WEBVTT - Are You Even A Good Friend? 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.400 I'm Honey German. My parents are Dominican. I was born 0:00:07.400 --> 0:00:09.799 and raised in New York City. I love sneakers and 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.840 I'm a body positive advicate. I'm Caroline Bermudez, but i 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.560 was born and raised in Ohio. I'm a wife, a mama, 0:00:18.600 --> 0:00:22.799 and a worker being. This is life in Spanglish. Yeah, 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:26.680 we are back, and we're back. Yes, it's so good 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:30.240 to be back. I love to see my honey. I 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:33.960 love your face, and I love the fact that we 0:00:34.040 --> 0:00:36.720 do this like face to face, because it's like, I 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:40.000 can't some people do podcast just audio. I need to 0:00:40.000 --> 0:00:41.960 see what I need to see what you're looking like 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:46.000 doing just audio? To me, it sounds so challenging. I'm like, 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.400 why would you even set yourself up like that? I will. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:50.680 I want to see, honey. I want to make sure that, 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.519 like you know, we're I'm pausing when I need to. 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:55.440 I want to make sure that I see what she's 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:57.800 drinking on. What are you sipping on today? What is 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:00.200 that just like the bottom of the bottle. I'm of 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:04.320 my coffee. Oh you need to refill, honey. I feel 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.160 bad throwing out coffee. You know the type that once 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:08.080 the coffee gets cold, I put it in the first decade. 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:15.080 Why just make yourself a new cup. Listen, I'm a 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:18.040 Latina girl. We're not throwing none out. I know what, 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:23.840 I know. You got that Cafe Bustillo popping in your apartment. 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:28.520 I'm like, come on. I began to Bustello, Regular, Brustello, Colombian, 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:32.720 all different ones, the little pods. I just told you. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:34.480 I said, I need you to upgrade me to an 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.280 espresso because I have like a cheaplest curate. He said, 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:40.120 I'll buy it this week. I'm like, I love his style. 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.800 You know, I'm the biggest new Nie fan. I think 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:47.400 this guy is just so amazing. Seriously, I better because 0:01:47.400 --> 0:01:49.880 he is here, but only because he's mature. The world 0:01:50.000 --> 0:01:51.720 was not better when he was here in his twenties. 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:54.960 If I knew him twenty years ago, we would have 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:57.520 had issues. But now I love him for who he 0:01:57.680 --> 0:01:59.880 is and that is a beautiful thing. Now, how do 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:01.960 I wanted to talk to you today and I wanted 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:04.240 you to bring it up because we were discussing something 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:06.600 the other day that you said was really kind of 0:02:06.600 --> 0:02:10.200 weighing on you. And it's about friendships and relationships, and 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:13.440 you know, I've had some similar encounters in the past 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.520 couple of months, like with my friends and just kind 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.560 of like seeing where where you stand with certain people. 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:21.000 You know, so what what what's been going on with 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.760 your friends and and how you've been feeling about your relationships. Well, 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.880 I've actually stepped it up right. You know a lot 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:30.560 of my friends are married, they have kids, they have careers, 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:33.520 so it's hard to like, you know, engage them daily 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:35.960 like we didn't. We're in our twenties. You know, girl 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:38.160 called me, girl called me, I'm gonna see you. Let's 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:40.640 girls night. So now it's different. So what I'm what 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:43.919 I'm doing is I am purposely reaching out to them. 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:45.480 I just want to let you know I love you. 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:46.760 I just want to I just want you to have 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:50.080 an amazing week. I just wanna I miss you face FaceTime. 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.359 So I am the aggressor and I am the pursuer. 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:55.639 Have friendships at are twenty years old. You know what 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:57.400 I'm saying, Like from when I was a young girl, 0:02:57.760 --> 0:03:00.240 I don't want to lose them. I value them them 0:03:00.480 --> 0:03:02.760 Right now, I am in that in that mode. I 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:05.359 want you to know you're amazing. I miss you, I'm 0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:08.720 thinking about you. I love you. I'm going to Florida 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:10.160 this week. I want to make sure I see you 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.480 if they're Florida, or I'll be in New Jersey this day. 