1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:05,080 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. You don't 2 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: have to go with what anyone else wants you to do. 3 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:08,840 Speaker 1: Like you get to create who do I want to 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: be in this new phase of life. Just make sure 5 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: you're holding space to actually get those downloads and not 6 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,120 Speaker 1: filling your life with noise or people or a bunch 7 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: of things that you can't really hear whatever messages come 8 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:19,159 Speaker 1: through for you. 9 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 2: Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just 10 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 2: doesn't get you? Well, we do. 11 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting 12 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 1: and empowering women like you. 13 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 2: We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists. 14 00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:44,199 Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker. 15 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 2: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from 16 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black 17 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 2: women to just be. 18 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that file 19 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: up but and leave us a quick five star review. Lady. 20 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support 21 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,000 Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you. 22 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 2: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 23 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 3: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her space podcast. 24 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 3: Are you currently a resident of the state of California 25 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 3: and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so, please 26 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 3: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 27 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q 28 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 3: U E B R O U S s ar D 29 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 3: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I 30 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 3: look forward to hearing from you. 31 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 2: Our quote of the day, this is a short but meeting. 32 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 2: Divorce is not a failure. And that quote comes to 33 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:07,080 Speaker 2: us from Carol Madden, and I will say that one 34 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 2: more time to make sure all of our folks heard it. 35 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:21,400 Speaker 2: Divorce is not a failure, all right, Tea? So you 36 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 2: know how we do. I put it out there and 37 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 2: then I toss it to you. But I'm gonna switch 38 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 2: it up for us. Before I toss it to you, 39 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,240 Speaker 2: I want to read the larger context of this quote 40 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:40,680 Speaker 2: to further set the stage for this conversation. So Carol 41 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 2: Madden also goes on to say, redefine failure and success 42 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:53,880 Speaker 2: for yourself and what you truly believe about life, not 43 00:02:54,000 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 2: what society tells us. There are many married people who 44 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 2: are quietly miserable, and is that success. So I'm gonna 45 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:11,240 Speaker 2: say that extended part one more time so that we 46 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 2: can really understand the grounding of this conversation. Redefine failure 47 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 2: and success for yourself and what you truly believe about life, 48 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 2: not what society tells us, because there are many married 49 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 2: people who are quietly miserable and is that success? All right? 50 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 2: See now that I put all that out there, what 51 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 2: comes up for you when you hear that? 52 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: Well one since hit the nail on head with the 53 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: full quote, I think that is so spot on, and 54 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:52,200 Speaker 1: I think that it really is. It's subjective because for 55 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 1: some people, divorce can be one of the most devastating 56 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: experiences of their lives. For other people, it can be 57 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: the most liberating experience where they embark on a new 58 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: journey and we discover who they are. And so I 59 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: think it really just depends on the person. So I 60 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: love that the quote. It emphasizes the focus on your 61 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: personal definition and you redefining what failure and success look 62 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: like for you. Because if you are in a marriage 63 00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 1: that is where you're quietly miserable, y'all both probably cheating 64 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,920 Speaker 1: on each other or there's all hell breaking loose, whatever's 65 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: going on. Right. Is that really worth just saying, oh, 66 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: we've been married for twenty some years, but you're not happy, right, 67 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: And so just because someone is alone and divorced doesn't 68 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,840 Speaker 1: necessarily mean that they're unhappy. So I think it's all 69 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,920 Speaker 1: about what our individual definitions mean. What about you dom 70 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,479 Speaker 1: what comes up for you? Yeah? 71 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 2: I think it speaks to like this larger piece of 72 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 2: what life, how are you defining your own life? And 73 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 2: a recognition that your journey is meant to be your 74 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 2: journey and we don't know what is truly going on 75 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 2: in other people's households. There are people that I've seen 76 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 2: who are loudly miserable, okay, because the quotes it quietly miserable. 77 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 2: I see people who are loudly openly miserable. But what 78 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,040 Speaker 2: they're posting on social media for the rest of the world, girl, 79 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:34,839 Speaker 2: what post would not would not lead you to believe 80 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 2: that it would lead you to believe that they are 81 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 2: the poster children for hashtag relationship goals. And if their 82 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:51,040 Speaker 2: hashtag relationship goals, I want no part of it. That's 83 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 2: not what I want, no part of it. 84 00:05:53,640 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, well, lady, let's dive into the conversation. So 85 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: let's talk about it, divorce and separation, right, either one. 86 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 1: Whether you've experienced divorce or separation, I think it all. 87 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: I mean, there are some people who've experienced a separation 88 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 1: after a long extended period, right or even a short period. 