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Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties,

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Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big

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Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they

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Speaker 1: mean for our psychology.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to

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Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in

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Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here.

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Speaker 2: Back for another episode as we, of course break down

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Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. Today, I have a little

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Speaker 2: bit of a different episode for you guys, one that

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Speaker 2: is quite vulnerable. It has been a while since I

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Speaker 2: have given you guys a mental health update, and if

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Speaker 2: you have been with me for this whole journey since

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Speaker 2: the beginning of the show, you'll know that when I

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Speaker 2: first started, I spoke super openly about my own mental health.

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Speaker 2: This is, of course, a psychology podcast. Psychology is in

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Speaker 2: the name, and I don't think that it comes as

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Speaker 2: a surprise that, you know, being so passionate about this

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Speaker 2: stuff does come from kind of personal experience, and since

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Speaker 2: the beginning, I have not been shy about talking about

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Speaker 2: my own mental health. You know, I did an episode

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Speaker 2: on my own experiences with antidepressants. You know, maybe a

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Speaker 2: couple of years ago now, and you know, it feels

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Speaker 2: really personal to come online, come into your ears, I guess,

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Speaker 2: and talk incredibly candidly about something that we are often

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Speaker 2: very private about. And sometimes I think it's over sharing.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I wish that, you know, I hadn't spoken about

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Speaker 2: it earlier in my career or when I first started

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Speaker 2: this podcast. But then there are other times when I

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Speaker 2: hear other people having these conversations about their struggles anxiety

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Speaker 2: and with depression and with whatever they're going through, and

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Speaker 2: it really helps me. It really helps me to see

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Speaker 2: these people that I admire, whose work I love, who

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Speaker 2: I just respect, kind of let us peek behind the

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Speaker 2: curtain and show me and show the audiences that life

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Speaker 2: is not perfect, and that no matter what their kind

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Speaker 2: of online persona is, no matter what they're talking about,

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Speaker 2: the advice they're giving, what they're showing, they have their

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Speaker 2: own stuff. Each of us has their own stuff. And

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Speaker 2: you know, I think that it's seeing the benefit that

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Speaker 2: has for me that makes me want to talk about

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Speaker 2: it more. And I kind of had this realization the

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Speaker 2: other day that if we all kind of wait for

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Speaker 2: other people to reduce the stigma, nobody is ever going

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Speaker 2: to say anything, and nobody is ever going to speak

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Speaker 2: up because there will never be an example set. There

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Speaker 2: will never be somebody to base our experiences off, or

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Speaker 2: to base the acceptance that we will receive from our

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Speaker 2: experiences off. So that's kind of what I wanted to

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Speaker 2: do today, just to sit down with you guys and

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Speaker 2: just give you an update about how I'm going about

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Speaker 2: what's been happening in my life, what's been impacting and

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Speaker 2: influencing my mental health, what's been working. I really want

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Speaker 2: to bring that kind of positive aspect to things. What's

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Speaker 2: actually been working? And what is my deal with medication?

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Speaker 2: Am I still taking my antidepressants? The answer is no,

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Speaker 2: and I want to kind of just explore why that

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Speaker 2: was the right decision for me. And I do want

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Speaker 2: to say very quickly, this is once again an incredibly

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Speaker 2: personal episode. It's about my life and my experiences. Please

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Speaker 2: do not take anything that I say in this episode

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Speaker 2: as I guess advice for you. You know, maybe it is

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Speaker 2: helpful hearing my story, It doesn't necessarily mean that what

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Speaker 2: I'm doing might be what you need to do or

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Speaker 2: not do, or that my journey is going to be

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Speaker 2: identical to yours. You know, whether you are early on

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Speaker 2: in your mental health journey, whether you are a long

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Speaker 2: way in like me, whether you know you're just listening

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Speaker 2: because you care, or because you have a friend or

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Speaker 2: a family member who's going through this. I think it's

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Speaker 2: just about having a sense of community around what is

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Speaker 2: such a highly prevalent experience in our twenties and beyond.

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Speaker 2: So to kind of catch you guys up, which sounds

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Speaker 2: so weird to say, but yeah, to catch you guys up.

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Speaker 2: I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for a very

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Speaker 2: long time, since I was I don't know, sixteen years old,

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Speaker 2: and you know, that was almost a decade ago, so

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Speaker 2: I've definitely been around the block with it. And I

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Speaker 2: think a unique part about my experience personally was that

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Speaker 2: I had a lot of shame for a long time

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Speaker 2: around the fact that I didn't look depressed right that,

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Speaker 2: you know, I was still able to be very high functioning.

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Speaker 2: I was still able to go to university and do

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Speaker 2: really well. I was still able to work full time.

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Speaker 2: I was still able to run this podcast and run

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Speaker 2: a business, and run my life and have very fruitful relationships.

