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Speaker 1: Welcome to Decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you should say decisions decisions. It sounded

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Speaker 2: like you was talking to Kurston.

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Speaker 1: You definitely say to welcome.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the new podcast.

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, you want to say together decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Decisions Decisions.

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Speaker 2: I'm your girl, mad e b.

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Speaker 1: We have to be very proper. I'm your I feel

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Speaker 1: like we have like a and you're from Boston, but

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Speaker 1: southern Bale.

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Speaker 4: I have a You have a New England girly here.

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Speaker 1: Oh is that the New England vibe?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a new England.

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Speaker 1: Are they proper?

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Speaker 2: Yes? I went to private school.

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Speaker 3: All I know is if y'all watching these holes on

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Speaker 3: the YouTube, they sat up and they got these little

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Speaker 3: demure dresses on, and I'm over here looking like a foster.

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Speaker 2: I look like a backup. You're not going this right now?

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Speaker 1: No, No, this fits the vibe?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, look good. Yeah, I look like if this

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Speaker 2: was a girl group, I'd be the rapper. That's what

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Speaker 2: I agree. That's what it's we're giving three O.

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Speaker 1: W oh wait, I thought you were gonna say TLC

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Speaker 1: because it's given given, so we I don't know when

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Speaker 1: you met Jody, but maybe we met at the same time.

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Speaker 1: I met Jody and Can for our first time. We

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Speaker 1: went and I think the bathroom and I was like.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, because I'm.

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Speaker 1: Obsessed with you, but like that love a good bathroom na,

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Speaker 1: because you don't really meet people after and even though

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Speaker 1: we haven't hung after yet, but I find that, like

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Speaker 1: the bathroom moment always ends, and I really appreciated that.

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Speaker 1: When I started to see your videos later, I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh the girls. Girls energy is real, because sometimes meeting

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Speaker 1: people in the flesh is a little bit of a disappointment.

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Speaker 1: So if y'all are here because you followed Jody, she

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Speaker 1: was kind of the same period. How do y'all know

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Speaker 1: each other?

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I did see you and Can.

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Speaker 4: We were on the gary V yacht. I think, oh wait,

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Speaker 4: it was yeah, not the gry V yacht. It was

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Speaker 4: the I know I saw you outside of that. It

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Speaker 4: was the one with was it the one where Lucky

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Speaker 4: they perform?

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Speaker 2: May I saw you at CAN. You looked great. Oh

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Speaker 2: thank you that you can be having about eleven afarol

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Speaker 2: sprits to me.

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Speaker 3: So it's like I gotta get the number, and everyone

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Speaker 3: from CAN I have to meet back up with when

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Speaker 3: I come to the States. Otherwise that week I meet

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Speaker 3: so many people. It's so many like that's all you do.

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Speaker 2: All Yeah, that's.

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Speaker 1: Actually one of the events where I wonder if you've

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Speaker 1: ever dropped it. We're gonna ask you later like where

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Speaker 1: to set the social scheme. But that's when I would

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Speaker 1: put up there.

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Speaker 3: To me, CAN has been like, first off, it's now

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Speaker 3: on my list for the rest of my life until

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Speaker 3: they start pushing those niggas out. But it's it's one

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Speaker 3: of the places where it's been so easy to meet

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Speaker 3: other like minded professionals. And to me, just because you're

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Speaker 3: out there, you black, everyone's dressed to the nine and

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Speaker 3: everyone is there just to have a good time, and

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Speaker 3: that when you are having a good time in another

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Speaker 3: country with someone else, you want to bring that energy.

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Speaker 1: Different too than experiencing Like for anyone listening Can's lines festivals,

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Speaker 1: what we're talking about it is a creative festival. It

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Speaker 1: feels different than afrotech to me because for some reason,

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Speaker 1: when you're that far, yeah, it's a different like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's a different vibe. And not only that they know

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Speaker 1: that the job you're holding must already be something, yes,

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Speaker 1: or if you are an influencer and starting out like

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Speaker 1: you've made it this far. I think sometimes the other

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Speaker 1: ones can feel a little bit too convention y, like

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Speaker 1: too desperate, too, like I need something. I saw a

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Speaker 1: lot of bad reviews about Afrotech, and I don't know why, Like, oh, I.

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Speaker 3: Know a thousand people going No, it's just because black

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Speaker 3: people love to talk shit about our own things. Like

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Speaker 3: they do it with and best fast, they did it

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Speaker 3: with essence, they do it with like and I literally

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Speaker 3: talked about this on selective ignorance. There's it's frustrating to see, like,

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Speaker 3: the more things that we create of our own, right,

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Speaker 3: we need funding, we need people to give us money.

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Speaker 3: Baby Di is already gone. So the fact that we

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Speaker 3: want to shit on our own, you know, things that

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Speaker 3: we're creating for ourselves, what it's really doing is hurting

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Speaker 3: the ability or opportunity that we may have to find

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Speaker 3: funding or get sponsorships, because maybe if the black people

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Speaker 3: don't believe in it, how we gonna get the white

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Speaker 3: people to believe in it to cut checks.

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Speaker 1: So to me, that's the bet wards being stepped up.

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Speaker 3: I was really they stepped it up and then got

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Speaker 3: rid of soul train and hip hop.

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Speaker 4: So it's like, yeah, I do believe black people are

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Speaker 4: hyper critical, but it's because I don't think they feel

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Speaker 4: like they have agency. And so when you don'teel like

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Speaker 4: you have agency to do, then you only have agency

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Speaker 4: to critique.

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Speaker 3: But how you can take our own ship. Clearly we

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Speaker 3: have the agency too, and we see people getting bigger

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Speaker 3: and bigger and bigger, and it's almost like a bit

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Speaker 3: of some hate, like you also don't want to see

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Speaker 3: your own gear and black people excel beyond the thing.

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Speaker 1: How you feel like white ice is colder And that's

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Speaker 1: why I probably said Kansas bad as shit there it is,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. Okay, Jody, Jody Taylor, we just started

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Speaker 1: reading bios on the show.

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Speaker 3: I ain't gonna hold you. We've eve been killing the biles.

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Speaker 3: I'll say this is what we got, Bawn.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Jody, don't your native who is called New York

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Speaker 1: City home for the past decade? Is it distinguished leader

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Speaker 1: in the corporate strategy and digital influence space. A modern

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Speaker 1: day aspirational figure providing unparalleled access. OOH embraces too and

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Speaker 1: transparency into the concept of the glow up lifestyle and

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Speaker 1: being on an intentional journey of growth self betterment. With

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Speaker 1: a strategic and empowering approach, she is inspiring women to

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Speaker 1: embrace new habits, elevate their ambitions, and become the best

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Speaker 1: version of themselves. Sorry, now I want to say, it's

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Speaker 1: not just your TikTok and ig stuff, because this is

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Speaker 1: to be the Jody effect in person, right, which is

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Speaker 1: so adorable. So traphouse open. First week, I was like,

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Speaker 1: Jody com she comes through Brionda text to group chat.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, there's a girl so hot here, and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust that you reader to come all the time.

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Speaker 1: And when we started talking about just maybe the aesthetic

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Speaker 1: of people coming in, how to market to people, she

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Speaker 1: was like, I want one hundred JODI's I want more

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Speaker 1: c suite beautiful women. I want powerful black women. I

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Speaker 1: want to feel it when they come in the door.

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes we're out and we meet someone that has

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Speaker 1: a job but you can't tell. And one of the

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Speaker 1: things that you've talked about is like leveling up and

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Speaker 1: how you're carrying yourself, how you're dressing, which for me

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Speaker 1: doesn't look the same because I'm an entrepreneur that doesn't

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Speaker 1: have that esthetic. And it's like sometimes I've watched those

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Speaker 1: videos and felt a little bit invalidated in the younger

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Speaker 1: years of entrepreneurship, like I do this thing, or I

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Speaker 1: talk about sex and needing to like own it is

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Speaker 1: all also part of the power.

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Speaker 4: So I don't wait question for you though in terms

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Speaker 4: of feeling invalidated.

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Speaker 2: Tell me a little bit more about that, or we

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Speaker 2: think about what our god damn book, Okay, tell it.

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Speaker 3: We don't get supported, we don't get asked to inswer

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Speaker 3: certain space.

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Speaker 2: And you think it's aesthetic, it's because we're sexually liberated.

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Speaker 2: It's because of the time I see it. And so

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Speaker 2: the problem that.

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Speaker 3: I've been having, and it's funny because I just had

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Speaker 3: an episode shout out to Ashley cop who's a sexpert,

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Speaker 3: it's the same thing. It's like we're battling with the

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Speaker 3: freedom to exist as C suite entrepreneurs and all these things,

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Speaker 3: while also having the space to own our own autonomy,

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Speaker 3: which is being taken away from us through laws, and

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Speaker 3: then also just being able to be happy with how

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Speaker 3: we're existing right and we're getting the issues from brands,

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Speaker 3: from corporations, and then also from other black women even

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Speaker 3: within the space. And it's what I'm realizing too, is

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Speaker 3: just like, damn, how much hard can I bitch? New

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Speaker 3: York Times bestseller now means nothing even to our goddamn publishers.

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Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, well, if you want to sit here

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Speaker 3: and promote the book, maybe you need to just go

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Speaker 3: to sex conventions.

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Speaker 2: No, no good.

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Speaker 3: We were told as New York Times bestsellers with a

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Speaker 3: book that is being transformative, with a lot of reviews

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Speaker 3: on Amazon, that actually has has been transforming the way

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Speaker 3: people view themselves and stepping into their power and overcoming trauma.

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Speaker 2: Well maybe y'all should go to sex conventions.

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Speaker 4: What I think, it's difficult because people want to compartmentalize, right,

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Speaker 4: It's easy. It's human psychology to dictate you look like this, ergo,

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Speaker 4: you deserve these things and you're this kind of person. However,

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Speaker 4: you all exist across multitudes, and that is a really

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Speaker 4: difficult place to be. You all are the pioneers of this,

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Speaker 4: so you're going to have an undue burden. It's going

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Speaker 4: to be easier for the next Wheezy and Mandy, But

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Speaker 4: y'all are the first to do something like this where

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Speaker 4: you're cascading against entrepreneurship, sex positivity podcasting. You all own

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Speaker 4: this shit. This is crazy that y'all are owning this.

