1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: called defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has 5 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now, avail every 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 1: rust get your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple Go 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now. 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: Go listen to see I by heyo. What's good, y'all. 9 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 1: We recorded this episode before all the news about COVID 10 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 1: nineteen broke. Like a lot of people right now, we've 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: changed our plans about doing our our new ceremony this summer, 12 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 1: and we still don't know exactly what we're doing. So 13 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,360 Speaker 1: obabe what we're doing, Babe, you tell me what we're doing. 14 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: I don't ever tell you what we do. When you 15 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 1: and we tell me what we're doing, that's true. What's 16 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: your motto again, babe? Whatever you want to do? Well 17 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 1: right now? The viralnyal is tb D because I d K. 18 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,639 Speaker 1: I don't know. But even with things not going how 19 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: we planned, this episode is all about why we wanted 20 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: to do of our old to begin with and what 21 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: we've learned about being married for the past decade. So 22 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: we hope this brings you a little bit of joy 23 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:17,679 Speaker 1: and escape right now. So, babe, what's up, dead ass? 24 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: Would you marry me again? Of course? Of course, the 25 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: whole shebay, you know, the the walking down the aisle 26 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 1: and flowers and all that. This time you can get 27 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:39,680 Speaker 1: whatever you want for Okay, Hey a Codeine and we're 28 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,839 Speaker 1: the Ellison. You may know us from posting funny videos 29 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:46,200 Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a 30 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: form of therapy. Are making most days and one more 31 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, we all. We 32 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's 33 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,920 Speaker 1: most taboo topic, things folks don't want to talk about 34 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass 35 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. Where we 36 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:10,080 Speaker 1: say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the 37 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 1: whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to 38 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 1: take pillows talk to a whole new level. Start now, 39 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 1: it's story time, guys, and I'm gonna take you guys 40 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 1: back to ten years ago as to why Codeine and 41 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: I are getting remarried even though we didn't get divorced, 42 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 1: we're getting remarried. Well, um, this was two thousand and show. 43 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 1: I'll take you back eleven years actually two thousand nine. 44 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: We're planning a wedding. We just came back to Brooklyn, 45 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,280 Speaker 1: and I'll never forget Codeine and I had this idea 46 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: of how we wanted to get married, and it was 47 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 1: on an island somewhere our closest friends and family. We 48 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 1: had it all mapped out. We're gonna do a destination wedding, 49 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: and then both of her mom's are like, you know, 50 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: this person don't fly. You know this person can't travel. 51 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: You know this person they never get on no plane. 52 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 1: So then Codeine and I conceded because we realized that 53 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: this wedding really ain't about us. You being the firstborn, 54 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: me being the firstborn. Yeah, it wasn't really about us. 55 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 1: It was really about our parents and their abilities to 56 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:27,399 Speaker 1: put their vision on how we should get married. And 57 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: at the time we were very very young, so we 58 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: were just like, okay, you know, because we wanted to 59 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: make everybody else happy. She wanted to make her mom happy. 60 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 1: I wanted to make my mom happy. We ended up 61 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:43,120 Speaker 1: inviting three hundred and seventy five people, about three hundred 62 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: and forty five of those people I'd never really talked 63 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 1: to anymore So at the end of the at the 64 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: end of the wedding, you and I exhausted, and um, 65 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: I don't even really remember what happened. It was a blur, 66 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: but I do remember us falling asleep. And I said 67 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 1: to Codan, if I could do this again, I do 68 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 1: it totally different. We do it our way, Yo, my car. 69 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 1: I got what you want, you got what I want. 70 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 1: And we were made for each shout oh all forever mind. 71 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:43,120 Speaker 1: I love this song's so glad colds it gets better 72 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: with it. Oh hey, oh girl, that's my favorite for 73 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: each other. We were made for each other, right, Oh man, 74 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: that's that song. That's an oldie, but goody. Shout out 75 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,600 Speaker 1: to the o j's Wait. Conine and I do date 76 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: night every Friday, and every Friday, on the way home 77 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 1: we drive in, or if we're not driving, we're in 78 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: the back of a car, we're holding hands and we're 79 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: listening to this song. Yes, let's become like our things. 80 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: I didn't realize that, but it definitely has, because this 81 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: is almost like our reminder as to why we're doing 82 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: this because we both get so caught up in like 83 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: the day to day. Oh for sure, you know, for sure, 84 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: Like it's it's crazy I think about it. Here we 85 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,559 Speaker 1: are ten years later, and it's you know, we've gotten 86 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: the questions about like why have I renewal, Like what's 87 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,839 Speaker 1: the point, Like, you guys are married already. My father especially, 88 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: he was just like I hear you guys are doing 89 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,640 Speaker 1: something again. Why people do that after like fifty years? 90 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, who knows if we have twenty five or 91 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: fifty years that I totally believe in UM being able 92 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: to celebrate each other again. But I mean all season 93 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: we've been leading up to this point, guys, Yes, this point. 94 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:59,600 Speaker 1: So once we leave you here, I don't know are 95 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 1: we gonna be back again before the vironal or not. 96 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: I'm not even sure at this point. But we've we've 97 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 1: kind of walked you guys through a couple of different episodes, scenarios, 98 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: things that we've been working on UM together, things that 99 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 1: we've been working on individually as well. UM. So we've 100 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,279 Speaker 1: had all the episodes this season kind of come to 101 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:26,800 Speaker 1: this point where the excitement is building around UM. Deval 102 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: and I renewing our vows. So well, let me ask 103 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 1: you a question, how are you feeling in that moment 104 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: getting ready to get married? You know what's funny? In 105 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 1: that moment leading up to the wedding, of course, there 106 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,440 Speaker 1: was excitement that I felt because it's like, oh my god, 107 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 1: this is my wedding day. Some women don't dream of 108 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,159 Speaker 1: their wedding day. I was that girl that was like, 109 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 1: you know, give me a fake bouquet on the playground 110 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: because I'm going to be somebody's ride one day. So 111 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 1: this was it. And then being the first girl you know, 112 00:06:58,279 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: my mom of course was like daughters getting married, you know, um. 113 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,839 Speaker 1: And then being the first granddaughter, the first niece, Like 114 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: there were so many people invested in this wedding, um 115 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: that I was just excited about being able to have 116 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: this event with my family and my friends, and of 117 00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:20,240 Speaker 1: course you not thinking about you know, like all of 118 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 1: those people. And then of course you too, I mean, 119 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,280 Speaker 1: if you want to join in, you know, but that's 120 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: really how it goes. That's how it goes. No, but no, 121 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm saying that to say, like there were so many 122 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: people on my side at least just invested in me 123 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: in the wedding process that, you know, I was excited 124 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: about that. However, those same people that were so excited 125 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: about this wedding, like I had said before, I think 126 00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: maybe in a previous podcast or even in one of 127 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: my blog posts, like I wasn't really prepared for marriage 128 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 1: per se. Well spoken about that, and I'm not gonna yeah, 129 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: I won't go into depth about that, but the wedding itself. 130 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: How are you feeling about the wedding? I was. I 131 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: was feeling great. I felt like it was going to 132 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,600 Speaker 1: be a great party. Um. I was a little disappointed though, 133 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: because I did want to do the wedding the way 134 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 1: we initially said, which was, you know, have a nice 135 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,280 Speaker 1: little three day getaways somewhere with our family and friends, 136 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,600 Speaker 1: kind of make it like a big vacation. So it 137 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,760 Speaker 1: felt like kind of like a weekend long thing, and 138 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: it wasn't just one day where people came for a 139 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: couple of hours and that was it. Um. And I 140 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: was slightly disappointed, um, because of all of these demands 141 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 1: that we were getting from our families about like who 142 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 1: had to be involved and who needs to come and 143 00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: who can do what, and you know, that really took 144 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: the power away from us a little bit. I was 145 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: over it, so yeah, yeah, that part was very stressful. 