Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating with Dean Angler and I Heart
Speaker 1: radio podcast. Hey guys, my name is Dean Angler and
Speaker 1: I stuck at dating. I don't know how this happens,
Speaker 1: but it seems like overnight I became the poster child
Speaker 1: for just being horrible at dating, and this is what
Speaker 1: it's come to. I currently am launching a podcast to
Speaker 1: work through this. Not the most proud moment of my life.
Speaker 1: I would probably say my college graduation was was number one.
Speaker 1: This probably isn't even the top hundred, but we're doing
Speaker 1: it anyways. Oh, let's let's introduce. Uh everyone got in
Speaker 1: the studio. We got Easton, who is getting married on Saturday. Hello,
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for being here. It's great to
Speaker 1: be I'm really excited. I'm excited to spend my last
Speaker 1: week as a bachelor here are learning some skills. We've
Speaker 1: got a few more days. Um, congratulations again. We've got Mark,
Speaker 1: who is happily married fifteen years fifteen years married. Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: I don't know that I could give you any advice,
Speaker 1: but if it comes up, I'm happy to try. And
Speaker 1: as we just discussed, he met his wife when he
Speaker 1: was twenty six, which is my current age. I was
Speaker 1: twenty six, and she was oh wow, yeah, was Mark,
Speaker 1: Was there ever a moment where you sucked at dating? Oh?
Speaker 1: All of them? I never stopped until I met her,
Speaker 1: and it was and it was like, it's like what
Speaker 1: you have told me you're looking for were it's just
Speaker 1: as easy and it all falls into place. And that's
Speaker 1: what that's what happened when you met her. No more
Speaker 1: games because everybody also playing games. Oh do I call back?
Speaker 1: When do I call back? Should wait for them to
Speaker 1: call back? And now of course it's texting. There wasn't
Speaker 1: at the time, but it was all the games. But
Speaker 1: with Amy, there were no games. And then how about yourself, Eastern?
Speaker 1: When did I meet my wife? We met working at
Speaker 1: a movie theater together ten years ago, and it took
Speaker 1: five years to get to the point where we were dating.
Speaker 1: We're friends for that time, so it was a very
Speaker 1: long vetting process. But but just like Mark said, it was,
Speaker 1: it was so easy once it started, once it actually happened,
Speaker 1: and h and uh, I'm a big fan of being friends.
Speaker 1: First I thought that was that was a cool thing
Speaker 1: to do because we knew each other. She knows me
Speaker 1: better than anyone else in the world, and I know her,
Speaker 1: I assume better than any else something in the world. Uh,
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm really excited to spend the rest of
Speaker 1: my life with her. I love that. So I'm a
Speaker 1: big advocate of being friends with someone before you date
Speaker 1: them as well. For you, wasn't an awkward transition to
Speaker 1: go from a friendship to a romantic relationship with her? No,
Speaker 1: it wasn't. But I was afraid of it because I
Speaker 1: had another friend previously that things took a romantic turn
Speaker 1: and did not end very well. Now we are not friends,
Speaker 1: so I was worried about that happening. But um, but
Speaker 1: it was. It was meant to be, I'd say. So.
Speaker 1: I have a similar experience of that too. Um. I
Speaker 1: dated a girl in Los Angeles who was in our
Speaker 1: friend group. We hung out probably every weekend with you know,
Speaker 1: a big group of friends whatever it is, and that
Speaker 1: eventually evolved into a romantic relationship and we dated. Um
Speaker 1: and we still operate very much in the same friend group.
Speaker 1: But it just is a little it's a little tricky
Speaker 1: sometimes to navigate that. You know, sometimes past feelings come up,
Speaker 1: I guess when you're hanging out. Sometimes you just don't
Speaker 1: even want to be seeing them flirting with anyone else. Um.
Speaker 1: So yeah, it's good that you kind of experienced both
Speaker 1: sides of that though. Yo. Yeah, so let's start this
Speaker 1: podcast with your advice. Everywhere I go people give me
Speaker 1: advice on dating, and I'm definitely open to it. I
Speaker 1: think that's the whole reason for for starting this podcast,
Speaker 1: to fix my suckiness of dating. Um, so let's start
Speaker 1: with Maran. Maran, are you there? Man? I'm sorry? How
Speaker 1: are you? I'm good? How are you? I'm good? Thank
Speaker 1: you for calling in. What what advice do you have
Speaker 1: for me? Um? Well, me and my friend Nicki. Nicky says, Hi,
Speaker 1: we wanted to say that next time you're stuck in
Speaker 1: I love triangle or just you know, you're dating one girl,
Speaker 1: we should be super honest with them. But it's just
Speaker 1: a love triangle. I think it's best that you leave
Speaker 1: both girls and tape time to like be with yourself. So,
Speaker 1: so honestly you think is the most important thing. I
Speaker 1: do think honestly is the most important thing, because I think,
Speaker 1: like for example, in Paradise, if you're like more honest
Speaker 1: with Christina as you probably would have understood it more
Speaker 1: and like you would have had less backlass because I
Speaker 1: kind of thought the backlash but because people weren't like
Speaker 1: mature enough to understand what was going on, you know,
Speaker 1: and that was and that really sucks. I don't like
Speaker 1: seeing that, you know. Yeah, that makes sense. Have you
Speaker 1: or Nicky ever been in a love triangle? I've been
Speaker 1: in your situation, yes, and I am. They both don't
Speaker 1: know each other, so do you think But don't you
Speaker 1: think you're kind of being dishonest there? I think that
Speaker 1: they're not even on the same coast, so okay, but
Speaker 1: it's okay. But if you were on the same beach
Speaker 1: as the two guys, then you would be openly honest
Speaker 1: with with them about everything, honestly, with the two guys
Speaker 1: right now, and that were to happen, I would leave
Speaker 1: both of them if they were on the same beach,
Speaker 1: because that's just that's too stressful for me. And I
Speaker 1: think convenience of like the much important thing. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: a wrong. We will not cast you for next batter
Speaker 1: in Paradise, but thank you so much for the time
Speaker 1: for calling me in you. Yeah, you've answered me and
Speaker 1: my friend Nikki on Twitter and we were in Italy
Speaker 1: at the time and we screamed so loud, we probably
Speaker 1: scared all that Italians, but it was almost exciting when
Speaker 1: what's happened to us. We love you, Hope. I'm glad
Speaker 1: we finally got a chance to talk. You guys are
Speaker 1: so amazing. Thank you so much. You're amazing. Thank you.
