Speaker 1: This is the scary part of your question. This is
Speaker 1: scary if you have to ask me, after eight years,
Speaker 1: how do I know when the right time to get
Speaker 1: married is. I would say, if you have to ask,
Speaker 1: maybe she's not the right one. Hey, everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: the podcast, episode one hundred and sixty four. Thanks for
Speaker 1: being here. I answer your questions. That's what I do here.
Speaker 1: You could ask me anything you want. It could be
Speaker 1: about any topic anything. Really, I mean, we've seen the
Speaker 1: entire gambit of what these questions could be. You email
Speaker 1: me Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com, and then
Speaker 1: we'll put it in a queue. I don't have notes,
Speaker 1: nothing in front of me, and I'm completely reading these
Speaker 1: at random, so I don't know. I haven't prepared for this.
Speaker 1: I don't know what we're about to get into. Let's
Speaker 1: find out. First email here on the list, subject cline
Speaker 1: says job, and the email says, Hey, Granger, my name
Speaker 1: is Wesley. I'm from Pennsylvania currently working for my dad
Speaker 1: at a garden center. I do not like it. I
Speaker 1: recently got into photography and want to quit the garden
Speaker 1: center and start photography full time. What should I do? Hey, Wesley,
Speaker 1: thanks for emailing brother shout out to Pennsylvania. This email
Speaker 1: is really short, and yet you're saying so much with
Speaker 1: so few words to me. First of all, let's look
Speaker 1: at this. You're working for your dad, so there's a
Speaker 1: dynamic there, right, Like there's already something going on with
Speaker 1: your dad. And then the second thing is you recently
Speaker 1: got into photography. It's funny that you put that word
Speaker 1: recently in there, and yet you already want to quit
Speaker 1: working for your dad and go full time photography. That's
Speaker 1: that's so interesting. Let me dive into this a little bit. Okay, sometimes,
Speaker 1: maybe a lot of times, we take this phrase that
Speaker 1: our society tells us follow your dreams, and we take
Speaker 1: that too an extreme, and we we use the phrase
Speaker 1: follow your dreams as a cop out for living life
Speaker 1: the way we need to be living it right now today.
Speaker 1: So it's like, you don't like something, something makes you uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: something is too hard of work, something is too boring,
Speaker 1: and so you just kind of blanket over with this
Speaker 1: phrase I should be following my dreams, and you're like,
Speaker 1: what are my dreams? And you're like, well, recently I
Speaker 1: got into photography. That's a dream. Yeah, that's what you
Speaker 1: watch enough Instagram and you think to yourself, see, I
Speaker 1: should be following my dreams like all these other people
Speaker 1: on Instagram. That's what I should do. I don't want
Speaker 1: to work for dad at the garden center. Hey, let
Speaker 1: me let leslie. Let me just say this. Not a
Speaker 1: lot of people want to work for their dad at
Speaker 1: the garden center. But it's not about what you want.
Speaker 1: It's about what you need to be doing right now.
Speaker 1: It's a responsible thing to be doing. That's the most
Speaker 1: unpopular thing I could say on a podcast, to do
Speaker 1: the responsible thing. But let's lay it out practically. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's look at this. Let's lay it all on the
Speaker 1: table here. Photography costs money. Equipment cost money, Your bills
Speaker 1: cost money. Right now, your photography business isn't making anything
Speaker 1: because you're gonna start from scratch. So back up from
Speaker 1: there and go, okay, well, the garden center is making
Speaker 1: some cash. So I'm gonna put away a certain amount
Speaker 1: of money from the garden center job, and I'm gonna
Speaker 1: start saving up, and I'm gonna have a goal for
Speaker 1: a certain camera that I need, maybe a certain light
Speaker 1: that I need to get this thing going. In the meantime,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start working for free photography to get my
Speaker 1: name out there. I'm gonna offer my services to people
Speaker 1: for free, and that's gonna help me build a portfolio,
Speaker 1: preferably online on social media. You're gonna build this portfolio
Speaker 1: of what you do. You're gonna build this reputation of
Speaker 1: your good work. You're gonna maybe take some classes on
Speaker 1: how to get better. You're gonna be mentored by different people.
Speaker 1: This is a long process. You gonna be a full
Speaker 1: time photographer. Do you know what's at stake for that?
Speaker 1: You know how hard of work and how much talent
Speaker 1: and how much money you have to have saved to
Speaker 1: do that? You're not ready? How do I know? Because
Speaker 1: of what you said in just like three sentences here,
Speaker 1: So practically look at this. Make a list. It's good
Speaker 1: to follow your dreams, but not today. Make a list.
Speaker 1: What do I need to do? I need to save
Speaker 1: this much money for this equipment. I need to do
Speaker 1: that year. How many years are in this plan? Say
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this, this whole thing. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do this in two and a half years. Now. Already
Speaker 1: you're listening. You're like, I don't want to wait too
Speaker 1: I don't want to work for dad for two and
Speaker 1: a half years. Now we've got another problem, right, Maybe
Speaker 1: we have a bigger problem than what you're even emailing me. Right,
Speaker 1: So I think this is deeper than it appears. Some
Speaker 1: stuff you gotta work out. But the bottom line is
Speaker 1: you're not going to be a photographer today? Okay? How okay?
Speaker 1: Lasting before I move on, last thing, how do you
Speaker 1: know when it's time to be a full time photographer?
Speaker 1: You might be thinking that, anybody might be thinking, how
Speaker 1: do I know when it's time to be full time
Speaker 1: in the dream the dream gig? How do you know? Guys?
Speaker 1: It's not hard. You know when you're making equal amount
Speaker 1: of money that you're making in your day job in
Speaker 1: your hobby job. That's how you know. Then you let
Speaker 1: go of it the day job and you go full
Speaker 1: time hobby job when the money equals. I could say
Speaker 1: the same thing for music. How did I know when
Speaker 1: it was time to go full time music? When music
Speaker 1: is making full time money? Now, full time money doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be indulging, It doesn't have to be a lot.