89 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: But it can still feel like the rug has been 90 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: pulled from under you, especially when you saw yourself being 91 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: with this person, you saw them as you're forever person, 92 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: or you just built something with another individual that you 93 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,480 Speaker 1: thought was going to be in your life longer. Right, 94 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: And one moment you're in a rhythm and you thought 95 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 1: it would last forever, and the next you're standing in 96 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: the unknown, leaving what was lost, but also facing the 97 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: possibility of rediscovery. Right. So today, lady, we are diving 98 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: into what it really means to find yourself and reclaim 99 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: your independence after divorce or separation, because, lady, this is 100 00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 1: not just about surviving, it's about thriving in a whole 101 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 1: new chapter. And divorce doesn't necessarily have to be failure 102 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 1: or the end of your journey of joy and happiness. 103 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 2: And let's be real this. On one hand, this process 104 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 2: can be extremely messy, emotional, and for some people truly scary, 105 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,080 Speaker 2: But we also want to acknowledge that for other people, 106 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:25,559 Speaker 2: divorce and separation can be liberating, healing, and deeply transformative. So, lady, 107 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: whether you are freshly separated, deep in the healing process, 108 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 2: years removed from divorce, or you are looking for ways 109 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:43,720 Speaker 2: to support a friend who is going through separation or divorce, 110 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 2: this conversation is for you. 111 00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: So let's dive in with some juicy kickoff questions. Showy, Okay, 112 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:55,160 Speaker 1: go for it. Okay. So the first question here is 113 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 1: well just for context as well, if you're a new listener. 114 00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 1: So I'm Terry speaking, and I I have experienced separation 115 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:03,720 Speaker 1: but also divorced and then down, do you want to 116 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: give like a little background on your relational. 117 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 2: So I yeah, So I am a therapist to have 118 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 2: supported multiple women going through separation and or in some 119 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 2: cases divorce. Personally, I have never been married, but I 120 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 2: have had long term relationships that ended. 121 00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: So now for this juicy question, what's the first thing 122 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: you did or would do for yourself after a breakup 123 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:33,680 Speaker 1: or separation? 124 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 2: Okay, So for me, I'm reflecting on relationships that ended, 125 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 2: and one of the things for me was changing my hair. 126 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 2: Oh that's a good one, Like I needed, I needed 127 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 2: a different look to symbolize for me personally, a different 128 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 2: phase in life, a different stage, a different eraror in life. Yes, 129 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,959 Speaker 2: so that was that was one thing that I did. 130 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 2: Something that I recommend is identifying what you need to 131 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 2: do whatever that thing is like. So like for me, 132 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 2: it was changing my hair, but thinking about what it 133 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 2: is that you need to do for yourself. So something 134 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 2: that truly is self focused. 135 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: What about you saying down? Those are such great wholesome answers. 136 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: I'm so glad that we can balance each other out 137 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:49,200 Speaker 1: because I, on the other hand, I'm gonna end with 138 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: something the wholesome. But I was out on the streets. 139 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: I was outside, Okay, I was outside and the sword, 140 00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 1: I was everywhere. I was just out everywhere and it 141 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,240 Speaker 1: had a lot of fun, and we talked about the 142 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: whole phase and one of our previous episodes are probably 143 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: in a couple episodes, And for me, I would say, 144 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:07,280 Speaker 1: even though people shame they try to you know, some 145 00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: people try to shame women about their whole phase and 146 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: being explorative sexually. It was a very insightful time for me, 147 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: and so I'm very appreciative that I gave myself that 148 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,600 Speaker 1: space to explore that I'm not in that space now, 149 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: and I'm also not shunning that phase to that space 150 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,079 Speaker 1: because I needed it to get to where I am 151 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 1: now and into a space that feels more like me 152 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: and that's more grounded for me. But I also was 153 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 1: in therapy, which was really helpful, and so I was 154 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 1: able to do some healing work in the midst of 155 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: having my fun and being out and exploring. And so yeah, 156 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 1: that's what that's what I didn't that's what I did well. 157 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 2: And you know, I think what I appreciate about that 158 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:52,080 Speaker 2: is it's it's about recognizing what you need. Right, not 159 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 2: to get all up in your business, But you were 160 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 2: in a long term relationship. Your marriage lasted for years, 161 00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 2: and so and your marriage lasted through a transformative part 162 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: of your life, like in your like you were in 163 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 2: that relationship for the majority of your twenties, right, Yeah, 164 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 2: and so in your situation, I think about it, like 165 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,040 Speaker 2: specifically in your situation, but and I think also about 166 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 2: women that I've worked with who for some of them, 167 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 2: they married their first love. So they got married seventeen eighteen, 168 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:44,280 Speaker 2: twenty years old and spent the majority of their adulthood 169 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 2: with one person, right, and so their level of sexual experience, 170 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 2: their level of dating and engaging was with one mostly 171 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 2: with one person, and so then the idea of what 172 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,559 Speaker 2: they need for themselves is like coming out of it 173 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:13,120 Speaker 2: to experience what it's like to be out in the streets, 174 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:18,520 Speaker 2: to be outside for real. For some women that is necessary. 175 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 2: And I'm with you one, like, we're not gonna shun that. 176 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 2: We're not gonna not at all. Like to me, it 177 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 2: goes back to being able to identify what it is 178 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 2: that you need for yourself and also acknowledging that what 179 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 2: you need for yourself will evolve as you were going 180 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,040 Speaker 2: through your healing. 