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Speaker 4: But unfortunately people don't have the space to hold multiple

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Speaker 4: truths at once. And that's why when I talk about

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Speaker 4: like presenting, it's not from a it's not from a

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Speaker 4: place of being inauthentic. But quite frankly, people make snap judgments.

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Speaker 4: They're deciding within seven seconds whether to give you the funding,

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Speaker 4: They're deciding within seven seconds how to engage with you.

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Speaker 4: Men are deciding in seven seconds, like you said, the

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Speaker 4: box theory, what category to put you in. And either

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Speaker 4: you can choose to play the game, which I think

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Speaker 4: many people do, or you can choose not to, which

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Speaker 4: is what y'all are doing. But that's incredible and fantastic, Yes.

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Speaker 2: It is the way like the amount of knows we've

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Speaker 2: heard me.

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Speaker 3: We even just got into a group chat together with

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Speaker 3: with tempests and we were like, oh, we're so sick

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Speaker 3: a fucking here and no, like we've heard no so

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Speaker 3: much over the last fucking two years, even like after

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Speaker 3: the rebrand, and there's still just been like God, damn,

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Speaker 3: what the fuck can we do? Like and there's a

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Speaker 3: there's a thing I talk about, like even with shooting

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Speaker 3: your shot right, being able to accept rejection. Being able

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Speaker 3: to accept rejection goes around hearing no in so many ways,

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Speaker 3: so many facets, not just not just dating, like it's

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Speaker 3: in almost every fucking corner, Like hearing know that much

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Speaker 3: is like this is exhausting.

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Speaker 2: It is no. It's exhausting.

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Speaker 4: It is exhausting. But no is also data. There is

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Speaker 4: no such thing as a no. It's just information. So

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Speaker 4: when I hear no, I hear this is information that

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Speaker 4: I'm getting from this space. What can I do to

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Speaker 4: alchemize this no? So it's never a no, it's what

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Speaker 4: are the pieces that I'm So for example, if someone

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Speaker 4: does a video, this is a very like tepid example.

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Speaker 4: But if someone does a video and I also do

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Speaker 4: the same video, my video flops, Their video does fantastic.

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Speaker 2: It's a no in terms of the algorithm, it's the know.

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Speaker 4: In terms of perception, fine, but what I'm able to

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Speaker 4: do is sit in the know because it's uncomfortable and

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Speaker 4: it sucks. But also I can either continue to do

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Speaker 4: that or I can figure out what is this person

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Speaker 4: doing that's better than me, and how can I alchemize

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Speaker 4: that information and data to make me better?

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Speaker 2: And that is how I've built a platform because.

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Speaker 4: I've been doing content for a minute and some of

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Speaker 4: the girls blew up way past me. But what I

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Speaker 4: was able to do is say, oh, she's doing this,

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Speaker 4: she has the right lighting, she has the right hook,

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Speaker 4: she has expyz. So even on a metas scale, and

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Speaker 4: I'm not comparing a TikTok video to what y'all are

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Speaker 4: going through, but on a meta scale, no is data.

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Speaker 4: And I really lead into the note and I actually

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Speaker 4: think you should chase the nose, especially right now, like

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Speaker 4: y'all are no.

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Speaker 1: But the thing that I'm thinking about with what you're saying,

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Speaker 1: especially with the being feeling like sorry, where was validated?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, being invalidated by women that are chasing a certain

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Speaker 1: life or trying to get somewhere and we look different

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Speaker 1: for me. Unfortunately, it did have to come with other accolades,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, our podcast did so many numbers, so many

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Speaker 1: things that it had broke barriers for so many accomplishments

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Speaker 1: we've had, even with like being part of the inception

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Speaker 1: of the black Back network that's now huge, just being

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Speaker 1: those girls, the first girls like just like being unleashed

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Speaker 1: on this whole big journey that Charlene Charlemagne started. This

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Speaker 1: now beyond him when I got back into corporate. So

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Speaker 1: Mandy and I left corporate. We were corporate girlies. That

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Speaker 1: started our show. When I got to run a podcast division,

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Speaker 1: and I mean still doing it when I got to

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Speaker 1: do that again, being in a different space showed made

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Speaker 1: me feel more powerful, and I hated that it did

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Speaker 1: that because the entrepreneurship was really the big deal. I

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Speaker 1: left my corporate job, being a sales engineer and working

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Speaker 1: in tech to talk about sex for a living make

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Speaker 1: more money than I did. But the second I got

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Speaker 1: right back into having that kind of title, that made

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Speaker 1: me feel good. What's strange to me is how much

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Speaker 1: we need the validity from others. The way that I

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Speaker 1: felt for my own self was amazing. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I don't have to get up to where I'm like

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Speaker 1: loving it. I'm on vacation, I'm working from home. I

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Speaker 1: can record my podcast on Zoom. But the second I

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Speaker 1: was on a payroll again, I was like, oop, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm really doing it. And it's ridiculous because at the

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Speaker 1: end of the day, entrepreneurship is the goal for everyone.

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Speaker 1: I was working with all of them, all of them,

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Speaker 1: all of them, all of them, and they're all like, damn,

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Speaker 1: what the fuck made you want to get back and

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Speaker 1: do this. I'm like, I don't fucking know, but I

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Speaker 1: will say my aesthetic. Learn to lean in and love it.

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Speaker 1: It was weird for me for the first year of

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Speaker 1: being single after relationship, because I thought, oh, I'm starting

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Speaker 1: to have a look. I didn't have as many tattoos,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a septum ring when I got with him.

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Speaker 1: But this is my thing. Things I like and what

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Speaker 1: I learned is like my tribe is my tribe. Like

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Speaker 1: the men I'm looking for kind of look the same. Right.

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Speaker 1: I don't really do well with finance bros because most don't.

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Speaker 2: I would say most don't.

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Speaker 3: I don't the baby doing cochi shit. Them niggas be

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Speaker 3: having the bacca bottle at the bottom of the death.

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Speaker 3: They work a lot of hours, then they got to

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Speaker 3: hang out with other bros. What other bros like? Stripper bitches?

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Speaker 2: No, they in broths, they strip clubs, they coked it out.

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Speaker 4: I say, the skills and the rich, but the girls

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Speaker 4: that are chasing the finance bros. I think there's girls

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Speaker 4: chasing them. They've never gd any finance. Have you seen

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Speaker 4: on TikTok? I want a man six to finance whatever,

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Speaker 4: like the black girls and white girls everybody, but they

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Speaker 4: haven't got They haven't gotten it because what you don't

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Speaker 4: understand is the skills that make you great at finance

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Speaker 4: are the exact skills that make partner.

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Speaker 2: The way the girls be uh one in the athlete niggas?

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Speaker 2: Now have you like? Oh, girls, the girls want athlete.

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Speaker 2: They all growing woman girl the girl. You know, it's funny.

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Speaker 2: You know what's funny about that? I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 2: All of my homegirls thirty five don't nobody want them on.

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Speaker 2: I can't think of it.

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Speaker 3: I think athletes are like, it's a young girl's game.

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Speaker 3: It's a game either you got them in find you.

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Speaker 3: I still got one on my roster, but just one.

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Speaker 3: I only got one, Yes it was I.

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Speaker 2: Have one, just one one.

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Speaker 3: But I don't want to be with I don't desire

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Speaker 3: being with him.

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Speaker 2: Like the idea of being with a guy.

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Speaker 4: Like that, yeah, is like fuck, wait, why tell me experience?

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Speaker 2: I think the way you think. I mean, they don't

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Speaker 2: do coke because they get drug tested well. Apparently they

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Speaker 2: do the pick coke on the yachts in off season.

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Speaker 2: That was crazy.

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Speaker 1: I don't want them to take a black manta say hey,

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Speaker 1: everyone's doing gummy bear stuff whatever.

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Speaker 2: Listen to me. I think just there.

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Speaker 3: They're the type of men that have never had to

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Speaker 3: really compromise. They're the type of men that have always

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Speaker 3: been given everything to them, that have never been held

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Speaker 3: accountable for how they treat others because the world has

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Speaker 3: been a runway for them, because they've been able to

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Speaker 3: provide for family. They don't have friends that check them

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Speaker 3: because the friends are on the paywall, and so in

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Speaker 3: terms of how they show up in relationships, it's very surface,

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Speaker 3: it's very lonely.

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Speaker 2: It's very empty.

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Speaker 3: And then you do have to realize that is going

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Speaker 3: to be a person that you share that will most

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Speaker 3: likely embarrass you.

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Speaker 1: And now you know what's interesting though, what because I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of your content has been about rich men.

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Speaker 1: In that discussion, people would say that for any rich guy.

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Speaker 2: Do you do you believe that about any rich men?

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Speaker 4: I do believe that about any rich man. I think

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Speaker 4: I believe that about a lot of men. Actually, they

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Speaker 4: don't even have to be rich.

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Speaker 1: Then if you are super attracted, if you're attracted, if

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Speaker 1: you make in this economy over two hundred.

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Speaker 3: It's funny that it's funny that you said that in

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Speaker 3: compared to the dark. So I was with my family

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Speaker 3: this weekend and my sister is talking to a new

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Speaker 3: guy his career. You wouldn't think anything up, but my

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Speaker 3: mom has experienced with men in this career. So for

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Speaker 3: if we're not talking about rich, wealthy men, apparently truck

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Speaker 3: drivers are terrible men today and so listening to them

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Speaker 3: this weekend, talk about how truck driving is a career

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Speaker 3: that if a man has he.

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Speaker 2: Ain't shit because he's always on the road.

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Speaker 3: He might have his certain routes, so he got a

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Speaker 3: bitch on these Routes's what.

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Speaker 1: So my partner is a real estate investor and he

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Speaker 1: has been for the last I don't know, maybe six seven.

