WEBVTT - #34 Exes & Friends 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:04.320 Hell I Suck At Dating with Dean Angler and I 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:08.760 Heart Radio Podcast. We still have not worked in the 0:00:08.960 --> 0:00:11.879 plus Jared and Vanessa into that yet. Hello everyone, thank 0:00:11.880 --> 0:00:13.760 you so much for joining us on this week's episode 0:00:13.760 --> 0:00:16.120 of Help I Suck At Dating. I'm Dean Angler, joined 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:19.160 in studio by the lovely incredible Jared high Band. I 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:21.799 thought you're gonna introduce Vanessa with that. Well, Vanessa is 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:23.840 not in studio, so I'm not in studio, that's what. 0:00:24.160 --> 0:00:26.400 And there she is. Hello Vanessa, how are you? I 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:28.600 missed you, guys, We miss you too. Where are you 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:32.480 right now? All right now? I'm in beautiful Montreal, so 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:35.199 beautiful today. It's actually a little bit gloomy and it 0:00:35.280 --> 0:00:37.960 was raining all day yesterday. But when I landed back 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.559 in Montreal last the one was that I think was 0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:43.559 over the weekend. It was warmer in Montreal than it 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:45.720 was in l A when I left. And I'm which 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:48.240 is surprising because Montreal is always, you know, you never 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:51.360 it's the temperature is always on and off. But we're 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:53.000 having such a great summer here. I'm really happy to 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:54.720 be back. But I do miss you guys. Will you 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:56.800 do miss you here as well? Um? It's a little 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:58.960 bit lonelier here in the studio, but we're very happy 0:00:59.000 --> 0:01:01.040 to have you call in. We are happy to call in, Venissa. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:03.320 I just imagine you calling us from sitting on the 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:06.000 toilet right now. That's all I'm imagining after your last 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.080 comment where you're like, while the door opened, when I 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.440 go to the bathroom with significant others. Now, I'm just 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:14.479 imagining you, uh, you know, on the phone on the toilet. Well, 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:17.039 unfortunately I cannot do that because I'm on the landline 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:20.839 and I can't. Okay, fair enough, fair enough in the process. Yeah, 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:27.880 the muting is important and very poor pinches. Yes, well anyways, Vanessa, Yes, 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:30.480 we definitely miss you here in studio. Do miss you, 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:32.120 but we do appreciate you being able to call in. 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:34.440 I know you said that. Hopefully the calling in will 0:01:34.520 --> 0:01:36.400 be able to take a back seat and we can 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:38.200 have you on a mic or something like that and 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:39.800 we can kind of figure that a whole situation out, 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:45.240 figure it out. And no, we can every other word, um, 0:01:45.560 --> 0:01:48.480 but can we hear you? Well? But but yeah, so 0:01:48.480 --> 0:01:52.120 so Van says, I think you were made aware from 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:55.040 marker Jared the We're gonna jump into a little bit 0:01:55.080 --> 0:02:00.560 about um x X sex is friends with X's And 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.560 I know you said that you had heard some news 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:04.000 about Kate Spade, if you want to share that later 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:05.640 on as well. But oh my god, I was so 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:09.639 devastated after I heard the news. But it happened, well, 0:02:09.840 --> 0:02:13.840 it came out like six minutes after and I was 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:16.880 following my eyes out a because well, first of all, 0:02:16.960 --> 0:02:20.240 Kate state, Um, she was found dead in her apartment 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:23.360 in New York. And I was just at a story 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:25.519 yesterday and I was looking at all of her products 0:02:25.520 --> 0:02:28.200 and her said so many cool things, and she set 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:32.200 a legend when it comes to creativity and just everything 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:35.520 that she's done. Um, and she was fifty five, and 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.040 I think she has like a little girl of thirteen 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:41.280 years old or something. And it just broke my heart. Yeah, 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.079 it's really tragic. The entire circumstances revolving around the situation 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:46.320 are very sad, and our hearts definitely go out to 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.680 the family. Always gone too soon. I did read up 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:52.480 a little bit on it. Definitely is tragic. Um, Yeah, 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.280 sending our sending our best to their friends and family 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:57.120 and all that kind of stuff. But absolutely, but Vanessa, 0:02:57.200 --> 0:03:00.000 this this first segment, I think is actually an appropriate 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:01.640 question for you just because it's kind of been a 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:05.320 topic that we are inappropriate. Appropriate because it's something anything 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.360 ever appropriate with you guys. Okay, go ahead, something we've 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:08.799 talked about in the past a little bit. Can you 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:13.320 be friends of the next? Um? Okay? So I actually so, 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:15.519 I sign this really fun that I'm doing this from home, 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:17.919 because you know how old school I am with my 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:20.320 um notebook that I come in and I cut and 0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:22.480 paste all my paperwork and now I have all my 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:24.400 notes on my laptop and I'm like, oh, I feel 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:27.239 so like new school while you're so millennial right now, 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.480 I know exactly. So I okay, my thoughts I'm being 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:37.960 friends with an ex is absolutely I think, Um, well, 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:42.320 I'm friends with most of all of my exes friends. 