Speaker 1: What's up, everybody. I'm Gammy and this is Positively gam.
Speaker 1: Something that's been on my mind lately. Is always on
Speaker 1: my mind, self doubt. I go through it a lot
Speaker 1: and have spoken about it some of my insecurities on
Speaker 1: this podcast and on Red Table Talk. I know we
Speaker 1: all go through self doubt regarding different things, and so
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk to someone who can shed some
Speaker 1: light on why we go through this self doubt and
Speaker 1: ways we can become more confident in ourselves. So let's
Speaker 1: get into the episode. Dr Alfie am Brilian Noble, known
Speaker 1: professionally as Dr Alfie, is a pioneering psychologist, scientists, author,
Speaker 1: and mental health correspondent. As an in demand expert in
Speaker 1: BIPOC mental health, she hosts a video podcast, Couch and
Speaker 1: Color with Dr Alfie, and it's a regular broadcast, digital
Speaker 1: and print media contributor for various outlets including NBC, CNN, PBS,
Speaker 1: and The New York Times, and she's been a guest
Speaker 1: on our own Red Table Talk. So welcome Dr Alfie
Speaker 1: to Positively Gam. Thank you, Gamy. Yeah, I'm so glad
Speaker 1: to see you again. It was such a joy to
Speaker 1: have you on Red Table Talk. And you know, I
Speaker 1: just enjoyed our conversation so much. It just felt a
Speaker 1: need to talk a little bit more about some things
Speaker 1: that I feel a lot of people go through and
Speaker 1: definitely me personally so. And it's so interesting because I
Speaker 1: looked at my daily home the other day I give
Speaker 1: the email and it was recognizing your value and I
Speaker 1: was like, how approse, Like this is karma or something,
Speaker 1: because that's what came up, and it's changed You're thinking
Speaker 1: to knowing that your life matters and that you are
Speaker 1: import too, and you know it can be it says
Speaker 1: it can be easy sometimes to buy into the illusion
Speaker 1: of our own insignificance a couple of things. So just
Speaker 1: thinking about coming into this space and having this conversation
Speaker 1: with you, it made me think of both of us
Speaker 1: as black women. Let's start there, right, and then I
Speaker 1: think start extrapolating out to all people who have these
Speaker 1: marginalized identities. So I just I want to start there right.
Speaker 1: So when you have an identity where you're not always
Speaker 1: in spaces where people look like you or think like you,
Speaker 1: or talk like you or share your experiences, I think
Speaker 1: for many of us, particularly, I think about the world
Speaker 1: that you live in and how we we all see
Speaker 1: you publicly. I would imagine that there are oftentimes when
Speaker 1: you're in space, you might be the only person of
Speaker 1: color in the room. There are times maybe when you're
Speaker 1: in spaces where you're the only woman in the room.
Speaker 1: There are times when you're the only representative of your generation.
Speaker 1: Not always, but sometimes so. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: us go through that and have those experiences. And when
Speaker 1: we're looking to around and we don't see people who
Speaker 1: mirror us, right, one thing I feel is really important
Speaker 1: is you need your mirrors. That's why parents are so
Speaker 1: important and caregivers, because that's somebody who you can look
Speaker 1: at them and say, Okay, so they've had X, y
Speaker 1: Z experience and they made it through. Maybe I can.
Speaker 1: But when we don't have that, I think we tend
Speaker 1: to internalize and think there's something wrong with us. That's
Speaker 1: always the immediate thought, there's something wrong with us. And
Speaker 1: then the final thing I'll add is that gets reinforced
Speaker 1: when you watch things in all types of media, whatever
Speaker 1: kind of media it is. Let's not just pick on
Speaker 1: social media, and everything you see does not reinforce you positively.
