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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to STEVEHARVEYFM dot com and

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Speaker 1: click submit Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 2: We could be reading.

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Speaker 1: Your letter live on the air, just like we're going

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Speaker 1: to read this one right here, right now, and you

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Speaker 1: never know, it could be yours.

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Speaker 3: It could be yours. Buggle up and hold on time.

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Speaker 3: We got it for you here. It is strawberry lot.

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Speaker 1: Of thank you nephew. Subject I want him to talk

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Speaker 1: to me. Dear Stephen Shirley. I've been with my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: for twelve years and we live together and we've been

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Speaker 1: living like a married couple. We have two children, ages

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Speaker 1: ten and nine. We argue a lot, and mostly over

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Speaker 1: our parenting styles. He was raised by a single mother

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Speaker 1: and I was raised by my grandmother who was very strict.

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Speaker 1: He does not discipline the kids, so when I do it,

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Speaker 1: the kids end up hating me, and he gets pleasure

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Speaker 1: from that. He makes the majority of the money, and

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Speaker 1: I have to ask him for money by the end

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Speaker 1: of the month, and he also gets pleasure from that,

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Speaker 1: and that's his little way of controlling me. For the

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Speaker 1: past months, he hasn't talked to me. I cooked dinner

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Speaker 1: and he eats in silence unless he's talking to the kids.

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Speaker 1: We have movie night and he asks the kids what

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Speaker 1: they want to watch, but he never asked me. He

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Speaker 1: will answer me if I address him, but he does

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Speaker 1: not ever initiate conversation with me. I don't remember why

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Speaker 1: he got mad at me in the first place, because

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Speaker 1: he's a master at holding grudges for a long time.

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Speaker 1: He can turn the passion on for sex, and then

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Speaker 1: he rolls over and goes back to ignoring me. His

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Speaker 1: brother called me his wife the other day, and my

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Speaker 1: man quickly told him that we're not married. My daughter

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Speaker 1: heard it, and later that day she told me that

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Speaker 1: she hates it when her dad says ugly things about me.

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Speaker 2: I had no idea he talked about me to the kids.

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Speaker 1: She said I should leave him and she and her

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Speaker 1: brother will stay and take care of him. I bet

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Speaker 1: he puts that idea in her head. He's turning the

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Speaker 1: kids against me. I wish he would talk to me

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Speaker 1: so we can figure this out. How can I get

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Speaker 1: him to communicate? Well, it's kind of late for all

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Speaker 1: of that right now. You don't have two children. You

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Speaker 1: mentioned you had two. You have three children. That man

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Speaker 1: is the third child, and you've been there the recipient

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Speaker 1: of his bad behavior for twelve long years.

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Speaker 2: Now twelve long years.

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Speaker 1: It's time for you to take a stand, some kind

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Speaker 1: of way for yourself, you know, reevaluate this whole situation,

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Speaker 1: because it's not getting any better, it's getting worse. You've

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Speaker 1: allowed him to treat you this way because he makes

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Speaker 1: the money and then he rations it out to you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's his way of control. He pits the kids against

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Speaker 1: you too, but even they see the horrible way he

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Speaker 1: treats you and wants you to leave. So it's time

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Speaker 1: for you to realize that you need to stop worrying

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Speaker 1: about him and now worry about yourself.

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Speaker 2: What are you going to do about you and your future?

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Speaker 1: You take care of everyone, But you said, this man

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Speaker 1: will eat what you cook, have sex, and then roll

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Speaker 1: over and not even talk to you. That's mean he's

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Speaker 1: not concerned about you. He doesn't even like you. At

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Speaker 1: this point, you need to start putting yourself first. That

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Speaker 1: means you got to stop cooking, no sex, no nothing,

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Speaker 1: until he sits down like an adult and talks to you.

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Speaker 1: Then let him know how you really feel, and stop

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Speaker 1: letting him use you, stop letting the kids see him

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Speaker 1: do this to you as well. And you need to

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Speaker 1: get a plan together because it looks like this is

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Speaker 1: over and you're somebody's gonna have to leave.

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Speaker 4: Steve great response. You let me tell you something. This

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Speaker 4: is a completely unhealthy relationship. There's nothing in here of

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Speaker 4: redeeming quality for you, the woman, after all you've done,

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Speaker 4: and do see you hear the saying you can't change

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Speaker 4: horses in the middle of Let me tell you something, ladies.

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Speaker 4: You have to in act your rights. You have to

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Speaker 4: in act your you have to play your trump card.

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Speaker 3: You have amazing power.

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Speaker 4: But once you relinquish that power and don't use it,

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Speaker 4: and we see that you're not using your power, then

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Speaker 4: we run rough shod all over you. And this is

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Speaker 4: what he's doing to this woman. He's running rough shod

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Speaker 4: all over this woman, and it's giving her no no

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Speaker 4: good in return, and it's crazy. So you been with

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Speaker 4: your boyfriend for twelve years. Why see that you got

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Speaker 4: two kids? Ten and nine? Two kids?

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Speaker 3: You ain't see marriage in here nowhere.

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Speaker 4: Before we got to ten and nine, you didn't you

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Speaker 4: didn't call in your your request to be the wife.

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Speaker 4: We argue a lot, and it's over your parent and

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Speaker 4: skills because he was raised by a single mother and

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Speaker 4: you was raised by your grandmother who was very strict.

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Speaker 4: And then when you do discipline the kids, they hate it,

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Speaker 4: and he relishes in that. And then you say, he

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Speaker 4: makes the majority of the money, and you got to

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Speaker 4: ask him for money at the end of the month,

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Speaker 4: and he also gets pleasure from that.

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Speaker 3: That's his little way of controlling me.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, that's not the little way.

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Speaker 3: That's the way he controls you. That's his little way. No,

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Speaker 3: he's turning the kids.

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Speaker 4: See, first of all, when you get a parent that

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Speaker 4: relishes in the fact that the kids hate the other

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Speaker 4: person's discipline and he try to play the good guy role,

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Speaker 4: that in divorce is in the divorce and alimonic cases

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Speaker 4: and child support cases, there's a term for that. It's

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Speaker 4: called the Disney dad. They call it the Disney dad

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Speaker 4: because when let's say a man goes over there and

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Speaker 4: he picks up the kid, he gives them everything they want,

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Speaker 4: prize and shoes, everything. So when you come see him

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Speaker 4: as all about everything. But then when you take him

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Speaker 4: back home. Then the mother has to do the work.

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Speaker 4: To do your homework, do your chores. Do like I say,

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Speaker 4: finish this issue our punishments. But when you go over

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Speaker 4: Dad's house, it's all roller coasters and happy time.

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Speaker 3: It's called the Disney Dad.

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Speaker 4: That usually happens in divorce and child custody cases with alimony.

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Speaker 3: This is happening in your marriage. That's crazy.

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Speaker 1: Hang on, Steve, we'll have part two who of your

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Speaker 1: response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour

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Speaker 1: Today's strawberry letter subject I want him to talk to

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Speaker 1: me right after this. You're listening Steve Hardy Morning Show.

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Speaker 5: Hey, it's Carla Farrell. Kick that old mop and bucket aside.

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Speaker 5: Are you ready for a mop and bucket clean in

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Speaker 5: half the time? Make the swap to Swiffer Power Mop,

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Speaker 5: the only one. Cleaning Hero has a built in solution

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Speaker 5: that breaks down dirt and grime like magic.

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Speaker 2: With hundreds of scrubbing strips on.

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Speaker 5: The pad, it absorbs sticky messes with ease. Plus it'll

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Speaker 5: leave your home smelling great for hours after cleaning.

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Speaker 2: Get yours today and.

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Speaker 5: Mop smarter with the Swiffer Power Mom.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is I want him to talk to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, him talking to you.

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Speaker 4: I think y'all might be a little bit past that

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Speaker 4: because I'm not understanding what you're talking about. You've been

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Speaker 4: with this man twelve years. Hit your boyfriend. Y'all not married,

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Speaker 4: You got two kids ten and twelve. You argue a

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Speaker 4: lot because of your parenting styles. You were raised by

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Speaker 4: your grandmother. He was born raised by a single parent.

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Speaker 4: He don't have no discipline.

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Speaker 3: You do.

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Speaker 4: When you discipline the kids, they hate it, and then

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Speaker 4: they go to him, and he relishes in that moment

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Speaker 4: that you hate that. He relishes in the moment that

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Speaker 4: the kids hate you for doing that. He's being a

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Speaker 4: Disney dad in the house. Like I explained earlier. That's

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Speaker 4: usually an alimony and child support cases. When the man

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Speaker 4: goes over to get cussity for the kid for the

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Speaker 4: weekend only two days, and they take them back and

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Speaker 4: they get cotton can they get eat all the cookies

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Speaker 4: and ice cream and sneakers and trip to the mall

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Speaker 4: and movies. Then when you go home, it's all work.

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Speaker 4: He ain't putting no work in the raising the kids.

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Speaker 4: But now he won't give him. There with that's a

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Speaker 4: Disney dad. But this Disney dad is in your house.

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Speaker 4: That's trouble. And then at the end of he makes

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Speaker 4: the majority of the money. At the end of the month,

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Speaker 4: you need to ask him for money. He relishes in

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Speaker 4: that too, And you say he gets pleasure by that

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Speaker 4: and that's his little way of controlling it. Well, ma'am,

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Speaker 4: he's controlling you in more ways than that, because this dude,

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Speaker 4: you are in an unhealthy relationship. Then let's let's finish

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Speaker 4: out the rest up. I cook dinner, he eat in silence.

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Speaker 4: What you live in a house with a person that

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Speaker 4: don't talk to you? How long this has been going on?

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Speaker 4: And says And then unless he's talking to the kids,

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Speaker 4: we got movie night.

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Speaker 3: He asks the kids what they want to watch, but

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Speaker 3: he don't ask me what I want to watch.

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Speaker 4: Wait a minute, man, so he can just do you

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Speaker 4: any way he wants to and there's no consequences. You mean,

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Speaker 4: you have to cook, He get to eat and don't

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Speaker 4: talk to you while he eating. He'll answer me if

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Speaker 4: I address him, but he doesn't ever initiate conversation with me.

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Speaker 4: I don't remember why he got mad at me in

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Speaker 4: the first place, because he's a master at holding.

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Speaker 3: Grudges for a long time. Man. You just.

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Speaker 4: Can I tell you someth These ain't real man traits.

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Speaker 4: Most men won't peace in their house. Most men try

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Speaker 4: to be accommodating to their girl. He ain't trying to

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Speaker 4: do nothing with you, but he can turn on the

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Speaker 4: passion for sex and then he rolls over and go

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Speaker 4: right back to knowing me. Why are you still having

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Speaker 4: sex with him? What is that about? Well, you can't

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Speaker 4: do that to her, flaud those of us men just listening,

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Speaker 4: Try that in real life and see how.

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Speaker 3: That work for you. Man, Shut up, I'm sleeping.

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Speaker 4: His brother called me his wife the other day, and

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Speaker 4: my man quickly told him we ain't married, so he

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Speaker 4: ain't got no plans of marrying you.

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Speaker 3: He don't like the concept of y'all saying y'all.

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Speaker 4: Married, But he's getting the aughts. Lady, what's happening here

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Speaker 4: is you've allowed this man to get all the benefits

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Speaker 4: of the marriage and you get nuh.

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Speaker 3: He cooks for you, you have children for him.

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Speaker 4: He has sex with you, and don't talk to you

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Speaker 4: after that, and don't talk to you during dinner anyway

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Speaker 4: one of your kids. One of your kids says that

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Speaker 4: she hates when her dad says ugly things about.

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Speaker 3: Who does that?

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Speaker 4: She said, I should leave him and she and her

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Speaker 4: brother will stay and take care of him. I bet

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Speaker 4: he put that idea in her head over How did

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Speaker 4: you miss what she said?

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Speaker 3: Though? What are you talking about?

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Speaker 4: He put that idea in her head and the idea

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Speaker 4: with me and him will stay with him and take

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Speaker 4: care of him. You didn't hear her say you should

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Speaker 4: leave him because she don't like when her daddy say

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Speaker 4: ugly things about her mama.

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Speaker 3: You didn't hear that part all. What's wrong with you?

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Speaker 5: Now?

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Speaker 4: You conditioned to accept bad behavior and now you're sitting

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Speaker 4: up in there talking about I bet they put that

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Speaker 4: in here that will stay, stay with him and take

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Speaker 4: care of him. Lady, If you don't get out of

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Speaker 4: there and take them kids, I have nothing else for you.

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Speaker 4: In this letter, he's turning the kids against me. I

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Speaker 4: wish he would talk to me so we can figure

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Speaker 4: this out. How do I get him to communicate? You're

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Speaker 4: not He doesn't even talk to you after sex. He

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Speaker 4: don't talk to you when y'all eating. He don't talk

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Speaker 4: to y'all when y'all movie night. He don't have a

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Speaker 4: conversation with you unless you need initiate it. I wish

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Speaker 4: he would talk to me so he can figure this out.

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Speaker 4: Let me help you figure this part out. He don't

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Speaker 4: want to figure it out.

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Speaker 3: You want to talk so y'all can figure it out.

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Speaker 4: He'll then want to talk to you period at all.

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Speaker 3: Ma'am, you've been.

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Speaker 4: Beat so long by this man, you've accepted it as normalacy.

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Speaker 4: You can't accept bad behavior and think this is normal.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what is what you're really supposed to do.

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Speaker 4: You're really supposed to wake up and be happy. You're

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Speaker 4: really supposed to wake up with a plan. You're really

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Speaker 4: supposed to wake up in a relationship with somebody and

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Speaker 4: y'all playing a future together. That's what y'all supposed to do.

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Speaker 4: You're really supposed to wake up, go to bed and love.

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Speaker 4: You're supposed to wake up and feel warm, safe and secure.

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Speaker 4: You have none of that. Leave him and leave poor alimony.

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Speaker 1: Bounce on Today's Strawberry Letter on Instagram and Facebook at

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Speaker 1: Steve BARBFM, and check us out on The Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: podcast on the Free iHeartRadio app.

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Speaker 2: Coming up next to this junior and sports talk.

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Speaker 1: Right after this, you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.