WEBVTT - Short Stuff: The History of Paternity Testing

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, and welcome to the short stuff. I'm Josh, there's Chuck,

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<v Speaker 1>there's Dave. Be quiet, let's go. So we're talking about

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<v Speaker 1>paternity testing in the history of paternity testing, which is

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<v Speaker 1>amazing because it's all pretty new as far as really

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<v Speaker 1>being able to do paternity testing. Yeah, you and I

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<v Speaker 1>grew up in a world where I mean pretty much

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<v Speaker 1>from the moment we realized that that would be an

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<v Speaker 1>issue that somebody would need to solve, it was pretty

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<v Speaker 1>much solved because if we we grew up in a

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<v Speaker 1>world where you could genetically test for paternity like testing

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<v Speaker 1>markers on white blood cells and produced basically nine accurate

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<v Speaker 1>assessment of whether somebody was the father of a child

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<v Speaker 1>or not. Prior to us coming of age. In this

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<v Speaker 1>age of genetic paternity testing, however, it was a real problem, Chuck,

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<v Speaker 1>like a longstanding problem. Apparently. Yeah. Should we talk about

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<v Speaker 1>the story of Saint Anthony. I was hoping you'd ask

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<v Speaker 1>twelve century priests. Saint Anthony. At one point a woman

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<v Speaker 1>came to him and she said, you know what, my

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<v Speaker 1>jealous husband thinks that he's not the father. He thinks

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<v Speaker 1>I stepped out and cuckolded him, and uh, he's threatening

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<v Speaker 1>to kill me and this child. And so Anthony went

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<v Speaker 1>to the family and said, I'm going to do a test.

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<v Speaker 1>It's called a paternity test. And he went to the

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<v Speaker 1>little baby and said, who's your daddy, And the baby

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<v Speaker 1>pointed to the jealous husband, this is an infant and

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<v Speaker 1>said that is my father. This is an infant. End

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<v Speaker 1>of story. Um, so Saint Anthony said, and like left

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<v Speaker 1>as he was known to do, and became a saint

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<v Speaker 1>shortly after that, right at the end of this episode.

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<v Speaker 1>Now it's not the end because a very smart person

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<v Speaker 1>named Nara Milanich, who's a history professor at Barnard College,

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<v Speaker 1>has authored a book called Paternity colon the Elusive Quest

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<v Speaker 1>for the Father where it really and Dave Rouse, our

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<v Speaker 1>old pal, wrote this article and um and did he

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<v Speaker 1>talk to Nera I believe so, Yeah, and even interviewed

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<v Speaker 1>her and she really got down on this topic of

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<v Speaker 1>of researching the history of paternity. And it's pretty interesting because, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>in the early days, like all early days of science,

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<v Speaker 1>and when there was a lot of pseudoscience going on,

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<v Speaker 1>they were doing all kinds of wacky stuff. Yeah, because

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<v Speaker 1>again people were like, what are we what are we

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<v Speaker 1>gonna do. We have no idea how to prove how

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<v Speaker 1>to prove paternity or disproved paternity, And there is a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people who really want an answer to this.

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<v Speaker 1>So because the need was so great, um quacks were

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<v Speaker 1>allowed to kind of fill the void for a little while,

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<v Speaker 1>especially apparently in the nine twenties there was a um

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<v Speaker 1>the nation was gripped in a panic that babies were

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<v Speaker 1>being switched and maternity wards and hospitals too. So it

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't just the idea that your wife stepped out on

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<v Speaker 1>your had an affair um with another man, and that

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<v Speaker 1>this wasn't your child. Like men and women wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>be able to prove a child was theirs, but there

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<v Speaker 1>was just no way to do that scientifically. So, like

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<v Speaker 1>you said, pseudo science said, hey, we'll try this for

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<v Speaker 1>a little while. Yeah, And so a quack might step

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<v Speaker 1>in and say, we need to look at the roof

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<v Speaker 1>of the mouth, because uh, we want to determine if

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<v Speaker 1>they've eatn any Captain Crunch peanut butter cereal lately, but

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<v Speaker 1>just the flesh, bloody flush dangling from the roof of

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<v Speaker 1>the mouth. No, they thought the ridges on the roof

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<v Speaker 1>of the mouth had patterns sort of like a fingerprint

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<v Speaker 1>that were passed from father to child. Complete bunk. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but imagine that examle but that wasn't fun. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know blockchaw anyone. Yeah, Like, how are they gonna see

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<v Speaker 1>the roof of your mouth? Just gonna feel around or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe do an impression test? That does not sound pleasant.

