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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, your og okay

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Speaker 1: storytime podcast host, and we got some delicious, juicy stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: I'm breaking up with my fiance because he's a loser.

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Speaker 3: Now he's begging me to stay.

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Speaker 4: That's what a loser would do, simp.

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Speaker 3: I'm female forty, at a point in my career where

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Speaker 3: I've been able to accomplish some things very fast and

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Speaker 3: some took me a long.

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Speaker 1: Huge minute.

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Speaker 3: I'm very grateful and ready for my new chapter, which

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Speaker 3: includes relocation and a slower pace. I'm in the process

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Speaker 3: of ending a relationship Jason Mail, thirty nine, since I

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Speaker 3: recently came to the conclusion that I can't be with him.

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Speaker 3: I've given him a lot of opportunities and I feel

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Speaker 3: depleted and tired. That's come to a point where I

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Speaker 3: get tense by merely hearing his voice. We are engaged,

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Speaker 3: and we also have gotten over many bad moments in

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Speaker 3: our relationship. I was extremely busy, and now that I

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Speaker 3: have the opportunity of finding myself a bit, I just

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Speaker 3: don't want to get married. By the way, This comes

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Speaker 3: from puzzle Headed term five seven to two on the

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Speaker 3: r slash Okay story Time subburt it. He comes from

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Speaker 3: a family with trauma. His parents had a very bad

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Speaker 3: and long dragging divorce and their children got pulled into it.

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Speaker 3: Maybe I shouldn't talk like this, but all of their

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Speaker 3: kids are losers, including my fiance. Damn, you hate these people.

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Speaker 3: I've tried to ignore this, but I am ashamed of him.

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Speaker 3: His sister has a cosmetology certificate, but she refuses to

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Speaker 3: get a job because she needs to be a stay

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Speaker 3: at home mom, yet is always angry at her ex

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Speaker 3: because her child support is enough. His two brothers are musicians.

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Speaker 3: One works at a hotel and send his baby mama

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Speaker 3: home to her parents as soon as she got pregnant,

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Speaker 3: and the other one lives a man child life. Opie

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Speaker 3: is incredibly critical here of these people. Both brother in

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Speaker 3: law spend long nights playing with bands but never get paid,

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Speaker 3: so they frequently have problems at the real jobs for tardiness.

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Speaker 3: Jason and I had issues early on because he kept

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Speaker 3: switching jobs and complain we've reached a stable stage in

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Speaker 3: our relationship until we got engaged. I don't feel like

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Speaker 3: I'm his priority. Everything always needs to go to his family.

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Speaker 3: Every plan, every potential progress is always about giving to

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Speaker 3: his family. When I got an opportunity to develop a

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Speaker 3: food truck park, he immediately tried to bring his mother

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Speaker 3: into it so that she could get a food stand

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Speaker 3: to help her. If I get a hospitality client, he

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Speaker 3: immediately asks if his brothers can get hired.

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Speaker 1: Not only this, but.

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Speaker 3: He tries to create opportunities so that they can get

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Speaker 3: plugged on to whatever I'm doing and start a business

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Speaker 3: sucking the life out.

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Speaker 1: Of my clients.

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Speaker 3: Of course I never allow.

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Speaker 5: It, just like a value different of like he values

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Speaker 5: supporting his family, and that to her feels ridiculous, and

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Speaker 5: so it's more of like a let's talk about this.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't understand that this has cost me lots of blood, sweat,

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Speaker 3: and tears to get and that I'm not okay just

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Speaker 3: handing it down For background. I have access to both

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Speaker 3: medium sized and small companies, and I got my first

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Speaker 3: global client last year at the time when my career

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Speaker 3: began to really pick up. Jason and I had gotten

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Speaker 3: engaged and I felt comfortable sharing my progress. By holiday

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Speaker 3: season last year, I had a very complicated situation. I

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Speaker 3: needed to complete a deadline, but had already bought tickets

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Speaker 3: for my kids to fly to see my parents. Jason

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Speaker 3: confirmed that he would go with me whenever I was ready,

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Speaker 3: so I didn't book a flight as he would drive us.

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Speaker 3: I flew my kids, came back, worked my butt off,

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Speaker 3: and was both anxious and worried. I kept open communication

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Speaker 3: with the client delivered by the twenty second, but needed

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Speaker 3: to wait for their approval, which included a visit to

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Speaker 3: their location. They are manufacturers, so I was basically on call.

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Speaker 3: It was approved, but Jason went mia it was too

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Speaker 3: late to get a flight, but when he replied to

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Speaker 3: give him a couple of hours, I was relieved, thinking

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Speaker 3: that we would leave soon. He stalled and made me

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Speaker 3: wait up until I started crying due to anxiety. I

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Speaker 3: ended up driving myself while exhausted on Christmas Eve, which

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Speaker 3: is exactly what.

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Speaker 2: I didn't want.

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Speaker 4: She drove to the airport, or it seems.

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Speaker 3: Like she drove back, and I think she was waiting

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Speaker 3: to be picked up. That's what it seems like. I

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Speaker 3: think what she needed to do was get to the

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Speaker 3: airport to get a flight, and he wasn't there to

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Speaker 3: drive her to the airport, even though he promised, I

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Speaker 3: had to stay at a motel to sleep a few

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Speaker 3: hours and then get on and spent Christmas forcing myself

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Speaker 3: to stay awake to be present for my family. I

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Speaker 3: nearly broke up with him over this, especially when he

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Speaker 3: said he didn't leave early because his mother gotten emotional.

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Speaker 3: I'm understanding her point of he is prioritizing his family

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Speaker 3: to an extent where she is being kind of sidelined.

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Speaker 5: Which is fair, and OPI is saying that's the reason

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Speaker 5: that she had this whole like which also explains the

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Speaker 5: earlier resentment and like name calling.

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Speaker 3: So fast forward and I have gotten good contracts, clients

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Speaker 3: have been referring other clients, and I have finally stabilized

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Speaker 3: my schedule and I've been hiring more people. I was

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Speaker 3: super excited to share my progress with him. I got

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Speaker 3: a very good opportunity to move closer to my family

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Speaker 3: and to work for a very large company for very

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Speaker 3: good money. The minute that I told him, he started

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Speaker 3: with the family business subject. He wanted me to hire

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Speaker 3: a company that would create I am firmly opposed to this.

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Speaker 3: That's a company only on name. He wanted to tap

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Speaker 3: into anything that can be done his words. He has

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Speaker 3: been very insistent, but dropped it because we had a

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Speaker 3: huge fight. So basically, she has this, you know, business,

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Speaker 3: and he wants her to hire him so that.

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Speaker 5: He could bring his family in. It's the same family thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's the same thing.

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Speaker 1: Again.

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Speaker 3: He's been very enthusiastic about moving. He has a job

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Speaker 3: prospect and he would earn better salary. Last month we

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Speaker 3: found a rental property and we're discussing our plans. I

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Speaker 3: need a home office and bedrooms for my kids. He

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Speaker 3: mentioned that he needs a spare room for guests. I

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Speaker 3: immediately had a bad feeling, and he said he wanted

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Speaker 3: his family to stay over until they found their own jobs.

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Speaker 3: Which that is a huge conversation that you need to

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Speaker 3: have with your partner before it's.

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Speaker 5: Even especially if she's all resenting you for prioritizing your

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Speaker 5: family and.

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Speaker 3: You're like, okay, so they're actually gonna be living with us.

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Speaker 5: The family that you think are all losers, they're gonna

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Speaker 5: be losers living with.

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Speaker 3: Us, losers under our roof. He said the family room

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Speaker 3: could be converted into another extra bedroom. I could picture

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Speaker 3: myself having to deal with his family and being unable

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Speaker 3: to evict them. I tried to talk to him, but

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Speaker 3: he said it's what he wants and he has a

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Speaker 3: right to bring his family and said period, which sounded

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Speaker 3: so one sided that it made me rethink the whole matter.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry, that's not how that works. You know, just

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Speaker 3: get to decide again, Unilana. Really for your partner, if.

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Speaker 5: You said period, you get to do whatever you want, well.

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Speaker 3: That actually means he can. I asked if he planned

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Speaker 3: on doing all this on my dime, and he started

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Speaker 3: throwing things out of there. He's a loser. I'm on

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Speaker 3: your side now, Obie. Throwing things is bad.

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Speaker 5: That's pretty bad, scary scary for a woman, for your

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Speaker 5: male partner to be throwing things and.

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Speaker 3: Also going period. I sat him down for serious conversation,

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Speaker 3: and his reasoning is that family helps family, true in

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Speaker 3: my case because we are very close, but they don't

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Speaker 3: use me as their personal raft. I was very blunt

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Speaker 3: and as honest as I could be. I don't want

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Speaker 3: his family living with us, and he knows that I

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Speaker 3: will not agree to financially support anyone, especially after he's

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Speaker 3: made plans to spend my new money. But it hasn't

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Speaker 3: asked me if I agree or even if I plan

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Speaker 3: on helping my own family. He has never asked me

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Speaker 3: if my family needs anything. It's all about him. He

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Speaker 3: has made plans to get his family inside or new

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Speaker 3: home without offering a potential deadline, and has dropped hints

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Speaker 3: about wanting a new car. Seems like he's trying to

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Speaker 3: have op fund his old lifestyle.

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Speaker 5: Or like fund his family.

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Speaker 3: I was sincere but slowly losing my respect for him

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Speaker 3: because his ways of made me feel like he has

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Speaker 3: no respect for my sacrifices and everything I went through

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Speaker 3: to get to this point. It wasn't him getting sleep

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Speaker 3: deprived and being constantly on the line to get things done.

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Speaker 3: The conversation went nowhere because he grabbed his backpack and

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Speaker 3: went out. Days later, he told me that he got

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Speaker 3: fired and sent me the memo that he got and

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Speaker 3: it clearly said it was because of insubordination. The boss

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Speaker 3: was like, hey, can you do this? He was like

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Speaker 3: I will not be doing that period.

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Speaker 5: Or he was like yes, but can you give my

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Speaker 5: family a salary?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: He's like, actually, can you get them a job here?

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Speaker 5: I'll do it after my family comes in.

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Speaker 3: There is so much to unpack about this, from being

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Speaker 3: a possible poor example to my kids to being a

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Speaker 3: weak man who won't be able to answer for our

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Speaker 3: family should I be unable to support us. I told

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Speaker 3: him that I wanted to break up, and he said

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Speaker 3: things that are embarrassing. He said he thought he'd finally

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Speaker 3: found a love of his life, but said he is

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Speaker 3: dissatisfied with me because I'm taking away all of his dreams.

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Speaker 3: The entire situation was cringe because he held onto the

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Speaker 3: car wheel and started rocking back and forth. He accused

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Speaker 3: me of being a snob now that I'm rich. I'm

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Speaker 3: not rich, but I hope my opportunities keep opening up

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Speaker 3: so that I can build my wealth. I told him

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Speaker 3: the problem was right there. He's asking to stay together

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Speaker 3: but won't work on himself. I gathered all all of

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Speaker 3: his belongings and asked him to come pick them up,

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Speaker 3: and he refused, so I had to drive to mother

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Speaker 3: in law's house, and once there, she confronted me. She

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Speaker 3: said that I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing by playing

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Speaker 3: a goodie two shoes moron, stupid in their family's slang,

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Speaker 3: and secretly working to rip the family apart. She mentioned

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Speaker 3: very personal things that I know I didn't share with her,

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Speaker 3: and it made me so mad that I called her

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Speaker 3: and all of our children loser, a bunch of loses.

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Speaker 3: He keeps sending me info on couple's therapy, but I

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Speaker 3: just don't want it. He won't remove his car from

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Speaker 3: my garage, and he won't take his gym equipment, which

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Speaker 3: is too heavy. He says he would have done it,

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Speaker 3: but because I called him a loser, he's not removing

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Speaker 3: anything because I disrespected his mom. Am I the a

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Speaker 3: hole for confronting her?

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Speaker 5: WHOA, There's a lot there a lot going on here.

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Speaker 5: First off, zoom out, zooming out. It seems like she's

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Speaker 5: prioritizing her own business. Is like all these opportunities are

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Speaker 5: coming in, it's exciting for her, and then her husband

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Speaker 5: is is whatever new opportunity comes up for Rather than

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Speaker 5: like him being exciting and putting the attention on her

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Speaker 5: and asking how he could support then the conversation always

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Speaker 5: goes towards like how can I bring my family into this?

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Speaker 5: How can I support my family? And it's not like

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Speaker 5: a two way conversation. It's not like, hey, this really

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Speaker 5: matters to me, Like they're struggling. I know we're a partnership, Like,

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Speaker 5: can we as a couple support them?

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Speaker 1: Would you be okay with that?

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Speaker 3: Not just saying you have to involve them in your business.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, So there's no like checking in with his partner.

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Speaker 5: There's no like sharing like what matters to him and

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Speaker 5: seeing if she would be willing to like be a

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Speaker 5: part of that shared vision. So yeah, there's a lot

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Speaker 5: of assumptions on his end, not checking in with his partners,

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Speaker 5: and a lot of demands around there. And then on

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Speaker 5: his end, it's obvious his family matters to him. It's

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Speaker 5: obvious that he really cares about supporting his family, and

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Speaker 5: that his partner is like resentful about that something that

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Speaker 5: matters dearly to him and is hypercritical and is insulting him,

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Speaker 5: is insulting his family.

