WEBVTT - #164 Why this marriage is doomed & relationship advice that will transform your life 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:02.080 This is the scary part of your question. This is 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:08.879 scary if you have to ask me, after eight years, 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:11.640 how do I know when the right time to get 0:00:11.640 --> 0:00:15.920 married is. I would say, if you have to ask, 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:30.960 maybe she's not the right one. Hey, everybody, welcome to 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:33.680 the podcast, episode one hundred and sixty four. Thanks for 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:36.880 being here. I answer your questions. That's what I do here. 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:38.920 You could ask me anything you want. It could be 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:43.080 about any topic anything. Really, I mean, we've seen the 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:46.479 entire gambit of what these questions could be. You email 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:52.000 me Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com, and then 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:54.080 we'll put it in a queue. I don't have notes, 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:57.400 nothing in front of me, and I'm completely reading these 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:00.400 at random, so I don't know. I haven't prepared for this. 0:01:00.480 --> 0:01:03.480 I don't know what we're about to get into. Let's 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:07.400 find out. First email here on the list, subject cline 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:10.880 says job, and the email says, Hey, Granger, my name 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:14.800 is Wesley. I'm from Pennsylvania currently working for my dad 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:17.560 at a garden center. I do not like it. I 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:20.640 recently got into photography and want to quit the garden 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:27.000 center and start photography full time. What should I do? Hey, Wesley, 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:32.679 thanks for emailing brother shout out to Pennsylvania. This email 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:37.680 is really short, and yet you're saying so much with 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:41.160 so few words to me. First of all, let's look 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:44.640 at this. You're working for your dad, so there's a 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:48.120 dynamic there, right, Like there's already something going on with 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:52.200 your dad. And then the second thing is you recently 0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:55.559 got into photography. It's funny that you put that word 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:58.200 recently in there, and yet you already want to quit 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:02.760 working for your dad and go full time photography. That's 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:09.680 that's so interesting. Let me dive into this a little bit. Okay, sometimes, 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:14.160 maybe a lot of times, we take this phrase that 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:18.960 our society tells us follow your dreams, and we take 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:22.880 that too an extreme, and we we use the phrase 0:02:23.000 --> 0:02:27.440 follow your dreams as a cop out for living life 0:02:28.480 --> 0:02:31.840 the way we need to be living it right now today. 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:36.919 So it's like, you don't like something, something makes you uncomfortable, 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:40.480 something is too hard of work, something is too boring, 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:43.400 and so you just kind of blanket over with this 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:47.320 phrase I should be following my dreams, and you're like, 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.720 what are my dreams? And you're like, well, recently I 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:53.519 got into photography. That's a dream. Yeah, that's what you 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:56.040 watch enough Instagram and you think to yourself, see, I 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:59.160 should be following my dreams like all these other people 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.960 on Instagram. That's what I should do. I don't want 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.440 to work for dad at the garden center. Hey, let 0:03:04.440 --> 0:03:07.240 me let leslie. Let me just say this. Not a 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:08.720 lot of people want to work for their dad at 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:11.960 the garden center. But it's not about what you want. 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:14.600 It's about what you need to be doing right now. 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:17.960 It's a responsible thing to be doing. That's the most 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:20.000 unpopular thing I could say on a podcast, to do 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:23.480 the responsible thing. But let's lay it out practically. Okay, 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.280 let's look at this. Let's lay it all on the 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:32.840 table here. Photography costs money. Equipment cost money, Your bills 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:37.960 cost money. Right now, your photography business isn't making anything 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:42.680 because you're gonna start from scratch. So back up from 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:45.360 there and go, okay, well, the garden center is making 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.960 some cash. So I'm gonna put away a certain amount 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.800 of money from the garden center job, and I'm gonna 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:53.800 start saving up, and I'm gonna have a goal for 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:56.440 a certain camera that I need, maybe a certain light 0:03:56.520 --> 0:03:59.640 that I need to get this thing going. In the meantime, 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:04.280 I'm gonna start working for free photography to get my 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:07.840 name out there. I'm gonna offer my services to people 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:12.200 for free, and that's gonna help me build a portfolio, 0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:16.560 preferably online on social media. You're gonna build this portfolio 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:19.520 of what you do. You're gonna build this reputation of 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:22.320 your good work. You're gonna maybe take some classes on 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:25.360 how to get better. You're gonna be mentored by different people. 