Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central from New York City, the
Speaker 1: only city in America. It's the show. Then you think
Speaker 1: you knew this. It's The Daily Show with your host
Speaker 1: Joe war Junior. I'm gonna gotten show. I am Lord Julio.
Speaker 1: What's okay? We welcome you to the Daily Show. We
Speaker 1: welcome you to this wonderful, wonderful programming, and it's my
Speaker 1: pleasure to welcome you to the indictment circus dotment. He
Speaker 1: looked down at the final Anyway, it's a summer day
Speaker 1: for democracy. This is gonna be exhausted. Let's just get
Speaker 1: to the headlines. Yeah, all right. So we're here in
Speaker 1: New York City, and today was one for the history
Speaker 1: books because when today begain, we were preparing for the
Speaker 1: craziest day in New York since the State Puff marshmallow
Speaker 1: Man came to time and busted a nut on the
Speaker 1: whole city that wasn't marshmallows. But today was even crazier
Speaker 1: because today was Trump arrayment Day. He was breaking the
Speaker 1: news in a remarkable chapter of American history. For the
Speaker 1: first time, a former president faced a judge in a
Speaker 1: criminal courtroom on charges he broke the law and It
Speaker 1: happened right here in New York City, were President Trump
Speaker 1: pleads not guilty to thirty four counts of falsifying business
Speaker 1: records related to hush money payments. The photograph is stark
Speaker 1: and historic as we look at it. Donald Trump, that's
Speaker 1: a man who looks like a defendant, you know, the
Speaker 1: former president. I've seen that face not many times. He's
Speaker 1: he looks somber. Look at you. Look at your ass?
Speaker 1: Now they got your ass. Ain't so far fry? You
Speaker 1: spent all that money talking shit about the judge. You
Speaker 1: talk shit about the DA or I'm a march in
Speaker 1: the courtroom and I'm a tump. Shut your ass. Look
Speaker 1: a look at how sad Trump looks. A man looked
Speaker 1: like somebody told him his dog died, and that Mike
Speaker 1: Pence is still alive. And you can talk all the
Speaker 1: shit you won't, but I'm telling your baby to moment
Speaker 1: you in that courtroom, that shit get real. Trump's sitting there.
Speaker 1: Trump's in there like, why y'all really gonna do this
Speaker 1: to then? And he alone? Ain't none of your boys
Speaker 1: around no more? You gave them all pardons and everybody, No,
Speaker 1: you don't pardon all your partners. You gotta leave one
Speaker 1: in jails. He has somebody to talk to. And on
Speaker 1: top of all that, this this no Trump did something.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the guilty of, but he did something.
Speaker 1: Look at that outfit first day of court here in
Speaker 1: a suit that don't even fit. Why would you do
Speaker 1: that when if Paltrow showed you the cheat cold boy,
Speaker 1: you got the dress like you don't give them. You
Speaker 1: got to dress for court like you on your way
Speaker 1: to somewhere else. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow. You can't convict me.
Speaker 1: These glasses are quarts CARDI is that how you say it?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't afford nice glasses. So, as
Speaker 1: you can imagine, it was a crazy day in New
Speaker 1: York and the city was ready for anything. Barricades were
Speaker 1: laid out, every police officer was on duty. Even Mayor
Speaker 1: Eric Adams said he might not go to the club
Speaker 1: tonight just in case y'all needle, because you know he'd
Speaker 1: be in the club. He got to keep the phone
Speaker 1: on vibrate, but call him twice so you know it's
Speaker 1: an emergency. And the cops. I give, I get the NYPD.
Speaker 1: The NYPD. This they were right to set up all
Speaker 1: the bearcades. Trump supporters swarmed downtown Manhattan and filled the
Speaker 1: streets with red, white, and blue. It was like a
Speaker 1: Puerto Rican Day parade for people who want to deport
Speaker 1: Puerto Ricans. And to the police's credit, to the police's credit,
Speaker 1: to their credit, they handled it perfectly. They kept everybody
Speaker 1: on both sides far enough apart so nobody got hurt,
Speaker 1: but close enough so they could still roast the shit
Speaker 1: out of each other. I yes, yes, the classics. No.