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Speaker 3: Agreed, degree, degreed?

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Speaker 5: Anything else do you want to add to that? Does

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Speaker 5: that feel like a pair assessment? I think so.

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Speaker 3: I think that In my words, I think she has

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Speaker 3: some very fair resentments. The thing is, though, I think

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Speaker 3: you have to bring them up right away. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I also think she has to leave this relationship because

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Speaker 3: it doesn't seem like it's healthy anymore.

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Speaker 5: Even if there was a possibility of like mending that.

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Speaker 5: It seems like she just doesn't want to Like he's

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Speaker 5: suggesting therapy and she's like no, And so if it's

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Speaker 5: just irreparable differences, then that is what it is.

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Speaker 3: Agreed. I think he's just not listening to her and

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Speaker 3: he's just trying to decide everything in the relationship, and

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Speaker 3: now she hates him.

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Speaker 4: I accused my husband and his mom of ruining our

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Speaker 4: wedding by taking photos of me.

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Speaker 1: What kind of photos we're about to find out?

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Speaker 4: I thirty five female, got married to my husband forty

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Speaker 4: one male recently. Neither of us like the spotlight, so

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Speaker 4: we agreed on a small event. The only thing I

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Speaker 4: was firm about was I didn't want photos. My self

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Speaker 4: esteem is in the toilet. In the last eighteen months,

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Speaker 4: I have put on weight. I am not looking to

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Speaker 4: make excuses, but there are some reasons why. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from users salt Swing eighty two fifty two

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Speaker 4: on the Best of Redditor Updates subreddit so one. In

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Speaker 4: the last eighteen months, I have lost both parents and

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Speaker 4: my grandmother. I have lost two jobs and had a miscarriage.

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Speaker 4: Oh my depression has hit me hard at times and

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Speaker 4: I have been comfort eating. Two I was put on

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Speaker 4: a new medication and weight gain is a side effect.

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Speaker 4: And three, about a year ago, I broke my left

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Speaker 4: ankle badly. I've had three surgeries to date. The last

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Speaker 4: one was ten days before the wedding, and I cannot

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Speaker 4: walk without pain. Okay, so Opie's clearly going through it

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Speaker 4: right now.

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Speaker 2: Bad luck train here.

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Speaker 4: I really don't want photos that would remind me of

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Speaker 4: the fact I am now fat. A few weeks before

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Speaker 4: the wedding, my mother in law is talking about going

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Speaker 4: to a local beauty spot for photos. I say no,

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Speaker 4: thank you, and that yes, I am being serious. My

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Speaker 4: husband here's this, and later that night I say again,

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Speaker 4: I really don't want photos, and he says that it's

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Speaker 4: fine with him. Week before the wedding, I'm having the

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Speaker 4: same conversation with mother in law and my husband. Day

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Speaker 4: of the wedding, my father in law and mother in

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Speaker 4: law pick us up. I am no longer able to

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Speaker 4: drive as I can't move my ankle. We get the

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Speaker 4: whole legal shindig done, and as we are going back

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Speaker 4: to the car, mother in law again says, let's go

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Speaker 4: to the beauty spot for photos. I again say no,

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Speaker 4: but she tells father in law to drive there and

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Speaker 4: my husband just sits there.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: I know I gave him the look, but total silence.

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Speaker 4: Long story short, The photos are taken and we head

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Speaker 4: back in the car. Driving home, my mother in law

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Speaker 4: starts showing me the photos and I hate myself in them.

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Speaker 4: Oh God, I look like a pile of crap. I

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Speaker 4: look ridiculous in address with a medical boot, and I

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Speaker 4: can't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. This upsets

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Speaker 4: my mother in law, and there is an atmosphere the

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Speaker 4: whole rest of the day. I really tried to move on,

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00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,080
Speaker 4: but I had to get out of that stress, and

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Speaker 4: all I really just wanted was to hide away privately.

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00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,840
Speaker 4: I told my husband that him and his mother ruined

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Speaker 4: our wedding day for me, oh, because all I can

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Speaker 4: think about is those pictures. He said he didn't realize

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00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,559
Speaker 4: I was so serious about no photos, that it's only

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Speaker 4: for his mom to keep and that he thinks I

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Speaker 4: look beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I'm a sweet.

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Speaker 4: W w response right there, I told him that not

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Speaker 4: thirty minutes into our marriage, he totally let me down.

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Speaker 4: And I don't know if I'm beyond hurt or furious.

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Speaker 4: He said I was being ridiculous and that I let

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Speaker 4: him down by making such a fuss over a normal

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Speaker 4: part of weddings. He also said I had hurt his mother.

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Speaker 4: She has some mental health issues and has been obsessing

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Speaker 4: over me crying on my wedding day, and that I

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Speaker 4: need to reassure her she hasn't done anything wrong. Oh

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Speaker 4: my god, but she did do something wrong.

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Speaker 2: Oh my.

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Speaker 4: She's kind of strong armed OPI into taking these photos

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Speaker 4: when OPI explicitly was like, I don't want these photos

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Speaker 4: because it'll ruin my wedding day. Like it'll ruin my

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Speaker 4: wedding day for me. Come on, come on, man. I

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Speaker 4: told him no, and there will be serious problems if

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Speaker 4: he tries telling her otherwise, because as far as I'm concerned,

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Speaker 4: they both totally ignored my one request and that was unacceptable.

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Speaker 4: He thinks I'm being a totally unreasonable a hole, So

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Speaker 4: am I being the a hole? Reddit?

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Speaker 2: You know that song from Dominic Fike. It goes m

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Speaker 2: O m a boy, Mama's boy, Mama's boy.

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Speaker 1: I don't but that sounds about right.

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Speaker 2: That's what's happening here.

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Speaker 1: We got some mama's boy energy.

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Speaker 2: Me.

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Speaker 4: What she gets made a couple of relevant comments what

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Speaker 4: if he wanted photos? He told me multiple times that

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00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,600
Speaker 4: he was fine with no photos during our conversations about

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Speaker 4: it before the wedding. I have to take what he

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00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,760
Speaker 4: says at face value, and I did it up and

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00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,280
Speaker 4: let them take the photos. I tried not to cry

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Speaker 4: in the car after. I tried to carry on with

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Speaker 4: the day. I tried to make everyone happy, despite the

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Speaker 4: fact that I am not commenter.

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Speaker 1: Do you really want to get married?

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Speaker 4: It sounds a bit like you hated the whole thing

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00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,560
Speaker 4: and forced yourself to do it. Why we both agreed

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00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 4: that we want a marriage and not a wedding. We

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00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,360
Speaker 4: wanted a nice day, but not all the fanfare and expectations. Okay,

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00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,960
Speaker 4: and we have a little mini update from op Okay.

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00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,560
Speaker 4: I was ready to be told I was an unreasonable

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Speaker 4: a hole about this, but to be told I shouldn't

354
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Speaker 4: have got married by so many people has crushed me.

355
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 4: We have been together for nine years and we're planning

356
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Speaker 4: this wedding well before my life got turned upside down.

357
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 4: We have been through so much and I love him

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Speaker 4: and his family dearly. This is the first time anything

359
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 4: like this has happened. We both wanted to get married,

360
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,920
Speaker 4: and it was always going to be a small courthouse event.

361
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,160
Speaker 4: We both agreed that weddings were silly events and we

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00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 4: didn't want a big fuss. We talked, We talked about everything,

363
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 4: and as far as I knew, we agreed on everything.

364
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,840
Speaker 4: He never once before, during, or after, said that he

365
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 4: wanted photos. He has done nothing but tell me he

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00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,880
Speaker 4: doesn't really care about having them. If everyone saying what

367
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 4: about his day is right, how was I supposed to know? Oh?

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00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,560
Speaker 4: If he never said all the information I had told

369
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Speaker 4: me that he is happy, that's totally fair. If some

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00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:09,200
Speaker 4: guy is telling you one thing, he can't then turn

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Speaker 4: around and be like, well, I wanted the other thing.

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Speaker 4: I just never told you, and you're not wrong for that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't.

374
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,080
Speaker 4: I thought we could have a good day and find

375
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 4: some happiness in what has been a lot of darkness.

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00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,399
Speaker 4: I just had one ask for the day. Are we

377
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,440
Speaker 4: not allowed to try and make happiness? Because I'm broken?

378
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:29,440
Speaker 4: I wanted to make everybody happy, and I tried. Despite

379
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,960
Speaker 4: how I felt after the legal stuff and the photos.

380
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 4: I spent the rest of the day hosting the family,

381
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,000
Speaker 4: getting teas and coffees, making dinner for everyone and trying

382
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,960
Speaker 4: to make the day nice. I wanted a happy day.

383
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,439
Speaker 4: I just didn't want to be in the spotlight. I

384
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:45,399
Speaker 4: didn't think I had to be in order to get married. Yeah,

385
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,440
Speaker 4: and op explaining a little bit more here, Ope explaining

386
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,200
Speaker 4: some of the grief that she's been going through.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. My parents were difficult.

388
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:56,040
Speaker 4: They both had issues that ultimately led to their deaths,

389
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 4: and it feels like that has supercharged the grief.

390
00:17:58,960 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 1: I don't know I have now.

391
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,720
Speaker 4: I lost every single person biologically connected to me, and

392
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,160
Speaker 4: it's a lot of emotions. I eat too much. Yes,

393
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,760
Speaker 4: it's comfort eating, but also before I broke my ankle,

394
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,280
Speaker 4: I was a marathon runner. I would easily clock over

395
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 4: seventy kilometers a week. I'm used to fueling my body

396
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:14,800
Speaker 4: and not restricting it. I never had to think about

397
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 4: that before. Add in quality of food dropping from home

398
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,760
Speaker 4: cooked to more takeout and convenience, and the medication I'm

399
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,440
Speaker 4: causing weight gain, and I'm not sure I stood a chance.

400
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,480
Speaker 4: And we oh, we do have another update with all

401
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 4: the comments saying I disregarded my husband's wishes on his

402
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 4: wedding day, I asked him directly, did you want those

403
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 4: photos and just said you didn't to appease me before

404
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,119
Speaker 4: you all pile on again. There is no reason he

405
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 4: would not answer truthfully. He replied that he did not

406
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,479
Speaker 4: care about the photos mother in law took in the woods.

407
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 4: He said, having seen them, they are objectively bad. He clarified,

408
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,719
Speaker 4: poorly taken on a bad phone.

409
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 1: That thank god, that's.

410
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:56,080
Speaker 2: What I like. Dude, whoa, Now you just look really

411
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,160
Speaker 2: fad disgusting and.

412
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,880
Speaker 4: I'm he's like, he's like, now that you mention it, Yeah,

413
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 4: you are a that ugly disgusting person in these photos.

414
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe we should have never even took a photo.

415
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 4: Your nasty busted ankle reminds me of how you used

416
00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 4: to be a marathon runner, Like, wow, that would have been.

417
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:13,719
Speaker 2: Great way to start the marriage.

418
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:18,480
Speaker 4: Ay pivoted back into w territory, though by clarifying I

419
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 4: hope right away so the photos were not something that

420
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,320
Speaker 4: he would want to keep anyway, and not worth the

421
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,480
Speaker 4: distress that they caused. He said the only photo he

422
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 4: would want was one of the look on my face

423
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:32,119
Speaker 4: staring up at him when we said the IDs.

424
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:33,760
Speaker 1: That's cute.

425
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,439
Speaker 4: He joked that he should have strapped the go bro

426
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 4: to his forehead to capture that, but he doesn't need

427
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 4: a phone to remember it.

428
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:40,920
Speaker 1: I would not have.

429
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,959
Speaker 4: Been against that idea because it would have been a

430
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 4: private photo between just us. He cannot give a reason

431
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,520
Speaker 4: for being silent in the car. Mother in law has

432
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 4: a severe mental disorder, and I believe there's fear around

433
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,359
Speaker 4: setting her off on a spiral. Okay, well, then that

434
00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,880
Speaker 4: that's another huge complicated layer there. I explained how amb

435
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,000
Speaker 4: I felt and that I only got out of the

436
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 4: car to try and keep the peace. That really upset him.

437
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,439
Speaker 4: He apologized for not speaking up. I think he understands

438
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 4: the main issues were not being supported and feeling helpless.

439
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 4: Everybody's saying I should have not got out. I am

440
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 4: sure you would call me an a hole for throwing

441
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 4: a childish tantrum refusing to leave the car. If I

442
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 4: post that scenario, I was in a lose lose situation.

443
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,720
Speaker 4: I apologize for letting my insecurities become part of our marriage.

444
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 4: He hadn't realized just how deep my issues run. I

445
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 4: am guilty of putting on a brave face, so I

446
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 4: can't blame him for that. We don't want any drama.

447
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,200
Speaker 4: I'm not going to hold a grudge against my mother

448
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,360
Speaker 4: in law. This is the first time there has ever

449
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 4: been an issue like this in our family. Husband will

450
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 4: talk to her, but not about my insecurities. He suggested

451
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 4: asking her to delete the photos, but I said, we

452
00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:48,200
Speaker 4: both know he would have to do that.

453
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:48,600
Speaker 1: Hill.

454
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 4: We are going to move past the whole thing. However,

455
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,560
Speaker 4: I don't know what to do if she makes them public.