Speaker 1: It's just breaking barely scratching the surface of paying the bills.
Speaker 1: When you can do that and you could live on
Speaker 1: the money from the hobby. And I don't care if
Speaker 1: you're eating Ramen noodles and staying on your buddy's couch.
Speaker 1: If that is living to you, good, then you could
Speaker 1: do the hobby until then, until you can pay for
Speaker 1: the Ramen noodles and the gas in your car, you
Speaker 1: gotta stick with the day job. Next question, Subjecline says
Speaker 1: being content, and the email says, Hey Grange, your My
Speaker 1: name is Will. I'm twenty years old from Southwest Washington.
Speaker 1: Been a podcast listener and for the better part of
Speaker 1: a year now, I'm having a problem balancing my relationship
Speaker 1: with God and his word and in search for a
Speaker 1: potential spouse. My question to you is this, while looking
Speaker 1: for a wife, how do I know whether or not
Speaker 1: that search is becoming an idol in my life? Marriage
Speaker 1: is biblical, but I'm trying to be content in God.
Speaker 1: It seems the more I try to be content, the
Speaker 1: more and more I think about the girl that I
Speaker 1: may have my eye on. Interested in hearing your thoughts
Speaker 1: on this. Thanks for everything you do, Will, Thanks for
Speaker 1: the email. Brother. Shout out to Southwest Washington. What a
Speaker 1: beautiful part of the country. And it's a good question.
Speaker 1: It's a really good question, and I'm happy that you
Speaker 1: asked it. And we'll start with this. How do you
Speaker 1: know these are your words? How do you know whether
Speaker 1: or not that search for a wife is becoming an
Speaker 1: idol in my life? Probably when you have to ask
Speaker 1: me if it's an idol or not. Probably when you
Speaker 1: have to ask anybody when it's becoming an idol, it
Speaker 1: already has, it's already done it. I don't think you
Speaker 1: would ask the question if it wasn't. I don't think
Speaker 1: you would wonder if it wasn't. You would just know,
Speaker 1: of course it's not an idol. But when it becomes
Speaker 1: something that you wake up and you're thinking about, and
Speaker 1: you go to sleep and you're thinking about and you're
Speaker 1: you're awake and you're flipping through social media and you're
Speaker 1: thinking about it, what is what would be that? Like
Speaker 1: the practical easy, like the dumb definition for idle, what
Speaker 1: would that be? It would be something like this. It
Speaker 1: would be something that takes the place of what you
Speaker 1: would be worshiping your creator in. So are you dreaming
Speaker 1: about it? Are you waking up in the morning? That's
Speaker 1: the first thought you had when you go lay your
Speaker 1: head down on your pillow at night, is that what
Speaker 1: you're thinking about? You're going through your day and your daydreaming,
Speaker 1: you're at work, and that is that what you're thinking about?
Speaker 1: Then you go, Wow, this is becoming an idol. And
Speaker 1: it's easy to do that with anything. I mean, for me,
Speaker 1: it's so easy for me to make idols out of
Speaker 1: new albums or new songs, or new movies, our new
Speaker 1: podcast episodes, or negative social media post or positive social
Speaker 1: media post. It's easy for me to make an idol
Speaker 1: out of preaching. It's easy for me to make an
Speaker 1: idol out of my kids or my wife. It's easy.
Speaker 1: It's important, though, to be able to recognize, well, this
Speaker 1: is going a little too far. I should hit the brakes.
Speaker 1: I should recenter myself. How do we do that? I
Speaker 1: should recenter myself back into the word, back to start
Speaker 1: reading the Bible again. I should recenter myself with prayer,
Speaker 1: and that prayer could say specifically that like, God, don't
Speaker 1: don't let me make an idol out of this, this
Speaker 1: new song. What am I doing? What I've gone off
Speaker 1: on a tangent? God, don't let me make an idol
Speaker 1: out of this job. God, don't make me make an
Speaker 1: idol out of finding a wife because I feel I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm giving too much attention. Turn my heart. God,
Speaker 1: give me new desires. Let me crave you, Let me
Speaker 1: hunger for you and your word. Because here I go
Speaker 1: off on a tangent again, because I'm a human and
Speaker 1: I'm starting to follow my feelings and it's taken me
Speaker 1: away from you. Redirect me. Please, that's a solid prayer.
Speaker 1: That's a solid prayer that no one is immune to.
Speaker 1: I don't care if you're the greatest saint on the planet.
Speaker 1: That's a solid prayer because guess what, you're human. So
Speaker 1: I don't want to take away the fact that it's important.
Speaker 1: Will it's important for you to find a wife. But
Speaker 1: the way to do it is seeking Jesus full strength,
Speaker 1: running full strength for Jesus. And as you're running, as
Speaker 1: you're heading towards him, as you're learning more, as you're
Speaker 1: craving his words, you're praying, you're reading, you're attending, you're serving,
Speaker 1: and you look to your right and you see someone
Speaker 1: else on that same path, headed that same direction, and
Speaker 1: you're like, hey, do you want to run with me
Speaker 1: in this direction? And They're like, yes, that's a pretty
Speaker 1: good way to find a spouse, just saying, now if
Speaker 1: you take your eyes off of that path and you redirect,
Speaker 1: and you go, I'm on this path, I'm running towards Jesus.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna stop. I'm gonna turn around, and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna look over here for and dig around for a
Speaker 1: while for a spouse, and as soon as I find them,
Speaker 1: then we're gonna both start heading back to Christ. That's
Speaker 1: what you know. You found an idol. Next question, subjectline
Speaker 1: says what should I do? I guess I should read
Speaker 1: to find out. It says, Hey, Grangeer, my name is Evan.
Speaker 1: I'm eighteen from Iowa. Been talking to this girl on
Speaker 1: Snapchat since August twenty fourth to twenty twenty two. Me
Speaker 1: and her talk daily and have never met in person.
Speaker 1: I've told her that I like someone, but I'm scared
Speaker 1: to tell her that it's her that I like because
Speaker 1: I'm scared to lose them because she doesn't know it's her.
