WEBVTT - Episode 1 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:03.800 I Suck at Dating with Dean Angler and I Heart 0:00:03.880 --> 0:00:09.880 radio podcast. Hey guys, my name is Dean Angler and 0:00:09.920 --> 0:00:12.760 I stuck at dating. I don't know how this happens, 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.440 but it seems like overnight I became the poster child 0:00:15.560 --> 0:00:18.639 for just being horrible at dating, and this is what 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:22.400 it's come to. I currently am launching a podcast to 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:26.280 work through this. Not the most proud moment of my life. 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.880 I would probably say my college graduation was was number one. 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:33.760 This probably isn't even the top hundred, but we're doing 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:38.199 it anyways. Oh, let's let's introduce. Uh everyone got in 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:41.720 the studio. We got Easton, who is getting married on Saturday. Hello, 0:00:41.880 --> 0:00:44.479 thank you, thank you for being here. It's great to 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:46.320 be I'm really excited. I'm excited to spend my last 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:50.199 week as a bachelor here are learning some skills. We've 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.040 got a few more days. Um, congratulations again. We've got Mark, 0:00:53.080 --> 0:00:56.880 who is happily married fifteen years fifteen years married. Yes, sir, 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:58.520 I don't know that I could give you any advice, 0:00:58.560 --> 0:01:00.200 but if it comes up, I'm happy to try. And 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:02.200 as we just discussed, he met his wife when he 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:04.080 was twenty six, which is my current age. I was 0:01:04.120 --> 0:01:08.959 twenty six, and she was oh wow, yeah, was Mark, 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:12.040 Was there ever a moment where you sucked at dating? Oh? 0:01:12.080 --> 0:01:15.080 All of them? I never stopped until I met her, 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:16.920 and it was and it was like, it's like what 0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:20.440 you have told me you're looking for were it's just 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:22.959 as easy and it all falls into place. And that's 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:24.840 what that's what happened when you met her. No more 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.560 games because everybody also playing games. Oh do I call back? 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:28.959 When do I call back? Should wait for them to 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:30.680 call back? And now of course it's texting. There wasn't 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:32.959 at the time, but it was all the games. But 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:37.200 with Amy, there were no games. And then how about yourself, Eastern? 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:41.040 When did I meet my wife? We met working at 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:44.000 a movie theater together ten years ago, and it took 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:48.000 five years to get to the point where we were dating. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:49.960 We're friends for that time, so it was a very 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:53.720 long vetting process. But but just like Mark said, it was, 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:56.200 it was so easy once it started, once it actually happened, 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:59.440 and h and uh, I'm a big fan of being friends. 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:01.480 First I thought that was that was a cool thing 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:03.080 to do because we knew each other. She knows me 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.120 better than anyone else in the world, and I know her, 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.440 I assume better than any else something in the world. Uh, 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.040 And I'm I'm really excited to spend the rest of 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:11.680 my life with her. I love that. So I'm a 0:02:11.680 --> 0:02:13.520 big advocate of being friends with someone before you date 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:15.800 them as well. For you, wasn't an awkward transition to 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:18.440 go from a friendship to a romantic relationship with her? No, 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:20.720 it wasn't. But I was afraid of it because I 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:25.359 had another friend previously that things took a romantic turn 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.359 and did not end very well. Now we are not friends, 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:29.880 so I was worried about that happening. But um, but 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:32.440 it was. It was meant to be, I'd say. So. 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.440 I have a similar experience of that too. Um. I 0:02:34.520 --> 0:02:37.360 dated a girl in Los Angeles who was in our 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:39.800 friend group. We hung out probably every weekend with you know, 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:41.600 a big group of friends whatever it is, and that 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.720 eventually evolved into a romantic relationship and we dated. Um 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.520 and we still operate very much in the same friend group. 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:50.000 But it just is a little it's a little tricky 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.680 sometimes to navigate that. You know, sometimes past feelings come up, 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:54.440 I guess when you're hanging out. Sometimes you just don't 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:57.840 even want to be seeing them flirting with anyone else. Um. 0:02:57.919 --> 0:02:59.480 So yeah, it's good that you kind of experienced both 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:03.200 sides of that though. Yo. Yeah, so let's start this 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.040 podcast with your advice. Everywhere I go people give me 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:08.120 advice on dating, and I'm definitely open to it. I 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:10.560 think that's the whole reason for for starting this podcast, 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:14.560 to fix my suckiness of dating. Um, so let's start 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:19.480 with Maran. Maran, are you there? Man? I'm sorry? How 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.799 are you? I'm good? How are you? I'm good? Thank 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:24.680 you for calling in. What what advice do you have 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:30.080 for me? Um? Well, me and my friend Nicki. Nicky says, Hi, 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:35.160 we wanted to say that next time you're stuck in 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:38.280 I love triangle or just you know, you're dating one girl, 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:41.200 we should be super honest with them. But it's just 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.240 a love triangle. I think it's best that you leave 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:48.680 both girls and tape time to like be with yourself. So, 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:51.880 so honestly you think is the most important thing. I 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:55.040 do think honestly is the most important thing, because I think, 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:59.880 like for example, in Paradise, if you're like more honest 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.440 with Christina as you probably would have understood it more 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.480 and like you would have had less backlass because I 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.920 kind of thought the backlash but because people weren't like 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.280 mature enough to understand what was going on, you know, 0:04:12.680 --> 0:04:15.240 and that was and that really sucks. I don't like 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:18.159 seeing that, you know. Yeah, that makes sense. Have you 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:21.320 or Nicky ever been in a love triangle? I've been 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:25.520 in your situation, yes, and I am. They both don't 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:28.680 know each other, so do you think But don't you 0:04:28.680 --> 0:04:31.440 think you're kind of being dishonest there? I think that 0:04:32.240 --> 0:04:37.880 they're not even on the same coast, so okay, but 0:04:38.279 --> 0:04:40.279 it's okay. But if you were on the same beach 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.440 as the two guys, then you would be openly honest 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:47.000 with with them about everything, honestly, with the two guys 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.720 right now, and that were to happen, I would leave 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:51.479 both of them if they were on the same beach, 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:55.679 because that's just that's too stressful for me. And I 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:59.160 think convenience of like the much important thing. Yeah, I 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:01.600 a wrong. We will not cast you for next batter 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.320 in Paradise, but thank you so much for the time 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:08.680 for calling me in you. Yeah, you've answered me and 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:12.120 my friend Nikki on Twitter and we were in Italy 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:15.240 at the time and we screamed so loud, we probably 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.800 scared all that Italians, but it was almost exciting when 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.520 what's happened to us. We love you, Hope. I'm glad 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:22.000 we finally got a chance to talk. You guys are 0:05:22.000 --> 0:05:25.240 so amazing. Thank you so much. You're amazing. Thank you. 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:29.440 I have a good day, all right. Next next to 0:05:29.480 --> 0:05:32.279 Savannah in North Carolina. Uh, Savannah, do you have any 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:35.800 sound advice for me? Hi? Yeah, I thought this was 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:42.040 a joke, but here you are. Yeah. I called mostly 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:45.480 just a steward the number went. But my advice was, um, 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.440 that you were a real fan favorite on The Best 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:52.000 Threat because you were so open with Bractil and treated 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:55.160 her with such kindness. And I think, um, the transparent 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.680 she shifted when you were on Pastero in Paradise. So 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:00.680 I think my advice would just be try to channel 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:03.800 the way that you behaved just on that first kind 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.000 of round with Rachel, because that was what a lot 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:08.720 of people are really impressed by. So, Savannah, you think 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:12.520 it's transparency not just in what relationships, but just every 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.880 facet of life or anything specifically. Yeah, I mean I 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.360 think this is this is so funny, But yeah, I 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:19.960 think I think the reason that a lot of people 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:22.880 were really charmed and impressed with because you were so 0:06:22.960 --> 0:06:25.279 transparent about all of the things that you like going 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:27.440 on in your life in addition to kind of your 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:30.240 feelings with a relationship. And I think, I don't know. 0:06:30.320 --> 0:06:32.679 I think I heard you made a point about because 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:34.960 love try and go on back in Paradise that just 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:37.520 like you felt like you were being transparent with everyone, 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:40.880 but I feel like Danielle and Christina didn't really know 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.039 the full gope of what was going on on the 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:46.280 other end. So I think maybe just being fully open 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.400 about what was going on or trying to allow everyone 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:52.560 to have full agency and their decisions by information. Yeah, 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:54.880 I understand that. And even watching it back, I think 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:56.800 that I maybe in the moment, I thought I was 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.560 telling the truth, but I was probably not as honest 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.400 as I should have been to spare the feelings of 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:04.400 whoever I was talking to. So I definitely makes sense. Yeah, 0:07:04.480 --> 0:07:07.080 I mean it was. It was kind of like completely 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:09.479 painful to watch kind of your reactions throughout the season 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:12.800 because you've kept putting these self deprecating comments on the Internet, 0:07:12.840 --> 0:07:15.320 and we were like, Okay, everyone makes mistakes. It's okay, 0:07:15.320 --> 0:07:17.800 but yeah, I did not did not get a great 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.680 cut on that one. Yeah. Oh well there's always next time, 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.240 I guess. But um, Savannah, thank you for calling in, 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:27.840 thank you for the advice, and I promise I'll continue 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.040 to work on it. Yeah, because luck it the future. 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:35.920 Cool for taking everyone's opinions. Yeah, of course, take care. Yeah, yeah, 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:38.120 I have a good one. T N. Sacramento. You say 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:42.080 it's my eyes. What are you saying? No, I was saying, 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:46.760 I feel like you're terrible at eye contact. I've actually 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:50.280 heard that quite a bit recently. Yeah, but it's so true, 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.040 and I feel like when you're like saying something to somebody, 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:55.800 it's so hard to believe it when you're like completely 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:59.040 avoiding I'm them, you know. Yeah, I think you're right, 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:02.000 and I do have maybe struggles with making eye contacts. 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:05.360 I think it basically is mostly during the difficult conversations, 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:08.360 and I think that's probably when it's most important. Um, 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:10.920 but it's it's it is funny watching back least uh 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:13.720 these TV shows and like not making eye contact the 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.360 entire time. It kind of comes across as maybe even 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.440 just like being scared or disingenuous. But that was never 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:21.120 the case. It's just I struggle with looking someone in 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.080 the eyes, maybe when I'm telling them something they don't 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.840 want to hear. Does that make sense? It makes sense. 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:27.760 But I feel like if you work on that, I 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.640 feel like that will help you a lot. Okay, So 0:08:30.920 --> 0:08:34.079 are you saying that you're good at eye contact? Yeah? Yeah, 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.040 because I feel like I feel like it's not even 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.000 that you're like a little bad at eye contact. It 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.280 just seems almost like you avoid I think, like thee 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:44.320 you've heard said of the time, and so I just 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:46.800 feel like it's just it's harder to take, like when 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:49.200 you're talking, it's harder to believe what you're saying, you 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:50.920 know what you mean when you're just like avoiding looking 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:53.040 at that person. No, absolutely, that makes a lot of sense. 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:57.960 I definitely have to continue to work on that. I agree. Okay, 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:59.320 I promise you have you ever seen me on another 0:08:59.360 --> 0:09:02.320 Bachelor's show again, I will be making eye contact the 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:04.200 entire time, whether it's with the camera or the person 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:07.520 I'm talking to. And I'll have you to thank for that. Perfect. 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:09.680 You're very You're welcome, Thank you to you have a 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:13.400 great day, Thank you for calling in. Thank you. Okay, So, 0:09:13.480 --> 0:09:15.560 one thing we'll be doing with this podcast is each 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:18.199 week we will be bringing in a dating experts of sorts. 0:09:18.200 --> 0:09:20.560 And I'm in studio here with with two experts, but 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:26.120 these may be more famously expert um relationship gurus of sorts. 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:28.319 So this week we'll be starting with Rachel de Alto, 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:31.320 the dating expert from Married at First Sight. Rachel, how 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.200 are you hey? I'm good, How are you good? Thanks 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:38.960 for coming on. I'm happy to be here. So, Rachel, 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.120 I'd love for you to start off by telling us 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:45.520 a little bit about yourself. Sure, I focus on dating 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:49.199 and relationships. I'm a coach and like to help people 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.760 find love or figure out if if they want love, um, 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:55.680 and everything in between. So I work with singles and 0:09:55.679 --> 0:10:00.160 I work with couples, and occasionally I'm marry strangers. So it's, uh, 0:10:00.240 --> 0:10:03.520 it's a whirlwind of activities. So outside of the show 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.560 Married at First Sight, you you kind of do this 0:10:05.600 --> 0:10:08.600 full time? I do. Yeah, this is this is a 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:11.640 real gig. So I work with people every day. I 0:10:11.679 --> 0:10:15.480 coached them. Um, and you know, like I said, it's 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.240 it's single there's people looking for love. So if they're 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:21.560 dating and having some troubles and people who are in 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.240 relationships and want to stay in a relationship and want 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:27.360 to work through some some challenges as you know, I 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:30.720 mean they arrived. So yeah, I do it. Do it 0:10:30.760 --> 0:10:33.719 on the off TV as well. Love it. So what 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.240 kind of like training do you have for it? I 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:37.760 used to be a lawyer, so I'm really good at 0:10:37.760 --> 0:10:43.360 splitting people up. Um. But I am a certified coach. 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:47.120 So I decided to leave law. I was a litigator, 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:49.439 and you know, I did what every lawyer does, leave 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:51.840 the law and become a coach and focus on love 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:55.080 and dating. Um. So I went back to school and 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:57.680 became a coach, and then I went back and got 0:10:57.720 --> 0:11:02.599 a hypnotherapist training. So I'm being into yoga and meditation. 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:06.360 And does does the hypnotherapy play into the married at 0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.480 First Sight? Um? Actually yeah, I've done it quite a 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:11.959 few times with the cast I married at first Sight. 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:15.680 We Um. We did a whole hypnosis for Sonia last 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:20.160 season season four where she was definitely afraid of dogs, 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.439 and I don't think they showed any of it on 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:24.679 the show, but we did a hypnosis and all of 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:26.560 a sudden she was fine with dogs. And I've done 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:30.720 it for other people off TV two that have been 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.160 a part of it, just to kind of, you know, 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:35.320 release any anxiety. Sometimes I don't know if you had 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:40.160 this being on TV can cause some some anxious moments. 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:42.640 I like to help him out on the on the 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:45.800 outside as well. So what are some common mistakes that 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.960 you see? Well? I think the biggest thing that I 0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.760 see over and over again is people date very unintentionally. Um. 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:55.720 And I may have seen this a little bit, uh 0:11:56.120 --> 0:12:02.280 watching a little bit from Paradise. Uh, you love dogs, 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:05.200 so I I think you're awesome. Um. But I think 0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:07.800 that like a big mistake that I saw was it 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:09.760 was very unintentional, and I think people do that a lot. 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:13.600 We get into a situation where we kind of just 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:16.760 go with our feelings and kind of that euphoria feeling, 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:19.480 and it leads us in a bunch of different directions 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:22.000 and we have no intention to it. So you're just 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.960 kind of like all over the plate. Um. I like 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:28.000 to call that kind of the you know the blue 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.880 shirt at Marshall's. You know, you go into Marshals and 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:32.960 I don't know, if I go into Marshal's with TJ 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:35.360 Max no shame and I walk in, I get so 0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:38.560 overwhelmed because there's just like options everywhere and it's kind 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.400 of like a candy store and it's just a lot um. 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:44.280 But when you date intentionally, you can go in and 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:46.400 be like, I want a blue shirt, and all of 0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:49.000 a sudden, at Marshall's DJ Mags, you know, you see 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.080 a blue shirt popping out everywhere. And it's kind of 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.040 the same thing with dating, like know what you're looking for, 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:55.400 and a lot of people don't know what they're looking for. 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:57.959 But do you know what you're looking for, Well, let's 0:12:58.000 --> 0:12:59.640 use that. Let's use that then. So say you go 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:01.400 into our shows and you're looking for a blue shirt, 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:03.280 but you're also looking for a red shirt, but you 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:04.760 only have to get one shirt. Do you think that 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:06.840 it's possible to date two people at the same time. 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:08.840 Is it possible to go in and buy two shirts? 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:11.600 You can get all those shirts you want, but you 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:13.240 need to let the people know that you're getting all 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.719 the shirts. As long as the blue shirt knows that 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:18.679 you're buying the red shirt. Yeah, I'd be like, I'm 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.680 buying all these shirts, I'm creating a wardrobe. Um, but 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.400 I'm gonna be totally honest with you, and I'm going 0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:26.800 to be up front about my intentions of like, listen, 0:13:27.000 --> 0:13:29.120 I don't want a relationship or I don't think I 0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:32.439 want a relationship, um, and I'm gonna go buy a 0:13:32.440 --> 0:13:34.400 bunch of shirts and see what happens and maybe like 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:36.000 one gets a hole in it and I throw it out, 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.960 So you know, there's you have to be intentional about it, 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:41.960 and you have to be very upfront and honest. And 0:13:42.000 --> 0:13:44.120 I think that's the other thing too, is the biggest mistake. 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:49.520 His people are just not like they protect each other's feelings, um, 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:52.240 you know, and end up saying some white lies and 0:13:52.400 --> 0:13:54.720 it gets into a snowball. So just be honest with people. 0:13:55.520 --> 0:13:57.760 I think a lot of people aren't honest. They like 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.880 to kind of make someone feel better or not being 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.960 honest with themselves about what they're actually looking for. So 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.080 that was kind of my thing too, especially going into Paradise. 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.679 I wanted to go in and be as honest as 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:11.480 I possibly could have, and maybe that maybe that's kind 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:13.880 of what happened. I got stuck in like possible like 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:16.199 white lies because I wanted to spare the emotions of 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.560 the girls. I guess I don't know, did you you 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:20.040 said you watched it, could you be like, can maybe 0:14:20.040 --> 0:14:24.000 give me your kind of like synopsis of it? Yeah, 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.520 I mean here's the thing. I got the impression that 0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:28.920 you were a really nice guy. Uh, And I know 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.640 that the f boy thing has been thrown around a lot, 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.720 and I totally get I get that you hate it, 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:38.760 but I also get white people are saying because and 0:14:38.800 --> 0:14:41.080 I mean this in like the most compassionate way of 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:43.600 you seem like a nice guy, but like you end 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:46.120 up in this state where you're trying to be nice 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.520 to everybody, You're trying to people please, and all of 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:50.960 a sudden, you're in these situations where you're trying to 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:54.160 kind of keep everybody's feeling from check, but you know, 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:57.480 you end up kind of snowballing the problem. So I 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.880 think there was another level of honesty that was being 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:03.880 did of, you know, but also keeping other people's feelings 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:05.440 in mind in a different way of like how do 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:09.240 my actions affect this person before I do certain things? Um, 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:12.080 I think that's but that's like you've got to grow 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.280 into that, you know. And I think from what I 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:17.760 saw is like there's a lot of lessons that were 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.760 that we're able to be learned. There One of the 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:22.480 things that I've definitely noticed I needed to work on 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:25.760 is is maybe being more upfront about like saying no 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:29.520 to people. I've never really been good at saying no before. So, um, 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:31.440 I guess when you say, you know, I wanted to 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:34.240 spare everyone's feelings, that's I mean, that's that's that's exactly 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:35.680 how I looked at. I never really want to hurt 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:37.640 anyone's feelings, but I understand maybe if I nipped in 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:40.600 the bud earlier on, then nothing would have happened, or 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:43.320 nothing would have transpired to maybe upset either of them 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:46.320 as much as they were. Right. Yeah, I mean, I 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:48.280 think the the impression I got that you kind of 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:49.880 got there and you're like a kid in the candy store, 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.000 and I was like, this is great. You know, I'm 0:15:52.000 --> 0:15:54.880 going to buy all the shirts. Um, and it just 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.280 kind of snowballed from there. But yeah, saying notice someone, 0:15:57.360 --> 0:16:01.040 but also being aware of, like, you know, what's going 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:04.480 to happen when someone starts to catch feelings, you know, 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:07.960 and and thinking beyond yourself. You know, I think that 0:16:09.160 --> 0:16:12.240 nice guys make bad moves too, So it's not like, 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:14.880 you know, this doesn't demonize you as the person, but like, yeah, 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:17.720 you probably should have stepped back. And then like, am 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.120 I leading this person down the wrong path? Should I 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:23.480 say no from the start instead of kind of allowing 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.520 it to evolve on its own? Um, you know, there's 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:30.360 there's definitely more honesty, more nose, more kind of like 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:33.200 stops along the way that I think could have made 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.280 a big difference in preserving those relationships. But even like 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:41.240 on Ellen, I watched that glimp to and she was 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:44.440 ready to kind of keep things going. Christina like made 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:46.640 to me and I don't know what the rest of 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:48.840 the audience saw is is it seemed like she would 0:16:48.840 --> 0:16:50.680 give you another chance. But it's like you've got to 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:54.040 stop it, like don't lead her on, um, you know, 0:16:54.160 --> 0:16:57.120 give it a stop put or don't but be honest 0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.960 with her. I was just telling um, the people that 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:02.760 we have in studio right now that I think that 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:07.040 like I just don't want to necessarily And maybe this 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.840 is where my biggest um fallback is like I don't 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:13.399 like the idea of compromising anything that UM currently like 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:14.879 kind of makes up who I am, you know, like 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:17.919 the ideas whatever it might be, I just don't if 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.720 if I have maybe some some sort of gripe with 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.080 someone that I'm like pursuing romantically. Then I kind of, 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.960 um take that and you know, kind of give me 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:27.240 an inch and taken a mile sort of thing. I 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.560 get my own head. Okay, So what kind of grapes 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:32.000 are we talking about? Um, that's a that's a good question. 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:39.000 Maybe disagreements along the lines of I don't know, like 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:40.520 maybe what it means to be in a relationship, what 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:42.199 we plan to do moving forward, like all that kind 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.240 of stuff. Maybe that's too soon for that, but just 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:46.480 kind of like more relationships centric stuff, not like Graham 0:17:46.560 --> 0:17:49.400 or anything like that. Okay, Okay, so these are valid things. 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:52.359 Maybe the relationships moving too fast. Okay. So were you 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:59.480 totally into her? Yeah, okay, beyond a physical attraction and 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.040 this is a person to hang out with. Yeah. I 0:18:02.119 --> 0:18:04.199 think one of the things that drew me most to 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:09.520 her was that she is incredibly interested in the most 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:13.679 like ridiculous things, And I like to talk about like 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:16.359 ridiculous ideas, like you know, just like random thoughts, and 0:18:16.400 --> 0:18:18.919 she's able to like contribute and have her own like 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:20.760 interesting ideas. Like there's a there's a lot of like 0:18:20.800 --> 0:18:23.119 depth to her. It was it was definitely more than 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:24.679 just a physical attraction. I mean, of course I was. 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.160 I thought she was beautiful and um, you know, even 0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:30.320 obviously like looking looking back and watching Um, I mean, 0:18:30.359 --> 0:18:32.439 she's a beautiful woman. But there was definitely a lot 0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:33.760 more to it than just that. I don't know. I 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:35.720 think this kind of I mean, at least my take 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:37.479 on it is like the self sabotage sort of thing 0:18:37.520 --> 0:18:39.120 is like, when you see things going right, you find 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:42.879 reasons to maybe make them go wrong. Okay, is that 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.440 a pattern that you have, I mean, in prior relationships. 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:49.840 Have you had significant prior relationships before these shows? Yeah? 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:54.080 I would say I was only really in love once before, 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:57.520 and I was young. I was like fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, um. 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:01.119 But I've had like longer relationships, I mean straight or 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:03.640 last year, my girlfriend of a year and I broke up, 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.280 and um, you know, I don't think that the feelings 0:19:06.280 --> 0:19:08.120 were as strong with her as they were with Christina, 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.720 which is kind of weird to think about. But okay, 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.679 so where does the self sabotage come into that? I 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:15.480 don't know. I think that maybe even Christina and I 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:17.080 talked about it at one point too. I think that 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.960 maybe having lost my mother and having been so close 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:25.119 to her, like, like the possibility of like growing so 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.320