let's move on to a baseball cap that just is a sh shape. Absolutely coming back into that stuff, absolutely. 00:51:06 Speaker 3: Right. Look, I'm barely in the hat game. I can't be making this sort of call. I'm determined to get you in it. This is my this is now my goal. 00:51:17 Speaker 2: Well, I'm off to a decent start, A decent start, I've got to get the steamer. I've got to get this thing under control. And then what do I pair this top hat with? I guess a tuxedo? 00:51:27 Speaker 3: Sure? Or I mean I feel like it's a good thing for a for a New Year's Eve party, you. 00:51:34 Speaker 2: Know what I mean. 00:51:35 Speaker 3: Of course, you show up. You can either wear a suit or you can wear one of your nice sports coats with whatever. You know, if you're putting together like a sort of fun, eye catching outfit, why not throw a fucking top hat on the complete the look. Yes, I'd love to complete the look. I'm also in favor of people just making their own thing. 00:51:55 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I'm kind of in this fog of I don't know what stuff isle is anymore. And also we've been through the past year where it didn't really matter. So maybe it's time I, you know, get kind of a direction and go for it rather than just throwing on the first thing I see in my closet. But you know, if we've got I don't have that much energy, we'll see what happens. 00:52:18 Speaker 3: What's what's something that you've you've always liked the look of, but you've been you've felt like you couldn't pull it off. 00:52:25 Speaker 2: I love I love someone on Safari, an old Safari person. That's a very sharp look. 00:52:32 Speaker 3: I'll say, like what Banana Republic used to look like when it was when it was a store, right. 00:52:38 Speaker 2: I mean, I would love to look like I should be holding a machete kind of on the back of you know, the Jungle. 00:52:45 Speaker 3: Cruise or absolutely. 00:52:48 Speaker 2: But I'm also a fairly small person, so I like things that aren't too billowy, because then I just lost clothes, as Magic Castle demonstrated most extreme. But you know, I like those, you know, I like, as I said before, a cowboy. But I'm now like actually saying it aloud. It feels like it could be a difficult look for me to achieve. I don't know. Maybe I hire a stylist. 00:53:17 Speaker 3: Do you have a favorite outfit? Do you have a thing like if you get invited to something like a nice party or whatever, going out to dinner, where you're like, oh, I get to wear this. 00:53:28 Speaker 2: I have a favorite Polo shirt which I purchased. It was I found it at a store, like basically under a pile of clothes. It was I think it was produced in probably nineteen sixty five, but was brand new, and it fits wonderfully. Everything about it. I like. I was wearing it once and this very fashionable woman from New Zealand said, that's a catchy shirt, which I thought, that's such a great way to describe a shirt, and that for me, So maybe I do like something that it looks kind of summary and it fits well. It's falling apart at this point because I've worn it so much. I don't ownly know things I like, So I just destroy the things I do, Like this is what I do. 00:54:12 Speaker 3: This is life, Bridger. 00:54:14 Speaker 2: We find the things we love and we just to them. 00:54:17 Speaker 3: Yes, we rend them apart. 00:54:21 Speaker 2: Do you have a favorite outfit? 00:54:23 Speaker 3: I do tend to wear like the same handful of things over and over again because I just can't, you know, Like I get paralyzed by choice in my own closet. Not that I have like a walk in closet or from Wonderland, but I do have I do. I have like outfits like suits or whatever to be prepared for things like this is good in case I get go to that thing or whatever. But like right now this summer, I have this sort of suit that I got from a company called alex Crane and this was an Instagram find which here because this is the only time this has ever worked out for me, I think. And it's a sort of it's a very casual kind kind of uh seersucker suit. That is, the pants are kind of like a gene sort of but they're they're made out of the out of linen material and they have a seersucker stripe and the the the jacket is like a sort of shirt jacket, but I iron the lapels to make them more jacket like instead of shirt line. Oh interesting, yeah, yeah, yeah, And right now that's I want to wear that every day. I love it. 00:55:26 Speaker 2: And that was an instant like it was a suggested ad situation. 00:55:31 Speaker 3: I couldn't believe a very. 00:55:32 Speaker 2: Different uh information in the algorithm. 