Speaker 1: Hi everybody. Hi, Hello Chelsea. If you're listening to this
Speaker 1: on Thursday, I'm on my way to Tampa, Florida for
Speaker 1: two shows tonight in Tampa, Florida. And if you're listening
Speaker 1: to it and you want to come tomorrow night, I'm
Speaker 1: in Fort Myers. Friday night and Saturday night I'm in
Speaker 1: Daytona Beach, and Sunday night I'm in Hollywood, Florida. So
Speaker 1: that is five shows this weekend. Holy fo sky Doodle.
Speaker 1: Tickets are available a Chelsea Handler dot com. So whatever
Speaker 1: Democrats are left in that state, I'm coming and this
Speaker 1: is the last leg of my tour and then my
Speaker 1: special ist airing. It's official December Netflix everybody. It's called Revolution.
Speaker 1: That's so exciting. I know. I'm so happy, Chelsea. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. Ah yeah, we love Netflix. Netflix in Chill.
Speaker 1: I haven't done five shows in a few months. I'm
Speaker 1: going to have to figure out what my alcohol game
Speaker 1: plan is because I'm on a pre holiday buzz. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have to get some of those patches, those pre
Speaker 1: drinking patches. Oh yeah, I tried the awake ones, those
Speaker 1: patches that we're supposed to give you. Buzz I felt
Speaker 1: like that worked a little bit. I like that. I
Speaker 1: like an awake thing that's not caffeine. Yeah, right right,
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't respond well to caffeine. Plus, I
Speaker 1: take etcetera a lot in the morning when I wake up.
Speaker 1: That's kind of my coffee. It's a great habit. You
Speaker 1: guys might want to pick that up. Okay, if you're
Speaker 1: listening from your health guru, Dr Chelsea Handler Man, I
Speaker 1: used to have to take so much Exceedrian, I used
Speaker 1: to get headaches, like almost every single day. Really, I
Speaker 1: did some cleans stuff to like detox if I honestly,
Speaker 1: detoxification baths really helped with that. What are those so
Speaker 1: you get in a bath like as yeah, ep, some
Speaker 1: salt sometimes some activated charcoal and a little lavender with
Speaker 1: an end at the end or an end some some
Speaker 1: Oh I thought it was ex on salt. That's okay.
Speaker 1: I have a follow up, okay, great, yeah, okay, Well
Speaker 1: this is from Courtney. Oh I wish Courtney with a C.
Speaker 1: And she was following up after our Mushrooms and Majorca
Speaker 1: episode about the caller Lisa, who was thinking about maybe
Speaker 1: moving to New York and having a new adventure at forty,
Speaker 1: and she says, Hi, I'm listening to the Mushrooms in
Speaker 1: mayorka episode and just heard the caller Lisa talk about
Speaker 1: making the leap and moving to NYC. I came to
Speaker 1: NYC from San Francisco six years ago for what was
Speaker 1: supposed to be three months, and I never left. I
Speaker 1: found a great community here, especially during the pandemic, and
Speaker 1: I absolutely love the freedom, energy culture, and of course
Speaker 1: the bars and restaurants. As I was listening to Lisa's concerns,
Speaker 1: I realized I should offer to connect two main reasons.
Speaker 1: I'm a professional, single, child free forty two year old
Speaker 1: with great contacts here and would love to help her
Speaker 1: settle in. I've moved around on my own a lot
Speaker 1: l A, Chicago, s F, d C, n y C,
Speaker 1: and it can be daunting but also rewarding, and especially
Speaker 1: rewarding when surrounded by good people too. I also travel
Speaker 1: quite a bit, and if she wants to try NYC
Speaker 1: on for size, she can stay in my place for free.
Speaker 1: If she's willing to watch my adorable dog Cheat, feel
Speaker 1: free to pass along my email to her, which I did.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to help her explore NYC options. Love your
Speaker 1: podcast Chelsea, and you always make me feel better for
Speaker 1: being independent, strong and single. You also gave me hope
Speaker 1: for finding true love. Dating has been a defeating process
Speaker 1: for me, and you remind me to stay open while
Speaker 1: also continually working to better myself. Thank you both for
Speaker 1: the weekly company. Courtney, what autie. That's sweet? I just
Speaker 1: love it. We get emails back sometimes based on callers
Speaker 1: who have called in or emails saying I can help
Speaker 1: with this or I can connect them with someone, and
Speaker 1: it is just so lovely. There's actually a little bit
Speaker 1: of a community. This sweet. That's really lovely. Thank you Courtney,
Speaker 1: and think with the C I appreciate that. I think,
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, listeners are the best listeners. I know they are.
Speaker 1: They're really nice. Everyone's so nice, and everyone's so well kempt,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Welcomed with an M. I
Speaker 1: appreciate that. Yeah, okay, So our special guest today is
Speaker 1: my very dear old friend. She is the host of
Speaker 1: the Endless Honeymoon podcast, which she hosts with her husband
Speaker 1: Mosha Kasher, and her book, which is now out. It's
Speaker 1: called The World Deserves My Children and It's So funny. Actress, comedian,
Speaker 1: and author Natasha la Jarro. I tel, Oh, my god,
Speaker 1: how happy am I to be talking about this book
Speaker 1: that is finally coming out. You helped me every step
Speaker 1: of the way. I couldn't find a title. You gave
Speaker 1: me great advice. You you helped me because you're natural
Speaker 1: book writer and you're a voracious reader. So I feel
Speaker 1: like you deserve all this book success. Like this is
Speaker 1: so hard for me, Like I hated it. That's why
Speaker 1: you deserve the success too, when it's hard work, right.
Speaker 1: It took me like two and a half years, and
Speaker 1: it's just like, was not the kind of writing I
Speaker 1: was used to doing. And someone gave me the advice
Speaker 1: that it's more like an accordion, you know, Like so
Speaker 1: if I have a story as a stand up like
Speaker 1: this punchy thing where I'm trying to get right to
Speaker 1: the joke, where the book is like spreading it out
Speaker 1: and thinking about it from all these different ways. So
Speaker 1: it was very taxing but very rewarding. But I think
Speaker 1: that's one of the best things about when comedians write books,
Speaker 1: is that it's like stand up you know. Like I
Speaker 1: remember the first book I ever wrote. I sent it
Speaker 1: to my manager who's no longer my manager because I
Speaker 1: can't keepe a relationship going. And he was like, you
Speaker 1: write just like you talk, and I was like oh,
Speaker 1: and he said that like an aside, like it wasn't
Speaker 1: a good thing. And then as I learned, going through
Speaker 1: the writing process so many times with so many different editors,
Speaker 1: that is your biggest strength is writing like you talk.
Speaker 1: Because stand ups are writers. That's what we do is
Speaker 1: we write what we say. So to put that into
Speaker 1: a book, I understand the accordion kind of analogy. Also
Speaker 1: because you do have to you know, you can't just
Speaker 1: be writing jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes, of course, but also
Speaker 1: as a comedian, our caliber of jokes is a little
Speaker 1: higher than the average person writing a book no offense.
Speaker 1: So it's like they're funnier. Your books are funny. A
Speaker 1: comedian books are always funnier, and you can get them
Speaker 1: on audio and listen to them, you know. And this
Speaker 1: book is called The World Deserves My Children, and which
Speaker 1: is a fucking awesome title. And I want to tell
Speaker 1: you guys that I have read a lot of parenting books.
Speaker 1: I don't ask me fucking why. I don't know why actually,
Speaker 1: because I'm just curious about what I read What to
Speaker 1: Expect When You when You're Expecting because it's so cute.
Speaker 1: I just because I want to know what everyone's talking about.
Speaker 1: But I want I draw the line at watching the Housewives.
Speaker 1: I can't watch the Housewives. That's one thing I can
Speaker 1: miss out about that everyone's doing. But yeah, but this
Speaker 1: is the funniest parenting book that you will read. It
Speaker 1: is so funny. It made me laugh out loud. I
Speaker 1: was on a plane. I mean I picked it up
Speaker 1: to read a couple of chapters and I finished the
Speaker 1: whole thing on a plane ride because it's so good. Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm really psyched for people to read this
Speaker 1: because every fucking parent can relate to so much of
Speaker 1: this ship. And if you're not a parent, you're gonna
Speaker 1: be so grateful that you didn't have children when you
Speaker 1: read this, because even if you're not a parent, this
Speaker 1: is worth three eating. It's just so fucking funny. And
Speaker 1: the way you talk about Mosha, which is her husband,
Speaker 1: and if you listen to her podcast, you can hear
Speaker 1: both her and her husband. It's called the Endless Honeymoon Podcast,
Speaker 1: where she and her husband basically just bitch and moan
Speaker 1: to each other about each other. No, I try to
Speaker 1: use the podcast well we also, you know, listen to
Speaker 1: people's secrets and give some advice. But I also use
Speaker 1: it as a way to hijack him with issues I
Speaker 1: have with him, and then we can sort of crowdsource
Speaker 1: it and I always win, right often. Yeah, And in
Speaker 1: the book, you go after him in a very very
Speaker 1: funny way. And I remember I was texting with you
Speaker 1: and You're like, is it too harsh? And I was
Speaker 1: like no, but and and the at the end, you
Speaker 1: give him a platform to actually he talks about his
Speaker 1: experience parenting because he thinks he knows everything. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: what do you think being a mother is all about?