Speaker 1: This girl makes me smile with hardly even trying, and
Speaker 1: has helped me through some difficult times. I need your help.
Speaker 1: What should I do? Thank you? Evan? Interesting? Interesting coming
Speaker 1: off the last question going into this one. You could
Speaker 1: see the contrast. And so what I love this podcast.
Speaker 1: I love how there is no requirement for what your
Speaker 1: question is, and so they just roll into each other,
Speaker 1: and sometimes they roll they roll into each other in
Speaker 1: a very interesting way, Like we just talked about finding
Speaker 1: a spouse and making that become an idol and then
Speaker 1: we roll right into a question that just definitely definitely
Speaker 1: looks like idolatry. And Evan, that is not a knock
Speaker 1: on you at all, because I am guilty and everyone
Speaker 1: listening is guilty at some level of something that becomes idolatry.
Speaker 1: But I just want to show you for my own benefits,
Speaker 1: so that I could see it. I could leave this
Speaker 1: podcast myself and I could learn from my for myself,
Speaker 1: because I'm just like you, brother, I'm just like you.
Speaker 1: But I want to show it like when you Sometimes
Speaker 1: you show it and you shine a light on a
Speaker 1: situation that's been in the dark. You shine a light
Speaker 1: on it and you go, oh, that's yeah, that's idolatry.
Speaker 1: For so many years I worked in bars playing music,
Speaker 1: and it was always it was always really uncomfortable when
Speaker 1: you show up to a bar to load in soundtrack,
Speaker 1: you bring your gear in, you're unloading the trailer, and
Speaker 1: you go into the bar at like ten o'clock in
Speaker 1: the morning, and all the lights on are on, and
Speaker 1: the windows are open, and the doors are open, and
Speaker 1: the garage door bays are open, and lights just pour
Speaker 1: an end to this bar. And it's then you see
Speaker 1: the dinge and the dirt and the stink and the
Speaker 1: rotten beer smell, and the spider webs and the cobwebs
Speaker 1: in the corners, and the dirt on the floor, and
Speaker 1: the mud on the rug, and the filthy stalls in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. You see it with all the light pouring
Speaker 1: in there. These are things you don't see at midnight
Speaker 1: when it's dark. And so that's sometimes this podcast does that.
Speaker 1: It's shining light on your situation right coming right out
Speaker 1: of that other question. And so first of all, you're
Speaker 1: on snapchat. Let me just shine some light right on. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna show the pot on this podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna show the cobwebs and all, and the dirt
Speaker 1: and all, not to knock you, but just to shine
Speaker 1: light for all of us to see. You're talking to
Speaker 1: a girl on Snapchat. You've never met her, you're scared
Speaker 1: to tell her you like her because you're scared to lose.
Speaker 1: A girl that you've never met, that you only talked
Speaker 1: to on Snapchat, you're scared to lose, and she, this
Speaker 1: girl on Snapchat that you've never met, that you're scared
Speaker 1: to lose, has helped you through difficult times, and you've
Speaker 1: become reliant on her to get you through difficult times.
Speaker 1: A girl that you're scared to lose, that you've never met,
Speaker 1: who you talked to on Snapchat since August twenty fourth,
Speaker 1: which is like two months. Okay, so there's so do
Speaker 1: We're shining some light in a really dark place, and
Speaker 1: I hope, I hope, once again, no judgment here, because
Speaker 1: I'm the same And if you were going to get
Speaker 1: a flashlight and shot shining in a my life, you'd
Speaker 1: see some stuff, right, You'd see some cobwebs. And so
Speaker 1: that's not I'm not trying to knock you. I want to.
Speaker 1: I'm want to make a thousand percent sure you know
Speaker 1: that I'm the same way, But I just want to
Speaker 1: show you, man, how crazy this sounds. You're reliant on
Speaker 1: a girl you've never met You've only talked to on
Speaker 1: Snapchat for two months, and she's helped you through difficult times,
Speaker 1: and you're too scared to tell her that you like her.
Speaker 1: So here's what you do. Let's get practical, Evan. You go, hey,
Speaker 1: no more than snapchat, give me your number. I got
Speaker 1: something to tell you. And then you call her and
Speaker 1: you go, hey, Snapchat was great for us getting the meeting,
Speaker 1: but now that I hear your voice, I want to
Speaker 1: tell you something. I want to meet you in person.
Speaker 1: When can we do it. We'll go to coffee, we'll
Speaker 1: go to dinner, we'll go grab a movie. I just
Speaker 1: want to. I want to. I'll drive, I'll pick you up,
Speaker 1: I'll meet you whatever. I just want to see your
Speaker 1: face in person. And then you meet her in person
Speaker 1: for the first time, you're seeing her with your own eyes,
Speaker 1: in real life, and you just say, I want to
Speaker 1: tell you. As awkward as this sounds, and I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I just want to be vulnerable. I'm really nervous right
Speaker 1: now and this is something I couldn't tell you on
Speaker 1: Snapchat because I was too nervous. But it takes a
Speaker 1: lot of courage for me to just tell you I
Speaker 1: like you. I like you, and I hope you like
Speaker 1: me too, And if you don't like me, I don't
Speaker 1: want to lose you as a friend either, and I'm
Speaker 1: scared of that. And maybe that's the reason I waited
Speaker 1: so long to tell you, because I just didn't want
Speaker 1: to lose you as a friend. Because, to be honest
Speaker 1: with you, I've had some difficult stuff happened in my
Speaker 1: life and you make me smile. You get me through it.
Speaker 1: I know that sounds crazy because it's only been two
Speaker 1: months and on Snapchat, and I've never met you in person.
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy, but it's just the truth. You
Speaker 1: could tell me, and I'm an idiot. You could tell
Speaker 1: me I'm crazy and at least least we'll just get
Speaker 1: it out on the table, shine some light on it.
Speaker 1: But in the meantime, I wanted to throw it out there.