181 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 1: Come on, doctor, don that was good. That is so true. 182 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:50,800 Speaker 1: And I don't think I realized that until after the relationship, 183 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: like I'm twenty one years old, until like thirty two, 184 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,800 Speaker 1: thirty three, Like that's a long time to be in 185 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 1: a relationship, right, And so I think you the nail 186 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: on the head there. Honestly, we I think we should 187 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,839 Speaker 1: just dive into these surprises. What do you think? Yes, yes, okay, lady. 188 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,320 Speaker 1: So what we want to do now is we before 189 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,520 Speaker 1: we get into the meat of the conversation, we just 190 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 1: want to cover some surprises you may experience after divorce, 191 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: and we're going to say divorce or separation because we've 192 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: realized that sometimes you can be in a relationship with 193 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 1: so on long term and it can feel like it 194 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 1: could feel like they are marriage. The only difference is 195 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,440 Speaker 1: y'all don't have the paperwork. Okay, you didn't have kids 196 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: living together all that. So the first one here is 197 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 1: friend and family fallout. This is a very interesting one, right, 198 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,040 Speaker 1: So some friends and family members may choose sides, and 199 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,760 Speaker 1: the family dynamics can often get awkward, distant, or even strained. 200 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,440 Speaker 1: It's so interesting to me, Like, I get why this 201 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: would happen. I get it because I've had friends that 202 00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,319 Speaker 1: have been separated, and usually I'm friends with the woman 203 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,319 Speaker 1: and so well I've had both. But in the one 204 00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 1: particular experience I'm speaking of, I was friends with a 205 00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: woman and so we maintained our friendship and I'm like, Okay, 206 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: well I don't have any bad blod o ex but 207 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: that's my girl, so we just yeah, we're walking. And 208 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: so in my situation, dim I feel like there were 209 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 1: people who don't even know me, but who like learned 210 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,439 Speaker 1: of the situation and like felt a certain way towards me. 211 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, y'all you even know the story, you don't 212 00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: even know what happened? Like what what? But I guess 213 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: people feel that they need to choose an allegiance to someone, 214 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: So just beware. This may happen from people you don't 215 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: even expect it from. 216 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: Yes, it can happen, It can happen. And my deep 217 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 2: sigh is about everybody's feelings are valid, yes, and the 218 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 2: acknowledgement that sometimes when we care about our friends and family, 219 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 2: we get overinvolved in their relationships and that is not 220 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 2: fair to them. And it takes a certain level of 221 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 2: emotional maturity and awareness to not be in a space 222 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 2: of particularly if there isn't anything outright disrespectful or egregious 223 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 2: that happen. Because I do want to give space for 224 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:15,440 Speaker 2: when they're situations of infidelity and abuse that people have 225 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: strong feelings about that rightfully so, and so those situations, 226 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 2: particularly abuse, those situations are. 227 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: Different, Yes, thank you. 228 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 2: But I also like to say that opinions are like assholes. 229 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:37,120 Speaker 2: We all have one. It doesn't mean we need to 230 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 2: put it out there. We don't need to know everybody 231 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 2: that needs to see it. 232 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: Please don't, please. 233 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 2: Don't and so sometimes we are well meaning, but we 234 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 2: cause more damage when we offer unsolicited opinions. When a 235 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 2: couple is going through a breakup, let them figure it 236 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 2: out and tell us how they would like the rest 237 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 2: of the family to navigate. So then that leads to 238 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,720 Speaker 2: number two. Right, So, because sometimes you might have that 239 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,040 Speaker 2: when you have that friend and family fall out, what 240 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 2: that also means is that your friends and family who 241 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 2: have been a big part of your support system, there's 242 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 2: gonna be a shift. Right. So it may be that 243 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 2: you had a great relationship with your mother in law 244 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 2: when you were married, but in most cases her allegiance 245 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 2: is going to be to her child, so that dynamic 246 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 2: may get awkward. It may also mean that, particularly because 247 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 2: I've seen it happen in some situations where where a 248 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 2: couple one person and the couple their entire support system 249 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 2: was their partner supple spport system. 250 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,880 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's a good. 251 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 2: One, especially if they move to the city where their 252 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:12,280 Speaker 2: partner is from, and so now they have to work 253 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 2: on rebuilding or creating an entire new village and community 254 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 2: outside of that previous support system. 255 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 1: Girl, that's a good one. I think you touched all 256 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: the points there that is a really really good one. 257 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,000 Speaker 1: And the thing is all I want to add to 258 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,119 Speaker 1: that is that even though even if you find yourself 259 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 1: in that position, just know that it can get better. 260 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 1: You will be able to rebuild if if you're the 261 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: person experiencing that where you're like, well, I don't know 262 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 1: where my people are going to come from, It's possible. 263 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: It may take time and intentionality, but you got this, okay. 264 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:50,159 Speaker 1: Number three is one thing you might not expect to 265 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: change are the logistics of daily life, So figuring out 266 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: who handles bills or repairs or household to dos or 267 00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:01,199 Speaker 1: childcare Okay, having to learn new skills your X men 268 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,359 Speaker 1: have always taken care of. That's that's definitely a good one. 269 00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about, like taking out the trash and stuff 270 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 1: like that. Like you know, there are lots of other 271 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:11,399 Speaker 1: things logistically to just keep in mind that. Okay, this 272 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: may change. I think as we read over this list, 273 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,400 Speaker 1: if you're in a space of considering divorce or separation, 274 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: it might be good for you to just kind of 275 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: make a mental note on things that could potentially shift 276 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,320 Speaker 1: in life so you can prepare as much as possible 277 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: for you, know, that phase of the journey. 