Speaker 1: Nothing in an argument faster than ayo, mama. It hit
Speaker 1: like a sit your mama, you lose I No matter
Speaker 1: what you said. Donald Trump is a political prisoner, unfairly
Speaker 1: talking about the criminal justiceism. Your mama, BITCHR. That's how
Speaker 1: I'd hit you. You bleed out your O. But it
Speaker 1: was a crazy scene downtown as wow. And one of
Speaker 1: the people making it crazy was Marjorie Taylor Green. Mary
Speaker 1: Taylor Green, MPTG. Swung down to the courthouse double Parker
Speaker 1: broomstick and took part, took part in the festivities, and
Speaker 1: today she offered a defense of the President that I've
Speaker 1: never heard before. President Trump is joining some of the
Speaker 1: most incredible people in history being arrested today. Nelson Mandela
Speaker 1: was arrested, served time in prison. Jesus, Jesus was arrested. Jesus, Jesus,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking too, Like Jesus, what the hell
Speaker 1: is wrong with this lady? How are you going to
Speaker 1: compare Donald Trump to Jesus. First of all, Jesus walked
Speaker 1: on border. Donald Trump could barely walk on land. Now,
Speaker 1: the crazy thing about all of this today is that
Speaker 1: Donald Trump didn't even have to come to New York.
Speaker 1: He could have done the whole arraignment at the crib
Speaker 1: because apparently they gave him the option to be arraigned
Speaker 1: over zoom, you know, like Nelson Mandela and Jesus. But
Speaker 1: I get it. I completely get why Trump didn't do
Speaker 1: it over zoom. One, he'd got on Cameron able to
Speaker 1: just found more classified documents in the background. Two, Trump
Speaker 1: wants publicity looking how he came out of Trump Tier
Speaker 1: this morning given the black power fist like a real
Speaker 1: political prisoner. He lives the ship like this hell. Trump
Speaker 1: labble to show up the court every day, dancing on
Speaker 1: top of a call, like Michael Jackson documented in the media.
Speaker 1: Man the media, what they do? They play right along
Speaker 1: with it, given us wall to wall coverage even when
Speaker 1: there was absolutely nothing to talk about. I will turn
Speaker 1: to you and show you He'll be coming out the
Speaker 1: side door of Trump Tower there, so there is a
Speaker 1: sense of anticipation that his movement is coming. You can
Speaker 1: see some of the traffic heading northbound there. And I'm
Speaker 1: not sure. I'm not sure. I can't remember off the
Speaker 1: top of my head. Off Fifth Avenue is one way
Speaker 1: right thank for the south, so that's not Fifth Avenue.
Speaker 1: I checked ways just before we came in and showed
Speaker 1: that that was the fastest route we expect him to
Speaker 1: enter through us. And I think that was just Sam,
Speaker 1: John and Jillian. Did you guys just see the former
Speaker 1: president walk out? Or is that just me? It's Donald
Speaker 1: Trump right there? I'm sorry either just saw Donald Trump
Speaker 1: overhearing some radio traffic here at any moment. Now, see
Speaker 1: the former president walked through those doors. So there are
Speaker 1: many doors into the courtroom, and it's not just this
Speaker 1: one door. There are side doors and there's a backdoor.
Speaker 1: Photographer Reverence shamrack Laser focused on that front door and
Speaker 1: many hallways that lead to each door. If he does
Speaker 1: go through those doors, he will come by the camera.
Speaker 1: The judge comes in a different door, a jury comes
Speaker 1: in even another door. A defendant who's incarcerated comes in
Speaker 1: a different door. The public comes in the main door.