Speaker 1: I like you. If you like me back, maybe we
Speaker 1: could do this again sometime, grab some coffee. Evan. It's
Speaker 1: just that's it. There's no magic formula. It's just honesty,
Speaker 1: just telling her how you feel, not on snapchat. Next question,
Speaker 1: subdecline says unsettling marriage, and the email says, hey, grangeoud
Speaker 1: like to remain Anonymous on this one. I'm twenty three
Speaker 1: years old. My fiance and I live together in our
Speaker 1: own house. We've been together for seven years since high school.
Speaker 1: We have a day set next year to get married,
Speaker 1: but over the years we have definitely both changed. I'm
Speaker 1: not myself anymore, and I feel as if I can't
Speaker 1: be myself around her. I feel like I have to
Speaker 1: live by the way she wants me to be, and
Speaker 1: she won't listen when I try to give her hints
Speaker 1: on how I feel. I really don't want to get
Speaker 1: married because it does not feel right at the moment.
Speaker 1: I would also feel horrible to call off the wedding
Speaker 1: scene that her father has already paid for the venue
Speaker 1: and advice would be appreciated. Things Anonymous shining some light
Speaker 1: in your bar, and I hope you see, buddy, let
Speaker 1: me say Let me say it again. I don't think
Speaker 1: I could say it enough on this podcast that I
Speaker 1: am no better than you. All I am is I'm
Speaker 1: seeing it from the outside and you're on the inside.
Speaker 1: I'm seeing it completely unbiased. I have I have no
Speaker 1: reason to love you more than the girl, or the father,
Speaker 1: or any or your friend. I don't know any of y'all.
Speaker 1: So I'm just looking from the outside and I'm appreciating
Speaker 1: an email that you opened up, and I'm going, here's
Speaker 1: the way I see it. So you are, you're heading
Speaker 1: towards a marriage that's not gonna work. You already see it,
Speaker 1: and you're worried that the dad already paid for the venue,
Speaker 1: and so maybe you should stay. You see how crazy
Speaker 1: that sounds. You're risking a life with a loveless, unhappy marriage,
Speaker 1: bringing children into the world, getting divorced, and then ruining
Speaker 1: the kids with this divorce essentially because of a wedding
Speaker 1: venue was already paid for by her dad. Uh uh No,
Speaker 1: that's not even a that's not even a let's think
Speaker 1: about that for a second. That's not a let's weigh
Speaker 1: the options. Let's get a pen and paper and write
Speaker 1: the pros and cons. That's a no. You go talk
Speaker 1: to the dad tomorrow, the day you hear this podcast,
Speaker 1: as soon as possible, you say, Hey, I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: off this wedding. I'm so sorry. I feel like I
Speaker 1: feel like we've grown apart and you deserve someone that
Speaker 1: is not wavering in his decision about loving you. And
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go see your dad and I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: lunch with him. I'm gonna just say, mister so and so,
Speaker 1: we're calling off the wedding. How could I help with
Speaker 1: this venue? I know you already paid for it. You
Speaker 1: probably lost your deposit, and I wanna I wanna help.
Speaker 1: I wanna pay for the deposit. It's seven hundred dollars. Wow,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of cash. But I'm gonna man up.
Speaker 1: This is on me. I'm gonna man up and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna pay this deposit because sir, that's not it's not
Speaker 1: your problem. So yes, sir, I'm gonna it's gonna take
Speaker 1: me a few months to save up the seven hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: I made that number up, by the way. I'm save
Speaker 1: up some cash and I'm gonna pay you one hundred
Speaker 1: bucks a month for seven months if that's okay. If
Speaker 1: I get a little bit more, i'll give you another chunk.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for the inconvenience, sir, and I'm terribly
Speaker 1: sorry that I broke your daughter's heart. But to be
Speaker 1: completely honest, I would rather break hearts and have to
Speaker 1: pay seven hundred dollars than to get into a loveless
Speaker 1: marriage that causes a lot more problems around the whole family.
Speaker 1: And I'm just thinking about the whole the big picture here, sir.
Speaker 1: And I know your daughter's a great girl and she's
Speaker 1: gonna find someone that's just going to love her wholeheartedly.
Speaker 1: But that guy's not me, Okay, I mean there it is.
Speaker 1: Don't be crazy about this. If anyone else is in
Speaker 1: a similar situation, don't be crazy. I'll take a break.
Speaker 1: You're right back. So excited to tell you, guys, I
Speaker 1: got a brand new album out. It's called Moonrise. We
Speaker 1: just dropped it last week and it's the soundtrack for
Speaker 1: a new movie I have coming out December fifteenth, also
Speaker 1: called Moonrise. You could listen to the music wherever you
Speaker 1: love to hear music, whether that's Apple or Spotify or
Speaker 1: Pandora or YouTube, whatever it might be. Wherever you like
Speaker 1: to hear music, you could hear it there. So go
Speaker 1: stream it. That helps me a lot, and then tell
Speaker 1: me what song you like the most. Comment below on
Speaker 1: whatever platform you're using and gave me some feedback so
Speaker 1: I know what songs to add to the setlist. In
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. The movie comes out December fifteenth, called Moonrise.
Speaker 1: It is streaming on Pureflix, so make sure you're ready
Speaker 1: to go with Pureflis and I hope you love it
Speaker 1: and I can't wait for you to see it. Also,
Speaker 1: this time of year, you know, is really big for Cameo.
Speaker 1: That's cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. That's where you
Speaker 1: find me and I can make you a personalized video
Speaker 1: message for whoever you want. And that's really popular here
Speaker 1: because it's a Happy Holidays, Marry Christmas. It's an easy
Speaker 1: gift that you can get for someone that you love
Speaker 1: me giving them a quick shout out or saying whatever
Speaker 1: you want, and it requires you don't have to go
Speaker 1: out to the mall to do it. You just do
Speaker 1: it right there on your phone. You could also get
Speaker 1: the Cameo app and search for me Granger Smith, and
Speaker 1: I will say whatever you need me to say for
Speaker 1: whoever you want me to say it to. Super easy
Speaker 1: and a really great gift for me to give. I've
Speaker 1: done hundreds of these and I would love to do
Speaker 1: one for you. Go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith.