00:55:35 Speaker 3: Oh, I get so much garbage, so much garbage that is that is advertised to me. Where like I remember one time I saw this vest that I thought, Wow, that's a that's a cool pattern and I but it was like I can't believe that price. And then I got it and it was essentially like like the pattern was printed on all like the closest wool could be too plastic was was what this material was. And I was mortified. This is the sort of thing that catches fire on Yeah. I was like, yeah, I was like, this is you get what you deserve. You you brought this on yourself. You should be ashamed. 00:56:11 Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad the suit worked out. That's I mean, an amazing Instagram. 00:56:15 Speaker 3: It really I and this is I posted about this on Instagram. But I was at the at the grocery store. I was I was leaving and I was returning my cart to the cart area and a woman wanted my cart. She came up to me and said, is that a seersucker suit? And I said yes, and she said divine the ultimate compliment. I mean, what more do you want? What more do you want. 00:56:38 Speaker 2: At the grocery store? No? Less? 00:56:39 Speaker 3: Yeah, But that's what I love about it is it's casual enough that I can go grocery shopping and it's not like why is this guy wearing a suit to the to the supermarket. 00:56:49 Speaker 2: But I feel like you're doing other grocers, not not grocers, grocery shoppers. The grocer is the owner of the grocery store. My colleagues at the grocery you're doing You're doing everyone at the g or you stow a favor. You look nice, and you know everybody else is kind of just wearing their thing. We should all do. Wearing nice clothes is kind of a favor to everyone you come in contact. 00:57:10 Speaker 3: A thing of beauty is a joy forever. 00:57:12 Speaker 2: Look, we've got to move on. We have to play a game. Yes, Paul, do you want to play Gift Master or Gift or a Curse. I'll explain how it works once you've selected. 00:57:20 Speaker 3: I would love to play Gift Master. Please. 00:57:23 Speaker 2: Okay, I need a number between one and ten. 00:57:25 Speaker 3: Nine. 00:57:26 Speaker 2: Okay, I have to do the like calculating. I need to figure out the game pieces. You promote, you recommend, you teach, do whatever you want. I'll be right back and just I'll. 00:57:35 Speaker 5: Let you know that I am currently hosting four podcasts. I am the co host of Star Trek, the Pod Directive, the Official Star Trek Podcast with Tawny Newsom. I host The Neighborhood Listen with Nicole Parker, which is on stitchru Premium right now. 00:57:52 Speaker 3: That is, we take posts from Nextdoor, the ring app, what any kind of social networking for neighborhoods, and we use them as the basis for improv comedy. I host Freedom with Scott Ackerman and Lauren Lapkis that is free every Thursday wherever you get your podcasts. And I also host a podcast with my lovely wife Janey had Ed Tompkins called Stay f Homekins, which we record on Friday nights. It started during quarantine and it's just us catching up at the end of the week and then we put it up unedited. And that is me in a nuts che That. 00:58:31 Speaker 2: Was very I mean, you did that perfectly well, thank you very much. Nailed all of it, and I mean I feel like I and I'll also give myself a compliment. Usually I really get in the muck here trying to figure out what's going on with the game and the like, to the point that the guest is panicking. So I did an excellent job. So maybe this is more I did a good job and you just got lucky. 00:58:54 Speaker 3: Okay. I mean if that helps you, then go. 00:58:59 Speaker 2: Paul. Basically, how gift master works. I will name three potential gifts, and I will name three celebrities, and you have to tell me which gift you'll give which celebrity and why. Understood, all right, these are the three gifts you'll be giving today. First of all, Now this is where I really struggle. I get back in the Google doc and suddenly I'm just losing my line. Okay, here we go. Number one, you're going to be giving away a Dutch oven, the you know, the item that that I suppose the Dutch originated. Do you bury it in the ground? I don't know. It's a no, you don't. It's just an iron oven that you you cook. Thanks in second gift you'll be giving is an improvised guitar solo. So that's, you know, essentially you're going to be getting on your axe and just wailing doing whatever you can as a gift. And finally, the third gift you'll be giving is a faux hawk, which is the hairstyle sort of went out of in about two thousand and nine. So that those are the three gifts you'll be giving. Two the following celebrities. Number one, daughter of Lenny, Zoe Kravitz. She's making a big name for herself. Number two, Oh god, oh god, where did it go? We're gonna we're staying on steady ground here. There's nothing wrong. Everything's happening for us. Jessica Seinfeld okay. And number three the author, Yes, okay, yes, and just general thinker Jessica Seinfeld and finally, of course Heraldo. So we've got we're all over the place with these celebrities, all right. 