1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio Podcast. 2 00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,800 Speaker 1: All Right, so a lot of you guys already know, 3 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 1: but for those of you that have not checked Instagram, 4 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: weren't it at the Boston Boston, New York shows? Okaybe 5 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: would you like to share your special news? You're big, big, 6 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: bigger by the good, bigger by the minute special news 7 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:31,440 Speaker 1: we have um a silent co host on wind Down 8 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:40,480 Speaker 1: podcast these days, she crag. Now third babies on the way. 9 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: We're doing June after two years of trying and thinking 10 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 1: maybe it just wasn't it for us? What do you know? Yeah, 11 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: how are you feeling? I feel better now. I was 12 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 1: really really sick for about seventeen weeks, if I'm honest, 13 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,960 Speaker 1: but I was overly. I just I'm just the most 14 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: grateful person. I always stay that way. Um. I don't 15 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: know why. I'm like my happiest pregnant, which I know 16 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: is like opposite or a lot of women it's very 17 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,360 Speaker 1: miserable and they're like eating beefsticks on the side by. 18 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 1: I really just think it is like the biggest privilege. 19 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people in my life 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,960 Speaker 1: specifically that don't get to do it. And I think 21 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,319 Speaker 1: that it matters a lot to just anchor in the 22 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: gratitude because I just know a lot of people pay 23 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 1: all the money they have in the world to feel 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,840 Speaker 1: miserable for a day. So um, I feel a lot 25 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: better now. It is nice to not throw up every 26 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: five minutes. So um. But yeah, the kids are excited, 27 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: we're excited. It is going to be a really busy, 28 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: full summer. I definitely feel older and spared to you, 29 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,680 Speaker 1: but I am grateful. I love it. Well, we're so happy, 30 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:51,639 Speaker 1: tomb Okay, we've got Bonnie Bartlett coming on the show 31 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: right after the break, and we're talking about how open 32 00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 1: she was but her seventy two year marriage and all 33 00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 1: the struggles that she's had to face. Um st hi, volume, 34 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,520 Speaker 1: I thank you so much for coming on Wine Down today. 35 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: We're so excited to have you. Oh well, that's good, 36 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:27,119 Speaker 1: that's good. You know, I've been a little depressed because, um, 37 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: my friend Raquel Welch died and she and I worked together, 38 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 1: and I she was such a great gal and I 39 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: loved her and she the thing we worked on together 40 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:41,119 Speaker 1: was called Right to Die, and she was the good guy. 41 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 1: I was kind of the bad nurse that I thought 42 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: the girls should die and and I mean didn't should 43 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: I should keep her up, I should just keep her going. 44 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 1: And she wanted to die and and Raquel was the 45 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 1: doctor that allowed her to die. But we became very 46 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,920 Speaker 1: good for and she she was a terrific lady. And 47 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 1: I was sorry that in the obituary they never even 48 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,080 Speaker 1: mentioned right to Die. And she was nominated for an 49 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 1: Emmy because she as good a comedian as she was. 50 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:21,080 Speaker 1: She she was very good in this very movie. Yeah, anyway, 51 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 1: lost a friend and a colleague. That's never I keep 52 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 1: losing them because I'm so old, you know, and so 53 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: I keep losing people. And it's hard. It's hard old 54 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 1: are you because you've been married for seventy two years? 55 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: So ninety three from ninety three, you look amazing, you know. 56 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: It's my my grandpa who I lost last year. He 57 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: got into a place and I'm curious where you where 58 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: you kind of go because I feel like when he 59 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: had talked about losing his friends, he got into this 60 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: place where he was just like and I'm next, and 61 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: like grandpaa, don't say that. Like he became like kind 62 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 1: of um, I think that's depressed. But also it just 63 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: it just made me sad, so I wanted to use it. 64 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: I mean, when you get older, is that hard? Like 65 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: how do you kind of stay and stay positive and 66 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: and not go to that thinking? Yeah, yeah, you have 67 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,600 Speaker 1: to work at it. Mm hmm. You know you have 68 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:22,560 Speaker 1: to fight it because it it goes into a bad place. 69 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,800 Speaker 1: But I'm fine. I'm fine. But I think also to 70 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 1: like it's it's with any age. I mean, I we 71 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 1: were just talking today like this this scarcity mentality, Like 72 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: we're all moms and I'm like, every time I got 73 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 1: into plane and like is this the plane that's gonna 74 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I'm so scary, Like I don't 75 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: want my kids to live about me or I don't 76 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 1: want them to not have their mom or a my goodness, 77 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: and you know she she's pregnant now. So it's like 78 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,280 Speaker 1: what it's like always like having that, like to not 79 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:48,000 Speaker 1: stay in that fear mentality. Yeah, my grandchildren have it. 80 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 1: It's very usual because we didn't have it when we 81 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: were young. But my grandchildren both I have too that 82 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: really every time they get on a plane, they think 83 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: they're gonna die, or won't even get on the plane 84 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 1: because is afraid to die, you know, on a plane. 