Speaker 1: And what do you think being a father is all about?
Speaker 1: And he really actually learned from our conversation. I did too.
Speaker 1: I thought it was a good illustration of who he
Speaker 1: is is that you know, his kind of character, that
Speaker 1: he's in charge of more of the fun because it
Speaker 1: has been an issue because I feel like I used
Speaker 1: to be this person like you, full of Juada viv
Speaker 1: and would go to Africa to drop of a hat
Speaker 1: and you know, yeah, sure, pump vaccines up and down
Speaker 1: my arms and go to Thailand and river rafting without
Speaker 1: a helmet, and now I'm like completely paralyzed with fear
Speaker 1: and I hate it and I want to get back
Speaker 1: to like pre motherhood Natasha, but I've changed a little bit.
Speaker 1: So it's just sort of like grappling with that a
Speaker 1: little bit and and trying to get back to just
Speaker 1: parentings degrading Chelsea. It's you know what, it feels demoralizing.
Speaker 1: I remember in a good way that I bet, but
Speaker 1: I remember coming over to your house one day it
Speaker 1: was pouring rain and I went over on a whim
Speaker 1: for some reason. We were texting. I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: can come over right now, and I drove over a
Speaker 1: house and I met your baby for the first time
Speaker 1: and we were in the playroom, and I remember just
Speaker 1: seeing your life how it had transformed like this baby.
Speaker 1: If she walked, you know, Natasha had to walk after her.
Speaker 1: If she walked out of the room, Natasha had to
Speaker 1: walk out of the room. If it was it was
Speaker 1: just like that age where you can't leave them alone
Speaker 1: for two seconds. And I remember just going, oh, fuck,
Speaker 1: like this is a total life change. Did you pity
Speaker 1: me a little bit? I did? I felt sorry for you.
Speaker 1: I just felt like, oh, this is because I I
Speaker 1: just always related to myself and if I were in
Speaker 1: that situation and I just would not be able to
Speaker 1: handle it. But kids love you because I've seen you
Speaker 1: around kids and you're like a magnet. Well sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: all your nieces and nephews like well, I mean, they
Speaker 1: love me for different reasons. You know, I do like
Speaker 1: kids when they have something to offer. You know, we're
Speaker 1: mostly just sucking from your life for but in a
Speaker 1: way that you're happy for, I guess. So tell me
Speaker 1: about when you became a parent. Tell me about your
Speaker 1: relationships with your friends that aren't parents. Did those change
Speaker 1: at all? Did you find yourself becoming friends with more
Speaker 1: people that had children or closer to those? I mean,
Speaker 1: I think it's I don't know, it's really hard having
Speaker 1: an only child because I'm I'm a little overactively trying
Speaker 1: to make sure she has some deep connections with some
Speaker 1: people I don't know, Like she doesn't have cousins, she
Speaker 1: doesn't have brothers and sisters. So my friends, I'd rather
Speaker 1: hang out with my friends who have kids than her
Speaker 1: friends who have her friends and her friends because I
Speaker 1: don't know these people and I'm used to hanging around
Speaker 1: the funniest people in the world. So you know, it's
Speaker 1: kind of hard sometimes to be like and moms can
Speaker 1: be very judgmental. But to answer your question, I don't
Speaker 1: know what the funk I'm doing. I mean, oh am,
Speaker 1: I still friends with people, I don't. I feel like
Speaker 1: I have no friends. I don't know. I mean, the
Speaker 1: pandemic was just sort of this, See you did it right.
Speaker 1: You probably still like had a small group of people
Speaker 1: the pandemic. I was so excited to spend time by myself,
Speaker 1: I just because I had just come out of therapy
Speaker 1: and that was my big thing, was that I never
Speaker 1: spent time alone. And he just kept inculcating that to me,
Speaker 1: like you have to spend time alone. And then I
Speaker 1: was like, I've got out of therapy. And I treated
Speaker 1: it like I was getting a master's degree in psychology,
Speaker 1: Like I took the pandemic and I read every book
Speaker 1: that I had looked at before and hadn't read. I
Speaker 1: read every self help book, every psychological book that I
Speaker 1: could like that would speak to what I was experiencing.
Speaker 1: So I just treated it like I was going to,
Speaker 1: you know, getting my master's degree. And I fucking loved it,
Speaker 1: and I had such a blast with myself. I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I doing around all these people all the
Speaker 1: time when I'm the fucking fun one. And yeah, I
Speaker 1: took lots of mushrooms. And I mean, if I had
Speaker 1: a kid, it would have been a much different story.
Speaker 1: So tell me a little bit about you and Mosha.
Speaker 1: You talk about your relationship a lot in the book.
Speaker 1: How it's changed since you've become parents. Are you still
Speaker 1: able to laugh as often as you did before you
Speaker 1: had a child? Well, it's just harder because there's like
Speaker 1: so much you're doing your your life become so busy
Speaker 1: and you're picking up now after two people, and that
Speaker 1: can kind of get to you, you know. But yeah, no,
Speaker 1: we laugh. We do laugh. It's a different kind of laugh.
Speaker 1: It's like we laugh more with when the kids there.
Speaker 1: It's like performative, you know. But sometimes I'm like, I
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm modeling like a nice, fun
Speaker 1: relationship for her, because it's like you can't just always
Speaker 1: be like we need this time when it this end motion.
Speaker 1: I like half the week her lunches from Starbucks because
Speaker 1: I have to pack her a lunch every day, and
Speaker 1: like I'm always out of what I need, so I
Speaker 1: like just have Starbucks little snack packs. It's just hard.
Speaker 1: I've gotten shamed at the school because, like I packed
Speaker 1: my brother's lunches, so I would just like put him
Speaker 1: in a brown paper bag and send him off to school.
Speaker 1: When I was little, I was in charge of that.
Speaker 1: I did that when she was in preschool and the
Speaker 1: teacher came up to me and she was like, just
Speaker 1: so you know, the kids all have these Bento boxes.
Speaker 1: And she showed me and she opened it. I swear
Speaker 1: to god, it had rice steak, a vegetable like these mothers.
Speaker 1: The kid had steak. I'm not kidding. It was like
Speaker 1: other reason, it's not of children to deal with those
Speaker 1: fucking gools and that bullshit and the other mind. But
Speaker 1: every kid had it. So I'm like, Okay, it's probably
Speaker 1: better for the environment to not use like all the
Speaker 1: little plastic bags. But still, it's like, it's just it's
Speaker 1: a lot of so much about parenting presupposes that you
Speaker 1: have nothing else to do in your life but parents,
Speaker 1: And you know, I'm busy, so it's challenging. And how
Speaker 1: has it affected your ability with like with stand up?
Speaker 1: Like are you able to perform as much as you
Speaker 1: did before. No, I feel like this is going to
Speaker 1: make everyone not want to have a kid, because it
Speaker 1: actually has affected my stand up in a bad way.
Speaker 1: And this is why she's like a fountain of comedy
Speaker 1: and like so much stuff. And it's like it's everything
Speaker 1: that I think about and talk about, not everything, but
Speaker 1: so much of it. And then the other day she
Speaker 1: was like, mom I don't like it when you tell
Speaker 1: people things I said, because I was just telling a
Speaker 1: friend something she said because she was like, Mommy, when
Speaker 1: the pandemics over, can we wear any kind of mask
Speaker 1: we want? You know? Like, so it's like things like that.
Speaker 1: She hears me telling some and she's like, don't repeat
Speaker 1: things that I say. And then I'm like, she doesn't
Speaker 1: even know that that's what I do for a living.
Speaker 1: But she's gonna be twelve, look at a Netflix special,
Speaker 1: and then never talk to me again. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do a special now, and I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna try to milk it. I guess live until
Speaker 1: until she yeah, until she knows, and then I'll pivot it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's hard. Well, I want to respect her,
Speaker 1: do you, Well? I want I have one kid. I
Speaker 1: don't want her to hate me when she's twelve. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I feel like that's just a thing that you
Speaker 1: say as a little kid. It is your life experience.
Speaker 1: You can talk about your life experience. You're not giving away.