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Speaker 2: And for a while I just kind of felt like

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Speaker 2: because I had developed such routine coping mechanisms, that meant

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Speaker 2: that I could kind of, you know, live this life

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Speaker 2: where it looked like nothing was wrong, and then I

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Speaker 2: was always happy and everything was going really great, that

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Speaker 2: maybe if I kind of just stopped talking about it,

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Speaker 2: that would be reality, or kind of on the other

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Speaker 2: side of the coin, that I didn't have a right

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Speaker 2: to talk about it because people kind of had it worse.

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Speaker 2: And I think those thoughts often came to me when

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Speaker 2: everything was going really, really well. And that is the

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Speaker 2: thing about life. Yes, bad days are promised, but good

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Speaker 2: days are also promised. That is what we don't remember

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Speaker 2: is that on this like mental health roller coaster, which

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Speaker 2: is what I like to call it, there is kind

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Speaker 2: of this weird spectrum between almost forgetting about it sometimes

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Speaker 2: forgetting about you know, the dark thoughts, forgetting about not

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Speaker 2: wanting to get out of bed, forgetting about the crippling

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Speaker 2: anxiety when you can, and then like the worst days

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Speaker 2: of your life, Like it feels like the kind of sliding,

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Speaker 2: like the slide or the distance between those two extremes

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Speaker 2: of mental health. It can switch between them almost overnight,

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Speaker 2: and it's the days in between when you do feel

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Speaker 2: kind of normal, that go by the quickest. And I

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Speaker 2: would say a few months ago, when I was, you know,

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Speaker 2: riding this said roller coaster, I felt very much like

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Speaker 2: I was going down, like I was getting to the

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Speaker 2: point of really pushing myself kind of into a cave,

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Speaker 2: kind of into a dark space. And the way that

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Speaker 2: I kind of knew that that was happening was I

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Speaker 2: it was becoming incredibly detached from reality. And I know

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Speaker 2: that sounds really really scary, but I think that it's

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Speaker 2: just something that I'm used to in a sense, and yes,

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Speaker 2: it is still terrifying, but I feel like, because it's

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Speaker 2: happened so many times, because I can see it as

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Speaker 2: the beginning of a downhill for me, that I've become

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Speaker 2: quite neutral about the experience. And when I say becoming

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Speaker 2: detached from reality, I don't mean psychosis, I don't mean hallucinations.

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Speaker 2: I mean that it feels like there is this foggy

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Speaker 2: wall between me and everything going on in my life.

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Speaker 2: That means my relationship, that means my friendships, that means

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Speaker 2: with my work, with my family, with my experiences. It

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Speaker 2: feels like it feels like if somebody said to me,

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Speaker 2: this is a dream. This isn't real. It wouldn't take

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Speaker 2: that much convincing for me to agree with them and

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Speaker 2: for me to be like, oh, yeah, you're totally right,

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Speaker 2: I'm dreaming right now. Like there's something about this that

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Speaker 2: feels off. The other sign to me that I think

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Speaker 2: my mental health is getting worse is that I become

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Speaker 2: very existential and big questions like ideas around death, like

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Speaker 2: the ideas around purpose, become very very scary, and when

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Speaker 2: they pop into my mind, as you know trains of

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Speaker 2: thought often do, it just feels like as soon as

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Speaker 2: they're there, they are the only thing that I can

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Speaker 2: think about, and that they take up the whole space

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Speaker 2: and I cannot escape them. This is often, you know,

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Speaker 2: I say it as if it's like a very instantaneous

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Speaker 2: thing in that one moment, I'm not thinking about it.

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Speaker 2: The next moment I am.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: It's often like certain things in my environment that will

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Speaker 2: really trigger this for me, certain movies, certain songs, just

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Speaker 2: like certain conversations, and I've become hyper aware of and

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Speaker 2: hyper focused on avoiding those triggers on like avoiding, for example,

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Speaker 2: the Truman Show. That is a movie that I just

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Speaker 2: know that I can't watch when like my mental health

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Speaker 2: is going really poorly, uh, because I will it's very

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Speaker 2: easy to like be like is that real? Is that true?

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Speaker 2: Like is that what's happening to me? So it's kind

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Speaker 2: of like the best way I can describe it is

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Speaker 2: that the film and the layer between reality and fiction

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Speaker 2: or fear becomes quite thin. And if you're somebody who

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Speaker 2: has a similar experience to me, if you're somebody who

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Speaker 2: has struggled with good days and bad days when it

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Speaker 2: comes to their mental health, you will know that once

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Speaker 2: you've kind of been to the other side of that divide,

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Speaker 2: once you have like lived in that I don't know,

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Speaker 2: like that world of just like chaos and fear and

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Speaker 2: just like disassociation, you realize how quickly and how easily

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Speaker 2: it is for you to pass over to that side

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Speaker 2: of things. And so it can become very difficult to

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Speaker 2: live life and to feel present because you are kind

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Speaker 2: of in like this survival mode where you are there's

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Speaker 2: some part of your brain that is just beating back

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Speaker 2: fear and just beating back those dark thoughts and beating

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Speaker 2: back all those intrusive feelings and ideas that just kind

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Speaker 2: of threatened to bubble up. So yes, sorry, that was

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Speaker 2: a very intense tangent. But a couple months ago I

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Speaker 2: really noticed that that was kind of taking hold, and

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Speaker 2: there was a few things that really triggered it for me.