Speaker 1: So the whole name of the show positively gam right,
Speaker 1: that's a positive reflection of who you are and what
Speaker 1: you represent in the world. But we don't all always
Speaker 1: get that, and you don't always get it either, neither
Speaker 1: do I. So that's what contributes to ourselves doubt, right,
Speaker 1: and we don't always feel that. And I have to
Speaker 1: say that even being on Red Table, I mean there's
Speaker 1: sometimes when first of all, me being at the table
Speaker 1: with Jada and Willow, Willow who is so prolific and
Speaker 1: so far above her years in her thinking and the
Speaker 1: way she expresses herself, and just their experience and their
Speaker 1: comfort level in front of the camera. Sometimes I'm sitting
Speaker 1: at the table and I actually shrink right, and I
Speaker 1: just I can't find my voice. I can't find my
Speaker 1: words to fit into the conversation. So there have been
Speaker 1: several episodes that I've watched and I'm like, Wow, I'm
Speaker 1: actually not saying anything, and it's just my own self
Speaker 1: doubt that I don't feel like that I have anything
Speaker 1: to contribute to the conversation, and sometimes I actually don't.
Speaker 1: And so I know when to be quiet. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't need to talk if I ain't got nothing to say,
Speaker 1: you know, But there are sometimes when I feel like
Speaker 1: I have that I want to say things, but I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's the right thing to say, you know,
Speaker 1: And it's once again that self doubt. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like what I'm thinking is important enough to even share.
Speaker 1: And so that's been challenging for me, even in that setting.
Speaker 1: And people assume that, you know, I'm very comfortable, and
Speaker 1: I am not. But I also feel like this is
Speaker 1: something This is not new for me. This is something
Speaker 1: I swear to you. I've always felt this way, even
Speaker 1: as a child. I just have always been uncomfortable in
Speaker 1: my own skin, and I don't know how to combat
Speaker 1: and I've been in therapy, and therapists have tried to
Speaker 1: delve into my childhood. Was there something in how my
Speaker 1: mother and father raised me, how I was treated. It's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I was the youngest of four. That's the
Speaker 1: only thing that that I can think of. I don't
Speaker 1: feel like I was neglected. I was the youngest. I
Speaker 1: have a sister who was two years ahead of me.
Speaker 1: We were very close and typically I would not do
Speaker 1: things without her, right So, I mean I would go
Speaker 1: to school, of course, and be in in class, but
Speaker 1: when it came to our outside activities, I you know,
Speaker 1: I wanted to be wherever she was, so we went
Speaker 1: to the y. I wanted to be in the same
Speaker 1: classes that she was in, and it didn't always happen.
Speaker 1: There were classes that we took separately, but it was
Speaker 1: always that comfort to me that when we were switching,
Speaker 1: like if she was taking Spanish dance, I might be
Speaker 1: in uh ballet. But I knew, like when it was
Speaker 1: time for us to switch and go to another class,
Speaker 1: either I was gonna pass her in the hallway, or
Speaker 1: I was gonna see her or meet up, or we're
Speaker 1: not taking this class together, but then the next class
Speaker 1: will be in the same you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It was just like and I mean that has gone
Speaker 1: on for you into my adulthood. It was just always
Speaker 1: this don't want to do anything by myself. Mhmm hmmm.
Speaker 1: I think damn some of that. Think about it, like
Speaker 1: this one thing I will I hope that you will
Speaker 1: carry with you the first thing I thought of. And
Speaker 1: I'll come back to this because I gotta say both
Speaker 1: of these things is your feelings are always valid, but
Speaker 1: they're not always accurate. Think about that, right, and so
Speaker 1: you have these feelings. Sometimes feelings come up my Mom's
Speaker 1: used to see but she used to say, and my grandma,
Speaker 1: the devil, you know, is better than the devil you
Speaker 1: don't know. You know that Black folks say that, and
Speaker 1: so that idea that it's still a devil, but you
Speaker 1: know it. So it's comfortable about that. So that feeling.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you're used to having that feeling, so when it
Speaker 1: comes up, we just accept it. This is accurate because
Speaker 1: I always feel like, how often do we say that's
Speaker 1: just how I am. Yeah, I'm just like that, right,
Speaker 1: And so I think part of it is. So that's
Speaker 1: a piece of it. I want to come back to that.