85 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: Do you have any words of wisdom for people that 86 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: kind of struggle with that? No, because I've never I've 87 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 1: never experienced that. I don't understand that. I mean, of course, 88 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 1: anything you do. My family were in the insurance business, 89 00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 1: and they my brother always said to me, you know, Sis, 90 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:26,600 Speaker 1: you have a much better chance in a plane than 91 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 1: you do in a car. Your your chances of being 92 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 1: killed in a car are much greater than your chances 93 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: of being killed because you're on a plane. So, you know, 94 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: because he was an insurance person, I mean, you know, 95 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:43,400 Speaker 1: he knew of all those averages and stuff. So that 96 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: always helped me. He he always helped me that way, 97 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: and uh, for for instance, you know, and he would 98 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:52,479 Speaker 1: say things, you know, like a motorcycle is the most 99 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:54,720 Speaker 1: you have the most chance to die in a motorcycle 100 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: than anything, but you know, that would be the biggest one. 101 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 1: And then a car are but an airplane was very 102 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 1: much the last. Sure. Yeah, what I was watching that 103 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: movie Babylon with Actually, truthfully, I didn't get through half 104 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: of it because I didn't I didn't love it, but 105 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: it was interesting the concept of how Hollywood was so 106 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: many years ago, and you know, being in a successful 107 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 1: actress and going and seeing what Hollywood was then to 108 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: what it is now. What was? What was? What are 109 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,040 Speaker 1: some of the main differences that you see back then 110 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: versus now, and what was like the most challenging back then. Well, 111 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: the thing, the reason I wrote the book in the 112 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 1: first place, is really to do a kind of a 113 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: history of what life could be for a woman from 114 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: the say I was, from the time I was a 115 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:54,479 Speaker 1: little girl, I experienced that all of being a girl 116 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 1: being a difference. The boys were always preferred, the boys 117 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: were the stars, and the girls kind of went along. 118 00:07:05,279 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: From the time I was a little girl till now. 119 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: It's a huge difference, huge difference. The women and girls 120 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: and women have made great progress, not enough, but great. 121 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 1: We're still not equal. They're still not equal. There's still 122 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: not equal pay. Um Uh. Meryl Street would tell you 123 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,360 Speaker 1: she's never been paid as much as a man would 124 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,600 Speaker 1: be paid. And she's the very best, very best we have. 125 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 1: But that's just the way it is. If you all 126 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: the sports girls are are fighting for equal pay, the 127 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: girls who do sports. Uh, in tennis, I think it's 128 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: it's come along the way. And those women, those great 129 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: women have have made that happen, Serena, Billy Billy Jean. 130 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: I mean those women have made it happen because in 131 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 1: the days of the other sport women, they didn't make 132 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: much of money at all, the tennis women, but now 133 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 1: they do now and it's because of those great players 134 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: and uh, which is is wonderful. It's wonderful. So they 135 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 1: have to work on that. Still equal pay, it's just 136 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,560 Speaker 1: not there. But it's been hard because in the minds 137 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: of and of all those older men, you know, they 138 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 1: just can't get it through their heads that they really 139 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:38,120 Speaker 1: don't have power the power they think they do. Where 140 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: the women are able to now challenge that powder power. 141 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,080 Speaker 1: And that's good and that's good, and that's happened over 142 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 1: my lifetime and so we still have a lot to go. 143 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 1: There's lots of many, many, many more serious problems. I 144 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 1: know that, but this is them and this was what 145 00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 1: I could write about. And the way the difference the 146 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 1: way doctors I have there's a lot of stories about 147 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:11,319 Speaker 1: doctors in my book and misbehavior and that in the workplace. 148 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: Now none of that is allowed, none of that. You 149 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 1: wouldn't dare do what they did. And uh, the complicated 150 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: one is my father because he was way off base, 151 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: way off base, and very I didn't understand he had 152 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: no bounds. He didn't have any bound bondaries, and that 153 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: was very bad. Now people know, even little girls know, 154 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: and that's in in the book a lot. And that's 155 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 1: really what I mean. I used my life as a 156 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: pattern because that's what I know personally, that's what I 157 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:59,680 Speaker 1: know me. But it's everywhere, it's every every every life, 158 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:02,760 Speaker 1: every pattern. I just happened to be an actress, so 159 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: I was in a different, different media in Hollywood. By 160 00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,800 Speaker 1: the time I got to Hollywood, I was forty five, 161 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 1: and I didn't think I would even work here. And 162 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: I worked a lot. I mean, I worked all the time. 163 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:24,319 Speaker 1: But by that time, first of all, I was forty five. Secondly, 164 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: things had changed a lot already, so that I didn't 165 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:35,199 Speaker 1: experience a lot of bad stuff in Hollywood. I experienced occasion, 166 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: and you know, and it was innocent bad. That's what 167 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: I call innocent bad. The men didn't realize what they 168 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: were doing. Uh. I had a very good friend and 169 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,679 Speaker 1: he was on a gun smoke with me and the 170 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 1: bunch of them. I was supposed to be dead, and 171 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: so lying in the bed dead, you know Western Lady 172 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:03,200 Speaker 1: that James said, let's before she gets cold, and he 173 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:06,840 Speaker 1: didn't realize. They laughed and laughed and laughed. They thought 174 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 1: that was so funny. They told that as a joke 175 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: all over and everything. They don't they don't think what 176 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 1: what you're feeling. I don't like that. That's so funny. 177 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: M's so funny. It's funny to them, it's so funny 178 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, very d D be great. I don't 179 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: think your husband would I like to hear that either, 180 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: if he was there, you know. Yeah, And and men 181 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: do that a lot. They do. It's just well, it's 182 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: kind of like what you talked about, um with that 183 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: one actor that was like, I think they can say 184 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: they because they think they're funny, or because they're much 185 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 1: able that they can say things and it's okay, and 186 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: people are just gonna laugh. And it's like, well, no, 187 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,959 Speaker 1: like it's not respectful, A and B. That's not okay. No, 188 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: it's not okay. If I think if I had been 189 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: a little better, I'm I would have said something. I 190 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,079 Speaker 1: would have said, you know, that's not funny. Well, but 191 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,679 Speaker 1: here's here's the thing that I didn't hear it. I 192 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: was asleep, so I just pretended I didn't dare it, 193 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: so I didn't wake up or anything. And they're all 194 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,320 Speaker 1: laughing and getting that funny joke. Who is that body? 195 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter? Does think it's just a body? Yeah, 196 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 1: but I think it's hard though. I'm like, I remember 197 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,440 Speaker 1: being on like One Street Hill and our creator at 198 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,080 Speaker 1: the time, I was in like these head of brown 199 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,359 Speaker 1: panties on and do the filming a scene in a bathtub, 200 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 1: and again the comments that were made, they're so uncomfortable, 201 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,839 Speaker 1: and at the time, you're also wanting to protect your job, right, 202 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 1: so you yes, you're trying to protect you I don't 203 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: want to say it. I'd be like, that's disrespectful. Don't 204 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,559 Speaker 1: say now. Now, being almost a four year old woman, now, 205 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 1: I would say it because I'm like, I don't need 206 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,840 Speaker 1: this job. I like, right, beat my job. But then 207 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: at years old, I'm like, oh, like, you know, and 208 00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: just so uncomfortable. Yeah, but they know, they think that 209 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 1: they know they can you know. I also think there's 210 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 1: an element to where we're all very sharp women. I mean, 211 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 1: all four of us are very sharp women, and I 212 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,079 Speaker 1: would say that all of us don't take much bs either. 213 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: But there is this element of being completely caught off 214 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: guard to where it's like, if you just had a 215 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 1: minute to really think about it, you would have a 216 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:23,720 Speaker 1: million things to say back, or a lawyer one. But 217 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 1: at the time you're you're just like, there's no and 218 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,160 Speaker 1: you're it's not something possible. None of us would have 219 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 1: ever thought to say something like that. So for us 220 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: to process that and then respond to it is also 221 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: that's right, that's a lot that it's too late. Yeah, 222 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,439 Speaker 1: by that it's too late because you it's just like 223 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,920 Speaker 1: with children when they do bad things, you've gotta correct, 224 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 1: you gotta punish nail right. Yeah, they're not going to remember, 225 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: but remember when you pulled Jolie's hair, Like, that's not 226 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:56,199 Speaker 1: like they've been talking about it is it is treating 227 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,400 Speaker 1: it like a child. I also I want to I 228 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: want to die into um if that's okay. With your 229 00:14:03,679 --> 00:14:05,680 Speaker 1: marriage too, and the things that you talked about in 230 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: the book, and I'm curious where you hesitant to share 231 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 1: your journey and some of the difficulties that you had 232 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 1: in marriage, because I like, back then, not many people 233 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: talked about and weren't open about the challenges and struggles 234 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,640 Speaker 1: in marriage and I knew. I never heard anything from 235 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 1: my grandparents or even any actors back then about They 236 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 1: would never tell you about things like that. They would 237 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: never tell you. My mother at one point late in life, 238 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,200 Speaker 1: we've told me that my uncle who was the very 239 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: sedate gentleman and so forth, and his wife who was 240 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:45,360 Speaker 1: this lovely wealthy and she took care of all very 241 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: very very proper, and they had he had been a 242 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,840 Speaker 1: student of hers in high school, and clearly that first 243 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:56,960 Speaker 1: child had been a result of that. And then they 244 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 1: heard it all up, know, and the family covered it 245 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,760 Speaker 1: all up, and they had money, and they they they 246 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,200 Speaker 1: went on and with this very dignified life where you know, 247 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 1: they were the the stead steadfast people, you know, and 248 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: who I don't even know if if the girl who 249 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: was born of them even knew it. You know, I'm 250 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 1: sure they never told her that she was a pre 251 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 1: you know, they covered it all up, but it was 252 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 1: going on. It's always been going up, and everybody covers 253 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:38,400 Speaker 1: up things, and uh, in a marriage, certainly all marriages, 254 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 1: if you've been married that long, there have been problems. 255 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: You know, there have been times when you more or 256 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: less would go another way for a while and not 257 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,000 Speaker 1: be interested, you know what I mean? There would be 258 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:04,200 Speaker 1: times when it would be rare. And I've known some 259 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: long marriages in the business, good good marriages. And I've 260 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,600 Speaker 1: known times when you know said, hey, you go on, 261 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: that's just been the way. Particularly, Yes, more probably in 262 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 1: New York more probably in uh but yees. Small towns too, 263 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 1: small towns too. I can tell you stories and I 264 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 1: don't want to uh in small towns. So so why 265 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 1: did you feel as important to share this in No, 266 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 1: it's because I had to be truthful. I am one 267 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: of those people. I I can't sugarcoat things that I 268 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: can't say, Oh you know this, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily 269 00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 1: we go. Life is but a dream? Well, yeah, I can't. 270 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 1: I have to tell the story. I have to tell 271 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: it as it is. I have to tell it so 272 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: that you can realize that that there's a different kind 273 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: of love, harder earned love that comes with that if 274 00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:07,479 Speaker 1: you surmount these problems, if you don't just walk away, 275 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:11,639 Speaker 1: if you don't just when you're hurt, when you're really 276 00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:17,400 Speaker 1: badly hurt, if you just don't walk away from the problem. 277 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: Life is about solving problems, and you have you can 278 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:25,879 Speaker 1: do it and be fine. I think we are more 279 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: affectionate and more loving today than most couples. And we're 280 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:39,520 Speaker 1: so old, Bill is, and yet we're very we are 281 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: always that way? Or is that? Did that kind of 282 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 1: happen over time? And over time? No, he when he 283 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: was he was not an affectionate person. Bill was a 284 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:51,240 Speaker 1: very angry young man. And the fact that we could change, 285 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 1: the fact that we could change things and adjust to 286 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: each other was hard work. But we did it. Somehow. 