456
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,680
Speaker 4: We both agree that what matters is our nine year

457
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 4: long relationship that is now a marriage, and not a

458
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 4: single day where some papers were signed. I am sure

459
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 4: that comment is going to upset a lot of people

460
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 4: who feel a wedding day should be a magical, life

461
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 4: changing event, but it is how we view our lives together.

462
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,479
Speaker 4: Nothing to do with your feelings. Wait to stand on business.

463
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,480
Speaker 2: Op. There we go.

464
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 4: I wouldn't put our relationship or marriage on hold because

465
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 4: times are tough, so why would I put this one

466
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 4: day off? So we are not American. Marriage is not

467
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 4: such a big deal here. Many couples never married, and

468
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,640
Speaker 4: that is very normal since before everything happened, our main

469
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,240
Speaker 4: reason for getting married was so I could legally use

470
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 4: his protected surname. Oh she married like a royal, Oh

471
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 4: she's like the duchess of something. Now, this is why

472
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 4: we just went to the registry office and it was

473
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 4: eight people in attendance. I apologize for my fat phobic language.

474
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 4: Growing up in the nineties with a mother with an

475
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 4: eating disorder has clearly had an effect on how I

476
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,880
Speaker 4: view bodies, and I need to work on that. I've

477
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,880
Speaker 4: had counseling for feelings around my loss of mobility, which

478
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 4: is naturally touched on the other issues in my life.

479
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 4: But I'm going to speak to my doctor about more

480
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 4: specialized grief counseling going forward. And we do have some

481
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 4: more comments here on op Regarding why he wanted to

482
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 4: get married, I have been given an update, but as

483
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,919
Speaker 4: a more complete answer to you, I wanted to be

484
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 4: a family with him. I could only legally use his

485
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 4: protected surname if I married him or got everybody in

486
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 4: the country with that surname to agree to me using

487
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 4: the name. I've had an entire biological family taken from me.

488
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 4: I want society, the law, and history.

489
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:36,879
Speaker 1: I don't know.

490
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 4: I just want it to be recognized that my family

491
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 4: is my husband and I. I have lost my mobility

492
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 4: and my freedom along with it, not being able to

493
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 4: walk or drive let alone run, which was my hobby.

494
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 4: I have to rely on others so much more now

495
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 4: when I was the one people.

496
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,280
Speaker 1: Relied on before.

497
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 4: Why should I also give up the day I planned

498
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 4: on being married, which was on my grandmother's birthday. And

499
00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 4: then just some clarification on what as protected surname is.

500
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 4: A protected surname is so rare that realistically you need

501
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 4: to marry into the name to be able to use it.

502
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 4: So that's for protecting I guess, for protecting people with

503
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 4: that last name, so that people can't just like impersonate

504
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:16,600
Speaker 4: them randomly or something.

505
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 1: I'm not sure how they do it over there in.

506
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 4: Europe, but I know exactly how you should do it

507
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,919
Speaker 4: wherever you are, and you should be joining us live

508
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 4: on YouTube every weekday at three pm. Just tap our

509
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 4: profile that you are in. But that is the end

510
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 4: of that story.

511
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 2: Seems like the husband was all right, respectful, the mom

512
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 2: was a little bit crazy about Oh P, I hope

513
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 2: you have a wonderful marriage and life goes up for

514
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,719
Speaker 2: you right now. I really do.

515
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, you really do seem to be in a place

516
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 4: where you can only get better. Yeah, Like we've had

517
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 4: a very very rough eighteen months, but I like the

518
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 4: position of like the determination of being like I've already

519
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,119
Speaker 4: had so many things is like taking away from me,

520
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,280
Speaker 4: like outside of my control. It's like, I'm gonna just

521
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 4: keep this day. I don't have to push it back whatever.

522
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 4: It's not even like a big deal. They're not gonna

523
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 4: take that for her just getting married. We're not having

524
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 4: a big wedding. We're literally just getting married. And I

525
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,199
Speaker 4: wanted it to be on my grandma's birthday. Yeah, And

526
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 4: so we're gonna get married on my grandma's birthday. And

527
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:19,120
Speaker 4: I don't care that I don't like the way I look,

528
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 4: because we just don't need to take pictures. And if

529
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 4: we want to take pictures later, when you do feel better,

530
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 4: then you do that. Why, you know whatever, whatever, I

531
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,640
Speaker 4: think you guys are on the right track.

532
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 2: My wife's divorcing me for not washing the dishes, so

533
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 2: I'm reversing my vicect to me.

534
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 4: Ooh hey, that's a one of one response right there

535
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 4: to the dishes not being clean.

536
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,359
Speaker 2: My forty mail, Why forty female seems to want a divorce?

537
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 2: She started hinting on the divorce months ago, sending me

538
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 2: passive aggressive articles and videos or latest fight was about

539
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 2: an article she sent me about a woman leaving her

540
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 2: husband for dishes. I didn't read it. She started bugging

541
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,919
Speaker 2: me about reading it, and I told her, I'm not

542
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 2: reading it. By the way, this comes from subject article

543
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 2: on the bros Updates subrend it. So I told her

544
00:25:06,359 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 2: that if she's gonna divorce me because I left the

545
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 2: dishes in the sink, then do it already, because I'm

546
00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 2: not gonna leave dishes in the sink sometimes. Because I'm

547
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 2: gonna leave dishes in the sink sometimes, it's not the

548
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 2: end of the world. And if we were so overpowered

549
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 2: by the dishes, I will hire someone to do the

550
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 2: dishes for me. Then she asked for divorce and I

551
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: just ignored her. And she told me to move out,

552
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 2: and I said I will. I will move out by

553
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 2: the end of the month like she wanted. I'm also

554
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,640
Speaker 2: planning to reverse my advice actomy. She was very offended

555
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 2: by it. I just told her that I gotta vizect

556
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: me for her because she asked me to, and since

557
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,159
Speaker 2: we're divorcing, I don't have a reason to continue it.

558
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 2: But she didn't accept that reason. She accused me of

559
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 2: having another woman in mind. I don't have anyone to

560
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,959
Speaker 2: have more kids with and plan not to have kids.

561
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 2: But should I continue to be sterile because my wife

562
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: wants me to the same wife who wants to divorce

563
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,639
Speaker 2: me because of dishes. It's ridiculous. I don't understand it.

564
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,199
Speaker 2: I gotta visect me because she asked. When she asked,

565
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 2: she even told me that visects me is reversible if

566
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,920
Speaker 2: I change my mind. Now I'm getting served with wrap

567
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 2: sandwich of divorce and I'm not even allowed to reverse

568
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 2: if I sect me. It's just ridiculous. Comments green Eye

569
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,639
Speaker 2: Hawk says, I have never in my life seen someone

570
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,119
Speaker 2: work so hard to miss the point. I guarantee this

571
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 2: divorce isn't about titious random what says the article he

572
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 2: stubbornly refused to read is literally all about that too.

573
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 2: The point of it is that it's not about the dishes.

574
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 2: Dude is clueless that he's a terrible husband. Yeah, I

575
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: didn't even read that article. Whatever the crazier Yeah, I agree.

576
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 2: I mean, why even tell her about the reversal? Get

577
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 2: a divorce, get the reversal? What does it have to

578
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 2: do with the soon to be ex wife? But he

579
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 2: told her at some form of attack or threat weird

580
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,120
Speaker 2: waiting for the abdu response. Why even tell her about

581
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,520
Speaker 2: the reversal, because the whole point of reversal isn't to

582
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,120
Speaker 2: have kids, it's to hurt her and get some reaction

583
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 2: from her. Wonder Wife says, they're gonna divorce me because

584
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,200
Speaker 2: you say I don't do the things you asked me for. Fine,

585
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,560
Speaker 2: I'll show you by taking back the one thing you

586
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 2: did ask him to do. That I act and Kpet's

587
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 2: forty five says, Lol, you don't want kids, but you

588
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 2: want to reverse the surgery. That is certainly going to

589
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,760
Speaker 2: show her judgment through the a hole and we get

590
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 2: an update six days later. I told my wife, I'm

591
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 2: not moving out, dude.

592
00:27:13,880 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 1: I don't think you get.

593
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:17,239
Speaker 2: To just do that. Dude. If she wants me to

594
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 2: move out, she should file for divorce and we can

595
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:22,880
Speaker 2: work things out. I told her that I would ask

596
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,080
Speaker 2: my sister to accompany me for surgery and she would

597
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 2: stay for a few days with us to take care

598
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 2: of me, so.

599
00:27:28,880 --> 00:27:30,920
Speaker 1: Her life won't be affected in any way.

600
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 2: I also told her that I'm going to hire help

601
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,199
Speaker 2: for household stuff, so she literally doesn't have to do

602
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 2: anything until we aren't staying together. What resulted was two

603
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,199
Speaker 2: hours of silence, and then it was followed by something

604
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 2: that can only be described as hysterical crapstorm. She was

605
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 2: alternating between crying and screaming like a banshee. I am

606
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,680
Speaker 2: still shell shocked, or maybe I just don't care, It's

607
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 2: hard to tell. I call her mom and she has

608
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 2: been living with us and dealing with her. I am

609
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,919
Speaker 2: mostly avoiding her. I was able to hire someone on

610
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 2: short notice, but my wife accused her of sleeping with me,

611
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 2: so she's not coming back. My main focus is on

612
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 2: reversing my bisectomy for now. I will deal with other

613
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 2: things after. I have to spite her as soon as

614
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,879
Speaker 2: a effing cad, and I'll worry about like dealing with her. Update.

615
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 2: Things have been fine and I am marching forward with

616
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 2: bisect to mey reversal. Things have been eventful for the

617
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,840
Speaker 2: past week. I fell down and injured my wrist, so

618
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,879
Speaker 2: I was not able to do anything that requires the

619
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:33,159
Speaker 2: use of my dominant hand. But I was saying to

620
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:34,959
Speaker 2: hire someone for household stuff.

621
00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, so what are you holding in the house?

622
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: Oh oh wait, wait, wait wait, this time I got.

623
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: A dude.

624
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 2: Fixed it, so we can stick around now. My wife

625
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 2: was not able to throw any cheating accusations against me.

626
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 2: My surgery is scheduled for November. I had my medical

627
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: checkop and it's been good. My wife, on the other hand,

628
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,479
Speaker 2: has gotten weird. She which is between being nice and

629
00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 2: being me. Her mother was dealing with her, I was

630
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 2: ignoring her. Mother in law had to leave, and it's

631
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 2: been chaos since then. My wife packed her bags and

632
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 2: declared that she is leaving in front of my kids.

633
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 2: They obviously were hysterical, but I decided not to intervene.

634
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 2: I watched her walk out the door, with my crying

635
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 2: kids following her, and suddenly I was alone in the

636
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: living room. I genuinely didn't care that I was alone.

637
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,920
Speaker 2: I was fine. She came back and stared at me

638
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 2: for like eternity, but I ignored her. Then she started crying,

639
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 2: and I just left because I just wanted some peace

640
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 2: and quiet. I fell on the way out. When I returned,

641
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: she was all nice and worried about my injury. I

642
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 2: don't know what to mega her, so I'm choosing not

643
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 2: to think about it. Reversing my visectomy has become a

644
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,920
Speaker 2: kind of focal point for me. Rest doesn't really matter.

645
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 2: People asked me why I'm reversing my vicectomy. It it's

646
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 2: just that it signifies hope for a better future for me,

647
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,200
Speaker 2: that after dust settles on this marriage, there is hope

648
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 2: that there is still something I can work towards. I

649
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 2: read the article the first time I posted it here,

650
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 2: so don't accuse me for not reading it. There are

651
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 2: things in my marriage that I had to accept about her.

652
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:20,000
Speaker 2: She could have changed them, but she didn't. I understand

653
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 2: what she is feeling because that feeling is mutual. Things

654
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 2: were important to me that she refused to believe were important.

655
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: She told me I was wrong in feeling they were important.

656
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 2: With the time, I accepted that she doesn't understand me,

657
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 2: and same goes for her. She wants me to understand

658
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 2: why those things are important to her, when she never

659
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 2: gave the same courtesy to me. It was fine by me.

660
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 2: We had kids, so I can live with that. But

661
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 2: she can't go around demanding that I understand her now

662
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 2: when she refused to do it before. Our marriage hanged

663
00:30:56,360 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 2: on a fine balance of mutual dissatisfaction, and she tried.

664
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 2: I had to tip the scales in her favor. I

665
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 2: thought she was self aware enough to understand the reality

666
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 2: of her marriage, but she disturbed the balance and it

667
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:14,719
Speaker 2: all collapsed, and now she's acting out. What matters now

668
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,720
Speaker 2: is we move forward and savage whatever we can for

669
00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 2: people sending me nice dms, thank you, love you guys,

670
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 2: and emotionally alone, and it feels good that there are

671
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 2: people who understand. By the way, you can join us

672
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 2: love every weekday at three PMPSD just taper profile and

673
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 2: this is a short update title I'm liking my life.

674
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: It felt good to wake up today. Haven't felt like

675
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: that in a long time. My coworker brought his dog

676
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 2: to work. I want a doggo now. Probably won't be

677
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 2: able to afford it for a few years, but still

678
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 2: I catch my reflection smiling at me, and I just

679
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: slick away. My face gets ugly when I smile, but

680
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 2: I can't stop smiling. Life feels good. Heartface emoji, heart

681
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 2: face emoji. That was three days ago.