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Speaker 2: It's often I often think that I'm somebody who is

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Speaker 2: very good at managing stress, and I am not. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how I've convinced myself. Like I went to

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Speaker 2: the doctor the other day, the doctor the other day,

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Speaker 2: and they were like, have you had any like moments

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Speaker 2: of stress? And I was like, no, not really. You know,

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Speaker 2: I just like finished a book and I just like

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Speaker 2: moved and you know, I just like moved by into

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Speaker 2: a house by myself, and like, yeah, like all these

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Speaker 2: big life changes have happened in the past year. But no,

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Speaker 2: I'm not stressed. And the thing is is that I

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Speaker 2: am good at processing stress because I'm good at making

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Speaker 2: it invisible to myself. I am good at making it

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Speaker 2: a non problem. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't

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Speaker 2: go away. I think stress is a lot like energy,

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Speaker 2: where it can never like unless you fully sit with

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Speaker 2: it and let it live out its path. It does

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Speaker 2: not disappear. It just moves to somewhere else in your

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Speaker 2: life or somewhere else in your body. So I was

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Speaker 2: super overwhelmed with that. I was definitely burnt out. And

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Speaker 2: I mentioned I've already told you guys this that I

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Speaker 2: finished my book and it's not coming out for a while.

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Speaker 2: But what essentially happened was I finished the book, I

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Speaker 2: got immediately sick, like for four weeks. I had tonsilidis

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Speaker 2: for four weeks, ridiculous. And then I experienced just this

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Speaker 2: like deep sense of sadness and that's the only way

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Speaker 2: I can describe it. And I was looking into it.

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Speaker 2: I'm very you know, because I was curious. I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's funny that this is. You know, my

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Speaker 2: job is to like think about the psychology of your twenties,

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Speaker 2: but I actually also do a lot of it in

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Speaker 2: my own life and a lot of investigation. And I

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Speaker 2: came across this idea of gold medal syndrome, which seems

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Speaker 2: very timely considering the Olympics are just about to start.

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Speaker 2: Very excited for that. But a side note, sidebar, there

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Speaker 2: is this concept of gold medal syndrome that's very common

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Speaker 2: amongst like Olympic athletes. That's where it came from. Where

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Speaker 2: there are these people who spend a great deal of time,

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Speaker 2: sometimes their whole lives, wanting to be the best or

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Speaker 2: wanting to finish something, wanting to win that gold medal.

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Speaker 2: That is like the focus of every moment of their

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Speaker 2: waking hours, every day of their life. Everything they eat,

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Speaker 2: everything they do, is directed towards this one goal, and

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Speaker 2: when they achieve it, they realize that it is quite empty.

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Speaker 2: And not only isn't quite empty, but if everything in

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Speaker 2: your life has been towards a destination, life seemingly kind

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Speaker 2: of ends at that point. You never think about after,

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Speaker 2: you never think about you know what comes next. And

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely not comparing my situation to literally being the

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Speaker 2: best athlete in the world, but it was very much like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: this is what I've always wanted, Like this is the

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Speaker 2: opportunity of a lifetime. I'm just going to put my

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Speaker 2: head down and I'm just going to work towards this goal.

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Speaker 2: And when I'm done, that's it. Like what's next? When

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Speaker 2: you're done?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: And it's I was speaking to my friend Alex about

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Speaker 2: this the other day, and I was saying, when you

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Speaker 2: are somebody who has puts a lot of pressure on themselves,

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Speaker 2: who has high functioning anxiety. It's very difficult to ever

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Speaker 2: be satisfied with what you have accomplished or done so far.

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Speaker 2: And so I finished the book, I got sick, and

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Speaker 2: then the fear kind of started up again of like Okay,

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Speaker 2: what's next, but also like was that even good? Like

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Speaker 2: what's my life without a project? What is my life

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Speaker 2: without something to keep my mind preoccupied? And I think

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Speaker 2: that that is what it is at the end of

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Speaker 2: the day. It is needing something to keep my brain focused.

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Speaker 2: It's like when you put an iPad in front of

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Speaker 2: a kid so that they don't like have a look

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Speaker 2: at the world and like cry over it. That's what

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Speaker 2: I was doing with all of these projects. I was

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Speaker 2: putting an iPad in front of me. That's what it was.

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Speaker 2: And so yeah, I kind of just ended up pushing

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Speaker 2: myself a little bit too hard and really ending up

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Speaker 2: in a little bit of a ditch on the side

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Speaker 2: of the road for a couple of for a month,

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Speaker 2: for a month or so a couple of months. And

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Speaker 2: this kind of also coincided with a decision to go

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Speaker 2: off my medicaid. So I've been on antidepressants for I

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Speaker 2: think around three and a half years and when I

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Speaker 2: went on them, I was in a really bad space.