146 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 1: I mean, but you know I was happy to put 147 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,560 Speaker 1: on a dress and walk down now to you and 148 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,400 Speaker 1: watch you cry at the altar when you said your 149 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 1: about Are you going to cry this time around? I 150 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: want to know no. I cried in part because that 151 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,680 Speaker 1: wedding was mad expensive and I was sitting there thinking 152 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: about them. After this day is over, I still got 153 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: to live my life and I got a lot of 154 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,679 Speaker 1: responsibilities you were thinking about all that. Let me let 155 00:09:03,679 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: me tell you something. There's there's such a big difference 156 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 1: between how men and women view these responsibilities. I'll give 157 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 1: you an example. UM. Just recently they were talking about 158 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:21,720 Speaker 1: um Ronaldo Um on well social media everybody and how 159 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 1: he makes Um I think he makes eight to ninety 160 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: million dollars a year and he gives his wife an allowance. 161 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: And the allowance she gets is I think a hundred 162 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,040 Speaker 1: thousand dollars a month or it's like a million dollars 163 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: a year of an allowance, and a ton of women 164 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: were just like, that's not enough, that's not enough. Because 165 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,200 Speaker 1: he makes so much money, she should she should at 166 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 1: least get more than that it should be an unlimited amount, 167 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: and I was like, this, this is recently. You know 168 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 1: you get a hundred thous dollars a month allowance. Now 169 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,680 Speaker 1: he didn't say that she has to spend that allowance 170 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: on the mortgage or know, that's just an allowance, that's 171 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: your money. You can you get a million dollars a 172 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 1: year tax free, do nothing, just to blow in whatever. 173 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: And I just heard a lot of women just saying 174 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: how it wasn't if it wasn't enough. And I remember 175 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: getting married and thinking talking to my boys and thinking like, 176 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,920 Speaker 1: am I going to be to be able to please 177 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: my wife no matter what I do, how much money 178 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: I make. And I remember thinking about that, like right 179 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: before the wedding, because remember I wrote my vows the 180 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: right the night before, because I wanted my vows to 181 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,360 Speaker 1: be organic. I wanted them to be genuine, and I 182 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 1: wanted to think about what I was saying. But you 183 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: and I were going through a lot during this wedding process. 184 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,840 Speaker 1: I was beefing with my parents, I was beefing with you, 185 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,920 Speaker 1: I was beefing with your mom. I felt like a 186 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:49,640 Speaker 1: lone soldier in this whole thing because I didn't really 187 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 1: have anybody who was you know, with me on this. 188 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 1: You know, you and your mom were together and you 189 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: and your girls were planning and doing your thing, and 190 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,080 Speaker 1: I just felt like everything was taken away from me. 191 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: It's true, and I really didn't get a chance to 192 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: enjoy the moment because it was kind of out of 193 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,600 Speaker 1: my control. I was fun, you want to do this, 194 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: I want to do this, and then we was arguing 195 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 1: so much that the wedding just became daunting and I 196 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 1: really started to think, like, dang, like, am I going 197 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,440 Speaker 1: to be able to give this woman the life that 198 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 1: she once after this day? And it was it was 199 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,199 Speaker 1: like daunting to me. And it's crazy because when I 200 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,440 Speaker 1: think back out to who I was, I was like, 201 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: what a twenty year old cadean at the time. Um, 202 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:32,319 Speaker 1: I guess it was very immature of me, which I 203 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,959 Speaker 1: could say in retrospect, very immature of me too, I feel, 204 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: I guess as if I was entitled to or should 205 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 1: have had certain things that I wanted on that wedding day. 206 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: You know what I mean. Well, I mean, you did 207 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 1: dream about it, this is your wedding, and yeah, at this, 208 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,920 Speaker 1: but at the same time too, there was probably also 209 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 1: to a very unrealistic idea that I did have about it, 210 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 1: Like I wasn't thinking about life after that day per se, 211 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: because I think in part two you had created um 212 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: kind of a security blanket or like a comperin and 213 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 1: I wanted to write, which I kind of was just like, 214 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: all right, well, we'll be all right, like we'll get 215 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: past this day. You know. I know my parents had 216 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:09,839 Speaker 1: put aside for you know, some money for for their 217 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 1: daughter's first you know, their daughter's wedding, their first daughter's wedding. 218 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: So I know my parents had had some money set 219 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: aside for that. Um, and of course, you know a 220 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,480 Speaker 1: little extra that I wanted. My mom was like, all right, 221 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 1: well I can probably put a little little money from here, 222 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,080 Speaker 1: a little money from there and get that done. Um. 223 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: You know your parents, well, I don't think they set 224 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: aside money because on our culture that like the groom 225 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: side doesn't really necessarily It was kind of like like 226 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,520 Speaker 1: he's his son, he got it too. Like I was 227 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: just coming out of playing football, so that's another thing too, 228 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 1: So your parents are kind of like, well, that's what 229 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: you want to do, That's what I want to sister 230 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 1: in private school and my brother was in college right, 231 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: So it was all he might have just gotten out 232 00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,120 Speaker 1: of college, but they had other responsibilities, so we couldn't 233 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,320 Speaker 1: expect for them to just be like, here, guys, here's 234 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 1: money to just spend on the wedding that y'all want. Um, 235 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: you know. But at the same time too that we 236 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 1: were getting demands. So I know that was frustrating for you, 237 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: but persona and it's just like, you know, that's how 238 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,199 Speaker 1: I felt. I felt like I was getting demands from 239 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:13,239 Speaker 1: both sides of the family, and like, at least for you, 240 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,640 Speaker 1: you and your mom sat down. I was like, well, 241 00:13:14,679 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: this is what you want. Y'all had a plan, and 242 00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: y'all created something like no one sits down with the 243 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: groom and says what's your plan? Like your dad don't 244 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:23,640 Speaker 1: sit down with you, say what do you want your 245 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,840 Speaker 1: wedding to look like? So for me, it's just like 246 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:29,199 Speaker 1: people coming to me with bills or demands. These people 247 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 1: have to come. And I remember having a conversation with 248 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 1: my mom. My mother and my father created their list 249 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,560 Speaker 1: of family because of course, whenever you get married, it's 250 00:13:36,559 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: not just my family and your family, and then goes 251 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: to my mom's family and my dad's family, my mom's 252 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 1: and your dad's and it has to be equal so 253 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 1: that everyone feels like they're treated fairly right or like 254 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: their people are represented evenly right. So now I got 255 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 1: to think about four families, and no one's coming to 256 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,600 Speaker 1: me with the checkbook, you know what I'm saying. So 257 00:13:56,760 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: it was stressful. The five months prior to our wedding 258 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:04,880 Speaker 1: was probably it was stressed, definitely super stressful. And we 259 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: had just moved back to this apartment. Yeah, I was 260 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,920 Speaker 1: not making any money, right that The hardest part about 261 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,600 Speaker 1: that for me was that I just got cut and 262 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: I wasn't making money. I had my seiants pay and 263 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: I had some money saved, but there was money also 264 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: invested in the homes that you purchased. So I always 265 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:22,720 Speaker 1: want to be sure to let people know, like it's 266 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: not like we were out here just forrievous, frivolously spending 267 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,480 Speaker 1: money on a wedding and we had nothing else. A 268 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:29,080 Speaker 1: lot of the money that we had was tied up 269 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,160 Speaker 1: in investments and in property, so we could like at 270 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 1: that point it was like, well the money is there, 271 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:36,280 Speaker 1: Like there was no liquid cash to then use for 272 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:39,160 Speaker 1: these you know. But even still though that's not I 273 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,680 Speaker 1: have I have capital, but my capital is tied up 274 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: in investments, so that's not money I get access to. 275 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: So I had to ask my dad. I asked my 276 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,760 Speaker 1: dad for an evance until I sold one of the properties, right, 277 00:14:50,160 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 1: and my father gave me the advance. But still even 278 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 1: with the money he gave me, I still had to live, 279 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 1: like like I had to pay for the wedding and 280 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: then we had to live afterwards. Right, So think about 281 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 1: your thought process going into the wedding. You're thinking dream Cinderella, 282 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:09,000 Speaker 1: beautiful gown, I'm excited to party. I'm thinking, oh, ship, 283 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: Like July fourth, We're gonna be good. July five, I'll first. 