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Speaker 1: We've only been did in two years. But that was

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Speaker 1: his first job and that was how he got in come.

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Speaker 1: You might be right the truck literally, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: know about drivers, but I know those careers are the

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Speaker 1: all that time on the truck, listening to them pop

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Speaker 1: flipping houses, learning shit.

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Speaker 2: Okay, what other career then? If you're like, it's any guy.

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Speaker 2: Are you just saying all men, whether I've got a

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Speaker 2: job or not. I'm not saying all men.

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Speaker 4: Some of the some of the most insane men I've

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Speaker 4: ever dated, have been in construction, I mean fantastic HVAC

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Speaker 4: like it can be anything. The issue is supply and demand,

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Speaker 4: and the issue is perception and access. It doesn't really

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Speaker 4: matter how much money they have. What matters is who

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Speaker 4: they have access to their perception.

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Speaker 2: Everybody got access to everybody now with social media. I

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Speaker 2: also think it depends.

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Speaker 4: So for example, if me and my homegirls are at

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Speaker 4: a party, I have seen this with my own eyes.

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Speaker 2: A regular dude who works at a great.

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Speaker 4: Tech company, you would think he was lebron the way

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Speaker 4: that women are like circulating it.

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Speaker 1: Now, what is it? Is it?

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Speaker 4: The I mean, he's moderately attractive, has a good job.

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Speaker 4: But in this economy where most men don't have a

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Speaker 4: lot of those things, we're in a scarcity mindset. They're

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Speaker 4: going to be rotating. And that's why I always say,

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Speaker 4: I think it is very lame and very corny, and

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Speaker 4: I got lit up for this when women are obsessed

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Speaker 4: with David rich men, I think it is extremely lame

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Speaker 4: and I think it's extremely corny. I think it's a

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Speaker 4: proxy for low self esteem keyword being obsessed.

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Speaker 2: So what is what is your thoughts on women who.

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Speaker 4: Are obsessed sprinkle sprinkle all of that with the sprinkle, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think so.

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Speaker 1: Wait, what do you sprinkles?

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Speaker 2: Sprinkles, sprinkle sprinkle the little sprinkle sprinkle. Lady who was

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Speaker 2: talking about.

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Speaker 1: The I'm sorry, is this a new drug?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 4: So I did a TikTok say I think women who

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Speaker 4: are obsessed with rich men are lame. And I kind

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Speaker 4: of got lit up. Some women understood, some did it okay.

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Speaker 4: I For example, if this.

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Speaker 2: Is a longer format, you could break it down to okay,

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Speaker 2: per so explain. Okay.

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Speaker 4: So, for example, if a man said I'm obsessed with models,

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Speaker 4: I think we would be like, oh, that's lame and

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Speaker 4: that's corny. I think I don't understand where their dichotomy

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Speaker 4: is for some people. But when women are outsourcing their

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Speaker 4: agency and autonomy to a man with money, because it's

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Speaker 4: very difficult to have that sort of relationship and there

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Speaker 4: isn't any leverage points that aren't being exploited because that's

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Speaker 4: human nature, there is going to be a level of

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Speaker 4: exploitation when someone has such an advantage over someone else. Additionally,

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Speaker 4: when you are using a socially valued resource like beauty

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Speaker 4: or money, and you are obsessed with capturing that resource

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Speaker 4: and a partner, I believe it is a proxy for

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Speaker 4: having low self esteem. The women who I think have agency,

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Speaker 4: who feel beautiful, who feel great about themselves, They're not

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Speaker 4: really the ones that are obsessed with marrying rich. It's

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Speaker 4: usually the people who have never experienced it or who

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Speaker 4: don't like themselves. Similarly, with men, men who are obsessed

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Speaker 4: with dating the baddest women, it's never the fine men,

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Speaker 4: and it's never the super wealthy men. It is the

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Speaker 4: people who are using other people their partners. Is proxies

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Speaker 4: for their own low self esteem. And so that's why

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Speaker 4: when I think women who are obsessed with dating rich

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Speaker 4: about the they don't believe they can do it themselves.

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Speaker 4: They're outsourcing their future to somebody else.

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Speaker 3: That's why I said, I feel powerful now makes money

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Speaker 3: like I like that because here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: You just check boxed something for me that I said

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Speaker 1: the other day, so went to dinner with a friend

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Speaker 1: of mine, I would say maybe ten figures which to

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Speaker 1: me is insane.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we all go eat great brings.

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Speaker 1: A partner, new partner, and my homegirl says, can I

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Speaker 1: say it? I was like, say it, babe. She was like,

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Speaker 1: not that she wasn't great. I just thought he'd have

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Speaker 1: this like super hot Russian model. But I see why

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Speaker 1: because she's like, you know, and the way that he

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Speaker 1: talked about. He's like, oh and she just left your

436
00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 1: pana was doing and like they're enamored by these other

437
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,159
Speaker 1: things they do. And do you remember my friend, my

438
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,600
Speaker 1: friend that dated the manager at Ross. Yeah, that to

439
00:19:51,680 --> 00:20:00,639
Speaker 1: me the way everyone treated it. So we listen and

440
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 1: we judge. Okay, my homeboy, who maybe nine figure not

441
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 1: ten okay, but a lot of bread at the airport,

442
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: couldn't take his plane, was in the lounge. I think

443
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 1: that's where he met the girl. She was going on

444
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 1: a solo trip somewhere to go to the jungle. He

445
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 1: was obsessed with the fact that she was able to

446
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:21,040
Speaker 1: do this alone. He's like, I could tell this was

447
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,359
Speaker 1: like her itinerary, like she wasn't meeting a man. I'm

448
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,320
Speaker 1: so used to women moving for a man. I see

449
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,560
Speaker 1: a girl in the Turks, I know who they would Drake.

450
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 2: Drake. I'm glad we all know that. Oh my goodness.

451
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:42,720
Speaker 1: So starts connecting with her, finds out she does lashes

452
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 1: on the side or something, but she manages like a

453
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:45,399
Speaker 1: TJ Max or.

454
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 2: I love it.

455
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:52,200
Speaker 1: She got very insulted that he wanted to level her up.

456
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 1: I see cut him off when he tried to give

457
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:57,399
Speaker 1: her money to more so invest in lash business or whatever.

458
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,119
Speaker 1: And I've been thinking about what you're saying, because that,

459
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 1: to me is super wealthy. We think super rich niggas

460
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,720
Speaker 1: are playing ball and all that, and that's the low

461
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,880
Speaker 1: self esteem shit. We want to recycle the same pot

462
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 1: girl every time. But that's super super next level wealthy.

463
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 1: It's not that to me. And this is why I

464
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,360
Speaker 1: want to bring it up in segue. So you talk

465
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 1: a lot about hobbies, and I've been experiencing a lot

466
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,879
Speaker 1: of friends maybe having call outs by men that feel

467
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: like they're out too much. And to me, it's like, Okay,

468
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: we need more hobbies.

469
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 3: What do you think of the loose we women women

470
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 3: need more hobbies or men need more hobbies?

471
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,400
Speaker 1: I think we all do. I think women women too universally.

472
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 4: So I actually did a poll on Instagram to ask

473
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 4: men what they think women can do to glow up.

474
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,680
Speaker 4: And the number one thing that they said was, jes know,

475
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 4: nothing physical. It was hobbies. It was getting a better

476
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 4: group of friends. It was self investment. It was spending

477
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 4: time meaningful. Swear to you, I believe you. One hundred

478
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 4: and seventy five thousand people I asked, and all the

479
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 4: men said, you got that?

480
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: Do you agree with it? I agree?

481
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 2: But why is that such a problem. It was going

482
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 2: to be physical.

483
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 3: I thought it was going to be physical, like especially

484
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: because men like to be in the gym, so I would.

485
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 2: Think that what they do.

486
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 3: So I'm thinking that's what men would want women to do,

487
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 3: because I really feel like most menigcaus want to day

488
00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 3: they God damn him home un But.

489
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 4: Girl, they're spoiled with beauty. Men don't care about beauty anymore.

490
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 4: There's a million when I tell you, so many beautiful

491
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,440
Speaker 4: women so extraordinarily boring and have nothing.

492
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 2: No dynamic girls say this all the time. Well, we

493
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 2: go out.

494
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 3: We were just out with my homeboy the other day

495
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,679
Speaker 3: and he literally brought this up because he ended up

496
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 3: meeting us at this place that was like, uh, it

497
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:39,160
Speaker 3: was a rooftop.

498
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 2: He meets us at the rooftop.

499
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 3: We go from the rooftop to get food, so we

500
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,720
Speaker 3: go to like this little Korean spot. Then we he

501
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,240
Speaker 3: ends up taking us to one of his homeboys restaurants

502
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 3: that his homeboy owns, and literally in between he was like, yo,

503
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 3: this has that happened in a while. He was like,

504
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 3: I can't hang with y'all all night, like we're talking,

505
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,280
Speaker 3: and he was just like, that's rare. Constantly he's in

506
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 3: the industry, constantly around beautiful women, and I hear this

507
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 3: all the time when me and my homegirl Christal or

508
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 3: even when me and Rosie be we goddamn niggas it.

509
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 3: They literally said all the time, like, oh, y'all are

510
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,280
Speaker 3: cool if we don't, there's so many there's so much

511
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 3: about women now that y'all have to realize too. Being

512
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 3: able to just talk to a man that doesn't involve

513
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,680
Speaker 3: you trying to date them, that doesn't involve you trying

514
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,200
Speaker 3: to get to know their baby mama or their backstory

515
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 3: on dating. Just being able to exist with men in

516
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 3: a way that y'all can both enjoy each other platonically.

517
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 3: May y'all suck each other dick at the end of

518
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,479
Speaker 3: the night. It's possible, not each other did because both

519
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,719
Speaker 3: of y'all gotta dick and lets one of the clauses

520
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 3: like me. But may y'all fuck at the end of

521
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 3: the night. Sure, But there's a thing about women, not.

522
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 2: What because you said have one in the closet like me.

