WEBVTT - Uncuffing Season

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, folks, In this episode, everybody seems to be breaking up,

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<v Speaker 1>so why not you too? And with that, welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>this episode of Amy and TJ. Yes, we are Robes

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<v Speaker 1>in a very strange time right now. If you've read

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<v Speaker 1>the headlines, obviously the people have been seeing all these breakups.

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<v Speaker 1>But we are in a weird time right now. We

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<v Speaker 1>are in the mixed of midst of cuffing season. Engagement

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<v Speaker 1>season and divorce season are all happening at the same time.

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<v Speaker 2>People are focused on their relationships for.

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<v Speaker 1>Much different reasons. I'm told for of all engagements happened

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<v Speaker 1>between Thanksgiving and the first of the year before. Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's that range all.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's all happening cuffing season.

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<v Speaker 1>But also at the same time, everybody's breaking up.

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<v Speaker 2>Why because they're realizing that they want something that they

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<v Speaker 2>don't have. Whether it's not that necessarily another person. It's

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<v Speaker 2>like a connection, a deeper connection, or a you know,

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<v Speaker 2>a better.

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<v Speaker 1>This, or a so love island y right, there is connection.

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<v Speaker 1>When you start throwing around she's been watching, Oh you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I had a deeper connection. How many times you have

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<v Speaker 1>to hear that a deep I just want a deeper connection?

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<v Speaker 2>What is this, but don't we all know? But there

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<v Speaker 2>is the grasses greener mentality, and you start to see

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<v Speaker 2>other couples and think, wow, I want what they have.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I do think people think everyone else's relationship

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<v Speaker 2>is better than theirs a lot of times, and maybe

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<v Speaker 2>the first of the year, you start to think, I

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<v Speaker 2>want to I want a new start, I want a

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<v Speaker 2>fresh start. I want to try to find what I'm

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<v Speaker 2>really looking for.

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<v Speaker 1>You are hitting on already the exact thing that many

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<v Speaker 1>psychologists say is the exact reason why people break up,

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<v Speaker 1>in particular around the holidays. A lot of couples that

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<v Speaker 1>we've seen breakup happen just before Christmas, and then a

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<v Speaker 1>lot have happened. I cannot believe how many have happened

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<v Speaker 1>right after January one boom boom, boom, boom boom. We've

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<v Speaker 1>seen so many things. Do we know anybody personally? Oh? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I say personally, but outside of headlines. I'm trying to

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<v Speaker 1>think of anybody in our families or friends right now.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think so right, I'm trying.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, there have been divorces. You get to a

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<v Speaker 2>certain age, you definitely have friends and family who get divorced.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't remember there being a consistent time of year

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<v Speaker 2>where I feel like those are now because you know what, Honestly,

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<v Speaker 2>the truth is, by the time friends and family usually

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<v Speaker 2>tell one another, it's long done, so I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>when the actual decision.

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<v Speaker 1>Was to plan.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean yeah, And that's the truth, right, That.

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<v Speaker 1>Really is a true statement we wanted to do. You

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<v Speaker 1>know who did it well?

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<v Speaker 2>Of course, you know who did it well, Jiselle tom Brady.

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<v Speaker 2>That was the model I was trying to go or follow.

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking to myself before I announced it to everyone,

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<v Speaker 2>including some of my friends, I want to have the

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<v Speaker 2>divorce actually already be filed in the court so that

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<v Speaker 2>the messiness is over. Any sort of tumult I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 2>deal with personally. And then by the time I announced it,

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<v Speaker 2>things are cool and calm and we're all good. And

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<v Speaker 2>that was my goal.

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<v Speaker 1>That was that was our goal. They announced we are

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<v Speaker 1>breaking up. That's what we heard. And they said, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>actually the divorce is final, it's done. That was the

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<v Speaker 1>way they went about.

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<v Speaker 2>It, because when you announce to people that you're breaking up,

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<v Speaker 2>people usually want to weigh in.

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<v Speaker 1>I have questions, this is about whose fault is it.

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<v Speaker 2>So once you already say, hey guys, it's a done deal,

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<v Speaker 2>there's no room for discussion. And I think by the

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<v Speaker 2>time you get to that point, you've already made your

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<v Speaker 2>mind up and you don't really want to hear what

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<v Speaker 2>everyone else thinks about it. And so that makes a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of sense to me. But when I think by

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<v Speaker 2>the time you actually hear about these breakups January one,

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<v Speaker 2>January two, maybe even in December, at the end of

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<v Speaker 2>the year, when people are focused on other things. This

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<v Speaker 2>has been going on for six months, this has been

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<v Speaker 2>going on for maybe years even so we've.

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<v Speaker 1>Been talking about this, and you are, I guess, cuffing season.

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<v Speaker 1>You've you seem to be a fan of just saying

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<v Speaker 1>that sometimes it's fun. Okay, okay, I'm not wrong, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not okay, it's just funny to me. But that's the

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<v Speaker 1>time between I guess Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to be alone. You don't want to be lonely

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<v Speaker 1>around the holidays, don't want to be lonely and single

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<v Speaker 1>around Valentine's Day. A lot of people will say, so

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<v Speaker 1>that's why they call that cuffing season engagement season. A

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people like to make it a family event

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<v Speaker 1>around the holidays, starting a new beginnings. New Years is

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<v Speaker 1>a very popular day to propose, and then you got

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<v Speaker 1>Valentine's Day. A lot of people like to do it then.

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<v Speaker 1>So that explains engagement season, divorce season. It's that as well,

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<v Speaker 1>because you have a lot of attorneys who will tell

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<v Speaker 1>you that January. It's a myth kind of but they

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<v Speaker 1>say most divorces happen in January. Lawyers tell you that's

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<v Speaker 1>when they get the most calls. The divorces don't always

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<v Speaker 1>go through and don't get filed, but they start their

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<v Speaker 1>switchboard starts lighting up with inquiries right after the holidays,

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<v Speaker 1>and we can understand that as well, a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>people just don't want to put the kids through it.