Speaker 1: So there are many doors. Okay, okay, okay, So let
Speaker 1: me get this straight. You're telling me the courthouse has
Speaker 1: multiple doors, and different people come through different doors, and
Speaker 1: then those doors get neck the other doors, and then
Speaker 1: those are all the doors. Hey man, I'm learning so
Speaker 1: much about the legal system. Thank you cable News. Now
Speaker 1: building's got doors and ship. He learned stuff. Now here's
Speaker 1: bothered me about today. I'll say this, Donald Trump deserves
Speaker 1: a fair trial. But I also want Trump to get
Speaker 1: the full American criminal justice experience, which is not what
Speaker 1: happened today. My man got to schedule his visit to
Speaker 1: the courthouse like heat the cable man. Trump called the court.
Speaker 1: He listen, not be down to the jail Tuesday between
Speaker 1: ten and two. Just make sure you get that. Then
Speaker 1: once Trump got there, there were no handcuffs, there were
Speaker 1: no mug shots, there were no purp walks. Well for
Speaker 1: Trump it would be a purp waddle. But you understand,
Speaker 1: you know that doesn't make the point. My point is
Speaker 1: I'm disappointed because today shows you how humane our courts
Speaker 1: could be. So many people get dragged into this legal system,
Speaker 1: and it's humiliating. You get handcuffed, you get gawk at,
Speaker 1: You wait days, sometimes months for an arrayment, and then
Speaker 1: you go into a building through one of those minute doors.
Speaker 1: You get to a room. They strip you naked, They
Speaker 1: spread your ass cheeks, They make you cough twice, which
Speaker 1: I never understood the second COFs Like the first cough,
Speaker 1: I get. One cough is enough to know whether or
Speaker 1: not I got drugs in my booty. The second coffer
Speaker 1: is for you. That's wrong. Am I sharing too much
Speaker 1: with y'all? Right now? I thought this was I thought
Speaker 1: I could open up to y'all. Apparently not. My point
Speaker 1: is for the sake of this country. I hope that
Speaker 1: Donald Trump gets a swift trial, but that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: he should get to use the TSA pre check lane.
Speaker 1: But here's the good news. The New York investigation is
Speaker 1: just one of many into the former president, so we'll
Speaker 1: have plenty of other opportunities to get him arrested correctly.
Speaker 1: So Georgia got front of opportunities. So State of Georgia,
Speaker 1: if you're listening. When you're finally getting Donald Trump in
Speaker 1: your courting room, make sure he calls twice. Thank you
Speaker 1: for Claptorm, for that man. You know that was good.
Speaker 1: But you know, I just I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: good enough to go viral. I'm trying to go viral
Speaker 1: this week. You know, it's a lot of pressures, guest host.
Speaker 1: You know you got to be funny, you gotta be satirical,
Speaker 1: you gotta be powerful, you gotta you gotta you know,
Speaker 1: you gotta go viral. And I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: I wish, I just wish I had somebody that I
Speaker 1: could talk to the gut me some of this stuff.
Speaker 1: Man Roy, use the false Roy? Who that Roy? Use
Speaker 1: that use the false the ghost man? Who that Roy?
Speaker 1: Use the falce use the use the force? Roy? Roy
Speaker 1: just hurt. I know you, I know you. I know you.
Speaker 1: Don't I know him, I know you. I knew, I
Speaker 1: knew your ass, your old one knobe. I'm John. I'm
Speaker 1: John Stewart. I used to work here when the budget
Speaker 1: wasn't as big back you were you were. I actually
Speaker 1: actually hosted a program. To be honest, man, The Daily
Speaker 1: Show had a white horse. Why are you dressing like
Speaker 1: obi Wan Kenobe. I like to be comfortable, Okay, Roy,
Speaker 1: The point is this, Donald Trump doesn't differ. What does
Speaker 1: that make me? Because if you're Obi Wan, that make
Speaker 1: me Luke Skywalker. I don't want to be Luke Skywalker.