523
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,360
Speaker 2: I mean, I just got to throw that in there,

524
00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:44,880
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

525
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 3: But there's a thing right now around women not knowing

526
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,400
Speaker 3: how to just engage with men when it's not them

527
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 3: interviewing them to be their partner or interviewing them to

528
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,560
Speaker 3: be their fuck buddies. It's like, oh, just hang out

529
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 3: with the guys.

530
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 1: Tell us you have a masterclass. Now, what's the master

531
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,480
Speaker 1: class about? Because we need a little crash course today.

532
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, I'm gonna tell you.

533
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,919
Speaker 4: So the master class is born out of I felt

534
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,120
Speaker 4: like I, children of immigrants, came to New York City

535
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 4: and there was so much I didn't know. I didn't

536
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 4: know about having hobbies. I didn't know about joining a

537
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 4: junior board. Do y'all know what a junior board is?

538
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: That's like school boys club, stuff like that sort of.

539
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 4: So, for example, all of them exactly, so all of

540
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 4: these philanthropic organizations, they have junior boards for people forty

541
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 4: and younger. And that is where a lot of the

542
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,359
Speaker 4: networking that's happening with the upwardly mobile exists in boards.

543
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,680
Speaker 4: I didn't know about joining boards. I didn't know about conferences,

544
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 4: I didn't know about events, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

545
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 4: The Master class is built to help three components. Physical

546
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 4: number one. So we're talking about hairstyles that work for you.

547
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,560
Speaker 4: Love that you did the blonde and the shore Oh girl,

548
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 4: go bet yeah.

549
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: So these women in a class and you'd be like,

550
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: no to the ball.

551
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 2: Sometimes it'll drop photo.

552
00:24:52,280 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 4: Sometimes in the group chat though out of photo, and

553
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 4: they'll be like, should I wear my boss? I also,

554
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,919
Speaker 4: I was actually looking at y'all. This is this is it.

555
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 4: Both of you found your our looks.

556
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna hold you when I see like the

557
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 3: throwback ship of how I used to like wear my hairs.

558
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 2: You found the hair of even mind you.

559
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 3: I've had men in my life that are like when

560
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 3: I said I was gonna cut it off.

561
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 2: You know, black men will tell you not.

562
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 1: To cut your hair.

563
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 2: Oh, I like exactly, it's so weird.

564
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:21,640
Speaker 1: I want to say, your long hair fixed now.

565
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 3: I want to ask you that actually to as a

566
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: black woman with short hair, because I know we have

567
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 3: a lot of the short hair girlies, and when we

568
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 3: see each other, it's like a it's almost like an

569
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 3: empowered thing to see other girls with short hair. It's

570
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 3: almost like a club. Every time I'm out they see it.

571
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 3: But I want to know what your experience was, specifically

572
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 3: as a black woman, maybe dating black men or talking

573
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 3: to any man and their connection to your hair and

574
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 3: what that what that was like because me being biracially,

575
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 3: you know, I don't.

576
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: Think it's the same.

577
00:25:52,359 --> 00:25:54,840
Speaker 3: My relationship to my hair isn't the relationship that most

578
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 3: black women have with their hair.

579
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 2: Correct. What did cutting your hair off mean to you?

580
00:25:58,840 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 1: And and dating?

581
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, so when I cut my hair, it was very therapeutic.

582
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 4: So I grew up in an immigrant household where we

583
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 4: prioritize achievement and appearance over everything. So I grew up

584
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 4: in a very strict Christian That's why you're probably like, oh,

585
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,080
Speaker 4: you're acting like that. That was That was how I

586
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 4: was socialized as a child. I went to prep school.

587
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 4: I did all of those things right. So I got

588
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 4: rewarded for getting a's, for getting into a great college

589
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 4: for doing the right corporate palth beautiful and to look

590
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 4: beautiful and to be prim and proper.

591
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,239
Speaker 2: All of that that was my rewards growing up.

592
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 4: So then as I got older and was in therapy,

593
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:33,199
Speaker 4: I realized I didn't know who I was because I

594
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 4: was defaulting so much of my identity to all right,

595
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 4: this is what people like, this is what people says

596
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 4: should do. And so as I was on learning and unpacking,

597
00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 4: I went to the hairdresser and I was like, shave it,

598
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 4: Like this is a therapeutic moment for me. I want

599
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 4: to be able to walk into a room and feel

600
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 4: confident and to feel sexy without having to hide behind

601
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 4: the hair. And also, as you know, as women of color,

602
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 4: black women, you know, it's such a hinderance.

603
00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.

604
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 4: Depending Like there were so many things I was out

605
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 4: of in life because I was like, oh, I can't

606
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,359
Speaker 4: participate in this because my hair's not done hard. My

607
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 4: hair is really of course, also I had like I

608
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 4: have four sea hair, so it's like, all right, it's

609
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 4: a thing we'll have to d tangle and I have

610
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 4: to think about it. And you begin to like socialize

611
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 4: your life around your hair in a way that was

612
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 4: just like, oh, I can't.

613
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 1: When you said hide behind your hair, I have three

614
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 1: sea hair. And to me it's interesting because like four

615
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: A three C blend. And I always said like mixed girls.

616
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 1: Grown up people be like, oh, how can you got

617
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: black girl hair? And you don't have this kind of

618
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,439
Speaker 1: hair like and a lot of my biracial friends have

619
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: that super curly like Tracy Ellis ROSSI.

620
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

621
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: My boyfriend said to me when my raids came out,

622
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: he made me wear no fucking braids in Thailand. We

623
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: were ever a month. Yeah, and so he goes, stop

624
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: putting on makeup because you don't even put this much

625
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: makeup on when.

626
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,760
Speaker 2: You ever interesting.

627
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,399
Speaker 1: I didn't even clock it. He was like, you are

628
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: just suddenly you need this.

629
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,400
Speaker 2: Your hair is out.

630
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: That's a good partner, it is, and it's a something.

631
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 1: And great partners will hold a mirror up. Yea, but

632
00:27:58,480 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 1: we need to hold the mirror up. Sorry, go back.

633
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 4: So physical physical, Oh yes, okay, So the masterclass, so

634
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 4: we talk about physical it's everything from me. We'll have

635
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 4: makeup artists come in, We'll have posture coaches come in,

636
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 4: stylists come in and talk to you about your physical presence.

637
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 4: Not only on the physical plane, but also how you

638
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,600
Speaker 4: hold yourself in a room. So that's why the posture piece.

639
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,160
Speaker 4: It might seem frivolous, but truly exactly, truly, you learn

640
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 4: how to take up space differently exactly you're doing it.

641
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 4: You got to sit at the end of the seat though,

642
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 4: you got to shoulders back, and you got to put

643
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 4: your hands like that, but you hold up space.

644
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you know they say.

645
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: I think it was someone at the stretch lab that

646
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 1: told me. She was like, oh, you need your postures changed.

647
00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 1: I was like, almost bust me from stretch Lab. She's like,

648
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 1: maybe something good's going on because you're walking with.

649
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 2: Your heart open. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yeah, learn how

650
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 2: to take it.

651
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 4: And I think a lot of women, women of color,

652
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,719
Speaker 4: especially when we're in these spaces like corporate, we have

653
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 4: to shrink ourselves like it's literally a physical manifestation of

654
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 4: how we feel in a space. And so when you

655
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 4: begin to walk open like that, it's indicating to yourself

656
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,680
Speaker 4: and others like I'm free to take up space and

657
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 4: I'm allowed to move how I want to. So anyways,

658
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 4: physical we cover that. Social we talk about building social capital,

659
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 4: which is a concept I don't think a lot of people,

660
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 4: especially people of color, think about in a meaningful way.

661
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 4: So I'm talking about how you get mentor sponsors, joining

662
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 4: junior boards, how do you go event to events like

663
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 4: CAN and when you go to CAN, how do you

664
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 4: show up in a way that leaves with meaningful connections

665
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 4: and that you can also build an ROI off of.

666
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:17,960
Speaker 2: And then lastly his career.

667
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 4: So that's everything from working in corporate, we talk a

668
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 4: lot about entrepreneurs. So the person who's actually in the

669
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 4: class tonight is the woman who did Anmars ten thousand dollars.

670
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 2: Do you remember, Charlie, Yes, they did it.

671
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: Did you see this?

672
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 2: That's my sast girl, because it's funny to me and

673
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 2: my homegirl. Literally we're just.

674
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 3: Talking about her last week, Yes, because she met some

675
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,760
Speaker 3: girl that had a matchmaking service and we were talking

676
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:48,520
Speaker 3: about the difference between dating coach matchmaking service, and she

677
00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 3: was five thousand dollars. So we ended up talking about

678
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,280
Speaker 3: the girl who paid the ten thousand dollars but now

679
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 3: is engaged, and so we were talking about the investment

680
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 3: of dating. Because where we invest in college, we invest

681
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 3: in our looks.

682
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: We invest in all these things.

683
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:08,160
Speaker 3: She now at thirty nine. Yes, thirty nine is like damn,

684
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 3: she said, I paid twenty five hundred. But we're talking

685
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 3: now about what the investment in dating looks like as

686
00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 3: a woman approaching your thirties that wants a family unit

687
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 3: or that wants to get a partner. And so it's

688
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 3: interesting to hear her say that she would pay twenty

689
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 3: five hundred even for a matchmaker, because I see in

690
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 3: her mind she's like, oh, yeah, this is something now

691
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 3: that I have to invest in.

692
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

693
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 3: So I made the face because I ain't paying ten

694
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 3: thousand dollars for no niggas.

695
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 4: Well. I did Aniars program too. I paid six or

696
00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 4: seven six or seven thousand thousand.

697
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 2: You got a man?

698
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 1: How did it go? Oh?

699
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 4: I have myself and I have you know how I

700
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 4: have my sanity. That's what I do.

701
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 2: We're your ROI on the six to seventh.

702
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 4: Though, So the point of NRS program is, and I

703
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 4: love Edward, the point of NRS program isn't to get

704
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 4: a man, because that's also.

705
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 2: Contingent someone else.