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<v Speaker 1>When it gets passed it, we don't have to explain

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<v Speaker 1>things to at the family gatherings about so you just

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<v Speaker 1>get through the holidays and file for divorce. So we

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<v Speaker 1>in the midst of all three of those are happening

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<v Speaker 1>right now. Just about everybody that can hear our voices

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<v Speaker 1>right now is going through one of them.

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<v Speaker 2>It's wild, right. I was just asking, is this an

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<v Speaker 2>exceptional year for breakups? If you look at the last

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<v Speaker 2>two months or is this always the way it is

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<v Speaker 2>and I just haven't paid as much attention to it.

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<v Speaker 1>I got social media now, I think a big part

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<v Speaker 1>of it. I think the breakups and things always happen,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think people are learning, I do a new strategy,

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<v Speaker 1>a new way of going about handling a public breakup.

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<v Speaker 1>We failed measurably at it and dealing with our divorces.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think Brandon routh Is one actor played Superman.

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<v Speaker 1>They are running from la fires and he and his

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<v Speaker 1>wife have to announce their breakup because they were about

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<v Speaker 1>to be it isn't that the one They were about

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<v Speaker 1>to be exposed by tabloid So in the midst of

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<v Speaker 1>all that they had to announce seventeen years marriage.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they had to go on to social media and

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<v Speaker 2>get ahead of the headline. And it's nice that they

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<v Speaker 2>even had a heads up, because sometimes you don't even

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<v Speaker 2>get that courtesy. They just go with whatever rumor they've

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<v Speaker 2>heard or whatever source they've been able to get some

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<v Speaker 2>information from. So yeah, but that's sad when you're dealing

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<v Speaker 2>with your life and you're dealing with a massive tragedy

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<v Speaker 2>that you then have to get ahead of headlines, But

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<v Speaker 2>there have been a lot of headlines over the last

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<v Speaker 2>few weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>You go back and get it, don't have to go

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<v Speaker 1>that far. Megan Fox, Machine Gun Kelly split early December.

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<v Speaker 1>They've been together four years and they announced they're split

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<v Speaker 1>a month after they announced they were having a baby.

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<v Speaker 1>Chance the Raptor Rat the Raptor. I chanced the Rapper

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<v Speaker 1>and his wife, Kirsten Corley. She filed for divorce in December.

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<v Speaker 1>That was after five years of marriage. They had two

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<v Speaker 1>daughters together. So Brina Carpenter and Barrick Yogan reportedly split

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<v Speaker 1>in December. They had been dating for a year. Then

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<v Speaker 1>you got Zoe Kravis Channing Tatum reportedly split at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of the year. They were engaged and they had

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<v Speaker 1>been dating for three years.

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<v Speaker 2>I was rooting for them. I really liked them, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And I do think people feel personally invested sometimes in

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<v Speaker 2>some of these couples. Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, they

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<v Speaker 2>announced their separation after ten years of marriage and fourteen

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<v Speaker 2>years together because they had two kids before they even

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<v Speaker 2>got married, but they have three children together. That was

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<v Speaker 2>a bit of a chakra for a lot of folks.

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<v Speaker 2>Some people who've been following closely noticed that they had

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<v Speaker 2>stopped wearing their rings for months. Then Naomi Osaka, the

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<v Speaker 2>tennis Star and Cordet the Rapper announced they're split the

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<v Speaker 2>first week of January after several years of dating, and

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<v Speaker 2>they have a daughter together.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, Jessica Albucash Warren, I got a lot of attention.

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<v Speaker 1>They announced theirs early January. Sixteen years of marriage, they

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<v Speaker 1>got three kids together. You had Austin Butler Kaya Gerber.

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<v Speaker 1>I think they had been together few years.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, I think three years?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, news was out of there, reported split. We

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<v Speaker 1>started hearing about that the first week of the year,

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<v Speaker 1>and then we just mentioned Brandon Routh and Courtney Ford

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<v Speaker 1>their divorce seventeen years. And then the one I guess

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<v Speaker 1>that stung a little bit for us because of our

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<v Speaker 1>personal connection to it had to do with Matt and Rachel.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and as we're Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell. Matt

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<v Speaker 2>announced their split just a few days ago, January seventeenth,

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<v Speaker 2>after four years of dating and after a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>people were only expecting the next announcement from them to

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<v Speaker 2>be one of engagement from all the hints they were

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<v Speaker 2>dropping and you know, we learned the hard way. When

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<v Speaker 2>you don't fill in the details, when you don't fill

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<v Speaker 2>in the gaps, and by no means are you forced

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<v Speaker 2>to or are expected to, and you shouldn't have to.

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<v Speaker 2>But what happens when you don't is other people do

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<v Speaker 2>it for you. And unfortunately we're kind of seeing that

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<v Speaker 2>with the Matt and Rachel announcement now because we haven't

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<v Speaker 2>heard from Rachel and Matt didn't give any details and again,

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't have to, shouldn't have to, doesn't owe anybody anything.

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<v Speaker 2>But then people start speculating, and that's when things get

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<v Speaker 2>tough to witness and watch. It's especially tough to watch

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<v Speaker 2>because a it's personal because we know him, and b

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<v Speaker 2>because we went through people filling in the dots for you.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's painful because almost certainly it's not true, or

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<v Speaker 2>at least it's not the way people are painting it.

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<v Speaker 1>All of these come together now to put you in

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<v Speaker 1>the flight, like you do have to wonder. It makes

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<v Speaker 1>you wonder what's going on. Maybe there's nothing going on. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>these are just headlines and look social media and the

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<v Speaker 1>way news spreads online these days, and maybe we're just

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<v Speaker 1>seeing more about them. But there's got to be a

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<v Speaker 1>reason for it. Certainly a lot of this has been

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<v Speaker 1>studied over the years. But the reasons around the holidays

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<v Speaker 1>are threefold that you hit on. One of them has

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<v Speaker 1>to do with the holiday stress. Holidays are Yeah, we

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<v Speaker 1>talk about the Christmas cheer and the music's playing, and

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<v Speaker 1>he called me a grinch all the time, right, Screa, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Got you No, I got you a grinch sweatshirt for Christmas?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember that?