01:00:50 Speaker 3: Jessica Seinfeld, Giraldo, and Zoe Kravitz Dutch Oven, guitar solo. Now the guitar solo. It is the best of my ability to play the guitar. Is that correct? 01:01:04 Speaker 2: That's up to you. You can lie in this situation. I mean, you are just going to be picking that guitar up and improvising whatever you can. 01:01:11 Speaker 3: Okay, I think I know where to go. I'm going to give Jessica Seinfeld the Dutch oven because she's supposedly a cookbook author, but I don't like that she apparently steals ideas from other people, and I'm assuming she already has a Dutch oven, so it's a bit of a fuck you. I'm going to give Zoe Kravitz the guitar solo, where I do not know how to play the guitar, but I'm doing my absolute best to make it nice, right, because something tells me that she would find it funny and maybe endearing. 01:01:53 Speaker 2: Right, or pity you and try to give you a lesson. 01:01:56 Speaker 3: May perhaps maybe she's probably listened too much good guitar playing in her life. Now maybe she's like, this is a refreshing change of pace. And of course, because the way I would do it would be with absolute swagger. I would say, I am Zoe, I'm a huge fan of yours, I admire your work, and this is a gift from me to you, and I would I would my physically, my approach would be, oh my god, this guy is going to shred. And then what comes out is what comes out. And then I will say I should have said I don't know how to play the guitar before I start the solo, but that's the best I can do. And finally, I would give the faux hawk to Haraldo because I think he deserves it. I want to. I want to see him humiliated. Uh, I want to see it would look bad, it would look bad on him, and I want to. I want to see it, and I want other people to see it. I want him to have to go on camera complaining about whatever the fuck it is he complains about while having this faux hawks, Roaldo permanently switched to those tinted glasses. 01:03:03 Speaker 2: I think he has right. I think he has, which what's going on? I mean, I mean that's just objectively a bad Yes, have someone in his life that's saying Heraldo, you already look scary enough. 01:03:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're not a tinted glasses guy, Heroldo. You weren't in a band. What do you think you're doing. The only people who can wear, in my opinion, who can wear tinted glasses and earn them is musicians, the elderly musicians specifically, right right, And I don't know, like somebody who has a real personality that's like, you don't question it. If you're questioning it about the person. They can't wear them. And I questioned about Roaldo and this I will say, I wore I to a dinner the other night. I wore tinted glasses. I have a bear of blue tinted glasses. This was a daylight into night situation, and so I wore glasses that were light enough that you could see my eyes while it was light out and then still, but also light enough that when it was night it wasn't like I was wearing a pair of sunglasses. 01:04:08 Speaker 2: Right, And I what type of frame they're like? 01:04:11 Speaker 3: A nice like a sort of smoked pearl. 01:04:15 Speaker 2: Kind of gray frame. 01:04:16 Speaker 3: God, this is beautiful with light blue lenses. And I was very kind of self conscious about it, like can I just make these my glasses for the night. But a friend of mine who is a musician, was there at the table, also wearing blue glasses, and I was like, I'm sitting right next to him. We're wearing a blue glasses together. 01:04:36 Speaker 2: No, I think that's they I think it has to look purposeful, yes, exactly. With someone like Heraldo, it looks like he got them off the racket, Dwayne Reed, or they look horrible. 01:04:46 Speaker 3: He absolutely cannot be doing this. 01:04:48 Speaker 2: No, I mean there are so many things he can't and shouldn't be doing. 01:04:51 Speaker 3: That's like if Bill Barr started wearing ting glasses. 01:04:55 Speaker 2: I would love to see that. Let's get villains. Claes Uh excellently played, Paul. I really think you did an excellent job there, and all of those gifts were beautifully given. We've got to do one more thing. This is called I said no emails. People write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Every one of them has got something going on in their life that they've decided to turn to this podcast, and so out of just the largeness of my heart. I try to give some advice. Would you help me answer? 