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you want to be Luke Skywalker. Luke Skywalker
Speaker 1: kis his sister. I want to be Han Solo instead
Speaker 1: of Han Solo's badass. Han Solo was cool, he had
Speaker 1: the ship. You can beat Chewbacca. Why would I bond
Speaker 1: being like a wolf ape? That doesn't make it look
Speaker 1: I think we made more sense if I were the
Speaker 1: y sage who mentors the young host and not the
Speaker 1: wolf ape. Also, I cannot return this robe. What happened
Speaker 1: was the events that took place in this But if
Speaker 1: you're obi Wan, if you're obi Wan and I'm Luke
Speaker 1: didn't Does that mean my dad is Vader? Because if
Speaker 1: my dad is Darth Vader, does that mean Donald Trump
Speaker 1: is my dad? Why I'm trying to find I'm trying
Speaker 1: I know that, Roy, Why would Donald Trump be your father?
Speaker 1: Because if I'm Luke and Trump is Vader, that means
Speaker 1: Trump killed you? What fine? You're own solo. I'm baby Yoda. Fine.
Speaker 1: The point is, whyn't you be regularly Yoda about what
Speaker 1: I should have come when Silverman was here? But tell
Speaker 1: them listen, Okay, although, okay, how about this, how about
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna go along with I'm gonna go along
Speaker 1: with you on this. Okay, how about you be Yoda
Speaker 1: because you're all hobbled and green and shit, and I'll
Speaker 1: be Lando. I'll do his reasons. I can be Lando.
Speaker 1: You know. Is this a trap? Yeah? Because you're both
Speaker 1: have a mustache. You must sign a chance. Yes. My
Speaker 1: point is this, Ryan, thank you for having me on
Speaker 1: the program. The thing about and you're doing a fabulous
Speaker 1: shout by lay brother. The thing about this historic indictment
Speaker 1: is that American judas time, thank you so much, gonna
Speaker 1: do it. I mean, John Scoold John School and everybody,
Speaker 1: thank you, everyone, Thank you. All Right, let's come back.
Speaker 1: Let's see what Jordan Trump Well saw the courthouse today.
Speaker 1: So don't go away weak amuck to the Mother show.
Speaker 1: As we saw, there are a lot of crazy characters
Speaker 1: down there at the Trump rally today. Now, if you
Speaker 1: look at this footage of Marjorie Taylor Green, look at
Speaker 1: all these idiots with nothing better to do all day. Wait, wait,
Speaker 1: zoom zoom in on my man in the background right there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's Jordan Clipper. That is that idiot
Speaker 1: doing down there? Clipper, that's a moron. He gonna get
Speaker 1: his assown. I'm right here, Roy, Oh, Jordan Clippery, Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: got cool. I didn't come here. I didn't mean war,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean not an a rail. I'm happy you
Speaker 1: were down there today, Jordan Clipper. As the old saying
Speaker 1: goes better you than me. What was it like down
Speaker 1: You know, it's pretty chill, respectful crowd who quietly showed
Speaker 1: their support for American jurisprudence. I've seen the footage and
Speaker 1: I know that you're right. I am. It was a
Speaker 1: ship show, and I got a front row seat to
Speaker 1: take a big old wiff, take a look. I went
Speaker 1: downtown to watch Trump's historic arrest and the surrounding media circus.
Speaker 1: I was curious how hometown boy Donald Trump would be
Speaker 1: greeted by regular New York Donald Trump Like Jesus Christ?
Speaker 1: What more is there to say? Trump? The deck rum
Speaker 1: now the mother another real guy, Hard Magafu, But also
Speaker 1: appearing were some of the most respected and articulate members
Speaker 1: of the Republican Party. Are you afraid Trump would be
Speaker 1: treated by the Yes, the rising stars of the GOP
Speaker 1: came out in force. If anybody can get Donald Trump
Speaker 1: OP today, it's America's lead depends Attorney George Santos who
Speaker 1: it's a Harvard and are you Are you finally bringing
Speaker 1: legitimacy to the downtime? Are you finally bringing legitimacy to
Speaker 1: the crossest parts? Can you talk to us about your
Speaker 1: volleyball test? Tluck to me about your which hockey reason?