Speaker 1: Back to the podcast. Okay, welcome back to the podcast,
Speaker 1: one hundred and sixty fourth episode. Here's your questions. First one,
Speaker 1: and this is ironically the subject line on this one
Speaker 1: says not a question or no no, It says not
Speaker 1: a relationship question. Okay, here we go. Email says Granger
Speaker 1: just wanted to start by saying your podcast is a
Speaker 1: huge encouragement to me and help strengthen my walk with Christ.
Speaker 1: Love the practical and biblical advice you sh with everyone.
Speaker 1: Next time you're up in Maine, I hope to meet
Speaker 1: with you. Sounds good. So I have a three bedroom
Speaker 1: house I own and rent to two other guys. One
Speaker 1: is twenty six, has a career, and pays a standard
Speaker 1: amount for rent a month. The other guy is seventeen
Speaker 1: years old. I've been friends with him for a few
Speaker 1: years now that I met in church. He never has
Speaker 1: had the best home life, so I always told him
Speaker 1: if he needed a stable place to stay, my home
Speaker 1: is always open. He kind of just wanted. He kind
Speaker 1: of just showed up one day and never left, and
Speaker 1: I told him that he had to pay less than
Speaker 1: half of what the other guy is paying in rent
Speaker 1: because he only works part time being in school. When
Speaker 1: he turns eighteen and graduates, should he let me read
Speaker 1: this right? When he turns eighteen and graduates. Should I
Speaker 1: raise his rent to a round the same amount as
Speaker 1: the other guy. I don't need the money, but I
Speaker 1: think it's important for him to learn and pay a
Speaker 1: realistic amount for a place to live. Thanks a bunch, Caleb, Caleb,
Speaker 1: thanks for the email. Man shout out, it's a Maine.
Speaker 1: I loved that place. And take you up on that
Speaker 1: offer and maybe see you one of these days. Yeah,
Speaker 1: great question, great scenario. I'm glad you brought it up,
Speaker 1: and I'm glad you asked it. And it's a very
Speaker 1: thought provoking. You sound like a good dude being able
Speaker 1: to rent out your house. I would much rather you
Speaker 1: rent out your house to these guys like this than
Speaker 1: to live with your girlfriend for seven years and then
Speaker 1: it turns into a loveless engagement. Just saying, interesting situation.
Speaker 1: You got a guy you brought in from church and
Speaker 1: he the guy just needed a break, He needed to
Speaker 1: catch a break, and you were there to give him one.
Speaker 1: Really cool and he's also young, so what a great
Speaker 1: opportunity for him to go and pay a low amount.
Speaker 1: I think that's great and I think it's a good
Speaker 1: idea that when he graduates that you raises rent to
Speaker 1: the same amount as the other guy. It's only fair
Speaker 1: to the other guy. Here's the thing, this is just
Speaker 1: about communication. The earlier you could tell him this, the better,
Speaker 1: and the more details you can give, the better. And
Speaker 1: this is tough love to this guy because you've obviously
Speaker 1: really given him a break. You've helped him out a ton.
Speaker 1: So it's it's not it's not your responsibility to help
Speaker 1: him out more. But now, just like you said, he
Speaker 1: needs to he needs to be he needs to be
Speaker 1: pushed out and taught a valuable life lesson with with love.
Speaker 1: And so what you do is you sit him down
Speaker 1: and you give him a lot of cushion. You just say, hey,
Speaker 1: you graduate in eight months, could I could I sit
Speaker 1: down with you? I wrote some stuff up, just informally
Speaker 1: wrote some stuff up, and I'd love to talk about
Speaker 1: it in terms of you stay in here. And he's like, yeah, sure.
Speaker 1: So you go in and you print this out and
Speaker 1: you make it look nice and neat, and you sit
Speaker 1: them down, you know, around the dinner table, and you go, okay,
Speaker 1: so you're going to graduate and you're gonna get a job,
Speaker 1: and when you do that, I need you to pay
Speaker 1: the same amount of rent as this other guy, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to give you eight months advance just so
Speaker 1: you know it's coming. And if you don't pay it,
Speaker 1: here's the penalty. Or if you're late on a payment,
Speaker 1: here's the penalty. If you miss a payment completely, here's
Speaker 1: the penalty, and here's the consequence. And if you miss
Speaker 1: so many in a row, then there's going to be
Speaker 1: a viction. And brother, I love you, man, and I
Speaker 1: support you, and I'm so happy with what you've done
Speaker 1: and the turnaround that you've made in your life. And
Speaker 1: so what I'm doing now is just kind of easing
Speaker 1: you into what a normal landlord would do. Any normal
Speaker 1: landlord that you find it's going to have these similar rules.
Speaker 1: And he's like, yeah, man, cool, Then you go, can
Speaker 1: you sign right here? And then you get him to
Speaker 1: sign it. It's important that he signs it. This is
Speaker 1: a binding contract that you may or may not actually
Speaker 1: have to use one day against him, but it's not
Speaker 1: in a negative sense. It's teaching him. This kid, he's
Speaker 1: turning eighteen, this is what a contract is. And this
Speaker 1: is what you would sign in an apartment or any
Speaker 1: kind of rent house or duplex or whatever. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be just like this, and I'm doing it as a
Speaker 1: friend to show you, to get you on your feet.
Speaker 1: Communication is the key. As many details as you could
Speaker 1: think of. Because here's another thought. You got to think about.
Speaker 1: What if he graduates and doesn't immediately get a job.
Speaker 1: What if he doesn't graduate and go straight into a job.
Speaker 1: So these are little things you're gonna have to think
Speaker 1: about and go. By the way, if you don't get
Speaker 1: a job within three months of graduating, just making this up,
Speaker 1: then then the rent still goes up. I'll give you
Speaker 1: a three month cushion until you get the job, but
Speaker 1: after ninety days the rent goes up, regardless if you
Speaker 1: have the job or not. Because he might think I'm graduating,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna relax for a little bit without getting a
Speaker 1: full time job. Maybe he thinks that. So you just
Speaker 1: want to write in those kind of details, put it
Speaker 1: in writing, and make him sign it, file it away,
Speaker 1: and remind him every once in a while, how's the
Speaker 1: job search coming. Remember we're going to jack the rent up.