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<v Speaker 1>I do remember the sweatshirt, and I am a grinch.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sre. But it's stressful. You wish everybody at some

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<v Speaker 1>point was running around trying to find something. Man, I

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<v Speaker 1>can't get this they and it'll be there on the

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<v Speaker 1>twenty seve not the twenty third and everybody. So it's stressful.

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<v Speaker 1>You'd throw in the family, the travel. Then we have

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<v Speaker 1>some bad weather, we knew folks that got had flights canceled,

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<v Speaker 1>and all these things happening. So doesn't that put a

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<v Speaker 1>strain on a relationship that's already not in a.

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<v Speaker 2>Good place without a doubt, Yes, And if you don't

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<v Speaker 2>handle stress the same way, or you don't support each other,

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<v Speaker 2>but you just get further irritated by one another's reaction

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<v Speaker 2>to whatever isn't going right. Yeah, that could lead to

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<v Speaker 2>an absolute death spiral.

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<v Speaker 1>The other thing of one of the reasons around the

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<v Speaker 1>holidays is because you are now dealing with what as

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<v Speaker 1>you reflect unmet expectations of your past year, and a

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<v Speaker 1>part of you taking an assessment of your past year

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<v Speaker 1>and your expectations were not met, you examine your relationship

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<v Speaker 1>and then you think, on January one, do I really

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<v Speaker 1>want to go through another year of this? And that's

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<v Speaker 1>the other reason they point to as to why the

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<v Speaker 1>holidays are so popular.

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<v Speaker 2>Didn't you tell me? And I looked it up and

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<v Speaker 2>confirmed it. December eleventh is dubbed break up Day, or

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<v Speaker 2>roughly two weeks before the holidays officially begin, for all

0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.840
<v Speaker 2>of those reasons you just mentioned. And you know, I

0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.440
<v Speaker 2>think that's funny. I think if you don't have kids,

0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:25.599
<v Speaker 2>that make sense. When you do have kids, it was

0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.160
<v Speaker 2>the opposite. For me. It was let's give them one

0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:32.920
<v Speaker 2>last Christmas, let's make it through this last Christmas. Let's

0:11:33.200 --> 0:11:37.400
<v Speaker 2>tolerate one another through this Christmas for them. But yeah,

0:11:37.520 --> 0:11:39.960
<v Speaker 2>with kids weren't involved, that makes perfect sense to me.

0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:42.480
<v Speaker 1>And the other reason is you're looking for a new start,

0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.800
<v Speaker 1>and you actually are in the mood to make a

0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.840
<v Speaker 1>bold move. You're not in the mood anymore to just

0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:51.400
<v Speaker 1>reflect on how things went wrong. You actually want to

0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.559
<v Speaker 1>take some action to correct them. You don't want to

0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:55.200
<v Speaker 1>see how it goes anymore. They say, you're in a

0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.480
<v Speaker 1>different mindset. That does put you in a position to

0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:00.920
<v Speaker 1>make a bold move starting on January one that makes.

0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:04.080
<v Speaker 2>Sense, and I actually, you know, it sounds like from

0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:08.760
<v Speaker 2>what we were reading and looking at. Breakups obviously can

0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:10.520
<v Speaker 2>happen any time of the year, but you do get

0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:12.840
<v Speaker 2>into certain mindsets. And the other one was I noticed

0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.520
<v Speaker 2>or I saw that March is a is a big

0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:20.560
<v Speaker 2>month for breakups. It's actually been dubbed Spring Clean. And

0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.280
<v Speaker 2>for whatever reason they said, April second ends up being

0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:26.760
<v Speaker 2>a day where a lot of people announce that they're

0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:30.000
<v Speaker 2>breaking up or splitting because again they're looking towards now

0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:33.959
<v Speaker 2>warmer weather, getting back out there, the excitement of maybe

0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.880
<v Speaker 2>going on adventures or dates with someone else with the

0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:41.240
<v Speaker 2>warmer weather and socializing right, but feeling like you can

0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:44.400
<v Speaker 2>clean your closet literally, or clean your home or clean

0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.600
<v Speaker 2>your life up by making massive changes.

0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.120
<v Speaker 1>So what we're saying, folks, is you need to be

0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:53.920
<v Speaker 1>on edge in January, March, and December. If you're in

0:12:53.960 --> 0:12:59.319
<v Speaker 1>a relationship, just yeah, turn off your notifications, be careful

0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:01.800
<v Speaker 1>about answering that phone the other You said this earlier

0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:04.680
<v Speaker 1>as well, talking about parents. August is one that a

0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:07.720
<v Speaker 1>lot of attorneys point to as to why breakups happen

0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:11.600
<v Speaker 1>is because kids are actually busy. They might be a camp,

0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.520
<v Speaker 1>they might be going to visit, and parents take an

0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:17.679
<v Speaker 1>opportunity of saying, well, the kids are gone, we need

0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:19.760
<v Speaker 1>to talk for a second while the kids are out

0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:20.719
<v Speaker 1>of the house for several days.

0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:25.000
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's crazy, babe. Those were that so July

0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:29.040
<v Speaker 2>August like, and yes, those were in both of my

0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:34.280
<v Speaker 2>marriages that ended in divorce. The decisions were made in

0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:39.160
<v Speaker 2>August like early August, late July, early August in both

0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:43.760
<v Speaker 2>of my marriages, which is but you know what, It's true,

0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 2>the kids go to camp, the kids, you have some time.

0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:47.480
<v Speaker 1>To yourself, have a window.

0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.320
<v Speaker 2>That actually happened for me the first time around, especially

0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:54.560
<v Speaker 2>where I had time. I had three weeks and I

0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.600
<v Speaker 2>just thought, I can't do this anymore. And you have

0:13:57.720 --> 0:14:01.320
<v Speaker 2>this space because so many of us, well everybody is busy,

0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:04.520
<v Speaker 2>right and you don't have the luxury sometimes of reflecting

0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:08.079
<v Speaker 2>and thinking on all of those things when you're a parent,

0:14:08.200 --> 0:14:10.960
<v Speaker 2>especially to young children. Yeah, that makes total sense.

