1
00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:06,000
Speaker 1: Hey, folks, In this episode, everybody seems to be breaking up,

2
00:00:06,559 --> 00:00:08,920
Speaker 1: so why not you too? And with that, welcome to

3
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:12,120
Speaker 1: this episode of Amy and TJ. Yes, we are Robes

4
00:00:12,119 --> 00:00:14,400
Speaker 1: in a very strange time right now. If you've read

5
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,640
Speaker 1: the headlines, obviously the people have been seeing all these breakups.

6
00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:18,840
Speaker 1: But we are in a weird time right now. We

7
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,759
Speaker 1: are in the mixed of midst of cuffing season. Engagement

8
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:27,600
Speaker 1: season and divorce season are all happening at the same time.

9
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,960
Speaker 2: People are focused on their relationships for.

10
00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:34,400
Speaker 1: Much different reasons. I'm told for of all engagements happened

11
00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:40,400
Speaker 1: between Thanksgiving and the first of the year before. Oh yeah,

12
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 1: it's that range all.

13
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:43,400
Speaker 2: So it's all happening cuffing season.

14
00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,199
Speaker 1: But also at the same time, everybody's breaking up.

15
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:52,040
Speaker 2: Why because they're realizing that they want something that they

16
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:55,880
Speaker 2: don't have. Whether it's not that necessarily another person. It's

17
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,440
Speaker 2: like a connection, a deeper connection, or a you know,

18
00:00:58,480 --> 00:00:59,160
Speaker 2: a better.

19
00:00:58,920 --> 00:01:03,279
Speaker 1: This, or a so love island y right, there is connection.

20
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,760
Speaker 1: When you start throwing around she's been watching, Oh you know,

21
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,800
Speaker 1: I had a deeper connection. How many times you have

22
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:13,720
Speaker 1: to hear that a deep I just want a deeper connection?

23
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,760
Speaker 2: What is this, but don't we all know? But there

24
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:20,319
Speaker 2: is the grasses greener mentality, and you start to see

25
00:01:20,319 --> 00:01:22,640
Speaker 2: other couples and think, wow, I want what they have.

26
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,920
Speaker 2: I mean, I do think people think everyone else's relationship

27
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:29,319
Speaker 2: is better than theirs a lot of times, and maybe

28
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,840
Speaker 2: the first of the year, you start to think, I

29
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,840
Speaker 2: want to I want a new start, I want a

30
00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,759
Speaker 2: fresh start. I want to try to find what I'm

31
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,520
Speaker 2: really looking for.

32
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,319
Speaker 1: You are hitting on already the exact thing that many

33
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: psychologists say is the exact reason why people break up,

34
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:48,120
Speaker 1: in particular around the holidays. A lot of couples that

35
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:52,640
Speaker 1: we've seen breakup happen just before Christmas, and then a

36
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,960
Speaker 1: lot have happened. I cannot believe how many have happened

37
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,840
Speaker 1: right after January one boom boom, boom, boom boom. We've

38
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,480
Speaker 1: seen so many things. Do we know anybody personally? Oh? Well,

39
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,280
Speaker 1: I say personally, but outside of headlines. I'm trying to

40
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:06,559
Speaker 1: think of anybody in our families or friends right now.

41
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,240
Speaker 1: I don't think so right, I'm trying.

42
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,799
Speaker 2: You know, there have been divorces. You get to a

43
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,560
Speaker 2: certain age, you definitely have friends and family who get divorced.

44
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,640
Speaker 2: I can't remember there being a consistent time of year

45
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,040
Speaker 2: where I feel like those are now because you know what, Honestly,

46
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,639
Speaker 2: the truth is, by the time friends and family usually

47
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,280
Speaker 2: tell one another, it's long done, so I don't know

48
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,880
Speaker 2: when the actual decision.

49
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:29,880
Speaker 1: Was to plan.

50
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah, And that's the truth, right, That.

51
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,640
Speaker 1: Really is a true statement we wanted to do. You

52
00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:35,359
Speaker 1: know who did it well?

53
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:38,400
Speaker 2: Of course, you know who did it well, Jiselle tom Brady.

54
00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:41,520
Speaker 2: That was the model I was trying to go or follow.

55
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,320
Speaker 2: I was thinking to myself before I announced it to everyone,

56
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,560
Speaker 2: including some of my friends, I want to have the

57
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,360
Speaker 2: divorce actually already be filed in the court so that

58
00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,600
Speaker 2: the messiness is over. Any sort of tumult I'm gonna

59
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,120
Speaker 2: deal with personally. And then by the time I announced it,

60
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,320
Speaker 2: things are cool and calm and we're all good. And

61
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,840
Speaker 2: that was my goal.

62
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,960
Speaker 1: That was that was our goal. They announced we are

63
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,119
Speaker 1: breaking up. That's what we heard. And they said, oh,

64
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,160
Speaker 1: actually the divorce is final, it's done. That was the

65
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,080
Speaker 1: way they went about.

66
00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:13,839
Speaker 2: It, because when you announce to people that you're breaking up,

67
00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,480
Speaker 2: people usually want to weigh in.

68
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,000
Speaker 1: I have questions, this is about whose fault is it.