Speaker 1: I think it's great that you're doing that. Next question
Speaker 1: subject line says I do question mark. Hey Grander, my
Speaker 1: name is Ty. I live in San Antonio, a huge
Speaker 1: fan of everything you do and stand for. My question
Speaker 1: is simple. I've been with my girlfriend, whom I love
Speaker 1: for almost eight years. How do I know when it's
Speaker 1: the right time to get married? We don't have any kids.
Speaker 1: We're still figuring out things down here as far as
Speaker 1: jobs and whatnot, but we love each other. Any advice
Speaker 1: would be great, man, love your brother. Thank you, ty
Speaker 1: ty eef. I don't like this question, Tye, Hey, ty,
Speaker 1: I don't like this question. You listen to me, you
Speaker 1: under you know me by now? You know me by now?
Speaker 1: Tie you know what I'm gonna say? What What do
Speaker 1: you mean? How do you know when's the right time
Speaker 1: to get married? You've been with their eight years? What
Speaker 1: more do you need to know? What could I tell you?
Speaker 1: What could I possibly tell you sitting behind this microphone
Speaker 1: that you don't already know after almost a decade of
Speaker 1: dating her? Well, what's the deal? Why would you wait
Speaker 1: that long? Eight years? Brother? I mean, kid, you don't
Speaker 1: have any kids? Thank god you don't have any kids.
Speaker 1: I mean that would make things a lot more complicated.
Speaker 1: Think of every other question I have to answer on here. Jobs?
Speaker 1: What about the jobs? What does that have to do
Speaker 1: with getting married. I mean, maybe you're you're living with
Speaker 1: in mom's basement and you need a job to get
Speaker 1: an apartment before you can get married, and you'll live. Okay,
Speaker 1: I get that, But what if you are you're on
Speaker 1: your own. What's the big deal with jobs? Like financial
Speaker 1: hardship at the beginning and buying ramen noodles and and
Speaker 1: rationing money together and pulling money together and counting pennies
Speaker 1: like that's that's that's part of the fun of an
Speaker 1: early marriage, Like that's part of the adventure and learning.
Speaker 1: And then decades go by and you look back on
Speaker 1: those days when you didn't have much and you go,
Speaker 1: look what we did with not much together. We pulled
Speaker 1: our money together, and we fought through this together, and
Speaker 1: well look what we built. Look at this family, Look
Speaker 1: at the kids we have now sitting around the table
Speaker 1: at Thanksgiving. It's part of it. You know, there is
Speaker 1: no set rule on you need to have so much
Speaker 1: money in the bank account, you need to have so
Speaker 1: much in the in in your savings, you need to
Speaker 1: have this so many promotions in the corporate ladder before
Speaker 1: you get married, because you want to be stable and
Speaker 1: have everything neatly tied so that then you get married
Speaker 1: and it's like good. I mean no, that's not part
Speaker 1: of it. There's when we're talking about kids, that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's different. I could see there's we got to wait
Speaker 1: for this and this to happen before we have kids.
Speaker 1: We gotta wait for til we get a three bedroom
Speaker 1: house where get the kids could have their own bedroom,
Speaker 1: or we gotta wait till we get out of this apartment.
Speaker 1: I get that, But marriage, what are you talking about? Dude?
Speaker 1: Eight years is way too long for her too, Like
Speaker 1: that's just way way too long. If okay, here's the
Speaker 1: last thing I'll say. This is the scary part of
Speaker 1: your question. This is this is scary. Tie. If you
Speaker 1: have to ask me, after eight years, how do I
Speaker 1: know when the right time to get married is? I
Speaker 1: would say, if you have to ask, maybe she's not
Speaker 1: the right one, because when you meet the right one,
Speaker 1: you go. I will do everything I can to wrap
Speaker 1: this up as fast as possible and put a ring
Speaker 1: on her finger. I hope she's not listening. Maybe she is,
Speaker 1: but it's worth a question. If you have to ask
Speaker 1: when's the time to get married? You might even be
Speaker 1: you might be past that already. Maybe she's not the
Speaker 1: right one. Interesting, right, nice question, Sebi Gline says, podcast question.
Speaker 1: Email says, Hey Granger, I've had a crush on this
Speaker 1: guy for about four years. He's athletic, caring, funny, loves Jesus,
Speaker 1: pretty much checks all the boxes. Everyone has been wanting
Speaker 1: us to get together for years. But when I'm with him,
Speaker 1: I just don't have fun. I can't help but think
Speaker 1: I like the idea of being with someone more than him.
Speaker 1: What should I do? And will I know when someone
Speaker 1: is the right person for me? Wow? What a crazy
Speaker 1: back to back email. That is crazy. This one came
Speaker 1: right after that other one. Let me read that back
Speaker 1: part again. What should I do? And how will I
Speaker 1: know when someone is the right person for me? Hmm,
Speaker 1: maybe you should talk to ty Ty. I found your soulmate.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. Don't don't do that. Soulmate's pagan. Don't listen
Speaker 1: to me. Okay, So are you saying you're anonymous? No?
Speaker 1: Your name is Madison, Madison, thank you so much for email.
Speaker 1: And I'm confused and I'm confused and why you started
Speaker 1: your this email with I've had a crush on this
Speaker 1: guy for four years, but when you're with him, you
Speaker 1: don't have fun. I don't understand that. Okay, so you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to help me with that. Bear with me.