0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:13.719
<v Speaker 1>The National breakup Day you mentioned December eleventh, I think

0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:15.600
<v Speaker 1>that kind of can change from time to time. But

0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.440
<v Speaker 1>the reason that one came about was because some group

0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:21.960
<v Speaker 1>went through and checked out people's face. They were able

0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:25.400
<v Speaker 1>to analyze people's Facebook status changes and they noticed on

0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.960
<v Speaker 1>December eleventh there was more changes than any other day

0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:32.440
<v Speaker 1>people in changing their Facebook status from single to single.

0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.280
<v Speaker 1>That's so interesting that they were able to pinpoint that.

0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>But that's why December eleventh, it is just kind of unofficial.

0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, that's the day that people do. Well. What

0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:41.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm just.

0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:42.920
<v Speaker 2>Saying, what no one, I'm just saying. What's interesting is

0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:45.240
<v Speaker 2>we're able to collect a lot of this data now

0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:48.720
<v Speaker 2>because we all share so much with the world without

0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.160
<v Speaker 2>realizing it, we were very quick to let people know.

0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's funny. I'm old, too old to have

0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:57.320
<v Speaker 2>actually ever put a status on Facebook, so I've never

0:14:57.480 --> 0:14:59.680
<v Speaker 2>done that. But it's a big deal when people change

0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:02.400
<v Speaker 2>their I've heard my kids talk about it, or someone

0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:05.040
<v Speaker 2>changes their status. It's like, but now you're putting that

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:06.760
<v Speaker 2>out there for people to measure and look at and

0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:08.560
<v Speaker 2>see what trends are and.

0:15:09.000 --> 0:15:10.680
<v Speaker 1>What is your status currently.

0:15:12.280 --> 0:15:13.280
<v Speaker 2>Deeply in love?

0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:18.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't think they give you Zuckerberg havn't hasn't changed

0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:20.680
<v Speaker 1>to give that as an option.

0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:21.640
<v Speaker 2>What are the options?

0:15:21.680 --> 0:15:22.240
<v Speaker 1>Are the options?

0:15:22.800 --> 0:15:23.240
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:15:23.360 --> 0:15:25.760
<v Speaker 1>It's single in a relationship, married, and what else could

0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:25.960
<v Speaker 1>it be?

0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:27.360
<v Speaker 2>Engaged?

0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:30.880
<v Speaker 1>Is it really one oh schnike?

0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:35.160
<v Speaker 2>Well, mine would be in a relationship, yes, obviously, what

0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:35.760
<v Speaker 2>would your be?

0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.120
<v Speaker 1>Well? I want to hear what the options are first.

0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:41.240
<v Speaker 2>I was waiting for you to say it's complicated.

0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:43.680
<v Speaker 1>Is that one of them is? I think it's complicated

0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:47.520
<v Speaker 1>as one of them single in a relationship, engaged, married,

0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:53.680
<v Speaker 1>it's complicated in an open relationship, widow, separated.

0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:56.840
<v Speaker 2>Divorce, widowed, Sara, union, a union?

0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.760
<v Speaker 1>What was like number four or five? You said, sin

0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:03.440
<v Speaker 1>open and then it's complicated, Which is the worst you

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.280
<v Speaker 1>could hear from me? It's complicated?

0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't think or maybe open relationship, open relationship

0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:10.720
<v Speaker 2>and it's complicated. Those are two that would be a

0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:16.640
<v Speaker 2>huge red flag for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look,

0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:20.360
<v Speaker 2>we've talked about this funny enough. I have struggled with

0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:25.480
<v Speaker 2>what to call you. I'm fifty one years old and

0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:27.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm on a plane and I'm saying, oh, could you

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 2>bring something back? Like I go up and say, hey,

0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.440
<v Speaker 2>would you would you mind sending something back to and

0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:35.200
<v Speaker 2>I kind of stumble, like my boyfriend more or if

0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.000
<v Speaker 2>I say my partner, I feel like they're looking for

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:39.760
<v Speaker 2>a woman instead of a man, because that's a lot

0:16:39.800 --> 0:16:42.520
<v Speaker 2>of the terms people use when you're in a same

0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.160
<v Speaker 2>sex relationship. So I'm like, but I always feel so

0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:46.440
<v Speaker 2>weird calling you my boyfriend.

0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:48.080
<v Speaker 1>Why don't you go with your favorite on the plane

0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:51.600
<v Speaker 1>at least see she's laughing to see if you're going

0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:52.000
<v Speaker 1>to say it.

0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:56.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I said, Mike, we were working together at that point,

0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:00.560
<v Speaker 2>and honestly, we know we catch this was we were

0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:04.280
<v Speaker 2>together at this point. We were working together and we

0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:09.280
<v Speaker 2>were out in the open about our relationship, and so

0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:11.080
<v Speaker 2>I didn't know what to say. Again, this is funny.

0:17:11.160 --> 0:17:13.159
<v Speaker 2>I went up to use the restaurant at a plan

0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:15.400
<v Speaker 2>and a plane. The flight attendant, actually I've never had

0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:19.600
<v Speaker 2>this happen, say hey, we're trying a new mix of

0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.560
<v Speaker 2>old fashioneds, would you like to try one? And I'm

0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:24.359
<v Speaker 2>not like a huge whiskey person, or whatever, and I

0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:26.439
<v Speaker 2>just wasn't in the mood, so I said, I don't know,

0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:28.560
<v Speaker 2>thank you, but I was like, actually, I feel like

0:17:28.600 --> 0:17:29.440
<v Speaker 2>my friend.

0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.160
<v Speaker 1>Wait for it, would wait for it and.

0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.520
<v Speaker 2>Would like would like to try it. And he's he's

0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:36.040
<v Speaker 2>sitting next to me. She's like, which one is he?

0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:40.600
<v Speaker 2>And I'm looking for it and he's like, who is he? Well,

0:17:40.600 --> 0:17:43.680
<v Speaker 2>he's my colleague. So I referred to as my colleague.

0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:45.640
<v Speaker 2>And then he goes which one is he? And I

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:47.200
<v Speaker 2>looked and I didn't know how else to describe you,

0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:47.840
<v Speaker 2>and I said.