Speaker 1: It's not so personal. It's almost just like she's having
Speaker 1: an idea that you're telling her stories and she doesn't
Speaker 1: like it for this moment. That's going to change too, Right,
Speaker 1: But I have this joke where I'm screaming that she
Speaker 1: wants caviare to Black Lives Matter rally and and like
Speaker 1: that didn't exactly happen. It's like a culmination. But that's
Speaker 1: even your more more of it out because you're like,
Speaker 1: it's not even true stories, I'm making them up. But
Speaker 1: then what happens when she's twelve and she's like, you
Speaker 1: violated my I mean, who knows what kids will be
Speaker 1: like then? I mean they all hate you at twelve. Right,
Speaker 1: that's a good point. Yeah, I definitely hated my mom
Speaker 1: from twelve to seventeen. Yeah. Yeah, twelve to seventeen is
Speaker 1: a very hateful time because you're so pissed about what's
Speaker 1: happening to your body and your hormonal, Like I just
Speaker 1: was fucking crazy from twelve to seventeen, and anyone who
Speaker 1: was a girl. And if you, well, you were a
Speaker 1: responsible kid. Actually I mean you took care of your
Speaker 1: whole family. Yeah, only if you if you only knew
Speaker 1: when you were a preteen, what was going to happen
Speaker 1: to your body when you turn like fifty, Like you
Speaker 1: wouldn't be so mad And what's happening like when you're
Speaker 1: it's the hormones. But yeah, it's definitely hard, but I
Speaker 1: can't tell you it makes me so happy. I see,
Speaker 1: that's what's like weird about it. I know I can
Speaker 1: tell and you can tell that in the book to
Speaker 1: talking about all of the things that are stressful about it,
Speaker 1: but while also supplementing that with all of the because
Speaker 1: I always ask my friends is it worth it? Like
Speaker 1: what are the moments that makes it so worth it?
Speaker 1: Because when I see my friend's parents, it just seems
Speaker 1: like chaos. It's like getting lunch is ready, getting everyone
Speaker 1: ready for school, braiding their hair, da da da, And
Speaker 1: I'm just like, where are the aha moments that everyone
Speaker 1: talks about? Well, I did one thing because I felt
Speaker 1: the same as you, and I made a decision to
Speaker 1: have one child. I don't want to be a referee.
Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with more than one child.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, but isn't most just sort of
Speaker 1: a child? He is, It's true, but I do feel
Speaker 1: like we can like go to Japan or go I'm
Speaker 1: a little more mobile, you know, it's portable. And it's
Speaker 1: almost like I felt this a lot during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: but like she was just this angel who didn't know
Speaker 1: who Trump was and just being in the presence, it
Speaker 1: just felt like a higher being. Also, she's like, really good.
Speaker 1: I grew up with a problem child, so he kind
Speaker 1: of ruined our family. So you could also have a monster.
Speaker 1: I don't know. But it just really feels like this
Speaker 1: like angelic thing and everything's new to them, and anything
Speaker 1: you tell them they have never heard of before. Like
Speaker 1: her biggest problem, Like the other night she was like
Speaker 1: crying and bed. I'm like, what's wrong, and she's like,
Speaker 1: I can't stop thinking about cotton candy, Like that's her
Speaker 1: biggest problem. Like it's just very precious. Yeah, I guess
Speaker 1: I can see that because it is it is angelic.
Speaker 1: It is un They're like unbe smirched, right, They haven't
Speaker 1: been ruined yet by the world, and they haven't been jaded,
Speaker 1: and they're just it's like brand new brains. Do you
Speaker 1: feel like you're molding a personality? I try so hard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like like Mosha was
Speaker 1: so mad the other night because last night was Halloween
Speaker 1: and we really wanted her to be a zombies with
Speaker 1: this like cool like princess costume, but a zombie. And
Speaker 1: then she put on the zombie makeup and then she
Speaker 1: looks in the mirror and she's like, I hated, I hated.
Speaker 1: I just want to be a princess mermaid. So she
Speaker 1: takes off all the makeup and then just wants to
Speaker 1: put on a crown and this like very generic Disney
Speaker 1: costume that she wore last year, and I think Mosha
Speaker 1: was just like very upset about He was like really
Speaker 1: fighting her on it, and then finally he was like,
Speaker 1: can you just take over? I need I need to
Speaker 1: take a break, like and he's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: why this is making me so mad, And I know
Speaker 1: he just wants her to be cool and unique, and
Speaker 1: the idea of her is like this Disney princess. The
Speaker 1: second year in a row is really upsetting to him
Speaker 1: because he wants this like hip child. But it's like
Speaker 1: you can only do so much, you know. The girl
Speaker 1: wants to be a freaking mermaid, princess basic as aerial.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but you just I guess my job.
Speaker 1: What my mom did for me, She like put me
Speaker 1: in so many extracurricular activities that finally one day I
Speaker 1: ended up in a theater class and that really started
Speaker 1: my life, you know. And I feel like that's kind
Speaker 1: of our jobs in a way, is to try to
Speaker 1: what about your swim career? Though it was well, but
Speaker 1: that was she would compete in swimming and then come
Speaker 1: in like dead lass I was, I have a whole
Speaker 1: thing of yellow ribbons. Swimming was kind of participate. But
Speaker 1: guess what, I never drowned. I mean that's actually pretty
Speaker 1: Do you get a ribbon for not drowning? Well? I
Speaker 1: mean I actually want to get my kid into swimming
Speaker 1: for the same reason because my husband's always wanted to
Speaker 1: take her surfing, and I'm like, no, she should be
Speaker 1: like the best swimmer she can possibly be. So I
Speaker 1: guess that's the thing is to guide them, try to
Speaker 1: show them something that could be their passion, but try
Speaker 1: to also not make them be an actor or communic
Speaker 1: I mean, I would not let her be a child actor.
Speaker 1: That just feels wow. I don't think so. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think anybody said, everybody says that that's in the business.
Speaker 1: And then once they turn eighteen, it's like with two
Speaker 1: parents who are entertainers, Like what else is gonna happen?
Speaker 1: They're going to become an accountant, you know, like that's
Speaker 1: what happens. I want her to be an environmental scientist,
Speaker 1: talked down about it, be like environmental science is the worst.
Speaker 1: That's a hilarious idea. Do you how do you do? You?
Speaker 1: In Mosha fight a lot about parenting style else, Well,
Speaker 1: the problem with you know, raising a child with a
Speaker 1: man is that or you know, a partner in general,
Speaker 1: but this specifically man is really rough. And it's just
Speaker 1: like we just you know, when you're with someone, you
Speaker 1: get together because you guys share a worldview. So like
Speaker 1: all the big things we were very aligned on, you know,
Speaker 1: that's how you're able to stay with someone. But then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, the minutia of parenting is what
Speaker 1: we started fighting about. Like he's like, she needs sunlight
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, she needs her head protected. No, she
Speaker 1: needs sunlight, no head protect you know. And then we're
Speaker 1: just like taking going on a walk and taking her
Speaker 1: hat on and off, and it's like then we're in
Speaker 1: a fight, you know. Or we go camping and he
Speaker 1: wants her to be experiencing the flame closer in her
Speaker 1: pack and play and I'm like, no, let's move it back.
Speaker 1: This thing's flamm it says flammable on the side. And
Speaker 1: so we'll be at a campground moving like when she
Speaker 1: was a little baby, moving it back and forth, and
Speaker 1: it's just like those you know, it's like the same
Speaker 1: fight over and over. Is like I'm trying to protect her.
Speaker 1: He's trying to like let her have this amazing adventure,
Speaker 1: and so we're trying to get a handle on that.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing as in a relationship without kids,
Speaker 1: you have one thing that you fight about all that
Speaker 1: it's the same thing. It just keeps coming up in
Speaker 1: different ways, you know. So it's it takes a lot
Speaker 1: of dedication to your relationship. I mean, let's face it,
Speaker 1: if there's no kid, you're kind of out after a while, right,
Speaker 1: moving on to the next one. At least that's how
Speaker 1: I've always been. But you guys are married, but the
Speaker 1: kid makes you Yeah, it's sure, I've never been married before,
Speaker 1: but the kid really makes you like, how are we
Speaker 1: going to make this work? Yeah? Yeah, maybe that's why.