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Speaker 2: I was super low. I had been in hospital. I

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Speaker 2: don't think I've ever said that before, but I was

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Speaker 2: just I was not well. I was really, really sick,

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Speaker 2: and I had reached like a crisis point. I went

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Speaker 2: to my doctorate. You know, there was a lot of

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Speaker 2: discussions happening around that time, and like one of the

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Speaker 2: first lines of defense I think against moments like that

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Speaker 2: is they put you on medication. And at the time,

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Speaker 2: I was so like looking for any solution to like

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Speaker 2: the chaos in my brain that I was like, this

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Speaker 2: will this will have to do, this is what I need.

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Speaker 2: Just give me it. Just give me an answer, give

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Speaker 2: me an antidote. I spoke about this in my episode

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Speaker 2: on antidepressants. But when I first went on them, it

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Speaker 2: was awful. I will be completely transparent. It was awful

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Speaker 2: because of like the physical reaction that my body and

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Speaker 2: my brain had to them. Because I was on SSRIs,

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Speaker 2: which is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Essentially, what those are

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Speaker 2: meant to do is mean that there is more serotonin

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Speaker 2: available for your neurotrends, for your neurons to essentially use,

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Speaker 2: so you know, if sadness depression is caused by a

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Speaker 2: lack of serotonin, if we make more of it available

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Speaker 2: by preventing our synapses from taking it back, meaning that

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Speaker 2: there's more in that space, then the sadness is gone. Right.

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Speaker 2: It really takes a biological approach to our mental health.

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Speaker 2: The thing about that, though, is that if it's the

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Speaker 2: case that your brain does not have enough serotonin, providing

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Speaker 2: it with more, making more serotonin available to it is

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Speaker 2: going to have some other reactions. And what I found

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Speaker 2: was that I was just dizzy all the time. I

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Speaker 2: what was another thing. I was tired, constantly tired. I

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Speaker 2: would wake up and by like eleven am, I just

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Speaker 2: could not keep my eyes open. I was fuzzy, I

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Speaker 2: was nauseous. After like around two months, I would say

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Speaker 2: that kind of went away. And that was three and

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Speaker 2: a half years ago, and since then it has been

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Speaker 2: a daily thing that I do. I take my medication,

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Speaker 2: and I haven't really thought anything of it. I definitely

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Speaker 2: did experience some emotional numbness at the beginning, but the

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Speaker 2: further along I got that kind of went away. I've

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Speaker 2: always thought, is it because my emotions came back and rebalanced,

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Speaker 2: or is it because I just got used to this

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Speaker 2: being the norm. You get too deep in the weeds

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Speaker 2: with that question, you will never get your way out.

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Speaker 2: But basically, I think the purpose that medications served for

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Speaker 2: me because I think it is really important. I will

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Speaker 2: say that I'll get to my decision to go off

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Speaker 2: it in just a second, but I do think that

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Speaker 2: it's really valuable and it does really help some people,

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Speaker 2: and if it is something that is like offered to

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Speaker 2: do your research, but definitely, like for me, it helped,

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Speaker 2: and it helped because it was a security net. Right.

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Speaker 2: There are a bunch of like coping skills and strategies

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Speaker 2: that I needed to learn that at that weren't going

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Speaker 2: to help me without the security net, right like I needed.

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Speaker 2: It's like practicing a new trick, Like I needed the

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Speaker 2: safety of knowing that everything was kind of working in

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Speaker 2: my brain and trying out these new tactics wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: like life or death. I couldn't fall, I couldn't fail,

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Speaker 2: and so I got better at them, I built them up,

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Speaker 2: and now it just feels like I've got the tricks.

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Speaker 2: I don't need the safety net anymore. And I want

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Speaker 2: to know. I want to know what life is like

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Speaker 2: without this medication, having been on it for such a

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Speaker 2: long time, knowing when I went on it that I

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Speaker 2: would be on it for such a long time. I'm

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Speaker 2: in a completely new chapter of my life now. When

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Speaker 2: I went on them, I was, you know, still in Canberra.

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Speaker 2: I was still I was just finished Uni. I was,

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Speaker 2: you know, in a different relationship. I had different friends,

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Speaker 2: I had a different financial situation, I had a different job.

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Speaker 2: Everything about me was very, very different. And I was

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Speaker 2: also and I was just I was very vulnerable, and

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Speaker 2: I was very and I'm going to say this word weak,

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Speaker 2: and I'm not saying weak in the sense of like

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Speaker 2: I was weak because i was struggling with my mental

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Speaker 2: health and I'm strong now. I was weak in that

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Speaker 2: I had just been carrying this, this huge thing for

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Speaker 2: so long, and I'd run out of strength, right, I'd

338
00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:53,439
Speaker 2: run out of energy because of everything that was like

339
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Speaker 2: accumulating in my life that was putting pressure on me.

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Speaker 2: Now I have my I have my coping mechanisms. First

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00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 2: of all, I know how to manage my anxiety. I

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00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,479
Speaker 2: went on my SSRIs for both anxiety and depression. I

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Speaker 2: know how to ride the wave. I know how to

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Speaker 2: manage it. I know how to calm myself down, I

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00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:18,720
Speaker 2: know how to interrupt irrational and intrusive thoughts. I know

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Speaker 2: what I need to implement when my mood starts to turn.

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Speaker 2: And I also have a stable relationship with like the

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Speaker 2: most amazing, supportive person. I have a job that brings

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Speaker 2: me fulfillment. I have very safe and secure and loving friendships,

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Speaker 2: which I don't necessarily think that I had back then.

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Speaker 2: And this is the most important thing. I have peace.

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Speaker 2: I have a real peace to my life. And oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, saying that makes me want to like knock

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Speaker 2: wood because I don't want that to go away. But

355
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Speaker 2: I think when you're in your early twenties, right, everything

356
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 2: is just so fucking chaotic. Everything is a mess, and

357
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 2: there is drama, and there are friendship breakups, and there

358
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,919
Speaker 2: is upheaval, and there are transitions. And that has been

359
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Speaker 2: the last three years and I feel like I've come

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Speaker 2: out of the tunnel and I've just seen this whole

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Speaker 2: new world and I don't need what I had before.

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Speaker 2: I don't need the drugs. I don't need it. So

363
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Speaker 2: what has that been like going off it? So this

364
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 2: is not meant obviously not medical advice, but a fact

365
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 2: about weaning yourself off antidepressants is that if you stop

366
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Speaker 2: cold turkey, you are going to suffer, like it is

367
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 2: going to be hard. And having been on them for

368
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 2: so long, it really was not recommended, Like it's not

369
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Speaker 2: recommended to just be like, okay, like I'm doing amazing,

370
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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna stop this right now with absolutely no

371
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Speaker 2: health advice or like no expert opinion or no assistance.

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Speaker 2: So I wanted to taper off them. I wanted to

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Speaker 2: kind of put in a plan, and I talked to

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Speaker 2: my doctor about I was like, Okay, let's do this

375
00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 2: across like two to three months, and We're going to

376
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,679
Speaker 2: slowly lower my dosage, and then we're going to slowly

377
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:10,879
Speaker 2: lower what I'm taking until eventually, like one day, I

378
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: just don't need it anymore, Like I just I stopped

379
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 2: taking it all together, and yes, there will still be symptoms,

380
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 2: but they'll be lesser. Let me tell you, I do

381
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 2: not know how I would have done this just going

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Speaker 2: off all at once, because the thing, like the experiences

383
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,399
Speaker 2: that I've had, it's really made me realize that these

384
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 2: drugs like do actually change something very like fundamental in

385
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 2: your brain. I've been having like brain zaps and I

386
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:40,280
Speaker 2: don't know if you know what this is, but I'll

387
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 2: be like going around my day and it would just

388
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 2: be like somebody has just like sent a shock wave

389
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 2: through my brain to my fingertips. I have been feeling

390
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:54,560
Speaker 2: really really dizzy and like my vision has been really disturbed,

391
00:22:55,280 --> 00:23:01,520
Speaker 2: and also really irritable, like super irritable, super short, unable

392
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:05,159
Speaker 2: to really like engage with people. That was kind of

393
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 2: like the last week, the last couple of weeks, Like

394
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,640
Speaker 2: I'm over that hump now I can see things really

395
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 2: like changing for the better. But it takes a toll

396
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 2: on your relationships and those around you as well. And

397
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 2: it took a toll on kind of work and on

398
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 2: like passion and like my hobbies because it just felt like, Okay,

399
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 2: I'm having to adjust to this new way of going

400
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: about things, and I have to adjust to essentially what

401
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 2: is a.

402
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: Withdrawal, A withdrawal from something that I can acknowledge held

403
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,160
Speaker 1: me up for many, many years.

404
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:39,400
Speaker 2: So that's kind of been where I'm at with that

405
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 2: whole experience. It's been three and a half years. I'm

406
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 2: going off my antidepressants. I'm going off my other medications

407
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 2: as well, not yet but in the next couple of months,

408
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 2: it's a slow process and I feel like I've been complaining.

409
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 2: I'm actually feeling really really good about things. I'm feeling

410
00:23:57,240 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: really really good about things. And the reason why is

411
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,760
Speaker 2: because I spoke about that kind of hard period I

412
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,200
Speaker 2: was having a few like a month back, a few

413
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 2: months back, Oh my gosh, my Timelin's or Wold. Earlier

414
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 2: this year, I spoke about how I was having that

415
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 2: hard time after the book when I got sick, and

416
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 2: I just feel like it was hard, it was difficult,

417
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 2: I was sad, I was losing touch. But I got

418
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 2: through it, and I got through it in a way

419
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,399
Speaker 2: that I think I would not have been able to

420
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,479
Speaker 2: do before, and it made me realize that I was ready.

421
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,159
Speaker 2: So these are some of the other things that have

422
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 2: been like really really helping me. And I know some

423
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 2: of them will sound cliche, but it's like an army

424
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 2: of tools, right. It's not just like one tactic is

425
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,479
Speaker 2: going to fight all the battles for me. It is layered.

426
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:50,320
Speaker 2: I think having that foundational support system is amazing and

427
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 2: like real shout out to my partner. He is the

428
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,919
Speaker 2: most beautiful, wonderful person, and like I don't know what

429
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 2: I would do without him, And yeah, it's just like

430
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 2: a crazy experience to have that kind of healthy, sustaining love.

431
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 2: That's just like it's just like a big, warm hug,

432
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 2: like you're going to get through anything that you're getting through.

433
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 2: And you know, it's so different from what it was

434
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 2: like when I really first started acknowledging these problems, when

435
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 2: I didn't have that and the person I was with was,

436
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 2: you know, probably contributing rather than helping. So that's a

437
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,440
Speaker 2: big thing. But the other thing is I've been doing

438
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 2: this thing that a friend taught me called my smile file.

439
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 2: I get really kind of held up in the details

440
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 2: of life, particularly like obsessing and ruminating over negative things.

441
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,119
Speaker 2: And I think that if you're somebody with depression or

442
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 2: if you're going through a depressive episode, that is a

443
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 2: huge component of it. It's not just like, you know,

444
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,159
Speaker 2: it's not that an uneven number of bad things happened

445
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 2: to people with depression versus people who don't have depression. Sometimes,

446
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 2: of course, there are triggering factors and triggering experience answers,

447
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 2: but it's not like the world hates people with depression more.

448
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 2: It's not like the universe or God is giving them

449
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: more experiences. Is that we It's that I found that

450
00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 2: I just tend to focus on those bad things a

451
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 2: lot more, and it just feels a lot heavier, and

452
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 2: it feels like I can see my friends be like, oh, yeah,

453
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 2: this shit thing happened, and like I can move past it,

454
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 2: and for me, it's like, no, I can't. So what

455
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: I've been doing to counteract that is called a smile file.

456
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 2: So anytime something good happens, anytime I get like a

457
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 2: lovely message from one of you guys, you guys are

458
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:35,439
Speaker 2: the best, Like I take a screenshot of it. I

459
00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 2: take a photo of something beautiful that I've seen, and

460
00:26:38,359 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 2: I put it in a folder so that when I'm

461
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: sitting on my couch at the end of the night

462
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: and maybe just feeling really terrible, there is this immediate

463
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 2: space I can go to that is just everything positive

464
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 2: in my life, and it's grounding. It's really grounding to

465
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 2: have like the reality that I live a good life

466
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 2: presented to me right there. The other thing that I

467
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 2: think was one of the I don't think I know

468
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 2: this was one of the things I really worked on

469
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 2: the last three years, was like reworking my negative beliefs

470
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 2: and learning that how I perceive those negative thoughts is

471
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,680
Speaker 2: a choice. Those negative experiences are always going to be there.

472
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 2: Bad things are always going to happen. Bad thoughts might

473
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,479
Speaker 2: always happen, but how I think about them is going

474
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,879
Speaker 2: to determine what I do with those things and whether

475
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,600
Speaker 2: And please do not misconstrue my words and think that

476
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:38,119
Speaker 2: I'm saying like you can choose to be happy or

477
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: you can choose to be sad. Absolutely not. It's that

478
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 2: I can choose to think about them in a way

479
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 2: that is constructive or unproductive. Let me give you an example.

480
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 2: And we've been vulnerable so far, let's go even deeper.

481
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 2: And other component of this is that I have been

482
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 2: struggling at times with like resentment towards my friendships and

483
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 2: feeling like, you know, there are certain relationships that perhaps

484
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 2: I've outgrown and that there is you know, there is

485
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 2: an inequality there and perhaps the love that I give

486
00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 2: them and the love that I'm receiving back. It's just

487
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:17,000
Speaker 2: I think it's just part of life. You know, You're

488
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 2: not always going to be on the same page as

489
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 2: certain people. And there was definitely like a point where

490
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,439
Speaker 2: I realized that perhaps I was giving a little bit

491
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 2: too much to people who didn't they didn't deserve it.

492
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 2: Everybody is deserving of all the love that you can

493
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 2: give them, but that maybe that love was should be

494
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 2: reserved for people who were willing to reciprocate the fact

495
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 2: that I make plans, who were willing to support me

496
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: as you know, as a business, as a creator, as

497
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 2: a person. You know, when I did cool stuff, they

498
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 2: were willing to be like, that's cool, and they were

499
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: willing to get out and support it. And so there

500
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: was definitely a bit of resentment. And I'll admit that

501
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 2: we're doing an episode on that soon, navigating resentment. And

502
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 2: I think previously I would have been like, Wow, I'm

503
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:09,720
Speaker 2: so angry at my friend because they really didn't show

504
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 2: up for me. And why didn't they show up for me?

505
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 2: Probably because I'm a bad person, probably because I did

506
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 2: something that like upset them, probably because you know, I

507
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 2: don't deserve love, and probably because I'm doomed to be lonely.

508
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,440
Speaker 2: You can see the thought spiral, right, It's like second

509
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 2: nature to spiral. And the trick is for me was

510
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 2: to be like, all right, what's that first negative thought

511
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 2: that's going to stet off the chain reaction like I

512
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 2: am not worthy of love or you know, I've done

513
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 2: something wrong, I'm a bad person, and just look at

514
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 2: that thought and be completely and entirely rational about it.

515
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 2: What evidence is there for that being the case? Where

516
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 2: did I think? Where did I pick up on this

517
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,640
Speaker 2: fact that, you know, the fact that my friend isn't

518
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 2: supporting me or showing up for me means that I'm

519
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: a bad person? Is that actually the only explanation and

520
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 2: the best explanation. And then it's also you know, even

521
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 2: going a step back and being like, Okay, yeah, I

522
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 2: really resent my friend for you know, I feel like

523
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: they don't care about me. And instead of being like

524
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: that says everything about me and that's going to ruin

525
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: my day and ruin my life and completely turn you know,

526
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 2: everything to shit, it's like, Okay, I'm going to accept

527
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,440
Speaker 2: that and be neutral about it, and all I'm gonna

528
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 2: do is change my expectations and just change my opinion

529
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 2: towards the situation. Yeah, it's not fun, it's not great,

530
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 2: and that's it. There is nothing more to it than that.

531
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 2: The situation is contained. The situation is just the situation.

532
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: It's not my life so that has been something that's

533
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 2: been really really helpful, and obviously, like it's a lot

534
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 2: more complicated than that. It was a whole process of

535
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: like cognitive behavioral therapy that I absolutely recommend, but then

536
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: there are also behavioral changes. I hate to be cliche,

537
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 2: but I've been exercising a lot, and gosh, if it

538
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 2: is not true that it does make you feel better.

539
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 2: It's not a cure. It's definitely not a cure. But

540
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,760
Speaker 2: again it's a strategy. It's a strategy for releasing a

541
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 2: lot of pent up anxiety. And for me, actually what

542
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 2: really helped was when I was first, like you know,

543
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 2: when everything first started happening, I was having a lot

544
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 2: of panic attacks. And when I first started getting that

545
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 2: racing heart those symptoms, that was really scary and I

546
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 2: felt like as soon as my heart rate was up,

547
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 2: as soon as like my blood was running, I was

548
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 2: going to have a panic attack. And what exercise really

549
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 2: helped me realize was that I can activate that same

550
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 2: physiological state myself and the worst case scenario doesn't happen,

551
00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 2: and I can actually get myself back down. I can

552
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 2: you know, get my heart rate down, I can calm

553
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 2: myself down, I can cool myself down, So that was

554
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 2: also a component. It wasn't just the physical endorphins. It

555
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 2: was the mental exercise and the mental control that exercise

556
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 2: gave me. And I also have kind of turned down

557
00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 2: drinking a lot. Drinking for me, and I've spoken about

558
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 2: this before, has definitely been a bit of a mental

559
00:32:14,360 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 2: and psychological crutch because it does really slow everything down.

560
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 2: It is a depressant. That's like, that's the kind of

561
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 2: drug it is. Alcohol is is a drug, and it's

562
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 2: a depressant. So when I was super, super anxious, it

563
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 2: would make me feel like a lot more in control.

564
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,520
Speaker 2: It would make me feel like, you know, okay, well

565
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 2: I can't be you know, those negative thoughts and those

566
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 2: spirals about death and about the end of the world

567
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 2: world and about my you know, lovability and lovability, about

568
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 2: my you know, my worthiness and all those things. I

569
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 2: can't think about that for that long when I've had

570
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 2: like four glasses of wine, because I'm going to be

571
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 2: on the next thing pretty soon. So it was definitely

572
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: a crutch. And although it reduces my anxiety in the moment,

573
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,400
Speaker 2: the next day I wake up and I am incredibly

574
00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 2: anxious and incredibly sad and incredibly down because that is

575
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: the chemical reaction that alcohol is going to have on

576
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 2: my brain, and so I just didn't want to be

577
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 2: reliant on that anymore, and I didn't want it to

578
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 2: be this yoyo coping mechanism that you know, reduced the

579
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: mental tension one moment and then just like accelerated it

580
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 2: the next. And it's been great. It's honestly been great.