706
00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 4: Okay, ballad right, that's contingent on the pool.

707
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 2: That's continent.

708
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 4: What it is though, it taught me boundaries, and it

709
00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 4: taught me vulnerability, and I think.

710
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,959
Speaker 1: As of color, how I grew up vulnerability.

711
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 2: I did not know how to be vulnerable. I did

712
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 2: not know.

713
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 4: Okay, so if I were to ask you, how are

714
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 4: you feeling, how would you respond to it.

715
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,080
Speaker 1: I'm feeling great. I had a good day, I worked out,

716
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 1: and now I'm at work.

717
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 2: And I love my job.

718
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 4: Okay, you didn't use a feelings word, right, you said

719
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 4: I feel great, active addctives. That's not vulnerability. I didn't

720
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 4: tell me anything meaningful about your inner world when we

721
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 4: talk about vulnerability in relationships and dating with my relationships

722
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,120
Speaker 4: gave me the feelings.

723
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:32,080
Speaker 2: With the feelings feeling, I use my feelings.

724
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,240
Speaker 4: We all, so I'm talking about Oh, I'm feeling really

725
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 4: anxious right now, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling really excited.

726
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 4: Here is why. It's giving people a peak into your

727
00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 4: inner world and when you grew up how I grew up,

728
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 4: which was perfectionism, and you can only let people. And

729
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 4: I think a lot of black women feel this way too.

730
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 4: If I have to be perfect in how I show

731
00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 4: up in order to say made silent very Jamaican, yeah,

732
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 4: you could tell or I have.

733
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: Dated a Jamaican girl. For a bit that was constantly

734
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 1: talking about perfection. She's like, why don't think you understand? Like,

735
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: so they came from Jamaica when she was maybe five

736
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 1: and just almost like I would say, adjacent to Africans

737
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 1: wanting to be the standards. But I didn't really hear

738
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: that before.

739
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 3: Because what what type, like did you come from money?

740
00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 3: Because like, I'm Jamaican, I was gonna say Jamaica, I'm

741
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 3: Jamaican and white. What where from They're from Saint Catherine?

742
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 3: Where from the township? I don't know, day from the

743
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 3: country as the Latin the hood.

744
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 2: That's my family. Okay, okay, yeah.

745
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,320
Speaker 3: We weren't like they say Catherine. But what's crazy? And

746
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 3: that's why I asked, though, did you come from money?

747
00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,160
Speaker 3: Because the difference with my family wasn't that, but they

748
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 3: were workers like my uncle, my aunts, my like from

749
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 3: doing the paper the paper route in the morning to

750
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,320
Speaker 3: then working at a at a convention store, to then taking.

751
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 2: Care of all the kids to me, which is why my.

752
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,959
Speaker 3: Dad for so long even with this podcast, specifically when

753
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 3: I was bartending, it was a part of why I

754
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 3: even went to college and went to school because when

755
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 3: I was bartending, it didn't matter how much money I

756
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 3: fucking made every time I went home, when you're gonna

757
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: get a real job, and he just didn't think I

758
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 3: had a fucking real job. Even though I made money,

759
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 3: even though I was paying my own bills, it didn't matter.

760
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 2: He wanted me to have a real job.

761
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until like even recently, like I was

762
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 3: surprised he was proud of me because this, to him

763
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:22,240
Speaker 3: isn't a real job.

764
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 2: Of course, and so.

765
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 3: Doctor engineer get me, and he's but he's also like

766
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 3: blue blue, blue collar. He's a construction worker. My mom

767
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 3: works in healthcare. My uncle's also construction worker. Everyone had

768
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 3: blue collar jobs. So for me, it's interesting hearing your

769
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:46,000
Speaker 3: upbringing like that, because for me, it was just always work, work, work,

770
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 3: make money, and have all the jobs that you can,

771
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 3: which is probably why I keep wanting to make jobs

772
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 3: for myself. It was always have multiple jobs, just keep

773
00:33:54,560 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 3: working and make all the money.

774
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 2: And then also sexuality. This is definitely not gonna say,

775
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 2: how does he feel about oh girl.

776
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 3: My sister was growing up the favorite daughter. My sister

777
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 3: is lesbian.

778
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,319
Speaker 2: Okay, well I have seen.

779
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:14,240
Speaker 3: It's so interesting subconsciously seeing him detach like my cousin

780
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:18,880
Speaker 3: had to leave Jamaica because he was gay, and I

781
00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 3: talk about it in the book where we have to

782
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,400
Speaker 3: unlearn so many things, because for me, even though we

783
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: know he's gay, never saw any partner.

784
00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,760
Speaker 2: We never were introduced to anything he did, even sexually.

785
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 2: He just showed up.

786
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 3: We knew he was gay, and he existed in however

787
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 3: he had to in his other life. And I literally

788
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 3: talked about it with my cousin recently because I was like, damn,

789
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 3: how lonely must.

790
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:43,759
Speaker 2: That have been.

791
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 3: Like we all knew he was gay, we never asked

792
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 3: me as partners. We never welcomed it like growing up,

793
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: and it was just like, it's hurtful now to realize,

794
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:56,399
Speaker 3: like damn, we never embraced his sexuality, and now as

795
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 3: a fluid sexual bitch, I am now my sister's gay.

796
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,320
Speaker 3: My sister said she might go get because these niggas

797
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,680
Speaker 3: ain't shit. It's so interesting how we're able to talk

798
00:35:03,719 --> 00:35:06,680
Speaker 3: about it now, but that was not talked about growing up,

799
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 3: not talking.

800
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,919
Speaker 4: I don't know one gage of making and statistically they

801
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 4: have to go.

802
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 1: And that is why I never really got anywhere with

803
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 1: their girls.

804
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 2: I don't think you get it.

805
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: You know, she's probably living in the closet.

806
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, she had to have.

807
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,360
Speaker 1: And honestly, when she met me, she said she was

808
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:26,840
Speaker 1: Caribbean and didn't specify, which I thought was so strange.

809
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 1: But anyway, hold on, we need to get into joke.

810
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 1: Let me shut the fuck U about my life. This

811
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: is what y'all came for.

812
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna give it to you.

813
00:35:40,719 --> 00:35:45,799
Speaker 1: Well, okay, investments for women, yes, I want to talk

814
00:35:45,800 --> 00:35:48,399
Speaker 1: about both investments for women, investments for men. We've talked

815
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: about social capital, but dig into what we need to

816
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,520
Speaker 1: be spending our money on because we're thinking it might

817
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:57,279
Speaker 1: be expensive clothes. It might just be one really good

818
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,800
Speaker 1: little black dress. Who knows what should we be investing?

819
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 4: So I think women focus on the wrong things. We

820
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 4: hyper fixate on the micro that is it actually moving

821
00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 4: the needle. You need to focus on the big four

822
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,840
Speaker 4: that's moving needles. Hair, skin, teeth, nails, our hairskin, teeth,

823
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 4: body actually, and then we can kind of like fold in.

824
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 4: Sometimes nails can fold in, like maybe.

825
00:36:16,880 --> 00:36:19,720
Speaker 2: They just don't care about nails. They actually don't like may.

826
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:25,800
Speaker 1: No, no, no, yeah, they care about feet in toe

827
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 1: they care rah. I'm telling you right now, my man

828
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: clut Yeah, we were watching ninety why, like, look at

829
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 1: this girl.

830
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 4: Someone paid me three thousand dollars because one of my

831
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 4: nails fell off and he was like you can't.

832
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:42,640
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no broken nails. I get that nail key. Yeah,

833
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 2: he was like men clock.

834
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if you don't have polish on your nails,

835
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 3: a man isn't going to be like you need a

836
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 3: f that's not nails to me though, that's what I'm

837
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. If you're a woman that gets your

838
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:54,960
Speaker 3: nails done, keeping them up is a thing for me.

839
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 3: You could have no nails literally, no designs, just your

840
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,560
Speaker 3: naturals and the man ain't gonna come up and be

841
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 3: like you need a.

842
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 2: Full Setma, Yeah that's not what I think. That's what. Yeah,

843
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 2: it's just nail up keep and nails that's upkeep. But

844
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 2: don't have a chip. Don't have it.

845
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,080
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the same like I don't. I don't

846
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 1: even know if I'm dating man that date girls like

847
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: they like you know, like the crazy Yeah, like that's

848
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: not because that's hygiene.

849
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a lot of people question the hygiene.

850
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 1: And that I don't even know if they know what

851
00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: a full say is.

852
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 2: But my point, which is why I'm.

853
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 4: Like they like a well talking about men, we're not

854
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 4: even talking about like that wasn't even the calculus that

855
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 4: we need to be making. Because when I'm talking about

856
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 4: self investment, I'm not even thinking from the lens of

857
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 4: like what male care, what men care about? I'm thinking

858
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 4: from the lens of like what is going to make

859
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 4: you feel good and like begin the practice of focusing

860
00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:43,880
Speaker 4: your energy on yourself.

861
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't even it's about bet or not.

862
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 4: I don't care what the bad they So when I

863
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 4: think about like the things that really move the needle

864
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 4: in terms of personal appearance and personal brand, it's going

865
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 4: to be getting the hairstyle that works for you. It's

866
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 4: going to be getting your like the body the person right.

867
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 4: And it's not about a size. It's more about getting

868
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 4: your capsule wardrobe together. It's about finding clothes that like

869
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,359
Speaker 4: you back, finding hairstyles that like you back, finding things

870
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 4: that flatter the body that you're in, not the body

871
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 4: that you used to have or the body that you

872
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 4: trant to have, exactly the body that you're currently in.

873
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 4: It's about getting your teeth together in whichever way that

874
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 4: makes sense. So none of this is prescriptive, right, None

875
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 4: of it is like you better get ozembic or you

876
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,319
Speaker 4: better get but it is making sure that you're demonstrating

877
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 4: like care in each of those spaces. So even if

878
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:31,279
Speaker 4: it's just like whitening or flossing whatever, teeth make a

879
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 4: big difference or a hygiene makes a big difference. And

880
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 4: then lastly, some of those like smaller things like yeah,

881
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 4: you can focus on the nails and the makeup and

882
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 4: things like that, but the big things that will move

883
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 4: the needle in terms of how you show up in

884
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,839
Speaker 4: a physical room and then also how you feel about yourself.