287 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: Miracles happen, you know, and uh, things happened that I 288 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:10,320 Speaker 1: will say this that at one point when I was 289 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: really down about the marriage and almost ready to give 290 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 1: up my niece who was eighteen and look like you guys, kids, 291 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,600 Speaker 1: you know who I loved. She was like I had 292 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 1: wanted even to adopt her at one time, and I 293 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,679 Speaker 1: was very close to her, and she would write me 294 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:35,080 Speaker 1: letters and and at one point I was I was 295 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,440 Speaker 1: just before all this happened. She wrote me, she said, 296 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: Aunt Bonnie, She said, how could you have worked so 297 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: hard to be successful, be a successful actress and then 298 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 1: walk away from it and just be a housewife. Well 299 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,439 Speaker 1: I wasn't just a housewife. I was raising two kids. 300 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,640 Speaker 1: But that was her last letter to me, and then 301 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,679 Speaker 1: she was killed in a car crash, and that just 302 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 1: broke my heart. I was so upset about that. That 303 00:19:08,359 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: Bill kind of took over and he said, all right, 304 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: we're gonna move to California. I don't want to be 305 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:16,399 Speaker 1: in the theater anymore. I don't like the life. We're 306 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: gonna move to California. I'm gonna have my weekends. I'm 307 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,880 Speaker 1: gonna have time with the boys. I'm gonna he He's 308 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: very domestic, and he was so happy when we moved 309 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 1: out here. He had been offered three Broadway shows. He 310 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 1: had done seventeen seventy six, and he had been offered 311 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:40,240 Speaker 1: three Broadway shows Chicago, The Lead in Chicago, Bob Fosse 312 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:46,680 Speaker 1: and two other uh An English comedy with Geraldine Page 313 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,920 Speaker 1: and Sandy. And he said, I don't want to do it. 314 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,679 Speaker 1: I don't want to live like this. Well he changed 315 00:19:54,720 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: so completely. Well then then you you go on, You 316 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: go on, because the change makes makes all the difference. 317 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 1: You know, if if you were married to an alcoholic 318 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,840 Speaker 1: and and he struggled with it and managed to control 319 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 1: it and get it up, you go on, no matter 320 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: what has happened before. I think if the person can't change, 321 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 1: can't you know? And earlier on when it was me, 322 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: it was because I felt so unloved. He was so angry, 323 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,080 Speaker 1: and I felt so unloved. But we always had a 324 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: trump because of the work. We were always together as 325 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: actors and always helped each other and never jealous of 326 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:50,919 Speaker 1: each other. Always if I had a problem somewhere on 327 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: the road with a part, he'd come and help, or 328 00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:56,840 Speaker 1: I would go. I would fly someplace to sit in 329 00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: the audience two or three times try to help him, 330 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: you know. So we always helped each other that way. 331 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 1: We were always on hand all the way to help. 332 00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:12,200 Speaker 1: Was he SIV and you being open about the stuff 333 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: in your marriage, like the open marriage and everything that 334 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: he wrote about in your book? Was he or was 335 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,360 Speaker 1: there some hesitancy hesitancy on his side to write about it? 336 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: I was a little reluctant, yes. And the guy that 337 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,640 Speaker 1: was working with me helping me in the book said 338 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: you got to write at all. And I said, if 339 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:32,680 Speaker 1: I write it, it's gonna be truthful, it's going to 340 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,439 Speaker 1: be just as it was. And so I did it, 341 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: And yeah, I was reluctant. It had I had a 342 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: few sleepless nights about it. I had a few times. 343 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: I know that Sally Field uh wrote a book a 344 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,159 Speaker 1: few years ago and she said even the less just 345 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,720 Speaker 1: the day before it was published, she said, I thought 346 00:21:54,119 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 1: maybe I don't want to do this, so it is hard. Yeah. 347 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 1: How did he feel about it? Like with he reluctantly? 348 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 1: Was he like, uh, why why are why are you 349 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,120 Speaker 1: saying that? He didn't care. He didn't read it till 350 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:08,639 Speaker 1: it was all done. He didn't. Then he read it 351 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 1: and he said he didn't say he's all for First 352 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: of all, Bill doesn't remember like I do. I remember 353 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: every detail of it every day, you know, and his 354 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 1: memory is just what goes away, goes by by it 355 00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 1: because he had a miserable childhood, and so he learned 356 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:33,439 Speaker 1: to forget best. Don't they especial because he because he 357 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:37,360 Speaker 1: technically cheated, right or no, if you want to call 358 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: it that. Yes, Yeah, So I feel like and this 359 00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,240 Speaker 1: is not he says, who says that's what a marriage 360 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 1: has to be? Where's it written? Yeah? Exactly written. I'm 361 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 1: curious though, like when you haven't open, like when there 362 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: was an open marriage and you kind of want to 363 00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,119 Speaker 1: change change the world. We were just talking about monogamy 364 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 1: and um, you know what, what how did you kind 365 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:04,879 Speaker 1: of come back from? Because like I, I was in 366 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: a marriage where my husband had a bunch of affairs. 367 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: I couldn't come back from the trust and so we 368 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 1: ended up getting too. You were marriage where you did 369 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,439 Speaker 1: have affairs. I didn't, he did, so yeah, and I 370 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,680 Speaker 1: couldn't come back from I can very hard, very hard. 371 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 1: Uh So I'm curious, like for people because there's a 372 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 1: lot of people that you know. For me, like I 373 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,520 Speaker 1: know my why, I know the work that we did 374 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 1: and then why I ended up leaving and like the 375 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,080 Speaker 1: steps and stuff. But for for your situation, like what 376 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,160 Speaker 1: would you say to someone that's going through that has 377 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,560 Speaker 1: had that open marriage but he doesn't want to change 378 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,919 Speaker 1: the rules, but also like to to just loving your 379 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,520 Speaker 1: partner and like the key to like having what you 380 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: guys had for the next seventy two years. First of all, 381 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,919 Speaker 1: if you are separated a lot, and we were in 382 00:23:55,000 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 1: our business, there's a big separate times separations, that's very tough, difficult, 383 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:08,480 Speaker 1: that's very difficult. And then if you are exposed to uh, well, 384 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,880 Speaker 1: there's so many attractive people. You don't just stop responding 385 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: to people when you get married, you still if you 386 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 1: if you didn't, you wouldn't be alive. Mm hmm. A 387 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,479 Speaker 1: doctor told me that. He said that means you wouldn't 388 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 1: be like what you do about it, that's your choice. 