Speaker 1: Before that, I want to say this, I wonder if
Speaker 1: you and your listeners and your viewers can think about
Speaker 1: reframing it so that you focus on those aspects that
Speaker 1: I'm just listening to you talk that you shared, where
Speaker 1: you talked about what you do know. Sometimes I'm gonna
Speaker 1: reflect it back to you. Sometimes I sit at the
Speaker 1: red table and I have nothing to say because there's
Speaker 1: nothing for me to contribute. Damn, how many people can
Speaker 1: say that. How many people literally just talk and talk
Speaker 1: because they're just trying to fill up the space. Whereas
Speaker 1: what you shared is I know that there are times
Speaker 1: when there's nothing for me to contribute, and so I
Speaker 1: don't contribute anything, right, So sometimes all you need to
Speaker 1: do is just acknowledge those aspects of who you are
Speaker 1: and what you bring to this world that are positive
Speaker 1: and that are enough. Right. So those are two pieces
Speaker 1: I want to share, and then I gotta throw one
Speaker 1: thing in there because it just made me think of it.
Speaker 1: I really believe this idea that we're valuable, and I
Speaker 1: think we talked about this at the Red Table. Just
Speaker 1: because we exist, you don't have to do, have be
Speaker 1: say anything. You're valuable. I remember this vividly because you
Speaker 1: made it here to be on this planet, and there's
Speaker 1: so many people who did not. Yeah. I think it
Speaker 1: says that in the daily home too. Yes, yeah, so
Speaker 1: I wouldn't you know. I didn't make that up, but
Speaker 1: I remember when it was shared with me. It just
Speaker 1: it was life changing for me. So I think this
Speaker 1: idea that you can acknowledge what your strengths are. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's enough to just acknowledge that strength and just sit
Speaker 1: with that, and then to remember your feelings are always
Speaker 1: valid in the moment you feel them, and they're real,
Speaker 1: but they are not sure feel accurate. They do feel accurate,
Speaker 1: And I think part of it is practicing. How do
Speaker 1: we practice being in the space where I acknowledge this
Speaker 1: is what I'm feeling and not but and I find
Speaker 1: ways to bring myself to a more positive plane when
Speaker 1: I'm feeling those things. So think about yourself sitting at
Speaker 1: the table and you're thinking to yourself, I don't have
Speaker 1: anything contribute to this conversation. Maybe remembering me or somebody,
Speaker 1: or remembering yourself saying that's okay because there's nothing for
Speaker 1: me to contribute right now, and when the time comes
Speaker 1: to me to contribute, I'll be ready. What if you
Speaker 1: could remind yourself of that in those moments, then there's
Speaker 1: less pressure to feel like I should be saying something,
Speaker 1: I should be doing something, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So just reframing it in the moment sometimes it's what
Speaker 1: you need until that practice becomes automatic. Because at this point,
Speaker 1: your automatic thought is right, and I'm sure you probably
Speaker 1: talked about this in therapy. You're automatic thought is I'm
Speaker 1: not saying anything, and then it devolves into I'm not
Speaker 1: worthy should I really hear? Why anything to say? Right?
Speaker 1: That's automatic? So what if the automatic starts to become.
Speaker 1: I had this conversation with somebody and they said to me,
Speaker 1: maybe it's okay that I don't have anything to say,
Speaker 1: because that means I know myself well enough to know
Speaker 1: when do I contribute and when do I hang back?
Speaker 1: M Yeah, that's that definitely would have to be reframing
Speaker 1: from me because I always go to you don't even
Speaker 1: need to be sitting here because you ain't even saying
Speaker 1: nothing right and thin. But think about this, gam Think
Speaker 1: about what you represent just by being at the table.
Speaker 1: Think about a generation of women right who, like like
Speaker 1: I said, Jade and are gen X. When Jada is
Speaker 1: at the table, I know she's only speaking for Jada,
Speaker 1: but there's so many gen X, Black women and women
Speaker 1: of color and women in general who look at her
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, she's seeing stuff that resonates with me,
Speaker 1: saying with Willow right as a gen Zer, it's the
Speaker 1: same for you. For your generation. You just your presence
Speaker 1: and as gorgeous and as radiant as you are, and
Speaker 1: how you just show up. You are giving voice and
Speaker 1: visibility to so many women who are in your generation
Speaker 1: who might have felt they didn't have a voice and
Speaker 1: nobody was reflecting their experiences and you do that just
Speaker 1: by showing up. Speaking of generations, do you think that
Speaker 1: self doubt and these um insecurities are feelings that are
Speaker 1: passed down through generations? Because I feel like I was
Speaker 1: born that way, my mother was, it was not this way,
Speaker 1: my father was not. I just don't know where it
Speaker 1: came from. But do you feel like those kinds of
Speaker 1: issues and fears are passed down through generations? I mean
Speaker 1: not only are they passed down internally through generations. So
Speaker 1: you think about intergenerational trauma, but you also think about societally.