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:46.000 I mean, I'm it defines friends like I'm on good 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:50.480 terms with Nick. Ever, he wouldn't need anything we pick 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:53.200 up the phone. Sorry, I said, it's very nice. Yeah, 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:56.200 well I would. I mean, Listen, things don't work out 0:03:56.240 --> 0:03:58.960 for a reason, and for me, at least, it takes 0:03:59.040 --> 0:04:01.960 me a little it to get over the situation and 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:04.640 to process it and not to have any form of 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:09.640 emotion or um romantic ties to that person in order 0:04:10.040 --> 0:04:12.400 to be able to be there for them as a 0:04:12.480 --> 0:04:15.040 friend and not have any ulterior motive attached to it. 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:21.640 And I um, I think for for we all process 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:25.839 breakup differently, And for me, I like to cry for 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.119 a week if I need to, and be really sad 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.880 for a shorter amount of time and be able to 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:33.800 get it out of my system in order to move 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.679 on and be able to be there for the person 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:40.240 later on. But also depends on how like being um 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:44.080 ended off with your significant other. You know, It's like, yeah, 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.160 I think it's all depending on circumstances. I'm going to 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:48.240 kind of take a Devil's advocate approach and say that 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.400 you really shouldn't be friends with your ex. I know 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:54.760 that sounds very hypocritical obviously with my situation with this. Yeah, 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:56.800 this is Jared saying this. Jared is saying that I 0:04:57.200 --> 0:04:59.919 think you can be between you guys. Okay, so you 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.000 I think you can be friends with the next, But 0:05:02.160 --> 0:05:03.880 should you be friends with the next? I think it's 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:06.320 a different question, and I'm not sure if you should 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:08.279 be and if you are friends of the next, there 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:11.760 has to be borders, there has to be just can 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:13.480 we can we take a step back for a second. 0:05:13.560 --> 0:05:16.080 You can't distinguish between the two of us, Vanessa, No 0:05:16.200 --> 0:05:20.880 I could? I could. That's upsetting, all right, pick up 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:22.920 where we left off. I didn't mean to interject. Well, 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:24.320 I meant to interject, but I didn't mean to get 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:29.280 this off topic. Um wait, okay, so no, I I 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.760 agree with you. I think that it's hard sometimes to 0:05:32.880 --> 0:05:35.839 just cut a person out of your life completely. And 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:38.040 when who was it that called in and we were 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.440 talking to them about like the different stages that you 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:44.800 go through after breakup, and I think it's important to distinguish, like, Okay, 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:46.599 if do I want to be friends with this person 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.400 because my motive is to get a reaction out of 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:51.159 them and for them to want me back, and it 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:54.000 becomes a chase, And you know, if that's your motives, 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:56.760 then absolutely not. Don't be friends with your ex. But 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:00.279 if your motive is to just end off on be 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.080 able to find a way to be on good terms, 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.520 that's always my goal. My goal is you know, let 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:08.400 me if I need to hate you for a little 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:09.960 bit and hate myself for a little bit and be 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:11.880 sad and be mad, I love you and go through 0:06:11.920 --> 0:06:14.560 all those stages. I need to go through all those stages, 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.960 but my ultimate goal at the end is to be 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:21.800 able to be neutral with that person and forgive them, 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:25.040 forgive myself or whatever has happened, and still be able 0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:27.400 to be there for them. I'm not saying like I'm 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:29.159 going to call all my exes after I'm done the 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:31.880 podcast today. I'm not on I'm not on those terms. 0:06:32.400 --> 0:06:34.479 You're not going to call all your exes after this podcast? 