389 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: What you do about it, that's your choice, and that's 390 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: the thing you have to be really careful about. But 391 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,959 Speaker 1: the responses there clearly. I mean, we make fun of 392 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:42,160 Speaker 1: movie stars and people say, oh boy, he can put 393 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,040 Speaker 1: his shoes under my bad or well you know, things 394 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 1: like that, and they're they're making fun. But uh, because 395 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 1: there's no way to respond because he's up there and 396 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: they're down here. But if he was down here with them, 397 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:03,400 Speaker 1: who knows, who knows the opportunity, The opportunity, if it's 398 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:08,040 Speaker 1: is uh, very strong. It makes it difficult. It makes 399 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 1: it difficult, and you have to understand what's going on 400 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 1: and then make your choice. Make your choice. Yeah, whatever, what, whatever, 401 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:26,480 Speaker 1: need you need the most, if you needed it, maybe 402 00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,800 Speaker 1: if you needed something more, you'd have found it. I 403 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,800 Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Or if 404 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:34,879 Speaker 1: you were so in love with him that you couldn't 405 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,240 Speaker 1: bear to be with anybody else, I don't know. Yeah, 406 00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: it's every every case is different. Every person is different, 407 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: Every child is different. Every every child grows up a 408 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,920 Speaker 1: little differently. And we have to have rules and boundaries, 409 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: but they're always broken. Children always break the boundaries, they 410 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 1: break the rules. And if that's the same, if if 411 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: you want, if you want to call that, I never 412 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,879 Speaker 1: thought of marriage. We got married because we wanted to 413 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:09,440 Speaker 1: have sex. That's the only reason. Because we weren't allowed. 414 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,640 Speaker 1: We were broke, We had no money. Neither of our 415 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,640 Speaker 1: parents wanted us to get married with thought they everybody 416 00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: thought we were crazy because we were broke. But at 417 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 1: that time, you couldn't you couldn't sleep with somebody. Um, 418 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: your parents wouldn't let you in us the same bed 419 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: if you were you know, I mean, nobody would let 420 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,199 Speaker 1: you do it unless you were married. So you had 421 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 1: to get married. So that's what we did. That's as 422 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,200 Speaker 1: serious as it was. When we got married, that's as 423 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: serious as it was. It had We had no plan 424 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,080 Speaker 1: about life except we both were in the theater and 425 00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,160 Speaker 1: we both wanted to go to New York and be act. 426 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 1: You know, well I did more than Bill. He kind 427 00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: of followed me. He didn't really want to go. He 428 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: wanted to stay at Northwestern, but he came with me 429 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: because I wanted to do it. So finally he said 430 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 1: whatever his mother wanted him to do, whatever I wanted 431 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,719 Speaker 1: to do, screw it, I'm doing what i want to do. 432 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:09,000 Speaker 1: I'm moving to California and I'm gonna have my weekends 433 00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 1: free and I'm gonna do what i want to do. 434 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 1: So he started making jam and cooking all kinds of 435 00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,400 Speaker 1: cookies and things like that, taking the kids to school. 436 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,119 Speaker 1: He loved that. He loved all that. He loved not 437 00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 1: working because he had worked all his life, from the 438 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,199 Speaker 1: time he was a little boy. He did what he 439 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:31,879 Speaker 1: was told and worked and made the money. I love that. 440 00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: Your book, so it's called Middle the Rainbow How a wife, mother, 441 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,200 Speaker 1: and daughter managed to find herself and went to I means, 442 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 1: I'm curious when you say find yourself, what was the 443 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:46,160 Speaker 1: main message that was holding you back from finding yourself? Well, 444 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 1: a lot of it was the sexual abuse. I mean, 445 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: it makes you feel pretty rotten. Yeah, it kind of 446 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,800 Speaker 1: proves that you're bad, you know, and until you accept 447 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,760 Speaker 1: that you're a good person and that you can believe, 448 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:02,600 Speaker 1: as Mr Finie would say, believe in yourself and that 449 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 1: and that you're Okay, you don't give your full self 450 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,560 Speaker 1: to something. I had migrains for years. I had asthma 451 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 1: for years. I was able to get rid of both 452 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:17,199 Speaker 1: of them and be healthy of ninety three. I have 453 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 1: a hard condition that they don't know why I'm still going. Yes, 454 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,360 Speaker 1: you are still going because you're a bit fire. I am. 455 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,920 Speaker 1: I am because I want to. Yeah, yeah, I want to. 456 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 1: Why don't you also feel like there's a certain level 457 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,639 Speaker 1: of life that you can live in, A wholeness you 458 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,600 Speaker 1: can find when you start being honest with yourself but 459 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 1: with everybody else. Yeah, that gives you years. I mean, 460 00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:48,360 Speaker 1: I hope at ninety three I am half the person 461 00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:51,239 Speaker 1: that you are when it comes to speaking intelligently about stuff, mean, 462 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: as honest as you are. But like, I think that's 463 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 1: what I love most about what you've you and Bill 464 00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 1: have done in the book and all the things, is 465 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: just the pure honesty to come with it. There's been 466 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: times in our marriage where I'm like, you know, the 467 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:08,120 Speaker 1: idea of marriages in life in general, like the hurts, 468 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 1: the abused, the tumultuous upbringing, Like people just don't talk 469 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,360 Speaker 1: enough about it, and then once people start talking, you realize, 470 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: like the majority of the people have the same experiences. 