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:16.080 I want to see you. So I am the aggressor 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:18.640 right now. But doesn't that get exhausting, Like don't you 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.680 feel like it's a one sided relationship at times, because 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:27.040 like you're really the person who is reaching out constantly, texting, constantly, 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:30.280 like making the plans. But then they appreciate it. Then 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.400 they come back You're like, wow, you're so busy, you 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:35.000 do so much and you still have time to think 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:38.240 of me. So I think it's rewarding. You know. It's like, wow, 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:39.640 I was having such a hard day and then I 0:03:39.640 --> 0:03:42.880 saw your message, So it's like, yeah, it's exhausting. Sometimes 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.040 it can be a little one side, especially like one 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:46.800 of my friends, she has a one year old. I'll 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:51.000 text her Monday, it'll be Wednesday, still no reply. I guess, well, Carolina, 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.360 I don't even feel no way because I'm like, wow, 0:03:53.520 --> 0:03:55.920 she's working, she's trying to hold down the crib, she's 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:57.760 got a one year old. I'm not gonna give up 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.840 on her just because she takes three days to answer 0:03:59.880 --> 0:04:02.320 my text. Messages or sometimes she doesn't answer at all. 0:04:02.560 --> 0:04:05.000 I love her too much to even hold that against her. 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:06.800 She's lucky to have a friend like you, because there 0:04:06.840 --> 0:04:09.040 are some people who get really twisted if you don't 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:12.000 answer them back immediately, you know. And that's something like 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:14.960 I will see a text that my single friends will 0:04:14.960 --> 0:04:17.000 send me and I'll be like, oh, you know'll like 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:18.600 warm my heart. But then I'll move on and then 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:20.440 I'm like doing a million different other things, and before 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:22.279 you know what, it is Wednesday, and I forgot to 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:24.159 text them back and they got to me on Monday, 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:26.200 and I'm like, dang it. And it's like I beat 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:29.600 myself up because I'm not there enough for my friends. 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:33.320 You know. I had a really amazing conversation with my 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:35.240 best friend from college. She lives out in l A. 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:37.920 And um, she's single, and we were having a heart 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.799 to heart. She's been really having a tough time dating. 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.599 I mean, listen, these streets are mean, man. The dating 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:50.000 situation is awful. Don't get me started. I got Bella 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:52.880 here and she can you can attest with it, Carolina. 0:04:53.279 --> 0:04:55.200 Dating is not easy. She'd be telling me, She's like, 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:58.200 you better keep your husband. These streets is mean and 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:02.320 nasty right now? Yeah? No, And and she's absolutely right, 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:03.840 you know what it is. It's like I've even told 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.880 some of my friends who are married that are having issues, 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:07.919 especially after the pandemic, and I'm like, a girl, you 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:09.800 don't want to do it. I'm like, you think the 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:13.400 grass is greener? It really isn't you know? Can can 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:15.279 bella hear us? Right now? Does she want to come on? 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:23.240 She's here? Come here? She is he a visiting? She 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:25.880 is so darling fella. But you know, I was telling 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:27.919 honey that I was speaking to one of my single 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:31.720 friends and that she is struggling right now with the 0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:34.359 dating thing, you know, like she goes on apps. And 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:36.880 she said that, like you know, she's now in her forties. 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:40.200 She said, these guys are straight up lying. Like she 0:05:40.240 --> 0:05:41.599 went out with a guy who said he was like 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:43.679 in his fifties and she was like, okay, this dude 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:47.039 was like in his sixties. Came through. Oh my god. No. 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.919 But but I believe her. I totally believe her. Like 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:52.240 you know what, I what I tell like my married friends, 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.680 I say, there's nothing out here, whatever is going on, 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.600 make it work. You don't want out of this it's 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:01.400 it's it's Gotham City out here. This is jokers and riddlers, 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:04.680 and you're just playing a game out here. So you know, 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.920 I'll fix you your marriage, fix your situation, ship, whatever 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:11.279 you have going on, because it's being single. It's it's 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:12.720 ghetto out here. You don't want to be out here. 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.719 It is dreadful. No, but you know what, That's what 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:16.440 I'm saying. And so you know, we were having this 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:19.400 heart to heart and I started crying my eyes out. 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.039 We were both crying our eyes out, and I said 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:24.520 to her, I said, I feel terrible that I haven't 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.000 been there for you the way that I should have 0:06:27.040 --> 0:06:28.880 been as your best friend. You know what I mean, 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:30.640 Because it's like life gets in the way. We're so 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.120 self centered, you know, we think I have this to do, 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:34.760 I have a laundry list of things to do. I 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:36.360 gotta go to target, I gotta do this, I gotta 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.360 do my podcast, I work, I have a conference called 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.560 I have this. You know, you don't think for a moment, 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:42.880 or at least I don't. And maybe it escaped me. 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.440 And this is part of the problem that people that 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:48.200 you love maybe hurting, and that's part of being in 0:06:48.200 --> 0:06:50.880 a solid relationship is being there for them. But I'll 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.280 tell you this much, Carolina. You know my friend, which 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:55.520 is even one of my best friends, the one with 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:57.160 the one year old, you know when I stuff with 0:06:57.320 --> 0:07:00.560 my stroke, she was pregnant, she gave birth and cried 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.040 to me. She was like, I am so sorry. I 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.000 was not able to go to you. I was not 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:07.039 able to be there for you. But that was during 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.720 the pandemic. It's too in COVID. She gave birth. This 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.200 woman had a whole c section in a hospital that 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:14.120 was empty because nobody could be there for her. Do 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:17.640 you think I'm gonna hold that against her? Some people would, 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:21.600 some people would love her too much, Carolina, So please 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.320 understand that it's like you're not being able to be 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:29.000 there does not negate the love the understanding that your 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:31.760 friend has for you. And she understands you have things 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.640 going on too. Don't beat yourself up over and I 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:36.440 told her because she's like, I wish I would have 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.440 came and I could have cooked and I could have cleaned. 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.240 And I'm like, girl, what are you talking about. You 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:44.120 just had a child during COVID, Like I was not 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.360 your priority, Your health and your child was so it's like, 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.440 if you're listening, you know, and you feel like you 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:54.240 you haven't been there for someone, just understand that they'll 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.840 probably understand what you're going on at the same time 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:58.880 too well, you know what it is. There are times 0:07:58.880 --> 0:08:00.440 where all texts and I'll be like, hey, babe, do 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:01.840 you want to catch up? And she'll say to me no, 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.960 flat out, like one word no, and I'm like okay, 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:06.600 and I'll send her back and okay, and she'll say, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:08.960 I'm in a really negative space right now and I 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.400 don't want to transfer any of this to you. I 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:14.280 love her for that. I love her for that, Carolina. 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:17.280 But then the friend and me immediately calls her and 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.280 doesn't proceed to text her again because I'm like, you're 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.040 in a really negative space and I care about you, 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:23.400 what's going on? And talk to pick up the phone. 0:08:23.600 --> 0:08:26.880 I am. I'm like, pick up the phone, um no, 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:29.760 because I don't want you to feel like you're alone. 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:32.040 And that's the reason why, you know, we have such 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:34.360 a beautiful relationship. And she will say, she'll be like, girl, 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.200 I'm not picking up I'm really not in a goodhead space. 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:37.920 And I'll say, okay, I love you. Call me when 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.720 you can. So it's like we have that ability to 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:44.360 be real with each other, which is so special because 0:08:44.400 --> 0:08:46.640 you know, if she wouldn't have told me that she's 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:48.120 in a negative space, that could have called her Hi, 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:50.800 everything's great, everything's great, Okay, fine, then then you check 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:52.320 it off the list of like you checked in with 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:54.400 that person, you know what I mean. But like, I 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.520 think a red flag is when a friend doesn't understand 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:00.080 that you're hurting you, you're going through something and you 0:09:00.120 --> 0:09:02.319 need your space, you know. And that's where I really 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.120 honor their word and I say, you know what, this 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:06.840 is a point in time where you know you're gonna 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:09.240 let me know, you let me know when you're ready. Yeah, 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:11.560 but it's it's sometimes it's hard, Like when I've gone 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:13.360 through ship, I'm not gonna be like, hey girl, I'm 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:16.360 going through call me, Like unless you're checking up on me, 0:09:16.440 --> 0:09:19.480 there probably won't be a connection or a conversation. So 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:21.719 it's like, even though sometimes we say like, yeah, I'm 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:23.440 going through some shi, I don't want to be bothered 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.720 right now. Maybe do it subtle, but do it right right. 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.480 And that's the reason why I always send a follow 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:30.200 up text or a phone call you know, because I 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.400 never want her to feel alone, I mean, and there 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:34.080 I have several friends who are single, and it's not 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.160 just this one, you know, but it's constantly checking in 0:09:36.320 --> 0:09:38.600 And I even think about my friends who are single 0:09:38.640 --> 0:09:41.080 moms or my sister who's a single mom. I have 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:44.800 a support system. If I have questions about my mortgage, 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:47.680 if I have questions about a certain bill, I can 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:50.560 go to my husband. I have that support system. Whereas 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.760 my friends who are single and do not have anybody, 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:56.120 they don't have that luxury, you know. So I look 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:59.160 at it as how can I help you? How can 0:09:59.240 --> 0:10:03.000 you use my resources to help your life? That's amazing, Carolyn, 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.400 and I love you for that, like honestly, like sharing 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.160 your resources, your people to help your friends. You're a 0:10:08.240 --> 0:10:10.480 solid friend. I try, you know what I mean. But 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.560 then again, I'm not perfect, and that's where you need 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:14.480 to give your friends grace, you know what I mean. Like, 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.480 there are times where I've really had some highs and 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:19.440 lows with my friends. And you know, there's one in 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:21.600 particular who lives in New Jersey who I've been friends 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.320 with her for years, years, years, years, and we went 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.120 through some stuff. Man, we went through some roller coaster things, 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:29.319 and you know, we did. We took a time out 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:31.360 from each other for a bit, and then when we 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:35.600 reconnected it was like nothing ever changed. We picked up 0:10:35.679 --> 0:10:38.200 right where we left off. And I think that those 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.640 are the real friendships, where you don't go back and rehash, well, 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:42.480 you did this, and you did that, and you didn't 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:44.080 come through for this, you know what I mean. Like, 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:46.319 that's where I think that I like to take a 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:49.400 step back from relationships when it becomes like keeping score. 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.480 I don't like people who keep score. Yeah that that 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.560 that tip tap tip. I hate that. And not only that, 0:10:55.600 --> 0:10:58.000 it's like, Okay, let's say you take a break ground friendship. 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:01.400 Let's come back fresh. Let's not go back and rehash 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:03.920 when you said this and this text hurt me and 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:07.200 that email was upsetting. Let's just start fresh. I'm sorry 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:09.480 for what I did to hurt you. You're sorry for 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.640 what you did to me, and let's move on. You know, 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:13.960 I have been there to all my closest friends. I've 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:17.400 known them for over ten fifteen years. You know there's 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.480 been ups and downs. You know there's been oh, girl, 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:21.320 you caught up with a guy and didn't call me 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:24.040 for three months. I let them come back. I'm that person. 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.360 I always let them come back. Yeah. No, But there 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:28.880 are some people who will completely write you off. You know. 0:11:29.000 --> 0:11:31.600 I had a friend that um I mean now she's married, 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:33.160 but whenever she met a new guy, that was it. 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:35.600 You would be like, Okay, she's gone by, we'll see 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:38.720 you in a few years. Those friends wouldn't have come back. 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.120 I do. I do because then it's like, you know what, 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:43.320 if somebody's coming back, that means that they need me, 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:44.840 and I want to be there for you. I would 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:46.319 hope that you would do the same thing for me, 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:47.720 you know what I mean. And so that's kind of 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.240 the attitude or like the bond that I like whenever 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:52.400 I have a friend, because I never want people to 0:11:52.400 --> 0:11:55.200 feel like they're just canceled, like you're done over, you 0:11:55.200 --> 0:11:57.280 know what I mean. Like that's a really adult thing. 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.120 I don't like that. Like I I've said this, for 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.480 humans are not disposible, like where you're not garbage. You 0:12:04.520 --> 0:12:07.679 don't be like, okay, you go into garbage now, It's like, really, 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.840 how solid was our bond? And you know what my 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.880 main thing is, if you can forgive that guy three 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:15.800 times for cheating on you. You can't forgive me for 0:12:15.840 --> 0:12:17.960 what I did to you. If you could forgive your 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.040 husband for having a side baby, you can't forgive me 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.200 for what I did, pretty girl, for not picking up 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:25.880 your phone call while I was at the gym and 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:29.320 you were desperate, Like sorry, sorry, I was busy. I 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:32.600 was living my life too. Don't make me pull your cards, girl, 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.240 don't make me pull your cards. Okay, you don't tek 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.800 this man back five times and the whole time I've 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:40.200 known you, but you mad at me because I couldn't 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:43.000 go to that club. Well, it's different standards, you know 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:44.880 what I mean. I feel like sometimes people give different 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:48.880 standards from people. Of course, yeah yeah, and and there 0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:51.000 they could choose, if they could choose. And I don't 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.559 want to be the person that you take out your 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:56.960 aggression on because you're frustrated with your other relationship. Like 0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:01.000 that's not fair to me, girl Na listens the volatile 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:04.040 behavior or abusive behavior, I'm not taking none of that 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:06.679 from friends. I will be there for you. I will 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:09.720 console you, I will coach you. I will not accept 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:13.800 cursing and yelling abuse not that's not happening. And none 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:20.640 of my friendships or not actually tolerated will not be tolerated. Now, 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:22.960 I know you and newly have such a solid relationship, 0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:24.520 and so do you and your sister. You know, but 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.959 it's like, what are the solid relationships in life? You know? 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:30.720 Do you have that work person that you're constantly like, 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:33.400 that's your homie? Like do you have that kind of 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.120 a relationship with anybody? I don't know. I feel like 0:13:36.240 --> 0:13:40.080 COVID has tested some relationships and friendships. You know, I 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:41.920 did have that with let's say some people I saw 0:13:41.960 --> 0:13:44.200 every single day. I felt so connected to them. But 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.400 after COVID, it became more like my family and you know, 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:49.520 my friends, my old friends that I've had for a 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.960 very long time. I've baptized so many kids, Carolina. Guess 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:57.240 anybody I've baptized, I consider them solid. Which are my sisters, 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.080 my my best friends. They're solid. You know, they've in 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.160 there for me. They were there for me through like 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:05.360 my toughest times. But you know what's crazy, Like anybody 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.680 that was at my wedding, I'm pretty much still cool 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:10.840 with and solid with, and I don't have any problems with. 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:16.160 I'm good at keeping friends. Yeah, definitely, I'm your salad 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:19.720 people in your life I mean obviously, and I promised 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:21.520 myself that I wouldn't talk about Mark for the next 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:23.520 couple of episodes because I talked about him all the 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:25.560 time in the beginning of the season. No, because you 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.080 never want people to be like, oh my god, she 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.080 doesn't talk about her husband. He's really the best friend 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:30.920 I've ever had, you know what I mean, Like he 0:14:31.160 --> 0:14:34.840 is just he's it. And um, you know, I definitely 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:37.680 have my friendships, my relationships from like way back when, 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.040 like from college. I'm talking about like in two thousand 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:41.640 three when I first started in radio, one of the 0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.520 first prom you know. Yeah, the fact that you have 0:14:45.640 --> 0:14:48.600 these friendships twenty years, Like wow, Carolyn, I really do 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:51.480 a lot about who as a person. I love my friends, 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.280 I love and I never had little sisters, and I 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:55.240 always look at my friends like my little sisters, you 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:56.720 know what I mean. And I always treat them like 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:58.600 