69
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,440
Speaker 2: So once you already say, hey guys, it's a done deal,

70
00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,760
Speaker 2: there's no room for discussion. And I think by the

71
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,640
Speaker 2: time you get to that point, you've already made your

72
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,800
Speaker 2: mind up and you don't really want to hear what

73
00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,080
Speaker 2: everyone else thinks about it. And so that makes a

74
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,200
Speaker 2: lot of sense to me. But when I think by

75
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,880
Speaker 2: the time you actually hear about these breakups January one,

76
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:40,200
Speaker 2: January two, maybe even in December, at the end of

77
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,960
Speaker 2: the year, when people are focused on other things. This

78
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,760
Speaker 2: has been going on for six months, this has been

79
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,280
Speaker 2: going on for maybe years even so we've.

80
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,720
Speaker 1: Been talking about this, and you are, I guess, cuffing season.

81
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,120
Speaker 1: You've you seem to be a fan of just saying

82
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 1: that sometimes it's fun. Okay, okay, I'm not wrong, I'm

83
00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,720
Speaker 1: not okay, it's just funny to me. But that's the

84
00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,880
Speaker 1: time between I guess Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. You don't

85
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,320
Speaker 1: want to be alone. You don't want to be lonely

86
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,760
Speaker 1: around the holidays, don't want to be lonely and single

87
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,360
Speaker 1: around Valentine's Day. A lot of people will say, so

88
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,920
Speaker 1: that's why they call that cuffing season engagement season. A

89
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,320
Speaker 1: lot of people like to make it a family event

90
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 1: around the holidays, starting a new beginnings. New Years is

91
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,640
Speaker 1: a very popular day to propose, and then you got

92
00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:21,440
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. A lot of people like to do it then.

93
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,040
Speaker 1: So that explains engagement season, divorce season. It's that as well,

94
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,240
Speaker 1: because you have a lot of attorneys who will tell

95
00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:30,720
Speaker 1: you that January. It's a myth kind of but they

96
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 1: say most divorces happen in January. Lawyers tell you that's

97
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:37,480
Speaker 1: when they get the most calls. The divorces don't always

98
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,920
Speaker 1: go through and don't get filed, but they start their

99
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,560
Speaker 1: switchboard starts lighting up with inquiries right after the holidays,

100
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,480
Speaker 1: and we can understand that as well, a lot of

101
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,920
Speaker 1: people just don't want to put the kids through it.

102
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,640
Speaker 1: When it gets passed it, we don't have to explain

103
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,800
Speaker 1: things to at the family gatherings about so you just

104
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 1: get through the holidays and file for divorce. So we

105
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,440
Speaker 1: in the midst of all three of those are happening

106
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 1: right now. Just about everybody that can hear our voices

107
00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,880
Speaker 1: right now is going through one of them.

108
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 2: It's wild, right. I was just asking, is this an

109
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,719
Speaker 2: exceptional year for breakups? If you look at the last

110
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,359
Speaker 2: two months or is this always the way it is

111
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,240
Speaker 2: and I just haven't paid as much attention to it.

112
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,080
Speaker 1: I got social media now, I think a big part

113
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,640
Speaker 1: of it. I think the breakups and things always happen,

114
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,600
Speaker 1: but I think people are learning, I do a new strategy,

115
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:27,560
Speaker 1: a new way of going about handling a public breakup.

116
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:30,960
Speaker 1: We failed measurably at it and dealing with our divorces.

117
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:36,320
Speaker 1: But I think Brandon routh Is one actor played Superman.

118
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,440
Speaker 1: They are running from la fires and he and his

119
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,600
Speaker 1: wife have to announce their breakup because they were about

120
00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:45,880
Speaker 1: to be it isn't that the one They were about

121
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,960
Speaker 1: to be exposed by tabloid So in the midst of

122
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 1: all that they had to announce seventeen years marriage.

123
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, they had to go on to social media and

124
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,520
Speaker 2: get ahead of the headline. And it's nice that they

125
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,719
Speaker 2: even had a heads up, because sometimes you don't even

126
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,520
Speaker 2: get that courtesy. They just go with whatever rumor they've

127
00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,479
Speaker 2: heard or whatever source they've been able to get some

128
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 2: information from. So yeah, but that's sad when you're dealing

129
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,279
Speaker 2: with your life and you're dealing with a massive tragedy

130
00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,760
Speaker 2: that you then have to get ahead of headlines, But

131
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:18,279
Speaker 2: there have been a lot of headlines over the last

132
00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:18,760
Speaker 2: few weeks.

133
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,080
Speaker 1: You go back and get it, don't have to go

134
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:25,120
Speaker 1: that far. Megan Fox, Machine Gun Kelly split early December.

135
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,880
Speaker 1: They've been together four years and they announced they're split

136
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:29,960
Speaker 1: a month after they announced they were having a baby.

137
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,679
Speaker 1: Chance the Raptor Rat the Raptor. I chanced the Rapper

138
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 1: and his wife, Kirsten Corley. She filed for divorce in December.

139
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,080
Speaker 1: That was after five years of marriage. They had two

140
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,559
Speaker 1: daughters together. So Brina Carpenter and Barrick Yogan reportedly split

141
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:46,400
Speaker 1: in December. They had been dating for a year. Then

142
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 1: you got Zoe Kravis Channing Tatum reportedly split at the

143
00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,240
Speaker 1: end of the year. They were engaged and they had

144
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,880
Speaker 1: been dating for three years.