0:17:47.720 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 1>He's he's wait for it.

0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:59.720
<v Speaker 3>He's the black one, because you were the only black

0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:03.480
<v Speaker 3>person who was sitting in the in the vicinity, and

0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:05.479
<v Speaker 3>it was the most obvious way to describe you.

0:18:05.800 --> 0:18:07.520
<v Speaker 2>So then I came back to the seat and I

0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:09.879
<v Speaker 2>was like, I'm so sorry, but I got flustered and

0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:18.160
<v Speaker 2>I described you to the flight attendant as my black colleague,

0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.400
<v Speaker 2>and I was really embarrassed. I just got really flustered.

0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:22.720
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know you were say.

0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.399
<v Speaker 2>You were like what you referred to me as what?

0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:30.879
<v Speaker 1>That's okay, but labels are stressful something you should hear.

0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:33.520
<v Speaker 1>How I refer to you to my friends Sometimes I.

0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.760
<v Speaker 2>Mean, it's so I've heard you say something's out loud

0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:42.080
<v Speaker 2>about you. Oh yeah, like how you referred to me? Yeah, okay,

0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:45.720
<v Speaker 2>there's been a movie reference.

0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:49.160
<v Speaker 1>Er too, a movie reference. Yeah, okay, that's come on,

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:54.159
<v Speaker 1>that's not the same thing. Oh stop it, that's not

0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:59.600
<v Speaker 1>the same. We say that in private. You said that

0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:03.320
<v Speaker 1>to a You called me the black gentleman to a stranger,

0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:04.359
<v Speaker 1>black colleague.

0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.640
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm gonna say it, but like, ultimately, yeah, put

0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:09.640
<v Speaker 2>the two things together. That is basically what I refer

0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:12.040
<v Speaker 2>to you as. Wait, how do you refer to me?

0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:14.320
<v Speaker 1>Uh? Talking to you?

0:19:14.760 --> 0:19:16.880
<v Speaker 2>Well, if someone were to say, if you were to say, hey,

0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.680
<v Speaker 2>could you do something for my ex? You would just

0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:20.400
<v Speaker 2>say girlfriend?

0:19:20.480 --> 0:19:23.080
<v Speaker 1>Right for my blank you mean not my ex? What'd

0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:23.360
<v Speaker 1>you say?

0:19:23.520 --> 0:19:26.359
<v Speaker 2>No, if you're saying, if you're referring to me, to

0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:31.280
<v Speaker 2>try to describe my relationship to you, Oh, how would

0:19:31.320 --> 0:19:32.280
<v Speaker 2>you refer to me as?

0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:32.679
<v Speaker 3>You know?

0:19:32.880 --> 0:19:34.679
<v Speaker 1>I that's a good question. I don't know how just

0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:38.320
<v Speaker 1>a natural conversation. Yeah, I'm really not sure. I think

0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:41.120
<v Speaker 1>I you know what I've said more than more often

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:45.800
<v Speaker 1>than not my wife. Yeah, absolutely, just to keep the flow.

0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:47.040
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to explain anything.

0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.399
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I have tried out husband a couple of times,

0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:53.240
<v Speaker 2>just to you know, but also like if you say

0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:56.760
<v Speaker 2>things like that, sometimes people think, like you don't know

0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.919
<v Speaker 2>if someone knows who we are, and then somehow would say, okay,

0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:01.080
<v Speaker 2>can I tell a funny story?

0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Oh god, yeah, the other one about your black colleague

0:20:03.560 --> 0:20:04.159
<v Speaker 1>was so funny.

0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:06.760
<v Speaker 2>Let me redeem myself.

0:20:06.880 --> 0:20:06.960
<v Speaker 1>No.

0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:12.040
<v Speaker 2>So we both started wearing these Aura rings for the

0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:14.520
<v Speaker 2>podcast because they sent them to us and we've actually

0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:17.679
<v Speaker 2>thoroughly enjoyed them. We put them on our right hand,

0:20:17.840 --> 0:20:21.359
<v Speaker 2>but we both wear them on our ring finger. And

0:20:22.280 --> 0:20:25.200
<v Speaker 2>my mom and dad came here to visit for a

0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:28.520
<v Speaker 2>little while, just watching us, observing us, and I just

0:20:28.720 --> 0:20:30.400
<v Speaker 2>had a quick moment with them a couple of weeks

0:20:30.440 --> 0:20:34.679
<v Speaker 2>ago for sadly another funeral and my mom. It was

0:20:34.720 --> 0:20:36.719
<v Speaker 2>just my mom, my dad and me, and my mom

0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:39.480
<v Speaker 2>said to me, hey, sweetheart, can I ask you a

0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.120
<v Speaker 2>personal question? Which was a strange thing for my mom

0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:45.320
<v Speaker 2>to say. I said, of course, yes you can, And

0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:48.920
<v Speaker 2>she said, I noticed the rings that you and TJ

0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:51.760
<v Speaker 2>are wearing, and I know that they're like exercise rings,

0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:55.200
<v Speaker 2>and I see that you have them on your right finger,

0:20:55.280 --> 0:21:09.840
<v Speaker 2>But did you too get secretly married. She actually thought

0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:13.159
<v Speaker 2>that it was possible we had and just hadn't told anyone.

0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, based on recent history with us, she wouldn't be

0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:20.600
<v Speaker 1>surprised if we ran off and did something. It didn't

0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:23.640
<v Speaker 1>tell that. I think that was a legit question.