01:05:30 Speaker 3: Yes? 01:05:30 Speaker 2: Okay, this large of heart, large of head, This is bridge. This man has got something going on in his dreams. Okay, this first one, and I apologize. They don't address you in any way. It just says Bridger, not my problem, It's okay. It says. My paternal Grammy is little and Scottish and I was ranting to her once a long time ago about how my maternal grandma used to force me to watch the sound of music so much that I can't stand it. Somehow, how Grammy got confused and now thinks that I love the sound of it. And for my birthday she got me this super nice box set with a hand painted jewelry box and a replica of the original playbill. I had to smile and act like I loved it. But what do I do now? I hate this movie. I don't want to throw away this gift from the only living grandparent I actually like. That's from Alison. So Allison has got a lot of grandparent drama going on in her life. She's maternal grandmother versus paternal grandmother. I mean, this can only end in tears. What do you do with this gift? 01:06:36 Speaker 3: I have two suggestions. First would be there must be someone in your life who loves this movie. There's got it right. I think everyone has someone in their life who loves the sound of music, has seen it a million times, and is down to see it whenever it comes on TV. Right. Failing that, I think you have to embrace the absurd. It's it couldn't be more perfect that your sweet grandmother heard the message, heard the nicest possible message that you love this movie, remembered it, and then got you this gift. Like you have to just you have to have to have to embrace how perfect that is. 01:07:20 Speaker 2: Most grandmothers are just giving you know, the five dollars bill in a card. 01:07:24 Speaker 3: Yes, you know this is elaborate. 01:07:27 Speaker 2: I know this is like a multifaceted gift. Yes, yeah, I mean going back to your first suggestion, apparently the maternal grandma is obsessed with this, obsessed with this movie. Yeah, if it sounds like you've just got a shoe in gift for her next Christmas? 01:07:41 Speaker 3: When do these two ever meet up? Do you know what I mean each other? Yes? Exactly. We also don't know if that grandmother is still alive the maternal grandmother, she did say, or he I can't remember who who Elice? They said, Alison said, this is the only living grandparent that Alison likes. But we don't know how many grandparents that is. 01:08:07 Speaker 2: She's essentially just given us a mystery. This is like a word problem on the SAT. How many living grandparents does Alison have that she likes? Yeah, could be anywhere between one and a hundred. And from what I know, from what I remember about I think Google doc Alison Paul has given you two excellent options. I you know, I lean towards keeping it. You know, paternal Grammy is little in Scottish. She sounds adorable and you're gonna want something to remember her by, whether it's a movie you despise or not. So you've got have a story. 01:08:46 Speaker 3: Like anyone who comes to your home. You have to put it in a prominent place, and when somebody asks about it, you tell them the story. It's a great story. Every everyone would laugh hearing this story. It's perfect, and they also see how much do you love your wee Scottish Grammy? 01:09:02 Speaker 2: Right, A gift doesn't have to be something you're actually gonna use. Can sometimes just be a nice memory, or it can be a hat that doesn't fit on your huge head exactly, Paul, can we answer one more question here? I've got to be better about this. Oh? 01:09:17 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 01:09:18 Speaker 2: Now this is another one where it just says deer Bridger and then you know they've used the underscore to make a blank. So we'll say deer Bridger and Paul F. Tompkins. 01:09:27 Speaker 3: Sure. 01:09:27 Speaker 2: My father is going to retire this year after working forty plus years for his city's fire department. I'd love for your help to come up with a perfect gift that shows how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. A little bit about him. He's a jack of all trades and is always keeping himself busy in his spare time by playing hard. His interests include vacationing at the lake in his RV trailer, riding around town on his e mountain bike, planning fun vacations with my mom, going to concerts with his fellow hippie friends, and absolutely doting on his grandchildren. I feel like a plaque to put it on his wall would just not do him justice. Well I didn't suggest that, so I don't know why you're getting after me, Heather, any help you can provide is sincerely appreciated. Thank you, Heather. So, the one thing we know that Heather just kind of preemptively freaked out about was she doesn't want a plaque for dad. I don't know what she means. Okay, don't get him a plaque. 01:10:23 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. 01:10:25 Speaker 2: Don't get him a trophy. It never yeh. 01:10:28 Speaker 3: Don't get in the key to the city. There's a lot of things you don't have to get him. However, the plaque suggestion gives me an idea. I don't know what kind of plaque she was thinking of, but you know, in like in England where they have those blue historical plaques. 