284 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: So it was stressful like that, like our wedding was. 285 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 1: And it's important to talk about this because if you 286 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: think about cultures, right, I feel like in the black culture, 287 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: we try to assimilate to other cultures and try to 288 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: do the same things that they do, especially as Black Americans, right, 289 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: because our history was taken from us because we were 290 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: brought here from the Islands. We were brought here from Africa, 291 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 1: so our history and our culture was stripped of us. 292 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,760 Speaker 1: And now we're here in America and we're forced to 293 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: assimilate to American culture. Right, So you watch American culture, 294 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: and a lot of American culture comes from generational wealth 295 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,320 Speaker 1: that was built on the backs of black people. So 296 00:15:56,440 --> 00:16:00,080 Speaker 1: during the time when if you're white, for example, you 297 00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: could pay for your daughter's wedding because you had land, 298 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 1: you had businesses, you had property. So when it came 299 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: time to pay for your daughter's wedding or give your 300 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,680 Speaker 1: daughter away, you could pay for a wedding. Right. So 301 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: now it's Black Americans sometimes I feel like we try 302 00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:14,800 Speaker 1: to simulate to that culture, but we don't come from 303 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: generational wealth. Absolutely, that's that is generational debt. So now 304 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: where I'm expecting your parents to come and pay for 305 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: the wedding, and we have a grand wedding, No, it's 306 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: on me. It's on me, and and a lot of 307 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: time it's not only on me, it's on us. So 308 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,680 Speaker 1: that stress and those stresses causes a lot of friction 309 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 1: while planning a wedding. And I don't think that we 310 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 1: as a young group of black Americans discussed that a lot. 311 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 1: We just watched TV. We watched the Kardashians, we watch 312 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: uh Platinum weddings, we watch all those things. My super 313 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: sweet six Team, and we said, go and think about 314 00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: that during the two thousands, because we got married two 315 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: thousand and ten, during the two thousand's when my super 316 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:06,919 Speaker 1: Sweet six Team platinum weddings were allay. So these are 317 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 1: the images that we were seeing this aspirational lifestyle, a 318 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 1: lot of those shows that people are just like, wow, 319 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,840 Speaker 1: that's how I want things to be. And I mean 320 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,399 Speaker 1: social media now was only an extension of that because 321 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,680 Speaker 1: now that we don't necessarily have those shows on networks, 322 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:22,000 Speaker 1: you have you know, Instagram every day and everything in 323 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: your face every day about you know, Pinterest boards about 324 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: things that you aspire to have with regardless of the event, 325 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,200 Speaker 1: you know. So yeah, I hate what you're saying. And 326 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,160 Speaker 1: you can talk about being immature, but I was immature 327 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,520 Speaker 1: too because I wanted to give those things to you 328 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: and I just didn't know how. So I was hard 329 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,199 Speaker 1: on myself, but I was like, I'm gonna do it 330 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 1: by any means necessary. And and me, being an immature man, 331 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,840 Speaker 1: was trying to be who my father told me I 332 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 1: was supposed to be. Right. My father told me that 333 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: when it comes to finances, my wife should never have 334 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 1: to stress about finances. I said this on social media. 335 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 1: So many times it was my responsibility, especially if I'm 336 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 1: gonna ask you to have my children, and it's my 337 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: responsibility to make sure that your life is as easy 338 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,159 Speaker 1: and peaceful as possible because you're responsible for carrying and 339 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: burying children. That's something I can't help with. So for me, 340 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: it was like I gotta find it by any means necessary, 341 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,840 Speaker 1: and I gotta get it done. But it did put 342 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,919 Speaker 1: a lot of stress on me. And I watched my 343 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: father when when he was laid off, when he was 344 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,200 Speaker 1: when he was going from job to job after um 345 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,280 Speaker 1: they started doing cuts at Chase Bank because he's a 346 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 1: main framer. I never saw my father's stress in front 347 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,400 Speaker 1: of my mom. My father used to talk to me 348 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,959 Speaker 1: as his son about things, but he never said my 349 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,399 Speaker 1: mom never knew that there were any issues, and it 350 00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,680 Speaker 1: was like, okay, we could do this, and then he would, 351 00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: you know, go into his form one k if he 352 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,439 Speaker 1: needed to always find a way, And now he used 353 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 1: to say that was his job. So at this point, 354 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, this is my job as the man. Even 355 00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,000 Speaker 1: though I'm a young man trying to figure out my 356 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 1: path in life. I'm trying to figure out how to 357 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:57,399 Speaker 1: provide for my fiance to become my wife, so I 358 00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,280 Speaker 1: can prove to her that I'm able to do the 359 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,439 Speaker 1: things that she needs. And the immaturity comes from me 360 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:05,159 Speaker 1: not saying that, you know, a baby, I need to 361 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,120 Speaker 1: do the things that you need, not necessarily do all 362 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,679 Speaker 1: the things that you want. No. I hear that, And 363 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: at that time, I didn't even necessarily know what I needed. 364 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 1: All I knew was what I wanted to happen because 365 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: of these grand dreams that I had about my wedding day. Um, 366 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:20,879 Speaker 1: and still it fell short in the end because I 367 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: felt like the feelings internally that I was supposed to 368 00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 1: have as I'm walking down the aisle with my husband, 369 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,920 Speaker 1: like leading up to those days, like the moments that 370 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 1: I feel like we should have been enjoying those last 371 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,959 Speaker 1: couple of days just being like fiance and fiance. We 372 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,880 Speaker 1: didn't have that. I feel like we were so stripped 373 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 1: of that, you know, with all of the extra things. Um. 374 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's funny because I think to this day, 375 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,880 Speaker 1: you still don't even really sweat when it comes down 376 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,359 Speaker 1: to just like finances and things like that. One thing 377 00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: I will say, ten years later, one thing we've learned 378 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 1: over the past ten years is to definitely be more 379 00:19:55,200 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 1: vocal about wants and needs and finances. So we literally 380 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: have one day in the month on both of our calendars, 381 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,000 Speaker 1: a staked on our phone where you know, we sit 382 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 1: down together and we discussed finances, money coming in, money 383 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: going out, um, money owed to us, you know, plans 384 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 1: for different business ventures that we have. And it's been 385 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 1: very helpful lately because things that used to kind of 386 00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,160 Speaker 1: slip my mind sometimes, like oh, shoot that I pay 387 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: the cable bill this month, Like oh no, we have okay, 388 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: Like there's just so many working parts. So now yeah, 389 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: we have to kind of hold each other accountable. And 390 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: Devout has also helped me in a sense because he's 391 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,880 Speaker 1: a little bit more business savvy when it came down 392 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 1: to things like just getting my credit back up, you know, 393 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: or establishing credit. That's something that I was never really 394 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: privy to growing up. My parents didn't really talk much 395 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: about findings. So yeah, having had that you know, influence 396 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: from your dad and my parents kind of just handled everything. Um, 397 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,359 Speaker 1: I learned a lot from you in that sense. So 398 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: now here we are planning of our renewal knowing that okay, 399 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,679 Speaker 1: it's not going to be as extensive as the wedding was, 400 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 1: but at the same time too, we can really maximize 401 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,440 Speaker 1: the experience based off of the resources we have now 402 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:08,720 Speaker 1: and the people we really want to be there. But 403 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,120 Speaker 1: that also leads me to the other why other than 404 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: just the wedding aspect of it, is the actual marriage 405 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,639 Speaker 1: of course, since we ultimately went into debt trying to 406 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: live up to this expectation that that we thought was 407 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: the American dream. Our marriage started very, very rocky, especially 408 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:32,040 Speaker 1: the first five years. Yes, and we had a honeymoon baby. 409 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: Jackson came right after so big wedding, and then it's like, 410 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,000 Speaker 1: oh my god, what are we gonna do. The only 411 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,480 Speaker 1: thing in the beginning of our marriage that I will 412 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:44,680 Speaker 1: never ever regret is that we had a honeymoon baby 413 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 1: and my baby boy came immediately. We went to Jamaica 414 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,640 Speaker 1: S two and we came back three. That was there 415 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: was no mistakes there. That was that was that was it, like, 416 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,159 Speaker 1: that was the right, That was why everything happened. Like 417 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,479 Speaker 1: I don't believe, I don't really don't believe in mistakes. 