Speaker 1: I have a good day, all right. Next next to
Speaker 1: Savannah in North Carolina. Uh, Savannah, do you have any
Speaker 1: sound advice for me? Hi? Yeah, I thought this was
Speaker 1: a joke, but here you are. Yeah. I called mostly
Speaker 1: just a steward the number went. But my advice was, um,
Speaker 1: that you were a real fan favorite on The Best
Speaker 1: Threat because you were so open with Bractil and treated
Speaker 1: her with such kindness. And I think, um, the transparent
Speaker 1: she shifted when you were on Pastero in Paradise. So
Speaker 1: I think my advice would just be try to channel
Speaker 1: the way that you behaved just on that first kind
Speaker 1: of round with Rachel, because that was what a lot
Speaker 1: of people are really impressed by. So, Savannah, you think
Speaker 1: it's transparency not just in what relationships, but just every
Speaker 1: facet of life or anything specifically. Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think this is this is so funny, But yeah, I
Speaker 1: think I think the reason that a lot of people
Speaker 1: were really charmed and impressed with because you were so
Speaker 1: transparent about all of the things that you like going
Speaker 1: on in your life in addition to kind of your
Speaker 1: feelings with a relationship. And I think, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I heard you made a point about because
Speaker 1: love try and go on back in Paradise that just
Speaker 1: like you felt like you were being transparent with everyone,
Speaker 1: but I feel like Danielle and Christina didn't really know
Speaker 1: the full gope of what was going on on the
Speaker 1: other end. So I think maybe just being fully open
Speaker 1: about what was going on or trying to allow everyone
Speaker 1: to have full agency and their decisions by information. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I understand that. And even watching it back, I think
Speaker 1: that I maybe in the moment, I thought I was
Speaker 1: telling the truth, but I was probably not as honest
Speaker 1: as I should have been to spare the feelings of
Speaker 1: whoever I was talking to. So I definitely makes sense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it was. It was kind of like completely
Speaker 1: painful to watch kind of your reactions throughout the season
Speaker 1: because you've kept putting these self deprecating comments on the Internet,
Speaker 1: and we were like, Okay, everyone makes mistakes. It's okay,
Speaker 1: but yeah, I did not did not get a great
Speaker 1: cut on that one. Yeah. Oh well there's always next time,
Speaker 1: I guess. But um, Savannah, thank you for calling in,
Speaker 1: thank you for the advice, and I promise I'll continue
Speaker 1: to work on it. Yeah, because luck it the future.
Speaker 1: Cool for taking everyone's opinions. Yeah, of course, take care. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I have a good one. T N. Sacramento. You say
Speaker 1: it's my eyes. What are you saying? No, I was saying,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're terrible at eye contact. I've actually
Speaker 1: heard that quite a bit recently. Yeah, but it's so true,
Speaker 1: and I feel like when you're like saying something to somebody,
Speaker 1: it's so hard to believe it when you're like completely
Speaker 1: avoiding I'm them, you know. Yeah, I think you're right,
Speaker 1: and I do have maybe struggles with making eye contacts.
Speaker 1: I think it basically is mostly during the difficult conversations,
Speaker 1: and I think that's probably when it's most important. Um,
Speaker 1: but it's it's it is funny watching back least uh
Speaker 1: these TV shows and like not making eye contact the
Speaker 1: entire time. It kind of comes across as maybe even
Speaker 1: just like being scared or disingenuous. But that was never
Speaker 1: the case. It's just I struggle with looking someone in
Speaker 1: the eyes, maybe when I'm telling them something they don't
Speaker 1: want to hear. Does that make sense? It makes sense.
Speaker 1: But I feel like if you work on that, I
Speaker 1: feel like that will help you a lot. Okay, So
Speaker 1: are you saying that you're good at eye contact? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I feel like I feel like it's not even
Speaker 1: that you're like a little bad at eye contact. It
Speaker 1: just seems almost like you avoid I think, like thee
Speaker 1: you've heard said of the time, and so I just
Speaker 1: feel like it's just it's harder to take, like when
Speaker 1: you're talking, it's harder to believe what you're saying, you
Speaker 1: know what you mean when you're just like avoiding looking
Speaker 1: at that person. No, absolutely, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: I definitely have to continue to work on that. I agree. Okay,
Speaker 1: I promise you have you ever seen me on another
Speaker 1: Bachelor's show again, I will be making eye contact the
Speaker 1: entire time, whether it's with the camera or the person
Speaker 1: I'm talking to. And I'll have you to thank for that. Perfect.
Speaker 1: You're very You're welcome, Thank you to you have a
Speaker 1: great day, Thank you for calling in. Thank you. Okay, So,
Speaker 1: one thing we'll be doing with this podcast is each
Speaker 1: week we will be bringing in a dating experts of sorts.
Speaker 1: And I'm in studio here with with two experts, but
Speaker 1: these may be more famously expert um relationship gurus of sorts.
Speaker 1: So this week we'll be starting with Rachel de Alto,
Speaker 1: the dating expert from Married at First Sight. Rachel, how
Speaker 1: are you hey? I'm good, How are you good? Thanks
Speaker 1: for coming on. I'm happy to be here. So, Rachel,
Speaker 1: I'd love for you to start off by telling us
Speaker 1: a little bit about yourself. Sure, I focus on dating
Speaker 1: and relationships. I'm a coach and like to help people
Speaker 1: find love or figure out if if they want love, um,
Speaker 1: and everything in between. So I work with singles and
Speaker 1: I work with couples, and occasionally I'm marry strangers. So it's, uh,
Speaker 1: it's a whirlwind of activities. So outside of the show
Speaker 1: Married at First Sight, you you kind of do this
Speaker 1: full time? I do. Yeah, this is this is a
Speaker 1: real gig. So I work with people every day. I
Speaker 1: coached them. Um, and you know, like I said, it's
Speaker 1: it's single there's people looking for love. So if they're
Speaker 1: dating and having some troubles and people who are in
Speaker 1: relationships and want to stay in a relationship and want
Speaker 1: to work through some some challenges as you know, I
Speaker 1: mean they arrived. So yeah, I do it. Do it
Speaker 1: on the off TV as well. Love it. So what
Speaker 1: kind of like training do you have for it? I
Speaker 1: used to be a lawyer, so I'm really good at
Speaker 1: splitting people up. Um. But I am a certified coach.
Speaker 1: So I decided to leave law. I was a litigator,
Speaker 1: and you know, I did what every lawyer does, leave
Speaker 1: the law and become a coach and focus on love
Speaker 1: and dating. Um. So I went back to school and
Speaker 1: became a coach, and then I went back and got
Speaker 1: a hypnotherapist training. So I'm being into yoga and meditation.
Speaker 1: And does does the hypnotherapy play into the married at
Speaker 1: First Sight? Um? Actually yeah, I've done it quite a
Speaker 1: few times with the cast I married at first Sight.