471 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 1: That's right, And that's what I wanted to say too 472 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 1: in the book. This is just my particular story, but 473 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:30,280 Speaker 1: everybody has that particular story. And people in our business, yes, 474 00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:36,320 Speaker 1: are more apt to uh have problems like that. But 475 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: every place I'm hearing from every place, I'm hearing from 476 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: people all over the you know how they what you 477 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:46,840 Speaker 1: just said that you couldn't do it? I did. That 478 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: was in a office the other day and the and 479 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:52,920 Speaker 1: the boy said to me, he said, you know, my 480 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 1: wife and I are going through problems. He said, she 481 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,520 Speaker 1: wants to keep it going, but I don't know. I 482 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:00,160 Speaker 1: just I can't see how I can do that. I 483 00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 1: just can't see how I can. So obviously it was 484 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 1: in the other way, you know, it was the woman 485 00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: and so, uh, you can't give anybody advice except if 486 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: they want to keep it going, they can find a way. Yeah, 487 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,960 Speaker 1: if they want to keep it going, they can find 488 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:23,160 Speaker 1: a way. And the key, what's the key? Right? Sent 489 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,680 Speaker 1: me two years If you have one key that unlocks 490 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: the door. I know that you have to be able 491 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 1: to be truthful and honest with each other, you really do, 492 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,880 Speaker 1: And that's tough. Yeah, uh, I'm not saying you can't. 493 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:41,720 Speaker 1: There are things that you don't want to tell each 494 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:44,680 Speaker 1: other because you don't want to cause pain. You know, 495 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 1: if if they don't know what if but you they're 496 00:30:52,880 --> 00:31:01,200 Speaker 1: clearly is something a little wrong. It has to be changed. 497 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: If you are wavering, if you are going in another direction, 498 00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:08,440 Speaker 1: so you've got to face that and if you really 499 00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:11,640 Speaker 1: want to keep the marriage going. You know, I don't 500 00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: mean to tell people every little incidents or you know, 501 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 1: feeling or anything like that, but just to talk about it. 502 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:25,000 Speaker 1: And we all have things. We drive each other crazy. 503 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: If we told people every thought we had, you know, 504 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 1: we drive each other crazy because there are times when 505 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 1: it depends on if there's enough love and I don't 506 00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:43,160 Speaker 1: know what that word means, but if there's enough consideration, 507 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 1: love and determination determination, but there isn't as funny, then 508 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,680 Speaker 1: you move on. Yeah, I love that enough live. That's 509 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:59,400 Speaker 1: so good, Bonnie, thank you so much for coming on. 510 00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,320 Speaker 1: I just think it's beautiful. I remember again like kind 511 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: of reading the story when it came out and it 512 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: hit the headlines and I was just it was so 513 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 1: cool that I love when obviously people share. I mean, 514 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: I'm the queen of not oversharing, but I also want 515 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:15,680 Speaker 1: to help people relate, and you're helping so many people 516 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,560 Speaker 1: by sharing your story. So thank you so much for 517 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: doing that, and thank what I hope, thank you so much, 518 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:27,120 Speaker 1: so last honored to talk to you. Thank you, thank you, 519 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 1: bye bye. Oh my gosh. She's like a little spitfire. 520 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,680 Speaker 1: I love her so much. She's great. It's such a 521 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,040 Speaker 1: rarity to have. And I don't know about you guys, 522 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: but like to have an older generation that pours into 523 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: our generation. Yeah, I know, I just like want to 524 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:59,240 Speaker 1: you all day, like keeping parents and I don't have, 525 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,000 Speaker 1: you know, like there's just a lot of like that. 526 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: But I don't even have to say. But like just 527 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:09,080 Speaker 1: her age group, her experienced her life like a full life. Well, 528 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:10,800 Speaker 1: like even Jannah said though, like even if we had 529 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 1: our grandparents, they don't really they don't talk about this. Well. 530 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,480 Speaker 1: So the only thing that like my grandparents, like you know, 531 00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: my grandma, now that my grandpa passed, but I couldn't 532 00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,200 Speaker 1: sit down with my grandpa and be like, so, what 533 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,120 Speaker 1: was the hardest part about your marriage? Like you know 534 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,120 Speaker 1: what I mean, like like because especially than men, but 535 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,040 Speaker 1: like my grandma means she would she said a few things, 536 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,040 Speaker 1: you know, but at the same time, it's like, well, 537 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,880 Speaker 1: he's been the love of my life since fifth grade 538 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 1: and you know, just like grass. And then there's my 539 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 1: other grandma who's you know, survived the war in Croatia 540 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 1: and Yugoslavia and you know, wrote it about how she 541 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: was eating mud for so it's like there's like that story, 542 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 1: but it's like this. The story is, you know, about 543 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 1: like marriage and like what we go through, like that 544 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:51,120 Speaker 1: thread that like connects kind of like our struggles, Like wow, 545 00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,120 Speaker 1: we we all had them. It's just a very u shime. 546 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,760 Speaker 1: Someone was honest with me about marriage. It was my 547 00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:08,240 Speaker 1: dealous mom, and I know you have a emotional anyways, 548 00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: but I just remember the first time she actually like 549 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:15,520 Speaker 1: was like oh well that you know, she was like, 550 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:18,719 Speaker 1: well that was hard or this happened in our marriage too, 551 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: And I was like, what, like they have like the 552 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 1: most loving, beautiful like I aspired to be them, like 553 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 1: held hands and nicknames and bought art and collected sunshines together, 554 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,360 Speaker 1: you know, just like best friendly stuff. And that was 555 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,680 Speaker 1: like the very first time I remember someone just like 556 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: being like, yeah, she's hard sometimes, but like he's the 557 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: love of my life, Like that's I think just that 558 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 1: first sentences the piece that we have missed. Well, everyone's 559 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,120 Speaker 1: busy like painting a picture, saving face or for whatever 560 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,880 Speaker 1: reason generationally they felt like they couldn't share the truth 561 00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:58,840 Speaker 1: or whatever. That's the sentence you need to hear, like 562 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,240 Speaker 1: of course it was hard, but I love this person 563 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,160 Speaker 1: and we're always chasing after what we're seeing. We're always 564 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:09,440 Speaker 1: chasing after that perfect little and we can't figure. Yeah, 