418 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,200 Speaker 1: I believe in destiny, and I believe that we went 419 00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: through all of that and brought Jackson here, and Jackson 420 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 1: kept us together. I was just about to say the 421 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:16,640 Speaker 1: same thing had time Jackson kept together? For sure? For sure? No, absolutely, 422 00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 1: So like why the valurun woman, you know, because you 423 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: like it's aside, like you said, from the wedding planning 424 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,440 Speaker 1: and planning like a whole event. Again, Um, why was 425 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,640 Speaker 1: it so important to you to actually do it? Because 426 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:32,679 Speaker 1: I feel like we we have to commemorate the existence 427 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: of ten years and celebrate that number one. But then 428 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,280 Speaker 1: also I want to renew the vows, like I want 429 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: to say vows now because I understand more what it 430 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,600 Speaker 1: means to be married, more than I understood it when 431 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,879 Speaker 1: I was twenty six years old, you know, saying so 432 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: when you write vows at six, you write vows based 433 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,399 Speaker 1: on where you are mentally emotionally, right, I'm at a 434 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: completely different place now for me, sticking to those vows 435 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,840 Speaker 1: almost seemed non existent because my mom, I said, it's changed, 436 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,520 Speaker 1: which is crazy because when we did our vows, we 437 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: opted not to do the traditional like repeat after me 438 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,160 Speaker 1: my uncle, my uncle Kevin shout out to Uncle Kirk, 439 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 1: Kevin Kirk, who did the longest ceremony a wedding was 440 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 1: an hour and a half. About fifteen minutes long, he 441 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 1: started preaching. It was outside. I was like, bro, almost 442 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 1: passed out. I love your uncle. I want to swing 443 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:32,240 Speaker 1: even amazing sermon, but that was just not the time 444 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,000 Speaker 1: in the play. But I mean it was super blessed. 445 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 1: So I'd like to say some of that blessings helped 446 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: us get through the ten years after that. She was 447 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,040 Speaker 1: trying to evangelize that I'll we he was calling out. 448 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: I was like, what are you doing, Like this is 449 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,960 Speaker 1: the wrong event, This is the wrong event. But I 450 00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 1: hope I don't go to health of saying I want 451 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,440 Speaker 1: to swing on appreciate you go to help with that. No, 452 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think you can. Jesus knows 453 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 1: your heart got I was joking I won't. But I 454 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: mean we didn't do the whole repeat after me things, 455 00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,320 Speaker 1: and you know, um, he just kind of gave us 456 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:11,399 Speaker 1: like an overall like here's some things you can't including 457 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 1: in your vows, which made sense, but we were very 458 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 1: adamant about, you know, writing our own vows, so that 459 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 1: way it was authentic to us. But vows, I think 460 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 1: you're right, are kind of ever evolving, changing with the times, 461 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,320 Speaker 1: and I think the recommitment was definitely something that's necessary 462 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: for both of us, you know what I mean. The 463 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: recommitment is definitely important. And like I said, like I 464 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,320 Speaker 1: said before, you know, I made some mistakes and did 465 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 1: some things in the first part of I hate saying 466 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: I made mistakes. I made some choices that were very 467 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:47,399 Speaker 1: selfish choices the first part of our marriage. That after 468 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 1: doing this recommitment, I'm vowing to not make those same choices. 469 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,160 Speaker 1: And I think that it makes sense to restate those 470 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: vows and say them out loud in front of our 471 00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: closest friends and families, you know, like I feel like now, 472 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,080 Speaker 1: I also want to say these vows in front of 473 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,400 Speaker 1: my sons because I want them to understand the value 474 00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:10,800 Speaker 1: of marriage and the value of a union. I want 475 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 1: them to see me and their mom standing at the 476 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,359 Speaker 1: altar committing to each other again. And now they're a 477 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 1: little bit older, Jackson will definitely be old enough to 478 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:21,159 Speaker 1: understand and see it, right, you know. But Kirra and 479 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,879 Speaker 1: Cass it'll be somewhere, probably tearing up the hotel for 480 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,840 Speaker 1: the resort because that's what they do. But um, Jackson 481 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: will be able to be like wow, like my parents 482 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,360 Speaker 1: did that, like they're doing that, and then ten years 483 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,879 Speaker 1: from now we can do it again and Cairo and 484 00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,399 Speaker 1: Cass can be there this time as teenagers. You know, 485 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,480 Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't say teenagers. They were ten years 486 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,200 Speaker 1: now they're gonna be teenagers. Just made me so sad. 487 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 1: And then our daughter needs to see us ten years. 488 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,679 Speaker 1: I knew that was coming. And then ten years after that, 489 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,120 Speaker 1: we're gonna have to write. You know what I'm saying, 490 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: You guys can expect for us if that's the case, 491 00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But it's funny because Okay, 492 00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,680 Speaker 1: so you mentioned the kids, which is a very huge 493 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,600 Speaker 1: part for us, UM, And then that's funny because when 494 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 1: I mentioned doing the four nu, I was like, hey, 495 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,880 Speaker 1: how about you and I and the kids, the five 496 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,160 Speaker 1: of us just like go somewhere, call our photographer friend 497 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: Josh Show with Dwayne and be like, hey, bro, just 498 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: gonna take some pictures of us on some months and 499 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 1: top somewhere and just be the five of us. UM. 500 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:19,360 Speaker 1: But then you made a good point and it made 501 00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,600 Speaker 1: me realize, you know what, You're right. So we were 502 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:27,320 Speaker 1: not able to make it this far without our village 503 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,720 Speaker 1: of support, our support village, our tribe of people who 504 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,560 Speaker 1: have helped us get to this point, and we would 505 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,360 Speaker 1: be remissed and we would not be able to sleep 506 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:41,000 Speaker 1: if we did not acknowledge everyone who had a hand 507 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: in helping us get to this because I will tell 508 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:49,159 Speaker 1: you guys here and now today, our success is totally 509 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,880 Speaker 1: totally possible because of the help that we get. So 510 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:58,439 Speaker 1: it made sense to have again the closest people to us, 511 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,680 Speaker 1: the people who are children and the people who help 512 00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,160 Speaker 1: with our children when we're not around, the people who 513 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: have moved across country shout out me me. You know, 514 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 1: had has left her life behind in Brooklyn to come here, 515 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,200 Speaker 1: you know, on loan from my dad. He's like, when's 516 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: she coming back? You know, just just the family members, 517 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,920 Speaker 1: your brother Brian who helps with truck and Jackson, back 518 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 1: and forth we're in Brooklyn, Like, just all the help 519 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 1: that we get from our families. It was so necessary 520 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,840 Speaker 1: for us to have them there to celebrate in this 521 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:26,920 Speaker 1: and to me, the Valnu is not only just a 522 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: viour newal for us, but like you said, it's a 523 00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,879 Speaker 1: celebration of our friends and family if they made an 524 00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 1: investment in us early on in the in the marriage 525 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 1: and the wedding. This is not our investment in them, 526 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,960 Speaker 1: this is our paying it back to them. But also, 527 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,920 Speaker 1: like I said before, I want I want my boys 528 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 1: to see our culture. I want them to understand and 529 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: experience at the union between two people is something sacred 530 00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:52,639 Speaker 1: and it's something fun and enjoyable. And when they choose 531 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 1: to get married, they're not going to sit back and 532 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,640 Speaker 1: be like, well, what's the husband's point in the marriage? 533 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 1: They can sit back and watch like. No, when my 534 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:01,239 Speaker 1: dad did his valurnul, he wanted things like this. He 535 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,360 Speaker 1: wanted to look like this. He wanted this person there, 536 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,440 Speaker 1: he wanted that person there. And I want them to 537 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: feel strong enough to say, well, this is what I want. 538 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:10,679 Speaker 1: You know what. They don't pushed out. That shocked me 539 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:13,040 Speaker 1: the first time around. When we got married. I was 540 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,280 Speaker 1: expecting for you to just kind of be like, all right, whatever, 541 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,600 Speaker 1: like because I was told historically men don't really care 542 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: about the weddings and they're just kind of like, okay, whatever. 543 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,120 Speaker 1: Just you always hear the men say, oh, just tell 544 00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:23,439 Speaker 1: me what time I got to be there. You know, 545 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,920 Speaker 1: that's just it. But Devo, on the other hand, was 546 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 1: a very involved groom. He wanted to pick color schemes 547 00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 1: and what that. When I had my whole color scheme 548 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 1: laid out at my girls in this color and that 549 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:37,199 Speaker 1: color in the floral arrangement, this was like, no, I 550 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 1: wanted the wedding to be read Red's my favorite color. 551 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 1: And then she was mad and I was like, but 552 00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 1: red doesn't go with my color scheme, Like what do 553 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 1: you mean my color scheme and wedding? You see what 554 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,479 Speaker 1: I'm saying. I remember talking to our wedding plan at 555 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: the time, and I was like, says like this dude 556 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,600 Speaker 1: is talking about he wants red. How are we gonna 557 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,120 Speaker 1: fit red in there? People think about that? Think about that. 558 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 1: How do women expect men in to be excited about 559 00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: a wedding when you don't want to include the men 560 00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 1: in the wedding process? How was that I didn't want 561 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,400 Speaker 1: to include you. I was just shocked that you wanted 562 00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 1: to be that involved in it and that hands on. 563 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: But then when I did want to be involved, you 564 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: were kind of taken back, like yeah, I was just 565 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,440 Speaker 1: surprised by it because I was like, I didn't expect 566 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 1: you to want to like something like color, Like normally 567 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,040 Speaker 1: guys are like, oh, the food is good. It's a 568 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:24,560 Speaker 1: top shelf liquor. You know who's the DJ. I want 569 00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:28,479 Speaker 1: to je Limo, like there were certain things. That's my 570 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,959 Speaker 1: point though, but like I just wasn't expecting that from you. 571 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: But that's my point. How do women expect men to 572 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 1: be excited about the wedding process if y'all automatically exclude 573 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: us from so many, so many of the processes because 574 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,120 Speaker 1: you assume that we're not going to be involved and 575 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,440 Speaker 1: we don't want to be involved. Fool me once, y'all, 576 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: just like I want to wear this. I want to 577 00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 1: wear that. We're the first time around, I was like, oh, 578 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: you love red so match so much. We're some red 579 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 1: drawers all of the day. Since you love read so 580 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: much to my drawers. Right, let the record show that 581 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 1: as talk think about the wedding and the vows, the 582 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 1: first person to talk about draws was Codeine, not me. 583 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,240 Speaker 1: It was Codeine. That's fine. I like, given some red draws. 