Speaker 1: Maybe you should cut that out. You can keep it's
Speaker 1: just so cool. That's why I married him too. He
Speaker 1: was like when we started getting together, we're both doing
Speaker 1: a stand up and I was like, do you mind
Speaker 1: if I say that on stage? You know, make fun
Speaker 1: of you. He's like, oh, you can say whatever you
Speaker 1: want on stage. I did not care at all, and
Speaker 1: I was like, thank you. Is that just because he
Speaker 1: wants license to do the same or he's not really
Speaker 1: like that. I think it is just confident. He's just
Speaker 1: like he knows it's a joke, and as opposed to
Speaker 1: guys like being like oh why did you say that
Speaker 1: and getting all dramatic and then you've got to deal
Speaker 1: with them, and which is a lot of comics. To
Speaker 1: be fair, a lot of male comedians are very sensitive egos,
Speaker 1: very fragile it, which is always a turn on. Girl.
Speaker 1: I can't get enough of this stuff. How is your
Speaker 1: relationship with your mom changed since you've had a baby,
Speaker 1: that's kind of a sad subject because, um, well it's
Speaker 1: just because of the pandemic. My mom is just I
Speaker 1: think there's a certain sect of person who is just
Speaker 1: completely terrified. They watch MSNBC all day long. They're afraid
Speaker 1: of COVID, they're afraid of everything, and they're just not
Speaker 1: able to be mobile in their life. I guess, but
Speaker 1: we did. So she's seen her a couple of times,
Speaker 1: I know, But I think that it was so crazy
Speaker 1: because you never really know when you have a kid
Speaker 1: who's going to be the good grandparents, because you can
Speaker 1: think it's going to be like my husband's mom moved
Speaker 1: here to be close to our child. Little did I
Speaker 1: know it was to be close to Mosha. So she's
Speaker 1: like always wanting to come over to hang out with Mosha,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, could you watch the kid? Hello. She's deaf,
Speaker 1: so she's very into her technology. So she's always got
Speaker 1: like a Fannie pack with two phones and I pad
Speaker 1: around her neck. You know, she's got chords wrapped around her.
Speaker 1: She's very like tech tech person. So maybe maybe it's
Speaker 1: hard for her to communicate with with my kid because
Speaker 1: she doesn't speak. I'm trying to teach her sign language,
Speaker 1: but it's it's very hard. Well, this that's a perfect
Speaker 1: opportunity for her to teach her sign, Like that's what
Speaker 1: I thought. Yeah, I know, it's weird. Grandparents are weird.
Speaker 1: She lives three blocks away. I mean it's it's it
Speaker 1: boggles my mind. And so she over there every single day.
Speaker 1: Mosha goes there like twice a week to have like
Speaker 1: tea and dinner and then we all hang out once
Speaker 1: a week. That was something I learned in therapy. The
Speaker 1: therapist was like, I think once a week is good
Speaker 1: for his family. He wants to spend more time and
Speaker 1: that works out good. But I really do like them.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's it's just challenging because I thought it
Speaker 1: would be a built in babysitter. But it's okay. I
Speaker 1: mean it's it's loving. Do you have somebody that helps you,
Speaker 1: like a nanny or a baby it's well, now she's
Speaker 1: in school, so I did have a nanny. But the
Speaker 1: real hard part is before school starts. I mean you're
Speaker 1: like alone with them all day long doing chores. It's
Speaker 1: pretty intense. Chelsea. I don't think you're ever going to
Speaker 1: do this. No, I'm not. I'm forty seven. Where is
Speaker 1: my baby going to come out of? I mean, what
Speaker 1: over age yours is great? Forever? Is it? Maybe I
Speaker 1: can house a baby just gonna be a stir ogay
Speaker 1: for somebody else. Yeah, I'm amazed by anybody who's a parent.
Speaker 1: I just beem amazed by it. It's just so hard.
Speaker 1: It's so hard to remain patient and be gentle and
Speaker 1: loving to someone who is requiring all of your attention. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And also, like when you're in the prime of your
Speaker 1: life and then you're having this child, it's it's a
Speaker 1: little bit of a different situation than when our parents
Speaker 1: had us, you know. I feel like and this IVF
Speaker 1: has really afforded women like two extra decades to like
Speaker 1: have their career, make some money, have fun, party, try
Speaker 1: out different partners. You know. I think all that pressure
Speaker 1: to like have the babies in your thirties is really
Speaker 1: stressful because like guys suck and it's hard to find
Speaker 1: someone who could be a good partner. And to me,
Speaker 1: that was really important. So I'm so grateful to IVF
Speaker 1: and that it's this thing that our parents weren't able
Speaker 1: to do that we're able to do and just start
Speaker 1: our families a little later. Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 1: It gives people a lot more foundation so that you
Speaker 1: are more independent by the time you have a kid,
Speaker 1: so speak, earning years are like what forties, thirties, forties,
Speaker 1: But if you fifties maybe, I hope. But if you
Speaker 1: have a young kid, it's rough. That's why I'm so jealous.
Speaker 1: People like Reese Witherspoon's got like an adult child. She's
Speaker 1: the same age as me, but like her child like seven, No,
Speaker 1: not that old, but you know, like I think it's
Speaker 1: like now, I'm like, it's hard keeping up the energy sometimes,
Speaker 1: but it's you know, but it also probably gives you
Speaker 1: a lot of energy totally because you have to like
Speaker 1: you have to be there. Can't just like fucking cop out.
Speaker 1: That's why you got to have a partner. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: some extra nightqual for the baby. Um, we're gonna take callers,
Speaker 1: and people are going to call in for advice. I'm
Speaker 1: assuming on the subject of parenting. We've got some parenting stuff.
Speaker 1: We've got some marriage. Marital questions are my favorite, some
Speaker 1: relationship stuff. Let's try it. I mean, I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm too honest. That's what you need to be. These
Speaker 1: people all need to kick in the ass. Usually they
Speaker 1: want a kick. Most It gets mad at me because
Speaker 1: I tell so many people to break up, But I
Speaker 1: just feel like I don't know. I mean, sometimes you
Speaker 1: can just sense it. But we'll see, we'll see what
Speaker 1: we got. Yeah. Yeah, Well we'll take a quick break
Speaker 1: and then we'll be right back and we're back. We're back. Well.
Speaker 1: Our first question is about parenting and comes from tired mom.
Speaker 1: She says, my four year old son has been in
Speaker 1: a big boy bed for about two and a half
Speaker 1: years now. When he was in his crib, he was
Speaker 1: the best sleeper and never tried to get out of it. However,
Speaker 1: I can count on one hand the number of nights
Speaker 1: he stayed in bed for the entire night over the
Speaker 1: past two plus years. Every night, at some point he
Speaker 1: comes running down the stairs and jumps in between my
Speaker 1: husband and I in our bed. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: tried everything, and many nights were so exhausted that one
Speaker 1: of us just goes up and sleeps in his bed
Speaker 1: with him. It's starting to really affect us. Our sleep
Speaker 1: is horrible because he moves around all night or wants
Speaker 1: to snuggle so close it's suffocating. Any advice I love
Speaker 1: the podcast. Sincerely tired Mom in New Hampshire. That's funny.
Speaker 1: We had another emailer who went by tired Mom who
Speaker 1: wrote in a couple of weeks ago, can't they just
Speaker 1: put it back in the crib? Well, no, I think
Speaker 1: she's saying, it's like a it's like a walking age.
Speaker 1: Put him back in the crib. He seemed to like
Speaker 1: the crib. Well, nobody, they climb out of the crib
Speaker 1: and they'll believe me. This is very hard. First of all,
Speaker 1: I want to say, I have three elderly chawas. I
Speaker 1: can't get out of my bed so and they're like
Speaker 1: disgusting and I don't even know how. I don't know
Speaker 1: how this happened. I know it really is. I have.
Speaker 1: I've been changing the sheets like every other day and
Speaker 1: it's very hard. But to answer the question, I mean,
Speaker 1: I did something that's probably people think is wrong. But
Speaker 1: like she had, we had a lock on her door,
Speaker 1: and I don't think she knew that she could come
Speaker 1: out of the room until she was like four, But
Speaker 1: I mean I think she didn't know that that was
Speaker 1: an option. No, maybe three, And then she slowly was
Speaker 1: like oh, because it's like you can get them on
Speaker 1: Amazon and like she's safe. We have a monitor, but
Speaker 1: like you know, when she could start walking up because
Speaker 1: she was she was a very early climber out of
Speaker 1: the crib or you know. Like so now she's just
Speaker 1: on a bed, and but she definitely comes into the room.
Speaker 1: One thing you can do is you can wake them
Speaker 1: up at like midnight and have them pee, because then
Speaker 1: they don't have to pee at like four am. So
Speaker 1: then if you can control because I think that's what's
Speaker 1: waking them up a lot of times is peeing. So
Speaker 1: that's something. And then the other thing is you just
Speaker 1: have to be really strict about it. Like he said, Chelsea,
Speaker 1: you just have to say you have to go back
Speaker 1: to your room. It's kind of like the same thing
Speaker 1: with the dog. You can train the dogs to not
Speaker 1: sleep in your bed. It just takes energy and work.