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.680 I am. I mean, but that's actually funny that you 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:39.960 mentioned that, because on hold right now, we have the 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.920 foremost recent of your excess and we're going we're gonna 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:45.800 bring him on the podcast and talk all about you, 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.280 and you're pooping habits um then, as I do love 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:51.280 how you pronounce important God, I love that the enunciation. 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.080 Have you ever hooked up with an X? No? Never, 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.320 not once in your entire life? Be honest with us. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.760 This is the format for honest tea. No, I swear 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.320 I've never hooked up For the next you have you? Yes? 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:06.920 Have you? Yes? Okay? So, Vanessa, do you feel like 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:13.600 you want to change your answer? I'm being honest. I haven't, Um, 0:07:13.640 --> 0:07:15.440 I haven't hooked up with an X I just I 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:18.120 don't want to go. I'm also which brings me like 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.720 to the next I think topic that we're going to 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.000 talk about. But it's going to be like all this 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:27.920 up right now having sex with someone for me, Where 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.880 are you going with this? Well, no, you're staying like 0:07:30.920 --> 0:07:32.840 cooking up with someone. I'm not gonna I don't know 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.320 how to casually hook up with someone. And it's funny 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:40.360 because there's a sign by Marshmallow and what's her name 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:41.800 that came out and I'm like, oh my god, I 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:46.520 cannot release this song. Who was it? Marshmallow and Anne? 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:49.559 Marie's called friends by Marshmallow and Marie and she's talking 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.760 about basically the gist of it is, you know, being 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:56.520 hook up friends for lack of a better term, because 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:58.680 I don't want use a gift boards, but I think 0:07:58.720 --> 0:08:01.560 you know, I've never asked, well, fun buddies, fun buddies. 0:08:02.960 --> 0:08:05.360 We'll call them fun buddies for the sake of this context. 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:10.600 So yeah, Anyway, I think there's a difference between being 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.320 friends with an X and being on good terms with 0:08:12.360 --> 0:08:13.840 an X, and I think that's a good thing to 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:16.840 know and distinguish because being friends with the next I 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:20.480 think it's difficult to really not x's are your comfortable 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.640 zone right there, You're comfortable, and so like they're they're 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:28.160 you're they're comfortable to you, I can't speak. They're your comfort. 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:32.120 I love comfort, um. And so it's very easy just 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:34.120 to jump back into a relationship that you're comfortable with. 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:36.320 And I think that's when an X presents right. You 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:39.920 know them, you're comfortable with them. It's easy, um. And 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.040 so a lot of times when you're friends with your X, 0:08:42.080 --> 0:08:44.360 I think you kind of just kind of slide right 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.400 back into being in a relationship with them. I do 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:48.280 think there's a difference between being friends with an X 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:50.480 and being on good terms with an X, because also, 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:53.320 say you start dating someone new, isna kind of awkward 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:55.000 to say that you're still really good friends with the 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:58.199 person that you just dated and having to introduce them, 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.360 and then like, of course that's going to put pressure 0:09:00.360 --> 0:09:02.960 on the new relationship and put pressure on her or 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:06.000 him to like kind of measure up to the X 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:09.200 a little bit. I just there just has to be 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:11.920 some borders put up. I think if you want to 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:14.000 be friends with an X, I don't know where you're 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.600 talking about. I agree with you. I think. I think 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:20.760 that's what I had a hard times between the definition 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.680 of a friend and definition of being on good terms 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:25.480 with someone. I've been in a situation. I've been a 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:28.040 situation before where because I'm the same way, I like 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:34.800 to kind of maintain formal formalities with pleasantries with former girlfriends. Granted, 0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:37.240 you know, I've had what three serious girlfriends in my life. 