Speaker 1: Why have you gotten that this guy as first president
Speaker 1: of the United States that you can actually Jordan talk
Speaker 1: to me about. After productive conversation like that, I feel
Speaker 1: good about our nation's future. Fluck everybody, Jordan, Um, if
Speaker 1: nobody else is done in Jordan, I want to thank
Speaker 1: you for all that you've done, because I know it
Speaker 1: takes a lot out of you, you know, right, I
Speaker 1: appreciate that. I'm looking forward to a nice rest. No,
Speaker 1: you gotta go back down and get some more. We
Speaker 1: need some more this ship for tomorrow. Okay, you're the
Speaker 1: boss for this week. Jordan Clapper. Everybody, all right? Thank
Speaker 1: told me because when we'll come back raving. Phoebe will
Speaker 1: be joining me on the show. I would we fell
Speaker 1: around the table. Welcome back to the Daily Show. My
Speaker 1: debt Tonight is the creator and star of the Anyone
Speaker 1: in HBO series, A Black Lady Sketch Show. Please welcome
Speaker 1: Robin Thy Robin. Oh my god, listen, I wore my
Speaker 1: Trump orange. We are reclaiming this color. We are ready. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: it's what a day to be in New York. What
Speaker 1: a what it feels like Christmas? And just prom just
Speaker 1: everything wrapped into one. I drove my Trump Tower. They
Speaker 1: were screaming, lock him up. I was just really, I
Speaker 1: just I'm here for the trial. You know, I'm here
Speaker 1: for the looting. I need a TV. Yeah. No, that's fair,
Speaker 1: that's fair. But do you really ever need an excuse
Speaker 1: to loot Roy now? Before you before you got the
Speaker 1: HBO series. Yeah, your journey through unscripted television, You've had
Speaker 1: your own television show. I did need to you to
Speaker 1: run down shouts out to that where you quarterback a lot.
Speaker 1: No one in the audience, that's fine, that's why it
Speaker 1: was canceled, you paple um. No, it was prior to that,
Speaker 1: The Nightly Show with Laurie Wills where you were and
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. The first black woman hit
Speaker 1: writer in the history of unscripted late night television, and
Speaker 1: you wrote for The Correspondence Dinner. How much do you
Speaker 1: miss this world and talking about Trump? Because Black Lady
Speaker 1: Sketch Show so much of it is about the black
Speaker 1: experience in just the unique perspectives that people may not
Speaker 1: necessarily look through, what black women go through and what
Speaker 1: black women deal with from a funny perspective, very Trump heavy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not at all. How much do you miss? I don't
Speaker 1: miss it at all. I have to be honest, Like,
Speaker 1: it's not like I don't keep up with the news. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I am. My mother has been in politics forever, Like
Speaker 1: it's very important to me. But I don't miss having
Speaker 1: to make fun of something that has already made fun
Speaker 1: of itself so much, you know. But but I truly,
Speaker 1: I mean, you have gotten me. It's actually your fault
Speaker 1: that I'm really interested in everything that's going on. Because
Speaker 1: your Gwyneth Paltrow trial coverage was so funny and I
Speaker 1: was like, I cannot wait ready, so good, and I
Speaker 1: was literally on the edge of my seat watching your
Speaker 1: take on it. And I was like, what is this
Speaker 1: Trump child gonna be? Is he gonna just try to
Speaker 1: represent himself? Is he gonna is he gonna get up
Speaker 1: and say you can't handle the truth and then his
Speaker 1: wigballs off? Like what's gonna happen? I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I'm excited to have you covering it. I'm excited to
Speaker 1: have you at this desk. Thank you so your program,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, my program, your program, Black Ladies Sketch Show
Speaker 1: entering its fourth season. Crazy. It's so good, guys, and
Speaker 1: not just in front of the camera, but all of
Speaker 1: the black women that you employed behind the camera. You're
Speaker 1: big on diversity. You're big on showing black women and
Speaker 1: putting and giving the putting them on a pedal stool
Speaker 1: in this era of so many other channels going we
Speaker 1: don't know what diversity is. Where is the talented black
Speaker 1: Why did you hire all of them? We are you
Speaker 1: don't know? I did not. I did not. I did
Speaker 1: not the diversity problem you hid all. There are so
Speaker 1: many talented black women out here, and women of color.