Speaker 1: What kind of messages do we get from society? So
Speaker 1: even if it wasn't happening in your house that you
Speaker 1: were aware of, think about this. We don't know what
Speaker 1: was happening internally with our love that we don't know.
Speaker 1: All we know is what they tell us. So I
Speaker 1: guarantee you there's somebody in the family somewhere, probably close
Speaker 1: first egree relative, who's struggling with the same stuff, but
Speaker 1: just never verbalize those things. So I think there's this
Speaker 1: internal part where we pass it generationally. I also think
Speaker 1: society gives us these messages. Think about where end up
Speaker 1: your generation and what women were told they could and
Speaker 1: could not do. Think about that, right, I think about
Speaker 1: women of my generation, we could do a little bit
Speaker 1: more because of the sacrifices that you all mad. And
Speaker 1: then I think about Willows and my daughter's generation, right,
Speaker 1: they do even more. So I think it's a little
Speaker 1: bit of both internal passing down but also external messaging
Speaker 1: as well. Now, we also did a show on anxiety,
Speaker 1: and I never thought of myself as being somebody who
Speaker 1: is anxious. Is anxiety and self doubt connected? But they're
Speaker 1: not the same, right, They're not the same. They're not
Speaker 1: the same. But anxiety and self doubt can absolutely be connected.
Speaker 1: So when you think about anxiety, I tend to think
Speaker 1: about anxiety as worried, right, just making in plain English, worried.
Speaker 1: That's out of proportion to whatever the stimulus is that's
Speaker 1: presented to you. Right, So if something happens, whatever it is, like,
Speaker 1: nobody cut you off in traffic. Many people who don't
Speaker 1: have anxiety, Oh, they just cut me off in traffic.
Speaker 1: Maybe they get annoyed. An anxious person starts thinking stuff,
Speaker 1: what was I in the wrong lane? What did I
Speaker 1: do wrong? Why did they cut me off? This is
Speaker 1: just the worst day ever, right, and it just starts spivuling.
Speaker 1: And so I think it's this idea of think about
Speaker 1: fight or flight. We all have fight or flight, right,
Speaker 1: It's just it's is born into us anxious people. Their
Speaker 1: fight or flight isn't overdrive, right, and it's varying degrees
Speaker 1: or overdrive. So it's not like everybody's that attend in
Speaker 1: flight all the time. But I think when you're anxious,
Speaker 1: you're in my because I'm anxious to has a little more,
Speaker 1: you're a little more reactive. And so I think absolutely
Speaker 1: self doubt contributes to that. They feed each other, right,
Speaker 1: So it's not necessarily no which came first, but they
Speaker 1: absolutely feed each other. So I'm gonna give you an example.
Speaker 1: I had a situation recently where I had an opportunity
Speaker 1: to attend an event, right, and they only had one
Speaker 1: ticket though, so that man, I was gonna have to
Speaker 1: go by myself. And it was an important event, something
Speaker 1: that I really would have loved to attend, but I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go by myself, and I had all
Speaker 1: of these reasons why I couldn't go. I can't go,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be at the table by myself. I won't
Speaker 1: know where to sit. I won't there's not gonna be
Speaker 1: anybody there. I just I can't do it. And my
Speaker 1: husband was like, Adrian, you absolutely are going to know
Speaker 1: some people at the event, and what would happen. What
Speaker 1: would be the worst thing that would happen if you
Speaker 1: go and you're sitting at the table by yourself. You
Speaker 1: know how to talk to people, you know how to
Speaker 1: have conversation, and guess what, if you don't like it,
Speaker 1: you can get up and leave. And he really had
Speaker 1: to talk me into it. My you are rap was like,
Speaker 1: I will be there. I will be there and I
Speaker 1: can greet you and make sure that you get in
Speaker 1: your seat and all that, and you know, and then
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I can do it. I can
Speaker 1: do it. And then it turned out I had to
Speaker 1: work and I couldn't go anyway. But then I got
Speaker 1: all ramped up, and you know, ready I wanted to go.