Speaker 1: We Um. We did a whole hypnosis for Sonia last
Speaker 1: season season four where she was definitely afraid of dogs,
Speaker 1: and I don't think they showed any of it on
Speaker 1: the show, but we did a hypnosis and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden she was fine with dogs. And I've done
Speaker 1: it for other people off TV two that have been
Speaker 1: a part of it, just to kind of, you know,
Speaker 1: release any anxiety. Sometimes I don't know if you had
Speaker 1: this being on TV can cause some some anxious moments.
Speaker 1: I like to help him out on the on the
Speaker 1: outside as well. So what are some common mistakes that
Speaker 1: you see? Well? I think the biggest thing that I
Speaker 1: see over and over again is people date very unintentionally. Um.
Speaker 1: And I may have seen this a little bit, uh
Speaker 1: watching a little bit from Paradise. Uh, you love dogs,
Speaker 1: so I I think you're awesome. Um. But I think
Speaker 1: that like a big mistake that I saw was it
Speaker 1: was very unintentional, and I think people do that a lot.
Speaker 1: We get into a situation where we kind of just
Speaker 1: go with our feelings and kind of that euphoria feeling,
Speaker 1: and it leads us in a bunch of different directions
Speaker 1: and we have no intention to it. So you're just
Speaker 1: kind of like all over the plate. Um. I like
Speaker 1: to call that kind of the you know the blue
Speaker 1: shirt at Marshall's. You know, you go into Marshals and
Speaker 1: I don't know, if I go into Marshal's with TJ
Speaker 1: Max no shame and I walk in, I get so
Speaker 1: overwhelmed because there's just like options everywhere and it's kind
Speaker 1: of like a candy store and it's just a lot um.
Speaker 1: But when you date intentionally, you can go in and
Speaker 1: be like, I want a blue shirt, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, at Marshall's DJ Mags, you know, you see
Speaker 1: a blue shirt popping out everywhere. And it's kind of
Speaker 1: the same thing with dating, like know what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people don't know what they're looking for.
Speaker 1: But do you know what you're looking for, Well, let's
Speaker 1: use that. Let's use that then. So say you go
Speaker 1: into our shows and you're looking for a blue shirt,
Speaker 1: but you're also looking for a red shirt, but you
Speaker 1: only have to get one shirt. Do you think that
Speaker 1: it's possible to date two people at the same time.
Speaker 1: Is it possible to go in and buy two shirts?
Speaker 1: You can get all those shirts you want, but you
Speaker 1: need to let the people know that you're getting all
Speaker 1: the shirts. As long as the blue shirt knows that
Speaker 1: you're buying the red shirt. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm
Speaker 1: buying all these shirts, I'm creating a wardrobe. Um, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be totally honest with you, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to be up front about my intentions of like, listen,
Speaker 1: I don't want a relationship or I don't think I
Speaker 1: want a relationship, um, and I'm gonna go buy a
Speaker 1: bunch of shirts and see what happens and maybe like
Speaker 1: one gets a hole in it and I throw it out,
Speaker 1: So you know, there's you have to be intentional about it,
Speaker 1: and you have to be very upfront and honest. And
Speaker 1: I think that's the other thing too, is the biggest mistake.
Speaker 1: His people are just not like they protect each other's feelings, um,
Speaker 1: you know, and end up saying some white lies and
Speaker 1: it gets into a snowball. So just be honest with people.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people aren't honest. They like
Speaker 1: to kind of make someone feel better or not being
Speaker 1: honest with themselves about what they're actually looking for. So
Speaker 1: that was kind of my thing too, especially going into Paradise.
Speaker 1: I wanted to go in and be as honest as
Speaker 1: I possibly could have, and maybe that maybe that's kind
Speaker 1: of what happened. I got stuck in like possible like
Speaker 1: white lies because I wanted to spare the emotions of
Speaker 1: the girls. I guess I don't know, did you you
Speaker 1: said you watched it, could you be like, can maybe
Speaker 1: give me your kind of like synopsis of it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean here's the thing. I got the impression that
Speaker 1: you were a really nice guy. Uh, And I know
Speaker 1: that the f boy thing has been thrown around a lot,
Speaker 1: and I totally get I get that you hate it,
Speaker 1: but I also get white people are saying because and
Speaker 1: I mean this in like the most compassionate way of
Speaker 1: you seem like a nice guy, but like you end
Speaker 1: up in this state where you're trying to be nice
Speaker 1: to everybody, You're trying to people please, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you're in these situations where you're trying to
Speaker 1: kind of keep everybody's feeling from check, but you know,
Speaker 1: you end up kind of snowballing the problem. So I
Speaker 1: think there was another level of honesty that was being
Speaker 1: did of, you know, but also keeping other people's feelings
Speaker 1: in mind in a different way of like how do
Speaker 1: my actions affect this person before I do certain things? Um,
Speaker 1: I think that's but that's like you've got to grow
Speaker 1: into that, you know. And I think from what I
Speaker 1: saw is like there's a lot of lessons that were
Speaker 1: that we're able to be learned. There One of the
Speaker 1: things that I've definitely noticed I needed to work on
Speaker 1: is is maybe being more upfront about like saying no
Speaker 1: to people. I've never really been good at saying no before. So, um,
Speaker 1: I guess when you say, you know, I wanted to
Speaker 1: spare everyone's feelings, that's I mean, that's that's that's exactly
Speaker 1: how I looked at. I never really want to hurt
Speaker 1: anyone's feelings, but I understand maybe if I nipped in
Speaker 1: the bud earlier on, then nothing would have happened, or
Speaker 1: nothing would have transpired to maybe upset either of them
Speaker 1: as much as they were. Right. Yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think the the impression I got that you kind of
Speaker 1: got there and you're like a kid in the candy store,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is great. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: going to buy all the shirts. Um, and it just
Speaker 1: kind of snowballed from there. But yeah, saying notice someone,
Speaker 1: but also being aware of, like, you know, what's going
Speaker 1: to happen when someone starts to catch feelings, you know,
Speaker 1: and and thinking beyond yourself. You know, I think that
Speaker 1: nice guys make bad moves too, So it's not like,
Speaker 1: you know, this doesn't demonize you as the person, but like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you probably should have stepped back. And then like, am
Speaker 1: I leading this person down the wrong path? Should I
Speaker 1: say no from the start instead of kind of allowing
Speaker 1: it to evolve on its own? Um, you know, there's
Speaker 1: there's definitely more honesty, more nose, more kind of like
Speaker 1: stops along the way that I think could have made
Speaker 1: a big difference in preserving those relationships. But even like
Speaker 1: on Ellen, I watched that glimp to and she was
Speaker 1: ready to kind of keep things going. Christina like made
Speaker 1: to me and I don't know what the rest of
Speaker 1: the audience saw is is it seemed like she would
Speaker 1: give you another chance. But it's like you've got to
Speaker 1: stop it, like don't lead her on, um, you know,
Speaker 1: give it a stop put or don't but be honest
Speaker 1: with her. I was just telling um, the people that
Speaker 1: we have in studio right now that I think that
Speaker 1: like I just don't want to necessarily And maybe this
Speaker 1: is where my biggest um fallback is like I don't
Speaker 1: like the idea of compromising anything that UM currently like
Speaker 1: kind of makes up who I am, you know, like
Speaker 1: the ideas whatever it might be, I just don't if
Speaker 1: if I have maybe some some sort of gripe with
Speaker 1: someone that I'm like pursuing romantically. Then I kind of,
Speaker 1: um take that and you know, kind of give me
Speaker 1: an inch and taken a mile sort of thing. I
Speaker 1: get my own head. Okay, So what kind of grapes
Speaker 1: are we talking about? Um, that's a that's a good question.