145
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,000
Speaker 2: I was rooting for them. I really liked them, you know,

146
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,520
Speaker 2: And I do think people feel personally invested sometimes in

147
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,360
Speaker 2: some of these couples. Jessica Simpson and Eric Johnson, they

148
00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,480
Speaker 2: announced their separation after ten years of marriage and fourteen

149
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,440
Speaker 2: years together because they had two kids before they even

150
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:12,080
Speaker 2: got married, but they have three children together. That was

151
00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 2: a bit of a chakra for a lot of folks.

152
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 2: Some people who've been following closely noticed that they had

153
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,920
Speaker 2: stopped wearing their rings for months. Then Naomi Osaka, the

154
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,280
Speaker 2: tennis Star and Cordet the Rapper announced they're split the

155
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,080
Speaker 2: first week of January after several years of dating, and

156
00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:27,440
Speaker 2: they have a daughter together.

157
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,240
Speaker 1: Now, Jessica Albucash Warren, I got a lot of attention.

158
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:35,600
Speaker 1: They announced theirs early January. Sixteen years of marriage, they

159
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,800
Speaker 1: got three kids together. You had Austin Butler Kaya Gerber.

160
00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,800
Speaker 1: I think they had been together few years.

161
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,200
Speaker 2: Right, I think three years?

162
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, news was out of there, reported split. We

163
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,440
Speaker 1: started hearing about that the first week of the year,

164
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,680
Speaker 1: and then we just mentioned Brandon Routh and Courtney Ford

165
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:55,119
Speaker 1: their divorce seventeen years. And then the one I guess

166
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:57,960
Speaker 1: that stung a little bit for us because of our

167
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,960
Speaker 1: personal connection to it had to do with Matt and Rachel.

168
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, and as we're Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell. Matt

169
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,760
Speaker 2: announced their split just a few days ago, January seventeenth,

170
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,560
Speaker 2: after four years of dating and after a lot of

171
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,360
Speaker 2: people were only expecting the next announcement from them to

172
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,960
Speaker 2: be one of engagement from all the hints they were

173
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,320
Speaker 2: dropping and you know, we learned the hard way. When

174
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,320
Speaker 2: you don't fill in the details, when you don't fill

175
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 2: in the gaps, and by no means are you forced

176
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 2: to or are expected to, and you shouldn't have to.

177
00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:30,760
Speaker 2: But what happens when you don't is other people do

178
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,559
Speaker 2: it for you. And unfortunately we're kind of seeing that

179
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:37,160
Speaker 2: with the Matt and Rachel announcement now because we haven't

180
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,080
Speaker 2: heard from Rachel and Matt didn't give any details and again,

181
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,760
Speaker 2: doesn't have to, shouldn't have to, doesn't owe anybody anything.

182
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:48,040
Speaker 2: But then people start speculating, and that's when things get

183
00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,360
Speaker 2: tough to witness and watch. It's especially tough to watch

184
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:56,280
Speaker 2: because a it's personal because we know him, and b

185
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,440
Speaker 2: because we went through people filling in the dots for you.

186
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,319
Speaker 2: And it's painful because almost certainly it's not true, or

187
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:06,200
Speaker 2: at least it's not the way people are painting it.

188
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:08,800
Speaker 1: All of these come together now to put you in

189
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,800
Speaker 1: the flight, like you do have to wonder. It makes

190
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,520
Speaker 1: you wonder what's going on. Maybe there's nothing going on. Again,

191
00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:16,640
Speaker 1: these are just headlines and look social media and the

192
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,719
Speaker 1: way news spreads online these days, and maybe we're just

193
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,720
Speaker 1: seeing more about them. But there's got to be a

194
00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,360
Speaker 1: reason for it. Certainly a lot of this has been

195
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,240
Speaker 1: studied over the years. But the reasons around the holidays

196
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:33,280
Speaker 1: are threefold that you hit on. One of them has

197
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:37,720
Speaker 1: to do with the holiday stress. Holidays are Yeah, we

198
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,800
Speaker 1: talk about the Christmas cheer and the music's playing, and

199
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,160
Speaker 1: he called me a grinch all the time, right, Screa, I.

200
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,800
Speaker 2: Got you No, I got you a grinch sweatshirt for Christmas?

201
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:47,360
Speaker 2: Do you remember that?

202
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,920
Speaker 1: I do remember the sweatshirt, and I am a grinch.

203
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm sre. But it's stressful. You wish everybody at some

204
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,040
Speaker 1: point was running around trying to find something. Man, I

205
00:09:58,040 --> 00:09:59,559
Speaker 1: can't get this they and it'll be there on the

206
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,920
Speaker 1: twenty seve not the twenty third and everybody. So it's stressful.

207
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,280
Speaker 1: You'd throw in the family, the travel. Then we have

208
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:09,000
Speaker 1: some bad weather, we knew folks that got had flights canceled,

209
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,800
Speaker 1: and all these things happening. So doesn't that put a

210
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,880
Speaker 1: strain on a relationship that's already not in a.

211
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,160
Speaker 2: Good place without a doubt, Yes, And if you don't

212
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,959
Speaker 2: handle stress the same way, or you don't support each other,

213
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,959
Speaker 2: but you just get further irritated by one another's reaction

214
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:26,760
Speaker 2: to whatever isn't going right. Yeah, that could lead to

215
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,920
Speaker 2: an absolute death spiral.

216
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,000
Speaker 1: The other thing of one of the reasons around the

217
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,000
Speaker 1: holidays is because you are now dealing with what as

218
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:39,160
Speaker 1: you reflect unmet expectations of your past year, and a

219
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,640
Speaker 1: part of you taking an assessment of your past year

220
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,240
Speaker 1: and your expectations were not met, you examine your relationship

221
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,880
Speaker 1: and then you think, on January one, do I really

222
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,520
Speaker 1: want to go through another year of this? And that's

223
00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,640
Speaker 1: the other reason they point to as to why the

224
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:53,720
Speaker 1: holidays are so popular.

225
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,400
Speaker 2: Didn't you tell me? And I looked it up and

226
00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:11,600
Speaker 2: confirmed it. December eleventh is dubbed break up Day, or

227
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,959
Speaker 2: roughly two weeks before the holidays officially begin, for all

228
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,840
Speaker 2: of those reasons you just mentioned. And you know, I

229
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,440
Speaker 2: think that's funny. I think if you don't have kids,

230
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,599
Speaker 2: that make sense. When you do have kids, it was

231
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,160
Speaker 2: the opposite. For me. It was let's give them one

232
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,920
Speaker 2: last Christmas, let's make it through this last Christmas. Let's

233
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:37,400
Speaker 2: tolerate one another through this Christmas for them. But yeah,

234
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,960
Speaker 2: with kids weren't involved, that makes perfect sense to me.

235
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,480
Speaker 1: And the other reason is you're looking for a new start,

236
00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:44,800
Speaker 1: and you actually are in the mood to make a

237
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:47,840
Speaker 1: bold move. You're not in the mood anymore to just

238
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,400
Speaker 1: reflect on how things went wrong. You actually want to

239
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,559
Speaker 1: take some action to correct them. You don't want to

240
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,200
Speaker 1: see how it goes anymore. They say, you're in a

241
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 1: different mindset. That does put you in a position to

242
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,920
Speaker 1: make a bold move starting on January one that makes.

243
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,080
Speaker 2: Sense, and I actually, you know, it sounds like from

244
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,760
Speaker 2: what we were reading and looking at. Breakups obviously can

245
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,520
Speaker 2: happen any time of the year, but you do get

246
00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,840
Speaker 2: into certain mindsets. And the other one was I noticed

247
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,520
Speaker 2: or I saw that March is a is a big

248
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:20,560
Speaker 2: month for breakups. It's actually been dubbed Spring Clean. And

249
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,280
Speaker 2: for whatever reason they said, April second ends up being

250
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 2: a day where a lot of people announce that they're

251
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:30,000
Speaker 2: breaking up or splitting because again they're looking towards now

252
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,959
Speaker 2: warmer weather, getting back out there, the excitement of maybe

253
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,880
Speaker 2: going on adventures or dates with someone else with the

254
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:41,240
Speaker 2: warmer weather and socializing right, but feeling like you can

255
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:44,400
Speaker 2: clean your closet literally, or clean your home or clean

256
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,600
Speaker 2: your life up by making massive changes.

257
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,120
Speaker 1: So what we're saying, folks, is you need to be

258
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,920
Speaker 1: on edge in January, March, and December. If you're in

259
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:59,319
Speaker 1: a relationship, just yeah, turn off your notifications, be careful

260
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,800
Speaker 1: about answering that phone the other You said this earlier

261
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,680
Speaker 1: as well, talking about parents. August is one that a

262
00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:07,720
Speaker 1: lot of attorneys point to as to why breakups happen

263
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,600
Speaker 1: is because kids are actually busy. They might be a camp,

264
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,520
Speaker 1: they might be going to visit, and parents take an

265
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:17,679
Speaker 1: opportunity of saying, well, the kids are gone, we need

266
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:19,760
Speaker 1: to talk for a second while the kids are out

267
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,719
Speaker 1: of the house for several days.

268
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:25,000
Speaker 2: You know, it's crazy, babe. Those were that so July

269
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:29,040
Speaker 2: August like, and yes, those were in both of my

270
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:34,280
Speaker 2: marriages that ended in divorce. The decisions were made in

271
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:39,160
Speaker 2: August like early August, late July, early August in both

272
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,760
Speaker 2: of my marriages, which is but you know what, It's true,

273
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,400
Speaker 2: the kids go to camp, the kids, you have some time.

274
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,480
Speaker 1: To yourself, have a window.

275
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,320
Speaker 2: That actually happened for me the first time around, especially

276
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,560
Speaker 2: where I had time. I had three weeks and I

277
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,600
Speaker 2: just thought, I can't do this anymore. And you have

278
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,320
Speaker 2: this space because so many of us, well everybody is busy,

279
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,520
Speaker 2: right and you don't have the luxury sometimes of reflecting

280
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,079
Speaker 2: and thinking on all of those things when you're a parent,

281
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,960
Speaker 2: especially to young children. Yeah, that makes total sense.

282
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,719
Speaker 1: The National breakup Day you mentioned December eleventh, I think

283
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,600
Speaker 1: that kind of can change from time to time. But

284
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,440
Speaker 1: the reason that one came about was because some group

285
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,960
Speaker 1: went through and checked out people's face. They were able

286
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,400
Speaker 1: to analyze people's Facebook status changes and they noticed on

287
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,960
Speaker 1: December eleventh there was more changes than any other day

288
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,440
Speaker 1: people in changing their Facebook status from single to single.

289
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,280
Speaker 1: That's so interesting that they were able to pinpoint that.

290
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,840
Speaker 1: But that's why December eleventh, it is just kind of unofficial.

291
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's the day that people do. Well. What

292
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:41,200
Speaker 1: I'm just.

293
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,920
Speaker 2: Saying, what no one, I'm just saying. What's interesting is

294
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,240
Speaker 2: we're able to collect a lot of this data now

295
00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,720
Speaker 2: because we all share so much with the world without

296
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,160
Speaker 2: realizing it, we were very quick to let people know.

297
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: I mean, it's funny. I'm old, too old to have

298
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,320
Speaker 2: actually ever put a status on Facebook, so I've never

299
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,680
Speaker 2: done that. But it's a big deal when people change

300
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,400
Speaker 2: their I've heard my kids talk about it, or someone

301
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,040
Speaker 2: changes their status. It's like, but now you're putting that

302
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,760
Speaker 2: out there for people to measure and look at and

303
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:08,560
Speaker 2: see what trends are and.

304
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,680
Speaker 1: What is your status currently.

305
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,280
Speaker 2: Deeply in love?

306
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,440
Speaker 1: I don't think they give you Zuckerberg havn't hasn't changed

307
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,680
Speaker 1: to give that as an option.

308
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:21,640
Speaker 2: What are the options?

309
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,240
Speaker 1: Are the options?

310
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:23,240
Speaker 2: I don't know.

311
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,760
Speaker 1: It's single in a relationship, married, and what else could

312
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:25,960
Speaker 1: it be?

313
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,360
Speaker 2: Engaged?

314
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,880
Speaker 1: Is it really one oh schnike?

315
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,160
Speaker 2: Well, mine would be in a relationship, yes, obviously, what

316
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:35,760
Speaker 2: would your be?

317
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,120
Speaker 1: Well? I want to hear what the options are first.

318
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,240
Speaker 2: I was waiting for you to say it's complicated.

319
00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,680
Speaker 1: Is that one of them is? I think it's complicated

320
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,520
Speaker 1: as one of them single in a relationship, engaged, married,

321
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:53,680
Speaker 1: it's complicated in an open relationship, widow, separated.

322
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,840
Speaker 2: Divorce, widowed, Sara, union, a union?

323
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,760
Speaker 1: What was like number four or five? You said, sin

324
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,440
Speaker 1: open and then it's complicated, Which is the worst you

325
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,280
Speaker 1: could hear from me? It's complicated?

326
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think or maybe open relationship, open relationship

327
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,720
Speaker 2: and it's complicated. Those are two that would be a

328
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:16,640
Speaker 2: huge red flag for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look,

329
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 2: we've talked about this funny enough. I have struggled with

330
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:25,480
Speaker 2: what to call you. I'm fifty one years old and

331
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 2: I'm on a plane and I'm saying, oh, could you

332
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,320
Speaker 2: bring something back? Like I go up and say, hey,

333
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,440
Speaker 2: would you would you mind sending something back to and

334
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:35,200
Speaker 2: I kind of stumble, like my boyfriend more or if

335
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,000
Speaker 2: I say my partner, I feel like they're looking for

336
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 2: a woman instead of a man, because that's a lot

337
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:42,520
Speaker 2: of the terms people use when you're in a same

338
00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 2: sex relationship. So I'm like, but I always feel so

339
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,440
Speaker 2: weird calling you my boyfriend.

340
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,080
Speaker 1: Why don't you go with your favorite on the plane

341
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,600
Speaker 1: at least see she's laughing to see if you're going

342
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 1: to say it.

343
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,520
Speaker 2: Well, I said, Mike, we were working together at that point,

344
00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:00,560
Speaker 2: and honestly, we know we catch this was we were

345
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,280
Speaker 2: together at this point. We were working together and we

346
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:09,280
Speaker 2: were out in the open about our relationship, and so

347
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,080
Speaker 2: I didn't know what to say. Again, this is funny.

348
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 2: I went up to use the restaurant at a plan

349
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,400
Speaker 2: and a plane. The flight attendant, actually I've never had

350
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:19,600
Speaker 2: this happen, say hey, we're trying a new mix of

351
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,560
Speaker 2: old fashioneds, would you like to try one? And I'm

352
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,359
Speaker 2: not like a huge whiskey person, or whatever, and I

353
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,439
Speaker 2: just wasn't in the mood, so I said, I don't know,

354
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 2: thank you, but I was like, actually, I feel like

355
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:29,440
Speaker 2: my friend.

356
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,160
Speaker 1: Wait for it, would wait for it and.

357
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 2: Would like would like to try it. And he's he's

358
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 2: sitting next to me. She's like, which one is he?

359
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,600
Speaker 2: And I'm looking for it and he's like, who is he? Well,

360
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,680
Speaker 2: he's my colleague. So I referred to as my colleague.

361
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,640
Speaker 2: And then he goes which one is he? And I

362
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,200
Speaker 2: looked and I didn't know how else to describe you,

363
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:47,840
Speaker 2: and I said.

364
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: He's he's wait for it.

365
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 3: He's the black one, because you were the only black

366
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 3: person who was sitting in the in the vicinity, and

367
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,479
Speaker 3: it was the most obvious way to describe you.

368
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,520
Speaker 2: So then I came back to the seat and I

369
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,879
Speaker 2: was like, I'm so sorry, but I got flustered and

370
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:18,160
Speaker 2: I described you to the flight attendant as my black colleague,

371
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,400
Speaker 2: and I was really embarrassed. I just got really flustered.

372
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,720
Speaker 1: I didn't know you were say.

373
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 2: You were like what you referred to me as what?

374
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,879
Speaker 1: That's okay, but labels are stressful something you should hear.

375
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,520
Speaker 1: How I refer to you to my friends Sometimes I.

376
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 2: Mean, it's so I've heard you say something's out loud

377
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 2: about you. Oh yeah, like how you referred to me? Yeah, okay,

378
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 2: there's been a movie reference.

379
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,160
Speaker 1: Er too, a movie reference. Yeah, okay, that's come on,

380
00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:54,159
Speaker 1: that's not the same thing. Oh stop it, that's not

381
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 1: the same. We say that in private. You said that

382
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,320
Speaker 1: to a You called me the black gentleman to a stranger,

383
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 1: black colleague.

384
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 2: Well, I'm gonna say it, but like, ultimately, yeah, put

385
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,640
Speaker 2: the two things together. That is basically what I refer

386
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 2: to you as. Wait, how do you refer to me?

387
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,320
Speaker 1: Uh? Talking to you?

388
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,880
Speaker 2: Well, if someone were to say, if you were to say, hey,

389
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,680
Speaker 2: could you do something for my ex? You would just

390
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,400
Speaker 2: say girlfriend?

391
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,080
Speaker 1: Right for my blank you mean not my ex? What'd

392
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:23,360
Speaker 1: you say?

393
00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:26,359
Speaker 2: No, if you're saying, if you're referring to me, to

394
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 2: try to describe my relationship to you, Oh, how would

395
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 2: you refer to me as?

396
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:32,679
Speaker 3: You know?

397
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,679
Speaker 1: I that's a good question. I don't know how just

398
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 1: a natural conversation. Yeah, I'm really not sure. I think

399
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 1: I you know what I've said more than more often

400
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 1: than not my wife. Yeah, absolutely, just to keep the flow.

401
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to explain anything.

402
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have tried out husband a couple of times,

403
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,240
Speaker 2: just to you know, but also like if you say

404
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,760
Speaker 2: things like that, sometimes people think, like you don't know

405
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,919
Speaker 2: if someone knows who we are, and then somehow would say, okay,

406
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,080
Speaker 2: can I tell a funny story?

407
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: Oh god, yeah, the other one about your black colleague

408
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 1: was so funny.

409
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: Let me redeem myself.

410
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 1: No.

411
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 2: So we both started wearing these Aura rings for the

412
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,520
Speaker 2: podcast because they sent them to us and we've actually

413
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,679
Speaker 2: thoroughly enjoyed them. We put them on our right hand,

414
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 2: but we both wear them on our ring finger. And

415
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 2: my mom and dad came here to visit for a

416
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:28,520
Speaker 2: little while, just watching us, observing us, and I just

417
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,400
Speaker 2: had a quick moment with them a couple of weeks

418
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,679
Speaker 2: ago for sadly another funeral and my mom. It was

419
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,719
Speaker 2: just my mom, my dad and me, and my mom

420
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,480
Speaker 2: said to me, hey, sweetheart, can I ask you a

421
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 2: personal question? Which was a strange thing for my mom

422
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,320
Speaker 2: to say. I said, of course, yes you can, And

423
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 2: she said, I noticed the rings that you and TJ

424
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 2: are wearing, and I know that they're like exercise rings,

425
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 2: and I see that you have them on your right finger,

426
00:20:55,280 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 2: But did you too get secretly married. She actually thought

427
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 2: that it was possible we had and just hadn't told anyone.

428
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:18,040
Speaker 1: Well, based on recent history with us, she wouldn't be

429
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,600
Speaker 1: surprised if we ran off and did something. It didn't

430
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: tell that. I think that was a legit question.

431
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 2: Right, So it was funny to me that that's I

432
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,640
Speaker 2: was like, whoa, but that might Yeah, that's what that's

433
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,479
Speaker 2: what we're putting out there, right, So I did tell her,

434
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:35,200
Speaker 2: I said, well, funny enough, if and when it does happen,

435
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 2: that's probably how it will happen. You'll find out after

436
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 2: the fact, because in her reaction to that one, she said,

437
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,359
Speaker 2: that makes sense. And I said, it's not as if

438
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 2: I have any plans to walk down the aisle and

439
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 2: pick out my wedding colors and you know, have a

440
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 2: florist involved. I said, it's it is probably going to

441
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 2: be one of those moments where you get a phone

442
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 2: call from me. But I won't keep you in the

443
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 2: dark for too long.

444
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 1: Wow, any more stories you want to share?

445
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 3: All right?

446
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 2: So when is so cuffing season is now? Is there

447
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,720
Speaker 2: a this marriage season in the summertime? That has to

448
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 2: be that's always when all the weddings are right June July.

449
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but there's we can only call it an engagements yes,

450
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: as a marriage season, but the season where people decide

451
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:20,680
Speaker 1: they want to get married is now. Weddings take place

452
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 1: and warm. But then sometimes people get married because it's

453
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: a I don't know, get a good deal and a venue.

454
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 2: Sometimes that's true a Wednesday wedding, I mean it has

455
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:28,679
Speaker 2: a nice raindow.

456
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 1: I got no problem with that, No neither do I.

457
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: But it's it just seems right now what's happening. And

458
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 1: with breakups they say, it's just so many of them

459
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,440
Speaker 1: going around, And it was interesting to take a look

460
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 1: at why and against it's psychology today. I just I

461
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,640
Speaker 1: wish I could give this psychologist his due because he's

462
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 1: the one that came up with this reasons that we

463
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: lose intimacy. I thought this was so fascinating. He has

464
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 1: something he calls the three D effect, three reasons now

465
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 1: that erode intimacy over time, Distraction distance disconnection.

466
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's so true.

467
00:23:05,520 --> 00:23:10,479
Speaker 1: Distraction distance disconnection, he called the three ds. They're like

468
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 1: emotional termites, and you don't notice the damage that's being

469
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,959
Speaker 1: done because it's being done so slowly. But then eventually

470
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:23,120
Speaker 1: the foundation crumbles, and it's done with the three ds,

471
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: the three D effect, and that's what erodes intimacy distance.

472
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 2: For sure, that makes perfect sense. Yes, when it's you know,

473
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 2: absence makes the heart grow fonder until you just stop connecting, right,

474
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, that makes total sense.

475
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: Distraction is the other. So this is a part of

476
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:42,560
Speaker 1: the around the holidays, you got other things going on.

477
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 1: Your stress is here directed there. You're not performing as

478
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,600
Speaker 1: a team necessarily, you're distracted by this could be work.

479
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 1: You're distracted. She's distracted. And over time though intimacy, all

480
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 1: of a sudden you come together and you're not close

481
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 1: to anymore.

482
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 2: You know what's interesting about the distraction part, because one

483
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 2: hundred percent I get it. And so many couples, not

484
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 2: so many, but definitely enough couples when their kids go

485
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 2: off to college, when they finally become empty nesters, they

486
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 2: decide they have nothing in common anymore. They've been distracted

487
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 2: by their own children, they've been distracted by their lives.

488
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 2: And so many of us don't focus and put our

489
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,920
Speaker 2: relationships first, which I do think is the key to

490
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 2: keeping it together, to working on it. You have to

491
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 2: put it first above all else, above your career. And

492
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 2: my parents even said above your children. My parents were

493
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: firm believers in that, and you know, the proof is

494
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: in the pudding. They're still together. They just you have

495
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,439
Speaker 2: to prioritize your relationship in a way that most of

496
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 2: us don't think about, can't or don't want to. But

497
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 2: that makes an awful lot of sense. And I do

498
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 2: think having shared interests, whether it's your career, whether it's

499
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 2: just what you do when you're not at work, if

500
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 2: you can have those things that keep you together, you

501
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 2: know you aren't as distracted because you're together. And what

502
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,680
Speaker 2: was the last T disconnection And that's a result of

503
00:24:58,720 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 2: the first two a.

504
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: Distraction, distance, and then ultimately a disconnection. We oftentimes this

505
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 1: is how he puts it. He said, you can tell

506
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:11,439
Speaker 1: if you're disconnected because when your partner does something or

507
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 1: says something, you make an assumption about their intentions. If

508
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: you're making an assumption about their intentions instead of saying,

509
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,640
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm reflecting about what you just said,

510
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 1: or I'm curious about what you said, if your first

511
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 1: reaction is to say that that you're making some assumption

512
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,480
Speaker 1: about what your partner's doing, that's one of the early

513
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: signs that there's a disconnection.

514
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 2: Issue because you're not willing to ask, you're not willing

515
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 2: to be curious, you're not willing to say what's really

516
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 2: going on. You just make an assumption because you're God, Yeah,

517
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 2: you're distancing yourself emotionally.

518
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 1: The three day I thought it was interesting about the

519
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:51,360
Speaker 1: holidays and how this all connects. But it's it's fascinating

520
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 1: to me, and it's scary. I guess this is a

521
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: I guess we're all in a scary time. So are

522
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,600
Speaker 1: we can make it to April, we might be good

523
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:00,280
Speaker 1: for the year, at least till December. I mean, you

524
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,199
Speaker 1: have to set goals in a relationship. I mean the

525
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: bar can be low, but at least there's a bar.

526
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:09,120
Speaker 2: I am not trying to make it to April. I'm

527
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:16,120
Speaker 2: not I'm trying. I'm trying to make it to one hundred.

528
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: Okay, but April is on the way to that. We

529
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:20,600
Speaker 1: got to get through Andy gets it. We got to

530
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 1: get through April at least.

531
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 2: Yes, well, of course, yes, But I'm a long term

532
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 2: goal kind of gal. The short term goal I totally get,

533
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 2: But I think you have to have the long term

534
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 2: goal with you at all times. Yeah, sure to reach

535
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:39,400
Speaker 2: the short term goal.

536
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,880
Speaker 1: Sure, well, look to all the couples. And I'm still

537
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: rooting for even though we heard about j Lo and

538
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: Ben Affleck at the end of the year. They separated

539
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: earlier last year, but that was a hard, high profile breakup,

540
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: and those are folks I'm still rooting for, and I

541
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: know a lot of that. There was one thing we

542
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: were looking at, people have been together a long time?

543
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: What's your advice?

544
00:26:58,400 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 2: All right?

545
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 1: People always looking for advice, but who've been around, who've

546
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: been together a long time. And one of the pieces

547
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 1: of advice was don't get married unless you're one hundred

548
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: percent sure you're not going to get divorced. Now that

549
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 1: sounds crazy, but how can you ever be one hundred

550
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:14,719
Speaker 1: percent sure? But the point there is you can prevent

551
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: divorce by being sure and committed to I'm gonna get

552
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: married and I'm not going to get divorced again.

553
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,960
Speaker 2: It sounds so simplistic, I know, it's it's so interesting

554
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: because I it's hard when you've been divorced, not once,

555
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 2: but twice for people to say, well, when I walk

556
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 2: down the aisle, I want to make sure it's forever

557
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:39,120
Speaker 2: and I and I, and I laughed and said when

558
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: I walked down the aisle, I also wanted it to

559
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 2: be forever. It's not for lack of desire. But I

560
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 2: hear what you're saying. If you say, no matter what.

561
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: There are reasons to get divorced, we say, with the

562
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,880
Speaker 1: exceptions of abuse, all kinds of I mean, all kinds

563
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:58,840
Speaker 1: of things can come into play. But the idea of

564
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 1: the point behind it is that you have to be sure.

565
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 1: You need to be sure before you make that decision,

566
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: and that was a key to staying together.

567
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 2: Okay, no, oh, no, no, no, I agree with you.

568
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 2: I am actually reflecting back on my own life and

569
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 2: knowing that I wasn't sure. Like I was hopeful, but

570
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 2: I was not sure. And I don't know if you

571
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 2: could ever be. But I'd like to think that there

572
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 2: are people who absolutely are. I love some of the

573
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 2: other advice from some madly and loved couples share how

574
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 2: they've made their marriage. Last Andy gave us this list,

575
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:38,840
Speaker 2: and I love that. One of the bits of advice,

576
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: and we can leave you with this is that smiling laughing.

577
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,239
Speaker 2: You have to be able to laugh things off when

578
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 2: things get rough, and sometimes some person's not going to

579
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: be able to smile and the other one can, and

580
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 2: vice versa. But if you can find a way to smile,

581
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 2: or at least to get a little smile out of

582
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 2: your partner when things get tough, if you can still

583
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 2: laugh together, there's a good chance you can still make

584
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 2: it through even the toughest of times. And I like

585
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,760
Speaker 2: that idea. That gives me hope. I've never laughed with

586
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: anyone more than I've laughed with you.

587
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: That is true, and I agree. I think a lot

588
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 1: of people give that advice. But be careful with that

589
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: advice though, because you might be the one that just

590
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: pissed the other person off. Don't go over and try

591
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: to tickle.

592
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 2: Him so he oh, you gotta do his laugh.

593
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, this will be fun a robox it.

594
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 2: Choose your timing, choose your timing. Understand you don't want

595
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 2: to poke the bear, but yeah, you know, is there

596
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 2: anything worse that when you're upset, someone says, turn that

597
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 2: frown upside down. No, I'm not saying to do that,

598
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 2: But in the right moment, if you can smile and

599
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 2: maybe laugh with some time and perspective.

600
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 1: Ah, yeah, well yes I do for sure. I laugh

601
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 1: and I smile with you more than anybody I've ever

602
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 1: smiled and laughed within my life, not just in a relationship,

603
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: but with anybody in my life. So that does work.

604
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 1: So folks out there, if you are out there, good

605
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 1: luck to you. If you are trying to get cuffed

606
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 1: this season, good luck to you. If you might be

607
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: going to a difficult time of a relationship and a

608
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: divorce and a breakup, good luck to you there. And

609
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 1: congratulations if you just got engaged, we're rooting for you

610
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,320
Speaker 1: or expecting one by February fourteenth.

611
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 2: Expectations can get you in trouble, so good luck.

612
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: Out there, everybody. But we always appreciate you listening to us,

613
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,160
Speaker 1: and we always appreciate you running with us as well.

614
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:26,959
Speaker 1: If you haven't been running with us, you could do that.

615
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: Every Monday through Friday, we have our Morning Run podcast

616
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: in which we go through the day's headlines every single day,

617
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: so check that out. But for now, I'm two Jams.

618
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 2: And I'm Amy Robock. Have a wonderful day, everyone,