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:39.440 I'm not in constant contact with any of them, so 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.720 I guess to that point, I'm not necessarily friends with 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.640 them as I would call the typical definition of a friend, 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.560 but I do like to remain on good terms. And 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.079 I even, um, it's funny enough because obviously we've talked 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:52.920 about this, and I think even a couple of weeks 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.440 ago was I was at a wedding and two of 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.559 my exes where it happened, who have been at that wedding, 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:00.559 and I was talking to one of them, the one 0:10:00.559 --> 0:10:03.400 that I did before going on the show, and she 0:10:03.440 --> 0:10:05.600 had mentioned how she's like, yeah, like I had to 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.920 block you on Instagram, your phone number, all that kind 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:09.640 of stuff, not because I hate you or dislike you, 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:12.600 but just because it's hard to be friends with someone 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:15.000 that you've dated because sometimes the feelings are still there, 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:17.280 especially you're in the public eye. It's a little different, 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.520 you know, oh yeah, And then there's definitely something to 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:21.200 be said about that too. Is like obviously like her 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:22.760 and I broke up, and then she was forced to 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:25.480 see my picture kind of more often than she would 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:28.800 have had I not done the Bachelorette Winter Game, and 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:31.320 everybody wants to know who you're dating. It's kind of 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:33.280 a hard you can't really escape it. It's not easy 0:10:33.360 --> 0:10:35.600 for your next like that. I think that's what's hard 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:39.360 about like dating nowadays, with like people being addicted to 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.920 like Facebook or like Instagram, it's hard. I think it's 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:46.439 a lot easier to quote unquote, um stay in touch 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.360 with an act without them actually knowing, But it's also 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:51.840 a lot messier for your most rele mental well being, 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:56.200 Like I, um, it takes like I think for me, 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:59.320 there's no there's no real formulas to getting over someone 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.000 or there's no real formula and ending up on good 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:05.640 terms with someone you dated. I think it's important to 0:11:05.679 --> 0:11:07.400 be on good terms with someone that you dated. They 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:10.640 were in your in your in your life for a reason. 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:14.040 And um, at least for me, I don't like holding 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:18.440 onto any form of grudges towards people that I've dated. Um. 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:21.560 But you're right there, and I don't think it's the 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:25.559 smartest thing to be friends to that level with someone 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:29.440 that you've dated. UM, especially when you're bringing someone new 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.640 into your romantic life. It could they could get a 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:34.960 little bit sticky, of course, And like the thing about 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:36.960 it next is you share so many intimate moments with 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.360 that person, very important moments within your life. So of 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.080 course you want to be very nice. And if you 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.240 guys break up, you're like, well, we still can be friends. 0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:47.719 But I think the nicer thing to do better than 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:51.280 being friends is to be honest, right, especially with something 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.520 like love, the most important thing you want is honesty. 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.000 And after you guys break up, usually when there's a 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:57.959 break up, one person still wants to be in the 0:11:58.000 --> 0:12:00.640 relationship and the other person doesn't. And so it's usually 0:12:00.679 --> 0:12:02.599 the person that does want to be in the relationship 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.400 that says, like, I still want to be friends, because 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:09.280 they might be clinging onto something that you think sometimes 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.480 I think it, yes, But it's the person that doesn't 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.280 want to be in the relationship that says, let's be friends, 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:15.960 and the other one that says sorry, we can't because 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:17.559 if we do stay friends, all want to stay in 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:21.680 a relationship with you. But it's also the post. But 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:25.000 if you're if we were dating and you broke up 0:12:25.040 --> 0:12:30.480 with me, I'd probably be like, oh, well, let's stay friends. Well, 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:33.520 what I'm saying is is like if I'm like, say 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.480 I'm the one, say Dean and I are breaking up, 0:12:35.880 --> 0:12:38.520 Dean's breaking up with me, and so no way would you, 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.280 No way, what Jared ever want to break up with me? 