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:28.760 This is a long process. You gonna be a full 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:32.320 time photographer. Do you know what's at stake for that? 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.159 You know how hard of work and how much talent 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:37.719 and how much money you have to have saved to 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:42.320 do that? You're not ready? How do I know? Because 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.360 of what you said in just like three sentences here, 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:48.279 So practically look at this. Make a list. It's good 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:52.080 to follow your dreams, but not today. Make a list. 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:54.160 What do I need to do? I need to save 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:56.640 this much money for this equipment. I need to do 0:04:56.680 --> 0:05:00.400 that year. How many years are in this plan? Say 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:02.440 I'm going to do this, this whole thing. I'm gonna 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:05.440 do this in two and a half years. Now. Already 0:05:05.440 --> 0:05:07.280 you're listening. You're like, I don't want to wait too 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.560 I don't want to work for dad for two and 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:13.920 a half years. Now we've got another problem, right, Maybe 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:18.680 we have a bigger problem than what you're even emailing me. Right, 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:22.440 So I think this is deeper than it appears. Some 0:05:22.440 --> 0:05:25.760 stuff you gotta work out. But the bottom line is 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:32.359 you're not going to be a photographer today? Okay? How okay? 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.480 Lasting before I move on, last thing, how do you 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:37.960 know when it's time to be a full time photographer? 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.920 You might be thinking that, anybody might be thinking, how 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.520 do I know when it's time to be full time 0:05:43.760 --> 0:05:48.680 in the dream the dream gig? How do you know? Guys? 0:05:48.720 --> 0:05:53.479 It's not hard. You know when you're making equal amount 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.560 of money that you're making in your day job in 0:05:56.600 --> 0:06:01.400 your hobby job. That's how you know. Then you let 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.800 go of it the day job and you go full 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:08.360 time hobby job when the money equals. I could say 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:10.279 the same thing for music. How did I know when 0:06:10.279 --> 0:06:13.800 it was time to go full time music? When music 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:18.719 is making full time money? Now, full time money doesn't 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:21.239 have to be indulging, It doesn't have to be a lot. 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:25.560 It's just breaking barely scratching the surface of paying the bills. 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.719 When you can do that and you could live on 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.600 the money from the hobby. And I don't care if 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:35.080 you're eating Ramen noodles and staying on your buddy's couch. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:38.240 If that is living to you, good, then you could 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:42.039 do the hobby until then, until you can pay for 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:45.000 the Ramen noodles and the gas in your car, you 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:55.160 gotta stick with the day job. Next question, Subjecline says 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:57.840 being content, and the email says, Hey Grange, your My 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.720 name is Will. I'm twenty years old from Southwest Washington. 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:04.120 Been a podcast listener and for the better part of 0:07:04.160 --> 0:07:07.120 a year now, I'm having a problem balancing my relationship 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:09.479 with God and his word and in search for a 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:13.400 potential spouse. My question to you is this, while looking 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:16.000 for a wife, how do I know whether or not 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:19.239 that search is becoming an idol in my life? Marriage 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:21.920 is biblical, but I'm trying to be content in God. 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:24.400 It seems the more I try to be content, the 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:27.000 more and more I think about the girl that I 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:30.120 may have my eye on. Interested in hearing your thoughts 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.920 on this. Thanks for everything you do, Will, Thanks for 0:07:32.960 --> 0:07:37.880 the email. Brother. Shout out to Southwest Washington. What a 0:07:37.880 --> 0:07:40.720 beautiful part of the country. And it's a good question. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.600 It's a really good question, and I'm happy that you 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:47.400 asked it. And we'll start with this. How do you 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:50.520 know these are your words? How do you know whether 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.440 or not that search for a wife is becoming an 0:07:53.520 --> 0:08:00.280 idol in my life? Probably when you have to ask 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:04.600 me if it's an idol or not. Probably when you 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:08.080 have to ask anybody when it's becoming an idol, it 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:13.880 already has, it's already done it. I don't think you 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:16.760 would ask the question if it wasn't. I don't think 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.240 you would wonder if it wasn't. You would just know, 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.600 of course it's not an idol. But when it becomes 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.360 something that you wake up and you're thinking about, and 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:28.720 you go to sleep and you're thinking about and you're 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.880 you're awake and you're flipping through social media and you're 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:38.240 thinking about it, what is what would be that? Like 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:43.160 the practical easy, like the dumb definition for idle, what 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.959 would that be? It would be something like this. It 0:08:46.000 --> 0:08:51.280 would be something that takes the place of what you 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:56.240 would be worshiping your creator in. So are you dreaming 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.199 about it? Are you waking up in the morning? That's 0:08:59.200 --> 0:09:01.760 the first thought you had when you go lay your 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:03.360 head down on your pillow at night, is that what 0:09:03.400 --> 0:09:06.800 you're thinking about? You're going through your day and your daydreaming, 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.560 you're at work, and that is that what you're thinking about? 0:09:10.320 --> 0:09:15.000 Then you go, Wow, this is becoming an idol. And 0:09:15.200 --> 0:09:17.600 it's easy to do that with anything. I mean, for me, 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:20.640 it's so easy for me to make idols out of 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:24.959 new albums or new songs, or new movies, our new 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:31.600 podcast episodes, or negative social media post or positive social 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:34.120 media post. It's easy for me to make an idol 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:37.080 out of preaching. It's easy for me to make an 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:41.640 idol out of my kids or my wife. It's easy. 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:48.360 It's important, though, to be able to recognize, well, this 0:09:48.440 --> 0:09:50.120 is going a little too far. I should hit the brakes. 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:53.880 I should recenter myself. How do we do that? I 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:57.400 should recenter myself back into the word, back to start 0:09:57.440 --> 0:10:00.680 reading the Bible again. I should recenter myself with prayer, 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:04.000 and that prayer could say specifically that like, God, don't 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:07.160 don't let me make an idol out of this, this 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:10.240 new song. What am I doing? What I've gone off 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:13.199 on a tangent? God, don't let me make an idol 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.880 out of this job. God, don't make me make an 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:21.200 idol out of finding a wife because I feel I 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:25.920 feel like I'm giving too much attention. Turn my heart. God, 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:29.320 give me new desires. Let me crave you, Let me 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.960 hunger for you and your word. Because here I go 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:36.040 off on a tangent again, because I'm a human and 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:40.400 I'm starting to follow my feelings and it's taken me 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:46.680 away from you. Redirect me. Please, that's a solid prayer. 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:49.960 That's a solid prayer that no one is immune to. 0:10:50.679 --> 0:10:54.040 I don't care if you're the greatest saint on the planet. 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:57.880 That's a solid prayer because guess what, you're human. So 0:10:58.880 --> 0:11:01.280 I don't want to take away the fact that it's important. 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:05.200 Will it's important for you to find a wife. But 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:08.880 the way to do it is seeking Jesus full strength, 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:13.840 running full strength for Jesus. And as you're running, as 0:11:13.840 --> 0:11:15.760 you're heading towards him, as you're learning more, as you're 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:19.480 craving his words, you're praying, you're reading, you're attending, you're serving, 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:23.120 and you look to your right and you see someone 0:11:23.160 --> 0:11:26.679 else on that same path, headed that same direction, and 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.160 you're like, hey, do you want to run with me 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:31.600 in this direction? And They're like, yes, that's a pretty 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:36.560 good way to find a spouse, just saying, now if 0:11:36.600 --> 0:11:39.679 you take your eyes off of that path and you redirect, 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.080 and you go, I'm on this path, I'm running towards Jesus. 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.880 But I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna turn around, and I'm 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:46.760 gonna look over here for and dig around for a 0:11:46.760 --> 0:11:49.080 while for a spouse, and as soon as I find them, 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:52.480 then we're gonna both start heading back to Christ. That's 0:11:52.480 --> 0:11:59.319 what you know. You found an idol. Next question, subjectline 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:03.600 says what should I do? I guess I should read 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:06.600 to find out. It says, Hey, Grangeer, my name is Evan. 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.480 I'm eighteen from Iowa. Been talking to this girl on 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.560 Snapchat since August twenty fourth to twenty twenty two. Me 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.440 and her talk daily and have never met in person. 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.520 I've told her that I like someone, but I'm scared 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:22.360 to tell her that it's her that I like because 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:26.160 I'm scared to lose them because she doesn't know it's her. 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:30.160 This girl makes me smile with hardly even trying, and 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:33.240 has helped me through some difficult times. I need your help. 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:42.240 What should I do? Thank you? Evan? Interesting? Interesting coming 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:44.680 off the last question going into this one. You could 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:47.160 see the contrast. And so what I love this podcast. 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:50.840 I love how there is no requirement for what your 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.520 question is, and so they just roll into each other, 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.240 and sometimes they roll they roll into each other in 0:12:57.280 --> 0:13:02.520 a very interesting way, Like we just talked about finding 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.920 a spouse and making that become an idol and then 0:13:04.960 --> 0:13:08.400 we roll right into a question that just definitely definitely 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:14.000 looks like idolatry. And Evan, that is not a knock 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:18.000 on you at all, because I am guilty and everyone 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.840 listening is guilty at some level of something that becomes idolatry. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.360 But I just want to show you for my own benefits, 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:26.760 so that I could see it. I could leave this 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:30.599 podcast myself and I could learn from my for myself, 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:34.319 because I'm just like you, brother, I'm just like you. 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:37.160 But I want to show it like when you Sometimes 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.400 you show it and you shine a light on a 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:41.840 situation that's been in the dark. You shine a light 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:46.319 on it and you go, oh, that's yeah, that's idolatry. 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:51.400 For so many years I worked in bars playing music, 0:13:52.160 --> 0:13:57.240 and it was always it was always really uncomfortable when 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:00.600 you show up to a bar to load in soundtrack, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.320 you bring your gear in, you're unloading the trailer, and 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.679 you go into the bar at like ten o'clock in 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:09.080 the morning, and all the lights on are on, and 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.240 the windows are open, and the doors are open, and 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:14.360 the garage door bays are open, and lights just pour 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:18.079 an end to this bar. And it's then you see 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:23.680 the dinge and the dirt and the stink and the 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.520 rotten beer smell, and the spider webs and the cobwebs 0:14:27.960 --> 0:14:31.520 in the corners, and the dirt on the floor, and 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:34.160 the mud on the rug, and the filthy stalls in 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:37.520 the bathroom. You see it with all the light pouring 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.520 in there. These are things you don't see at midnight 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:44.080 when it's dark. And so that's sometimes this podcast does that. 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:47.480 It's shining light on your situation right coming right out 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:51.720 of that other question. And so first of all, you're 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.240 on snapchat. Let me just shine some light right on. Okay, 0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.640 I'm gonna I'm gonna show the pot on this podcast. 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:59.440 I'm gonna show the cobwebs and all, and the dirt 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.400 and all, not to knock you, but just to shine 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.560 light for all of us to see. You're talking to 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:12.120 a girl on Snapchat. You've never met her, you're scared 0:15:12.400 --> 0:15:17.800 to tell her you like her because you're scared to lose. 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.440 A girl that you've never met, that you only talked 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:24.520 to on Snapchat, you're scared to lose, and she, this 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.720 girl on Snapchat that you've never met, that you're scared 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:30.640 to lose, has helped you through difficult times, and you've 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:35.600 become reliant on her to get you through difficult times. 