278 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,800 Speaker 2: Yes, And so then that takes us to the next one, 279 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 2: the what we call the intimacy gap. 280 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,600 Speaker 1: Right goodness, yes, and when. 281 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 2: We say intimacy we are not only referring to sexual intimacy, 282 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:51,600 Speaker 2: but we're talking about affection and companionship that even if 283 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 2: you had a strained relationship with your partner in some instances, 284 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:59,680 Speaker 2: there may have been things you all still may have 285 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:07,159 Speaker 2: been had sex, and they still may have been your 286 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,399 Speaker 2: best friend, the person that you're sharing everything with, even 287 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 2: if the relationship is ending, and so now and you 288 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 2: are still were spending a lot of time together, and 289 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 2: so now you're experiencing maybe loneliness, right, And it might 290 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:34,320 Speaker 2: not feel like it in the moment, but it's an 291 00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 2: opportunity to explore new ways of connecting with others, but 292 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 2: perhaps more importantly, an opportunity to get to know yourself 293 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,919 Speaker 2: in this new phase of life. 294 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,440 Speaker 1: Oh girl, this is good. When a couple things came 295 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 1: up from me when you share this, I'm thinking about 296 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: when you get sick or you don't feel well, maybe 297 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 1: your partner was there, like make you some soup or 298 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 1: cater to you. So that's definitely under the intimacy gap. 299 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about debriefing work days or just life things 300 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 1: like let me with my mom and a dad or 301 00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: you know, my cousin or whatever. It might be, that 302 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:15,480 Speaker 1: kind of thing. Advice. Maybe you are negotiating a salary 303 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: at a new job and you're like, oh, my partner 304 00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,080 Speaker 1: was always the person I would go to. Or even 305 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: just physical touch in general. I know you mentioned like 306 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,800 Speaker 1: you mentioned affection and sex, but I was like a 307 00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,040 Speaker 1: massage or just like, oh, I want to lay on 308 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 1: you on the couch and watch this show companionship like 309 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: you mentioned, so things like that just to just to consider, 310 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: you know, all right, shall we go to number five? Yes, 311 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 1: this is a good one too. Identity whiplash, so going 312 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:44,160 Speaker 1: from we to me and conversations, invitations and even how 313 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: you introduce yourself, the sting of being labeled divorced versus 314 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: simply single. I definitely experienced this one. I was like, 315 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, being my wife that was well. First 316 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,040 Speaker 1: of all, you know how when you first get in 317 00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,399 Speaker 1: a relationship and you get used to saying my boyfriend. 318 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,360 Speaker 1: I remember when that When I first got to that stage, 319 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: we're like, oh my gosh, do I feel like I'm 320 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 1: doing too much fun? Like my boyfriend, because it's just 321 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,200 Speaker 1: it feels different, right yeah. And then it's my fiance. 322 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:07,800 Speaker 1: It's like, okay, now I'm getting used to this. I'm 323 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,879 Speaker 1: wearing the ring, and then his husband and that just 324 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: becomes or whatever the title might be for you, lady. 325 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: But those were my experiences and it's like, Okay, this 326 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,800 Speaker 1: is now part of my identity, right, like you kind 327 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: of get used to that. For me, it was almost 328 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,239 Speaker 1: a decade. And then after it's like, damn, how are 329 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: people gonna look at me? I'm going to an event, 330 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 1: I'm going somewhere and people are talking about their families, 331 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: and it's like, oh damn. Now I'm just like, oh damn, 332 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:31,719 Speaker 1: she's divorced. Like I just kind of there's a negative 333 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,760 Speaker 1: connotation with that. So that was something that I kind 334 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,400 Speaker 1: of grapple with. Now I'm fine, but in the beginning 335 00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: it was just kind of like damn. And then also 336 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,120 Speaker 1: understanding like who am I as an individual outside of 337 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 1: my titles and roles, outside of being a mom, outside 338 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 1: of being a wife, outside of being a worker or 339 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,800 Speaker 1: whatever you might do. So, yeah, that's this is the truth. 340 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 2: Yes, And I think also part of that. So yet 341 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,199 Speaker 2: that identity whiplash is going to be natural. But I 342 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 2: think then that but that also encourages and emphasizes the 343 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:09,399 Speaker 2: importance of having your own identity while you are in 344 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:15,399 Speaker 2: a relationship, right, like having things for yourself. And we 345 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: have a couple of episodes that talk about that, of 346 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 2: like how to maintain a certain level of independence when 347 00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:27,439 Speaker 2: you are within a relationship, because that is necessary for 348 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 2: healthy dynamics. And so then that takes us to number six. 349 00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 2: Some of the surprising freedom and for some people maybe 350 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 2: feared that might come along with separation and divorce. So 351 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 2: all of a sudden, you get to do whatever you 352 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 2: want and you're not having to consider anyone else in 353 00:22:54,640 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 2: these decisions. Right, you can travel, redecorate, rest, date, do 354 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 2: all these things, even your like it can be even 355 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:11,640 Speaker 2: as little as what we're having for dinner. Right you 356 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:16,040 Speaker 2: can listen. Recently, I was rewatching Scandal, and there were 357 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 2: multiple times where I was sitting there with my big 358 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:23,480 Speaker 2: glass of wine and my popcorn enjoying that, and that 359 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:26,200 Speaker 2: was my dinner as I'm watching an episode of Scandal 360 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:33,359 Speaker 2: right now. That's a level of freedom for someone who's single. 361 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 2: But also that's an example of something that you may 362 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:42,960 Speaker 2: experience as someone who is recently divorced or separated, because 363 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,719 Speaker 2: now you don't have to think about what's the family 364 00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 2: going to have for dinner? What does my partner want 365 00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,960 Speaker 2: to have for dinner? That's not a consideration anymore. And 366 00:23:54,000 --> 00:24:00,199 Speaker 2: for some people that might feel incredibly liberating to be 367 00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 2: able to not have to consider anybody else and do 368 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 2: exactly what you want when you want it. But for 369 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 2: other people that may feel incredibly overwhelming. 