885
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,640
Speaker 4: It's gonna be hair. Skin, Skin is another thing. Go

886
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 4: to the germatologist, get skincare if you need it, hair skin, teeth,

887
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,399
Speaker 4: and then like that body piece that's really what women

888
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: should be actually think.

889
00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,000
Speaker 1: Teeth was my biggest elevation in my life. Same people

890
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: keep saying that I look better than I ever have,

891
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 1: And I thought it was like hair, But I'm.

892
00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 2: Like, I thought that about you too. I'm like, you

893
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 2: look good.

894
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,880
Speaker 4: It was like your Instagram recently, I'm like, but you

895
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,279
Speaker 4: know what teeth does too. It also changes your face shape.

896
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 4: It does so it's not about the teeth, it's about

897
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 4: like your jaw.

898
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 2: This is so different.

899
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for saying this. I went to this doctor

900
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:21,319
Speaker 1: of her east side. She said something. I am thirty

901
00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 1: four years old. I never wanted to have races until

902
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,759
Speaker 1: she goes, oh, it's gonna change your face. This line

903
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:28,879
Speaker 1: isn't gonna yeah, you're gonna get a little up. Yeah,

904
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: but you people are gonna think you got cheth filled.

905
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, really, you're like done, But.

906
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 1: I'm telling you. It changed me. It's making people respond

907
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,600
Speaker 1: to me different way. And I never thought teeth were

908
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 1: this important. Yeah, because I thought, fuck yeah, it was

909
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:40,319
Speaker 1: one of the.

910
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 2: First things I did.

911
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:44,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, teeth changes your face shape, it changes how people

912
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 4: interact with you.

913
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,280
Speaker 2: I was thinking about that. You about Wheezy.

914
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:50,760
Speaker 4: I saw your Instagram and I'm like, she looks good.

915
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 4: I'm just happy, and I don't know what that's true.

916
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 4: It might also be happy, but I do think it's

917
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:55,239
Speaker 4: a teeth.

918
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 2: Actually, I actually think don't have to keep racist in fail.

919
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, now this one I heard has been like

920
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:05,520
Speaker 1: your ship. Yes, I want you to pick three. One

921
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 1: has to go.

922
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 2: Okay.

923
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: Botox fitness therapy for the glow up, which one.

924
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,280
Speaker 4: I think botox can go because you can get similar,

925
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,120
Speaker 4: similar results from not using botox. So there's a product

926
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 4: called Brownies. I don't know if y'all have ever heard

927
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:22,280
Speaker 4: of it, but it's almost like put us on base

928
00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 4: taping and you sleep with it on and then it

929
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 4: kind of creates the same effect. There's a bunch of

930
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 4: products and like lasers and stuff that you can get

931
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 4: collagen you get CO two lasers, you can get clear

932
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 4: and brilliant.

933
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: All of that now, Oh clear and brilliant. Yeah, I

934
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 1: got seven hundred. You gotta get me a guy, I

935
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,839
Speaker 1: got that's cheaper, all right. Another one investments for men.

936
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:42,200
Speaker 1: But the men watching that need to have their glow up?

937
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 1: What do you feel like isn't hitting for men?

938
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,000
Speaker 4: Okay, So I did the same poll I ask all

939
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:47,440
Speaker 4: men dusty they do.

940
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: And the issue is it's sorry, Ed, you don't look

941
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: at you don't look dusty. You don't look dusty, Eden,

942
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 1: I don't even believe it. No, you look like, yeah,

943
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 1: you're good for it. Actually the diametric opposite.

944
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,359
Speaker 4: So men cared a lot about what women were doing

945
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 4: in terms of like personality stuff. They were like, oh,

946
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 4: she should have friends, but the women were actually the

947
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 4: ones who were very caught up on the physical.

948
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:10,760
Speaker 2: The hygiene.

949
00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 4: The hygiene, yes, the nail care, the teeth care.

950
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 2: Beard, yeah, like don't cut it off. Keep you might

951
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 2: clean them.

952
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 4: No, I think it was like beard trimming, like keeping,

953
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,200
Speaker 4: like the general up, keep up.

954
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:27,239
Speaker 2: I think seeth is very important with men.

955
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 3: But also yes, the hygiene, especially because like how are

956
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:31,800
Speaker 3: you trying to finger a bit in your nails?

957
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 4: Their nails is dirty, the nails are long.

958
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 2: And then it was and then it was really nasty too.

959
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:40,359
Speaker 3: It was one of the streamer's brothers was talking about

960
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 3: he just lets the water go down his ass crank,

961
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 3: he don't wash his ass because it's.

962
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 2: Gay, And I was like, what that literally you ain't

963
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 2: see the clip.

964
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 3: He literally was so proud to say, yeah, like I'll

965
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 3: be digging in my ass, like I just let the

966
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 3: water go down, It'll be fine.

967
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: Bro.

968
00:41:57,800 --> 00:42:01,720
Speaker 4: What And this is why we need full frontal alone

969
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:03,839
Speaker 4: Like what the that say?

970
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 3: But this is why you can't they a man who's

971
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 3: homophobic because he not washed his ass exactly.

972
00:42:10,160 --> 00:42:11,160
Speaker 2: I mean we can end it now.

973
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: That's fact that we're not because the girls want more.

974
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,799
Speaker 4: Okay, wait, I didn't finish investments for men though, so

975
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 4: it was a lot around the physical. Also, I think

976
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,000
Speaker 4: what a lot of women are looking for. Women are

977
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 4: making more money, so money is not moving the needle anymore,

978
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 4: and I think we, I think, unfortunately, men have been

979
00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 4: socialized to believe that money is moving the needle. Ergo

980
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:30,920
Speaker 4: the men who are actually investing in therapy, the men

981
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 4: who actually have emotional availability.

982
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:35,239
Speaker 2: Those are actually the men who are going to win.

983
00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 4: So a lot of the girls that I know who

984
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,240
Speaker 4: are true ten out of ten baddies, they're not dating

985
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 4: the athletes. They're dating the guy who's doing well, who

986
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 4: who asks therapy, emotionally available, can put himself together, has

987
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 4: has somewhat of a wardshrope. Those are actually like the

988
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 4: prime candidates right now.

989
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: So my friend taught me capsule capsule collection. He went

990
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:56,080
Speaker 1: to his closet because he always dressed so well. So

991
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: the first time I w into his house, I said,

992
00:42:58,400 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 1: this all.

993
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 4: Seems like a lot, yeah, because you know how to

994
00:43:00,880 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 4: mix it match it.

995
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 1: When I'm looking at all the shoes, it's Margella, he's

996
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 1: wearing the you, Saint Laurent, he's at the ricks. The

997
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: best of the best. I'm like, I understand now, and

998
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,720
Speaker 1: I don't think that what's been easy for me, especially

999
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 1: because we've got to have alphas all the time. Instagram

1000
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: really fucks your brain with gospash. Oh my gosh, you're

1001
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: sitting here watching this TikTok of this battie and now

1002
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,320
Speaker 1: we've bought all these thirty dollars.

1003
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,959
Speaker 2: Dresses in our class yep that you never wear, which

1004
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 2: I wear them? You wear all of your thirty dollars.

1005
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: I wear all my two dollars sheets.

1006
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 3: I wear its cute Sanda repeated, and then I let

1007
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,120
Speaker 3: my friends wear it, and I'll be like, bitch, I

1008
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 3: want to beg and I get it.

1009
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 2: Bag.

1010
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,759
Speaker 3: I literally moved to Atlanta for another closet, so I

1011
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:42,319
Speaker 3: mean that's what I tell you. Feel me, I'd be like, bitch,

1012
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:45,919
Speaker 3: I needed a closet. But I love just a lot

1013
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 3: of options. I do love a lot of options too.

1014
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 4: However, it creates paralysis, and it creates cognitive dissonance, so

1015
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 4: people don't always know how to engage with you when

1016
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 4: they don't know how to perceive you. And in terms

1017
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,760
Speaker 4: of like how you're showing up on the physical plane,

1018
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,240
Speaker 4: it's giving so many different so if you're a girly

1019
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 4: in corporate specifically, there should be one aesthetic that you're

1020
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,160
Speaker 4: really leading into and then maybe on the weekends you

1021
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 4: can play around with different things. Also, I rent clothes,

1022
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 4: and a lot of girls need to start renting their clothing.

1023
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 4: There are services like by Rotation, Newly Pickle where you

1024
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 4: can rent and you can play around with different esthetics

1025
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:18,320
Speaker 4: and then give it back, so your closet isn't overboarded.

1026
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 4: But find the esthetic and the silhouette that looks good

1027
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 4: for you. See, I can hear all those stresses don't

1028
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 4: look good for me.

1029
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 2: It goes by my mood.

1030
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 3: Okay, Sometimes I want to give study, Sometimes I want

1031
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 3: to give hope. Sometimes I want to give corporate baddies

1032
00:44:31,719 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 3: for me.

1033
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:32,800
Speaker 2: And I think that.

1034
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,279
Speaker 3: That's been the joys of maybe entrepreneurship and freedom for me.

1035
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 3: Like I hated the frumpiness of what corporate attire for

1036
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,160
Speaker 3: the pond people, and so like now that I just

1037
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,120
Speaker 3: get to some which is why my friends make fun

1038
00:44:46,120 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 3: of me. It don't matter if I'm somewhere. This is

1039
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 3: like the most the least I've packed ever. If I

1040
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:52,600
Speaker 3: come to New York for three days, which my suitcase

1041
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 3: is sixty pounds because I don't know if I'm going

1042
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 3: to wake up and want to wear boots or heels

1043
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,319
Speaker 3: or slides or sneakers. To me, it's a mood when

1044
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 3: I want. I've seen I've seen all your clothes before.

1045
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,359
Speaker 3: You have a similar theme. It's just different items within that.