682
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 4: So this guy feels like he realized he was just scacked. Yep,

683
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 4: and he's like, life sure is sweet, ain't it when

684
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:06,920
Speaker 4: you're just as who cares about nothing other than yourself?

685
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 2: And maybe getting the doggo one day, Yeah.

686
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 4: Maybe I'll get a dog when I can afford it.

687
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: I hope she finds these Reddit posts, and I hope

688
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 2: she comes to a conclusion that she is way better

689
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 2: off without you because you do not value her and

690
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 2: at all. I understand you guys have marriage issues, but

691
00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 2: it's a marriage, and I am all for fighting for it. Yeah,

692
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 2: there's no more heart involved. Especially there's no more heart

693
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,600
Speaker 2: in the fight. It's probably best that this happened. Yeah,

694
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,880
Speaker 2: and good luck with your vasectomy and maybe you might

695
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,160
Speaker 2: get to use it. But if anyone ever finds this,

696
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 2: you're out. Dude.

697
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We'ready to get back to these stories.

698
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: But here's three bites of ads from our sponsors.

699
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 4: My friend found my husband on Tinder, but he insists

700
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,520
Speaker 4: it's a catfish.

701
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 2: It am ai.

702
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 4: I twenty nine female, and my husband, thirty eight male,

703
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 4: are expecting our first baby, and I am thirty weeks pregnant.

704
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 4: My coworker, who was also a good friend, approached me

705
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 4: at work asking does your husband have a brother that

706
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 4: looks just like him?

707
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, he does.

708
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 4: Why she then asked is his name John, to which

709
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:13,840
Speaker 4: I replied, no, it's not. Actually and by the way,

710
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 4: this comes from user puzzleheaded Frame four three nine on

711
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 4: the best of reredditor updates subreddit. So then she explained

712
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,680
Speaker 4: that she was scrolling Tinder and came across this profile

713
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 4: that looks just like my husbands.

714
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: Oh god.

715
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 4: She showed me the screenshots and I was so shocked

716
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 4: to see that my husband is currently on Tinder and

717
00:33:36,520 --> 00:33:40,719
Speaker 4: using a fake name of John. So here's some backstory.

718
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 4: We actually met on Tinder and he used the same

719
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,120
Speaker 4: photos for this profile as he did when I came

720
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 4: across his profile, and also the same biography we met

721
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 4: eight years ago. I was out of town working about

722
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 4: one hundred miles. My friends has her Tender set to

723
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 4: the farthest distance radius possible.

724
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,160
Speaker 1: When I found out this information.

725
00:33:57,400 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 4: My theory now is he must use Tinder to try

726
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 4: and up with women while I'm away as I go

727
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 4: out of town for work for a couple of days

728
00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 4: on a regular basis. Either that or this is a

729
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 4: one off thing because his Tinder hasn't changed since I

730
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 4: met him on there. I'm worried he's had Tinder on

731
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 4: and off our whole relationship. Am I over reacting? Should

732
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 4: I blow up our whole lives and marriage with a

733
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,719
Speaker 4: baby on the way, I haven't yet approached him about

734
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 4: this because I don't know the best way to go

735
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 4: about it. But I have screenshots and everything, and now

736
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,440
Speaker 4: that I'm back home, I've been distant and he keeps

737
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 4: asking what is wrong. It sounds like it's if every

738
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 4: single thing about the tinder is identical. I feel like

739
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 4: that almost makes it less likely the stars are aligning.

740
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 4: We do have some comments here, okay from Jordier nineteen

741
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 4: ninety two. Girl, I would make a fake profile and

742
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,399
Speaker 4: match with him, then see what he's doing on there,

743
00:34:48,480 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 4: or I have a friend do it. I think you

744
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 4: already know what he's on there for, but if you

745
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 4: want legit.

746
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 1: Proof, go get it.

747
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 4: I fear he will try to gaslight you and lie

748
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 4: about what he's doing. OHP's response, This is a really

749
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 4: good idea. I don't know if I have the patience

750
00:34:59,239 --> 00:35:01,280
Speaker 4: to wait that long. I don't have a good poker

751
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:02,959
Speaker 4: face or acting skills.

752
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 1: Oh that's a class from miss thick Biscuit.

753
00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 4: This is exactly what I did and how I caught

754
00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 4: my boyfriend cheating. He matched and messaged my fake profile

755
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 4: in like two and a half seconds. What afing cheaters

756
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 4: are low life dummies that lack emotional intelligence. If he's cheating,

757
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 4: it won't be hard to catch him, but definitely set

758
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,160
Speaker 4: the trap first so that he can't try and lie

759
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 4: his way out of it. Cloudsitter says yes, because he'll

760
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 4: swear he just forgot to take down his Tinder profile. Okay,

761
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 4: gone through the big d. This doesn't get better. So

762
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:36,680
Speaker 4: let's say you sit down and have a long talk

763
00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 4: with him. He actually comes clean and admits he still

764
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 4: uses Tinder. Will you believe him if he says he's

765
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 4: not met anyone off of there, or maybe just one person.

766
00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:47,799
Speaker 4: Is that believable or would you still have doubts? I

767
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 4: know I wouldn't trust that I'd be able to get

768
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 4: over this. I wouldn't believe what he told me after

769
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 4: confronting him, and I wouldn't trust that I didn't have

770
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 4: some horrible STI I need to worry about and now

771
00:35:58,080 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 4: passing on to my.

772
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: Child because she's pregnant.

773
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 4: Oh, I didn't even think about that's so messed up.

774
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 4: He didn't care about you or his kiddo when he

775
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,359
Speaker 4: did this. I don't see how we'd recover. Oh, he says, yes,

776
00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 4: I've had the same thoughts. Very shocked, he's put our

777
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 4: baby at risk like this and the chance of ruining

778
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:14,840
Speaker 4: our family before it can even begin.

779
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,640
Speaker 1: Update. One day later.

780
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 2: She did it.

781
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,080
Speaker 4: I confronted my husband with the news that my friend

782
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 4: found his Tinder profile. Many of you have wondered if

783
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 4: it's the old account from eight years ago that he

784
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 4: just never deleted. But this I know for a fact

785
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 4: is not true.

786
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,240
Speaker 1: Reasons.

787
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 4: I went back through my old photos and found the

788
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 4: screenshots I took of his profile eight years ago, and

789
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 4: it turns out it's not the exact same. Some photos

790
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,640
Speaker 4: are the same, particularly the first one, so it made

791
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 4: me think it was the same profile. Also, the caption

792
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 4: is different, and the difference of a single emoji, the

793
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:48,600
Speaker 4: name changed to John, the updated selections such as dream, job, lifestyle,

794
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,280
Speaker 4: and interests. These all had selections with things that sounded

795
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 4: like him. These sections are new from when I used

796
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 4: Tinder eight years ago. Above his name and age section.

797
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,280
Speaker 4: On the first picture you come across while swiping Tinder,

798
00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:01,840
Speaker 4: it says active. I have seen many of you comment

799
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,759
Speaker 4: and also read online that this means he has been

800
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 4: using the account in some capacity recently, as in at

801
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 4: least the last two weeks.

802
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:08,760
Speaker 3: Wow.

803
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 4: People are also saying Tinder will not recommend profiles of

804
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 4: people who are not using the app. They just kind

805
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 4: of remove dormant users from the algorithm. Is attractive enough

806
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 4: to have someone want to use his photos, but reason

807
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 4: one also rules out the catfishing theory. Two of the

808
00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:24,840
Speaker 4: photos are different from the eight years ago profile, although

809
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 4: still old, and I've seen them before, so this is

810
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,080
Speaker 4: why I believed it was the same. No one would

811
00:37:29,120 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 4: have access to them. He does not use social media ooo,

812
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 4: some huge yeah thing. Well, he doesn't use traditional social media,

813
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 4: but he's getting real social with some mysterious ladies on Tinder.

814
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 4: Imagine that's his backup plan. And he's like, I thought

815
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 4: I was using Instagram.

816
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:49,760
Speaker 2: That's not Instagram.

817
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: I don't know.

818
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,000
Speaker 4: I'm thirty eight, I don't know social media.

819
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 3: Well, I'm good few.

820
00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 2: I really thought that was Snapchat.

821
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 4: I decided I would just talk to him rather than

822
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 4: put myself through the stress of trying to him on

823
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:04,240
Speaker 4: a date. If you like Pina Colada style being pregnant,

824
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 4: I'm really trying to stay calm and as low stress

825
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 4: as possible for the health of my baby. Plus, tricking

826
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 4: or trapping in relationships just isn't my style. But in

827
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:14,560
Speaker 4: my mind, he's already caught. The reasons I listed above

828
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 4: are enough proof for me, so as many of you

829
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,480
Speaker 4: and myself predicted, he has resorted to gaslighting and lying.

830
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,640
Speaker 4: He vehemently denies that he has been using Tinder meeting

831
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,920
Speaker 4: other women, or that he has had spice of sleep

832
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 4: with anyone else, yet offers no explanation for the presence

833
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 4: of this Tinder profile. He implores me to think logically

834
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 4: about when he could do this, as he's home with

835
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 4: me every night, which is true, but I had to

836
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 4: remind him I leave him home alone for at least

837
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 4: a couple of days per month. That's so pathetic of

838
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 4: him being like, think, babe, I'm here all the time

839
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 4: with you, and she's like, don't you remember how I leave?

840
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 1: I got to work, I leave and come back.

841
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 4: He insists that he loves me and is excited for

842
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 4: our baby, but when I asked to see his phone,

843
00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,800
Speaker 4: he refused, saying I don't want to be that couple

844
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 4: who looks through each other's phone.

845
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 2: Right now, actually, all come up, I don't. I don't

846
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 2: want to be that kind of couple.

847
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 4: You're done. You're done, dude, I told him. Given the situation.

848
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:12,799
Speaker 4: If you won't let me check your phone, then I

849
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 4: cannot trust or believe you and will have to assume

850
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 4: the worst. That's right, girl, stand on business. In my mind,

851
00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 4: we had been very happy and content recently. Things have

852
00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 4: just felt good. This just goes to show you never

853
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 4: really know a person. I believe there must be something

854
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 4: deeply wrong with him or our relationship. Who want to cheat,

855
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,279
Speaker 4: especially at this happy time. I've moved into the guest

856
00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 4: bedroom for now while I plan my next move. Yes,

857
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 4: I will be getting an std check. Thank you all

858
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 4: for the advice, support and kind words. It's instilled a

859
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 4: sense of confidence in me to handle this nice And

860
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 4: we do have some relevant comments here. Before we get

861
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 4: into those, I mean, what do we think, what do

862
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:50,839
Speaker 4: we think OP should do?

863
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 2: I would definitely go forth and try and figure out

864
00:39:55,360 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 2: definitely get checkmatically for the baby, and then take steps

865
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 2: towards the vor He's not gonna be upfront with.

866
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 1: It, Yeah, if he can't admit it.

867
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 4: Even if he did admit it, it's like, yeah, regardless,

868
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,719
Speaker 4: there is just a guy who is going behind your back.

869
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 4: Why you have a baby on the way, Why you

870
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 4: have a baby on the way?

871
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:11,240
Speaker 1: Pathetic?

872
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 2: Going behind your back, cheating and lying.

873
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,239
Speaker 4: About comment from try Anything twice. I commented on the

874
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 4: last post, but this exact same thing happened to me.

875
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 4: The only difference is that I was dumb enough to stay.

876
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 4: I wanted to make it work for my children, and

877
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 4: it didn't. He pretended to be interested in therapy, He

878
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: pretended to be faithful all the while he was still

879
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 4: meeting randoms off of Tinder, Hinge and bumble and you

880
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 4: name it for unprotected one night stands. He would delete

881
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 4: the apps before coming home and reinstall them in the

882
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,120
Speaker 4: morning when he got to work. My entire life felt

883
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 4: like a lie and I wasted too much time on him.

884
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 4: I think you are a bad MOFO for not tolerating

885
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:44,760
Speaker 4: this behavior and for not allowing the lies and gas

886
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 4: sliding to sway you. But you know what we'll never

887
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,000
Speaker 4: disregard is you when you join us live on YouTube

888
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 4: every weekday at three pm.

889
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 1: Just tap that profile. That is all she wrote that

890
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 1: for that story.

891
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like we we die stood up.

892
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 1: Yeah look O good luck o P.

893
00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 2: My boss went on vacation for two months, but he

894
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 2: still wants to attend work meetings. I work on a

895
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 2: small team that has daily meetings at ten am, usually

896
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 2: lasting thirty to sixty minutes. I personally don't think daily

897
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:18,879
Speaker 2: meetings are even necessary, but they are my boss's way

898
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,720
Speaker 2: of keeping up with our work, as he rarely meets

899
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,759
Speaker 2: with any of us individually, and he likes for us

900
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: to know what everyone else is working on, which sounds

901
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 2: like us.

902
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 1: This is the story about us?

903
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 4: Is this a story about Sam going somewhere for two

904
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,520
Speaker 4: months and still wanting towhere?

905
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,400
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from not mentioned on the

906
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 2: Our Size Okay storytime, selbreded. So my boss work is

907
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,040
Speaker 2: his life, so we frequently will work in the evenings

908
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 2: and on the weekends. He recently said about Thanksgiving, it's

909
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,719
Speaker 2: another day for me to get some work done. Thankfully,

910
00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 2: he does not outright pressure others to follow his example, although,

911
00:41:55,239 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 2: as you've noted before, it sets a bad example coming

912
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 2: from the boss. As you can imagine, he has built

913
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 2: up a lot of unused vacation leave, and despite our

914
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 2: organization's generous carryover policy, he was going to start losing hours.

915
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,800
Speaker 2: So his solution was a two month long trip to Asia.

916
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,399
Speaker 2: The problem is, even though he's going to be using leave,

917
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 2: he's planning to keep working the entire time to attend

918
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,840
Speaker 2: our meetings. We already work remotely. With the time difference,

919
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 2: our regular meeting time would be the middle of the

920
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,000
Speaker 2: night for him, So he proposed the times that would

921
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 2: best overlap between timelines early morning seven am or evening

922
00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 2: five through nine pm.

923
00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 4: Well, at least he's got solutions, you know.

924
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 2: And he's trying to work with you, guys.

925
00:42:38,520 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: It's kind of weird. Just pick alan dude.

926
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 2: Like, I typically work eight thirty am through five pm

927
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 2: every day and fairly have a ridge's schedule outside of that,

928
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 2: with daycare drop offs, a toddler to take care of,

929
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 2: and regular evening activities. I respond with the following. I

930
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 2: can make the occasional meeting outside of regular working hours,

931
00:42:57,360 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 2: but with my schedule and childcare responsibilities, I can't regularly

932
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 2: do some His suggestions was that he attends two meetings

933
00:43:04,719 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 2: a week, one early and one evening, and we meet

934
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 2: at regular times the days and ride up a summary

935
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,560
Speaker 2: and send to him. Doesn't sound too bad.

936
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:15,600
Speaker 4: It sounds like it sounds like he's got a plan. Yep,

937
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 4: it's why he's the boss.

938
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 2: While I could probably make this work most of the time,

939
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 2: it would be a real burden. It would be one

940
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,200
Speaker 2: thing if my boss was on business travel, or if

941
00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 2: it was just a week or two, but he's on

942
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 2: two month vacation lead. I feel like I shouldn't have

943
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:37,800
Speaker 2: to accommodate his travel on principle that is true. How

944
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:40,359
Speaker 2: much should I push back on this? I can't force

945
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,800
Speaker 2: him not to work on his leave, but his choice

946
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 2: to keep participating in our meetings is putting me in

947
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: an awkward position. I can probably opt out when it

948
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 2: is especially inconvenient, but I will feel bad about it

949
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 2: when I do make it to the meetings. I will

950
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 2: feel angry that I have to be there, guilty about

951
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 2: the extra burden it puts on my husband. Is there

952
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 2: any way to say he can't do this while on leave?

953
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 2: Editors know, as per requested, her response has not been

954
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,720
Speaker 2: included in this post, and now we have an updates. Yeah,

955
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 2: so can you fly back?

956
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 4: Can you even fly back on this? I mean I

957
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,359
Speaker 4: don't think you can. I think the way that you

958
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 4: do it is you just go to whatever department is

959
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 4: in charge of this kind of thing. I don't know

960
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,759
Speaker 4: if it's the HR department or like, but you know,

961
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 4: I think clearly what he's there for two meetings a week.

962
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 1: Just get the summary for all of them. Just get

963
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: a summary.

964
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 4: No, there's no need for you to have to be

965
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,440
Speaker 4: present at those meetings. Just get the summary like you're

966
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,280
Speaker 4: getting it for the other ones, and everyone's life becomes easier.

967
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, we'll see, though, I think I don't know.

968
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 2: Maybe be like, hey, I can work from seven am

969
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 2: to four thirty, like adjust your hours to work for him.

970
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 1: But I think I don't think that she can't adjust

971
00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: your hours.

972
00:44:57,160 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, because of all of the stuff that she's already

973
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 4: got outside of work.

974
00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: That's the problem.

975
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 2: Weird. My question was posted a couple months after I

976
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 2: wrote it in toward the end of my boss's vacation,

977
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:12,840
Speaker 2: but I ended up doing some of what was recommended.

978
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 2: The particular issue I wrote about the outside work hour

979
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:19,360
Speaker 2: meetings ended up not being a big issue, but my

980
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:23,240
Speaker 2: boss's vacation led to all sorts of other ridiculousness.

981
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: Oh boy, My boss.

982
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 2: Left for his vacation without a specific plan in place

983
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,680
Speaker 2: for our meetings, and we only ended up having meetings

984
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 2: twice once during the first two weeks. After his first

985
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 2: requests for a call, I brought up to the rest

986
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 2: of the group that this would be challenging for me,

987
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 2: and another colleague with kids said he also had a

988
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 2: hard stop at five pm. We reported back that we

989
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 2: couldn't do after five, but could do a four or

990
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 2: four to thirty meeting, which my boss agreed to. I

991
00:45:51,080 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 2: think early on in the trip he was just jetlag,

992
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 2: but he adjusted he wasn't as keen on getting up

993
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 2: so early in the morning. He never ended up suggesting

994
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,560
Speaker 2: at seven am meeting, so I guess he wasn't too

995
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,320
Speaker 2: keen on staying up either. The last I heard about

996
00:46:05,320 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 2: having any meetings was when he emailed me asking me,

997
00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,200
Speaker 2: do we have a video call plan this week. I

998
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:14,480
Speaker 2: understood this as a request to set up a meeting. However,

999
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 2: since he wasn't direct about it, I just replied no,

1000
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 2: I haven't heard any plans for this week. I heard

1001
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 2: nothing back. Some of the commenters picked up on the

1002
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 2: part of the letter where I said I would feel

1003
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 2: bad about not attending meetings, not that I was worried

1004
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,760
Speaker 2: about other consequences. My role was pretty critical to the groove,

1005
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 2: and my boss is non confrontational, so I wasn't all

1006
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,240
Speaker 2: that worried about being fired. I could have just said

1007
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 2: no to the meetings, and I might have gotten a

1008
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 2: mildly worded email suggesting I try to join in. I

1009
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 2: know it shouldn't have felt bad, but I would have,

1010
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 2: and it would have added an extra layer of stress

1011
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 2: that didn't need to be there.

1012
00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: True, true.

1013
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 2: What became the real problem is a barrage of emails

1014
00:46:56,800 --> 00:47:00,920
Speaker 2: he'd send us each day, often treating everything urgent, whether

1015
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:05,240
Speaker 2: or not it really was. This included responses on issues

1016
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: he didn't have the context on because he wasn't at

1017
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 2: our meetings.

1018
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 1: Because he's literally out of the country.

1019
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:15,440
Speaker 2: Guys, what is this email in response to urgent? Oh, yeah,

1020
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,480
Speaker 2: the cleaning lady can come next week. That's fine. Yeah,

1021
00:47:17,640 --> 00:47:20,240
Speaker 2: good for sure, and that we were able to handle

1022
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 2: without him, just fine, and sending the same requests separately

1023
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: to multiple people if they didn't get back fast enough,

1024
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,240
Speaker 2: which once led to three people repeating the same task.

1025
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,240
Speaker 2: What he lacked in management skills was just made worse

1026
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:36,040
Speaker 2: when he was managing from vacation. There were multiple deadlines

1027
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 2: during this vacation that he didn't adequately plan for or

1028
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 2: keep us informed about, which resulted in a lot of

1029
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 2: last minute, urgent requests to get things done. I knew

1030
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 2: one deadline that would come up while he was gone,

1031
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,840
Speaker 2: so before he left, I emailed asking if he needed

1032
00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:54,720
Speaker 2: me to do anything to take care of it, getting

1033
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 2: ahead of it all right at being a proactive employee.

1034
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:02,240
Speaker 2: I got no respet, so I assumed it was handled.

1035
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 2: Then the day of the deadline, the person outside of

1036
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 2: our group who was submitting the project contacted me requesting documents,

1037
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 2: saying that she'd contact my boss and haven't heard back.

1038
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 2: Since they were due that day and my boss was

1039
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 2: asleep on the other side of the planet, I had

1040
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 2: to scramble to get them done as best as I

1041
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 2: could without all of the contacts. After all that, he

1042
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:25,360
Speaker 2: finally replied with no thank you, but a complaint about

1043
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 2: how I'd worded something. I replied asking how we should

1044
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:32,440
Speaker 2: be handling things like this while he's on vacation so

1045
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,560
Speaker 2: it doesn't happen again, And he just said we all

1046
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:39,080
Speaker 2: needed to make sure nothing falls through the cracks, just

1047
00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 2: like when he's not on vacation. Unhelpful.

1048
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 1: That was such a non answer.

1049
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 4: He's like, yeah, I just keep doing exactly what you'd

1050
00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 4: do it, just like I was there, except I'm not.

1051
00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:51,840
Speaker 1: I'm on the other side of the world.

1052
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,759
Speaker 2: Yikes, dude. Honestly, if I was this person, I would

1053
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:57,760
Speaker 2: be bawling out of my job for promotion.

1054
00:48:58,040 --> 00:48:59,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, gunning for his job.

1055
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:03,839
Speaker 2: It might make more sense to learn that we are

1056
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:08,320
Speaker 2: academia adjacent. Do we research but also selling the product.

1057
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 2: My boss runs the group like an absent minded professor,

1058
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,280
Speaker 2: only caring about the research he finds interesting and dropping

1059
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 2: the ball on all the other work and management the

1060
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 2: positions require. I know someone like.

1061
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,160
Speaker 1: This, No way who it was.

1062
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:23,359
Speaker 2: It was at an other job.

1063
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was like because nobody nobody here, No, no,

1064
00:49:27,560 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 4: nobody here.

1065
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:31,720
Speaker 2: Now is that a job? Because anything like like sales

1066
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 2: related he would hop on, but anything else he would

1067
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 2: drop the ball.

1068
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,440
Speaker 1: Shipping, He'd get a celle.

1069
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 2: Done, but he wouldn't ship it out. And then like

1070
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:40,360
Speaker 2: weeks later, a person like, hey, I didn't get this

1071
00:49:40,360 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 2: thing done. He's like, oh, oh yeah sorry.

1072
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 4: So yeah sorry. We did get your money though, so

1073
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 4: thank you. I guess we'll think about sending it out now.

1074
00:49:47,440 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 4: I'll use my psychic powers to send you your order.

1075
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 4: It turned out part of the reason for his trip

1076
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:56,720
Speaker 4: and the reason he was so inconveniently located for meeting times,

1077
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 4: was that he was teaching a class overseas on the

1078
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 4: topic of our research.

1079
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:04,480
Speaker 1: This guy just cannot stop working.

1080
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:05,280
Speaker 2: He loves working.

1081
00:50:05,560 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 1: He got a new job while he was on vacation.

1082
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 2: One of the most problematic things that came up was

1083
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 2: that he sent a coworker urgent request for material that

1084
00:50:15,719 --> 00:50:18,200
Speaker 2: ended up just being for the class he was teaching.

1085
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:21,720
Speaker 2: Like I worked to oblige, but I was once again

1086
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:24,520
Speaker 2: upset on principle because this was no part of our

1087
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:27,320
Speaker 2: jobs at all. Sure Enough, instead of being well rested

1088
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 2: when he returned, he seemed overwork from teaching a class

1089
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 2: on top of keeping up with his normal work. He

1090
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 2: confirmed that he worked every day of his leap. The

1091
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 2: commoners had some wild speculations about why my boss was

1092
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 2: taking vacation at all. Was just going to be working.

1093
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,640
Speaker 2: I eventually learned that he was trying to do a

1094
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 2: financial trick to save the group a bit of money. Apparently,

1095
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 2: the money to cover his salary on vacation days came

1096
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,480
Speaker 2: from a different pot than his regular salary because the

1097
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,760
Speaker 2: vacation money had already been paid for. In a sense,

1098
00:51:00,200 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 2: he hates the part of his job where he has

1099
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,920
Speaker 2: to actually fund the group. He was so eager to

1100
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:10,120
Speaker 2: save some cash or I suppose not incur extra costs

1101
00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:13,640
Speaker 2: by getting paid vacation to go to waste. I only

1102
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:15,960
Speaker 2: learned about this because he tried to pull it again

1103
00:51:16,239 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: a month later after returning. He had planned surgery and

1104
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 2: was encouraged to go on FMLA until he was able

1105
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,839
Speaker 2: to work again. Well, he wouldn't let a surgery get

1106
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 2: in the way of him being able to work all

1107
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 2: the time, so he was back at our virtual meetings

1108
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 2: the very next day and even went to work for

1109
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:38,919
Speaker 2: our in person days the following week, when he had

1110
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,800
Speaker 2: told us he wouldn't be able to drive for several weeks.

1111
00:51:42,160 --> 00:51:44,720
Speaker 2: A week after the surgery, he sent us an email

1112
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 2: saying he was going on FMLA for surgery, so he

1113
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 2: wouldn't be allowed to go into the office, but we

1114
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 2: could keep meeting if we kept it on the down low.

1115
00:51:55,760 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 2: This was even more concerning to me than his vacation

1116
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:03,400
Speaker 2: because there are legal rules around FMLA, and I wondered

1117
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 2: if I was even allowed to communicate with him during

1118
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 2: his leave.

1119
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 1: Ooh uh, that's sketchy.

1120
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,839
Speaker 2: RHR was competent enough to put an end to this

1121
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: by noticing that he was still working. I'm guessing by

1122
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 2: watching his EMO or computer activity and saying he needed

1123
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:23,919
Speaker 2: to stop or go off of FMLA. Unfortunately, they communicated

1124
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,839
Speaker 2: this poorly by telling our group admin that she had

1125
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:30,400
Speaker 2: to pass along the message. I heard from her that

1126
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 2: HR told her to threaten to fire him if he

1127
00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:36,080
Speaker 2: didn't stop working and said that if they had to,

1128
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 2: they would threaten to fire our team if we communicated

1129
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 2: with him during his leave.

1130
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 4: Wow, that's a lot of threats being laid down.

1131
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,360
Speaker 2: What or they would tell or admin to threaten to

1132
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 2: fire us. This is where I learned that his reason

1133
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:53,799
Speaker 2: for trying to make all of his leave is to

1134
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 2: save money, as the FMLA pay would also have come

1135
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:02,160
Speaker 2: from a different bucket and our group's direct funds. My

1136
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 2: boss was incensed, especially it was going to take a

1137
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,080
Speaker 2: few days for him to get doctor's approval to go

1138
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:12,000
Speaker 2: off of FMLA and he couldn't be bothered to take

1139
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 2: even a few days off. He never stops working, but

1140
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 2: I assumed he ended the FMLA because I didn't hear

1141
00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,279
Speaker 2: any more about it. If his plan would have gone through,

1142
00:53:21,480 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 2: he would have been on some form of leave for

1143
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:28,840
Speaker 2: five months out of the seven month period, all the

1144
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 2: while working every single day. Bizarre some people are just

1145
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 2: built different, and you could be built different if you

1146
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 2: join us live every weekday on twitch, YouTube and Facebook

1147
00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 2: three pm. Just come with us over.

1148
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: There, come with me and he'll be So is he

1149
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:46,400
Speaker 1: getting paid from all this?

1150
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:48,759
Speaker 4: It sounds like it sounds like he was trying to

1151
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 4: like finesse the payment.

1152
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 1: It's like he's getting paid from medical leave.

1153
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 4: I don't know, but companies don't like this stuff because

1154
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,240
Speaker 4: I think they can get in a lot of trouble

1155
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:00,799
Speaker 4: with like an audit if somebody comes in and and realizes, oh,

1156
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 4: this guy was working the whole time he was on

1157
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 4: medical leave.

1158
00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:05,400
Speaker 1: Like that's illegal.

1159
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:07,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, but the person who's gonna have to pay for

1160
00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:09,239
Speaker 4: that isn't necessarily him.

1161
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:10,960
Speaker 1: It's going to be the company that he works for.

1162
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think the boss has to. Like it

1163
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,319
Speaker 2: sounds like the boss has to pay for stuff. Someone's like, Okay,

1164
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 2: if I'm on medical leave, they can just use that

1165
00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 2: money to pay me. That's in the medical fund, not

1166
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:21,760
Speaker 2: in the actual like other funds, right exactly.

1167
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, Because it's like, which is I guess, like I know,

1168
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:27,560
Speaker 4: it's a big no, no, you don't want to do that.

1169
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:31,200
Speaker 2: No for this and a host of other reasons. I

1170
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 2: started looking for a new job around the time I

1171
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:37,000
Speaker 2: wrote AM. It took over half a year and some

1172
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 2: disappointments along the way, but I ended up getting a

1173
00:54:39,560 --> 00:54:42,279
Speaker 2: new position that is a better fit for my experience

1174
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:43,919
Speaker 2: and is a fifteen percent raise.

1175
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:45,960
Speaker 1: Oh congratulation.

1176
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 2: On top of that, the new company ran the interview

1177
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 2: process really well by AAM standards, with lots of timely

1178
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:56,760
Speaker 2: communication and transparency, so I have a good feeling about

1179
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 2: how things will be run at the new job. I'd

1180
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 2: previously been prize reading through AAM updates at how many

1181
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:07,400
Speaker 2: people say they left the job they had written in about.

1182
00:55:07,800 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 2: But now I see that when you're writing about one

1183
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,279
Speaker 2: specific weird situation, there are probably a bunch of other

1184
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 2: issues going on that we don't hear about. And that

1185
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:19,520
Speaker 2: is so true with a lot of things. Yeah we

1186
00:55:19,600 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 2: hear one thing and it's like, oh, it unravels so

1187
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 2: many other things.

1188
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:24,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of things are like the onion you

1189
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 4: peel back one layer, there's just another layer of onion

1190
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 4: for you to peel. Yeap, Hey, John Ogi host here,

1191
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:32,719
Speaker 4: we're gonna get back to this episode, but a quick

1192
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 4: three minute break of ads from a sponsor's keeping the

1193
00:55:34,760 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 4: show Alive.

1194
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 2: A coworker of mine kissed me at work. Should I

1195
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 2: tell her husband?

1196
00:55:40,560 --> 00:55:42,120
Speaker 1: No, I'm gonna say no.

1197
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:45,160
Speaker 2: Let me start by saying, yes, I'm an idiot, and

1198
00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 2: yes I'm dense, but I really need some advice. I

1199
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:50,959
Speaker 2: moved to a new location I work a few years ago.

1200
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 2: I had just broken up with my fiance because she

1201
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,879
Speaker 2: cheated on me after four years and married the guy

1202
00:55:57,040 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: a few months.

1203
00:55:57,880 --> 00:55:58,759
Speaker 1: After we broke up.

1204
00:55:58,960 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: Wow.

1205
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 1: Oh, was it a pretty crappy headspace? Yeah, it sounds

1206
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:05,400
Speaker 1: like not the best place to be.

1207
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:11,240
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Throwaway filled Zeko seven

1208
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 2: on the r slash Okay story Tom subreder So. I

1209
00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:15,719
Speaker 2: made a connection with one of the women on the

1210
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:19,840
Speaker 2: sales team, and I was one of her primary service.

1211
00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 1: People, giving her that primary service.

1212
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 2: Sounds like it whatever customers she sold or did business with.

1213
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:29,760
Speaker 2: I did her installations and rebairs. We jelled pretty well

1214
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:32,279
Speaker 2: and got along. She was a nice woman with a

1215
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,720
Speaker 2: husband and some kids. We had already built some rapport

1216
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 2: talking about issues with work, her boss, and the customers.

1217
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 2: She told me about some of her issues with her

1218
00:56:42,160 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 2: husband and their families, and some personal issues she was having.

1219
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 2: I figured she just wanted someone to talk to, so

1220
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:51,000
Speaker 2: I listened.

1221
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 4: She I think she might have wanted a little more

1222
00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 4: than conversation.

1223
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:59,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's emotional cheating right there, I would say. She

1224
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 2: then started making comments that I should do my end

1225
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 2: of day paperwork near her so I didn't have to

1226
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,319
Speaker 2: be alone and we could talk, which a few times

1227
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:13,719
Speaker 2: she would ask me compatibility questions, then compared me to

1228
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:16,760
Speaker 2: her husband. Yeah, your girth size is like one point

1229
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 2: five centimeters bigger than his.

1230
00:57:18,720 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, those are the compatibility questions. How compatible are Genitalia?

1231
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:26,200
Speaker 2: One night, while I was working alone in the upstairs

1232
00:57:26,280 --> 00:57:29,840
Speaker 2: office after my first day back from vacation, she came

1233
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 2: running up, all giddy about something. She told me about

1234
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:36,440
Speaker 2: some things that had happened and asked about my vacation.

1235
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 2: She said she would like to stay in touch away

1236
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,960
Speaker 2: from work because we were friends. All right.

1237
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: Now, it's getting suspicious.

1238
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 2: I initially didn't see it as an issue, so we

1239
00:57:46,080 --> 00:57:49,560
Speaker 2: traded numbers. Then she lurked up and give me.

1240
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:53,919
Speaker 4: A big o'kays, Oh my god, secret lurched up.

1241
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: Where did this go from? Lerch?

1242
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 2: I missed you?

1243
00:57:58,520 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 1: What does that look like?

1244
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:04,440
Speaker 2: What she left bleshing like a teenager, and I was

1245
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:07,240
Speaker 2: found stunned. Now things have gotten out of hand. I

1246
00:58:07,480 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 2: thought of it as just let things go and not acknowledge,

1247
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:13,240
Speaker 2: and she takes a hint. I know I should have

1248
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 2: said something. She's been a little bit obsessive since then.

1249
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:19,320
Speaker 2: She greets me out the door when I come in.

1250
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 2: She has made a big deal about me not answering

1251
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 2: her text. Since I have nothing going on. She tries

1252
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 2: to leave when I do to walk out to the

1253
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:31,480
Speaker 2: parking lot together. She made up an emergency that she

1254
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:34,120
Speaker 2: needed me to come over to her house on our

1255
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:37,479
Speaker 2: off day to help her with something on my skill set.

1256
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 2: I didn't pick up on it. I thought she needed help.

1257
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:43,640
Speaker 2: So I go over and I'm trying to fix what

1258
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 2: she's talking about, and she comes back out in just

1259
00:58:47,840 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 2: her bra and pantalones and said her husband and kids

1260
00:58:52,720 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 2: aren't home.

1261
00:58:53,720 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.

1262
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 2: Which saved by the bell. The garage door started opening

1263
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 2: and she arted away. Her husband comes in and asks

1264
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:04,960
Speaker 2: about what the issue is, and she comes out in

1265
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,080
Speaker 2: her normal clothes and act like nothing just happened. I

1266
00:59:08,160 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 2: just said I needed to depart, and it's easy. I

1267
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 2: wrote it down and said she can just plug and

1268
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 2: play with the part. I was just a deer in

1269
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 2: the headlights and I didn't know what to say or do,

1270
00:59:17,920 --> 00:59:21,360
Speaker 2: so otherwise I just left. What do I do? Also,

1271
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:24,160
Speaker 2: I'm just curious if this can be answered. Does she

1272
00:59:24,240 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: want an affair in general or just an affair with me? Uh?

1273
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 1: Should I like this guy is so oblivious?

1274
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 2: Should I, like, you know, have an affair with her? Like?

1275
00:59:37,120 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 2: Does she really want me?

1276
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,200
Speaker 4: Like you guys think that she just likes me or

1277
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 4: just she likes the idea of being with someone that's

1278
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:44,920
Speaker 4: not her husband.

1279
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 2: By the way, my coworker knew I had recently been

1280
00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:50,560
Speaker 2: cheated on and was struggling, so I'm kind of shocked

1281
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 2: she did this. Yeah, we got an update.

1282
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 4: Wow, dude, to pick the guy who got cheated on, well,

1283
00:59:57,120 --> 00:59:58,040
Speaker 4: he's already vulnerable.

1284
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 2: No, you're so easy target.

1285
01:00:00,480 --> 01:00:04,040
Speaker 4: The first rule is you have to know your audience, dude, Like, well,

1286
01:00:04,080 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 4: you're you're asking the guy who has been broken by

1287
01:00:07,120 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 4: a cheater. She partake in the same behavior that like

1288
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 4: broke him.

1289
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:16,760
Speaker 2: She doesn't sound too smart. Update My previous post has

1290
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 2: more details about what happened if you want to read it.

1291
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 2: I had a conversation with my coworker. After an awkward

1292
01:00:22,240 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 2: visit to her house where she appeared in her bra

1293
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 2: and pentanontes and told me her family wasn't home, which

1294
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 2: was a few weeks after she kissed me at work.

1295
01:00:30,920 --> 01:00:33,280
Speaker 2: I told her I didn't want to wreck her marriage.

1296
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:35,800
Speaker 2: I was just recently cheated on and this is just

1297
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 2: triggering and all the hard feelings about that. And I

1298
01:00:38,360 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 2: didn't want to be like my act.

1299
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 1: A go figure.

1300
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:42,600
Speaker 4: Dude.

1301
01:00:42,640 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 2: Good guy, Hey, good guy, gentlemen right there?

1302
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 4: Oh my god, the guy who got cheated on? Does

1303
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,320
Speaker 4: it want to be a cheater? Wow?

1304
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 2: How could that makes sense?

1305
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:53,680
Speaker 1: Whoa dude? That's great.

1306
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,680
Speaker 2: It's like he has emotional intelligence of how cheating can

1307
01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:01,880
Speaker 2: ruin people in relationships. What she's her marriage was basically

1308
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 2: for show and for the kids, which they literally go

1309
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:07,720
Speaker 2: to events together. So that's what's odd to me. She

1310
01:01:07,760 --> 01:01:10,520
Speaker 2: admitted that she married him because she got pregnant. They

1311
01:01:10,560 --> 01:01:13,880
Speaker 2: wound up having two more kids, but she's miserable. Her

1312
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:17,040
Speaker 2: husband's family hates her, her stepdaughter despises her. I guess

1313
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 2: there was some dark time. Her husband was a raging

1314
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 2: booze drinker before they had another kid. This is very

1315
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 2: consistent from what my buddy and colleague told me. He

1316
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:30,360
Speaker 2: said he's known her for eight years. She has never

1317
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 2: talked about her husband, only her kids. He suspected they

1318
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:37,120
Speaker 2: stay together because she got pregnant. He mentioned, she began

1319
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:40,480
Speaker 2: talking about me more than her kids or husband, and

1320
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 2: she was getting agitated if I didn't answer her or

1321
01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 2: I didn't spend a lot of time near her.

1322
01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:50,000
Speaker 4: She's like, don't you understand you're my work husband, Like,

1323
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 4: not even in a fake way.

1324
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:54,280
Speaker 2: You I need you to pick up the phone. For

1325
01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:56,360
Speaker 2: the earlier question, I think she just wants to have

1326
01:01:56,360 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 2: an affair with you, not the idea of an affair.

1327
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, I think she wants an.

1328
01:02:00,520 --> 01:02:01,120
Speaker 2: Affair with this guy.

1329
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:02,000
Speaker 1: Is op hot?

1330
01:02:02,280 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 2: I mean it sounds like it. Come on, come on,

1331
01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:07,280
Speaker 2: I guess this guy's like an he's a tech guy. Honestly,

1332
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:09,480
Speaker 2: in my head, they sell computers. She's a computer side.

1333
01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 2: You're a tech guy. I mean, I had I'm not.

1334
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:13,480
Speaker 2: I wasn't azat guy. They forced me to be a

1335
01:02:13,560 --> 01:02:13,959
Speaker 2: tech guy.

1336
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:14,840
Speaker 1: But you're a tech guy.

1337
01:02:14,880 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 4: Now, okay, Well, well let's just say, like, J choose

1338
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 4: your next words very carefully. Tech man, Well, like he's

1339
01:02:21,720 --> 01:02:23,440
Speaker 4: insulating stuff, and she's like selling it.

1340
01:02:23,480 --> 01:02:25,880
Speaker 2: So she's like, Oh, that's kind of like what they do.

1341
01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 2: That's in my head, so that that.

1342
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 4: Tech guys are insulantly, you gotta explain that, oh, tech

1343
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:34,640
Speaker 4: guys are high. Yeah, okay, we got the we got

1344
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 4: the we got the truth.

1345
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 2: There we go. She already had tried to do our

1346
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 2: compatibility and compare me to her husband. She also brought

1347
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 2: up I listen and understand her better before she pursued

1348
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:47,720
Speaker 2: a physical affair. But it's becoming out of control. She

1349
01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:49,760
Speaker 2: kissed me at work. Always try to catch me in

1350
01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 2: the parking lot or get us alan. She's getting jealous

1351
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 2: if I'm talking to other females, clients or coworkers. My

1352
01:02:57,000 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 2: female friends had taken notice and made comment that she's

1353
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:04,600
Speaker 2: possessive and jealous and they are getting funky vibes from

1354
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 2: her without knowing what's going on. A few clients gave

1355
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 2: me a funny looks when she reacted to seeing me

1356
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 2: coming in for the day. I stopped in to grab

1357
01:03:12,720 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 2: something before a few days off, and I was trying

1358
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 2: to be quick and she texted me were you here,

1359
01:03:17,320 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 2: and didn't come to say hi to me.

1360
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 4: She straight up said Hey, where my hug at?

1361
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 2: Where my hug at?

1362
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,280
Speaker 1: Where my hug at? Though you ain't. Are you gonna

1363
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,040
Speaker 1: tell me you showed up and didn't give me my hug?

1364
01:03:27,240 --> 01:03:29,040
Speaker 2: Did you give me a kiss? Gobye? I didn't know

1365
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 2: how to process all the information she gave to me

1366
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 2: and what I received. This is overwhelming to me. I'm

1367
01:03:35,040 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 2: still hurt from my relash relationship and it's just setting

1368
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,479
Speaker 2: off so many things in my brain and I can't

1369
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:42,160
Speaker 2: make sense of any of it. By the way, you

1370
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 2: can make sense of us if you join us live

1371
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:47,200
Speaker 2: every weekday on Twitch, YouTube and Facebook Live.

1372
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:49,920
Speaker 1: Just tap our profile.

1373
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:52,360
Speaker 2: We'll see game plan here. Does he just like give

1374
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 2: her what she wants, give her what she wants, or

1375
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:55,120
Speaker 2: run away?

1376
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 4: I think you definitely need to give her what she

1377
01:03:58,120 --> 01:04:02,320
Speaker 4: wants her, not to give her what she wants like she.

1378
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:03,640
Speaker 1: Might cal him down after guys.

1379
01:04:03,800 --> 01:04:08,080
Speaker 4: Cheating is never good, but also it's extra not good

1380
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:11,600
Speaker 4: to cheat with somebody who so clearly can't even keep

1381
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:15,240
Speaker 4: it low key enough to the point where even clients.

1382
01:04:14,720 --> 01:04:16,720
Speaker 1: Are like, yo, why is she acting like that?

1383
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 4: When he walked in Like the Even the client tell

1384
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:23,520
Speaker 4: can tell that she's like acting weird with you. So

1385
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:26,920
Speaker 4: if you do end up pursuing like an affair with

1386
01:04:27,000 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 4: this woman, which you should not do, it would blow

1387
01:04:30,680 --> 01:04:33,120
Speaker 4: up in your face so fast.

1388
01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 2: So fast.

1389
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:37,240
Speaker 4: What you should do I think is probably tell her husband,

1390
01:04:37,360 --> 01:04:40,360
Speaker 4: either anonymously or personally whatever.

1391
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 1: I don't know, dude, he.

1392
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 2: Has had not a really good history with beverages. I mean, sure,

1393
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:49,320
Speaker 2: but maybe that you know, I would tell. I'm saying,

1394
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:52,200
Speaker 2: tell HR and skate back time with her.

1395
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:54,280
Speaker 4: That's a real it's a hard position to be in

1396
01:04:54,720 --> 01:04:57,760
Speaker 4: r HR at least go to HR in the business.

1397
01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:00,720
Speaker 1: But like it's gonna come to light anyway. I guess

1398
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 1: she hasn't technically cheated yet.

1399
01:05:02,960 --> 01:05:06,560
Speaker 4: She she didn't give you her like, she hasn't gone,

1400
01:05:06,840 --> 01:05:10,920
Speaker 4: she hasn't done like she kissed him anything like super terrible,

1401
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 4: But she wants to. She wants to do bad stuff.

1402
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:16,320
Speaker 2: She invited him over.

1403
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, well it's she like she's If this guy was

1404
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 4: receptive at all, she would have been cheating like NonStop.

1405
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:26,480
Speaker 1: It's just the fact she's not. He's the only reason.

1406
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:31,480
Speaker 4: She's yes agree with me for all, For all intents

1407
01:05:31,520 --> 01:05:34,720
Speaker 4: and purposes, she is actively cheating, but she is failing

1408
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:36,440
Speaker 4: to execute the actual cheating.

1409
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 2: He's not getting it. Yeah. I saw her today. She

1410
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:44,720
Speaker 2: literally went running from where she was and skidded to

1411
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:47,600
Speaker 2: a halt in front of me and was smiling, super

1412
01:05:47,640 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 2: silly and just.

1413
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:50,920
Speaker 4: Like a Looney Tunes cartoon like.

1414
01:05:51,160 --> 01:05:53,640
Speaker 2: She was so excited to talk to me. It had

1415
01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:56,480
Speaker 2: only been two days since we addressed what happened at

1416
01:05:56,480 --> 01:05:58,600
Speaker 2: her house, and I said, I need a few days

1417
01:05:58,640 --> 01:06:01,920
Speaker 2: to process the information. Now what, I didn't sleep with

1418
01:06:01,960 --> 01:06:04,240
Speaker 2: her at any point. Now, what what does he do? Now?

1419
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:06,320
Speaker 2: Go to HR If you do not feel comfortable with this,

1420
01:06:06,560 --> 01:06:08,520
Speaker 2: go to freaking HR. I didn't.

1421
01:06:09,160 --> 01:06:12,440
Speaker 4: I just got promoted to manager at my job, but

1422
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 4: now my employees are giving me headaches.

1423
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,000
Speaker 2: Oh the person of being a manager.

1424
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:21,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, the classic I thirty five female, am a new manager.

1425
01:06:21,920 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 4: I have been in my role for about three months

1426
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 4: and I have three direct reports, all whom I worked

1427
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 4: closely with for about a year prior to being promoted.

1428
01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:34,120
Speaker 4: I had great relationships with all of these ladies prior

1429
01:06:34,160 --> 01:06:36,680
Speaker 4: to becoming their manager, and part of the reason I

1430
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:39,480
Speaker 4: was hired into this role was my ability to get

1431
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:43,600
Speaker 4: along with everyone. I've never had an issue with anybody

1432
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:46,720
Speaker 4: at work. Of course, not that sounds so great. By

1433
01:06:46,720 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from user hopeful comb sixty four

1434
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:52,200
Speaker 4: to thirty eight on the r slash Okay story time

1435
01:06:52,240 --> 01:06:56,160
Speaker 4: so bredit so since being promoted, one of my direct

1436
01:06:56,200 --> 01:07:00,320
Speaker 4: reports is great twenty eight female. She has a great attitude. Dude,

1437
01:07:00,320 --> 01:07:02,920
Speaker 4: we get along wonderfully. She does her best and is

1438
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 4: a dream to work with. The other two I'm having

1439
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,680
Speaker 4: struggles with m I would have wrote this woman. I'm

1440
01:07:10,720 --> 01:07:13,920
Speaker 4: not sure if it's because of my age or another reason.

1441
01:07:14,040 --> 01:07:17,240
Speaker 4: I just find it interesting that I'm suddenly having issues

1442
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:19,760
Speaker 4: with the other two who are older than me.

1443
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:25,080
Speaker 2: Classic classic, Oh the young buck trying to trying to, like,

1444
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,320
Speaker 2: you know, get some stuff going, and the older people

1445
01:07:27,880 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 2: setting their own ways having issues.

1446
01:07:30,080 --> 01:07:34,080
Speaker 4: These youngsters trying to tell me what to do. You know,

1447
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:34,760
Speaker 4: I was.

1448
01:07:34,760 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 3: There when Frederick Roosevelt signed the New Deal into law.

1449
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:41,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, my seventy year.

1450
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:48,600
Speaker 4: Old female direct report is not openly confrontational. Yeah wow, no,

1451
01:07:48,680 --> 01:07:51,560
Speaker 4: wonder you're having problems with her. My seventy year old

1452
01:07:51,640 --> 01:07:56,000
Speaker 4: female direct report is not openly confrontational, yet I have

1453
01:07:56,160 --> 01:08:01,720
Speaker 4: overheard her on multiple occasions making unworn snarky comments.

1454
01:08:01,760 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 2: They work at a bank. They work at a bank.

1455
01:08:04,040 --> 01:08:05,920
Speaker 2: H they work at the bank. I know it for

1456
01:08:05,960 --> 01:08:07,600
Speaker 2: fact they work at the bank.

1457
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:10,360
Speaker 4: For example, I was not at my desk one day

1458
01:08:10,400 --> 01:08:13,000
Speaker 4: when she called me as I was walking back to

1459
01:08:13,040 --> 01:08:16,000
Speaker 4: my desk. She didn't hear me coming, and I overheard

1460
01:08:16,000 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 4: her say to another employee, what is she doing just

1461
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:23,320
Speaker 4: ignoring her phone. There are frequent passive aggressive comments, and

1462
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:25,240
Speaker 4: I've seen her roll her eyes at me a few

1463
01:08:25,240 --> 01:08:28,799
Speaker 4: times as well when she thought I wasn't looking. Of course,

1464
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 4: the fifty six year old female is the one I'm

1465
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:36,280
Speaker 4: having the most problems with. Fifty six is worse than seventy.

1466
01:08:36,800 --> 01:08:39,400
Speaker 4: Fifty six is the new seventy. Apparently, she has a

1467
01:08:39,479 --> 01:08:42,840
Speaker 4: history already of being a very anxious and sensitive employee.

1468
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,120
Speaker 4: She did not have a good relationship with the person

1469
01:08:45,160 --> 01:08:48,559
Speaker 4: in my position before, and has used some alarming terms

1470
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:51,400
Speaker 4: to describe her relationship with the ex manager, saying that

1471
01:08:51,439 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 4: she was controlling and abusive to her.

1472
01:08:54,920 --> 01:08:57,160
Speaker 2: I just followed up to make sure that that, you know,

1473
01:08:57,400 --> 01:08:58,400
Speaker 2: quote was sent out.

1474
01:08:58,520 --> 01:09:02,200
Speaker 4: I have a sneaking suspicion that that is not the case.

1475
01:09:02,400 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 2: She's just checking up on you and you haven't done

1476
01:09:04,000 --> 01:09:04,240
Speaker 2: your word.

1477
01:09:04,320 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's just your boss asking you question. Yes,

1478
01:09:08,760 --> 01:09:09,880
Speaker 4: After working with.

1479
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:12,719
Speaker 1: Her in my new role. I don't believe this is true.

1480
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,920
Speaker 4: I believe the employee responds to any form of feedback

1481
01:09:15,960 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 4: as a personal attack and relays it to others as abuse.

1482
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:23,840
Speaker 1: Hmmmm, a little negative, Nancy. Perhaps.

1483
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:26,880
Speaker 4: I've been very careful with my wording and actions around

1484
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:30,280
Speaker 4: her since my promotion. She's more tenured than me, and

1485
01:09:30,360 --> 01:09:33,559
Speaker 4: my manager shared with me that her oversensitivity is the

1486
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:36,280
Speaker 4: very reason she was not offered the position that I

1487
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:38,720
Speaker 4: have now. My biggest issue with her is that she

1488
01:09:38,800 --> 01:09:41,719
Speaker 4: is already developing a pattern of trying to go past

1489
01:09:41,800 --> 01:09:44,799
Speaker 4: me to my boss directly. If I make a suggestion,

1490
01:09:44,960 --> 01:09:47,040
Speaker 4: she will not take it unless it comes from him.