Speaker 1: But um inconsistency and consistency. But if you can like
Speaker 1: put one of those little Amazon like the door knob
Speaker 1: holders like that worked for us until she was three,
Speaker 1: and then she does get into our bed a lot,
Speaker 1: but usually it's around seven am now, and so that's
Speaker 1: about what it sounds like with this four year old
Speaker 1: though that since he's already been out of his door.
Speaker 1: If you put a lock on his door, he's gonna
Speaker 1: So you're gonna have to just be consistent about taking
Speaker 1: him back upstairs and explaining to him that he's no lot,
Speaker 1: he's too big to sleep with you. Guys, he can't
Speaker 1: sleep with you anymore. You know. It's crazy though. That's
Speaker 1: why it's so fun to hear Chelsea's version of it,
Speaker 1: because I'm like, yes, that's right, but then why is
Speaker 1: my kid coming in my bed every night? Because you're right,
Speaker 1: it's just because they're so tired in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night and it's upstairs. The idea of bringing him
Speaker 1: back up there is too annoying, and they have to
Speaker 1: go do it and like do it every single time,
Speaker 1: and then eventually he just gets the message. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's like training a dog. I have a friend who
Speaker 1: will like tell kids, and we've done this before to like,
Speaker 1: if you can do seven nights of not coming into
Speaker 1: the room, you can like get this present. And my
Speaker 1: friend actually bought his kid and Incanto Lego lego set
Speaker 1: and showed it to her and was like, you can
Speaker 1: have this the carrot seven days if we cross out
Speaker 1: every day. But then there's other forms that you know,
Speaker 1: other mothers on Instagram or like don't bribe your children,
Speaker 1: gives a funk with anybody, whatever the fuck you can
Speaker 1: do to get your kid to sleep in their beds.
Speaker 1: I agree with that. Yeah, and they take enough energy
Speaker 1: as it is if you're not sleeping on top of that,
Speaker 1: like it's over exactly, and like you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's better because I remember I knew a kid who
Speaker 1: was like seven or eight and slept with his mom,
Speaker 1: and it seemed weird. You don't you know that that's
Speaker 1: going to come up before you know it. Also, if
Speaker 1: you do choose not the carrot version of bribery but
Speaker 1: the stick version, there's gonna be like what's the difference,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Oh, Like carrot is the like put the
Speaker 1: carrot in front of the donkey to get it to go,
Speaker 1: versus like hitting it with a stick. Obviously not hitting
Speaker 1: kids with sticks. But I think you're gonna have like
Speaker 1: some terrible nights if you just get really strict about it,
Speaker 1: like you said, but it will quickly pass. It's you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it's like your first week at the
Speaker 1: gym when you haven't gone in five years, Like it's
Speaker 1: not fun, but you're gonna you're gonna be happy that
Speaker 1: you made those in roads. I have one more thing
Speaker 1: to say too. I had. I had this revelation because
Speaker 1: it is like, my kid is so cute. It's so
Speaker 1: hard to say no to her. She's so excited about
Speaker 1: any kind of like she hasn't tasted every sweet, so
Speaker 1: she tastes something and she's like, this is blowing my mind.
Speaker 1: Like you know, it's so fun to give them stuff.
Speaker 1: And I was watching the Amy Winehouse documentary and her
Speaker 1: mom and it was a very tragic story obviously, and
Speaker 1: her I remember her mom said I could never say
Speaker 1: no to Amy, and I remember thinking like, this is
Speaker 1: what's this is what could happen if I can't say
Speaker 1: no to her because it is so hard. So I'm
Speaker 1: actually trying, almost as a religio in to say no
Speaker 1: to her because she's just like, Mom, can I have this? Please? Please?
Speaker 1: Can I have it? In this many minutes? And then
Speaker 1: she'll blink her eyes and I'm just like, this is
Speaker 1: like impossible. And then it doesn't hurt me to give
Speaker 1: her something or give her the extra things she wants.
Speaker 1: But it's just like a vibe. I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: a culture, and I don't think you want to create
Speaker 1: a culture where the kid is like ruling your life.
Speaker 1: Uh huh. I totally get that. There's someone in my life.
Speaker 1: The kids are in college now, but they had this
Speaker 1: sort of parental situation where like mom and dad weren't
Speaker 1: getting along anymore, and they wound up divorcing, and like
Speaker 1: one of them decided to join the military and the
Speaker 1: other one converted to Catholicism even though no one in
Speaker 1: their family is Catholic, And it was like, what's going
Speaker 1: on there? And we kind of realized they just really
Speaker 1: had a desire for some structure in their lives and
Speaker 1: some boundaries that they didn't get growing up. Whether or
Speaker 1: not they realize that's what they're doing, it kind of
Speaker 1: seems like that. It's so true. It's like you crave
Speaker 1: boundaries and structure. Like when I grew up, I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone ever said no to me either, and I
Speaker 1: was so spoiled and so entitled. And remember my grandmother
Speaker 1: talking to my mom, going, she's so spoiled, and I
Speaker 1: was like, so what that's good? You know, like I'm
Speaker 1: living my best life. But when I grew up, I
Speaker 1: had no structure as an adult, Like I still don't
Speaker 1: have structure. The only structure I have, like when I
Speaker 1: did Chelsea Lately, I had. The structure of the show
Speaker 1: was the structure that I had never had my whole life.
Speaker 1: Like I had people constantly having to know where I
Speaker 1: was when I was coming in, when I was going
Speaker 1: to arrive for this, and I felt like I was
Speaker 1: being parented for the very first time at my own
Speaker 1: talk show because everyone had to know where I was.
Speaker 1: And I remember like drawing that correlation, and I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's why that worked out for me, because finally I
Speaker 1: had somewhere to be. Like even now, I'm so like,
Speaker 1: you know, structure list, Like if I don't have anything
Speaker 1: to do all day, I could easily find myself in
Speaker 1: bed from like you know, noon to five watching TV.
Speaker 1: You'd be reading, though you sometimes sometimes I read, but
Speaker 1: sometimes I don't. Sometimes I'm just like, funk, no one
Speaker 1: needs me today. I could do where the funk I want. Yes,
Speaker 1: I was outside in my back yard. I'm in this
Speaker 1: rental house. I was outside reading a book and then
Speaker 1: I was like I looked over at the little stand
Speaker 1: or the little table next to the chair I was in,
Speaker 1: and I saw joints and I was like, oh, I'll
Speaker 1: smoke a joint. And I was like, I guess I'll
Speaker 1: take that. And then I was thinking, look at you,
Speaker 1: your fucking asshole, Like I just see an idea and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I could do that. You know, there's no
Speaker 1: structure and there never will be in my life because
Speaker 1: I'm just not like that. But you had a bunch
Speaker 1: of brothers and sisters, right, I didn't. They didn't provide structure.
Speaker 1: They didn't take away from people saying yes to you know,
Speaker 1: they did too because they were just like and I
Speaker 1: was so loud and obnoxious that they just wanted me
Speaker 1: to shut up. I remember once my my mom and
Speaker 1: my brother Roy were in our living room and I
Speaker 1: would throw tantrums if I didn't get what I wanted,
Speaker 1: just the road kick and scream like seven eight years old,
Speaker 1: right bang my head against the glass window and be
Speaker 1: like I wanted. And I remember my mom. I couldn't
Speaker 1: have been even ten years old, and I remember my
Speaker 1: mom going, just let her keep hitting her head. I'm
Speaker 1: so sick of it, just let her and my brother goes, oh,
Speaker 1: and then they both walked out of the room, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I hit my head harder, you know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'll break this glass and then they'll be sorry.
Speaker 1: It's amazing I have like any sort of normal behavior
Speaker 1: at all, quite frankly, but you're such a successful person,
Speaker 1: maybe it's okay to maybe. I mean, that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It's like nobody knows what's right. You just have to
Speaker 1: kind of go with your instincts. And I do feel
Speaker 1: like having an only child and like sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm putting her shoes and socks on, and motion is
Speaker 1: trying to brush her hair, and we're like it is
Speaker 1: everything okay, And then she's bawling and you're like, what's
Speaker 1: wrong and she's like pine cones to nature ee and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh can I can I switch it out
Speaker 1: for you a different pine. So it's like it's very
Speaker 1: you know, that's not good, Like we we have too
Speaker 1: much energy, we have too much time for just her,
Speaker 1: Like there's not like nine kids dispersing it, or even
Speaker 1: two kids or whatever. So I just feel like you
Speaker 1: have to really watch yourself and make sure that they
Speaker 1: aren't becoming like totally tyrants, I suppose. But that being said,
Speaker 1: that's a very cute thought of Chelsea screaming for what
Speaker 1: she wants. I will crack my skull against this window
Speaker 1: if I don't get strawberry shortcake. All yeah. I was
Speaker 1: telling the story the other night on stage. I was like,
Speaker 1: I used to go I used to have like Turette's
Speaker 1: for like a year. I think I was auditioning Tourette's.
Speaker 1: And I would go behind. My dad would, being a
Speaker 1: lazy boy, would sit in the couch in the in
Speaker 1: a living room watching the stock market all day long
Speaker 1: for what. I don't know, because he had no money
Speaker 1: in the stock market, and but like remember that scroll
Speaker 1: on the bottom of the TV, like NASDAC or whatever.
Speaker 1: And he would watch it and I would stand behind
Speaker 1: him and I would just be like fuck pussy, cunt ship, motherfucker,
Speaker 1: fuck fuck shit, and my mom my dad like Chelsea,
Speaker 1: what are you saying right now? And I'm like nothing,
Speaker 1: And then my mom he'd like rita, my mom, and
Speaker 1: he's like Rida, she's doing it again, and my mom like, sweetie,
Speaker 1: you can't talk like that. I'm like, I didn't say anything.
Speaker 1: And then I'd be like fuck, motherfucker. Cut liquor sticks.
Speaker 1: I was like Psycho, and I was like, that's Taurette's No,
Speaker 1: that's that's a female comedian in the making. I think
Speaker 1: I remember Sarah's the Women saying that that's when she knew,
Speaker 1: like she would be at the grocery store saying swear
Speaker 1: words to people like in the in the little car.
Speaker 1: I think it's like, it's a very female funny woman person.
Speaker 1: Have you spoken to Sarah recently? She had her tonsils removed,
Speaker 1: and it's almost like she has been lobotomized. She is
Speaker 1: and she's been recuperating for like two weeks, and she's
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know what. I can't talk, well,
Speaker 1: she can, but it's just brutal, like what happens when
Speaker 1: tonsils are taking I told her, I'm like, I got
Speaker 1: my tonsils out and I went for a jog that night,
Speaker 1: and she marco poloed me and she's like, I don't
Speaker 1: know what kind of jog he went on, but I've
Speaker 1: been in bed for two weeks. And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I met my wisdom teeth. Maybe I got my
Speaker 1: wisdom teeth removed, not my tonsils. Does everyone get there?
Speaker 1: But it does sound like a real common procedure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's but it's big, it's invasive, and you're really
Speaker 1: like because you have stitches in your throat. I'll check
Speaker 1: on her. You got carried away with person stories. Our
Speaker 1: next color is Regina and she'll join us as well.
Speaker 1: To your Chelsea, I'm a thirty six year old lesbian
Speaker 1: writing to you from Los Angeles, California. I've been at
Speaker 1: my company for fourteen years and absolutely love my job.
Speaker 1: In March of this year, a twenty seven year old
Speaker 1: coworker of mine who had been at the company for
Speaker 1: one year, began flirting with me. I flirted back because
Speaker 1: it was fun and seemed harmless at first, since she
Speaker 1: had to live in girlfriend of two years. We've been
Speaker 1: friends since she came to the company, and I did
Speaker 1: not see her as someone who would ultimately cheat. Well.
Speaker 1: After about two months of flirting, feelings began to surface,
Speaker 1: and we subsequently slept together by May. Since that first time,
Speaker 1: our feelings for each other have continued to become more intense.
Speaker 1: We've grown incredibly close, continue to have sex as often
Speaker 1: as possible, and now we are in love with each other.
Speaker 1: While she has told her girlfriend that she isn't happy
Speaker 1: in their relationship. Her girlfriend has no idea girlfriend us.
Speaker 1: She still has no idea her partner is having an affair,
Speaker 1: and she does not have a plan when it comes
Speaker 1: to how to resolve the situation. She can't make up
Speaker 1: her mind of what she wants to do. I have
Speaker 1: no interest in going out and dating other people, and
Speaker 1: while I know I shouldn't wait around for her to
Speaker 1: figure out what she wants, I find myself feeling stuck
Speaker 1: and doing just that. Because we work so closely together,
Speaker 1: ending the affair seems almost impossible. Given the fact that
Speaker 1: I see her most hours of the day. I'm really
Speaker 1: at a loss as to what to do. I want
Speaker 1: to be with her, but I don't want to wait
Speaker 1: around hoping she'll pick me. Any advice you have would
Speaker 1: be so appreciated. Regina, Hi, Regina Hi, Hi. Natasha la
Speaker 1: Jaros here today as our special guests. Hi. Hi, Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: hot and heavy and lesbian love affairs. I love it.
Speaker 1: I mean I have some news for you. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: a cheater, right, I mean, this is someone who is
Speaker 1: capable of being pretty too faced and a liar, and
Speaker 1: I would be very cautious about because, you know, if
Speaker 1: it was just about her casually dating someone else and
Speaker 1: needing to pick you. That's a different story. That's a
Speaker 1: that's a hey, you know what, I have feelings for you.
Speaker 1: I'd like to be with you. Let me know what
Speaker 1: you want to do. But this is a little this
Speaker 1: is too much for me to have you have this
Speaker 1: other person. But I wouldn't want to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with someone who's that deceitful. But how long have
Speaker 1: you guys been having an affair since May? It's about
Speaker 1: six months? Yeah, I mean I think that's enough time.
Speaker 1: Like I understand, people cheat, people have relationships and stuff.
Speaker 1: It's not ideal, but it happens all the time. I've
Speaker 1: had experiences with people that have been in relationships. I mean,
Speaker 1: actually once, not more than once, because I didn't want
Speaker 1: to repeat that. I don't want to make that a habit,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you don't either. But I think that's
Speaker 1: enough time. You've established that you're in love with her.
Speaker 1: She's probably established the same thing. You feel that way.
Speaker 1: I understand you see her every day and that very difficult,
Speaker 1: but I think out of respect for yourself, you really
Speaker 1: have to like draw the line in the sand and say, okay,
Speaker 1: we've experimented with this. It's been six months. That's been
Speaker 1: plenty of time for you to unravel your past relationship.
Speaker 1: We all understand breaking up is difficult, but the way
Speaker 1: that you see it's like it's just too deceitful. You
Speaker 1: can't be a part of this anymore. You can't be
Speaker 1: a participant in somebody who's lying to their spouse. I mean,
Speaker 1: even if they're not married, they're in a relationship and
Speaker 1: she is actively lying and you are too because of it.
Speaker 1: And you're not so weak that you can't control yourself.
Speaker 1: You may think that, but that's not true. You can
Speaker 1: control yourself. And I think laying down a boundary is
Speaker 1: going to bring everything to the surface, because if she's
Speaker 1: going to leave this woman, she will. Then if you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm not participating in this anymore, I can't have good
Speaker 1: mind have an affair with somebody that's in a relationship.
Speaker 1: Either you want to be with me, and if you
Speaker 1: don't want to be with me, that's fine, but I'm
Speaker 1: not doing this anymore. You know. I think you have
Speaker 1: to really stand up for yourself and stand up for
Speaker 1: that other woman too, because is you would never want
Speaker 1: this to happen to anyone, and it's karmically. It's just
Speaker 1: so bad to participating this kind of ship. And you
Speaker 1: said you work together. Yeah, that's an issue because you
Speaker 1: really need some space from her and she's breaking up
Speaker 1: with a long term partner is not easy, and so
Speaker 1: it's something that you guys kind of need your individual
Speaker 1: space for. So I would maybe try to look and
Speaker 1: see how how you could achieve that. I don't know
Speaker 1: the particular situation, but you can't be like breaking up
Speaker 1: with your lover and then see them every day at work.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's so hard. That's why they say, don't
Speaker 1: do that exactly right, And I mean I I certainly
Speaker 1: didn't intend for it to get to the place that
Speaker 1: it's now gotten to, but it is where we are.
Speaker 1: And I agree that I have initiated a stopping of this,
Speaker 1: like let's take a break so you can figure this out.