Speaker 1: I don't understand part of your question, but the the
Speaker 1: basic idea is he checks all the boxes. He's a
Speaker 1: good dude, athletic, carrying, funny, love Jesus. Okay, but you
Speaker 1: don't have fun with you with when you're with him,
Speaker 1: and you can't help but think you like the idea
Speaker 1: of being with someone more than with him. Okay, So
Speaker 1: what do you do and how will you know it's
Speaker 1: the right person? You just know. You don't have to
Speaker 1: ask me. You don't have to email the Granger Smith
Speaker 1: podcast and ever ask me, how do I know when
Speaker 1: I'm in love? Or when it's time to get married
Speaker 1: or when when when you know? You know, like, you
Speaker 1: don't have to ask me, because that's something that you
Speaker 1: were born with, that manifests inside of you, that goes
Speaker 1: I'm in I'm all in, and every fiber of your
Speaker 1: being says I'm in love. And I will sacrifice what
Speaker 1: I got going on that that brings enjoyment for myself.
Speaker 1: I will sacrifice my bachelor pad, I will sacrifice my
Speaker 1: buddies or my whatever bachelor habits. I will sacrifice and
Speaker 1: put that to death for this new life that I
Speaker 1: want to share with someone. And it's I don't care
Speaker 1: about the state of education I'm in or the job
Speaker 1: search I'm in. I will sacrifice all this because this
Speaker 1: is the person I love and I want to spend
Speaker 1: the rest of my life with them. And that person
Speaker 1: doesn't have to check a box. That's what it's crazy, right,
Speaker 1: Like you could fall in love with someone that you
Speaker 1: want to spend the rest of your life with and
Speaker 1: they don't have to check any of the boxes you
Speaker 1: thought they would have to check. In fact, the more
Speaker 1: boxes you lay out for yourself, the more you're gonna
Speaker 1: realize the box has never mattered. You wanted a six
Speaker 1: foot tall, brown headed, athletic guy, and then you met
Speaker 1: a five foot eight, blondeheaded non athlete and you love him,
Speaker 1: and you're like, how how did I all? Bet that's
Speaker 1: because I made a box and I thought if I
Speaker 1: checked it off, But that's because I didn't know him,
Speaker 1: I hadn't met him yet, that was your guy, And
Speaker 1: so that's the same thing with this, you know, it's like,
Speaker 1: forget your boxes, drop all your types, the types. My
Speaker 1: type is this, My type is that, like I like
Speaker 1: guys or girls that do this. Drop your types open
Speaker 1: yourself up because sometimes you meet people with different hobbies
Speaker 1: in different styles, and they look different than you or
Speaker 1: the way you think they should, and then it broadens
Speaker 1: you and your love gets bigger because of it. Like
Speaker 1: in a broad sense, you meet someone you think, you think,
Speaker 1: I love football, and so I'm gonna meet a girl.
Speaker 1: I have to meet a girl that loves football because
Speaker 1: I love to share Sunday afternoons with a girl that
Speaker 1: loves football. And then you meet a girl and you
Speaker 1: fall in love and she's never watched football in her life,
Speaker 1: and so then guess what you get to do? You
Speaker 1: get to teach her about this sport. You get to
Speaker 1: teacher about what you love instead of her sitting there
Speaker 1: wearing a jersey for the Packers and you're wearing a
Speaker 1: jersey for the Cowboys and you just argue about the
Speaker 1: game and she's like pass interference and you're like, dang,
Speaker 1: how did you even know what pass interference is? The
Speaker 1: flip side? So that you meet a girl and you're like,
Speaker 1: let me show you about this game, and then she
Speaker 1: loves volleyball, and you know nothing about volleyball, and she
Speaker 1: takes you to a game and you're learning all the
Speaker 1: rules and you just you guys are just feeding off
Speaker 1: each other, and you're becoming better because of each other,
Speaker 1: not because of the boxes you made that you thought
Speaker 1: they were gonna need a check bottom mind. What I'm
Speaker 1: saying is you're not with the right guy. So drop
Speaker 1: the boxes, drop this guy. Forget about all your friends
Speaker 1: that are trying to get together for years, and just
Speaker 1: tell them, sorry, guys, I don't have fun with them. Done.
Speaker 1: Next question, subject CLIENTE says, please open very important. Hey,
Speaker 1: it's Seth Taylor from Asheville, North Carolina. I've been listening
Speaker 1: to you since the start of your brother. My son
Speaker 1: is six and he has hydrocephalus, which is water on
Speaker 1: the brain, and he has had twenty brain surgeries and
Speaker 1: is in the hospital again not knowing what's wrong. My
Speaker 1: question would be, how do you deal with the stress
Speaker 1: and anxiety. I'm a Christian man, but sometimes I feel
Speaker 1: like it's too much to handle and I don't know
Speaker 1: how much I can take much. Love, brother Seth, thanks
Speaker 1: for the email. Great question. I'm so sorry I don't
Speaker 1: know what it's like to go through a six year
Speaker 1: old with twenty surgeries. I don't know what it's like
Speaker 1: to constantly be hearing bad news from the doctor that
Speaker 1: your son needs to go back in for more tests.
Speaker 1: And I don't know what it's like to google hydrocephalus
Speaker 1: and hear other stories from people and hear bad news.
Speaker 1: So I'm so sorry. First of all, I just you know,
Speaker 1: the reason I say that, the reason I even start
Speaker 1: with that, seth, is because I want to validate that
Speaker 1: what you're going through is tough. I want to validate
Speaker 1: that you're going through something abnormal that you have every
Speaker 1: right to say. Man, I'm really I'm really stressed about this. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's no way I would tell you, Ah, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: be stressed about that. You're good. So we'll start with that.
Speaker 1: Second of all, we'll go to the Christian man. Then
Speaker 1: you say, I'm a Christian man, but sometimes it feels
Speaker 1: like it's too much to handle. I don't know how
Speaker 1: much I can take. Then I want you to lean
Speaker 1: in to what you believe a Christian man is. Fundamentally,
Speaker 1: what is a Christian man? Is it a perfect man? No?
Speaker 1: Is it a man that's it's stress free one hundred
Speaker 1: percent of the time. No. Is it a man that
Speaker 1: just does nothing but smile and shows joy? No? No,
Speaker 1: none of that describes a Christian man any moments, days, hours,
Speaker 1: maybe sometimes. But we read the Bible, which is why
Speaker 1: it's so important to read. That's why I have to
Speaker 1: feast on the Bible every day. I don't call myself
Speaker 1: a Christian man unless I'm living a Christian life. How
Speaker 1: do I live a Christian life? Is it by being
Speaker 1: good works and being perfect? No, it's by being obedient.