01:10:44 Speaker 2: Oh, those are beautiful, so classic. 01:10:46 Speaker 3: You can get custom ones of those made to put on your own home. 01:10:51 Speaker 2: Is this another Instagram ad? You've seen this? 01:10:53 Speaker 3: I've seen this on Etsy. Oh of course, but they look like the real thing. They're like actual flats ruined to the side of your house. 01:11:01 Speaker 2: Oh that sounds wonderful, sounds so classy and charming. 01:11:05 Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's it's it's certainly an interesting thing. Not a lot of people have this. If your dad is this sort of outsized character, I think you could come up with something fun to put on that plaque to commemorate him. Right, failing that, I mean, maybe an elaborate sound of music themed give. 01:11:25 Speaker 2: Maybe we can put Heather in touch with Alison. Alison's trying to offload this pile of garbage. The Grammy gather and as far as I can tell, this father has never seen the sound of music. I mean, we only have so many details. 01:11:39 Speaker 3: It's his last great adventure is to finally seek the sound of music. For yeah, exactly, fighting fires to going to concerts. The one hill he has not climbed. 01:11:55 Speaker 2: Heather, This is the one thing that's popping into my mind. He has been fighting fires for forty years. This is the one thing everyone knows about firefighters. The one thing we're all jealous of is they have the pole to slide down. He doesn't have access to that anymore. Get him a pole in the house. What do you think? What are you talking about? That's of course what you should get him. 01:12:15 Speaker 3: That's absolutely it. That has to be it. 01:12:17 Speaker 2: Cut a hole in the top floor and then slide the pole down. Your mom can get well, this mom in the picture, I can't remember. I'm sorry if I bringing up bad memory. Oh no, she's still part of the picture. Mom and Dad are sliding down the pole. The grandkids are loving it. Absolutely, bring the firehouse home. That's what we make that firehouse a fire home. Yes, this is my Instagram. I think that could really take off, just suggesting these poles to be drilled into people's homes. 01:12:47 Speaker 3: Absolutely, Heather, you. 01:12:50 Speaker 2: I mean, you've got so many great suggestions here that you should be writing me a check right now, a big fat check. My name is Bridger Wineger. Paul will be receiving none of it. Paul's looking very unhappy with me right now. That's not my problem. Why I am helping then, you're doing it because you out of the goodness of who you are. You're trying to be a better person. You're always saying I want to be better, and I'm trying to help you in this journey. And I've given you opportunity after opportunity. Here, asked an answered Paul, what a beautiful gift I've received. Here I have behind me, you can see some empty shelves and I'm constantly wondering what do I put on these? And now I'm starting to wonder, is this the first thing? And then we build around the top. 01:13:43 Speaker 3: Pat. Wow, I would be honored. Of course, I am devastated that it doesn't fit. 01:13:49 Speaker 1: Well. 01:13:50 Speaker 2: Look, heads are very tricky things, It's true. I mean my head may have grown since the last time you saw. 01:13:55 Speaker 3: You're still growing. 01:14:05 Speaker 2: But you know, if this were just a baseball cap that didn't fit, I would just now own something that didn't matter. But I've got a beautiful top hat that kind of fits and might fit after I stretch it out, and if it doesn't, I have a beautiful display piece that I can talk about. 01:14:19 Speaker 3: That's exactly right. 01:14:21 Speaker 2: It's wonderful. I'm so happy that you were able to be here. I'm so just beyond thrilled and thank you. 01:14:28 Speaker 3: It was absolutely my pleasure, and thank you for having me. 01:14:31 Speaker 2: Now, listener, maybe you can go get a hat. You know your head size, you can go figure that out for yourself and make that little We're all headed out into the world. If we're vaccinated, we can go to the hat shop. Go do both of those things, and stop listening to the podcast. Now take care, bye bye. I said. No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced engineered by our dear friend Annalise Nelson and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said no gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. You have to see the gifts. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do considering everything I do for you. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midrol dot com slash ads. 01:15:38 Speaker 1: I invit, did you hear? Fna man myself perfectly clear? 01:15:46 Speaker 2: But you're a guest to me. 01:15:50 Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty and I said, no guests, your presences presents and I already had too much dough, So how do you dare to survey me