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.200 A girl that you're scared to lose, that you've never met, 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:43.480 who you talked to on Snapchat since August twenty fourth, 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:48.360 which is like two months. Okay, so there's so do 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:51.880 We're shining some light in a really dark place, and 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:56.400 I hope, I hope, once again, no judgment here, because 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:58.440 I'm the same And if you were going to get 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.680 a flashlight and shot shining in a my life, you'd 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.920 see some stuff, right, You'd see some cobwebs. And so 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:06.480 that's not I'm not trying to knock you. I want to. 0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:09.160 I'm want to make a thousand percent sure you know 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.640 that I'm the same way, But I just want to 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:15.960 show you, man, how crazy this sounds. You're reliant on 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:19.040 a girl you've never met You've only talked to on 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:22.400 Snapchat for two months, and she's helped you through difficult times, 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:25.080 and you're too scared to tell her that you like her. 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:29.800 So here's what you do. Let's get practical, Evan. You go, hey, 0:16:29.920 --> 0:16:33.520 no more than snapchat, give me your number. I got 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.320 something to tell you. And then you call her and 0:16:36.400 --> 0:16:41.600 you go, hey, Snapchat was great for us getting the meeting, 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.280 but now that I hear your voice, I want to 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:47.040 tell you something. I want to meet you in person. 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:51.280 When can we do it. We'll go to coffee, we'll 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.040 go to dinner, we'll go grab a movie. I just 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.440 want to. I want to. I'll drive, I'll pick you up, 0:16:56.480 --> 0:16:58.800 I'll meet you whatever. I just want to see your 0:16:58.840 --> 0:17:04.320 face in person. And then you meet her in person 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:06.520 for the first time, you're seeing her with your own eyes, 0:17:06.560 --> 0:17:09.720 in real life, and you just say, I want to 0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:12.080 tell you. As awkward as this sounds, and I'm sorry, 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.840 I just want to be vulnerable. I'm really nervous right 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:16.879 now and this is something I couldn't tell you on 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:19.879 Snapchat because I was too nervous. But it takes a 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:21.679 lot of courage for me to just tell you I 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:26.720 like you. I like you, and I hope you like 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:31.720 me too, And if you don't like me, I don't 0:17:31.760 --> 0:17:33.240 want to lose you as a friend either, and I'm 0:17:33.320 --> 0:17:35.720 scared of that. And maybe that's the reason I waited 0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.480 so long to tell you, because I just didn't want 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.200 to lose you as a friend. Because, to be honest 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.000 with you, I've had some difficult stuff happened in my 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:47.719 life and you make me smile. You get me through it. 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:50.720 I know that sounds crazy because it's only been two 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.600 months and on Snapchat, and I've never met you in person. 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:57.600 I know it's crazy, but it's just the truth. You 0:17:57.600 --> 0:17:59.399 could tell me, and I'm an idiot. You could tell 0:17:59.440 --> 0:18:02.920 me I'm crazy and at least least we'll just get 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:04.879 it out on the table, shine some light on it. 0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:08.199 But in the meantime, I wanted to throw it out there. 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:11.720 I like you. If you like me back, maybe we 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:16.360 could do this again sometime, grab some coffee. Evan. It's 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:21.240 just that's it. There's no magic formula. It's just honesty, 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:31.639 just telling her how you feel, not on snapchat. Next question, 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:36.440 subdecline says unsettling marriage, and the email says, hey, grangeoud 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.840 like to remain Anonymous on this one. I'm twenty three 0:18:38.920 --> 0:18:41.479 years old. My fiance and I live together in our 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:45.520 own house. We've been together for seven years since high school. 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:47.919 We have a day set next year to get married, 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:51.800 but over the years we have definitely both changed. I'm 0:18:51.840 --> 0:18:55.119 not myself anymore, and I feel as if I can't 0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:58.199 be myself around her. I feel like I have to 0:18:58.240 --> 0:19:00.800 live by the way she wants me to be, and 0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:03.320 she won't listen when I try to give her hints 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:05.719 on how I feel. I really don't want to get 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:10.200 married because it does not feel right at the moment. 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:13.679 I would also feel horrible to call off the wedding 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:17.320 scene that her father has already paid for the venue 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:22.040 and advice would be appreciated. Things Anonymous shining some light 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:30.400 in your bar, and I hope you see, buddy, let 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:32.199 me say Let me say it again. I don't think 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.800 I could say it enough on this podcast that I 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:38.800 am no better than you. All I am is I'm 0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:41.360 seeing it from the outside and you're on the inside. 