how I would have treated a little sister because I 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.440 never ever had one, you know, So that's kind of 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:04.440 They're a handful and you're a lot of work, yes, 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:06.880 but you know what, you are lucky you have your 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:10.120 beautiful baby sister and she is a doll. But um, 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:11.920 one thing that I will say that is challenging for 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.800 me our new friendships. New friendships are hard. And I 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.160 started seeing that when I was an adult and I 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.400 moved to New York City and I remember just feeling 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:23.560 so lonely. I remember feeling so lone and sad and 0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:26.880 just lonely. You know. I would go to the gym 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.000 and go to a yoga class and I would kind 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:31.840 of like get there early and see like, oh, you know, 0:15:32.000 --> 0:15:34.160 or like or getting be in the locker room and 0:15:34.320 --> 0:15:36.120 or say to somebody, oh my gosh, I love those 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:40.680 like you know, love your boo. Stop sad. It was 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:44.000 it was tough. It is tough to be a young 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:47.400 woman in a big city where you don't know anyone 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.160 and form those friendships, you know. So that was a 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:52.960 really tough time for me, and I think that ever 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:56.000 since that experience has been really challenging for me to 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.880 meet new friends. Like even moving out to Long Island 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.320 and finding like my mommy group now that I have, 0:16:01.440 --> 0:16:05.080 like my friend, my my son's friends mothers. We all 0:16:05.160 --> 0:16:07.920 kind of like banded together and I found my people. 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.000 I found my people on Long Island. You have a 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.320 tribe that that's amazing, you know, it's hard to make 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:15.560 friends as a felt and it's hard, you know, to 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:18.600 trust people. You know, some people have alterior motives. You know, 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:20.960 some people might just attached to you, you know, especially 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:23.360 social media, they see like who you are a place, 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.480 just radio and just our industry in general. People want 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:28.560 to go to hop parties, they want to go to 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:30.440 the concerts, they want to do this, they want to 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:32.640 do that with you, you know, so you like sniff 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.040 out those people, like you gotta like filter out those people. 0:16:36.080 --> 0:16:39.320 So it's like, yo, my people, you know, my my 0:16:39.400 --> 0:16:42.800 legal name is not Honey, that's just the name. So 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.560 my people, my tribe, they call me by my regular 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:49.600 last name. Oh they do. Yeah, girl, they'd be like, funk, Honey, 0:16:49.680 --> 0:16:54.000 who's honey? Anyway? Meat? That is amazing? Are you serious? 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.920 That's so crazy? Like so, when I first started in radio, 0:16:57.520 --> 0:16:59.600 there were so many people who asked me to change 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:01.560 my name. When I was in college, they used to 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.720 make me call my South Carolina, and I was like, 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.760 this is all my name, Carolina. I'm done like South Carolina, 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.520 like South Carolina. And I remember, and I will not 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:11.919 name the professor, because there was one in particular who 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:14.480 kept saying to me like um, it's to your name 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:18.000 is to ethnic and I'm like, excuse me, And he said, 0:17:18.160 --> 0:17:22.439 your name is Carolina Bermudez and the everyday viewer is 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:24.399 not going to be able to say that, so you 0:17:24.400 --> 0:17:29.040 should just start saying Carolina. So to my regret, to 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:32.760 my regret, Yeah, in college, I was, you know, given 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:35.640 a bunch of assignments and I said Carolina, And after 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:37.120 I was like, you know what funk that? Like this 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.679 is my name, like this is who I am. So 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:43.800 I never let anybody kind of change that for radio 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.880 because I was just so against it after my own experience, 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:49.360 you know what I mean. But like that's a very 0:17:49.440 --> 0:17:51.320 common thing to do in radio. You know, there are 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:54.200 so many people who are Romeos around the country. Their 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.359 names are not Romeo. Trust me, that's like a radio name. 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:00.000 You know. You know what's crazy. Before I moved into 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:03.040 media and radio, I worked in legal and I was 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:06.000 always so worried about like identity deaf people because you knew, 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.719 I was like, no, man, if I use my regular name, 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:12.720 people gonna track down my address where I still my identity. 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:14.000