Speaker 1: There's so many, there are so many people. Look, people
Speaker 1: didn't know who I was really told Larry Wilmore put
Speaker 1: me on the nightly show people didn't know you know
Speaker 1: who a lot of these people are. I mean, so
Speaker 1: many great people have come through our show and everybody
Speaker 1: from Angela Bassett who said to me, I did the
Speaker 1: show because no one asked me to do comedy, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, if you can play Tina's tarner, you can
Speaker 1: do a sketch, you know, and so and so for me,
Speaker 1: it's like the talent from that level to little YouTube
Speaker 1: or TikTokers, like I love, there's room for all of
Speaker 1: us there, and I find talent by opening my eyes, like,
Speaker 1: and that's what people need to do. They're everywhere. We
Speaker 1: are everywhere doing this and stand up an improv and
Speaker 1: sketch on YouTube, on TikTok on all these platforms. So
Speaker 1: I think you just gotta be willing to see the
Speaker 1: truth and let black women authentically tell it. Don't write
Speaker 1: it for old, don't task us and they're right for us.
Speaker 1: Let us right, and then it's gonna feel legit, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You can tell when a black
Speaker 1: person's like, oh my god, did you guys get the
Speaker 1: new Taylor Swift? I'm like, who, brothers, no shame Taylor Swift?
Speaker 1: As black fans but I'm just saying, like it feels
Speaker 1: our show. I think the key to our show is
Speaker 1: that it feels authentic, absolutely, you know so I think
Speaker 1: that's what's dope. Give me who, Give me one? I
Speaker 1: love a good who Give me one character? Because you
Speaker 1: are essentially you're the Lauren Michael's of this year, the
Speaker 1: Michael Jay, You're the Colin Joshah, the Keenan Thompson. You're
Speaker 1: the writers. People behind it say, you build this whole,
Speaker 1: You built this entire thing. So you have this array
Speaker 1: of characters, Give me one character that you think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: who which one resonates the most? I think people, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's resonates, but the definitely the
Speaker 1: one who causes the most controversy and who people always
Speaker 1: quote to me is doctor Hardassa Olayinka Ali Youngman. Who
Speaker 1: is this character? This is her doctor Hadassa Oliyenka Ali
Speaker 1: Youngman pre PhD. She is her tap, which is a
Speaker 1: female version of a hottep. So she believes that women
Speaker 1: should not be working, although she has a talk show.
Speaker 1: She believes that women should not wear shoes, although she
Speaker 1: does so. She's just kind of a hippogrie. Who who
Speaker 1: kind of us these conspiracy theories and says things like
Speaker 1: see see see if your break down the word breaking,
Speaker 1: it means bay con. They're trying to get us the
Speaker 1: cozy up to the conspiracy, and it's just like, what
Speaker 1: does this mean? What does this mean? So yeah, so
Speaker 1: she's a lot of fun. She's a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: People tend to scream see at me down the street,
Speaker 1: which is great. Well, I can relate to the character
Speaker 1: because I follow a lot of people like that on Facebook.
Speaker 1: I'm so haph figured A Black Lady. Sketch Show returns
Speaker 1: for its fourth season April fourteenth, on Kay. They're gonna
Speaker 1: take a quick break, but we'll be right back as
Speaker 1: it is they would be anybody. That's our show for tonight.
Speaker 1: But before we go, please consider supporting the Florida Rights
Speaker 1: Restoration Coalition. They're dedicated to ending discrimination against people with
Speaker 1: convictions and creating a more comprehensive and humane reentry system
Speaker 1: into society. If you can, please donate at the link below.
Speaker 1: Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 1: searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcast. Watch
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