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<v Speaker 1>What someone sticking their fingers in the roof of your mouth? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and feeling it seems calming to me. What eugenics comes next? Uh?

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<v Speaker 1>And that is like, hey, let's look at your let's

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<v Speaker 1>measure your nose and ears and feel your hair, and

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<v Speaker 1>we'll determine that way if this is your father, and

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<v Speaker 1>be really racist about it. Right. And then a dude

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<v Speaker 1>came along in the nies named Dr Albert Abrams and

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<v Speaker 1>his ah, his bunk science machine, the oscilla four. Oh

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<v Speaker 1>nice pronunciation, Charles. So. Dr Abrams not only came up

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<v Speaker 1>with the oscilla four, I'm going to say it a

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<v Speaker 1>different way, the acillaphor. Okay um, he came up with

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<v Speaker 1>what the oscillophor measures, which makes the whole thing totally

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<v Speaker 1>made up. But he said that if you measure blood

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<v Speaker 1>with an ascile of four. Now I'm not gonna say

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<v Speaker 1>it either way. Um, you will get what's called the

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<v Speaker 1>electronic reactions of Abrams, which is a measure of the

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<v Speaker 1>electrical movement or electrical vibrations in blood, and that the

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<v Speaker 1>vibrations in the blood was related to your ethnic heritage.

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<v Speaker 1>That's right. And if you're Irish, you're gonna vibrate your

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<v Speaker 1>blood will at fifteen ohms to Jewish seven olms. Everybody

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<v Speaker 1>knows that, and on down the line. Uh. And so

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<v Speaker 1>this was the only thing going at the time, So

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<v Speaker 1>judges turned to Abram's particular judge named Thomas Graham Uh

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<v Speaker 1>in San Francisco. He hired him to determine a very

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<v Speaker 1>high profile paternity case involving a guy named Paul Vittori

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<v Speaker 1>who was not good an wait a minute on behalf

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<v Speaker 1>of all listeners, chuck, I'm sorry, that's how you're gonna say,

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<v Speaker 1>Paul victory, thank you. And he said, I'm not gonna

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<v Speaker 1>pay child support for my infant daughter. It's not my daughter.

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<v Speaker 1>So they brought in Abram's two court and they did

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<v Speaker 1>the little blood vibration and said you are the father

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<v Speaker 1>because your vibe, your blood is vibrating at the correct

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<v Speaker 1>uh rate. YEA and that was that, and everybody said

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<v Speaker 1>this is a gross miscarriage of justice, and the judges like,

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<v Speaker 1>what else are you gonna do? We can't do anything

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<v Speaker 1>like this is just as good a guess as any

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<v Speaker 1>But what's funny is this was in the nineteen twenties.

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<v Speaker 1>I believe right within a decade um, there would actually

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<v Speaker 1>be a scientific basis for testing blood to determine paternity

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<v Speaker 1>one way or the other. And Chuck, we're gonna talk

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<v Speaker 1>about that right after this message break, Chuck Kuld. That's

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<v Speaker 1>a great set up, buddy, Thank you very much. So

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<v Speaker 1>we we tease science finally coming into the picture, um,

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<v Speaker 1>and it came through with blood types. Basically, they figured

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<v Speaker 1>out that there was such thing as blood types, which,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, way we did a really great live

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<v Speaker 1>show on blood types before. That was a good way

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<v Speaker 1>to see so um and my father in law shouted

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<v Speaker 1>out that I'm pregnant. That's right, yeah from the from

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<v Speaker 1>the audience, Well we're testing my blood. Yeah we tested

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<v Speaker 1>blood on stage. Yeah and got he got bigger laughs

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<v Speaker 1>than I did the entire show. But anyway, Um, the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that blood types were proven, somebody figured out that

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<v Speaker 1>oh wait, you inherit your blood types from your parents,

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<v Speaker 1>so we can go a pretty far away in ruling

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<v Speaker 1>somebody in or out is the possible father of a child. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>not obviously, you're nine nine nine, But there are some

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<v Speaker 1>things we know. Um, if the baby has a B

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<v Speaker 1>blood type, and you know the mother has type A

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<v Speaker 1>blood type, then the father's got to have either B

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<v Speaker 1>or a B. And so they could really narrow down

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<v Speaker 1>in a scientific way, like a hundred times more than

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<v Speaker 1>they ever could in the past. And this came like

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<v Speaker 1>really to the public. Four um, which is a phrase

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<v Speaker 1>I just made up. During a Charlie Chaplin paternity case.