584 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:10,880 Speaker 1: So you know, we like to pull out, you know, 585 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,920 Speaker 1: some facts and some articles and whatnot. And I produced 586 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 1: to Jackie, she you know, found some tidbits and stuff. 587 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,680 Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm just saying I like to have the 588 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 1: facts and I have my team help me do the research. 589 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: So that being said, um, so whenever you picked the 590 00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 1: paper up, I can't see she picked the paper up, 591 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 1: and she goes like this. She has a pen and 592 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 1: my little notes I make on it and everything, because 593 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,680 Speaker 1: I got to keep you on track, because to be 594 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: here talking, rambling and whatnot, I know, I have to 595 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 1: have to get better with that. It's just like a 596 00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: thing that happens, that's anyway. It's that clearing at the throat. 597 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: You know. There you go. This New York Times article 598 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,640 Speaker 1: on why couples renew their vows. Listen reasons on why 599 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,480 Speaker 1: people were doing their vows. Let's see if there's anything 600 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 1: that coincides with us. One couple said that they wanted 601 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,320 Speaker 1: to have another reception to include new friends and families 602 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,600 Speaker 1: like in laws, new nieces and nephews. Opposite for us, 603 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:04,520 Speaker 1: we want to get rid of some people. But I 604 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,200 Speaker 1: cannot concur on that one. We're trying to chat people, 605 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:11,000 Speaker 1: but I to each their own. Another couple said they 606 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: wanted a chance to do things they missed out on 607 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:14,920 Speaker 1: the first time, like actually getting to eat some of 608 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:19,080 Speaker 1: the wedding cake. With that I don't even remember how 609 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,880 Speaker 1: wedding we had a wedding cake, we had a dessert thing. 610 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,520 Speaker 1: Oh one thing I do remember from our wedding, which 611 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: we will have to have this time around again, around again, 612 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 1: is Jamaican rum cake. Black cake. That's like a staple 613 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,479 Speaker 1: at every every West Indian function. You have to have 614 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 1: Jamaican black cakes. So we're gonna have to make sure 615 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,480 Speaker 1: who makes good black cake. Somebody email me let me 616 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 1: know if you have, like an auntie or somebody granny 617 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 1: that makes a good black cake. One man said that 618 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,360 Speaker 1: he wanted to show friends and families how friends and 619 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: family how he's changed since his first wedding. He described 620 00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: himself as immature and an absent husband and father. He 621 00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:56,320 Speaker 1: wanted to use this virynyal to show that he'd become 622 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: a better, calmer person who puts his family first. I 623 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 1: would agree with this, and I never thought I was 624 00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,959 Speaker 1: an absent father. I think that I've been absent as 625 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: a husband at times, trying so hard to be a 626 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: present father and trying so hard to build stability, and 627 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 1: I feel like I've been absent some time. And I 628 00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,560 Speaker 1: could say that I've been an absent wife for sure. 629 00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: Degree that a marriage therapist said that a lot of 630 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 1: her patients decided to have a vournal ceremony after therapy 631 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,240 Speaker 1: as a celebration of work they've done together in therapy 632 00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:28,120 Speaker 1: and as a way to reconnect uh dead as podcast. Yeah, 633 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,320 Speaker 1: I've been our therapy session as we told you about that, 634 00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,040 Speaker 1: So I can kind of agree for myself at least 635 00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,400 Speaker 1: I Devout gave his why on why the viournal, But 636 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,280 Speaker 1: for me, I can take a little bit from the 637 00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,640 Speaker 1: second and third from you know, HOMEBOYD has said he 638 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 1: felt he was immature and absent as a father. I 639 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,720 Speaker 1: think there was a level of immaturity that I had 640 00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,880 Speaker 1: to going into a marriage, not knowing what it meant 641 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: to be a wife or the work that it was 642 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,800 Speaker 1: going to take to be invested in this relationship. UM. 643 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:55,080 Speaker 1: So here I am ten years later from that point knowing, 644 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:56,840 Speaker 1: like wow, a lot of the things that were just 645 00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: surface level and just material at the time really means 646 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,000 Speaker 1: so much more to me now having worked through the 647 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:08,080 Speaker 1: past ten years with Devot, through children, business ventures, ups, downs, 648 00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,600 Speaker 1: you know, highslows, all that UM and also too, we've 649 00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:15,640 Speaker 1: spoken so much about some of our issues openly on 650 00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 1: this podcast, UM, which we've learned is very relatable for 651 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 1: a lot of couples. I can't tell you, guys how 652 00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,760 Speaker 1: many times you know we've gotten enough course emails, listener letters, 653 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,600 Speaker 1: d M s, all that, um. But it becomes a 654 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 1: little bit more tangible for us when we actually meet 655 00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:32,960 Speaker 1: people in person, like even in our live shows, or 656 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: if we bump into someone at the airport that says, you, guys, 657 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,720 Speaker 1: saved my marriage. Because I feel like I'm not the 658 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,680 Speaker 1: only one going through this, Like you've put a level 659 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,640 Speaker 1: of normalcy to my quote unquote problems. They're not really problems. 660 00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 1: They're just like people issues that we deal with and 661 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: that we are worth working on. So for me, um, 662 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,000 Speaker 1: going back to my why with the vour renewal, I 663 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: feel like this is going to be a kind of 664 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 1: like a celebration for me to say, I'm celebrating the 665 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 1: new woman that I am as to vows wife and 666 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 1: as the mother to these three boys and knowing so 667 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:08,399 Speaker 1: much more than I knew ten years ago. I feel 668 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 1: like the recommitment is necessary for sure, I'm sure, and 669 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: I think it's going to be a great time. And 670 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 1: I guess I would like some cake and I appreciate 671 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,879 Speaker 1: and I want to dance with you again. Yes, Yeah, 672 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,400 Speaker 1: I want to dance with you and slow dance, and 673 00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:24,319 Speaker 1: I want to walk down the aisle again. Yes, you're 674 00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:29,360 Speaker 1: gonna walk down the ale Gina didn't Martin. Yeah, with 675 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:31,920 Speaker 1: the slow walk and the drag step and all that 676 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 1: good stuff, for sure. But we're just not going to 677 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: have three hundred and thirty people and we're not going 678 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,839 Speaker 1: to spend the kind of money we spent last time 679 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,399 Speaker 1: because according to that not one more, one more little 680 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,880 Speaker 1: statistics before I leave you a little survey. According to 681 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:50,120 Speaker 1: the Knots Real Wedding Survey from two thousand eighteen, a 682 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:54,040 Speaker 1: couple spent a couple will spend on average thirty three thousand, 683 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 1: nine and thirty one dollars on their wedding. That includes 684 00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:01,640 Speaker 1: the cost of the engagement ring roundabout fifty hundred dollars, 685 00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:03,719 Speaker 1: and in two thousand and ten, an average wedding costs 686 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 1: just over twenty seven thousand, So it's increasing. Clearly, if 687 00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 1: it was twenty seven thousand and two thousand, eighteen thirty 688 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,560 Speaker 1: three thousand where we at in two thousand twenty, y'all, well, 689 00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,440 Speaker 1: I will say it is we spent well over that 690 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,680 Speaker 1: average in two thousand and ten. Facts for all those 691 00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:23,640 Speaker 1: people we did, So I ain't doing that. Average couple 692 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:27,319 Speaker 1: hosts one hundred and thirty one guests, and seventy two 693 00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,719 Speaker 1: percent of those surveys said that their top priority was 694 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:31,560 Speaker 1: ensuring their guests were taken care of and had a 695 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: good time. So people, So, so, I just want you 696 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: how to look at this because I ain't gonna put 697 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,400 Speaker 1: my business on the street. Right. They said they had 698 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:44,160 Speaker 1: a hundred and thirty one guests and the average one 699 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,719 Speaker 1: guests was thirty three thousand. We had three people show up, 700 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,720 Speaker 1: So y'all do the math for how much our wedding 701 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,240 Speaker 1: costs and how stupid that was. It was so stupid, 702 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,680 Speaker 1: so stupid. This time around, we're gonna have a fraction 703 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: of the guests and top priority is going to be 704 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:03,319 Speaker 1: that devol. I yes, have a grand alt with the 705 00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: people that we love, grand old time people that we love, 706 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,359 Speaker 1: and with the woman I love. So I love you girl, 707 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:13,400 Speaker 1: Oh I love you too. So exciting. What a great 708 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,839 Speaker 1: way to wrap this season. It's almost like a cliffhanger. See, 709 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,280 Speaker 1: I'll got to make sure that y'all follow the hashtag. Okay, 710 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,759 Speaker 1: follow the hashtag? Um, what's the hashtag again? Make sure 711 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:29,879 Speaker 1: you'll follow the hag what the hathang ellis ellis vournual? 