1491
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:49,960
Speaker 4: She'll also try to intercept tasks that he's given to me,

1492
01:09:50,479 --> 01:09:52,960
Speaker 4: do them, and take them to him to receive credit.

1493
01:09:53,040 --> 01:09:55,200
Speaker 4: On Friday, I had an issue with her getting upset

1494
01:09:55,240 --> 01:09:58,040
Speaker 4: when I took one of said tasks back and gently

1495
01:09:58,120 --> 01:10:00,559
Speaker 4: redirected her to something she was supposed to be working on.

1496
01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:03,880
Speaker 4: She essentially shut down and was in a bad mood

1497
01:10:04,280 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 4: for the rest of the day. Typical.

1498
01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:08,839
Speaker 1: Oh, I bet her name's Karen.

1499
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 2: Ah, poor Karen's Sorry if your name is actually Karen

1500
01:10:13,439 --> 01:10:14,400
Speaker 2: and you don't act like Karen.

1501
01:10:14,439 --> 01:10:16,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, shout out to all the cool Karens that don't

1502
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,800
Speaker 4: act like Karens. We're sorry that your name has been

1503
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:23,439
Speaker 4: sacrificed to the pop culture gods. I've tried to give

1504
01:10:23,439 --> 01:10:26,040
Speaker 4: it time, and I've tried being friendly, but it doesn't

1505
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:29,040
Speaker 4: seem to be working. For example, the other morning I

1506
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 4: brought breakfast to my team. Seventy female and fifty six

1507
01:10:32,240 --> 01:10:35,639
Speaker 4: female declined to have any and the older one even

1508
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:38,240
Speaker 4: commented that she would have rather had something from a

1509
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:41,360
Speaker 4: different restaurant. It's clear I need a different approach, but

1510
01:10:41,439 --> 01:10:43,320
Speaker 4: I'm not sure what it is. I mean, can you

1511
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:48,080
Speaker 4: imagine like the entitlement of like your boss brings you breakfast, Yeah,

1512
01:10:48,120 --> 01:10:49,200
Speaker 4: and like you just go.

1513
01:10:50,280 --> 01:10:51,720
Speaker 1: It would have been nice if you ordered from this

1514
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:52,439
Speaker 1: place instead.

1515
01:10:52,640 --> 01:10:57,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. I like doughnuts from Duncan, not freaking Rispy Reems.

1516
01:10:57,479 --> 01:11:00,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, Rispy Rey.

1517
01:11:01,360 --> 01:11:04,799
Speaker 4: I would prefer to not get my boss involved because

1518
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:06,760
Speaker 4: I don't want it to look like I can't get

1519
01:11:06,800 --> 01:11:10,559
Speaker 4: along well with everyone. After all, Andy and all advice

1520
01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:12,200
Speaker 4: is appreciated, thank you.

1521
01:11:12,760 --> 01:11:14,160
Speaker 1: I don't think you should rule.

1522
01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:16,599
Speaker 2: Out your boss, because you can go to your boss. Hey,

1523
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:19,160
Speaker 2: I'm having some issues with coworkers. I want to know

1524
01:11:19,280 --> 01:11:21,519
Speaker 2: what is your approach to some of this stuff? Not

1525
01:11:21,720 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 2: like I can't handle it, It's really about how you

1526
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:24,280
Speaker 2: frame the question.

1527
01:11:24,360 --> 01:11:24,960
Speaker 1: I think you're right.

1528
01:11:25,000 --> 01:11:27,720
Speaker 4: It's like I get it from the sense of like, oh,

1529
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 4: it's like I got promoted to be the manager and

1530
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:31,439
Speaker 4: it's what and now I'm going to go to my

1531
01:11:31,479 --> 01:11:34,040
Speaker 4: boss and be like, help, I don't know how to

1532
01:11:34,080 --> 01:11:36,880
Speaker 4: manage these people. It's like, I understand that looking bad,

1533
01:11:36,920 --> 01:11:38,679
Speaker 4: but you're right if you frame it in the right way.

1534
01:11:38,880 --> 01:11:41,320
Speaker 4: It's just like, hey, so I've noticed that our dynamic,

1535
01:11:41,439 --> 01:11:46,560
Speaker 4: the dynamic between me and my now you know, direct reports,

1536
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:50,760
Speaker 4: has changed since I became a manager, and I would

1537
01:11:50,760 --> 01:11:53,040
Speaker 4: just like some advice on how to approach this. So

1538
01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:55,080
Speaker 4: let's get into the update, and maybe that's exactly what

1539
01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 4: she does.

1540
01:11:55,640 --> 01:11:56,080
Speaker 2: We'll see.

1541
01:11:56,400 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 4: Since the original post, things have escalated with fifty six females.

1542
01:12:00,000 --> 01:12:03,240
Speaker 4: So the point of a mediation meeting with myself and

1543
01:12:03,280 --> 01:12:04,360
Speaker 4: two other managers.

1544
01:12:04,439 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 1: Oh boy, oh boy. So I mean I guess she

1545
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:08,839
Speaker 1: did kind of get her boss involved.

1546
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:09,479
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

1547
01:12:10,160 --> 01:12:13,040
Speaker 4: After my original post, fifty six female continued to have

1548
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 4: behavioral issues to the point that working together was difficult,

1549
01:12:16,240 --> 01:12:19,519
Speaker 4: such as not speaking to me taking on too many tasks,

1550
01:12:19,600 --> 01:12:23,240
Speaker 4: including mine, and not allowing me to assist, et cetera.

1551
01:12:23,520 --> 01:12:26,280
Speaker 4: I went and spoke with my manager about what was happening.

1552
01:12:26,640 --> 01:12:29,280
Speaker 4: I wanted him to be aware of this. He suggested

1553
01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:31,280
Speaker 4: that I try to talk to her again the following

1554
01:12:31,360 --> 01:12:33,960
Speaker 4: day and that we would go from there cool. The

1555
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:37,240
Speaker 4: following day, the employee was still not speaking to me.

1556
01:12:37,439 --> 01:12:39,880
Speaker 4: I tried to open a conversation by asking if she

1557
01:12:39,960 --> 01:12:43,040
Speaker 4: was okay, and she said she was not. I invited

1558
01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:45,800
Speaker 4: her to discuss this with me, and she flat out

1559
01:12:45,880 --> 01:12:48,599
Speaker 4: told me no. When I spoke to my manager again,

1560
01:12:49,080 --> 01:12:51,559
Speaker 4: he informed me that after he and I spoke, she

1561
01:12:51,600 --> 01:12:53,760
Speaker 4: had put in a complaint that I was making her

1562
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:55,519
Speaker 4: do too much of the work.

1563
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 1: We scheduled a mediation meeting for the following day.

1564
01:12:58,360 --> 01:12:58,680
Speaker 2: Let's go.

1565
01:12:58,840 --> 01:13:00,680
Speaker 1: This woman is exhausting.

1566
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:02,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's like, get you fired.

1567
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,040
Speaker 4: She's making me do too much work. It's like she

1568
01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:08,240
Speaker 4: won't stop doing it. I tell her to not do

1569
01:13:08,320 --> 01:13:10,400
Speaker 4: the work she's doing, and now she wants to complain

1570
01:13:10,439 --> 01:13:10,760
Speaker 4: about it.

1571
01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:13,000
Speaker 2: She has a mission to get you fired, and you're

1572
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:15,599
Speaker 2: doing a good job of making sure that doesn't happen. Yeah,

1573
01:13:15,720 --> 01:13:16,719
Speaker 2: mediation meeting.

1574
01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:19,479
Speaker 4: The mediation you've got good you've I think you've got

1575
01:13:19,520 --> 01:13:21,040
Speaker 4: a good, good.

1576
01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:23,519
Speaker 1: System going at the bank. Yes, where we think you were.

1577
01:13:24,080 --> 01:13:26,920
Speaker 4: So the mediation happened, and I'm not entirely sure I'm

1578
01:13:26,960 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 4: satisfied with how it went. There were four people present,

1579
01:13:29,400 --> 01:13:32,920
Speaker 4: my direct report, me, my manager, and another manager. It

1580
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:36,439
Speaker 4: was essentially a vent session where both parties were allowed

1581
01:13:36,439 --> 01:13:38,120
Speaker 4: to speak. And by the way, if you want to

1582
01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:42,320
Speaker 4: see two parties speaking, you can join us live on YouTube,

1583
01:13:42,360 --> 01:13:46,960
Speaker 4: Facebook and Twitch when we go live at three PMPST

1584
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:48,080
Speaker 4: every weekday.

1585
01:13:48,400 --> 01:13:49,240
Speaker 1: Just tap our profile.

1586
01:13:49,360 --> 01:13:49,639
Speaker 2: Do it.

1587
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:53,880
Speaker 4: So clearly this person is anti manager, like the fifty

1588
01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:58,360
Speaker 4: six female just always has a problem with whoever her

1589
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:01,600
Speaker 4: boss is, whoever challenges her. Yeah, her direct manager is

1590
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:03,840
Speaker 4: never it's always she's always got a problem.

1591
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:07,599
Speaker 2: I think you know, sounds like a friie is about

1592
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:08,040
Speaker 2: to happen.

1593
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:11,479
Speaker 4: Well, you've got at least now whether or not anyone

1594
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:12,519
Speaker 4: gets fired from this.

1595
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:14,639
Speaker 1: You have it on record.

1596
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:18,840
Speaker 4: It's like the corporate record, like there's been a mediation session.

1597
01:14:18,880 --> 01:14:22,639
Speaker 4: There's multiple managers, Like you're getting to air it out

1598
01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:24,000
Speaker 4: and now it's on record.

1599
01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:25,960
Speaker 1: Hey, this employee was being kind of.

1600
01:14:26,240 --> 01:14:29,439
Speaker 4: Hard to work with, which she also was in the past,

1601
01:14:29,560 --> 01:14:31,760
Speaker 4: so hopefully this doesn't like show up as like a

1602
01:14:32,240 --> 01:14:36,880
Speaker 4: mark against ope as a manager. So in regards to

1603
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:40,639
Speaker 4: the mediation session, here's what I liked. My direct report

1604
01:14:40,800 --> 01:14:43,720
Speaker 4: was told that she cannot continue to have episodes where

1605
01:14:43,720 --> 01:14:46,000
Speaker 4: she does not speak to me and goes over my

1606
01:14:46,080 --> 01:14:49,000
Speaker 4: head without allowing me a chance to resolve the conflict.

1607
01:14:49,200 --> 01:14:53,080
Speaker 4: Our job responsibilities were more clearly defined in the meeting

1608
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:55,960
Speaker 4: so that there would be less confusion on who's responsible

1609
01:14:56,000 --> 01:14:59,360
Speaker 4: for which tasks. What I did not like I was

1610
01:14:59,439 --> 01:15:03,839
Speaker 4: cautioned for my tone in the meeting, while direct report

1611
01:15:03,920 --> 01:15:06,400
Speaker 4: included several personal insults and.

1612
01:15:06,479 --> 01:15:09,839
Speaker 1: Used the F word at one point and was not corrected.

1613
01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:12,320
Speaker 4: After the meeting, I was told by the other manager

1614
01:15:12,479 --> 01:15:15,559
Speaker 4: that the direct report had a past abusive relationship and

1615
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:18,400
Speaker 4: needs space to be able to feel like she's able

1616
01:15:18,400 --> 01:15:21,320
Speaker 4: to stand up for herself. While I'm sympathetic to her past,

1617
01:15:21,760 --> 01:15:23,680
Speaker 4: I don't feel that she should be held to a

1618
01:15:23,720 --> 01:15:26,519
Speaker 4: different standard of conduct in the workplace because of her

1619
01:15:26,640 --> 01:15:30,040
Speaker 4: past trauma. It's actually really interesting. I haven't heard that before.

1620
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:31,439
Speaker 4: I mean, it sounds like this place is like a

1621
01:15:31,520 --> 01:15:34,800
Speaker 4: really it sounds like a really positive environment in terms

1622
01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:39,240
Speaker 4: of like the bureaucracy of the workplace a lot of times,

1623
01:15:39,280 --> 01:15:41,240
Speaker 4: like I don't know, I haven't heard of like upper

1624
01:15:41,280 --> 01:15:45,920
Speaker 4: management sort of taking that level of sensitivity to somebody's

1625
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:46,719
Speaker 4: like trauma.

1626
01:15:47,160 --> 01:15:49,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's I guess cool for them.

1627
01:15:49,640 --> 01:15:52,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't feel like the conflict was truly resolved,

1628
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:55,599
Speaker 4: as there seems to be an underlying tension with this

1629
01:15:55,680 --> 01:15:58,360
Speaker 4: employee that I'm not sure will ever go away.

1630
01:15:58,520 --> 01:15:59,559
Speaker 1: I'm a little wary.

1631
01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:02,120
Speaker 4: Of the situation, but I suppose the only thing to

1632
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:04,920
Speaker 4: do from this point is to proceed as normal and

1633
01:16:05,040 --> 01:16:08,720
Speaker 4: hope for the best. Tomorrow is a new day, and

1634
01:16:08,760 --> 01:16:10,400
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story, and that's a

1635
01:16:10,400 --> 01:16:11,200
Speaker 4: great way to end it.