370 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,320 Speaker 1: Girl, that is spot on, And what I would add 371 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:19,639 Speaker 1: to that is I found that even as an introvert, 372 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 1: because I hadn't really lived by myself for so long 373 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 1: and I had more time to myself. I was like, Okay, 374 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,600 Speaker 1: I liked having time to ourselves, but now I'm at 375 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,520 Speaker 1: uncomfortable what do I do with it? And I was 376 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,840 Speaker 1: filling it with things I probably could have done without. 377 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,879 Speaker 1: But it was a learning experience. So I love that 378 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,000 Speaker 1: you pointed this one out. And also, Lady, I look 379 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: at that episode that Don was referencing, So it's season 380 00:24:40,359 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 1: twenty five, episode thirteen, how to balance independence and intimacy 381 00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 1: in a relationship, And that is a must, because, like 382 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 1: you said, Dom, it's so important to be a whole 383 00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: person and have your own identity even in a relationship, 384 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,919 Speaker 1: even as a mother, right even as a parental figure. 385 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,399 Speaker 1: So now this takes us to the number seven, which 386 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 1: is financial wake up calls. So adjusting, yeah, for real, 387 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 1: adjusting to a one income household with new expenses, or 388 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:18,360 Speaker 1: rethinking long term plans like retirement and savings. I'm even 389 00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 1: thinking about like depending on your situation, like beneficiary and 390 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:24,679 Speaker 1: all that stuff, your will and testament, all of that, 391 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: So just rethinking those things. And I just want to say, 392 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: we're not sharing this to be It's not supposed to 393 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: come off as negative. It's just these are things to 394 00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:34,880 Speaker 1: think about that I think many people don't think about. 395 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,920 Speaker 1: I don't think I thought about a lot of these things. 396 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: And so the great thing is because we're talking about it, ideally, 397 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,600 Speaker 1: if you are in this situation or maybe there soon, 398 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 1: you can prepare and plan accordingly, right and like build 399 00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:48,640 Speaker 1: a new support system so that these transitions can be 400 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 1: a lot more smoother for you. 401 00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 2: Yes, And I think it's important to point out too that, 402 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 2: particularly with the financial wake up calls, that you want 403 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 2: to be aware of the laws in your state. So 404 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 2: because some states it may be that your when you 405 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 2: even though you're divorced, if you were married at a 406 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 2: certain time period when you were working towards or putting 407 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:26,920 Speaker 2: towards retirement, that spouse may be entitled to that fifty 408 00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:31,360 Speaker 2: of that portion of your retirement. Yes, and so that's 409 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:35,120 Speaker 2: why I say you want to be or it may 410 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 2: be that you have to when you all are going 411 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,360 Speaker 2: through the divorce, you have to split. If you are 412 00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:43,920 Speaker 2: already retired, you may have to split your retirement account, 413 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:48,719 Speaker 2: share your retirement account with your your former spouse. And 414 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,440 Speaker 2: so you want to be aware of what the laws 415 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:59,679 Speaker 2: are in your state regarding your finances. So, because it 416 00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 2: goes deeper than that, it could be that you all 417 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 2: have to share, but you have to split up bank accounts, 418 00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 2: and so there's there's a lot that goes into the 419 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:12,000 Speaker 2: financial piece when you're going through the divorce process. That's 420 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,640 Speaker 2: why I've heard, you know, people say marriage is a business, 421 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,760 Speaker 2: and so there all of that, right, like and so 422 00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 2: and so you need to you need to be aware 423 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 2: that those are things that could potentially come up in 424 00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:32,760 Speaker 2: addition to the adjustment of my financial my my monthly budget, 425 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 2: it's going to look different now that I am no 426 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,720 Speaker 2: longer partner. So then that that takes us to the 427 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:46,479 Speaker 2: final surprise that you might experience or that we that 428 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 2: we've outlined for you, because there probably are others. It's 429 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 2: an opportunity to rediscover yourself, right and so, and you 430 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 2: might not that's something that people may mentioned, but it's 431 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:11,199 Speaker 2: an opportunity to identify new hobbies, passions, or dreams that 432 00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 2: you put aside willingly or or not for the relationship, 433 00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:24,880 Speaker 2: right and so. And part of it also is this 434 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:30,400 Speaker 2: question of who am I now on my own terms 435 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 2: and thinking about I'm particularly also thinking about those who 436 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:47,280 Speaker 2: either married young or were in relationships that lasted a 437 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:53,480 Speaker 2: decade plus, because that's a huge phase of your life. 438 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:56,280 Speaker 2: Or you are married in a phase where you're like 439 00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:01,120 Speaker 2: you're you got married in one stage of life and 440 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,200 Speaker 2: by the time you divorce you're in a different stage. 441 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 2: So maybe you got married when you were still of 442 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 2: child bearing age and now that you're divorced, you done 443 00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:21,959 Speaker 2: went through menopause and maybe there are some grandchildren, and 444 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 2: so thinking about who you were when when you first 445 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,800 Speaker 2: got married or when you first met your partner to 446 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 2: who you are now all these years later, and the 447 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 2: opportunity that arises to rediscover yourself and honestly, for some 448 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:50,239 Speaker 2: people you may feel stuck that just that question of 449 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 2: who am I now may really feel overwhelming and paralyzing. 450 00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 1: That is so true, Tom, That's what were the great points. 