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.320 I'm freaking perfect good and so Dean, if you broke 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:44.760 up with me, you'd say, hey, but I still want 0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:47.160 to be friends, right, And as someone who still wants 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.440 to be with you because I thought things were going well, 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:51.280 I would say, yes, I still want to be friends 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.719 because I'm still want you in my life and I'm 0:12:53.760 --> 0:12:56.319 playing on something. First of all, you would be heartbroken 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.119 from me breaking up with it. Obviously you would devastated, 0:12:59.120 --> 0:13:00.760 and I cry for a week. Like Vanessa said, you 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:03.520 would say, friends, I can't be your friend. I love you, 0:13:03.600 --> 0:13:06.680 I need to separate and cut myself off completely from you, Bedine, 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:08.120 I agree, but I don't think a lot of people 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.240 would say that. I think a lot of people would say, okay, 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:11.800 as long as I keep them in my life, I 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.439 think I'll be okay because there's still a chance. No, 0:13:14.640 --> 0:13:17.040 trust me, if I broke up with you, Jared, you 0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:19.200 would be so heartbroken and devastated you had have no 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:21.040 choice but to cut me out of your life. He's 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.440 very humble. Ladies and gentlemen, don't let this one segment 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:26.480 change your mind on that. Well, so that brings us, 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:29.320 I guess to the point, is uh, what Prince Harry's wedding. 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.080 He had two of his exes there, which is a 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:33.559 little odd. I don't know if I could if I guess, 0:13:33.559 --> 0:13:36.000 maybe it all depends on what the relationship was, how 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.439 long it was, how invested the feelings were. If if 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:40.600 I wasn't in love with somebody, I think I could 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:43.320 still be friends with them, if it was just like 0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:45.360 we dated for a while and it didn't really work out. 0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.959 I read somewhere. I remember what article it was, or 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:50.800 I mean, you know, you gotta you gotta always take 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.320 what you read online for being assault. We were talking 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.839 about everything online is true, everything online is true. Yeah, 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.720 but apparently I read something that he had a converse 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.080 a phone conversation with his ex that he dated for 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.839 like seven years on and off. She's a blonde woman, 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:11.719 I believe, and they basically had a conversation that I 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:13.719 remember what it was about, but it was like kind 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:17.120 of weird to have that serious conversation that's a couple 0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.440 of days before he gets married. I think he was 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:24.880 him saying how his like you love someone else or 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:27.000 I don't remember what it was, but it was odd. 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.520 It was an awkward conversation, and I remember thinking, like, 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:31.680 why would you have this kind of conversation with an 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:38.840 X right before you're getting buried, Like shouldn't you before what? Well, 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:40.520 I was gonna say, it's a tough situation because I'm 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:42.800 sure you don't really think about It's also difficult reaching 0:14:42.800 --> 0:14:44.280 out to an X and saying, hey, I'm in a 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:46.280 new relationship. I just wanted to give you a heads up, 0:14:46.840 --> 0:14:48.480 like I don't really know what the right thing to 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:50.160 do is. So I think Harry probably was just trying 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:51.800 to do the best he could by saying, well, let 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.840 me reach out personally and say hey, listen, I've done that, 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.480 I've done that before. Yeah. It's always awkward, it's challenging, 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.240 it's always awkward and we're not getting married. He you go, 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:03.920 he was, he had this conversation before he was getting married. True, 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:07.720 but it's still it's still how you want to handle it. 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:09.720 I think you can handle it both ways. I don't 0:15:09.720 --> 0:15:13.400 think you have to reach out. Um. It all depends 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:16.720 on what your relationship was during the relationship, during you know, 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.560 time he dated, and also afterwards right where you guys 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:23.000 still friends, where you guys still you know, hooking up? 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:26.840 You guys this question because I think guys have a 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.760 different way of dealing with break up when it comes 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.360 to social media and like phone and all that. So 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:34.640 when you and if you were to break up with 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:38.240 someone or someone broke up with you, would you go 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:42.280 and on follow or block the person on social media 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:46.320 or on your phone? And it depends on how devastated 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.720 I was. If I was, you know, still in love 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:50.960 with that person and I didn't want to see them 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:53.040 move on with their life without me, yeah, I definitely 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:56.520 block them. I blocked my ex on all social media platforms. 