1046
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 1: It is very important because something people have told me

1047
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: over the years that I kind of like. I love

1048
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:10,759
Speaker 1: that everyone knows exactly what my neil color will be

1049
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 1: exactly my hair is always pretty much gonna the same.

1050
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 1: That it's not natural. I think it's nice to even have,

1051
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:21,319
Speaker 1: even with us being on tour now, like blonde, it's

1052
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,600
Speaker 1: a signature the last tour that you did, we had

1053
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:23,960
Speaker 1: that look.

1054
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, this signature a lot of pr people actually tell.

1055
00:45:26,960 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 2: So I don't know if you do y'all know Elaine.

1056
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:31,320
Speaker 4: Mall Turos, Yes, yes, okay, I don't know if you

1057
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,680
Speaker 4: remember when she came out on the scene.

1058
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 2: She used to have the big blacks and the big

1059
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 2: white boots.

1060
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:36,319
Speaker 1: And the big hair.

1061
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 4: And I don't know her if she did this intentionally,

1062
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,000
Speaker 4: but it was something that or de Ray do you

1063
00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:41,720
Speaker 4: know y'all.

1064
00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 2: Know Drays the blue vest, blue vest exactly because the

1065
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 2: blue best I'd be like, what exactly to this?

1066
00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 4: So there is a there's a currency in being able

1067
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 4: to have things that people can identify you by. So

1068
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be clothing like you have the hair,

1069
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:56,760
Speaker 4: you have the hair, et cetera.

1070
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,399
Speaker 2: But we can all say deray in the blue vest.

1071
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 4: We can all say wireframe glasses it and now now

1072
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 4: we know exactly, so.

1073
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:06,759
Speaker 1: Screwed when I get these braces off. Okay, dating A

1074
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: ten out of ten? You had a video about this.

1075
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 1: What the hell was that?

1076
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 4: I don't even remember this video? But what was the

1077
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 4: concept dating a ten out of ten?

1078
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:18,240
Speaker 1: It was like who you are and dating experience or person?

1079
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 1: Maybe that was the same one, but oh that one

1080
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,760
Speaker 1: I really like. Okay, tell me who are you in dating?

1081
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: You said there's either two type of people. Are you

1082
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:28,160
Speaker 1: an experienced data or person data? Y? What is that?

1083
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 2: I remember?

1084
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:30,439
Speaker 1: I was digging girl.

1085
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't even remember.

1086
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 1: I didn't agree with and then things I did, but

1087
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:35,760
Speaker 1: I wanted j all to find.

1088
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 4: About Ooh, I want to hear what you don't agree

1089
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 4: with as well. But okay, tell me this one.

1090
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:39,480
Speaker 1: We're talking.

1091
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 4: Okay, So people oftentimes fixate on the person in dating.

1092
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:45,160
Speaker 2: This is something I learned from Nmar as well.

1093
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:47,839
Speaker 4: Fixate on the person, right, Like I like this man

1094
00:46:47,960 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 4: so much, I'm going to figure out how to make

1095
00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:51,640
Speaker 4: it work. Instead, we need to focus on the experience,

1096
00:46:51,719 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 4: Like what is the experience that I'm having, and whoever

1097
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,279
Speaker 4: offers me the best experience is the person I'm going

1098
00:46:56,280 --> 00:46:58,800
Speaker 4: to go with. So I don't think it's particularly controversial.

1099
00:46:58,840 --> 00:46:59,720
Speaker 4: I just won't think people.

1100
00:46:59,560 --> 00:46:59,839
Speaker 2: Do it well.

1101
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 4: Right, So you meet somebody he has all of these

1102
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 4: like checklist qualities, You're like, I'm going to figure out

1103
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,200
Speaker 4: a way to make this work. Instead, you should be

1104
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 4: doing what are the feelings, the experiences, the ease that

1105
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 4: I want to feel, and whoever offers that within the

1106
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 4: realm of like your standards and boundaries is the person

1107
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 4: that you need to go with. And I feel like

1108
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 4: that's pretty that's that's yeah. I feel like everyone should

1109
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 4: feel that way. I don't think everyone executed love that.

1110
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: I don't even want to like get too much into

1111
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: our own ship to stuck up your time. But there

1112
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 1: was a recent thing that I've been talking about on

1113
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,600
Speaker 1: Horrible that was so important to me. My boyfriend told

1114
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: me I really don't know if I dated a woman

1115
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,799
Speaker 1: that liked me, or they were seeing me and they

1116
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: knew I was fly or attracted. I have a great job,

1117
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: like I'm working for myself. They're like, oh, I need him.

1118
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,680
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know if they even were like like,

1119
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: but that is a thing that women feel a lot

1120
00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 1: when they're exceptionally people or popping or like all of

1121
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,960
Speaker 1: I'm sure all of us can attest. Yeah, our friends

1122
00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:58,200
Speaker 1: that maybe celebrities or something like that are continually having

1123
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 1: this experience. They're always saying, and it's a celebrity thing,

1124
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 1: it's all of us. There's something that someone sometimes wants

1125
00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: to take and they're not even trying to get to

1126
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,919
Speaker 1: know you. I've felt that because we've talked about sexe

1127
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 1: many years think outsido.

1128
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 4: But I also want to bring it to the Ross

1129
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 4: point where your rich friend was dating the girl who

1130
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 4: worked at Ross, and we see that dynamic a lot.

1131
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 4: I feel like we see that dynamic with men who

1132
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,759
Speaker 4: are exceptionally wealthy end up dating women who are like, ah,

1133
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 4: not doing that well. It's because they offer a unique experience.

1134
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 4: They're not eliciting something from them. I think unfortunately a

1135
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 4: lot of girls who are doing like exceptionally well.

1136
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 2: We lean on qualities that don't.

1137
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 4: Make us softer partners, and I think you were kind

1138
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 4: of saying this earlier too. Sometimes we over index on

1139
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,399
Speaker 4: like the harder qualities, like the fact that we make money,

1140
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,359
Speaker 4: the fact that we have these degrees, and don't lean

1141
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,440
Speaker 4: into the more feminine, soft qualities that I think a

1142
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 4: lot of these high earning men are really looking for.

1143
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 2: M oh no, I'm very feminine. I will ask any money.

1144
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,800
Speaker 2: I want to go on vacation. I really need a break.

1145
00:48:51,840 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 2: I'm tired.

1146
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,040
Speaker 3: Like, oh no, I lean And I think that that's

1147
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,240
Speaker 3: been the best part about me currently dating.

1148
00:48:57,280 --> 00:48:59,439
Speaker 2: Like I used to think I couldn't ask for things. Yeah,

1149
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,040
Speaker 2: but I go. I not ask for exactly.

1150
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,080
Speaker 1: I love it and I get to do it. Yeah,

1151
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 1: And I'm all right, schall for our reaction. Before we

1152
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 1: get out of here, I want to play this and

1153
00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 1: tell you what various men said in my phone, including mine.

1154
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 5: The box theory when it comes to men is completely true.

1155
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,279
Speaker 5: Guys when they start to see a girl, will put

1156
00:49:17,320 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 5: you in one of three boxes. The first box is

1157
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 5: someone that they are not really attracted to and they

1158
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 5: just don't want to date.

1159
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 2: The second box is someone.

1160
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: That they want to hook up with.

1161
00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:27,600
Speaker 5: So even though they may tell you that they like

1162
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:28,799
Speaker 5: you or they enjoy.

1163
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 2: Hanging out with you, maybe they take you on dates.

1164
00:49:30,560 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 5: They just only want to hook up with you. And

1165
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 5: then the third box is, of course they want to

1166
00:49:34,440 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 5: date you, and guys will know what box to put

1167
00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:39,480
Speaker 5: you in literally within like the first twenty minutes of meeting.

1168
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 2: You agree.

1169
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 1: I don't agree.

1170
00:49:42,960 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 4: I agree to an extent, but yeah, I don't agree.

1171
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 6: I think there's more than three boxes oo before it,

1172
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 6: I can't. I can't give you another one right now,

1173
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 6: but there's in my head I tell us, I'm sure

1174
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 6: that there's more than three boxes for me. I can't

1175
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:58,600
Speaker 6: just put you as then like I just want you

1176
00:49:58,680 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 6: as a friend, I just want to fuck and then

1177
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:00,640
Speaker 6: I just want.

1178
00:50:00,560 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 3: To be there, especially within the first twenty minutes, Like

1179
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:06,879
Speaker 3: I think both of my last two relationships, it's like

1180
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 3: they were shocked, like because who they thought I was

1181
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 3: once they actually got to know me, they were like,

1182
00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 3: you're nothing like I thought you'd be. I thought this

1183
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 3: would just be one thing, and now I've fallen for you.

1184
00:50:17,680 --> 00:50:19,839
Speaker 3: Like the people that have been around for a long time,

1185
00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:22,919
Speaker 3: even she know my little other little boo, like we've

1186
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 3: known each other for a long time and now like

1187
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 3: the dynamic has changed so much. I don't think we

1188
00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,240
Speaker 3: envisioned it being that either. And so for the guys

1189
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 3: who actually take the time to not box me in

1190
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 3: and get to enjoy everything and experience me for who

1191
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 3: I really am, not for maybe how the internet sees

1192
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 3: me or how I walk into the room, because I

1193
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 3: could probably have my whole ass outfit all that night.

1194
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 3: I could probably look like a stud and you think

1195
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 3: I bump couchies all the time.

1196
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 2: So to me, how you meet me immediately, You're not.

1197
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 3: Gonna know in twenty minutes, because I'm someone that you

1198
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:55,480
Speaker 3: kind of have to peel back the layers like an

1199
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:56,960
Speaker 3: onion to really experience it.

1200
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:58,879
Speaker 1: Thinks in the opposite you, I think a lot about

1201
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:00,640
Speaker 1: a wife, this girl, and then after maybe.

1202
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 4: Like so I think for me, they expect me to

1203
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 4: be one way. I actually am shockingly very down to earth.