Speaker 1: Maybe disagreements along the lines of I don't know, like
Speaker 1: maybe what it means to be in a relationship, what
Speaker 1: we plan to do moving forward, like all that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff. Maybe that's too soon for that, but just
Speaker 1: kind of like more relationships centric stuff, not like Graham
Speaker 1: or anything like that. Okay, Okay, so these are valid things.
Speaker 1: Maybe the relationships moving too fast. Okay. So were you
Speaker 1: totally into her? Yeah, okay, beyond a physical attraction and
Speaker 1: this is a person to hang out with. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: think one of the things that drew me most to
Speaker 1: her was that she is incredibly interested in the most
Speaker 1: like ridiculous things, And I like to talk about like
Speaker 1: ridiculous ideas, like you know, just like random thoughts, and
Speaker 1: she's able to like contribute and have her own like
Speaker 1: interesting ideas. Like there's a there's a lot of like
Speaker 1: depth to her. It was it was definitely more than
Speaker 1: just a physical attraction. I mean, of course I was.
Speaker 1: I thought she was beautiful and um, you know, even
Speaker 1: obviously like looking looking back and watching Um, I mean,
Speaker 1: she's a beautiful woman. But there was definitely a lot
Speaker 1: more to it than just that. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think this kind of I mean, at least my take
Speaker 1: on it is like the self sabotage sort of thing
Speaker 1: is like, when you see things going right, you find
Speaker 1: reasons to maybe make them go wrong. Okay, is that
Speaker 1: a pattern that you have, I mean, in prior relationships.
Speaker 1: Have you had significant prior relationships before these shows? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I would say I was only really in love once before,
Speaker 1: and I was young. I was like fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, um.
Speaker 1: But I've had like longer relationships, I mean straight or
Speaker 1: last year, my girlfriend of a year and I broke up,
Speaker 1: and um, you know, I don't think that the feelings
Speaker 1: were as strong with her as they were with Christina,
Speaker 1: which is kind of weird to think about. But okay,
Speaker 1: so where does the self sabotage come into that? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I think that maybe even Christina and I
Speaker 1: talked about it at one point too. I think that
Speaker 1: maybe having lost my mother and having been so close
Speaker 1: to her, like, like the possibility of like growing so
Speaker 1: close to someone again just to possibly lose them is
Speaker 1: like challenging. Maybe, Yeah, I mean, for sure, obviously you
Speaker 1: suffered a that's a traumatic you know, especially with someone
Speaker 1: in that female role um, and that could be a
Speaker 1: huge part of it. So you know, but your choice
Speaker 1: now is to recognize that and you know, not sabotage.
Speaker 1: But was it sabotage or you know, was there a
Speaker 1: connection with Danielle too, So that's kind of the question
Speaker 1: that you have to figure out. Like we like to
Speaker 1: label a lot of things, but that doesn't necessarily mean that,
Speaker 1: you know, it all falls into that basket. Well, that
Speaker 1: situation was difficult too, because is Christina hadn't really done
Speaker 1: anything wrong and Danielle um was great as well, and
Speaker 1: that she never really did anything wrong either, So I
Speaker 1: didn't really have a like a real legitimate reason to
Speaker 1: break up with one of them to pursue the other.
Speaker 1: You know, it was both women are great, Um, I
Speaker 1: don't know exactly like which one of them is better,
Speaker 1: Like I don't like, you know what I mean that
Speaker 1: they never there was never like a moment that they
Speaker 1: did something wrong where I was like, Okay, I can't
Speaker 1: date this person anymore. It was it was always just
Speaker 1: like good thing after a good thing. Um, And so
Speaker 1: maybe that was like the challenging thing to like when
Speaker 1: neither of them are doing anything wrong, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: really have a like a reason to end things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So the impression I got is that you shouldn't probably
Speaker 1: have been in a relationship with either of them. Um,
Speaker 1: just you know, from the outside looking in, being the
Speaker 1: vibe I got off you and again, like you seem
Speaker 1: like an awesome guy. You love puppies, Like that's awesome.
Speaker 1: But I think that you know, there's especially in that situation,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of you know, that energy of just
Speaker 1: fun and excitement and this again it's like a candy
Speaker 1: store and you're a kid running wild in it, and
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that. I just want to say,
Speaker 1: like out loud, there's nothing wrong with with not wanting
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship at the moment. Do you
Speaker 1: feel like you get into relationships kind of like accidentally sometimes? Um,
Speaker 1: I definitely think that, But so how how do I
Speaker 1: handle that on mine? Then? Say, you know, because I
Speaker 1: did want to go into it with a fun mentality.
Speaker 1: You know, you're in paradise, you're on a beach and
Speaker 1: you want to have fun with your friends and you know,
Speaker 1: meet new people. But then if the other person is
Speaker 1: going um, feeling is much more quickly, like how do
Speaker 1: you kind of meet in the middle and have like
Speaker 1: a good common understanding of what's gonna happen. You're in
Speaker 1: control of that. So you're driving a bus um and
Speaker 1: I say that to whoever has you know, the receiving
Speaker 1: end of the emotions of someone else. You're driving the bus,
Speaker 1: so you are slowing down, you're speeding up. You are
Speaker 1: taking care of kind of the speed of the relationship
Speaker 1: or the lack there of a relationship. So if you
Speaker 1: are enjoying someone's company, and you know part of this
Speaker 1: is that intentional dating is like understanding, like maybe I
Speaker 1: just want to have fun right now, and that's okay,
Speaker 1: But you have to recognize when you start to see
Speaker 1: someone that you know starts to get the field, starts
Speaker 1: to demand more of you or want more of you,
Speaker 1: or ask more of you, and it's more than you
Speaker 1: want to give at that time. But the people, please
Speaker 1: are side of all of us wants to stay like
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I don't want to hurt this person's feeling,
Speaker 1: so I'll just float into this relationship. You gotta drive
Speaker 1: the bus, you gotta take the wheel, And I think
Speaker 1: that's kind of where the disconnect happens, and probably why
Speaker 1: there was room for Danielle to come in and have
Speaker 1: this whole triangle is because you know, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that's what I wanted. I wanted to
Speaker 1: have fun, and all of a sudden, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: in this whole situation. Yeah, you're you have to put
Speaker 1: the brakes on it, you know, And that's where that
Speaker 1: like radical honesty comes in where you're like, no, I
Speaker 1: get it, Like I understand, I'm awesome. I'm so glad
Speaker 1: that you wanted to with me. And I think that's
Speaker 1: that was also kind of in the back of my
Speaker 1: head unfortunately too is I mean, at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, it was a bachelor franchise show, and I
Speaker 1: think maybe I had ingrained in my head like you're
Speaker 1: supposed to be dating until people you're supposed to be um,
Speaker 1: you know, kind of exploring and and dating as many
Speaker 1: people as you kind of can or are the ones
Speaker 1: that you're interested in at least, so I guess maybe
Speaker 1: I kept justifying my actions while I was in the moment,
Speaker 1: but then obviously taking a step back and watching it
Speaker 1: happen on TV wasn't obviously the best thing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: well you can date all of them. It's just a
Speaker 1: matter of that that radical honesty is like, hey, listen,
Speaker 1: I'm not interested in relationships. And then there's also the
Speaker 1: people that are attracted to pursuing people who say they're
Speaker 1: not interested in relationships. I see that all the time,
Speaker 1: especially with women who want to validate their ego or
Speaker 1: guys too. You know, it goes vice versa where all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, oh, you're unattainable. Now I'm going to
Speaker 1: work even harder. Um. So it's not that, you know,
Speaker 1: it's all on you, Like these people obviously have some
Speaker 1: responsibility to you know, anyone in these type of situations,
Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, you are the
Speaker 1: recipient of feelings, and that's where it's like you've got
Speaker 1: to put breaks on it. You have to absolutely. Um, well, Rachel,
Speaker 1: it's clear that I still have a lot of work
Speaker 1: to do to be good at dating. We all do,
Speaker 1: and I'm definitely going to continue to work on it.
Speaker 1: But I definitely appreciate you, uh taking time to jump
Speaker 1: on the phone with us today, and um, I'm I
Speaker 1: hope to maybe have you back and talk to you
Speaker 1: some more. Maybe maybe we can talk about the progress
Speaker 1: next time we talk. I love progress, It's my favorite.
Speaker 1: All right, Well again, Rachel de Alto from Married at
Speaker 1: First Sight, thank you so much for the time, and
Speaker 1: have a good day you too. Okay. So I figure
Speaker 1: in order for me to have future successful relationships, I
Speaker 1: need to get back to my origins and speak with
Speaker 1: the first kiss I've ever had. And so we will
Speaker 1: be calling Zoe, who was my fifth grade girlfriend of
Speaker 1: I want to say about a year long time, and uh,
Speaker 1: maybe she can give us some insight. Maybe she has
Speaker 1: some speculation as to why I'm not so good at
Speaker 1: it now, maybe she can speak. If I was good
Speaker 1: at it, then how did you take us through it?
Speaker 1: If you could? By the way, I love how uncomfortable
Speaker 1: you are. Where was this elementary school? What's school? This
Speaker 1: was Basalt Middle School? I was a fifth grader. Middle
Speaker 1: school was fifth grade and where you got one through
Speaker 1: four was elementary, five through eight, middle fine through twelve High. Um,
Speaker 1: I think and again I could be wrong. Zoe was
Speaker 1: maybe one of the most popular girls in school, and
Speaker 1: I was a total dork and I've been I was
Speaker 1: a big dork for a long time in my life.
Speaker 1: What is this is near Aspen, Colorado, so the next
Speaker 1: city down and so just the entire time I knew
Speaker 1: I was overachieving. And did you make a move to
Speaker 1: ask her on a date of some sort? I honestly,
Speaker 1: I wish I remembered how it happened. I think she
Speaker 1: texted me asking to go to a movie, and then
Speaker 1: both phones in fifth grade. Oh yeah, we wrapped up
Speaker 1: that cell phone build high. My parents were not very
Speaker 1: happy with me. And it's funny too because literally it
Speaker 1: was thousands and thousands of text messages, but just to
Speaker 1: her and yeah, we went to We went to a
Speaker 1: movie together and uh, I think it was like some
Speaker 1: shark movie. I don't want to say jobs obviously, but
Speaker 1: it was great. Let's see if Yeah, so are you there? Hi?
Speaker 1: Can you hear me? How's it going? It's going? Well?
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm good? Thank you for for taking
Speaker 1: the phone call. This is already really weird, but um
Speaker 1: so obviously you know I touched past a little bit
Speaker 1: with you about what this is. Um. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you watch Bachelor Bachelor in Paradise, but I was
Speaker 1: on both of those shows, and I'm historically bad at
Speaker 1: dating now, and um, you're the first girl I ever dated.
Speaker 1: We were just talking about, you know, back in fifth grade,
Speaker 1: how we were you were my first kiss, um, So
Speaker 1: we were thinking maybe like an origin story here about
Speaker 1: what it was like back then for you. Um, what
Speaker 1: eleven year old Zoe could help twenty six year old
Speaker 1: Dean with now and then go from there perfect, So
Speaker 1: dive right into it. So let's hear it all right, Well,
Speaker 1: the origin story about the kiss are in general, just
Speaker 1: our relationship, you know. I think it's I think it's
Speaker 1: started with um passing. It's back and forth, but I
Speaker 1: don't think we actually spoke for about two months into it,
Speaker 1: just via notes and texts, notes and text and our
Speaker 1: our friends I think did a lot of the talking
Speaker 1: for us, which is just the best way to start
Speaker 1: any relationship. I think, yeah, yeah, that was a good start, um.
Speaker 1: But then uh, yeah, you're you're my first kiss too.
Speaker 1: And I remember we always make out outside of the
Speaker 1: high school basketball games, and it was a good kiss scene.
Speaker 1: I don't. I think you You've probably only improved from
Speaker 1: that point. I can only hope, so I hope. So
Speaker 1: it is definitely an interesting evolution for us to go
Speaker 1: from trading notes back and forth for two months without
Speaker 1: really speaking to then being the first couple really to
Speaker 1: kiss in the entire school, at least in our entire grade. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: we we absolutely paved the way for everyone. And can
Speaker 1: you talk a little bit about what those kisses were like,
Speaker 1: because I was trying to describe them last week and
Speaker 1: it was just so incredibly awkward, Like our friends would
Speaker 1: gather around us and they would like pressure us into it, right, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think it would almost would kind of egg us
Speaker 1: on to do it, almost chanting our names. But that
Speaker 1: I you know, I think they would last kind of
Speaker 1: overly lawn for the situation. That was great, Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was the best alright. Well, so so let's pass forward
Speaker 1: because this is the part maybe that I haven't shared
Speaker 1: so publicly, is the moment that you crushed me and
Speaker 1: broke up with me. So let's let's transition maybe into
Speaker 1: the latter half of our relationship. I don't know what
Speaker 1: what went on, what you weren't getting, what you wanted
Speaker 1: from me. You know, I was trying to think about
Speaker 1: this when you took to me what happened? And maybe
Speaker 1: I maybe I don't remember it correctly, but I think
Speaker 1: it was around Valentine's Day and I was finally really
Speaker 1: excited to have a boyfriend. And uh, then you didn't
Speaker 1: do anything, Zoe. I was eleven years old. I didn't
Speaker 1: know what to do. I specifically remember having my dad
Speaker 1: take me to the store and like, buy you some chocolates. Well,
Speaker 1: I was awkward him as well. That's definitely grounds for
Speaker 1: dumping someone. Well, that's good to know. That's literally my
Speaker 1: first time hearing that. So I guess what you're saying
Speaker 1: is maybe I need to go more out of my
Speaker 1: way for a romantic gesture for whomever it is that
Speaker 1: I'm dating. Yeah. Absolutely, it never hurts. That's amazing. I
Speaker 1: can't believe we've actually never talked about this. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: can't believe we haven't either. Um, let's see, So, do
Speaker 1: you remember, because I think that we went to a
Speaker 1: movie for a first date, right, do you remember what
Speaker 1: that movie was? I remember we went to one movie
Speaker 1: like Lord of the Rings, maybe halfway through our relationship,
Speaker 1: and you slept the entire time. But I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to I'm just trying to remember our first date. Well,
Speaker 1: I think what happened was, didn't we all our friends
Speaker 1: kind of got us to go to the movie and
Speaker 1: then we snuck into a different one, right, I don't know,
Speaker 1: to be perfectly honest, is that what happened? I think
Speaker 1: that's what happened. And then it was that um like
Speaker 1: wizard movie. What was it called? I remember I remember
Speaker 1: Sharks for some reason, but it could have been Lord
Speaker 1: of the Rings. I definitely stepped through Lord of the Ring. Yes,
Speaker 1: all of them. Um, yeah, every movie. I know. We
Speaker 1: did ditch all our funds to go make out in
Speaker 1: one movie theater. God, we were so we were so
Speaker 1: bad ass back then. We were really bad ass and
Speaker 1: that's probably why I don't remember what movie at large. Okay,
Speaker 1: So so moving forward then, now that you can take
Speaker 1: a step back, and I don't know again, do you
Speaker 1: did you watch like Bachelor in Paradise or anything like that? Um?
Speaker 1: I watched a Bachelor bachelort. Okay, so you saw me
Speaker 1: at my best and not at my worst. That's good. Um.
Speaker 1: I guess knowing what you know now and you know
Speaker 1: obviously we haven't really remained incredibly close, but like, what
Speaker 1: do you what advice do you have for me to
Speaker 1: be better at dating or what do you seek out
Speaker 1: and someone that you date that is like a main
Speaker 1: characteristic for you? Um? You know, I think you you did,
Speaker 1: like you're so like fun and stilly to be around
Speaker 1: and everything. But I think just kind of opening up
Speaker 1: more and letting people like more into your life and
Speaker 1: how you're really feeling with me things would probably be
Speaker 1: what I say, um, because like every episode I saw
Speaker 1: you or just like probably kind of like the peacemaker,
Speaker 1: but it was kind of hard to tell like what
Speaker 1: you were actually feeling. Do you think that is uh
Speaker 1: encompassing of our relationship as well, because we never really
Speaker 1: dove into the u the emotions of it at eleven
Speaker 1: years old? Again yeah, emotional, Yeah, I mean I I
Speaker 1: don't think we ever had one fight or anything. I
Speaker 1: think we always just had fun. I think so. I
Speaker 1: think there was a moment where you caught you texting
Speaker 1: some other guy and I got really upset about it.
Speaker 1: But other than that, UM, well, I mean that's great. Zo. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I again, I appreciate you calling in. I know this
Speaker 1: is obviously it's kind of weird. But do you consider
Speaker 1: yourself more successful in relationships than I have been? Are
Speaker 1: you currently dating anyone? No, I'm not. Um, nope, I
Speaker 1: I would not consider myself any more successful. Well can
Speaker 1: you can you tune into this podcast every week and
Speaker 1: maybe we can get better together. Maybe we'll come full
Speaker 1: circle and reunite later in life. I don't know, let's
Speaker 1: do it. But basically, what you're saying, don't forget Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day if you're dating someone, because that's a deal breaker
Speaker 1: and that will forever haunt me, I think, Or do
Speaker 1: nice thing for each other? Do nice things? I think? Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: well the five love languages, right, one of them is
Speaker 1: not necessarily gifts. But I guess going out of your
Speaker 1: way to make sure that other person knows that you're
Speaker 1: valued in the relationship is important. Yeah, some good quality
Speaker 1: time together, quality time. That's a great one. Um awesome,
Speaker 1: Well we're gonna we're gonna have you jump off but
Speaker 1: a Zoe again. I appreciate it, And um, hey, I'm
Speaker 1: actually I'm going to be in Denver next weekend for
Speaker 1: the Broncos games, so maybe we can rekindle our eleven
Speaker 1: year old romance. All right, well, thank you again, have
Speaker 1: a good day. How does that feel? It's I guess,
Speaker 1: I don't know, the goose bumps, just hear your voice again.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm eleven years old all over again. Um. No, Zoe.
Speaker 1: Zoe is definitely a sweetheart. She she's dated. I think
Speaker 1: some of my friends post obviously our fifth grade relationship,
Speaker 1: but she's she's a great girl. So it's nice to,
Speaker 1: I guess, kind of speak to her again. So additionally,
Speaker 1: each week, one of the topics will discuss is do
Speaker 1: you suck at dating? If so, the premise behind it
Speaker 1: is if you do something consistently, are you considered bad
Speaker 1: at dating? Whether it's leaving someone on red via text message,
Speaker 1: whether it's if you post something on Instagram without returning
Speaker 1: the text. One thing I've seen is if if you
Speaker 1: don't respond to a text, or if someone's not responding
Speaker 1: to your text, you can send them a snapchat because
Speaker 1: then it shows whether they open it or not. Um.
Speaker 1: I've seen that trick been used in many relationships in
Speaker 1: the past, and it's I mean, it's smart. It's a
Speaker 1: it's a way around to see exactly what's being screened
Speaker 1: in and out. Um, but every week we'll have one
Speaker 1: of these topics of do you suck at dating? If?
Speaker 1: And maybe each week, by each week we'll be able
Speaker 1: to kind of narrow down what exactly it is that
Speaker 1: makes me and whomever else suck at dating. So this
Speaker 1: week the topic is do you suck at dating? If
Speaker 1: you leave someone on red twenty four hours go by
Speaker 1: and no response to your text message. I have my
Speaker 1: phone in my hands at all times pretty much throughout
Speaker 1: the day. UM, I'm on you know, obviously social social media, texting,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and I continue to I I do
Speaker 1: often forget to text people back, whether it's someone I'm dating,
Speaker 1: or whether it's a friend or a sibling, whatever it is.
Speaker 1: I respond maybe in my head, and I forget to
Speaker 1: actually respond in the text message. And I can see
Speaker 1: how that could come across as sucky. So that's my
Speaker 1: take on it. I think that there are certain times when, um,
Speaker 1: you can send multiple texts, and that's perfectly permissible. UM,
Speaker 1: I've definitely done that. But there are also other times
Speaker 1: when I think that if it's someone that I really
Speaker 1: care about, I I want to make sure that I'm
Speaker 1: texting them constantly. But Klin and Pennsylvania. Thank you for
Speaker 1: calling in. What do you think, hey, Dean? All right,
Speaker 1: I think that no way, they don't suck at dating
Speaker 1: if you love them on red because people have their
Speaker 1: own lives, you know. Well, let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: Do you use read receipts? I do? Yeah? So do
Speaker 1: you ever purposefully leave someone on red? Yeah? Message? Do
Speaker 1: you want to? You want to? Do you want them
Speaker 1: to like sweat it out a little bit? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: mean a lot of times. I know this is like
Speaker 1: kind of immature, but if people leave me on red
Speaker 1: for a little bit, because day or two, if they
Speaker 1: text me back, all of them hanging for like an hour,
Speaker 1: But I don't think I can usually go like a day.
Speaker 1: Do you want to know a little secret that I
Speaker 1: used to do? And this might take a second, So
Speaker 1: I used to when you have an iPhone, I'm assuming
Speaker 1: so let's just assume that if you have more than
Speaker 1: one message strain that's left unread, when you open your
Speaker 1: messages up, it opens up the list of them. And
Speaker 1: so I would have read receipts on but I wouldn't
Speaker 1: read every single message conversation because then like if I
Speaker 1: didn't read it and my read receipts were on, then
Speaker 1: they could always be like, oh, well, he didn't read
Speaker 1: it yet, so I don't have to get angry for
Speaker 1: ant responding. But then when I did want to respond,
Speaker 1: I would open it up and they would see obviously
Speaker 1: that I read it. So I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: something you want to do. I mean, you're you're more
Speaker 1: than welcome to take my idea, but just you know,
Speaker 1: just just a thought. Well, sometimes this is what I
Speaker 1: used to do. I used to scroll down, like from
Speaker 1: the top and you can see like a preview of message.
Speaker 1: So it's important or not. But if if you do that,
Speaker 1: don't update your phone that feature one away the same predise. Okay,
Speaker 1: so oh no, you can change that. I think you gotta.
Speaker 1: I mean, well, that's a topic for another time. But Caitlin,
Speaker 1: thank you for calling in. I appreciate it. And I've
Speaker 1: got a truly diabolical tip the same on the same
Speaker 1: veins that Caitlin is saying, if you want to leave
Speaker 1: someone undelivered for the rest of their lives, when the
Speaker 1: text message comes in, if you haven't read it, delete
Speaker 1: the text message. Oh yeah, it'll be undelivered forever. But
Speaker 1: what and that's only you, that's and that's if you
Speaker 1: want the person to think, wow, this guy really doesn't
Speaker 1: want to read my text. So let's say you delete
Speaker 1: that text message string and then you go to send
Speaker 1: them a new message with an empty blank message thing.
Speaker 1: Does it still say red or does it say delivered?
Speaker 1: Say delivered? Interesting? Wow? Well, Caitlyn, you're getting all kinds
Speaker 1: of ideas right now. Perfect, you have a great day,
Speaker 1: all right. Next we have Jordans Arizona, who says leaving
Speaker 1: someone on red means you do suck at dating. Jordan,
Speaker 1: how are you? Oh? This is Dean, No way, this
Speaker 1: is Jordan. Right, yeah, thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: I saw you this weekend um in Las Vegas. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well now we're talking on the phone again. Everything comes
Speaker 1: will circle, all right, So let's talk about this. You
Speaker 1: think that if you do leave someone on red, and
Speaker 1: again this is assuming someone that you're dating, you think
Speaker 1: that does make you suck you at dating? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: if you're busy, just tell the person you're busy, or
Speaker 1: if you're not, like you just need to be straight
Speaker 1: up and this person, if you don't have time for them,
Speaker 1: don't you think? Sometimes it's kind of a bit rude
Speaker 1: to say that you're busy, because you're kind of by
Speaker 1: saying that, you're saying that what I'm doing now is
Speaker 1: more important than you. No, it's not. Because everybody has
Speaker 1: their own life and is your independent person and you
Speaker 1: work or you do whatever. You need to know that
Speaker 1: about the other person before you start dating them and
Speaker 1: understand that they're busy too. That's a great point. I
Speaker 1: think something that I have struggled with before is I
Speaker 1: like to I text a lot, right. I like to
Speaker 1: make sure that each of my text especially with someone
Speaker 1: that i'm dating, are um sincere and and and thought out,
Speaker 1: and at least are responding to everything that was questioned
Speaker 1: maybe in the one before that. Right. So sometimes if
Speaker 1: I'm at the gym, if I'm on the go wherever
Speaker 1: it is, I don't have maybe enough time to sit
Speaker 1: down and craft out the response that I want, So
Speaker 1: I leave them on red to maybe response to them later.
Speaker 1: But I can understand how that comes across as maybe
Speaker 1: a bit rude in the sense that you're not giving
Speaker 1: them the response right away. Yeah, all you have to
Speaker 1: do say hey, look I'm here, I'll text you later.
Speaker 1: It's that famous quote that says, nobody's ever too busy.
Speaker 1: If they care, they'll make time, right exactly. Okay, well
Speaker 1: that that definitely makes a lot of sense, Jordan Will,
Speaker 1: We're gonna jump off, But thank you for calling in.
Speaker 1: It was great meeting you this weekend, and you have
Speaker 1: a great day, all right. Molly in Long Island, she's
Speaker 1: the queen, the self proclaimed queen of leaving people on red. Molly,
Speaker 1: how are you good? How are you? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: it's so crazy to talk to you. No, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling in. All right. So you're the
Speaker 1: queen of leaving people on red? Right? What? Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. What did you do
Speaker 1: to deserve that crown? So I was dating someone and
Speaker 1: we're dating for over a year, and like I like,
Speaker 1: this is never really good at like texting back. So like,
Speaker 1: I guess it just got to where just leaving him
Speaker 1: on red tow many times he thought I was like
Speaker 1: talking to someone else, like I wasn't. So I don't
Speaker 1: know what she's So what was the reason for you
Speaker 1: leaving him on red? You just were busy. I just
Speaker 1: did not a good text her, and like he was
Speaker 1: just also clean, you know, Yeah, so so maybe you
Speaker 1: need to find someone that's a little bit more comfortable
Speaker 1: with being left up because you doesn't have to talk
Speaker 1: to me every second. You know, maybe you just shouldn't
Speaker 1: have your read receipts on. I know. So after that,
Speaker 1: I turned them off, like you don't have them on
Speaker 1: for anyone, except like sometimes I turn them on just
Speaker 1: like you know, like for certain people, just to piss
Speaker 1: them off. Oh absolutely, as that was actually my follow
Speaker 1: up questions, because sometimes you need to make sure that
Speaker 1: you someone knows you're leaving them on red. Right, No, yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes I do it on purpose, but now I like
Speaker 1: have them turned off, and like sometimes I like to
Speaker 1: have them off, like the whole conversation and like they're
Speaker 1: start pissing me off. Get the message outing clear. Molly,
Speaker 1: it's without question that you are definitely the queen of
Speaker 1: leaving people on red. I love you so much. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for calling, and have a great day
Speaker 1: you too. Bye bye. All right, now we have Sarah
Speaker 1: and Rodondo Beach, who says you don't suck at dating,
Speaker 1: but you suck at communication. Hi. Hi, Sarah, how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you? I'm good? Thanks for asking.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling in all right, So you say
Speaker 1: that's it's not a dating issue, it's a communication issue,
Speaker 1: is what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I think. I
Speaker 1: think that you just don't really know how to tell
Speaker 1: someone that you're not interested it, so you just choose
Speaker 1: to ignore the message because you're kind of scared of that,
Speaker 1: like of hurting them basically, right, And this is this
Speaker 1: is definitely a common occurrence in my life and I
Speaker 1: have recognized it recently and I'm working on it. I
Speaker 1: think that by being upfront and honest early is better
Speaker 1: than stringing them along. Right, So the brash communication is
Speaker 1: the most important thing. Oh yeah, definitely, Like even if
Speaker 1: you're not, just have to basically be straight up and
Speaker 1: just tell them because the longer they're in it, the
Speaker 1: more they get invested, and the more hurts they end
Speaker 1: up being at the end. So I'm going to go
Speaker 1: out on the limits there and say that you don't
Speaker 1: often leave people on red. I try not to. I
Speaker 1: try to be upfront because then, like if I lose
Speaker 1: on red, it kind of strings them along. It makes
Speaker 1: them more interested, and they're more likely to keep like
Speaker 1: texting me and not just tell them that. How I
Speaker 1: really feel like, hey, I just want to be friends.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't feel you that way. Let me
Speaker 1: ask you this On Instagram, when you send a message
Speaker 1: to someone, it says seen is that the same premise
Speaker 1: or is this only for text messages? I think it's this.
Speaker 1: I mean, I've never exploited to someone's d ms, but
Speaker 1: the rest same thing. Um, if if it's someone that
Speaker 1: I mean, it's one thing that's a friend and they
Speaker 1: understand that you're busy and you'll write them back later.
Speaker 1: But if someone has actually interested in me and they
Speaker 1: kind of make it clear and you don't respond to say,
Speaker 1: if they're asking you on a date or something, I'd
Speaker 1: say that's kind of leaves on or it's not talking
Speaker 1: them how you feel. So, but don't you think that
Speaker 1: every conversation has to be left on right at some point?
Speaker 1: Because doesn't every conversation come to an end, whether it's
Speaker 1: yea instead of like okay, I mean, if you've already
Speaker 1: if you already set your piece and there's really nothing
Speaker 1: to respond or they write something super boring, then yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. But if someone actually trying to tell you
Speaker 1: how they feel, or like asking you, hey, do you
Speaker 1: want to want a date or hey, you want to
Speaker 1: meet it for this? Okay, Okay, So it's very it's
Speaker 1: very situational, right. It depends on what the conversation is.
Speaker 1: It depends what you guys are talking about. Definitely, that
Speaker 1: makes sense. Yeah, because I guess if someone is asking
Speaker 1: you out on a date and you left them on red,
Speaker 1: it would be much different than someone I don't know
Speaker 1: telling you to meet them somewhere and leaving them on red. Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, if if they if you're talking about their
Speaker 1: feelings or basically the ant, like it requires a response
Speaker 1: to something like yeah, they're asking me something versus just
Speaker 1: like hey, what's up? Then yeah, you can just all
Speaker 1: right them back, you know, in a few hours or
Speaker 1: whenever I'll talk to him. Are you Are you a
Speaker 1: multi texter? Like do you send like four messages at
Speaker 1: a time? I try not. I'm kind of the person that,
Speaker 1: if I want to say something, all right, a long check.
Speaker 1: So annoying, but that's kind of what I do. Sometimes.
Speaker 1: I enjoy spamming people's inboxes. I enjoy sending like nine messages.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I have friends that do that.
Speaker 1: Don't really bother me. I just tend to write everything
Speaker 1: all on Oh gotcha? All right? Well, Sarah, that was amazing.
Speaker 1: Thank you for I guess that that definitely helps at
Speaker 1: a different dimension to the communication verse, uh rudeness of it.
Speaker 1: All right, So thank you for calling in, Thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing your opinion, and I hope you subscribe to
Speaker 1: the podcast and have a great day of thanks. You
Speaker 1: have a great day too, alright bye. Well that'll do
Speaker 1: it for the very first the inaugural episode Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating, And I'll tell you what. I already
Speaker 1: feel better. I feel like in only a matter of
Speaker 1: weeks I will be significantly better at dating. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I owe it to my studio partners East and Mark. Thanks.
Speaker 1: I owe it to the callers. I owe it to
Speaker 1: Rachel Dalto. I owe it to Zoe. Thank you, Zoe
Speaker 1: and Christina. It's gonna take a long time, but I
Speaker 1: am very hopeful and optimistic that with everyone's help, I
Speaker 1: can eventually not suck at dating and a journey that
Speaker 1: I'm glad to have you all along with me. Thank
Speaker 1: you for listening to help I suck at dating, and
Speaker 1: hopefully next week I'll suck a little bit less. Follow
Speaker 1: help I suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcast