Speaker 1: This is he said a YADIHO with Eric Winter and
Speaker 1: Rosalind Fantev.
Speaker 2: Today we have a very fun guest. I'm so excited
Speaker 2: to chat with her. This is gonna be a lot
Speaker 2: of fun. Maury Fontanez. She is an entrepreneurial woman who
Speaker 2: has been really lifting up. She guides Fortune five hundred
Speaker 2: companies and c suite leaders, performers, and other public figures
Speaker 2: to navigate change, challenges, and growth in both their personal
Speaker 2: and professional lives. She has a new book coming out
Speaker 2: that we'll get to talk about. She has a podcast.
Speaker 2: She has so much going on. I need some help.
Speaker 2: Let's see what she can do for me in the
Speaker 2: short period of time. But I love chatting with people
Speaker 2: like this, so I'm excited to have her on. Let's
Speaker 2: go ahead and bring her in, Maury, As I said,
Speaker 2: I just introduced you as someone who's helping change and
Speaker 2: lift people up in all aspects of life. But you
Speaker 2: are an intuitive life and leadership coach. We have friends
Speaker 2: that work in the space of life coaching. I know
Speaker 2: a lot about that space, and some of them work
Speaker 2: with big companies as well, But I believe there's a
Speaker 2: big distinction working with a Fortune five hundred CEO or
Speaker 2: leader of a company versus someone like me who's going
Speaker 2: through my own personal stuff you know all the time. First,
Speaker 2: just talk to me a little bit about how you
Speaker 2: got into this space, because I've always found that fascinating,
Speaker 2: even with my friends that are in it. What drove
Speaker 2: you to pursue that as a career, Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, listen.
Speaker 1: I always say that I don't have the traditional path
Speaker 1: into this kind of guidance and teaching because a lot
Speaker 1: of my work is actually fundamentally spiritual, right. It's about
Speaker 1: learning what your soul desires and following that truth. But
Speaker 1: I come from a background of crisis management for fortune
Speaker 1: one hundred CEOs and companies and public personalities in the
Speaker 1: entertainment industry. So basically I was the person running into
Speaker 1: the fire that people had created that they were.
Speaker 3: Running out of.
Speaker 1: And I spent twenty years doing this, writing messages for
Speaker 1: people to say to re earn the trust they had
Speaker 1: lost in whatever public scandal had happened. And I did this,
Speaker 1: and I did it well, and I continue to grow
Speaker 1: in that space until I hit a point where honestly,
Speaker 1: I kind of had my own crisis internally, which was
Speaker 1: what am I doing Why am I writing a bunch
Speaker 1: of words that people are saying that they don't believe.
Speaker 3: And more importantly, why do.
Speaker 1: They get into crisis to begin with? And that question
Speaker 1: became the north.
Speaker 3: Star for the rest of my life. And I started
Speaker 3: to pursue answering that question.
Speaker 1: And what I found was I do it because I'm
Speaker 1: deeply intuitive, and that means I know the answer to
Speaker 1: the problem. Why do I know it because I don't
Speaker 1: have fear in that moment, because it's not my crisis.
Speaker 1: What blocks us from our intuition is the fear. And
Speaker 1: so I set out to start coaching people to learn
Speaker 1: how to reclaim that inner wisdom so that they could
Speaker 1: avoid those moments, but also so that they could learn to.
Speaker 3: Trust themselves again.
Speaker 1: And I made a hard left and started a whole
Speaker 1: new career from there.
Speaker 2: It makes it makes sense, and I feel, you know,
Speaker 2: it's interesting about what you do right, because it is.
Speaker 2: I truly believe it's a gift when someone can tap
Speaker 2: into that and know that what their intuition, what their
Speaker 2: gut is saying, can really help somebody if they take
Speaker 2: it to heart and they apply it. And I'm assuming
Speaker 2: because you said yourself like you have your own fires
Speaker 2: you deal with right, And I don't know, do you
Speaker 2: ever work with your own life coach as well? Because
Speaker 2: I have a lot of life coaches. I know work
Speaker 2: with life coaches too. Oh yeah, I has you need
Speaker 2: someone from the outside the hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I have mentors, I have healers, I have somatic coaches.
Speaker 1: I you know, I believe in, you know, the Eastern
Speaker 1: medicine kind of way of multiple modalities all at once
Speaker 1: and ofsing of addressing us as humans as an energy system.
Speaker 1: So I work with all kinds of teachers of guides,
Speaker 1: but also I follow my own method. Like I tell
Speaker 1: my clients, I would never ask you to do something
Speaker 1: I either haven't done or I'm not in the process
Speaker 1: of doing right now, because I believe that Guru's guides
Speaker 1: teachers are not meant to be up ahead of us,
Speaker 1: They're meant to be walking next to us. So I'm
Speaker 1: doing the work alongside people of healing my little self,
Speaker 1: of tapping into my higher self one hundred times a day.
Speaker 1: And I really teach from that embodied state of working
Speaker 1: on myself constantly.
Speaker 2: I mean, and that makes sense and it's great to
Speaker 2: hear as well, because a lot of times when someone
Speaker 2: goes to help you, you're like, wait, but do you
Speaker 2: actually practice what you preach? You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And do you apply it? Because it's so easy to
Speaker 2: sit on the end. Not easy, but it's there's an
Speaker 2: ability to sit on the outside and guide people but
Speaker 2: not follow your own words of wisdom. And I even
Speaker 2: will debate my wife about this sometimes I'm like me,
Speaker 2: all kinds of advice, but do you take your own advice?
Speaker 1: Sometimes yeah, And it's hard to take their advice when
Speaker 1: you feel like, oh, well, you're not taking the risk
Speaker 1: of doing the courageous thing, and like, don't you feel
Speaker 1: eric like you could tell when you're with someone a guide,
Speaker 1: a teacher, or a healer, a therapist, and you're just like, ooh,
Speaker 1: it feels like you're saying things you don't actually like
Speaker 1: take in cellularly, like can't totally yea.
Speaker 2: You know, there's a couple of topics that my producers
Speaker 2: are brought up that I found fascinating. One of them
Speaker 2: right away that struck a chord was especially in my business,
Speaker 2: is validation addiction. Something that I know you've tapped into
Speaker 2: and spoke a lot about share with our listeners. A
Speaker 2: little bit about your definition of that, and then I
Speaker 2: want to talk to you about my thoughts and get
Speaker 2: into that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd love to hear your thoughts, so listen. We all,
Speaker 1: as human beings, rely on validation from a very early age.
Speaker 1: Why because we learn very young that we need the
Speaker 1: acceptance of those around us to survive. So validation becomes
Speaker 1: a survival stratch. At a very early age, we are learning.
Speaker 1: We're watching what is it that I do that makes
Speaker 1: Dad smile? What is it that I do that makes
Speaker 1: mom a little less stressed out or she seems like
Speaker 1: she's worried about something, And we quickly learn to embody
Speaker 1: those things so that we can get that attention, because
Speaker 1: we need their attention to survive. Where that validation, which
Speaker 1: is very human, turns into an addiction is when we
Speaker 1: enter a world that says you need my approval to
Speaker 1: have value. We are not conditioned to stop and ask
Speaker 1: what is your value? What do you believe? What do
Speaker 1: you want? What do you think? We're conditioned to ask
Speaker 1: what does the other person think? Where is the advice
Speaker 1: outside of myself? So we externalize our wisdom. We have
Speaker 1: been taught that looking for wisdom externally is the smartest.
Speaker 3: Thing to do.
Speaker 1: When we believe that illusion, what we do is we
Speaker 1: start to look outward instantly, what do you think? Do
Speaker 1: you think this thing I did was valuable? Do you
Speaker 1: think I'm valuable? Then you add social media on top
Speaker 1: of this, all right, you know rich foundation of looking outside,
Speaker 1: and now we have a society that says, oh, guess
Speaker 1: what I can measure how valuable you are by other
Speaker 1: people's interactions with you. And so we've become addicted to
Speaker 1: validation as a form of checking in on our value.
Speaker 1: And that is where it is deeply dangerous, because when
Speaker 1: we rely on others to tell us whether we're valuable,
Speaker 1: those others are full of their own trauma and fear
Speaker 1: and limiting beliefs. So I say, it's like looking in
Speaker 1: a foggy mirror expecting to see a clear reflection, and
Speaker 1: you never will.
Speaker 2: You could probably have a full career just doing this
Speaker 2: for actors, because the truth is, I do you have
Speaker 2: to work with any other company in the world. You
Speaker 2: could just focus on actors, because yeah, actually I'm just actors,
Speaker 2: just creatives. The funny thing about the creatives, and I
Speaker 2: try to explain this people all the time, is that
Speaker 2: we are in a business where you're you have no
Speaker 2: choice but to be told you're valuable by somebody else
Speaker 2: until you're creating your own opportunity. Right, So to get
Speaker 2: a job, I have to audition and be told I'm
Speaker 2: good enough or I'm right for this part. And that's
Speaker 2: just the job. As soon as you can let that value,
Speaker 2: that sort of addiction to hearing that validation go away,
Speaker 2: and you can separate it and go no, I'm valuable
Speaker 2: regardless of what you're going to say. This is my take,
Speaker 2: this is my opinion, this is my version of the character.
Speaker 2: So you're not judging me based on my value. You're
Speaker 2: just judging me if you if you, if our visions
Speaker 2: align right for this role. And I laugh a lot
Speaker 2: when I tell actors, even my my daughter plays competitive
Speaker 2: junior tennis, and athletes in general. I talk about, you know,
Speaker 2: some of the most difficult professions in the world. I
Speaker 2: think are creative because as an athlete, your value is
Speaker 2: very much measurable. It's like you scored forty points in
Speaker 2: a game in basketball, you did well, like no one
Speaker 2: has to tell you did well. It's right there on
Speaker 2: the page, you know. Whereas if you're a creative. It's
Speaker 2: all subjective. So whether you have value in this business
Speaker 2: or you don't have value, it's somebody else's opinion. Whether
Speaker 2: you win the oscar, don't win the oscar, you know,
Speaker 2: whatever the case may be. Then, like you said, you
Speaker 2: throw social media in the mix, which entertainers live on
Speaker 2: in general, which to me is just quicksand for the emotional,
Speaker 2: for an emotional already an emotional person, I constantly find
Speaker 2: myself talking to people about this all the time, not
Speaker 2: trying to help them, but just going you're in the
Speaker 2: wrong business. And until you realize your value is not
Speaker 2: dependent on somebody else in this space, you can't really
Speaker 2: survive in our business.
Speaker 3: Would not agree with you more.
Speaker 1: And I would just add one fine point on it,
Speaker 1: which is that word value, even an athlete, tying your
Speaker 1: value to what you produce is part of the toxicity
Speaker 1: of our whole culture. You are your career, you know
Speaker 1: the amount of money you can command, sure, absolutely, But
Speaker 1: the minute that we believe that our value as a
Speaker 1: being has to do with what we produce, all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, we're a human doing, not a human being.
Speaker 3: So that work around value is so important.
Speaker 1: And I will say I have the opportunity to sit
Speaker 1: across a zoom in a session with people I grew
Speaker 1: up watching in the movies and coaching them now, and
Speaker 1: sometimes I have to think, like, wow, okay, this is
Speaker 1: the direction your life took you Why? And it's because
Speaker 1: my message is one of listen. You're a storyteller. The
Speaker 1: way you tell your story as a creative is not
Speaker 1: always going to align with however someone has a vision
Speaker 1: for a story. But it does not mean you hold
Speaker 1: less value. That's where you can break the addiction right there.
Speaker 2: It's funny I trying to even relate this to sports,
Speaker 2: and you made it very clear which was which was valid.
Speaker 2: And I've said this to my daughter and again, like
Speaker 2: competitive tennis for a young kid is brutal, Like it's
Speaker 2: a really tough support. There's no there are no referees.
Speaker 2: You're in an individual sport. You're on this island by yourself.
Speaker 2: You're you're constantly having to produce and work and work
Speaker 2: and work, and it's just never ending. It's it's like
Speaker 2: a you see it in a pro circuit, right, It's
Speaker 2: just a year round sport. And I try to explain
Speaker 2: to her, Sabella, it's you got to stop putting tennis
Speaker 2: as your identity. It doesn't define who you are. But
Speaker 2: also you don't. It sounds crazy to say it, but
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't really care if you win or
Speaker 2: you lose. And like the quote of Kobe Bryant would say, look,
Speaker 2: if you win, great, you have to get up and
Speaker 2: do it all over again the next day. If you lose, great,
Speaker 2: you got to get up and do it all over
Speaker 2: again the next day. So there's not like it doesn't
Speaker 2: define you your value because you want a tournament. It
Speaker 2: doesn't define you because you did X, Y and z
Speaker 2: on the court. To me, what matters are the life lessons, Right,
Speaker 2: did you get better? Did you work your hardest? Did
Speaker 2: you try? Those are things that to me, and I
Speaker 2: hate to say put value on it, but it's like,
Speaker 2: that's what you need to be worrying about. Yeah, because
Speaker 2: those are things you can control that make you a
Speaker 2: stronger person.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And were you proud of yourself?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: I really try to focus on with my kids so
Speaker 1: I can break them of this validation addiction is not
Speaker 1: even ever since they were little. It was like I
Speaker 1: would stop myself from saying I'm proud of you. First,
Speaker 1: I'd start with are you proud of yourself?
Speaker 3: Yes? Why because I did X, Y and Z.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm proud of you too, But like, let
Speaker 1: me start by reminding you you need to be proud
Speaker 1: of yourself, not anybody else.
Speaker 2: I like that. I'm actually going to take that, take
Speaker 2: that advice right there and use it with her and
Speaker 2: my son. You know, he's young playing soccer or young still,
Speaker 2: but everybody's always like, you know, did you score a
Speaker 2: goal today? I'm like, it's not about the goal It's
Speaker 2: about how did you play? Did you work hard? Did
Speaker 2: you run?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: And did you hustle? You can make the greatest sit
Speaker 2: There's a number of things. Yeah, And that's something that
Speaker 2: I think is very important to shine a light on
Speaker 2: Are you proud of yourself? First? Because it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: if I'm proud if you're not proud of yourself.
Speaker 3: And as adults, we.
Speaker 1: Can ask ourselves that same question every day. You know,
Speaker 1: it didn't go the way I planned, But am I
Speaker 1: proud of myself right now? And if the answer is no,
Speaker 1: what part of me is not proud of myself?
Speaker 2: Yeah? You know, God, that whole thing that you like
Speaker 2: you let into and talked about with social media. That's
Speaker 2: where I feel like that's one of the biggest pitfalls
Speaker 2: is that people constantly post for approval. They're seeking attention.
Speaker 2: And I have to remind my wife about this a lot.
Speaker 2: And you know, if you're looking at comments from somebody
Speaker 2: and you love all the positive comments, you need to
Speaker 2: be accepting of the negative comments because you're going to
Speaker 2: get them. Yeah, they're not all going to be positive.
Speaker 2: So if you're looking for approval from somebody that says,
Speaker 2: I love you, this is so great, you look beautiful, whatever,
Speaker 2: you're gonna get somebody that's gonna throw something in negative.
Speaker 2: So you're better off just not even looking at it.
Speaker 2: To me, that's right, because you're seeking approval, you're seeking validation.
Speaker 1: And the positive I say this to you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of my performers that are really active on social
Speaker 1: like the positive and the negative are all projections.
Speaker 3: None of it is about you, none of it.
Speaker 1: The great stuff is a projection of what the person
Speaker 1: desires to be, wants to aspire to the way they're
Speaker 1: idolizing you. The negative stuff is a reflection of their
Speaker 1: shame and their self hatred and their envy. None of
Speaker 1: it is about you, Like you can't take any of
Speaker 1: it personally because we are all and I mean this
Speaker 1: in the kindest way, self centered beings, meaning that our
Speaker 1: experience on this planet revolves around our experience on this planet,
Speaker 1: which means that that's what we project out at each
Speaker 1: other constantly. Especially then if we're looking at a famous
Speaker 1: person that we've been taught to idolize, then we're projecting
Speaker 1: all that internal noise on them. So you're just a
Speaker 1: screen for whatever movie they're playing in their own mind
Speaker 1: about themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes sense, makes sense. Another topic I want
Speaker 2: to get your definition on because I find it interesting
Speaker 2: is the burnout crisis. Yeah, talking about why people are
Speaker 2: disengaging in how to reconnect authentically. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it goes back to this idea of
Speaker 1: in our culture and many cultures, that our value is
Speaker 1: measured by what we produce. If you buy into that,
Speaker 1: if you buy into that as a truth, you are
Speaker 1: on your way to burnout just from that belief system,
Speaker 1: because you are constantly trying to prove that you matter,
Speaker 1: that you should be taking up space by producing, and
Speaker 1: there by the way is never going to be enough producing.
Speaker 1: I'll take myself for example, I had a dream of
Speaker 1: writing a book with a major publisher.
Speaker 3: Guess what I did that.
Speaker 4: Guess what I want more?
Speaker 3: I want to.
Speaker 1: Now achieve more because I, myself, a teacher of these truths,
Speaker 1: has bought into the fact that the more I achieve,
Speaker 1: the more I can show my value. Now the work
Speaker 1: for me is to reframe it around purpose. No, the
Speaker 1: more you achieve, the more impact you have, which allows
Speaker 1: me to go back into a place of this isn't
Speaker 1: about other people liking what I'm doing. It's about helping.
Speaker 1: It's about doing the part I'm meant to do. So
Speaker 1: I think that if you don't connect what you're constantly
Speaker 1: doing to your purpose, the reason you're embodied on this
Speaker 1: planet in this moment in history right now, with the
Speaker 1: skills you have, with the desires that are naturally within you,
Speaker 1: then you are going to burn yourself out because you're
Speaker 1: running around doing things without any north star whatsoever.
Speaker 2: That brings so true to me in my own personal
Speaker 2: life and also just again, I go back to my
Speaker 2: kid with her sport, because it's you. Burn Out is
Speaker 2: so big in youth sports in general, and I think
Speaker 2: there is that constant need to prove, prove and if
Speaker 2: you're not getting it, if you didn't win this thing,
Speaker 2: you're not good enough. And if you're not good enough,
Speaker 2: why am I doing it? And then you put all
Speaker 2: these hours in and eventually you're just like, I hate it.
Speaker 2: You want out. And I've talked about it briefly on
Speaker 2: the podcast before, but it happened to me in acting
Speaker 2: early on, and I shifted the way I thought. Early on,
Speaker 2: it was like any little thing I got was never enough.
Speaker 2: It's like, why I didn't get that series regular? I
Speaker 2: didn't get that part, And eventually I did. I burnt out.
Speaker 2: I quit. I stopped acting for almost two years, and
Speaker 2: I came back with a sort of a new mindset
Speaker 2: of like, I just want to be happy. I don't
Speaker 2: I want to celebrate each victory. If I got this job, great,
Speaker 2: it was good because you're right. And I've preached this
Speaker 2: to my wife and to friends, and I don't claim
Speaker 2: that I do it perfectly, but you're, like you said it,
Speaker 2: You're always going to want something more. Right. You see
Speaker 2: people all the time, they win the Oscar, the biggest
Speaker 2: accolade you could get as a movie star, and they're
Speaker 2: still miserable. Yeah, and they don't even work as much.
Speaker 2: Sometimes some do, some don't. And they're and they're they're
Speaker 2: always still seeking whether their personal life is crashing, something
Speaker 2: is not right, Like they're just not happy in the
Speaker 2: moment they got that one thing they wanted, it didn't
Speaker 2: fulfill them. Yeah, and I say that, you know, I've
Speaker 2: said it to my wife, Like I said, and you
Speaker 2: gotta appreciate every little step along the way in order
Speaker 2: to really be happy with where you're at and not
Speaker 2: constantly chasing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's.
Speaker 1: Hard to appreciate it when you don't know what it's
Speaker 1: for the sake of.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So one purpose, like one.
Speaker 1: Exercise I give my creatives, my artists is or everyone
Speaker 1: even the CEO is like, I want you to have
Speaker 1: a for the sake of statement?
Speaker 3: What is this for the sake of?
Speaker 1: So? For example, my greatest value at all is freedom.
Speaker 1: I exist for freedom, my own freedom and the freedom
Speaker 1: of everyone that my work touches. So for the sake
Speaker 1: of is this is for the sake of freedom? When
Speaker 1: I use that frame, everything I do has to fit
Speaker 1: in that bucket. If it's not providing freedom for me,
Speaker 1: my family, my followers, my clients.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to do that thing.
Speaker 1: So find your reason why, like your big reason why,
Speaker 1: and your clue is what do you value most? What
Speaker 1: is the thing you know that your soul values the most.
Speaker 1: That is the connection to your purpose. And when you
Speaker 1: can map everything back to why am I doing this,
Speaker 1: then it's easier to appreciate it in the moment.
Speaker 2: That you know. That's great. That's a great way of phrasing.
Speaker 2: At night, I think subconsciously, I've even thought about stuff
Speaker 2: like that, because there's been jobs I've taken and I'm like,
Speaker 2: why am I taking this job? Like this is strictly
Speaker 2: a money job, and then I go back and I
Speaker 2: go but wait, my priority has always been my family,
Speaker 2: my kids, providing, you know, being there for them. And
Speaker 2: if it's a job that keeps me a Los Angeles,
Speaker 2: I'll take less money. If it's a job that is
Speaker 2: just gonna make money to buy me more time to
Speaker 2: find something else that creatively stimulates me, I'll go do
Speaker 2: it with a smile because I know I'm doing it
Speaker 2: for the money to go back to the purpose I have,
Speaker 2: which is my family. A lot of people will do
Speaker 2: it and be like, I hate this job. I'm on
Speaker 2: this job every day. I did it for the money.
Speaker 2: I'm miserable.
Speaker 3: That's that's exactly what I mean.
Speaker 1: You have your eye on the north star, so you
Speaker 1: can find appreciation. Because here's the thing. We can get
Speaker 1: into victim mode. This is how we humans are, Like,
Speaker 1: this is happening to me. Guess what my loves. You
Speaker 1: are making it happen. Everything that is happening you have
Speaker 1: made happen, either from the consciousness of total belief in
Speaker 1: yourself and dignity and purpose, or from the consciousness of
Speaker 1: lack and fear and shame. But whichever one you pick,
Speaker 1: is the world that you're creating around you. It's not
Speaker 1: happening to you. You've made it happen.
Speaker 2: I already know I'm gonna probably have to hire you
Speaker 2: to talk to my kid, to my daughter, and my wife.
Speaker 2: I wish she was here for this podcast. She would
Speaker 2: have learned that she might have learned I was right
Speaker 2: about a couple of things. But that would be bad too.
Speaker 4: Oh so you want to you like, let me ask
Speaker 4: you that.
Speaker 2: Well, that's a great segue actually into another one of
Speaker 2: the topics, which is advice on love and relationships. To
Speaker 2: create your most high frequency relationship, to build on each other,
Speaker 2: talk to me about that.
Speaker 3: So think about what we just talked about around validation.
Speaker 1: When we don't know that, we externalize our value when
Speaker 1: we don't like stop to think about it. We also
Speaker 1: then mistake validation for love for loving intimate relationships. I
Speaker 1: think that often we go into or I did at
Speaker 1: least in my first marriage and my relationships prior to that.
Speaker 1: We go into relationships looking for the other person to
Speaker 1: fill that black hole inside us that we have around
Speaker 1: questions of our own validity, lovability value, Like we think
Speaker 1: that if someone else just loves us enough, that that
Speaker 1: hole will be filled. And the reality is actually intimacy
Speaker 1: and romance and loving relationships are about you being your
Speaker 1: highest frequency and coexisting along someone that is at their
Speaker 1: highest frequency, so that you are like building each other
Speaker 1: up constantly from a place of totally being resourced. Does
Speaker 1: that make sense? So are under resourced? Eric, And I'm
Speaker 1: pouring all of my life force into you. Guess what,
Speaker 1: I'm now under resourced. So now I'm not adding to
Speaker 1: the collective life force. I've taken mine away to give
Speaker 1: it to you so that you can give me love
Speaker 1: in return. That is not That is not the point.
Speaker 3: The point is.
Speaker 1: How do I be at my most resourced self, which
Speaker 1: I call is your higher self, my most dignified sense
Speaker 1: of I know I hold value, and I'm also going
Speaker 1: to listen to the wisdom inside me first and foremost.
Speaker 3: I'm not going to hand it over to you, my partner.
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep following my own north star, and
Speaker 1: I'm going to find a partner who is good with that,
Speaker 1: who wants that for me, and who is doing that
Speaker 1: for themselves, which creates a fiercely independent relationship, but in
Speaker 1: a way where you're actually there to cheerlead and celebrate
Speaker 1: one another and have really honest conversations with each other.
Speaker 1: When you feel like one of you is holding the
Speaker 1: other back from embodying this highest frequency, which we are
Speaker 1: afraid to do because we haven't been taught to have
Speaker 1: that kind of dialogue with our partners.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like I've been in that situation, especially
Speaker 2: in my past marriage. Funny enough as well, where maybe
Speaker 2: you're holding the person back and ultimately you're afraid to
Speaker 2: lose them, right, Like you're afraid to let them fly
Speaker 2: instead of trying to find ways you can elevate yourself
Speaker 2: while elevating them. Am I right?
Speaker 3: And why are you afraid to lose them?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's a great question to ask. I think,
Speaker 2: you know, sometimes maybe you devalue yourself or you devalue
Speaker 2: a situation, you know what I mean. And I think
Speaker 2: that's something you know. In my marriage now with Rozen,
Speaker 2: we've been together for nineteen years, but in our relationship
Speaker 2: we've always found a way to lift each other and
Speaker 2: support each other's careers. It's never felt competitive. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: always been you do that, I'll do this, we'll we'll
Speaker 2: figure it out. You have to have real conversations at times,
Speaker 2: like is it good for the family, is it good
Speaker 2: for everybody? Does this work for our lives? Not to
Speaker 2: hold you back, but if you're gonna do this, this
Speaker 2: can a stress like the we you know, the ebbs
Speaker 2: and flows of it. But I think always with the
Speaker 2: intention of if it's going to make you happy, I
Speaker 2: will do my best to find a way to make
Speaker 2: it work for you. Right, it works for me too,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, it'll compromise in your
Speaker 2: own self exactly.
Speaker 1: And you know, my hypothesis is that we're afraid to
Speaker 1: lose them because we've put our value, our value into them,
Speaker 1: so we think that if they go, there goes our value.
Speaker 1: And that is how I operated in my first marriage,
Speaker 1: where it was so holding on so tightly to like,
Speaker 1: please stay or please do what I need to feel
Speaker 1: loved so I can love myself.
Speaker 3: The minute I realized, oh my god, I.
Speaker 1: Don't need you for that, my entire relationship with relationships
Speaker 1: changed to the point where I'm remarried now and in
Speaker 1: our vows my current husband I said to each other,
Speaker 1: I exist to allow you to embody your higher self,
Speaker 1: and the minute I get in your way, I need.
Speaker 3: To go away.
Speaker 2: I think you probably know many people, and I know
Speaker 2: I've never been fully like this, but I've had moments
Speaker 2: like this, and I know people that have been fully.
Speaker 2: You know, in this space where you become your partner,
Speaker 2: you morph yourself into the person you're dating, like, oh
Speaker 2: you like that, I like that. I'll figure out how
Speaker 2: to like what you like. I will become you. And
Speaker 2: that ultimately is a dying relationship. It's never going to
Speaker 2: be sustained because as soon as either that, one person's
Speaker 2: gonna find you too smothering, like who are you? What's
Speaker 2: your identity? You're literally just doing everything I do, and
Speaker 2: it's too cumbersome like it. It's closing me out right,
Speaker 2: or you will eventually come wake up and go, I
Speaker 2: don't even know who I am. I'm literally you. I'm
Speaker 2: just doing everything to be for you. I don't even
Speaker 2: have an identity. And I know a lot of people
Speaker 2: who have done that in the past, and you can
Speaker 2: just see it. You always like you're like the one friend.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, we lost that friend during this relationship
Speaker 2: because they're not gonna have any identity like that. They're
Speaker 2: gonna go live with that person, yeah forever and just
Speaker 2: be that person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's the little people please are inside you.
Speaker 1: That same little six year old that came up with
Speaker 1: that strategy to please people to get love is still
Speaker 1: at the steering wheel in an adult grown relationship and
Speaker 1: is replaying that same strategy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is all great stuff. And I know, let's
Speaker 2: talk a little bit about what you have coming up.
Speaker 2: And I also know you have a podcast, but you
Speaker 2: have a book that's coming out. Correct, Let's talk about
Speaker 2: that higher self that's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, higher self, reclaiming the power of your intuition. It
Speaker 1: is really this blend of my method in a book,
Speaker 1: blended with my memoir and my life story, because I
Speaker 1: really mean when I say I'm walking alongside you.
Speaker 3: So I want to show you how I did the
Speaker 3: things that I tell you to do.
Speaker 1: And then some of the case studies of some of
Speaker 1: the more like brilliant, amazing people that I've gotten to
Speaker 1: coach and how they've been transformed. And really the book
Speaker 1: is written as a love letter from your higher self
Speaker 1: to you. So it's written about you, the reader, and
Speaker 1: I talk you through your childhood and where you may
Speaker 1: have found some of these limiting beliefs and these coping strategies,
Speaker 1: and I show you how to let them go so
Speaker 1: that you can make room. And at the end, really
Speaker 1: I reintroduce you to who is your higher self? And
Speaker 1: how would you be if you embodied your most dignified,
Speaker 1: your most centered, and your most intuitive self at all times?
Speaker 1: What would your life look like? What kind of decisions
Speaker 1: would you make? What kind of beliefs would you hold?
Speaker 1: And really, I hope that by the end of the book,
Speaker 1: I set you off into the world like really emanate
Speaker 1: that self.
Speaker 2: I love it sounds like a mandatory read if you're
Speaker 2: ask me. And this is out now, so everybody can
Speaker 2: jump on this right away. Exactly, and then you have
Speaker 2: a podcast signal with Maury and Melissa. Correct.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's a podcast where we have this kind
Speaker 1: of dialogue. It's me and my best friend and she's
Speaker 1: really there. You know, I can get really metaphysical and
Speaker 1: start talking about like huge concepts. Melissa is like, you know,
Speaker 1: your average everyday person who's so hilarious, and she's just
Speaker 1: there to like ask questions that the cynic would have
Speaker 1: or be like, wait a minute, what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: Break it relatable? Yeah, you'll lost me a whole lot totally.
Speaker 3: So we have a lot of fun and we talked
Speaker 3: to a lot of great people.
Speaker 2: Oh that's great. So everybody can check that out anywhere
Speaker 2: you get your podcast.
Speaker 1: Anybody listen to podcasts and high yourself anywhere you would
Speaker 1: buy your books.
Speaker 2: I love it. Thank you so much for coming on
Speaker 2: the podcast. This has been great. I mean it when
Speaker 2: I say I might hire you to talk.
Speaker 4: To my daughter, let's do it.
Speaker 2: I'm in She'll get a lot out of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I appreciate your time, my pleasure.
Speaker 3: It was so nice to talk with you.
Speaker 2: Thank you. All right, Well, I think we all definitely
Speaker 2: learned something from Maury without a question I did. I
Speaker 2: really wish Roslyn would have been here, because I'm telling
Speaker 2: you I would have been said I was right on
Speaker 2: a couple of my thoughts. But if she listens to
Speaker 2: this podcast, you'll know I said that. Otherwise, maybe she'll
Speaker 2: never know that I said I was right. Thank you
Speaker 2: again for listening, and if you have any questions you know,
Speaker 2: please send them in to Eric Androz at iHeartRadio dot
Speaker 2: com or go to he said at the on Instagram
Speaker 2: and drop us a DM with any questions. Until next time.
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. Don't forget to write us a review
Speaker 2: and tell us what you think.
Speaker 5: If you want to follow us on Instagram, check us
Speaker 5: out at e said ajav or sens an email Eric
Speaker 5: and Ross at iHeartRadio dot com.
Speaker 4: He said.
Speaker 5: AJAB is part of iHeartRadio's Miculduda podcast network.
Speaker 2: See you next time.
Speaker 1: Bye,