Speaker 1: How do I be obedient? The only way I know
Speaker 1: how is to read His word every day with a
Speaker 1: broken heart, so many times, with a mind full of
Speaker 1: gratefulness and praise to our creator for what he has
Speaker 1: done and what he promises he will do who he is,
Speaker 1: and with a broken heart knowing that I'm so far,
Speaker 1: so far from being what I need to be. And
Speaker 1: I live in a broken world with so many other
Speaker 1: people with broken hearts, like you Seth and your son,
Speaker 1: Because we live in a fallen world. So that's where
Speaker 1: the brokenness comes in. And we come broken to the throne.
Speaker 1: And how do we get to the throne? Well, we
Speaker 1: got it in our Bibles. We open it up and
Speaker 1: we just say, God, I come to you broken today.
Speaker 1: Another day I don't know what to do. Another day
Speaker 1: I'm feeling stress and anxiety. And another day I'm reading
Speaker 1: Matthew eleven twenty eight that says, come to me all
Speaker 1: you who are weary and burdened, and I will give
Speaker 1: you rest. And I'm reading the promise of Jesus on
Speaker 1: these pages, and I'm seeing that the different people in
Speaker 1: these stories are are persecuted, and they're grieving, and they're
Speaker 1: going through physical pain and emotional pain. And how are
Speaker 1: they navigating when we read the psalms? The Psalms Seth
Speaker 1: saved my life in so many ways. But we we
Speaker 1: navigate this and we pull out the Psalms that David
Speaker 1: wrote a lot of, and we read David's writing and
Speaker 1: we just see, we see all these moments where he's
Speaker 1: just stressed and full of anxiety and in your words,
Speaker 1: too much to handle. He doesn't know how much he
Speaker 1: can take. I see you in the Psalms. But here's
Speaker 1: the difference. He finishes those with what he knows. He
Speaker 1: starts it with what he feels, and he ends it
Speaker 1: with what he knows. But as you lie on God,
Speaker 1: you are faithful. You are my rock, my refuge, my fortress.
Speaker 1: It is you that lay me down in green pastures
Speaker 1: next to cool clear waters. It is you that protect
Speaker 1: me with your rod and your staff. Although I'm so
Speaker 1: stressed and I don't know why, and I don't I
Speaker 1: don't know why my son's going through, so I don't
Speaker 1: know how much I can handle. That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: So then I go back to what I know. I
Speaker 1: am restored, redeemed, forgiven. These are the things I know.
Speaker 1: How do I know? Because I read it and I
Speaker 1: have to go back every day to this throne. That's
Speaker 1: all we have. But the thing that's so beautiful it
Speaker 1: is we see these stories. We see sick children, We
Speaker 1: see broken parents, We see parents without without children that
Speaker 1: are that are barren. We see we see breakups and
Speaker 1: adultery and and stealing and lying, and murder and wars
Speaker 1: and and people with injuries. We see every kind of
Speaker 1: affliction and we see how they respond in that affliction.
Speaker 1: And then for the for the ones that we know
Speaker 1: we were people out of God's own heart. For those people,
Speaker 1: we we align our hearts to them, not because we're
Speaker 1: better than anyone, or we're more capable than anyone, or
Speaker 1: we deserve more than anyone. None of it. We don't
Speaker 1: deserve any of it. But we just align ourselves because
Speaker 1: we just want, we want the grace. God, give us
Speaker 1: your grace for one day. Give me today my daily bread,
Speaker 1: not the lifetime bread, not next week's bread. Just give me.
Speaker 1: Just give me the bread for today. That's what Jesus
Speaker 1: told us to ask for. It's interesting that he said
Speaker 1: it that way. He didn't say give me the lifetime bread.
Speaker 1: He said, ask today for your daily bread. And so Seth,
Speaker 1: when you say I just don't know how much I
Speaker 1: could take, I could tell you, Seth, you can't take
Speaker 1: it for tomorrow. You can't take it. That's too much
Speaker 1: for tomorrow. So you just need grace for today. God,
Speaker 1: just feel me. Just fill me today with what I need,
Speaker 1: the strength I need. This is your prayer, Seth, Give
Speaker 1: me the strength I need to be there for my son,
Speaker 1: to be strong, for my son to be listening to
Speaker 1: the doctors, to hear what they need to tell me
Speaker 1: with an open mind, so that I know how to
Speaker 1: administer and I know how to handle my son through
Speaker 1: his questions and through his pain and through his suffering
Speaker 1: and through my own, give me the strength to move
Speaker 1: through that. Not for tomorrow, not for next week, but
Speaker 1: just for today, because that's what you promised. You say
Speaker 1: your mercies are new every morning, and you are faithful.
Speaker 1: So give give me the daily bread just enough, and
Speaker 1: tomorrow I'll worry about tomorrow's problems. That is being a
Speaker 1: Christian man. It's not a label. It's not something you
Speaker 1: call yourself. It's not something you were born with. It's
Speaker 1: not something your parents gave you. It's not something your
Speaker 1: pastor told you. It's not something that you're baptized, and
Speaker 1: because of your baptism you became. It's not your identity
Speaker 1: comes through your creator alone. He makes you a new creature,
Speaker 1: He changes you, He makes you a Christian man, and
Speaker 1: you know it because of how you are responding to it.
Speaker 1: And you respond by going back to the throne, back
Speaker 1: to the word humble, brokenhearted, hopeful. All at the same time,
Speaker 1: I'll be praying for you. Seth. Appreciate your brother, love
Speaker 1: all you guys. See you next Monday. Thanks for joining
Speaker 1: me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys.
Speaker 1: You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.
Speaker 1: If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that
Speaker 1: little like button and the notification spell so that you
Speaker 1: never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have
Speaker 1: a question for me that you would like me to answer,
Speaker 1: email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yie