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<v Speaker 1>Charlie Chaplin, the beloved Charlie Chaplin, was sued for paternity

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<v Speaker 1>by his longtime assistant Joan Barry. Yeah, he had a

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<v Speaker 1>knack for the young ladies and loving him and leaving him.

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<v Speaker 1>And Joan Barry was twenty three when Chaplin was fifty four,

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<v Speaker 1>and she said, this little baby Caroline is Charlie's daughter,

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<v Speaker 1>and um, I'm kind of tired of this pattern that

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<v Speaker 1>he's developed, of of getting young women pregnant and then

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<v Speaker 1>leaving them in the cold. So I'm going to take

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<v Speaker 1>him to court. And they took him to court, and

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<v Speaker 1>they used science and they showed that he was not

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<v Speaker 1>the father of Caroline. Right, So that was it. Right now,

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<v Speaker 1>now you'd think he'd be off the hook, And that

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<v Speaker 1>would have been the case had that had this case

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<v Speaker 1>been tried ten fifteen years later. But instead the jury said, well, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>he's not biologically the father, but because of his close

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<v Speaker 1>relationship with Joan, he is Caroline's father there for all

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<v Speaker 1>intentsive purposes. So we're you're still going to be allowed

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<v Speaker 1>to sue him for child support. That's right. Of the

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<v Speaker 1>twelve person jury. There were eleven women and one man,

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<v Speaker 1>and they roundly said sorry, Charlie, right, and he just

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<v Speaker 1>sat there silently, Yeah, that's right, and walked into a wall. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>His facial expression said it all though. So I think

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<v Speaker 1>what in nineteen fifty three, thirteen years later, California law said, actually,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not going to decide this by jury like that.

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<v Speaker 1>If if we take a scientific test and it shows

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<v Speaker 1>that someone's not the father, then they're not the father, right,

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<v Speaker 1>We're just gonna leave it at that. And then after

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<v Speaker 1>California passed that law, other states said, you know, it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a bad idea altogether. So we're gonna do that too,

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<v Speaker 1>and then the whole thing, just like we were saying,

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<v Speaker 1>all of it just went to the wayside when they

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<v Speaker 1>figured out genetic testing first in the eighties, but then

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<v Speaker 1>by the nineties it had been developed enough and the

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<v Speaker 1>tests had become cheap enough that it was very much

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<v Speaker 1>widespread and used routinely and had completely supplanted blood typing

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<v Speaker 1>as the test paternity so much so, and it's gotten

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<v Speaker 1>so cheap that Maury Povich has an ongoing thing on

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<v Speaker 1>his moriy show, the Daytime Talk Show, where um yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>he routinely tests and then reveals on air the results

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<v Speaker 1>of paternity tests for guests and like plays it up.

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<v Speaker 1>There's all sorts of drama, and apparently they have mugs

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<v Speaker 1>and t shirts with the catchphrase you are not the

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<v Speaker 1>father emblazoned on its high drama. And every every day

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<v Speaker 1>Connie Chung gets up and looks herself in the mirror

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<v Speaker 1>and she's like, I've got dignity enough for the both

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<v Speaker 1>of us. I always forget they're married. Yeah, because the

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<v Speaker 1>things like the coffee mugs, I say you are not

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<v Speaker 1>the father, It kind of distances the two in your mind.

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<v Speaker 1>You got Povich that's right. So obviously it's like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>it got so cheap that you can get these tests

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<v Speaker 1>now for around fifteen bucks or less, which is a

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<v Speaker 1>great deal. But then of course you gotta pay the

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<v Speaker 1>lab fees. That's where they get you with that on

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<v Speaker 1>exactly over a hundred dollars to to get that lab tested.

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<v Speaker 1>Because you can you can go to your local drug store,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's not going to tell you anything. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>like a pregnancy test. No, No, you still have to

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<v Speaker 1>have it read by a t leave reader. That's right. Um,

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's it, right, Chuck. Yeah, I've never taken

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<v Speaker 1>a paternity test, nor have I hooray, hooray chuck um.

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<v Speaker 1>If you want to know more about fraternity testing in

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<v Speaker 1>the history of it, go check out this article by

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<v Speaker 1>Dave Rouse on how stuff Works. And since I said that,

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<v Speaker 1>that means it's the end of the short stuff Short

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<v Speaker 1>stuff because Stuff you Should Know is a production of

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<v Speaker 1>iHeart Radio's How Stuff Works for more podcasts for my

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<v Speaker 1>heart Radio because at the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

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