1204
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,319
Speaker 4: I don't really like to go out that much. I'm

1205
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 4: a homebody. I like to kick it that they might

1206
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 4: think they set it on couch exactly and only talked

1207
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 4: to whatever. Whatever people think about whomever I think there's

1208
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 4: an opportunity.

1209
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,919
Speaker 2: I think I'm a dynamic person, so I don't want

1210
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 2: to be.

1211
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:21,640
Speaker 1: At a club.

1212
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:22,359
Speaker 2: How come off seener?

1213
00:51:22,400 --> 00:51:23,399
Speaker 1: The clue A last two times?

1214
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:24,319
Speaker 2: When was the last time you sat me?

1215
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: The can't exactly.

1216
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:29,320
Speaker 2: Did a little intake.

1217
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 1: I asked my boyfriend, Jeff, who's a fitness structure of

1218
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: trap Arsante, who does drink ConTroll off some other guys. Now,

1219
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: every single man said yes, but one. And what I

1220
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 1: found interesting was Jeff was like absolutely yes, yes I

1221
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 1: did bottle box. But there was one girl that got out.

1222
00:51:47,280 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: All of them.

1223
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:49,919
Speaker 2: Always get out the box. Now you might be the one.

1224
00:51:49,960 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 1: One thing my boyfriend said that was interesting to me.

1225
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: That started to connect the dots with the others. When

1226
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 1: I started to dig deeper, like what was it with

1227
00:51:56,280 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 1: the other women? They all were maybe influencer, maybe DJ,

1228
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 1: maybe someone You're like, this is scary a sex podcaster?

1229
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, very scary. Yeah. Now big big red flags, right,

1230
00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 2: And so.

1231
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:09,799
Speaker 1: My red friend's like, of course, He's like, actually, I

1232
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,839
Speaker 1: just wanted to fuck everybody until I'll talk a little more.

1233
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:16,240
Speaker 1: But I then asked what brought me out of the box,

1234
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 1: and this I found interesting. I don't want to lie

1235
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 1: to you. It didn't take weeks to.

1236
00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:21,840
Speaker 2: Get out of the box.

1237
00:52:21,920 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: It did take months. I didn't fall for you till

1238
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: month three because I just kept thinking you were so

1239
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:29,279
Speaker 1: cool and I had to study a little bit more.

1240
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 1: I'd like to date for a long time before making

1241
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,040
Speaker 1: someone my girl, and I don't think you're understanding that

1242
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 1: if it's working faster for you. I'm consistently putting everybody

1243
00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 1: in the same box because I am not actively looking

1244
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:43,279
Speaker 1: for a partner in that or at that time, right,

1245
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:46,279
Speaker 1: And a lot of men, I think find their answer

1246
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 1: to be the same. He said, finding a wife wasn't

1247
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,360
Speaker 1: right or die for me. I can spend time with

1248
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 1: a woman as long as I was having a good time.

1249
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,080
Speaker 1: Theory does stand correct to me, because at the end

1250
00:52:55,120 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 1: of the day, you were in a box of fun

1251
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 1: party girl to me until we actually got to spend time.

1252
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: Maybe we fucked the first night, wouldn't have gotten there, right.

1253
00:53:03,160 --> 00:53:06,359
Speaker 2: Oh, Because I mean I for my ex first night,

1254
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 2: it was the other three years.

1255
00:53:08,800 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 1: And that happens though, because.

1256
00:53:11,560 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 2: It happens quite a bit.

1257
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 3: Like Yeah, we had a conversation with Paul Pierce and

1258
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 3: he said his wife sucked on the first night.

1259
00:53:16,960 --> 00:53:18,760
Speaker 1: But that's the thing too, Like even if the sex.

1260
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,319
Speaker 2: That is hilarious that he came out here.

1261
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 3: That he did, he said, And I stayed with her

1262
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 3: for like two weeks after that because she's just yeah.

1263
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 1: This is very I mean they're not married, Okay, I said,

1264
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:35,040
Speaker 1: besides cooking and cleaning, what were the qualities? And I wait,

1265
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 1: you were cooking and cleaning, because I know that's what

1266
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 1: I do. I'm saying, besides me cooking or whatever, you

1267
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:41,480
Speaker 1: were cooking and cleaning, though not in three months, but

1268
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:44,919
Speaker 1: you're cooking, yes, not cleaning. Okay, Okay, okay, I think

1269
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:47,120
Speaker 1: if we're cleaning, you know I'm a clean girl. Okay,

1270
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:49,799
Speaker 1: went home. Yeah, you smell the dip tea. I love it.

1271
00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 2: Man, you're gonna come to mysel and be like, my

1272
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 2: cleaner ain't coming.

1273
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 4: She's not here yet, you're coming tomorrow.

1274
00:53:57,640 --> 00:53:59,239
Speaker 2: And then cooking. I ain't doing that for a while.

1275
00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 1: So confidence was one. Honesty didn't find you to be

1276
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,719
Speaker 1: a liar. And I really think some real shit.

1277
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1278
00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: A lot of the girls he did before me were

1279
00:54:09,680 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 1: very like primp popper girls. Yeah, you know, those are

1280
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 1: the girls that are acting like they never sucked the day. Yep,

1281
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 1: they've never had a partner, and I think men are

1282
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 1: very taken back when women get to talk about relationships

1283
00:54:19,680 --> 00:54:21,279
Speaker 1: and exes. I'd love to know what you think of

1284
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:25,719
Speaker 1: that too. Nurturing, I found that many women are not

1285
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 1: I'm looking for them to be softer, and it's not

1286
00:54:29,400 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: happening for me. A few other traits, but for one,

1287
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 1: many women aren't finding places to be soft all caps,

1288
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 1: tell me where, and let's end it with this, because

1289
00:54:41,719 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 1: we're all women doing well and strong and don't need

1290
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 1: men in our lives. Well, I need be effucked. But

1291
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:50,640
Speaker 1: the softness, where are we losing it? And where should

1292
00:54:50,640 --> 00:54:51,800
Speaker 1: we be showing up softer?

1293
00:54:53,040 --> 00:54:57,360
Speaker 4: We're losing I think unfortunately society has changed in a

1294
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,440
Speaker 4: way in which we are having multiple roles. The household

1295
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 4: used to be someone was a primary breadwinner, then someone

1296
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 4: was taking care of the home, and a contemporary society,

1297
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 4: we're doing both roles right Like we go home and

1298
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 4: we cook and we clean and we meal prep, and

1299
00:55:10,239 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 4: then we're also going out and doing work. Softness comes

1300
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,840
Speaker 4: from having the psychological space to rest and be able

1301
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 4: to sort of like disconnect from your mind and into

1302
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 4: your body. And I think unfortunately we live in a hypersocialized,

1303
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 4: hyper capitalistic and also just like logical society in which

1304
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 4: all day I'm making decisions, we're all making decisions, we're

1305
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:32,440
Speaker 4: directing people, we're having conversations, et cetera, we don't have

1306
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 4: the opportunity to lean into our body. And so something

1307
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 4: that I encourage a lot of the women, particularly in

1308
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,360
Speaker 4: my masterclass, to do, is to think about ways to

1309
00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 4: connect back into your body, back into your intuition, because

1310
00:55:42,480 --> 00:55:46,160
Speaker 4: that's where we're losing the softness. I also think anwhar

1311
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 4: you know, I love Anwar does a really great job,

1312
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:49,960
Speaker 4: and that's where we talk about vulnerability. And part of

1313
00:55:50,040 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 4: vulnerability is one understanding how you feel and two being

1314
00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 4: able to express that. And the amount of men that

1315
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,319
Speaker 4: have told me I love the fact that you're able

1316
00:55:58,360 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 4: to tell me what you're feeling, because most and don't.

1317
00:56:00,360 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 4: Most women kind of sit on it and are kind

1318
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 4: of weird and passive, aggressive and in a mood, et cetera.

1319
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:05,439
Speaker 2: I won't say most, but some are.

1320
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 4: But if you're able to say, like, hey, I'm feeling

1321
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,240
Speaker 4: this way, can we talk about it. The emotional regulation

1322
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 4: and the emotional control that comes with UH being able

1323
00:56:15,040 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 4: to one identify your own feelings and then verbalize it

1324
00:56:17,520 --> 00:56:19,440
Speaker 4: to someone else. I think that's the softness that men

1325
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:22,279
Speaker 4: are really looking for. But generally, if a woman wants

1326
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:26,479
Speaker 4: to reconnect with her femininity, with her softness, with whatever one,

1327
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:28,359
Speaker 4: it's doing things that you like to do growing up,

1328
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 4: like whatever you like to do as a child, like

1329
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 4: reconnecting with that to reconnecting with your body. And then

1330
00:56:33,280 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 4: three figuring out ways to offload decisions to other people,

1331
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 4: So figuring out like who can you have to delegate

1332
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:41,800
Speaker 4: to cleaning your house, who can you have as a

1333
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 4: chief of staff, et cetera, So you can reconnect to

1334
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:47,200
Speaker 4: who you are and like what your intuitive self is thinking.

1335
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:48,200
Speaker 2: I love that.

1336
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:52,160
Speaker 3: I love that, boss pitch the chief of staff and

1337
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 3: let our listeners know where they can follow you.

1338
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:58,440
Speaker 4: So on TikTok, I'm Jody k Tay on Instagram, I'm

1339
00:56:58,440 --> 00:56:59,719
Speaker 4: the same thing, but with an L at the end,

1340
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 4: Jode Kate Tail Hey y L And then yeah, my

1341
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 4: masterclass and all information is also on my website, which

1342
00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 4: is jodykta dot com.

1343
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 1: Is only in person now it's virtual.

1344
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:13,399
Speaker 2: We have girls all across the world and we will we.

1345
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 3: Will include the link. Thanks the discersion of this episode

1346
00:57:16,600 --> 00:57:18,800
Speaker 3: at to make sure you get it. Thank you guys

1347
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 3: so much for tuning in. Make sure you become a patron.

1348
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 3: Make sure you buy our books. This has been another

1349
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 3: episode of Decisions, Decisions.

1350
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:24,440
Speaker 2: Bye,