451 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: And Lady, now that we share some of this prizes, 452 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,400 Speaker 1: we're going to dive into six steps to rediscover yourself 453 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 1: after divorce. So the first step here is to acknowledge 454 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,800 Speaker 1: the grief. For many people, divorce is a loss, and 455 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,440 Speaker 1: it's important to normalize the grief cycle and so grieving 456 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 1: the relationship and what it could have been, right, grieving 457 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 1: the other relationships that you might lose because of the separation. 458 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:21,760 Speaker 3: Right. 459 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: I think it's important to acknowledge that, and if you're 460 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,960 Speaker 1: able to, I really do believe that having some type 461 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,080 Speaker 1: of therapeutic support or some type of counseling is just 462 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: going to be super important because it can be a 463 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,720 Speaker 1: life I mean, it is like a life altering situation 464 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,360 Speaker 1: right where everything is kind of in many cases, everything 465 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 1: can be up in the air. Like you said, your identity. 466 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,320 Speaker 1: That's a huge part of who we are and how 467 00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,520 Speaker 1: we show up, and so getting support with that I 468 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:51,480 Speaker 1: think is super helpful. And also looking at different therapeutic 469 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: modality so that you can just get that healing from 470 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 1: the inside out and ideally not end up in a 471 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:02,200 Speaker 1: similar situation, because obviously, if there was a divorce, there 472 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,080 Speaker 1: probably was something that didn't work out. And I think 473 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: that when you get that healing work done, depending on 474 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 1: the situation, right, I'm gonna be mindful of the sensitivity 475 00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,680 Speaker 1: that dimensioned earlier around certain scenarios. But I'm thinking about 476 00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:14,520 Speaker 1: if you know situations where it just wasn't to get 477 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,720 Speaker 1: fit anymore, right, or you grew apart or something like that, 478 00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:20,720 Speaker 1: it'd be helpful to get some healing and understand how 479 00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 1: you can what an idea of relationship looks like and 480 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:24,400 Speaker 1: what you can attract in the future. 481 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:28,640 Speaker 2: If that makes sense, yes, yes, and really truly giving 482 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 2: yourself that space to grieve, even if you don't necessarily 483 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:39,120 Speaker 2: feel even if you're not feeling like it's a loss, 484 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:47,920 Speaker 2: it's a shift and a change, and they're even in 485 00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 2: the worst of the worst, there may be some aspects 486 00:31:56,640 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 2: of that relationship that you enjoyed that were good for you. 487 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:08,640 Speaker 2: And giving yourself the space to grieve that you don't 488 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 2: have that anymore, and that's okay to acknowledge that, Yeah, 489 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 2: that was a relationship that I shouldn't have been in, 490 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 2: that I didn't need to be, and I'm so glad 491 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:28,520 Speaker 2: grateful that I'm out, and I still feel the loss 492 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:34,560 Speaker 2: of certain pieces of that relationship, like feeling that without judgment. 493 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:40,440 Speaker 2: And so then that takes us to number two, redefining 494 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 2: your identity beyond the relationship. Right, So earlier we talked 495 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 2: about the surprise of like having to think about other 496 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:53,440 Speaker 2: people identifying you outside of your relationship. But for you, 497 00:32:55,480 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 2: this is an opportunity for you to think about who 498 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 2: you are as an individual outside of that that we right, 499 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 2: So taking time to journal, to revisit old passions and 500 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,720 Speaker 2: hobbies like we talked about before, but really giving yourself 501 00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:30,040 Speaker 2: that space to think about who you are as that individual. Now, 502 00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 2: I will say, like we mentioned earlier, the importance of 503 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:38,840 Speaker 2: having your own independent space and self outside of your relationship. 504 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 2: And so if you do have that going while you're 505 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:47,680 Speaker 2: in a relationship, it makes it easier to navigate this 506 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:53,360 Speaker 2: piece when you are no longer in a relationship. It 507 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,200 Speaker 2: means that maybe you have now you have more time 508 00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 2: for those other things that you have to be way 509 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 2: more intentional about doing. 510 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,480 Speaker 1: That's good, Tom, I want to add to this one 511 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,120 Speaker 1: like meditation that was something that was really helpful for me. 512 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,839 Speaker 1: And also creating space in your life to get the 513 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:15,040 Speaker 1: messages about who you are, and realizing that you get 514 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: to create this, like you don't have to go with 515 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,120 Speaker 1: what anyone else wants you to do, Like you get 516 00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 1: to create who do I want to be in this 517 00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:23,000 Speaker 1: new phase of life. Just make sure you're holding space 518 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: to actually get those downloads and not filling your life 519 00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,920 Speaker 1: with noise or people or a bunch of things that 520 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 1: you can't really hear whatever messages come through for you. 521 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,240 Speaker 1: So now we're going to move on to number three. 522 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,600 Speaker 1: Number three is build financial and practical independence. So get 523 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,399 Speaker 1: real about budgets, face to numbers, even though it might 524 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 1: be daunting. So budgets, housing, and accounts, and then celebrate 525 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,239 Speaker 1: small wins like paying a bill solo, setting up a 526 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,480 Speaker 1: new space, buying a new car, or making a financial 527 00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:52,920 Speaker 1: decision on your own. I definitely had a lot of 528 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 1: those celebrations over the course of my journey, like, oh, 529 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,040 Speaker 1: I'm a big girl, I did this by myself. Okay, 530 00:34:58,239 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 1: because it's a shift, and so you should be se 531 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,520 Speaker 1: breaking those small winds and knowing that even though it 532 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 1: may be a challenging time or just a shift in life, 533 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:08,360 Speaker 1: like you got this, you can do this, and so 534 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:12,919 Speaker 1: many other people have experienced this and they were able 535 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,440 Speaker 1: to thrive afterwards. A lot of times it's about timing. 536 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,440 Speaker 1: And the more I found that the more time that 537 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 1: goes by, the more comfortable you are, and the more 538 00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 1: things start to really show themselves for you as far 539 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: as your next path and where you're going. 