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:46.359 I'm seeing it completely unbiased. I have I have no 0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:49.320 reason to love you more than the girl, or the father, 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:51.680 or any or your friend. I don't know any of y'all. 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:54.960 So I'm just looking from the outside and I'm appreciating 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:57.800 an email that you opened up, and I'm going, here's 0:19:57.840 --> 0:20:03.879 the way I see it. So you are, you're heading 0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:07.040 towards a marriage that's not gonna work. You already see it, 0:20:08.200 --> 0:20:12.040 and you're worried that the dad already paid for the venue, 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:16.440 and so maybe you should stay. You see how crazy 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:24.359 that sounds. You're risking a life with a loveless, unhappy marriage, 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:31.320 bringing children into the world, getting divorced, and then ruining 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:37.200 the kids with this divorce essentially because of a wedding 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:42.399 venue was already paid for by her dad. Uh uh No, 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:44.200 that's not even a that's not even a let's think 0:20:44.200 --> 0:20:46.400 about that for a second. That's not a let's weigh 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:48.240 the options. Let's get a pen and paper and write 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:52.480 the pros and cons. That's a no. You go talk 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:56.600 to the dad tomorrow, the day you hear this podcast, 0:20:56.680 --> 0:21:01.760 as soon as possible, you say, Hey, I'm gonna call 0:21:01.800 --> 0:21:06.879 off this wedding. I'm so sorry. I feel like I 0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:10.000 feel like we've grown apart and you deserve someone that 0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:15.040 is not wavering in his decision about loving you. And 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:16.480 I'm gonna go see your dad and I'm gonna have 0:21:16.560 --> 0:21:18.639 lunch with him. I'm gonna just say, mister so and so, 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:23.040 we're calling off the wedding. How could I help with 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:24.720 this venue? I know you already paid for it. You 0:21:24.760 --> 0:21:28.960 probably lost your deposit, and I wanna I wanna help. 0:21:29.119 --> 0:21:33.160 I wanna pay for the deposit. It's seven hundred dollars. Wow, 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:37.240 it's a lot of cash. But I'm gonna man up. 0:21:37.920 --> 0:21:39.600 This is on me. I'm gonna man up and I'm 0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:43.560 gonna pay this deposit because sir, that's not it's not 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:48.120 your problem. So yes, sir, I'm gonna it's gonna take 0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:50.480 me a few months to save up the seven hundred bucks. 0:21:51.920 --> 0:21:54.240 I made that number up, by the way. I'm save 0:21:54.320 --> 0:21:57.200 up some cash and I'm gonna pay you one hundred 0:21:57.240 --> 0:22:02.400 bucks a month for seven months if that's okay. If 0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:04.280 I get a little bit more, i'll give you another chunk. 0:22:04.440 --> 0:22:08.280 I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, sir, and I'm terribly 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:12.359 sorry that I broke your daughter's heart. But to be 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:17.159 completely honest, I would rather break hearts and have to 0:22:17.200 --> 0:22:19.960 pay seven hundred dollars than to get into a loveless 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:24.120 marriage that causes a lot more problems around the whole family. 0:22:26.000 --> 0:22:28.640 And I'm just thinking about the whole the big picture here, sir. 0:22:29.760 --> 0:22:31.320 And I know your daughter's a great girl and she's 0:22:31.359 --> 0:22:35.120 gonna find someone that's just going to love her wholeheartedly. 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:40.680 But that guy's not me, Okay, I mean there it is. 0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:45.159 Don't be crazy about this. If anyone else is in 0:22:45.200 --> 0:22:50.520 a similar situation, don't be crazy. I'll take a break. 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:57.760 You're right back. So excited to tell you, guys, I 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:00.359 got a brand new album out. It's called Moonrise. We 0:23:00.480 --> 0:23:03.080 just dropped it last week and it's the soundtrack for 0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:06.879 a new movie I have coming out December fifteenth, also 0:23:07.040 --> 0:23:10.159 called Moonrise. You could listen to the music wherever you 0:23:10.240 --> 0:23:14.560 love to hear music, whether that's Apple or Spotify or 0:23:14.960 --> 0:23:18.960 Pandora or YouTube, whatever it might be. Wherever you like 0:23:19.040 --> 0:23:21.439 to hear music, you could hear it there. So go 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:23.680 stream it. That helps me a lot, and then tell 0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:25.639 me what song you like the most. Comment below on 0:23:25.680 --> 0:23:28.760 whatever platform you're using and gave me some feedback so 0:23:28.840 --> 0:23:31.040 I know what songs to add to the setlist. In 0:23:31.080 --> 0:23:34.760 twenty twenty three. The movie comes out December fifteenth, called Moonrise. 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:38.480 It is streaming on Pureflix, so make sure you're ready 0:23:38.520 --> 0:23:42.040 to go with Pureflis and I hope you love it 0:23:42.160 --> 0:23:43.960 and I can't wait for you to see it. Also, 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:46.399 this time of year, you know, is really big for Cameo. 0:23:46.880 --> 0:23:50.439 That's cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. That's where you 0:23:50.520 --> 0:23:54.440 find me and I can make you a personalized video 0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:58.080 message for whoever you want. And that's really popular here 0:23:58.119 --> 0:24:02.200 because it's a Happy Holidays, Marry Christmas. It's an easy 0:24:02.280 --> 0:24:04.400 gift that you can get for someone that you love 0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:07.560 me giving them a quick shout out or saying whatever 0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:09.280