565 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,360 Speaker 1: but even like when she said, you know, um that 566 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,080 Speaker 1: they're so affectionate there most affectionate, but they weren't always 567 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,400 Speaker 1: that way, you know. I mean, it's like there's hope 568 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,879 Speaker 1: for people like me, you know that, like you can 569 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,520 Speaker 1: make a choice and make a change, you can change 570 00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:25,400 Speaker 1: the way. And I think this is that's interesting when 571 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 1: you say that because I remember talking to Nick in 572 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,560 Speaker 1: my garage when I was working out one day when 573 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: he came over and He's just like, that's just the 574 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,120 Speaker 1: way it has to be. And I'm like, no, Nick, 575 00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,680 Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's for you guys. I'm like you, like, 576 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,280 Speaker 1: it does not have to be this way, Like you guys, 577 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,600 Speaker 1: can you know, like do the work or do you 578 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: guys like one of y'all will have to like, yes, 579 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 1: Cat will have to be more affectionate, but like you're 580 00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,239 Speaker 1: gonna have to meet her somewhere halfway to to like 581 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,400 Speaker 1: not to want her to almost be affectionate too, you know, 582 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:53,920 Speaker 1: but don't just settling on the well it's just how 583 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 1: it's going to be. It's like, no, it's it doesn't 584 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 1: have to be. Yeah, really and I won't be that 585 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:03,319 Speaker 1: be that's my like I pushed us further in it's 586 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: just not okay, it's just never going to be okay now, Mundane, 587 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,920 Speaker 1: those days fine, and I all have those like average days, 588 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,400 Speaker 1: but like if it just stays stagnant like that, like 589 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,000 Speaker 1: that doesn't I don't know I to be it has 590 00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,400 Speaker 1: to be what works for you. And that's what always 591 00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,759 Speaker 1: stuck with me with any that. Amy always told me, 592 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,520 Speaker 1: like stop comparing what you think it should look like, 593 00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: what you're told it should look like, you know, you 594 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:28,640 Speaker 1: know the things that need to change, but it can 595 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,799 Speaker 1: still look like what your marriage looks like and be 596 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: great right now. I had this um some of my 597 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,799 Speaker 1: parents obviously got divorced and not in high school and 598 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:41,359 Speaker 1: my girlfriend Lisa, I was always so jealous of her 599 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,200 Speaker 1: parents relationship that like every time I always saw them 600 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,880 Speaker 1: like laugh because they just have such a great relationship. 601 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:50,240 Speaker 1: But I remember always like I always had a little 602 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 1: piece of jealousy because I'm like, my parents were divorced, 603 00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,880 Speaker 1: and I think, get to like have that in a house. 604 00:36:57,000 --> 00:36:59,360 Speaker 1: And so that's where I think where I always went to, like, Okay, 605 00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: now I'm gonna I need to find that I want 606 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,000 Speaker 1: like the like the picture in the frame that I 607 00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: never got, like I can't put a picture in the 608 00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:10,040 Speaker 1: frame with my family growing up, right, and then when 609 00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:11,920 Speaker 1: then then when it happens with my kids, like I 610 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 1: was like, now they can't do that, and so that 611 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,799 Speaker 1: was just like that that's the piece that always like 612 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: hits me. Like what's interesting is they probably had their 613 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:22,279 Speaker 1: own issues too. Now we can write that, you know, 614 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,600 Speaker 1: now we can see like there's that picture in the frame, 615 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,080 Speaker 1: But what were their struggles because I'm sure they had 616 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:31,520 Speaker 1: struggles too, And I think, perfect, I need to do 617 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:38,120 Speaker 1: the creature call me and give me the needs you 618 00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,879 Speaker 1: know that there was. But here's the thing too, though, 619 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 1: this is something interesting about like relationships and marriages, like 620 00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,759 Speaker 1: I the ones that are like, oh we never fight 621 00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 1: to me, I'm like I'm I'm like, there's gotta be 622 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:52,480 Speaker 1: I don't think it should be that hard. That's the 623 00:37:52,480 --> 00:37:55,319 Speaker 1: thing I remember someone saying to me. He's like I 624 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,840 Speaker 1: was telling this one person. He's like, he doesn't it 625 00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,799 Speaker 1: doesn't have to be that hard. And I agree with 626 00:37:59,840 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: that you shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail. But 627 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,000 Speaker 1: I also think I think it's healthy to have certain 628 00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:08,200 Speaker 1: fights of course, in conflict, like say, like we never fought. 629 00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:09,799 Speaker 1: To me, I don't think because I'm like, are you 630 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: really getting into the weeds of things? No? And underneath 631 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: the layers, I'm like, I want to know that my boyfriend, 632 00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:19,200 Speaker 1: Like I want to know under all of it, because 633 00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:22,680 Speaker 1: that's like that's really connecting on an intimate level of knowing, 634 00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:25,799 Speaker 1: like well you learn about each other. Yeah, And like 635 00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,439 Speaker 1: I'm not going to judge you. I hope you don't 636 00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,920 Speaker 1: judge me because I'm about to unleash like the veil, 637 00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:36,520 Speaker 1: but like you know, this is I think unleashing those 638 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:38,719 Speaker 1: things then and then showing where you're at now just 639 00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: shows like the growth of person and the intimacy like 640 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: I know this about you and I love you for it. 641 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, I always feel like, so we 642 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:49,800 Speaker 1: do fight, um, and it used to be a real 643 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,839 Speaker 1: real redneck at first, Like it just was real bad 644 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,799 Speaker 1: at first, like not like physically, just like we would 645 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,920 Speaker 1: just yeah, it's just would like we didn't know how 646 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 1: to fight with each other or for each other. Like 647 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 1: I knew at the baseline of everything, we were fighting 648 00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:07,320 Speaker 1: for each other. And like we sat down their therapist 649 00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: for the first time. He was like, so, why are 650 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: you guys here, Like, you know, we talked for a 651 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,200 Speaker 1: while and he's like, I feel like you guys are 652 00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,600 Speaker 1: best friends, and like we are best friends and we're 653 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,520 Speaker 1: always fighting for each other. We just don't do well 654 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:19,080 Speaker 1: fighting with each Like how do we you have to 655 00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,360 Speaker 1: that's its own thing. I mean we're eight years in 656 00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:23,799 Speaker 1: and we just did a three day intensive where we 657 00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,080 Speaker 1: just learned how to like talk differently to each other 658 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,600 Speaker 1: so that we can actually hear what the other person 659 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,760 Speaker 1: says and what brings up the walls and like, because 660 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,560 Speaker 1: we're trying to enrich it and make it deeper and 661 00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: grow it deeper and grow it bigger and keep it 662 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 1: moving down the road, but like we still have to 663 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,760 Speaker 1: also explain to each other what throws up those walls. 