Speaker 1: And I have trouble with boundaries anyways, But when it
Speaker 1: comes to seeing her day in and day out, it
Speaker 1: I like what you said, Chelsea, it feels impossible, but
Speaker 1: I know that it's not. It just it feels that way. No,
Speaker 1: You're gonna also have a lot more to respect for
Speaker 1: yourself when you stand up and say like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but this is kind of beneath both of us because
Speaker 1: it is that's a good way to say it. But
Speaker 1: you can't then fuck her. She just did the astex motion,
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. I think like when you make statements
Speaker 1: and proclamations like what I'm telling you to do, you
Speaker 1: really have to stand behind them. If I'm in a
Speaker 1: relationship with somebody and I say something, I I didn't
Speaker 1: always do this, but I in my adult life, I
Speaker 1: mean it. There are boundaries and there are behaviors that
Speaker 1: are beneath me, and I won't participate in that, and
Speaker 1: I won't let anyone treat me in a way that
Speaker 1: doesn't feel like that I'm as excellent as I am,
Speaker 1: which is how you should see yourself. Do you have
Speaker 1: like a break coming up? Because I think it can
Speaker 1: really help to just like completely cut off contact if possible,
Speaker 1: for like even two weeks or something. So, So what's
Speaker 1: what's really helpful and falls in with good timing here
Speaker 1: is that I'm going to South America tomorrow for eleven days. Great,
Speaker 1: there you go, and I you don't want to talk
Speaker 1: to her while while you're there, So I think you
Speaker 1: need to have this conversation with her before you go.
Speaker 1: Let her know you're gonna take a little time to yourself.
Speaker 1: You're not happy with things how they are. You don't
Speaker 1: want to keep being deceitful. It doesn't sit right with you.
Speaker 1: So if she wants to continue with you, she's going
Speaker 1: to have to like talk to her person and change
Speaker 1: the situation and ask her maybe to not contact you.
Speaker 1: What do you think about that time? Yeah, I'm down
Speaker 1: with that, but I'm just so the job situation. Katherine
Speaker 1: told me what you did. Is there any possibility of
Speaker 1: you changing that job situation and getting a job elsewhere
Speaker 1: or well? Yeah, I mean I I put in the
Speaker 1: in the email that you know, she's worked here for
Speaker 1: about a year and a half. I've been here fourteen years,
Speaker 1: and I mean, I've really like earned my tenure here
Speaker 1: in my career and it's curtainly not a position that
Speaker 1: I favored to have to leave, right But I think
Speaker 1: that it probably falls more in the line of something
Speaker 1: that she could do, but it's not in the cards
Speaker 1: in the immediate future. I mean, I I'm certainly not
Speaker 1: going to give up what I have with my career
Speaker 1: for Okay, yeah, then that's then that's settled. Then you
Speaker 1: don't have to you've been there for a long time. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: But you're stronger than you think, So I think I
Speaker 1: think you should have this conversation with her today and
Speaker 1: mean it. You know what I mean, and mean it. Obviously,
Speaker 1: when we break up with somebody, we vacillate, we miss them.
Speaker 1: We're like, oh, well, maybe if I do this, they'll
Speaker 1: finally see the light. Or maybe if I if they
Speaker 1: see me one more time or talk to me one
Speaker 1: more time, it's like, no, no, just act in honor
Speaker 1: and with honor, and I'm sure what's supposed to happen
Speaker 1: is going to happen. And she obviously needs one last
Speaker 1: push to get rid of that relationship. It's obviously not
Speaker 1: working for her either. It's probably not sexually working for her.
Speaker 1: It might be working for her in other ways, but
Speaker 1: she's clearly getting her sex from you. And I'll have
Speaker 1: sex with you if you want it, but don't forget
Speaker 1: to tell her all the things you really like about her.
Speaker 1: If you do think that you guys could have a
Speaker 1: future together, you don't want to just be like scolding her. No, no, no, no.
Speaker 1: It's a very adult way, just like two part ways.
Speaker 1: It's just in an adult way, like I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: but just use that language. This is beneath both of us,
Speaker 1: and I'm not I'm not cool with it anymore. So
Speaker 1: I need my space. I would like to, you know,
Speaker 1: just move on and if you want to come back,
Speaker 1: and you know, if you're going to break up, then
Speaker 1: we have something to talk about. Otherwise we don't. That's great.
Speaker 1: And I have one more thing to add to it
Speaker 1: that I think could really help, because I have a
Speaker 1: lot of success with scripts because like I can get
Speaker 1: like talked into things really easily, and so I find
Speaker 1: if I make a phone call it's best and I
Speaker 1: write down what I want to say for these really
Speaker 1: important conversations sometimes if it makes sense for it to
Speaker 1: not be in person, and just like you can just
Speaker 1: keep referencing it and repeating it, you know, and then
Speaker 1: you can just kind of say you have to go,
Speaker 1: because then they can't pull you into like the thing
Speaker 1: that Chelsea said, this has beneath you can just keep
Speaker 1: repeating it in different ways, and like then it's not
Speaker 1: in person and you forget what you're thinking and they
Speaker 1: get you off track and then they start sucking right,
Speaker 1: there's no chance of your fucking if you're not if
Speaker 1: you're on the phone and when that's and that's was
Speaker 1: one of the comments I was going to make, is that,
Speaker 1: you know, the two times that I've said let's stop,
Speaker 1: like to you know, to give it her a break
Speaker 1: and take some time, I really meant it in the moment, right,
Speaker 1: I really felt that way in that moment. And whatever
Speaker 1: time passes by a day or two and I see
Speaker 1: her at work and I'm like, well, fuck, I don't
Speaker 1: feel that way anymore. You know, I'm not I don't
Speaker 1: feel so like angry about it or and I just
Speaker 1: kind of like fall back in Well, you've thought about
Speaker 1: it a little more deeply now, and you know that
Speaker 1: it's not sitting well with you because more time has
Speaker 1: passed and more deceit and more you know that it's
Speaker 1: horrible for someone to be lying to their partner, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's happened to me, It's happened to probably most people.
Speaker 1: But it is like the most horrifying feeling to know
Speaker 1: that someone's like fucking someone else when they're with you
Speaker 1: and not telling you. It's really it's really awful. And
Speaker 1: I think you raised a really good point right at
Speaker 1: the beginning, Natasha as well, like if you were to
Speaker 1: be the one who she picked, is there ever a
Speaker 1: point that you would be thinking, who is she out
Speaker 1: there fucking? Like? Who is she out there cheating on me? With? Right?
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, I don't think everyone who cheats on
Speaker 1: their spouse is a lifelong cheater, like or their partner.
Speaker 1: Like I think certain people fall in love and then
Speaker 1: they find the right person. I don't think they're always
Speaker 1: you know, I don't define people in that way. So
Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel hopeless that she's not
Speaker 1: a possibility if she does the right thing now. But yeah,
Speaker 1: all of that stuff is stuff to consider. And you
Speaker 1: know you've already attempted to break up with her a
Speaker 1: couple of times, Like now you can do it, so
Speaker 1: you know that the writing is on the wall, and
Speaker 1: like you're strong enough to do it, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel dignified about it. You're right, Chelsea, I've cheated on
Speaker 1: people before. Yeah, but I'm not a cheater, right right, Well,
Speaker 1: that's right, fair, I mean same here. Yeah, just one
Speaker 1: final question though, if I if I have that conversation
Speaker 1: which I plan on having, tomorrow because my flights tomorrow night,
Speaker 1: and I just as we talked about, I'll write the
Speaker 1: script out do all those things. Can I have sex
Speaker 1: with her one more time? No? Oh, you can master
Speaker 1: bait like this is a test for you, and you
Speaker 1: need to fucking follow up with us now that you
Speaker 1: just said that, you need to follow up with us
Speaker 1: in one month. No more sex. You're stronger than sex.
Speaker 1: Sex is whatever. You can go funk people in South America.
Speaker 1: I mean, what are you talking about. There are people
Speaker 1: everywhere to have sex with. It's just really but don't
Speaker 1: say it's just really really good. It's not worth it anymore.
Speaker 1: You had enough sex with her? That's enough, Jesus. Can
Speaker 1: I have sex with her one more time? There's the
Speaker 1: title of this episode. Anyway, have fun in South America.
Speaker 1: No more pussy pounding until you get there. Okay, and
Speaker 1: just wait and I probably I bet you it's gonna
Speaker 1: all work out exactly the way you want it, by
Speaker 1: being strong, not by being weak. And download whatever the
Speaker 1: grinder app is in South America. Yes, the women are
Speaker 1: hot down there. Yeah that's true. That's a good point. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good luck, honey, all right, thank you so much. Follow
Speaker 1: up with us in a month. I want to hear
Speaker 1: what happens. Okay, okay, okay, thanks. That was a good reminder, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: People aren't always cheaters. I guess I was, but I
Speaker 1: just mean, like, if you're the person cheating with them, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I would get past thinking like
Speaker 1: who are they out? You know, it's I think people
Speaker 1: can change, but I just think I used to be
Speaker 1: so jealous of like hot Nanny's hot people coming over,
Speaker 1: and then the pandemic happened and I was just like,
Speaker 1: take him, come on, like this will make my life easier,
Speaker 1: you can. I used to like try to wear cute outfits,
Speaker 1: not like I don't want to look too sexy. Oh no,
Speaker 1: this is see through from Uh. Well, let's take a
Speaker 1: quick break and we'll be right back. And we're back.
Speaker 1: We're back. Well, this is the part of the show,
Speaker 1: Natasha where I would like to know if you have
Speaker 1: any advice you'd like to get from Chelsea. Do would
Speaker 1: you like some parenting advice? Well, I know that we're similar,
Speaker 1: like we both like nice things, you know. I take
Speaker 1: pride in my things. I like my house a certain way,
Speaker 1: and that's a thing of the past. Pretty much. However,
Speaker 1: I don't want to nag my husband, so and I've
Speaker 1: already told him like twice. So I have these like
Speaker 1: beautiful towels that have my name on them that I
Speaker 1: had monogrammed because like that's just special to me. I
Speaker 1: like old Hollywood, Like I thought it was cool. He
Speaker 1: when he leaves the bedroom, we're supposed to put a
Speaker 1: peepad out for the dogs. He's been using my monogrammed
Speaker 1: towels but laying them out, like all spread out, so
Speaker 1: that's where they pee. They're white, they say Natasha on them.
Speaker 1: I've already told him once and I'm like, please, don't
Speaker 1: use those towels. He's like, cool, so they don't be
Speaker 1: on the wood floor and I'm like no, And so
Speaker 1: then he did it again. And I know if I
Speaker 1: say some thing, but like what would you do? You would?
Speaker 1: Isn't that appalling? Yeah? It's sucking appalling. I mean honestly,
Speaker 1: I fucking screamed at him, like what what doesn't mean?
Speaker 1: What's well? No, I mean not about a towel, but
Speaker 1: I mean, what doesn't he get about the situation? How much?
Speaker 1: Why do you have to be more clear than that?
Speaker 1: Why is he using those towels, and don't you guys
Speaker 1: use pepads. We have pepads. He has a d D,
Speaker 1: so he thinks he's like killing it because he remembers.
Speaker 1: Does he take adderall? No, you think he needs that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: everyone get him on adderall. There's a pill for every solution.
Speaker 1: Every problem, there's a pill solution. No. I think if
Speaker 1: people have a d D and they're not actively trying
Speaker 1: to d program the a d D, then yeah, they
Speaker 1: should be on adderall because it fucking makes you focus.
Speaker 1: But so deep program I mean yeah, but that's like
Speaker 1: meditation and you know, like you have to really focus.
Speaker 1: I had really bad a d D and I do
Speaker 1: not have it anymore. Really, yes, I have gotten rid
Speaker 1: of it, really yeah, with a lot of men titation
Speaker 1: and concentration. Like I put my phone away, I read,
Speaker 1: you know, I sometimes it comes back in. But I
Speaker 1: used to be in the middle of conversations and just
Speaker 1: be like, what is happening right now? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? My mind would be off in a million
Speaker 1: different directions, and I'm not like that anymore. Would you
Speaker 1: like lose your phone and be scatter brained? I always
Speaker 1: I was a hot mess, for sure, because like he
Speaker 1: never has his credit card, he never has his light. Everything.
Speaker 1: There's a chaos that I'm enveloped in and it's very hard.
Speaker 1: And can you just put those towels somewhere where he
Speaker 1: can't find them? I mean they are I'd like to
Speaker 1: keep them in the bathroom, right, but I guess I
Speaker 1: could get a safe or you or you could just
Speaker 1: put nice little post it notes on them saying do
Speaker 1: not touch these. Yeah, I know it's it's because it's
Speaker 1: like and then you want to get nice things for them,
Speaker 1: for these guys, and it's like they don't deserve, they
Speaker 1: don't appreciate nice towels, and he doesn't care. Can you
Speaker 1: use those to clean up the dog pist? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean it wasn't even leaving. It wasn't even to clean
Speaker 1: up the dog pist. It was he was laying it
Speaker 1: out as a nice little thing for the dogs to
Speaker 1: deficate on. But yeah, it's the a d D. And
Speaker 1: it does keep coming back in all these different ways.
Speaker 1: A d D is so annoying to be around. It's
Speaker 1: any I know that I thought it was cute, and
Speaker 1: then once we had the kid, it became something a
Speaker 1: little less manageable. You should have him try and adderall.
Speaker 1: I know it's like terrible to say, but it's like
Speaker 1: such a good solution. Like my friend's dad is on it,
Speaker 1: and he I go, what's it like if you don't
Speaker 1: take it? He's like, I can't focus on anything. I'm
Speaker 1: all over the place. I go to the store and
Speaker 1: I forget where I'm going. I get distracted with this
Speaker 1: and then i'll talk to you a person. I forget
Speaker 1: what I have to do. He's like, my whole life
Speaker 1: is different, Like on my quality of life, I'm able
Speaker 1: to like go from A to B to C two D.
Speaker 1: He's like, I had no idea you could live like that.
Speaker 1: So for people who have serious A D D, adderall
Speaker 1: is you know, that's what kids take or riddle in,
Speaker 1: depending on what you have. But yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good solution. But he's sober, so
Speaker 1: that that's an issue, so we can't take out of all.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I did have a boyfriend once who sober,
Speaker 1: and he acted like when his adderall came, it was
Speaker 1: like he was snorting it and it was like he
Speaker 1: had adderall for thirty days, but like the twenty feet
Speaker 1: day he was out of it, he'd start freaking out.
Speaker 1: Most is not like that, but yeah, who knows. I
Speaker 1: don't know. A lot of people think it's gonna like
Speaker 1: dull their creativity, and I find that to be a
Speaker 1: misnomer too, or a fallacy. I should say, a lot
Speaker 1: of people say that and then they take it and
Speaker 1: you're like, no, you're much better this way. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you're right. It's definitely suddictive because people use it to party.
Speaker 1: Maybe he should start doing cocaine, or maybe you should
Speaker 1: just yeah, I mean, is there a possibility of you
Speaker 1: getting out of the marriage. I'm taking my towels with me. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm I hope he answered your towel question, even though
Speaker 1: I know we did it. No, I know, it was
Speaker 1: just kind of like a I wanted you to know
Speaker 1: that's what happens. It was like barely a question for advice,
Speaker 1: because there really isn't anything you can do except pity
Speaker 1: me and be glad that I'm not in that situation.
Speaker 1: But the world would deserve your children. Thank you. The
Speaker 1: world deserves my children is Natasha la Jarrow's book. Order one,
Speaker 1: or go to an independent bookstore and buy one. Support
Speaker 1: independent bookstores, or order one from Amazon, whatever floats your boat.
Speaker 1: But please get this book because it's so fucking funny. Yes,
Speaker 1: and it comes out in November. Fifteen, comes out in November,
Speaker 1: and I'll be on a tour. I'm going to Philly, Boston, Nashville, Denver, Chicago,
Speaker 1: and my homeland, Maria. What is that, Natasha la dot com?
Speaker 1: Is that where people can tickets? Okay, all right, thank
Speaker 1: you Natasha. It's always a pleasure to be around you.
Speaker 1: Thank you you too. I'm so excited. So I am
Speaker 1: winding up my stand up tour. Vaccinated and Horning is
Speaker 1: coming to a screeching halt at the end of the year.
Speaker 1: I have my last dates coming up, and these are
Speaker 1: the last opportunities. You have to also buy merch from
Speaker 1: the website Chelsea Hammler dot com. If you want Vaccinating
Speaker 1: Horny Captain's hats, let's say where the Captain's now for
Speaker 1: women only? Our t shirts for men in your family
Speaker 1: that say I'm sorry because they should be. I only
Speaker 1: have a few dates left. Two shows in Tampa, a
Speaker 1: show in Fort Myers, Florida, Daytona Beach, Hollywood, Florida, Concord,
Speaker 1: New Hampshire, Wooster Mass, Wilkes Berry, Pennsylvania, Wilke's Berry, Pennsylvania.
Speaker 1: There I said it, and then San Diego and Riverside, California,
Speaker 1: and then Baltimore, Maryland, and then my very last date
Speaker 1: is December six in Reading, Pennsylvania. If you are enjoying
Speaker 1: what you're hearing, you can subscribe to Dear Chelsea. That
Speaker 1: is our podcast, and you can rate us if you want. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a great idea. It actually makes a huge difference
Speaker 1: for this podcast, for any podcast that you like, subscribing
Speaker 1: giving it a rating actually make a huge difference in
Speaker 1: who all we gets served too, and helping spread the word. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: subscribe and and and comment, yeah, and follow. So if
Speaker 1: you'd like advice from Chelsea, see just send us an
Speaker 1: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear
Speaker 1: Chelsea is a production of I Heart Radio. Executive produced
Speaker 1: by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and edited and
Speaker 1: engineered by Brad Dickert.