0:21:23.359 --> 0:21:26.000
<v Speaker 2>Right, So it was funny to me that that's I

0:21:26.040 --> 0:21:28.640
<v Speaker 2>was like, whoa, but that might Yeah, that's what that's

0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:30.479
<v Speaker 2>what we're putting out there, right, So I did tell her,

0:21:30.520 --> 0:21:35.200
<v Speaker 2>I said, well, funny enough, if and when it does happen,

0:21:35.320 --> 0:21:38.800
<v Speaker 2>that's probably how it will happen. You'll find out after

0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:41.440
<v Speaker 2>the fact, because in her reaction to that one, she said,

0:21:41.440 --> 0:21:43.359
<v Speaker 2>that makes sense. And I said, it's not as if

0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:45.760
<v Speaker 2>I have any plans to walk down the aisle and

0:21:45.960 --> 0:21:49.280
<v Speaker 2>pick out my wedding colors and you know, have a

0:21:49.320 --> 0:21:52.080
<v Speaker 2>florist involved. I said, it's it is probably going to

0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:54.000
<v Speaker 2>be one of those moments where you get a phone

0:21:54.000 --> 0:21:55.520
<v Speaker 2>call from me. But I won't keep you in the

0:21:55.600 --> 0:21:56.320
<v Speaker 2>dark for too long.

0:21:56.880 --> 0:21:59.680
<v Speaker 1>Wow, any more stories you want to share?

0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:03.600
<v Speaker 3>All right?

0:22:03.640 --> 0:22:06.080
<v Speaker 2>So when is so cuffing season is now? Is there

0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:08.720
<v Speaker 2>a this marriage season in the summertime? That has to

0:22:08.800 --> 0:22:11.080
<v Speaker 2>be that's always when all the weddings are right June July.

0:22:11.520 --> 0:22:13.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but there's we can only call it an engagements yes,

0:22:13.640 --> 0:22:16.119
<v Speaker 1>as a marriage season, but the season where people decide

0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:20.680
<v Speaker 1>they want to get married is now. Weddings take place

0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:23.000
<v Speaker 1>and warm. But then sometimes people get married because it's

0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:25.320
<v Speaker 1>a I don't know, get a good deal and a venue.

0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:28.040
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes that's true a Wednesday wedding, I mean it has

0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:28.679
<v Speaker 2>a nice raindow.

0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:30.520
<v Speaker 1>I got no problem with that, No neither do I.

0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 1>But it's it just seems right now what's happening. And

0:22:34.800 --> 0:22:38.040
<v Speaker 1>with breakups they say, it's just so many of them

0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:40.440
<v Speaker 1>going around, And it was interesting to take a look

0:22:40.480 --> 0:22:43.720
<v Speaker 1>at why and against it's psychology today. I just I

0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:46.640
<v Speaker 1>wish I could give this psychologist his due because he's

0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:48.359
<v Speaker 1>the one that came up with this reasons that we

0:22:48.440 --> 0:22:51.600
<v Speaker 1>lose intimacy. I thought this was so fascinating. He has

0:22:51.680 --> 0:22:57.119
<v Speaker 1>something he calls the three D effect, three reasons now

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:03.879
<v Speaker 1>that erode intimacy over time, Distraction distance disconnection.

0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:05.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, that's so true.

0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:10.479
<v Speaker 1>Distraction distance disconnection, he called the three ds. They're like

0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:15.440
<v Speaker 1>emotional termites, and you don't notice the damage that's being

0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:18.959
<v Speaker 1>done because it's being done so slowly. But then eventually

0:23:19.280 --> 0:23:23.120
<v Speaker 1>the foundation crumbles, and it's done with the three ds,

0:23:23.240 --> 0:23:26.560
<v Speaker 1>the three D effect, and that's what erodes intimacy distance.

0:23:26.600 --> 0:23:30.280
<v Speaker 2>For sure, that makes perfect sense. Yes, when it's you know,

0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:36.240
<v Speaker 2>absence makes the heart grow fonder until you just stop connecting, right,

0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:37.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, that makes total sense.

0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:40.040
<v Speaker 1>Distraction is the other. So this is a part of

0:23:40.080 --> 0:23:42.560
<v Speaker 1>the around the holidays, you got other things going on.

0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:45.520
<v Speaker 1>Your stress is here directed there. You're not performing as

0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:48.600
<v Speaker 1>a team necessarily, you're distracted by this could be work.

0:23:48.920 --> 0:23:53.800
<v Speaker 1>You're distracted. She's distracted. And over time though intimacy, all

0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:55.560
<v Speaker 1>of a sudden you come together and you're not close

0:23:55.600 --> 0:23:56.000
<v Speaker 1>to anymore.

0:23:56.000 --> 0:23:58.760
<v Speaker 2>You know what's interesting about the distraction part, because one

0:23:58.840 --> 0:24:01.879
<v Speaker 2>hundred percent I get it. And so many couples, not

0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:04.159
<v Speaker 2>so many, but definitely enough couples when their kids go

0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:06.240
<v Speaker 2>off to college, when they finally become empty nesters, they

0:24:06.240 --> 0:24:09.160
<v Speaker 2>decide they have nothing in common anymore. They've been distracted

0:24:09.160 --> 0:24:12.399
<v Speaker 2>by their own children, they've been distracted by their lives.

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:14.359
<v Speaker 2>And so many of us don't focus and put our

0:24:14.400 --> 0:24:17.920
<v Speaker 2>relationships first, which I do think is the key to

0:24:18.480 --> 0:24:20.439
<v Speaker 2>keeping it together, to working on it. You have to

0:24:20.440 --> 0:24:23.280
<v Speaker 2>put it first above all else, above your career. And

0:24:23.359 --> 0:24:26.359
<v Speaker 2>my parents even said above your children. My parents were

0:24:26.400 --> 0:24:28.800
<v Speaker 2>firm believers in that, and you know, the proof is

0:24:28.800 --> 0:24:31.040
<v Speaker 2>in the pudding. They're still together. They just you have

0:24:31.119 --> 0:24:34.439
<v Speaker 2>to prioritize your relationship in a way that most of

0:24:34.520 --> 0:24:39.000
<v Speaker 2>us don't think about, can't or don't want to. But

0:24:39.480 --> 0:24:41.240
<v Speaker 2>that makes an awful lot of sense. And I do

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:46.040
<v Speaker 2>think having shared interests, whether it's your career, whether it's

0:24:46.320 --> 0:24:48.880
<v Speaker 2>just what you do when you're not at work, if

0:24:48.880 --> 0:24:51.480
<v Speaker 2>you can have those things that keep you together, you

0:24:51.520 --> 0:24:54.600
<v Speaker 2>know you aren't as distracted because you're together. And what

0:24:54.640 --> 0:24:58.680
<v Speaker 2>was the last T disconnection And that's a result of

0:24:58.720 --> 0:24:59.320
<v Speaker 2>the first two a.

0:24:59.359 --> 0:25:05.879
<v Speaker 1>Distraction, distance, and then ultimately a disconnection. We oftentimes this

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:07.760
<v Speaker 1>is how he puts it. He said, you can tell

0:25:07.800 --> 0:25:11.439
<v Speaker 1>if you're disconnected because when your partner does something or

0:25:11.480 --> 0:25:15.679
<v Speaker 1>says something, you make an assumption about their intentions. If

0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:19.080
<v Speaker 1>you're making an assumption about their intentions instead of saying,

0:25:20.040 --> 0:25:22.640
<v Speaker 1>you know what, I'm reflecting about what you just said,

0:25:22.680 --> 0:25:24.480
<v Speaker 1>or I'm curious about what you said, if your first

0:25:24.520 --> 0:25:29.360
<v Speaker 1>reaction is to say that that you're making some assumption

0:25:29.480 --> 0:25:31.480
<v Speaker 1>about what your partner's doing, that's one of the early

0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:33.480
<v Speaker 1>signs that there's a disconnection.

0:25:33.000 --> 0:25:35.639
<v Speaker 2>Issue because you're not willing to ask, you're not willing

0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:38.680
<v Speaker 2>to be curious, you're not willing to say what's really

0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:42.440
<v Speaker 2>going on. You just make an assumption because you're God, Yeah,

0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:44.520
<v Speaker 2>you're distancing yourself emotionally.

0:25:45.080 --> 0:25:47.800
<v Speaker 1>The three day I thought it was interesting about the

0:25:47.800 --> 0:25:51.360
<v Speaker 1>holidays and how this all connects. But it's it's fascinating

0:25:51.400 --> 0:25:53.320
<v Speaker 1>to me, and it's scary. I guess this is a

0:25:53.880 --> 0:25:55.760
<v Speaker 1>I guess we're all in a scary time. So are

0:25:55.800 --> 0:25:57.600
<v Speaker 1>we can make it to April, we might be good

0:25:57.600 --> 0:26:00.280
<v Speaker 1>for the year, at least till December. I mean, you

0:26:00.320 --> 0:26:02.199
<v Speaker 1>have to set goals in a relationship. I mean the

0:26:02.240 --> 0:26:04.520
<v Speaker 1>bar can be low, but at least there's a bar.

0:26:05.359 --> 0:26:09.120
<v Speaker 2>I am not trying to make it to April. I'm

0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:16.120
<v Speaker 2>not I'm trying. I'm trying to make it to one hundred.

0:26:16.040 --> 0:26:18.119
<v Speaker 1>Okay, but April is on the way to that. We

0:26:18.200 --> 0:26:20.600
<v Speaker 1>got to get through Andy gets it. We got to

0:26:20.600 --> 0:26:21.840
<v Speaker 1>get through April at least.

0:26:21.920 --> 0:26:26.440
<v Speaker 2>Yes, well, of course, yes, But I'm a long term

0:26:26.480 --> 0:26:29.879
<v Speaker 2>goal kind of gal. The short term goal I totally get,

0:26:30.400 --> 0:26:33.359
<v Speaker 2>But I think you have to have the long term

0:26:33.359 --> 0:26:38.320
<v Speaker 2>goal with you at all times. Yeah, sure to reach

0:26:38.400 --> 0:26:39.400
<v Speaker 2>the short term goal.

0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:41.880
<v Speaker 1>Sure, well, look to all the couples. And I'm still

0:26:41.960 --> 0:26:43.919
<v Speaker 1>rooting for even though we heard about j Lo and

0:26:43.920 --> 0:26:46.320
<v Speaker 1>Ben Affleck at the end of the year. They separated

0:26:46.359 --> 0:26:49.800
<v Speaker 1>earlier last year, but that was a hard, high profile breakup,

0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:52.359
<v Speaker 1>and those are folks I'm still rooting for, and I

0:26:52.440 --> 0:26:54.639
<v Speaker 1>know a lot of that. There was one thing we

0:26:54.680 --> 0:26:57.200
<v Speaker 1>were looking at, people have been together a long time?

0:26:57.200 --> 0:26:58.160
<v Speaker 1>What's your advice?

0:26:58.400 --> 0:26:58.679
<v Speaker 2>All right?

0:26:58.680 --> 0:27:01.160
<v Speaker 1>People always looking for advice, but who've been around, who've

0:27:01.200 --> 0:27:02.760
<v Speaker 1>been together a long time. And one of the pieces

0:27:02.800 --> 0:27:06.359
<v Speaker 1>of advice was don't get married unless you're one hundred

0:27:06.359 --> 0:27:08.320
<v Speaker 1>percent sure you're not going to get divorced. Now that

0:27:08.480 --> 0:27:11.960
<v Speaker 1>sounds crazy, but how can you ever be one hundred

0:27:11.960 --> 0:27:14.719
<v Speaker 1>percent sure? But the point there is you can prevent

0:27:14.800 --> 0:27:19.280
<v Speaker 1>divorce by being sure and committed to I'm gonna get

0:27:19.359 --> 0:27:21.800
<v Speaker 1>married and I'm not going to get divorced again.

0:27:21.840 --> 0:27:24.960
<v Speaker 2>It sounds so simplistic, I know, it's it's so interesting

0:27:25.000 --> 0:27:29.240
<v Speaker 2>because I it's hard when you've been divorced, not once,

0:27:29.359 --> 0:27:32.360
<v Speaker 2>but twice for people to say, well, when I walk

0:27:32.440 --> 0:27:35.920
<v Speaker 2>down the aisle, I want to make sure it's forever

0:27:36.560 --> 0:27:39.120
<v Speaker 2>and I and I, and I laughed and said when

0:27:39.240 --> 0:27:42.240
<v Speaker 2>I walked down the aisle, I also wanted it to

0:27:42.280 --> 0:27:44.840
<v Speaker 2>be forever. It's not for lack of desire. But I

0:27:44.880 --> 0:27:47.400
<v Speaker 2>hear what you're saying. If you say, no matter what.

0:27:49.160 --> 0:27:51.840
<v Speaker 1>There are reasons to get divorced, we say, with the

0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:55.880
<v Speaker 1>exceptions of abuse, all kinds of I mean, all kinds

0:27:55.880 --> 0:27:58.840
<v Speaker 1>of things can come into play. But the idea of

0:27:58.880 --> 0:28:02.000
<v Speaker 1>the point behind it is that you have to be sure.

0:28:02.160 --> 0:28:04.640
<v Speaker 1>You need to be sure before you make that decision,

0:28:05.400 --> 0:28:07.280
<v Speaker 1>and that was a key to staying together.

0:28:07.680 --> 0:28:11.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, no, oh, no, no, no, I agree with you.

0:28:11.240 --> 0:28:13.399
<v Speaker 2>I am actually reflecting back on my own life and

0:28:14.080 --> 0:28:19.320
<v Speaker 2>knowing that I wasn't sure. Like I was hopeful, but

0:28:19.400 --> 0:28:21.800
<v Speaker 2>I was not sure. And I don't know if you

0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:24.080
<v Speaker 2>could ever be. But I'd like to think that there

0:28:24.080 --> 0:28:26.720
<v Speaker 2>are people who absolutely are. I love some of the

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:30.159
<v Speaker 2>other advice from some madly and loved couples share how

0:28:30.160 --> 0:28:32.960
<v Speaker 2>they've made their marriage. Last Andy gave us this list,

0:28:33.520 --> 0:28:38.840
<v Speaker 2>and I love that. One of the bits of advice,

0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:44.000
<v Speaker 2>and we can leave you with this is that smiling laughing.

0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:46.239
<v Speaker 2>You have to be able to laugh things off when

0:28:46.280 --> 0:28:49.920
<v Speaker 2>things get rough, and sometimes some person's not going to

0:28:49.920 --> 0:28:51.680
<v Speaker 2>be able to smile and the other one can, and

0:28:51.720 --> 0:28:55.280
<v Speaker 2>vice versa. But if you can find a way to smile,

0:28:55.480 --> 0:28:58.720
<v Speaker 2>or at least to get a little smile out of

0:28:58.720 --> 0:29:00.800
<v Speaker 2>your partner when things get tough, if you can still

0:29:00.880 --> 0:29:03.800
<v Speaker 2>laugh together, there's a good chance you can still make

0:29:03.840 --> 0:29:06.840
<v Speaker 2>it through even the toughest of times. And I like

0:29:06.960 --> 0:29:09.760
<v Speaker 2>that idea. That gives me hope. I've never laughed with

0:29:09.800 --> 0:29:11.160
<v Speaker 2>anyone more than I've laughed with you.

0:29:13.120 --> 0:29:15.440
<v Speaker 1>That is true, and I agree. I think a lot

0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:18.160
<v Speaker 1>of people give that advice. But be careful with that

0:29:18.320 --> 0:29:20.640
<v Speaker 1>advice though, because you might be the one that just

0:29:20.680 --> 0:29:22.920
<v Speaker 1>pissed the other person off. Don't go over and try

0:29:22.920 --> 0:29:23.480
<v Speaker 1>to tickle.

0:29:23.320 --> 0:29:25.480
<v Speaker 2>Him so he oh, you gotta do his laugh.

0:29:25.560 --> 0:29:27.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, this will be fun a robox it.

0:29:28.200 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Choose your timing, choose your timing. Understand you don't want

0:29:31.080 --> 0:29:33.080
<v Speaker 2>to poke the bear, but yeah, you know, is there

0:29:33.080 --> 0:29:35.360
<v Speaker 2>anything worse that when you're upset, someone says, turn that

0:29:35.440 --> 0:29:39.000
<v Speaker 2>frown upside down. No, I'm not saying to do that,

0:29:39.400 --> 0:29:42.320
<v Speaker 2>But in the right moment, if you can smile and

0:29:42.360 --> 0:29:45.920
<v Speaker 2>maybe laugh with some time and perspective.

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:48.360
<v Speaker 1>Ah, yeah, well yes I do for sure. I laugh

0:29:48.400 --> 0:29:50.320
<v Speaker 1>and I smile with you more than anybody I've ever

0:29:50.640 --> 0:29:53.120
<v Speaker 1>smiled and laughed within my life, not just in a relationship,

0:29:53.120 --> 0:29:56.560
<v Speaker 1>but with anybody in my life. So that does work.

0:29:56.640 --> 0:29:58.680
<v Speaker 1>So folks out there, if you are out there, good

0:29:58.760 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 1>luck to you. If you are trying to get cuffed

0:30:01.400 --> 0:30:03.040
<v Speaker 1>this season, good luck to you. If you might be

0:30:03.040 --> 0:30:05.480
<v Speaker 1>going to a difficult time of a relationship and a

0:30:05.520 --> 0:30:07.640
<v Speaker 1>divorce and a breakup, good luck to you there. And

0:30:07.800 --> 0:30:11.200
<v Speaker 1>congratulations if you just got engaged, we're rooting for you

0:30:11.400 --> 0:30:13.320
<v Speaker 1>or expecting one by February fourteenth.

0:30:13.480 --> 0:30:19.200
<v Speaker 2>Expectations can get you in trouble, so good luck.

0:30:19.240 --> 0:30:22.160
<v Speaker 1>Out there, everybody. But we always appreciate you listening to us,

0:30:22.160 --> 0:30:25.160
<v Speaker 1>and we always appreciate you running with us as well.

0:30:25.200 --> 0:30:26.959
<v Speaker 1>If you haven't been running with us, you could do that.

0:30:27.080 --> 0:30:30.200
<v Speaker 1>Every Monday through Friday, we have our Morning Run podcast

0:30:30.200 --> 0:30:32.960
<v Speaker 1>in which we go through the day's headlines every single day,

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:35.160
<v Speaker 1>so check that out. But for now, I'm two Jams.

0:30:34.920 --> 0:30:39.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm Amy Robock. Have a wonderful day, everyone,