Speaker 1: I was excited about going. It was an event that
Speaker 1: I actually really wanted to attend. I was just I
Speaker 1: let my fear take over, so I see that anxiety
Speaker 1: because my head I went to all of this, just
Speaker 1: all these reasons why I absolutely could not do it.
Speaker 1: I just I can't do it. I can't do it,
Speaker 1: you know. And my husband was I mean, I love
Speaker 1: him so much, he just he is a grounding force
Speaker 1: in my life. You know. That was I think a
Speaker 1: really good example of anxiety and self doubt, like the
Speaker 1: two of them like combusting and creating such a you know,
Speaker 1: a negative force in my mind. It wasn't real. It's
Speaker 1: just you know, I just went left immediately. What about
Speaker 1: codependency Does that that trigger yourself out as well? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because think about it like this, codependency is you can't
Speaker 1: It's an extreme version of I am half a person
Speaker 1: and I need another half a person to be whole. Right,
Speaker 1: It's not I'm a a whole individual. This other person
Speaker 1: as a whole individual, and together we can be a
Speaker 1: whole couple or a whole partnership, or you know, whatever
Speaker 1: the case may be, whatever your relationship is to that person.
Speaker 1: Codependency is really about we have to really sort of
Speaker 1: lean on each other so much that neither one of
Speaker 1: us can stand on our own. And of course that's
Speaker 1: going to feed self out because you think about it,
Speaker 1: if they're things that you should normally be able to
Speaker 1: do without any difficulty, I think in our minds, the
Speaker 1: codependency really sort of feeds this idea. Of course, I
Speaker 1: can't do that unless I have this other person to
Speaker 1: do whatever that thing is, So we don't give ourselves
Speaker 1: an opportunity we are a part of working through self
Speaker 1: doubt is giving yourself enough data to see that when
Speaker 1: you're faced with a difficult situation, you can get through it.
Speaker 1: But if you're codependent and you always need that other
Speaker 1: person to help you get through whatever it is, when
Speaker 1: do you ever learn the lesson that you alone, like
Speaker 1: you said in your daily own, are good enough by
Speaker 1: yourself just as you are. You don't give yourself an opportunity.
Speaker 1: So to me, of course, that naturally is going to
Speaker 1: feed self doubt. And I think that's a natural tendency
Speaker 1: for those of us who have anxiety, especially if it's
Speaker 1: really high level anxiety where it's with us all the
Speaker 1: time and it's activated all the time. That's a natural
Speaker 1: tendency to go there because we're not trusting ourselves that
Speaker 1: we can do things on our own, and of course
Speaker 1: we can't. We just need practice. Yeah, So how do
Speaker 1: you think the pandemic has affected or triggered people when
Speaker 1: it comes to self doubt, just that being forced to
Speaker 1: be alone all the time. It is, Yeah, you're forced
Speaker 1: to be alone with your thoughts, and you think about it,
Speaker 1: you're you also don't have opportunities to practice. Again, My
Speaker 1: thing is always about you gotta practice behaviors to learn
Speaker 1: them and integrate them into your life day to day.
Speaker 1: When do you get to practice things like, say, for example,
Speaker 1: one of your things is you're socially shock, but you're
Speaker 1: really trying to work on engaging people. The pandemic forced
Speaker 1: you to be in the house more so, when do
Speaker 1: you get to practice and what do you do? You
Speaker 1: revert back to the stuff that makes you feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: and sometimes the stuff that makes you feel comfortable. Remember
Speaker 1: what it said, the devil, you know, it's been a
Speaker 1: devil you don't know, but it's still a devil. You're
Speaker 1: hanging out with that devil of self doubt and it
Speaker 1: just you're allowing it to grow. I think there's a
Speaker 1: part of it said that. I think there's a part
Speaker 1: of it where we think about things like depression and
Speaker 1: anxiet iety often go together, right, So you're maybe frustrated
Speaker 1: because you're in the house anxious. Your anxiety is growing,
Speaker 1: and then you get sad because your anxiety is getting worse,
Speaker 1: and then it's just a vicious cycle. So when do
Speaker 1: you get the opportunity to help pull yourself out of
Speaker 1: that if you're not out of the house doing things
Speaker 1: that help you relieve your anxiety. I remember one of
Speaker 1: the things you said was you like to be out
Speaker 1: in nature, okay and right, and the nature and nature
Speaker 1: helps you. I'm the same way. I like to be
Speaker 1: outside running the walk, and especially we have like creeks
Speaker 1: and streams by where I live. I love being by
Speaker 1: the water. What happens if I can't get outside to
Speaker 1: be by the water, I'm just sitting with that anxiety.
Speaker 1: And one more thing I'll add is people who are
Speaker 1: able to do things like let's say you figured out
Speaker 1: that exercise really helps you with your anxiety, and you
Speaker 1: really like to go to the gym. During the pandemic,
Speaker 1: the gym was closed, right, so you couldn't go to
Speaker 1: the gym, And now that it's open, maybe you're worried
Speaker 1: about people are in there without masks. I don't go
Speaker 1: in there getting no germs. I don't want to get
Speaker 1: be exposed to COVID. And so you keep yourself in
Speaker 1: the house. So I think there are lots of ways
Speaker 1: in which, to your point, the pandemic and isolation and
Speaker 1: quarantine have really fed people's anxieties, not intentionally, but it's
Speaker 1: just a byproduct. So what are the different things Like,
Speaker 1: are there exercises or that we can do to just
Speaker 1: kind of help us with this, you know, things that
Speaker 1: we can do to build up our self confidence. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: so I think it's baby steps. So one of the
Speaker 1: things we teach people when you're teaching them how to
Speaker 1: manage anxiety is something called exposure treatment. I think that
Speaker 1: without getting too formal, we can expose ourselves to things
Speaker 1: step by step, in little baby steps to help us
Speaker 1: get more acclimated to doing those things and develop more
Speaker 1: confidence in ourselves that we can accomplish those things. So,
Speaker 1: for example, like when you said your husband was talking
Speaker 1: to you about going to this event by yourself, I
Speaker 1: think an example of that might be can you sit quietly?
Speaker 1: This is what I teach my patients when I work
Speaker 1: with patients. Can you sit quietly and just visualize what
Speaker 1: would it be like to show up at that event.
Speaker 1: Let's just start there, work on breathing. What do you
Speaker 1: need to do to help yourself be calm in the moment.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to count right, just count to ten.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to take deep breaths. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to give yourself some affirmations, but just
Speaker 1: pretend like you're in that moment and work yourself down
Speaker 1: away from that high level anxiety. That step one, it's
Speaker 1: just visualization. Step two might be let's go to an
Speaker 1: event together together, and then you leave me by myself
Speaker 1: for ten minutes and let me work on what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be alone. But I know you're around
Speaker 1: here somewhere right until you work your way up to
Speaker 1: I actually can make an effort and make an attempt
Speaker 1: to go to an event by myself. So it's that
Speaker 1: visual visualization and practicing in baby steps. I always also
Speaker 1: say prevention is always so much better and intervention. So
Speaker 1: if you work on keeping your anxiety at a low
Speaker 1: level daily, every day, you're doing something to help you
Speaker 1: manage your anxiety. That and to build yourself confidence right,
Speaker 1: reflecting on something that's good about you, practicing the affirmations,
Speaker 1: setting your intention. For some people, that's prayer. If you
Speaker 1: can find something that you can do every day to
Speaker 1: reinforce your self confidence, reinforce something that you like about yourself,
Speaker 1: for multiple things that you like about yourself, those things
Speaker 1: start to become automatic. Remember how we were talking about
Speaker 1: the automatic thoughts where our brains go normally. Right, you
Speaker 1: gotta build it up the same way you like sort
Speaker 1: of build yourself down into that self doubt. So it's
Speaker 1: building ourselves back up, and it's practicing it every day,
Speaker 1: so that it's prevention instead of waiting until we're in
Speaker 1: the throws of oh my god, I hate myself, I
Speaker 1: can't do it, and trying to talk ourselves out of it.
Speaker 1: It's that's too hard. So prevention first is always the key. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, I have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1: All really too, I have a lot of work to do.
Speaker 1: Is there any other advice that you would want to
Speaker 1: give people who are dealing with self doubt like myself? Yes,
Speaker 1: I would say two things. Come back to remember what
Speaker 1: you said from the daily own and what I've learned
Speaker 1: a long time ago. You're valuable because you exist. Remember
Speaker 1: that daily. That's one thing too. Curate your news and
Speaker 1: curate the sources of information that you allowed to come
Speaker 1: into your space. Right. So some people love watching like
Speaker 1: network news or you know, cable news, or whatever the
Speaker 1: case may be, but it triggers anxiety, it makes them worry.
Speaker 1: You gotta reduce the amount of news that you consume
Speaker 1: because you're really trying to calibrate and make sure that
Speaker 1: the stuff that you take in is not stuff that
Speaker 1: sending your anxiety spinning. So always be mindful of what
Speaker 1: you're consuming in all different kinds of ways. Exercise is important.
Speaker 1: And then the final thing I will say, it's just
Speaker 1: try to find that one piece of light within yourself.
Speaker 1: Think about that one thing that you know you do
Speaker 1: better than anybody else, and remind yourself of that constantly.
Speaker 1: If you can continue to do that, you're always coming
Speaker 1: back every day to something that makes you feel good
Speaker 1: about yourself, that makes you positive, that gives you a boost,
Speaker 1: And hopefully, if you do that enough, that thing becomes
Speaker 1: automatic and you have at least one thing to help
Speaker 1: counter any of those aspects of self doubt that you
Speaker 1: might be feeling. Thank you so much for joining us,
Speaker 1: Dr Alphie. That you know, I started out feeling anxious
Speaker 1: about just having the conversation, but I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: I did. I'm so glad that you agreed to come on.
Speaker 1: So now it's time for this segment. Wouldn't you like
Speaker 1: to know? And I want to ask you three rapid
Speaker 1: fire questions before you leave. What book are you currently reading? Oh,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. I'm always read in The Secret
Speaker 1: some version of that always Okay, Yeah, I'm familiar with
Speaker 1: that book. What's one thing you want to get off
Speaker 1: your chest that I am? I have to remind myself
Speaker 1: of this. I am fearless, I am unapologetic about who
Speaker 1: I am as a black woman. I love myself and
Speaker 1: I demand that people show up and respect me exactly
Speaker 1: as I show up in the world. And don't ask
Speaker 1: me to change anything. Girl. Yes, okay, and seen and cut.
Speaker 1: What's the model you live by? Oh, one of my favorites.
Speaker 1: I wish you lots of loving light and I'm always
Speaker 1: hoping that your loving light and your mental health are
Speaker 1: informed by good, culturally relevant science. I love that. I
Speaker 1: love that model. And where can people find you on
Speaker 1: social media? Yes? Of course. So my kids and their
Speaker 1: friends call me drowthy d R A L F by E.
Speaker 1: They always called me dropping, and somebody called me that yesterday,
Speaker 1: and I'm picking up food and I put dr alf
Speaker 1: They were like draft. I was like okay, so draftee
Speaker 1: at all social media Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn whatever. Then I
Speaker 1: have a website, dr Alfie dot com and then people
Speaker 1: can also follow my nonprofit, thea COMA Project a a
Speaker 1: k O M a Coma Project one word on all
Speaker 1: social media. Thank you so much for joining us, dr Alfie,
Speaker 1: thank you for using your platform for this, and thank
Speaker 1: you for having me. I am you know, I'm up forever,
Speaker 1: ever and ever fan and not just appreciate you and
Speaker 1: your team so much. Thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us today. My most important takeaways from today's conversation is
Speaker 1: number one, your feelings are valid, but they're not always accurate.
Speaker 1: And number two, we're valuable because we exist and that's
Speaker 1: our show for today. You can follow me online at
Speaker 1: gammy Nars. Also help us out by leaving a five
Speaker 1: star review on Apple Podcasts and by hitting the follow
Speaker 1: button on I Heart Radio, Stay gratefully all Positively. Gam
Speaker 1: is produced by Red Table Talk Podcast and I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Executive producers are Adrian Banfield, Naris Balin, Jethro and Jada
Speaker 1: Pinkett Smith. Our audio engineer is Calvin Bayley and our
Speaker 1: associate producer is Irene Bischoff Burger. Our theme song is
Speaker 1: produced by D Beats