581
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 2: I did an episode on this, I think at the

582
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 2: start of the year that was like why we should

583
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,720
Speaker 2: quit drinking? Should you quit drinking in your twenties? And

584
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 2: it's not that like alcohol has no place in my

585
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 2: life at all. I never drink. I do still drink,

586
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 2: but what I've been doing is choosing like one day

587
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 2: a week that I get to drink. And it's not

588
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 2: like I'm going to go out and binge drink on

589
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:58,479
Speaker 2: that day. But it's about really repositioning alcohol as like

590
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 2: a celebration or like, yes, it is a part of

591
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 2: my life, but it's a special part of my life.

592
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 2: It's like something that I'll only do if I'm going

593
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 2: out for like a really fun dinner with a friend,

594
00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 2: or like date night with my boyfriend, or my mom's

595
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 2: in town or a birthday instead of it, you know,

596
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 2: being something that I'm like, oh, should I have a

597
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 2: drink when I'm home alone? Like, I just don't do

598
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 2: that anymore because if I only have one day to drink,

599
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 2: I want to use that day the best that I can. So, yeah,

600
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:29,439
Speaker 2: those have been my strategies. Those have been the things

601
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 2: that I've been changing, and also just working with a therapist,

602
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 2: just working on like, you know, being somebody who is

603
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:44,600
Speaker 2: responsible having a good life. And I know that sounds

604
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 2: really intense. Maybe I don't know what you're by my

605
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 2: I don't know I'm thinking about what you're thinking about

606
00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 2: my words, which is strange, But I just I just

607
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 2: want to feel like I'm in control of creating a

608
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 2: good life for myself, and the only way that I

609
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 2: can prove that to myself is by actually doing it

610
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,640
Speaker 2: and by actually making things better for me. Whether that

611
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 2: is exercising, whether that is not drinking, whether that is

612
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:16,640
Speaker 2: prioritizing good, loving, sustainable, and just like fulfilling friendship over

613
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:22,160
Speaker 2: temporary associations. You know, that is a choice. And I

614
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:24,040
Speaker 2: think when it comes to your mental health, there is

615
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 2: so much that you don't get to control that the

616
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 2: things that you do get to control feel really really

617
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 2: important and feel really really significant, and I just want

618
00:35:33,280 --> 00:35:36,040
Speaker 2: to take as much of that as I can and

619
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 2: to have as much agency as I can. And you know,

620
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 2: I just feel like I'm doing a lot better and

621
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,399
Speaker 2: maybe maybe that will change, maybe the roller coaster will

622
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:49,359
Speaker 2: suddenly turn a corner, but I feel prepared. And it's

623
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 2: kind of emotional to say that, because I just feel like,

624
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:57,600
Speaker 2: for a long time, I've always felt that I was

625
00:35:57,680 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 2: just kind of strapped in and whatever life wanted to

626
00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,479
Speaker 2: throw me, with whatever my you know, mental health wanted

627
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 2: to throw me, I just had to like bear it.

628
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 2: And I just feel like I'm bigger and I'm stronger

629
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 2: now and I have my strength back, and I have

630
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 2: a say, and I have things to do and things too,

631
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 2: Like I kind of have a voice and I can

632
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,320
Speaker 2: kind of yell back at it a little bit. So

633
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: I hope that has maybe resonated with you. I hope

634
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 2: that this has kind of helped you. I don't know

635
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 2: what you're going through. It might not be the same

636
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 2: as me. You might not relate, but maybe there is

637
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 2: somebody who does. And I just wanted to kind of

638
00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 2: share that it was really bad once it's better now

639
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: and it might get bad again, but it's going to

640
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 2: be okay. And that I'm you know, I lived through

641
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 2: it and I'm doing so much better and I'm really happy.

642
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:56,399
Speaker 2: And that is that. That is really the mental health

643
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 2: update for you, guys. So thank you for making it

644
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 2: this far, thank you for listening, and yeah, thank you

645
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 2: for just being there. Thank you for giving me my

646
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 2: dream job. Gosh, this is a sappy episode, but you

647
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 2: know what, sometimes you just got to do it. Sometimes

648
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Speaker 2: it can't be all scientific. We gotta bee, we've got

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Speaker 2: to be in our fields a little bit. We've got

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Speaker 2: to be really pulling the curtain back on like the

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Speaker 2: twenty something life. So if you did enjoy this episode,

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Speaker 2: please feel free to leave a five star review on

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Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are listening right now. Make

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00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 2: sure that you are following along for the new episodes,

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Speaker 2: happier episodes, more informative episodes, and if you have an

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00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 2: episode's suggestion, if you want me to talk about this more,

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00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,120
Speaker 2: if you want me to talk about this less, if

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00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 2: you have something that you're going through that you want

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00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 2: to know the psychology behind, please feel free to DM

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00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 2: me at that psychology podcast. Make sure you're following us

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00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 2: over there, and we will be back on Friday for

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Speaker 2: another episode. Until then, be safe, be kind and be

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Speaker 2: gentle to yourself, and we will talk soon. One