0:15:57.800 --> 0:15:59.120 I'm not going to say the name. I mean, it's 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:02.320 pretty obvious. I'm sure who it is actually funny enough, 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:04.800 but maybe I'm just petty and weird. I've actually blocked 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:06.680 every single one of my every single one of them. 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.640 Care less what they're doing. I could care less. I 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.920 just don't want to see their pictures that are being 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.600 posted comments. Not because I'm still in love with them, 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:16.400 and I understand that argument can be made, but just 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:20.080 because I just don't want to see it. So, with 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:23.080 the exception of Rachel, the four of the three of 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:25.840 the four relationships that I've been in publicly since going 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:29.320 on the show are since blocked on my Instagram. On 0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:33.280 my side, yeah, I just don't want and I don't 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:37.000 I don't know, can I ask? Yes, still still blocked 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:39.840 every single one of them. And it's not like I 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:41.640 have any ill feelings towards a single one of them, 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:43.160 Like if I saw any of them in person, I 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:44.960 would walk up to them, hug them say asked them, Hi, 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:46.440 how are they doing all that kind of stuff. I 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:49.760 just like, personally have no interest in seeing the pictures 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.920 that they post, the comments that they make on other 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:54.800 contests or cast members pictures, my friends pictures, all that 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:56.960 kind of stuff, And so I've just gone into the 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:58.640 taking it to the next level and blocked them. I mean, 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:03.600 I think that it's not necessarily like it's especially like, 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:05.400 like Jared said, you share a lot of intimate moments 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.280 with these people. You don't want to be constantly reminded 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:11.440 of a failed relationship. But there are certain circumstances where 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:13.600 you can be friends with an X in my personal opinion, 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:17.840 um when like, especially if you both enter into new relationships. 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:19.760 It's hard if like ones in a relationship and the 0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:21.359 other one is not in a relationship. But if both 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:23.400 x as are in a relationship, I think it makes 0:17:23.400 --> 0:17:26.399 it much more reasonable and like agreeable and amicable to 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:30.119 be in a relationship. Yes and no, because I agree 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:32.120 with you to that point, But I also would say 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:34.280 that it might be unfair to the other person in 0:17:34.280 --> 0:17:38.199 the relationship because like, imagine you dating someone and they're like, oh, 0:17:38.240 --> 0:17:40.160 I'm still really good friends with this person who had 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.560 just dated, but they wouldn't that you make you be like, 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:44.280 I trust you, but it kind of just makes me 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:47.040 feel uncomfortable. Yeah, So I don't know. I think it's 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:48.399 a gray er and I think it's definitely on an 0:17:48.440 --> 0:17:51.840 individual basis, definitely case by case, and that's a hard thing. 0:17:51.880 --> 0:17:55.200 It's oh no, no, go ahead. I was just saying 0:17:55.280 --> 0:18:00.560 I think that I've I've definitely unfollowed people UM and 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:03.960 followed people I mean and x is or on x 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:09.639 UM on Instagram, but I've never blocked to them, just 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:12.560 because I feel like that would cause more of a 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:18.840 negative energy between us after the breakup. And my ultimate goal, 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.959 like I said, is to always be on neutral terms 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.960 with the person that I dated. But for me, blocking 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:26.640 is just an extent like I don't know, I don't 0:18:26.640 --> 0:18:28.520 want to, I don't know. No, I agree with you 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:30.280 on that, but I also agree with Dean, like I 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.800 remember going through, uh, you know, years ago situation where 0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:35.600 you know, the next time didn't work out. I remember 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:37.439 seeing a picture with her and another guy, and I 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:39.680 had no idea, you know who the guy was with 0:18:39.800 --> 0:18:41.439 her boyfriend could have just been a friend, could have 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:43.840 been a cousin. But I could care less because I 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:45.600 saw that picture and I was like, nope, all right, 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:48.640 never never again, never again, because I don't know, Yeah, 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:51.080 I know, it just triggers you to be like no, 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:52.639 I don't I don't want to. You know what, I 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:54.080