540 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,080 Speaker 2: Yes, I think that that's so important. And within that 541 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:33,799 Speaker 2: of building that financial independence and making those decisions and 542 00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,440 Speaker 2: celebrating and I love that celebrating the things that you 543 00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 2: are able to do. I also want to acknowledge that 544 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:48,680 Speaker 2: it may take time because divorce ain't cheap, and especially 545 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 2: if you are dividing assets and there are children involved, 546 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:05,640 Speaker 2: divorce is not cheap and for some people, recovering from 547 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:11,239 Speaker 2: the cost of going through a divorce takes time, and 548 00:36:11,280 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 2: so I share that also for friends who are trying 549 00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 2: to support So recognizing that your homegirl who used to 550 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,440 Speaker 2: take all the trips, all the girls' trips, might not 551 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,920 Speaker 2: have the same financial situation that she had before, and 552 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,720 Speaker 2: so she might not be able to go to brunch 553 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:35,120 Speaker 2: every Saturday. She might not be able to take trips 554 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:39,000 Speaker 2: out the country once a month like y'all were doing before, right, 555 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 2: And so if you're supporting that person, give them that 556 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:51,360 Speaker 2: space to recognize that divorce is expensive. So then that 557 00:36:51,440 --> 00:37:00,600 Speaker 2: takes us to number four. Prioritize your emotional and spiritual rediscovery. So, 558 00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:06,719 Speaker 2: as Terry mentioned before, therapy can truly be beneficial, but 559 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:12,200 Speaker 2: I also know that therapy is not for everybody. The point, though, 560 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:18,840 Speaker 2: is addressing your healing is important. So whether that's through therapy, 561 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:26,719 Speaker 2: whether that's through your spiritual or religious advisor, through meditation, 562 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:35,799 Speaker 2: through wellness retreats, discovering new hobbies. The point of this 563 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,400 Speaker 2: of prioritizing and addressing your healing and your emotional and 564 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:45,960 Speaker 2: spiritual wellbeing is so that you pour into yourself and 565 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:55,000 Speaker 2: redefine your self worth and identify what are grounding practices 566 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 2: for you. 567 00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,560 Speaker 1: I love that one so much, Tom, I'm just thinking 568 00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,799 Speaker 1: about that. I just feel like during my process, when 569 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:05,239 Speaker 1: I finally got to a place where I was ready 570 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 1: to face myself, I was able to go internal and 571 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:10,279 Speaker 1: give myself a lot of the validation that I was 572 00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:12,919 Speaker 1: looking for externally. So I think that the healing part 573 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:15,759 Speaker 1: is so important because if we don't heal, we're going 574 00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:18,799 Speaker 1: to continue to have the same habits and patterns that 575 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:22,319 Speaker 1: we've had before. Right, So that takes us the number five, 576 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:26,239 Speaker 1: which is reclaim joy in everyday life. I love this 577 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 1: one because it's so fun. So for this we recommend 578 00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:32,719 Speaker 1: experimenting with new activities or activities that you may have 579 00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:37,120 Speaker 1: put down in the past, travel or experiences that you 580 00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 1: couldn't do before, go do them. I've taken on so 581 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:42,839 Speaker 1: many new experiences that I used to do when I 582 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:44,920 Speaker 1: was single or at least in the beginning of my career, 583 00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 1: but having more time now, I'm thinking like toast masters 584 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,360 Speaker 1: and prov I went to the studio and recorded some 585 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:55,480 Speaker 1: music networking events as well, so you can build that 586 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,120 Speaker 1: network of people who can possibly be in your support system, 587 00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,640 Speaker 1: but also people who can be in your career field. 588 00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:04,279 Speaker 1: I guess you could say, right, your career network, so 589 00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,160 Speaker 1: you can network for new job opportunities or just for 590 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:10,560 Speaker 1: career enhancement in general. So reclaiming joy whatever that looks 591 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,399 Speaker 1: like for you, just exploring and be open to new experiences. 592 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,719 Speaker 1: You never know who you're going to meet and who 593 00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: you might connect with that may be beneficial on your 594 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,400 Speaker 1: path or someone that you may be able to invest 595 00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:21,439 Speaker 1: in the future as well. 596 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 2: Yes, And I think you know one way to figure 597 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 2: that out is to ask yourself that question, like, what's 598 00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:33,120 Speaker 2: one thing that you've always wanted to do that your 599 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 2: ex wasn't into. Do that thing, whatever it is, do 600 00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:43,000 Speaker 2: that thing. So then that takes us to number six, 601 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:50,120 Speaker 2: which is create a healthy relationship with the future. And 602 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,799 Speaker 2: so what that looks like is exploring love again, co 603 00:39:55,040 --> 00:40:02,920 Speaker 2: parenting with grace, and choosing to be single for a season. 604 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:03,840 Speaker 3: Now. 605 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:10,080 Speaker 2: I am a big proponent of choosing singleness. And when 606 00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,160 Speaker 2: I say choosing singleness, that doesn't mean that you're not dating. 607 00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,239 Speaker 2: That doesn't mean that maybe you don't That doesn't mean 608 00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:20,120 Speaker 2: that you're not having your whole phase. It's you are 609 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:27,319 Speaker 2: not entering into another committed relationship because I think that 610 00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:33,920 Speaker 2: you need that time to heal, and part of that 611 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,920 Speaker 2: healing is all these things that we mentioned, right, But 612 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:43,760 Speaker 2: what I also know is that to jump right into 613 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:50,799 Speaker 2: another committed relationship means that chances are that relationship might 614 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:58,120 Speaker 2: not work out, and at least in the beginning. If 615 00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:01,359 Speaker 2: it does happen to work out in the beginning, there 616 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:07,359 Speaker 2: is going to be a lot of comparison between your 617 00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:14,560 Speaker 2: ex and your presence, and that's not that's not healthy. 618 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:19,759 Speaker 2: It's normal, but it's not healthy, and so it's not 619 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:23,640 Speaker 2: healthy for you in terms of being able to move 620 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:27,400 Speaker 2: forward with this new person. It's not healthy for that 621 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:36,400 Speaker 2: overall relationship. However, it is important for you to understand 622 00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:41,680 Speaker 2: the differences between your present and your ex. Being in 623 00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:47,200 Speaker 2: a committed relationship right away, though, is not not healthy. 