712 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: I started that on Instagram with a couple of photos 713 00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:35,680 Speaker 1: and stuff here and there, And of course I'm gonna 714 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,319 Speaker 1: be doing some pieces on my my blogs, so make 715 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,239 Speaker 1: sure you catch up with that as well. And the 716 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:46,319 Speaker 1: other hashtag baby e four on the ways. See what 717 00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 1: you shouldn't have did that? What you messed up at 718 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 1: was after we did a vournual shoot for being Collective magazine, 719 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:57,040 Speaker 1: Dive went on camera and gave all sorts of falsehoods, 720 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:59,360 Speaker 1: saying that the only reason why he's doing this bourn 721 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: is because I promised him another baby that is going 722 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,880 Speaker 1: on the record. Where's the going on the record? And 723 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 1: let y'all know that is not true. That little deal 724 00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:12,080 Speaker 1: never happened. We never shook on it. That did not happen. 725 00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: So please don't women, women, can you being a renigga? 726 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:20,480 Speaker 1: Can I even say that? Can I? I don't even 727 00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 1: gonna say. Y'all know what renigga is, right, I can't 728 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:26,359 Speaker 1: call your renigga. That just sounds messed up you, uh man? 729 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:31,359 Speaker 1: I want to call your She taken back on a deal? 730 00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 1: I said to her? She said that, She said de 731 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,279 Speaker 1: vow would you marry me again? And I said, would 732 00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,600 Speaker 1: you have another baby for me again? And she was like, 733 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: if we have a vournewal. You didn't say that, did that? 734 00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,040 Speaker 1: I did not say that you did. Maybe in your 735 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 1: dreams are but ren word? You are re in word? Well, 736 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: this last we wrapped this episode. Where do you? Where 737 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,040 Speaker 1: do you see yourself? For like your twentieth For our 738 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: twentieth wedding anniversary, we had ten I got to think 739 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,640 Speaker 1: about twenty weeks. Gave me the ten. Can't we dream though? 740 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:11,600 Speaker 1: The same? When you want to dream about a baby, 741 00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:12,800 Speaker 1: I just want to dream that we're gonna be in 742 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,600 Speaker 1: twenty years. Where do we see ourselves in twenty years? 743 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,600 Speaker 1: You are my honest opinion, In my honest opinion. Ten 744 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:25,560 Speaker 1: years from now, we'll have five kids because you'll get 745 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,319 Speaker 1: pregnant and we'll have twin girls. We'll live in a 746 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,880 Speaker 1: big house in Atlanta, live in a bit. You asked me, 747 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:36,360 Speaker 1: You asked me, can I can I not even finish 748 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,160 Speaker 1: my dream? We talked about your dream, how almost got 749 00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:41,919 Speaker 1: broke trying to give you your dream? But I can't 750 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,920 Speaker 1: even talk about my dream on the podcast ahead. So 751 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: we'll have twin girls. Right, we're living in Atlanta in 752 00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:53,360 Speaker 1: a huge house. Jackson will be on his way to college. 753 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,520 Speaker 1: Oh no, he'll be an All American. He'll receive a scholarship. 754 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to go there, and no, you ask 755 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:01,719 Speaker 1: these question. He'll be receiving a scholarship to go to 756 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:08,400 Speaker 1: college to play basketball at Stanford or a prestigious HBCU. 757 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,759 Speaker 1: And Cairo and Cast will be following in his footsteps. 758 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,919 Speaker 1: There will be all Americans heading into high school because 759 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,760 Speaker 1: they're gonna play whatever sport they want to play. Cairo 760 00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:20,879 Speaker 1: is probably gonna play an instrument, will probably be doing 761 00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:27,799 Speaker 1: some sort of TV. Kas will be and it definitely does. 762 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,399 Speaker 1: And he'll be the only kid that nobody knows. My 763 00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: two princesses, My two princesses will be nine years old, 764 00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:42,399 Speaker 1: and they'll look just like their mom, and they'll sit 765 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,480 Speaker 1: on my right shoulder, my left shoulder, and we'll just 766 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,160 Speaker 1: be walking around our big life mansion in Atlanta together, 767 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:54,720 Speaker 1: and that's where will be planning, planning our second vole renewal. 768 00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:58,440 Speaker 1: And I let them to pick my whole outfit and 769 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,439 Speaker 1: everything they them two can desire, everything Daddy wants to wear. 770 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,200 Speaker 1: This is great. Yes, that's a great little story there. 771 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:07,839 Speaker 1: I don't even want to say my my twenty year 772 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:09,439 Speaker 1: at universe, who are I say? You took you took 773 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:11,400 Speaker 1: all the words out of my mouth with the accession 774 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:15,759 Speaker 1: of the daughters. But but yeah, you know, um, you 775 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:17,680 Speaker 1: know I probably say this as the moment of truth. 776 00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,239 Speaker 1: I think this is a good moment of truth question. 777 00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:22,239 Speaker 1: We'll do a little twist on it, right, So when 778 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,360 Speaker 1: we come back from the break with the ads and 779 00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,719 Speaker 1: all that stuff and listener letters, your moment of the 780 00:40:26,719 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 1: truth question is going to be something that you still 781 00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:33,480 Speaker 1: appreciate about me or each other after ten years of marriage, 782 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,319 Speaker 1: in eighteen years being together. Woild that be a cute 783 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 1: little moment of truth. Yeah, I already know what it is. 784 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:42,320 Speaker 1: You know what it is. Hold it hold that we 785 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,480 Speaker 1: talked all about renew We're gonna take a quick break, 786 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,440 Speaker 1: move into listener letters moment of truth of all that 787 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 1: good stuff. But let's do some ads first. Okay, deal, deal, 788 00:40:51,000 --> 00:41:02,640 Speaker 1: deal deal. This is for the record there. It is 789 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:07,840 Speaker 1: a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of 790 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:12,560 Speaker 1: our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes 791 00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:17,080 Speaker 1: with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible 792 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:25,520 Speaker 1: and selfish behavior. But here it is the return to glory. 793 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:30,200 Speaker 1: This is All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted 794 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:33,320 Speaker 1: by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Woos doesn't know 795 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,600 Speaker 1: who he is best in the history of golf, no 796 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:40,839 Speaker 1: question in my mind. And this season, with the help 797 00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:45,280 Speaker 1: of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story 798 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 1: of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what 799 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:54,480 Speaker 1: if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. 800 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,000 Speaker 1: Listen in Stitcher, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app. 801 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,600 Speaker 1: All right, so we did a lot of babbling this 802 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,640 Speaker 1: time around, you know, this whole season. Let's get into 803 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,960 Speaker 1: our last bit of final listener letters. We had so 804 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:19,080 Speaker 1: many to sift through this season. Is the last episode 805 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:20,719 Speaker 1: of the season, but I'm gonna say it like it's 806 00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:25,480 Speaker 1: the first. This is Cadine's favorite party. She'd be reading 807 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:30,200 Speaker 1: their emails and be all that, Oh, let me say, yes, 808 00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,719 Speaker 1: better than some of them, Zane not novels from back 809 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,719 Speaker 1: in the day, and or your colts went toever and 810 00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,400 Speaker 1: all the books. Shout out to people who remember what 811 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:42,040 Speaker 1: those are? Those were the jams back first. Yeah, go 812 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:46,000 Speaker 1: for it. Okay, Hey, Codina what's up. I recently got 813 00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: engaged back in November, and so my question is, do 814 00:42:48,800 --> 00:42:52,040 Speaker 1: you think I'll regret not having a wedding. My fiance 815 00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: and I talked about it and just want to have 816 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,960 Speaker 1: a ceremony and go on a nice, relaxing vacation. I 817 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,239 Speaker 1: had a conversation with a friend and family member and 818 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,000 Speaker 1: was told that she regretted not having a wedding. I 819 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,120 Speaker 1: don't want that to happen to me. But but in 820 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,440 Speaker 1: our situation, we'd be the only ones paying for our 821 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 1: wedding without the help of our parents, so it is 822 00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,640 Speaker 1: very expensive. I would like to have one, but I 823 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,720 Speaker 1: would rather do a ceremony and go on a vacation 824 00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: since it is way more affordable. Everyone around us seems 825 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,560 Speaker 1: to keep trying to change our minds and trying to 826 00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:20,560 Speaker 1: get us to have a wedding, so I keep having 827 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:25,600 Speaker 1: mixed emotions. Girls, this is what you tell them, bye bye, 828 00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 1: bye bye bye as you get get planning and you're 829 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:29,840 Speaker 1: going on your vacation, because what they want is for 830 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 1: you to have a wedding so they can come and 831 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,120 Speaker 1: they can eat, and they can drink, and they can 832 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,880 Speaker 1: be merry and leave your ass in debt or or 833 00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,040 Speaker 1: you can say everybody's want to change my mind? How 834 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 1: about your chip together and throw us a wedding story 835 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:44,239 Speaker 1: to go fund me page. How that. Listen, you guys 836 00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,040 Speaker 1: are making possibly the smartest decision of your life. And 837 00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,440 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you like this, the wedding is never 838 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,960 Speaker 1: gonna go anywhere. What you can do is is go 839 00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:55,240 Speaker 1: on a vacation right, save the money by your first house, 840 00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:57,799 Speaker 1: then have the big wedding that you want to have, 841 00:43:58,480 --> 00:44:01,920 Speaker 1: rather than trying to scrimpton and put it together for nothing. 842 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,759 Speaker 1: Says you can have a five years we're here. We 843 00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,319 Speaker 1: are having a whole last one v renual ten years, 844 00:44:06,320 --> 00:44:09,640 Speaker 1: ten years later. The wedding ain't going nowhere, So don't 845 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,919 Speaker 1: listen to them. They want to be able to dress 846 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,200 Speaker 1: up and come to you your events and all that stuff. Now, 847 00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:18,040 Speaker 1: if you can afford it, and you can do it 848 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,239 Speaker 1: the way you want to do it, of course, absolutely. 849 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,120 Speaker 1: But if you, if you, if no one's gonna help you, 850 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,440 Speaker 1: and right now you're not in a good financial situation, 851 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,600 Speaker 1: do not put yourself in debt to appease your friends. 852 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:31,040 Speaker 1: Don't do it. Don't do it. We've done that already 853 00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,080 Speaker 1: don't do it. Where those people devot Do you realize 854 00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,600 Speaker 1: that they listened to the podcast right now and pissed 855 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,680 Speaker 1: because they know they're not coming to the valnual. That's 856 00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:42,360 Speaker 1: where they are ship. No, but we've become those people 857 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,080 Speaker 1: that's like, don't do it. Don't do it. Like I 858 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:46,200 Speaker 1: remember people telling me little things back in the day 859 00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,920 Speaker 1: when I was younger, I was thinking to myself, whatever, 860 00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,440 Speaker 1: I'm gonna do what I want anyway, but no, don't 861 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,080 Speaker 1: do it. Since we're telling you because you wrote it 862 00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:56,120 Speaker 1: and you asked so clearly, only because you asked if 863 00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:57,720 Speaker 1: you wanted to do it, I'd be like, go ahead 864 00:44:57,719 --> 00:45:00,120 Speaker 1: and do it. You don't want to do it, No, 865 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,120 Speaker 1: the wedding and the festivities is not going anywhere. And 866 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:04,799 Speaker 1: if you do decide that you want to have one 867 00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,600 Speaker 1: or your feeling regrets later on, go ahead and throw 868 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:11,360 Speaker 1: yourself a what as a big one and then invite 869 00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:14,520 Speaker 1: who you want to invite. Here we go. That was easy. 870 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,880 Speaker 1: Next one. I do understand that every individual must define 871 00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,040 Speaker 1: their own relationship and the terms of what works for them. 872 00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:25,000 Speaker 1: But as a foundation, how would both of you define 873 00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:29,320 Speaker 1: what exactly a wife or husband is, what qualities are pivotal. 874 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:32,640 Speaker 1: What expectations should you have on your spouse that would 875 00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,520 Speaker 1: be different from just a boyfriend or a girlfriend relationship? Overall? 876 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,720 Speaker 1: What does it mean to be married? Long story short, 877 00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,840 Speaker 1: you want to go first. I mean, I'm just happy 878 00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,120 Speaker 1: somebody's asking these questions, and I'm assuming this person is 879 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,200 Speaker 1: not married yet, so they want to know what exactly 880 00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,360 Speaker 1: goes into it. These are probably the questions I should 881 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:53,040 Speaker 1: have been asking getting married. So it could out to 882 00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,959 Speaker 1: you for asking these questions because I didn't actually ask 883 00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:59,400 Speaker 1: the questions about what goes into being a wife? Um? 884 00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:02,279 Speaker 1: What are so pivotal life changing decisions that are going 885 00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:05,680 Speaker 1: to be made? Um? So, So yeah, shout out to 886 00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,399 Speaker 1: you for that. Um go ahead about go ahead and start. 887 00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,279 Speaker 1: You look like you're ready to stalk. Yes I am, 888 00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:13,440 Speaker 1: because you know, people always often debate about this right 889 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,480 Speaker 1: because I say all the time that marriage is a business. Right. 890 00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,800 Speaker 1: It is technically a business. In order to get married, 891 00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,000 Speaker 1: you have to go and apply papers through the state, 892 00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,160 Speaker 1: and through the state, you are legally binded to this 893 00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,959 Speaker 1: person that you're married to, which means when you die, 894 00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:32,280 Speaker 1: your debts or your assets go to your wife or husband. Period. 895 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,360 Speaker 1: Marriage is a business right. I can sit here and 896 00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:36,160 Speaker 1: lie to you and say it's about the love and 897 00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,920 Speaker 1: trust and communication and blah blah blah. But you can 898 00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,040 Speaker 1: have that with a boyfriend and girlfriend. Correct. Yes, Once 899 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,520 Speaker 1: you decide to sign on that line and become someone's 900 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:48,200 Speaker 1: life partner, you are legally obligated to certain things. With 901 00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,880 Speaker 1: that being said, once you are a wife or a husband, 902 00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:54,400 Speaker 1: you have to start thinking about these decisions as a business. 903 00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,160 Speaker 1: You can't be as selfish because if you're a boyfriend 904 00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,600 Speaker 1: a girlfriend and you decide, you know, I don't want 905 00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,560 Speaker 1: to be with this person, you can walk away, and 906 00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,120 Speaker 1: you can walk away with the same things that you 907 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:05,520 Speaker 1: came with. When you're married and you decide that you 908 00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 1: don't want to be with this person, if that happens, 909 00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,360 Speaker 1: there's a lot more tied into that. So the decisions 910 00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:13,360 Speaker 1: you make while in that marriage have to be taken 911 00:47:13,360 --> 00:47:16,040 Speaker 1: with the same type of importance, which means you, guys, 912 00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:20,400 Speaker 1: should discuss more finances. You should discussum your will, you 913 00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:23,040 Speaker 1: should discuss your tax options. You to discuss who you 914 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:25,440 Speaker 1: vote for because who you vote for, and this is 915 00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,760 Speaker 1: a huge thing, who you vote for may not affect 916 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:31,360 Speaker 1: you personally, but it may affect both of you together. 917 00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,359 Speaker 1: So back in the day, when you were dating and 918 00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:35,760 Speaker 1: you didn't speak to people about politics, it didn't matter. 919 00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,000 Speaker 1: But now if you guys are sharing the householder, your 920 00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:41,520 Speaker 1: income is affected by taxes and text right offs depending 921 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:43,239 Speaker 1: on who you vote for. You and your wife should 922 00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,440 Speaker 1: discuss these things. And I just think that when you 923 00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:47,799 Speaker 1: get married, you should start looking at your life as 924 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,120 Speaker 1: a business. The love is going to be there, because 925 00:47:50,120 --> 00:47:52,480 Speaker 1: if the love is there, that's when you ask somebody 926 00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:54,640 Speaker 1: to marry you. If y'all a boy from a girlfriend 927 00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:56,239 Speaker 1: for some years or some months and y'all love each 928 00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:59,480 Speaker 1: other and all that stuff is there, cool, do not 929 00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:01,640 Speaker 1: forget the business part of marriage, I guess, I mean, 930 00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:04,080 Speaker 1: I guess that would be the biggest change, because you 931 00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:06,360 Speaker 1: look about a boyfriend and girlfriend, especially say, for example, 932 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,439 Speaker 1: someone who's been dating for a long amount of time, 933 00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,360 Speaker 1: and you know, you have those those couples who have 934 00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,600 Speaker 1: just been dating for like years and years and years 935 00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,880 Speaker 1: and it just never decided to actually get married legally 936 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,480 Speaker 1: and sign on the dotted line. I even think about 937 00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:22,080 Speaker 1: your grandma, Um, you're you're nanny like she was with 938 00:48:22,320 --> 00:48:25,080 Speaker 1: you know, Papa John for over twenty years his boyfriend 939 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:26,919 Speaker 1: and girlfriend living together all that. I guess that would 940 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:29,480 Speaker 1: be considered common law. So there's certain laws associated with 941 00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:31,520 Speaker 1: that that I'm not privy too. I'm not sure. But 942 00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:33,520 Speaker 1: they were together for a very very long time and 943 00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,680 Speaker 1: then you know, decided to retire and then eventually got married, 944 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:38,760 Speaker 1: and I think at that point it probably made sense 945 00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,520 Speaker 1: because when you're married, especially at that age, you know 946 00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:43,520 Speaker 1: your assets, You think about things where they're going to 947 00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:47,560 Speaker 1: be going. Yeah, and who has like that next kid 948 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:52,080 Speaker 1: responsibility and all that for sure. Um So, yeah, that's 949 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,560 Speaker 1: a very very good point too. And then yeah, there's 950 00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,920 Speaker 1: also two that I don't I know for some people 951 00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,880 Speaker 1: I've heard, like it's different when you're dating someone for 952 00:48:59,880 --> 00:49:01,799 Speaker 1: a long amount of time and then you finally married, 953 00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,160 Speaker 1: you can call them a husband or wife. But there's 954 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,880 Speaker 1: so much more that goes into the title of a 955 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:08,920 Speaker 1: husband and a wife. And a lot of that too, 956 00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,200 Speaker 1: is a lot of selflessness that goes into it because 957 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:15,080 Speaker 1: it's considering the whole unit versus just the individual, whereas 958 00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:18,920 Speaker 1: boyfriend and girlfriend and things can be very separate some times. 959 00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:22,279 Speaker 1: Um So there definitely it's like the entire unit, bless you. 960 00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:24,960 Speaker 1: There's the entire unit now that you have to take 961 00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:28,920 Speaker 1: into consideration and making those decisions that are very selfless 962 00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,799 Speaker 1: sometimes or having to compromise on certain things, um, and 963 00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,040 Speaker 1: having discussions about things that you can't just move on 964 00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,480 Speaker 1: your own. You're going to have to move as a unit. 965 00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:39,400 Speaker 1: So that's the biggest thing, is like trying to be 966 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,000 Speaker 1: on the same page. I think, um, within a marriage, 967 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,680 Speaker 1: it's very important as a wife and you know, taking 968 00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:47,960 Speaker 1: care of your baby. I think I'm glad you said that. 969 00:49:48,040 --> 00:49:51,200 Speaker 1: Taking care of your baby and just all the work 970 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,879 Speaker 1: you put in when you're dating someone. Normally when people 971 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,640 Speaker 1: get married, a lot of times just stops because you 972 00:49:57,680 --> 00:49:59,400 Speaker 1: put all this work in to get to know someone, 973 00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:01,600 Speaker 1: to love some want to trust someone, to be with someone. 