664 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:45,160 Speaker 1: I mean, we've had a lot of those conversations and 665 00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 1: avoided exactly where I'm going, Yes, while it's going up, 666 00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,160 Speaker 1: So like you just have to like communicate that talking. 667 00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: That's crazy to look to listen to someone like Bonnie 668 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,560 Speaker 1: say stuff because it's like ninety three years in She's 669 00:39:57,600 --> 00:40:00,640 Speaker 1: like telling truth and I'm like, God, it biblical. The 670 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,799 Speaker 1: truth set you free, So like why do we just 671 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: not say it for what it is. I'm not saying 672 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,399 Speaker 1: you have to spill like your dirty laundry. Yeah, yeah, 673 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,640 Speaker 1: let's be truthful. Yeah, I mean to like the world, 674 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:13,719 Speaker 1: but in your marriage is to just be honest. Like 675 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:16,080 Speaker 1: there's reason the reason I fight the way I fights 676 00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,279 Speaker 1: because I watched a certain type of fight growing up. 677 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:22,080 Speaker 1: That doesn't make it okay. And he doesn't want to 678 00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:24,560 Speaker 1: fight at all because he never saw any fights growing up. 679 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,520 Speaker 1: Yeah that's so it's like and I'm like, well that's 680 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,799 Speaker 1: not going to be fine. Yeah. Yeah, I am feisty. Yeah. 681 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,919 Speaker 1: I told I told boyfriend that I was like, I 682 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:38,080 Speaker 1: cannot fight how I fought. But I don't think I 683 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:39,920 Speaker 1: would ever fight the way that I thought in my 684 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:45,759 Speaker 1: ex because a there's not the turmoil that's in the relationship, 685 00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:49,200 Speaker 1: but also I'm so careful now with my words and 686 00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:50,719 Speaker 1: like how I want to say it, and like knowing 687 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:52,880 Speaker 1: when I feel something come up, I'll be like I 688 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:56,480 Speaker 1: need a minute because what I'm gonna say next is 689 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,840 Speaker 1: probably not going to come out how I wanted and 690 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,200 Speaker 1: how you were, how what you deserve, you know. And 691 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:04,640 Speaker 1: so when we have really gotten to that point at all, 692 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:08,360 Speaker 1: like we've not had to fight, which has been amazing, 693 00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,239 Speaker 1: but like yeah, you know, like it's we have like 694 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,719 Speaker 1: maybe um conversations and it's just like it's to know 695 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,440 Speaker 1: that like how to like talk better and just community 696 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,040 Speaker 1: like hey, that kind of like brought me the wrong way, 697 00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:22,960 Speaker 1: and like do like, oh, like let's talk about it. 698 00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,319 Speaker 1: Like it's so such a better way than like not 699 00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,719 Speaker 1: being like you're kind of retraining yourself to to just 700 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,360 Speaker 1: like stop for a minute, not just react. I basically 701 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:35,640 Speaker 1: putting into practice the things that I learned in couple 702 00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,359 Speaker 1: therapy with my acts that we couldn't do together because 703 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:41,120 Speaker 1: there was just too much turmoil. It just was never 704 00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,000 Speaker 1: going to be able to like but like now that 705 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:49,400 Speaker 1: there isn't that I'm actually saying, I feel why and 706 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,839 Speaker 1: and then it's like oh, that's it, okay. Yeah, and 707 00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,120 Speaker 1: so you know how like sometimes people will say like 708 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,480 Speaker 1: so people will say like I'm witty or whatever. Well, 709 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,920 Speaker 1: the opposite swing of that is not charming at all. 710 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,879 Speaker 1: So the back end of that is actually ugly. It's 711 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 1: really ugly. And so now there's been times we're all 712 00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:11,040 Speaker 1: say things like nothing good is going to happen from here, yeah, 713 00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:15,799 Speaker 1: because I just know. I know Michigan Detroit Kristen is 714 00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:17,440 Speaker 1: like two minutes, you know, like I just know it's 715 00:42:17,480 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 1: gonna get scrappy and it's not going to be good 716 00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:20,719 Speaker 1: and it's not gonna be what I want to say 717 00:42:20,760 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 1: or what like just knowing to went to like exit 718 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,480 Speaker 1: the battlefield for a minute, which is like it's so 719 00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,719 Speaker 1: hard when you want to be heard and or just 720 00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:35,000 Speaker 1: cut sometimes like you know, or you're like I just 721 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,719 Speaker 1: gotta like say it. But I think sometimes it's not 722 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,560 Speaker 1: avoidant to just exit the battlefield. Feel like this is 723 00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,480 Speaker 1: nothing good it's going to happen, and I just need 724 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,319 Speaker 1: a minute. Minutes are good. And I think it's so 725 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:48,880 Speaker 1: nice to be respectful of remembering who you're talking to 726 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:51,880 Speaker 1: and the person that you say you love. It's like 727 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,439 Speaker 1: treat that person like the respect that they deserve. Yeah, 728 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,680 Speaker 1: and also you'll get that back, Like I'm like, you're 729 00:42:57,680 --> 00:43:01,000 Speaker 1: my best friend. I don't want because you believe back, 730 00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:03,600 Speaker 1: so don't make me do it. But it's because we're hurt. 731 00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,360 Speaker 1: Is Like I remember the things I said in cash relationships. 732 00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:11,160 Speaker 1: I was also hurting, so I said things, Yeah, hurt 733 00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 1: people hurt people don't get hurt. Hurt thing you what 734 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,680 Speaker 1: is it? What is the thing that saying? Um, you choose, 735 00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:21,680 Speaker 1: like you choose the healthiness of it, which basically where 736 00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:26,719 Speaker 1: you're at, Like healthy attracts healthy, unhealthy attracts unhealthy. So 737 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,600 Speaker 1: like that's kind of been true in a lot of 738 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:30,840 Speaker 1: my relationships. Now I feel like I'm finally like healthy 739 00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,640 Speaker 1: ment healthy finally because I had but I had to, 740 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:36,120 Speaker 1: I had to jumped to ye, you'll never be able 741 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 1: to find you, are you know? Yeah? Look at that? Guys. 742 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:43,160 Speaker 1: All right, great episode, See you next week.