624 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:54,799 Speaker 2: It doesn't help you truly understand who you are and 625 00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,200 Speaker 2: what you need. Again, I want to emphasize I'm not 626 00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:04,279 Speaker 2: saying not to date. I think it is important to 627 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:11,320 Speaker 2: date to explore your options, but I would not recommend 628 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:20,440 Speaker 2: jumping into a committed relationship immediately after a divorce or separation. 629 00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,839 Speaker 1: That's great, Dom, I love that you stated that, and 630 00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,399 Speaker 1: I'm thinking about how that looks in action, like how 631 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,799 Speaker 1: do you think like someone listening? How do you date? 632 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,480 Speaker 1: But also make sure you're not in amman relationship right, 633 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,879 Speaker 1: So it might look like dating multiple people, but having 634 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:41,799 Speaker 1: the priority or the focal relationship being the relationship with yourself. Yes, 635 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:44,359 Speaker 1: and you cannot be in relationship with yourself if you're 636 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,680 Speaker 1: not spending time with yourself, right And so ideally you 637 00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:50,440 Speaker 1: have boundaries around whatever dates you might be on, whoever 638 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,799 Speaker 1: you might be dating, you have boundaries around that time. 639 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,759 Speaker 1: So you've prioritized whether it's taking yourself out on real 640 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,040 Speaker 1: dates or just cooking dinner for yourself at home and 641 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,120 Speaker 1: being with you, being with your thought, because you can't 642 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:03,600 Speaker 1: get to know yourself and understand who you are if 643 00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,880 Speaker 1: you're not spending time with yourself. It's like treat yourself 644 00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,239 Speaker 1: like you are literally another person you're in a relationship with, 645 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:10,960 Speaker 1: Right if that person never reaches out and texts you 646 00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,279 Speaker 1: or they don't see you often, then this is not 647 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:16,640 Speaker 1: a good relationship. So being a relationship with yourself is 648 00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:19,759 Speaker 1: so important and letting that be the focal relationship in 649 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,279 Speaker 1: your life. And then also remembering that independence does not 650 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:29,080 Speaker 1: equal isolation, right, realizing that it's about freedom and choice, 651 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,000 Speaker 1: and it really gives you the space to explore again 652 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:33,920 Speaker 1: who you are and who you want to be. And 653 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:35,799 Speaker 1: I just want to emphasize that if you are in 654 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,359 Speaker 1: this phase or this season, I know that it can 655 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,680 Speaker 1: be very challenging, it can be very hard to see 656 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,640 Speaker 1: the light at the end of the tunnel, but I 657 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:46,120 Speaker 1: just want to reemphasize as we stayed it throughout the episode. 658 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,080 Speaker 1: There are so many people in the world who've gone 659 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 1: through this and who are thriving and who started to 660 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:51,280 Speaker 1: thrive after. 661 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:52,879 Speaker 2: Where you are. 662 00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:55,799 Speaker 1: Right now is not It doesn't define where you're going 663 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:59,279 Speaker 1: to be right so keep pushing. You got this and 664 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:01,520 Speaker 1: we hope this up episode was helpful. 665 00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:06,759 Speaker 2: All right, And so let's do a quick recap of 666 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:14,480 Speaker 2: the steps to rediscovering yourself after divorce. So number one, 667 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:21,440 Speaker 2: acknowledge the grief. Number two, redefine your identity beyond the relationship. 668 00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:30,480 Speaker 2: Number three build financial and practical independence. Number four prioritize 669 00:44:30,480 --> 00:44:39,120 Speaker 2: emotional and spiritual rediscovery. Number five reclaim joy in everyday life. 670 00:44:39,520 --> 00:44:44,360 Speaker 2: And number six create a healthy relationship with the future. 671 00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:46,720 Speaker 1: All right, lady, we're gonna go to record the after 672 00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:49,319 Speaker 1: show and share a little bit more about this episode 673 00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:52,600 Speaker 1: and some behind the scenes content. So visit herspace podcast 674 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:56,080 Speaker 1: dot com, click anywhere you see Patreon and join us 675 00:44:56,120 --> 00:44:59,800 Speaker 1: support this black owned business. Here As to ladies, you 676 00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:03,160 Speaker 1: can and watch the actual episode on video and catch 677 00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:04,920 Speaker 1: the behind the scenes, so we hope to see you there. 678 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:09,920 Speaker 1: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps. 679 00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:13,880 Speaker 1: This is for you. Hey, Lady, is Tea here and 680 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:15,879 Speaker 1: I just want to invite you to my free goal 681 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:18,799 Speaker 1: map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the 682 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:22,560 Speaker 1: five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals. 683 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas, 684 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,840 Speaker 1: or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop 685 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,960 Speaker 1: will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to 686 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:37,640 Speaker 1: take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting 687 00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:41,879 Speaker 1: her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map 688 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,839 Speaker 1: like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance 689 00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,879 Speaker 1: to build a roadmap that fits your life and set 690 00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,120 Speaker 1: you up for success. I hope to see you there. 691 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:55,560 Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning into cultivating her Space. Remember that while 692 00:45:55,560 --> 00:46:00,399 Speaker 2: this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, it's 693 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:04,360 Speaker 2: not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone you 694 00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:08,520 Speaker 2: know need support, check out resources like Therapy for Black 695 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:13,160 Speaker 2: Girls or Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, do 696 00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,239 Speaker 2: us a favor and share it with a friend who 697 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:19,840 Speaker 2: needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five star review. 698 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,439 Speaker 2: Your support means the world to us and helps keep 699 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,319 Speaker 2: this space thriving and. 700 00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:30,040 Speaker 1: Before we meet again, repeat after me. I release the 701 00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:33,600 Speaker 1: old with gratitude and prepare for the new with intention. 702 00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 1: Keep Thriving, Lady, and tune in next Friday for more 703 00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:42,839 Speaker 1: inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure 704 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:46,480 Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast