Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 2: I don't think you should say decisions decisions. It sounded
Speaker 2: like you was talking to Kurston.
Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the new podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you want to say together decisions Decisions.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 2: I'm your girl, mad e b.
Speaker 1: We have to be very proper. I'm your I feel
Speaker 1: like we have like a and you're from Boston, but
Speaker 1: southern Bale.
Speaker 4: I have a You have a New England girly here.
Speaker 1: Oh is that the New England vibe?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a new England.
Speaker 1: Are they proper?
Speaker 2: Yes? I went to private school.
Speaker 3: All I know is if y'all watching these holes on
Speaker 3: the YouTube, they sat up and they got these little
Speaker 3: demure dresses on, and I'm over here looking like a foster.
Speaker 2: I look like a backup. You're not going this right now?
Speaker 1: No, No, this fits the vibe?
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, look good. Yeah, I look like if this
Speaker 2: was a girl group, I'd be the rapper. That's what
Speaker 2: I agree. That's what it's we're giving three O.
Speaker 1: W oh wait, I thought you were gonna say TLC
Speaker 1: because it's given given, so we I don't know when
Speaker 1: you met Jody, but maybe we met at the same time.
Speaker 1: I met Jody and Can for our first time. We
Speaker 1: went and I think the bathroom and I was like.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, because I'm.
Speaker 1: Obsessed with you, but like that love a good bathroom na,
Speaker 1: because you don't really meet people after and even though
Speaker 1: we haven't hung after yet, but I find that, like
Speaker 1: the bathroom moment always ends, and I really appreciated that.
Speaker 1: When I started to see your videos later, I was like,
Speaker 1: oh the girls. Girls energy is real, because sometimes meeting
Speaker 1: people in the flesh is a little bit of a disappointment.
Speaker 1: So if y'all are here because you followed Jody, she
Speaker 1: was kind of the same period. How do y'all know
Speaker 1: each other?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I did see you and Can.
Speaker 4: We were on the gary V yacht. I think, oh wait,
Speaker 4: it was yeah, not the gry V yacht. It was
Speaker 4: the I know I saw you outside of that. It
Speaker 4: was the one with was it the one where Lucky
Speaker 4: they perform?
Speaker 2: May I saw you at CAN. You looked great. Oh
Speaker 2: thank you that you can be having about eleven afarol
Speaker 2: sprits to me.
Speaker 3: So it's like I gotta get the number, and everyone
Speaker 3: from CAN I have to meet back up with when
Speaker 3: I come to the States. Otherwise that week I meet
Speaker 3: so many people. It's so many like that's all you do.
Speaker 2: All Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: Actually one of the events where I wonder if you've
Speaker 1: ever dropped it. We're gonna ask you later like where
Speaker 1: to set the social scheme. But that's when I would
Speaker 1: put up there.
Speaker 3: To me, CAN has been like, first off, it's now
Speaker 3: on my list for the rest of my life until
Speaker 3: they start pushing those niggas out. But it's it's one
Speaker 3: of the places where it's been so easy to meet
Speaker 3: other like minded professionals. And to me, just because you're
Speaker 3: out there, you black, everyone's dressed to the nine and
Speaker 3: everyone is there just to have a good time, and
Speaker 3: that when you are having a good time in another
Speaker 3: country with someone else, you want to bring that energy.
Speaker 1: Different too than experiencing Like for anyone listening Can's lines festivals,
Speaker 1: what we're talking about it is a creative festival. It
Speaker 1: feels different than afrotech to me because for some reason,
Speaker 1: when you're that far, yeah, it's a different like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's a different vibe. And not only that they know
Speaker 1: that the job you're holding must already be something, yes,
Speaker 1: or if you are an influencer and starting out like
Speaker 1: you've made it this far. I think sometimes the other
Speaker 1: ones can feel a little bit too convention y, like
Speaker 1: too desperate, too, like I need something. I saw a
Speaker 1: lot of bad reviews about Afrotech, and I don't know why, Like, oh, I.
Speaker 3: Know a thousand people going No, it's just because black
Speaker 3: people love to talk shit about our own things. Like
Speaker 3: they do it with and best fast, they did it
Speaker 3: with essence, they do it with like and I literally
Speaker 3: talked about this on selective ignorance. There's it's frustrating to see, like,
Speaker 3: the more things that we create of our own, right,
Speaker 3: we need funding, we need people to give us money.
Speaker 3: Baby Di is already gone. So the fact that we
Speaker 3: want to shit on our own, you know, things that
Speaker 3: we're creating for ourselves, what it's really doing is hurting
Speaker 3: the ability or opportunity that we may have to find
Speaker 3: funding or get sponsorships, because maybe if the black people
Speaker 3: don't believe in it, how we gonna get the white
Speaker 3: people to believe in it to cut checks.
Speaker 1: So to me, that's the bet wards being stepped up.
Speaker 3: I was really they stepped it up and then got
Speaker 3: rid of soul train and hip hop.
Speaker 4: So it's like, yeah, I do believe black people are
Speaker 4: hyper critical, but it's because I don't think they feel
Speaker 4: like they have agency. And so when you don'teel like
Speaker 4: you have agency to do, then you only have agency
Speaker 4: to critique.
Speaker 3: But how you can take our own ship. Clearly we
Speaker 3: have the agency too, and we see people getting bigger
Speaker 3: and bigger and bigger, and it's almost like a bit
Speaker 3: of some hate, like you also don't want to see
Speaker 3: your own gear and black people excel beyond the thing.
Speaker 1: How you feel like white ice is colder And that's
Speaker 1: why I probably said Kansas bad as shit there it is,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, Jody, Jody Taylor, we just started
Speaker 1: reading bios on the show.
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna hold you. We've eve been killing the biles.
Speaker 3: I'll say this is what we got, Bawn.
Speaker 1: Okay, Jody, don't your native who is called New York
Speaker 1: City home for the past decade? Is it distinguished leader
Speaker 1: in the corporate strategy and digital influence space. A modern
Speaker 1: day aspirational figure providing unparalleled access. OOH embraces too and
Speaker 1: transparency into the concept of the glow up lifestyle and
Speaker 1: being on an intentional journey of growth self betterment. With
Speaker 1: a strategic and empowering approach, she is inspiring women to
Speaker 1: embrace new habits, elevate their ambitions, and become the best
Speaker 1: version of themselves. Sorry, now I want to say, it's
Speaker 1: not just your TikTok and ig stuff, because this is
Speaker 1: to be the Jody effect in person, right, which is
Speaker 1: so adorable. So traphouse open. First week, I was like,
Speaker 1: Jody com she comes through Brionda text to group chat.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's a girl so hot here, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust that you reader to come all the time.
Speaker 1: And when we started talking about just maybe the aesthetic
Speaker 1: of people coming in, how to market to people, she
Speaker 1: was like, I want one hundred JODI's I want more
Speaker 1: c suite beautiful women. I want powerful black women. I
Speaker 1: want to feel it when they come in the door.
Speaker 1: Because sometimes we're out and we meet someone that has
Speaker 1: a job but you can't tell. And one of the
Speaker 1: things that you've talked about is like leveling up and
Speaker 1: how you're carrying yourself, how you're dressing, which for me
Speaker 1: doesn't look the same because I'm an entrepreneur that doesn't
Speaker 1: have that esthetic. And it's like sometimes I've watched those
Speaker 1: videos and felt a little bit invalidated in the younger
Speaker 1: years of entrepreneurship, like I do this thing, or I
Speaker 1: talk about sex and needing to like own it is
Speaker 1: all also part of the power.
Speaker 4: So I don't wait question for you though in terms
Speaker 4: of feeling invalidated.
Speaker 2: Tell me a little bit more about that, or we
Speaker 2: think about what our god damn book, Okay, tell it.
Speaker 3: We don't get supported, we don't get asked to inswer
Speaker 3: certain space.
Speaker 2: And you think it's aesthetic, it's because we're sexually liberated.
Speaker 2: It's because of the time I see it. And so
Speaker 2: the problem that.
Speaker 3: I've been having, and it's funny because I just had
Speaker 3: an episode shout out to Ashley cop who's a sexpert,
Speaker 3: it's the same thing. It's like we're battling with the
Speaker 3: freedom to exist as C suite entrepreneurs and all these things,
Speaker 3: while also having the space to own our own autonomy,
Speaker 3: which is being taken away from us through laws, and
Speaker 3: then also just being able to be happy with how
Speaker 3: we're existing right and we're getting the issues from brands,
Speaker 3: from corporations, and then also from other black women even
Speaker 3: within the space. And it's what I'm realizing too, is
Speaker 3: just like, damn, how much hard can I bitch? New
Speaker 3: York Times bestseller now means nothing even to our goddamn publishers.
Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, well, if you want to sit here
Speaker 3: and promote the book, maybe you need to just go
Speaker 3: to sex conventions.
Speaker 2: No, no good.
Speaker 3: We were told as New York Times bestsellers with a
Speaker 3: book that is being transformative, with a lot of reviews
Speaker 3: on Amazon, that actually has has been transforming the way
Speaker 3: people view themselves and stepping into their power and overcoming trauma.
Speaker 2: Well maybe y'all should go to sex conventions.
Speaker 4: What I think, it's difficult because people want to compartmentalize, right,
Speaker 4: It's easy. It's human psychology to dictate you look like this, ergo,
Speaker 4: you deserve these things and you're this kind of person. However,
Speaker 4: you all exist across multitudes, and that is a really
Speaker 4: difficult place to be. You all are the pioneers of this,
Speaker 4: so you're going to have an undue burden. It's going
Speaker 4: to be easier for the next Wheezy and Mandy, But
Speaker 4: y'all are the first to do something like this where
Speaker 4: you're cascading against entrepreneurship, sex positivity podcasting. You all own
Speaker 4: this shit. This is crazy that y'all are owning this.
Speaker 4: But unfortunately people don't have the space to hold multiple
Speaker 4: truths at once. And that's why when I talk about
Speaker 4: like presenting, it's not from a it's not from a
Speaker 4: place of being inauthentic. But quite frankly, people make snap judgments.
Speaker 4: They're deciding within seven seconds whether to give you the funding,
Speaker 4: They're deciding within seven seconds how to engage with you.
Speaker 4: Men are deciding in seven seconds, like you said, the
Speaker 4: box theory, what category to put you in. And either
Speaker 4: you can choose to play the game, which I think
Speaker 4: many people do, or you can choose not to, which
Speaker 4: is what y'all are doing. But that's incredible and fantastic, Yes.
Speaker 2: It is the way like the amount of knows we've
Speaker 2: heard me.
Speaker 3: We even just got into a group chat together with
Speaker 3: with tempests and we were like, oh, we're so sick
Speaker 3: a fucking here and no, like we've heard no so
Speaker 3: much over the last fucking two years, even like after
Speaker 3: the rebrand, and there's still just been like God, damn,
Speaker 3: what the fuck can we do? Like and there's a
Speaker 3: there's a thing I talk about, like even with shooting
Speaker 3: your shot right, being able to accept rejection. Being able
Speaker 3: to accept rejection goes around hearing no in so many ways,
Speaker 3: so many facets, not just not just dating, like it's
Speaker 3: in almost every fucking corner, Like hearing know that much
Speaker 3: is like this is exhausting.
Speaker 2: It is no. It's exhausting.
Speaker 4: It is exhausting. But no is also data. There is
Speaker 4: no such thing as a no. It's just information. So
Speaker 4: when I hear no, I hear this is information that
Speaker 4: I'm getting from this space. What can I do to
Speaker 4: alchemize this no? So it's never a no, it's what
Speaker 4: are the pieces that I'm So for example, if someone
Speaker 4: does a video, this is a very like tepid example.
Speaker 4: But if someone does a video and I also do
Speaker 4: the same video, my video flops, Their video does fantastic.
Speaker 2: It's a no in terms of the algorithm, it's the know.
Speaker 4: In terms of perception, fine, but what I'm able to
Speaker 4: do is sit in the know because it's uncomfortable and
Speaker 4: it sucks. But also I can either continue to do
Speaker 4: that or I can figure out what is this person
Speaker 4: doing that's better than me, and how can I alchemize
Speaker 4: that information and data to make me better?
Speaker 2: And that is how I've built a platform because.
Speaker 4: I've been doing content for a minute and some of
Speaker 4: the girls blew up way past me. But what I
Speaker 4: was able to do is say, oh, she's doing this,
Speaker 4: she has the right lighting, she has the right hook,
Speaker 4: she has expyz. So even on a metas scale, and
Speaker 4: I'm not comparing a TikTok video to what y'all are
Speaker 4: going through, but on a meta scale, no is data.
Speaker 4: And I really lead into the note and I actually
Speaker 4: think you should chase the nose, especially right now, like
Speaker 4: y'all are no.
Speaker 1: But the thing that I'm thinking about with what you're saying,
Speaker 1: especially with the being feeling like sorry, where was validated?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, being invalidated by women that are chasing a certain
Speaker 1: life or trying to get somewhere and we look different
Speaker 1: for me. Unfortunately, it did have to come with other accolades,
Speaker 1: like yeah, our podcast did so many numbers, so many
Speaker 1: things that it had broke barriers for so many accomplishments
Speaker 1: we've had, even with like being part of the inception
Speaker 1: of the black Back network that's now huge, just being
Speaker 1: those girls, the first girls like just like being unleashed
Speaker 1: on this whole big journey that Charlene Charlemagne started. This
Speaker 1: now beyond him when I got back into corporate. So
Speaker 1: Mandy and I left corporate. We were corporate girlies. That
Speaker 1: started our show. When I got to run a podcast division,
Speaker 1: and I mean still doing it when I got to
Speaker 1: do that again, being in a different space showed made
Speaker 1: me feel more powerful, and I hated that it did
Speaker 1: that because the entrepreneurship was really the big deal. I
Speaker 1: left my corporate job, being a sales engineer and working
Speaker 1: in tech to talk about sex for a living make
Speaker 1: more money than I did. But the second I got
Speaker 1: right back into having that kind of title, that made
Speaker 1: me feel good. What's strange to me is how much
Speaker 1: we need the validity from others. The way that I
Speaker 1: felt for my own self was amazing. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't have to get up to where I'm like
Speaker 1: loving it. I'm on vacation, I'm working from home. I
Speaker 1: can record my podcast on Zoom. But the second I
Speaker 1: was on a payroll again, I was like, oop, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm really doing it. And it's ridiculous because at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, entrepreneurship is the goal for everyone.
Speaker 1: I was working with all of them, all of them,
Speaker 1: all of them, all of them, and they're all like, damn,
Speaker 1: what the fuck made you want to get back and
Speaker 1: do this. I'm like, I don't fucking know, but I
Speaker 1: will say my aesthetic. Learn to lean in and love it.
Speaker 1: It was weird for me for the first year of
Speaker 1: being single after relationship, because I thought, oh, I'm starting
Speaker 1: to have a look. I didn't have as many tattoos,
Speaker 1: I didn't have a septum ring when I got with him.
Speaker 1: But this is my thing. Things I like and what
Speaker 1: I learned is like my tribe is my tribe. Like
Speaker 1: the men I'm looking for kind of look the same. Right.
Speaker 1: I don't really do well with finance bros because most don't.
Speaker 2: I would say most don't.
Speaker 3: I don't the baby doing cochi shit. Them niggas be
Speaker 3: having the bacca bottle at the bottom of the death.
Speaker 3: They work a lot of hours, then they got to
Speaker 3: hang out with other bros. What other bros like? Stripper bitches?
Speaker 2: No, they in broths, they strip clubs, they coked it out.
Speaker 4: I say, the skills and the rich, but the girls
Speaker 4: that are chasing the finance bros. I think there's girls
Speaker 4: chasing them. They've never gd any finance. Have you seen
Speaker 4: on TikTok? I want a man six to finance whatever,
Speaker 4: like the black girls and white girls everybody, but they
Speaker 4: haven't got They haven't gotten it because what you don't
Speaker 4: understand is the skills that make you great at finance
Speaker 4: are the exact skills that make partner.
Speaker 2: The way the girls be uh one in the athlete niggas?
Speaker 2: Now have you like? Oh, girls, the girls want athlete.
Speaker 2: They all growing woman girl the girl. You know, it's funny.
Speaker 2: You know what's funny about that? I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2: All of my homegirls thirty five don't nobody want them on.
Speaker 2: I can't think of it.
Speaker 3: I think athletes are like, it's a young girl's game.
Speaker 3: It's a game either you got them in find you.
Speaker 3: I still got one on my roster, but just one.
Speaker 3: I only got one, Yes it was I.
Speaker 2: Have one, just one one.
Speaker 3: But I don't want to be with I don't desire
Speaker 3: being with him.
Speaker 2: Like the idea of being with a guy.
Speaker 4: Like that, yeah, is like fuck, wait, why tell me experience?
Speaker 2: I think the way you think. I mean, they don't
Speaker 2: do coke because they get drug tested well. Apparently they
Speaker 2: do the pick coke on the yachts in off season.
Speaker 2: That was crazy.
Speaker 1: I don't want them to take a black manta say hey,
Speaker 1: everyone's doing gummy bear stuff whatever.
Speaker 2: Listen to me. I think just there.
Speaker 3: They're the type of men that have never had to
Speaker 3: really compromise. They're the type of men that have always
Speaker 3: been given everything to them, that have never been held
Speaker 3: accountable for how they treat others because the world has
Speaker 3: been a runway for them, because they've been able to
Speaker 3: provide for family. They don't have friends that check them
Speaker 3: because the friends are on the paywall, and so in
Speaker 3: terms of how they show up in relationships, it's very surface,
Speaker 3: it's very lonely.
Speaker 2: It's very empty.
Speaker 3: And then you do have to realize that is going
Speaker 3: to be a person that you share that will most
Speaker 3: likely embarrass you.
Speaker 1: And now you know what's interesting though, what because I
Speaker 1: know a lot of your content has been about rich men.
Speaker 1: In that discussion, people would say that for any rich guy.
Speaker 2: Do you do you believe that about any rich men?
Speaker 4: I do believe that about any rich man. I think
Speaker 4: I believe that about a lot of men. Actually, they
Speaker 4: don't even have to be rich.
Speaker 1: Then if you are super attracted, if you're attracted, if
Speaker 1: you make in this economy over two hundred.
Speaker 3: It's funny that it's funny that you said that in
Speaker 3: compared to the dark. So I was with my family
Speaker 3: this weekend and my sister is talking to a new
Speaker 3: guy his career. You wouldn't think anything up, but my
Speaker 3: mom has experienced with men in this career. So for
Speaker 3: if we're not talking about rich, wealthy men, apparently truck
Speaker 3: drivers are terrible men today and so listening to them
Speaker 3: this weekend, talk about how truck driving is a career
Speaker 3: that if a man has he.
Speaker 2: Ain't shit because he's always on the road.
Speaker 3: He might have his certain routes, so he got a
Speaker 3: bitch on these Routes's what.
Speaker 1: So my partner is a real estate investor and he
Speaker 1: has been for the last I don't know, maybe six seven.
Speaker 1: We've only been did in two years. But that was
Speaker 1: his first job and that was how he got in come.
Speaker 1: You might be right the truck literally, but I didn't
Speaker 1: know about drivers, but I know those careers are the
Speaker 1: all that time on the truck, listening to them pop
Speaker 1: flipping houses, learning shit.
Speaker 2: Okay, what other career then? If you're like, it's any guy.
Speaker 2: Are you just saying all men, whether I've got a
Speaker 2: job or not. I'm not saying all men.
Speaker 4: Some of the some of the most insane men I've
Speaker 4: ever dated, have been in construction, I mean fantastic HVAC
Speaker 4: like it can be anything. The issue is supply and demand,
Speaker 4: and the issue is perception and access. It doesn't really
Speaker 4: matter how much money they have. What matters is who
Speaker 4: they have access to their perception.
Speaker 2: Everybody got access to everybody now with social media. I
Speaker 2: also think it depends.
Speaker 4: So for example, if me and my homegirls are at
Speaker 4: a party, I have seen this with my own eyes.
Speaker 2: A regular dude who works at a great.
Speaker 4: Tech company, you would think he was lebron the way
Speaker 4: that women are like circulating it.
Speaker 1: Now, what is it? Is it?
Speaker 4: The I mean, he's moderately attractive, has a good job.
Speaker 4: But in this economy where most men don't have a
Speaker 4: lot of those things, we're in a scarcity mindset. They're
Speaker 4: going to be rotating. And that's why I always say,
Speaker 4: I think it is very lame and very corny, and
Speaker 4: I got lit up for this when women are obsessed
Speaker 4: with David rich men, I think it is extremely lame
Speaker 4: and I think it's extremely corny. I think it's a
Speaker 4: proxy for low self esteem keyword being obsessed.
Speaker 2: So what is what is your thoughts on women who.
Speaker 4: Are obsessed sprinkle sprinkle all of that with the sprinkle, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I think so.
Speaker 1: Wait, what do you sprinkles?
Speaker 2: Sprinkles, sprinkle sprinkle the little sprinkle sprinkle. Lady who was
Speaker 2: talking about.
Speaker 1: The I'm sorry, is this a new drug?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 4: So I did a TikTok say I think women who
Speaker 4: are obsessed with rich men are lame. And I kind
Speaker 4: of got lit up. Some women understood, some did it okay.
Speaker 4: I For example, if this.
Speaker 2: Is a longer format, you could break it down to okay,
Speaker 2: per so explain. Okay.
Speaker 4: So, for example, if a man said I'm obsessed with models,
Speaker 4: I think we would be like, oh, that's lame and
Speaker 4: that's corny. I think I don't understand where their dichotomy
Speaker 4: is for some people. But when women are outsourcing their
Speaker 4: agency and autonomy to a man with money, because it's
Speaker 4: very difficult to have that sort of relationship and there
Speaker 4: isn't any leverage points that aren't being exploited because that's
Speaker 4: human nature, there is going to be a level of
Speaker 4: exploitation when someone has such an advantage over someone else. Additionally,
Speaker 4: when you are using a socially valued resource like beauty
Speaker 4: or money, and you are obsessed with capturing that resource
Speaker 4: and a partner, I believe it is a proxy for
Speaker 4: having low self esteem. The women who I think have agency,
Speaker 4: who feel beautiful, who feel great about themselves, They're not
Speaker 4: really the ones that are obsessed with marrying rich. It's
Speaker 4: usually the people who have never experienced it or who
Speaker 4: don't like themselves. Similarly, with men, men who are obsessed
Speaker 4: with dating the baddest women, it's never the fine men,
Speaker 4: and it's never the super wealthy men. It is the
Speaker 4: people who are using other people their partners. Is proxies
Speaker 4: for their own low self esteem. And so that's why
Speaker 4: when I think women who are obsessed with dating rich
Speaker 4: about the they don't believe they can do it themselves.
Speaker 4: They're outsourcing their future to somebody else.
Speaker 3: That's why I said, I feel powerful now makes money
Speaker 3: like I like that because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You just check boxed something for me that I said
Speaker 1: the other day, so went to dinner with a friend
Speaker 1: of mine, I would say maybe ten figures which to
Speaker 1: me is insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we all go eat great brings.
Speaker 1: A partner, new partner, and my homegirl says, can I
Speaker 1: say it? I was like, say it, babe. She was like,
Speaker 1: not that she wasn't great. I just thought he'd have
Speaker 1: this like super hot Russian model. But I see why
Speaker 1: because she's like, you know, and the way that he
Speaker 1: talked about. He's like, oh and she just left your
Speaker 1: pana was doing and like they're enamored by these other
Speaker 1: things they do. And do you remember my friend, my
Speaker 1: friend that dated the manager at Ross. Yeah, that to
Speaker 1: me the way everyone treated it. So we listen and
Speaker 1: we judge. Okay, my homeboy, who maybe nine figure not
Speaker 1: ten okay, but a lot of bread at the airport,
Speaker 1: couldn't take his plane, was in the lounge. I think
Speaker 1: that's where he met the girl. She was going on
Speaker 1: a solo trip somewhere to go to the jungle. He
Speaker 1: was obsessed with the fact that she was able to
Speaker 1: do this alone. He's like, I could tell this was
Speaker 1: like her itinerary, like she wasn't meeting a man. I'm
Speaker 1: so used to women moving for a man. I see
Speaker 1: a girl in the Turks, I know who they would Drake.
Speaker 2: Drake. I'm glad we all know that. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1: So starts connecting with her, finds out she does lashes
Speaker 1: on the side or something, but she manages like a
Speaker 1: TJ Max or.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: She got very insulted that he wanted to level her up.
Speaker 1: I see cut him off when he tried to give
Speaker 1: her money to more so invest in lash business or whatever.
Speaker 1: And I've been thinking about what you're saying, because that,
Speaker 1: to me is super wealthy. We think super rich niggas
Speaker 1: are playing ball and all that, and that's the low
Speaker 1: self esteem shit. We want to recycle the same pot
Speaker 1: girl every time. But that's super super next level wealthy.
Speaker 1: It's not that to me. And this is why I
Speaker 1: want to bring it up in segue. So you talk
Speaker 1: a lot about hobbies, and I've been experiencing a lot
Speaker 1: of friends maybe having call outs by men that feel
Speaker 1: like they're out too much. And to me, it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we need more hobbies.
Speaker 3: What do you think of the loose we women women
Speaker 3: need more hobbies or men need more hobbies?
Speaker 1: I think we all do. I think women women too universally.
Speaker 4: So I actually did a poll on Instagram to ask
Speaker 4: men what they think women can do to glow up.
Speaker 4: And the number one thing that they said was, jes know,
Speaker 4: nothing physical. It was hobbies. It was getting a better
Speaker 4: group of friends. It was self investment. It was spending
Speaker 4: time meaningful. Swear to you, I believe you. One hundred
Speaker 4: and seventy five thousand people I asked, and all the
Speaker 4: men said, you got that?
Speaker 1: Do you agree with it? I agree?
Speaker 2: But why is that such a problem. It was going
Speaker 2: to be physical.
Speaker 3: I thought it was going to be physical, like especially
Speaker 3: because men like to be in the gym, so I would.
Speaker 2: Think that what they do.
Speaker 3: So I'm thinking that's what men would want women to do,
Speaker 3: because I really feel like most menigcaus want to day
Speaker 3: they God damn him home un But.
Speaker 4: Girl, they're spoiled with beauty. Men don't care about beauty anymore.
Speaker 4: There's a million when I tell you, so many beautiful
Speaker 4: women so extraordinarily boring and have nothing.
Speaker 2: No dynamic girls say this all the time. Well, we
Speaker 2: go out.
Speaker 3: We were just out with my homeboy the other day
Speaker 3: and he literally brought this up because he ended up
Speaker 3: meeting us at this place that was like, uh, it
Speaker 3: was a rooftop.
Speaker 2: He meets us at the rooftop.
Speaker 3: We go from the rooftop to get food, so we
Speaker 3: go to like this little Korean spot. Then we he
Speaker 3: ends up taking us to one of his homeboys restaurants
Speaker 3: that his homeboy owns, and literally in between he was like, yo,
Speaker 3: this has that happened in a while. He was like,
Speaker 3: I can't hang with y'all all night, like we're talking,
Speaker 3: and he was just like, that's rare. Constantly he's in
Speaker 3: the industry, constantly around beautiful women, and I hear this
Speaker 3: all the time when me and my homegirl Christal or
Speaker 3: even when me and Rosie be we goddamn niggas it.
Speaker 3: They literally said all the time, like, oh, y'all are
Speaker 3: cool if we don't, there's so many there's so much
Speaker 3: about women now that y'all have to realize too. Being
Speaker 3: able to just talk to a man that doesn't involve
Speaker 3: you trying to date them, that doesn't involve you trying
Speaker 3: to get to know their baby mama or their backstory
Speaker 3: on dating. Just being able to exist with men in
Speaker 3: a way that y'all can both enjoy each other platonically.
Speaker 3: May y'all suck each other dick at the end of
Speaker 3: the night. It's possible, not each other did because both
Speaker 3: of y'all gotta dick and lets one of the clauses
Speaker 3: like me. But may y'all fuck at the end of
Speaker 3: the night. Sure, But there's a thing about women, not.
Speaker 2: What because you said have one in the closet like me.
Speaker 2: I mean, I just got to throw that in there,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: But there's a thing right now around women not knowing
Speaker 3: how to just engage with men when it's not them
Speaker 3: interviewing them to be their partner or interviewing them to
Speaker 3: be their fuck buddies. It's like, oh, just hang out
Speaker 3: with the guys.
Speaker 1: Tell us you have a masterclass. Now, what's the master
Speaker 1: class about? Because we need a little crash course today.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 4: So the master class is born out of I felt
Speaker 4: like I, children of immigrants, came to New York City
Speaker 4: and there was so much I didn't know. I didn't
Speaker 4: know about having hobbies. I didn't know about joining a
Speaker 4: junior board. Do y'all know what a junior board is?
Speaker 1: That's like school boys club, stuff like that sort of.
Speaker 4: So, for example, all of them exactly, so all of
Speaker 4: these philanthropic organizations, they have junior boards for people forty
Speaker 4: and younger. And that is where a lot of the
Speaker 4: networking that's happening with the upwardly mobile exists in boards.
Speaker 4: I didn't know about joining boards. I didn't know about conferences,
Speaker 4: I didn't know about events, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 4: The Master class is built to help three components. Physical
Speaker 4: number one. So we're talking about hairstyles that work for you.
Speaker 4: Love that you did the blonde and the shore Oh girl,
Speaker 4: go bet yeah.
Speaker 1: So these women in a class and you'd be like,
Speaker 1: no to the ball.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it'll drop photo.
Speaker 4: Sometimes in the group chat though out of photo, and
Speaker 4: they'll be like, should I wear my boss? I also,
Speaker 4: I was actually looking at y'all. This is this is it.
Speaker 4: Both of you found your our looks.
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna hold you when I see like the
Speaker 3: throwback ship of how I used to like wear my hairs.
Speaker 2: You found the hair of even mind you.
Speaker 3: I've had men in my life that are like when
Speaker 3: I said I was gonna cut it off.
Speaker 2: You know, black men will tell you not.
Speaker 1: To cut your hair.
Speaker 2: Oh, I like exactly, it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I want to say, your long hair fixed now.
Speaker 3: I want to ask you that actually to as a
Speaker 3: black woman with short hair, because I know we have
Speaker 3: a lot of the short hair girlies, and when we
Speaker 3: see each other, it's like a it's almost like an
Speaker 3: empowered thing to see other girls with short hair. It's
Speaker 3: almost like a club. Every time I'm out they see it.
Speaker 3: But I want to know what your experience was, specifically
Speaker 3: as a black woman, maybe dating black men or talking
Speaker 3: to any man and their connection to your hair and
Speaker 3: what that what that was like because me being biracially,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't.
Speaker 2: Think it's the same.
Speaker 3: My relationship to my hair isn't the relationship that most
Speaker 3: black women have with their hair.
Speaker 2: Correct. What did cutting your hair off mean to you?
Speaker 1: And and dating?
Speaker 4: Yeah, so when I cut my hair, it was very therapeutic.
Speaker 4: So I grew up in an immigrant household where we
Speaker 4: prioritize achievement and appearance over everything. So I grew up
Speaker 4: in a very strict Christian That's why you're probably like, oh,
Speaker 4: you're acting like that. That was That was how I
Speaker 4: was socialized as a child. I went to prep school.
Speaker 4: I did all of those things right. So I got
Speaker 4: rewarded for getting a's, for getting into a great college
Speaker 4: for doing the right corporate palth beautiful and to look
Speaker 4: beautiful and to be prim and proper.
Speaker 2: All of that that was my rewards growing up.
Speaker 4: So then as I got older and was in therapy,
Speaker 4: I realized I didn't know who I was because I
Speaker 4: was defaulting so much of my identity to all right,
Speaker 4: this is what people like, this is what people says
Speaker 4: should do. And so as I was on learning and unpacking,
Speaker 4: I went to the hairdresser and I was like, shave it,
Speaker 4: Like this is a therapeutic moment for me. I want
Speaker 4: to be able to walk into a room and feel
Speaker 4: confident and to feel sexy without having to hide behind
Speaker 4: the hair. And also, as you know, as women of color,
Speaker 4: black women, you know, it's such a hinderance.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
Speaker 4: Depending Like there were so many things I was out
Speaker 4: of in life because I was like, oh, I can't
Speaker 4: participate in this because my hair's not done hard. My
Speaker 4: hair is really of course, also I had like I
Speaker 4: have four sea hair, so it's like, all right, it's
Speaker 4: a thing we'll have to d tangle and I have
Speaker 4: to think about it. And you begin to like socialize
Speaker 4: your life around your hair in a way that was
Speaker 4: just like, oh, I can't.
Speaker 1: When you said hide behind your hair, I have three
Speaker 1: sea hair. And to me it's interesting because like four
Speaker 1: A three C blend. And I always said like mixed girls.
Speaker 1: Grown up people be like, oh, how can you got
Speaker 1: black girl hair? And you don't have this kind of
Speaker 1: hair like and a lot of my biracial friends have
Speaker 1: that super curly like Tracy Ellis ROSSI.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend said to me when my raids came out,
Speaker 1: he made me wear no fucking braids in Thailand. We
Speaker 1: were ever a month. Yeah, and so he goes, stop
Speaker 1: putting on makeup because you don't even put this much
Speaker 1: makeup on when.
Speaker 2: You ever interesting.
Speaker 1: I didn't even clock it. He was like, you are
Speaker 1: just suddenly you need this.
Speaker 2: Your hair is out.
Speaker 1: That's a good partner, it is, and it's a something.
Speaker 1: And great partners will hold a mirror up. Yea, but
Speaker 1: we need to hold the mirror up. Sorry, go back.
Speaker 4: So physical physical, Oh yes, okay, So the masterclass, so
Speaker 4: we talk about physical it's everything from me. We'll have
Speaker 4: makeup artists come in, We'll have posture coaches come in,
Speaker 4: stylists come in and talk to you about your physical presence.
Speaker 4: Not only on the physical plane, but also how you
Speaker 4: hold yourself in a room. So that's why the posture piece.
Speaker 4: It might seem frivolous, but truly exactly, truly, you learn
Speaker 4: how to take up space differently exactly you're doing it.
Speaker 4: You got to sit at the end of the seat though,
Speaker 4: you got to shoulders back, and you got to put
Speaker 4: your hands like that, but you hold up space.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know they say.
Speaker 1: I think it was someone at the stretch lab that
Speaker 1: told me. She was like, oh, you need your postures changed.
Speaker 1: I was like, almost bust me from stretch Lab. She's like,
Speaker 1: maybe something good's going on because you're walking with.
Speaker 2: Your heart open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah, learn how
Speaker 2: to take it.
Speaker 4: And I think a lot of women, women of color,
Speaker 4: especially when we're in these spaces like corporate, we have
Speaker 4: to shrink ourselves like it's literally a physical manifestation of
Speaker 4: how we feel in a space. And so when you
Speaker 4: begin to walk open like that, it's indicating to yourself
Speaker 4: and others like I'm free to take up space and
Speaker 4: I'm allowed to move how I want to. So anyways,
Speaker 4: physical we cover that. Social we talk about building social capital,
Speaker 4: which is a concept I don't think a lot of people,
Speaker 4: especially people of color, think about in a meaningful way.
Speaker 4: So I'm talking about how you get mentor sponsors, joining
Speaker 4: junior boards, how do you go event to events like
Speaker 4: CAN and when you go to CAN, how do you
Speaker 4: show up in a way that leaves with meaningful connections
Speaker 4: and that you can also build an ROI off of.
Speaker 2: And then lastly his career.
Speaker 4: So that's everything from working in corporate, we talk a
Speaker 4: lot about entrepreneurs. So the person who's actually in the
Speaker 4: class tonight is the woman who did Anmars ten thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Do you remember, Charlie, Yes, they did it.
Speaker 1: Did you see this?
Speaker 2: That's my sast girl, because it's funny to me and
Speaker 2: my homegirl. Literally we're just.
Speaker 3: Talking about her last week, Yes, because she met some
Speaker 3: girl that had a matchmaking service and we were talking
Speaker 3: about the difference between dating coach matchmaking service, and she
Speaker 3: was five thousand dollars. So we ended up talking about
Speaker 3: the girl who paid the ten thousand dollars but now
Speaker 3: is engaged, and so we were talking about the investment
Speaker 3: of dating. Because where we invest in college, we invest
Speaker 3: in our looks.
Speaker 2: We invest in all these things.
Speaker 3: She now at thirty nine. Yes, thirty nine is like damn,
Speaker 3: she said, I paid twenty five hundred. But we're talking
Speaker 3: now about what the investment in dating looks like as
Speaker 3: a woman approaching your thirties that wants a family unit
Speaker 3: or that wants to get a partner. And so it's
Speaker 3: interesting to hear her say that she would pay twenty
Speaker 3: five hundred even for a matchmaker, because I see in
Speaker 3: her mind she's like, oh, yeah, this is something now
Speaker 3: that I have to invest in.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I made the face because I ain't paying ten
Speaker 3: thousand dollars for no niggas.
Speaker 4: Well. I did Aniars program too. I paid six or
Speaker 4: seven six or seven thousand thousand.
Speaker 2: You got a man?
Speaker 1: How did it go? Oh?
Speaker 4: I have myself and I have you know how I
Speaker 4: have my sanity. That's what I do.
Speaker 2: We're your ROI on the six to seventh.
Speaker 4: Though, So the point of NRS program is, and I
Speaker 4: love Edward, the point of NRS program isn't to get
Speaker 4: a man, because that's also.
Speaker 2: Contingent someone else.
Speaker 4: Okay, ballad right, that's contingent on the pool.
Speaker 2: That's continent.
Speaker 4: What it is though, it taught me boundaries, and it
Speaker 4: taught me vulnerability, and I think.
Speaker 1: As of color, how I grew up vulnerability.
Speaker 2: I did not know how to be vulnerable. I did
Speaker 2: not know.
Speaker 4: Okay, so if I were to ask you, how are
Speaker 4: you feeling, how would you respond to it.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling great. I had a good day, I worked out,
Speaker 1: and now I'm at work.
Speaker 2: And I love my job.
Speaker 4: Okay, you didn't use a feelings word, right, you said
Speaker 4: I feel great, active addctives. That's not vulnerability. I didn't
Speaker 4: tell me anything meaningful about your inner world when we
Speaker 4: talk about vulnerability in relationships and dating with my relationships
Speaker 4: gave me the feelings.
Speaker 2: With the feelings feeling, I use my feelings.
Speaker 4: We all, so I'm talking about Oh, I'm feeling really
Speaker 4: anxious right now, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling really excited.
Speaker 4: Here is why. It's giving people a peak into your
Speaker 4: inner world and when you grew up how I grew up,
Speaker 4: which was perfectionism, and you can only let people. And
Speaker 4: I think a lot of black women feel this way too.
Speaker 4: If I have to be perfect in how I show
Speaker 4: up in order to say made silent very Jamaican, yeah,
Speaker 4: you could tell or I have.
Speaker 1: Dated a Jamaican girl. For a bit that was constantly
Speaker 1: talking about perfection. She's like, why don't think you understand? Like,
Speaker 1: so they came from Jamaica when she was maybe five
Speaker 1: and just almost like I would say, adjacent to Africans
Speaker 1: wanting to be the standards. But I didn't really hear
Speaker 1: that before.
Speaker 3: Because what what type, like did you come from money?
Speaker 3: Because like, I'm Jamaican, I was gonna say Jamaica, I'm
Speaker 3: Jamaican and white. What where from They're from Saint Catherine?
Speaker 3: Where from the township? I don't know, day from the
Speaker 3: country as the Latin the hood.
Speaker 2: That's my family. Okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3: We weren't like they say Catherine. But what's crazy? And
Speaker 3: that's why I asked, though, did you come from money?
Speaker 3: Because the difference with my family wasn't that, but they
Speaker 3: were workers like my uncle, my aunts, my like from
Speaker 3: doing the paper the paper route in the morning to
Speaker 3: then working at a at a convention store, to then taking.
Speaker 2: Care of all the kids to me, which is why my.
Speaker 3: Dad for so long even with this podcast, specifically when
Speaker 3: I was bartending, it was a part of why I
Speaker 3: even went to college and went to school because when
Speaker 3: I was bartending, it didn't matter how much money I
Speaker 3: fucking made every time I went home, when you're gonna
Speaker 3: get a real job, and he just didn't think I
Speaker 3: had a fucking real job. Even though I made money,
Speaker 3: even though I was paying my own bills, it didn't matter.
Speaker 2: He wanted me to have a real job.
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until like even recently, like I was
Speaker 3: surprised he was proud of me because this, to him
Speaker 3: isn't a real job.
Speaker 2: Of course, and so.
Speaker 3: Doctor engineer get me, and he's but he's also like
Speaker 3: blue blue, blue collar. He's a construction worker. My mom
Speaker 3: works in healthcare. My uncle's also construction worker. Everyone had
Speaker 3: blue collar jobs. So for me, it's interesting hearing your
Speaker 3: upbringing like that, because for me, it was just always work, work, work,
Speaker 3: make money, and have all the jobs that you can,
Speaker 3: which is probably why I keep wanting to make jobs
Speaker 3: for myself. It was always have multiple jobs, just keep
Speaker 3: working and make all the money.
Speaker 2: And then also sexuality. This is definitely not gonna say,
Speaker 2: how does he feel about oh girl.
Speaker 3: My sister was growing up the favorite daughter. My sister
Speaker 3: is lesbian.
Speaker 2: Okay, well I have seen.
Speaker 3: It's so interesting subconsciously seeing him detach like my cousin
Speaker 3: had to leave Jamaica because he was gay, and I
Speaker 3: talk about it in the book where we have to
Speaker 3: unlearn so many things, because for me, even though we
Speaker 3: know he's gay, never saw any partner.
Speaker 2: We never were introduced to anything he did, even sexually.
Speaker 2: He just showed up.
Speaker 3: We knew he was gay, and he existed in however
Speaker 3: he had to in his other life. And I literally
Speaker 3: talked about it with my cousin recently because I was like, damn,
Speaker 3: how lonely must.
Speaker 2: That have been.
Speaker 3: Like we all knew he was gay, we never asked
Speaker 3: me as partners. We never welcomed it like growing up,
Speaker 3: and it was just like, it's hurtful now to realize,
Speaker 3: like damn, we never embraced his sexuality, and now as
Speaker 3: a fluid sexual bitch, I am now my sister's gay.
Speaker 3: My sister said she might go get because these niggas
Speaker 3: ain't shit. It's so interesting how we're able to talk
Speaker 3: about it now, but that was not talked about growing up,
Speaker 3: not talking.
Speaker 4: I don't know one gage of making and statistically they
Speaker 4: have to go.
Speaker 1: And that is why I never really got anywhere with
Speaker 1: their girls.
Speaker 2: I don't think you get it.
Speaker 1: You know, she's probably living in the closet.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, she had to have.
Speaker 1: And honestly, when she met me, she said she was
Speaker 1: Caribbean and didn't specify, which I thought was so strange.
Speaker 1: But anyway, hold on, we need to get into joke.
Speaker 1: Let me shut the fuck U about my life. This
Speaker 1: is what y'all came for.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna give it to you.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, investments for women, yes, I want to talk
Speaker 1: about both investments for women, investments for men. We've talked
Speaker 1: about social capital, but dig into what we need to
Speaker 1: be spending our money on because we're thinking it might
Speaker 1: be expensive clothes. It might just be one really good
Speaker 1: little black dress. Who knows what should we be investing?
Speaker 4: So I think women focus on the wrong things. We
Speaker 4: hyper fixate on the micro that is it actually moving
Speaker 4: the needle. You need to focus on the big four
Speaker 4: that's moving needles. Hair, skin, teeth, nails, our hairskin, teeth,
Speaker 4: body actually, and then we can kind of like fold in.
Speaker 4: Sometimes nails can fold in, like maybe.
Speaker 2: They just don't care about nails. They actually don't like may.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, yeah, they care about feet in toe
Speaker 1: they care rah. I'm telling you right now, my man
Speaker 1: clut Yeah, we were watching ninety why, like, look at
Speaker 1: this girl.
Speaker 4: Someone paid me three thousand dollars because one of my
Speaker 4: nails fell off and he was like you can't.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no broken nails. I get that nail key. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he was like men clock.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you don't have polish on your nails,
Speaker 3: a man isn't going to be like you need a
Speaker 3: f that's not nails to me though, that's what I'm
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. If you're a woman that gets your
Speaker 3: nails done, keeping them up is a thing for me.
Speaker 3: You could have no nails literally, no designs, just your
Speaker 3: naturals and the man ain't gonna come up and be
Speaker 3: like you need a.
Speaker 2: Full Setma, Yeah that's not what I think. That's what. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just nail up keep and nails that's upkeep. But
Speaker 2: don't have a chip. Don't have it.
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the same like I don't. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if I'm dating man that date girls like
Speaker 1: they like you know, like the crazy Yeah, like that's
Speaker 1: not because that's hygiene.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a lot of people question the hygiene.
Speaker 1: And that I don't even know if they know what
Speaker 1: a full say is.
Speaker 2: But my point, which is why I'm.
Speaker 4: Like they like a well talking about men, we're not
Speaker 4: even talking about like that wasn't even the calculus that
Speaker 4: we need to be making. Because when I'm talking about
Speaker 4: self investment, I'm not even thinking from the lens of
Speaker 4: like what male care, what men care about? I'm thinking
Speaker 4: from the lens of like what is going to make
Speaker 4: you feel good and like begin the practice of focusing
Speaker 4: your energy on yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't even it's about bet or not.
Speaker 4: I don't care what the bad they So when I
Speaker 4: think about like the things that really move the needle
Speaker 4: in terms of personal appearance and personal brand, it's going
Speaker 4: to be getting the hairstyle that works for you. It's
Speaker 4: going to be getting your like the body the person right.
Speaker 4: And it's not about a size. It's more about getting
Speaker 4: your capsule wardrobe together. It's about finding clothes that like
Speaker 4: you back, finding hairstyles that like you back, finding things
Speaker 4: that flatter the body that you're in, not the body
Speaker 4: that you used to have or the body that you
Speaker 4: trant to have, exactly the body that you're currently in.
Speaker 4: It's about getting your teeth together in whichever way that
Speaker 4: makes sense. So none of this is prescriptive, right, None
Speaker 4: of it is like you better get ozembic or you
Speaker 4: better get but it is making sure that you're demonstrating
Speaker 4: like care in each of those spaces. So even if
Speaker 4: it's just like whitening or flossing whatever, teeth make a
Speaker 4: big difference or a hygiene makes a big difference. And
Speaker 4: then lastly, some of those like smaller things like yeah,
Speaker 4: you can focus on the nails and the makeup and
Speaker 4: things like that, but the big things that will move
Speaker 4: the needle in terms of how you show up in
Speaker 4: a physical room and then also how you feel about yourself.
Speaker 4: It's gonna be hair. Skin, Skin is another thing. Go
Speaker 4: to the germatologist, get skincare if you need it, hair skin, teeth,
Speaker 4: and then like that body piece that's really what women
Speaker 4: should be actually think.
Speaker 1: Teeth was my biggest elevation in my life. Same people
Speaker 1: keep saying that I look better than I ever have,
Speaker 1: And I thought it was like hair, But I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, I thought that about you too. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: look good.
Speaker 4: It was like your Instagram recently, I'm like, but you
Speaker 4: know what teeth does too. It also changes your face shape.
Speaker 4: It does so it's not about the teeth, it's about
Speaker 4: like your jaw.
Speaker 2: This is so different.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for saying this. I went to this doctor
Speaker 1: of her east side. She said something. I am thirty
Speaker 1: four years old. I never wanted to have races until
Speaker 1: she goes, oh, it's gonna change your face. This line
Speaker 1: isn't gonna yeah, you're gonna get a little up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you people are gonna think you got cheth filled.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, really, you're like done, But.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. It changed me. It's making people respond
Speaker 1: to me different way. And I never thought teeth were
Speaker 1: this important. Yeah, because I thought, fuck yeah, it was
Speaker 1: one of the.
Speaker 2: First things I did.
Speaker 4: Yeah, teeth changes your face shape, it changes how people
Speaker 4: interact with you.
Speaker 2: I was thinking about that. You about Wheezy.
Speaker 4: I saw your Instagram and I'm like, she looks good.
Speaker 4: I'm just happy, and I don't know what that's true.
Speaker 4: It might also be happy, but I do think it's
Speaker 4: a teeth.
Speaker 2: Actually, I actually think don't have to keep racist in fail.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, now this one I heard has been like
Speaker 1: your ship. Yes, I want you to pick three. One
Speaker 1: has to go.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: Botox fitness therapy for the glow up, which one.
Speaker 4: I think botox can go because you can get similar,
Speaker 4: similar results from not using botox. So there's a product
Speaker 4: called Brownies. I don't know if y'all have ever heard
Speaker 4: of it, but it's almost like put us on base
Speaker 4: taping and you sleep with it on and then it
Speaker 4: kind of creates the same effect. There's a bunch of
Speaker 4: products and like lasers and stuff that you can get
Speaker 4: collagen you get CO two lasers, you can get clear
Speaker 4: and brilliant.
Speaker 1: All of that now, Oh clear and brilliant. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: got seven hundred. You gotta get me a guy, I
Speaker 1: got that's cheaper, all right. Another one investments for men.
Speaker 1: But the men watching that need to have their glow up?
Speaker 1: What do you feel like isn't hitting for men?
Speaker 4: Okay, So I did the same poll I ask all
Speaker 4: men dusty they do.
Speaker 1: And the issue is it's sorry, Ed, you don't look
Speaker 1: at you don't look dusty. You don't look dusty, Eden,
Speaker 1: I don't even believe it. No, you look like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're good for it. Actually the diametric opposite.
Speaker 4: So men cared a lot about what women were doing
Speaker 4: in terms of like personality stuff. They were like, oh,
Speaker 4: she should have friends, but the women were actually the
Speaker 4: ones who were very caught up on the physical.
Speaker 2: The hygiene.
Speaker 4: The hygiene, yes, the nail care, the teeth care.
Speaker 2: Beard, yeah, like don't cut it off. Keep you might
Speaker 2: clean them.
Speaker 4: No, I think it was like beard trimming, like keeping,
Speaker 4: like the general up, keep up.
Speaker 2: I think seeth is very important with men.
Speaker 3: But also yes, the hygiene, especially because like how are
Speaker 3: you trying to finger a bit in your nails?
Speaker 4: Their nails is dirty, the nails are long.
Speaker 2: And then it was and then it was really nasty too.
Speaker 3: It was one of the streamer's brothers was talking about
Speaker 3: he just lets the water go down his ass crank,
Speaker 3: he don't wash his ass because it's.
Speaker 2: Gay, And I was like, what that literally you ain't
Speaker 2: see the clip.
Speaker 3: He literally was so proud to say, yeah, like I'll
Speaker 3: be digging in my ass, like I just let the
Speaker 3: water go down, It'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Bro.
Speaker 4: What And this is why we need full frontal alone
Speaker 4: Like what the that say?
Speaker 3: But this is why you can't they a man who's
Speaker 3: homophobic because he not washed his ass exactly.
Speaker 2: I mean we can end it now.
Speaker 1: That's fact that we're not because the girls want more.
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, I didn't finish investments for men though, so
Speaker 4: it was a lot around the physical. Also, I think
Speaker 4: what a lot of women are looking for. Women are
Speaker 4: making more money, so money is not moving the needle anymore,
Speaker 4: and I think we, I think, unfortunately, men have been
Speaker 4: socialized to believe that money is moving the needle. Ergo
Speaker 4: the men who are actually investing in therapy, the men
Speaker 4: who actually have emotional availability.
Speaker 2: Those are actually the men who are going to win.
Speaker 4: So a lot of the girls that I know who
Speaker 4: are true ten out of ten baddies, they're not dating
Speaker 4: the athletes. They're dating the guy who's doing well, who
Speaker 4: who asks therapy, emotionally available, can put himself together, has
Speaker 4: has somewhat of a wardshrope. Those are actually like the
Speaker 4: prime candidates right now.
Speaker 1: So my friend taught me capsule capsule collection. He went
Speaker 1: to his closet because he always dressed so well. So
Speaker 1: the first time I w into his house, I said,
Speaker 1: this all.
Speaker 4: Seems like a lot, yeah, because you know how to
Speaker 4: mix it match it.
Speaker 1: When I'm looking at all the shoes, it's Margella, he's
Speaker 1: wearing the you, Saint Laurent, he's at the ricks. The
Speaker 1: best of the best. I'm like, I understand now, and
Speaker 1: I don't think that what's been easy for me, especially
Speaker 1: because we've got to have alphas all the time. Instagram
Speaker 1: really fucks your brain with gospash. Oh my gosh, you're
Speaker 1: sitting here watching this TikTok of this battie and now
Speaker 1: we've bought all these thirty dollars.
Speaker 2: Dresses in our class yep that you never wear, which
Speaker 2: I wear them? You wear all of your thirty dollars.
Speaker 2: I wear all my two dollars sheets.
Speaker 3: I wear its cute Sanda repeated, and then I let
Speaker 3: my friends wear it, and I'll be like, bitch, I
Speaker 3: want to beg and I get it.
Speaker 2: Bag.
Speaker 3: I literally moved to Atlanta for another closet, so I
Speaker 3: mean that's what I tell you. Feel me, I'd be like, bitch,
Speaker 3: I needed a closet. But I love just a lot
Speaker 3: of options. I do love a lot of options too.
Speaker 4: However, it creates paralysis, and it creates cognitive dissonance, so
Speaker 4: people don't always know how to engage with you when
Speaker 4: they don't know how to perceive you. And in terms
Speaker 4: of like how you're showing up on the physical plane,
Speaker 4: it's giving so many different so if you're a girly
Speaker 4: in corporate specifically, there should be one aesthetic that you're
Speaker 4: really leading into and then maybe on the weekends you
Speaker 4: can play around with different things. Also, I rent clothes,
Speaker 4: and a lot of girls need to start renting their clothing.
Speaker 4: There are services like by Rotation, Newly Pickle where you
Speaker 4: can rent and you can play around with different esthetics
Speaker 4: and then give it back, so your closet isn't overboarded.
Speaker 4: But find the esthetic and the silhouette that looks good
Speaker 4: for you. See, I can hear all those stresses don't
Speaker 4: look good for me.
Speaker 2: It goes by my mood.
Speaker 3: Okay, Sometimes I want to give study, Sometimes I want
Speaker 3: to give hope. Sometimes I want to give corporate baddies
Speaker 3: for me.
Speaker 2: And I think that.
Speaker 3: That's been the joys of maybe entrepreneurship and freedom for me.
Speaker 3: Like I hated the frumpiness of what corporate attire for
Speaker 3: the pond people, and so like now that I just
Speaker 3: get to some which is why my friends make fun
Speaker 3: of me. It don't matter if I'm somewhere. This is
Speaker 3: like the most the least I've packed ever. If I
Speaker 3: come to New York for three days, which my suitcase
Speaker 3: is sixty pounds because I don't know if I'm going
Speaker 3: to wake up and want to wear boots or heels
Speaker 3: or slides or sneakers. To me, it's a mood when
Speaker 3: I want. I've seen I've seen all your clothes before.
Speaker 3: You have a similar theme. It's just different items within that.
Speaker 1: It is very important because something people have told me
Speaker 1: over the years that I kind of like. I love
Speaker 1: that everyone knows exactly what my neil color will be
Speaker 1: exactly my hair is always pretty much gonna the same.
Speaker 1: That it's not natural. I think it's nice to even have,
Speaker 1: even with us being on tour now, like blonde, it's
Speaker 1: a signature the last tour that you did, we had
Speaker 1: that look.
Speaker 4: Yeah, this signature a lot of pr people actually tell.
Speaker 2: So I don't know if you do y'all know Elaine.
Speaker 4: Mall Turos, Yes, yes, okay, I don't know if you
Speaker 4: remember when she came out on the scene.
Speaker 2: She used to have the big blacks and the big
Speaker 2: white boots.
Speaker 1: And the big hair.
Speaker 4: And I don't know her if she did this intentionally,
Speaker 4: but it was something that or de Ray do you
Speaker 4: know y'all.
Speaker 2: Know Drays the blue vest, blue vest exactly because the
Speaker 2: blue best I'd be like, what exactly to this?
Speaker 4: So there is a there's a currency in being able
Speaker 4: to have things that people can identify you by. So
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be clothing like you have the hair,
Speaker 4: you have the hair, et cetera.
Speaker 2: But we can all say deray in the blue vest.
Speaker 4: We can all say wireframe glasses it and now now
Speaker 4: we know exactly, so.
Speaker 1: Screwed when I get these braces off. Okay, dating A
Speaker 1: ten out of ten? You had a video about this.
Speaker 1: What the hell was that?
Speaker 4: I don't even remember this video? But what was the
Speaker 4: concept dating a ten out of ten?
Speaker 1: It was like who you are and dating experience or person?
Speaker 1: Maybe that was the same one, but oh that one
Speaker 1: I really like. Okay, tell me who are you in dating?
Speaker 1: You said there's either two type of people. Are you
Speaker 1: an experienced data or person data? Y? What is that?
Speaker 2: I remember?
Speaker 1: I was digging girl.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't even remember.
Speaker 1: I didn't agree with and then things I did, but
Speaker 1: I wanted j all to find.
Speaker 4: About Ooh, I want to hear what you don't agree
Speaker 4: with as well. But okay, tell me this one.
Speaker 1: We're talking.
Speaker 4: Okay, So people oftentimes fixate on the person in dating.
Speaker 2: This is something I learned from Nmar as well.
Speaker 4: Fixate on the person, right, Like I like this man
Speaker 4: so much, I'm going to figure out how to make
Speaker 4: it work. Instead, we need to focus on the experience,
Speaker 4: Like what is the experience that I'm having, and whoever
Speaker 4: offers me the best experience is the person I'm going
Speaker 4: to go with. So I don't think it's particularly controversial.
Speaker 4: I just won't think people.
Speaker 2: Do it well.
Speaker 4: Right, So you meet somebody he has all of these
Speaker 4: like checklist qualities, You're like, I'm going to figure out
Speaker 4: a way to make this work. Instead, you should be
Speaker 4: doing what are the feelings, the experiences, the ease that
Speaker 4: I want to feel, and whoever offers that within the
Speaker 4: realm of like your standards and boundaries is the person
Speaker 4: that you need to go with. And I feel like
Speaker 4: that's pretty that's that's yeah. I feel like everyone should
Speaker 4: feel that way. I don't think everyone executed love that.
Speaker 1: I don't even want to like get too much into
Speaker 1: our own ship to stuck up your time. But there
Speaker 1: was a recent thing that I've been talking about on
Speaker 1: Horrible that was so important to me. My boyfriend told
Speaker 1: me I really don't know if I dated a woman
Speaker 1: that liked me, or they were seeing me and they
Speaker 1: knew I was fly or attracted. I have a great job,
Speaker 1: like I'm working for myself. They're like, oh, I need him.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know if they even were like like,
Speaker 1: but that is a thing that women feel a lot
Speaker 1: when they're exceptionally people or popping or like all of
Speaker 1: I'm sure all of us can attest. Yeah, our friends
Speaker 1: that maybe celebrities or something like that are continually having
Speaker 1: this experience. They're always saying, and it's a celebrity thing,
Speaker 1: it's all of us. There's something that someone sometimes wants
Speaker 1: to take and they're not even trying to get to
Speaker 1: know you. I've felt that because we've talked about sexe
Speaker 1: many years think outsido.
Speaker 4: But I also want to bring it to the Ross
Speaker 4: point where your rich friend was dating the girl who
Speaker 4: worked at Ross, and we see that dynamic a lot.
Speaker 4: I feel like we see that dynamic with men who
Speaker 4: are exceptionally wealthy end up dating women who are like, ah,
Speaker 4: not doing that well. It's because they offer a unique experience.
Speaker 4: They're not eliciting something from them. I think unfortunately a
Speaker 4: lot of girls who are doing like exceptionally well.
Speaker 2: We lean on qualities that don't.
Speaker 4: Make us softer partners, and I think you were kind
Speaker 4: of saying this earlier too. Sometimes we over index on
Speaker 4: like the harder qualities, like the fact that we make money,
Speaker 4: the fact that we have these degrees, and don't lean
Speaker 4: into the more feminine, soft qualities that I think a
Speaker 4: lot of these high earning men are really looking for.
Speaker 2: M oh no, I'm very feminine. I will ask any money.
Speaker 2: I want to go on vacation. I really need a break.
Speaker 2: I'm tired.
Speaker 3: Like, oh no, I lean And I think that that's
Speaker 3: been the best part about me currently dating.
Speaker 2: Like I used to think I couldn't ask for things. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I go. I not ask for exactly.
Speaker 1: I love it and I get to do it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm all right, schall for our reaction. Before we
Speaker 1: get out of here, I want to play this and
Speaker 1: tell you what various men said in my phone, including mine.
Speaker 5: The box theory when it comes to men is completely true.
Speaker 5: Guys when they start to see a girl, will put
Speaker 5: you in one of three boxes. The first box is
Speaker 5: someone that they are not really attracted to and they
Speaker 5: just don't want to date.
Speaker 2: The second box is someone.
Speaker 1: That they want to hook up with.
Speaker 5: So even though they may tell you that they like
Speaker 5: you or they enjoy.
Speaker 2: Hanging out with you, maybe they take you on dates.
Speaker 5: They just only want to hook up with you. And
Speaker 5: then the third box is, of course they want to
Speaker 5: date you, and guys will know what box to put
Speaker 5: you in literally within like the first twenty minutes of meeting.
Speaker 2: You agree.
Speaker 1: I don't agree.
Speaker 4: I agree to an extent, but yeah, I don't agree.
Speaker 6: I think there's more than three boxes oo before it,
Speaker 6: I can't. I can't give you another one right now,
Speaker 6: but there's in my head I tell us, I'm sure
Speaker 6: that there's more than three boxes for me. I can't
Speaker 6: just put you as then like I just want you
Speaker 6: as a friend, I just want to fuck and then
Speaker 6: I just want.
Speaker 3: To be there, especially within the first twenty minutes, Like
Speaker 3: I think both of my last two relationships, it's like
Speaker 3: they were shocked, like because who they thought I was
Speaker 3: once they actually got to know me, they were like,
Speaker 3: you're nothing like I thought you'd be. I thought this
Speaker 3: would just be one thing, and now I've fallen for you.
Speaker 3: Like the people that have been around for a long time,
Speaker 3: even she know my little other little boo, like we've
Speaker 3: known each other for a long time and now like
Speaker 3: the dynamic has changed so much. I don't think we
Speaker 3: envisioned it being that either. And so for the guys
Speaker 3: who actually take the time to not box me in
Speaker 3: and get to enjoy everything and experience me for who
Speaker 3: I really am, not for maybe how the internet sees
Speaker 3: me or how I walk into the room, because I
Speaker 3: could probably have my whole ass outfit all that night.
Speaker 3: I could probably look like a stud and you think
Speaker 3: I bump couchies all the time.
Speaker 2: So to me, how you meet me immediately, You're not.
Speaker 3: Gonna know in twenty minutes, because I'm someone that you
Speaker 3: kind of have to peel back the layers like an
Speaker 3: onion to really experience it.
Speaker 1: Thinks in the opposite you, I think a lot about
Speaker 1: a wife, this girl, and then after maybe.
Speaker 4: Like so I think for me, they expect me to
Speaker 4: be one way. I actually am shockingly very down to earth.
Speaker 4: I don't really like to go out that much. I'm
Speaker 4: a homebody. I like to kick it that they might
Speaker 4: think they set it on couch exactly and only talked
Speaker 4: to whatever. Whatever people think about whomever I think there's
Speaker 4: an opportunity.
Speaker 2: I think I'm a dynamic person, so I don't want
Speaker 2: to be.
Speaker 1: At a club.
Speaker 2: How come off seener?
Speaker 1: The clue A last two times?
Speaker 2: When was the last time you sat me?
Speaker 1: The can't exactly.
Speaker 2: Did a little intake.
Speaker 1: I asked my boyfriend, Jeff, who's a fitness structure of
Speaker 1: trap Arsante, who does drink ConTroll off some other guys. Now,
Speaker 1: every single man said yes, but one. And what I
Speaker 1: found interesting was Jeff was like absolutely yes, yes I
Speaker 1: did bottle box. But there was one girl that got out.
Speaker 1: All of them.
Speaker 2: Always get out the box. Now you might be the one.
Speaker 1: One thing my boyfriend said that was interesting to me.
Speaker 1: That started to connect the dots with the others. When
Speaker 1: I started to dig deeper, like what was it with
Speaker 1: the other women? They all were maybe influencer, maybe DJ,
Speaker 1: maybe someone You're like, this is scary a sex podcaster?
Speaker 2: Yeah, very scary. Yeah. Now big big red flags, right,
Speaker 2: And so.
Speaker 1: My red friend's like, of course, He's like, actually, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to fuck everybody until I'll talk a little more.
Speaker 1: But I then asked what brought me out of the box,
Speaker 1: and this I found interesting. I don't want to lie
Speaker 1: to you. It didn't take weeks to.
Speaker 2: Get out of the box.
Speaker 1: It did take months. I didn't fall for you till
Speaker 1: month three because I just kept thinking you were so
Speaker 1: cool and I had to study a little bit more.
Speaker 1: I'd like to date for a long time before making
Speaker 1: someone my girl, and I don't think you're understanding that
Speaker 1: if it's working faster for you. I'm consistently putting everybody
Speaker 1: in the same box because I am not actively looking
Speaker 1: for a partner in that or at that time, right,
Speaker 1: And a lot of men, I think find their answer
Speaker 1: to be the same. He said, finding a wife wasn't
Speaker 1: right or die for me. I can spend time with
Speaker 1: a woman as long as I was having a good time.
Speaker 1: Theory does stand correct to me, because at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, you were in a box of fun
Speaker 1: party girl to me until we actually got to spend time.
Speaker 1: Maybe we fucked the first night, wouldn't have gotten there, right.
Speaker 2: Oh, Because I mean I for my ex first night,
Speaker 2: it was the other three years.
Speaker 1: And that happens though, because.
Speaker 2: It happens quite a bit.
Speaker 3: Like Yeah, we had a conversation with Paul Pierce and
Speaker 3: he said his wife sucked on the first night.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing too, Like even if the sex.
Speaker 2: That is hilarious that he came out here.
Speaker 3: That he did, he said, And I stayed with her
Speaker 3: for like two weeks after that because she's just yeah.
Speaker 1: This is very I mean they're not married, Okay, I said,
Speaker 1: besides cooking and cleaning, what were the qualities? And I wait,
Speaker 1: you were cooking and cleaning, because I know that's what
Speaker 1: I do. I'm saying, besides me cooking or whatever, you
Speaker 1: were cooking and cleaning, though not in three months, but
Speaker 1: you're cooking, yes, not cleaning. Okay, Okay, okay, I think
Speaker 1: if we're cleaning, you know I'm a clean girl. Okay,
Speaker 1: went home. Yeah, you smell the dip tea. I love it.
Speaker 2: Man, you're gonna come to mysel and be like, my
Speaker 2: cleaner ain't coming.
Speaker 4: She's not here yet, you're coming tomorrow.
Speaker 2: And then cooking. I ain't doing that for a while.
Speaker 1: So confidence was one. Honesty didn't find you to be
Speaker 1: a liar. And I really think some real shit.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: A lot of the girls he did before me were
Speaker 1: very like primp popper girls. Yeah, you know, those are
Speaker 1: the girls that are acting like they never sucked the day. Yep,
Speaker 1: they've never had a partner, and I think men are
Speaker 1: very taken back when women get to talk about relationships
Speaker 1: and exes. I'd love to know what you think of
Speaker 1: that too. Nurturing, I found that many women are not
Speaker 1: I'm looking for them to be softer, and it's not
Speaker 1: happening for me. A few other traits, but for one,
Speaker 1: many women aren't finding places to be soft all caps,
Speaker 1: tell me where, and let's end it with this, because
Speaker 1: we're all women doing well and strong and don't need
Speaker 1: men in our lives. Well, I need be effucked. But
Speaker 1: the softness, where are we losing it? And where should
Speaker 1: we be showing up softer?
Speaker 4: We're losing I think unfortunately society has changed in a
Speaker 4: way in which we are having multiple roles. The household
Speaker 4: used to be someone was a primary breadwinner, then someone
Speaker 4: was taking care of the home, and a contemporary society,
Speaker 4: we're doing both roles right Like we go home and
Speaker 4: we cook and we clean and we meal prep, and
Speaker 4: then we're also going out and doing work. Softness comes
Speaker 4: from having the psychological space to rest and be able
Speaker 4: to sort of like disconnect from your mind and into
Speaker 4: your body. And I think unfortunately we live in a hypersocialized,
Speaker 4: hyper capitalistic and also just like logical society in which
Speaker 4: all day I'm making decisions, we're all making decisions, we're
Speaker 4: directing people, we're having conversations, et cetera, we don't have
Speaker 4: the opportunity to lean into our body. And so something
Speaker 4: that I encourage a lot of the women, particularly in
Speaker 4: my masterclass, to do, is to think about ways to
Speaker 4: connect back into your body, back into your intuition, because
Speaker 4: that's where we're losing the softness. I also think anwhar
Speaker 4: you know, I love Anwar does a really great job,
Speaker 4: and that's where we talk about vulnerability. And part of
Speaker 4: vulnerability is one understanding how you feel and two being
Speaker 4: able to express that. And the amount of men that
Speaker 4: have told me I love the fact that you're able
Speaker 4: to tell me what you're feeling, because most and don't.
Speaker 4: Most women kind of sit on it and are kind
Speaker 4: of weird and passive, aggressive and in a mood, et cetera.
Speaker 2: I won't say most, but some are.
Speaker 4: But if you're able to say, like, hey, I'm feeling
Speaker 4: this way, can we talk about it. The emotional regulation
Speaker 4: and the emotional control that comes with UH being able
Speaker 4: to one identify your own feelings and then verbalize it
Speaker 4: to someone else. I think that's the softness that men
Speaker 4: are really looking for. But generally, if a woman wants
Speaker 4: to reconnect with her femininity, with her softness, with whatever one,
Speaker 4: it's doing things that you like to do growing up,
Speaker 4: like whatever you like to do as a child, like
Speaker 4: reconnecting with that to reconnecting with your body. And then
Speaker 4: three figuring out ways to offload decisions to other people,
Speaker 4: So figuring out like who can you have to delegate
Speaker 4: to cleaning your house, who can you have as a
Speaker 4: chief of staff, et cetera, So you can reconnect to
Speaker 4: who you are and like what your intuitive self is thinking.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 3: I love that, boss pitch the chief of staff and
Speaker 3: let our listeners know where they can follow you.
Speaker 4: So on TikTok, I'm Jody k Tay on Instagram, I'm
Speaker 4: the same thing, but with an L at the end,
Speaker 4: Jode Kate Tail Hey y L And then yeah, my
Speaker 4: masterclass and all information is also on my website, which
Speaker 4: is jodykta dot com.
Speaker 1: Is only in person now it's virtual.
Speaker 2: We have girls all across the world and we will we.
Speaker 3: Will include the link. Thanks the discersion of this episode
Speaker 3: at to make sure you get it. Thank you guys
Speaker 3: so much for tuning in. Make sure you become a patron.
Speaker 3: Make sure you buy our books. This has been another
Speaker 3: episode of Decisions, Decisions.
Speaker 2: Bye,