974 00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:05,799 Speaker 1: Then you get married and it's assumed that that's it's there. 975 00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:08,279 Speaker 1: Now you're my wife, you're my husband. Is stopped like 976 00:50:08,320 --> 00:50:10,439 Speaker 1: you know how I feel, you know how I feel? 977 00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:13,759 Speaker 1: Like we're good? Like No, that same energy that you 978 00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:16,200 Speaker 1: had to try to gain that person's trust to become 979 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,080 Speaker 1: a husband or a wife, you have to keep that 980 00:50:18,320 --> 00:50:23,560 Speaker 1: to keep your marriage. But with that being yes, and 981 00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,920 Speaker 1: it is difficult, but to be honest, it was difficult 982 00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,880 Speaker 1: to get to this point. It's difficult to maintain this point. 983 00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,839 Speaker 1: But with that being said, nothing changes love wise once 984 00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:37,200 Speaker 1: you get married. The only thing that changes is the 985 00:50:37,239 --> 00:50:41,560 Speaker 1: fact that you are technically a business, like seriously, And 986 00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 1: I don't think people understand that. Why I keep saying 987 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,040 Speaker 1: marriage is a business. God forbid, something that had happened 988 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,760 Speaker 1: to your husband or wife. Whatever debt they have rolls 989 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:54,239 Speaker 1: over on you. Now, whatever I asked us they have 990 00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:57,680 Speaker 1: rolls over on you. It's kind of financial responsibility. Those 991 00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:01,160 Speaker 1: financial responsibilities have to be taken care of by us 992 00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:03,120 Speaker 1: as a community, because that's the only way we're gonna 993 00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:06,080 Speaker 1: build generational wealth and be able to pass things onto 994 00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,400 Speaker 1: the future generations by taking marriage and the business of 995 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:14,000 Speaker 1: marriage seriously. The lovey dovey stuff that's gonna be there 996 00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,680 Speaker 1: if you work for it, if you work for it, 997 00:51:16,719 --> 00:51:18,640 Speaker 1: but the business you've got to be on top of that. 998 00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:23,799 Speaker 1: All right now, I'm passionate about this. You should be 999 00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:27,560 Speaker 1: passionate about this. Two we when the debt getting married, 1000 00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:30,520 Speaker 1: thankfully we're out of that. I think about what we 1001 00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,960 Speaker 1: can do for our kids, to be honest, and then 1002 00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,640 Speaker 1: this is not you know, this is not me patting 1003 00:51:35,640 --> 00:51:37,520 Speaker 1: myself on the back. But Kadina and I have done 1004 00:51:37,520 --> 00:51:39,440 Speaker 1: things financially to be able to put things away for 1005 00:51:39,480 --> 00:51:43,200 Speaker 1: our children. And now it's to a point where if 1006 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,040 Speaker 1: my son or my daughter saying if we have a 1007 00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:48,640 Speaker 1: daughter were to get married, I can offer them the 1008 00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:52,320 Speaker 1: opportunity to have the wedding that they want, not going debt, 1009 00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:55,239 Speaker 1: and provide them with a place to live so that 1010 00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:58,040 Speaker 1: they can start off with the next day rather than 1011 00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,880 Speaker 1: starting off in debt. And we're not accepting applications for 1012 00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:06,719 Speaker 1: y'all daughter. Put that out there. Do you understand that 1013 00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:09,000 Speaker 1: your sons are gonna get married? At some point you 1014 00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,240 Speaker 1: stop trying to hold onto these boys. Get it stop. 1015 00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 1: So they're gonna get married, and they're not gonna forget 1016 00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:15,680 Speaker 1: about you. I know they won't. They have no choice 1017 00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:18,640 Speaker 1: by that they're not. We're gonna be a net empty 1018 00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,359 Speaker 1: nest house. We're gonna be able to swing from the shandez. Oh, 1019 00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,160 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to that. I want an all white plates, 1020 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:25,919 Speaker 1: so we're all white with the kids will not even 1021 00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,000 Speaker 1: be able to come to so we won't notice that. 1022 00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:31,960 Speaker 1: All I guess that actually have like a nice together space, 1023 00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:34,319 Speaker 1: gives them a nice foundation. Make sure that they're good. 1024 00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:37,400 Speaker 1: Make sure your grandkids are good. And that's that's about 1025 00:52:37,440 --> 00:52:42,520 Speaker 1: this love that dap me up up all right. Yes, 1026 00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,920 Speaker 1: So just because we're done for the season does not 1027 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,520 Speaker 1: mean that the listening letters have to stop. If you 1028 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:52,160 Speaker 1: have something on your heart, if something's going on, even 1029 00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:55,319 Speaker 1: in our hiatus, please make sure that you reach out 1030 00:52:55,360 --> 00:52:58,080 Speaker 1: to us. Email us at dead as Advice at gmail 1031 00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:01,560 Speaker 1: dot com. The email box is always open all right now. 1032 00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:03,560 Speaker 1: And uh, you know, if you want to be featured 1033 00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:06,319 Speaker 1: as a listener letter, be sure to hit us up there. 1034 00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:08,799 Speaker 1: All right. So I talked about the moment of truth. 1035 00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:10,759 Speaker 1: We're going to do a little different because normally it's 1036 00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:13,120 Speaker 1: just like a recap of the episode, our takeaway. But 1037 00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:17,359 Speaker 1: I had a particular question for you. Um, as we 1038 00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:21,640 Speaker 1: close on out, what's something that you still appreciate about me, 1039 00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:25,480 Speaker 1: or each other or our relationship after ten years married 1040 00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:28,880 Speaker 1: and eighteen years of being together. This is the God's 1041 00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:33,200 Speaker 1: honest truth. I can appreciate that you and I are 1042 00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:41,680 Speaker 1: still best friends. Your head head. I just say that. 1043 00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:44,520 Speaker 1: I just rubbed your head. Now you got this is 1044 00:53:44,560 --> 00:53:47,040 Speaker 1: exactly why we're still together. And while we're having another 1045 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:50,759 Speaker 1: I heard what you said. What I just said I'm 1046 00:53:50,800 --> 00:53:52,959 Speaker 1: rubbing your head and now you gotta rub mom. Shut 1047 00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,319 Speaker 1: up about anyway. I was literally going to say that 1048 00:53:56,360 --> 00:54:01,000 Speaker 1: we're still like best buddies. We still laugh about nothing. 1049 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:04,400 Speaker 1: You still God forgive us. But we make fun of 1050 00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,000 Speaker 1: people together. We're being a car people watching, laughing at 1051 00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:11,440 Speaker 1: people we do. We clown about some finish each other's sentence. 1052 00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,799 Speaker 1: Is still part of the reason why you, guys know 1053 00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,200 Speaker 1: us is because on social media you follow the funny 1054 00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:19,359 Speaker 1: silly videos and people say, you know, I hope your 1055 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:22,440 Speaker 1: your relationship. You know it's really as good as it 1056 00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:25,319 Speaker 1: looks on social media. And I'll be honest, guys, we 1057 00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,000 Speaker 1: laugh and joke and are able to make funny videos 1058 00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:31,719 Speaker 1: because we are best friends. I love you, I love 1059 00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:36,400 Speaker 1: you my moment, I fucking love you. That's what we 1060 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:41,000 Speaker 1: still appreciate that we're like legitimately friends like till the end. 1061 00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,719 Speaker 1: You got a friend in me. You got a friend 1062 00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:53,600 Speaker 1: in me when you when your road is ruugh for 1063 00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:57,040 Speaker 1: head and your mouth and your mouth from your nice 1064 00:54:57,160 --> 00:55:03,760 Speaker 1: warm baby, you got a friend. You got a friend. 1065 00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:06,680 Speaker 1: I'm glad you know the lyrics for the rest of it, 1066 00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:09,239 Speaker 1: because I didn't know anything past you got a friend 1067 00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,000 Speaker 1: of me. He was doing that nervous laugh and I hope, 1068 00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:14,279 Speaker 1: hope you don't ask me to don't turn to Mike 1069 00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:19,719 Speaker 1: my way. Don't turn to Mike by way. Oh my gosh. Alright, 1070 00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:22,920 Speaker 1: you give him one last outro baby for the for 1071 00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,200 Speaker 1: the road. This is the last show of the season. 1072 00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:29,439 Speaker 1: So much for listening it did it? Did? I feel 1073 00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:30,880 Speaker 1: like we have so much fun. Do you all have 1074 00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:32,759 Speaker 1: so much fun with us, because we sure has had 1075 00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:35,120 Speaker 1: have fun making these for you guys. I do hope 1076 00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,440 Speaker 1: you have for sure. Thank you so much for listening. 1077 00:55:37,760 --> 00:55:40,719 Speaker 1: If you want to continue following us, we mean, if 1078 00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,239 Speaker 1: you want to continue, you better continue to follow us 1079 00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:45,440 Speaker 1: on social media. He's going to threaten the people he 1080 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:51,719 Speaker 1: actually following us on social media. I am subscribe to 1081 00:55:51,800 --> 00:55:54,960 Speaker 1: dead Ass or on stitchr, Spotify or Apple podcast And 1082 00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,640 Speaker 1: if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, 1083 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:03,359 Speaker 1: review and subscribe absolutely and we love, love, love you guys. 1084 00:56:03,920 --> 00:56:06,840 Speaker 1: Please be sure to stick around season four. We'll be 1085 00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:08,400 Speaker 1: here before you know it. But in the meantime, we're 1086 00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:11,760 Speaker 1: going a way to get married real quick again. Peace 1087 00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:19,799 Speaker 1: Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. We 1088 00:56:19,840 --> 00:56:23,600 Speaker 1: are produced by Jackie Soljico and Dinor Opinia are executive 1089 00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:28,080 Speaker 1: producer T Square. Our associate producers are Triple and Kristin Torres. 1090 00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,800 Speaker 1: Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon. Our studio engineer 1091 00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,719 Speaker 1: and original music is by Brendan Burns and last but 1092 00:56:34,760 --> 00:56:45,160 Speaker 1: not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen. We'll back. 1093 00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,279 Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a 1094 00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,440 Speaker 1: podcast going on right now as part of the Stitching 1095 00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:55,560 Speaker 1: Network called Abstraction that's available everywhere. Get the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, 1096 00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,279 Speaker 1: Go listen right now to the Distraction right now. It's out. 1097 00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,120 Speaker 1: Do it, please U